第9章
CHAPTERIII
NecessityofReligion—TheGreatIndianOne—Image—worship—Shakespeare—ThePatAnswer—Krishna—Amen。
HAVINGtoldthemaninblackthatIshouldliketoknowallthetruthwithregardtothePopeandhissystem，heassuredmeheshouldbedelightedtogivemealltheinformationinhispower；thathehadcometothedingle，notsomuchforthesakeofthegoodcheerwhichIwasinthehabitofgivinghim，asinthehopeofinducingmetoenlistunderthebannersofRome，andtofightinhercause；andthathehadnodoubtthat，byspeakingoutfranklytome，heranthebestchanceofwinningmeover。
Hethenproceededtotellmethattheexperienceofcountlessageshadprovedthenecessityofreligion；thenecessity，hewouldadmit，wasonlyforsimpletons；butasnine—tenthsofthedwellersuponthisearthweresimpletons，itwouldneverdoforsensiblepeopletoruncountertotheirfolly，but，onthecontrary，itwastheirwisestcoursetoencouragetheminit，alwaysprovidedthat，bysodoing，sensiblepeoplewouldderiveadvantage；thatthetrulysensiblepeopleofthisworldwerethepriests，who，withoutcaringastrawforreligionforitsownsake，madeuseofitasacordbywhichtodrawthesimpletonsafterthem；thatthereweremanyreligionsinthisworld，allofwhichhadbeenturnedtoexcellentaccountbythepriesthood；butthattheonethebestadaptedforthepurposesofpriestcraftwasthepopish，which，hesaid，wastheoldestintheworldandthebestcalculatedtoendure。Onmyinquiringwhathemeantbysayingthepopishreligionwastheoldestintheworld，whereastherecouldbenodoubtthattheGreekandRomanreligionhadexistedlongbeforeit，tosaynothingoftheoldIndianreligionstillinexistenceandvigour；hesaid，withanod，aftertakingasipathisglass，that，betweenmeandhim，thepopishreligion，thatofGreeceandRome，andtheoldIndiansystemwere，inreality，oneandthesame。
"Youtoldmethatyouintendedtobefrank，"saidI；"but，howeverfrankyoumaybe，Ithinkyouareratherwild。"
"WepriestsofRome，"saidthemaninblack，"eventhoseamongstuswhodonotgomuchabroad，knowagreatdealaboutchurchmatters，ofwhichyouhereticshaveverylittleidea。
ThoseofourbrethrenofthePropaganda，ontheirreturnhomefromdistantmissions，notunfrequentlytellusverystrangethingsrelatingtoourdearmother；forexample，ourfirstmissionariestotheEastwerenotslowindiscoveringandtellingtotheirbrethrenthatourreligionandthegreatIndianonewereidentical，nomoredifferencebetweenthemthanbetweenRamandRome。Priests，convents，beads，prayers，processions，fastings，penances，allthesame，notforgettinganchoritesandvermin，he！he！Thepopetheyfoundunderthetitleofthegrandlama，asuckingchildsurroundedbyanimmensenumberofpriests。Ourgoodbrethren，sometwohundredyearsago，hadaheartylaugh，whichtheirsuccessorshaveoftenre—echoed；theysaidthathelplesssucklinganditspriestsputthemsomuchinmindoftheirownoldman，surroundedbyhiscardinals，he！he！Oldageissecondchildhood。"
"DidtheyfindChrist？"saidI。
"Theyfoundhimtoo，"saidthemaninblack，"thatis，theysawhisimage；heisconsideredinIndiaasapurekindofbeing，andonthataccount，perhaps，iskeptthereratherinthebackground，evenasheishere。"
"Allthisisverymysterioustome，"saidI。
"Verylikely，"saidthemaninblack；"butofthisIamtolerablysure，andsoaremostofthoseofRome，thatmodernRomehaditsreligionfromancientRome，whichhaditsreligionfromtheEast。"
"Buthow？"Idemanded。
"Itwasbroughtabout，Ibelieve，bythewanderingsofnations，"saidthemaninblack。"AbrotherofthePropaganda，averylearnedman，oncetoldme—IdonotmeanMezzofanti，whohasnotfiveideas—thisbrotheroncetoldmethatallweoftheOldWorld，fromCalcuttatoDublin，areofthesamestock，andwereoriginallyofthesamelanguage，and—"
