第1章

PREFATORY。

Thisbookismerelyapersonalnarrative，andnotapretentioushistoryoraphilosophicaldissertation。Itisarecordofseveralyearsofvariegatedvagabondizing，anditsobjectisrathertohelptherestingreaderwhileawayanidlehourthanafflicthimwithmetaphysics，orgoadhimwithscience。Still，thereisinformationinthevolume；informationconcerninganinterestingepisodeinthehistoryoftheFarWest，aboutwhichnobookshavebeenwrittenbypersonswhowereonthegroundinperson，andsawthehappeningsofthetimewiththeirowneyes。Ialludetotherise，growthandculminationofthesilver-miningfeverinNevada-acuriousepisode，insomerespects；theonlyone，ofitspeculiarkind，thathasoccurredintheland；andtheonlyone，indeed，thatislikelytooccurinit。

Yes，takeitallaround，thereisquiteagooddealofinformationinthebook。Iregretthisverymuch；butreallyitcouldnotbehelped:

informationappearstostewoutofmenaturally，likethepreciousottarofrosesoutoftheotter。SometimesithasseemedtomethatIwouldgiveworldsifIcouldretainmyfacts；butitcannotbe。ThemoreIcalkupthesources，andthetighterIget，themoreIleakwisdom。Therefore，Icanonlyclaimindulgenceatthehandsofthereader，notjustification。

THEAUTHOR。

CONTENTS。

CHAPTERI。

MyBrotherappointedSecretaryofNevada——IEnvyHisProspectiveAdventures——AmAppointedPrivateSecretaryUnderHim——MyContentmentComplete——PackedinOneHour——DreamsandVisions——OntheMissouriRiver——

ABullyBoatCHAPTERII。

ArriveatSt。Joseph——OnlyTwenty-fivePoundsBaggageAllowed——FarewelltoKidGlovesandDressCoats——ArmedtotheTeeth——The“Allen“——A

CheerfulWeapon——PersuadedtoBuyaMule——ScheduleofLuxuries——WeLeavethe“States“——“OurCoach“——MailsfortheIndians——BetweenaWinkandanEarthquake——AModernSphynxandHowSheEntertainedUs——ASociableHeiferCHAPTERIII。

“TheThoroughbraceisBroke“——MailsDeliveredProperly——SleepingUnderDifficulties——AJackassRabbitMeditating，andonBusiness——AModernGulliver——Sage-brush——OvercoatsasanArticleofDiet——SadFateofaCamel——WarningtoExperimentersCHAPTERIV。

MakingOurBed——AssaultsbytheUnabridged——AtaStation——OurDriveraGreatandShiningDignitary——StrangePlaceforaFrontyard——

Accommodations——DoublePortraits——AnHeirloom——OurWorthyLandlord——

“FixingsandThings“——AnExile——Slumgullion——AWellFurnishedTable——TheLandlordAstonished——TableEtiquette——WildMexicanMules——Stage-coachingandRailroadingCHAPTERV。

NewAcquaintances——TheCayote——ADog"sExperiences——ADisgustedDog——TheRelativesoftheCayote——MealsTakenAwayfromHomeCHAPTERVI。

TheDivisionSuperintendent——TheConductor——TheDriver——OneHundredandFiftyMiles"DriveWithoutSleep——TeachingaSubordinate——OurOldFriendJackandaPilgrim——BenHollidayComparedtoMosesCHAPTERVII。

OverlandCity——CrossingthePlatte——Bemis"sBuffaloHunt——AssaultbyaBuffalo——Bemis"sHorseGoesCrazy——AnImpromptuCircus——ANewDeparture——

BemisFindsRefugeinaTree——EscapesFinallybyaWonderfulMethodCHAPTERVIII。

ThePonyExpress——FiftyMilesWithoutStopping——“HereheComes“——AlkaliWater——RidinganAvalanche——IndianMassacreCHAPTERIX。

AmongtheIndians——AnUnfairAdvantage——LayingonourArms——AMidnightMurder——WrathofOutlaws——ADangerous，yetValuableCitizenCHAPTERX。

HistoryofSlade——AProposedFist-fight——EncounterwithJules——ParadiseofOutlaws——SladeasSuperintendent——AsExecutioner——ADoomedWhiskySeller——APrisoner——AWife"sBravery——AnAncientEnemyCaptured——EnjoyingaLuxury——Hob-nobbingwithSlade——TooPolite——AHappyEscapeCHAPTERXI。

SladeinMontana——“OnaSpree“——InCourt——AttackonaJudge——ArrestbytheVigilantes——TurnoutoftheMiners——ExecutionofSlade——LamentationsofHisWife——WasSladeaCoward?

CHAPTERXII。

AMormonEmigrantTrain——TheHeartoftheRockyMountains——PureSaleratus——ANaturalIce-House——AnEntireInhabitant——InSightof“EternalSnow“——TheSouthPass——ThePartingStreams——AnUnreliableLetterCarrier——MeetingofOldFriends——ASpoiledWatermelon——DowntheMountain——

ASceneofDesolation——LostintheDark——UnnecessaryAdvice——U。S。TroopsandIndians——SublimeSpectacle——AnotherDelusionDispelled——AmongtheAngelsCHAPTERXIII。

MormonsandGentiles——ExhilaratingDrink，anditsEffectonBemis——SaltLakeCity——AGreatContrast——AMormonVagrant——TalkwithaSaint——AVisittothe“King“——AHappySimileCHAPTERXIV。

MormonContractors——HowMr。StreetAstonishedThem——TheCaseBeforeBrighamYoung，andHowheDisposedofit——PolygamyViewedfromaNewPositionCHAPTERXV。

AGentileDen——PolygamyDiscussed——FavoriteWifeandD。4——HenneryforRetiredWives——ChildrenNeedMarking——CostofaGifttoNo。6——APenny-

whistleGiftanditsEffects——FatheringtheFoundlings——ItResembledHim——TheFamilyBedsteadCHAPTERXVI

TheMormonBible——ProofsofitsDivinity——PlagiarismofitsAuthors——

StoryofNephi——WonderfulBattle——KilkennyCatsOutdoneCHAPTERXVII。

ThreeSidestoallQuestions——Everything“AQuarter“——ShriveledUp——

EmigrantsandWhiteShirtsataDiscount——“Forty-Niners“——AbovePar——RealHappinessCHAPTERXVIII。

AlkaliDesert——RomanceofCrossingDispelled——AlkaliDust——EffectontheMules——UniversalThanksgivingCHAPTERXIX。

TheDiggerIndiansComparedwiththeBushmenofAfrica——Food，LifeandCharacteristics——CowardlyAttackonaStageCoach——ABraveDriver——TheNobleRedManCHAPTERXX。

TheGreatAmericanDesert——FortyMilesonBones——LakesWithoutOutlets——

Greely"sRemarkableRide——HankMonk，theRenownedDriver——FatalEffectsof“Corking“aStory——Bald-HeadedAnecdoteCHAPTERXXI。

AlkaliDust——DesolationandContemplation——CarsonCity——OurJourneyEnded——WeareIntroducedtoSeveralCitizens——AStrangeRebuke——AWashoeZephyratPlay——ItsOfficeHours——Governor"sPalace——GovernmentOffices——

OurFrenchLandladyBridgetO"Flannigan——ShadowSecrets——CauseforaDisturbanceatOnce——TheIrishBrigade——Mrs。O"Flannigan"sBoarders——TheSurveyingExpedition——EscapeoftheTarantulasCHAPTERXXII。

TheSonofaNabob——StartforLakeTahoe——SplendoroftheViews——TripontheLake——CampingOut——ReinvigoratingClimate——ClearingaTractofLand——

SecuringaTitle——OuthouseandFencesCHAPTERXXIII。

AHappyLife——LakeTahoeanditsMoods——TransparencyoftheWaters——A

Catastrophe——Fire！Fire！——AMagnificentSpectacle——HomelessAgain——WetaketotheLake——AStorm——ReturntoCarsonCHAPTERXXIV。

ResolvetoBuyaHorse——HorsemanshipinCarson——ATemptation——AdviceGivenMeFreely——IBuytheMexicanPlug——MyFirstRide——AGoodBucker——I

LoanthePlug——ExperienceofBorrowers——AttemptstoSell——ExpenseoftheExperiment——AStrangerTakenInCHAPTERXXV。

TheMormonsinNevada——HowtoPersuadeaLoanfromThem——EarlyHistoryoftheTerritory——SilverMinesDiscovered——TheNewTerritorialGovernment——A

ForeignOneandaPoorOne——ItsFunnyStrugglesforExistence——NoCredit，noCash——OldAbeCurreySustainsitanditsOfficers——InstructionsandVouchers——AnIndian"sEndorsement——Toll-GatesCHAPTERXXVI。

TheSilverFever——StateoftheMarket——SilverBricks——TalesTold——OfffortheHumboldtMinesCHAPTERXXVII。

