第14章

"Whatmakesitmoreremarkableisthattheladyisnotagamester，hasneverplayedbefore，andissaidtohavedeclaredthatsheshallneverplayagain。Itiscertainthat，withsuchaface，figure，andvoiceashers，sheneedneverseekforwealthatthegambling-table。MademoiselleKloskingisnowinnegotiationwithalltheprincipalcitiesoftheContinent。ButtheEnglishmanagers，weapprehend，willproveawkwardcompetitors。"

WereItoreproducethenineotherparagraphs，itwouldbeaverycurious，instructive，andtediousspecimenofliterature；and，whoknows?

Imightcorruptsomeimmaculatesoul，inspiresomeactororactress，singerorsongstress，withanitchforpublicself-laudation，afoiblefromwhichtheyareallatpresentsofree。Witnessthe_Era，_the_Hornet，_and_Figaro。_

InaKloskingspottedwhatsheconceivedtobeadefectinthesehistories。"Myfriend，"saidshemeekly，"thesumIwonwasunderfivethousandpounds。"

"Wasit?Yes，tobesure。But，yousee，theseareEnglishadvertisements。

NowEnglandissorichthatifyoukeepdowntoany_Continental_sum，yougiveafalseimpressioninEnglandoftheimportanceonthespot。"

"Andsowearetofalsifyfigures?Inthefirstoftheselegendsitwasdoublethetruth；and，asIread，itenlarges——oh，butitenlarges，"saidIna，withaGallicismweshallhavetoforgiveinaladywhospokefivelanguages。

"Madam，"saidAshmead，dryly，"youmustexpectyourcapitaltoincreaserapidly，solongasIconductit。"

Notbeingherselfswifttoshedjokes，Inadidnottakethemrapidly。Shestaredathim。Henevermovedamuscle。Shegaveaslightshrugofhergrandshoulders，andresignedthatattempttoreasonwiththecreature。

Shehadapillinstoreforhim，though。Shetoldhimthat，asshehadsacrificedthelongingsofherhearttothepoorofthetheater，sosheshouldsacrificeaportionofherill-gottengainstothepoorofthetown。

Hemadeahideouslywryfaceatthat，askedwhatpoor-rateswerefor，andassuredherthat"pauper"meant"drunkard。"

"ItisnotwrittensoinScripture，"saidIna；"andIneedtheirprayers，forIamveryunhappy。"

Inshort，AshmeadwasdrivenoutfromthepresencechamberwithathousandthalerstodistributeamongthepoorofHomburg；and，onceinthestreet，hisfacedidnotshinelikeanangelofmercy"s，butwasverypinchedandmorose；hardlyrecognizable——poorJoe!

By-and-byhescratchedhishead。Nowitisunaccountable，butcertainheadsoftenyieldanideainreturnforthat。Joseph"sdid，andhiscountenancebrightened。

ThreedaysafterthisInawassurprisedbyanotefromtheburgomaster，sayingthatheandcertainofthetowncouncilwouldhavethehonorofcallingonheratnoon。

Whatmightthismean?

ShesenttoaskforMr。Ashmead；hewasnottobefound；hehadhiddenhimselftoocarefully。

Thedeputationcameandthankedherforhermunificentactofcharity。

Shelookedpuzzledatfirst，thenblushedtothetemples。"Munificentact，gentlemen!Alas!Ididbutdirectmyagenttodistributeasmallsumamongthedeservingpoor。Hehasdoneveryilltocourtyourattention。

Mylittlecontributionshouldhavebeenasprivateasitisinsignificant。"

"Nay，madam，"saidtheclerkofthecouncil，whowasarecognizedorator，"youragentdidwelltoconsultourworthyburgomaster，whoknowsthepersonsmostinneedandmostdeserving。Wedonotdoubtthatyoulovetodogoodinsecret。Nevertheless，wehavealsooursenseofduty，andwethinkitrightthatsobenevolentanactshouldbepublished，asanexampletoothers。Inthesameview，weclaimtocommentpubliclyonyourgoodness。"Thenhelookedtotheburgomaster，whotookhimup。

"Andwecommentthus:Madam，sincetheMiddleAgesthefreedomofthistownhasnotbeenpossessedbyanyfemale。Thereis，however，nolawforbiddingit，andtherefore，madam，thecivicauthorities，whomI

represent，doherebypresenttoyouthefreedomofthisburgh。"

Hethenhandedheranemblazonedvellumgivinghercitizenship，withthereasonswrittenplainlyingoldenletters。

InaKlosking，whohadremainedquitequietduringthespeeches，waitedamomentortwo，andthenreplied，withseemlygraceanddignity:

"Mr。Burgomasterandgentlemen，youhavepaidmeagreatandunexpectedcompliment，andIthankyouforit。Butonethingmakesmeuneasy:itisthatIhavedonesolittletodeservethis。Iconsolemyself，however，byreflectingthatIamstillyoung，andmayhaveopportunitiestoshowmyselfgrateful，andeventodeserve，inthefuture，thishonor，whichatpresentoverpaysme，andalmostoppressesme。Onthatunderstanding，gentlemen，bepleasedtobestow，andletmereceive，therarecomplimentyouhavepaidmebyadmittingmetocitizenshipinyourdelightfultown。"

