第13章
TheBetrothalITwasadrySunday，andreallyapleasantdayforthe2dofNovember。Therewasnosunshine，butthecloudswerehigh，andthewindwassostillthattheyellowleaveswhichfluttereddownfromthehedgerowelmsmusthavefallenfrompuredecay。
Nevertheless，Mrs。Poyserdidnotgotochurch，forshehadtakenacoldtooserioustobeneglected；onlytwowintersagoshehadbeenlaidupforweekswithacold；andsincehiswifedidnotgotochurch，Mr。Poyserconsideredthatonthewholeitwouldbeaswellforhimtostayawaytooand"keephercompany。"Hecouldperhapshavegivennopreciseformtothereasonsthatdeterminedthisconclusion，butitiswellknowntoallexperiencedmindsthatourfirmestconvictionsareoftendependentonsubtleimpressionsforwhichwordsarequitetoocoarseamedium。
Howeveritwas，noonefromthePoyserfamilywenttochurchthatafternoonexceptHettyandtheboys；yetAdamwasboldenoughtojointhemafterchurch，andsaythathewouldwalkhomewiththem，thoughallthewaythroughthevillageheappearedtobechieflyoccupiedwithMartyandTommy，tellingthemaboutthesquirrelsinBintonCoppice，andpromisingtotakethemtheresomeday。Butwhentheycametothefieldshesaidtotheboys，"Now，then，whichisthestoutestwalker？Himasgetstoth’home-gatefirstshallbethefirsttogowithmetoBintonCoppiceonthedonkey。
ButTommymusthavethestartuptothenextstile，becausehe’sthesmallest。"
Adamhadneverbehavedsomuchlikeadeterminedloverbefore。Assoonastheboyshadbothsetoff，helookeddownatHettyandsaid，"Won’tyouhangonmyarm，Hetty？"inapleadingtone，asifhehadalreadyaskedherandshehadrefused。Hettylookedupathimsmilinglyandputherroundarmthroughhisinamoment。Itwasnothingtoher，puttingherarmthroughAdam’s，butsheknewhecaredagreatdealabouthavingherarmthroughhis，andshewishedhimtocare。Herheartbeatnofaster，andshelookedatthehalf-barehedgerowsandtheploughedfieldwiththesamesenseofoppressivedulnessasbefore。ButAdamscarcelyfeltthathewaswalking。HethoughtHettymustknowthathewaspressingherarmalittle——averylittle。Wordsrushedtohislipsthathedarednotutter——thathehadmadeuphismindnottoutteryet——
andsohewassilentforthelengthofthatfield。ThecalmpatiencewithwhichhehadoncewaitedforHetty’slove，contentonlywithherpresenceandthethoughtofthefuture，hadforsakenhimsincethatterribleshocknearlythreemonthsago。Theagitationsofjealousyhadgivenanewrestlessnesstohispassion——hadmadefearanduncertaintytoohardalmosttobear。
ButthoughhemightnotspeaktoHettyofhislove，hewouldtellherabouthisnewprospectsandseeifshewouldbepleased。Sowhenhewasenoughmasterofhimselftotalk，hesaid，"I’mgoingtotellyourunclesomenewsthat’llsurprisehim，Hetty；andI
thinkhe’llbegladtohearittoo。"
"What’sthat？"Hettysaidindifferently。
"Why，Mr。Burgehasofferedmeashareinhisbusiness，andI’mgoingtotakeit。"
TherewasachangeinHetty’sface，certainlynotproducedbyanyagreeableimpressionfromthisnews。Infactshefeltamomentaryannoyanceandalarm，forshehadsooftenheardithintedbyherunclethatAdammighthaveMaryBurgeandashareinthebusinessanyday，ifheliked，thatsheassociatedthetwoobjectsnow，andthethoughtimmediatelyoccurredthatperhapsAdamhadgivenherupbecauseofwhathadhappenedlately，andhadturnedtowardsMaryBurge。Withthatthought，andbeforeshehadtimetorememberanyreasonswhyitcouldnotbetrue，cameanewsenseofforsakennessanddisappointment。Theonething——theoneperson——
hermindhadrestedoninitsdullweariness，hadslippedawayfromher，andpeevishmiseryfilledhereyeswithtears。Shewaslookingontheground，butAdamsawherface，sawthetears，andbeforehehadfinishedsaying，"Hetty，dearHetty，whatareyoucryingfor？"hiseagerrapidthoughthadflownthroughallthecausesconceivabletohim，andhadatlastalightedonhalfthetrueone。HettythoughthewasgoingtomarryMaryBurge——shedidn’tlikehimtomarry——perhapsshedidn’tlikehimtomarryanyonebutherself？Allcautionwassweptaway——allreasonforitwasgone，andAdamcouldfeelnothingbuttremblingjoy。Heleanedtowardsherandtookherhand，ashesaid:
"Icouldaffordtobemarriednow，Hetty——Icouldmakeawifecomfortable；butIshallneverwanttobemarriedifyouwon’thaveme。"
Hettylookedupathimandsmiledthroughhertears，asshehaddonetoArthurthatfirsteveninginthewood，whenshehadthoughthewasnotcoming，andyethecame。Itwasafeeblerrelief，afeeblertriumphshefeltnow，butthegreatdarkeyesandthesweetlipswereasbeautifulasever，perhapsmorebeautiful，fortherewasamoreluxuriantwomanlinessaboutHettyoflate。Adamcouldhardlybelieveinthehappinessofthatmoment。Hisrighthandheldherleft，andhepressedherarmcloseagainsthisheartasheleaneddowntowardsher。
"Doyoureallyloveme，Hetty？Willyoubemyownwife，toloveandtakecareofaslongasIlive？"
Hettydidnotspeak，butAdam’sfacewasveryclosetohers，andsheputupherroundcheekagainsthis，likeakitten。Shewantedtobecaressed——shewantedtofeelasifArthurwerewithheragain。
Adamcaredfornowordsafterthat，andtheyhardlyspokethroughtherestofthewalk。Heonlysaid，"Imaytellyouruncleandaunt，mayn’tI，Hetty？"andshesaid，"Yes。"
Theredfire-lightonthehearthattheHallFarmshoneonjoyfulfacesthatevening，whenHettywasgoneupstairsandAdamtooktheopportunityoftellingMr。andMrs。Poyserandthegrandfatherthathesawhiswaytomaintainingawifenow，andthatHettyhadconsentedtohavehim。
"Ihopeyouhavenoobjectionsagainstmeforherhusband，"saidAdam；"I’mapoormanasyet，butsheshallwantnothingasIcanworkfor。"
"Objections？"saidMr。Poyser，whilethegrandfatherleanedforwardandbroughtouthislong"Nay，nay。""Whatobjectionscanweha’toyou，lad？Nevermindyourbeingpoorishasyet；there’smoneyinyourhead-pieceasthere’smoneyi’thesownfield，butitmustha’time。You’ngotenoughtobeginon，andwecandoadealtow’rtthebito’furnitureyou’llwant。Thee’stgotfeathersandlinentospare——plenty，eh？"
ThisquestionwasofcourseaddressedtoMrs。Poyser，whowaswrappedupinawarmshawlandwastoohoarsetospeakwithherusualfacility。Atfirstsheonlynoddedemphatically，butshewaspresentlyunabletoresistthetemptationtobemoreexplicit。
"ItudbeapoortaleifIhadnafeathersandlinen，"shesaid，hoarsely，"whenIneversellafowlbutwhat’splucked，andthewheel’sa-goingeverydayo’theweek。"
"Come，mywench，"saidMr。Poyser，whenHettycamedown，"comeandkissus，andletuswishyouluck。"
Hettywentveryquietlyandkissedthebiggood-naturedman。
"There！"hesaid，pattingherontheback，"goandkissyourauntandyourgrandfather。I’maswishfult’haveyousettledwellasifyouwasmyowndaughter；andso’syouraunt，I’llbebound，forshe’sdonebyyouthisseven’ear，Hetty，asifyou’dbeenherown。Come，come，now，"hewenton，becomingjocose，assoonasHettyhadkissedherauntandtheoldman，"Adamwantsakisstoo，I’llwarrant，andhe’sarighttoonenow。"
Hettyturnedaway，smiling，towardsheremptychair。
"Come，Adam，then，takeone，"persistedMr。Poyser，"elsey’arenahalfaman。"
Adamgotup，blushinglikeasmallmaiden——greatstrongfellowashewas——and，puttinghisarmroundHettystoopeddownandgentlykissedherlips。
Itwasaprettysceneintheredfire-light；fortherewerenocandles——whyshouldtherebe，whenthefirewassobrightandwasreflectedfromallthepewterandthepolishedoak？NoonewantedtoworkonaSundayevening。EvenHettyfeltsomethinglikecontentmentinthemidstofallthislove。Adam’sattachmenttoher，Adam’scaress，stirrednopassioninher，werenolongerenoughtosatisfyhervanity，buttheywerethebestherlifeofferedhernow——theypromisedhersomechange。
TherewasagreatdealofdiscussionbeforeAdamwentaway，aboutthepossibilityofhisfindingahousethatwoulddoforhimtosettlein。NohousewasemptyexcepttheonenexttoWillMaskery’sinthevillage，andthatwastoosmallforAdamnow。