Ourmannerofgoing——IncidentsoftheTrip——AWarmbutTooFamiliaraBedfellow——Mr。BallouObjects——SunshineamidClouds——SafelyArrivedCHAPTERXXVIII。

ArriveattheMountains——BuildingOurCabin——MyFirstProspectingTour——

MyFirstGoldMine——PocketsFilledWithTreasures——FilteringtheNewstoMyCompanions——TheBubblePricked——AllNotGoldThatGlittersCHAPTERXXIX。

OutProspecting——ASilverMineAtLast——MakingaFortuneWithSledgeandDrill——AHardRoadtoTravel——WeOwninClaims——ARockyCountryCHAPTERXXX。

DisinterestedFriends——How“Feet“WereSold——WeQuitTunnelling——ATriptoEsmeralda——MyCompanions——AnIndianProphesy——AFlood——OurQuartersDuringItCHAPTERXXXI。

TheGuestsat“HoneyLakeSmith"s“——“BullyOldArkansas“——“OurLandlord“——

DeterminedtoFight——TheLandlord"sWife——TheBullyConqueredbyHer——

AnotherStart——CrossingtheCarson——ANarrowEscape——FollowingOurOwnTrack——ANewGuide——LostintheSnowCHAPTERXXXII。

DesperateSituation——AttemptstoMakeaFire——OurHorsesleaveus——WeFindMatches——One，Two，ThreeandtheLast——NoFire——DeathSeemsInevitable——WeMournOverOurEvilLives——DiscardedVices——WeForgiveEachOther——AnAffectionateFarewell——TheSleepofOblivionCHAPTERXXXIII。

ReturnofConsciousness——RidiculousDevelopments——AStationHouse——BitterFeelings——FruitsofRepentance——ResurrectedVicesCHAPTERXXXIV。

AboutCarson——GeneralBuncombe——Hydevs。Morgan——HowHydeLostHisRanch——

TheGreatLandslideCase——TheTrial——GeneralBuncombeinCourt——A

WonderfulDecision——ASeriousAfterthoughtCHAPTERXXXV。

ANewTravellingCompanion——AllFullandNoAccommodations——HowCaptainNyefoundRoom——andCausedOurLeavingtobeLamented——TheUsesofTunnelling——ANotableExample——WeGointothe“Claim“BusinessandFail——

AttheBottomCHAPTERXXXVI。

AQuartzMill——Amalgamation——“ScreeningTailings“——FirstQuartzMillinNevada——FireAssay——ASmartAssayer——IstakeforanadvanceCHAPTERXXXVII。

TheWhitemanCementMine——StoryofitsDiscovery——ASecretExpedition——A

NocturnalAdventure——ADistressingPosition——AFailureandaWeek"sHolidayCHAPTERXXXVIII。

MonoLake——ShampooingMadeEasy——ThoughtlessActofOurDogandtheResults——LyeWater——CuriositiesoftheLake——FreeHotel——SomeFunnyIncidentsaLittleOverdrawnCHAPTERXXXIX。

VisittotheIslandsinLakeMono——AshesandDesolation——LifeAmidDeathOurBoatAdrift——AJumpForLife——AStormOntheLake——AMassofSoapSuds——GeologicalCuriosities——AWeekOntheSierras——ANarrowEscapeFromaFunnyExplosion——“StoveHeapGone“

CHAPTERXL。

The“WideWest“Mine——Itis“Interviewed“byHigbie——ABlindLead——WorthaMillion——WeareRichAtLast——PlansfortheFutureCHAPTERXLI。

ARheumaticPatient——DayDreams——AnUnfortunateStumble——ILeaveSuddenly——AnotherPatient——HigbieintheCabin——OurBalloonBursted——

WorthNothing——RegretsandExplanations——OurThirdPartnerCHAPTERXLII。

WhattodoNext?——ObstaclesIHadMetWith——“JackofAllTrades“——MiningAgain——TargetShooting——ITurnCityEditor——ISucceedFinelyCHAPTERXLIII。

MyFriendBoggs——TheSchoolReport——BoggsPaysMeAnOldDebt——VirginiaCityCHAPTERXLIV。

FlushTimes——PlentyofStock——EditorialPuffing——StocksGivenMe——SaltingMines——ATragedianInaNewRoleCHAPTERXLV。

FlushTimesContinue——SanitaryCommissionFund——WildEnthusiasmofthePeople——WouldnotwaittoContribute——TheSanitaryFlourSack——ItisCarriedtoGoldHillandDayton——FinalReceptioninVirginia——ResultsoftheSale——AGrandTotalCHAPTERXLVI。

TheNabobsofThoseDays——JohnSmithasaTraveler——SuddenWealth——A

Sixty-Thousand-DollarHorse——ASmartTelegraphOperator——ANabobinNewYorkCity——ChartersanOmnibus——“Walkin，It"sAllFree“——“YouCan"tPayaCent“——“HoldOn，Driver，IWeaken“——SociabilityofNewYorkers“

CHAPTERXLVII。

BuckFanshaw"sDeath——TheCauseThereof——PreparationsforHisBurial——

ScottyBriggstheCommitteeMan——HeVisitstheMinister——ScottyCan"tPlayHisHand——TheMinisterGetsMixed——BothBegintoSee——“AllDownAgainButNine“——BuckFanshawasaCitizen——HowTo“ShookYourMother“——

TheFuneral——ScottyBriggsasaSundaySchoolTeacherCHAPTERXLVIII。

TheFirstTwenty-SixGravesinNevada——TheProminentMenoftheCounty——

TheManWhoHadKilledHisDozen——TrialbyJury——SpecimenJurors——A

PrivateGraveYard——TheDesperadoes——WhoTheyKilled——WakinguptheWearyPassenger——SatisfactionWithoutFightingCHAPTERXLIX。

FatalShootingAffray——RobberyandDesperateAffray——ASpecimenCityOfficial——AMarkedMan——AStreetFight——PunishmentofCrimeCHAPTERL。

CaptainNedBlakely——BillNookesReceivesDesiredInformation——KillingofBlakely"sMate——AWalkingBattery——BlakelySecuresNookes——HangFirstandBeTriedAfterwards——CaptainBlakelyasaChaplain——TheFirstChapterofGenesisReadataHanging——NookesHung——Blakely"sRegretsCHAPTERLI。

TheWeeklyOccidental——AReadyEditor——ANovel——AConcentrationofTalent——TheHeroesandtheHeroines——TheDissoluteAuthorEngaged——

ExtraordinaryHavocWiththeNovel——AHighlyRomanticChapter——TheLoversSeparated——JonahOut-done——ALostPoem——TheAgedPilotMan——StormOntheErieCanal——DollingerthePilotMan——TerrificGale——DangerIncreases——A

CrisisArrived——SavedasifbyaMiracleCHAPTERLII。

FreightstoCalifornia——SilverBricks——UnderGroundMines——TimberSupports——AVisittotheMines——TheCavedMines——TotalofShipmentsin1863

CHAPTERLIII。

JimBlaineandhisGrandfather"sRam——Filkin"sMistake——OldMissWagnerandherGlassEye——Jacobs，theCoffinDealer——WaitingforaCustomer——HisBargainWithOldRobbins——RobbinsSuesforDamageandCollects——ANewUseforMissionaries——TheEffect——HisUncleLem。andtheUseProvidenceMadeofHim——SadFateofWheeler——DevotionofHisWife——AModelMonument——WhatAbouttheRam?

CHAPTERLIV。

ChineseinVirginiaCity——WashingBills——HabitofImitation——ChineseImmigration——AVisittoChinatown——Messrs。AhSing，HongWo，SeeYup，&c。

CHAPTERLV。

TiredofVirginiaCity——AnOldSchoolmate——ATwoYears"Loan——ActingasanEditor——AlmostReceiveanOffer——AnAccident——ThreeDrunkenAnecdotes——LastLookatMt。Davidson——ABeautifulIncidentCHAPTERLVI。

OffforSanFrancisco——WesternandEasternLandscapes——TheHottestplaceonEarth——SummerandWinterCHAPTERLVII。

California——NoveltyofSeeingaWoman——“Wellifitain"taChild！“——OneHundredandFiftyDollarsforaKiss——WaitingforaturnCHAPTERLVIII。

LifeinSanFrancisco——WorthlessStocks——MyFirstEarthquake——ReportorialInstincts——EffectsoftheShocks——IncidentsandCuriosities——SabbathBreakers——TheLodgerandtheChambermaid——ASensibleFashiontoFollow——

EffectsoftheEarthquakeontheMinistersCHAPTERLIX。

PoorAgain——SlinkingasaBusiness——AModelCollector——MiserylovesCompany——ComparingNotesforComfort——AStreakofLuck——FindingaDime——

WealthybyComparison——TwoSumptuousDinnersCHAPTERLX。

AnOldFriend——AnEducatedMiner——PocketMining——FreaksofFortuneCHAPTERLXI。

DickBakerandhisCat——TomQuartz"sPeculiarities——OnanExcursion——

AppearanceOnHisReturn——APrejudicedCat——EmptyPocketsandaRovingLifeCHAPTERLXII。

BoundfortheSandwichIslands——TheThreeCaptains——TheOldAdmiral——HisDailyHabits——HisWellFoughtFields——AnUnexpectedOpponent——TheAdmiralOverpowered——TheVictorDeclaredaHeroCHAPTERLXIII。