"Allofonereligion，"Iputin。
"Allofonereligion，"saidthemaninblack；"andnowfollowdifferentmodificationsofthesamereligion。"
"WeChristiansarenotimage—worshippers，"saidI。
"Youhereticsarenot，youmean，"saidthemaninblack；"butyouwillbeputdown，justasyouhavealwaysbeen，thoughothersmayriseupafteryou；thetruereligionisimage—
worship；peoplemaystriveagainstit，buttheywillonlyworkthemselvestoanoil；howdiditfarewiththatGreekEmperor，theIconoclast，whatwashisname，LeontheIsaurian？Didnothisimage—breakingcosthimItaly，thefairestprovinceofhisempire，anddidnottenfreshimagesstartupathomeforeveryonewhichhedemolished？Oh！youlittleknowthecravingwhichthesoulsometimesfeelsafteragoodbodilyimage。"
"Ihaveindeednoconceptionofit，"saidI；"Ihaveanabhorrenceofidolatry—theideaofbowingbeforeagravenfigure！"
"Theidea，indeed！"saidBelle，whohadnowjoinedus。
"DidyouneverbowbeforethatofShakespeare？"saidthemaninblack，addressinghimselftome，afteralowbowtoBelle。
"Idon’trememberthatIeverdid，"saidI，"butevensupposeIdid？"
"Supposeyoudid，"saidthemaninblack；"shameonyou，Mr。
HaterofIdolatry；why，theverysuppositionbringsyoutotheground；youmustmakefiguresofShakespeare，mustyou？
thenwhynotofSt。Antonio，orIgnacio，orofagreaterpersonagestill！Iknowwhatyouaregoingtosay，"hecried，interruptingme，asIwasabouttospeak。"Youdon’tmakehisimageinordertopayitdivinehonours，butonlytolookatit，andthinkofShakespeare；butthislookingatathinginordertothinkofapersonistheverybasisofidolatry。Shakespeare’sworksarenotsufficientforyou；nomorearetheBibleorthelegendofSaintAnthonyorSaintIgnacioforus，thatisforthoseofuswhobelieveinthem；
Itellyou，Zingara，thatnoreligioncanexistlongwhichrejectsagoodbodilyimage。"
"Doyouthink，"saidI，"thatShakespeare’sworkswouldnotexistwithouthisimage？"
"Ibelieve，"saidthemaninblack，"thatShakespeare’simageislookedatmorethanhisworks，andwillbelookedat，andperhapsadored，whentheyareforgotten。Iamsurprisedthattheyhavenotbeenforgottenlongago；Iamnoadmirerofthem。"
"ButIcan’timagine，"saidI，"howyouwillputasidetheauthorityofMoses。IfMosesstroveagainstimage—worship，shouldnothisdoingsobeconclusiveastotheimproprietyofthepractice：whathigherauthoritycanyouhavethanthatofMoses？"
"Thepracticeofthegreatmajorityofthehumanrace，"saidthemaninblack，"andtherecurrencetoimage—worshipwhereimage—worshiphasbeenabolished。DoyouknowthatMosesisconsideredbythechurchasnobetterthanaheretic，andthough，forparticularreasons，ithasbeenobligedtoadopthiswritings，theadoptionwasmerelyashamone，asitneverpaidtheslightestattentiontothem？No，no，thechurchwasneverledbyMoses，norbyonemightierthanhe，whosedoctrineithasequallynullified—IalludetoKrishnainhissecondavatar；thechurch，itistrue，governsinhisname，butnotunfrequentlygiveshimthelie，ifhehappenstohavesaidanythingwhichitdislikes。DidyouneverhearthereplywhichPadrePaoloSeganimadetotheFrenchProtestantJeanAnthoineGuerin，whohadaskedhimwhetheritwaseasierforChristtohavebeenmistakeninhisGospel，thanforthePopetobemistakeninhisdecrees？"
"Ineverheardtheirnamesbefore，"saidI。
"Theanswerwaspat，"saidthemaninblack，"thoughhewhomadeitwasconfessedlythemostignorantfellowoftheveryignorantordertowhichhebelonged，theAugustine。’Christmighterrasaman，’saidhe，’butthePopecannevererr，beingGod。’ThewholestoryisrelatedintheNipotismo。"
