第14章

"Touchofdyspepsia,likeenough.However,Sibleywillbehereinafewminutesandhewillcheerherup,neverfear.I"mdisgustedwithherthatshetakessotothatfellow;foralthoughnosaintmyself,Ican"tstomachhim."

AtthementionofSibley"sname,VanBergfrowned,turnedonhisheelandwalkedaway.

"IfStantonisrightaboutthatfellow"spoweroverher,"hemuttered,"I"lltearupthesketchImadethisafternoonandnevergiveheranotherthought."

ThemomentIdabecameconsciousofVanBerg"sobservanteyesherlanguorpassedaway.Shehadscarcelyglancedathimwhileatdinner,butshehadfelt,bysomesubtlepowerofperception,thathewasfurtivelywatchingher,andshealsofelttherewasmoreofcuriositythankindlinessinhisregard.Withaninstinctasstrongasthatofself-preservation,shesoughttohidehersecret,andwhenafewmomentslaterthestagewasdriventothedoor,shewaspreparedtowelcomethemanshenowdetested,inordertoconcealherheartfromthemansheloved.

VanBerg,leaningagainstapillarnear,sawMr.Mayhewwithhissallow,listlessfaceandlifelesstreadmountthestepstogreethiswifeanddaughter;but,beforehecouldtakeIda"shand,Sibley,insnowylinenandacoatfromwhichthestainsanddustofearthseemedeverkeptmiraculously,brushedpasthim,andseizingthedaughter"shand,exclaimed:

"YouseeI"vekeptmypromise,andamhere."Andthenhewhisperedinherear:"ByJupiter,MissIda,youlooklikeahourijustfromParadiseto-night."

Mr.Mayhewpausedamomentandlookedfromtheforwardyouthtohisdaughter"sscarletface,frownedheavily,andthengaveherandhermotheraverycoolgreetingbeforepassingontohisroom.

IdacouldnotforbearstealingalookatVanBerg,andherfacegrewpaleagainassheencounteredhisscornfulglance.Pridewasoneofherpredominanttraits,andhismannertouchedittothequick.Sheresolvedtoreturnhimscornforscorn,andtoshowhimthatinspiteofherheartthathadturnedagainstherandbecomehisally,shecouldstillbeheroldgayself.ThereforeshegaveSibleybackhisbadinageinkind;andinreparteethatwasbrightandsharpaswellasreckless,sheansweredthecomplimentsofothergayyoungfellowswhoalsogatheredaroundher.

"DidInottellyouSibleywouldreviveher?"Stantonremarkedastheywentdowntosupper."SuchhumdrumfellowsasyouandIarenottothetasteofonewhohasbeenbroughtuponadietofcayennepepperandchocolatecream."

"Butwhatkindofblooddoessuchadietmake?"

"Judgeforyourself.Itlookswellasitcomesandgoesinaprettyface."

"Lookhere,Stanton,"saidVanBerg,pausingatthediningroomdoor;"thereisthatSibleyatourtable."

"Oh,certainly!HeclaimstobeIda"sfriend,andyouseethatMrs.Mayhewisverygracioustohim.He"srich,andwillinherithisfather"sbusinessalso;andmysagaciousauntinquiresnofurther."

"Stanton,webothfeethatheisnotfittositatthesametablewithMissBurton."

"Youareright,Van,"Stantonrepliedwithadeepflush;"butIcandonothingwithoutdrawingattentiontomyrelatives.Afterall,itisonlyacasualandtransientassociationinapublicplace,overwhichwehavenocontrol.Whilesheseemstooneartohimthereyouknowthatheavenisasneartohellastheyaretoeachother.ForthesakeofpoorMr.Mayhew,iffornooneelse,letthematterpass."

"Verywell,Stanton;butitmustnothappensoanotherweek;"andthentheyoungmenwhohadwithdrawnintothehall-wayentered,buttheexpressionofcoldnessanddispleasuredidnotwhollypassfromtheirfaces.

ChapterXXIII.JennieBurton"s"Remedies."

