第15章
Iregardyouinanycaseasamanofnoblecharacterandnotwithoutelementsofmagnanimity,thoughIdon"tagreewithallyourconvictions。Iwantedtotellyouthisfirst,franklyandquitesincerely,foraboveallIdon"twanttodeceiveyou。WhenImadeyouracquaintance,Ifeltattractedbyyou。Perhapsyouwilllaughatmysayingso。Youhavearightto。Iknowyoudislikedmefromthefirstandindeedyou"venoreasontolikeme。Youmaythinkwhatyoulike,butIdesirenowtodoallIcantoeffacethatimpressionandtoshowthatIamamanofheartandconscience。Ispeaksincerely。“
PorfiryPetrovitchmadeadignifiedpause。Raskolnikovfeltarushofrenewedalarm。ThethoughtthatPorfirybelievedhimtobeinnocentbegantomakehimuneasy。
“It"sscarcelynecessarytogoovereverythingindetail,“PorfiryPetrovitchwenton。“IndeedIcouldscarcelyattemptit。Tobeginwiththerewererumours。Throughwhom,how,andwhenthoserumourscametome……andhowtheyaffectedyou,Ineednotgointo。Mysuspicionswerearousedbyacompleteaccident,whichmightjustaseasilynothavehappened。Whatwasit?Hm!Ibelievethereisnoneedtogointothateither。Thoserumoursandthataccidentledtooneideainmymind。Iadmititopenly-foronemayaswellmakeacleanbreastofit-Iwasthefirsttopitchonyou。Theoldwoman"snotesonthepledgesandtherestofit-thatallcametonothing。
Yourswasoneofahundred。Ihappened,too,tohearofthesceneattheoffice,fromamanwhodescribeditcapitally,unconsciouslyreproducingthescenewithgreatvividness。Itwasjustonethingafteranother,RodionRomanovitch,mydearfellow!HowcouldIavoidbeingbroughttocertainideas?Fromahundredrabbitsyoucan"tmakeahorse,ahundredsuspicionsdon"tmakeaproof,astheEnglishproverbsays,butthat"sonlyfromtherationalpointofview-
youcan"thelpbeingpartial,forafterallalawyerisonlyhuman。
Ithought,too,ofyourarticleinthatjournal,doyouremember,onyourfirstvisitwetalkedofit?Ijeeredatyouatthetime,butthatwasonlytoleadyouon。Irepeat,RodionRomanovitch,youareillandimpatient。Thatyouwerebold,headstrong,inearnestand……
hadfeltagreatdealIrecognisedlongbefore。I,too,havefeltthesame,sothatyourarticleseemedfamiliartome。Itwasconceivedonsleeplessnights,withathrobbingheart,inecstasyandsuppressedenthusiasm。Andthatproudsuppressedenthusiasminyoungpeopleisdangerous!Ijeeredatyouthen,butletmetellyouthat,asaliteraryamateur,Iamawfullyfondofsuchfirstessays,fulloftheheatofyouth。Thereisamistinessandachordvibratinginthemist。Yourarticleisabsurdandfantastic,butthere"satransparentsincerity,ayouthfulincorruptibleprideandthedaringofdespairinit。It"sagloomyarticle,butthat"swhat"sfineinit。
Ireadyourarticleandputitaside,thinkingasIdidso"thatmanwon"tgothecommonway。"Well,Iaskyou,afterthatasapreliminary,howcouldIhelpbeingcarriedawaybywhatfollowed?Oh,dear,Iamnotsayinganything,Iamnotmakinganystatementnow。I
simplynoteditatthetime。Whatisthereinit?Ireflected。There"snothinginit,thatisreallynothingandperhapsabsolutelynothing。Andit"snotatallthethingfortheprosecutortolethimselfbecarriedawaybynotions：hereIhaveNikolayonmyhandswithactualevidenceagainsthim-youmaythinkwhatyoulikeofit,butit"sevidence。Hebringsinhispsychology,too;onehastoconsiderhim,too,forit"samatteroflifeanddeath。WhyamI
explainingthistoyou?Thatyoumayunderstand,andnotblamemymaliciousbehaviouronthatoccasion。Itwasnotmalicious,Iassureyou,he-he!DoyousupposeIdidn"tcometosearchyourroomatthetime?Idid,Idid,he-he!Iwasherewhenyouwerelyingillinbed,notofficially,notinmyownperson,butIwashere。Yourroomwassearchedtothelastthreadatthefirstsuspicion;butumsonst!I
thoughttomyself,nowthatmanwillcome,willcomeofhimselfandquickly,too;ifhe"sguilty,he"ssuretocome。Anothermanwouldn"tbuthewill。AndyourememberhowMr。Razumihinbegandiscussingthesubjectwithyou?Wearrangedthattoexciteyou,sowepurposelyspreadrumours,thathemightdiscussthecasewithyou,andRazumihinisnotamantorestrainhisindignation。Mr。Zametovwastremendouslystruckbyyourangerandyouropendaring。Thinkofblurtingoutinarestaurant"Ikilledher。"Itwastoodaring,tooreckless。Ithoughtsomyself,ifheisguiltyhewillbeaformidableopponent。ThatwaswhatIthoughtatthetime。Iwasexpectingyou。
ButyousimplybowledZametovoverand……well,yousee,itallliesinthis-thatthisdamnablepsychologycanbetakentwoways!Well,Ikeptexpectingyou,andsoitwas,youcame!Myheartwasfairlythrobbing。Ach!
“Now,whyneedyouhavecome?Yourlaughter,too,asyoucamein,doyouremember?Isawitallplainasdaylight,butifIhadn"texpectedyousospecially,Ishouldnothavenoticedanythinginyourlaughter。
Youseewhatinfluenceamoodhas!Mr。Razumihinthen-ah,thatstone,thatstoneunderwhichthethingswerehidden!Iseemtoseeitsomewhereinakitchengarden。Itwasinakitchengarden,youtoldZametovandafterwardsyourepeatedthatinmyoffice?Andwhenwebeganpickingyourarticletopieces,howyouexplainedit!Onecouldtakeeverywordofyoursintwosenses,asthoughtherewereanothermeaninghidden。
“Sointhisway,RodionRomanovitch,Ireachedthefurthestlimit,andknockingmyheadagainstapost,Ipulledmyselfup,askingmyselfwhatIwasabout。Afterall,Isaid,youcantakeitallinanothersenseifyoulike,andit"smorenaturalso,indeed。Icouldn"thelpadmittingitwasmorenatural。Iwasbothered!"No,I"dbettergetholdofsomelittlefact"Isaid。SowhenIheardofthebell-ringing,Iheldmybreathandwasallinatremor。"Hereismylittlefact,"
thoughtI,andIdidn"tthinkitover,Isimplywouldn"t。Iwouldhavegivenathousandroublesatthatminutetohaveseenyouwithmyowneyes,whenyouwalkedahundredpacesbesidethatworkman,afterhehadcalledyoumurderertoyourface,andyoudidnotdaretoaskhimaquestionalltheway。Andthenwhataboutyourtrembling,whataboutyourbell-ringinginyourillness,insemi-delirium?
