第7章

Butsometimes，Ibelieve，shereallyhadsomelittlegratificationinconversingwithme；andonebrightFebruarymorning，duringtwentyminutes’

strollalongthemoor，shelaidasideherusualasperityandreserve，andfairlyenteredintoconversationwithme，discoursingwithsomucheloquence，anddepthofthoughtandfeeling，onasubject，happilycoincidingwithmyownideas，andlookingsobeautifulwithallthatIwenthomeenchanted；

andontheway(morally)startedtofindmyselfthinkingthat，afterall，itwould，perhaps，bebettertospendone’sdayswithsuchawomanthanwithElizaMillward；——andthenI(figuratively)blushedformyinconstancy。

Onenteringtheparlour，IfoundElizathere，withRoseandnooneelse。Thesurprisewasnotaltogethersoagreeableasitoughttohavebeen。Wechattedtogetheralongtime；butIfoundherratherfrivolous，andevenalittleinsipid，comparedwiththemorematureandearnestMrsGraham——Alas，forhumanconstancy！

`However，’thoughtI，`IoughtnottomarryElizasincemymothersostronglyobjectstoit，andIoughtnottodeludethegirlwiththeideathatIintendedtodoso。Now，ifthismoodcontinue，Ishallhavelessdifficultyinemancipatingmyaffectionsfromhersoft，yetunrelentingsway；and，thoughMrsGrahammightbeequallyobjectionable，Imaybepermitted，likethedoctors，tocureagreaterevilbyaless；forIshallnotfallseriouslyinlovewiththeyoungwidow，Ithink，——norshewithme——that’scertain——butifIfindalittlepleasureinhersociety，Imaysurelybeallowedtoseekit；andifthestarofherdivinitybebrightenoughtodimthelustreofEliza’s，somuchthebetter；butIscarcelycanthinkit。’

Andthereafter，IseldomsufferedafinedaytopasswithoutpayingavisittoWildfell，aboutthetimemynewacquaintanceusuallyleftherhermitage；butsofrequentlywasIbalkedinmyexpectationsofanotherinterview，sochangeablewassheinhertimesofcomingforth，andinherplacesofresort，sotransientweretheoccasionalglimpsesIwasabletoobtain，thatIfelthalfinclinedtothinkshetookasmuchpainstoavoidmycompany，asItoseekhers；butthiswastoodisagreeableasuppositiontobeentertainedamomentafteritcould，conveniently，bebed。

Onecalm，clearafternoon，however，inMarch，asIwassuperintendingtherollingofthemeadow-land，andtherepairingofahedgeinthevalley，IsawMrsGrahamdownbythebrook，withasketch-bookinherhand，absorbedintheexerciseofherfavouriteart，whileArthurwasputtingonthetimewithconstructingdamsandbreakwatersintheshallow，stonystream。I

wasratherinwantofamusement，andsorareanopportunitywasnottobeneglected；so，leavingbothmeadowandhedge，Iquicklyrepairedtothespot，——butnotbeforeSancho，who，immediatelyuponperceivinghisyoungfriend，scouredatfullgalloptheinterveningspace，andpounceduponhimwithanimpetuousmirththatprecipitatedthechildalmostintothemiddleofthebeck；but，happily，thestonespreservedhimfromanyseriouswetting，whiletheirsmoothnesspreventedhisbeingtoomuchhurttolaughattheuntowardevent。

MrsGrahamwasstudyingthedistinctivecharactersofthedifferentvarietiesoftreesintheirwinternakedness，andcopying，withaspirited，thoughdelicatetouch，theirvariousramifications。Shedidnottalkmuch；

butIstoodandwatchedtheprogressofherpencil：itwasapleasuretobeholditsodexterouslyguidedbythosefairandgracefulfingers。Buterelongtheirdexteritybecameimpaired，theybegantohesitate，totrembleslightly，andmakefalsestrokes，andthensuddenlycametoapause，whiletheirownerlaughinglyraisedherfacetomine，andtoldmethathersketchdidnotprofitbymysuperintendence。