ArrivalattheIslands——Honolulu——WhatISawThere——DressandHabitsoftheInhabitants——TheAnimalKingdom——FruitsandDelightfulEffectsCHAPTERLXIV。

AnExcursion——CaptainPhillipsandhisTurn-Out——AHorsebackRide——A

ViciousAnimal——NatureandArt——InterestingRuins——AllPraisetotheMissionariesCHAPTERLXV。

InterestingMementoesandRelics——AnOldLegendofaFrightfulLeap——AnAppreciativeHorse——HorseJockeysandTheirBrothers——ANewTrick——AHayMerchant——GoodCountryforHorseLoversCHAPTERLXVI。

ASaturdayAfternoon——SandwichIslandGirlsonaFrolic——ThePoiMerchant——GrandGalaDay——ANativeDance——ChurchMembership——CatsandOfficials——AnOverwhelmingDiscoveryCHAPTERLXVII。

TheLegislatureoftheIsland——WhatItsPresidentHasSeen——PrayingforanEnemy——Women"sRights——RomanticFashions——WorshipoftheShark——DesireforDress——FullDress——NotParisStyle——PlayingEmpire——OfficialsandForeignAmbassadors——OverwhelmingMagnificenceCHAPTERLXVIII。

ARoyalFuneral——OrderofProcession——PompandCeremony——AStrikingContrast——ASickMonarch——HumanSacrificesatHisDeath——BurialOrgiesCHAPTERLXIX。

“OncemoreupontheWaters。”——ANoisyPassenger——SeveralSilentOnes——A

MoonlightScene——FruitsandPlantationsCHAPTERLXX。

ADrollCharacter——Mrs。BeazelyandHerSon——MeditationsonTurnips——A

LetterfromHoraceGreeley——AnIndignantRejoinder——TheLetterTranslatedbuttooLateCHAPTERLXXI。

KealakekuaBay——DeathofCaptainCook——HisMonument——ItsConstruction——OnBoardtheSchoonerCHAPTERLXXII。

YoungKanakasinNewEngland——ATempleBuiltbyGhosts——FemaleBathers——I

StoodGuard——WomenandWhiskey——AFightforReligion——ArrivalofMissionariesCHAPTERLXXIII。

NativeCanoes——SurfBathing——ASanctuary——HowBuilt——TheQueen"sRock——

Curiosities——PetrifiedLavaCHAPTERLXXIV。

VisittotheVolcano——TheCrater——PillarofFire——MagnificentSpectacle——

ALakeofFireCHAPTERLXXV。

TheNorthLake——FountainsofFire——StreamsofBurningLava——TidalWavesCHAPTERLXXVI。

AReminiscence——AnotherHorseStory——MyRidewiththeRetiredMilkHorse——

APicnicingExcursion——DeadVolcanoofHoleakala——ComparisonwithVesuvius——AnInsideViewCHAPTERLXXVII。

ACuriousCharacter——ASeriesofStories——SadFateofaLiar——EvidenceofInsanityCHAPTERLXXVIII。

ReturntoSanFrancisco——ShipAmusements——PreparingforLecturing——

ValuableAssistanceSecured——MyFirstAttempt——TheAudienceCarried——

“All"sWellthatEndsWell。”

CHAPTERLXXIX。

Highwaymen——APredicament——AHugeJoke——FarewelltoCalifornia——AtHomeAgain——GreatChanges。Moral。

APPENDIX。

A——BriefSketchofMormonHistoryB——TheMountainMeadowsMassacreC——ConcerningaFrightfulAssassinationthatwasneverConsummatedCHAPTERI。

MybrotherhadjustbeenappointedSecretaryofNevadaTerritory——anofficeofsuchmajestythatitconcentratedinitselfthedutiesanddignitiesofTreasurer，Comptroller，SecretaryofState，andActingGovernorintheGovernor"sabsence。Asalaryofeighteenhundreddollarsayearandthetitleof“Mr。Secretary，“gavetothegreatpositionanairofwildandimposinggrandeur。Iwasyoungandignorant，andI

enviedmybrother。Icovetedhisdistinctionandhisfinancialsplendor，butparticularlyandespeciallythelong，strangejourneyhewasgoingtomake，andthecuriousnewworldhewasgoingtoexplore。Hewasgoingtotravel！Ineverhadbeenawayfromhome，andthatword“travel“hadaseductivecharmforme。Prettysoonhewouldbehundredsandhundredsofmilesawayonthegreatplainsanddeserts，andamongthemountainsoftheFarWest，andwouldseebuffaloesandIndians，andprairiedogs，andantelopes，andhaveallkindsofadventures，andmaybegethangedorscalped，andhaveeversuchafinetime，andwritehomeandtellusallaboutit，andbeahero。Andhewouldseethegoldminesandthesilvermines，andmaybegoaboutofanafternoonwhenhisworkwasdone，andpickuptwoorthreepailfulsofshiningslugs，andnuggetsofgoldandsilveronthehillside。Andbyandbyhewouldbecomeveryrich，andreturnhomebysea，andbeabletotalkascalmlyaboutSanFranciscoandtheocean，and“theisthmus“asifitwasnothingofanyconsequencetohaveseenthosemarvelsfacetoface。WhatIsufferedincontemplatinghishappiness，pencannotdescribe。Andso，whenheofferedme，incoldblood，thesublimepositionofprivatesecretaryunderhim，itappearedtomethattheheavensandtheearthpassedaway，andthefirmamentwasrolledtogetherasascroll！Ihadnothingmoretodesire。Mycontentmentwascomplete。

AttheendofanhourortwoIwasreadyforthejourney。Notmuchpackingupwasnecessary，becauseweweregoingintheoverlandstagefromtheMissourifrontiertoNevada，andpassengerswereonlyallowedasmallquantityofbaggageapiece。TherewasnoPacificrailroadinthosefinetimesoftenortwelveyearsago——notasinglerailofit。

IonlyproposedtostayinNevadathreemonths——Ihadnothoughtofstayinglongerthanthat。ImeanttoseeallIcouldthatwasnewandstrange，andthenhurryhometobusiness。IlittlethoughtthatIwouldnotseetheendofthatthree-monthpleasureexcursionforsixorsevenuncommonlylongyears！

IdreamedallnightaboutIndians，deserts，andsilverbars，andinduetime，nextday，wetookshippingattheSt。LouiswharfonboardasteamboatbounduptheMissouriRiver。

WeweresixdaysgoingfromSt。Louisto“St。Jo。”——atripthatwassodull，andsleepy，andeventlessthatithasleftnomoreimpressiononmymemorythanifitsdurationhadbeensixminutesinsteadofthatmanydays。Norecordisleftinmymind，now，concerningit，butaconfusedjumbleofsavage-lookingsnags，whichwedeliberatelywalkedoverwithonewheelortheother；andofreefswhichwebuttedandbutted，andthenretiredfromandclimbedoverinsomesofterplace；andofsand-barswhichweroostedonoccasionally，andrested，andthengotoutourcrutchesandsparredover。

Infact，theboatmightalmostaswellhavegonetoSt。Jo。byland，forshewaswalkingmostofthetime，anyhow——climbingoverreefsandclamberingoversnagspatientlyandlaboriouslyalldaylong。Thecaptainsaidshewasa“bully“boat，andallshewantedwasmore“shear“

andabiggerwheel。Ithoughtshewantedapairofstilts，butIhadthedeepsagacitynottosayso。

CHAPTERII。

ThefirstthingwedidonthatgladeveningthatlandedusatSt。Josephwastohuntupthestage-office，andpayahundredandfiftydollarsapieceforticketsperoverlandcoachtoCarsonCity，Nevada。

Thenextmorning，brightandearly，wetookahastybreakfast，andhurriedtothestarting-place。Thenaninconveniencepresenteditselfwhichwehadnotproperlyappreciatedbefore，namely，thatonecannotmakeaheavytravelingtrunkstandfortwenty-fivepoundsofbaggage——

becauseitweighsagooddealmore。Butthatwasallwecouldtake——

twenty-fivepoundseach。Sowehadtosnatchourtrunksopen，andmakeaselectioninagooddealofahurry。Weputourlawfultwenty-fivepoundsapieceallinonevalise，andshippedthetrunksbacktoSt。Louisagain。Itwasasadparting，fornowwehadnoswallow-tailcoatsandwhitekidglovestowearatPawneereceptionsintheRockyMountains，andnostove-pipehatsnorpatent-leatherboots，noranythingelsenecessarytomakelifecalmandpeaceful。Wewerereducedtoawar-footing。Eachofusputonarough，heavysuitofclothing，woolenarmyshirtand“stogy“bootsincluded；andintothevalisewecrowdedafewwhiteshirts，someunder-clothingandsuchthings。Mybrother，theSecretary，tookalongaboutfourpoundsofUnitedStatesstatutesandsixpoundsofUnabridgedDictionary；forwedidnotknow——poorinnocents——thatsuchthingscouldbeboughtinSanFranciscoononedayandreceivedinCarsonCitythenext。IwasarmedtotheteethwithapitifullittleSmith&