“Andso,RodionRomanovitch,canyouwonderthatIplayedsuchpranksonyou?Andwhatmadeyoucomeatthatveryminute?Someoneseemedtohavesentyou,byJove!AndifNikolayhadnotpartedus……anddoyourememberNikolayatthetime?Doyourememberhimclearly?Itwasathunderbolt,aregularthunderbolt!AndhowImethim!Ididn"tbelieveinthethunderbolt,notforaminute。Youcouldseeitforyourself;andhowcouldI?Evenafterwards,whenyouhadgoneandhebeganmakingvery,veryplausibleanswersoncertainpoints,sothatIwassurprisedathimmyself,eventhenI
didn"tbelievehisstory!Youseewhatitistobeasfirmasarock!No,thoughtI,morgenfruh。WhathasNikolaygottodowithit！”
“RazumihintoldmejustnowthatyouthinkNikolayguiltyandhadyourselfassuredhimofit……“
Hisvoicefailedhim,andhebrokeoff。Hehadbeenlisteninginindescribableagitation,asthismanwhohadseenthroughandthroughhimwentbackuponhimself。Hewasafraidofbelievingitanddidnotbelieveit。Inthosestillambiguouswordshekepteagerlylookingforsomethingmoredefiniteandconclusive。
“Mr。Razumihin！”criedPorfiryPetrovitch,seeminggladofaquestionfromRaskolnikov,whohadtillthen,beensilent。
“He-he-he!ButIhadtoputMr。Razumihinoff;twoiscompany,threeisnone。Mr。Razumihinisnottherightman,besidesheisanoutsider。Hecamerunningtomewithapaleface……Butnevermindhim,whybringhimin!ToreturntoNikolay,wouldyouliketoknowwhatsortofatypeheis,howIunderstandhim,thatis?Tobeginwith,heisstillachildandnotexactlyacoward,butsomethingbywayofanartist。Really,don"tlaughatmydescribinghimso。Heisinnocentandresponsivetoinfluence。Hehasaheart,andisafantasticfellow。Hesingsanddances,hetellsstories,theysay,sothatpeoplecomefromothervillagestohearhim。Heattendsschooltoo,andlaughstillhecriesifyouholdupafingertohim;hewilldrinkhimselfsenseless-notasaregularvice,butattimes,whenpeopletreathim,likeachild。Andhestole,too,then,withoutknowingithimself,for"Howcanitbestealing,ifonepicksitup?"AnddoyouknowheisanOldBeliever,orratheradissenter?TherehavebeenWanderers*inhisfamily,andhewasfortwoyearsinhisvillageunderthespiritualguidanceofacertainelder。IlearntallthisfromNikolayandfromhisfellowvillagers。
Andwhat"smore,hewantedtorunintothewilderness!Hewasfulloffervour,prayedatnight,readtheoldbooks,"thetrue"ones,andreadhimselfcrazy-
*Areligioussect-TRANSLATOR"SNOTE-
“Petersburghadagreateffectuponhim,especiallythewomenandthewine。Herespondstoeverythingandheforgottheelderandallthat。Ilearntthatanartistheretookafancytohim,andusedtogoandseehim,andnowthisbusinesscameuponhim。
“Well,hewasfrightened,hetriedtohanghimself!Heranaway!HowcanonegetovertheideathepeoplehaveofRussianlegalproceedings!Theveryword"trial"frightenssomeofthem。Whosefaultisit?Weshallseewhatthenewjurieswilldo。Godgranttheydogood!Well,inprison,itseems,herememberedthevenerableelder,theBible,too,madeitsappearanceagain。Doyouknow,RodionRomanovitch,theforceoftheword"suffering"amongsomeofthesepeople!It"snotaquestionofsufferingforsomeone"sbenefit,butsimply,"onemustsuffer。"Iftheysufferatthehandsoftheauthorities,somuchthebetter。InmytimetherewasaverymeekandmildprisonerwhospentawholeyearinprisonalwaysreadinghisBibleonthestoveatnightandhereadhimselfcrazy,andsocrazy,doyouknow,thatoneday,aproposofnothing,heseizedabrickandflungitatthegovernor,thoughhehaddonehimnoharm。
Andthewayhethrewittoo：aimeditayardononesideonpurpose,forfearofhurtinghim。Well,weknowwhathappenstoaprisonerwhoassaultsanofficerwithaweapon。So"hetookhissuffering。"
“SoIsuspectnowthatNikolaywantstotakehissufferingorsomethingofthesort。Iknowitforcertainfromfacts,indeed。
Onlyhedoesn"tknowthatIknow。What,youdon"tadmitthattherearesuchfantasticpeopleamongthepeasants?Lotsofthem。Theeldernowhasbeguninfluencinghim,especiallysincehetriedtohanghimself。Buthe"llcomeandtellmeallhimself。Youthinkhe"llholdout?Waitabit,he"lltakehiswordsback。Iamwaitingfromhourtohourforhimtocomeandabjurehisevidence。IhavecometolikethatNikolayandamstudyinghimindetail。Andwhatdoyouthink?He-he!Heansweredmeveryplausiblyonsomepoints,heobviouslyhadcollectedsomeevidenceandpreparedhimselfcleverly。
Butonotherpointsheissimplyatsea,knowsnothinganddoesn"tevensuspectthathedoesn"tknow!
“No,RodionRomanovitch,Nikolaydoesn"tcomein!Thisisafantastic,gloomybusiness,amoderncase,anincidentofto-daywhentheheartofmanistroubled,whenthephraseisquotedthatblood"renews,"whencomfortispreachedastheaimoflife。Herewehavebookishdreams,aheartunhingedbytheories。Hereweseeresolutioninthefirststage,butresolutionofaspecialkind：heresolvedtodoitlikejumpingoveraprecipiceorfromabelltowerandhislegsshookashewenttothecrime。Heforgottoshutthedoorafterhim,andmurderedtwopeopleforatheory。Hecommittedthemurderandcouldn"ttakethemoney,andwhathedidmanagetosnatchuphehidunderastone。Itwasn"tenoughforhimtosufferagonybehindthedoorwhiletheybatteredatthedoorandrungthebell,no,hehadtogototheemptylodging,halfdelirious,torecallthebell-ringing,hewantedtofeelthecoldshiveroveragain……Well,thatwegrant,wasthroughillness,butconsiderthis：heisamurderer,butlooksuponhimselfasanhonestman,despisesothers,posesasinjuredinnocence。No,that"snottheworkofaNikolay,mydearRodionRomanovitch！”
Allthathadbeensaidbeforehadsoundedsolikearecantationthatthesewordsweretoogreatashock。Raskolnikovshudderedasthoughhehadbeenstabbed。
“Then……whothen……isthemurderer？”heaskedinabreathlessvoice,unabletorestrainhimself。
PorfiryPetrovitchsankbackinhischair,asthoughhewereamazedatthequestion。
“Whoisthemurderer？”herepeated,asthoughunabletobelievehisears。“Whyyou,RodionRomanovitch!Youarethemurderer,“headdedalmostinawhisper,inavoiceofgenuineconviction。
Raskolnikovleaptfromthesofa,stoodupforafewsecondsandsatdownagainwithoututteringaword。Hisfacetwitchedconvulsively。
“Yourlipistwitchingjustasitdidbefore,“PorfiryPetrovitchobservedalmostsympathetically。“You"vebeenmisunderstandingme,I
think,RodionRomanovitch,“headdedafterabriefpause,“that"swhyyouaresosurprised。Icameonpurposetotellyoueverythinganddealopenlywithyou。“
“ItwasnotImurderedher,“Raskolnikovwhisperedlikeafrightenedchildcaughtintheact。
“No,itwasyou,youRodionRomanovitch,andnooneelse,“Porfirywhisperedsternly,withconviction。
Theywerebothsilentandthesilencelastedstrangelylong,abouttenminutes。Raskolnikovputhiselbowonthetableandpassedhisfingersthroughhishair。PorfiryPetrovitchsatquietlywaiting。
SuddenlyRaskolnikovlookedscornfullyatPorfiry。
“Youareatyouroldtricksagain,PorfiryPetrovitch!Youroldmethodagain。Iwonderyoudon"tgetsickofit！”
“Oh,stopthat,whatdoesthatmatternow?Itwouldbeadifferentmatteriftherewerewitnessespresent,butwearewhisperingalone。
YouseeyourselfthatIhavenotcometochaseandcaptureyoulikeahare。Whetheryouconfessitornotisnothingtomenow;formyself,Iamconvincedwithoutit。“
“Ifso,whatdidyoucomefor？”Raskolnikovaskedirritably。“I
askyouthesamequestionagain：ifyouconsidermeguilty,whydon"tyoutakemetoprison？”
“Oh,that"syourquestion!Iwillansweryou,pointforpoint。Inthefirstplace,toarrestyousodirectlyisnottomyinterest。“
“Howso?Ifyouareconvincedyouought……“
“Ach,whatifIamconvinced?That"sonlymydreamforthetime。WhyshouldIputyouinsafety?Youknowthat"sit,sinceyouaskmetodoit。IfIconfrontyouwiththatworkmanforinstanceandyousaytohim"wereyoudrunkornot?Whosawmewithyou?Isimplytookyoutobedrunk,andyouweredrunk,too。"Well,whatcouldIanswer,especiallyasyourstoryisamorelikelyonethanhis,forthere"snothingbutpsychologytosupporthisevidence-that"salmostunseemlywithhisuglymug,whileyouhitthemarkexactly,fortherascalisaninveteratedrunkardandnotoriouslyso。AndIhavemyselfadmittedcandidlyseveraltimesalreadythatthatpsychologycanbetakenintwowaysandthatthesecondwayisstrongerandlooksfarmoreprobable,andthatapartfromthatIhaveasyetnothingagainstyou。AndthoughIshallputyouinprisonandindeedhavecome-quitecontrarytoetiquette-toinformyouofitbeforehand,yetItellyoufrankly,alsocontrarytoetiquette,thatitwon"tbetomyadvantage。Well,secondly,I"vecometoyoubecause……“