`Then，’saidI，`I’lltalktoArthur，tillyou’vedone。’

`Ishouldliketohavearide，MrMarkham，ifMammawillletme，’

saidthechild。

`Whaton，myboy？’

`Ithinkthere’sahorseinthatfield，’repliedhe，stingtowherethestrongblackmarewaspullingtheroller。

`No，no，Arthur；it’stoofar，’objectedhismother。

ButIpromisedtobringhimsafeback，afteraturnortwoupanddownthemeadow；andwhenshelookedathiseagerface，shesmiledandlethimgo。Itwasthefirsttimeshehadevenallowedmetotakehimsomuchashalfafield’slengthfromherside。

Enthroneduponhismonstroussteed，andsolemnlyproceedingupanddownthewide，steepfield，helookedtheveryincarnationofquiet，gleefulsatisfactionanddelight。Therolling，however，wassooncompleted；

butwhenIdismountedthegallanthornman，andrestoredhimtohismother，sheseemedratherdispleasedatmykeepinghimsolong。Shehadshutuphersketch-book，andbeen，probablyforsomeminutes，impatientlywaitinghisreturn。

Itwasnowhightimetogohome，shesaid，andwouldhavebidmegoodevening；butIwasnotgoingtoleaveheryet：Iaccompaniedherhalf-wayupthehill。Shebecamemoresociable；andIwasbeginningtobeveryhappy；but，oncomingwithinsightofthegrimoldhall，shestoodstillandturnedtowardsmewhileshespoke，asifexpectingIshouldgonofurther，thattheconversationwouldendhere，andIshouldnowtakeleaveanddepart——as，indeed，itwastimetodo；for`theclear，coldeve’

wasfast`declining，’thesunhadset，andthegibbousmoonwasvisiblybrighteninginthepalegreysky；butafeelingalmostofcompassionrivettedmetothespot。Itseemedhardtoleavehertosuchalonely，comfortlesshome。Ilookedupatit。Silentandgrimitfrownedbeforeus。Afaint，redlightwasgleamingfromthelowerwindowsofonewing；butalltheotherwindowswereindarkness，andmanyexhibitedtheirblack，cavernousgulfs，entirelydestituteofglazingorframework。

`Doyounotfinditadesolateplacetolivein？saidI，afteramomentofsilentcontemplation。

Ido，sometimes，’repliedshe。`Onwinterevenings，whenArthurisinbed，andIamsittingtherealone，hearingthebleakwindmoaningroundmeandhowlingthroughtheruinousoldchambers，nobooksoroccupationscanrepressthedismalthoughtsandapprehensionsthatcomecrowdingin-butitisfollytogivewaytosuchweaknessIknow-IfRachelissatisfiedwithsuchalife，whyshouldnotI？-IndeedIcannotbetoothankfulforsuchanasylum，whileitisleftme。’

Theclosingsentencewasutteredinanundertone，asifspokenrathertoherselfthantome。Shethenbidmegoodeveningandwithdrew。

IhadnotproceededmanystepsonmywayhomewardswhenIperceivedMrLawrence，onhisprettygreypony，cominguptheruggedlanethatcrossedoverthehilltop。Iwentalittleoutofmywaytospeaktohim；forwehadnotmetforsometime。

`WasthatMrsGrahamyouwerespeakingtojustnow？’saidhe，afterthefirstfewwordsofgreetinghadpassedbetweenus。

`Yes。’

`Humph！Ithoughtso。’Helookedcontemplativelyathishorse’smane，asifhehadsomeseriouscauseofdissatisfactionwithit，orsomethingelse。

`Well！Whatthen？’

`Oh，nothing！’repliedhe。`Only，Ithoughtyoudislikedher，hequitelyadded，curlinghisclassiclipwithaslightlysarcasticsmile。

`SupposeIdid；mayn’tamanchangehismindonfurtheracquaintance？’

