第9章
Theservingmanlookedatmeaskance，rememberinghisorders，stillheusheredusintothejusticeroomwheretheSquiresatdrinkingale。
’Goodmorrowtoyou，neighbour，’saidtheSquire；’youarewelcomehere，butyoubringonewithyouwhoisnotwelcome，thoughhebeyourson。’
’Ibringhimforthelasttime，friendBozard。
Listentohisrequest，thengrantitorrefuseitasyouwill；butifyourefuseit，itwillnotbinduscloser。
Theladridesto-nighttotakeshipforSpaintoseekthatmanwhomurderedhismother。
Hegoesofhisownfreewillbecauseafterthedoingofthedeeditwashewhounwittinglysufferedthemurderertoescape，anditiswellthatheshouldgo。’
’Heisayounghoundtorunsuchaquarrytoearth，andinastrangecountry，’saidtheSquire。
’StillIlikehisspiritandwishhimwell。
Whatwouldheofme？’
’Leavetobidfarewelltoyourdaughter。
Iknowthathissuitdoesnotpleaseyouandcannotwonderatit，andformyownpartIthinkittooearlyforhimtosethisfancyinthewayofmarriage。
Butifhewouldseethemaiditcandonoharm，forsuchharmasthereishasbeendonealready。
Nowforyouranswer。’
SquireBozardthoughtawhile，thensaid:
’Theladisabraveladthoughheshallbenoson-in-lawofmine。
Heisgoingfar，andmayhapwillreturnnomore，andIdonotwishthatheshouldthinkunkindlyofmewhenIamdead。
Gowithout，ThomasWingfield，andstandunderyonderbeech——Lilyshalljoinyouthereandyoumayspeakwithherforthehalfofanhour——nomore。
Seetoitthatyoukeepwithinsightofthewindow。
Nay，nothanks；gobeforeIchangemymind。’
SoIwentandwaitedunderthebeechwithabeatingheart，andpresentlyLilyglideduptome，amorewelcomesighttomyeyesthananyangeloutofheaven。
And，indeed，Idoubtifanangelcouldhavebeenmorefairthanshe，ormoregoodandgentle。
’Oh！Thomas，’shewhispered，whenIhadgreetedher，’isthistruethatyousailoverseatoseektheSpaniard？’
’IsailtoseektheSpaniard，andtofindhimandtokillhimwhenheisfound。
Itwastocometoyou，Lily，thatIlethimgo，nowI
mustletyougotocometohim。
Nay，donotweep，Ihavesworntodoit，andwereItobreakmyoathIshouldbedishonoured。’
’AndbecauseofthisoathofyoursImustbewidowed，Thomas，beforeIamawife？
YougoandIshallneverseeyoumore。’
’Whocansay，mysweet？
Myfatherwentoverseasandcamebacksafe，havingpassedthroughmanyperils。’
’Yes，hecamebackand——notalone。
Youareyoung，Thomas，andinfarcountriesthereareladiesgreatandfair，andhowshallIholdmyowninyourheartagainstthem，Ibeingsofaraway？’
’Isweartoyou，Lily——’
’Nay，Thomas，swearnooathslestyoushouldaddtoyoursinsbybreakingthem。
Yet，love，forgetmenot，whoshallforgetyounever。
Perhaps——oh！itwringsmyhearttosayit——thisisourlastmeetingontheearth。
Ifso，thenwemusthopetomeetinheaven。
Attheleastbesureofthis，whileIliveIwillbetruetoyou，andfatherornofather，IwilldiebeforeIbreakmytroth。
Iamyoungtospeaksolargely，butitshallbeasIsay。
Oh！thispartingismorecruelthandeath。
Wouldthatwewereasleepandforgottenamongmen。
Yetitisbestthatyoushouldgo，forifyoustayedwhatcouldwebetoeachotherwhilemyfatherlives，andmayhelivelong！’
’Sleepandforgetfulnesswillcomesoonenough，Lily；nonemustawaitthemforverylong。
Meanwhilewehaveourlivestolive。
Letuspraythatwemaylivethemtoeachother。
Igotoseekfortuneaswellasfoes，andIwillwinitforyoursakethatwemaymarry。’
Sheshookherheadsadly。
’Itweretoomuchhappiness，Thomas。