Mr。PoyserinsistedthatthebestplanwouldbeforSethandhismothertomoveandleaveAdamintheoldhome，whichmightbeenlargedafterawhile，fortherewasplentyofspaceinthewoodyardandgarden；butAdamobjectedtoturninghismotherout。
"Well，well，"saidMr。Poyseratlast，"weneednafixeverythingto-night。Wemusttaketimetoconsider。Youcannathinko’
gettingmarriedaforeEaster。I’mnotforlongcourtships，buttheremustbeabito’timetomakethingscomfortable。"
"Aye，tobesure，"saidMrs。Poyser，inahoarsewhisper；
"Christianfolkscan’tbemarriedlikecuckoos，Ireckon。"
"I’mabitdaunted，though，"saidMr。Poyser，"whenIthinkaswemayhavenoticetoquit，andbelikebeforcedtotakeafarmtwentymileoff。"
"Eh，"saidtheoldman，staringatthefloorandliftinghishandsupanddown，whilehisarmsrestedontheelbowsofhischair，"it’sapoortaleifImunleaveth’ouldspotanbeburiedinastrangeparish。An’you’llhappenha’doubleratestopay，"headded，lookingupathisson。
"Well，theemustnafretbeforehand，father，"saidMartintheyounger。"Happenthecaptain’ullcomehomeandmakeourpeacewi’th’oldsquire。Ibuildupo’that，forIknowthecaptain’llseefolksrightedifhecan。"
TheHiddenDreadITwasabusytimeforAdam——thetimebetweenthebeginningofNovemberandthebeginningofFebruary，andhecouldseelittleofHetty，exceptonSundays。Butahappytime，nevertheless，foritwastakinghimnearerandnearertoMarch，whentheyweretobemarried，andallthelittlepreparationsfortheirnewhousekeepingmarkedtheprogresstowardsthelonged-forday。Twonewroomshadbeen"runup"totheoldhouse，forhismotherandSethweretolivewiththemafterall。LisbethhadcriedsopiteouslyatthethoughtofleavingAdamthathehadgonetoHettyandaskedherif，fortheloveofhim，shewouldputupwithhismother’swaysandconsenttolivewithher。Tohisgreatdelight，Hettysaid，"Yes；I’dassoonshelivedwithusasnot。"Hetty’smindwasoppressedatthatmomentwithaworsedifficultythanpoorLisbeth’sways；shecouldnotcareaboutthem。SoAdamwasconsoledforthedisappointmenthehadfeltwhenSethhadcomebackfromhisvisittoSnowfieldandsaid"itwasnouse——Dinah’sheartwasnaturnedtowardsmarrying。"ForwhenhetoldhismotherthatHettywaswillingtheyshouldalllivetogetherandtherewasnomoreneedofthemtothinkofparting，shesaid，inamorecontentedtonethanhehadheardherspeakinsinceithadbeensettledthathewastobemarried，"Eh，mylad，I’llbeasstillasth’ouldtabby，an’ne’erwanttodoaughtbutth’offalwork，asshewonnaliket’do。An’thenweneednaparttheplattersan’
things，asha’stoodontheshelftogethersin’aforetheewastborn。"
TherewasonlyonecloudthatnowandthencameacrossAdam’ssunshine:Hettyseemedunhappysometimes。Buttoallhisanxious，tenderquestions，sherepliedwithanassurancethatshewasquitecontentedandwishednothingdifferent；andthenexttimehesawhershewasmorelivelythanusual。Itmightbethatshewasalittleoverdonewithworkandanxietynow，forsoonafterChristmasMrs。Poyserhadtakenanothercold，whichhadbroughtoninflammation，andthisillnesshadconfinedhertoherroomallthroughJanuary。Hettyhadtomanageeverythingdownstairs，andhalf-supplyMolly’splacetoo，whilethatgooddamselwaitedonhermistress，andsheseemedtothrowherselfsoentirelyintohernewfunctions，workingwithagravesteadinesswhichwasnewinher，thatMr。PoyseroftentoldAdamshewaswantingtoshowhimwhatagoodhousekeeperhewouldhave；buthe"doubtedthelasswaso’erdoingit——shemusthaveabito’restwhenherauntcouldcomedownstairs。"
ThisdesirableeventofMrs。Poyser’scomingdownstairshappenedintheearlypartofFebruary，whensomemildweatherthawedthelastpatchofsnowontheBintonHills。Ononeofthesedays，soonafterherauntcamedown，HettywenttoTreddlestontobuysomeoftheweddingthingswhichwerewanting，andwhichMrs。
Poyserhadscoldedherforneglecting，observingthatshesupposed"itwasbecausetheywerenotforth’outside，elseshe’dha’
bought’emfastenough。"
Itwasaboutteno’clockwhenHettysetoff，andtheslighthoar-
frostthathadwhitenedthehedgesintheearlymorninghaddisappearedasthesunmountedthecloudlesssky。BrightFebruarydayshaveastrongercharmofhopeaboutthemthananyotherdaysintheyear。Onelikestopauseinthemildraysofthesun，andlookoverthegatesatthepatientplough-horsesturningattheendofthefurrow，andthinkthatthebeautifulyearisallbeforeone。Thebirdsseemtofeeljustthesame:theirnotesareasclearastheclearair。Therearenoleavesonthetreesandhedgerows，buthowgreenallthegrassyfieldsare！Andthedarkpurplishbrownoftheploughedearthandofthebarebranchesisbeautifultoo。Whatagladworldthislookslike，asonedrivesorridesalongthevalleysandoverthehills！Ihaveoftenthoughtsowhen，inforeigncountries，wherethefieldsandwoodshavelookedtomelikeourEnglishLoamshire——therichlandtilledwithjustasmuchcare，thewoodsrollingdownthegentleslopestothegreenmeadows——IhavecomeonsormethingbytheroadsidewhichhasremindedmethatIamnotinLoamshire:animageofagreatagony——theagonyoftheCross。Ithasstoodperhapsbytheclusteringapple-blossoms，orinthebroadsunshinebythecornfield，orataturningbythewoodwhereaclearbrookwasgurglingbelow；andsurely，iftherecameatravellertothisworldwhoknewnothingofthestoryofman’slifeuponit，thisimageofagonywouldseemtohimstrangelyoutofplaceinthemidstofthisjoyousnature。Hewouldnotknowthathiddenbehindtheapple-blossoms，oramongthegoldencorn，orundertheshroudingboughsofthewood，theremightbeahumanheartbeatingheavilywithanguish——perhapsayoungbloominggirl，notknowingwheretoturnforrefugefromswift-advancingshame，understandingnomoreofthislifeofoursthanafoolishlostlambwanderingfartherandfartherinthenightfallonthelonelyheath，yettastingthebitterestoflife’sbitterness。
Suchthingsaresometimeshiddenamongthesunnyfieldsandbehindtheblossomingorchards；andthesoundofthegurglingbrook，ifyoucameclosetoonespotbehindasmallbush，wouldbemingledforyourearwithadespairinghumansob。Nowonderman’sreligionhasmuchsorrowinit:nowonderheneedsasufferingGod。
Hetty，inherredcloakandwarmbonnet，withherbasketinherhand，isturningtowardsagatebythesideoftheTreddlestonroad，butnotthatshemayhaveamorelingeringenjoymentofthesunshineandthinkwithhopeofthelongunfoldingyear。Shehardlyknowsthatthesunisshining；andforweeks，now，whenshehashopedatall，ithasbeenforsomethingatwhichsheherselftremblesandshudders。Sheonlywantstobeoutofthehigh-road，thatshemaywalkslowlyandnotcarehowherfacelooks，asshedwellsonwretchedthoughts；andthroughthisgateshecangetintoafield-pathbehindthewidethickhedgerows。Hergreatdarkeyeswanderblanklyoverthefieldsliketheeyesofonewhoisdesolate，homeless，unloved，notthepromisedbrideofabravetenderman。Buttherearenotearsinthem:hertearswereallweptawayinthewearynight，beforeshewenttosleep。Atthenextstilethepathwaybranchesoff:therearetworoadsbeforeher——onealongbythehedgerow，whichwillbyandbyleadherintotheroadagain，theotheracrossthefields，whichwilltakehermuchfartheroutofthewayintotheScantlands，lowshroudedpastureswhereshewillseenobody。Shechoosesthisandbeginstowalkalittlefaster，asifshehadsuddenlythoughtofanobjecttowardswhichitwasworthwhiletohasten。SoonsheisintheScantlands，wherethegrassylandslopesgraduallydownwards，andsheleavesthelevelgroundtofollowtheslope。Fartheronthereisaclumpoftreesonthelowground，andsheismakingherwaytowardsit。No，itisnotaclumpoftrees，butadarkshroudedpool，sofullwiththewintryrainsthattheunderboughsoftheelder-busheslielowbeneaththewater。Shesitsdownonthegrassybank，againstthestoopingstemofthegreatoakthathangsoverthedarkpool。Shehasthoughtofthispoolofteninthenightsofthemonththathasjustgoneby，andnowatlastsheiscometoseeit。Sheclaspsherhandsroundherknees，andleansforward，andlooksearnestlyatit，asiftryingtoguesswhatsortofbeditwouldmakeforheryoungroundlimbs。
