第4章

"Jenningswasveryattractive,"saidmyCousinBertha."Idon"tthinkI

eversawahandsomerman.Now,ifhehadlookedatme——"

Thesentencewasneverfinished,foratthiscrucialmomentIdroppedagrammar

Ihadheardenough,however,toexcitemycuriositytothehighestpitch.

Andthatevening,whenIcameinatfiveo"clocktostudy,IaskedmymotherwhathadbecomeofGeneHollister"saunt.

"Shewentaway,Hugh,"repliedmymother,lookinggreatlytroubled.

"Why?"Ipersisted.

"Itissomethingyouaretooyoungtounderstand."

OfcourseIstartedaninvestigation,andthenextdayatschoolIaskedthequestionofGeneHollisterhimself,onlytodiscoverthathebelievedhisaunttobedead!AndthatnightheaskedhismotherifhisAuntGracewerereallyalive,afterall?Whereuponcomplicationsandexplanationsensuedbetweenourparents,ofwhichwesawonlythesurfacesignsMyfatheraccusedmeofeavesdropping(whichIdenied),andsentencedmetoanafternoonofsolitaryconfinementforrepeatingsomethingwhichIhadheardinprivate.Ihavereasontobelievethatmymotherwasalsoreprimanded.

ItmustnotbesupposedthatIpermittedthemattertorest.InadditiontoGritsJarvis,therewasanothercontrabandamongmyacquaintances,namely,AlecPound,thescrape-gracesonoftheReverendDoctorPound.

Alechadanencyclopaedicmind,especiallywellstockedwiththekindofknowledgeInowdesired;firstandlasthetaughtmemuch,whichIwouldbetterhavegotinanotherway.TohimIappealedandgotthestory,myworstsuspicionsbeingconfirmed.Mrs.Whitcomb"shousehadbeenacrossthealleyfromthatofMr.Jennings,butnooneknewthatanythingwas"goingon,"thoughtherehadbeensignalsfromthewindows——theneighboursafterwardsremembered

Ilistenedshudderingly.

"But,"Icried,"theywerebothmarried!"

"Whatdifferencedoesthatmakewhenyouloveawoman?"Alecrepliedgrandly."Icouldtellyoumuchworsethingsthanthat."

Thisheproceededtodo.Fascinated,Ilistenedwithasickeningsensation.Itwasamildafternooninspring,andwestoodinthedeeplimestonegutterinfrontoftheparsonage,alittleGothicwoodenhousesetinagloomyyard.

"Ithought,"saidI,"thatpeoplecouldn"tloveanymoreaftertheyweremarried,excepteachother."

Aleclookedatmepityingly.

"You"llgetoverthatnotion,"heassuredme.

Thusanotheringrediententeredmycharacter.Denieditsfoodathome,goodfood,mysouleagerlyconsumedandmadepartofitselfthefermentingstuffthatAlecPoundsowillingdistributed.Anditwasfermentingstuff.Letusseewhatitdidtome.Workingslowlybutsurely,itchangedformethedawningmysteryofsexintoanevilinsteadofaholyone.TheknowledgeofthetragedyofGraceHollisterstartedmetoseekingrestlessly,onbookshelvesandelsewhere,forasecretthatforevereludedme,andforeverledmeon.Thewordfermentingaptlydescribestheprocessbegun,suggestingasitdoessomethingclosedup,awayfromairandsunlight,continuallyworkinginsecret,engenderingforcesthatfascinated,yetinspiredmewithfear.UndoubtedlythissecretivenessofourelderswasduetotheperniciousdualismoftheirorthodoxChristianity,inwhichlovewascarnalandthereforeevil,andthefleshnotthegracioussoilofthespirit,butsomethingtobedeploredandcondemned,exorcisedandtransformedbythemiracleofgrace.Nowlovehadbecomeaterriblepower(grippingme)whoseenchantmentdrovemenandwomenfromhomeandfriendsandkindredtotheuttermostpartsoftheearth

ItwaslongbeforeIgottosleepthatnightaftermytalkwithAlecPound.IalternatedbetweenthehorrorandtheromanceofthestoryI

hadheard,supplyingformyselfthedetailshehadomitted:Ibeheldthesignalsfromthewindows,theclandestinemeetings,thesuddenanddesperateflight.AndtothinkthatallthiscouldhavehappenedinourcitynotfiveblocksfromwhereIlay!