(Toherself:)"I"llscoldhimwellforthis。"

Lowcourtesy；profoundbows；exitdeputationenchantedwithher；_manet_

Kloskingwiththefreedomofthecityinherhandandingratitudeinherheart；forheroneideawastogetholdofMr。JosephAshmeaddirectlyandreproachhimseverelyforallthis，whichshejustlyascribedtohismachinations。

ThecunningAshmeaddivinedherproject，andkeptpersistentlyoutofherway。Thatdidnotsuitherneither。Shewaslonely。Shegavethewaiterafriendlylinetobringhimtoher。

Now，mindyou，shewastoohonesttopretendshewasnotgoingtoscoldhim。Sothisiswhatshewrote:

"MYFRIEND——Haveyoudesertedme?Cometome，andberemonstrated。Whathaveyoutofear?Youknowsowellhowtodefendyourself。

INAKLOSKING。"

ArrivedinaveryfewminutesMr。Ashamed，jaunty，cheerful，anddefensive。

Ina，withacountenancefromwhichalldiscontentwasartfullyextracted，laidbeforehim，inthefriendliestwayyoucanimagine，anEnglishBible。Itwasherfather"s，andshealwayscarrieditwithher。"Iwish，"

saidshe，insidiously，"toconsultyouonapassageortwoofthisbook。

Howdoyouunderstandthis:

""Whenthoudoestthinealms，donotsendatrumpetbeforethee，asthehypocritesdo。"

"Andthis:

""Whenthoudoestthinealms，letnotthyrighthandknowwhatthylefthanddoeth，thatthinealmsmaybeinsecret；andthyFather，whichseethinsecret，shallrewardtheeopenly。""

Havingpointedoutthesesentenceswithherfinger，shelookedtohimforhisinterpretation。Joseph，thuserectedintoaScripturecommentator，lookedatthepassagesfirstnear，andthenafaroff，asifthetrueinterpretationdependedonperspective。Havingthusgainedalittletime，hesaid，"Well，Ithinkthemeaningisclearenough。Wearetohideourownlightunderabushel。Butitdon"tsayanagentistohidehisemployer"s。"

"Beserious，sir。Thisisagreatauthority。"

"Oh，ofcourse，ofcourse。Still——ifyouwon"tbeoffended，ma"am——timesarechangedsincethen。Itwasaverysmallplace，wherenewsspreadofitself；andallthatcannotbewrittenfortheatricalagents，becausetherewasn"toneincreation。"

"Andsonowtheirlittlecustoms，latelyinvented，likethemselves，aretoprevailagainstGod"sim-mor-tallaw!"ItwassomethinghalfwaybetweenHandelandmellowedthunderthewayhergrandcontraltosuddenlyrolledoutthesethreewords。Josephwascunning。Heputonacrushedappearance，deceivedbywhichthefirmbutgentleKloskingbegantosoftenhertonedirectly。

"Ithasgivenmepain，"saidshe，sorrowfully。"AndIamafraidGodwillbeangrywithusbothforourostentation。"

"NotHe，"saidJoseph，consolingly。"Blessyourheart，Heisnothalfsoirritableastheparsonsfancy；theyconfoundHimwiththemselves。"

Inaignoredthissuggestionwithperfectdignityandflowedon:"AllI

stipulatenowisthatImaynotseethispitiableparadeinprint。"

"Thatispastprayingfor，then，"saidAshmead，resolutely。"Youmightaswelltrytostopthewavesascheckpublicity——inourday。Yourmunificencetothepoor——confoundthelazylot!——andthegratitudeofthosepompousprigs，thedeputation——thepresentation——youradmirablereply——"

"Youneverheardit，now——"

"Which，asyousay，Iwasnotsofortunateastohear，andsomustcontentmyselfwithdescribingit——allthisisflyingnorth，south，east，andwest。"

"Ohno，no，no!Youhavenot_advertised_it?"

"Notadvertisedit!Forwhatdoyoutakeme?WaittillyouseethebillI

amrunningupagainstyou。Madam，youmusttakepeopleastheyare。Don"ttrytoun-Ashmead_me；_itisimpossible。Catchupthatknifeandkillme。I"llnotresist；onthecontrary，I"llsitdownandprepareanobituarynoticefortheweeklies，andsayIdidit。BUTWHILEIBREATHEI

ADVERTISE。"

AndJosephwasdefiant；andtheKloskingshruggedhernobleshoulders，andsaid，"Youbestofcreatures，youareincurable。"

Tofollowthisincidenttoitsconclusion，notaweekafterthisscene，InaKloskingdetected，inanEnglishpaper，"ACHARITABLEACT。