No，shehasnotcouragetojumpintothatcoldwaterybed，andifshehad，theymightfindher——theymightfindoutwhyshehaddrownedherself。Thereisbutonethinglefttoher:shemustgoaway，gowheretheycan’tfindher。
Afterthefirston-comingofhergreatdread，someweeksafterherbetrothaltoAdam，shehadwaitedandwaited，intheblindvaguehopethatsomethingwouldhappentosetherfreefromherterror；
butshecouldwaitnolonger。Alltheforceofhernaturehadbeenconcentratedontheoneeffortofconcealment，andshehadshrunkwithirresistibledreadfromeverycoursethatcouldtendtowardsabetrayalofhermiserablesecret。WheneverthethoughtofwritingtoArthurhadoccurredtoher，shehadrejectedit。Hecoulddonothingforherthatwouldshelterherfromdiscoveryandscornamongtherelativesandneighbourswhooncemoremadeallherworld，nowherairydreamhadvanished。HerimaginationnolongersawhappinesswithArthur，forhecoulddonothingthatwouldsatisfyorsootheherpride。No，somethingelsewouldhappen——somethingmusthappen——tosetherfreefromthisdread。
Inyoung，childish，ignorantsoulsthereisconstantlythisblindtrustinsomeunshapenchance:itisashardtoaboyorgirltobelievethatagreatwretchednesswillactuallybefallthemastobelievethattheywilldie。
Butnownecessitywaspressingharduponher——nowthetimeofhermarriagewascloseathand——shecouldnolongerrestinthisblindtrust。Shemustrunaway；shemusthideherselfwherenofamiliareyescoulddetecther；andthentheterrorofwanderingoutintotheworld，ofwhichsheknewnothing，madethepossibilityofgoingtoArthurathoughtwhichbroughtsomecomfortwithit。Shefeltsohelplessnow，sounabletofashionthefutureforherself，thattheprospectofthrowingherselfonhimhadareliefinitwhichwasstrongerthanherpride。Asshesatbythepoolandshudderedatthedarkcoldwater，thehopethathewouldreceivehertenderly——thathewouldcareforherandthinkforher——waslikeasenseoflullingwarmth，thatmadeherforthemomentindifferenttoeverythingelse；andshebegannowtothinkofnothingbuttheschemebywhichsheshouldgetaway。
ShehadhadaletterfromDinahlately，fullofkindwordsaboutthecomingmarriage，whichshehadheardoffromSeth；andwhenHettyhadreadthisletteraloudtoheruncle，hehadsaid，"I
wishDinah’udcomeagainnow，forshe’dbeacomforttoyourauntwhenyou’regone。Whatdoyouthink，mywench，o’goingtoseeherassoonasyoucanbesparedandpersuadinghertocomebackwi’you？Youmighthappenpersuadeherwi’tellingherasherauntwantsher，forallshewriteso’notbeingabletocome。"
HettyhadnotlikedthethoughtofgoingtoSnowfield，andfeltnolongingtoseeDinah，sosheonlysaid，"It’ssofaroff，Uncle。"
Butnowshethoughtthisproposedvisitwouldserveasapretextforgoingaway。ShewouldtellherauntwhenshegothomeagainthatsheshouldlikethechangeofgoingtoSnowfieldforaweekortendays。Andthen，whenshegottoStoniton，wherenobodyknewher，shewouldaskforthecoachthatwouldtakeheronthewaytoWindsor。ArthurwasatWindsor，andshewouldgotohim。
AssoonasHettyhaddeterminedonthisscheme，sherosefromthegrassybankofthepool，tookupherbasket，andwentonherwaytoTreddleston，forshemustbuytheweddingthingsshehadcomeoutfor，thoughshewouldneverwantthem。Shemustbecarefulnottoraiseanysuspicionthatshewasgoingtorunaway。
Mrs。PoyserwasquiteagreeablysurprisedthatHettywishedtogoandseeDinahandtrytobringherbacktostayoverthewedding。
Thesoonershewentthebetter，sincetheweatherwaspleasantnow；andAdam，whenhecameintheevening，said，ifHettycouldsetoffto-morrow，hewouldmaketimetogowithhertoTreddlestonandseehersafeintotheStonitoncoach。
"IwishIcouldgowithyouandtakecareofyou，Hetty，"hesaid，thenextmorning，leaninginatthecoachdoor；"butyouwon’tstaymuchbeyondaweek——thetime’ullseemlong。"
Hewaslookingatherfondly，andhisstronghandbeldhersinitsgrasp。Hettyfeltasenseofprotectioninhispresence——shewasusedtoitnow:ifshecouldhavehadthepastundoneandknownnootherlovethanherquietlikingforAdam！Thetearsroseasshegavehimthelastlook。
"Godblessherforlovingme，"saidAdam，ashewentonhiswaytoworkagain，withGypathisheels。
ButHetty’stearswerenotforAdam——notfortheanguishthatwouldcomeuponhimwhenhefoundshewasgonefromhimforever。
Theywereforthemiseryofherownlot，whichtookherawayfromthisbravetendermanwhooffereduphiswholelifetoher，andthrewher，apoorhelplesssuppliant，onthemanwhowouldthinkitamisfortunethatshewasobligedtoclingtohim。
Atthreeo’clockthatday，whenHettywasonthecoachthatwastotakeher，theysaid，toLeicester——partofthelong，longwaytoWindsor——shefeltdimlythatshemightbetravellingallthiswearyjourneytowardsthebeginningofnewmisery。
YetArthurwasatWindsor；hewouldsurelynotbeangrywithher。
Ifhedidnotmindaboutherasheusedtodo，hehadpromisedtobegoodtoher。
BookFiveChapterXXXVI
TheJourneyofHopeALONG，lonelyjourney，withsadnessintheheart；awayfromthefamiliartothestrange:thatisahardanddrearythingeventotherich，thestrong，theinstructed；ahardthing，evenwhenwearecalledbyduty，noturgedbydread。
WhatwasitthentoHetty？Withherpoornarrowthoughts，nolongermeltingintovaguehopes，butpresseduponbythechillofdefinitefear，repeatingagainandagainthesamesmallroundofmemories——shapingagainandagainthesamechildish，doubtfulimagesofwhatwastocome——seeingnothinginthiswideworldbutthelittlehistoryofherownpleasuresandpains；withsolittlemoneyinherpocket，andthewaysolonganddifficult。Unlessshecouldaffordalwaystogointhecoaches——andshefeltsureshecouldnot，forthejourneytoStonitonwasmoreexpensivethanshehadexpected——itwasplainthatshemusttrusttocarriers’
cartsorslowwaggons；andwhatatimeitwouldbebeforeshecouldgettotheendofherjourney！TheburlyoldcoachmanfromOakbourne，seeingsuchaprettyyoungwomanamongtheoutsidepassengers，hadinvitedhertocomeandsitbesidehim；andfeelingthatitbecamehimasamanandacoachmantoopenthedialoguewithajoke，heappliedhimselfassoonastheywereoffthestonestotheelaborationofonesuitableinallrespects。
AftermanycutswithhiswhipandglancesatHettyoutofthecornerofhiseye，heliftedhislipsabovetheedgeofhiswrapperandsaid，"He’sprettynighsixfoot，I’llbebound，isnahe，now？"
"Who？"saidHetty，ratherstartled。
"Why，thesweetheartasyou’veleftbehind，orelsehimasyou’regoin’arter——whichisit？"
Hettyfeltherfaceflushingandthenturningpale。Shethoughtthiscoachmanmustknowsomethingabouther。HemustknowAdam，andmighttellhimwhereshewasgone，foritisdifficulttocountrypeopletobelievethatthosewhomakeafigureintheirownparisharenotknowneverywhereelse，anditwasequallydifficulttoHettytounderstandthatchancewordscouldhappentoapplycloselytohercircumstances。Shewastoofrightenedtospeak。
"Hegh，hegh！"saidthecoachman，seeingthathisjokewasnotsogratifyingashehadexpected，"youmunnatakeittooser’ous；ifhe’sbehavedill，getanother。Suchaprettylassasyoucangetasweetheartanyday。"