Menandwomenmayseldomwedtheirtrueloves，oriftheydo，itisbuttolosethem。
Attheleastwelove，andletusbethankfulthatwehavelearnedwhatlovecanbe，forhavinglovedhere，perchanceattheworstwemayloveotherwherewhentherearenonetosayusnay。’
Thenwetalkedonawhile，babblingbrokenwordsofloveandhopeandsorrow，asyoungfolkssoplacedarewonttodo，tillatlengthLilylookedupwithasadsweetsmileandsaid:
’Itistimetogo，sweetheart。
Myfatherbeckonsmefromthelattice。
Allisfinished。’
’Letusgothen，’Iansweredhuskily，anddrewherbehindthetrunkoftheoldbeech。
AndthereIcaughtherinmyarmsandkissedheragainandyetagain，norwassheashamedtokissmeback。
AfterthisIrememberlittleofwhathappened，exceptthataswerodeawayIsawherbelovedface，wanandwistful，watchingmedepartingoutofherlife。
Fortwentyyearsthatsadandbeautifulfacehauntedme，andithauntsmeyetathwartlifeanddeath。
OtherwomenhavelovedmeandIhaveknownotherpartings，someofthemmoreterrible，butthememoryofthiswomanasshewasthen，andofherfarewelllook，overrunsthemall。
WheneverIgazedownthepastIseethispictureframedinitandIknowthatitisonewhichcannotfade。
Arethereanysorrowslikethesesorrowsofouryouth？
Cananybitternessequalthebitternessofsuchgood-byes？
IknowbutoneofwhichIwasfatedtotasteinafteryears，andthatshallbetoldofinitsplace。
itisacommonjesttomockatearlylove，butifitbereal，ifitbesomethingmorethanthemerearisingofthepassions，earlyloveislatelovealso；itisloveforever，thebestandworsteventwhichcanbefallamanorwoman。
Isayitwhoamoldandwhohavedonewitheverything，anditistrue。
OnethingIhaveforgotten。
Aswekissedandclunginourdespairbehindtheboleofthegreatbeech，Lilydrewaringfromherfingerandpresseditintomyhandsaying，’Lookonthiseachmorningwhenyouwake，andthinkofme。
Ithadbeenhermother’s，andto-dayitstillissetuponmywitheredhand，gleaminginthewintersunlightasItracethesewords。
Throughthelongyearsofwildadventure，throughallthetimeofafterpeace，inloveandwar，intheshineofthecampfire，intheglareofthesacrificialflame，inthelightoflonelystarsilluminingthelonelywilderness，thatringhasshoneuponmyhand，remindingmealwaysofherwhogaveit，andonthishanditshallgodownintothegrave。
Itisaplaincircletofthickgold，somewhatwornnow，aposy-ring，andonitsinnersurfaceiscutthisquaintcouplet:
Hearttoheart，Thoughfarapart。
Afittingmottoforusindeed，andonethathasitsmeaningtothishour。
ThatsamedayofourfarewellIrodewithmyfathertoYarmouth。
MybrotherGeoffreydidnotcomewithus，butwepartedwithkindlywords，andofthisIamglad，forweneversaweachotheragain。
NomorewassaidbetweenusastoLilyBozardandourwooingofher，thoughIknewwellenoughthatsosoonasmybackwasturnedhewouldtrytotakemyplaceatherside，asindeedhappened。
I
forgiveittohim；intruthIcannotblamehimmuch，forwhatmanistherethatwouldnothavedesiredtowedLilywhoknewher？
Onceweweredearfriends，GeoffreyandI，butwhenweripenedtowardsmanhood，ourloveofLilycamebetweenus，andwegrewmoreandmoreapart。
Itisacommoncaseenough。
Well，asitchancedhefailed，sowhyshouldIthinkunkindlyofhim？
Letmeratherremembertheaffectionofourchildhoodandforgettherest。
Godresthissoul。
Mary，mysister，whoafterLilyBozardwasnowthefairestmaideninthecountryside，weptmuchatmygoing。
