第4章

Thespirituousandfermentedliquorsbeingthusdisposedof，the

zealofthereformersnextinducedthemtoreplenishthefirewithall

theboxesofteaandbagsofcoffeeintheworld。Andnowcamethe

plantersofVirginia，bringingtheircropsoftobacco。These，being

castupontheheapofinutility，aggregatedittothesizeofa

mountain，andincensedtheatmospherewithsuchpotentfragrance

thatmethoughtweshouldneverdrawpurebreathagain。Thepresent

sacrificeseemedtostartletheloversoftheweedmorethanany

thattheyhadhithertowitnessed。

“Well，they’veputmypipeout。”saidanoldgentleman，flingingit

intotheflamesinapet。“Whatisthisworldcomingto？Everything

richandracy-allthespiceoflife-istobecondemnedasuseless。

Nowthattheyhavekindledthebonfire，ifthesenonsensicalreformers

wouldflingthemselvesintoit，allwouldbewellenough！”

“Bepatient。”respondedastaunchconservative；“itwillcometo

thatintheend。Theywillfirstflingusin，andfinallythemselves。”

Fromthegeneralandsystematicmeasuresofreform，Inowturnedto

considertheindividualcontributionstothismemorablebonfire。In

manyinstancesthesewereofaveryamusingcharacter。Onepoorfellow

threwinhisemptypurse，andanotherabundleofcounterfeitor

insolvablebanknotes。Fashionableladiesthrewintheirlastseason’s

bonnets，togetherwithheapsofribbons，yellowlace，andmuchother

half-wornmilliner’sware；allofwhichprovedevenmoreevanescentin

thefirethanithadbeeninthefashion。Amultitudeofloversof

bothsexes-discardedmaidsorbachelors，andcouplesmutuallyweary

ofoneanother-tossedinbundlesofperfumedlettersandenamored

sonnets。Ahackpolitician，beingdeprivedofbreadbythelossof

office，threwinhisteeth，whichhappenedtobefalseones。The

Rev。SydneySmith-havingvoyagedacrosstheAtlanticforthatsole

purpose-cameuptothebonfirewithabittergrin，andthrewin

certainrepudiatedbonds，fortifiedthoughtheywerewiththebroad

sealofasovereignstate。Alittleboyoffiveyearsold，inthe

prematuremanlinessofthepresentepoch，threwinhisplaythings；a

collegegraduate，hisdiploma；anapothecary，ruinedbythespread

ofhomoeopathy，hiswholestockofdrugsandmedicines；aphysician，

hislibrary；aparson，hisoldsermons；andafinegentlemanofthe

oldschool，hiscodeofmanners，whichhehadformerlywrittendown

forthebenefitofthenextgeneration。Awidow，resolvingonasecond

marriage，slilythrewinherdeadhusband’sminiature。Ayoungman，

jiltedbyhismistress，wouldwillinglyhaveflunghisowndesperate

heartintotheflames，butcouldfindnomeanstowrenchitoutofhis

bosom。AnAmericanauthor，whoseworkswereneglectedbythepublic，

threwhispenandpaperintothebonfire，andbetookhimselftosome

lessdiscouragingoccupation。Itsomewhatstartledmetooverheara

numberofladies，highlyrespectableinappearance，proposingtofling

theirgownsandpetticoatsintotheflames，andassumethegarb，

togetherwiththemanners，duties，offices，andresponsibilities，of

theoppositesex。

Whatfavorwasaccordedtothisscheme，Iamunabletosay；my

attentionbeingsuddenlydrawntoapoor，deceived，andhalf-delirious

girl，who，exclaimingthatshewasthemostworthlessthingaliveor

dead，attemptedtocastherselfintothefire，amidallthatwrecked

andbrokentrumperyoftheworld。Agoodman，however，rantoher

rescue。

“Patience，mypoorgirl！”saidhe，ashedrewherbackfromthe

fierceembraceofthedestroyingangel。“Bepatient，andabide

Heaven’swill。Solongasyoupossessalivingsoul，allmaybe

restoredtoitsfirstfreshness。Thesethingsofmatter，andcreations

ofhumanfantasy，arefitfornothingbuttobeburnt，whenonce

theyhavehadtheirday。Butyourdayiseternity！”