FortunatelyMr.Mayhewhadbeenplacedatthesupper-tablenexttoMissBurton,andVanBergspeedilybecameabsorbedinwatchingtheimpressionmadeoneachotherbythesetwocharactersthatweresoutterlydiverse.ItneededbutaglancetoseethatMr.Mayhewwasaheavy-hearted,broken-spiritedman.Hisshrunkeninanimatefeatures,andslight,bentform,lookedallthemoredimandshadowyincontrastwithhisstout,floridwife,whoeveninpublicscarcelymorethantoleratedhispresence.ThiseveningshedevotedherselftoSibley,whosatbetweenherandherdaughter.

Mr.Mayhewseemedunusuallydepressedevenforhim,andbegantomakeasupperonlyinform.JennieBurtonstoleafewshyglancesathissallowface,andseemedtofindanattractioninitshecouldnotresist.Twohandsomeloverssatnearher,butsheevidentlyforgotthemwhollysavewhentheyaddressedher;andshewooedtheelderlymanathersidewithconsummatetactandgrace.

Atfirsthewasunconsciousofherpresence.Shewasbutanotherhumanatom,andofnomoreinteresttohimthanthechaironwhichshesat.Mechanicallyhedeclinedoneortwothingsshepassedtohim,andinanabsentmannerrepliedtothefewcasualremarksbywhichshesoughttoengagehiminconversation.Atlastshesaid,inavoicethatwasindescribablywinningandsympathetic:

"Mr.Mayhew,yoursultryweekintownhasweariedyou.Ourcountryairwilldoyougood."

Therewassomuchmoreinhertonesthaninherwordsthatheturnedtolookather,andthen,forthefirsttime,becameawarethathewasnotsittingatthesideofanordinary,well-bredlady.

"Countryairisgoodasfarasitgoes,"hesaidslowly,scanningherfaceashespoke;"butitdoesnotmakemuchdifferencewithme."

"Thereareotherremedies,"sheresumedinherlowgentletone,"which,liketheair,arenotexactlytangible,andyetaremorepotent."

"Indeed,"hesaid,thedawninginterestdeepeninginhisface;

"whatarethey?"

"Idonotmeantotellyou,"sherepliedwithalittlepiquantnodandsmile."I"velearnedbetterthanthosepeoplewhohaveadozeninfalliblemedicinesattheirtongues"endforeverytroubleunderheaven.Inevernamemyremedies;forifIdid,peoplewouldturnawayincontemptforsuchcommonplacesimples."

"Icanguessoneofthemalready,"hesaidwithapleasedlightcomingintohiseyes.

"Soquickly,Mr.Mayhew?Idoubtit."

"Kindness,"hesaid,inalowtone.

"Well,"sherepliedwithaslightflush,"Icanstoutlyassertthatthisremedydidmegoodwhenallthelong-nameddrugsinthe"MateriaMedica"couldnothavehelpedme."

Helookedathersearchinglyamoment,andthensaidinthesamelowtone:

"Andsoyouaretryingtoapplyyourremedytome?Itcertainlyisverygoodofyou.Mostpeoplewhentheyarecured,throwawaythemedicine,forgettinghowmanyothersaresick."

"Perhapswecanneverexactlysaywearecuredinthislife;butIthinkwecanallgetbetter."

"Itdependsagreatdealuponthedisease,"hereplied,withashrug.

"No,Mr.Mayhew,"shesaid;and,althoughhertonewaslow,itwasalmostpassionateinitsearnestness."Godforbidthatthereshouldbeadiseasewithoutaremedy."

Heagainlookedatherwithapeculiarexpression,andthenslowlyturnedtowardhiswifeanddaughter.Mrs.Mayhewwastoopreoccupiedtoheedhim,andSibleywasjustsaying:

"MissIda,Iclaimyouforthefirstwaltzthisevening,andonlywishthatitwouldlastindefinitely."

"Pardonmeforsayingittoonesoyoungandhopefulasyourself,MissBurton,"Mr.Mayhewresumedgloomily,"butthatwhichbothGodandgood-senseforbidseemsthethingmostsuretotakeplaceinthisworld."

Althoughsodissimilar,deepandsadexperiencesmadethemkin,andMissBurtonfoundshemustmakeaneffortnottolettheirthoughtscolortheirwordstoodarklyforthetimeandplace.