"MademoiselleKlosking，thegreatcontralto，havingwonalargesumofmoneyattheKursaal，hasgivenathousandpoundstothepooroftheplace。Thecivicauthoritieshearingofthis，anddesiroustomarktheirsenseofsonobleadonation，havepresentedherwiththefreedomoftheburgh，writtenonvellumandgold。MademoiselleKloskingreceivedthecomplimentwithcharminggraceandcourtesy；buthermodestyissaidtohavebeenmuchdistressedatthepublicityherebygiventoanactshewishedtobeknownonlytothepersonsrelievedbyhercharity。"

Inacaughttheculpritandshowedhimthis。"Athousandpounds!"saidshe。"Areyounotashamed?Waseveraniggardlyactsoembellishedandexaggerated?Ifeelmyfaceveryred，sir。"

"Oh，I"llexplainthatinamoment，"saidJoseph，amicably。"Eachnationhasacoinitisalwaysquoting。Francecountsinfrancs，Germanyinthalers，Americaindollars，Englandinpounds。WhenathingcostsamillionfrancsinFrance，oramilliondollarsintheStates，thatisalwayscalledamillionpoundsintheEnglishjournals:otherwiseitwouldconveynodistinctideaatalltoanEnglishman。Turningthalersandfrancsintopounds——_that_isnot_exaggeration；_itisonly_translation。"_

Inagavehimsuchalook。Herepliedwithanunabashedsmile。

Sheshruggedhershouldersinsilencethistime，and，tothebestofmybelief，madenomoreseriousattemptstoun-AshmeadherAshmead。

Amonthhadnowpassed，andthatwasalittlemorethanhalfthedrearytimeshehadtowadethrough。Shebegantocountthedays，andthatmadeherpineallthemore。Timeislikeakettle。Beblindtohim，heflies；

watchhim，helags。Hersweettemperwasalittleaffected，andsheevenreproachedAshmeadforholdingheroutfalsehopesthathisadvertisementsofhergainswouldinduceSevernetocometoher，orevenwrite。"No，"saidshe；"theremustbesomegreaterattraction。KarlsaysthatMissVizard，whocalleduponme，wasabeauty，anddark。PerhapsshewasthelovelygirlIsawattheopera。Shehasneverbeentheresince:

andheisgonetoEnglandwithpeopleofthatname。"

"Well，butthatMissVizardcalledonyou。Shecan"tintendtostealhimfromyou。"

"Butshemaynotknow；awomanmayinjureanotherwithoutintending。Hemaydeceiveher；hehasbetrayedme。Herextraordinarybeautyterrifiesme。Itenchantedme；andhowmuchmoreaman?"

Josephsaidhethoughtthiswasallfancy；andasforhisadvertisements，itwastooearlyyettopronounceontheireffect。

Theverydayafterthisconversationhebouncedintoherroomingreatdudgeon。"There，madam!theadvertisements_have_producedaneffect；andnotapleasantone。Here"sadetectiveontous。HeisfeelinghiswaywithKarl。Iknewthemaninamoment；callshimselfPoikilusinprint，andSmithtotalkto；butheisAaronatthebottomofitall，andcanspeakseverallanguages。Confoundtheirimpudence!puttingadetectiveonto_us，_whenitistheythatarekeepingdark。"

"Whodoyouthinkhassenthim?"askedIna，intently。

"Thepartyinterested，Isuppose。"

"Interestedinwhat?"

"Why，inthemoneyyouwon；forhewasdrawingKarlaboutthat。"

"Then_he_senttheman!"AndInabegantopantandchangecolor。

"Well，nowyouputittome，Ithinkso。Cometolookatit，itiscertain。Whoelse_could_itbe?Hereisabraceofsweeps。Theywouldn"tbetheworseforagoodkicking。Yousaytheword，andSmithshallhaveone，atallevents。"

"Alas!myfriend，"saidIna，"foronceyouareslow。What!amessengercomesheredirectfrom_him；_andarewesodullwecanlearnnothingfromhimwhocomestoquestionus?Letmethink。"

Sheleanedherforeheadonherwhitehand，andherfaceseemedslowlytofillwithintellectualpower。

"Thatman，"saidsheatlast，"istheonlylinkbetweenhimandme。I

mustspeaktohim。"

Thenshethoughtagain。

"No，notyet。Hemustbedetainedinthehouse。Lettersmaycometohim，andtheirpostmarksmaygiveussomeclew。"

"I"llrecommendthehousetohim。"

"Oh，thatisnotnecessary。Hewilllodgehereofhisownaccord。Doesheknowyou?"

"Ithinknot。"

"Donotgivehimtheleastsuspicionthatyouknowheisadetective。"

"Allright，Iwon"t。"

"Ifhesoundsyouaboutthemoney，saynobodyknowsmuchaboutit，exceptMademoiselleKlosking。Ifyoucangetthemattersofar，comeandtellme。Butbe_you_veryreserved，foryouarenotclear。"

Ashmeadreceivedtheseinstructionsmeekly，andwentintothe_salle"amanger_andordereddinner。Smithwasthere，andhadevidentlygotsomeinformationfromKarl，forheopenedaneasyconversationwithAshmead，anditendedintheirdiningtogether。

Smithplayedtheopen-handedcountrymantothelife——stoodchampagne。

Ashmeadchattered，andseemedquiteoffhisguard。Smithapproachedthesubjectcautiously。"Gamblehereasmuchasever?"

