第7章

CHAPTERXIX

28。Butwhathappenswhenthememoryitselflosessomething，aswhenweforgetanythingandtrytorecallit？Where，finally，dowesearch，butinthememoryitself？Andthere，ifbychanceonethingisofferedforanother，werefuseituntilwemeetwithwhatwearelookingfor；andwhenwedo，werecognizethatthisisit。Butwecouldnotdothisunlesswerecognizedit，norcouldwehaverecognizeditunlesswerememberedit。Yetwehadindeedforgottenit。

Perhapsthewholeofithadnotslippedoutofourmemory；

butapartwasretainedbywhichtheotherlostpartwassoughtfor，becausethememoryrealizedthatitwasnotoperatingassmoothlyasusualandwasbeingheldupbythecripplingofitshabitualworking；hence，itdemandedtherestorationofwhatwaslacking。

Forexample，ifweseeorthinkofsomemanweknow，and，havingforgottenhisname，trytorecallit——ifsomeotherthingpresentsitself，wecannottieitintotheefforttoremember，becauseitwasnothabituallythoughtofinassociationwithhim。

Itisconsequentlyrejected，untilsomethingcomesintothemindonwhichourknowledgecanrightlyrestasthefamiliarandsought-forobject。Andwheredoesthisnamecomebackfrom，savefromthememoryitself？Forevenwhenwerecognizeitbyanother’sremindingusofit，stillitisfromthememorythatthiscomes，forwedonotbelieveitassomethingnew；butwhenwerecallit，weadmitthatwhatwassaidwascorrect。Butifthenamehadbeenentirelyblottedoutofthemind，weshouldnotbeabletorecollectitevenwhenremindedofit。Forwehavenotentirelyforgottenanythingifwecanrememberthatwehaveforgottenit。Foralostnotion，onethatwehaveentirelyforgotten，wecannotevensearchfor。

CHAPTERXX

29。How，then，doIseekthee，OLord？ForwhenIseekthee，myGod，Iseekahappylife。Iwillseektheethatmysoulmaylive。[340]Formybodylivesbymysoul，andmysoullivesbythee。How，then，doIseekahappylife，sincehappinessisnotminetillIcanrightlysay:”Itisenough。Thisisit。”HowdoI

seekit？Isitbyremembering，asthoughIhadforgottenitandstillknewthatIhadforgottenit？DoIseekitinlongingtolearnofitasthoughitweresomethingunknown，whicheitherI

hadneverknownorhadsocompletelyforgottenasnoteventorememberthatIhadforgottenit？Isnotthehappylifethethingthatalldesire，andisthereanyonewhodoesnotdesireitatall？[341]Butwherewouldtheyhavegottentheknowledgeofit，thattheyshouldsodesireit？Wherehavetheyseenitthattheyshouldsoloveit？Itissomehowtruethatwehaveit，buthowI

donotknow。

Thereis，indeed，asenseinwhichwhenanyonehashisdesireheishappy。Andthentherearesomewhoarehappyinhope。

Thesearehappyinaninferiordegreetothosethatareactuallyhappy；yettheyarebetteroffthanthosewhoarehappyneitherinactualitynorinhope。Buteventhese，iftheyhadnotknownhappinessinsomedegree，wouldnotthendesiretobehappy。Andyetitismostcertainthattheydosodesire。Howtheycometoknowhappiness，Icannottell，buttheyhaveitbysomekindofknowledgeunknowntome，forIamverymuchindoubtastowhetheritisinthememory。Forifitisinthere，thenwehavebeenhappyonceonatime——eithereachofusindividuallyorallofusinthatmanwhofirstsinnedandinwhomalsowealldiedandfromwhomweareallborninmisery。Howthisis，Idonotnowask；butIdoaskwhetherthehappylifeisinthememory。Forifwedidnotknowit，weshouldnotloveit。Wehearthenameofit，andweallacknowledgethatwedesirethething，forwearenotdelightedwiththenameonly。ForwhenaGreekhearsitspokeninLatin，hedoesnotfeeldelighted，forhedoesnotknowwhathasbeenspoken。ButweareasdelightedashewouldbeinturnifhehearditinGreek，becausethethingitselfisneitherGreeknorLatin，thishappinesswhichGreeksandLatinsandmenofalltheothertongueslongsoearnestlytoobtain。Itis，then，knowntoall；andifallcouldwithonevoicebeaskedwhethertheywishedtobehappy，thereisnodoubttheywouldallanswerthattheywould。Andthiswouldnotbepossibleunlessthethingitself，whichwename”happiness，”wereheldinthememory。

CHAPTERXXI

30。ButisitthesamekindofmemoryasonewhohavingseenCarthageremembersit？No，forthehappylifeisnotvisibletotheeye，sinceitisnotaphysicalobject。Isitthesortofmemorywehavefornumbers？No，forthemanwhohastheseinhisunderstandingdoesnotkeepstrivingtoattainmore。Nowweknowsomethingaboutthehappylifeandthereforeweloveit，butstillwewishtogoonstrivingforitthatwemaybehappy。Isthememoryofhappiness，then，somethinglikethememoryofeloquence？

No，foralthoughsome，whentheyhearthetermeloquence，callthethingtomind，eveniftheyarenotthemselveseloquent——andfurther，therearemanypeoplewhowouldliketobeeloquent，fromwhichitfollowsthattheymustknowsomethingaboutit——

nevertheless，thesepeoplehavenoticedthroughtheirsensesthatothersareeloquentandhavebeendelightedtoobservethisandlongtobethiswaythemselves。Buttheywouldnotbedelightedifitwerenotsomeinteriorknowledge；andtheywouldnotdesiretobedelightedunlesstheyhadbeendelighted。Butasforahappylife，thereisnophysicalperceptionbywhichweexperienceitinothers。

Dowerememberhappiness，then，aswerememberjoy？Itmaybeso，forIremembermyjoyevenwhenIamsad，justasI

rememberahappylifewhenIammiserable。AndIhavenever，throughphysicalperception，eitherseen，heard，smelled，tasted，ortouchedmyjoy。ButIhaveexperienceditinmymindwhenI

rejoiced；andtheknowledgeofitclungtomymemorysothatIcancallittomind，sometimeswithdisdainandatothertimeswithlonging，dependingonthedifferentkindsofthingsInowrememberthatIrejoicedin。ForIhavebeenbathedwithacertainjoyevenbyuncleanthings，whichInowdetestandexecrateasIcallthemtomind。Atothertimes，Icalltomindwithlonginggoodandhonestthings，whicharenotanylongernearathand，andIamthereforesaddenedwhenIrecallmyformerjoy。

31。WhereandwhendidIeverexperiencemyhappylifethatIcancallittomindandloveitandlongforit？ItisnotI

aloneorevenafewotherswhowishtobehappy，butabsolutelyeverybody。Unlessweknewhappinessbyaknowledgethatiscertain，weshouldnotwishforitwithawillwhichissocertain。Takethisexample:Iftwomenwereaskedwhethertheywishedtoserveassoldiers，oneofthemmightreplythathewould，andtheotherthathewouldnot；butiftheywereaskedwhethertheywishedtobehappy，bothofthemwouldunhesitatinglysaythattheywould。Butthefirstonewouldwishtoserveasasoldierandtheotherwouldnotwishtoserve，bothfromnoothermotivethantobehappy。Isit，perhaps，thatonefindshisjoyinthisandanotherinthat？Thustheyagreeintheirwishforhappinessjustastheywouldalsoagree，ifasked，inwishingforjoy。Isthisjoywhattheycallahappylife？Althoughonecouldchoosehisjoyinthiswayandanotherinthat，allhaveonegoalwhichtheystrivetoattain，namely，tohavejoy。Thisjoy，then，beingsomethingthatnoonecansayhehasnotexperienced，isthereforefoundinthememoryanditisrecognizedwheneverthephrase”ahappylife”isheard。

CHAPTERXXII

32。Forbidit，OLord，putitfarfromtheheartofthyservant，whoconfessestothee——farbeitfrommetothinkIamhappybecauseofanyandallthejoyIhave。Forthereisajoynotgrantedtothewickedbutonlytothosewhoworshiptheethankfully——andthisjoythouthyselfart。Thehappylifeisthis——torejoicetothee，inthee，andforthee。Thisitisandthereisnoother。Butthosewhothinkthereisanotherfollowafterotherjoys，andnotthetrueone。Buttheirwillisstillnotmovedexceptbysomeimageorshadowofjoy。

CHAPTERXXIII

33。Isit，then，uncertainthatallmenwishtobehappy，sincethosewhodonotwishtofindtheirjoyinthee——whichisalonethehappylife——donotactuallydesirethehappylife？

