第4章

shallprayforhim。But，ah，Iknowhowlittleprayersavailtoavertthesecruelbereavements。"Shewasyoung，butoldenoughtohaveprayedhardforhersickmother"slife，and，liketherestofus，prayedinvain。Atthisremembrancethetearsranundisguiseddownhercheeks。

Theopensympathyofonesoyoungandbeautiful，andwithalratherreserved，madeLordUxmoorgulp，and，nottobreakdownbeforethemall，heblurtedoutthathemustgoandpack:withthishehurriedaway。

Hewasunhappy。Besidesthecalamityhedreaded，itwasgrievoustobetornawayfromawomanhelovedatfirstsight，andjustwhenshehadcomeoutsoworthyofhislove:shewasahigh-mindedcreature；shehadbeensilentandreservedsolongastheconversationwastrivial；but，whentroublecame，shewastheonetospeaktohimbravelyandkindly。

Well，whatmustbe，must。Allthisranthroughhismind，andmadehimsigh；butitneveroccurredtohimtoshirk——totelegraphinsteadofgoing——noryettovaluehimselfonhisself-denial。

Theydidnotseehimagaintillhewasonthepointofgoing，andthenhetookleaveofthemall，Zoelast。Whenhecametoher，heignoredtheothers，exceptthatheloweredhisvoiceinspeakingtoher。"Godblessyouforyourkindness，MissVizard。Itisalittleharduponafellowtohavetorunawayfromsuchanacquaintance，justwhenIhavebeensofortunateastomakeit。"

"Oh，LordUxmoor，"saidZoe，innocently，"nevermindthat。Why，weliveinthesamecounty，andweareonthewayhome。AllIthinkofisyourpoorfriend；anddopleasetelegraph——toHarrington。"

Hepromisedhewould，andwentawaydisappointedsomehowatherlastwords。

Whenhewasgone，Severnewentoutonthebalconytosmoke，andHarringtonheldacouncilwiththeyoungladies。"Well，now，"saidhe，"aboutthistriptothelake。"

"Ishallnotgo，forone，"saidZoe，resolutely。

"La!"saidFanny，lookingcarefullyawayfromhertoHarrington；"andshewastheonethatinsisted。"

ZoeignoredthespeakerandsetherfacestifflytowardHarrington。"Sheonly_said_thatto_him。"_

_Fanny。_"But，unfortunately，earsarenotconfinedtothenoble。"

_Zoe。_"Nortonguestothediscreet。"

BoththeseremarkswereaddressedpointedlytoHarrington。

"Halloo!"saidhe，lookingfromoneflaminggirltotheother；"amItobeashuttlecock，andyourdiscreettonguesthebattledoors?Whatisup?"

"Wedon"tspeak，"saidthefrankZoe；"thatisup。"

"Why，whatistherow?""

"Nomatter"(stiffly)。

"Nogreatmatter，I"llbebound。"Toll，tollthebell。"Heregoesonemoreimmortalfriendship——quenchedineternalsilence。"

Bothladiesbridled。Neitherspoke。

"Anddeadsilence，asladiesunderstandit，consistsinspeaking_at_oneanotherinsteadof_to。"_

Noreply。

"Thatiswell-bredtaciturnity。"

Noanswer。

"Thedignifiedreservethatdistinguishesanestrangementfromasquabble。"

Noreply。

"Well，Iadmirepermanentsentiments，goodorbad；constantresolves，etc。Yourfriendshiphasnotprovedimmortal；so，nowletusseehowlongyoucanholdspite——SIEVES!"Thenheaffectedtostart。"Whatisthis?I

spyarationalcreatureoutonyonderbalcony。Ihastentojoinhim。

"Birdsofafeather，youknow；"andwiththathewentouttohisfavorite，"andneverlookedbehindhim。

Theyoungladies，indignantatthecontemptthebigmanhadpresumedtocastupontheconstantsoulofwoman，turnedtworedfacesandfoursparklingeyestoeachother，withtheinstinctivesympathyofthejointlyinjured；butrememberingintime，turnedsharplyroundagain，andpresentednapes，andsosatsullen。

By-and-byachillingthoughtfelluponthembothatthesamemomentoftime。Themenweregoodfriendsasusual，safe，bysex，fromtiffs，andcoulddowithoutthem；andadulldayimpendedoverthehostilefair。

ThereupontheingeniousFannyresolvedtomakeasplashofsomesortanddisturbstagnation。Shesuddenlycriedout，"La!andthemanisgoneaway:sowhatistheuse?"Thisremarkshewascarefultolevelatbarespace。

Zoe，addressingthesameperson——space，towit——inquiredofhimifanybodyinhispartsknewtowhomthisyoungladywasaddressingherself。

"Toagirlthatistoosensiblenottoseethefollyofquarrelingaboutaman——_whenheisgone，"_saidFanny。

"Ifitismeyoumean，"saidZoestiffly，_"really_Iam_surprised。_Youforgetweareatdaggersdrawn。"

"No，Idon"t，dear；andpartedforever。"

Zoesmiledatthatagainstherwill。

"Zoe!"(penitentially)。

"Frances!"(archly)。

"Comecuddlemequick!"

