第7章

"AyoungmanoftheRicciofamily，hishaircutoffrightattheend，dressedinblackwiththesamecap。

AttributedtoRaphael，butthesignationisfalse。"

"TheVirginholdingtheInfant。ItisverypaintedinthemannerofSassoferrato。"

"ALarderwithgreensanddeadgameanimatedbyacook-maidandtwokitchen-boys。"

However，theEnglishofthiscatalogueisatleastashappyasthatwhichdistinguishesaninscriptionuponacertainpictureinRome——towit:

"Revelations-View。St。JohninPatterson"sIsland。"

Butmeanwhiletheraftismovingon。

CHAPTERXVII

[WhyGermansWearSpectacles]

AmileortwoaboveEberbachwesawapeculiarruinprojectingabovethefoliagewhichclothedthepeakofahighandverysteephill。Thisruinconsistedofmerelyacoupleofcrumblingmassesofmasonrywhichborearuderesemblancetohumanfaces；theyleanedforwardandtouchedforeheads，andhadthelookofbeingabsorbedinconversation。Thisruinhadnothingveryimposingorpicturesqueaboutit，andtherewasnogreatdealofit，yetitwascalledthe"SpectacularRuin。"

LEGENDOFTHE"SPECTACULARRUIN"

Thecaptainoftheraft，whowasasfullofhistoryashecouldstick，saidthatintheMiddleAgesamostprodigiousfire-breathingdragonusedtoliveinthatregion，andmademoretroublethanatax-collector。Hewasaslongasarailway-train，andhadthecustomaryimpenetrablegreenscalesalloverhim。Hisbreathbredpestilenceandconflagration，andhisappetitebredfamine。Heatemenandcattleimpartially，andwasexceedinglyunpopular。

TheGermanemperorofthatdaymadetheusualoffer:

hewouldgranttothedestroyerofthedragon，anyonesolitarythinghemightaskfor；forhehadasurplusageofdaughters，anditwascustomaryfordragon-killerstotakeadaughterforpay。

Sothemostrenownedknightscamefromthefourcornersoftheearthandretireddownthedragon"sthroatoneaftertheother。Apanicaroseandspread。Heroesgrewcautious。

Theprocessionceased。Thedragonbecamemoredestructivethanever。Thepeoplelostallhopeofsuccor，andfledtothemountainsforrefuge。

AtlastSirWissenschaft，apoorandobscureknight，outofafarcountry，arrivedtodobattlewiththemonster。

Apitiableobjecthewas，withhisarmorhanginginragsabouthim，andhisstrange-shapedknapsackstrappeduponhisback。Everybodyturneduptheirnosesathim，andsomeopenlyjeeredhim。Buthewascalm。Hesimplyinquirediftheemperor"sofferwasstillinforce。

Theemperorsaiditwas——butcharitablyadvisedhimtogoandhuntharesandnotendangersopreciousalifeashisinanattemptwhichhadbroughtdeathtosomanyoftheworld"smostillustriousheroes。

Butthistramponlyasked——"Wereanyoftheseheroesmenofscience?"Thisraisedalaugh，ofcourse，forsciencewasdespisedinthosedays。Butthetrampwasnotintheleastruffled。Hesaidhemightbealittleinadvanceofhisage，butnomatter——sciencewouldcometobehonored，sometimeorother。Hesaidhewouldmarchagainstthedragoninthemorning。

Outofcompassion，then，adecentspearwasofferedhim，buthedeclined，andsaid，"spearswereuselesstomenofscience。"Theyallowedhimtosupintheservants"

hall，andgavehimabedinthestables。

Whenhestartedforthinthemorning，thousandsweregatheredtosee。Theemperorsaid:

"Donotberash，takeaspear，andleaveoffyourknapsack。"

Butthetrampsaid:

"Itisnotaknapsack，"andmovedstraighton。

Thedragonwaswaitingandready。Hewasbreathingforthvastvolumesofsulphuroussmokeandluridblastsofflame。