"Ishallnotletyoudestroymyfaithinmyold-fashionedsimples,"

shesaidintonesthatwerelighterthanhermeaning."Youmustnotbesurethatbecauseyouaresomuchmysenior,allmycomplaintshavebeenmerelychildren"stroubles.Appearancesareoftenmisleading,youknow."

"Notinyourcase,Ithink,MissBurton.Ihavelostfaithinalmosteverything,andmostofallinmyself;butthisunexpectedlittletalkhastouchedmedeeperthanyoucanknow,andIcannothelphavingfaithinyou."

"Iwillbelieveit,"shesaidwithasmile,"ifyouwillgivemealittleofyoursocietybeforeyougobacktothecity."

Helookedatherwithsuddensuspicion."Doyoumeanwhatyousay?"

"Ido."

"Whydoyouwishmysociety?"

Shehesitated.

Hisfacedarkenedstillmore,forherememberedwhathewas,andhowlittlethisyoungandlovelygirlhadincommonwithhim.

"Answermetruly,"heinsisted;"whyshouldyouwishmysociety?

I"venotaparticleofvanity.IknowwhatIam,andyouundoubtedlyknowalso.Ifyouwishtoadvisemeandpreachatme,letmetellyouplainlybutcourteouslythatyourefforts,however,wellintentioned,wouldbeinvain,andnotaltogetherwelcome.Icanconceiveofnootherreasonwhyyoushouldwishformysociety."

Herfacebecameverypale,butshelookedhimfullinhiseyesasshereplied:

"Idonotwishtopreachoradviseatall.Canyounotunderstandthatonemayeaseone"sownpainbytryingtorelievethesufferingofanother?NowyouseehowselfishIam."

Hisfacesoftenedinstantly,andhesaid:

"MissBurton,thatistoodivineaphilosophyformetograspatonce.Astheworldgoesnow,Ithinkyouarefoundingaschoolofyourown.Youwillfindmeaneagerlistener,ifnotanaptscholar,wheneveryouwillhonormewithyourcompany."Andsmilinghisthanksheroseandleftthetable.

Thisconversationhadbeencarriedonintonestoolowandquiettobeheardbyothersinthecrowdedandnoisydining-room.VanBerg,whosatopposite,hadtakenpainsnottofollowitandtoappearoblivious,andyethecouldnotrefrainfromobservingitsgeneraldriftandscopeinMr.Mayhew"smanner;andhiseyesglowedwithadmirationforherwinningtactandkindness.Theglancehebentuponherwasperhapsmoreardentandapprovingthanhewasaware,forshe,lookingupfromtheabstractionwhichtherecentconversationhadoccasioned,seemedstrangelyaffectedbyit,forshetrembledandherfaceblanchedwithasuddenpallor,whilehereyeswererivetedtohisface.

"Youarenotwell,MissBurton,"saidStantonhastily,butinalowtone."Letmegetyousomewine."

Shestartedperceptibly,andthenasuddencrimsonsuffusedherfaceasshebecameconsciousthatothereyeswereuponher.

Inalmostasecondsherecoveredherselffully,andreplied,withasmile:

"No,Ithinkyou,Mr.Stanton.Acupofteaisapanaceaforallawoman"stroubles,andyouseeIhaveithere.Ididnotfeelwellforamoment,butambetternow."

TheeyesofStantonandIdamet.Bothhadseenthislittleepisode,andeachdrewfromitconclusionsthatwereanythingbutinspiriting.ButVanBergwasthoroughlypuzzled.Whileashefelthenhewouldhavegladlydrawnencouragementfromit,andperhapsdidsotosomeextent,hestillfelttherewassomethingpeculiarinhermanner,ofwhichheseemedtheoccasion,butwasnottheadequatecause.

MissBurtonsoonaftersoughtherroom,andforafewmomentspaceditindeepdisquiet,andherwholeformseemedtobecometenseandrigid.Inlowtonesshecommunedwithherself:

"Ismywillsoweak?ShallIcontinuebetrayingmyselfatanyunexpectedmoment?ShallIshowtostrangerssomethingthatI

wouldhidefromalleyessavethoseofGod?Letmerealizeitatonce,andsomaintainself-controlhenceforth.Thisisanillusion——ameretrickofmyoverwroughtmind;andyetitseemedsolike——"

Apassionofgriefinterruptedfurtherwords.Suchbitter,uncontrollablesorrowinonesoyoungwasterrible.Shewrithedandstruggledwiththisanguishforatimeashelplesslyasifshewereinthegraspofagiant.

