第13章

alwaysthoughtoftheRailroadasspelledwithacapital.

"MillerGorseisn"tfortyyet,"Larrytoldmeonanotheroccasion.

"That"sdoingprettywellforamanwhocomesnearrunningthisstate."

Forthesakeofacquiringknowledge,IenduredMr.Weed"spatronage.I

inquiredhowMr.Gorseranthestate.

"Oh,you"llfindoutsoonenough,"heassuredme,"ButMr.Barbour"spresidentoftheRailroad."

"Sure.Onceinawhiletheytakesomethinguptohim,butasaruleheleavesthingstoGorse."

WhereuponIresolvedtohaveagoodlookatMr.Gorseatthefirstopportunity.OnedayMr.Watlingsentoutforsomepapers.

"He"sintherenow;"saidLarry."Youtake"em."

"Inthere"meantMr.Watling"ssanctum.Andintherehewas.Ihadonlyaglanceatthegreatman,for,withakindlybutpreoccupied"Thankyou,Hugh,"Mr.Watlingtookthepapersanddismissedme.Heaviness,blacknessandimpassivity,——theseweretheimpressionsofMr.GorsewhichIcarriedawayfromthatfirstmeeting.Theverysolidityofhisfleshseemedtosuggestthesolidityofhisposition.Such,saythepsychologists,istheeffectofprestige.

Irememberwellanold-fashionedpicturepuzzleinoneofmyboyhoodbooks.Thescenedepictedwastoallappearancesasylvan,peacefulone,withtwohappyloversseatedonalogbesideabrook;butpresently,asonegazedatthepicture,theheadofananimalstoodforthamongthebranches,andthenthebody;moreanimalsbegantoappear,bitbybit;atiger,abear,alion,ajackal,afox,untilatlast,wheneverIlookedatthepage,Ididnotseethesylvansceneatall,butonlythepredatorybeastsoftheforest.So,onebyone,thefiguresoftherealrulersofthecitysuperimposedthemselvesformeuponthesimpleanddemocraticdesignofMayor,Council,BoardofAldermen,PoliceForce,etc.,thatfilledtheeyeofanaiveandtrustingelectoratewhichfondlyimaginedthatithadsomethingtosayingovernment.MillerGorsewasoneoftheserulersbehindthescreen,andAdolfScherer,oftheBoyneIronWorks,another;therewasLeonardDickinsonoftheCornNationalBank;FrederickGrierson,becomingwealthyincityrealestate;JudahB.

Tallant,who,thoughoutlawedsocially,wasdeferredtoastheowneroftheMorningEra;andevenRalphHambleton,rapidlysupersedingtheelderlyandconservativeMr.Lord,whohadhithertomanagedthegreatHambletonestate.Ralphseemedtohavebecome,inasomewhatgnosticmanner,afull-fledgedfinancier.Nothavingstudiedlaw,hehadbeenhomeforfouryearswhenIbecamealegalfledgling,andduringtheearlydaysofmyapprenticeshipIwasbeholdentohimformany"eyeopeners"

concerningtheconductofgreataffairs.IrememberhimsaunteringintomyroomonemorningwhenLarryWeedhadgoneoutonanerrand.

"Hello,Hughie,"hesaid,withhisairofhavingnothingtodo.

"Grindingitout?Where"sWatling?"

"Isn"theinhisoffice?"

"No."

"Well,whatcanwedoforyou?"Iasked.

Ralphgrinned.

"PerhapsI"lltellyouwhenyou"realittleolder.You"retooyoung."

AndhesankdownintoLarryWeed"schair,hislonglegsprotrudingontheothersideofthetable."It"samatteroftaxes.SometimeagoIfoundoutthatDickinsonandTallantandothersIcouldmentionwerepayingagooddeallessontheircitypropertythanweare.Wedon"tproposetodoitanymore——that"sall."

"HowcanMr.Watlinghelpyou?"Iinquired.

"Well,Idon"tmindgivingyouafewtipsaboutyourprofession,Hughie.