Theraggedknightstolewarilytoagoodposition，thenheunslunghiscylindricalknapsack——whichwassimplythecommonfire-extinguisherknowntomoderntimes——

andthefirstchancehegotheturnedonhishoseandshotthedragonsquareinthecenterofhiscavernousmouth。

Outwentthefiresinaninstant，andthedragoncurledupanddied。

Thismanhadbroughtbrainstohisaid。Hehadreareddragonsfromtheegg，inhislaboratory，hehadwatchedoverthemlikeamother，andpatientlystudiedthemandexperimenteduponthemwhiletheygrew。Thushehadfoundoutthatfirewasthelifeprincipleofadragon；

putoutthedragon"sfiresanditcouldmakesteamnolonger，andmustdie。Hecouldnotputoutafirewithaspear，thereforeheinventedtheextinguisher。

Thedragonbeingdead，theemperorfellonthehero"sneckandsaid:

"Deliverer，nameyourrequest，"atthesametimebeckoningoutbehindwithhisheelforadetachmentofhisdaughterstoformandadvance。Butthetrampgavethemnoobservance。

Hesimplysaid:

"Myrequestis，thatuponmebeconferredthemonopolyofthemanufactureandsaleofspectaclesinGermany。"

Theemperorsprangasideandexclaimed:

"ThistranscendsalltheimpudenceIeverheard!A

modestdemand，bymyhalidome!Whydidn"tyouaskfortheimperialrevenuesatonce，andbedonewithit?"

Butthemonarchhadgivenhisword，andhekeptit。

Toeverybody"ssurprise，theunselfishmonopolistimmediatelyreducedthepriceofspectaclestosuchadegreethatagreatandcrushingburdenwasremovedfromthenation。

Theemperor，tocommemoratethisgenerousact，andtotestifyhisappreciationofit，issuedadecreecommandingeverybodytobuythisbenefactor"sspectaclesandwearthem，whethertheyneededthemornot。

Sooriginatedthewide-spreadcustomofwearingspectaclesinGermany；andasacustomonceestablishedintheseoldlandsisimperishable，thisoneremainsuniversalintheempiretothisday。Suchisthelegendofthemonopolist"soncestatelyandsumptuouscastle，nowcalledthe"SpectacularRuin。"

Ontherightbank，twoorthreemilesbelowtheSpectacularRuin，wepassedbyanoblepileofcastellatedbuildingsoverlookingthewaterfromthecrestofaloftyelevation。

Astretchoftwohundredyardsofthehighfrontwallwasheavilydrapedwithivy，andoutofthemassofbuildingswithinrosethreepicturesqueoldtowers。

Theplacewasinfineorder，andwasinhabitedbyafamilyofprincelyrank。Thiscastlehaditslegend，too，butIshouldnotfeeljustifiedinrepeatingitbecauseIdoubtedthetruthofsomeofitsminordetails。

AlonginthisregionamultitudeofItalianlaborerswereblastingawaythefrontageofthehillstomakeroomforthenewrailway。Theywerefiftyorahundredfeetabovetheriver。Asweturnedasharpcornertheybegantowavesignalsandshoutwarningstoustolookoutfortheexplosions。Itwasallverywelltowarnus，butwhatcouldWEdo?Youcan"tbackaraftupstream，youcan"thurryitdownstream，youcan"tscatterouttoonesidewhenyouhaven"tanyroomtospeakof，youwon"ttaketotheperpendicularcliffsontheothershorewhentheyappeartobeblastingthere，too。

Yourresourcesarelimited，yousee。Thereissimplynothingforitbuttowatchandpray。

Forsomehourswehadbeenmakingthreeandahalforfourmilesanhourandwewerestillmakingthat。Wehadbeendancingrightalonguntilthosemenbegantoshout；

thenforthenexttenminutesitseemedtomethatIhadneverseenaraftgososlowly。Whenthefirstblastwentoffweraisedoursun-umbrellasandwaitedfortheresult。

