第13章

“I’dliketoletadozenyoungAmericanslooseintoit。”saidmyuncle。“Thenwe’dsee。”

ImadeatickagainstMotherShipton’sSleepingSyrup。Wehadclearedourforwardstock。

“ThingsmustbehappeningSOMEWHERE，George。”hebrokeoutinaquerulouslyrisingnoteashecamebackintothelittleshop。Hefiddledwiththepileddummyboxesoffancysoapandscentandsoforththatadornedtheendofthecounter，thenturnedaboutpetulantly，stuckhishandsdeeplyintohispocketsandwithdrewonetoscratchhishead。“ImustdoSOMETHING。”hesaid。“I

can’tstandit。

“Imustinventsomething。Andshoveit。Icould。

“Oraplay。There’sadealofmoneyinaplay，George。Whatwouldyouthinkofmewritingaplayeh？。There’sallsortsofthingstobedone。

“Orthestog-igschange。”

Hefellintothatmeditativewhistlingofhis。

“Sac-ramentalwine！”heswore，“thisisn’ttheworld——it’sColdMuttonFat！That’swhatWimblehurstis！ColdMuttonFat！——deadandstiff！AndI’mburiedinituptothearmpits。Nothingeverhappens，nobodywantsthingstohappen’sceptme！UpinLondon，George，thingshappen。America！IwishtoHeaven，George，I’dbeenbornAmerican——wherethingshum。

“Whatcanonedohere？Howcanonegrow？Whilewe’resleepin’

herewithourCapitaloozingawayintoLordEastry’spocketsforrent-menareupthere。”HeindicatedLondonasremotelyoverthetopofthedispensingcounter，andthenasasceneofgreatactivitybyawhirlofthehandandawinkandameaningsmileatme。

“Whatsortofthingsdotheydo？”Iasked。

“Rushabout。”hesaid。“Dothings！Somethin’glorious。There’scovergambling。Everheardofthat，George？”Hedrewtheairinthroughhisteeth。“Youputdownahundredsay，andbuytenthousandpoundsworth。See？That’sacoverofonepercent。

Thingsgoupone，yousell，realisecentpercent；down，whiff，it’sgone！Tryagain！Centpercent，George，everyday。Menaremadeordoneforinanhour。Andtheshoutin’！Zzzz。Well，that’soneway，George。Thenanotherway——there’sCorners！”

“They’reratherbigthings，aren’tthey？”Iventured。

“Oh，ifyougoinforwheatorsteel——yes。Butsupposeyoutackledalittlething，George。Justsomelittlethingthatonlyneededafewthousands。Drugsforexample。Shovedallyouhadintoit——stakedyourliveronit，sotospeak。Takeadrug——takeipecac，forexample。Takealotofipecac。Takeallthereis！

See？Thereyouare！Therearen’tunlimitedsuppliesofipecacuanha——can’tbe！——andit’sathingpeoplemusthave。Thenquinineagain！Youwatchyourchance，waitforatropicalwarbreakingout，let’ssay，andcollarallthequinine。WhereARE

they？Musthavequinine，youknow。Eh？Zzzz。

“Lord！there’snoendofthings——noendoflittlethings。

Dill-water——allthesufferingbabesyowlingforit。Eucalyptusagain——cascara——witchhazel——menthol——allthetoothachethings。

Thenthere’santiseptics，andcurare，cocaine。”

“Ratheranuisancetothedoctors。”Ireflected。

“Theygottolookoutforthemselves。ByJove，yes。They’lldoyouiftheycan，andyoudothem。Likebrigands。Thatmakesitromantic。That’stheRomanceofCommerce，George。You’reinthemountainsthere！Thinkofhavingallthequinineintheworld，andsomemillionaire’spamperedwifegoneillwithmalaria，eh？

That’sasqueeze，George，eh？Eh？Millionaireonhismotorcaroutside，offeringyouanypriceyouliked。That’udwakeupWimblehurst。Lord！Youhaven’tanIdeadownhere。Notanidea。Zzzz。”

Hepassedintoaraptdream，fromwhichescapedsuchfragmentsas：“Fiftypercent。advancesir；security——to-morrow。Zzzz。”

Theideaofcorneringadrugstruckuponmymindthenasasortofirresponsiblemonkeytrickthatnoonewouldeverbepermittedtodoinreality。ItwasthesortofnonsenseonewouldtalktomakeEwartlaughandsethimgoingontostillodderpossibilities。Ithoughtitwaspartofmyuncle’swayoftalking。ButI’velearntdifferentlysince。Thewholetrendofmodernmoney-makingistoforeseesomethingthatwillpresentlybeneededandputitoutofreach，andthentohaggleyourselfwealthy。Youbuyuplanduponwhichpeoplewillpresentlywanttobuildhouses，yousecurerightsthatwillbarvitallyimportantdevelopments，andsoon，andsoon。Ofcoursethenaiveintelligenceofaboydoesnotgraspthesubtlerdevelopmentsofhumaninadequacy。Hebeginslifewithadispositiontobelieveinthewisdomofgrown-uppeople，hedoesnotrealisehowcasualanddisingenuoushasbeenthedevelopmentoflawandcustom，andhethinksthatsomewhereinthestatethereisapowerasirresistibleasaheadmaster’stocheckmischievousandfoolishenterprisesofeverysort。Iwillconfessthatwhenmyuncletalkedofcorneringquinine，Ihadaclearimpressionthatanyonewhocontrivedtodothatwouldprettycertainlygotojail。NowIknowthatanyonewhocouldreallybringitoffwouldbemuchmorelikelytogototheHouseofLords！