Hetty’sfearwasallayedbyandby，whenshefoundthatthecoachmanmadenofurtherallusiontoherpersonalconcerns；butitstillhadtheeffectofpreventingherfromaskinghimwhatweretheplacesontheroadtoWindsor。ShetoldhimshewasonlygoingalittlewayoutofStoniton，andwhenshegotdownattheinnwherethecoachstopped，shehastenedawaywithherbaskettoanotherpartofthetown。WhenshehadformedherplanofgoingtoWindsor，shehadnotforeseenanydifficultiesexceptthatofgettingaway，andaftershehadovercomethisbyproposingthevisittoDinah，herthoughtsflewtothemeetingwithArthurandthequestionhowhewouldbehavetoher——notrestingonanyprobableincidentsofthejourney。Shewastooentirelyignorantoftravelingtoimagineanyofitsdetails，andwithallherstoreofmoney——herthreeguineas——inherpocket，shethoughtherselfamplyprovided。ItwasnotuntilshefoundhowmuchitcosthertogettoStonitonthatshebegantobealarmedaboutthejourney，andthen，forthefirsttime，shefeltherignoranceastotheplacesthatmustbepassedonherway。Oppressedwiththisnewalarm，shewalkedalongthegrimStonitonstreets，andatlastturnedintoashabbylittleinn，whereshehopedtogetacheaplodgingforthenight。Heresheaskedthelandlordifhecouldtellherwhatplacesshemustgoto，togettoWindsor。
"Well，Ican’trightlysay。WindsormustbeprettynighLondon，forit’swherethekinglives，"wastheanswer。"Anyhow，you’dbestgot’Ashbynext——that’ssouth’ard。Butthere’sasmanyplacesfromheretoLondonasthere’shousesinStoniton，bywhatIcanmakeout。I’veneverbeennotravellermyself。Buthowcomesaloneyoungwomanlikeyoutobethinkingo’takingsuchajourneyasthat？"
"I’mgoingtomybrother——he’sasoldieratWindsor，"saidHetty，frightenedatthelandlord’squestioninglook。"Ican’taffordtogobythecoach；doyouthinkthere’sacartgoestowardAshbyinthemorning？"
"Yes，theremaybecartsifanybodyknowedwheretheystartedfrom；butyoumightrunoverthetownbeforeyoufoundout。You’dbestsetoffandwalk，andtrusttosummatovertakingyou。"
EverywordsanklikeleadonHetty’sspirits；shesawthejourneystretchbitbybitbeforehernow。EventogettoAshbyseemedahardthing:itmighttaketheday，forwhatsheknew，andthatwasnothingtotherestofthejourney。Butitmustbedone——shemustgettoArthur。Oh，howsheyearnedtobeagainwithsomebodywhowouldcareforher！Shewhohadnevergotupinthemorningwithoutthecertaintyofseeingfamiliarfaces，peopleonwhomshehadanacknowledgedclaim；whosefarthestjourneyhadbeentoRosseteronthepillionwithheruncle；whosethoughtshadalwaysbeentakingholidayindreamsofpleasure，becauseallthebusinessofherlifewasmanagedforher——thiskittenlikeHetty，whotillafewmonthsagohadneverfeltanyothergriefthanthatofenvyingMaryBurgeanewribbon，orbeinggirdedatbyherauntforneglectingTotty，mustnowmakehertoilsomewayinloneliness，herpeacefulhomeleftbehindforever，andnothingbutatremuloushopeofdistantrefugebeforeher。Nowforthefirsttime，asshelaydownto-nightinthestrangehardbed，shefeltthatherhomehadbeenahappyone，thatherunclehadbeenverygoodtoher，thatherquietlotatHayslopeamongthethingsandpeoplesheknew，withherlittleprideinheronebestgownandbonnet，andnothingtohidefromanyone，waswhatshewouldliketowakeuptoasareality，andfindthatallthefeverishlifeshehadknownbesideswasashortnightmare。Shethoughtofallshehadleftbehindwithyearningregretforherownsake。
Herownmiseryfilledherheart——therewasnoroominitforotherpeople’ssorrow。Andyet，beforethecruelletter，Arthurhadbeensotenderandloving。Thememoryofthathadstillacharmforher，thoughitwasnomorethanasoothingdraughtthatjustmadepainbearable。ForHettycouldconceivenootherexistenceforherselfinfuturethanahiddenone，andahiddenlife，evenwithlove，wouldhavehadnodelightsforher；stilllessalifemingledwithshame。Sheknewnoromances，andhadonlyafeebleshareinthefeelingswhicharethesourceofromance，sothatwell-readladiesmayfinditdifflculttounderstandherstateofmind。ShewastooigrorantofeverythingbeyondthesimplenotionsandhabitsinwhichshehadbeenbroughtuptohaveanymoredefiniteideaofherprobablefuturethanthatArthurwouldtakecareofhersomehow，andshelterherfromangerandscorn。
Hewouldnotmarryherandmakeheralady；andapartfromthatshecouldthinkofnothinghecouldgivetowardswhichshelookedwithlongingandambition。
Thenextmorningsheroseearly，andtakingonlysomemilkandbreadforherbreakfast，setouttowalkontheroadtowardsAshby，underaleaden-colouredsky，withanarrowingstreakofyellow，likeadepartinghope，ontheedgeofthehorizon。Nowinherfaintnessofheartatthelengthanddifficultyofherjourney，shewasmostofallafraidofspendinghermoney，andbecomingsodestitutethatshewouldhavetoaskpeople’scharity；
forHettvhadthepridenotonlyofaproudnaturebutofaproudclass——theclassthatpaysthemostpoor-rates，andmostshuddersattheideaofprofitingbyapoor-rate。Ithadnotyetoccurredtoherthatshemightgetmoneyforherlocketandearringswhichshecarriedwithher，andsheappliedallhersmallarithmeticandknowledgeofpricestocalculatinghowmanymealsandhowmanyrideswerecontainedinhertwoguineas，andtheoddshillings，whichhadamelancholylook，asiftheywerethepaleashesoftheotherbright-flamingcoin。
ForthefirstfewmilesoutofStoniton，shewalkedonbravely，alwaysfixingonsometreeorgateorprojectingbushatthemostdistantvisiblepointintheroadasagoal，andfeelingafaintjoywhenshehadreachedit。Butwhenshecametothefourthmilestone，thefirstshehadhappenedtonoticeamongthelonggrassbytheroadside，andreadthatshewasstillonlyfourmilesbeyondStoniton，hercouragesank。Shehadcomeonlythislittleway，andyetfelttired，andalmosthungryagaininthekeenmorningair；forthoughHettywasaccustomedtomuchmovementandexertionindoors，shewasnotusedtolongwalkswhichproducedquiteadifferentsortoffatiguefromthatofhouseholdactivity。
Asshewaslookingatthemilestoneshefeltsomedropsfallingonherface——itwasbeginningtorain。Herewasanewtroublewhichhadnotenteredintohersadthoughtsbefore，andquiteweigheddownbythissuddenadditiontoherburden，shesatdownonthestepofastileandbegantosobhysterically。Thebeginningofhardshipislikethefirsttasteofbitterfood——itseemsforamomentunbearable；yet，ifthereisnothingelsetosatisfyourhunger，wetakeanotherbiteandfinditpossibletogoon。WhenHettyrecoveredfromherburstofweeping，sheralliedherfaintingcourage:itwasraining，andshemusttrytogetontoavillagewhereshemightfindrestandshelter。Presently，asshewalkedonwearily，sheheardtherumblingofheavywheelsbehindher；acoveredwaggonwascoming，creepingslowlyalongwithaslouchingdrivercrackinghiswhipbesidethehorses。Shewaitedforit，thinkingthatifthewaggonerwerenotaverysour-lookingman，shewouldaskhimtotakeherup。Asthewaggonapproachedher，thedriverhadfallenbehind，buttherewassomethinginthefrontofthebigvehiclewhichencouragedher。Atanypreviousmomentinherlifeshewouldnothavenoticedit，butnow，thenewsusceptibilitythatsufferinghadawakenedinhercausedthisobjecttoimpressherstrongly。Itwasonlyasmallwhite-and-
liver-colouredspanielwhichsatonthefrontledgeofthewaggon，withlargetimideyes，andanincessanttremblinginthebody，suchasyoumayhaveseeninsomeofthesesmallcreatures。Hettycaredlittleforanimals，asyouknow，butatthismomentshefeltasifthehelplesstimidcreaturehadsomefellowshipwithher，andwithoutbeingquiteawareofthereason，shewaslessdoubtfulaboutspeakingtothedriver，whonowcameforward——alargeruddyman，withasackoverhisshoulders，bywayofscarformantle。
"Couldyoutakemeupinyourwaggon，ifyou’regoingtowardsAshby？"saidHetty。"I’llpayyouforit。"
"Aw，"saidthebigfellow，withthatslowlydawningsmilewhichbelongstoheavyfaces，"Icantakey’upfawstenoughwi’outbein’paidfor’tifyoudooantmindlyin’abitclosisha-topo’