Atlastshegrewcalm.Therewerenotearsinhereyes.Shewasbeyondsuchsimpleandnaturalexpressionofsorrow.Shehadreadytearsforthetroublesofothers,butnowhereyesweredryandfeverish.

"OGod,"shegasped,"teachmepatience!Keepmesubmissive.Letmestillsay,"Thywillbedone."Andyetthetimeisdrawingnearwhen——oh,hush!hush!Letmenotthinkofit——

"There,there,bestill,"shesaidmorequietlywithherhanduponherside."Hundredsofotherheartsbesidesyourownareaching.

Forgetyourselfinrelievingthem."

Shebathedherface,putsomebrighterflowersinherhair,andwentdownamongtheotherguests,seeminglytheveryembodimentofsunshine.AlleyessavethoseofIdaMayhewwelcomedher;thechildrengatheredroundher;StantonandVanBergwerebotheagerforhersocietyinthedance,orbetterstill,forapromenade;butshesawMr.Mayhewlookingwistfullyather,andshewentstraighttohim.

Withunerringtactshefoundoutthesubjectsthatwereinterestingtohim,andrevivinghisfaithinhisownintelligence,ledhismindthroughsunny,breezyrangesofthoughtthatmadethetimehespentwithherlikeanescapefromthenarrowwallsandstiflingairandgloomofaprison.

ChapterXXIV.AHateful,WretchedLife.

TheadventofhalfascoreofyoungmenfromthecitynaturallymadedancingtheorderoftheoccasiononSaturdayevening.Mr.

Burleigh,however,gaveSibleyahintthatthefeatureshehadintroducedthepreviousweekmustbeomittedtonight,sincenothingthatwouldintheslightestdegreelowerthecharacterofhishousewouldbetolerated.TheexcitementthereforethatSibleyhadformerlyreceivedfromCognac,henowsoughttoobtainbypursuingwithgreaterardorhisflirtationwithIda.Indeed,tosuchanatureashis,herbeautywasquiteasintoxicatingasthe"spiritofwine."Therewasabrilliancyinherappearancetonightandapiquancyinherwordsthatstruckhimasveryunusual.

Norwashealoneinhisadmiration.Theyoungmenfromthecitythrongedabouther,andherhandwassoonengagedforeverydanceuntillateintheevening;butonthisoccasionshehadnoopportunity,asbefore,ofdeclininginvitationsfromVanBerg.

Thesolicitationsofotherswentforlittle,theadmiringeyesthatshesawfollowingheroneverysidecouldnotcompensateforthelackofallattentionfromhim.Hedancedseveraltimes,butitwaswiththosewhoseemedtobeneglectedbyothers.Inhisquiet,dignifiedbearing,inhisunselfishaffabilitytowardthosewhootherwisewouldhavehadadullevening,heappearedtoherinmostfavorablecontrasttothegiddyyoungfellowswhoflutteredaroundher,andwhosesupremethoughtswerealwaysofthemselves,andofheronlyasshecouldministertotheirpleasure.

"MissBurtonhassoplainlywonhim,"shethought,"thathehasadoptedhertacticsoflookingafterthosewhomeveryoneneglects.

Icouldsoonshowhimtheonehehasthegreatestpowerofcheering,andIknowthatshehasthedeepestneedofcheerofanyoneinthiscrowdedhouse,butI"dratherdiethangiveonehintofourfirstmeetinghehashumiliatedme,andIinreturnlovehim!Butheshallneverknowit.Mylookscanbeascoldashis."

Andsotheyweretowardhim,butforallothersshehadhadthegayestsmilesandrepartee.Vividlyconsciousofthesecretshewouldsojealouslyguard,shesoughtbyeverymeansinherpowertomaskitfromhimandallothers.Shewouldevenpermithernameforatimetobeassociatedwithamanshedetestedanddespised,sincethusthetruthcouldbemoreeffectivelyconcealed.