Or，isitratherthatalldesirethis，butbecause”thefleshlustsagainstthespiritandthespiritagainsttheflesh，”sothatthey”preventyoufromdoingwhatyouwould，”[342]youfalltodoingwhatyouareabletodoandarecontentwiththat。Foryoudonotwanttodowhatyoucannotdourgentlyenoughtomakeyouabletodoit。

NowIaskallmenwhethertheywouldratherrejoiceintruthorinfalsehood。Theywillnomorehesitatetoanswer，”Intruth，”thantosaythattheywishtobehappy。Forahappylifeisjoyinthetruth。Yetthisisjoyinthee，whoarttheTruth，OGodmyLight，”thehealthofmycountenanceandmyGod。”[343]

Allwishforthishappylife；allwishforthislifewhichistheonlyhappyone:joyinthetruthiswhatallmenwish。

Ihavehadexperiencewithmanywhowishedtodeceive，butnotonewhowishedtobedeceived。[344]Where，then，didtheyeverknowaboutthishappylife，exceptwheretheyknewalsowhatthetruthis？Fortheyloveit，too，sincetheyarenotwillingtobedeceived。Andwhentheylovethehappylife，whichisnothingelsebutjoyinthetruth，thencertainlytheyalsolovethetruth。Andyettheywouldnotloveitiftherewerenotsomeknowledgeofitinthememory。

Why，then，dotheynotrejoiceinit？Whyaretheynothappy？Becausetheyaresofullypreoccupiedwithotherthingswhichdomoretomakethemmiserablethanthosewhichwouldmakethemhappy，whichtheyremembersolittleabout。Yetthereisalittlelightinmen。Letthemwalk——letthemwalkinit，lestthedarknessovertakethem。

34。Why，then，doestruthgeneratehatred，andwhydoesthyservantwhopreachesthetruthcometobeanenemytothemwhoalsolovethehappylife，whichisnothingelsethanjoyinthetruth——unlessitbethattruthislovedinsuchawaythatthosewholovesomethingelsebesidesherwishthattobethetruthwhichtheydolove。Sincetheyareunwillingtobedeceived，theyareunwillingtobeconvincedthattheyhavebeendeceived。

Therefore，theyhatethetruthforthesakeofwhateveritisthattheyloveinplaceofthetruth。Theylovetruthwhensheshinesonthem；andhateherwhensherebukesthem。Andsincetheyarenotwillingtobedeceived，butdowishtodeceive，theylovetruthwhensherevealsherselfandhateherwhensherevealsthem。

Onthisaccount，shewillsorepaythemthatthosewhoareunwillingtobeexposedbyhershewillindeedexposeagainsttheirwill，andyetwillnotdiscloseherselftothem。

Thus，thus，trulythus:thehumanmindsoblindandsick，sobaseandill-mannered，desirestoliehidden，butdoesnotwishthatanythingshouldbehiddenfromit。Andyettheoppositeiswhathappens——theminditselfisnothiddenfromthetruth，butthetruthishiddenfromit。Yetevenso，forallitswretchedness，itstillpreferstorejoiceintruthratherthaninknownfalsehoods。Itwill，then，behappyonlywhenwithoutotherdistractionsitcomestorejoiceinthatsingleTruththroughwhichallthingselsearetrue。

CHAPTERXXIV

35。BeholdhowgreataterritoryIhaveexploredinmymemoryseekingthee，OLord！AndinitallIhavestillnotfoundthee。NorhaveIfoundanythingaboutthee，exceptwhatIhadalreadyretainedinmymemoryfromthetimeIlearnedofthee。

ForwhereIfoundTruth，therefoundImyGod，whoistheTruth。

FromthetimeIlearnedthisIhavenotforgotten。AndthussincethetimeIlearnedofthee，thouhastdweltinmymemory，anditistherethatIfindtheewheneverIcalltheetoremembrance，anddelightinthee。Thesearemyholydelights，whichthouhastbestowedonmeinthymercy，mindfulofmypoverty。

CHAPTERXXV

36。Butwhereinmymemorydostthouabide，OLord？Wheredostthoudwellthere？Whatsortoflodginghastthoumadeforthyselfthere？Whatkindofsanctuaryhastthoubuiltforthyself？Thouhastdonethishonortomymemorytotakeupthyabodeinit，butImustconsiderfurtherinwhatpartofitthoudostabide。Forincallingtheetomind，Isoaredbeyondthosepartsofmemorywhichthebeastsalsopossess，becauseIdidnotfindtheethereamongtheimagesofcorporealthings。FromthereIwentontothosepartswhereIhadstoredtherememberedaffectionsofmymind，andIdidnotfindtheethere。AndI

enteredintotheinmostseatofmymind，whichisinmymemory，sincethemindremembersitselfalso——andthouwastnotthere。

Forjustasthouartnotabodilyimage，northeemotionofalivingcreature(suchaswefeelwhenwerejoiceoraregrief-

stricken，whenwedesire，orfear，orremember，orforget，oranythingofthatkind)，soneitherartthoutheminditself。ForthouarttheLordGodofthemindandofallthesethingsthataremutable；butthouabidestimmutableoverall。YetthouhastelectedtodwellinmymemoryfromthetimeIlearnedofthee。

ButwhydoInowinquireaboutthepartofmymemorythoudostdwellin，asifindeedtherewereseparatepartsinit？

Assuredly，thoudwellestinit，sinceIhaverememberedtheefromthetimeIlearnedofthee，andIfindtheeinmymemorywhenI

calltheetomind。

CHAPTERXXVI

37。Where，then，didIfindtheesoastobeabletolearnofthee？ForthouwastnotinmymemorybeforeIlearnedofthee。

Where，then，didIfindtheesoastobeabletolearnofthee——

saveinthyselfbeyondme。[345]Placethereisnone。Wego”backward”and”forward”andthereisnoplace。Everywhereandatonce，OTruth，thouguidestallwhoconsultthee，andsimultaneouslyanswerestalleventhoughtheyconsulttheeonquitedifferentthings。Thouanswerestclearly，thoughalldonothearinclarity。Alltakecounseloftheeonwhateverpointtheywish，thoughtheydonotalwayshearwhattheywish。Heisthybestservantwhodoesnotlooktohearfromtheewhathehimselfwills，butwhowillsrathertowillwhathehearsfromthee。

CHAPTERXXVII

38。BelatedlyIlovedthee，OBeautysoancientandsonew，belatedlyIlovedthee。Forsee，thouwastwithinandIwaswithout，andIsoughttheeoutthere。Unlovely，Irushedheedlesslyamongthelovelythingsthouhastmade。Thouwastwithme，butIwasnotwiththee。Thesethingskeptmefarfromthee；

eventhoughtheywerenotatallunlesstheywereinthee。Thoudidstcallandcryaloud，anddidstforceopenmydeafness。Thoudidstgleamandshine，anddidstchaseawaymyblindness。ThoudidstbreathefragrantodorsandIdrewinmybreath；andnowI

pantforthee。Itasted，andnowIhungerandthirst。Thoudidsttouchme，andIburnedforthypeace。

CHAPTERXXVIII

39。WhenIcometobeunitedtotheewithallmybeing，thentherewillbenomorepainandtoilforme，andmylifeshallbeareallife，beingwhollyfilledbythee。Butsincehewhomthoufillestistheonethouliftestup，IamstillaburdentomyselfbecauseIamnotyetfilledbythee。Joysofsorrowcontendwithsorrowsofjoy，andonwhichsidethevictoryliesIdonotknow。

Woeisme！Lord，havepityonme；myevilsorrowscontendwithmygoodjoys，andonwhichsidethevictoryliesIdonotknow。Woeisme！Lord，havepityonme。Woeisme！Behold，I

donothidemywounds。ThouartthePhysician，Iamthesickman；

thouartmerciful，Ineedmercy。Isnotthelifeofmanonearthanordeal？Whoishethatwishesforvexationsanddifficulties？

Thoucommandestthemtobeendured，nottobeloved。Fornomanloveswhatheendures，thoughhemaylovetoendure。Yetevenifherejoicestoendure，hewouldpreferthattherewerenothingforhimtoendure。Inadversity，Idesireprosperity；inprosperity，Ifearadversity。Whatmiddleplaceisthere，then，betweenthesetwo，wherehumanlifeisnotanordeal？Thereiswoeintheprosperityofthisworld；thereiswoeinthefearofmisfortune；

thereiswoeinthedistortionofjoy。Thereiswoeintheadversitiesofthisworld——asecondwoe，andathird，fromthedesireofprosperity——becauseadversityitselfisahardthingtobearandmakesshipwreckofendurance。Isnotthelifeofmanupontheearthanordeal，andthatwithoutsurcease？

CHAPTERXXIX

40。Mywholehopeisinthyexceedinggreatmercyandthatalone。Givewhatthoucommandestandcommandwhatthouwilt。