Wesson"sseven-shooter，whichcarriedaballlikeahomoeopathicpill，andittookthewholeseventomakeadoseforanadult。ButIthoughtitwasgrand。Itappearedtometobeadangerousweapon。Itonlyhadonefault——youcouldnothitanythingwithit。Oneofour“conductors“

practicedawhileonacowwithit，andaslongasshestoodstillandbehavedherselfshewassafe；butassoonasshewenttomovingabout，andhegottoshootingatotherthings，shecametogrief。TheSecretaryhadasmall-sizedColt"srevolverstrappedaroundhimforprotectionagainsttheIndians，andtoguardagainstaccidentshecarriedituncapped。Mr。GeorgeBemiswasdismallyformidable。GeorgeBemiswasourfellow-traveler。

Wehadneverseenhimbefore。Heworeinhisbeltanoldoriginal“Allen“revolver，suchasirreverentpeoplecalleda“pepper-box。”Simplydrawingthetriggerback，cockedandfiredthepistol。Asthetriggercameback，thehammerwouldbegintoriseandthebarreltoturnover，andpresentlydownwoulddropthehammer，andawaywouldspeedtheball。

Toaimalongtheturningbarrelandhitthethingaimedatwasafeatwhichwasprobablyneverdonewithan“Allen“intheworld。ButGeorge"swasareliableweapon，nevertheless，because，asoneofthestage-driversafterwardsaid，“Ifshedidn"tgetwhatshewentafter，shewouldfetchsomethingelse。”Andsoshedid。Shewentafteradeuceofspadesnailedagainstatree，once，andfetchedamulestandingaboutthirtyyardstotheleftofit。Bemisdidnotwantthemule；buttheownercameoutwithadouble-barreledshotgunandpersuadedhimtobuyit，anyhow。Itwasacheerfulweapon——the“Allen。”Sometimesallitssixbarrelswouldgooffatonce，andthentherewasnosafeplaceinalltheregionroundabout，butbehindit。

Wetooktwoorthreeblanketsforprotectionagainstfrostyweatherinthemountains。Inthematterofluxuriesweweremodest——wetooknonealongbutsomepipesandfivepoundsofsmokingtobacco。Wehadtwolargecanteenstocarrywaterin，betweenstationsonthePlains，andwealsotookwithusalittleshot-bagofsilvercoinfordailyexpensesinthewayofbreakfastsanddinners。

Byeighto"clockeverythingwasready，andwewereontheothersideoftheriver。Wejumpedintothestage，thedrivercrackedhiswhip，andwebowledawayandleft“theStates“behindus。Itwasasuperbsummermorning，andallthelandscapewasbrilliantwithsunshine。Therewasafreshnessandbreeziness，too，andanexhilaratingsenseofemancipationfromallsortsofcaresandresponsibilities，thatalmostmadeusfeelthattheyearswehadspentintheclose，hotcity，toilingandslaving，hadbeenwastedandthrownaway。WewerespinningalongthroughKansas，andinthecourseofanhourandahalfwewerefairlyabroadonthegreatPlains。Justherethelandwasrolling——agrandsweepofregularelevationsanddepressionsasfarastheeyecouldreach——likethestatelyheaveandswelloftheocean"sbosomafterastorm。Andeverywherewerecornfields，accentingwithsquaresofdeepergreen，thislimitlessexpanseofgrassyland。Butpresentlythisseaupondrygroundwastoloseits“rolling“characterandstretchawayforsevenhundredmilesaslevelasafloor！

Ourcoachwasagreatswingingandswayingstage，ofthemostsumptuousdescription——animposingcradleonwheels。Itwasdrawnbysixhandsomehorses，andbythesideofthedriversatthe“conductor，“thelegitimatecaptainofthecraft；foritwashisbusinesstotakechargeandcareofthemails，baggage，expressmatter，andpassengers。Wethreeweretheonlypassengers，thistrip。Wesatonthebackseat，inside。Aboutalltherestofthecoachwasfullofmailbags——forwehadthreedays"

delayedmailswithus。Almosttouchingourknees，aperpendicularwallofmailmatterroseuptotheroof。Therewasagreatpileofitstrappedontopofthestage，andboththeforeandhindbootswerefull。

Wehadtwenty-sevenhundredpoundsofitaboard，thedriversaid——“alittleforBrigham，andCarson，and"Frisco，buttheheftofitfortheInjuns，whichispowerfultroublesome"thouttheygetplentyoftrucktoread。”Butashejustthengotupafearfulconvulsionofhiscountenancewhichwassuggestiveofawinkbeingswallowedbyanearthquake，weguessedthathisremarkwasintendedtobefacetious，andtomeanthatwewouldunloadthemostofourmailmattersomewhereonthePlainsandleaveittotheIndians，orwhosoeverwantedit。

Wechangedhorseseverytenmiles，alldaylong，andfairlyflewoverthehard，levelroad。Wejumpedoutandstretchedourlegseverytimethecoachstopped，andsothenightfoundusstillvivaciousandunfatigued。

Aftersupperawomangotin，wholivedaboutfiftymilesfurtheron，andwethreehadtotaketurnsatsittingoutsidewiththedriverandconductor。Apparentlyshewasnotatalkativewoman。Shewouldsitthereinthegatheringtwilightandfastenhersteadfasteyesonamosquitorootingintoherarm，andslowlyshewouldraiseherotherhandtillshehadgothisrange，andthenshewouldlaunchaslapathimthatwouldhavejoltedacow；andafterthatshewouldsitandcontemplatethecorpsewithtranquilsatisfaction——forshenevermissedhermosquito；shewasadeadshotatshortrange。Sheneverremovedacarcase，butleftthemthereforbait。IsatbythisgrimSphynxandwatchedherkillthirtyorfortymosquitoes——watchedher，andwaitedforhertosaysomething，butsheneverdid。SoIfinallyopenedtheconversationmyself。Isaid:

“Themosquitoesareprettybad，abouthere，madam。”

“Youbet！“

“WhatdidIunderstandyoutosay，madam?“

“YouBET！“

Thenshecheeredup，andfacedaroundandsaid:

“DangedifIdidn"tbegintothinkyoufellerswasdeefanddumb。Idid，b"gosh。HereI"vesot，andsot，andsot，a-bust"nmuskeetersandwonderin"whatwasailin"ye。FustIthotyouwasdeefanddumb，thenI

thotyouwassickorcrazy，orsuthin"，andthenbyandbyIbegintoreckonyouwasapasselofsicklyfoolsthatcouldn"tthinkofnothingtosay。Wher"dyecomefrom?“

TheSphynxwasaSphynxnomore！Thefountainsofhergreatdeepwerebrokenup，andsherainedtheninepartsofspeechfortydaysandfortynights，metaphoricallyspeaking，andburiedusunderadesolatingdelugeoftrivialgossipthatleftnotacragorpinnacleofrejoinderprojectingabovethetossingwasteofdislocatedgrammaranddecomposedpronunciation！

Howwesuffered，suffered，suffered！Shewenton，hourafterhour，tillIwassorryIeveropenedthemosquitoquestionandgaveherastart。

Sheneverdidstopagainuntilshegottoherjourney"sendtowarddaylight；andthenshestirredusupasshewasleavingthestage(forwewerenodding，bythattime)，andsaid:

“NowyougitoutatCottonwood，youfellers，andlayoveracoupleo"

days，andI"llbealongsometimeto-night，andifIcandoyeanygoodbyedgin"inawordnowandthen，I"mrightthar。Folks"lltellyou"tI"vealwaysbenkindo"offishandpartic"larforagalthat"sraisedinthewoods，andIam，withtherag-tagandbob-tail，andagalhastobe，ifshewantstobeanything，butwhenpeoplecomesalongwhichismyequals，IreckonI"maprettysociableheiferafterall。”

Weresolvednotto“laybyatCottonwood。”

CHAPTERIII。

Aboutanhourandahalfbeforedaylightwewerebowlingalongsmoothlyovertheroad——sosmoothlythatourcradleonlyrockedinagentle，lullingway，thatwasgraduallysoothingustosleep，anddullingourconsciousness——whensomethinggaveawayunderus！Weweredimlyawareofit，butindifferenttoit。Thecoachstopped。Weheardthedriverandconductortalkingtogetheroutside，andrummagingforalantern，andswearingbecausetheycouldnotfindit——butwehadnointerestinwhateverhadhappened，anditonlyaddedtoourcomforttothinkofthosepeopleoutthereatworkinthemurkynight，andwesnuginournestwiththecurtainsdrawn。Butpresently，bythesounds，thereseemedtobeanexaminationgoingon，andthenthedriver"svoicesaid:

“ByGeorge，thethoroughbraceisbroke！“

Thisstartledmebroadawake——asanundefinedsenseofcalamityisalwaysapttodo。Isaidtomyself:“Now，athoroughbraceisprobablypartofahorse；anddoubtlessavitalpart，too，fromthedismayinthedriver"svoice。Leg，maybe——andyethowcouldhebreakhislegwaltzingalongsucharoadasthis?No，itcan"tbehisleg。Thatisimpossible，unlesshewasreachingforthedriver。Now，whatcanbethethoroughbraceofahorse，Iwonder?Well，whatevercomes，Ishallnotairmyignoranceinthiscrowd，anyway。”

Justthentheconductor"sfaceappearedataliftedcurtain，andhislanternglaredinonusandourwallofmailmatter。Hesaid:

“Gents，you"llhavetoturnoutaspell。Thoroughbraceisbroke。”

Weclimbedoutintoachilldrizzle，andfelteversohomelessanddreary。WhenIfoundthatthethingtheycalleda“thoroughbrace“wasthemassivecombinationofbeltsandspringswhichthecoachrocksitselfin，Isaidtothedriver:

“Ineversawathoroughbraceuseduplikethat，before，thatIcanremember。Howdidithappen?“

“Why，ithappenedbytryingtomakeonecoachcarrythreedays"mail——

that"showithappened，“saidhe。“Andrighthereistheverydirectionwhichiswroteonallthenewspaper-bagswhichwastobeputoutfortheInjunsfortokeep"emquiet。It"smostuncommonlucky，becuzit"ssonationdarkIshould"a"gonebyunbeknownsifthatairthoroughbracehadn"tbroke。”

Iknewthathewasinlaborwithanotherofthosewinksofhis，thoughI

couldnotseehisface，becausehewasbentdownatwork；andwishinghimasafedelivery，Iturnedtoandhelpedtherestgetoutthemail-sacks。

Itmadeagreatpyramidbytheroadsidewhenitwasallout。Whentheyhadmendedthethoroughbracewefilledthetwobootsagain，butputnomailontop，andonlyhalfasmuchinsideastherewasbefore。Theconductorbentalltheseat-backsdown，andthenfilledthecoachjusthalffullofmail-bagsfromendtoend。Weobjectedloudlytothis，foritleftusnoseats。Buttheconductorwaswiserthanwe，andsaidabedwasbetterthanseats，andmoreover，thisplanwouldprotecthisthoroughbraces。Weneverwantedanyseatsafterthat。Thelazybedwasinfinitelypreferable。Ihadmanyanexcitingday，subsequently，lyingonitreadingthestatutesandthedictionary，andwonderinghowthecharacterswouldturnout。

Theconductorsaidhewouldsendbackaguardfromthenextstationtotakechargeoftheabandonedmail-bags，andwedroveon。

Itwasnowjustdawn；andaswestretchedourcrampedlegsfulllengthonthemailsacks，andgazedoutthroughthewindowsacrossthewidewastesofgreenswardcladincool，powderymist，towheretherewasanexpectantlookintheeasternhorizon，ourperfectenjoymenttooktheformofatranquilandcontentedecstasy。Thestagewhirledalongataspankinggait，thebreezeflappingcurtainsandsuspendedcoatsinamostexhilaratingway；thecradleswayedandswungluxuriously，thepatteringofthehorses"hoofs，thecrackingofthedriver"swhip，andhis“Hi-yi！

g"lang！“weremusic；thespinninggroundandthewaltzingtreesappearedtogiveusamutehurrahaswewentby，andthenslackupandlookafteruswithinterest，orenvy，orsomething；andaswelayandsmokedthepipeofpeaceandcomparedallthisluxurywiththeyearsoftiresomecitylifethathadgonebeforeit，wefeltthattherewasonlyonecompleteandsatisfyinghappinessintheworld，andwehadfoundit。

Afterbreakfast，atsomestationwhosenameIhaveforgotten，wethreeclimbedupontheseatbehindthedriver，andlettheconductorhaveourbedforanap。Andbyandby，whenthesunmademedrowsy，Ilaydownonmyfaceontopofthecoach，graspingtheslenderironrailing，andsleptforanhourormore。Thatwillgiveoneanappreciableideaofthosematchlessroads。Instinctwillmakeasleepingmangripafastholdoftherailingwhenthestagejolts，butwhenitonlyswingsandsways，nogripisnecessary。Overlanddriversandconductorsusedtositintheirplacesandsleepthirtyorfortyminutesatatime，ongoodroads，whilespinningalongattherateofeightortenmilesanhour。Isawthemdoit，often。Therewasnodangeraboutit；asleepingmanwillseizetheironsintimewhenthecoachjolts。Thesemenwerehardworked，anditwasnotpossibleforthemtostayawakeallthetime。

ByandbywepassedthroughMarysville，andovertheBigBlueandLittleSandy；thenceaboutamile，andenteredNebraska。Aboutamilefurtheron，wecametotheBigSandy——onehundredandeightymilesfromSt。

Joseph。

Asthesunwasgoingdown，wesawthefirstspecimenofananimalknownfamiliarlyovertwothousandmilesofmountainanddesert——fromKansascleartothePacificOcean——asthe“jackassrabbit。”Heiswellnamed。

Heisjustlikeanyotherrabbit，exceptthatheisfromonethirdtotwiceaslarge，haslongerlegsinproportiontohissize，andhasthemostpreposterousearsthateverweremountedonanycreaturebutajackass。

Whenheissittingquiet，thinkingabouthissins，orisabsent-mindedorunapprehensiveofdanger，hismajesticearsprojectabovehimconspicuously；butthebreakingofatwigwillscarehimnearlytodeath，andthenhetiltshisearsbackgentlyandstartsforhome。Allyoucansee，then，forthenextminute，ishislonggrayformstretchedoutstraightand“streakingit“throughthelowsage-brush，headerect，eyesright，andearsjustcantedalittletotherear，butshowingyouwheretheanimalis，allthetime，thesameasifhecarriedajib。Nowandthenhemakesamarvelousspringwithhislonglegs，highoverthestuntedsage-brush，andscoresaleapthatwouldmakeahorseenvious。

Presentlyhecomesdowntoalong，graceful“lope，“andshortlyhemysteriouslydisappears。Hehascrouchedbehindasage-bush，andwillsitthereandlistenandtrembleuntilyougetwithinsixfeetofhim，whenhewillgetunderwayagain。Butonemustshootatthiscreatureonce，ifhewishestoseehimthrowhisheartintohisheels，anddothebestheknowshow。Heisfrightenedclearthrough，now，andhelayshislongearsdownonhisback，straightenshimselfoutlikeayard-stickeveryspringhemakes，andscattersmilesbehindhimwithaneasyindifferencethatisenchanting。

Ourpartymadethisspecimen“humphimself，“astheconductorsaid。ThesecretarystartedhimwithashotfromtheColt；Icommencedspittingathimwithmyweapon；andallinthesameinstanttheold“Allen"s“wholebroadsideletgowitharattlingcrash，anditisnotputtingittoostrongtosaythattherabbitwasfrantic！Hedroppedhisears，setuphistail，andleftforSanFranciscoataspeedwhichcanonlybedescribedasaflashandavanish！Longafterhewasoutofsightwecouldhearhimwhiz。

Idonotrememberwherewefirstcameacross“sage-brush，“butasIhavebeenspeakingofitImayaswelldescribeit。

Thisiseasilydone，forifthereadercanimagineagnarledandvenerableliveoak-treereducedtoalittleshrubtwofeet-high，withitsroughbark，itsfoliage，itstwistedboughs，allcomplete，hecanpicturethe“sage-brush“exactly。Often，onlazyafternoonsinthemountains，I

havelainonthegroundwithmyfaceunderasage-bush，andentertainedmyselfwithfancyingthatthegnatsamongitsfoliagewereliliputianbirds，andthattheantsmarchingandcountermarchingaboutitsbasewereliliputianflocksandherds，andmyselfsomevastloaferfromBrobdignagwaitingtocatchalittlecitizenandeathim。

Itisanimposingmonarchoftheforestinexquisiteminiature，isthe“sage-brush。”Itsfoliageisagrayishgreen，andgivesthattinttodesertandmountain。Itsmellslikeourdomesticsage，and“sage-tea“

madefromittastelikethesage-teawhichallboysaresowellacquaintedwith。Thesage-brushisasingularlyhardyplant，andgrowsrightinthemidstofdeepsand，andamongbarrenrocks，wherenothingelseinthevegetableworldwouldtrytogrow，except“bunch-grass。”——