I"mgoingtogetWatlingtofixitupwiththeCityHallgang.OldLorddoesn"tlikeit,I"lladmit,andwhenItoldhimwehadbeencontributingtothecitylongenough,thatIproposedswingingintolinewithotherpropertyholders,hebegantoblubberaboutdisgraceandwhatmygrandfatherwouldsayifhewerealive.Well,heisn"talive.Agooddealofwaterhasflowedunderthebridgessincehisday.It"samerematterofbusiness,ofgettingyourrespectablefirmtoretainaCityHallattorneytofixitupwiththeassessor."

"Howaboutthepenitentiary?"Iventured,nottooseriously.

"Ishan"tgotothepenitentiary,neitherwillWatling.WhatIdoistopayalawyer"sfee.Thereisn"tanythingcriminalinthat,isthere?"

ForsometimeafterRalphhaddepartedIsatreflectinguponthisnewknowledge,andtherecameintomymindthebitternessofCousinRobertBreckagainstthisCityHallgang,andhisremarksaboutlawyers.I

recalledthetoneinwhichhehadreferredtoMr.Watling.ButRalph"sphilosophyeasilytriumphed.Whynotbepractical,andbecomemasterofasituationwhichonehadnotmade,andcouldnotalter,insteadofbeingoverwhelmedbyit?Needlesstosay,IdidnotmentiontheconversationtoMr.Watling,nordidhedwindleinmyestimation.Thesenecessarytransactionsdidnotinterfereinanywaywithhispersonalrelationships,andhisdayswerefilledwithkindnesses.AndwasnotMr.

Ripon,thejuniorpartner,oneoftheevangelicallightsofthecommunity,conductingadvancedBibleclasseseveryweekintheChurchoftheRedemption?Theunfoldingofmysterieskeptmealert.AndI

understoodthat,ifIwastosucceed,certainesotericknowledgemustbeacquired,asitwere,unofficially.Ikeptmyeyesandearsopen,andappliedmyself,withallindustry,totheroutinetaskswithwhicheveryyoungmaninalargelegalfirmisfamiliar.Irecalldistinctlymypridewhen,theBoardofAldermenhavingpassedanordinanceloweringthewaterrates,IwasintrustedwiththeresponsibilityofgoingbeforethecourtinbehalfofMr.Ogilvy"swatercompany,obtainingatemporaryrestrictingorderpreventingtheordinancefromgoingatonceintoeffect.Herewasanaffairinpoint.WereitnotforlawyersofthecalibreofWatling,FowndesandRipon,hard-earnedprivatepropertywouldsoonbeconfiscatedbytherapacioushorde.OnceinawhileIwasmadeawarethatMr.Watlinghadhiseyeonme.

"Well,Hugh,"hewouldsay,"howareyougettingalong?That"sright,sticktoit,andafterawhilewe"llhandthedrudgeryovertosomebodyelse."

Hepossessedthesupremequalityofaleaderofmeninthathetookpainstoinformhimselfconcerningtheworkoftheleastofhissubordinates;

andhehadthegiftofputtingfireintoayoungmanbyawordoratouchofthehandontheshoulder.Itwasnotdifficultforme,therefore,tocomprehendLarryWeed"shero-worship,theloyaltyofothermembersofthefirmorofthoseoccupantsoftheofficewhomIhavenotmentioned.Myfirstimpressionofhim,whichIhadgotatJerryKyme"s,deepenedastimewenton,andIreadilysharedthebeliefofthosearoundmethathislegaltalentseasilysurpassedthoseofanyofhiscontemporaries.Icanrecall,atthistime,severalnotedcasesinthecitywhenIsatincourtlisteningtohisargumentswiththrillsofpride.Hemadeusallfeel——