Sibley"sattentionswerecertainlyardentenoughtoattractattention,andoccasionallytherewasaboldnessinhiscompliments,whichshe,eveninherrecklessmood,sharplyresented.Hiseyesseemedtogrowmorewolfisheverytimesheencounteredthem,andmorethanoncethethoughtcrossedhermind:

"WhataheavenitwouldbetolookupintotheeyesofamanI

couldtrust,andwhohonoredme."

Whattortureitwastoseesuchamanpresent,andyettofeelthathejustlyscornedher.

Excitementandherstrongwillkeptherupforalongtime,butastheeveningadvanceddespondencyandwearinessbegantogainthemastery.Sibleycametoherandsaid:"MissIda,Ihaveyourhandforthenextwaltz,butIseeyouarewornandtired.Letusgooutonthecoolpiazzainsteadofdancing."

Listlesslyshetookhisarmandpassedthroughoneoftheopenwindowsnear.VanBerghaddisappearedsometimebefore,andtherewasnolongeranymotivetokeepuptheillusionofgayety.

Hardlyhadshesteppedonthepiazzabeforesheheardherfathersay:

"MissBurton,ifitwillgiveyouanypleasuretoknowthatyouhavemadethiseveningmemorablybrighttoonewhoselifeispeculiarlyclouded,youcancertainlyenjoythatassuranceinthefullestmeasure.Youhavekeptyourwordandhavenotpreachedatmeatall;andyetIfeelIoughttobeabettermanforthisinterview."

"O,MissIda,"exclaimedSibley,"thisistheopportunitythatI

havebeenwishingforalltheevening.IcannottellyouhowgladlyIexchangetheglareofthatroomforthelightofyoureyesonly.

Wouldthatlifewerebutonelongsummerevening,andyoureyestheonlystartsinmysky."

"Absurd,"shecarelesslyreplied;andthentheypassedoutofhearing.

"Good-night,MissBurton,"saidMr.Mayhewabruptly;andhehastilydescendedthestepsandwassoonlostfromviewinthedarkness.

Hisdaughterandthemanwhoseemedtobethecompanionofherchoice,broughtbackatoncetheoldconditionsofhislife.Theprisonwallsclosedaroundhimagain,theairseemedallthemorefoulandstiflingincontrastwiththepureatmospherewhichhehadbeenbreathing,andthegloomofthenightwaslightincomparisonwithhisthoughtsashemuttered:

"IfIdawereonlylikethisgoodangelshemightsaveevenme;butaftermylongabsencesheleavesmewhollytomyselfforthesakeofamanwhooughttobeanoffencetoher.IfItellherandhermotherwhathisreputationinNewYorkistheywillnotlistentome.Althoughheistheknownslaveofeveryvice,mydaughtersmilesuponhim.Frothandmudwearenowandeverwillbe.Afteraglimpseintothelifeofthatpure,goodwomanwhohastriedtobeGod"smessengertometo-night,IcanfindnowordstoexpressmyloathingofthesloughinwhichIandminehavemired.Myonlychild,bytheforceofnaturalselection,bidsfairtoaddtoournumberadrunkardandalibertine;andIampowerlesstopreventit.Themotherthatshouldguardandguideherchild,isblindtoeverythingsavethatheisrich.Frothandmud!Frothandmud!"

Unabletoendurehisthoughts,hewenttohisroomandfoundoblivioninthestuporofintoxication.

Onreachingtheendofthelongpiazza,SibleyledIdatoaverandalittlefrequentedatthathour,saying,ashedidso:

"Letusgetawayfrompryingeyes.Ialwaysfeelwhenwithyouthatthreeisanenormouscrowd."

Agentlemanwhohadbeensmokingrosehastilyatthisbroadhint,whichhecouldnothelpoverhearing,andwalkedhaughtilyaway.

Ida,witharegretdeeperthanshecouldhavethoughtpossible,sawthatitwasVanBerg.Herfirstimpulsewastocompelhercompaniontogoback;butthatwouldlooklikefollowinghim.Weary,disheartenedbythefatethatseemedeveragainsther,shesankintothechairhehadjustvacated.

ForatimeshedidnotheedorscarcelyhearSibley"scharacteristicflatteries,butatlasthesaidplainly:

"MissIda,doyouknowthatyouaretheonewomanofalltheworldtome?"