"Allday，someofthem。"

"Ladiesandall?"

"Why，theladiesaretheworst。"

"No；aretheynow?Ah，thatremindsme。Iheardtherewasaladyinthisveryhousewonapoto"money。"

"Itistrue。Iamheragent。"

"Isupposeshelostitallnextday?"

"Well，notall，forshegaveathousandpoundstothepoor。"

"Thedressmakerscollaredtherest?"

"Icannotsay。Ihavenothingtodoexceptwithhertheatricalbusiness。

Shewillmakemorebythatthansheevermadeatplay。"

"What，isshetip-top?"

"ThemostrisingsingerinEurope。"

"Ishouldliketoseeher。"

"Thatyoucaneasilydo。Shesingstonight。I"llpassyouin。"

"Youareagoodfellow。Haveabitofsupperwithmeafterward。Bottleoffizz。"

Thesetwomightbecomparedtoacoupleofspiders，eachtakingtheotherforafly。SmithwasenchantedwithIna"ssinging，orpretended。Ashmeadwasdelightedwithhim，orpretended。

"Introducemetoher，"saidSmith。

"Idarenotdothat。Youarenotprofessional，areyou?"

"No，butyoucansayIam，foralark。"

Ashmeadsaidheshouldliketo；butitwouldnotdo，unlesshewasverywary。

"Oh，I"mfly，"saidtheother。"Shewon"tgetanythingoutofme。I"vebeenbehindthescenesoftenenough。"

ThenAshmeadsaidhewouldgoandaskherifhemightpresentaLondonmanagertoher。

Hesoonbroughtbacktheanswer。"Sheistootiredto-night:butI

pressedher，andshesaysshewillbecharmedifyouwillbreakfastwithherto-morrowateleven。"Hedidnotsaythathewastobewithherathalf-pasttenforspecialinstructions。Theywereverysimple。"Myfriend，"saidshe，"Imeantotellthismansomethingwhichhewillthinkithisdutytotelegraphorwriteto_him_immediately。ItwasforthisI

wouldnothavethemantosupper，beingafterpost-time。Thismorningheshalleitherwriteortelegraph，andthen，ifyouareascleverinthisasyouareinsomethings，youwillwatchhim，andfindouttheaddresshesendsto。"

Ashmeadlistenedveryattentively，andfellintoabrownstudy。

"Madam，"saidheatlast，"thisisafirst-ratecombination。YoumakehimcommunicatewithEngland，andIwilldotherest。Ifhetelegraphs，I"llbeathisheels。Ifhegoestothepost，Iknowaway。Ifhepostsinthehouse，hemakesittooeasy。"

AtelevenAshmeadintroducedhisfriend"Sharpus，managerofDruryLaneTheater，"andwatchedthefencingmatchwithsomeanxiety，Inabeinglittleversedinguile。Butshehadtactandself-possession；andshewasnotanangel，afterall，butawomanwhosewitsweresharpenedbyloveandsuffering。

Sharpus，aliasSmith，playedhisassumedcharactertoperfection。HegavetheKloskingmanyincidentsofbusinessandprofessionalanecdotes，andwasexcellentcompany。TheKloskingwasgracious，andmore_bonneenfant_

thanAshmeadhadeverseenher。Itwasafinematchbetweenherandthedetective。Atlasthemadehisapproaches。

"AndIhearwearetocongratulateyouonsuccessat_rougeetnoir_aswellasopera。Isittruethatyoubrokethebank?"

"Perfectly，"wasthefrankreply。

"Andwonamillion?"

"Moreorless，"saidtheKlosking，withanopensmile。

"Ihopeitwasagoodlump，forourcountrymenleavehundredsofthousandshereeveryseason。"

"Itwasfourthousandninehundredpounds，sir。"

"Phew!Well，Iwishithadbeendouble。Youarenotsocloseasourfriendhere，madam。"

"No，sir；andshallItellyouwhy?"

"Ifyoulike，madam，"saidSmith，withassumedindifference。

"Mr。Ashmeadisamodelagent；heneverallowshimselftoseeanybody"sinterestsbutmine。Nowthetruthis，anotherpersonhasaninterestinmyfamouswinnings。Agentlemanhanded25poundstoMr。Ashmeadtoplaywith。Hedidnotdoso；butIcameinandjoined25poundsofmyowntothat25pounds，andwonanenormoussum。Ofcourse，ifthegentlemanchoosestobechivalrousandabandonhisclaim，hecan；butthatisnotthewayoftheworld，youknow。Ifeelsurehewillcometomeforhissharesomeday；andthesoonerthebetter，formoneyburnsthepocket。"

Sharpus，aliasSmith，saidthiswasreallyacuriousstory。"Nowsuppose，"saidhe，"somefinedayaletterwastocomeaskingyoutoremitthatgentlemanhishalf，whatshouldyoudo?"