thewool-packs。Wheredoyoucoomfrom？AndwhatdoyouwantatAshby？"
"IcomefromStoniton。I’mgoingalongway——toWindsor。"
"What！Artersomeservice，orwhat？"
"Goingtomybrother——he’sasoldierthere。"
"Well，I’mgoingnofurdernorLeicester——andfurenoughtoo——butI’lltakeyou，ifyoudooantmindbeingabitlongontheroad。
Th’hosseswooantfeelYOURweightnomorenortheyfeelthelittledoogthere，asIpuckupontheroadafortni’tagoo。Hewarlost，Ib’lieve，an’sbeenallofatrembleiversin’。Come，gi’usyourbasketan’comebehindandletmeputy’in。"
Tolieonthewool-packs，withacrannyleftbetweenthecurtainsoftheawningtoletintheair，wasluxurytoHettynow，andshehalf-sleptawaythehourstillthedrivercametoaskherifshewantedtogetdownandhave"somevictual"；hehimselfwasgoingtoeathisdinneratthis"public。"LateatnighttheyreachedLeicester，andsothisseconddayofHetty’sjourneywaspast。
Shehadspentnomoneyexceptwhatshehadpaidforherfood，butshefeltthatthisslowjourneyingwouldbeintolerableforheranotherday，andinthemorningshefoundherwaytoacoach-
officetoaskabouttheroadtoWindsor，andseeifitwouldcosthertoomuchtogopartofthedistancebycoachagain。Yes！Thedistancewastoogreat——thecoachesweretoodear——shemustgivethemup；buttheelderlyclerkattheoffice，touchedbyherprettyanxiousface，wrotedownforherthenamesofthechiefplacesshemustpassthrough。ThiswastheonlycomfortshegotinLeicester，forthemenstaredatherasshewentalongthestreet，andforthefirsttimeinherlifeHettywishednoonewouldlookather。Shesetoutwalkingagain；butthisdayshewasfortunate，forshewassoonovertakenbyacarrier’scartwhichcarriedhertoHinckley，andbythehelpofareturnchaise，withadrunkenpostilion——whofrightenedherbydrivinglikeJehuthesonofNimshi，andshoutinghilariousremarksather，twistinghimselfbackwardsonhissaddle——shewasbeforenightintheheartofwoodyWarwickshire:butstillalmostahundredmilesfromWindsor，theytoldher。Ohwhatalargeworlditwas，andwhathardworkforhertofindherwayinit！ShewentbymistaketoStratford-on-Avon，findingStratfordsetdowninherlistofplaces，andthenshewastoldshehadcomealongwayoutoftherightroad。ItwasnottillthefifthdaythatshegottoStonyStratford。Thatseemsbutaslightjourneyasyoulookatthemap，orrememberyourownpleasanttravelstoandfromthemeadowybanksoftheAvon。ButhowwearilylongitwastoHetty！Itseemedtoherasifthiscountryofflatfields，andhedgerows，anddottedhouses，andvillages，andmarket-towns——allsomuchaliketoherindifferenteyes——musthavenoend，andshemustgoonwanderingamongthemforever，waitingtiredattoll-gatesforsomecarttocome，andthenfindingthecartwentonlyalittleway——averylittleway——tothemiller’samileoffperhaps；andshehatedgoingintothepublichouses，whereshemustgotogetfoodandaskquestions，becausetherewerealwaysmenloungingthere，whostaredatherandjokedherrudely。Herbodywasverywearytoowiththesedaysofnewfatigueandanxiety；theyhadmadeherlookmorepaleandwornthanallthetimeofhiddendreadshehadgonethroughathome。WhenatlastshereachedStonyStratford，herimpatienceandwearinesshadbecometoostrongforhereconomicalcaution；shedeterminedtotakethecoachfortherestoftheway，thoughitshouldcostherallherremainingmoney。ShewouldneednothingatWindsorbuttofindArthur。
Whenshehadpaidthefareforthelastcoach，shehadonlyashilling；andasshegotdownatthesignoftheGreenManinWindsorattwelveo’clockinthemiddleoftheseventhday，hungryandfaint，thecoachmancameup，andbeggedherto"rememberhim。"
Sheputherhandinherpocketandtookouttheshilling，butthetearscamewiththesenseofexhaustionandthethoughtthatshewasgivingawayherlastmeansofgettingfood，whichshereallyrequiredbeforeshecouldgoinsearchofArthur。Assheheldouttheshilling，sheliftedupherdarktear-filledeyestothecoachman’sfaceandsaid，"Canyougivemebacksixpence？"
"No，no，"hesaid，gruffly，"nevermind——puttheshillingupagain。"
ThelandlordoftheGreenManhadstoodnearenoughtowitnessthisscene，andhewasamanwhoseabundantfeedingservedtokeephisgoodnature，aswellashisperson，inhighcondition。AndthatlovelytearfulfaceofHetty’swouldhavefoundoutthesensitivefibreinmostmen。
"Come，youngwoman，comein，"hesaid，"andhaveadropo’
something；you’reprettywellknockedup，Icanseethat。"
Hetookherintothebarandsaidtohiswife，"Here，missis，takethisyoungwomanintotheparlour；she’salittleovercome"——forHetty’stearswerefallingfast。Theyweremerelyhystericaltears:shethoughtshehadnoreasonforweepingnow，andwasvexedthatshewastooweakandtiredtohelpit。ShewasatWindsoratlast，notfarfromArthur。
Shelookedwitheager，hungryeyesatthebreadandmeatandbeerthatthelandladybroughther，andforsomeminutessheforgoteverythingelseinthedelicioussensationsofsatisfyinghungerandrecoveringfromexhaustion。Thelandladysatoppositetoherassheate，andlookedatherearnestly。Nowonder:Hettyhadthrownoffherbonnet，andhercurlshadfallendown。Herfacewasallthemoretouchinginitsyouthandbeautybecauseofitswearylook，andthegoodwoman’seyespresentlywanderedtoherfigure，whichinherhurrieddressingonherjourneyshehadtakennopainstoconceal；moreover，thestranger’seyedetectswhatthefamiliarunsuspectingeyeleavesunnoticed。
"Why，you’renotveryfitfortravelling，"shesaid，glancingwhileshespokeatHetty’sringlesshand。"Haveyoucomefar？"
"Yes，"saidHetty，rousedbythisquestiontoexertmoreself-
command，andfeelingthebetterforthefoodshehadtaken。"I’vecomeagoodlongway，andit’sverytiring。ButI’mbetternow。
Couldyoutellmewhichwaytogotothisplace？"HereHettytookfromherpocketabitofpaper:itwastheendofArthur’sletteronwhichhehadwrittenhisaddress。
Whileshewasspeaking，thelandlordhadcomeinandhadbeguntolookatherasearnestlyashiswifehaddone。HetookupthepieceofpaperwhichHettyhandedacrossthetable，andreadtheaddress。
"Why，whatdoyouwantatthishouse？"hesaid。Itisinthenatureofinnkeepersandallmenwhohavenopressingbusinessoftheirowntoaskasmanyquestionsaspossiblebeforegivinganyinformation。
"Iwanttoseeagentlemanasisthere，"saidHetty。
"Butthere’snogentlemanthere，"returnedthelandlord。"It’sshutup——beenshutupthisfortnight。Whatgentlemanisityouwant？PerhapsIcanletyouknowwheretofindhim。"
"It’sCaptainDonnithorne，"saidHettytremulously，herheartbeginningtobeatpainfullyatthisdisappointmentofherhopethatsheshouldfindArthuratonce。
"CaptainDonnithorne？Stopabit，"saidthelandlard，slowly。
"WasheintheLoamshireMilitia？Atallyoungofficerwithafairishskinandreddishwhiskers——andhadaservantbythenameo’Pym？"
"Ohyes，"saidHetty；"youknowhim——whereishe？"
"Afinesighto’milesawayfromhere。TheLoamshireMilitia’sgonetoIreland；it’sbeengonethisfortnight。"
"Lookthere！She’sfainting，"saidthelandlady，hasteningtosupportHetty，whohadlosthermiserableconsciousnessandlookedlikeabeautifulcorpse。Theycarriedhertothesofaandloosenedherdress。
"Here’sabadbusiness，Isuspect，"saidthelandlord，ashebroughtinsomewater。
"Ah，it’splainenoughwhatsortofbusinessitis，"saidthewife。"She’snotacommonflauntingdratchell，Icanseethat。
Shelookslikearespectablecountrygirl，andshecomesfromagoodwayoff，tojudgebyhertongue。Shetalkssomethinglikethatostlerwehadthatcomefromthenorth。Hewasashonestafellowasweeverhadaboutthehouse——they’reallhonestfolksinthenorth。"
"Ineversawaprettieryoungwomaninmylife，"saidthehusband。
"She’slikeapicturinashop-winder。Itgoestoone’s’earttolookather。"