Myconsternationandhorrorwereconcentratedontheman,——andyetI

recallacuriousbifurcation.Insteadofexperiencingthatautomaticrighteousindignationwhichmyfatherandmotherhadfelt,whichhadanimatedoldMr.JulesHollisterwhenhehadsternlyforbiddenhisdaughter"snametobementionedinhispresence,whichhadmadethesepeopleoutcasts,therewelledupwithinmeanintensesympathyandpity.

Byaninstinctiveprocesssomehowlinkedwithotherexperiences,Iseemedtobeabletoenterintothefeelingsofthesetwooutcasts,tounderstandthefearfulyetfascinatingnatureoftheimpulsethathadledthemtoeludethevigilanceandprobityofaworldwithwhichImyselfwasatodds.Ipicturedtheminaremoteland,shunnedbymankind.Wastheresomethingwithinmethatmighteventuallydrawmetodolikewise?

Thedesireinmetowhichmyfatherhadreferred,whichwouldbrooknoopposition,whichtwistedandsquirmeduntilitfounditswaytoitsobject?IrecalledthewordsofJarvis,thecarpenter,thatifIeversetmyheartonanotherman"swife,Godhelphim.Godhelpme!

Awickedman!IhadneverbeheldthehandsomeandfascinatingMr.

Jennings,butIvisualisedhimnow;dark,likeallvillains,withablackmoustacheandsnappingblackeyes.Hecarriedacane.Ialwaysassociatedcaneswithvillains.WhereuponIarose,gropedforthematches,lightedthegas,andgazingatmyselfinthemirrorwasalittlereassuredtofindnothingsinisterinmycountenance

Nexttomyfather"sfaithinaMoralGovernoroftheUniversewashisbeliefintheTariffandtheRepublicanParty.Andthisbelief,amongothers,hehandedontome.OnthecinderplaygroundoftheAcademyweRepublicansusedtowage,duringcampaigns,pitchedbattlesfortheTariff.ItdidnottakeagreatdealofcouragetobeaRepublicaninourcity,andIwasbroughtuptobelievethatDemocratswereirrational,inferior,and——withcertainexceptionsliketheHollisters——dirtybeings.

Therewasonlyonedegreelower,andthatwastobeamugwump.ItwasnowonderthattheHollisterswereDemocrats,fortheyhadaqueerstreakinthem;owing,nodoubt,tothefactthatoldMr.JulesHollister"smotherhadbeenaFrenchwoman.HelookedlikeaFrenchman,bytheway,andalwaysworeaskullcap.

IrememberoneautumnafternoonhavingaviolentquarrelwithGeneHollisterthatbadefairtoendinblows,whenhesuddenlydemanded:——

"I"llbetyouanythingyoudon"tknowwhyyou"reaRepublican."

"It"sbecauseI"mfortheTariff,"Irepliedtriumphantly.

Buthisnextquestionflooredme.What,forexample,wastheTariff?I

triedtoblusteritout,butwithnosuccess.

"Doyouknow?"Icriedfinally,withsuddeninspiration.

Itturnedoutthathedidnot.

"Aren"twedarnedidiots,"heasked,"togetfightingoversomethingwedon"tknowanythingabout?"

ThatwasGene"sFrenchblood,ofcourse.Buthisquestionrankled.AndhowwasItoknowthathewouldhavegotaslittlesatisfactionifhehadhurleditintothemarchingranksofthoseimposingtorch-lightprocessionswhichsometimespassedourhouseatnight,withdrumsbeatingandfifesscreamingandtorcheswaving,——thousandsofcitizenswhowerefortheTariffforthesamereasonasI:towit,becausetheywereRepublicans.