[“Bunch-grass“growsonthebleakmountain-sidesofNevadaandneighboringterritories，andoffersexcellentfeedforstock，eveninthedeadofwinter，whereverthesnowisblownasideandexposesit；

notwithstandingitsunpromisinghome，bunch-grassisabetterandmorenutritiousdietforcattleandhorsesthanalmostanyotherhayorgrassthatisknown——sostock-mensay。]——Thesage-bushesgrowfromthreetosixorsevenfeetapart，alloverthemountainsanddesertsoftheFarWest，cleartothebordersofCalifornia。Thereisnotatreeofanykindinthedeserts，forhundredsofmiles——thereisnovegetationatallinaregulardesert，exceptthesage-brushanditscousinthe“greasewood，“whichissomuchlikethesage-brushthatthedifferenceamountstolittle。Camp-firesandhotsuppersinthedesertswouldbeimpossiblebutforthefriendlysage-brush。Itstrunkisaslargeasaboy"swrist(andfromthatuptoaman"sarm)，anditscrookedbranchesarehalfaslargeasitstrunk——allgood，sound，hardwood，verylikeoak。

Whenapartycamps，thefirstthingtobedoneistocutsage-brush；andinafewminutesthereisanopulentpileofitreadyforuse。Aholeafootwide，twofeetdeep，andtwofeetlong，isdug，andsage-brushchoppedupandburnedinittillitisfulltothebrimwithglowingcoals。Thenthecookingbegins，andthereisnosmoke，andconsequentlynoswearing。Suchafirewillkeepallnight，withverylittlereplenishing；anditmakesaverysociablecamp-fire，andonearoundwhichthemostimpossiblereminiscencessoundplausible，instructive，andprofoundlyentertaining。

Sage-brushisveryfairfuel，butasavegetableitisadistinguishedfailure。Nothingcanabidethetasteofitbutthejackassandhisillegitimatechildthemule。Buttheirtestimonytoitsnutritiousnessisworthnothing，fortheywilleatpineknots，oranthracitecoal，orbrassfilings，orleadpipe，oroldbottles，oranythingthatcomeshandy，andthengoofflookingasgratefulasiftheyhadhadoystersfordinner。Mulesanddonkeysandcamelshaveappetitesthatanythingwillrelievetemporarily，butnothingsatisfy。

InSyria，once，atthehead-watersoftheJordan，acameltookchargeofmyovercoatwhilethetentswerebeingpitched，andexamineditwithacriticaleye，allover，withasmuchinterestasifhehadanideaofgettingonemadelikeit；andthen，afterhewasdonefiguringonitasanarticleofapparel，hebegantocontemplateitasanarticleofdiet。

Heputhisfootonit，andliftedoneofthesleevesoutwithhisteeth，andchewedandchewedatit，graduallytakingitin，andallthewhileopeningandclosinghiseyesinakindofreligiousecstasy，asifhehadnevertastedanythingasgoodasanovercoatbefore，inhislife。Thenhesmackedhislipsonceortwice，andreachedaftertheothersleeve。

Nexthetriedthevelvetcollar，andsmiledasmileofsuchcontentmentthatitwasplaintoseethatheregardedthatasthedaintiestthingaboutanovercoat。Thetailswentnext，alongwithsomepercussioncapsandcoughcandy，andsomefig-pastefromConstantinople。Andthenmynewspapercorrespondencedroppedout，andhetookachanceinthat——

manuscriptletterswrittenforthehomepapers。Buthewastreadingondangerousground，now。Hebegantocomeacrosssolidwisdominthosedocumentsthatwasratherweightyonhisstomach；andoccasionallyhewouldtakeajokethatwouldshakehimuptillitloosenedhisteeth；itwasgettingtobeperiloustimeswithhim，butheheldhisgripwithgoodcourageandhopefully，tillatlasthebegantostumbleonstatementsthatnotevenacamelcouldswallowwithimpunity。Hebegantogagandgasp，andhiseyestostandout，andhisforelegstospread，andinaboutaquarterofaminutehefelloverasstiffasacarpenter"swork-bench，anddiedadeathofindescribableagony。Iwentandpulledthemanuscriptoutofhismouth，andfoundthatthesensitivecreaturehadchokedtodeathononeofthemildestandgentleststatementsoffactthatIeverlaidbeforeatrustingpublic。

Iwasabouttosay，whendivertedfrommysubject，thatoccasionallyonefindssage-bushesfiveorsixfeethigh，andwithaspreadofbranchandfoliageinproportion，buttwoortwoandahalffeetistheusualheight。

CHAPTERIV。

Asthesunwentdownandtheeveningchillcameon，wemadepreparationforbed。Westirredupthehardleatherletter-sacks，andtheknottycanvasbagsofprintedmatter(knottyandunevenbecauseofprojectingendsandcornersofmagazines，boxesandbooks)。Westirredthemupandredisposedtheminsuchawayastomakeourbedaslevelaspossible。

Andwedidimproveit，too，thoughafterallourworkithadanupheavedandbillowylookaboutit，likealittlepieceofastormysea。Nextwehuntedupourbootsfromoddnooksamongthemail-bagswheretheyhadsettled，andputthemon。Thenwegotdownourcoats，vests，pantaloonsandheavywoolenshirts，fromthearm-loopswheretheyhadbeenswingingallday，andclothedourselvesinthem——for，therebeingnoladieseitheratthestationsorinthecoach，andtheweatherbeinghot，wehadlookedtoourcomfortbystrippingtoourunderclothing，atnineo"clockinthemorning。Allthingsbeingnowready，westowedtheuneasyDictionarywhereitwouldlieasquietaspossible，andplacedthewater-canteensandpistolswherewecouldfindtheminthedark。Thenwesmokedafinalpipe，andswappedafinalyarn；afterwhich，weputthepipes，tobaccoandbagofcoininsnugholesandcavesamongthemail-bags，andthenfasteneddownthecoachcurtainsallaround，andmadetheplaceas“darkastheinsideofacow，“astheconductorphraseditinhispicturesqueway。Itwascertainlyasdarkasanyplacecouldbe——nothingwasevendimlyvisibleinit。Andfinally，werolledourselvesuplikesilk-

worms，eachpersoninhisownblanket，andsankpeacefullytosleep。

Wheneverthestagestoppedtochangehorses，wewouldwakeup，andtrytorecollectwherewewere——andsucceed——andinaminuteortwothestagewouldbeoffagain，andwelikewise。Webegantogetintocountry，now，threadedhereandtherewithlittlestreams。Thesehadhigh，steepbanksoneachside，andeverytimeweflewdownonebankandscrambleduptheother，ourpartyinsidegotmixedsomewhat。Firstwewouldallbedowninapileattheforwardendofthestage，nearlyinasittingposture，andinasecondwewouldshoottotheotherend，andstandonourheads。

Andwewouldsprawlandkick，too，andwardoffendsandcornersofmail-

bagsthatcamelumberingoverusandaboutus；andasthedustrosefromthetumult，wewouldallsneezeinchorus，andthemajorityofuswouldgrumble，andprobablysaysomehastything，like:“Takeyourelbowoutofmyribs！——can"tyouquitcrowding?“

Everytimeweavalanchedfromoneendofthestagetotheother，theUnabridgedDictionarywouldcometoo；andeverytimeitcameitdamagedsomebody。Onetripit“barked“theSecretary"selbow；thenexttripithurtmeinthestomach，andthethirdittiltedBemis"snoseuptillhecouldlookdownhisnostrils——hesaid。Thepistolsandcoinsoonsettledtothebottom，butthepipes，pipe-stems，tobaccoandcanteensclatteredandflounderedaftertheDictionaryeverytimeitmadeanassaultonus，andaidedandabettedthebookbyspillingtobaccoinoureyes，andwaterdownourbacks。

Still，allthingsconsidered，itwasaverycomfortablenight。Itworegraduallyaway，andwhenatlastacoldgraylightwasvisiblethroughthepuckersandchinksinthecurtains，weyawnedandstretchedwithsatisfaction，shedourcocoons，andfeltthatwehadsleptasmuchaswasnecessary。Byandby，asthesunroseupandwarmedtheworld，wepulledoffourclothesandgotreadyforbreakfast。Wewerejustpleasantlyintime，forfiveminutesafterwardthedriversenttheweirdmusicofhisbuglewindingoverthegrassysolitudes，andpresentlywedetectedalowhutortwointhedistance。Thentherattlingofthecoach，theclatterofoursixhorses"hoofs，andthedriver"scrispcommands，awoketoalouderandstrongeremphasis，andwewentsweepingdownonthestationatoursmartestspeed。Itwasfascinating——thatoldoverlandstagecoaching。

