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The Uncommercial Traveller
投诉 阅读记录

第15章

Commendmetothebeautifulwatersamongthesemountains!ThoughI

wasnotoftheirmind:they,beinginveteratelybentongettingdownintothelevelcountry,andIardentlydesiringtolingerwhereIwas。Whatdesperateleapstheytook,whatdarkabyssestheyplungedinto,whatrockstheyworeaway,whatechoestheyinvoked!InonepartwhereIwent,theywerepressedintotheserviceofcarryingwooddown,tobeburntnextwinter,ascostlyfuel,inItaly。But,theirfiercesavagenaturewasnottobeeasilyconstrained,andtheyfoughtwitheverylimbofthewood;

whirlingitroundandround,strippingitsbarkaway,dashingitagainstpointedcorners,drivingitoutofthecourse,androaringandflyingatthepeasantswhosteereditbackagainfromthebankwithlongstoutpoles。Alas!concurrentstreamsoftimeandwatercarriedMEdownfast,andIcame,onanexquisitelyclearday,totheLausanneshoreoftheLakeofGeneva,whereIstoodlookingatthebrightbluewater,theflushedwhitemountainsopposite,andtheboatsatmyfeetwiththeirfurledMediterraneansails,showinglikeenormousmagnificationsofthisgoose-quillpenthatisnowinmyhand-

Theskybecameovercastwithoutanynotice;awindveryliketheMarcheastwindofEngland,blewacrossme;andavoicesaid,’Howdoyoulikeit?Willitdo?’

Ihadmerelyshutmyself,forhalfaminute,inaGermantravellingchariotthatstoodforsaleintheCarriageDepartmentoftheLondonPantechnicon。Ihadacommissiontobuyit,forafriendwhowasgoingabroad;andthelookandmannerofthechariot,asI

triedthecushionsandthesprings,broughtallthesehintsoftravellingremembrancebeforeme。

’Itwilldoverywell,’saidI,rathersorrowfully,asIgotoutattheotherdoor,andshutthecarriageup。

Itravelconstantly,upanddownacertainlineofrailwaythathasaterminusinLondon。Itistherailwayforalargemilitarydepot,andforotherlargebarracks。Tothebestofmyseriousbelief,Ihaveneverbeenonthatrailwaybydaylight,withoutseeingsomehandcuffeddesertersinthetrain。

ItisinthenatureofthingsthatsuchaninstitutionasourEnglisharmyshouldhavemanybadandtroublesomecharactersinit。

But,thisisareasonfor,andnotagainst,itsbeingmadeasacceptableaspossibletowell-disposedmenofdecentbehaviour。

Suchmenareassuredlynottemptedintotheranks,bythebeastlyinversionofnaturallaws,andthecompulsiontoliveinworsethanswinishfoulness。Accordingly,whenanysuchCircumlocutionalembellishmentsofthesoldier’sconditionhaveoflatebeenbroughttonotice,wecivilians,seatedinouterdarknesscheerfullymeditatingonanIncomeTax,haveconsideredthematterasbeingourbusiness,andhaveshownatendencytodeclarethatwewouldrathernothaveitmisregulated,ifsuchdeclarationmay,withoutviolencetotheChurchCatechism,behintedtothosewhoareputinauthorityoverus。

Anyanimateddescriptionofamodernbattle,anyprivatesoldier’sletterpublishedinthenewspapers,anypageoftherecordsoftheVictoriaCross,willshowthatintheranksofthearmy,thereexistsunderalldisadvantagesasfineasenseofdutyasistobefoundinanystationonearth。Whodoubtsthatifwealldidourdutyasfaithfullyasthesoldierdoeshis,thisworldwouldbeabetterplace?Theremaybegreaterdifficultiesinourwaythaninthesoldier’s。Notdisputed。But,letusatleastdoourdutytowardsHIM。

IhadgotbackagaintothatrichandbeautifulportwhereIhadlookedafterMercantileJack,andIwaswalkingupahillthere,onawildMarchmorning。MyconversationwithmyofficialfriendPangloss,bywhomIwasaccidentallyaccompanied,tookthisdirectionaswetooktheup-hilldirection,becausetheobjectofmyuncommercialjourneywastoseesomedischargedsoldierswhohadrecentlycomehomefromIndia。ThereweremenofHAVELOCK’samongthem;thereweremenwhohadbeeninmanyofthegreatbattlesofthegreatIndiancampaign,amongthem;andIwascurioustonotewhatourdischargedsoldierslookedlike,whentheyweredonewith。

Iwasnotthelessinterested(asImentionedtomyofficialfriendPangloss)becausethesemenhadclaimedtobedischarged,whentheirrighttobedischargedwasnotadmitted。Theyhadbehavedwithunblemishedfidelityandbravery;but,achangeofcircumstanceshadarisen,which,astheyconsidered,putanendtotheircompactandentitledthemtoenteronanewone。TheirdemandhadbeenblunderinglyresistedbytheauthoritiesinIndia:

but,itistobepresumedthatthemenwerenotfarwrong,inasmuchasthebunglehadendedintheirbeingsenthomedischarged,inpursuanceofordersfromhome。(Therewasanimmensewasteofmoney,ofcourse。)