Myunclerangedoverthegiltlabelsofhisbottlesanddrawersforawhile，dreamingofcornersinthisandthat。ButatlastherevertedtoWimblehurstagain。

“YougottobeinLondonwhenthesethingsareinhand。Downhere——！

“Jee-rusalem！”hecried。“WhydidIplantmyselfhere？

Everything’sdone。Thegame’sover。Here’sLordEastry，andhe’sgoteverything，exceptwhathislawyersget，andbeforeyougetanymorechangethiswayyou’llhavetodynamitehim——andthem。HEdoesn’twantanythingmoretohappen。Whyshouldhe？

Anychance’udbealosstohim。Hewantseverythingtoburblealongandburblealongandgoonasit’sgoingforthenexttenthousandyears，EastryafterEastry，oneparsondownanothercome，onegrocerdead，getanother！Anyonewithanyideasbettergoaway。TheyHAVEgoneaway！Lookatalltheseblessedpeopleinthisplace！Lookat’em！Allfastasleep，doingtheirbusinessoutofhabit——inasortofdream，Stuffedmenwoulddojustaswell——just。They’veallshookdownintotheirplaces。

THEYdon’twantanythingtohappeneither。They’reallbrokenin。Thereyouare！Onlywhataretheyallalivefor？。

“Whycan’ttheygetaclockworkchemist？”

Heconcludedasheoftenconcludedthesetalks。“Imustinventsomething，——that’saboutwhatImustdo。Zzzz。Someconvenience。

Somethingpeoplewant。Strikeout。Youcan’tthink，George，ofanythingeverybodywantsandhasn’tgot？Imeansomethingyoucouldturnoutretailunderashilling，say？Well，YOUthink，wheneveryouhaven’tgotanythingbettertodo。See？”

SoIremembermyuncleinthatfirstphase，young，butalreadyalittlefat，restless，fretful，garrulous，puttinginmyfermentingheadallsortsofdiscrepantideas。Certainlyhewaseducational。

FormetheyearsatWimblehurstwereyearsofprettyactivegrowth。MostofmyleisureandmuchofmytimeintheshopI

spentinstudy。IspeedilymasteredthemodicumofLatinnecessaryformyqualifyingexaminations，and——alittleassistedbytheGovernmentScienceandArtDepartmentclassesthatwereheldintheGrammarSchool——wentonwithmymathematics。Therewereclassesinphysics，inchemistry，inmathematicsandmachinedrawing，andItookupthesesubjectswithconsiderableavidity。ExerciseIgotchieflyintheformofwalks。Therewassomecricketinthesummerandfootballinthewintersustainedbyyoungmen’sclubsthatleviedaparasiticblackmailofthebigpeopleandthesittingmember，butIwasneververykeenatthesegames。Ididn’tfindanyveryclosecompanionsamongtheyouthsofWimblehurst。Theystruckme，aftermycockneyschoolmates，asloutishandslow，servileandfurtive，spitefulandmean。WE

usedtoswagger，butthesecountrymendraggedtheirfeetandhatedanequalwhodidn’t；wetalkedloud，butyouonlygottherealthoughtsofWimblehurstinaknowingundertonebehinditshand。Andeventhentheyweren’tmuchinthewayofthoughts。

No，Ididn’tlikethoseyoungcountrymen，andI’mnobelieverintheEnglishcountrysideundertheBladesoversystemasabreedinggroundforhonourablemen。OnehearsafrightfullotofnonsenseabouttheRuralExodusandthedegenerationwroughtbytownlifeuponourpopulation。Tomymind，theEnglishtownsman，evenintheslums，isinfinitelybetterspiritually，morecourageous，moreimaginativeandcleaner，thanhisagriculturalcousin。I’veseenthembothwhentheydidn’tthinktheywerebeingobserved，andIknow。TherewassomethingaboutmyWimblehurstcompanionsthatdisgustedme。It’shardtodefine。

Heavenknowsthatatthatcockneyboarding-schoolatGoudhurstwewerecoarseenough；theWimblehurstyoungstershadneitherwordsnorcourageforthesortofthingweusedtodo——forourbadlanguage，forexample；but，ontheotherhand，theydisplayedasortofsluggish，reallewdness，lewdnessistheword——abasenessofattitude。WhateverweexiledurbansdidatGoudhurstwastouchedwithsomething，howevercoarse，ofromanticimagination。

WehadreadtheBoysofEngland，andtoldeachotherstories。IntheEnglishcountrysidetherearenobooksatall，nosongs，nodrama，novaliantsineven；allthesethingshavenevercomeortheyweretakenawayandhiddengenerationsago，andtheimaginationabortsandbestialises。That，Ithink，iswheretherealdifferenceagainsttheEnglishruralmanlies。ItisbecauseIknowthisthatIdonotshareinthecommonrepiningsbecauseourcountrysideisbeingdepopulated，becauseourpopulationispassingthroughthefurnaceofthetowns。Theystarve，theysuffer，nodoubt，buttheycomeoutofithardened，theycomeoutofitwithsouls。