Noharmdone；noneofthestonesfellinthewater。

Anotherblastfollowed，andanotherandanother。

Someoftherubbishfellinthewaterjustasternofus。

Weranthatwholebatteryofnineblastsinarow，anditwascertainlyoneofthemostexcitinganduncomfortableweeksIeverspent，eitherashiporashore。Ofcoursewefrequentlymannedthepolesandshovedearnestlyforasecondorso，buteverytimeoneofthosespurtsofdustanddebrisshotalofteverymandroppedhispoleandlookeduptogetthebearingsofhisshareofit。

Itwasverybusytimesalongthereforawhile。

Itappearedcertainthatwemustperish，buteventhatwasnotthebitterestthought；no，theabjectlyunheroicnatureofthedeath——thatwasthesting——thatandthebizarrewordingoftheresultingobituary:"SHOTWITHAROCK，ONARAFT。"Therewouldbenopoetrywrittenaboutit。

NoneCOULDbewrittenaboutit。Example:

NOTbywar"sshock，orwar"sshaft，——SHOT，witharock，onaraft。

Nopoetwhovaluedhisreputationwouldtouchsuchathemeasthat。Ishouldbedistinguishedastheonly"distinguisheddead"whowentdowntothegraveunsonneted，in1878。

Butweescaped，andIhaveneverregrettedit。

Thelastblastwaspeculiarlystrongone，andafterthesmallrubbishwasdonerainingaroundusandwewerejustgoingtoshakehandsoverourdeliverance，alaterandlargerstonecamedownamongstourlittlegroupofpedestriansandwreckedanumbrella。Itdidnootherharm，butwetooktothewaterjustthesame。

ItseemsthattheheavyworkinthequarriesandthenewrailwaygradingsisdonemainlybyItalians。

Thatwasarevelation。WehavethenotioninourcountrythatItaliansneverdoheavyworkatall，butconfinethemselvestothelighterarts，likeorgan-grinding，operaticsinging，andassassination。Wehaveblundered，thatisplain。

Allalongtheriver，neareveryvillage，wesawlittlestation-housesforthefuturerailway。Theywerefinishedandwaitingfortherailsandbusiness。

Theywereastrimandsnugandprettyastheycouldbe。

Theywerealwaysofbrickorstone；theywereofgracefulshape，theyhadvinesandflowersaboutthemalready，andaroundthemthegrasswasbrightandgreen，andshowedthatitwascarefullylookedafter。Theywereadecorationtothebeautifullandscape，notanoffense。

Whereveronesawapileofgravelorapileofbrokenstone，itwasalwaysheapedastrimlyandexactlyasanewgraveorastackofcannon-balls；nothingaboutthosestationsoralongtherailroadorthewagon-roadwasallowedtolookshabbyorbeunornamental。ThekeepingacountryinsuchbeautifulorderasGermanyexhibits，hasawisepracticalsidetoit，too，foritkeepsthousandsofpeopleinworkandbreadwhowouldotherwisebeidleandmischievous。

Asthenightshutdown，thecaptainwantedtotieup，butIthoughtmaybewemightmakeHirschhorn，sowewenton。

Presentlytheskybecameovercast，andthecaptaincameaftlookinguneasy。Hecasthiseyealoft，thenshookhishead，andsaiditwascomingontoblow。Mypartywantedtolandatonce——thereforeIwantedtogoon。

Thecaptainsaidweoughttoshortensailanyway，outofcommonprudence。Consequently，thelarboardwatchwasorderedtolayinhispole。Itgrewquitedark，now，andthewindbegantorise。Itwailedthroughtheswayingbranchesofthetrees，andsweptourdecksinfitfulgusts。Thingsweretakingonanuglylook。

Thecaptainshoutedtothesteersmanontheforwardlog:

"How"sshelanding?"

Theanswercamefaintandhoarsefromfarforward:

"Nor"-east-and-by-nor"——east-by-east，half-east，sir。"

"Lethergooffapoint!"

"Aye-aye，sir!"

"Whatwaterhaveyougot?"