“Yes,yes,secondly？”Raskolnikovwaslisteningbreathless。
“Because,asItoldyoujustnow,IconsiderIoweyouanexplanation。Idon"twantyoutolookuponmeasamonster,asI
haveagenuinelikingforyou,youmaybelievemeornot。AndinthethirdplaceI"vecometoyouwithadirectandopenproposition-
thatyoushouldsurrenderandconfess。Itwillbeinfinitelymoretoyouradvantageandtomyadvantagetoo,formytaskwillbedone。
Well,isthisopenonmypartornot？”
Raskolnikovthoughtaminute。
“Listen,PorfiryPetrovitch。Yousaidjustnowyouhavenothingbutpsychologytogoon,yetnowyou"vegoneonmathematics。Well,whatifyouaremistakenyourself,now？”
“No,RodionRomanovitch,Iamnotmistaken。Ihavealittlefacteventhen,providencesentitme。“
“Whatlittlefact？”
“Iwon"ttellyouwhat,RodionRomanovitch。Andinanycase,I
haven"ttherighttoputitoffanylonger,Imustarrestyou。Sothinkitover：itmakesnodifferencetomenowandsoIspeakonlyforyoursake。Believeme,itwillbebetter,RodionRomanovitch。“
Raskolnikovsmiledmalignantly。
“That"snotsimplyridiculous,it"spositivelyshameless。Why,evenifIwereguilty,whichIdon"tadmit,whatreasonshouldI
havetoconfess,whenyoutellmeyourselfthatIshallbeingreatersafetyinprison？”
“Ah,RodionRomanovitch,don"tputtoomuchfaithinwords,perhapsprisonwillnotbealtogetherarestfulplace。That"sonlytheoryandmytheory,andwhatauthorityamIforyou?Perhaps,too,evennowIamhidingsomethingfromyou?Ican"tlaybareeverything,he-he!Andhowcanyouaskwhatadvantage?Don"tyouknowhowitwouldlessenyoursentence?Youwouldbeconfessingatamomentwhenanothermanhastakenthecrimeonhimselfandsohasmuddledthewholecase。Considerthat!IswearbeforeGodthatI
willsoarrangethatyourconfessionshallcomeasacompletesurprise。Wewillmakeacleansweepofallthesepsychologicalpoints,ofansuspicionagainstyou,sothatyourcrimewillappeartohavebeensomethinglikeanaberration,forintruthitwasanaberration。Iamanhonestman,RodionRomanovitch,andwillkeepmyword。“
Raskolnikovmaintainedamournfulsilenceandlethisheadsinkdejectedly。Heponderedalongwhileandatlastsmiledagain,buthissmilewassadandgentle。
“No！”hesaid,apparentlyabandoningallattempttokeepupappearanceswithPorfiry,“it"snotworthit,Idon"tcareaboutlesseningthesentence！”
“That"sjustwhatIwasafraidof！”Porfirycriedwarmlyand,asitseemed,involuntarily。“That"sjustwhatIfeared,thatyouwouldn"tcareaboutthemitigationofsentence。“
Raskolnikovlookedsadlyandexpressivelyathim。
“Ah,don"tdisdainlife！”Porfirywenton。“Youhaveagreatdealofitstillbeforeyou。Howcanyousayyoudon"twantamitigationofsentence?Youareanimpatientfellow！”
“Agreatdealofwhatliesbeforeme？”
“Oflife。Whatsortofprophetareyou,doyouknowmuchaboutit?
Seekandyeshallfind。ThismaybeGod"smeansforbringingyoutoHim。Andit"snotforever,thebondage……“
“Thetimewillbeshortened,“laughedRaskolnikov。
“Why,isitthebourgeoisdisgraceyouareafraidof?Itmaybethatyouareafraidofitwithoutknowingit,becauseyouareyoung!Butanywayyoushouldn"tbeafraidofgivingyourselfupandconfessing。“
“Ach,hangit！”Raskolnikovwhisperedwithloathingandcontempt,asthoughhedidnotwanttospeakaloud。
Hegotupagainasthoughhemeanttogoaway,butsatdownagaininevidentdespair。
“Hangit,ifyoulike!You"velostfaithandyouthinkthatIamgrosslyflatteringyou;buthowlonghasyourlifebeen?Howmuchdoyouunderstand?Youmadeupatheoryandthenwereashamedthatitbrokedownandturnedouttobenotatalloriginal!Itturnedoutsomethingbase,that"strue,butyouarenothopelesslybase。Bynomeanssobase!Atleastyoudidn"tdeceiveyourselfforlong,youwentstraighttothefurthestpointatonebound。HowdoIregardyou?I
regardyouasoneofthosemenwhowouldstandandsmileattheirtorturerwhilehecutstheirentrailsout,ifonlytheyhavefoundfaithorGod。Finditandyouwilllive。Youhavelongneededachangeofair。Suffering,too,isagoodthing。Suffer!MaybeNikolayisrightinwantingtosuffer。Iknowyoudon"tbelieveinit-butdon"tbeover-wise;flingyourselfstraightintolife,withoutdeliberation;don"tbeafraid-thefloodwillbearyoutothebankandsetyousafeonyourfeetagain。Whatbank?HowcanItell?Ionlybelievethatyouhavelonglifebeforeyou。Iknowthatyoutakeallmywordsnowforasetspeechpreparedbeforehand,butmaybeyouwillrememberthemafter。Theymaybeofusesometime。That"swhyI
speak。It"saswellthatyouonlykilledtheoldwoman。Ifyou"dinventedanothertheoryyoumightperhapshavedonesomethingathousandtimesmorehideous。YououghttothankGod,perhaps。Howdoyouknow?PerhapsGodissavingyouforsomething。Butkeepagoodheartandhavelessfear!Areyouafraidofthegreatexpiationbeforeyou?No,itwouldbeshamefultobeafraidofit。Sinceyouhavetakensuchastep,youmusthardenyourheart。Thereisjusticeinit。Youmustfulfilthedemandsofjustice。Iknowthatyoudon"tbelieveit,butindeed,lifewillbringyouthrough。Youwillliveitdownintime。Whatyouneednowisfreshair,freshair,freshair！”
Raskolnikovpositivelystarted。
“Butwhoareyou?whatprophetareyou?Fromtheheightofwhatmajesticcalmdoyouproclaimthesewordsofwisdom？”
“WhoamI?Iamamanwithnothingtohopefor,that"sall。Amanperhapsoffeelingandsympathy,maybeofsomeknowledgetoo,butmydayisover。Butyouareadifferentmatter,thereislifewaitingforyou。Thoughwhoknows,maybeyourlife,too,willpassoffinsmokeandcometonothing。Come,whatdoesitmatter,thatyouwillpassintoanotherclassofmen?It"snotcomfortyouregret,withyourheart!Whatofitthatperhapsnoonewillseeyouforsolong?It"snottime,butyourselfthatwilldecidethat。Bethesunandallwillseeyou。Thesunhasbeforealltobethesun。Whyareyousmilingagain?AtmybeingsuchaSchiller?Ibetyou"reimaginingthatIamtryingtogetroundyoubyflattery。Well,perhapsIam,he-he-he!Perhapsyou"dbetternotbelievemyword,perhapsyou"dbetterneverbelieveitaltogether,-I"mmadethatway,Iconfessit。Butletmeadd,youcanjudgeforyourself,Ithink,howfarI
amabasesortofmanandhowfarIamhonest。“
“Whendoyoumeantoarrestme？”
“Well,Icanletyouwalkaboutanotherdayortwo。Thinkitover,mydearfellow,andpraytoGod。It"smoreinyourinterest,believeme。“
“AndwhatifIrunaway？”askedRaskolnikovwithastrangesmile。
“No,youwon"trunaway。Apeasantwouldrunaway,afashionabledissenterwouldrunaway,theflunkeyofanotherman"sthought,foryou"veonlytoshowhimtheendofyourlittlefingerandhe"llbereadytobelieveinanythingfortherestofhislife。Butyou"veceasedtobelieveinyourtheoryalready,whatwillyourunawaywith?
Andwhatwouldyoudoinhiding?Itwouldbehatefulanddifficultforyou,andwhatyouneedmorethananythinginlifeisadefiniteposition,anatmospheretosuityou。Andwhatsortofatmospherewouldyouhave?Ifyouranaway,you"dcomebacktoyourself。Youcan"tgetonwithoutus。AndifIputyouinprison,-sayyou"vebeenthereamonth,ortwo,orthree-remembermyword,you"llconfessofyourselfandperhapstoyourownsurprise。Youwon"tknowanhourbeforehandthatyouarecomingwithaconfession。Iamconvincedthatyouwilldecide,"totakeyoursuffering。"Youdon"tbelievemywordsnow,butyou"llcometoitofyourself。Forsuffering,RodionRomanovitch,isagreatthing。Nevermindmyhavinggrownfat,I
knowallthesame。Don"tlaughatit,there"sanideainsuffering,Nokolayisright。No,youwon"trunaway,RodionRomanovitch。“
Raskolnikovgotupandtookhiscap。PorfiryPetrovitchalsorose。
“Areyougoingforawalk?Theeveningwillbefine,ifonlywedon"thaveastorm。Thoughitwouldbeagoodthingtofreshentheair。“
Hetootookhiscap。
“PorfiryPetrovitch,pleasedon"ttakeupthenotionthatIhaveconfessedtoyouto-day,“Raskolnikovpronouncedwithsulleninsistence。“You"reastrangemanandIhavelistenedtoyoufromsimplecuriosity。ButIhaveadmittednothing,rememberthat！”
“Oh,Iknowthat,I"llremember。Lookathim,he"strembling!