“Yes。”saidthewretchedgirl，whosefrenzyseemednowtohavesunk

downintodeepdespondency；“yes，andthesunshineisblottedoutof

it！”

Itwasnowrumoredamongthespectatorsthatalltheweaponsand

munitionsofwarweretobethrownintothebonfire，withthe

exceptionoftheworld’sstockofgunpowder，which，asthesafestmode

ofdisposingofit，hadalreadybeendrownedinthesea。This

intelligenceseemedtoawakengreatdiversityofopinion。The

hopefulphilanthropistesteemeditatokenthatthemillenniumwas

alreadycome；whilepersonsofanotherstamp，inwhoseviewmankind

wasabreedofbull-dogs，prophesiedthatalltheoldstoutness，

fervor，nobleness，generosity，andmagnanimityoftheracewould

disappear；thesequalities，astheyaffirmed，requiringbloodfor

theirnourishment。Theycomfortedthemselves，however，inthebelief

thattheproposedabolitionofwarwasimpracticable，foranylength

oftimetogether。

Bethatasitmight，numberlessgreatguns，whosethunderhad

longbeenthevoiceofbattle-theartilleryoftheArmada，the

battering-trainsofMarlborough，andtheadversecannonofNapoleon

andWellington-weretrundledintothemidstofthefire。Bythe

continualadditionofdrycombustibles，ithadnowwaxedsointense

thatneitherbrassnorironcouldwithstandit。Itwaswonderfulto

beholdhowtheseterribleinstrumentsofslaughtermeltedawaylike

playthingsofwax。Thenthearmiesoftheearthwheeledaroundthe

mightyfurnace，withtheirmilitarymusicplayingtriumphant

marches，andflungintheirmusketsandswords。The

standard-bearers，likewise，castonelookupwardattheirbanners，all

tatteredwithshot-holes，andinscribedwiththenamesofvictorious

fields，and，givingthemalastflourishonthebreeze，theylowered

themintotheflame，whichsnatchedthemupwardinitsrushtowardthe

clouds。Thisceremonybeingover，theworldwasleftwithouta

singleweapononinitshands，except，possibly，afewoldking’sarms

andrustyswords，andothertrophiesoftheRevolution，insomeofour

statearmories。Andnowthedrumswerebeatenandthetrumpets

brayedalltogether，asapreludetotheproclamationofuniversaland

eternalpeace，andtheannouncementthatglorywasnolongertobewon

byblood；butthatitwouldhenceforthbethecontentionofthe

humanracetoworkoutthegreatestmutualgood，andthatbeneficence，

inthefutureannalsoftheearth，wouldclaimthepraiseofvalor。

Theblessedtidingswereaccordinglypromulgated，andcaused

infiniterejoicingsamongthosewhohadstoodaghastatthehorrorand

absurdityofwar。

ButIsawagrimsmilepassoverthesearedvisageofastatelyold

commander-byhiswar-wornfigureandrichmilitarydress，hemight

havebeenoneofNapoleon’sfamousmarshals-who，withtherestofthe

world’ssoldiery，hadjustflungawaytheswordthathadbeenfamiliar

tohisrighthandforhalfacentury。

“Aye，aye！”grumbledhe。“Letthemproclaimwhattheyplease；

but，intheend，weshallfindthatallthisfooleryhasonlymade

moreworkforthearmorersandcannon-founders。”

“Why，sir。”exclaimedI，inastonishment，“doyouimaginethat

thehumanracewilleversofarreturnonthestepsofitspast

madnessastoweldanothersword，orcastanothercannon？”

“Therewillbenoneed。”observed，withasneer，onewhoneither

feltbenevolence，norhadfaithinit。“WhenCainwishedtoslayhis

brother，hewasatnolossforaweapon。”

“Weshallsee。”repliedtheveterancommander。“IfIammistaken，

somuchthebetter；butinmyopinion-withoutpretendingto

philosophizeaboutthematter-thenecessityofwarliesfardeeper

thanthesehonestgentlemensuppose。What！Isthereafieldforall

thepettydisputesofindividuals，andshalltherebenogreat

law-courtforthesettlementofnationaldifficulties？The

battle-fieldistheonlycourtwheresuchsuitscanbetried！”