"Oh,hush!"shereplied,rising."Iknowyousaythattoeveryprettywomanwhowilllistentoyou,asIshallnolongerto-night.

Come."

Baffledandpuzzledalsobythemoodygirl,whooflateseemedsodifferentfromherformerself,hehadnoresourcebuttoaccompanyherbacktothemainentrance.Here,wheretheeyesofotherswereuponher,shesaidabruptly,butwithacharmingsmile:

"Good-night,Mr.Sibley,"andwentdirectlytoherroom.

Theyoungmanlookedrathernonplussedandmutteredanoathashewalkedawaytoconsolehimselfafterthefashionofhiskind.

"Istherenoescapefromthiswretchedlife?"Idasighedasshewearilythrewherselfintoachaironreachingherroom."Amanwhoseaddressesareaninsultismylover.TheonlymanIcaneverloveassociatesmeinhismindwiththislowfellow.Myfatherobtainswhatlittlecomforthegetsfromthecharityofastranger.

HowcanIfacethisprospectdayafterday.Oh,thatIhadnevercomehere!"

"Ida,"saidhermotherenteringhastily,"whathashappenedtoputyourfatheroutso?Ihadaheadachethisevening,andcameupearly.Alittlewhileagohestalkedinwithhisabsurdtragicair.

"Whatisthematter,"Iasked."Looktoyourdaughter,"hesaid.

"Whatdoyoumean?"Iasked,quitefrightened."Ifyouwereatruemother,"hereplied,"youwouldnomoreleaveherwiththatroueSibley,thanwithsomuchpitch.Yetheiscourtingheropenly;

andwhatisworse,shereceiveshisaddresses,andpermitsherselftobeidentifiedwithhim.""Oh,pshaw,"Iansweredcarelessly;

"Sibleyisaboutonaparwithhalftheyoungmeninsociety,andIdamightdoagreatdealworse.Nofearofher;forthereisn"tagirllivingwhoknowshowtotakecareofherselfbetterthanshe.""Bah!"hesaid,"ifsheknewhowtotakecareofherself,shewouldpermitasnaketotouchhersoonerthanthatman.Idamightdoworse,mightshe?Godknowshow:Idon"t.Aprettyfamilyweshallbewhenheisaddedtoourcharminggroup.Themudwillpredominatethen;"andwiththatheopenedabottleofbrandyanddrankhimselfstupid."

AsMrs.Mayhewrattledthisconversationoffinaloudwhisper,Idaseemedturningintostone,butatitscloseshesaidicily:

"Inspeakingofsuchaunionaspossible,myparentshaveshowntheiropinionofme.Good-night.Iwishtobealone."

"Butdidanythinghappenbetweenyoutosetyourfatheroffso?"

persistedMrs.Mayhew.

"Nothingunusual.IsupposefatherheardoneofMr.Sibley"scompliments;andthatwasenoughtodisgustanysensibleman.

Good-night."

"Mygracious!Youmightaswellturnmeoutofyourroom."

"Mother,Iwishtobealone,"saidIda,passionately.

"AprettylifeIleadofitbetweenyouandyourfather,"sobbedMrs.Mayhew,retreatingtoherownapartment.

"Ahateful,wretchedlifeweallthreeshallleadtotheendoftime,foraughtthatIcansee,"Idagroanedassherestlesslypacedherroom;"butIhavenobetterresourcethantofollowfather"sexample."

Shetookanopiate,andsoescapedfromthoughtforatimeinthedeeplethargyitbrought.

ChapterXXV.Half-truths.

AchurchbellwasringinginaneighboringvillagethefollowingmorningwhenIdaawoke.Thesunlightstreamedinattheopenwindowthroughthehalf-closedblinds,fleckingthefloorwithbarsoflight.Birdsweresinginginthetreeswithout,andasouthernbreezerustledthroughthefoliageasasweetlowaccompaniment.

Surelyitwasabrightpleasantworldonwhichherheavyeyeswereopening.

Poorchild!shewasfastlearningnowthatthedarkestcloudsthatshadowourpathsarenotthevaporsthatrisefromtheearth,butthethoughtsandmemoriesofanunhappyandasinfulheart.