Zoewasallroundherneckinamoment，likealacescarf，andtherewasviolentkissing，withatearortwo。

Thentheyputanarmroundeachother"swaist，andwentallaboutthepremisesintertwinedlikesnakes；andZoegaveFannyhercameobrooch，theonewiththepearlsroundit。

ThepersontowhomVizardfledfromthetongueofbeautywasadelightfultalker:hereadtwoorthreenewspaperseveryday，andrecollectedthebestthings。Now，itisnoteverybodycanrememberathousanddisconnectedfactsandrecallthemapropos。Hewasvarious，fluent，and，aboveall，superficial；andsuchareyourbestconversers。Theyhavesomethinggoodandstrictlyephemeraltosayoneverything，anddon"tknowenoughofanythingtoimpaletheirhearers。InmyyouththeretalkedinPallMallagentlemanknownas"ConversationSharpe。"Heeclipsedeverybody。EvenMacaulaypaled。Sharpetalkedalltheblessedafternoon，andgravemenlistened，enchanted；and，ofallhesaid，nothingstuck。

WherebenowyourSharpiana?Thelearnedmaybecomparedtomines。ThesedesultorycharmersaremoreliketheornamentalcottagenearStaines，fortyorfiftyrooms，andthewholestructureonestoryhigh。Themineteemswithsolidwealth；butyoumustgropeandtroubletocometoit:itiseasierandpleasantertorunaboutthecottagewithalotofrooms。

allontheground-floor。

Themindandbodybothgetintohabits——sometimesapart，sometimesinconjunction。Nowadaysweseatthebodytoworktheintellect，eveninitslowerformofmechanicallabor:itisyourclodthattoddlesaboutlaboring。ThePeripateticsdidnotendure:theirmethodwasnotsuitedtoman"smicrocosm。Bodilymovementsfrittermentalattention。We_sit_atthefeetofGamaliel，or，assomecallhim，Tyndal；andwesittoBaconandAdamSmith。But，whenwearestandingorwalking，welovetotakebrainseasy。Ifthisdelightfulchatterboxhadbeentakendownshorthandandprinted，andVizardhadbeensetdowntoSeverniOpuscula，tenvolumes——and，mindyou，Severnehadtalkedalltenbythistime——theBarfordshiresquireandoldOxonianwouldhavecriedoutfor"morematterwithlessart，"andperhapshaveevenfledforrelieftosomeshortertreatise——Bacon"s"Essays，"Browne"s"ReligioMedici，"orBuckle"s"Civilization。"Butlounginginabalcony，andlazilybreathingacloud，hecouldhavelistenedalldaytohisdesultory，delightfulfriend，overflowingwithlittlequestions，littleanswers，littlequeries，littleepigrams，littlemaxims_"alaRochefoucauld，_littlehistories，littleanecdotes，littlegossip，andlittlesnapshotsateveryfeatherflying。

"Quicquidagunthomines，votum，timor，ira，voluptas，Gaudia，discursus，nostrifarragoSeverni。"

But，alas!afteranhouroftouch-and-go，ofsuperficialityandsoftdelight，thedesultorycharmerfellonasubjecthehadstudied。Sothenheboredhiscompanionforthefirsttimeinallthetour。

But，totellthehonesttruth，Mr。Severnehadhithertobeenpleasinghisfriendwithacold-bloodedpurpose。Hispreliminarygossip，thatmadethetimeflysoagreeably，wasintendedtooilthewaytolubricatethepassageofapremeditatedpill。AssoonashehadgotVizardintoperfectgoodhumor，hesaid，aproposofnothingthathadpassed，"By-the-by，oldfellow，thatfivehundredpoundsyoupromisedtolendme!"

Vizardwasstartledbythissuddenturnofaconversation，hithertoagreeable。

"Why，youhavehadthreehundredandlostit，"saidhe。"Now，takemyadvice，anddon"tloseanymore。"

"Idon"tmeanto。ButIamdeterminedtowinbackthethreehundred，andagreatdealmore，beforeIleavethis。Ihavediscoveredasystem，aninfallibleone。"

"Iamsorrytohearit，"saidHarrington，gravely。"Thatisthesecondstepontheroadtoruin；thegamblerwithasystemistheconfirmedmaniac。"

"What!because_other_systemshavebeentried，andprovedtobefalse?

Mineisuntried，anditismereprejudicetocondemnitunheard。"

"Propoundit，then，"saidVizard。"Onlypleaseobservethebankhasgotitssystem；youforgetthat:andthebank"ssystemistotakeapositiveadvantage，whichmustwininthelongrun；therefore，allcounter-systemsmustloseinthelongrun。"

"Butthebankistiedtoalongrun，theindividualplayerisnot。"

ThisreplycheckedVizardforamomentandtheotherfolloweduphisadvantage。"Now，Vizard，bereasonable。Whatwouldthetriflingadvantagethebankderivesfromanincident，whichoccursonlyonceintwenty-eightdeals，availagainstaplayerwhocouldforeseeatanygivendealwhetherthecardthatwasgoingtocomeupthenearestthirtywouldbeontheredorblack?"