Thoucommandestcontinencefromus，andwhenIknew，asitissaid，thatnoonecouldbecontinentunlessGodgaveittohim，eventhiswasapointofwisdomtoknowwhosegiftitwas。[346]

ForbycontinenceweareboundupandbroughtbacktogetherintheOne，whereasbeforewewerescatteredabroadamongthemany。[347]

Forhelovestheetoolittlewholovesalongwiththeeanythingelsethathedoesnotloveforthysake，OLove，whodostburnforeverandartneverquenched。OLove，OmyGod，enkindleme！

Thoucommandestcontinence；givewhatthoucommandest，andcommandwhatthouwilt。

CHAPTERXXX

41。ObviouslythoucommandestthatIshouldbecontinentfrom”thelustoftheflesh，andthelustoftheeyes，andtheprideoflife。”[348]Thoucommandestmetoabstainfromfornication，andasformarriageitself，thouhastcounseledsomethingbetterthanwhatthoudostallow。Andsincethougavestit，itwasdone——evenbeforeIbecameaministerofthysacrament。Buttherestillexistinmymemory——ofwhichIhavespokensomuch——theimagesofsuchthingsasmyhabitshadfixedthere。ThesethingsrushintomythoughtswithnopowerwhenIamawake；butinsleeptheyrushinnotonlysoastogivepleasure，buteventoobtainconsentandwhatverycloselyresemblesthedeeditself。Indeed，theillusionoftheimageprevailstosuchanextent，inbothmysoulandmyflesh，thattheillusionpersuadesmewhensleepingtowhattherealitycannotdowhenIamawake。AmInotmyselfatsuchatime，OLordmyGod？AndistheresomuchofadifferencebetweenmyselfawakeandmyselfinthemomentwhenIpassfromwakingtosleeping，orreturnfromsleepingtowaking？

Where，then，isthepowerofreasonwhichresistssuchsuggestionswhenIamawake——forevenifthethingsthemselvesbeforceduponitIremainunmoved？Doesreasonceasewhentheeyesclose？Isitputtosleepwiththebodilysenses？Butinthatcasehowdoesitcometopassthateveninslumberweoftenresist，andwithourconsciouspurposesinmind，continuemostchastelyinthem，andyieldnoassenttosuchallurements？Yetthereisatleastthismuchdifference:thatwhenithappensotherwiseindreams，whenwewakeup，wereturntopeaceofconscience。Anditisbythisdifferencebetweensleepingandwakingthatwediscoverthatitwasnotwewhodidit，whilewestillfeelsorrythatinsomewayitwasdoneinus。

42。Isnotthyhand，OAlmightyGod，abletohealallthediseasesofmysouland，bythymoreandmoreabundantgrace，toquencheventhelasciviousmotionsofmysleep？Thouwiltincreasethygiftsinmemoreandmore，OLord，thatmysoulmayfollowmetothee，wrenchedfreefromthestickyglueoflustsothatitisnolongerinrebellionagainstitself，evenindreams；

thatitneithercommitsnorconsentstothesedebasingcorruptionswhichcomethroughsensualimagesandwhichresultinthepollutionoftheflesh。ForitisnogreatthingfortheAlmighty，whois”abletodo……morethanwecanaskorthink，”[349]tobringitaboutthatnosuchinfluence——notevenonesoslightthatanodmightrestrainit——shouldaffordgratificationtothefeelingsofachastepersonevenwhensleeping。Thiscouldcometopassnotonlyinthislifebutevenatmypresentage。ButwhatIamstillinthiswayofwickednessIhaveconfesseduntomygoodLord，rejoicingwithtremblinginwhatthouhastgivenmeandgrievinginmyselfforthatinwhichI

amstillimperfect。Iamtrustingthatthouwiltperfectthymerciesinme，tothefullnessofthatpeacewhichbothmyinnerandoutwardbeingshallhavewiththeewhendeathisswallowedupinvictory。[350]

CHAPTERXXXI

43。Thereisyetanother”eviloftheday”[351]towhichI

wishIweresufficient。Byeatinganddrinkingwerestorethedailylossesofthebodyuntilthatdaywhenthoudestroyestbothfoodandstomach，whenthouwiltdestroythisemptinesswithanamazingfullnessandwiltclothethiscorruptiblewithaneternalincorruption。Butnowthenecessityofhabitissweettome，andagainstthissweetnessmustIfight，lestIbeenthralledbyit。

ThusIcarryonadailywarbyfasting，constantly”bringingmybodyintosubjection，”[352]afterwhichmypainsarebanishedbypleasure。Forhungerandthirstareactualpain。Theyconsumeanddestroylikefeverdoes，unlessthemedicineoffoodisathandtorelieveus。Andsincethismedicineathandcomesfromthecomfortwereceiveinthygifts(bymeansofwhichlandandwaterandairserveourinfirmity)，evenourcalamityiscalledpleasure。

44。Thismuchthouhasttaughtme:thatIshouldlearntotakefoodasmedicine。ButduringthattimewhenIpassfromthepinchofemptinesstothecontentmentoffullness，itisinthatverymomentthatthesnareofappetiteliesbaitedforme。Forthepassageitselfispleasant；thereisnootherwayofpassingthither，andnecessitycompelsustopass。Andwhilehealthisthereasonforoureatinganddrinking，yetaperilousdelightjoinsitselftothemasahandmaid；andindeed，shetriestotakeprecedenceinorderthatImaywanttodoforhersakewhatIsayIwanttodoforhealth’ssake。Theydonotbothhavethesamelimiteither。Whatissufficientforhealthisnotenoughforpleasure。Anditisoftenamatterofdoubtwhetheritistheneedfulcareofthebodythatstillcallsforfoodorwhetheritisthesensualsnareofdesirestillwantingtobeserved。Inthisuncertaintymyunhappysoulrejoices，andusesittoprepareanexcuseasadefense。Itisgladthatitisnotclearastowhatissufficientforthemoderationofhealth，sothatunderthepretenseofhealthitmayconcealitsprojectsforpleasure。

ThesetemptationsIdailyendeavortoresistandIsummonthyrighthandtomyhelpandcastmyperplexitiesontothee，forI

havenotyetreachedafirmconclusioninthismatter。

45。IhearthevoiceofmyGodcommanding:”Letnotyourheartbeoverchargedwithsurfeitinganddrunkenness。”[353]

Drunkennessisfarfromme。Thouwilthavemercythatitdoesnotcomenearme。But”surfeiting”sometimescreepsuponthyservant。

Thouwilthavemercythatitmaybeputfarfromme。Fornomancanbecontinentunlessthougiveit。[354]Manythingsthatweprayforthougivestus，andwhatevergoodwereceivebeforeweprayedforit，wereceiveitfromthee，sothatwemightafterwardknowthatwedidreceiveitfromthee。Ineverwasadrunkard，butIhaveknowndrunkardsmadeintosobermenbythee。Itwasalsothydoingthatthosewhoneverweredrunkardshavenotbeen——andlikewise，itwasfromtheethatthosewhohavebeenmightnotremainsoalways。Anditwaslikewisefromtheethatbothmightknowfromwhomallthiscame。

Iheardanothervoiceofthine:”Donotfollowyourlustsandrefrainyourselffromyourpleasures。”[355]AndbythyfavorI

havealsoheardthissayinginwhichIhavetakenmuchdelight:”Neitherifweeatarewethebetter；norifweeatnotarewetheworse。”[356]Thisistosaythatneithershalltheonemakemetoabound，northeothertobewretched。Iheardstillanothervoice:”ForIhavelearned，inwhatsoeverstateIam，therewithtobecontent。IknowhowtobeabasedandIknowhowtoabound……IcandoallthingsthroughChristwhostrengthenethme。”[357]

Seehereasoldieroftheheavenlyarmy；notthesortofdustweare。Butremember，OLord，”thatwearedust”[358]andthatthoudidstcreatemanoutofthedust，[359]andthathe”waslost，andisfound。”[360]Ofcourse，he[theapostlePaul]couldnotdoallthisbyhisownpower。Hewasofthesamedust——hewhomIlovedsomuchandwhospokeofthesethingsthroughtheafflatusofthyinspiration:”Ican，”hesaid，”doallthingsthroughhimwhostrengthenethme。”Strengthenme，thatItoomaybeable。Givewhatthoucommandest，andcommandwhatthouwilt。Thisman[Paul]

confessesthathereceivedthegiftofgraceandthat，whenheglories，hegloriesintheLord。Ihaveheardyetanothervoiceprayingthathemightreceive。”Takefromme，”hesaid，”thegreedinessofthebelly。”[361]Andfromthisitappears，OmyholyGod，thatthoudostgiveit，whenwhatthoucommandesttobedoneisdone。