"It’udhavebeenagooddealbetterforherifshe’dbeenuglierandhadmoreconduct，"saidthelandlady，whoonanycharitableconstructionmusthavebeensupposedtohavemore"conduct"thanbeauty。"Butshe’scomingtoagain。Fetchadropmorewater。"
TheJourneyinDespairHETTYwastooillthroughtherestofthatdayforanyquestionstobeaddressedtoher——tooilleventothinkwithanydistinctnessoftheevilsthatweretocome。Sheonlyfeltthatallherhopewascrushed，andthatinsteadofhavingfoundarefugeshehadonlyreachedthebordersofanewwildernesswherenogoallaybeforeher。Thesensationsofbodilysickness，inacomfortablebed，andwiththetendanceofthegood-naturedlandlady，madeasortofrespiteforher；sucharespiteasthereisinthefaintwearinesswhichobligesamantothrowhimselfonthesandinsteadoftoilingonwardunderthescorchingsun。
Butwhensleepandresthadbroughtbackthestrengthnecessaryforthekeennessofmentalsuffering——whenshelaythenextmorninglookingatthegrowinglightwhichwaslikeacrueltask-
masterreturningtourgefromherafreshroundofhatedhopelesslabour——shebegantothinkwhatcourseshemusttake，torememberthatallhermoneywasgone，tolookattheprospectoffurtherwanderingamongstrangerswiththenewclearnessshedonitbytheexperienceofherjourneytoWindsor。Butwhichwaycouldsheturn？Itwasimpossibleforhertoenterintoanyservice，evenifshecouldobtainit。Therewasnothingbutimmediatebeggarybeforeher。ShethoughtofayoungwomanwhohadbeenfoundagainstthechurchwallatHayslopeoneSunday，nearlydeadwithcoldandhunger——atinyinfantinherarms。Thewomanwasrescuedandtakentotheparish。"Theparish！"YoucanperhapshardlyunderstandtheeffectofthatwordonamindlikeHetty’s，broughtupamongpeoplewhoweresomewhathardintheirfeelingseventowardspoverty，wholivedamongthefields，andhadlittlepityforwantandragsasacruelinevitablefatesuchastheysometimesseemincities，butheldthemamarkofidlenessandvice——anditwasidlenessandvicethatbroughtburdensontheparish。ToHettythe"parish"wasnexttotheprisoninobloquy，andtoaskanythingofstrangers——tobeg——layinthesamefar-offhideousregionofintolerableshamethatHettyhadallherlifethoughtitimpossibleshecouldevercomenear。Butnowtheremembranceofthatwretchedwomanwhomshehadseenherself，onherwayfromchurch，beingcarriedintoJoshuaRann’s，camebackuponherwiththenewterriblesensethattherewasverylittlenowtodivideHERfromthesamelot。Andthedreadofbodilyhardshipmingledwiththedreadofshame；forHettyhadtheluxuriousnatureofaroundsoft-coatedpetanimal。
Howsheyearnedtobebackinhersafehomeagain，cherishedandcaredforasshehadalwaysbeen！Heraunt’sscoldingabouttrifleswouldhavebeenmusictoherearsnow；shelongedforit；
sheusedtohearitinatimewhenshehadonlytriflestohide。
CouldshebethesameHettythatusedtomakeupthebutterinthedairywiththeGuelderrosespeepinginatthewindow——she，arunawaywhomherfriendswouldnotopentheirdoorstoagain，lyinginthisstrangebed，withtheknowledgethatshehadnomoneytopayforwhatshereceived，andmustofferthosestrangerssomeoftheclothesinherbasket？Itwasthenshethoughtofherlocketandear-rings，andseeingherpocketlienear，shereacheditandspreadthecontentsonthebedbeforeher。Therewerethelocketandear-ringsinthelittlevelvet-linedboxes，andwiththemtherewasabeautifulsilverthimblewhichAdamhadboughther，thewords"Rememberme"makingtheornamentoftheborder；asteelpurse，withheroneshillinginit；andasmallred-leathercase，fasteningwithastrap。Thosebeautifullittleear-rings，withtheirdelicatepearlsandgarnet，thatshehadtriedinherearswithsuchlonginginthebrightsunshineonthe30thofJuly！
Shehadnolongingtoputtheminherearsnow:herheadwithitsdarkringsofhairlaybacklanguidlyonthepillow，andthesadnessthatrestedaboutherbrowandeyeswassomethingtoohardforregretfulmemory。Yetsheputherhandsuptoherears:itwasbecausethereweresomethingoldringsinthem，whichwerealsoworthalittlemoney。Yes，shecouldsurelygetsomemoneyforherornaments:thoseArthurhadgivenhermusthavecostagreatdealofmoney。Thelandlordandlandladyhadbeengoodtoher；perhapstheywouldhelphertogetthemoneyforthesethings。
Butthismoneywouldnotkeepherlong。Whatshouldshedowhenitwasgone？Whereshouldshego？Thehorriblethoughtofwantandbeggarydroveheroncetothinkshewouldgobacktoheruncleandauntandaskthemtoforgiveherandhavepityonher。Butsheshrankfromthatideaagain，asshemighthaveshrunkfromscorchingmetal。Shecouldneverendurethatshamebeforeheruncleandaunt，beforeMaryBurge，andtheservantsattheChase，andthepeopleatBroxton，andeverybodywhoknewher。Theyshouldneverknowwhathadhappenedtoher。Whatcouldshedo？
ShewouldgoawayfromWindsor——travelagainasshehaddonethelastweek，andgetamongtheflatgreenfieldswiththehighhedgesroundthem，wherenobodycouldseeherorknowher；andthere，perhaps，whentherewasnothingelseshecoulddo，sheshouldgetcouragetodrownherselfinsomepondlikethatintheScantlands。Yes，shewouldgetawayfromWindsorassoonaspossible:shedidn’tlikethesepeopleattheinntoknowabouther，toknowthatshehadcometolookforCaptainDonnithorne。
Shemustthinkofsomereasontotellthemwhyshehadaskedforhim。
Withthisthoughtshebegantoputthethingsbackintoherpocket，meaningtogetupanddressbeforethelandladycametoher。Shehadherhandonthered-leathercase，whenitoccurredtoherthattheremightbesomethinginthiscasewhichshehadforgotten——somethingworthselling；forwithoutknowingwhatsheshoulddowithherlife，shecravedthemeansoflivingaslongaspossible；andwhenwedesireeagerlytofindsomething，weareapttosearchforitinhopelessplaces。No，therewasnothingbutcommonneedlesandpins，anddriedtulip-petalsbetweenthepaperleaveswhereshehadwrittendownherlittlemoney-accounts。Butononeoftheseleavestherewasaname，which，oftenasshehadseenitbefore，nowflashedonHetty’smindlikeanewlydiscoveredmessage。Thenamewas——DinahMorris，Snowfield。Therewasatextaboveit，written，aswellasthename，byDinah’sownhandwithalittlepencil，oneeveningthattheyweresittingtogetherandHettyhappenedtohavetheredcaselyingopenbeforeher。Hettydidnotreadthetextnow:shewasonlyarrestedbythename。Now，forthefirsttime，sherememberedwithoutindifferencetheaffectionatekindnessDinahhadshownher，andthosewordsofDinahinthebed-chamber——thatHettymustthinkofherasafriendintrouble。SupposesheweretogotoDinah，andaskhertohelpher？Dinahdidnotthinkaboutthingsasotherpeopledid。ShewasamysterytoHetty，butHettyknewshewasalwayskind。Shecouldn’timagineDinah’sfaceturningawayfromherindarkreprooforscorn，Dinah’svoicewillinglyspeakingillofher，orrejoicinginhermiseryasapunishment。DinahdidnotseemtobelongtothatworldofHetty’s，whoseglanceshedreadedlikescorchingfire。ButeventoherHettyshrankfrombeseechingandconfession。Shecouldnotprevailonherselftosay，"IwillgotoDinah":sheonlythoughtofthatasapossiblealternative，ifshehadnotcouragefordeath。
ThegoodlandladywasamazedwhenshesawHettycomedownstairssoonafterherself，neatlydressed，andlookingresolutelyself-
possessed。Hettytoldhershewasquitewellthismorning。Shehadonlybeenverytiredandovercomewithherjourney，forshehadcomealongwaytoaskaboutherbrother，whohadrunaway，andtheythoughthewasgoneforasoldier，andCaptainDonnithornemightknow，forhehadbeenverykindtoherbrotheronce。Itwasalamestory，andthelandladylookeddoubtfullyatHettyasshetoldit；buttherewasaresoluteairofself-