Wejumpedoutinundressuniform。Thedrivertossedhisgatheredreinsoutontheground，gapedandstretchedcomplacently，drewoffhisheavybuckskingloveswithgreatdeliberationandinsufferabledignity——takingnottheslightestnoticeofadozensolicitousinquiresafterhishealth，andhumblyfacetiousandflatteringaccostings，andobsequioustendersofservice，fromfiveorsixhairyandhalf-civilizedstation-keepersandhostlerswhowerenimblyunhitchingoursteedsandbringingthefreshteamoutofthestables——forintheeyesofthestage-driverofthatday，station-keepersandhostlerswereasortofgoodenoughlowcreatures，usefulintheirplace，andhelpingtomakeupaworld，butnotthekindofbeingswhichapersonofdistinctioncouldaffordtoconcernhimselfwith；while，onthecontrary，intheeyesofthestation-keeperandthehostler，thestage-driverwasahero——agreatandshiningdignitary，theworld"sfavoriteson，theenvyofthepeople，theobservedofthenations。Whentheyspoketohimtheyreceivedhisinsolentsilencemeekly，andasbeingthenaturalandproperconductofsogreataman；

whenheopenedhislipstheyallhungonhiswordswithadmiration(heneverhonoredaparticularindividualwitharemark，butaddresseditwithabroadgeneralitytothehorses，thestables，thesurroundingcountryandthehumanunderlings)；whenhedischargedafacetiousinsultingpersonalityatahostler，thathostlerwashappyfortheday；

whenheutteredhisonejest——oldasthehills，coarse，profane，witless，andinflictedonthesameaudience，inthesamelanguage，everytimehiscoachdroveupthere——thevarletsroared，andslappedtheirthighs，andsworeitwasthebestthingthey"deverheardinalltheirlives。Andhowtheywouldflyaroundwhenhewantedabasinofwater，agourdofthesame，oralightforhispipe！——buttheywouldinstantlyinsultapassengerifhesofarforgothimselfastocraveafavorattheirhands。

Theycoulddothatsortofinsolenceaswellasthedrivertheycopieditfrom——for，letitbeborneinmind，theoverlanddriverhadbutlittlelesscontemptforhispassengersthanhehadforhishostlers。

Thehostlersandstation-keeperstreatedthereallypowerfulconductorofthecoachmerelywiththebestofwhatwastheirideaofcivility，butthedriverwastheonlybeingtheyboweddowntoandworshipped。Howadmiringlytheywouldgazeupathiminhishighseatasheglovedhimselfwithlingeringdeliberation，whilesomehappyhostlerheldthebunchofreinsaloft，andwaitedpatientlyforhimtotakeit！Andhowtheywouldbombardhimwithglorifyingejaculationsashecrackedhislongwhipandwentcareeringaway。

Thestationbuildingswerelong，lowhuts，madeofsundried，mud-coloredbricks，laidupwithoutmortar(adobes，theSpaniardscallthesebricks，andAmericansshortenitto"dobies)。Theroofs，whichhadnoslanttothemworthspeakingof，werethatchedandthensoddedorcoveredwithathicklayerofearth，andfromthissprungaprettyrankgrowthofweedsandgrass。Itwasthefirsttimewehadeverseenaman"sfrontyardontopofhishouse。Thebuildingconsistedofbarns，stable-roomfortwelveorfifteenhorses，andahutforaneating-roomforpassengers。

Thislatterhadbunksinitforthestation-keeperandahostlerortwo。

Youcouldrestyourelbowonitseaves，andyouhadtobendinordertogetinatthedoor。Inplaceofawindowtherewasasquareholeaboutlargeenoughforamantocrawlthrough，butthishadnoglassinit。

Therewasnoflooring，butthegroundwaspackedhard。Therewasnostove，butthefire-placeservedallneedfulpurposes。Therewerenoshelves，nocupboards，noclosets。Inacornerstoodanopensackofflour，andnestlingagainstitsbasewereacoupleofblackandvenerabletincoffee-pots，atinteapot，alittlebagofsalt，andasideofbacon。

Bythedoorofthestation-keeper"sden，outside，wasatinwash-basin，ontheground。Nearitwasapailofwaterandapieceofyellowbarsoap，andfromtheeaveshungahoarybluewoolenshirt，significantly——

butthislatterwasthestation-keeper"sprivatetowel，andonlytwopersonsinallthepartymightventuretouseit——thestage-driverandtheconductor。Thelatterwouldnot，fromasenseofdecency；theformerwouldnot，becausedidnotchoosetoencouragetheadvancesofastation-

keeper。Wehadtowels——inthevalise；theymightaswellhavebeeninSodomandGomorrah。We(andtheconductor)usedourhandkerchiefs，andthedriverhispantaloonsandsleeves。Bythedoor，inside，wasfastenedasmallold-fashionedlooking-glassframe，withtwolittlefragmentsoftheoriginalmirrorlodgeddowninonecornerofit。Thisarrangementaffordedapleasantdouble-barreledportraitofyouwhenyoulookedintoit，withonehalfofyourheadsetupacoupleofinchesabovetheotherhalf。Fromtheglassframehungthehalfofacombbyastring——butifI

hadtodescribethatpatriarchordie，IbelieveIwouldordersomesamplecoffins。

IthadcomedownfromEsauandSamson，andhadbeenaccumulatinghaireversince——alongwithcertainimpurities。Inonecorneroftheroomstoodthreeorfourriflesandmuskets，togetherwithhornsandpouchesofammunition。Thestation-menworepantaloonsofcoarse，country-wovenstuff，andintotheseatandtheinsideofthelegsweresewedampleadditionsofbuckskin，tododutyinplaceofleggings，whenthemanrodehorseback——sothepantswerehalfdullblueandhalfyellow，andunspeakablypicturesque。Thepantswerestuffedintothetopsofhighboots，theheelswhereofwerearmedwithgreatSpanishspurs，whoselittleironclogsandchainsjingledwitheverystep。Themanworeahugebeardandmustachios，anoldslouchhat，abluewoolenshirt，nosuspenders，novest，nocoat——inaleathernsheathinhisbelt，agreatlong“navy“revolver(slungonrightside，hammertothefront)，andprojectingfromhisbootahorn-handledbowie-knife。Thefurnitureofthehutwasneithergorgeousnormuchintheway。Therocking-chairsandsofaswerenotpresent，andneverhadbeen，buttheywererepresentedbytwothree-leggedstools，apine-boardbenchfourfeetlong，andtwoemptycandle-boxes。Thetablewasagreasyboardonstilts，andthetable-

clothandnapkinshadnotcome——andtheywerenotlookingforthem，either。Abatteredtinplatter，aknifeandfork，andatinpintcup，wereateachman"splace，andthedriverhadaqueens-waresaucerthathadseenbetterdays。Ofcoursethisdukesatattheheadofthetable。

Therewasoneisolatedpieceoftablefurniturethatboreaboutitatouchingairofgrandeurinmisfortune。Thiswasthecaster。ItwasGermansilver，andcrippledandrusty，butitwassopreposterouslyoutofplacetherethatitwassuggestiveofatatteredexiledkingamongbarbarians，andthemajestyofitsnativepositioncompelledrespecteveninitsdegradation。

Therewasonlyonecruetleft，andthatwasastopperless，fly-specked，broken-neckedthing，withtwoinchesofvinegarinit，andadozenpreservedflieswiththeirheelsupandlookingsorrytheyhadinvestedthere。

Thestation-keeperupendedadiskoflastweek"sbread，oftheshapeandsizeofanold-timecheese，andcarvedsomeslabsfromitwhichwereasgoodasNicholsonpavement，andtenderer。

Heslicedoffapieceofbaconforeachman，butonlytheexperiencedoldhandsmadeouttoeatit，foritwascondemnedarmybaconwhichtheUnitedStateswouldnotfeedtoitssoldiersintheforts，andthestagecompanyhadboughtitcheapforthesustenanceoftheirpassengersandemployees。WemayhavefoundthiscondemnedarmybaconfurtheroutontheplainsthanthesectionIamlocatingitin，butwefoundit——thereisnogainsayingthat。

Thenhepouredforusabeveragewhichhecalled“Slumgullion，“anditishardtothinkhewasnotinspiredwhenhenamedit。Itreallypretendedtobetea，buttherewastoomuchdish-rag，andsand，andoldbacon-rindinittodeceivetheintelligenttraveler。

Hehadnosugarandnomilk——notevenaspoontostirtheingredientswith。

Wecouldnoteatthebreadorthemeat，nordrinkthe“slumgullion。”AndwhenIlookedatthatmelancholyvinegar-cruet，Ithoughtoftheanecdote(avery，veryoldone，evenatthatday)ofthetravelerwhosatdowntoatablewhichhadnothingonitbutamackerelandapotofmustard。Heaskedthelandlordifthiswasall。Thelandlordsaid:

“All！Why，thunderandlightning，Ishouldthinktherewasmackerelenoughthereforsix。”

“ButIdon"tlikemackerel。”

“Oh——thenhelpyourselftothemustard。”

InotherdaysIhadconsidereditagood，averygood，anecdote，buttherewasadismalplausibilityaboutit，here，thattookallthehumoroutofit。

Ourbreakfastwasbeforeus，butourteethwereidle。

Itastedandsmelt，andsaidIwouldtakecoffee，Ibelieved。Thestation-bossstoppeddeadstill，andglaredatmespeechless。Atlast，whenhecameto，heturnedawayandsaid，asonewhocommuneswithhimselfuponamattertoovasttograsp:

“Coffee！Well，ifthatdon"tgocleanaheadofme，I"md——d！“

Wecouldnoteat，andtherewasnoconversationamongthehostlersandherdsmen——weallsatatthesameboard。Atleasttherewasnoconversationfurtherthanasinglehurriedrequest，nowandthen，fromoneemployeetoanother。Itwasalwaysinthesameform，andalwaysgrufflyfriendly。Itswesternfreshnessandnoveltystartledme，atfirst，andinterestedme；butitpresentlygrewmonotonous，andlostitscharm。Itwas:

“Passthebread，yousonofaskunk！“No，Iforget——skunkwasnottheword；itseemstomeitwasstillstrongerthanthat；Iknowitwas，infact，butitisgonefrommymemory，apparently。However，itisnomatter——probablyitwastoostrongforprint，anyway。ItisthelandmarkinmymemorywhichtellsmewhereIfirstencounteredthevigorousnewvernacularoftheoccidentalplainsandmountains。

Wegaveupthebreakfast，andpaidourdollarapieceandwentbacktoourmail-bagbedinthecoach，andfoundcomfortinourpipes。Rightherewesufferedthefirstdiminutionofourprincelystate。Weleftoursixfinehorsesandtooksixmulesintheirplace。ButtheywerewildMexicanfellows，andamanhadtostandattheheadofeachofthemandholdhimfastwhilethedriverglovedandgothimselfready。Andwhenatlasthegraspedthereinsandgavetheword，themensprungsuddenlyawayfromthemules"headsandthecoachshotfromthestationasifithadissuedfromacannon。Howthefranticanimalsdidscamper！Itwasafierceandfuriousgallop——andthegaitneveralteredforamomenttillwereeledofftenortwelvemilesandsweptuptothenextcollectionoflittlestation-hutsandstables。

Soweflewalongallday。At2P。M。thebeltoftimberthatfringestheNorthPlatteandmarksitswindingsthroughthevastlevelfloorofthePlainscameinsight。At4P。M。wecrossedabranchoftheriver，andat5P。M。wecrossedthePlatteitself，andlandedatFortKearney，fifty-sixhoursoutfromSt。Joe——THREEHUNDREDMILES！

Nowthatwasstage-coachingonthegreatoverland，tenortwelveyearsago，whenperhapsnotmorethantenmeninAmerica，alltold，expectedtolivetoseearailroadfollowthatroutetothePacific。Buttherailroadisthere，now，anditpicturesathousandoddcomparisonsandcontrastsinmymindtoreadthefollowingsketch，intheNewYorkTimes，ofarecenttripoveralmosttheverygroundIhavebeendescribing。I

canscarcelycomprehendthenewstateofthings:

“ACROSSTHECONTINENT。

“At4。20P。M。，Sunday，werolledoutofthestationatOmaha，andstartedwestwardonourlongjaunt。Acoupleofhoursout，dinnerwasannounced——an“event“tothoseofuswhohadyettoexperiencewhatitistoeatinoneofPullman"shotelsonwheels；so，steppingintothecarnextforwardofoursleepingpalace，wefoundourselvesinthedining-car。Itwasarevelationtous，thatfirstdinneronSunday。Andthoughwecontinuedtodineforfourdays，andhadasmanybreakfastsandsuppers，ourwholepartyneverceasedtoadmiretheperfectionofthearrangements，andthemarvelousresultsachieved。Upontablescoveredwithsnowylinen，andgarnishedwithservicesofsolidsilver，Ethiopwaiters，flittingaboutinspotlesswhite，placedasbymagicarepastatwhichDelmonicohimselfcouldhavehadnooccasiontoblush；and，indeed，insomerespectsitwouldbehardforthatdistinguishedcheftomatchourmenu；for，inadditiontoallthatordinarilymakesupafirst-chopdinner，hadwenotourantelopesteak(thegormandwhohasnotexperiencedthis——

bah！whatdoesheknowofthefeastoffatthings?)ourdeliciousmountain-brooktrout，andchoicefruitsandberries，and(saucepiquantandunpurchasable！)oursweet-scented，appetite-compellingairoftheprairies?

Youmaydependuponit，wealldidjusticetothegoodthings，andaswewashedthemdownwithbumpersofsparklingKrug，whilstwespedalongattherateofthirtymilesanhour，agreeditwasthefastestlivingwehadeverexperienced。(Webeatthat，however，twodaysafterwardwhenwemadetwenty-sevenmilesintwenty-sevenminutes，whileourChampagneglassesfilledtothebrimspillednotadrop！)Afterdinnerwerepairedtoourdrawing-roomcar，and，asitwasSabbatheve，intonedsomeofthegrandoldhymns——“PraiseGodfromwhom，“etc。；“ShiningShore，““Coronation，“etc——thevoicesofthemensingersandofthewomensingersblendingsweetlyintheeveningair，whileourtrain，withitsgreat，glaringPolyphemuseye，lightinguplongvistasofprairie，rushedintothenightandtheWild。Thentobedinluxuriouscouches，wherewesleptthesleepofthejustandonlyawokethenextmorning(Monday)ateighto"clock，tofindourselvesatthecrossingoftheNorthPlatte，threehundredmilesfromOmaha——fifteenhoursandfortyminutesout。”

CHAPTERV。

Anothernightofalternatetranquillityandturmoil。Butmorningcame，byandby。Itwasanothergladawakeningtofreshbreezes，vastexpansesoflevelgreensward，brightsunlight，animpressivesolitudeutterlywithoutvisiblehumanbeingsorhumanhabitations，andanatmosphereofsuchamazingmagnifyingpropertiesthattreesthatseemedcloseathandweremorethanthreemileaway。Weresumedundressuniform，climbeda-topoftheflyingcoach，dangledourlegsovertheside，shoutedoccasionallyatourfranticmules，merelytoseethemlaytheirearsbackandscamperfaster，tiedourhatsontokeepourhairfromblowingaway，andleveledanoutlookovertheworld-widecarpetaboutusforthingsnewandstrangetogazeat。Evenatthisdayitthrillsmethroughandthroughtothinkofthelife，thegladnessandthewildsenseoffreedomthatusedtomaketheblooddanceinmyveinsonthosefineoverlandmornings！

Alongaboutanhourafterbreakfastwesawthefirstprairie-dogvillages，thefirstantelope，andthefirstwolf。IfIrememberrightly，thislatterwastheregularcayote(pronouncedky-o-te)ofthefartherdeserts。Andifitwas，hewasnotaprettycreatureorrespectableeither，forIgotwellacquaintedwithhisraceafterward，andcanspeakwithconfidence。Thecayoteisalong，slim，sickandsorry-lookingskeleton，withagraywolf-skinstretchedoverit，atolerablybushytailthatforeversagsdownwithadespairingexpressionofforsakennessandmisery，afurtiveandevileye，andalong，sharpface，withslightlyliftedlipandexposedteeth。Hehasageneralslinkingexpressionallover。Thecayoteisaliving，breathingallegoryofWant。Heisalwayshungry。

Heisalwayspoor，outofluckandfriendless。Themeanestcreaturesdespisehim，andeventhefleaswoulddeserthimforavelocipede。Heissospiritlessandcowardlythatevenwhilehisexposedteetharepretendingathreat，therestofhisfaceisapologizingforit。Andheissohomely！——soscrawny，andribby，andcoarse-haired，andpitiful。

Whenheseesyouheliftshislipandletsaflashofhisteethout，andthenturnsalittleoutofthecoursehewaspursuing，depresseshisheadabit，andstrikesalong，soft-footedtrotthroughthesage-brush，glancingoverhisshoulderatyou，fromtimetotime，tillheisaboutoutofeasypistolrange，andthenhestopsandtakesadeliberatesurveyofyou；hewilltrotfiftyyardsandstopagain——anotherfiftyandstopagain；andfinallythegrayofhisglidingbodyblendswiththegrayofthesage-brush，andhedisappears。Allthisiswhenyoumakenodemonstrationagainsthim；butifyoudo，hedevelopsalivelierinterestinhisjourney，andinstantlyelectrifieshisheelsandputssuchadealofrealestatebetweenhimselfandyourweapon，thatbythetimeyouhaveraisedthehammeryouseethatyouneedaminierifle，andbythetimeyouhavegothiminlineyouneedarifledcannon，andbythetimeyouhave“drawnabead“onhimyouseewellenoughthatnothingbutanunusuallylong-windedstreakoflightningcouldreachhimwhereheisnow。Butifyoustartaswift-footeddogafterhim，youwillenjoyiteversomuch——especiallyifitisadogthathasagoodopinionofhimself，andhasbeenbroughtuptothinkheknowssomethingaboutspeed。

Thecayotewillgoswinginggentlyoffonthatdeceitfultrotofhis，andeverylittlewhilehewillsmileafraudfulsmileoverhisshoulderthatwillfillthatdogentirelyfullofencouragementandworldlyambition，andmakehimlayhisheadstilllowertotheground，andstretchhisneckfurthertothefront，andpantmorefiercely，andstickhistailoutstraighterbehind，andmovehisfuriouslegswithayetwilderfrenzy，andleaveabroaderandbroader，andhigheranddensercloudofdesertsandsmokingbehind，andmarkinghislongwakeacrossthelevelplain！