46。Thouhasttaughtme，goodFather，that”tothepureallthingsarepure”[362]；but”itisevilforthatmanwhogivesoffenseineating”[363]；andthat”everycreatureofthineisgood，andnothingistoberefusedifitisreceivedwiththanksgiving”[364]；andthat”meatdoesnotcommendustoGod”[365]；andthat”nomanshouldjudgeusinmeatorindrink。”[366]”Letnothimwhoeatsdespisehimwhoeatsnot，andlethimthatdoesnoteatjudgenothimwhodoeseat。”[367]ThesethingsIhavelearned，thanksandpraisebetothee，OmyGodandMaster，whoknockestatmyearsandenlightenestmyheart。

Delivermefromalltemptation！

ItisnottheuncleannessofmeatthatIfear，buttheuncleannessofanincontinentappetite。IknowthatpermissionwasgrantedNoahtoeateverykindoffleshthatwasgoodforfood；thatElijahwasfedwithflesh；thatJohn，blessedwithawonderfulabstinence，wasnotpollutedbythelivingcreatures(thatis，thelocusts)onwhichhefed。AndIalsoknowthatEsauwasdeceivedbyhishungeringafterlentilsandthatDavidblamedhimselffordesiringwater，andthatourKingwastemptednotbyfleshbutbybread。And，thus，thepeopleinthewildernesstrulydeservedtheirreproof，notbecausetheydesiredmeat，butbecauseintheirdesireforfoodtheymurmuredagainsttheLord。

47。Setdown，then，inthemidstofthesetemptations，I

strivedailyagainstmyappetiteforfoodanddrink。ForitisnotthekindofappetiteIamabletodealwithbycuttingitoffonceforall，andthereafternottouchingit，asIwasabletodowithfornication。Thebridleofthethroat，therefore，mustbeheldinthemeanbetweenslacknessandtightness。Andwho，O

Lord，ishewhoisnotinsomedegreecarriedawaybeyondtheboundsofnecessity？Whoeverheis，heisgreat；lethimmagnifythyname。ButIamnotsuchaone，”forIamasinfulman。”[368]

YetItoomagnifythyname，forhewhohath”overcometheworld”[369]intercedethwiththeeformysins，numberingmeamongtheweakmembersofhisbody；forthyeyesdidseewhatwasimperfectinhim，andinthybookallshallbewrittendown。[370]

CHAPTERXXXII

48。Iamnotmuchtroubledbytheallurementofodors。Whentheyareabsent，Idonotseekthem；whentheyarepresent，Idonotrefusethem；andIamalwayspreparedtogowithoutthem。Atanyrate，Iappearthustomyself；itisquitepossiblethatIamdeceived。Forthereisalamentabledarknessinwhichmycapabilitiesareconcealed，sothatwhenmymindinquiresintoitselfconcerningitsownpowers，itdoesnotreadilyventuretobelieveitself，becausewhatalreadyisinitislargelyconcealedunlessexperiencebringsittolight。Thusnomanoughttofeelsecureinthislife，thewholeofwhichiscalledanordeal，orderedsothatthemanwhocouldbemadebetterfromhavingbeenworsemaynotalsofromhavingbeenbetterbecomeworse。Oursolehope，oursoleconfidence，ouronlyassuredpromise，isthymercy。

CHAPTERXXXIII

49。Thedelightsoftheeardrewandheldmemuchmorepowerfully，butthoudidstunbindandliberateme。Inthosemelodieswhichthywordsinspirewhensungwithasweetandtrainedvoice，Istillfindrepose；yetnotsoastoclingtothem，butalwayssoastobeabletofreemyselfasIwish。Butitisbecauseofthewordswhicharetheirlifethattheygainentryintomeandstriveforaplaceofproperhonorinmyheart；

andIcanhardlyassignthemafittingone。Sometimes，Iseemtomyselftogivethemmorerespectthanisfitting，whenIseethatourmindsaremoredevoutlyandearnestlyinflamedinpietybytheholywordswhentheyaresungthanwhentheyarenot。AndI

recognizethatallthediverseaffectionsofourspiritshavetheirappropriatemeasuresinthevoiceandsong，towhichtheyarestimulatedbyIknownotwhatsecretcorrelation。Butthepleasuresofmyflesh——towhichthemindoughtnevertobesurrenderednorbythemenervated——oftenbeguilemewhilephysicalsensedoesnotattendonreason，tofollowherpatiently，buthavingoncegainedentrytohelpthereason，itstrivestorunonbeforeherandbeherleader。ThusinthesethingsIsinunknowingly，butIcometoknowitafterward。

50。Ontheotherhand，whenIavoidveryearnestlythiskindofdeception，Ierroutoftoogreatausterity。SometimesIgotothepointofwishingthatallthemelodiesofthepleasantsongstowhichDavid’sPsalterisadaptedshouldbebanishedbothfrommyearsandfromthoseoftheChurchitself。Inthismood，thesaferwayseemedtometheoneIrememberwasoncerelatedtomeconcerningAthanasius，bishopofAlexandria，whorequiredthereadersofthepsalmtousesoslightaninflectionofthevoicethatitwasmorelikespeakingthansinging。

However，whenIcalltomindthetearsIshedatthesongsofthyChurchattheoutsetofmyrecoveredfaith，andhowevennowI

ammoved，notbythesingingbutbywhatissung(whentheyaresungwithaclearandskillfullymodulatedvoice)，Ithencometoacknowledgethegreatutilityofthiscustom。ThusIvacillatebetweendangerouspleasureandhealthfulexercise。Iaminclined——thoughIpronouncenoirrevocableopiniononthesubject——toapproveoftheuseofsinginginthechurch，sothatbythedelightsoftheeartheweakermindsmaybestimulatedtoadevotionalmood。[371]YetwhenithappensthatIammoremovedbythesingingthanbywhatissung，Iconfessmyselftohavesinnedwickedly，andthenIwouldrathernothaveheardthesinging。SeenowwhataconditionIamin！Weepwithme，andweepforme，thoseofyouwhocansocontrolyourinwardfeelingsthatgoodresultsalwayscomeforth。Asforyouwhodonotactthiswayatall，suchthingsdonotconcernyou。Butdothou，OLord，myGod，giveear；lookandsee，andhavemercyuponme；andhealme——

thou，inwhosesightIambecomeanenigmatomyself；thisitselfismyweakness。

CHAPTERXXXIV

51。Thereremainthedelightsoftheseeyesofmyflesh，aboutwhichImustmakemyconfessioninthehearingoftheearsofthytemple，brotherlyandpiousears。ThusIwillfinishthelistofthetemptationsofcarnalappetitewhichstillassailme——groaninganddesiringasIamtobeclotheduponwithmyhousefromheaven。[372]

Theeyesdelightinfairandvariedforms，andbrightandpleasingcolors。Letthesenottakepossessionofmysoul！

RatherletGodpossessit，hewhodidstmakeallthesethingsverygoodindeed。Heisstillmygood，andnotthese。ThepleasuresofsightaffectmeallthetimeIamawake。Thereisnorestfromthemgivenme，asthereisfromthevoicesofmelody，whichIcanoccasionallyfindinsilence。Fordaylight，thatqueenofthecolors，floodsallthatwelookuponeverywhereIgoduringtheday。ItflitsaboutmeinmanifoldformsandsoothesmeevenwhenIambusyaboutotherthings，notnoticingit。Anditpresentsitselfsoforciblythatifitissuddenlywithdrawnitislookedforwithlonging，andifitislongabsentthemindissaddened。

52。OLight，whichTobitsawevenwithhiseyesclosedinblindness，whenhetaughthissonthewayoflife——andwentbeforehimhimselfinthestepsofloveandneverwentastray[373]；orthatLightwhichIsaacsawwhenhisfleshly”eyesweredim，sothathecouldnotsee”[374]becauseofoldage，anditwaspermittedhimunknowinglytoblesshissons，butintheblessingofthemtoknowthem；orthatLightwhichJacobsaw，whenhetoo，blindinoldageyetwithanenlightenedheart，threwlightonthenationofmenyettocome——presignifiedinthepersonsofhisownsons——andlaidhishandsmysticallycrosseduponhisgrandchildrenbyJoseph(notastheirfather，whosawthemfromwithout，butasthoughhewerewithinthem)，anddistinguishedthemaright[375]:thisisthetrueLight；itisone，andallareonewhoseeandloveit。

Butthatcorporeallight，ofwhichIwasspeaking，seasonsthelifeoftheworldforherblindloverswithatemptingandfatalsweetness。Thosewhoknowhowtopraisetheeforit，”O

God，CreatorofUsAll，”takeitupinthyhymn，[376]andarenottakenoverbyitintheirsleep。SuchamanIdesiretobe。I

resisttheseductionsofmyeyes，lestmyfeetbeentangledasI

goforwardinthyway；andIraisemyinvisibleeyestothee，thatthouwouldstbepleasedto”pluckmyfeetoutofthenet。”[377]