"Ishoulddecline；itmightbean_escroc。_No。Mr。Ashmeadhereknowsthegentleman。Doyounot?"

"I"llsweartohimanywhere。"

"ThentoreceivehismoneyhemustfacetheeyeofAshmead。Ha!ha!"

Thedetectiveturnedtheconversation，andnevercamebacktothesubject；butshortlyhepleadedanengagement，andtookhisleave。

Ashmeadlingeredbehind，butInahurriedhimoff，withanemphaticcommandnottoleavethismanoutofhissightamoment。

Heviolatedthisorder，forinfiveminutesheranbacktotellher，inanagitatedwhisper，thatSmithwas，atthatmoment，writingaletterinthe_salle"amanger。_

"Oh，praydon"tcomehere!"criedIna，indespair。"Donotlosesightofhimforamoment。"

"Givemethatlettertopost，then，"saidAshmead，andsnatchedoneupInahaddirectedovernight。

Hewenttothehoteldoor，andlightedacigar；outcameSmithwithaletterinhisveryhand。Ashmeadpeeredwithallhiseyes；butSmithheldtheletterverticallyinhishandandtheaddressinward。Theletterwassealed。

Ashmeadwatchedhim，andsawhewasgoingtotheGeneralPost。Heknewashortercut，ran，andtookit，andlayinwait。AsSmithapproachedthebox，letterinhand，hebustledupinafurioushurry，andpostedhisownlettersoastostopSmith"shandattheveryaperturebeforehecouldinserthisletter。Hesaw，apologized，anddrewback。Smithlaughed，andsaid，"Allright，oldman。Thatistoyoursweetheart，oryouwouldn"tbeinsuchahurry。"

"No；itwastomygrandmother，"saidAshmead。

"Goon，"saidSmith，andpokedtheribsofJoseph。Theywenthomejocular；butthedetectivewasnosooneroutofthewaythanAshmeadstoleuptoInaKlosking，andputhisfingertohislips；forKarlwasclearingaway，andinnohurry。

Theysatontenter-hooksandthoughtheneverwouldgo。Hedidgoatlast，andthentheKloskingandAshmeadcametogetherliketwomagnets。

"Well?"

"Allright!Lettertopost。Sawaddressquiteplain——EdwardSeverne，Esq。"

"Yes。"

"VizardCourt。"

"Ah!"

"Taddington——Barfordshire——England。"

Ina，whowasstandingallonfire，nowsatdownandinterlacedherhands。

"Vizard!"saidshe，gloomily。

"Yes；VizardCourt，"saidAshmead，triumphantly；"thatmeansheisalargelandedproprietor，andyouwilleasilyfindhimifheisthereinamonth。"

"Hewillbethere，"saidIna。"Sheisverybeautiful。Sheisdark，too，andheloveschange。Oh，iftoallIhavesufferedheadds_that_——"

"Thenyouwillforgivehim_that，"_saidAshmead，shakinghishead。

"Never。Lookatme，JosephAshmead。"

Helookedatherwithsomeawe，forsheseemedtransformed，andherDanisheyegleamedstrangely。

"Youwhohaveseenmytormentsandmyfidelity，markwhatIsay:Ifheisfalsetomewithanotherwoman，Ishallkillhim——orelseIshallhatehim。"

Shetookherdeskandwrote，atAshmead"sdictation，"VizardCourt，Taddington，Barfordshire。"

CHAPTERXIX。

THEnextmorningVizardcarriedLordUxmoorawaytoamagistrates"

meeting，andlefttheroadcleartoSeverne；butZoegavehimnoopportunityuntiljustbeforeluncheon，andthensheputonherbonnetandcamedownstairs；butFannywaswithher。

Severne，whowasseatedpatientlyinhisbedroomwiththedoorajar，cameouttojointhem，feelingsureFannywouldopenlysidewithhim，orslipawayandgivehimhisopportunity。

But，astheyoungladiesstoodonthebroadflightofstepsatthehalldoor，anantiquefiguredrewnigh——anoldlady，theshapeofanegg，soshortandstoutwasshe。Onherheadsheworeablacksilkbonnetconstructedmanyyearsago，withadrolldesign，viz。，tokeepoffsun，rain，andwind；itwaslikeanironcoalscuttle，slightlyshortened；yethaveIseensomeveryprettyfacesveryprettilyframedinsuchabonnet。

Shehadanoldblacksilkgownthatonlyreachedtoherankle，andoveritascarletcloakofsuperfinecloth，fineasanycolonelorqueen"soutridereverwore，andlookingsplendid，thoughshehaduseditfortyyears，atoddtimes。Thisdamehadescapedthevillageill，rheumatics，andcouldtoddlealongwithoutastaffatagreat，andindeedafearful，pace；for，owingtoherbuild，sheyawedsofromsidetosideateverystepthat，tothemwhoknewhernot，acapsizeappearedinevitable。

"Mrs。Judge，Ideclare，"criedZoe。

"Ay，MissHannahJudgeitis。Yoursarvant，ma"am；"andshedroppedtwocourtesies，oneforeachlady。

Mrs。JudgewasHarrington"soldnurse。Zoeoftenpaidavisittohercottage，butshenevercametoVizardCourtexceptonHarrington"sbirthday，whentheservantsentertainedalltheoldpensionersandretainersatsupper。Hersuddenappearance，therefore，andingalacostume，astonishedZoe。Probablyherfacebetrayedthis，fortheoldladybegan，"Youwondertoseemehere，now，doan"tye?"