"IwonderyoushouldeverhavetroubledyourselfwithChristatall，"saidI。
"Whatwastobedone？"saidthemaninblack；"thepowerofthatnamesuddenlycameoverEurope，likethepowerofamightywind；itwassaidtohavecomefromJudea，andfromJudeaitprobablycamewhenitfirstbegantoagitatemindsintheseparts；butitseemstohavebeenknownintheremoteEast，moreorless，forthousandsofyearspreviously。Itfilledpeople’smindswithmadness；itwasfollowedbybookswhichwerenevermuchregarded，astheycontainedlittleofinsanity；butthename！whatfurythatbreathedintopeople！
thebookswereaboutpeaceandgentleness，butthenamewasthemosthorribleofwar—cries—thosewhowishedtoupholdoldnamesatfirststrovetoopposeit，buttheireffortswerefeeble，andtheyhadnogoodwar—cry；whatwasMarsasawar—crycomparedwiththenameof……？Itwassaidthattheypersecutedterribly，butwhosaidso？TheChristians。
TheChristianscouldhavegiventhemalessonintheartofpersecution，andeventuallydidso。NonebutChristianshaveeverbeengoodpersecutors；well，theoldreligionsuccumbed，Christianityprevailed，fortheferociousissuretoprevailoverthegentle。"
"Ithought，"saidI，"youstatedalittletimeagothatthePopishreligionandtheancientRomanarethesame？"
"Ineverypointbutthatname，thatKrishnaandthefuryandloveofpersecutionwhichitinspired，"saidthemaninblack。"AhotblastcamefromtheEast，soundingKrishna；itabsolutelymaddenedpeople’sminds，andthepeoplewouldcallthemselveshischildren；wewillnotbelongtoJupiteranylonger，wewillbelongtoKrishna，andtheydidbelongtoKrishna；thatisinname，butinnothingelse；forwhoevercaredforKrishnaintheChristianworld，orwhoeverregardedthewordsattributedtohim，orputtheminpractice？"
"Why，weProtestantsregardhiswords，andendeavourtopractisewhattheyenjoinasmuchaspossible。"
"Butyourejecthisimage，"sadthemaninblack；"betterrejecthiswordsthanhisimage：noreligioncanexistlongwhichrejectsagoodbodilyimage。Why，theverynegrobarbariansofHighBarbarycouldgiveyoualessononthatpoint；theyhavetheirfetishimages，towhichtheylookforhelpintheirafflictions；theyhavelikewiseahighpriest，whomtheycall—"
"MumboJumbo，"saidI；"Iknowallabouthimalready。"
"Howcameyoutoknowanythingabouthim？"saidthemaninblack，withalookofsomesurprise。
"SomeofuspoorProtestantstinkers，"saidI，"thoughweliveindingles，arealsoacquaintedwithathingortwo。"
"Ireallybelieveyouare，"saidthemaninblack，staringatme；"but，inconnectionwiththisMumboJumbo，Icouldrelatetoyouacomicalstoryaboutafellow，anEnglishservant，I
oncemetatRome。"
"Itwouldbequiteunnecessary，"saidI；"IwouldmuchsoonerhearyoutalkaboutKrishna，hiswordsandimage。"
"Spokenlikeatrueheretic，"saidthemaninblack；"oneofthefaithfulwouldhaveplacedhisimagebeforehiswords；
forwhatareallthewordsintheworldcomparedwithagoodbodilyimage！"
"Ibelieveyouoccasionallyquotehiswords？"saidI。
"He！he！"saidthemaninblack；"occasionally。"
"Forexample，"saidI，"uponthisrockIwillfoundmychurch。"
"He！he！"saidthemaninblack；"youmustreallybecomeoneofus。"
"YetyoumusthavehadsomedifficultyingettingtherocktoRome？"
"Nonewhatever，"saidthemaninblack；"faithcanremovemountains，tosaynothingofrocks—ho！ho！"
"ButIcannotimagine，"saidI，"whatadvantageyoucouldderivefrompervertingthosewordsofScriptureinwhichtheSaviourtalksabouteatinghisbody。"