"Noavailatall。GodAlmightycouldbreakthebankeveryafternoon。

_Apre"s?_aswesayinFrance。Doyoupretendtoomniscience?"

"Notexactly。"

"Well，butprescienceofisolatedevents，precededbyno_indicia，_

belongsonlytoomniscience。DidtheynotteachyouthatmuchatOxford?"

"TheytaughtmeverylittleatOxford。"

"Faultoftheplace，eh?Youtaught_them_something，though；andthepresentconversationremindsmeofit。Inyoursecondterm，wheneveryothermanisstillquizzedandkeptdownasafreshman，you，werealreadyaleader；achiefofmisrule。Youfoundedawhist-clubinTrinity，theprimmestcollegeofall。TheDonsrootedyououtincollege；butyoudidnotsuccumb；youfulfilledthesayingofSydneySmith，that"Cribbageshouldbeplayedincaverns，andsixpenny-whistinthehowlingwilderness。"Ha!ha!howwellIrememberridingacrossBullingtonGreenonefineafternoon，andfindingfourOxfordhackshalteredinarow，andthefourundergraduatesthathadhiredthemonlongtick，sittingcross-leggedunderthehedgelikeTurksortailors，roundarudetablewiththelegssaweddowntostumps。Youhadtwopacks，andaportableinkstand，andweresohardatitthatIputmymare"snoserightoverthequartetbeforeyousaweitherherorme。Thathedgewaslikeadriftofodoriferoussnowthehawthornbloom，andprimrosessparkledonitsbankliketopazes。Thebirdschirruped，theskysmiled，thesunburnedperfumes；andtheresatmylordandhisfellow-maniacs，snick-snack——pit-pat——cutting，dealing，playing，revoking，scoring，andexchangingI。O。U。"snotworththepaper。"

"Alltrue，buttherevoking，"saidSeverne，merrily。"Monster!bythememoryofthoseyouthfuldays，Idemandafairhearing。"Then，gravely，"Hangitall，Vizard，Iamnotafellowthatisalwaysintrudinghisaffairsandhistheoriesuponothermen。"

"No，no，no，"saidVizard，hastily，andhalfapologetically；"goon。"

"Well，then，ofcourseIdon"tpretendtoforeknowledge；butIdotoexperience，andyouknowexperienceteachesthewise。"

"Nottoflingfivehundredafterthree。There——Ibegpardon。Proceed，instructorofyouth。"

"Dolisten，then:experienceteachesusthatluckhasitslaws；andI

buildmysystemononeofthem。Iftwooppositeaccidentsaresuretohappenequallyofteninatotaloffiftytimes，people，whohavenotobserved，expectthemtohappenturnabout，andbetaccordingly。Buttheydon"thappenturnabout；theymakeshortruns，andsometimeslongones。

Theypositivelyavoidalternation。Haveyounotobservedthisat_trenteetquarante?"_

"No。"

"Thenyouhavenotwatchedthecards。"

"Notmuch。Thefacesofthegamblerswerealwaysmystudy。Theyareinstructive。"

"Well，then，I"llgiveyouanexampleoutside——fortheprinciplerunsthroughallequalchances——taketheuniversityboat-race:youhavekeptyoureyeonthat?"

"Rather。Nevermissedoneyet。ComeallthewayfromBarfordshiretoseeit。"

"Well，there"sanexample。"

"Ofchance?No，thankyou。Thatgoesbystrength，skill，wind，endurance，chasteliving，self-denial，andjudicioustraining。Everywinningboatismannedbyvirtues。"Hiseyeflashed，andhewasasearnestallinamomentashehadbeenlistless。Acontinentalcynichaddubbedthisinsularcynicmad。

Theprofessorofchancessmiledsuperior。"Thosethingsdecideeachindividualrace，andthebestmenwin，becauseithappenstobetheonlyracethatisneversold。Butgofurtherback，andyoufinditischance。

ItispurechancethatsendsthebestmenuptoCambridgetwoorthreeyearsrunning，andthentoOxford。Withthiskey，takethefactsmysystemrestson。Therearetwo。Thefirstisthatinthirtyandoddracesandmatches，theuniversityluckhascomeoutequalontheriverandatLord"s:thesecondis，theluckhasseldomalternated。Idon"tsay，never。Butlookatthelistofevents；itispublishedeveryMarch。Youmayseetherethegreattruththatevenchancesshundirectalternation。