"Well，Mrs。Judge，"saidZoe，diplomatically，"nobodyhasabetterrighttocome。"

"Youbeverygood，miss。Idon"tdoubtmywelcomenohow。"

"But，"saidZoe，playfully，"youseldomdousthehonor；soI_am_alittlesurprised。WhatcanIdoforyou?"

"Youdoesenoughforme，miss，youandyoungsquire。Ibain"tcometoasknofavors。Iain"toneo"thatsort。I"lltellyewhyIbecome。"Tistowarnyoualluphere。"

"Thisisalarming，"saidZoetoFanny。

"Thatisasmaybe，"saidMrs。Judge；"forwarned，forearmed，theby-wordsayeth。Thereisayoung"omana-prowlingaboutthishereparishasdon"tbelongto_hus。"_

"La，"saidFanny，"mustn"twevisityourparishifwewerenotbornthere?"

"Don"tyoutakemeupbeforeIbedown，miss，"saidtheoldnurse，alittleseverely。""Tain"tforthelikesofyouIspeak，whichyouarealady，andvisitstheCourtbypermissionofsquire；butwhatIobjectstois——hinterlopers。"Shepausedtoseetheeffectofsobigaword，andthenresumed，graciously，"Yousee，mostofourhillscomesfromthatthereHillstoke。Ifthere"sapoacher，orathief，heisHillstoke；theyharborsthegypsiesasravagethewholecountry，mostly；andnowtheyhaveletloosethishereyoung"omanontous。SheisaPOLLPRY:goesaboutthetowna-sarching:priesintotheirhousenandtheirvittels，andtheirverybeds。OldMarkshavegotamuck-heapathisdoorforhisgarden，yeknow。Well，miss，shesticksherparasoleintothishere，andturnsitabout，asifshewasagoingtospreadit:saysshe，"Imustknowthede-com-po-si-tionofthis"ere，asyoukeepsunderthenosesofyouryoungfolk。"Well，Iseedheragoingherrounds，andthefolkhadtoldmeherways；soIdidsetmedowntomyknittingandwaitforher，andwhenshecametomeIofferedheraseat；soshesatdown，andsaysshe"Thisistheonecleanhouseinthevillage，"saysshe:"youmighteatyourdinneroffthefloor，letalonethechairsandtables。""Youareverygood，miss，"saysI。Saysshe，"Iwonderwhetherupstairsisasniceasthis?""Well，"saysI，"themaskeepitdownstairskeepsithup；Idon"tdropcleanlinessonthestairs，youmaybesure。""Isupposenot，"saysshe，"butIshouldliketosee。"ThatwaswhatIwasa-waitingfor，youknow，soIsaidtoher，"Curiositydobreedcuriosity，"saysI。"AforeyousarchesthisherehousefromtoptobottomIshouldliketoseethewarrant。""Whatwarrant?"saysshe。"I"venowarrant。Don"ttakemeforanenemy，"saysshe。"I"myourbestfriend，"saysshe。"I"mthenewdoctor。"ItoldherIhadheardawhisperofthattoo；butwehadgotaparishdoctoralready，andonewasenough。"Notwhenhenevercomesanighyou，"saysshe，"andletsyougohalfwaytomeetyourdiseases。""I

don"tknowforthat，"saysI，andindeedIhaan"tanotionwhatshemeant，formypart；butsaysI，"Idon"twantnowomenfolktocomeherea-doctoringo"me，that"ssartin。"Soshesaid，"Butsupposeyouwereveryill，andthehe-doctorthreemilesoff，andfiftyotherstovisitaforeyou?""Thatisnoodds，"saysI；"Iwouldnotbedoctoredbyawoman。"Thenshesaystome，saysshe，"Nowyoulookmeintheface。""I

candothat，"saysI；"you，oranybodyelse。I"manhonestwoman，_I_

am；"soIupandlookedherinthefaceasboldasbrass。"Then，"saysshe，"amItounderstandthat，ifyouwastobeillto-morrow，youwouldratherdiethanbedoctoredbyawoman?"Shethoughttodaantme，yousee，soIsays，"Well，Idon"tknowasIoodn"t。"Youdolaugh，miss。

Well，thatiswhatshedid。"Allright，"saysshe。"Makehasteanddie，mygoodsoul，"saysshe，"for，whileyoulive，you"llbeahobelisktoreform。"Soshewentoff，butImadetothedoor，andcalledafterherI

shoulddiewhenGodpleased，andIhadseenagoodmanyyoungfolklaidout，thatlookedasliketomakeoldbonesasevershedoes——chalk-faced——skinny——to-a-d!AndIcalledafterhershewasnolady。Nomoresheain"t，tocomeintomyownhouseandcalladecentwoman"ahobelisk!"Oh!oh!WhichInever_was，_noteveninmygiddydays，butdidworkhardinmyyouth，andamrespectformyoldage。"

"Yes，nurse，yes；whodoubtsit?"