“Youforget，general。”rejoinedI，“that，inthisadvancedstageof

civilization，ReasonandPhilanthropycombinedwillconstitutejust

suchatribunalasisrequisite。”

“Ah，Ihadforgottenthat，indeed！”saidtheoldwarrior，ashe

limpedaway。

Thefirewasnowtobereplenishedwithmaterialsthathadhitherto

beenconsideredofevengreaterimportancetothewell-beingof

society，thanthewarlikemunitionswhichwehadalreadyseen

consumed。Abodyofreformershadtravelledallovertheearth，in

questofthemachinerybywhichthedifferentnationswere

accustomedtoinflictthepunishmentofdeath。Ashudderpassed

throughthemultitude，astheseghastlyemblemsweredragged

forward。Eventheflamesseemedatfirsttoshrinkaway，displaying

theshapeandmurderouscontrivanceofeachinafullblazeof

light，which，ofitself，wassufficienttoconvincemankindofthe

longanddeadlyerrorofhumanlaw。Thoseoldimplementsofcruelty-

thosehorriblemonstersofmechanism-thoseinventionswhichitseemed

todemandsomethingworsethanman’snaturalhearttocontrive，and

whichhadlurkedintheduskynooksofancientprisons，thesubjectof

terror-strickenlegend-werenowbroughtforthtoview。Headsmen’s

axes，withtherustofnobleandroyalblooduponthem，andavast

collectionofhaltersthathadchokedthebreathofplebeian

victims，werethrownintogether。Ashoutgreetedthearrivalofthe

guillotine，whichwasthrustforwardonthesamewheelsthathadborne

itfromonetoanotheroftheblood-stainedstreetsofParis。But

theloudestroarofapplausewentup，tellingthedistantskyofthe

triumphoftheearth’sredemption，whenthegallowsmadeits

appearance。Anill-lookingfellow，however，rushedforward，and，

puttinghimselfinthepathofthereformers，bellowedhoarsely，and

foughtwithbrutefurytostaytheirprogress。

Itwaslittlematterofsurprise，perhaps，thattheexecutioner

shouldthusdohisbesttovindicateandupholdthemachinerybywhich

hehimselfhadhislivelihood，andworthierindividualstheirdeath。

Butitdeservedspecialnote，thatmenofafardifferentsphere-even

ofthatclassinwhoseguardianshiptheworldisapttotrustits

benevolence-werefoundtotakethehangman’sviewofthequestion。

“Stay，mybrethren！”criedoneofthem。“Youaremisledbya

falsephilanthropy！youknownotwhatyoudo。Thegallowsisa

Heaven-ordainedinstrument！Bearitback，then，reverently，andsetit

upinitsoldplace；elsetheworldwillfalltospeedyruinand

desolation！”

“Onward，onward！”shoutedaleaderinthereform。“Intothe

flameswiththeaccursedinstrumentofman’sbloodypolicy。Howcan

humanlawinculcatebenevolenceandlove，whileitpersistsinsetting

upthegallowsasitschiefsymbol！Oneheavemore，goodfriends，

andtheworldwillberedeemedfromitsgreatesterror！”

Athousandhands，that，nevertheless，loathedthetouch，nowlent

theirassistance，andthrusttheominousburthenfar，far，intothe

centreoftheragingfurnace。Thereitsfatalandabhorredimagewas

beheld，firstblack，thenaredcoal，thenashes。

“Thatwaswelldone！”exclaimedI。

“Yes，itwaswelldone。”replied-butwithlessenthusiasmthanI

expected-thethoughtfulobserverwhowasstillatmyside；“well

done，iftheworldbegoodenoughforthemeasure。Death，however，

isanideathatcannoteasilybedispensedwith，inanycondition

betweentheprimalinnocenceandthatotherpurityandperfection，

which，perchance，wearedestinedtoattainaftertravellingroundthe

fullcircle。But，atallevents，itiswellthattheexperimentshould

nowbetried。”

“Toocold！toocold！”impatientlyexclaimedtheyoungandardent

leaderinthistriumph。“Letthehearthaveitsvoicehere，aswellas

theintellect。Andasforripeness-andasforprogress-letmankind

alwaysdothehighest，kindest，noblestthingthat，atanygiven

period，ithasattainedtheperceptionof；andsurelythatthing

cannotbewrong，norwronglytimed。”