"Shoal，sir。Twofootlarge，onthestabboard，twoandahalfscantonthelabboard!"

"Lethergooffanotherpoint!"

"Aye-aye，sir!"

"Forward，men，allofyou!Lively，now!Standbytocrowdherroundtheweathercorner!"

"Aye-aye，sir!"

Thenfollowedawildrunningandtramplingandhoarseshouting，buttheformsofthemenwerelostinthedarknessandthesoundsweredistortedandconfusedbytheroaringofthewindthroughtheshingle-bundles。Bythistimetheseawasrunningincheshigh，andthreateningeverymomenttoengulfthefrailbark。Nowcamethemate，hurryingaft，andsaid，closetothecaptain"sear，inalow，agitatedvoice:

"Preparefortheworst，sir——wehavesprungaleak!"

"Heavens!where?"

"Rightaftthesecondrowoflogs。"

"Nothingbutamiraclecansaveus!Don"tletthemenknow，ortherewillbeapanicandmutiny!Layherinshoreandstandbytojumpwiththestern-linethemomentshetouches。Gentlemen，Imustlooktoyoutosecondmyendeavorsinthishourofperil。Youhavehats——goforwardandbailforyourlives!"

Downsweptanothermightyblastofwind，clothedinsprayandthickdarkness。Atsuchamomentasthis，camefromawayforwardthatmostappallingofallcriesthatareeverheardatsea:

"MANOVERBOARD!"

Thecaptainshouted:

"Harda-port!Nevermindtheman!Lethimclimbaboardorwadeashore!"

Anothercrycamedownthewind:

"Breakersahead!"

"Whereaway?"

"Notalog"slengthoffherportfore-foot!"

Wehadgropedourslipperywayforward，andwerenowbailingwiththefrenzyofdespair，whenweheardthemate"sterrifiedcry，fromfaraft:

"Stopthatdashedbailing，orweshallbeaground!"

Butthiswasimmediatelyfollowedbythegladshout:

"Landaboardthestarboardtransom!"

"Saved!"criedthecaptain。"Jumpashoreandtakeaturnaroundatreeandpassthebightaboard!"

Thenextmomentwewereallonshoreweepingandembracingforjoy，whiletherainpoureddownintorrents。

ThecaptainsaidhehadbeenamarinerforfortyyearsontheNeckar，andinthattimehadseenstormstomakeaman"scheekblanchandhispulsesstop，buthehadnever，neverseenastormthatevenapproachedthisone。

Howfamiliarthatsounded!ForIhavebeenatseaagooddealandhaveheardthatremarkfromcaptainswithafrequencyaccordingly。

Weframedinourmindstheusualresolutionofthanksandadmirationandgratitude，andtookthefirstopportunitytovoteit，andputitinwritingandpresentittothecaptain，withthecustomaryspeech。

Wetrampedthroughthedarknessandthedrenchingsummerrainfullthreemiles，andreached"TheNaturalistTavern"

inthevillageofHirschhornjustanhourbeforemidnight，almostexhaustedfromhardship，fatigue，andterror。

Icanneverforgetthatnight。

Thelandlordwasrich，andthereforecouldaffordtobecrustyanddisobliging；hedidnotatalllikebeingturnedoutofhiswarmbedtoopenhishouseforus。

Butnomatter，hishouseholdgotupandcookedaquicksupperforus，andwebrewedahotpunchforourselves，tokeepoffconsumption。Aftersupperandpunchwehadanhour"ssoothingsmokewhilewefoughtthenavalbattleoveragainandvotedtheresolutions；thenweretiredtoexceedinglyneatandprettychambersupstairsthathadclean，comfortablebedsinthemwithheirloompillowcasesmostelaboratelyandtastefullyembroideredbyhand。

SuchroomsandbedsandembroideredlinenareasfrequentinGermanvillageinnsastheyarerareinours。

OurvillagesaresuperiortoGermanvillagesinmoremerits，excellences，conveniences，andprivilegesthanIcanenumerate，butthehotelsdonotbelonginthelist。