Underthesecircumstances-thoughtI,asIwalkedupthehill,onwhichIaccidentallyencounteredmyofficialfriend-underthesecircumstancesofthemenhavingsuccessfullyopposedthemselvestothePagodaDepartmentofthatgreatCircumlocutionOfficeonwhichthesunneversetsandthelightofreasonneverrises,thePagodaDepartmentwillhavebeenparticularlycarefulofthenationalhonour。Itwillhaveshownthesemen,inthescrupulousgoodfaith,nottosaythegenerosity,ofitsdealingwiththem,thatgreatnationalauthoritiescanhavenosmallretaliationsandrevenges。Itwillhavemadeeveryprovisionfortheirhealthonthepassagehome,andwillhavelandedthem,restoredfromtheircampaigningfatiguesbyasea-voyage,pureair,soundfood,andgoodmedicines。AndIpleasedmyselfwithdwellingbeforehand,onthegreataccountsoftheirpersonaltreatmentwhichthesemenwouldcarryintotheirvarioustownsandvillages,andontheincreasingpopularityoftheservicethatwouldinsensiblyfollow。

Ialmostbegantohopethatthehitherto-never-failingdesertersonmyrailroadwouldby-and-bybecomeaphenomenon。

InthisagreeableframeofmindIenteredtheworkhouseofLiverpool-For,thecultivationoflaurelsinasandysoil,hadbroughtthesoldiersinquestiontoTHATabodeofGlory。

Beforegoingintotheirwardstovisitthem,Iinquiredhowtheyhadmadetheirtriumphantentrythere?Theyhadbeenbroughtthroughtherainincartsitseemed,fromthelanding-placetothegate,andhadthenbeencarriedup-stairsonthebacksofpaupers。

Theirgroansandpainsduringtheperformanceofthisgloriouspageant,hadbeensodistressing,astobringtearsintotheeyesofspectatorsbuttoowellaccustomedtoscenesofsuffering。Themenweresodreadfullycold,thatthosewhocouldgetnearthefireswerehardtoberestrainedfromthrustingtheirfeetinamongtheblazingcoals。Theyweresohorriblyreduced,thattheywereawfultolookupon。Rackedwithdysenteryandblackenedwithscurvy,onehundredandfortywretchedsoldiershadbeenrevivedwithbrandyandlaidinbed。

MyofficialfriendPanglossislineallydescendedfromalearneddoctorofthatname,whowasoncetutortoCandide,aningeniousyounggentlemanofsomecelebrity。Inhispersonalcharacter,heisashumaneandworthyagentlemanasanyIknow;inhisofficialcapacity,heunfortunatelypreachesthedoctrinesofhisrenownedancestor,bydemonstratingonalloccasionsthatweliveinthebestofallpossibleofficialworlds。

’InthenameofHumanity,’saidI,’howdidthemenfallintothisdeplorablestate?Wastheshipwellfoundinstores?’

’IamnotheretoasseveratethatIknowthefact,ofmyownknowledge,’answeredPangloss,’butIhavegroundsforassertingthatthestoreswerethebestofallpossiblestores。’

Amedicalofficerlaidbeforeus,ahandfulofrottenbiscuit,andahandfulofsplitpeas。Thebiscuitwasahoneycombedheapofmaggots,andtheexcrementofmaggots。Thepeaswereevenharderthanthisfilth。Asimilarhandfulhadbeenexperimentallyboiledsixhours,andhadshownnosignsofsoftening。Thesewerethestoresonwhichthesoldiershadbeenfed。

’Thebeef-’Ibegan,whenPanglosscutmeshort。

’Wasthebestofallpossiblebeef,’saidhe。

But,behold,therewaslaidbeforeuscertainevidencegivenattheCoroner’sInquest,holdenonsomeofthemen(whohadobstinatelydiedoftheirtreatment),andfromthatevidenceitappearedthatthebeefwastheworstofpossiblebeef!

’ThenIlaymyhanduponmyheart,andtakemystand,’saidPangloss,’bythepork,whichwasthebestofallpossiblepork。’

’Butlookatthisfoodbeforeoureyes,ifonemaysomisusetheword,’saidI。’WouldanyInspectorwhodidhisduty,passsuchabomination?’

’Itoughtnottohavebeenpassed,’Panglossadmitted。

’Thentheauthoritiesoutthere-’Ibegan,whenPanglosscutmeshortagain。

’Therewouldcertainlyseemtohavebeensomethingwrongsomewhere,’saidhe;’butIampreparedtoprovethattheauthoritiesoutthere,arethebestofallpossibleauthorities。’

Ineverheardofanyimpeachedpublicauthorityinmylife,whowasnotthebestpublicauthorityinexistence。

’Wearetoldoftheseunfortunatemenbeinglaidlowbyscurvy,’

saidI。’Sincelime-juicehasbeenregularlystoredandservedoutinournavy,surelythatdisease,whichusedtodevastateit,hasalmostdisappeared?Wastherelime-juiceaboardthistransport?’

Myofficialfriendwasbeginning’thebestofallpossible-’whenaninconvenientmedicalforefingerpointedoutanotherpassageintheevidence,fromwhichitappearedthatthelime-juicehadbeenbadtoo。Nottomentionthatthevinegarhadbeenbadtoo,thevegetablesbadtoo,thecookingaccommodationinsufficient(iftherehadbeenanythingworthmentioningtocook),thewatersupplyexceedinglyinadequate,andthebeersour。

’Thenthemen,’saidPangloss,alittleirritated,’Weretheworstofallpossiblemen。’

’Inwhatrespect?’Iasked。

’Oh!Habitualdrunkards,’saidPangloss。

But,againthesameincorrigiblemedicalforefingerpointedoutanotherpassageintheevidence,showingthatthedeadmenhadbeenexaminedafterdeath,andthatthey,atleast,couldnotpossiblyhavebeenhabitualdrunkards,becausetheorganswithinthemwhichmusthaveshowntracesofthathabit,wereperfectlysound。

’Andbesides,’saidthethreedoctorspresent,’oneandall,habitualdrunkardsbroughtaslowasthesemenhavebeen,couldnotrecoverundercareandfood,asthegreatmajorityofthesemenarerecovering。Theywouldnothavestrengthofconstitutiontodoit。’

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