relianceaboutherthismorning，sodifferentfromthehelplessprostrationofyesterday，thatthelandladyhardlyknewhowtomakearemarkthatmightseemlikepryingintootherpeople’saffairs。Sheonlyinvitedhertositdowntobreakfastwiththem，andinthecourseofitHettybroughtoutherear-ringsandlocket，andaskedthelandlordifhecouldhelphertogetmoneyforthem。Herjourney，shesaid，hadcosthermuchmorethansheexpected，andnowshehadnomoneytogetbacktoherfriends，whichshewantedtodoatonce。
Itwasnotthefirsttimethelandladyhadseentheornaments，forshehadexaminedthecontentsofHetty’spocketyesterday，andsheandherhusbandhaddiscussedthefactofacountrygirlhavingthesebeautifulthings，withastrongerconvictionthaneverthatHettyhadbeenmiserablydeludedbythefineyoungofficer。
"Well，"saidthelandlord，whenHettyhadspreadtheprecioustriflesbeforehim，"wemighttake’emtothejeweller’sshop，forthere’sonenotfaroff；butLordblessyou，theywouldn’tgiveyouaquartero’whatthethingsareworth。Andyouwouldn’tliketopartwith’em？"headded，lookingatherinquiringly。
"Oh，Idon’tmind，"saidHetty，hastily，"soasIcangetmoneytogoback。"
"Andtheymightthinkthethingswerestolen，asyouwantedtosell’em，"hewenton，"foritisn’tusualforayoungwomanlikeyoutohavefinejew’llerylikethat。"
ThebloodrushedtoHetty’sfacewithanger。"Ibelongtorespectablefolks，"shesaid；"I’mnotathief。"
"No，thatyouaren’t，I’llbebound，"saidthelandlady；"andyou’dnocalltosaythat，"lookingindignantlyatherhusband。
"Thethingsweregevtoher:that’splainenoughtobeseen。"
"Ididn’tmeanasIthoughtso，"saidthehusband，apologetically，"butIsaiditwaswhatthejewellermightthink，andsohewouldn’tbeofferingmuchmoneyfor’em。"
"Well，"saidthewife，"supposeyouweretoadvancesomemoneyonthethingsyourself，andthenifshelikedtoredeem’emwhenshegothome，shecould。Butifweheardnothingfromheraftertwomonths，wemightdoaswelikedwith’em。"
Iwillnotsaythatinthisaccommodatingpropositionthelandladyhadnoregardwhatevertothepossiblerewardofhergoodnatureintheultimatepossessionofthelocketandear-rings:indeed，theeffecttheywouldhaveinthatcaseonthemindofthegrocer’swifehadpresenteditselfwithremarkablevividnesstoherrapidimagination。Thelandlordtookuptheornamentsandpushedouthislipsinameditativemanner。HewishedHettywell，doubtless；butpray，howmanyofyourwell-wisherswoulddeclinetomakealittlegainoutofyou？Yourlandladyissincerelyaffectedatpartingwithyou，respectsyouhighly，andwillreallyrejoiceifanyoneelseisgeneroustoyou；butatthesametimeshehandsyouabillbywhichshegainsashighapercentageaspossible。
"Howmuchmoneydoyouwanttogethomewith，youngwoman？"saidthewell-wisher，atlength。
"Threeguineas，"answeredHetty，fixingonthesumshesetoutwith，forwantofanyotherstandard，andafraidofaskingtoomuch。
"Well，I’vehoobjectionstoadvanceyouthreeguineas，"saidthelandlord；"andifyouliketosenditmebackandgetthejewelleryagain，youcan，youknow。TheGreenManisn’tgoingtorunaway。"
"Ohyes，I’llbeverygladifyou’llgivemethat，"saidHetty，relievedatthethoughtthatshewouldnothavetogotothejeweller’sandbestaredatandquestioned。
"Butifyouwantthethingsagain，you’llwritebeforelong，"saidthelandlady，"becausewhentwomonthsareup，weshallmakeupourmindsasyoudon’twant’em。"
"Yes，"saidHettyindifferently。
Thehusbandandwifewereequallycontentwiththisarrangement。
Thehusbandthought，iftheornamentswerenotredeemed，hecouldmakeagoodthingofitbytakingthemtoLondonandsellingthem。
Thewifethoughtshewouldcoaxthegoodmanintolettingherkeepthem。AndtheywereaccommodatingHetty，poorthing——apretty，respectable-lookingyoungwoman，apparentlyinasadcase。Theydeclinedtotakeanythingforherfoodandbed:shewasquitewelcome。Andateleveno’clockHettysaid"Good-bye"tothemwiththesamequiet，resoluteairshehadwornallthemorning，mountingthecoachthatwastotakehertwentymilesbackalongthewayshehadcome。
Thereisastrengthofself-possessionwhichisthesignthatthelasthopehasdeparted。Despairnomoreleansonothersthanperfectcontentment，andindespairprideceasestobecounteractedbythesenseofdependence。
Hettyfeltthatnoonecoulddeliverherfromtheevilsthatwouldmakelifehatefultoher；andnoone，shesaidtoherself，shouldeverknowhermiseryandhumiliation。No；shewouldnotconfesseventoDinah。Shewouldwanderoutofsight，anddrownherselfwhereherbodywouldneverbefound，andnooneshouldknowwhathadbecomeofher。
Whenshegotoffthiscoach，shebegantowalkagain，andtakecheapridesincarts，andgetcheapmeals，goingonandonwithoutdistinctpurpose，yetstrangely，bysomefascination，takingthewayshehadcome，thoughshewasdeterminednottogobacktoherowncountry。PerhapsitwasbecauseshehadfixedhermindonthegrassyWarwickshirefields，withthebushytree-studdedhedgerowsthatmadeahiding-placeeveninthisleaflessseason。Shewentmoreslowlythanshecame，oftengettingoverthestilesandsittingforhoursunderthehedgerows，lookingbeforeherwithblank，beautifuleyes；fancyingherselfattheedgeofahiddenpool，lowdown，likethatintheScantlands；wonderingifitwereverypainfultobedrowned，andiftherewouldbeanythingworseafterdeaththanwhatshedreadedinlife。ReligiousdoctrineshadtakennoholdonHetty’smind。Shewasoneofthosenumerouspeoplewhohavehadgodfathersandgodmothers，learnedtheircatechism，beenconfirmed，andgonetochurcheverySunday，andyet，foranypracticalresultofstrengthinlife，ortrustindeath，haveneverappropriatedasingleChristianideaorChristianfeeling。Youwouldmisunderstandherthoughtsduringthesewretcheddays，ifyouimaginedthattheywereinfluencedeitherbyreligiousfearsorreligioushopes。
ShechosetogotoStratford-on-Avonagain，whereshehadgonebeforebymistake，forsherememberedsomegrassyfieldsonherformerwaytowardsit——fieldsamongwhichshethoughtshemightfindjustthesortofpoolshehadinhermind。Yetshetookcareofhermoneystill；shecarriedherbasket；deathseemedstillalongwayoff，andlifewassostronginher。Shecravedfoodandrest——shehastenedtowardsthemattheverymomentshewaspicturingtoherselfthebankfromwhichshewouldleaptowardsdeath。ItwasalreadyfivedayssinceshehadleftWindsor，forshehadwanderedabout，alwaysavoidingspeechorquestioninglooks，andrecoveringherairofproudself-dependencewhenevershewasunderobservation，choosingherdecentlodgingatnight，anddressingherselfneatlyinthemorning，andsettingoffonherwaysteadily，orremainingundershelterifitrained，asifshehadahappylifetocherish。
Andyet，eveninhermostself-consciousmoments，thefacewassadlydifferentfromthatwhichhadsmiledatitselfintheoldspeckedglass，orsmiledatotherswhentheyglancedatitadmiringly。Ahardandevenfiercelookhadcomeintheeyes，thoughtheirlasheswereaslongasever，andtheyhadalltheirdarkbrightness。Andthecheekwasneverdimpledwithsmilesnow。
Itwasthesamerounded，pouting，childishprettiness，butwithallloveandbeliefinlovedepartedfromit——thesadderforitsbeauty，likethatwondrousMedusa-face，withthepassionate，passionlesslips。
Atlastshewasamongthefieldsshehadbeendreamingof，onalongnarrowpathwayleadingtowardsawood。Ifthereshouldbeapoolinthatwood！Itwouldbebetterhiddenthanoneinthefields。No，itwasnotawood，onlyawildbrake，wheretherehadoncebeengravel-pits，leavingmoundsandhollowsstuddedwithbrushwoodandsmalltrees。Sheroamedupanddown，thinkingtherewasperhapsapoolineveryhollowbeforeshecametoit，tillherlimbswereweary，andshesatdowntorest。Theafternoonwasfaradvanced，andtheleadenskywasdarkening，asifthesunweresettingbehindit。AfteralittlewhileHettystartedupagain，feelingthatdarknesswouldsooncomeon；andshemustputofffindingthepooltillto-morrow，andmakeherwaytosomeshelterforthenight。Shehadquitelostherwayinthefields，andmightaswellgoinonedirectionasanother，foraughtsheknew。