`Yesofcourse，’returnedhe，nicelyreducinganentanglementinthepony’sredundant，hoarymane。Thensuddenlyturningtome，andfixinghisshy，hazeleyesuponmewithasteadpenetratinggaze，headded，`Thenyouhavechangedyourmind？’

`Ican’tsaythatIhaveexactly。No；IthinkIholdthesameopinionrespectingherasbefore-butslightlyameliorated。’

`Oh。’Helookedroundforsomethingelsetotalkabout；andglancinguponthebeautyoftheevening，whichIdidnotanswer，asbeingirrelevanttothesubject。

`Lawrence，’saidI，calmlylookinghimintheface，`areyouinlovewithMrsGraham？’

Insteadofhisbeingdeeplyoffendedatthis，asImorethanhalfexpectedhewould，thefirststartofsurprise，attheaudaciousquestion，wasfollowedbyatitteringlaugh，asifhewashighlyamusedattheidea。

`Iinlovewithher！’repeatedhe。`Whatmakesyoudreamofsuchathing？’

`Fromtheinterestyoutakeintheprogressofmyacquaintancewiththelady，andthechangesofmyopinionconcerningher，Ithoughtyoumightbejealous。’

Helaughedagain。`Jealous！no——ButIthoughtyouweregoingtomarryElizaMillward。’

`Youthoughtwrongthen；Iamnotgoingtomarryeitheroneortheother——thatIknowof。’

`ThenIthinkyou’dbetterletthemalone。’

`AreyougoingtomarryJaneWilson？’

Hecoloured，andplayedwiththemaneagain，butanswered，——

`No，Ithinknot。’

`Thenyouhadbetterletheralone。’

Shewon’tletmealone——hemighthavesaid；butheonlylookedsillyandsaidnothingforthespaceofhalfaminute，andthenmadeanotherattempttoturntheconversation；and，thistime，Iletitpass；forhehadborneenough：anotherwordonthesubjectwouldhavebeenlikethelastatomthatbreaksthecamel’sback。

Iwastoolatefortea；butmymotherhadkindlykepttheteapotandmuffinwarmuponthehobs，and，thoughshescoldedmealittle，readilyadmittedmyexcuses；andwhenIcomplainedoftheflavouroftheoverdrawntea，shepouredtheremainderintotheslop-basin，andbadeRoseputsomefreshintothepotandreboilthekettle，whichofficeswereperformedwithgreatcommotionandcertainremarkablecomments：——

`Well！——ifithadbeenmenow，Ishouldhavehadnoteaatall——IfithadbeenFergus，even，hewouldhavehadtoputupwithsuchastherewas，andbeentoldtobethankful，foritwasfartoogoodforhim；butyoU——wecan’tdotoomuchforyou——It’salwaysso——ifthere’sanythingparticularlyriceattable，mammawinksandnodsatmetoabstainfromit，andifIdon’tattendtothat，shewhispers，“Don’teatsomuchofthat，Rose，Gilbertwilllikeitforhissupper“——I’mnothingatall——intheparlour，it’s“Come，Rose，putawayyourthings，andlet’shavetheroomniceandtidyagainsttheycomein；andkeepupagoodfire；

Gilbertlikesacheerfulfire。”Inthekitchen——“Makethatpiealargeone，Rose，Idaresaytheboys’llbehungry；——anddon’tputsomuchpepperin，they’llnotlikeitI’msure“——or，“Rose，don’tputsomanyspicesinthepudding，Gilbertlikesitplain。”——or，“Mindyouputplentyofcurrantsinthecake，Ferguslikesplenty。”IfIsay，“Well，mamma，Idon’t。”I’mtoldIoughtnottothinkofmyself——“Youknow，Rose，inallhouseholdmatters，wehaveonlytwothingstoconsider，first，what’spropertobedone，andsecondly，what’smostagreeabletothegentlemenofthehouse——anythingwilldofortheladies。”’