Thoudostcontinuallypluckthemout，fortheyareeasilyensnared。Thouceasestnottopluckthemout，butIconstantlyremainfastinthesnaressetallaroundme。However，thouwho”keepestIsraelshallneitherslumbernorsleep。”[378]

53。Whatnumberlessthingsthereare:productsofthevariousartsandmanufacturesinourclothes，shoes，vessels，andallsuchthings；besidessuchthingsaspicturesandstatuary——

andallthesefarbeyondthenecessaryandmoderateuseofthemortheirsignificanceforthelifeofpiety——whichmenhaveaddedforthedelightoftheeye，copyingtheoutwardformsofthethingstheymake；butinwardlyforsakingHimbywhomtheyweremadeanddestroyingwhattheythemselveshavebeenmadetobe！

AndI，OmyGodandmyJoy，Ialsoraiseahymntotheeforallthesethings，andofferasacrificeofpraisetomySanctifier，becausethosebeautifulformswhichpassthroughthemediumofthehumansoulintotheartist’shandscomefromthatbeautywhichisaboveourminds，whichmysoulsighsfordayandnight。Butthecraftsmenanddevoteesoftheseoutwardbeautiesdiscoverthenormbywhichtheyjudgethemfromthathigherbeauty，butnotthemeasureoftheiruse。Still，eveniftheydonotseeit，itistherenevertheless，toguardthemfromwanderingastray，andtokeeptheirstrengthforthee，andnotdissipateitindelightsthatpassintoboredom。Andformyself，thoughIcanseeandunderstandthis，Iamstillentangledinmyowncoursewithsuchbeauty，butthouwiltrescueme，OLord，thouwiltrescueme，”forthyloving-kindnessisbeforemyeyes。”[379]ForIamcaptivatedinmyweaknessbutthouinthymercydostrescueme:sometimeswithoutmyknowingit，becauseIhadonlylightlyfallen；atothertimes，therescueispainfulbecauseIwasstuckfast。

CHAPTERXXXV

54。Besidesthisthereisyetanotherformoftemptationstillmorecomplexinitsperil。Forinadditiontothefleshlyappetitewhichstrivesforthegratificationofallsensesandpleasures——inwhichitsslavesperishbecausetheyseparatethemselvesfromthee——thereisalsoacertainvainandcuriouslonginginthesoul，rootedinthesamebodilysenses，whichiscloakedunderthenameofknowledgeandlearning；nothavingpleasureintheflesh，butstrivingfornewexperiencesthroughtheflesh。Thislonging——sinceitsoriginisourappetiteforlearning，andsincethesightisthechiefofoursensesintheacquisitionofknowledge——iscalledinthedivinelanguage”thelustoftheeyes。”[380]Forseeingisafunctionoftheeyes；yetwealsousethiswordfortheothersensesaswell，whenweexercisetheminthesearchforknowledge。Wedonotsay，”Listenhowitglows，””Smellhowitglistens，””Tastehowitshines，”or”Feelhowitflashes，”sinceallofthesearesaidtobe_seen_。

Andwedonotsimplysay，”Seehowitshines，”whichonlytheeyescanperceive；butwealsosay，”Seehowitsounds，seehowitsmells，seehowittastes，seehowharditis。”Thus，aswesaidbefore，thewholeroundofsensoryexperienceiscalled”thelustoftheeyes”becausethefunctionofseeing，inwhichtheeyeshavetheprincipalrole，isappliedbyanalogytotheothersenseswhentheyareseekingafteranykindofknowledge。

55。Fromthis，then，onecanthemoreclearlydistinguishwhetheritispleasureorcuriositythatisbeingpursuedbythesenses。Forpleasurepursuesobjectsthatarebeautiful，melodious，fragrant，savory，soft。Butcuriosity，seekingnewexperiences，willevenseekoutthecontraryofthese，notwiththepurposeofexperiencingthediscomfortthatoftenaccompaniesthem，butoutofapassionforexperimentingandknowledge。

Forwhatpleasureisthereinthesightofalaceratedcorpse，whichmakesyoushudder？Andyetifthereisonelyingclosebyweflocktoit，asiftobemadesadandpale。Peoplefearlesttheyshouldseesuchathingeveninsleep，justastheywouldif，whenawake，someonecompelledthemtogoandseeitorifsomerumorofitsbeautyhadattractedthem。

Thisisalsothecasewiththeothersenses；itwouldbetedioustopursueacompleteanalysisofit。Thismaladyofcuriosityisthereasonforallthosestrangesightsexhibitedinthetheater。Itisalsothereasonwhyweproceedtosearchoutthesecretpowersofnature——thosewhichhavenothingtodowithourdestiny——whichdonotprofitustoknowabout，andconcerningwhichmendesiretoknowonlyforthesakeofknowing。

Anditiswiththissamemotiveofpervertedcuriosityforknowledgethatweconsultthemagicalarts。Eveninreligionitself，thispromptingdrivesustomaketrialofGodwhensignsandwondersareeagerlyaskedofhim——notdesiredforanysavingend，butonlytomaketrialofhim。

56。Insuchawildernesssovast，crammedwithsnaresanddangers，beholdhowmanyofthemIhaveloppedoffandcastfrommyheart，asthou，OGodofmysalvation，hastenabledmetodo。

Andyet，whenwouldIdaretosay，sincesomanythingsofthissortstillbuzzaroundourdailylives——whenwouldIdaretosaythatnosuchmotivepromptsmyseeingorcreatesavaincuriosityinme？Itistruethatnowthetheatersneverattractme，nordoInowcaretoinquireaboutthecoursesofthestars，andmysoulhasneversoughtanswersfromthedepartedspirits。AllsacrilegiousoathsIabhor。Andyet，OLordmyGod，towhomIoweallhumbleandsingleheartedservice，withwhatsubtlesuggestiontheenemystillinfluencesmetorequiresomesignfromthee！ButbyourKing，andbyJerusalem，ourpureandchastehomeland，I

beseechtheethatwhereanyconsentingtosuchthoughtsisnowfarfromme，somayitalwaysbefartherandfarther。AndwhenI

entreattheeforthesalvationofanyman，theendIaimatissomethingmorethantheentreating:letitbethatasthoudostwhatthouwilt，thoudostalsogivemethegracewillinglytofollowthylead。

57。Now，really，inhowmanyofthemostminuteandtrivialthingsmycuriosityisstilldailytempted，andwhocankeepthetallyonhowoftenIsuccumb？Howoften，whenpeoplearetellingidletales，webeginbytoleratingthemlestweshouldgiveoffensetothesensitive；andthengraduallywecometolistenwillingly！Idonotnowadaysgotothecircustoseeadogchasearabbit，butifbychanceIpasssucharaceinthefields，itquiteeasilydistractsmeevenfromsomeseriousthoughtanddrawsmeafterit——notthatIturnasidewithmyhorse，butwiththeinclinationofmymind。Andunless，byshowingmemyweakness，thoudostspeedilywarnmetoriseabovesuchasighttotheebyadeliberateactofthought——orelsetodespisethewholethingandpassitby——thenIbecomeabsorbedinthesight，vaincreaturethatIam。

HowisitthatwhenIamsittingathomealizardcatchingflies，oraspiderentanglingthemastheyflyintoherwebs，oftentimesarrestsme？Isthefeelingofcuriositynotthesamejustbecausethesearesuchtinycreatures？FromthemIproceedtopraisethee，thewonderfulCreatorandDisposerofallthings；

butitisnotthisthatfirstattractsmyattention。Itisonethingtogetupquicklyandanotherthingnottofall——andofbothsuchthingsmylifeisfullandmyonlyhopeisinthyexceedinggreatmercy。Forwhenthisheartofoursismadethedepotofsuchthingsandisoverrunbythethrongoftheseaboundingvanities，thenourprayersareofteninterruptedanddisturbedbythem。Evenwhileweareinthypresenceanddirectthevoiceofourheartstothyears，suchagreatbusinessasthisisbrokenoffbytheinroadsofIknownotwhatidlethoughts。

CHAPTERXXXVI

58。Shallwe，then，alsoreckonthisvaincuriosityamongthethingsthataretobebutlightlyesteemed？Shallanythingrestoreustohopeexceptthycompletemercysincethouhastbeguntochangeus？Thouknowesttowhatextentthouhastalreadychangedme，forfirstofallthoudidsthealmeofthelustforvindicatingmyself，sothatthoumightestthenforgiveallmyremaininginiquitiesandhealallmydiseases，and”redeemmylifefromcorruptionandcrownmewithloving-kindnessandtendermercies，andsatisfymydesireswithgoodthings。”[381]Itwasthouwhodidstrestrainmypridewiththyfear，andbowedmynecktothy”yoke。”[382]AndnowIbeartheyokeanditis”light”tome，becausethoudidstpromiseittobeso，andhastmadeittobeso。Andsointruthitwas，thoughIknewitnotwhenIfearedtotakeitup。