Shewalkedthroughfieldafterfield，andnovillage，nohousewasinsight；butthere，atthecornerofthispasture，therewasabreakinthehedges；thelandseemedtodipdownalittle，andtwotreesleanedtowardseachotheracrosstheopening。Hetty’sheartgaveagreatheatasshethoughttheremustbeapoolthere。Shewalkedtowardsitheavilyoverthetuftedgrass，withpalelipsandasenseoftrembling。Itwasasifthethingwerecomeinspiteofherself，insteadofbeingtheobjectofhersearch。
Thereitwas，blackunderthedarkeningsky:nomotion，nosoundnear。Shesetdownherbasket，andthensankdownherselfonthegrass，trembling。Thepoolhaditswintrydepthnow:bythetimeitgotshallow，assherememberedthepoolsdidatHayslope，inthesummer，noonecouldfindoutthatitwasherbody。Butthentherewasherbasket——shemusthidethattoo。Shemustthrowitintothewater——makeitheavywithstonesfirst，andthenthrowitin。Shegotuptolookaboutforstones，andsoonbroughtfiveorsix，whichshelaiddownbesideherbasket，andthensatdownagain。Therewasnoneedtohurry——therewasallthenighttodrownherselfin。Shesatleaningherelbowonthebasket。Shewasweary，hungry。Thereweresomebunsinherbasket——three，whichshehadsuppliedherselfwithattheplacewheresheateherdinner。Shetookthemoutnowandatethemeagerly，andthensatstillagain，lookingatthepool。Thesoothedsensationthatcameoverherfromthesatisfactionofherhunger，andthisfixeddreamyattitude，broughtondrowsiness，andpresentlyherheadsankdownonherknees。Shewasfastasleep。
Whensheawokeitwasdeepnight，andshefeltchill。Shewasfrightenedatthisdarkness——frightenedatthelongnightbeforeher。Ifshecouldbutthrowherselfintothewater！No，notyet。
Shebegantowalkaboutthatshemightgetwarmagain，asifshewouldhavemoreresolutionthen。Ohhowlongthetimewasinthatdarkness！Thebrighthearthandthewarmthandthevoicesofhome，thesecureuprisingandlyingdown，thefamiliarfields，thefamiliarpeople，theSundaysandholidayswiththeirsimplejoysofdressandfeasting——allthesweetsofheryoungliferushedbeforehernow，andsheseemedtobestretchingherarmstowardsthemacrossagreatgulf。ShesetherteethwhenshethoughtofArthur。Shecursedhim，withoutknowingwhathercursingwoulddo。Shewishedhetoomightknowdesolation，andcold，andalifeofshamethathedarednotendbydeath。
Thehorrorofthiscold，anddarkness，andsolitude——outofallhumanreach——becamegreatereverylongminute。Itwasalmostasifsheweredeadalready，andknewthatshewasdead，andlongedtogetbacktolifeagain。Butno:shewasalivestill；shehadnottakenthedreadfulleap。Shefeltastrangecontradictorywretchednessandexultation:wretchedness，thatshedidnotdaretofacedeath；exultation，thatshewasstillinlife——thatshemightyetknowlightandwarmthagain。Shewalkedbackwardsandforwardstowarmherself，beginningtodiscernsomethingoftheobjectsaroundher，ashereyesbecameaccustomedtothenight——
thedarkerlineofthehedge，therapidmotionofsomelivingcreature——perhapsafield-mouse——rushingacrossthegrass。Shenolongerfeltasifthedarknesshedgedherin。Shethoughtshecouldwalkbackacrossthefield，andgetoverthestile；andthen，intheverynextfield，shethoughtsherememberedtherewasahoveloffurzenearasheepfold。Ifshecouldgetintothathovel，shewouldbewarmer。Shecouldpassthenightthere，forthatwaswhatAlickdidatHayslopeinlambing-time。Thethoughtofthishovelbroughttheenergyofanewhope。Shetookupherbasketandwalkedacrossthefield，butitwassometimebeforeshegotintherightdirectionforthestile。Theexerciseandtheoccupationoffindingthestilewereastimulustoher，however，andlightenedthehorrorofthedarknessandsolitude。
Thereweresheepinthenextfield，andshestartledagroupasshesetdownherbasketandgotoverthestile；andthesoundoftheirmovementcomfortedher，foritassuredherthatherimpressionwasright——thiswasthefieldwhereshehadseenthehovel，foritwasthefieldwherethesheepwere。Rightonalongthepath，andshewouldgettoit。Shereachedtheoppositegate，andfeltherwayalongitsrailsandtherailsofthesheep-fold，tillherhandencounteredtheprickingofthegorsywall。
Delicioussensation！Shehadfoundtheshelter。Shegropedherway，touchingthepricklygorse，tothedoor，andpusheditopen。
Itwasanill-smellingcloseplace，butwarm，andtherewasstrawontheground。Hettysankdownonthestrawwithasenseofescape。Tearscame——shehadnevershedtearsbeforesincesheleftWindsor——tearsandsobsofhystericaljoythatshehadstillholdoflife，thatshewasstillonthefamiliarearth，withthesheepnearher。Theveryconsciousnessofherownlimbswasadelighttoher:sheturneduphersleeves，andkissedherarmswiththepassionateloveoflife。Soonwarmthandwearinesslulledherinthemidstofhersobs，andshefellcontinuallyintodozing，fancyingherselfatthebrinkofthepoolagain——fancyingthatshehadjumpedintothewater，andthenawakingwithastart，andwonderingwhereshewas。Butatlastdeepdreamlesssleepcame；herhead，guardedbyherbonnet，foundapillowagainstthegorsywall，andthepoorsoul，driventoandfrobetweentwoequalterrors，foundtheonereliefthatwaspossibletoit——thereliefofunconsciousness。
Alas！Thatreliefseemstoendthemomentithasbegun。ItseemedtoHettyasifthosedozendreamshadonlypassedintoanotherdream——thatshewasinthehovel，andherauntwasstandingoverherwithacandleinherhand。Shetrembledunderheraunt’sglance，andopenedhereyes。Therewasnocandle，buttherewaslightinthehovel——thelightofearlymorningthroughtheopendoor。Andtherewasafacelookingdownonher；butitwasanunknownface，belongingtoanelderlymaninasmock-frock。
"Why，whatdoyoudohere，youngwoman？"themansaidroughly。
Hettytrembledstillworseunderthisrealfearandshamethanshehaddoneinhermomentarydreamunderheraunt’sglance。Shefeltthatshewaslikeabeggaralready——foundsleepinginthatplace。
Butinspiteofhertrembling，shewassoeagertoaccounttothemanforherpresencehere，thatshefoundwordsatonce。
"Ilostmyway，"shesaid。"I’mtravelling——north’ard，andIgotawayfromtheroadintothefields，andwasovertakenbythedark。
Willyoutellmethewaytothenearestvillage？"
Shegotupasshewasspeaking，andputherhandstoherbonnettoadjustit，andthenlaidholdofherbasket。
Themanlookedatherwithaslowbovinegaze，withoutgivingheranyanswer，forsomeseconds。Thenheturnedawayandwalkedtowardsthedoorofthehovel，butitwasnottillhegottherethathestoodstill，and，turninghisshoulderhalf-roundtowardsher，said，"Aw，IcanshowyouthewaytoNorton，ifyoulike。
Butwhatdoyoudogettin’outo’thehighroad？"headded，withatoneofgruffreproof。"Y’ullbegettin’intomischief，ifyoudooantmind。"
"Yes，"saidHetty，"Iwon’tdoitagain。I’llkeepintheroad，ifyou’llbesogoodasshowmehowtogettoit。"
"Whydooantyoukeepwherethere’safinger-poassesan’folkstoaxthewayon？"themansaid，stillmoregruffly。"Anybody’udthinkyouwasawildwoman，an’lookatyer。"
Hettywasfrightenedatthisgruffoldman，andstillmoreatthislastsuggestionthatshelookedlikeawildwoman。Asshefollowedhimoutofthehovelshethoughtshewouldgivehimasixpencefortellinghertheway，andthenhewouldnotsupposeshewaswild。Ashestoppedtopointouttheroadtoher，sheputherhandinherpockettogetthesix-penceready，andwhenhewasturningaway，withoutsayinggood-morning，shehelditouttohimandsaid，"Thankyou；willyoupleasetotakesomethingforyourtrouble？"
Helookedslowlyatthesixpence，andthensaid，"Iwantnoneo’
yourmoney。You’dbettertakecareon’t，elseyou’llgetitstoolfromyer，ifyougotrapesin’aboutthefieldslikeamadwomana-
thatway。"