第11章
Aprolongedconsultationtookplace，thatnight，inthelittle，parlour-aconsultationthatwastosettlethefuturedestiniesof，theTuggses。Theshopwasshutup，atanunusuallyearlyhour;and，manyweretheunavailingkicksbestoweduponthecloseddoorby，applicantsforquarternsofsugar，orhalf-quarternsofbread，or，penn’orthsofpepper，whichweretohavebeen’lefttillSaturday，’
butwhichfortunehaddecreedweretobeleftalonealtogether。
’Wemustcertainlygiveupbusiness，’saidMissTuggs。
’Oh，decidedly，’saidMrs。Tuggs。
’Simonshallgotothebar，’saidMr。JosephTuggs。
’AndIshallalwayssignmyself“Cymon“infuture，’saidhisson。
’AndIshallcallmyselfCharlotta，’saidMissTuggs。
’AndyoumustalwayscallME“Ma，“andfather“Pa，“’saidMrs。
Tuggs。
’Yes，andPamustleaveoffallhisvulgarhabits，’interposedMiss，Tuggs。
’I’lltakecareofallthat，’respondedMr。JosephTuggs，complacently。Hewas，atthatverymoment，eatingpickledsalmon，withapocket-knife。
’Wemustleavetownimmediately，’saidMr。CymonTuggs。
Everybodyconcurredthatthiswasanindispensablepreliminaryto，beinggenteel。Thequestionthenarose，Whereshouldtheygo？
’Gravesend？’mildlysuggestedMr。JosephTuggs。Theideawas，unanimouslyscouted。GravesendwasLOW。
’Margate？’insinuatedMrs。Tuggs。Worseandworse-nobodythere，buttradespeople。
’Brighton？’，Mr。CymonTuggsopposedaninsurmountableobjection。
Allthecoacheshadbeenupset，inturn，withinthelastthree，weeks;eachcoachhadaveragedtwopassengerskilled，andsix，wounded;and，ineverycase，thenewspapershaddistinctly，understoodthat’noblamewhateverwasattributabletothe，coachman。’
’Ramsgate？’ejaculatedMr。Cymon，thoughtfully。Tobesure;how，stupidtheymusthavebeen，nottohavethoughtofthatbefore！
Ramsgatewasjusttheplaceofallothers。
Twomonthsafterthisconversation，theCityofLondonRamsgate，steamerwasrunninggailydowntheriver。Herflagwasflying，her，bandwasplaying，herpassengerswereconversing;everythingabout，herseemedgayandlively-Nowonder-theTuggseswereonboard。
’Charming，ain’tit？’saidMr。JosephTuggs，inabottle-green，great-coat，withavelvetcollarofthesame，andablue，travelling-capwithagoldband。
’Soul-inspiring，’repliedMr。CymonTuggs-hewasenteredatthe，bar。’Soul-inspiring！’
’Delightfulmorning，sir！’saidastoutish，military-looking，gentlemaninabluesurtoutbuttoneduptohischin，andwhite，trouserschaineddowntothesolesofhisboots。
Mr。CymonTuggstookuponhimselftheresponsibilityofanswering，theobservation。’Heavenly！’hereplied。
’YouareanenthusiasticadmirerofthebeautiesofNature，sir？’
saidthemilitarygentleman。
’Iam，sir，’repliedMr。CymonTuggs。
’Travelledmuch，sir？’inquiredthemilitarygentleman。
’Notmuch，’repliedMr。CymonTuggs。
’You’vebeenonthecontinent，ofcourse？’inquiredthemilitary，gentleman。
’Notexactly，’repliedMr。CymonTuggs-inaqualifiedtone，asif，hewishedittobeimpliedthathehadgonehalf-wayandcomeback，again。
’Youofcourseintendyoursontomakethegrandtour，sir？’said，themilitarygentleman，addressingMr。JosephTuggs。
AsMr。JosephTuggsdidnotpreciselyunderstandwhatthegrand，tourwas，orhowsuchanarticlewasmanufactured，hereplied，’Of，course。’，Justashesaidtheword，therecametrippingup，from，herseatatthesternofthevessel，ayoungladyinapuce-
colouredsilkcloak，andbootsofthesame;withlongblack，ringlets，largeblackeyes，briefpetticoats，andunexceptionable，ankles。
’Walter，mydear，’saidtheyoungladytothemilitarygentleman。
’Yes，Belinda，mylove，’respondedthemilitarygentlemantothe，black-eyedyounglady。
’Whathaveyouleftmealonesolongfor？’saidtheyounglady。’I
havebeenstaredoutofcountenancebythoserudeyoungmen。’
’What！staredat？’exclaimedthemilitarygentleman，withan，emphasiswhichmadeMr。CymonTuggswithdrawhiseyesfromthe，younglady’sfacewithinconceivablerapidity。’Whichyoungmen-
where？’andthemilitarygentlemanclenchedhisfist，andglared，fearfullyonthecigar-smokersaround。
’Becalm，Walter，Ientreat，’saidtheyounglady。
’Iwon’t，’saidthemilitarygentleman。
’Do，sir，’interposedMr。CymonTuggs。’Theyain’tworthyour，notice。’
’No-no-theyarenot，indeed，’urgedtheyounglady。
’IWILLbecalm，’saidthemilitarygentleman。’Youspeaktruly，sir。Ithankyouforatimelyremonstrance，whichmayhavespared，metheguiltofmanslaughter。’，Calminghiswrath，themilitary，gentlemanwrungMr。CymonTuggsbythehand。
’Mysister，sir！’saidMr。CymonTuggs;seeingthatthemilitary，gentlemanwascastinganadmiringlooktowardsMissCharlotta。
’Mywife，ma’am-Mrs。CaptainWaters，’saidthemilitary，gentleman，presentingtheblack-eyedyounglady。
’Mymother，ma’am-Mrs。Tuggs，’saidMr。Cymon。Themilitary，gentlemanandhiswifemurmuredenchantingcourtesies;andthe，Tuggseslookedasunembarrassedastheycould。
’Walter，mydear，’saidtheblack-eyedyounglady，aftertheyhad，satchattingwiththeTuggsessomehalf-hour。
’Yes，mylove，’saidthemilitarygentleman。
’Don’tyouthinkthisgentleman(withaninclinationofthehead，towardsMr。CymonTuggs)isverymuchliketheMarquisCarriwini？’
’Lordblessme，very！’saidthemilitarygentleman。
’Itstruckme，themomentIsawhim，’saidtheyounglady，gazing，intently，andwithamelancholyair，onthescarletcountenanceof，Mr。CymonTuggs。Mr。CymonTuggslookedateverybody;andfinding，thateverybodywaslookingathim，appearedtofeelsometemporary，difficultyindisposingofhiseyesight。
’Soexactlytheairofthemarquis，’saidthemilitarygentleman。
’Quiteextraordinary！’sighedthemilitarygentleman’slady。
’Youdon’tknowthemarquis，sir？’inquiredthemilitarygentleman。
Mr。CymonTuggsstammeredanegative。
’Ifyoudid，’continuedCaptainWalterWaters，’youwouldfeelhow，muchreasonyouhavetobeproudoftheresemblance-amost，elegantman，withamostprepossessingappearance。’
’Heis-heisindeed！’exclaimedBelindaWatersenergetically。As，hereyecaughtthatofMr。CymonTuggs，shewithdrewitfromhis，featuresinbashfulconfusion。
AllthiswashighlygratifyingtothefeelingsoftheTuggses;and，when，inthecourseoffartherconversation，itwasdiscoveredthat，MissCharlottaTuggswastheFACSIMILEofatitledrelativeof，Mrs。BelindaWaters，andthatMrs。Tuggsherselfwasthevery，pictureoftheDowagerDuchessofDobbleton，theirdelightinthe，acquisitionofsogenteelandfriendlyanacquaintance，knewno，bounds。EventhedignityofCaptainWalterWatersrelaxed，tothat，degree，thathesufferedhimselftobeprevaileduponbyMr。Joseph，Tuggs，topartakeofcoldpigeon-pieandsherry，ondeck;anda，mostdelightfulconversation，aidedbytheseagreeablestimulants，wasprolonged，untiltheyranalongsideRamsgatePier。