Don"tbeuneasy,mydearfellow,haveityourownway。Walkaboutabit,youwon"tbeabletowalktoofar。Ifanythinghappens,Ihaveonerequesttomakeofyou,“headded,droppinghisvoice。“It"sanawkwardone,butimportant。Ifanythingweretohappen(thoughindeedIdon"tbelieveinitandthinkyouquiteincapableofit),yetincaseyouweretakenduringthesefortyorfiftyhourswiththenotionofputtinganendtothebusinessinsomeotherway,insomefantasticfashion-layinghandsonyourself-(it"sanabsurdproposition,butyoumustforgivemeforit)doleaveabriefbutprecisenote,onlytwolinesandmentionthestone。Itwillbemoregenerous。Come,tillwemeet!Goodthoughtsandsounddecisionstoyou！”
Porfirywentout,stoopingandavoidinglookingatRaskolnikov。
ThelatterwenttothewindowandwaitedwithirritableimpatiencetillhecalculatedthatPorfiryhadreachedthestreetandmovedaway。
Thenhetoowenthurriedlyoutoftheroom。
ChapterThreeHEHURRIEDtoSvidrigailov"s。Whathehadtohopefromthatmanhedidnotknow。Butthatmanhadsomehiddenpoweroverhim。Havingoncerecognisedthis,hecouldnotrest,andnowthetimehadcome。
Ontheway,onequestionparticularlyworriedhim：hadSvidrigailovbeentoPorfiry"s?
Asfarashecouldjudge,hewouldsweartoit,thathehadnot。
Heponderedagainandagain,wentoverPorfiry"svisit;no,hehadn"tbeen,ofcoursehehadn"t。
Butifhehadnotbeenyet,wouldhego?Meanwhile,forthepresenthefanciedhecouldn"t。Why?Hecouldnothaveexplained,butifhecould,hewouldnothavewastedmuchthoughtoveritatthemoment。Itallworriedhimandatthesametimehecouldnotattendtoit。Strangetosay,nonewouldhavebelieveditperhaps,butheonlyfeltafaintvagueanxietyabouthisimmediatefuture。
Another,muchmoreimportantanxietytormentedhim-itconcernedhimself,butinadifferent,morevitalway。Moreover,hewasconsciousofimmensemoralfatigue,thoughhismindwasworkingbetterthatmorningthanithaddoneoflate。
Andwasitworthwhile,afterallthathadhappened,tocontendwiththesenewtrivialdifficulties?Wasitworthwhile,forinstance,tomanoeuvrethatSvidrigailovshouldnotgotoPorfiry"s?Wasitworthwhiletoinvestigate,toascertainthefacts,towastetimeoveranyonelikeSvidrigailov?
Ohhowsickhewasofitall!
AndyethewashasteningtoSvidrigailov;couldhebeexpectingsomethingnewfromhim,information,ormeansofescape?Menwillcatchatstraws!Wasitdestinyorsomeinstinctbringingthemtogether?Perhapsitwasonlyfatigue,despair;perhapsitwasnotSvidrigailovbutsomeotherwhomheneeded,andSvidrigailovhadsimplypresentedhimselfbychance。Sonia?ButwhatshouldhegotoSoniafornow?Tobeghertearsagain?HewasafraidofSonia,too。
Soniastoodbeforehimasanirrevocablesentence。Hemustgohisownwayorhers。Atthatmomentespeciallyhedidnotfeelequaltoseeingher。No,woulditnotbebettertotrySvidrigailov?Andhecouldnothelpinwardlyowningthathehadlongfeltthathemustseehimforsomereason。
Butwhatcouldtheyhaveincommon?Theirveryevil-doingcouldnotbeofthesamekind。Theman,moreover,wasveryunpleasant,evidentlydepraved,undoubtedlycunninganddeceitful,possiblymalignant。Suchstoriesweretoldabouthim。ItistruehewasbefriendingKaterinaIvanovna"schildren,butwhocouldtellwithwhatmotiveandwhatitmeant?Themanalwayshadsomedesign,someproject。
TherewasanotherthoughtwhichhadbeencontinuallyhoveringoflateaboutRaskolnikov"smind,andcausinghimgreatuneasiness。Itwassopainfulthathemadedistincteffortstogetridofit。HesometimesthoughtthatSvidrigailovwasdogginghisfootsteps。
SvidrigailovhadfoundouthissecretandhadhaddesignsonDounia。
Whatifhehadthemstill?Wasn"titpracticallycertainthathehad?Andwhatif,havinglearnthissecretandsohavinggainedpoweroverhim,heweretouseitasaweaponagainstDounia?
Thisideasometimeseventormentedhisdreams,butithadneverpresenteditselfsovividlytohimasonhiswaytoSvidrigailov。
Theverythoughtmovedhimtogloomyrage。Tobeginwith,thiswouldtransformeverything,evenhisownposition;hewouldhaveatoncetoconfesshissecrettoDounia。WouldhehavetogivehimselfupperhapstopreventDouniafromtakingsomerashstep?Theletter?ThismorningDouniahadreceivedaletter。FromwhomcouldshegetlettersinPetersburg?Luzhin,perhaps?It"strueRazumihinwastheretoprotecther,butRazumihinknewnothingoftheposition。
PerhapsitwashisdutytotellRazumihin?Hethoughtofitwithrepugnance。
InanycasehemustseeSvidrigailovassoonaspossible,hedecidedfinally。ThankGod,thedetailsoftheinterviewwereoflittleconsequence,ifonlyhecouldgetattherootofthematter;butifSvidrigailovwerecapable……ifhewereintriguingagainstDounia,-
then……
Raskolnikovwassoexhaustedbywhathehadpassedthroughthatmonththathecouldonlydecidesuchquestionsinoneway;“thenI
shallkillhim,“hethoughtincolddespair。
Asuddenanguishoppressedhisheart,hestoodstillinthemiddleofthestreetandbeganlookingabouttoseewherehewasandwhichwayhewasgoing。HefoundhimselfinX。Prospect,thirtyorfortypacesfromtheHayMarket,throughwhichhehadcome。Thewholesecondstoreyofthehouseontheleftwasusedasatavern。Allthewindowswerewideopen;judgingfromthefiguresmovingatthewindows,theroomswerefulltooverflowing。Thereweresoundsofsinging,ofclarionetandviolin,andtheboomofaTurkishdrum。Hecouldhearwomenshrieking。HewasabouttoturnbackwonderingwhyhehadcometotheX。Prospect,whensuddenlyatoneoftheendwindowshesawSvidrigailov,sittingatatea-tablerightintheopenwindowwithapipeinhismouth,Raskolnikovwasdreadfullytakenaback,almostterrified。Svidrigailovwassilentlywatchingandscrutinisinghimand,whatstruckRaskolnikovatonce,seemedtobemeaningtogetupandslipawayunobserved。Raskolnikovatoncepretendednottohaveseenhim,buttobelookingabsentmindedlyaway,whilehewatchedhimoutofthecornerofhiseye。Hisheartwasbeatingviolently。Yet,itwasevidentthatSvidrigailovdidnotwanttobeseen。Hetookthepipeoutofhismouthandwasonthepointofconcealinghimself,butashegotupandmovedbackhischair,heseemedtohavebecomesuddenlyawarethatRaskolnikovhadseenhim,andwaswatchinghim。WhathadpassedbetweenthemwasmuchthesameaswhathappenedattheirfirstmeetinginRaskolnikov"sroom。AslysmilecameintoSvidrigailov"sfaceandgrewbroaderandbroader。Eachknewthathewasseenandwatchedbytheother。AtlastSvidrigailovbrokeintoaloudlaugh。
“Well,well,comeinifyouwantme;Iamhere！”heshoutedfromthewindow。
Raskolnikovwentupintothetavern。HefoundSvidrigailovinatinybackroom,adjoiningthesalooninwhichmerchants,clerksandnumbersofpeopleofallsortsweredrinkingteaattwentylittletablestothedesperatebawlingofachorusofsingers。Theclickofbilliardballscouldbeheardinthedistance。OnthetablebeforeSvidrigailovstoodanopenbottle,andaglasshalffullofchampagne。Intheroomhefoundalsoaboywithalittlehandorgan,ahealthy-lookingred-cheekedgirlofeighteen,wearingatucked-upstripedskirt,andaTyrolesehatwithribbons。Inspiteofthechorusintheotherroom,shewassingingsomeservants"hallsonginaratherhuskycontralto,totheaccompanimentoftheorgan。