"Andnursedyoungsquire，and，Lordblessyourheart，awasapoorpunychildwhenItookhimtomybreast，andinsixmonthsthefinest，chubbiestboyinalltheparish；andhisdry-nurseforyearsarter，andalwaysathisheelsa-keepinghimoutofthestableandtheponds，andconsortingwiththevillageboys；andaproperresolutechildhewas，andhardtomanage:andmyownmanthatisgone，andmyson"that"snotsocleverassome，"*Ialwaysdonejusticebythemboth，andarteralltobecalledahobelisk——oh!oh!oh!"

*Paraphraseforthenounsubstantive"idiot。"ItisalsoaspecimenoftheGreekfigure"litotes。"

ThenbeholdthegentleZoewithherarmroundnurse"sneck，andherhandkerchieftonurse"seyes，murmuring，"There——there——don"tcry，nurse；

everybodyesteemsyou，andthatladydidnotmeantoaffrontyou；shedidnotsay"obelisk；"shesaid"obstacle。"Thatonlymeansthatyoustandinthewayofherimprovements；therewasnotmuchharminthat，youknow。

And，nurse，pleasegivethatladyherway，toobligeme；foritisbymybrother"sinvitationsheishere。"

"Yedoan"tsayso!What，doesheholdwithfemaleshe-doctoresses?"

"Hewishesto_try_one。Shehashisauthority。"

"Yedoan"tsayso!"

"IndeedIdo。"

"Con——sarnthewench!whycouldn"tshesaysso，"steado"hargefying?"

"Sheisastranger，andmeanswell；soshedidnotthinkitnecessary。

Youmusttakemywordforit。"

"La，miss，I"lltakeyour"nbeforehers，you_may_besure，"saidMrs。

Judge，withadecidedremnantofhostility。

Andnowaproverbialincidenthappened。MissRhodaGalecameinsight，andwalkedrapidlyintothegroup。

Aftergreetingtheladies，andignoringSeverne，whotookoffhishattoher，withdeeprespect，inthebackground，sheturnedtoMrs。Judge。

"Well，oldlady，"saidshecheerfully，"andhowdoyoudo?"

Mrs。Judgereplied，infawningaccents，"Thankyou，miss，Ibewellenoughtogetabout。Iwasa-telling"emaboutyou——and，tobesure，itisuncommongoodofaladylikeyoutotroublesomuchaboutpoorfolk。"

"Don"tmentionit；itismydutyandmyinclination。Yousee，mygoodwoman，itisnotsoeasytocurediseasesaspeoplethink；thereforeitisapartofmedicinetopreventthem:andtopreventthemyoumustremovethepredisposingcauses，andtofindoutallthosecausesyoumusthaveeyes，andusethem。"

"Youareright，miss，"saidLaJudge，obsequiously。"Preventionisbetternorcure，andtheysay"astitchintimesavesnine。""

"Thatiscapitalgoodsense，Mrs。Judge；andpraytellthevillagersthat，andmakethemasfullof"thewisdomofnations"asyouseemtobe，andtheirhousesasclean——ifyoucan。"

"I"lldomybest，miss，"saidMrs。Judge，obsequiously；"itistheleastwecanalldoforayoungladylikeyouthatleavesthepompsandvanities，andgiveshermindtobetteringthecondishingofpoorfolk。"

Havingoncetakenthiscueandentereduponaveinofflattery，shewouldhavebeenextremelyvoluble——forvillagescanviewithcitiesinadulationaswellasindetraction——butshewasinterruptedbyafootmanannouncingluncheon。

ZoehandedMrs。Judgeovertothemanwitharequestthathewouldbekindtoher，andhavehertodinewiththeservants。

Yellowplushsawthegentlefolksaway，andthen，partinghislegs，andputtinghisthumbsintohiswaistcoatpockets，deliveredhimselfthus:

"Well，oldgirl，amItogiveyoumyharmroundtothekitchen，ordoyouknowthewaybyyourself?"

"Youngchap，"saidMrs。Judge，andturnedaglitteringeye，"Ididknowthewayaforeyouwasborn，andIshouldknowitalloneifsobeyouwastobehung，orsenttoBotanyBay——tolarnmanners。"

Havingdeliveredthisshot，sherolledawayinthedirectionofRoastBeef。

ThelittlepartyhadhardlysettledatthetablewhentheywerejoinedbyVizardandUxmoor:bothgentlemenwelcomedMissGalemoreheartilythantheladieshaddone，andbeforeluncheonendedVizardaskedherifherreportwasready。Shesaiditwas。

"Haveyougotitwithyou?"