’Good-bye，dear！’saidMrs。CaptainWaterstoMissCharlottaTuggs，justbeforethebustleoflandingcommenced;’weshallseeyouon，thesandsinthemorning;and，aswearesuretohavefound，lodgingsbeforethen，Ihopeweshallbeinseparablesformany，weekstocome。’
’Oh！Ihopeso，’saidMissCharlottaTuggs，emphatically。
’Tickets，ladiesandgen’lm’n，’saidthemanonthepaddle-box。
’Wantaporter，sir？’inquiredadozenmeninsmock-frocks。
’Now，mydear！’saidCaptainWaters。
’Good-bye！’saidMrs。CaptainWaters-’good-bye，Mr。Cymon！’and，withapressureofthehandwhichthrewtheamiableyoungman’s，nervesintoastateofconsiderablederangement，Mrs。Captain，Watersdisappearedamongthecrowd。Apairofpuce-colouredboots，wereseenascendingthesteps，awhitehandkerchieffluttered，a，blackeyegleamed。TheWatersesweregone，andMr。CymonTuggswas，aloneinaheartlessworld。
Silentlyandabstractedly，didthattoosensitiveyouthfollowhis，reveredparents，andatrainofsmock-frocksandwheelbarrows，alongthepier，untilthebustleofthescenearound，recalledhim，tohimself。Thesunwasshiningbrightly;thesea，dancingtoits，ownmusic，rolledmerrilyin;crowdsofpeoplepromenadedtoand，fro;youngladiestittered;oldladiestalked;nursemaidsdisplayed，theircharmstothegreatestpossibleadvantage;andtheirlittle，chargesranupanddown，andtoandfro，andinandout，underthe，feet，andbetweenthelegs，oftheassembledconcourse，inthemost，playfulandexhilaratingmanner。Therewereoldgentlemen，trying，tomakeoutobjectsthroughlongtelescopes;andyoungones，making，objectsofthemselvesinopenshirt-collars;ladies，carryingabout，portablechairs，andportablechairscarryingaboutinvalids;
parties，waitingonthepierforpartieswhohadcomebythesteam-
boat;andnothingwastobeheardbuttalking，laughing，welcoming，andmerriment。
’Fly，sir？’exclaimedachorusoffourteenmenandsixboys，the，momentMr。JosephTuggs，attheheadofhislittleparty，setfoot，inthestreet。
’Here’sthegen’lm’natlast！’saidone，touchinghishatwithmock，politeness。’Werrygladtoseeyou，sir，-beena-waitin’foryou，thesesixweeks。Jumpin，ifyouplease，sir！’
’Nicelightflyandafasttrotter，sir，’saidanother：，’fourteen，mileahour，andsurroundin’objectsrenderedinwisiblebyex-treme，welocity！’
’Largeflyforyourluggage，sir，’criedathird。’Werrylargefly，here，sir-reg’larbluebottle！’
’Here’sYOURfly，sir！’shoutedanotheraspiringcharioteer，mountingthebox，andinducinganoldgreyhorsetoindulgeinsome，imperfectreminiscencesofacanter。’Lookathim，sir！-temper，ofalambandhactionofasteam-ingein！’
Resistingeventhetemptationofsecuringtheservicesofso，valuableaquadrupedasthelastnamed，Mr。JosephTuggsbeckoned，totheproprietorofadingyconveyanceofagreenishhue，lined，withfadedstripedcalico;and，theluggageandthefamilyhaving，beendepositedtherein，theanimalintheshafts，afterdescribing，circlesintheroadforaquarterofanhour，atlastconsentedto，departinquestoflodgings。
’Howmanybedshaveyougot？’screamedMrs。Tuggsoutofthefly，tothewomanwhoopenedthedoorofthefirsthousewhichdisplayed，abillintimatingthatapartmentsweretobeletwithin。
’Howmanydidyouwant，ma’am？’was，ofcourse，thereply。
’Three。’
’Willyoustepin，ma’am？’，DowngotMrs。Tuggs。Thefamilywere，delighted。Splendidviewoftheseafromthefrontwindows，-
charming！，Ashortpause。BackcameMrs。Tuggsagain-One，parlourandamattress。
’Whythedevildidn’ttheysaysoatfirst？’inquiredMr。Joseph，Tuggs，ratherpettishly。
’Don’tknow，’saidMrs。Tuggs。
’Wretches！’exclaimedthenervousCymon。Anotherbill-another，stoppage。Samequestion-sameanswer-similarresult。
’Whatdotheymeanbythis？’inquiredMr。JosephTuggs，thoroughly，outoftemper。
’Don’tknow，’saidtheplacidMrs。Tuggs。
’Orvisthevayhere，sir，’saidthedriver，bywayofaccounting，forthecircumstanceinasatisfactorymanner;andofftheywent，again，tomakefreshinquiries，andencounterfresh，disappointments。
Ithadgrownduskwhenthe’fly’-therateofwhoseprogress，greatlybelieditsname-afterclimbingupfourorfive，perpendicularhills，stoppedbeforethedoorofadustyhouse，with，abaywindow，fromwhichyoucouldobtainabeautifulglimpseof，thesea-ifyouthrusthalfofyourbodyoutofit，atthe，imminentperiloffallingintothearea。Mrs。Tuggsalighted。One，ground-floorsitting-room，andthreecellswithbedsinthemup-
stairs。Adouble-house。Familyontheoppositeside。Five，childrenmilk-and-wateringintheparlour，andonelittleboy，expelledforbadbehaviour，screamingonhisbackinthepassage。
’What’stheterms？’saidMrs。Tuggs。Themistressofthehousewas，consideringtheexpediencyofputtingonanextraguinea;so，she，coughedslightly，andaffectednottohearthequestion。
’What’stheterms？’saidMrs。Tuggs，inalouderkey。
’Fiveguineasaweek，ma’am，WITHattendance，’repliedthelodging-
housekeeper。(Attendancemeanstheprivilegeofringingthebell，asoftenasyoulike，foryourownamusement。)
’Ratherdear，’saidMrs。Tuggs。’Ohdear，no，ma’am！’repliedthe，mistressofthehouse，withabenignsmileofpityattheignorance，ofmannersandcustoms，whichtheobservationbetrayed。’Very，cheap！’
Suchanauthoritywasindisputable。Mrs。Tuggspaidaweek’srent，inadvance，andtookthelodgingsforamonth。Inanhour’stime，thefamilywereseatedatteaintheirnewabode。
’Capitalsrimps！’saidMr。JosephTuggs。
Mr。Cymoneyedhisfatherwitharebelliousscowl，ashe，emphaticallysaid’SHRIMPS。’
’Well，then，shrimps，’saidMr。JosephTuggs。’Srimpsorshrimps，don’tmuchmatter。’
Therewaspity，blendedwithmalignity，inMr。Cymon’seye，ashe，replied，’Don’tmatter，father！，WhatwouldCaptainWaterssay，if，heheardsuchvulgarity？’
’OrwhatwoulddearMrs。CaptainWaterssay，’addedCharlotta，’if，shesawmother-ma，Imean-eatingthemwhole，headsandall！’
’Itwon’tbearthinkingof！’ejaculatedMr。Cymon，withashudder。
’Howdifferent，’hethought，’fromtheDowagerDuchessof，Dobbleton！’
’Veryprettywoman，Mrs。CaptainWaters，isshenot，Cymon？’
inquiredMissCharlotta。
AglowofnervousexcitementpassedoverthecountenanceofMr。
CymonTuggs，ashereplied，’Anangelofbeauty！’
’Hallo！’saidMr。JosephTuggs。’Hallo，Cymon，myboy，takecare。
Marriedlady，youknow;’andhewinkedoneofhistwinklingeyes，knowingly。
’Why，’exclaimedCymon，startingupwithanebullitionoffury，as，unexpectedasalarming，’whyamItoberemindedofthatblightof，myhappiness，andruinofmyhopes？，WhyamItobetauntedwith，themiserieswhichareheapeduponmyhead？，Isitnotenoughto-
to-to-’andtheoratorpaused;butwhetherforwantofwords，orlackofbreath，wasneverdistinctlyascertained。
Therewasanimpressivesolemnityinthetoneofthisaddress，and，intheairwithwhichtheromanticCymon，atitsconclusion，rang，thebell，anddemandedaflatcandlestick，whicheffectually，forbadeareply。Hestalkeddramaticallytobed，andtheTuggses，wenttobedtoo，halfanhourafterwards，inastateof，considerablemystificationandperplexity。