“Come,that"senough,“SvidrigailovstoppedheratRaskolnikov"sentrance。Thegirlatoncebrokeoffandstoodwaitingrespectfully。
Shehadsunghergutturalrhymes,too,withaseriousandrespectfulexpressioninherface。
“Hey,Philip,aglass！”shoutedSvidrigailov。
“Iwon"tdrinkanything,“saidRaskolnikov。
“Asyoulike,Ididn"tmeanitforyou。Drink,Katia!Idon"twantanythingmoreto-day,youcango。“Hepouredheroutafullglass,andlaiddownayellownote。
Katiadrankoffherglassofwine,aswomendo,withoutputtingitdown,intwentygulps,tookthenoteandkissedSvidrigailov"shand,whichheallowedquiteseriously。Shewentoutoftheroomandtheboytrailedafterherwiththeorgan。Bothhadbeenbroughtinfromthestreet。SvidrigailovhadnotbeenaweekinPetersburg,buteverythingabouthimwasalready,sotospeak,onapatriarchalfooting;thewaiter,Philip,wasbynowanoldfriendandveryobsequious。
Thedoorleadingtothesaloonhadalockonit。Svidrigailovwasathomeinthisroomandperhapsspentwholedaysinit。Thetavernwasdirtyandwretched,notevensecondrate。
“Iwasgoingtoseeyouandlookingforyou,“Raskolnikovbegan,“butIdon"tknowwhatmademeturnfromtheHayMarketintotheX。
Prospectjustnow。Inevertakethisturning。IturntotherightfromtheHayMarket。Andthisisn"tthewaytoyou。Isimplyturnedandhereyouare。Itisstrange！”
“Whydon"tyousayatonce"it"samiracle?"“
“Becauseitmaybeonlychance。“
“Oh,that"sthewaywithallyoufolk,“laughedSvidrigailov。“Youwon"tadmitit,evenifyoudoinwardlybelieveitamiracle!Hereyousaythatitmaybeonlychance。Andwhatcowardstheyallarehere,abouthavinganopinionoftheirown,youcan"tfancy,RodionRomanovitch。Idon"tmeanyou,youhaveanopinionofyourownandarenotafraidtohaveit。That"showitwasyouattractedmycuriosity。“
“Nothingelse？”
“Well,that"senough,youknow,“Svidrigailovwasobviouslyexhilarated,butonlyslightlyso,hehadnothadmorethanhalfaglassofwine。
“IfancyyoucametoseemebeforeyouknewthatIwascapableofhavingwhatyoucallanopinionofmyown,“observedRaskolnikov。
“Oh,well,itwasadifferentmatter。Everyonehashisownplans。
AndaproposofthemiracleletmetellyouthatIthinkyouhavebeenasleepforthelasttwoorthreedays。Itoldyouofthistavernmyself,thereisnomiracleinyourcomingstraighthere。I
explainedthewaymyself,toldyouwhereitwas,andthehoursyoucouldfindmehere。Doyouremember？”
“Idon"tremember,“answeredRaskolnikovwithsurprise。
“Ibelieveyou。Itoldyoutwice。Theaddresshasbeenstampedmechanicallyonyourmemory。Youturnedthiswaymechanicallyandyetpreciselyaccordingtothedirection,thoughyouarenotawareofit。WhenItoldyouthen,Ihardlyhopedyouunderstoodme。Yougiveyourselfawaytoomuch,RodionRomanovitch。Andanotherthing,I"mconvincedtherearelotsofpeopleinPetersburgwhotalktothemselvesastheywalk。Thisisatownofcrazypeople。Ifonlywehadscientificmen,doctors,lawyersandphilosophersmightmakemostvaluableinvestigationsinPetersburgeachinhisownline。Therearefewplaceswheretherearesomanygloomy,strongandqueerinfluencesonthesoulofmanasinPetersburg。Themereinfluencesofclimatemeansomuch。Andit"stheadministrativecentreofallRussiaanditscharactermustbereflectedonthewholecountry。Butthatisneitherherenortherenow。ThepointisthatIhaveseveraltimeswatchedyou。Youwalkoutofyourhouse-holdingyourheadhigh-
twentypacesfromhomeyouletitsink,andfoldyourhandsbehindyourback。Youlookandevidentlyseenothingbeforenorbesideyou。
Atlastyoubeginmovingyourlipsandtalkingtoyourself,andsometimesyouwaveonehandanddeclaim,andatlaststandstillinthemiddleoftheroad。That"snotatallthething。Someonemaybewatchingyoubesidesme,anditwon"tdoyouanygood。It"snothingreallytodowithmeandIcan"tcureyou,but,ofcourse,youunderstandme。“
“DoyouknowthatIambeingfollowed？”askedRaskolnikov,lookinginquisitivelyathim。
“No,Iknownothingaboutit,“saidSvidrigailov,seemingsurprised。
“Well,then,letusleavemealone,“Raskolnikovmuttered,frowning。
“Verygood,letusleaveyoualone。“
“Youhadbettertellme,ifyoucomeheretodrink,anddirectedmetwicetocomeheretoyou,whydidyouhide,andtrytogetawayjustnowwhenIlookedatthewindowfromthestreet?Isawit。“
“He-he!Andwhywasityoulayonyoursofawithclosedeyesandpretendedtobeasleep,thoughyouwerewideawakewhileIstoodinyourdoorway?Isawit。“
“Imayhavehad……reasons。Youknowthatyourself。“
“AndImayhavehadmyreasons,thoughyoudon"tknowthem。“
Raskolnikovdroppedhisrightelbowonthetable,leanedhischininthefingersofhisrighthand,andstaredintentlyatSvidrigailov。
Forafullminutehescrutinisedhisface,whichhadimpressedhimbefore。Itwasastrangeface,likeamask;whiteandred,withbrightredlips,withaflaxenbeard,andstillthickflaxenhair。Hiseyesweresomehowtooblueandtheirexpressionsomehowtooheavyandfixed。Therewassomethingawfullyunpleasantinthathandsomeface,whichlookedsowonderfullyyoungforhisage。Svidrigailovwassmartlydressedinlightsummerclothesandwasparticularlydaintyinhislinen。Heworeahugeringwithapreciousstoneinit。
“HaveIgottobothermyselfaboutyoutoonow？”saidRaskolnikovsuddenly,comingwithnervousimpatiencestraighttothepoint。
“Eventhoughperhapsyouarethemostdangerousmanifyoucaretoinjureme,Idon"twanttoputmyselfoutanymore。IwillshowyouatoncethatIdon"tprizemyselfasyouprobablythinkIdo。I"vecometotellyouatoncethatifyoukeeptoyourformerintentionswithregardtomysisterandifyouthinktoderiveanybenefitinthatdirectionfromwhathasbeendiscoveredoflate,Iwillkillyoubeforeyougetmelockedup。Youcanreckononmyword。YouknowthatIcankeepit。Andinthesecondplaceifyouwanttotellmeanything-forIkeepfancyingallthistimethatyouhavesomethingtotellme-makehasteandtellit,fortimeispreciousandverylikelyitwillsoonbetoolate。“
“Whyinsuchhaste？”askedSvidrigailov,lookingathimcuriously。
“Everyonehashisplans,“Raskolnikovansweredgloomilyandimpatiently。
“Youurgedmeyourselftofranknessjustnow,andatthefirstquestionyourefusetoanswer,“Svidrigailovobservedwithasmile。
“YoukeepfancyingthatIhaveaimsofmyownandsoyoulookatmewithsuspicion。Ofcourseit"sperfectlynaturalinyourposition。ButthoughIshouldliketobefriendswithyou,Ishan"ttroublemyselftoconvinceyouofthecontrary。Thegameisn"tworththecandleandI
wasn"tintendingtotalktoyouaboutanythingspecial。“
“Whatdidyouwantme,for,then?Itwasyouwhocamehangingaboutme。“
“Why,simplyasaninterestingsubjectforobservation。Ilikedthefantasticnatureofyourposition-that"swhatitwas!Besidesyouarethebrotherofapersonwhogreatlyinterestedme,andfromthatpersonIhadinthepastheardaverygreatdealaboutyou,fromwhichIgatheredthatyouhadagreatinfluenceoverher;isn"tthatenough?