Inthis，properlyworked，liesafortuneatHomburg，wheretheplayissquare。Redgainsonce；youbackrednexttime，andstop。Youareonblack，andwin；youdouble。Thisisthegame，ifyouhaveonlyafewpounds。Butwithfivehundredpoundsyoucandoublemorecourageously，andworktheshortrunhard；andthatishowlossesareavertedandgainssecured。OnceatWiesbadenIcaughtacroupier，outonaholiday。ItwasGood-Friday，youknow。Igavehimastunningdinner。Hewascloseaswax，atfirst——thatmightbethesaltfish；butafterthe_rognons"alabrochette，_andabottleofchampagne，heletout。Irememberonethinghesaid:Monsieur，cequefaitlafortunedelabanquecen"estpaslepetitavantagequ"elletiredurefait——quoiquecelayestpourquelquechose——c"estlate"me"rite"deceuxquiperdent，etlatimidite"

deceuxquigagnent。""

"And，"saysVizard，"thereisaFrenchproverbfoundedon_experience:_

"C"estencorerougequiperd，Etencorenoir。Maistoujoursblancquigagne。""

Severne，forthefirsttime，lookedangryandmortified；heturnedhisbackandwassilent。Vizardlookedathimuneasily，hesitatedamoment，thenflungtheremainderofhiscigarawayandseemedtorousehimselfbodyandsoul。Hesquaredhisshoulders，asifheweregoingtoboxtheDemonofplayforhisfriend，andheletoutgoodsenserightandleft，and，indeed，wasalmostbetrayedintoeloquence。"What!"hecried，"you，whoaresobrightandkeenandknowingineverythingelse，areyoureallysoblindedbyegotismandcredulityastobelievethatyoucaninventanymethodofbettingat_rougeetnoir_thathasnotbeentriedbeforeyouwereborn?DoyourememberthefirstwordinLaBruy"ere"sfamouswork?"

"No，"saidNed，sulkily。"Readnothingbutnewspapers。"

"Goodlad。Savesadealoftrouble。Well，hebegins"Toutestdit"——"everythinghasbeensaid；"andIsaythat，inyourbusiness，"Toutestfait"——"everythinghasbeendone。"Everymovehasbeentriedbeforeyouexisted，andtheresultofallisthattobetagainstthebank，wildlyorsystematically，istogambleagainstarock。_Simonumentaquoeris，circumspice。_Useyoureyes，man。LookattheKursaal，itsluxuries，itsgardens，itsgilding，itsattractions，allofthemcheap，excepttheonethatpaysforall；allthesedelights，andtherents，andthecroupiers，andtheservants，andtheincomeandliveriesofanunprincipledprince，whowouldotherwisebeapoorbuthonestgentlemanwithone_bonne，_insteadofthirtyblazinglackeys，allcomefromthegainsofthebank，whicharethelossesoftheplayers，especiallyofthosethathavegotasystem。"

Severneshotin，"Abankwasbrokenlastweek。"

"Wasit?Thenallitlosthasreturnedtoit，orwillreturntoitto-night；forgamblersknownodayofrest。"

"Oh，yes，theydo。ItisshutonGood-Friday。"

"Yousurpriseme。Onlythreehundredandsixty-fourdaysintheyear!

BrainlessavariceismorereasonablethanIthought。Severne，yoursisaveryseriouscase。Youhavereducedyourincome，thatisclear；foranEnglishgentlemandoesnotstayyearsandyearsabroadunlesshehasoutruntheconstable；andIfeelsuregamblinghasdoneit。Youhadthefeverfromaboy。BullingtonGreen!"Asthetwig"sbentthetree"sinclined。"Come，come，makeastand。Wearefriends。Letushelponeanotheragainstourbesettingfoibles。Letuspracticeantiquewisdom；

letus"knowourselves，"andleaveHomburgto-morrow，insteadofTuesday。"

Severnelookedsullen，butsaidnothing；thenVizardgavehimtoohastilycreditforsomeofthatsterlingfriendship，borderingonlove，whichwarmedhisownfaithfulbreast:underthisdelusionhemadeanextraordinaryeffort；heusedanargumentwhich，withhimself，wouldhavebeenirresistible。"Lookhere，"saidhe，"I"ll——won"tyouhaveacigar?——there；nowI"lltellyousomething:Ihaveamaniaasbadasyours；onlymineisintermittent，thankHeaven!I"mtoldamillionwomenareasgood，orbetter，thanamillionmen。Itmaybeso。ButwhenI，anindividual，stakemyheartonlovelywoman，shealwaysturnsoutunworthy。Withme，thesexavoidsalternation。ThereforeIrailonitwholesale。Itisnotphilosophical；butIdon"tdoittoinstructmankind；itistosoothemyspleen。Well——wouldyoubelieveit?——onceineverythreeyears，inspiteofmyexperience，Iamalwaysbittenagain。

Aftermylucidintervalhasexpired，Ifallinwithsomewoman，whoseemsnotliketherest，butanangel。ThenI，thoughI"maversetothesex，fallaneasy，animmediatevictimtotheindividual。"

"Loveatfirstsight。"