IfthepierhadpresentedasceneoflifeandbustletotheTuggses，ontheirfirstlandingatRamsgate，itwasfarsurpassedbythe，appearanceofthesandsonthemorningaftertheirarrival。Itwas，afine，bright，clearday，withalightbreezefromthesea。There，werethesameladiesandgentlemen，thesamechildren，thesame，nursemaids，thesametelescopes，thesameportablechairs。The，ladieswereemployedinneedlework，orwatch-guardmaking，or，knitting，orreadingnovels;thegentlemenwerereadingnewspapers，andmagazines;thechildrenwerediggingholesinthesandwith，woodenspades，andcollectingwatertherein;thenursemaids，with，theiryoungestchargesintheirarms，wererunninginafterthe，waves，andthenrunningbackwiththewavesafterthem;and，now，andthen，alittlesailing-boateitherdepartedwithagayand，talkativecargoofpassengers，orreturnedwithaverysilentand，particularlyuncomfortable-lookingone。
’Well，Inever！’exclaimedMrs。Tuggs，assheandMr。JosephTuggs，andMissCharlottaTuggs，andMr。CymonTuggs，withtheireight，feetinacorrespondingnumberofyellowshoes，seatedthemselves，onfourrush-bottomedchairs，which，beingplacedinasoftpartof，thesand，forthwithsunkdownsometwofeetandahalf-’Well，I
never！’
Mr。Cymon，byanexertionofgreatpersonalstrength，uprootedthe，chairs，andremovedthemfurtherback。
’Why，I’mblessedifthereain’tsomeladiesa-goingin！’exclaimed，Mr。JosephTuggs，withintenseastonishment。
’Lor，pa！’exclaimedMissCharlotta。
’ThereIS，mydear，’saidMr。JosephTuggs。And，sureenough，four，youngladies，eachfurnishedwithatowel，trippedupthestepsof，abathing-machine。Inwentthehorse，flounderingaboutinthe，water;roundturnedthemachine;downsatthedriver;andpresently，outbursttheyoungladiesaforesaid，withfourdistinctsplashes。
’Well，that’ssing’ler，too！’ejaculatedMr。JosephTuggs，afteran，awkwardpause。Mr。Cymoncoughedslightly。
’Why，here’ssomegentlemena-goinginonthisside！’exclaimed，Mrs。Tuggs，inatoneofhorror。
Threemachines-threehorses-threeflounderings-threeturnings，round-threesplashes-threegentlemen，disportingthemselvesin，thewaterlikesomanydolphins。
’Well，THAT’Ssing’ler！’saidMr。JosephTuggsagain。Miss，Charlottacoughedthistime，andanotherpauseensued。Itwas，agreeablybroken。
’Howd’yedo，dear？，Wehavebeenlookingforyou，allthe，morning，’saidavoicetoMissCharlottaTuggs。Mrs。Captain，Waterswastheownerofit。
’Howd’yedo？’saidCaptainWalterWaters，allsuavity;andamost，cordialinterchangeofgreetingsensued。
’Belinda，mylove，’saidCaptainWalterWaters，applyinghisglass，tohiseye，andlookinginthedirectionofthesea。
’Yes，mydear，’repliedMrs。CaptainWaters。
’There’sHarryThompson！’
’Where？’saidBelinda，applyingherglasstohereye。
’Bathing。’
’Lor，soitis！，Hedon’tseeus，doeshe？’
’No，Idon’tthinkhedoes’repliedthecaptain。’Blessmysoul，howverysingular！’
’What？’inquiredBelinda。
’There’sMaryGolding，too。’
’Lor！-where？’，(Upwenttheglassagain。)
’There！’saidthecaptain，pointingtooneoftheyoungladies，beforenoticed，who，inherbathingcostume，lookedasifshewas，envelopedinapatentMackintosh，ofscantydimensions。
’Soitis，Ideclare！’exclaimedMrs。CaptainWaters。’Howvery，curiousweshouldseethemboth！’
’Very，’saidthecaptain，withperfectcoolness。
’It’sthereg’larthinghere，yousee，’whisperedMr。CymonTuggs，tohisfather。
’Iseeitis，’whisperedMr。JosephTuggsinreply。’Queer，though，-ain’tit？’，Mr。CymonTuggsnoddedassent。
’Whatdoyouthinkofdoingwithyourselfthismorning？’inquired，thecaptain。’ShallwelunchatPegwell？’
’Ishouldlikethatverymuchindeed，’interposedMrs。Tuggs。She，hadneverheardofPegwell;buttheword’lunch’hadreachedher，ears，anditsoundedveryagreeably。
’Howshallwego？’inquiredthecaptain;’it’stoowarmtowalk。’
’Ashay？’suggestedMr。JosephTuggs。
’Chaise，’whisperedMr。Cymon。
’Ishouldthinkonewouldbeenough，’saidMr。JosephTuggsaloud，quiteunconsciousofthemeaningofthecorrection。’However，two，shaysifyoulike。’
’IshouldlikeadonkeySOmuch，’saidBelinda。
’Oh，soshouldI！’echoedCharlottaTuggs。
’Well，wecanhaveafly，’suggestedthecaptain，’andyoucanhave，acoupleofdonkeys。’
Afreshdifficultyarose。Mrs。CaptainWatersdeclareditwouldbe，decidedlyimproperfortwoladiestoridealone。Theremedywas，obvious。PerhapsyoungMr。Tuggswouldbegallantenoughto，accompanythem。
Mr。CymonTuggsblushed，smiled，lookedvacant，andfaintly，protestedthathewasnohorseman。Theobjectionwasatonce，overruled。Aflywasspeedilyfound;andthreedonkeys-whichthe，proprietordeclaredonhissolemnasseverationtobe’threeparts，blood，andtheothercorn’-wereengagedintheservice。
’Kimup！’shoutedoneofthetwoboyswhofollowedbehind，to，propelthedonkeys，whenBelindaWatersandCharlottaTuggshad，beenhoisted，andpushed，andpulled，intotheirrespective，saddles。
’Hi-hi-hi！’groanedtheotherboybehindMr。CymonTuggs。Away，wentthedonkey，withthestirrupsjinglingagainsttheheelsof，Cymon’sboots，andCymon’sbootsnearlyscrapingtheground。
’Way-way！，Wo-o-o-！’criedMr。CymonTuggsaswellashe，could，inthemidstofthejolting。
’Don’tmakeitgallop！’screamedMrs。CaptainWaters，behind。
’MydonkeyWILLgointothepublic-house！’shriekedMissTuggsin，therear。
’Hi-hi-hi！’groanedboththeboystogether;andonwentthe，donkeysasifnothingwouldeverstopthem。
Everythinghasanend，however;eventhegallopingofdonkeyswill，ceaseintime。TheanimalwhichMr。CymonTuggsbestrode，feeling，sundryuncomfortabletugsatthebit，theintentofwhichhecould，bynomeansdivine，abruptlysidledagainstabrickwall，and，expressedhisuneasinessbygrindingMr。CymonTuggs’slegonthe，roughsurface。Mrs。CaptainWaters’sdonkey，apparentlyunderthe，influenceofsomeplayfulnessofspirit，rushedsuddenly，head，first，intoahedge，anddeclinedtocomeoutagain：，andthe，quadrupedonwhichMissTuggswasmounted，expressedhisdelightat，thishumorousproceedingbyfirmlyplantinghisfore-feetagainst，theground，andkickinguphishind-legsinaveryagile，but，somewhatalarmingmanner。
Thisabruptterminationtotherapidityoftheride，naturally，occasionedsomeconfusion。Boththeladiesindulgedinvehement，screamingforseveralminutes;andMr。CymonTuggs，besides，sustainingintensebodilypain，hadtheadditionalmentalanguish，ofwitnessingtheirdistressingsituation，withouthavingthepower，torescuethem，byreasonofhislegbeingfirmlyscrewedin，betweentheanimalandthewall。Theeffortsoftheboys，however，assistedbytheingeniousexpedientoftwistingthetailofthe，mostrebelliousdonkey，restoredorderinamuchshortertimethan，couldhavereasonablybeenexpected，andthelittlepartyjogged，slowlyontogether。