Ha-ha-ha!StillImustadmitthatyourquestionisrathercomplex,andisdifficultformetoanswer。Here,you,forinstance,havecometomenotonlyforadefiniteobject,butforthesakeofhearingsomethingnew。Isn"tthatso?Isn"tthatso？”persistedSvidrigailovwithaslysmile。“Well,can"tyoufancythenthatI,too,onmywayhereinthetrainwasreckoningonyou,onyourtellingmesomethingnew,andonmymakingsomeprofitoutofyou!Youseewhatrichmenweare！”
“Whatprofitcouldyoumake？”
“HowcanItellyou?HowdoIknow?YouseeinwhatatavernIspendallmytimeandit"smyenjoyment,that"stosayit"snogreatenjoyment,butonemustsitsomewhere;thatpoorKatianow-yousawher?……IfonlyIhadbeenagluttonnow,aclubgourmand,butyouseeIcaneatthis。“
Hepointedtoalittletableinthecornerwheretheremnantsofaterriblelookingbeef-steakandpotatoeslayonatindish。
“Haveyoudined,bytheway?I"vehadsomethingandwantnothingmore。Idon"tdrink,forinstance,atall。ExceptforchampagneI
nevertouchanything,andnotmorethanaglassofthatalltheevening,andeventhatisenoughtomakemyheadache。Iordereditjustnowtowindmyselfup,forIamjustgoingoffsomewhereandyouseemeinapeculiarstateofmind。ThatwaswhyIhidmyselfjustnowlikeaschoolboy,forIwasafraidyouwouldhinderme。ButI
believe,“hepulledouthiswatch,“Icanspendanhourwithyou。It"shalf-pastfournow。IfonlyI"dbeensomething,alandowner,afather,acavalryofficer,aphotographer,ajournalist……Iamnothing,nospecialty,andsometimesIampositivelybored。Ireallythoughtyouwouldtellmesomethingnew。“
“Butwhatareyou,andwhyhaveyoucomehere？”
“WhatamI?Youknow,agentleman,Iservedfortwoyearsinthecavalry,thenIknockedabouthereinPetersburg,thenImarriedMarfaPetrovnaandlivedinthecountry。Thereyouhavemybiography！”
“Youareagambler,Ibelieve？”
“No,apoorsortofgambler。Acard-sharper-notagambler。“
“Youhavebeenacard-sharperthen？”
“Yes,I"vebeenacard-sharpertoo。“
“Didn"tyougetthrashedsometimes？”
“Itdidhappen。Why？”
“Why,youmighthavechallengedthem……altogetheritmusthavebeenlively。“
“Iwon"tcontradictyouandbesidesIamnohandatphilosophy。I
confessthatIhastenedhereforthesakeofthewomen。“
“AssoonasyouburiedMarfaPetrovna？”
“Quiteso,“Svidrigailovsmiledwithengagingcandour。“Whatofit?Youseemtofindsomethingwronginmyspeakinglikethataboutwomen？”
“YouaskwhetherIfindanythingwronginvice？”
“Vice!Oh,that"swhatyouareafter!ButI"llansweryouinorder,firstaboutwomeningeneral;youknowIamfondoftalking。
Tellme,whatshouldIrestrainmyselffor?WhyshouldIgiveupwomen,sinceIhaveapassionforthem?It"sanoccupation,anyway。“
“Soyouhopefornothingherebutvice？”
“Oh,verywell,forvicethen。Youinsistonitsbeingvice。ButanywayIlikeadirectquestion。Inthisviceatleastthereissomethingpermanent,foundedindeeduponnatureandnotdependentonfantasy,somethingpresentinthebloodlikeanever-burningember,foreversettingoneonfireandmaybe,nottobequicklyextinguished,evenwithyears。You"llagreeit"sanoccupationofasort。“
“That"snothingtorejoiceat,it"sadiseaseandadangerousone。“
“Oh,that"swhatyouthink,isit?Iagree,thatitisadiseaselikeeverythingthatexceedsmoderation。And,ofcourse,inthisonemustexceedmoderation。Butinthefirstplace,everybodydoessoinonewayoranother,andinthesecondplace,ofcourse,oneoughttobemoderateandprudent,howevermeanitmaybe,butwhatamItodo?IfIhadn"tthis,Imighthavetoshootmyself。Iamreadytoadmitthatadecentmanoughttoputupwithbeingbored,butyet……“
“Andcouldyoushootyourself？”
“Oh,come！”Svidrigailovparriedwithdisgust。“Pleasedon"tspeakofit,“headdedhurriedlyandwithnoneofthebraggingtonehehadshowninallthepreviousconversation。Hisfacequitechanged。“I
admitit"sanunpardonableweakness,butIcan"thelpit。IamafraidofdeathandIdislikeitsbeingtalkedof。DoyouknowthatIamtoacertainextentamystic？”
“Ah,theapparitionsofMarfaPetrovna!Dotheystillgoonvisitingyou？”
“Oh,don"ttalkofthem;therehavebeennomoreinPetersburg,confoundthem！”hecriedwithanairofirritation。“Let"srathertalkofthat……though……H"m!Ihavenotmuchtime,andcan"tstaylongwithyou,it"sapity!Ishouldhavefoundplentytotellyou。“
“What"syourengagement,awoman？”
“Yes,awoman,acasualincident……No,that"snotwhatIwanttotalkof。“
“Andthehideousness,thefilthinessofallyoursurroundings,doesn"tthataffectyou?Haveyoulostthestrengthtostopyourself？”
“Anddoyoupretendtostrength,too?He-he-he!Yousurprisedmejustnow,RodionRomanovitch,thoughIknewbeforehanditwouldbeso。
Youpreachtomeaboutviceandaesthetics!You-aSchiller,you-anidealist!Ofcoursethat"sallasitshouldbeanditwouldbesurprisingifitwerenotso,yetitisstrangeinreality……Ah,whatapityIhavenotime,foryou"reamostinterestingtype!Andby-the-way,areyoufondofSchiller?Iamawfullyfondofhim。“
“Butwhatabraggartyouare,“Raskolnikovsaidwithsomedisgust。
“Uponmyword,Iamnot,“answeredSvidrigailovlaughing。
“However,Iwon"tdisputeit,letmebeabraggart,whynotbrag,ifithurtsnoone?IspentsevenyearsinthecountrywithMarfaPetrovna,sonowwhenIcomeacrossanintelligentpersonlikeyou-
intelligentandhighlyinteresting-Iamsimplygladtotalkandbesides,I"vedrunkthathalf-glassofchampagneandit"sgonetomyheadalittle。Andbesides,there"sacertainfactthathaswoundmeuptremendously,butaboutthatI……willkeepquiet。Whereareyouoffto？”heaskedinalarm。
Raskolnikovhadbegungettingup。Hefeltoppressedandstifledand,asitwere,illateaseathavingcomehere。HefeltconvincedthatSvidrigailovwasthemostworthlessscoundrelonthefaceoftheearth。
“A-ach!Sitdown,stayalittle！”Svidrigailovbegged。“Letthembringyousometea,anyway。Stayalittle,Iwon"ttalknonsense,aboutmyself,Imean。I"lltellyousomething。IfyoulikeI"lltellyouhowawomantried"tosave"me,asyouwouldcallit?Itwillbeananswertoyourfirstquestionindeed,forthewomanwasyoursister。MayItellyou?Itwillhelptospendthetime。“
“Tellme,butItrustthatyou……“
“Oh,don"tbeuneasy。Besides,eveninaworthlesslowfellowlikeme,AvdotyaRomanovnacanonlyexcitethedeepestrespect。“
ChapterFour“YOUknowperhaps-yes,Itoldyoumyself,“beganSvidrigailov,“thatIwasinthedebtors"prisonhere,foranimmensesum,andhadnotanyexpectationofbeingabletopayit。There"snoneedtogointoparticularsofhowMarfaPetrovnaboughtmeout;doyouknowtowhatapointofinsanityawomancansometimeslove?Shewasanhonestwoman,andverysensible,althoughcompletelyuneducated。Wouldyoubelievethatthishonestandjealouswoman,aftermanyscenesofhystericsandreproaches,condescendedtoenterintoakindofcontractwithmewhichshekeptthroughoutourmarriedlife?ShewasconsiderablyolderthanI,andbesides,shealwayskeptacloveorsomethinginhermouth。Therewassomuchswinishnessinmysoulandhonestytoo,ofasort,astotellherstraightoutthatIcouldn"tbeabsolutelyfaithfultoher。Thisconfessiondrovehertofrenzy,butyetsheseemsinawaytohavelikedmybrutalfrankness。ShethoughtitshowedIwasunwillingtodeceiveherifIwarnedherlikethisbeforehandandforajealouswoman,youknow,that"sthefirstconsideration。Aftermanytearsanunwrittencontractwasdrawnupbetweenus：first,thatIwouldneverleaveMarfaPetrovnaandwouldalwaysbeherhusband;secondly,thatIwouldneverabsentmyselfwithoutherpermission;thirdly,thatIwouldneversetupapermanentmistress;fourthly,inreturnforthis,MarfaPetrovnagavemeafreehandwiththemaidservants,butonlywithhersecretknowledge;fifthly,Godforbidmyfallinginlovewithawomanofourclass;sixthly,incaseI-whichGodforbid-shouldbevisitedbyagreatseriouspassionIwasboundtorevealittoMarfaPetrovna。