59。But，OLord——thouwhoalonereignestwithoutpride，becausethoualoneartthetrueLord，whohastnoLord——hasthisthirdkindoftemptationleftme，orcanitleavemeduringthislife:thedesiretobefearedandlovedofmen，withnootherviewthanthatImayfindinitajoythatisnojoy？Itis，rather，awretchedlifeandanunseemlyostentation。Itisaspecialreasonwhywedonotlovethee，nordevotedlyfearthee。Therefore”thouresistesttheproudbutgivestgracetothehumble。”[383]Thouthunderestdownontheambitiousdesignsoftheworld，and”thefoundationsofthehills”tremble。[384]

Andyetcertainofficesinhumansocietyrequiretheofficeholdertobelovedandfearedofmen，andthroughthistheadversaryofourtrueblessednesspressesharduponus，scatteringeverywherehissnaresof”welldone，welldone”；sothatwhileweareeagerlypickingthemup，wemaybecaughtunawaresandsplitoffourjoyfromthytruthandfixitonthedeceitsofmen。Inthiswaywecometotakepleasureinbeinglovedandfeared，notforthysakebutinthystead。Bysuchmeansasthis，theadversarymakesmenlikehimself，thathemayhavethemashisown，notintheharmonyoflove，butinthefellowshipofpunishment——theonewhoaspiredtoexalthisthroneinthenorth，[385]thatinthedarknessandthecoldmenmighthavetoservehim，mimickingtheeinperverseanddistortedways。

Butsee，OLord，wearethylittleflock。Possessus，stretchthywingsaboveus，andletustakerefugeunderthem。Bethouourglory；letusbelovedforthysake，andletthywordbefearedinus。Thosewhodesiretobecommendedbythemenwhomthoucondemnestwillnotbedefendedbymenwhenthoujudgest，norwilltheybedeliveredwhenthoudostcondemnthem。Butwhen——

notasasinnerispraisedinthewickeddesiresofhissoulnorwhentheunrighteousmanisblessedinhisunrighteousness——amanispraisedforsomegiftthatthouhastgivenhim，andheismoregratifiedatthepraiseforhimselfthanbecausehepossessesthegiftforwhichheispraised，suchaoneispraisedwhilethoudostcondemnhim。Insuchacasetheonewhopraisedistrulybetterthantheonewhowaspraised。ForthegiftofGodinmanwaspleasingtotheone，whiletheotherwasbetterpleasedwiththegiftofmanthanwiththegiftofGod。

CHAPTERXXXVII

60。Bythesetemptationswearedailytried，OLord；wearetriedunceasingly。Ourdaily”furnace”isthehumantongue。[386]

Andalsointhisrespectthoucommandestustobecontinent。Givewhatthoucommandestandcommandwhatthouwilt。Inthismatter，thouknowestthegroansofmyheartandtheriversofmyeyes，forIamnotabletoknowforcertainhowfarIamcleanofthisplague；andIstandingreatfearofmy”secretfaults，”[387]

whichthyeyesperceive，thoughminedonot。Forinrespectofthepleasuresofmyfleshandofidlecuriosity，IseehowfarI

havebeenabletoholdmymindincheckwhenIabstainfromthemeitherbyvoluntaryactofthewillorbecausetheysimplyarenotathand；forthenIcaninquireofmyselfhowmuchmoreorlessfrustratingitistomenottohavethem。Thisisalsotrueaboutriches，whicharesoughtforinorderthattheymayministertooneofthesethree”lusts，”ortwo，orthewholecomplexofthem。

Themindisabletoseeclearlyif，whenithasthem，itdespisesthemsothattheymaybecastasideanditmayproveitself。

Butifwedesiretotestourpowerofdoingwithoutpraise，mustwethenlivewickedlyorleadalifesoatrociousandabandonedthateveryonewhoknowsuswilldetestus？Whatgreatermadnessthanthiscanbeeithersaidorconceived？Andyetifpraise，bothbycustomandright，isthecompanionofagoodlifeandofgoodworks，weshouldaslittleforgoitscompanionshipasthegoodlifeitself。ButunlessathingisabsentIdonotknowwhetherIshouldbecontentedortroubledathavingtodowithoutit。

61。Whatisit，then，thatIamconfessingtothee，OLord，concerningthissortoftemptation？Whatelse，thanthatIamdelightedwithpraise，butmorewiththetruthitselfthanwithpraise。ForifIweretohaveanychoicewhether，ifIweremadorutterlyinthewrong，Iwouldprefertobepraisedbyallmenor，ifIweresteadilyandfullyconfidentinthetruth，wouldprefertobeblamedbyall，IseewhichIshouldchoose。YetI

wishIwereunwillingthattheapprovalofothersshouldaddanythingtomyjoyforanygoodIhave。YetIadmitthatitdoesincreaseit；and，morethanthat，dispraisediminishesit。Then，whenIamdisturbedoverthiswretchednessofmine，anexcusepresentsitselftome，thevalueofwhichthouknowest，OGod，foritrendersmeuncertain。Forsinceitisnotonlycontinencethatthouhastenjoinedonus——thatis，whatthingstoholdbackourlovefrom——butrighteousnessaswell——thatis，whattobestowourloveupon——andhastwishedustolovenotonlythee，butalsoourneighbor，itoftenturnsoutthatwhenIamgratifiedbyintelligentpraiseIseemtomyselftobegratifiedbythecompetenceorinsightofmyneighbor；or，ontheotherhand，IamsorryforthedefectinhimwhenIhearhimdispraiseeitherwhathedoesnotunderstandorwhatisgood。ForIamsometimesgrievedatthepraiseIget，eitherwhenthosethingsthatdispleasemeinmyselfarepraisedinme，orwhenlesserandtriflinggoodsarevaluedmorehighlythantheyshouldbe。But，again，howdoIknowwhetherIfeelthiswaybecauseIamunwillingthathewhopraisesmeshoulddifferfrommeconcerningmyselfnotbecauseIammovedwithanyconsiderationforhim，butbecausethegoodthingsthatpleasemeinmyselfaremorepleasingtomewhentheyalsopleaseanother？Forinaway，Iamnotpraisedwhenmyjudgmentofmyselfisnotpraised，sinceeitherthosethingswhicharedispleasingtomearepraised，orthosethingswhicharelesspleasingtomearemorepraised。AmInot，then，quiteuncertainofmyselfinthisrespect？

62。Behold，OTruth，itisintheethatIseethatIoughtnottobemovedatmyownpraisesformyownsake，butforthesakeofmyneighbor’sgood。Andwhetherthisisactuallymyway，Itrulydonotknow。OnthisscoreIknowlessofmyselfthanthoudost。Ibeseechtheenow，OmyGod，torevealmyselftomealso，thatImayconfesstomybrethren，whoaretoprayformeinthosematterswhereIfindmyselfweak。

Letmeonceagainexaminemyselfthemorediligently。If，inmyownpraise，Iammovedwithconcernformyneighbor，whyamI

lessmovedifsomeothermanisunjustlydispraisedthanwhenithappenstome？WhyamImoreirritatedatthatreproachwhichiscastonmethanatonewhichis，withequalinjustice，castuponanotherinmypresence？AmIignorantofthisalso？OrisitstilltruethatIamdeceivingmyself，anddonotkeepthetruthbeforetheeinmyheartandtongue？Putsuchmadnessfarfromme，OLord，lestmymouthbetome”theoilofsinners，toanointmyhead。”[388]

CHAPTERXXXVIII

63。”Iamneedyandpoor。”[389]Still，IambetterwheninsecretgroaningsIdispleasemyselfandseekthymercyuntilwhatislackinginmeisrenewedandmadecompleteforthatpeacewhichtheeyeoftheprouddoesnotknow。Thereportsthatcomefromthemouthandfromactionsknowntomenhaveinthemamostperiloustemptationtotheloveofpraise。Thislovebuildsupacertaincomplacencyinone’sownexcellency，andthengoesaroundcollectingsolicitedcompliments。Ittemptsme，evenwhenI

inwardlyreprovemyselfforit，andthispreciselybecauseitisreproved。Foramanmayoftengloryvainlyintheveryscornofvainglory——andinthiscaseitisnotanylongerthescornofvaingloryinwhichheglories，forhedoesnottrulydespiseitwhenheinwardlygloriesinit。