`Andverygooddoctrinetoo，’saidmymother。`Gilbertso，I’msure。’

`Veryconvenientdoctrine，forusatallevents，’saidI；`butifyouwouldreallystudymypleasure，mother，youmustconsideryourowncomfortandconveniencealittlemorethanyoudo——asforRose，Ihavenodoubtshe’lltakecareofherself；andwhenevershedoesmakeasacrificeorperformaremarkableactofdevotedness，she’lltakegoodcaretoletmeknowtheextentofit。Butforyou，Imightsinkintothegrossestconditionofself-indulgenceandcarelessnessaboutthewantsofothers，fromthemerehabitofbeingconstantlycaredformyself，andhavingallmywantsanticipatedorimmediatelysupplied，whileleftintotalignoranceofwhatisdoneforme，——ifRosedidnotenlightenmenowandthen；andIshouldreceiveallyourkindnessasamatterofcourse，andneverknowhowmuchIoweyou。’

`Ah！andyouneverwillknow，Gilbert，tillyou’remarried。

Then，whenyou’vegotsometrifling，self-conceitedgirllikeElizaMillward，carelessofeverythingbutherownimmediatepleasureandadvantage，orsomemisguided，obstinatewomanlikeMrsGraham，ignorantofherprincipalduties，andcleveronlyinwhatconcernsherleasttoknow——then，you’llfindthedifference。’

`Itwilldomegood，mother；Iwasnotsentintotheworldmerelytoexercisethegoodcapacitiesandgoodfeelingsofothers——wasI？——buttoexertmyowntowardsthem；andwhenImarry，Ishallexpecttofindmorepleasureinmakingmywifehappyandcomfortable，thaninbeingmadesobyher：Iwouldrathergivethanreceive。’

`Oh！that’sallnonsense，mydear——It’smereboy’stalkthat！

You’llsoontireofpettingandhumouringyourwife，besheeversocharming，andthencomesthetrial。’

`Well，then，wemustbearoneanother’sburdens。’

`Then，youmustfalleachintoyourproperplace。You’lldoyourbusiness，andshe，ifshe’sworthyofyou，willdohers；butit’syourbusinesstopleaseyourself，andherstopleaseyou。I’msureyourpoor，dearfatherwasasgoodahusbandaseverlived，andafterthefirstsixmonthsorsowereover，Ishouldassoonhaveexpectedhimtofly，astoputhimselfoutofhiswaytopleasureme。HealwayssaidIwasagoodwife，anddidmyduty；andhealwaysdidhis——blesshim！——hewassteadyandpunctual，seldomfoundfaultwithoutareason，alwaysdidjusticetomygooddinners，andhardlyeverspoiledmycookerybydelay——andthat’sasmuchasanywomancanexpectofanyman。’

Isitso，Halford？Isthattheextentofyourdomesticvirtues；

anddoesyourhappywifeexactnomore？

TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter7CHAPTER7TheExcursionNOTmanydaysafterthis，onamildsunnymorning——rathersoftunderfoot；

forthelastfallofsnowwasonlyjustwastedaway，leavingyetathinridge，hereandthere，lingeringonthefresh，greengrassbeneaththehedges；butbesidethemalready，theyoungprimroseswerepeepingfromamongtheirmoist，darkfoliage，andthelarkabovewassingingofsummer，andhope，andlove，andeveryheavenlything——Iwasoutonthehill-side，enjoyingthesedelights，andlookingafterthewellbeingofmyyounglambsandtheirmothers，when，onglancingroundme，Ibeheldthreepersonsascendingfromthevalebelow。TheywereElizaMillward，Fergus，andRose；soIcrossedthefieldtomeetthem；and，beingtoldtheyweregoingtoWildfellHall，Ideclaredmyselfwillingtogowiththem，andofferingmyarmtoEliza，whoreadilyaccepteditinlieuofmybrother’s，toldthelatterhemightgoback，forIwouldaccompanytheladies。