"Notabitofit。Ifsheisasbeautifulasanangel，withthevoiceofapeacockoraguinea-hen——and，luckilyforme，thatisafrequentarrangement——sheisnomoretomethanthefire-shovel。Ifshehasasweetvoiceandpaleeyes，I"msafe。Indeed，IamsafeagainstJuno，Venus，andMinervafortwoyearsandseveralmonthsafterthelast；butwhentwoeventscoincide，whenmytimeisup，andthelovely，melodiousfemalecomes，thenIamlost。BeforeIhaveseenherandheardherfiveminutes，Iknowmyfate，andIneverresistit。Inevercan；thatisacuriouspartofthemania。Thencommencesalittledrama，alltheactsofwhicharestalecopies；yeteachtimetheytakemebysurprise，asiftheywerenew。Inspiteofpastexperience，Ibeginallconfidenceandtrust:by-and-bycomethesubtlebutwell-knownsignsofdeceit；sodoubtisforcedonme；andthenIamallsuspicion，andsodarklyvigilantthatsoonalliscertainty；for"lesfourberiesdesfemmes"arediabolicallysubtle，butmonotonous。Theyseemtovaryonlyonthesurface。Onelookstoogentleandsweettogiveanycreaturepain；Icherishherlikeatenderplant；shedeceivesmeforthecoarsestfellowshecanfind。

Anothercomesthefrankandcandiddodge；sheissooff-handedsheshowsmeitisnotworthherwhiletobetray。Shedeceivesme，liketheother，andwithaslittlediscrimination。Thenexthasafaceofbeaminginnocence，andalimpideyethatlooksliketransparentcandor；shegazeslongandcalmlyinmyface，asifhereyelovedtodwellonme，gazeswiththeeyeofagazelleorayounghare，andthebabylipsbelowoutliethehoariestmalefoxintheOldJewry。But，tocompletethedelusion，allmysweetheartsandwivesareromanticandpoeticalskin-deep——ortheywouldnotattractme——andallturnoutvulgartothecore。Bytheirloversalonecanyoueverknowthem。Bythementheycan"tlove，andthementheydolove，youfindthesecreaturesthatimitatesentimentsodivinelyarehard，prosaic，vulgarlittlethings，thinlygiltanddoublevarnished。"

"Theyaremuchbetterthanweare；butyoudon"tknowhowtotakethem，"

saidSeverne，withthecalmsuperiorityofsuccess。

"No，"repliedVizard，dryly，"cursemeifIdo。Well，IdidhopeIhadoutgrownmymania，asIhavedonethetoothache；forthistimeIhadpassedthefatalperiod，thethreeyears。ItisnearlyfouryearsnowsinceIwentthroughtheestablishedprocess——asfixedbeforehandasthedyer"sorthecotton-weaver"s——adoredher，trustedherblindly，suspectedher，watchedher，detectedher，lefther。By-the-by，shewasmywife，thelast；butthatmadenodifference；shewasneitherbetternorworsethantherest，andhermethodsandidioticmotivesofdeceitidentical。Well，Ned，Iwasmistaken。YesterdaynightImetmyFateoncemore。"

"Where?InFrankfort?"

"No:atHomburg；attheopera。Youmustgivemeyourwordnottotellasoul。"

"Ipledgeyoumywordofhonor。"

"Well，theladywhosungthepartofSiebel。"

"Siebel?"mutteredSeverne。

"Yes，"saidVizard，dejectedly。

Severnefixedhiseyesonhisfriendwithastrangeexpressionofconfusionandcuriosity，asifhecouldnottakeitallin。Buthesaidnothing，onlylookedveryhardallthetime。

Vizardburstout，""Omiseraehominummentes，Opectoracaeca!"ThereI

sat，inthestalls，ahappymancomparatively，becausemyheart，thoughfullofscars，wasatpeace，andmyreason，afterperiodicalabdications，hadresumeditsthrone，forgood；soI，weakmortal，fancied。Siebelappeared；tall，easy，dignified，andwalkinglikeawave；modest，fair，noble，great，dreamy，and，aboveall，divinelysad；thesoulofwomanhoodandmusicpouredfromherhoneylips；sheconqueredallmysenses:Ifeltsomethinglikeaboltoficerundownmyback。Ioughttohavejumpedupandfledthetheater。IwishIhad。ButIneverdo。Iamincurable。Thecharmdeepened；andwhenshehadsung"LeParlated"Amor"asnomortaleversungandlookedit，sheleftthestageandcarriedmyheartandsoulawaywithher。WhatchancehadI?Hereshoneallthebeautiesthatadornthebody，allthevirtuesandgracesthatembellishthesoul；theywereweddedtopoetryandravishingmusic，andgaveandtookenchantment。I

sawmyparagonglideaway，likeagoddess，pastthescenery，andIdidnotseehermeetherloveratthenextstep——afellowwithawash-leatherface，greasylocksinasausageroll，andhishairshavedoffhisforehead——andsnatchapotofporterfromhishands，anddrainittothedregs，andsay，"Itisallright，Harry:_that_fetched"em。"ButIknow，byexperience，shedid；so_sauvequipeut。_Dearfriendandfellow-lunatic，formysakeandyours，leaveFrankfortwithmeto-morrow。"

Severnehunghishead，andthoughthard。Herewasanewandwonderfulturn。Hefeltallmannerofstrangethings——apangofjealousy，forone。

Hefeltthat，oneveryaccount，itwouldbewisetogo，and，indeed，dangeroustostay。Butamaniaisamania，andsohecouldnot。"Lookhere，oldfellow，"hesaid，"iftheoperawereonto-morrow，Iwouldleavemythreehundredbehindmeandsacrificemyselftoyou，soonerthanexposeyoutothefascinationsofsocaptivatingawomanasInaKlosking。"

"InaKlosking?Isthathername?Howdo_you_know?"