’Nowlet’emwalk，’saidMr。CymonTuggs。’It’scrueltooverdrive，’em。’
’Werrywell，sir，’repliedtheboy，withagrinathiscompanion，asifheunderstoodMr。Cymontomeanthatthecrueltyappliedless，totheanimalsthantotheirriders。
’Whatalovelyday，dear！’saidCharlotta。
’Charming;enchanting，dear！’respondedMrs。CaptainWaters。
’Whatabeautifulprospect，Mr。Tuggs！’
CymonlookedfullinBelinda’sface，asheresponded-’Beautiful，indeed！’，Theladycastdownhereyes，andsufferedtheanimalshe，wasridingtofallalittleback。CymonTuggsinstinctivelydid，thesame。
Therewasabriefsilence，brokenonlybyasighfromMr。Cymon，Tuggs。
’Mr。Cymon，’saidtheladysuddenly，inalowtone，’Mr。Cymon-I
amanother’s。’
Mr。Cymonexpressedhisperfectconcurrenceinastatementwhichit，wasimpossibletocontrovert。
’IfIhadnotbeen-’resumedBelinda;andthereshestopped。
’What-what？’saidMr。Cymonearnestly。’Donottortureme。What，wouldyousay？’
’IfIhadnotbeen’-continuedMrs。CaptainWaters-’if，in，earlierlife，ithadbeenmyfatetohaveknown，andbeenbeloved，by，anobleyouth-akindredsoul-acongenialspirit-one，capableoffeelingandappreciatingthesentimentswhich-’
’Heavens！whatdoIhear？’exclaimedMr。CymonTuggs。’Isit，possible！canIbelievemy-Comeup！’，(Thislastunsentimental，parenthesiswasaddressedtothedonkey，who，withhisheadbetween，hisfore-legs，appearedtobeexaminingthestateofhisshoeswith，greatanxiety。)
’Hi-hi-hi，’saidtheboysbehind。’Comeup，’expostulated，CymonTuggsagain。’Hi-hi-hi，’repeatedtheboys。Andwhether，itwasthattheanimalfeltindignantatthetoneofMr。Tuggs’s，command，orfeltalarmedbythenoiseofthedeputyproprietor’s，bootsrunningbehindhim;orwhetherheburnedwithanoble，emulationtooutstriptheotherdonkeys;certainitisthatheno，soonerheardthesecondseriesof’hi-hi’s，’thanhestarted，away，withacelerityofpacewhichjerkedMr。Cymon’shatoff，instantaneously，andcarriedhimtothePegwellBayhotelinno，time，wherehedepositedhisriderwithoutgivinghimthetrouble，ofdismounting，bysagaciouslypitchinghimoverhishead，intothe，verydoorwayofthetavern。
GreatwastheconfusionofMr。CymonTuggs，whenhewasputright，enduppermost，bytwowaiters;considerablewasthealarmofMrs。
Tuggsinbehalfofherson;agonizingweretheapprehensionsof，Mrs。CaptainWatersonhisaccount。Itwasspeedilydiscovered，however，thathehadnotsustainedmuchmoreinjurythanthedonkey，-hewasgrazed，andtheanimalwasgrazing-andthenitWASa，delightfulpartytobesure！，Mr。andMrs。Tuggs，andthecaptain，hadorderedlunchinthelittlegardenbehind：，-smallsaucersof，largeshrimps，dabsofbutter，crustyloaves，andbottledale。The，skywaswithoutacloud;therewereflower-potsandturfbefore，them;thesea，fromthefootofthecliff，stretchingawayasfar，astheeyecoulddiscernanythingatall;vesselsinthedistance，withsailsaswhite，andassmall，asnicely-got-upcambric，handkerchiefs。Theshrimpsweredelightful，thealebetter，and，thecaptainevenmorepleasantthaneither。Mrs。CaptainWaters，wasinSUCHspiritsafterlunch！-chasing，firstthecaptain，acrosstheturf，andamongtheflower-pots;andthenMr。Cymon，Tuggs;andthenMissTuggs;andlaughing，too，quiteboisterously。
Butasthecaptainsaid，itdidn’tmatter;whoknewwhattheywere，there？，Forallthepeopleofthehouseknew，theymightbecommon，people。TowhichMr。JosephTuggsresponded，’Tobesure。’，And，thentheywentdownthesteepwoodenstepsalittlefurtheron，whichledtothebottomofthecliff;andlookedatthecrabs，and，theseaweed，andtheeels，tillitwasmorethanfullytimetogo，backtoRamsgateagain。Finally，Mr。CymonTuggsascendedthe，stepslast，andMrs。CaptainWaterslastbutone;andMr。Cymon，TuggsdiscoveredthatthefootandankleofMrs。CaptainWaters，wereevenmoreunexceptionablethanhehadatfirstsupposed。
Takingadonkeytowardshisordinaryplaceofresidence，isavery，differentthing，andafeatmuchmoreeasilytobeaccomplished，thantakinghimfromit。Itrequiresagreatdealofforesightand，presenceofmindintheonecase，toanticipatethenumerous，flightsofhisdiscursiveimagination;whereas，intheother，all，youhavetodo，is，toholdon，andplaceablindconfidenceinthe，animal。Mr。CymonTuggsadoptedthelatterexpedientonhis，return;andhisnervesweresolittlediscomposedbythejourney，thathedistinctlyunderstoodtheywerealltomeetagainatthe，libraryintheevening。
Thelibrarywascrowded。Therewerethesameladies，andthesame，gentlemen，whohadbeenonthesandsinthemorning，andonthe，pierthedaybefore。Therewereyoungladies，inmaroon-coloured，gownsandblackvelvetbracelets，dispensingfancyarticlesinthe，shop，andpresidingovergamesofchanceintheconcert-room。
Thereweremarriageabledaughters，andmarriage-makingmammas，gamingandpromenading，andturningovermusic，andflirting。
Thereweresomemalebeauxdoingthesentimentalinwhispers，and，othersdoingtheferociousinmoustache。TherewereMrs。Tuggsin，amber，MissTuggsinsky-blue，Mrs。CaptainWatersinpink。There，wasCaptainWatersinabraidedsurtout;therewasMr。CymonTuggs，inpumpsandagiltwaistcoat;therewasMr。JosephTuggsinablue，coatandashirt-frill。
’Numbersthree，eight，andeleven！’criedoneoftheyoungladies，inthemaroon-colouredgowns。
’Numbersthree，eight，andeleven！’echoedanotheryoungladyin，thesameuniform。
’Numberthree’sgone，’saidthefirstyounglady。’Numberseight，andeleven！’
’Numberseightandeleven！’echoedthesecondyounglady。
’Numbereight’sgone，MaryAnn，’saidthefirstyounglady。
’Numbereleven！’screamedthesecond。
’Thenumbersarealltakennow，ladies，ifyouplease，’saidthe，first。Therepresentativesofnumbersthree，eight，andeleven，andtherestofthenumbers，crowdedroundthetable。
’Willyouthrow，ma’am？’saidthepresidinggoddess，handingthe，dice-boxtotheeldestdaughterofastoutlady，withfourgirls。
Therewasaprofoundsilenceamongthelookers-on。
’Throw，Jane，mydear，’saidthestoutlady。Aninteresting，displayofbashfulness-alittleblushinginacambric，handkerchief-awhisperingtoayoungersister。
’Amelia，mydear，throwforyoursister，’saidthestoutlady;and，thensheturnedtoawalkingadvertisementofRowlands’Macassar，Oil，whostoodnexther，andsaid，’JaneissoVERYmodestand，retiring;butIcan’tbeangrywithherforit。Anartlessand，unsophisticatedgirlisSOtrulyamiable，thatIoftenwishAmelia，wasmorelikehersister！’
Thegentlemanwiththewhiskerswhisperedhisadmiringapproval。
’Now，mydear！’saidthestoutlady。MissAmeliathrew-eightfor，hersister，tenforherself。
’Nicefigure，Amelia，’whisperedthestoutladytoathinyouth，besideher。
’Beautiful！’
’AndSUCHaspirit！，Iamlikeyouinthatrespect。IcanNOThelp，admiringthatlifeandvivacity。Ah！(asigh)IwishIcouldmake，poorJanealittlemorelikemydearAmelia！’