CHAPTERXXXIX

64。Withinusthereisyetanotherevilarisingfromthesamesortoftemptation。Byittheybecomeemptywhopleasethemselvesinthemselves，althoughtheydonotpleaseordispleaseoraimatpleasingothers。Butinpleasingthemselvestheydispleasetheeverymuch，notmerelytakingpleasureinthingsthatarenotgoodasiftheyweregood，buttakingpleasureinthygoodthingsasiftheyweretheirown；orevenasiftheywerethinebutstillasiftheyhadreceivedthemthroughtheirownmerit；orevenasiftheyhadthemthroughthygrace，stillwithoutthisgracewiththeirfriends，butasiftheyenviedthatgracetoothers。Inalltheseandsimilarperilsandlabors，thouperceivesttheagitationofmyheart，andIwouldratherfeelmywoundsbeingcuredbytheethannotinflictedbymeonmyself。

CHAPTERXL

65。Wherehastthounotaccompaniedme，OTruth，teachingmebothwhattoavoidandwhattodesire，whenIhavesubmittedtotheewhatIcouldunderstandaboutmattersherebelow，andhavesoughtthycounselaboutthem？

WithmyexternalsensesIhaveviewedtheworldasIwasableandhavenoticedthelifewhichmybodyderivesfrommeandfromthesesensesofmine。FromthatstageIadvancedinwardlyintotherecessesofmymemory——themanifoldchambersofmymind，marvelouslyfullofunmeasuredwealth。AndIreflectedonthisandwasafraid，andcouldunderstandnoneofthesethingswithouttheeandfoundtheetobenoneofthem。NordidImyselfdiscoverthesethings——Iwhowentoverthemallandlaboredtodistinguishandtovalueeverythingaccordingtoitsdignity，acceptingsomethingsuponthereportofmysensesandquestioningaboutotherswhichIthoughttoberelatedtomyinnerself，distinguishingandnumberingthereportersthemselves；andinthatvaststorehouseofmymemory，investigatingsomethings，depositingotherthings，takingoutstillothers。NeitherwasI

myselfwhenIdidthis——thatis，thatabilityofminebywhichI

didit——norwasitthou，forthouartthatnever-failinglightfromwhichItookcounselaboutthemall；whethertheywerewhattheywere，andwhatwastheirrealvalue。InallthisIheardtheeteachingandcommandingme。AndthisIoftendo——andthisisadelighttome——andasfarasIcangetrelieffrommynecessaryduties，Iresorttothiskindofpleasure。ButinallthesethingswhichIreviewwhenIconsultthee，Istilldonotfindasecureplaceformysoulsaveinthee，inwhommyscatteredmembersmaybegatheredtogetherandnothingofmeescapefromthee。Andsometimesthouintroducestmetoamostrareandinwardfeeling，aninexplicablesweetness。IfthisweretocometoperfectioninmeIdonotknowtowhatpointlifemightnotthenarrive。Butstill，bythesewretchedweightsofmine，Irelapseintothesecommonthings，andamsuckedinbymyoldcustomsandamheld。Isorrowmuch，yetIamstillcloselyheld。Tothisextent，then，theburdenofhabitpressesusdown。IcanexistinthisfashionbutIdonotwishtodoso。InthatotherwayIwishIwere，butcannotbe——inbothwaysIamwretched。

CHAPTERXLI

66。AndnowIhavethusconsideredtheinfirmitiesofmysins，undertheheadingsofthethreemajor”lusts，”andIhavecalledthyrighthandtomyaid。ForwithawoundedheartIhaveseenthybrightness，andhavingbeenbeatenbackIcried:”Whocanattaintoit？Iamcutofffrombeforethyeyes。”[390]ThouarttheTruth，whopresidestoverallthings，butI，becauseofmygreed，didnotwishtolosethee。Butstill，alongwiththee，I

wishedalsotopossessalie——justasnoonewishestolieinsuchawayastobeignorantofwhatistrue。BythisIlostthee，forthouwiltnotcondescendtobeenjoyedalongwithalie。

CHAPTERXLII

67。WhomcouldIfindtoreconcilemetothee？ShouldI

haveapproachedtheangels？Whatkindofprayer？Whatkindofrites？Manywhowerestrivingtoreturntotheeandwerenotableofthemselveshave，Iamtold，triedthisandhavefallenintoalongingforcuriousvisionsanddeservedtobedeceived。Beingexalted，theysoughttheeintheirprideoflearning，andtheythrustthemselvesforwardratherthanbeatingtheirbreasts。[391]

Andsobyalikenessofheart，theydrewtothemselvestheprincesoftheair，[392]theirconspiratorsandcompanionsinpride，bywhomtheyweredeceivedbythepowerofmagic。Thustheysoughtamediatorbywhomtheymightbecleansed，buttherewasnone。Forthemediatortheysoughtwasthedevil，disguisinghimselfasanangeloflight。[393]Andhealluredtheirproudfleshthemorebecausehehadnofleshlybody。

Theyweremortalandsinful，butthou，OLord，towhomtheyarrogantlysoughttobereconciled，artimmortalandsinless。ButamediatorbetweenGodandmanoughttohavesomethinginhimlikeGodandsomethinginhimlikeman，lestinbeinglikemanheshouldbefarfromGod，orifonlylikeGodheshouldbefarfromman，andsoshouldnotbeamediator。Thatdeceitfulmediator，then，bywhom，bythysecretjudgment，humanpridedeservestobedeceived，hadonethingincommonwithman，thatis，hissin。Inanotherrespect，hewouldseemtohavesomethingincommonwithGod，fornotbeingclothedwiththemortalityoftheflesh，hecouldboastthathewasimmortal。Butsince”thewagesofsinisdeath，”[394]whathereallyhasincommonwithmenisthat，togetherwiththem，heiscondemnedtodeath。

CHAPTERXLIII

68。ButthetrueMediator，whomthouinthysecretmercyhastrevealedtothehumble，andhastsenttothemsothatthroughhisexampletheyalsomightlearnthesamehumility——that”MediatorbetweenGodandman，themanChristJesus，”[395]

appearedbetweenmortalsinnersandtheimmortalJustOne。Hewasmortalasmenaremortal；hewasrighteousasGodisrighteous；

andbecausetherewardofrighteousnessislifeandpeace，hecould，throughhisrighteousnessunitedwithGod，cancelthedeathofjustifiedsinners，whichhewaswillingtohaveincommonwiththem。Hencehewasmanifestedtoholymenofold，totheendthattheymightbesavedthroughfaithinhisPassiontocome，evenaswethroughfaithinhisPassionwhichispast。AsmanhewasMediator，butastheWordhewasnotsomethinginbetweenthetwo；

becausehewasequaltoGod，andGodwithGod，and，withtheHolySpirit，oneGod。

69。Howhastthoulovedus，OgoodFather，whodidstnotsparethyonlySon，butdidstdeliverhimupforuswickedones！[396]Howhastthoulovedus，forwhomhewhodidnotcountitrobberytobeequalwiththee”becameobedientuntodeath，eventhedeathofthecross”[397]！Healonewas”freeamongthedead。”[398]Healonehadpowertolaydownhislifeandpowertotakeitupagain，andforushebecametotheebothVictorandVictim；andVictorbecausehewastheVictim。Forus，hewastotheebothPriestandSacrifice，andPriestbecausehewastheSacrifice。Outofslaves，hemakethusthysons，becausehewasbornoftheeanddidserveus。Rightly，then，ismyhopefixedstronglyonhim，thatthouwilt”healallmydiseases”[399]

throughhim，whosittethatthyrighthandandmakethintercessionforus。[400]OtherwiseIshouldutterlydespair。Formyinfirmitiesaremanyandgreat；indeed，theyareverymanyandverygreat。Butthymedicineisstillgreater。Otherwise，wemightthinkthatthywordwasremovedfromunionwithman，anddespairofourselves，ifithadnotbeenthathewas”madefleshanddweltamongus。”[401]

70。Terrifiedbymysinsandtheloadofmymisery，Ihadresolvedinmyheartandconsideredflightintothewilderness。

Butthoudidstforbidme，andthoudidststrengthenme，sayingthat”sinceChristdiedforall，theywholiveshouldnothenceforthliveuntothemselves，butuntohimwhodiedforthem。”[402]Behold，OLord，Icastallmycareonthee，thatI

mayliveand”beholdwondrousthingsoutofthylaw。”[403]Thouknowestmyincompetenceandmyinfirmities；teachmeandhealme。

ThyonlySon——he”inwhomarehidallthetreasuresofwisdomandknowledge”[404]——hathredeemedmewithhisblood。Letnottheproudspeakevilofme，becauseIkeepmyransombeforemymind，andeatanddrinkandsharemyfoodanddrink。For，beingpoor，Idesiretobesatisfiedfromhim，togetherwiththosewhoeatandaresatisfied:”andtheyshallpraisetheLordthatseekHim。”[405]