Onthislastscore,however,MarfaPetrovnawasfairlyatease。Shewasasensiblewomanandsoshecouldnothelplookinguponmeasadissoluteprofligateincapableofreallove。Butasensiblewomanandajealouswomanaretwoverydifferentthings,andthat"swherethetroublecamein。Buttojudgesomepeopleimpartiallywemustrenouncecertainpreconceivedopinionsandourhabitualattitudetotheordinarypeopleaboutus。Ihavereasontohavefaithinyourjudgmentratherthaninanyone"s。PerhapsyouhavealreadyheardagreatdealthatwasridiculousandabsurdaboutMarfaPetrovna。Shecertainlyhadsomeveryridiculousways,butItellyoufranklythatI
feelreallysorryfortheinnumerablewoesofwhichIwasthecause。
Well,andthat"senough,Ithink,bywayofadecorousoraisonfunebreforthemosttenderwifeofamosttenderhusband。Whenwequarrelled,Iusuallyheldmytongueanddidnotirritateherandthatgentlemanlyconductrarelyfailedtoattainitsobject,itinfluencedher,itpleasedher,indeed。Theseweretimeswhenshewaspositivelyproudofme。Butyoursistershecouldn"tputupwith,anyway。Andhowevershecametorisktakingsuchabeautifulcreatureintoherhouseasagoverness!MyexplanationisthatMarfaPetrovnawasanardentandimpressionablewomanandsimplyfellinloveherself-literallyfellinlove-withyoursister。Well,littlewonder-lookatAvdotyaRomanovna!Isawthedangeratthefirstglanceandwhatdoyouthink,Iresolvednottolookathereven。ButAvdotyaRomanovnaherselfmadethefirststep,wouldyoubelieveit?WouldyoubelieveittoothatMarfaPetrovnawaspositivelyangrywithmeatfirstformypersistentsilenceaboutyoursister,formycarelessreceptionofhercontinualadoringpraisesofAvdotyaRomanovna。Idon"tknowwhatitwasshewanted!Well,ofcourse,MarfaPetrovnatoldAvdotyaRomanovnaeverydetailaboutme。Shehadtheunfortunatehabitoftellingliterallyeveryoneallourfamilysecretsandcontinuallycomplainingofme;howcouldshefailtoconfideinsuchadelightfulnewfriend?IexpecttheytalkedofnothingelsebutmeandnodoubtAvdotyaRomanovnaheardallthosedarkmysteriousrumoursthatwerecurrentaboutme……Idon"tmindbettingthatyoutoohaveheardsomethingofthesortalready？”
“Ihave。Luzhinchargedyouwithhavingcausedthedeathofachild。
Isthattrue？”
“Don"trefertothosevulgartales,Ibeg,“saidSvidrigailovwithdisgustandannoyance。“Ifyouinsistonwantingtoknowaboutallthatidiocy,Iwilltellyouoneday,butnow……“
“Iwastoldtooaboutsomefootmanofyoursinthecountrywhomyoutreatedbadly。“
“Ibegyoutodropthesubject,“Svidrigailovinterruptedagainwithobviousimpatience。
“Wasthatthefootmanwhocametoyouafterdeathtofillyourpipe?……youtoldmeaboutityourself,“Raskolnikovfeltmoreandmoreirritated。
SvidrigailovlookedathimattentivelyandRaskolnikovfanciedhecaughtaflashofspitefulmockeryinthatlook。ButSvidrigailovrestrainedhimselfandansweredverycivilly。
“Yes,itwas。Iseethatyou,too,areextremelyinterestedandshallfeelitmydutytosatisfyyourcuriosityatthefirstopportunity。Uponmysoul!IseethatIreallymightpassforaromanticfigurewithsomepeople。JudgehowgratefulImustbetoMarfaPetrovnaforhavingrepeatedtoAvdotyaRomanovnasuchmysteriousandinterestinggossipaboutme。Idarenotguesswhatimpressionitmadeonher,butinanycaseitworkedinmyinterests。WithallAvdotyaRomanovna"snaturalaversionandinspiteofmyinvariablygloomyandrepellentaspect-shedidatleastfeelpityforme,pityforalostsoul。Andifonceagirl"sheartismovedtopity,it"smoredangerousthananything。Sheisboundtowantto"savehim,"tobringhimtohissenses,andlifthimupanddrawhimtonobleraims,andrestorehimtonewlifeandusefulness,-well,weallknowhowfarsuchdreamscango。Isawatoncethatthebirdwasflyingintothecageofherself。AndItoomadeready。Ithinkyouarefrowning,RodionRomanovitch?There"snoneed。Asyouknow,itallendedinsmoke。(Hangitall,whatalotI
amdrinking!)Doyouknow,Ialways,fromtheverybeginning,regrettedthatitwasn"tyoursister"sfatetobeborninthesecondorthirdcenturyA。D。,asthedaughterofareigningprinceorsomegovernororproconsulinAsiaMinor。Shewouldundoubtedlyhavebeenoneofthosewhowouldenduremartyrdomandwouldhavesmiledwhentheybrandedherbosomwithhotpincers。Andshewouldhavegonetoitofherself。AndinthefourthorfifthcenturyshewouldhavewalkedawayintotheEgyptiandesertandwouldhavestayedtherethirtyyearslivingonrootsandecstasiesandvisions。Sheissimplythirstingtofacesometortureforsomeone,andifshecan"tgethertorture,she"llthrowherselfoutofawindow。I"veheardsomethingofaMr。
Razumihin-he"ssaidtobeasensiblefellow;hissurnamesuggestsit,indeed。He"sprobablyadivinitystudent。Well,he"dbetterlookafteryoursister!IbelieveIunderstandher,andIamproudofit。Butatthebeginningofanacquaintance,asyouknow,oneisapttobemoreheedlessandstupid。Onedoesn"tseeclearly。Hangitall,whyisshesohandsome?It"snotmyfault。Infact,itbeganonmysidewithamostirresistiblephysicaldesire。AvdotyaRomanovnaisawfullychaste,incrediblyandphenomenallyso。Takenote,Itellyouthisaboutyoursisterasafact。Sheisalmostmorbidlychaste,inspiteofherbroadintelligence,anditwillstandinherway。Therehappenedtobeagirlinthehousethen,Parasha,a。black-eyedwench,whomIhadneverseenbefore-shehadjustcomefromanothervillage-verypretty,butincrediblystupid：sheburstintotears,wailedsothatshecouldbeheardallovertheplaceandcausedscandal。OnedayafterdinnerAvdotyaRomanovnafollowedmeintoanavenueinthegardenandwithflashingeyesinsistedonmyleavingpoorParashaalone。Itwasalmostourfirstconversationbyourselves。
I,ofcourse,wasonlytoopleasedtoobeyherwishes,triedtoappeardisconcerted,embarrassed,infactplayedmypartnotbadly。Thencameinterviews,mysteriousconversations,exhortations,entreaties,supplications,eventears-wouldyoubelieveit,eventears?Thinkwhatthepassionforpropagandawillbringsomegirlsto!I,ofcourse,threwitallonmydestiny,posedashungeringandthirstingforlight,andfinallyresortedtothemostpowerfulweaponinthesubjectionofthefemaleheart,aweaponwhichneverfailsone。It"sthewell-knownresource-flattery。Nothingintheworldisharderthanspeakingthetruthandnothingeasierthanflattery。Ifthere"sthehundredthpartofafalsenoteinspeakingthetruth,itleadstoadiscord,andthatleadstotrouble。Butifall,tothelastnote,isfalseinflattery,itisjustasagreeable,andisheardnotwithoutsatisfaction。Itmaybeacoarsesatisfaction,butstillasatisfaction。Andhowevercoarsetheflattery,atleasthalfwillbesuretoseemtrue。That"ssoforallstagesofdevelopmentandclassesofsociety。Avestalvirginmightbeseducedbyflattery。IcanneverrememberwithoutlaughterhowIonceseducedaladywhowasdevotedtoherhusband,herchildren,andherprinciples。Whatfunitwasandhowlittletrouble!Andtheladyreallyhadprinciples,ofherown,anyway。Allmytacticslayinsimplybeingutterlyannihilatedandprostratebeforeherpurity。Iflatteredhershamelessly,andassoonasIsucceededingettingapressureofthehand,evenaglancefromher,Iwouldreproachmyselfforhavingsnatcheditbyforce,andwoulddeclarethatshehadresisted,sothatIcouldneverhavegainedanythingbutformybeingsounprincipled。I