Theyounggentlemancordiallyacquiescedinthesentiment;bothhe，andtheindividualfirstaddressed，wereperfectlycontented。
’Who’sthis？’inquiredMr。CymonTuggsofMrs。CaptainWaters，asa，shortfemale，inabluevelvethatandfeathers，wasledintothe，orchestra，byafatmaninblacktightsandcloudyBerlins。
’Mrs。Tippin，oftheLondontheatres，’repliedBelinda，referring，totheprogrammeoftheconcert。
ThetalentedTippinhavingcondescendinglyacknowledgedthe，clappingofhands，andshoutsof’bravo！’whichgreetedher，appearance，proceededtosingthepopularcavatinaof’Bidme，discourse，’accompaniedonthepianobyMr。Tippin;afterwhich，Mr。Tippinsangacomicsong，accompaniedonthepianobyMrs。
Tippin：，theapplauseconsequentuponwhich，wasonlytobe，exceededbytheenthusiasticapprobationbestoweduponanairwith，variationsontheguitar，byMissTippin，accompaniedonthechin，byMasterTippin。
Thuspassedtheevening;thuspassedthedaysandeveningsofthe，Tuggses，andtheWaterses，forsixweeks。Sandsinthemorning-
donkeysatnoon-pierintheafternoon-libraryatnight-and，thesamepeopleeverywhere。
Onthatverynightsixweeks，themoonwasshiningbrightlyover，thecalmsea，whichdashedagainstthefeetofthetallgaunt，cliffs，withjustenoughnoisetolulltheoldfishtosleep，withoutdisturbingtheyoungones，whentwofigureswere，discernible-orwouldhavebeen，ifanybodyhadlookedforthem-
seatedononeofthewoodenbencheswhicharestationednearthe，vergeofthewesterncliff。Themoonhadclimbedhigherintothe，heavens，bytwohours’journeying，sincethosefiguresfirstsat，down-andyettheyhadmovednot。Thecrowdofloungershad，thinnedanddispersed;thenoiseofitinerantmusicianshaddied，away;lightafterlighthadappearedinthewindowsofthe，differenthousesinthedistance;blockade-manafterblockade-man，hadpassedthespot，wendinghiswaytowardshissolitarypost;and，yetthosefigureshadremainedstationary。Someportionsofthe，twoformswereindeepshadow，butthelightofthemoonfell，stronglyonapuce-colouredbootandaglazedstock。Mr。Cymon，TuggsandMrs。CaptainWaterswereseatedonthatbench。They，spokenot，butweresilentlygazingonthesea。
’Walterwillreturnto-morrow，’saidMrs。CaptainWaters，mournfullybreakingsilence。
Mr。CymonTuggssighedlikeagustofwindthroughaforestof，gooseberrybushes，ashereplied，’Alas！hewill。’
’Oh，Cymon！’resumedBelinda，’thechastedelight，thecalm，happiness，ofthisoneweekofPlatoniclove，istoomuchforme！’
Cymonwasabouttosuggestthatitwastoolittleforhim，buthe，stoppedhimself，andmurmuredunintelligibly。
’Andtothinkthateventhisgleamofhappiness，innocentasit，is，’exclaimedBelinda，’isnowtobelostforever！’
’Oh，donotsayforever，Belinda，’exclaimedtheexcitableCymon，astwostrongly-definedtearschasedeachotherdownhispaleface，-itwassolongthattherewasplentyofroomforachase。’Do，notsayforever！’
’Imust，’repliedBelinda。
’Why？’urgedCymon，’ohwhy？，SuchPlatonicacquaintanceasoursis，soharmless，thatevenyourhusbandcanneverobjecttoit。’
’Myhusband！’exclaimedBelinda。’Youlittleknowhim。Jealous，andrevengeful;ferociousinhisrevenge-amaniacinhis，jealousy！，Wouldyoubeassassinatedbeforemyeyes？’，Mr。Cymon，Tuggs，inavoicebrokenbyemotion，expressedhisdisinclination，toundergotheprocessofassassinationbeforetheeyesofanybody。
’Thenleaveme，’saidMrs。CaptainWaters。’Leaveme，thisnight，forever。Itislate：，letusreturn。’
Mr。CymonTuggssadlyofferedtheladyhisarm，andescortedherto，herlodgings。Hepausedatthedoor-hefeltaPlatonicpressure，ofhishand。’Goodnight，’hesaid，hesitating。
’Goodnight，’sobbedthelady。Mr。CymonTuggspausedagain。
’Won’tyouwalkin，sir？’saidtheservant。Mr。Tuggshesitated。
Oh，thathesitation！，HeDIDwalkin。
’Goodnight！’saidMr。CymonTuggsagain，whenhereachedthe，drawing-room。
’Goodnight！’repliedBelinda;’and，ifatanyperiodofmylife，I-
Hush！’，Theladypausedandstaredwithasteadygazeofhorror，ontheashycountenanceofMr。CymonTuggs。Therewasadouble，knockatthestreet-door。
’Itismyhusband！’saidBelinda，asthecaptain’svoicewasheard，below。
’Andmyfamily！’addedCymonTuggs，asthevoicesofhisrelatives，floatedupthestaircase。
’Thecurtain！，Thecurtain！’gaspedMrs。CaptainWaters，pointing，tothewindow，beforewhichsomechintzhangingswereclosely，drawn。
’ButIhavedonenothingwrong，’saidthehesitatingCymon。
’Thecurtain！’reiteratedthefranticlady：，’youwillbe，murdered。’，Thislastappealtohisfeelingswasirresistible。The，dismayedCymonconcealedhimselfbehindthecurtainwithpantomimic，suddenness。
Enterthecaptain，JosephTuggs，Mrs。Tuggs，andCharlotta。
’Mydear，’saidthecaptain，’Lieutenant，Slaughter。’，Twoiron-
shodbootsandonegruffvoicewereheardbyMr。Cymontoadvance，andacknowledgethehonouroftheintroduction。Thesabreofthe，lieutenantrattledheavilyuponthefloor，asheseatedhimselfat，thetable。Mr。Cymon’sfearsalmostovercamehisreason。
’Thebrandy，mydear！’saidthecaptain。Herewasasituation！
Theyweregoingtomakeanightofit！，AndMr。CymonTuggswas，pentupbehindthecurtainandafraidtobreathe！
’Slaughter，’saidthecaptain，’acigar？’
Now，Mr。CymonTuggsnevercouldsmokewithoutfeelingit，indispensablynecessarytoretire，immediately，andnevercould，smellsmokewithoutastrongdispositiontocough。Thecigarswere，introduced;thecaptainwasaprofessedsmoker;sowasthe，lieutenant;sowasJosephTuggs。Theapartmentwassmall，thedoor，wasclosed，thesmokepowerful：，ithunginheavywreathsoverthe，room，andatlengthfounditswaybehindthecurtain。CymonTuggs，heldhisnose，hismouth，hisbreath。Itwasallofnouse-out，camethecough。
’Blessmysoul！’saidthecaptain，’Ibegyourpardon，MissTuggs。
Youdislikesmoking？’
’Oh，no;Idon’tindeed，’saidCharlotta。
’Itmakesyoucough。’
’Ohdearno。’
’Youcoughedjustnow。’
’Me，CaptainWaters！，Lor！howcanyousayso？’
’Somebodycoughed，’saidthecaptain。
’Icertainlythoughtso，’saidSlaughter。No;everybodydeniedit。
’Fancy，’saidthecaptain。
’Mustbe，’echoedSlaughter。
Cigarsresumed-moresmoke-anothercough-smothered，but，violent。
’Damnedodd！’saidthecaptain，staringabouthim。
’Sing’ler！’ejaculatedtheunconsciousMr。JosephTuggs。
LieutenantSlaughterlookedfirstatonepersonmysteriously，then，atanother：，then，laiddownhiscigar，thenapproachedthewindow，ontiptoe，andpointedwithhisrightthumboverhisshoulder，in，thedirectionofthecurtain。
’Slaughter！’ejaculatedthecaptain，risingfromtable，’whatdo，youmean？’
Thelieutenant，inreply，drewbackthecurtainanddiscoveredMr。
CymonTuggsbehindit：，pallidwithapprehension，andbluewith，wantingtocough。
’Aha！’exclaimedthecaptain，furiously。’WhatdoIsee？
Slaughter，yoursabre！’
’Cymon！’screamedtheTuggses。