YetmyfatherlivedanddiedinthefirmbeliefthattheUnitedStatesofAmericawasademocracy!

ResolvednottobecaughtasecondtimeinsuchahumiliatingpositionbyaDemocrat,IaskedmyfatherthatnightwhattheTariffwas.ButIwastooyoungtounderstandit,hesaid.IwastotakehiswordforitthatthecountrywouldgotothedogsiftheDemocratsgotinandtheTariffweretakenaway.Here,inanutshell,thoughneitherhenorIrealizedit,wasthepoliticalinstructionofthemarchinghordes.Theirsnottoreasonwhy.Iwastooyoung,theytooignorant.SuchisthemethodofAuthority!

Thesteel-millsofMr.DurrettandMr.Hambleton,hecontinued,wouldbeforcedtoshutdown,andthousandsofworkmenwouldstarve.Thiswasjustasampleofwhatwouldhappen.Prosperitywouldcease,hedeclared.

Thatword,Prosperity,madeadeepimpressiononme,andIrecallthecertainreverentialemphasishelaidonit.AndwhilemysolicitudefortheworkmenwasnotsogreatashisandMr.Durrett"s,Iwasconcernedastowhatwouldhappentousifthosetwingods,theTariffandProsperity,shouldtaketheirdeparturefromtheland.Knowingmyloveforthegoodthingsofthetable,myfatherintimated,withararehumourIfailedtoappreciate,thatweshouldhavetolivehenceforthinspartansimplicity.

Afterthat,liketheintelligentworkman,IwasfirmerthaneverfortheTariff.

Suchwastheidealisticplaneonwhich——andfromagoodman——Ireceivedmyfirstpoliticalinstruction!AndforalongtimeIconnectedthedominanceoftheRepublicanPartywiththecontinuationofmannaandquails,inotherwords,withnothingthathadtodowiththespiritualwelfareofanycitizen,butwithclothingandfoodandmaterialcomforts.

Myeducationwasprogressing

ThoughmyfatherreveredPlatoandAristotle,hedidnot,apparently,takeveryseriouslythecontentionthatthatgovernmentaloneisgood"whichseekstoattainthepermanentinterestsofthegovernedbyevolvingthecharacterofitscitizens."Toputthematterbrutally,politics,despitetheloftysentimentsonthetransparenciesintorchlightprocessions,hadonlytodowiththebelly,notthesoul.

Politicsandgovernment,oneperceives,hadnothingtodowithreligion,noreducationwithanyofthese.Asecularizedanddisjointedworld!

Ourleadingcitizens,learnedintheclassicsthoughsomeofthemmightbe,paidnoheedtothedictumoftheGreekidealist,whowasmorepracticalthantheywouldhavesupposed."Themanwhodoesnotcarryhiscitywithinhisheartisaspiritualstarveling."

Oneevening,ayearortwoafterthattariffcampaign,Iwaspretendingtostudymylessonsunderthestudentlampinthesitting-roomwhilemymothersewedandmyfatherwroteathisdesk,whentherewasaringatthedoor-bell.Iwelcomedanyinterruption,eventhoughthevisitorprovedtobeonlythedruggist"sboy;andtherewasalwaysthepossibilityofatelegramannouncing,forinstance,thedeathofarelative.SuchhadoncebeenthecasewhenmyUncleAveryParethaddiedinNewYork,andIwastakenoutofschoolforablissfulfourdaysforthefuneral.