"Idonotknow，indeed，whywetroubledourheadsaboutthematteratall，"saidthemaninblack；"butwhenyoutalkaboutpervertingthemeaningofthetext，youspeakignorantly，Mr。Tinker；whenhewhomyoucalltheSaviourgavehisfollowersthesop，andbadethemeatit，tellingthemitwashisbody，hedelicatelyalludedtowhatitwasincumbentuponthemtodoafterhisdeath，namely，toeathisbody。"
"Youdonotmeantosaythatheintendedtheyshouldactuallyeathisbody？"
"Thenyousupposeignorantly，"saidthemaninblack；"eatingthebodiesofthedeadwasaheathenishcustom，practisedbytheheirsandlegateesofpeoplewholeftproperty；andthiscustomisalludedtointhetext。"
"ButwhathastheNewTestamenttodowithheathencustoms，"
saidI，"excepttodestroythem？"
"Morethanyousuppose，"saidthemaninblack。"WepriestsofRome，whohavelonglivedatRome，knowmuchbetterwhattheNewTestamentismadeofthanthehereticsandtheirtheologians，notforgettingtheirTinkers；thoughIconfesssomeofthelatterhaveoccasionallysurprisedus—forexample，Bunyan。TheNewTestamentiscrowdedwithallusionstoheathencustoms，andwithwordsconnectedwithpagansorcery。Now，withrespecttowords，Iwouldfainhaveyou，whopretendtobeaphilologist，tellmethemeaningofAmen。"
Imadenoanswer。
"WeofRome，"saidthemaninblack，"knowtwoorthreethingsofwhichthehereticsarequiteignorant；forexample，therearethoseamongstus—those，too，whodonotpretendtobephilologists—whoknowwhatAmenis，and，moreover，howwegotit。Wegotitfromourancestors，thepriestsofancientRome；andtheygotthewordfromtheirancestorsoftheEast，thepriestsofBuddhandBrahma。"
"Andwhatisthemeaningoftheword？"Idemanded。
"Amen，"saidthemaninblack，"isamodificationoftheoldHindooformula，Omanibatsikhom，bythealmostceaselessrepetitionofwhichtheIndianshopetobereceivedfinallytotherestorstateofforgetfulnessofBuddhorBrahma；afoolishpracticeyouwillsay，butareyouhereticsmuchwiser，whoarecontinuallystickingAmentotheendofyourprayers，littleknowingwhenyoudoso，thatyouareconsigningyourselvestothereposeofBuddh！Oh，whatheartylaughsourmissionarieshavehadwhencomparingtheeternally—soundingEasterngibberishofOmanibatsikhom，Omanibatsikhom，andtheAveMariaandAmenJesusofourownidioticaldevotees。"
"IhavenothingtosayabouttheAveMariasandAmensofyoursuperstitiousdevotees，"saidI；"Idaresaythattheyusethemnonsensicallyenough，butinputtingAmentotheendofaprayer，wemerelyintendtoexpress，’Soletitbe。’"
"Itmeansnothingofthekind，"saidthemaninblack；"andtheHindoosmightjustaswellputyournationaloathattheendoftheirprayers，asperhapstheywillafteragreatmanythousandyears，whenEnglishisforgotten，andonlyafewwordsofitrememberedbydimtraditionwithoutbeingunderstood。Howstrangeif，afterthelapseoffourthousandyears，theHindoosshoulddamnthemselvestotheblindnesssodeartotheirpresentmasters，evenastheirmastersatpresentconsignthemselvestotheforgetfulnesssodeartotheHindoos；butmyglasshasbeenemptyforaconsiderabletime；perhaps，BellissimaBiondina，"saidhe，addressingBelle，"youwilldeigntoreplenishit？"
"Ishalldonosuchthing，"saidBelle，"youhavedrunkquiteenough，andtalkedmorethanenough，andtotellyouthetruthIwishyouwouldleaveusalone。"
"Shameonyou，Belle，"saidI；"considertheobligationsofhospitality。"
"Iamsickofthatword，"saidBelle，"youaresofrequentlymisusingit；werethisplacenotMumpers’Dingle，andconsequentlyasfreetothefellowasourselves，Iwouldleadhimoutofit。"
"Praybequiet，Belle，"saidI。"Youhadbetterhelpyourself，"saidI，addressingmyselftothemaninblack，"theladyisangrywithyou。"