Therewasbutayearbetweenus，andwelovedeachotherdearly，fornosuchshadowofjealousyhadfallenonouraffection。
IcomfortedheraswellasI
wasable，andtellingherallthathadpassedbetweenmeandLily，IprayedhertostandmyfriendandLily’s，shoulditeverbeinherpowertodoso。
ThisMarypromisedtodoreadilyenough，andthoughshedidnotgivethereason，Icouldseethatshethoughtitpossiblethatshemightbeabletohelpus。
AsIhavesaid，Lilyhadabrother，ayoungmanofsomepromise，whoatthistimewasawayatcollege，andheandmysisterMaryhadastrongfancyforeachother，thatmightormightnotripenintosomethingcloser。
Sowekissedandbadefarewellwithtears。
AndafterthatmyfatherandIrodeaway。
ButwhenwehadpasseddownPirnhowStreet，andmountedthelittlehillbeyondWaingfordMillstotheleftofBungaytown，Ihaltedmyhorse，andlookedbackuponthepleasantvalleyoftheWaveneywhereIwasborn，andmyheartgrewfulltobursting。
HadIknownallthatmustbefallme，beforemyeyesbeheldthatsceneagain，Ithinkindeedthatitwouldhaveburst。
ButGod，whoinhiswisdomhaslaidmanyaburdenuponthebacksofmen，hassavedthemfromthis；forhadweforeknowledgeofthefuture，Ithinkthatofourownwillbutfewofuswouldlivetoseeit。
SoIcastonelonglastlooktowardsthedistantmassofoaksthatmarkedthespotwhereLilylived，androdeon。
OnthefollowingdayIembarkedonboardthe’Adventuress’andwesailed。
BeforeIleft，myfather’sheartsoftenedmuchtowardsme，forherememberedthatIwasmymother’sbestbeloved，andfearedalsolestweshouldmeetnomore。
Somuchdiditsoftenindeed，thatatthelasthourhechangedhismindandwishedtoholdmebackfromgoing。
Buthavingputmyhandtotheploughandsufferedallthebitternessoffarewell，Iwouldnotreturntobemockedbymybrotherandmyneighbours。
’Youspeaktoolate，father，’I
said。
’Youdesiredmetogotoworkthisvengeanceandstirredmetoitwithmanybitterwords，andnowIwouldgoifIknewthatI
mustdiewithinaweek，forsuchoathscannotbelightlybroken，andtillmineisfulfilledthecurserestsonme。’
’Sobeit，son，’heansweredwithasigh。
’Yourmother’scrueldeathmaddenedmeandIsaidwhatImaylivetobesorryfor，thoughatthebestIshallnotlivelong，formyheartisbroken。
PerhapsIshouldhaverememberedthatvengeanceisinthehandoftheLord，whowreaksitatHisowntimeandwithoutourhelp。
Donotthinkunkindlyofme，myboy，ifweshouldchancetomeetnomore，forIloveyou，anditwasbutthedeeperlovethatIboretoyourmotherwhichmademedealharshlywithyou。’
’Iknowit，father，andbearnogrudge。
Butifyouthinkthatyouowemeanything，payitbyholdingbackmybrotherfromworkingwrongtomeandLilyBozardwhileIamabsent。’
’Iwilldomybest，son，thoughwereitnotthatyouandshehavegrownsodeartoeachother，thematchwouldhavepleasedmewell。
ButasIhavesaid，Ishallnotbelongheretowatchyourwelfareinthisoranyothermatter，andwhenIamgonethingsmustfollowtheirownfate。
DonotforgetyourGodoryourhomewhereveryouchancetowander，Thomas:keepyourselffrombrawling，bewareofwomenthatarethesnareofyouth，andsetawatchuponyourtongueandyourtemperwhichisnotofthebest。
Moreover，whereveryoumaybedonotspeakillofthereligionoftheland，ormakeamockofitbyyourwayoflife，lestyoushouldlearnhowcruelmencanbewhentheythinkthatitispleasingtotheirgods，asIhavelearntalready。’
IsaidthatIwouldbearhiscounselinmind，andindeeditsavedmefrommanyasorrow。