BOOKELEVEN

TheeternalCreatorandtheCreationintime。Augustinetiestogetherhismemoryofhispastlife，hispresentexperience，andhisardentdesiretocomprehendthemysteryofcreation。Thisleadshimtothequestionsofthemodeandtimeofcreation。HepondersthemodeofcreationandshowsthatitwasdenihiloandinvolvednoalterationinthebeingofGod。Hethenconsidersthequestionofthebeginningoftheworldandtimeandshowsthattimeandcreationarecotemporal。Butwhatistime？TothisAugustinedevotesabrilliantanalysisofthesubjectivityoftimeandtherelationofalltemporalprocesstotheabidingeternityofGod。Fromthis，hepreparestoturntoadetailedinterpretationofGen。1:1，2。

CHAPTERI

1。Isitpossible，OLord，that，sincethouartineternity，thouartignorantofwhatIamsayingtothee？Or，dostthouseeintimeaneventatthetimeitoccurs？Ifnot，thenwhyamI

recountingsuchataleofthingstothee？Certainlynotinordertoacquainttheewiththemthroughme；but，instead，thatthroughthemImaystirupmyownloveandtheloveofmyreaderstowardthee，sothatallmaysay，”GreatistheLordandgreatlytobepraised。”Ihavesaidthisbefore[406]andwillsayitagain:”ForloveofthyloveIdoit。”Soalsowepray——andyetTruthtellsus，”YourFatherknowethwhatthingsyouneedbeforeyouaskhim。”[407]Consequently，welaybareourfeelingsbeforethee，that，throughourconfessingtotheeourplightandthymerciestowardus，thoumayestgoontofreeusaltogether，asthouhastalreadybegun；andthatwemayceasetobewretchedinourselvesandblessedinthee——sincethouhastcalledustobepoorinspirit，meek，mourners，hungeringandathirstforrighteousness，mercifulandpureinheart。[408]ThusIhavetoldtheemanythings，asIcouldfindabilityandwilltodoso，sinceitwasthywillinthefirstplacethatIshouldconfesstothee，OLordmyGod——for”Thouartgoodandthymercyendurethforever。”[409]

CHAPTERII

2。ButhowlongwouldittakeforthevoiceofmypentotellenoughofthyexhortationsandofallthyterrorsandcomfortsandleadingsbywhichthoudidstbringmetopreachthyWordandtoadministerthysacramentstothypeople？AndevenifIcoulddothissufficiently，thedropsoftime[410]areveryprecioustomeandIhaveforalongtimebeenburningwiththedesiretomeditateonthylaw，andtoconfessinthypresencemyknowledgeandignoranceofit——fromthefirststreaksofthylightinmymindandtheremainingdarkness，untilmyweaknessshallbeswallowedupinthystrength。AndIdonotwishtoseethosehoursdrainedintoanythingelsewhichIcanfindfreefromthenecessarycareofthebody，theexerciseofthemind，andtheserviceweowetoourfellowmen——andwhatwegiveevenifwedonotoweit。

3。OLordmyGod，hearmyprayerandletthymercyattendmylonging。Itdoesnotburnforitselfalonebutlongsaswelltoservethecauseoffraternallove。Thouseestinmyheartthatthisisso。Letmeoffertheserviceofmymindandmytongue——

andgivemewhatImayinturnofferbacktothee。For”Iamneedyandpoor”；thouartrichtoallwhocalluponthee——thouwho，inthyfreedomfromcare，carestforus。Trimawayfrommylips，inwardlyandoutwardly，allrashnessandlying。LetthyScripturesbemychastedelight。Letmenotbedeceivedinthem，nordeceiveothersfromthem。OLord，hearandpity！OLordmyGod，lightoftheblind，strengthoftheweak——andalsothelightofthosewhoseeandthestrengthofthestrong——hearkentomysoulandhearitcryingfromthedepths。[411]Unlessthyearsattenduseveninthedepths，whereshouldwego？Towhomshouldwecry？”Thineisthedayandthenightisthineaswell。”[412]Atthybiddingthemomentsflyby。Grantmeinthem，then，anintervalformymeditationsonthehiddenthingsofthylaw，norclosethedoorofthylawagainstuswhoknock。Thouhastnotwilledthatthedeepsecretsofallthosepagesshouldhavebeenwritteninvain。Thoseforestsarenotwithouttheirstagswhichkeepretiredwithinthem，rangingandwalkingandfeeding，lyingdownandruminating。[413]Perfectme，OLord，andrevealtheirsecretstome。Behold，thyvoiceismyjoy；thyvoicesurpassesinabundanceofdelights。GivemewhatIlove，forIdoloveit。

Andthistooisthygift。Abandonnotthygiftsanddespisenotthy”grass”whichthirstsforthee。[414]LetmeconfesstotheeeverythingthatIshallhavefoundinthybooksand”letmehearthevoiceofthypraise。”[415]Letmedrinkfromtheeand”considerthewondrousthingsoutofthylaw”[416]——fromtheverybeginning，whenthoumadestheavenandearth，andthenceforwardtotheeverlastingreignofthyHolyCitywiththee。

4。OLord，havemercyonmeandhearmypetition。Formyprayerisnotforearthlythings，neithergoldnorsilverandpreciousstones，norgorgeousapparel，norhonorsandpower，norfleshlypleasures，norofbodilynecessitiesinthislifeofourpilgrimage:allofthesethingsare”added”tothosewhoseekthyKingdomandthyrighteousness。[417]

Observe，OGod，fromwhencecomesmydesire。Theunrighteoushavetoldmeofdelightsbutnotsuchasthoseinthylaw，OLord。

Behold，thisisthespringofmydesire。See，OFather，lookandsee——andapprove！Letitbepleasinginthymercy’ssightthatIshouldfindfavorwiththee——thatthesecretthingsofthyWordmaybeopenedtomewhenIknock。IbegthisoftheebyourLordJesusChrist，thySon，theManofthyrighthand，theSonofMan；whomthoumadeststrongforthypurposeasMediatorbetweentheeandus；throughwhomthoudidstseekuswhenwewerenotseekingthee，butdidstseekussothatwemightseekthee；thyWord，throughwhomthoumadestallthings，andmeamongthem；thyonlySon，throughwhomthouhastcalledthyfaithfulpeopletoadoption，andmeamongthem。Ibeseechitoftheethroughhimwhosittethatthyrighthandandmakethintercessionforus，”inwhomarehidalltreasuresofwisdomandknowledge。”[418]ItisheI

seekinthybooks。Moseswroteofhim。Hetellsussohimself；

theTruthtellsusso。

CHAPTERIII

5。Letmehearandunderstandhowinthebeginningthoumadestheavenandearth。[419]Moseswroteofthis；hewroteandpassedon——movingfromtheetothee——andheisnownolongerbeforeme。Ifhewere，Iwouldlayholdonhimandaskhimandentreathimsolemnlythatinthynamehewouldopenoutthesethingstome，andIwouldlendmybodilyearstothesoundsthatcameforthoutofhismouth。If，however，hespokeintheHebrewlanguage，thesoundswouldbeatonmysensesinvain，andnothingwouldtouchmymind；butifhespokeinLatin，Iwouldunderstandwhathesaid。ButhowshouldIthenknowwhetherwhathesaidwastrue？IfIkneweventhismuch，woulditbethatIknewitfromhim？Indeed，withinme，deepinsidethechambersofmythought，Truthitself——neitherHebrew，norGreek，norLatin，norbarbarian，withoutanyorgansofvoiceandtongue，withoutthesoundofsyllables——wouldsay，”Hespeaksthetruth，”andI

shouldbeassuredbythis。ThenIwouldconfidentlysaytothatmanofthine，”Youspeakthetruth。”[420]However，sinceIcannotinquireofMoses，Ibeseechthee，OTruth，fromwhosefullnesshespoketruth；Ibeseechthee，myGod，forgivemysins，andasthougavestthyservantthegifttospeakthesethings，grantmealsothegifttounderstandthem。

CHAPTERIV

6。Lookaround；therearetheheavenandtheearth。Theycryaloudthattheyweremade，fortheychangeandvary。Whateverthereisthathasnotbeenmade，andyethasbeing，hasnothinginitthatwasnottherebefore。Thishavingsomethingnotalreadyexistentiswhatitmeanstobechangedandvaried。Heavenandearththusspeakplainlythattheydidnotmakethemselves:”Weare，becausewehavebeenmade；wedidnotexistbeforewecametobesothatwecouldhavemadeourselves！”Andthevoicewithwhichtheyspeakissimplytheirvisiblepresence。Itwasthou，O

Lord，whomadestthesethings。Thouartbeautiful；thustheyarebeautiful。Thouartgood，thustheyaregood。Thouart；thustheyare。Buttheyarenotasbeautiful，norasgood，norastrulyrealasthoutheirCreatorart。Comparedwiththee，theyareneitherbeautifulnorgood，nordotheyevenexist。Thesethingsweknow，thanksbetothee。Yetourknowledgeisignorancewhenitiscomparedwiththyknowledge。