"TheNaturalistTavern"wasnotameaninglessname；forallthehallsandalltheroomswerelinedwithlargeglasscaseswhichwerefilledwithallsortsofbirdsandanimals，glass-eyed，ablystuffed，andsetupinthemostnaturaleloquentanddramaticattitudes。Themomentwewereabed，therainclearedawayandthemooncameout。Idozedofftosleepwhilecontemplatingagreatwhitestuffedowlwhichwaslookingintentlydownonmefromahighperchwiththeairofapersonwhothoughthehadmetmebefore，butcouldnotmakeoutforcertain。

ButyoungZdidnotgetoffsoeasily。Hesaidthatashewassinkingdeliciouslytosleep，themoonliftedawaytheshadowsanddevelopedahugecat，onabracket，deadandstuffed，butcrouching，witheverymuscletense，foraspring，andwithitsglitteringglasseyesaimedstraightathim。

ItmadeZuncomfortable。Hetriedclosinghisowneyes，butthatdidnotanswer，foranaturalinstinctkeptmakinghimopenthemagaintoseeifthecatwasstillgettingreadytolaunchathim——whichshealwayswas。

Hetriedturninghisback，butthatwasafailure；

heknewthesinistereyeswereonhimstill。Soatlasthehadtogetup，afteranhourortwoofworryandexperiment，andsetthecatoutinthehall。Sohewon，thattime。

CHAPTERXVIII

[TheKindlyCourtesyofGermans]

Inthemorningwetookbreakfastinthegarden，underthetrees，inthedelightfulGermansummerfashion。

Theairwasfilledwiththefragranceofflowersandwildanimals；thelivingportionofthemenagerieofthe"NaturalistTavern"wasallaboutus。Thereweregreatcagespopulouswithflutteringandchatteringforeignbirds，andothergreatcagesandgreaterwirepens，populouswithquadrupeds，bothnativeandforeign。

Thereweresomefreecreatures，too，andquitesociableonestheywere。Whiterabbitswentlopingabouttheplace，andoccasionallycameandsniffedatourshoesandshins；

afawn，witharedribbononitsneck，walkedupandexaminedusfearlessly；rarebreedsofchickensanddovesbeggedforcrumbs，andapooroldtaillessravenhoppedaboutwithahumble，shamefacedmeinwhichsaid，"Pleasedonotnoticemyexposure——thinkhowyouwouldfeelinmycircumstances，andbecharitable。"Ifhewasobservedtoomuch，hewouldretirebehindsomethingandstaythereuntilhejudgedtheparty"sinteresthadfoundanotherobject。Ineverhaveseenanotherdumbcreaturethatwassomorbidlysensitive。BayardTaylor，whocouldinterpretthedimreasoningsofanimals，andunderstoodtheirmoralnaturesbetterthanmostmen，wouldhavefoundsomewaytomakethispooroldchapforgethistroublesforawhile，butwehavenothiskindlyart，andsohadtoleavetheraventohisgriefs。

AfterbreakfastweclimbedthehillandvisitedtheancientcastleofHirschhorn，andtheruinedchurchnearit。

Thereweresomecuriousoldbas-reliefsleaningagainsttheinnerwallsofthechurch——sculpturedlordsofHirschhornincompletearmor，andladiesofHirschhorninthepicturesquecourtcostumesoftheMiddleAges。

Thesethingsaresufferingdamageandpassingtodecay，forthelastHirschhornhasbeendeadtwohundredyears，andthereisnobodynowwhocarestopreservethefamilyrelics。

Inthechancelwasatwistedstonecolumn，andthecaptaintoldusalegendaboutit，ofcourse，forinthematteroflegendshecouldnotseemtorestrainhimself；butI

donotrepeathistalebecausetherewasnothingplausibleaboutitexceptthattheHerowrenchedthiscolumnintoitspresentscrew-shapewithhishands——justonesinglewrench。