’Mercy！’saidBelinda。
’Platonic！’gaspedCymon。
’Yoursabre！’roaredthecaptain：，’Slaughter-unhandme-the，villain’slife！’
’Murder！’screamedtheTuggses。
’Holdhimfast，sir！’faintlyarticulatedCymon。
’Water！’exclaimedJosephTuggs-andMr。CymonTuggsandallthe，ladiesforthwithfaintedaway，andformedatableau。
Mostwillinglywouldweconcealthedisastrousterminationofthe，sixweeks’acquaintance。Atroublesomeform，andanarbitrary，custom，however，prescribethatastoryshouldhaveaconclusion，inadditiontoacommencement;wehavethereforenoalternative。
LieutenantSlaughterbroughtamessage-thecaptainbroughtan，action。Mr。JosephTuggsinterposed-thelieutenantnegotiated。
WhenMr。CymonTuggsrecoveredfromthenervousdisorderintowhich，misplacedaffection，andexcitingcircumstances，hadplungedhim，hefoundthathisfamilyhadlosttheirpleasantacquaintance;that，hisfatherwasminusfifteenhundredpounds;andthecaptainplus，theprecisesum。Themoneywaspaidtohushthematterup，butit，gotabroadnotwithstanding;andtherearenotwantingsomewho，affirmthatthreedesigningimpostorsneverfoundmoreeasydupes，thandidCaptainWaters，Mrs。Waters，andLieutenantSlaughter，in，theTuggsesatRamsgate。
CHAPTERV-HORATIOSPARKINS
’Indeed，mylove，hepaidTeresaverygreatattentiononthelast，assemblynight，’saidMrs。Malderton，addressingherspouse，who，afterthefatiguesofthedayintheCity，wassittingwithasilk，handkerchiefoverhishead，andhisfeetonthefender，drinking，hisport;-’verygreatattention;andIsayagain，everypossible，encouragementoughttobegivenhim。Hepositivelymustbeasked，downheretodine。’
’Whomust？’inquiredMr。Malderton。
’Why，youknowwhomImean，mydear-theyoungmanwiththeblack，whiskersandthewhitecravat，whohasjustcomeoutatour，assembly，andwhomallthegirlsaretalkingabout。Young-dear，me！what’shisname？-Marianne，whatIShisname？’continuedMrs。
Malderton，addressingheryoungestdaughter，whowasengagedin，nettingapurse，andlookingsentimental。
’Mr。HoratioSparkins，ma，’repliedMissMarianne，withasigh。
’Oh！yes，tobesure-HoratioSparkins，’saidMrs。Malderton。
’Decidedlythemostgentleman-likeyoungmanIeversaw。Iamsure，inthebeautifully-madecoatheworetheothernight，helooked，like-like-’
’LikePrinceLeopold，ma-sonoble，sofullofsentiment！’
suggestedMarianne，inatoneofenthusiasticadmiration。
’Youshouldrecollect，mydear，’resumedMrs。Malderton，’that，Teresaisnoweight-and-twenty;andthatitreallyisvery，importantthatsomethingshouldbedone。’
MissTeresaMaldertonwasaverylittlegirl，ratherfat，with，vermilioncheeks，butgood-humoured，andstilldisengaged，although，todoherjustice，themisfortunearosefromnolackof，perseveranceonherpart。Invainhadsheflirtedfortenyears;
invainhadMr。andMrs。Maldertonassiduouslykeptupanextensive，acquaintanceamongtheyoungeligiblebachelorsofCamberwell，and，evenofWandsworthandBrixton;tosaynothingofthosewho，’droppedin’fromtown。MissMaldertonwasaswellknownasthe，liononthetopofNorthumberlandHouse，andhadanequalchanceof，’goingoff。’
’Iamquitesureyou’dlikehim，’continuedMrs。Malderton，’heis，sogentlemanly！’
’Soclever！’saidMissMarianne。
’Andhassuchaflowoflanguage！’addedMissTeresa。
’Hehasagreatrespectforyou，mydear，’saidMrs。Maldertonto，herhusband。Mr。Maldertoncoughed，andlookedatthefire。
’YesI’msurehe’sverymuchattachedtopa’ssociety，’saidMiss，Marianne。
’Nodoubtofit，’echoedMissTeresa。
’Indeed，hesaidasmuchtomeinconfidence，’observedMrs。
Malderton。
’Well，well，’returnedMr。Malderton，somewhatflattered;’ifIsee，himattheassemblyto-morrow，perhapsI’llaskhimdown。Ihope，heknowsweliveatOakLodge，Camberwell，mydear？’
’Ofcourse-andthatyoukeepaone-horsecarriage。’
’I’llseeaboutit，’saidMr。Malderton，composinghimselffora，nap;’I’llseeaboutit。’
Mr。Maldertonwasamanwhosewholescopeofideaswaslimitedto，Lloyd’s，theExchange，theIndiaHouse，andtheBank。Afew，successfulspeculationshadraisedhimfromasituationof，obscurityandcomparativepoverty，toastateofaffluence。As，frequentlyhappensinsuchcases，theideasofhimselfandhis，familybecameelevatedtoanextraordinarypitchastheirmeans，increased;theyaffectedfashion，taste，andmanyotherfooleries，inimitationoftheirbetters，andhadaverydecidedandbecoming，horrorofanythingwhichcould，bypossibility，beconsideredlow。
Hewashospitablefromostentation，illiberalfromignorance，and，prejudicedfromconceit。Egotismandtheloveofdisplayinduced，himtokeepanexcellenttable：，convenience，andaloveofgood，thingsofthislife，ensuredhimplentyofguests。Helikedto，haveclevermen，orwhatheconsideredsuch，athistable，because，itwasagreatthingtotalkabout;buthenevercouldendurewhat，hecalled’sharpfellows。’，Probably，hecherishedthisfeelingout，ofcomplimenttohistwosons，whogavetheirrespectedparentno，uneasinessinthatparticular。Thefamilywereambitiousof，formingacquaintancesandconnexionsinsomesphereofsociety，superiortothatinwhichtheythemselvesmoved;andoneofthe，necessaryconsequencesofthisdesire，addedtotheirutter，ignoranceoftheworldbeyondtheirownsmallcircle，was，thatany，onewhocouldlayclaimtoanacquaintancewithpeopleofrankand，title，hadasurepassporttothetableatOakLodge，Camberwell。
TheappearanceofMr。HoratioSparkinsattheassembly，hadexcited，nosmalldegreeofsurpriseandcuriosityamongitsregular，frequenters。Whocouldhebe？，Hewasevidentlyreserved，and，apparentlymelancholy。Washeaclergyman？-Hedancedtoowell。
Abarrister？-Hesaidhewasnotcalled。Heusedveryfinewords，andtalkedagreatdeal。Couldhebeadistinguishedforeigner，cometoEnglandforthepurposeofdescribingthecountry，its，mannersandcustoms;andfrequentingpublicballsandpublic，dinners，withtheviewofbecomingacquaintedwithhighlife，polishedetiquette，andEnglishrefinement？-No，hehadnota，foreignaccent。Washeasurgeon，acontributortothemagazines，awriteroffashionablenovels，oranartist？-No;toeachandall，ofthesesurmises，thereexistedsomevalidobjection-’Then，’
saideverybody，’hemustbeSOMEBODY。’-’Ishouldthinkhemust，be，’reasonedMr。Malderton，withinhimself，’becauseheperceives，oursuperiority，andpaysussomuchattention。’
Thenightsucceedingtheconversationwehavejustrecorded，was，’assemblynight。’，Thedouble-flywasorderedtobeatthedoorof，OakLodgeatnineo’clockprecisely。TheMissMaldertonswere，dressedinsky-bluesatintrimmedwithartificialflowers;andMrs。