IwenttiptoeingintothehallandpeepedoverthebanisterswhileEllaopenedthedoor.IheardavoicewhichIrecognizedasthatofPerryBlackwood"sfatheraskingforMr.Paret;andthentomyastonishment,I

sawfilingafterhimintotheparloursometenortwelvepersons.WiththeexceptionofMr.Ogilvy,whobelongedtooneofouroldfamilies,andMr.Watling,alawyerwhohadmarriedtheyoungestofGeneHollister"saunts,thevisitorsenteredstealthily,afterthemannerofburglars;

someofthesewereheavy-jowled,andallhadanairofmysterythatraisedmycuriosityandexcitementtothehighestpitch.IcaughtholdofEllaasshecameupthestairs,butshetoreherselffree,andannouncedtomyfatherthatMr.JosiahBlackwoodandothergentlemenhadaskedtoseehim.MyfatherseemedpuzzledashewentdownstairsA

longintervalelapsed,duringwhichIdidnotmakeevenapretenceoflookingatmyarithmetic.Attimesthelowhumofvoicesrosetowhatwasalmostanuproar,andonoccasionsIdistinguishedamarkedIrishbrogue.

"Iwonderwhattheywant?"saidmymother,nervously.

Atlastweheardthefrontdoorshutbehindthem,andmyfathercameupstairs,hisusuallyserenefacewearingadisturbedexpression.

"Whointheworldwasit,Mr.Paret?"askedmymother.

Myfathersatdowninthearm-chair.Hewasclearlymakinganeffortforself-control.

"BlackwoodandOgilvyandWatlingandsomecitypoliticians,"heexclaimed.

"Politicians!"sherepeated."Whatdidtheywant?Thatis,ifit"sanythingyoucantellme,"sheaddedapologetically.

"TheywishedmetobetheRepublicancandidateforthemayorofthiscity."

Thistremendousnewstookmeoffmyfeet.Myfathermayor!

"Ofcourseyoudidn"tconsiderit,Mr.Paret,"mymotherwassaying.

"Considerit!"heechoedreprovingly."Ican"timaginewhatOgilvyandWatlingandJosiahBlackwoodwerethinkingof!Theyareoutoftheirheads.Iasmuchastoldthemso."

ThiswasmorethanIcouldbear,forIhadalreadypicturedmyselftellingthenewstoenviousschoolmates.

"Oh,father,whydidn"tyoutakeit?"Icried.

Bythistime,whenheturnedtome,hehadregainedhisusualexpression.

"Youdon"tknowwhatyou"retalkingabout,Hugh,"hesaid."Acceptapoliticaloffice!Thatsortofthingislefttopoliticians."

Thetoneinwhichhespokewarnedmethatacontinuationoftheconversationwouldbeunwise,andmymotheralsounderstoodthatthediscussionwasclosed.Hewentbacktohisdesk,andbeganwritingagainasthoughnothinghadhappened.

Asforme,Iwasleftinapalpitatingstateofexcitementwhichmyfather"sself-controlorsang-froidonlyservedtoirritateandenhance,andmyheadwasfairlyspinningas,covertly,Iwatchedhispensteadilycoveringthepaper.

Howcouldhe——howcouldanymanoffleshandbloodsitdowncalmlyafterhavingbeenofferedthehighesthonourinthegiftofhiscommunity!AndhehadspurneditasifMr.Blackwoodandtheothershadgratuitouslyinsultedhim!Andhowwasit,ifmyfathersoreveredtheRepublicanPartythathewouldnotsufferittobementionedslightinglyinhispresence,thathehadrefusedcontemptuouslytobeitsmayor?

Thenextdayatschool,however,Imanagedtoletitbeknownthattheofferhadbeenmadeanddeclined.Afterall,thisseemedtomakemyfatherabiggermanthanifhehadacceptedit.NaturallyIwasaskedwhyhehaddeclinedit.

"Hewouldn"ttakeit,"Irepliedscornfully."Office-holdingshouldbelefttopoliticians."

RalphHambleton,withhisprecociousandcynicalknowledgeoftheworld,minimizedmytriumphbydeclaringthathewouldratherbehisgrandfather,NathanielDurrett,thanthemayorofthebiggestcityinthecountry.Politicians,hesaid,werebloodsuckersandthieves,andtheonlyreasonforholdingofficewasthatitenabledonetostealthetaxpayers"money

AsIhaveintimated,myvisionofafutureliterarycareerwaxedandwaned,butabeliefthatIwasgoingtobeSomebodyrarelydesertedme.