"I——I——fancyIheardso。"

"Why，shewasnotannounced。InaKlosking!Itisasweetname；"andhesighed。

"Butyouarequitesafefromherforoneday，"continuedSeverne，"soyoumustbereasonable。Iwillgowithyou，Tuesday，asearlyasyoulike；

butdobeagoodfellow，andletmehavethefivehundred，totrymysystemwithto-morrow。"

Vizardlookedsad，andmadenoreply。

Severnegotimpatient。"Why，whatisittoarichfellowlikeyou?IfI

hadtwelvethousandacresinaringfence，nofriendwouldaskmetwiceforsuchatriflingsum。"

Vizard，forthefirsttime，woreasupercilioussmileatbeingsomisunderstood，anddidnotdeignareply。

Severnewentonmistakinghisman:"Icangiveyoubillsforthemoney，andforthethreehundredyoudidlendme。"

Vizarddidnotreceivethisasexpected。"Bills?"saidhe，gravely。

"What，doyoudothatsortofthingaswell?"

"Whynot，pray?SolongasI"mtheholder，notthedrawer，northeacceptor。Besides，theyarenotaccommodationbills，butgoodcommercialpaper。"

"Youareamerchant，then；areyou?"

"Yes；inasmallway。Ifyouwillallowme，Iwillexplain。"

Hedidso；and，tosavecomments，yetenablethereadertoappreciatehisexplanation，thetruepartofitisprintedinitalics，themendaciousportioninordinarytype。

_"MyestateinHuntingdonshireisnotverylarge；andtherearemortgagesonit，_forthebenefitofothermembersofmyfamily。Iwasalwaysdesiroustopayoffthesemortgages；andtookthebestadviceIcould。_I

havegotanuncle:_helivesinthecity。Heputmeontoagoodthing。I

boughtashareinatradingvessel；shemakesshorttrips，andturnshercargooften。ShewilltakeoutpapertoAmerica，andbringbackrawcotton:shewilllandthatatLiverpool，andshipEnglishhardwareandcottonfabricsfortheMediterraneanandGreece，andbringbackcurrantsfromZanteandlemonsfromPortugal。Shegoesforthenimbleshilling。

Well，youknowshipswearout:_andifyouvarnishthemrotten，andinsurethemhigh，andtheygotoglory，Mr。Plimsollisdownonyoulikeahammer。_So，whenshehadpaidmypurchase-moneythreetimesover，somefellowsinthecitymadeanofferfor_TheRover_——thatwashername。Mysharecametotwelvehundred，andmyunclesaidIwastotakeit。_NowI

alwaysfeelboundbywhathedecides。_Theygavemefourbills，forfourhundred，threehundred，threehundred，andtwohundred。Thefourhundredwaspaidatmaturity。_Theothersarenotdueyet。_IhaveonlytosendthemtoLondon，andIcangetthemoneybackbyThursday:butyouwantmetostartonTuesday。"

"Thatisenough，"saidVizard，wearily，"Iwillbeyourbanker，and——"

"Youareagoodfellow!"saidSevernewarmly。

"No，no；Iamaweakfellow，andaninjudiciousone。Butitistheoldstory:whenafriendasksyouwhathethinksafavor，therightthingistograntitatonce。Hedoesn"twantyouradvice；hewantstheonethingheasksfor。There，getmethebills，andI"lldrawacheckonMuller:

HerriesadvisedhimbySaturday"spost；sowecandrawonMonday。"

"Allright，oldman，"saidSeverne，andwentawaybrisklyforthebills。

Whenhegotfromthebalconyintotheroom，hisstepsflaggedalittle；

itstruckhimthatinktakestimetodry，andmoretimetodarken。

As_TheRover，_withhernimblecargoes，wasfirstcousinto_TheFlyingDutchman，_withhiscrewofghosts，sothebillsreceivedbySeverne，aspurchase-moneyforhisship，necessarilypartookofthatship"saerialcharacter。Indeedtheyexisted，astheschoolmenusedtosay，in_posse，_

butnotin_esse。_Tobelesspedanticandmoreexact，theyexistedasslipsofblankpaper，withaGovernmentstamp。Togivethemamercantilecharacterforatime——viz。，untilpresentedforpayment——theymustbedrawnbyanimaginaryship-owneroravisionarymerchant，andindorsedbyatleastoneshadow，andamanofstraw。