maintainedthatshewassoinnocentthatshecouldnotforeseemytreachery,andyieldedtomeunconsciously,unawares,andsoon。Infact,Itriumphed,whilemyladyremainedfirmlyconvincedthatshewasinnocent,chaste,andfaithfultoallherdutiesandobligationsandhadsuccumbedquitebyaccident。AndhowangryshewaswithmewhenIexplainedtoheratlastthatitwasmysincereconvictionthatshewasjustaseagerasI。PoorMarfaPetrovnawasawfullyweakonthesideofflattery,andifIhadonlycaredto,Imighthavehadallherpropertysettledonmeduringherlifetime。(Iamdrinkinganawfullotofwinenowandtalkingtoomuch。)Ihopeyouwon"tbeangryifImentionnowthatIwasbeginningtoproducethesameeffectonAvdotyaRomanovna。ButIwasstupidandimpatientandspoileditall。AvdotyaRomanovnahadseveraltimes-andonetimeinparticular-beengreatlydispleasedbytheexpressionofmyeyes,wouldyoubelieveit?Therewassometimesalightinthemwhichfrightenedherandgrewstrongerandstrongerandmoreunguardedtillitwashatefultoher。Noneedtogointodetail,butweparted。ThereIactedstupidlyagain。Ifelltojeeringinthecoarsestwayatallsuchpropagandaandeffortstoconvertme;Parashacameontothesceneagain,andnotshealone;infacttherewasatremendousto-do。Ah,RodionRomanovitch,ifyoucouldonlyseehowyoursister"seyescanflashsometimes!Nevermindmybeingdrunkatthismomentandhavinghadawholeglassofwine。Iamspeakingthetruth。Iassureyouthatthisglancehashauntedmydreams;theveryrustleofherdresswasmorethanIcouldstandatlast。IreallybegantothinkthatImightbecomeepileptic。IcouldneverhavebelievedthatIcouldbemovedtosuchafrenzy。Itwasessential,indeed,tobereconciled,butbythenitwasimpossible。AndimaginewhatIdidthen!Towhatapitchofstupidityamancanbebroughtbyfrenzy!Neverundertakeanythinginafrenzy,RodionRomanovitch。I
reflectedthatAvdotyaRomanovnawasafterallabeggar(ach,excuseme,that"snottheword……butdoesitmatterifitexpressesthemeaning?),thatshelivedbyherwork,thatshehadhermotherand,youtokeep(ach,hangit,youarefrowningagain),andIresolvedtoofferherallmymoney-thirtythousandroublesIcouldhaverealisedthen-ifshewouldrunawaywithmehere,toPetersburg。OfcourseIshouldhavevowedeternallove,rapture,andsoon。Doyouknow,IwassowildaboutheratthattimethatifshehadtoldmetopoisonMarfaPetrovnaortocutherthroatandtomarryherself,itwouldhavebeendoneatonce!Butitendedinthecatastropheofwhichyouknowalready。YoucanfancyhowfranticIwaswhenIheardthatMarfaPetrovnahadgotholdofthatscoundrellyattorney,Luzhin,andhadalmostmadeamatchbetweenthem-whichwouldreallyhavebeenjustthesamethingasIwasproposing。Wouldn"tit?Wouldn"tit?I
noticethatyou"vebeguntobeveryattentive……youinterestingyoungman……“
Svidrigailovstruckthetablewithhisfistimpatiently。Hewasflushed。Raskolnikovsawclearlythattheglassorglassandahalfofchampagnethathehadsippedalmostunconsciouslywasaffectinghim-
andheresolvedtotakeadvantageoftheopportunity。HefeltverysuspiciousofSvidrigailov。
“Well,afterwhatyouhavesaid,IamfullyconvincedthatyouhavecometoPetersburgwithdesignsonmysister,“hesaiddirectlytoSvidrigailov,inordertoirritatehimfurther。
“Oh,nonsense,“saidSvidrigailov,seemingtorousehimself。“Why,I
toldyou……besidesyoursistercan"tendureme。“
“Yes,Iamcertainthatshecan"t,butthat"snotthepoint。“
“Areyousosurethatshecan"t？”Svidrigailovscreweduphiseyesandsmiledmockingly。“Youareright,shedoesn"tloveme,butyoucanneverbesureofwhathaspassedbetweenhusbandandwifeorloverandmistress。There"salwaysalittlecornerwhichremainsasecrettotheworldandisonlyknowntothosetwo。WillyouanswerforitthatAvdotyaRomanovnaregardedmewithaversion？”
“Fromsomewordsyou"vedropped,Inoticethatyoustillhavedesigns-andofcourseevilones-onDouniaandmeantocarrythemoutpromptly。“
“What,haveIdroppedwordslikethat？”Svidrigailovaskedinnaivedismay,takingnottheslightestnoticeoftheepithetbestowedonhisdesigns。
“Why,youaredroppingthemevennow。Whyareyousofrightened?
Whatareyousoafraidofnow？”
“Me-afraid?Afraidofyou?Youhaverathertobeafraidofme,cherami。Butwhatnonsense……I"vedrunktoomuchthough,Iseethat。I
wasalmostsayingtoomuchagain。Damnthewine!Hi!there,water！”
Hesnatchedupthechampagnebottleandflungitwithoutceremonyoutofthewindow。Philipbroughtthewater。
“That"sallnonsense！”saidSvidrigailov,wettingatowelandputtingittohishead。“ButIcanansweryouinonewordandannihilateallyoursuspicions。DoyouknowthatIamgoingtogetmarried？”
“Youtoldmesobefore。“
“DidI?I"veforgotten。ButIcouldn"thavetoldyousoforcertainforIhadnotevenseenmybetrothed;Ionlymeantto。ButnowIreallyhaveabetrothedandit"sasettledthing,andifitweren"tthatIhavebusinessthatcan"tbeputoff,Iwouldhavetakenyoutoseethematonce,forIshouldliketoaskyouradvice。Ach,hangit,onlytenminutesleft!See,lookatthewatch。ButImusttellyou,forit"saninterestingstory,mymarriage,initsownway。Whereareyouoffto?Goingagain？”
“No,I"mnotgoingawaynow。“
“Notatall?Weshallsee。I"lltakeyouthere,I"llshowyoumybetrothed,onlynotnow。Foryou"llsoonhavetobeoff。YouhavetogototherightandItotheleft。DoyouknowthatMadameResslich,thewomanIamlodgingwithnow,eh?Iknowwhatyou"rethinking,thatshe"sthewomanwhosegirltheysaydrownedherselfinthewinter。
Come,areyoulistening?Shearrangeditallforme。You"rebored,shesaid,youwantsomethingtofillupyourtime。For,youknow,Iamagloomy,depressedperson。DoyouthinkI"mlight-hearted?No,I"mgloomy。Idonoharm,butsitinacornerwithoutspeakingawordforthreedaysatatime。AndthatResslichisaslyhussy,Itellyou。Iknowwhatshehasgotinhermind;shethinksIshallgetsickofit,abandonmywifeanddepart,andshe"llgetholdofherandmakeaprofitoutofher-inourclass,ofcourse,orhigher。Shetoldmethefatherwasabroken-downretiredofficial,whohasbeensittinginachairforthelastthreeyearswithhislegsparalysed。Themamma,shesaid,wasasensiblewoman。Thereisasonservingintheprovinces,buthedoesn"thelp;thereisadaughter,whoismarried,butshedoesn"tvisitthem。Andthey"vetwolittlenephewsontheirhands,asthoughtheirownchildrenwerenotenough,andthey"vetakenfromschooltheiryoungestdaughter,agirlwho"llbesixteeninanothermonth,sothatthenshecanbemarried。Shewasforme。Wewentthere。Howfunnyitwas!Ipresentmyself-alandowner,awidower,ofawell-knownname,withconnections,withafortune。
WhatifIamfiftyandsheisnotsixteen?Whothinksofthat?Butit"sfascinating,isn"tit?Itisfascinating,ha-ha!YoushouldhaveseenhowItalkedtothepapaandmamma。Itwasworthpayingtohaveseenmeatthatmoment。Shecomesin,curtseys,youcanfancy,stillinashortfrock-anunopenedbud!Flushinglikeasunset-shehadbeentold,nodoubt。Idon"tknowhowyoufeelaboutfemalefaces,buttomymindthesesixteenyears,thesechildisheyes,shynessandtearsofbashfulnessarebetterthanbeauty;andsheisaperfectlittlepicture,too。Fairhairinlittlecurls,likealamb"s,fulllittlerosylips,tinyfeet,acharmer!……Well,wemadefriends。I
toldthemIwasinahurryowingtodomesticcircumstances,andthenextday,thatisthedaybeforeyesterday,wewerebetrothed。WhenIgonowItakeheronmykneeatonceandkeepherthere……Well,sheflusheslikeasunsetandIkisshereveryminute。Hermammaofcourseimpressesonherthatthisisherhusbandandthatthismustbeso。It"ssimplydelicious!Thepresentbetrothedconditionisperhapsbetterthanmarriage。Hereyouhavewhatiscalledlanatureetlaverite,ha-ha!I"vetalkedtohertwice,sheisfarfromafool。