"Iamsorryforit，"saidthemaninblack；"ifsheisangrywithme，Iamnotsowithher，andshallbealwaysproudtowaituponher；inthemeantime，Iwillwaituponmyself。"
CHAPTERIV
TheProposal—TheScotchNovel—Latitude—Miracles—
PestilentHeretics—OldFraser—WonderfulTexts—NoArmenian。
THEmaninblackhavinghelpedhimselftosomemoreofhisfavouritebeverage，andtastedit，Ithusaddressedhim："Theeveningisgettingratheradvanced，andIcanseethatthislady，"pointingtoBelle，"isanxiousforhertea，whichshepreferstotakecosilyandcomfortablywithmeinthedingle：
theplace，itistrue，isasfreetoyouastoourselves，nevertheless，aswearelocatedherebynecessity，whilstyoumerelycomeasavisitor，Imusttakethelibertyoftellingyouthatweshallbegladtobealone，assoonasyouhavesaidwhatyouhavetosay，andhavefinishedtheglassofrefreshmentatpresentinyourhand。IthinkyousaidsometimeagothatoneofyourmotivesforcominghitherwastoinducemetoenlistunderthebannerofRome。Iwishtoknowwhetherthatwasreallythecase？"
"Decidedlyso，"saidthemaninblack；"Icomehereprincipallyinthehopeofenlistingyouinourregiment，inwhichIhavenodoubtyoucoulddousexcellentservice。"
"Wouldyouenlistmycompanionaswell？"Idemanded。
"Weshouldbeonlytooproudtohaveheramongus，whethershecomeswithyouoralone，"saidthemaninblack，withapolitebowtoBelle。
"Beforewegiveyouananswer，"Ireplied，"Iwouldfainknowmoreaboutyou；perhapsyouwilldeclareyourname？"
"ThatIwillneverdo，"saidthemaninblack；"nooneinEnglandknowsitbutmyself，andIwillnotdeclareit，eveninadingle；asfortherest，SONOUNPRETECATTOLICO
APPOSTOLICO—thatisallthatmanyaoneofuscansayforhimself，anditassuredlymeansagreatdeal。"
"Wewillnowproceedtobusiness，"saidI。"YoumustbeawarethatweEnglisharegenerallyconsideredaself—
interestedpeople。"
"Andwithconsiderablejustice，"saidthemaninblack，drinking。"Well，youareapersonofacuteperception，andI
willpresentlymakeitevidenttoyouthatitwouldbetoyourinteresttojoinwithus。Youareatpresent，evidently，inveryneedycircumstances，andarelost，notonlytoyourself，buttotheworld；butshouldyouenlistwithus，Icouldfindyouanoccupationnotonlyagreeable，butoneinwhichyourtalentswouldhavefreescope。IwouldintroduceyouinthevariousgrandhouseshereinEngland，towhichIhavemyselfadmission，asasurprisingyounggentlemanofinfinitelearning，whobydintofstudyhasdiscoveredthattheRomanistheonlytruefaith。Itellyouconfidentlythatourpopishfemaleswouldmakeasaint，nay，aGodofyou；theyarefoolsenoughforanything。ThereisonepersoninparticularwithwhomIwouldwishtomakeyouacquainted，inthehopethatyouwouldbeabletohelpmetoperformgoodservicetotheholysee。Heisagoutyoldfellow，ofsomelearning，residinginanoldhall，nearthegreatwesternseaport，andisoneoftheveryfewamongsttheEnglishCatholicspossessingagrainofsense。Ithinkyoucouldhelpustogovernhim，forheisnotunfrequentlydisposedtoberestive，asksusstrangequestions—
occasionallythreatensuswithhiscrutch；andbehavessothatweareoftenafraidthatweshalllosehim，or，rather，hisproperty，whichhehasbequeathedtous，andwhichisenormous。Iamsurethatyoucouldhelpustodealwithhim；
sometimeswithyourhumour，sometimeswithyourlearning，andperhapsoccasionallywithyourfists。"
"Andinwhatmannerwouldyouprovideformycompanion？"saidI。