Themanofstrawsatdowntoinscribeselfandshadows，andbecameadishonestwriteroffiction；forthearthenowcommencedappearstofallshortofforgeryproper，buttobestillmoredistinctfromjustifiablefiction。TheingeniousMr。DeFoe"scertificatebyanaeialjusticeofthepeacetothetruthofhisghostlynarrativecomesnearesttoit，inmypoorreading。

Qualmshehad，butnotdeep。IfthebillsweredrawnbyImagination，acceptedbyFancy，andindorsedbyImpudence，whatdiditmattertoNedStraw，sincehissystemwouldenablehimtoredeemthematmaturity?Hisonlyrealconcernwastoconcealtheirrecentorigin。Sohewrotethemwithabroad-nibbedpen，thattheymightbetheblacker，andsetthemtodryinthesun。

Hethenproceededtoachangeoftoilet。

Whilethusemployed，therewasasharptapathisdoorandVizard"svoiceoutside。Severnestartedwithterror，snappedupthethreebillswiththedexterityofaconjurer——thehandleturned——heshovedthemintoadrawer——Vizardcamein——heshutthedrawer，andpanted。

VizardhadfollowedthecustomofOxoniansamongthemselves，whichistoknock，andthencomein，unlessforbidden。

"Come，"saidhe，cheerfully，"thosebills。I"minahurrytocashthemnow，andendtheonlydifferencewehaveeverhad，oldfellow。"

ThebloodleftSeverne"scheekandlipsforamoment，andhethoughtswiftlyandhard。Thebloodreturned，alongwithhisreadywit。"Howgoodyouare!"saidhe；"butno。ItisSunday。"

"Sunday!"ejaculatedVizard。"Whatisthattoyou，afellowwhohasbeenyearsabroad?"

"Ican"thelpit，"saidSeverne，apologetically。"Iamsuperstitious——don"tliketodobusinessonaSunday。IwouldnotevenshuntatthetablesonaSunday——Idon"tthink。"

"Ah，youarenotquitesureofthat。There_is_alimittoyoursuperstition!Well，willyoulistentoastoryonaSunday?"

"Rather!"

"Then，onceonatimetherewasaScotchfarmerwhohadabonnycow；andanotherfarmercovetedherhonestly。OneSundaytheywenthometogetherfromkirkandtherewasthecowgrazing。FarmerTwostopped，eyedher，andsaidtoFarmerOne，"GienitwereMonday，asitistheSabba"day，whatwouldyetak"foryourcoow?"Theothersaidthepricewouldbeninepounds，_ifitwereMonday。_AndsotheykepttheSabbath；andthecowchangedhands，though，tothenakedeye，shegrazedon_insitu。_Ournegotiationisjustascomplete。Sowhatdoesitmatterwhethertheactualexchangeofbillsandcashtakesplaceto-dayorto-morrow?"

"Doyoureallymeantosayitdoesnotmattertoyou?"askedSeverne。

"Notonestraw。"

"Then，asitdoesnotmattertoyou，anddoestome，givememyfoolishway，likeadeargoodfellow。"

"Now，thatissmart，"saidVizard——"verysmart；"then，withalookofparentaladmiration，"hegetshisownwayineverything。He_will_haveyourmoney——he_won"t_haveyourmoney。Iwonderwhetherhe_will_

consenttowalkthosegirlsout，anddisburdenmeoftheirtooprofitablediscourse。"

"ThatIwill，withpleasure。"

"Well，theyareatluncheon——withtheirbonnetson。"

"Iwilljointheminfiveminutes。"

Afterluncheon，MissVizard，MissDover，andMr。Severnestartedforastroll。

MissMaitlandsuggestedthatVizardshouldaccompanythem。

"Couldn"tthinkofdesertingyou，"saidhedryly。

Theyoungladiesgiggled，becausethesetworarelyopenedtheirmouthstoagree，onebeingaprofessedwoman-hater，andtheotheraman-hater，inwords。

SaysMisander，inasourishway，"Sinceyouvaluemyconversationso，perhapsyouwillbegoodenoughnottosmokeforthenexttenminutes。"

Misogynconsented，butsighed。Thatsighwentunpitied，andtheladywastednotime。

"Doyouseewhatisgoingonbetweenyoursisterandthatyoungman?"

"Yes；alittleflirtation。"

"Agreatdealmorethanthat。Icaughtthem，inthisveryroom，makinglove。"

"Youalarmme，"saidVizard，withmarkedtranquillity。

"Isawhim——kiss——her——hand。"

"Yourelieveme，"saidVizard，ascalmlyashehadbeenalarmed。"There"snoharminthat。I"vekissedthequeen"shand，andthenationdidnotriseuponme。However，Iobjecttoit。Thesuperiorsexshouldnotplaythespaniel。Iwilltellhimtodropthat。But，permitmetosay，allthisisinyourdepartment，notmine。

"ButwhatcanIdoagainstthreeofthem，unlessyousupportme?Thereyouhaveletthemgoouttogether。"

"TogetherwithFannyDover，youmean?"