"Yes。"

"Thenpleasehandittome。"

"Oh!itisinmyhead。Idon"twritemuchdown；thatweakensthememory。

Ifyouwouldgivemehalfanhourafterluncheon——"Shehesitatedalittle。

Zoejealouseda_te"te-"a-te"te，_andparrieditskillfully。"Oh，"saidshe，"butweareallmuchinterested:arenotyou，LordUxmoor?"

"IndeedIam，"saidUxmoor。

"SoamI，"saidFanny，whodidn"tcareabutton。

"Yes，but，"saidRhoda，"truthsarenotalwaysagreeable，andtherearesomethatIdon"tlike——"Shehesitatedagain，andthistimeactuallyblushedalittle。

TheacuteMr。Severne，whohadbeenwatchingherslyly，cametoherassistance。

"Lookhere，oldfellow，"saidhetoVizard，"don"tyouseethatMissGalehasdiscoveredsomespotsinyourparadise?but，outofdelicacy，doesnotwanttopublishthem，buttoconfidethemtoyourownear。Thenyoucanmendthemornot。"

MissGaleturnedhereyesfullonSeverne。"Youareverykeenatreadingpeople，sir，"saidshe，dryly。

"Ofcourseheis，"saidVizard。"Hehasgivengreatattentiontoyoursex。Well，ifthatisall，MissGale，prayspeakoutandgratifytheircuriosity。YouandIshallneverquarreloverthetruth。"

"I"mnotsosureofthat，"saidMissGale。"However，IsupposeImustriskit。Ineverdogetmyownway；that"safact。"

Afterthislittleebullitionofspleen，sheopenedherbudget。"Firstofall，Ifindthatthesevillagesallbelongtooneperson；sodoesthesoil。Nobodycanbuildcottagesonabettermodel，normakeanyotherimprovement。Youareanabsolutemonarch。ThisisapieceofRussia，notEngland。Theyareallserfs，andyouaretheczar。"

"Itistrue，"saidVizard，"anditsoundshorrid，butitworksbenignly。

Everysnobwhocangrindthepoordoesgrindthem；butagentlemannever，andhehindersothers。Now，forinstance，anEnglishfarmerisgenerallyatyrant；butmypowerlimitshistyranny。Hemaydischargehislaborer，buthecan"tdrivehimoutofthevillage，norrobhimofparishrelief，forpoorHodgeis_my_tenant，notasnob"s。NobodycanbuildabeershopinIslip。Thatistrue。Butiftheycould，theywouldsellbadbeer，givecreditintheardorofcompetition，poisonthevillagers，anddemoralizethem。Believeme，republicaninstitutionsarebeautifulonpaper；buttheywouldnotworkwellinBarfordshirevillages。However，youprofesstogobyexperienceineverything。Thereareopenvillageswithinfivemiles。I"llgiveyoualist。Visitthem。Youwillfindthatlibertycanbethefatheroftyranny。Pettytradesmenhavecomeinandbuiltcottages，andgroundthepoordownwithrentsunknowninIslip；farmershavebuiltcottages，andturnedtheirlaborersintoslaves。Drunkenness，dissipation，poverty，disaffection，andmisery——thatiswhatyouwillfindintheopenvillages。Now，inIslipyouhaveanomnipotentsquire，andthatisanabominationintheory，amediaevalmonster，ablotonmoderncivilization；butpracticallythepoormonsterisasoftenerofpoverty，anincarnatebufferbetweenthepoorandtyranny，thepoorandmisery。"

"I"llinspecttheopenvillages，andsuspendmyopiniontillthen，"saidMissGale，heartily；"but，inthemeantime，youmustadmitthatwherethereisgreatpowerthereisgreatresponsibility。"

"Oh，ofcourse。"

"Well，then，yourlittleoutlyingprovinceofHillstokeisfullofrheumaticadultsandputty-facedchildren。Thetwophenomenaarisefromonecause——thewater。Nolimeinit，andtoomanyreptiles。Itwasthechildrengavemetheclew。Isuspectedthecherrystonesatfirst:butwhenIcametolookintoit，Ifoundtheyeatjustasmanycherrystonesinthevalley，andareasrosyasapples；but，then，thereiswellwaterinthevalleys。SoIputthisandthattogether，andIexaminedthewatertheydrinkatHillstoke。Sir，itisfullofanimalcula。Someofthesecannotwithstandtheheatofthehumanstomach；butotherscan，forI

triedtheminmudartificiallyheated。[AgigglefromFannyDover。]

Thankstoyourmicroscope，Ihavemadesketchesofseveralamphibiawholiveinthoseboys"stomachs，andirritatetheirmembranes，andsharetheirscantynourishment，besidesotherinjuries。"Thereuponsheproducedsomedrawings。

Theywerehandedround，andstruckterroringentlebosoms。"Oh，gracious!"criedFanny，"oneoughttodrinknothingbutchampagne。"