"Wewouldplaceheratonce，"saidthemaninblack，"inthehouseoftwohighlyrespectableCatholicladiesinthisneighbourhood，whereshewouldbetreatedwitheverycareandconsiderationtillherconversionshouldbeaccomplishedinaregularmanner；wewouldthenremovehertoafemalemonasticestablishment，where，afterundergoingayear’sprobation，duringwhichtimeshewouldbeinstructedineveryelegantaccomplishment，sheshouldtaketheveil。Heradvancementwouldspeedilyfollow，for，withsuchafaceandfigure，shewouldmakeacapitalladyabbess，especiallyinItaly，towhichcountryshewouldprobablybesent；ladiesofherhairandcomplexion—tosaynothingofherheight—beingacuriosityinthesouth。Withalittlecareandmanagementshecouldsoonobtainavastreputationforsanctity；andwhoknowsbutafterherdeathshemightbecomeaglorifiedsaint—he！he！SisterMariaTheresa，forthatisthenameI
proposeyoushouldbear。HolyMotherMariaTheresa—
glorifiedandcelestialsaint，Ihavethehonourofdrinkingtoyourhealth，"andthemaninblackdrank。
"Well，Belle，"saidI，"whathaveyoutosaytothegentleman’sproposal？"
"ThatifhegoesoninthiswayIwillbreakhisglassagainsthismouth。"
"Youhaveheardthelady’sanswer，"saidI。
"Ihave，"saidthemaninblack，"andshallnotpressthematter。Ican’thelp，however，repeatingthatshewouldmakeacapitalladyabbess；shewouldkeepthenunsinorder，I
warranther；noeasymatter！Breaktheglassagainstmymouth—he！he！Howshewouldsendtheholyutensilsflyingatthenuns’headsoccasionally，andjustthepersontowringthenoseofSatan，shouldheventuretoappearonenightinhercellintheshapeofahandsomeblackman。Nooffence，madam，nooffence，prayretainyourseat，"saidhe，observingthatBellehadstartedup；"Imeannooffence。Well，ifyouwillnotconsenttobeanabbess，perhapsyouwillconsenttofollowthisyoungZingaro，andtoco—operatewithhimandus。
Iamapriest，madam，andcanjoinyoubothinaninstant，CONNUBIOSTABILI，asIsupposetheknothasnotbeentiedalready。"
"Holdyourmumpinggibberish，"saidBelle，"andleavethedinglethismoment，forthough’tisfreetoeveryone，youhavenorighttoinsultmeinit。"
"Praybepacified，"saidItoBelle，gettingup，andplacingmyselfbetweenherandthemaninblack，"hewillpresentlyleave，takemywordforit—there，sitdownagain，"saidI，asIledhertoherseat；then，resumingmyown，Isaidtothemaninblack："Iadviseyoutoleavethedingleassoonaspossible。"
"Ishouldwishtohaveyouranswertomyproposalfirst，"
saidhe。
"Well，then，hereyoushallhaveit：Iwillnotentertainyourproposal；Idetestyourschemes：theyarebothwickedandfoolish。"
"Wicked，"saidthemaninblack，"havetheynot—he！he！—
thefurtheranceofreligioninview？"
"Areligion，"saidI，"inwhichyouyourselfdonotbelieve，andwhichyoucontemn。"
"WhetherIbelieveinitornot，"saidthemaninblack，"itisadaptedforthegeneralityofthehumanrace；soIwillforwardit，andadviseyoutodothesame。Itwasnearlyextirpatedintheseregions，butitisspringingupagain，owingtocircumstances。Radicalismisagoodfriendtous；
alltheliberalslaudupoursystemoutofhatredtotheEstablishedChurch，thoughoursystemistentimeslessliberalthantheChurchofEngland。Someofthemhavereallycomeovertous。ImyselfconfessabaronetwhopresidedoverthefirstradicalmeetingeverheldinEngland—hewasanatheistwhenhecameovertous，inthehopeofmortifyinghisownchurch—butheisnow—ho！ho！—arealCatholicdevotee—quiteafraidofmythreats；Imakehimfrequentlyscourgehimselfbeforeme。Well，Radicalismdoesusgoodservice，especiallyamongstthelowerclasses，forRadicalismchieflyflourishesamongstthem；forthoughabaronetortwomaybefoundamongsttheradicals，andperhapsasmanylords—fellowswhohavebeendiscardedbytheirownorderforclownishness，orsomethingtheyhavedone—itincontestablyflourishesbestamongthelowerorders。Thentheloveofwhatisforeignisagreatfriendtous；thisloveischieflyconfinedtothemiddleandupperclasses。SomeadmiretheFrench，andimitatethem；othersmustneedsbeSpaniards，dressthemselvesupinazamarra，stickacigarintheirmouth，andsay，’Carajo。’OtherswouldpassforGermans；he！