"Yes；andifFannyhadanydesignsonhim，Zoewouldbesafe——"

"AndpoorNedtornintwo。"

"ButFanny，Iamgrievedtosay，seemsinclinedtoassistthisyoungmanwithZoe；thatis，becauseitdoesnotmattertoher。Shehasotherviews——seriousones。"

"Serious!What?Anunnery?ThenIpitymyladyabbess。"

"Herviewsareplainenoughtoanybodybutyou。"

"Arethey?Thenmakemeaswiseasmyneighbors。"

"Well，then，shemeanstomarry_you。"_

"What!Oh，come!——thatistoogoodajoke!"

"Itissoberearnest。AskZoe——askyourfriend，Mr。Severne——askthechambermaids——askanycreaturewithaneyeinitshead。Oh，theblindnessofyoumen!"

TheMisogynwasstruckdumb。Whenherecovered，itwastorepineatthelotofman。

"Evenmyownfamiliarcousin——onceremoved——inwhomItrusted!IdeputeyoutoinformherthatIthinkher_adorable，_andthatmatrimonyisnolongerahabitofmine。SetherontopoorSeverne；heisaladies"man，and"themorethemerrier"ishiscreed。"

"SuchagirlasFannyisnottobedivertedfromapurposeofthatsort。

Besides，shehastoomuchsensetoplungeintotheSeverneand——pauperism!Sheisbentonarichhusband，notaneedyadventurer。"

"Madam，inmyfriend"sname，Ithankyou。"

"Youareverywelcome，sir——itisonlythetruth。"Then，withaswiftreturntoheroriginaltopic:"No；IknowperfectlywellwhatFannyDoverwilldothisafternoon。Shesketches。"

"Itistootrue，"saidVizarddolefully:"showedmeashipinfullsail，andIpraisedit_inmyway。_Isaid，"Thatrockisratherwelldone。""

"Well，shewillbeseizedwithadesiretosketch。Shewillsitdownapart，andsay，"Pleasedon"twatchme——itmakesmenervous。"Theothertwowilltakethehintandmakeloveagoodwayoff；andZoewillgogreaterlengths，withanotherwomaninsight——butonlyjustinsight，andslylyencouragingher——thanifshewerequitealonewithher_mauvaissujet。"_

Vizardwaspleasedwiththeoldlady。"Thisissagacious，"saidhe，"andshowsaneyefordetail。Irecognizeinyourpicturethefoxysex。But，atthismoment，whocanforetellwhichwaythewindwillblow?Youarenotaware，perhaps，thatZoeandFannyhavehadaquarrel。Theydon"tspeak。Now，inwomen，youknow，vicesarecontrolledbyvices——seePope。

Theconspiracyyoudreadwillbeavertedbytheotherfaultsoftheircharacter，theirjealousyandtheirpetulanttempers。Takemywordforit，theyaresparringatthismoment；andthatpoor，sillySevernemeditatingandmoderating，andgettingscratchedonbothsidesfortryingtobejust。"

Atthismomentthedooropened，andFannyDoverglitteredonthethresholdinCambridgeblue。

"There，"saidVizard；"didnotItellyou?Theyarecomehome。"

"Onlyme，"saidFannygayly。

"Wherearetheothers?"inquiredMissMaitlandsharply。

"Notfaroff——onlybytheriverside。"

"Andyouleftthosetwoalone!"

"Now，don"tbecross，aunt，"criedFanny，andlimpeduptoher。"ThesenewbootsaresotightthatIreallycouldn"tbearthemanylonger。I

believeIshallbelame，asitis。"

"Yououghttobeashamedofyourself。Whatwillthepeoplesay?"

"La!aunt，itisabroad。Onedoeswhatonelikes——outofEngland。"

"Here"sacodeofmorals!"saidVizard，whomusthavehisslap。

"Nonsense，"saidMissMaitland:"shewillbesuretomeetsomebody。AllEnglandisontheRhineatthistimeoftheyear；and，whetherorno，isitforyoutoexposethatchildtofamiliaritywithapersonnobodyknows，norhisfamilyeither?Youaretwenty-fiveyearsold；youknowtheworld；youhaveaspooranopinionofthemanasIhave，oryouwouldhavesetyourowncapathim——youknowyouwould——andyouhaveletoutthingstomewhenyouwereoffyourguard。FannyDover，youarebehavingwickedly；youareafalsefriendtothatpoorgirl。"

Uponthis，lo!thepertFanny，hithertosoreadywithheranswers，begantocrybitterly。Thewordsreallyprickedherconscience，andtobescoldedisonething，tobeseverelyandsolemnlyreproachedisanother；

andbeforeaman!

Theofficialwoman-haterwasmeltedinamomentbythesaucygirl"stears。"There——there，"saidhe，kindly，"havealittlemercy。Hangitall!Don"tmakeamountainofamole-hill。"

Theofficialman-haternevermovedamuscle。"Itisnousehercryingto_me:_shemustgivemea_proof_sheissorry。Fanny，ifyouarearespectablegirl，andhaveanyideaofbeingmyheir，goyouthismomentandbringthemhome。"

"Yes，aunt，"saidFanny，eagerly；andwentoffwithwonderfulalacrity。