Ifnotaliterarylion,whatwasthatSomebodytobe?Suchanenvironmentasminewaswoefullylackinginheroicfigurestosatisfytheromanticsoul.InviewoftheexperienceIhavejustrelated,itisnotsurprisingthatthenotionofbecomingastatesmandidnotappealtome;

norisittobewonderedat,despitethesomewhatexaggeratedrespectandaweinwhichRalph"sgrandfatherwasheldbymyfatherandotherinfluentialpersons,thatIfailedtobestirredbytheelementsofgreatnessinthegrimpersonalityofourfirstcitizen,theiron-master.

Forhepossessedsuchelements.HelivedaloneinIngrainStreetinanuncompromisingmansionIalwaysassociatedwiththeSabbath,notonlybecauseIusedtobetakenthereondecorousSundayvisitsbymyfather,butbecauseitwastheveryquintessenceofPresbyterianism.ThemomentIenteredits"portals"——asMr.Hawthorneappropriatelywouldhavecalledthem——myspiritwasoverwhelmedandsuffocatedbyitsformalityandorderliness.WithinitssternwallsNathanielDurretthadmadeamodeluniverseofhisown,suchastheDeityoftheWestminsterConfessionhadnodoubtmeanthisgreateronetobeifmanhadnotrebelledandfoiledhimItwasaworldfromwhichIwasdeterminedtoescapeatanycost.

MyfatherandIwerealwaysusheredintothegloomylibrary,withitshighceiling,withitslongwindowsthatreachedalmosttotherocococornice,withitscoldmarblemantelpiecethatremindedmeofatombstone,withitsinterminablebookshelvesfilledwithyellowbindings.Onthecentretable,inadditiontoaponderousBible,wasoneofthoseold-fashionedcarafesofredglasstippedwithbluesurmountedbyatumblerofbluetippedwithred.BehindthistableMr.Durrettsatreadingavolumeofsermons,areallyhandsomeoldmaninhisblacktieandpleatedshirt;tallandspare,straightasaramrod,withafinelymouldedheadandstraightnoseandsinewyhandsthecolourofmulberrystain.Hecalledmyfatherbyhisfirstname,animmensecompliment,consideringhowfewdaredtodoso.

"Well,Matthew,"theoldmanwouldremark,aftertheyhaddiscussedDr.

Pound"slatestflightonthenatureoftheTrinityorthedepravityofman,orhorticulture,ortheRepublicanParty,"doyouhaveanybetternewsofHughatschool?"

"Iregrettosay,Mr.Durrett,"myfatherwouldreply,"thathedoesnotyetseemtobearousedtoasenseofhisopportunities."

WhereuponMr.Durrettwouldgimblemewithablueeyethatlurkedbeneathgrizzledbrows,quiteaspainfulaproceedingasifheusedanirontool.

IalmostpitymyselfwhenIthinkofwhataforlornstrangerIwasintheircompany.Theytwo,indeed,wereofonekind,andIofanothersortwhocouldneverunderstandthem,——northeyme.Towhatdepthsofdespairtheyreducedmetheyneverknew,andyettheyweredoingitallformygood!Theyonlymanagedtoconvincemethatmyloveoffollywasineradicable,andthatIwasonmywayheadfirstforperdition.I

alwayslooked,duringtheseexcruciatingandpersonalmoments,atthecolouredglassbottle.

"Itgrievesmetohearit,Hugh,"Mr.Durrettinvariablydeclared.

"You"llnevercometoanygoodwithoutstudy.NowwhenIwasyourage"

Iknewhishistorybyheart,acommononeinthiscountry,althoughhemadeanhonourablenameinsteadofadishonourableone.AndwhenI