Alltherestofthelegendwasdoubtful。

ButHirschhornisbestseenfromadistance，downtheriver。

Thentheclusteredbrowntowersperchedonthegreenhilltop，andtheoldbattlementedstonewall，stretchingupandoverthegrassyridgeanddisappearingintheleafyseabeyond，makeapicturewhosegraceandbeautyentirelysatisfytheeye。

Wedescendedfromthechurchbysteepstonestairwayswhichcurvedthiswayandthatdownnarrowalleysbetweenthepackedanddirtytenementsofthevillage。

Itwasaquarterwellstockedwithdeformed，leering，unkemptanduncombedidiots，whoheldouthandsorcapsandbeggedpiteously。Thepeopleofthequarterwerenotallidiots，ofcourse，butallthatbeggedseemedtobe，andweresaidtobe。

Iwasthinkingofgoingbyskifftothenexttown，Necharsteinach；soIrantotheriversideinadvanceofthepartyandaskedamanthereifhehadaboattohire。

IsupposeImusthavespokenHighGerman——CourtGerman——I

intendeditforthat，anyway——sohedidnotunderstandme。

Iturnedandtwistedmyquestionaroundandabout，tryingtostrikethatman"saverage，butfailed。

HecouldnotmakeoutwhatIwanted。NowMr。Xarrived，facedthissameman，lookedhimintheeye，andemptiedthissentenceonhim，inthemostglibandconfidentway:

"Canmanboatgethere?"

Themarinerpromptlyunderstoodandpromptlyanswered。

Icancomprehendwhyhewasabletounderstandthatparticularsentence，becausebymereaccidentallthewordsinitexcept"get"havethesamesoundandthesamemeaninginGermanthattheyhaveinEnglish；buthowhemanagedtounderstandMr。X"snextremarkpuzzledme。

Iwillinsertit，presently。Xturnedawayamoment，andIaskedthemarinerifhecouldnotfindaboard，andsoconstructanadditionalseat。IspokeinthepurestGerman，butImightaswellhavespokeninthepurestChoctawforallthegooditdid。Themantriedhisbesttounderstandme；hetried，andkeptontrying，harderandharder，untilIsawitwasreallyofnouse，andsaid:

"There，don"tstrainyourself——itisofnoconsequence。"

ThenXturnedtohimandcrisplysaid:

"MACHENSIEaflatboard。"

Iwishmyepitaphmaytellthetruthaboutmeifthemandidnotanswerupatonce，andsayhewouldgoandborrowaboardassoonashehadlitthepipewhichhewasfilling。

Wechangedourmindabouttakingaboat，sowedidnothavetogo。IhavegivenMr。X"stworemarksjustashemadethem。

FourofthefivewordsinthefirstonewereEnglish，andthattheywerealsoGermanwasonlyaccidental，notintentional；threeoutofthefivewordsinthesecondremarkwereEnglish，andEnglishonly，andthetwoGermanonesdidnotmeananythinginparticular，insuchaconnection。

XalwaysspokeEnglishtoGermans，buthisplanwastoturnthesentencewrongendfirstandupsidedown，accordingtoGermanconstruction，andsprinkleinaGermanwordwithoutanyessentialmeaningtoit，hereandthere，bywayofflavor。Yethealwaysmadehimselfunderstood。

Hecouldmakethosedialect-speakingraftsmenunderstandhim，sometimes，whenevenyoungZhadfailedwiththem；

andyoungZwasaprettygoodGermanscholar。Foronething，Xalwaysspokewithsuchconfidence——perhapsthathelped。

Andpossiblytheraftsmen"sdialectwaswhatiscalledPLATT-DEUTSCH，andsotheyfoundhisEnglishmorefamiliartotheirearsthananotherman"sGerman。QuiteindifferentstudentsofGermancanreadFritzReuter"scharmingplatt-DeutchtaleswithsomelittlefacilitybecausemanyofthewordsareEnglish。IsupposethisisthetonguewhichourSaxonancestorscarriedtoEnglandwiththem。

ByandbyIwillinquireofsomeotherphilologist。