M。(whowasalittlefatwoman)，indittoditto，lookedlikeher，eldestdaughtermultipliedbytwo。Mr。FrederickMalderton，the，eldestson，infull-dresscostume，wastheveryBEAUIDEALofa，smartwaiter;andMr。ThomasMalderton，theyoungest，withhis，whitedress-stock，bluecoat，brightbuttons，andredwatch-ribbon，stronglyresembledtheportraitofthatinteresting，butrashyoung，gentleman，GeorgeBarnwell。Everymemberofthepartyhadmadeup，hisorhermindtocultivatetheacquaintanceofMr。Horatio，Sparkins。MissTeresa，ofcourse，wastobeasamiableand，interestingasladiesofeight-and-twentyonthelook-outfora，husband，usuallyare。Mrs。Maldertonwouldbeallsmilesand，graces。MissMariannewouldrequestthefavourofsomeversesfor，heralbum。Mr。Maldertonwouldpatronisethegreatunknownby，askinghimtodinner。Tomintendedtoascertaintheextentofhis，informationontheinterestingtopicsofsnuffandcigars。Even，Mr。FrederickMaldertonhimself，thefamilyauthorityonallpoints，oftaste，dress，andfashionablearrangement;whohadlodgingsof，hisownintown;whohadafreeadmissiontoCovent-gardentheatre;
whoalwaysdressedaccordingtothefashionsofthemonths;who，wentupthewatertwicea-weekintheseason;andwhoactuallyhad，anintimatefriendwhoonceknewagentlemanwhoformerlylivedin，theAlbany，-evenhehaddeterminedthatMr。HoratioSparkinsmust，beadevilishgoodfellow，andthathewoulddohimthehonourof，challenginghimtoagameatbilliards。
Thefirstobjectthatmettheanxiouseyesoftheexpectantfamily，ontheirentranceintotheball-room，wastheinterestingHoratio，withhishairbrushedoffhisforehead，andhiseyesfixedonthe，ceiling，reclininginacontemplativeattitudeononeoftheseats。
’Thereheis，mydear，’whisperedMrs。MaldertontoMr。Malderton。
’HowlikeLordByron！’murmuredMissTeresa。
’OrMontgomery！’whisperedMissMarianne。
’OrtheportraitsofCaptainCook！’suggestedTom。
’Tom-don’tbeanass！’saidhisfather，whocheckedhimonall，occasions，probablywithaviewtopreventhisbecoming’sharp’-
whichwasveryunnecessary。
TheelegantSparkinsattitudinisedwithadmirableeffect，untilthe，familyhadcrossedtheroom。Hethenstartedup，withthemost，naturalappearanceofsurpriseanddelight;accostedMrs。Malderton，withtheutmostcordiality;salutedtheyoungladiesinthemost，enchantingmanner;bowedto，andshookhandswithMr。Malderton，withadegreeofrespectamountingalmosttoveneration;and，returnedthegreetingsofthetwoyoungmeninahalf-gratified，half-patronisingmanner，whichfullyconvincedthemthathemustbe，animportant，and，atthesametime，condescendingpersonage。
’MissMalderton，’saidHoratio，aftertheordinarysalutations，and，bowingverylow，’mayIbepermittedtopresumetohopethatyou，willallowmetohavethepleasure-’
’Idon’tTHINKIamengaged，’saidMissTeresa，withadreadful，affectationofindifference-’but，really-somany-’
Horatiolookedhandsomelymiserable。
’Ishallbemosthappy，’simperedtheinterestingTeresa，atlast。
Horatio’scountenancebrightenedup，likeanoldhatinashowerof，rain。
’Averygenteelyoungman，certainly！’saidthegratifiedMr。
Malderton，astheobsequiousSparkinsandhispartnerjoinedthe，quadrillewhichwasjustforming。
’Hehasaremarkablygoodaddress，’saidMr。Frederick。
’Yes，heisaprimefellow，’interposedTom，whoalwaysmanagedto，puthisfootinit-’hetalksjustlikeanauctioneer。’
’Tom！’saidhisfathersolemnly，’IthinkIdesiredyou，before，nottobeafool。’，Tomlookedashappyasacockonadrizzly，morning。
’Howdelightful！’saidtheinterestingHoratiotohispartner，as，theypromenadedtheroomattheconclusionoftheset-’how，delightful，howrefreshingitis，toretirefromthecloudystorms，thevicissitudes，andthetroubles，oflife，evenifitbebutfor，afewshortfleetingmoments：，andtospendthosemoments，fading，andevanescentthoughtheybe，inthedelightful，theblessed，societyofoneindividual-whosefrownswouldbedeath，whose，coldnesswouldbemadness，whosefalsehoodwouldberuin，whose，constancywouldbebliss;thepossessionofwhoseaffectionwould，bethebrightestandbestrewardthatHeavencouldbestowonman？’
’Whatfeeling！whatsentiment！’thoughtMissTeresa，assheleaned，moreheavilyonhercompanion’sarm。
’Butenough-enough！’resumedtheelegantSparkins，witha，theatricalair。’WhathaveIsaid？whathaveI-I-todowith，sentimentslikethese！，MissMalderton’-herehestoppedshort-
’mayIhopetobepermittedtoofferthehumbletributeof-’
’Really，Mr。Sparkins，’returnedtheenrapturedTeresa，blushingin，thesweetestconfusion，’Imustreferyoutopapa。Inevercan，withouthisconsent，ventureto-’
’Surelyhecannotobject-’
’Oh，yes。Indeed，indeed，youknowhimnot！’interruptedMiss，Teresa，wellknowingtherewasnothingtofear，butwishingtomake，theinterviewresembleasceneinsomeromanticnovel。
’Hecannotobjecttomyofferingyouaglassofnegus，’returned，theadorableSparkins，withsomesurprise。
’Isthatall？’thoughtthedisappointedTeresa。’Whatafussabout，nothing！’
’Itwillgivemethegreatestpleasure，sir，toseeyoutodinner，atOakLodge，Camberwell，onSundaynextatfiveo’clock，ifyou，havenobetterengagement，’saidMr。Malderton，attheconclusion，oftheevening，asheandhissonswerestandinginconversation，withMr。HoratioSparkins。
Horatiobowedhisacknowledgments，andacceptedtheflattering，invitation。
’Imustconfess，’continuedthefather，offeringhissnuff-boxto，hisnewacquaintance，’thatIdon’tenjoytheseassemblieshalfso，muchasthecomfort-Ihadalmostsaidtheluxury-ofOakLodge。
Theyhavenogreatcharmsforanelderlyman。’
’Andafterall，sir，whatisman？’saidthemetaphysicalSparkins。
’Isay，whatisman？’
’Ah！verytrue，’saidMr。Malderton;’verytrue。’
’Weknowthatweliveandbreathe，’continuedHoratio;’thatwe，havewantsandwishes，desiresandappetites-’
’Certainly，’saidMr。FrederickMalderton，lookingprofound。
’Isay，weknowthatweexist，’repeatedHoratio，raisinghis，voice，’buttherewestop;there，isanendtoourknowledge;
there，isthesummitofourattainments;there，isthetermination，ofourends。Whatmoredoweknow？’
’Nothing，’repliedMr。Frederick-thanwhomnoonewasmore，capableofansweringforhimselfinthatparticular。Tomwasabout，tohazardsomething，but，fortunatelyforhisreputation，hecaught，hisfather’sangryeye，andslunkofflikeapuppyconvictedof，pettylarceny。
’Uponmyword，’saidMr。Maldertontheelder，astheywere，returninghomeinthefly，’thatMr。Sparkinsisawonderfulyoung，man。Suchsurprisingknowledge！suchextraordinaryinformation！
andsuchasplendidmodeofexpressinghimself！’
’Ithinkhemustbesomebodyindisguise，’saidMissMarianne。
’Howcharminglyromantic！’
’Hetalksveryloudandnicely，’timidlyobservedTom，’butIdon’t，exactlyunderstandwhathemeans。’
’Ialmostbegintodespairofyourunderstandinganything，Tom，’
saidhisfather，who，ofcourse，hadbeenmuchenlightenedbyMr。
HoratioSparkins’sconversation。
’Itstrikesme，Tom，’saidMissTeresa，’thatyouhavemade，yourselfveryridiculousthisevening。’