he！theideaofanyonewishingtopassforaGerman！butwhathasdoneusmoreservicethananythingelseintheseregions—Imeanamidstthemiddleclasses—hasbeenthenovel，theScotchnovel。Thegoodfolks，sincetheyhavereadthenovels，havebecomeJacobites；and，becausealltheJacobswerePapists，thegoodfolksmustbecomePapistsalso，or，atleast，papisticallyinclined。TheveryScotchPresbyterians，sincetheyhavereadthenovels，arebecomeallbutPapists；Ispeakadvisedly，havinglatelybeenamongstthem。There’satrumperybitofahalfpapistsect，calledtheScotchEpiscopalianChurch，whichlaydormantandnearlyforgottenforupwardsofahundredyears，whichhasoflategotwonderfullyintofashioninScotland，because，forsooth，someofthelong—hairedgentryofthenovelsweresaidtobelongtoit，suchasMontroseandDundee；andtothisthePresbyteriansaregoingoverinthrongs，traducingandvilifyingtheirownforefathers，ordenyingthemaltogether，andcallingthemselvesdescendantsof—ho！ho！
ho！—ScottishCavaliers！！！IhaveheardthemmyselfrepeatingsnatchesofJacobitedittiesabout’BonnieDundee，’
and—
"’Come，fillupmycup，andfillupmycan，Andsaddlemyhorse，andcallupmyman。’
There’sstuffforyou！NotthatIobjecttothefirstpartoftheditty。ItisnaturalenoughthataScotchmanshouldcry，’Come，fillupmycup！’moreespeciallyifhe’sdrinkingatanotherperson’sexpense—allScotchmenbeingfondofliquoratfreecost：but’Saddlehishorse！！！’—forwhatpurpose，Iwouldask？Whereistheuseofsaddlingahorse，unlessyoucanridehim？andwherewasthereeveraScotchmanwhocouldride？"
"OfcourseyouhavenotadropofScotchbloodinyourveins，"saidI，"otherwiseyouwouldneverhaveutteredthatlastsentence。"
"Don’tbetoosureofthat，"saidthemaninblack；"youknowlittleofPoperyifyouimaginethatitcannotextinguishloveofcountry，eveninaScotchman。Athorough—goingPapist—andwhomorethorough—goingthanmyself？—caresnothingforhiscountry；andwhyshouldhe？hebelongstoasystem，andnottoacountry。"
"Onething，"saidI，"connectedwithyou，Icannotunderstand；youcallyourselfathorough—goingPapist，yetarecontinuallysayingthemostpungentthingsagainstPopery，andturningtounboundedridiculethosewhoshowanyinclinationtoembraceit。"
"Romeisaverysensibleoldbody，"saidthemaninblack，"andlittlecareswhatherchildrensay，providedtheydoherbidding。Sheknowsseveralthings，andamongstothers，thatnoservantsworksohardandfaithfullyasthosewhocursetheirmastersateverystroketheydo。ShewasnotfoolenoughtobeangrywiththeMiqueletsofAlba，whorenouncedher，andcalledher’puta’allthetimetheywerecuttingthethroatsoftheNetherlanders。Now，ifsheallowedherfaithfulsoldiersthelatitudeofrenouncingher，andcallingher’puta’inthemarket—place，thinknotsheissounreasonableastoobjecttoherfaithfulpriestsoccasionallycallingher’puta’inthedingle。"
"But，"saidI，"supposesomeoneweretotelltheworldsomeofthedisorderlythingswhichherpriestssayinthedingle？"
"HewouldhavethefateofCassandra，"saidthemaninblack；
"noonewouldbelievehim—yes，thepriestswould：buttheywouldmakenosignofbelief。TheybelieveintheAlcorandesCordeliers—thatis，thosewhohavereadit；buttheymakenosign。"