’Nodoubtofit，’criedeverybody-andtheunfortunateTomreduced，himselfintotheleastpossiblespace。Thatnight，Mr。andMrs。
Maldertonhadalongconversationrespectingtheirdaughter’s，prospectsandfuturearrangements。MissTeresawenttobed，consideringwhether，intheeventofhermarryingatitle，she，couldconscientiouslyencouragethevisitsofherpresent，associates;anddreamed，allnight，ofdisguisednoblemen，large，routs，ostrichplumes，bridalfavours，andHoratioSparkins。
VarioussurmiseswerehazardedontheSundaymorning，astothe，modeofconveyancewhichtheanxiously-expectedHoratiowould，adopt。Didhekeepagig？-wasitpossiblehecouldcomeon，horseback？-orwouldhepatronizethestage？，These，andother，variousconjecturesofequalimportance，engrossedtheattentionof，Mrs。Maldertonandherdaughtersduringthewholemorningafter，church。
’Uponmyword，mydear，it’samostannoyingthingthatthatvulgar，brotherofyoursshouldhaveinvitedhimselftodinehereto-day，’
saidMr。Maldertontohiswife。’OnaccountofMr。Sparkins’s，comingdown，Ipurposelyabstainedfromaskinganyonebut，Flamwell。Andthentothinkofyourbrother-atradesman-it’s，insufferable！，IdeclareIwouldn’thavehimmentionhisshop，beforeournewguest-no，notforathousandpounds！，Iwouldn’t，careifhehadthegoodsensetoconcealthedisgraceheistothe，family;buthe’ssofondofhishorriblebusiness，thatheWILLlet，peopleknowwhatheis。’
Mr。JacobBarton，theindividualalludedto，wasalargegrocer;so，vulgar，andsolosttoallsenseoffeeling，thatheactuallynever，scrupledtoavowthathewasn’tabovehisbusiness：，’he’dmadehis，moneybyit，andhedidn’tcarewhoknow’dit。’
’Ah！Flamwell，mydearfellow，howd’yedo？’saidMr。Malderton，as，alittlespoffishman，withgreenspectacles，enteredtheroom。
’Yougotmynote？’
’Yes，Idid;andhereIaminconsequence。’
’Youdon’thappentoknowthisMr。Sparkinsbyname？，Youknow，everybody？’
Mr。Flamwellwasoneofthosegentlemenofremarkablyextensive，informationwhomoneoccasionallymeetsinsociety，whopretendto，knoweverybody，butinrealityknownobody。AtMalderton’s，where，anystoriesaboutgreatpeoplewerereceivedwithagreedyear，he，wasanespecialfavourite;and，knowingthekindofpeoplehehad，todealwith，hecarriedhispassionofclaimingacquaintancewith，everybody，tothemostimmoderatelength。Hehadratherasingular，wayoftellinghisgreatestliesinaparenthesis，andwithanair，ofself-denial，asifhefearedbeingthoughtegotistical。
’Why，no，Idon’tknowhimbythatname，’returnedFlamwell，ina，lowtone，andwithanairofimmenseimportance。’Ihavenodoubt，Iknowhim，though。Ishetall？’
’Middle-sized，’saidMissTeresa。
’Withblackhair？’inquiredFlamwell，hazardingaboldguess。
’Yes，’returnedMissTeresa，eagerly。
’Ratherasnubnose？’
’No，’saidthedisappointedTeresa，’hehasaRomannose。’
’IsaidaRomannose，didn’tI？’inquiredFlamwell。’He’san，elegantyoungman？’
’Oh，certainly。’
’Withremarkablyprepossessingmanners？’
’Oh，yes！’saidallthefamilytogether。’Youmustknowhim。’
’Yes，Ithoughtyouknewhim，ifhewasanybody，’triumphantly，exclaimedMr。Malderton。’Whod’yethinkheis？’
’Why，fromyourdescription，’saidFlamwell，ruminating，and，sinkinghisvoice，almosttoawhisper，’hebearsastrong，resemblancetotheHonourableAugustusFitz-EdwardFitz-JohnFitz-
Osborne。He’saverytalentedyoungman，andrathereccentric。
It’sextremelyprobablehemayhavechangedhisnameforsome，temporarypurpose。’
Teresa’sheartbeathigh。CouldhebetheHonourableAugustus，Fitz-EdwardFitz-JohnFitz-Osborne！，Whatanametobeelegantly，engravedupontwoglazedcards，tiedtogetherwithapieceofwhite，satinribbon！，’TheHonourableMrs。AugustusFitz-EdwardFitz-John，Fitz-Osborne！’，Thethoughtwastransport。
’It’sfiveminutestofive，’saidMr。Malderton，lookingathis，watch：，’Ihopehe’snotgoingtodisappointus。’
’Thereheis！’exclaimedMissTeresa，asalouddouble-knockwas，heardatthedoor。Everybodyendeavouredtolook-aspeoplewhen，theyparticularlyexpectavisitoralwaysdo-asiftheywere，perfectlyunsuspiciousoftheapproachofanybody。
Theroom-dooropened-’Mr。Barton！’saidtheservant。
’Confoundtheman！’murmuredMalderton。’Ah！mydearsir，howd’ye，do！，Anynews？’
’Whyno，’returnedthegrocer，inhisusualbluffmanner。’No，nonepartickler。NonethatIammuchawareof。Howd’yedo，gals，andboys？，Mr。Flamwell，sir-gladtoseeyou。’
’Here’sMr。Sparkins！’saidTom，whohadbeenlookingoutatthe，window，’onSUCHablackhorse！’，TherewasHoratio，sureenough，onalargeblackhorse，curvettingandprancingalong，likean，Astley’ssupernumerary。Afteragreatdealofreiningin，and，pullingup，withtheaccompanimentsofsnorting，rearing，and，kicking，theanimalconsentedtostopataboutahundredyardsfrom，thegate，whereMr。Sparkinsdismounted，andconfidedhimtothe，careofMr。Malderton’sgroom。Theceremonyofintroductionwas，gonethrough，inalldueform。Mr。Flamwelllookedfrombehindhis，greenspectaclesatHoratiowithanairofmysteriousimportance;
andthegallantHoratiolookedunutterablethingsatTeresa。
’IshetheHonourableMr。AugustusWhat’s-his-name？’whisperedMrs。
MaldertontoFlamwell，ashewasescortinghertothedining-room。
’Why，no-atleastnotexactly，’returnedthatgreatauthority-
’notexactly。’
’WhoIShethen？’
’Hush！’saidFlamwell，noddinghisheadwithagraveair，importing，thatheknewverywell;butwasprevented，bysomegravereasonsof，state，fromdisclosingtheimportantsecret。Itmightbeoneof，theministersmakinghimselfacquaintedwiththeviewsofthe，people。
’Mr。Sparkins，’saidthedelightedMrs。Malderton，’praydividethe，ladies。John，putachairforthegentlemanbetweenMissTeresa，andMissMarianne。’，Thiswasaddressedtoamanwho，onordinary，occasions，actedashalf-groom，half-gardener;butwho，asitwas，importanttomakeanimpressiononMr。Sparkins，hadbeenforced，intoawhiteneckerchiefandshoes，andtouchedup，andbrushed，to，looklikeasecondfootman。
Thedinnerwasexcellent;HoratiowasmostattentivetoMiss，Teresa，andeveryonefeltinhighspirits，exceptMr。Malderton，who，knowingthepropensityofhisbrother-in-law，Mr。Barton，enduredthatsortofagonywhichthenewspapersinformusis，experiencedbythesurroundingneighbourhoodwhenapot-boyhangs，himselfinahay-loft，andwhichis’mucheasiertobeimagined，thandescribed。’
’Haveyouseenyourfriend，SirThomasNoland，lately，Flamwell？’
inquiredMr。Malderton，castingasidelonglookatHoratio，tosee，whateffectthementionofsogreatamanhaduponhim。
’Why，no-notverylately。IsawLordGubbletonthedaybefore，yesterday。’
’All！，Ihopehislordshipisverywell？’saidMalderton，inatone，ofthegreatestinterest。Itisscarcelynecessarytosaythat，untilthatmoment，hehadbeenquiteinnocentoftheexistenceof，suchaperson。