nomatterhowhumblemayhavebeenourcontributionstothepreparation——

thatwehadashareinhistriumphs.Werememberedhismannerwithjudgesandjuries,andstrovetoemulateit.Hespokeasiftherecouldbenoquestionastohisbeingrightastothelawandthefacts,andyet,insomesubtlewaythatbatedanalysis,managednottoantagonizethecourt.Victorywasintheairinthatoffice.Idonotmeantosaytherewerenotdefeats;butfrequentlythesedefeats,byresourcefulness,byanever-say-diespirit,byaconsummateknowledge,notonlyofthelaw,butofotherthingsatwhichIhavehinted,wereturnedintoultimatevictories.Wefoughtcasesfromonecourttoanother,untilouropponentswerewornoutorthedecisionwasreversed.Wewon,andthatspiritofwinninggotintotheblood.Whatwasmostimpressedonmeinthoseearlyyears,Ithink,wasthediscoverythattherewasalwaysapath——ifonewerecleverenoughtofindit——fromoneterracetothenexthigher.Stayingpowerwasthemostprizedofallthevirtues.Onecouldalways,byadroitness,compelalegalopponenttofightthematteroutalloveragainonnewground,oratleastongroundpartiallynew.IftheCourtofAppealsshouldfailone,therewastheSupremeCourt;therewastheopportunity,also,toshiftfromthestatetothefederalcourts;

andlikewisethemuch-prizeddeviceknownasachangeofvenue,whenajudgewassupposedtobe"prejudiced."

IX.

AsmyapprenticeshipadvancedIgrewmoreandmoretotheinhabitantsofourcityintotwokinds,thewhowereserved,andtheinefficient,whowereseparateefficient,neglected;butthementalprocessofwhichtheclassificationwastheresultwasnotsodeliberateasmaybesupposed.

Sometimes,whenanimportantclientwouldgetintotrouble,theaffairtookmeintothepolicecourt,whereIsawtheriff-raffofthecitypennedup,waitingtohavejusticedoledouttothem:wearywomenwhohadspentthenightincells,indifferentnowastothefronttheypresentedtotheworld,thefineryruedthattheyhadtendedsocarefullytocatchtheeyesofmenonthedarkenedstreets;brazenyounggirls,whoblazedforthdefiancetoallorder;derelictmen,soddenandhopeless,withscrubbybeards;shiftylookingburglarsandpickpockets.AlltheseI

beheld,atfirstwithtwingesofpity,latertomassthemwiththeuglyandinevitablewithwhomsocietyhadtodealsomehow.Lawyers,afterall,mustbepracticalmen.Icametoknowthejusticesofthesepolicecourts,aswellasotherjudges.Andunderlyingmyacquaintancewithallofthemwastheknowledge——thoughnotonthethresholdofmyconsciousness——thattheydependedfortheirliving,everymanofthem,thosewhowereappointedandthosewhowereelected,uponapoliticalorganizationwhichderiveditssustenancefromtheelementwhencecameourclients.Thusbydegreesthesenseofbelongingtoaspecialpriesthoodhadgrownonme.

IrecallanexperiencewiththatsameMr.Nathan.Weill,thewholesalegrocerofwhosecommercewiththeCityHallmyCousinRobertBreckhadsobitterlycomplained.LateoneafternoonMr.Weill"scarriageranoverachildonitswayup-townthroughoneofthepoorerdistricts.Theparents,naturally,werefrantic,andthecoachmanwasarrested.Thiswaslateintheafternoon,andIwasaloneintheofficewhenthetelephonerang.Hurryingtothepolicestation,IfoundMr.Weillinastateofexcitementandabjectfear,foranuglycrowdhadgatheredoutside.

"CouldnotMr.WatlingorMr.Fowndescome?"demandedthegrocer.

Withaninnercontemptforthelayman"sstateofmindonsuchoccasionsI

assuredhimofmycompetencytohandlethecase.Hewasimpressed,I

think,bythesergeant"sdeference,whoknewwhatitmeanttohavesuchanofficeasoursinterferewiththeaffair.Icalleduptheprosecutingattorney,whosenttoMonahan"ssaloon,closeby,andprocuredareleaseforthecoachmanonhisownrecognizance,oneofmanysignedinblankandlefttherebythejusticeforprivilegedcases.Thecoachmanwashustledoutbyabackdoor,andthecrowddispersed.

Thenextmorning,whileascoreormoreofdelinquentssatintheanxiousseats,JusticeGarryrecognizedmeandgavemeprecedence.AndMr.

Weill,withasighofrelief,paidhisfine.

"Mr.Paret,isit?"heasked,aswestoodtogetherforamomentonthesidewalkoutsidethecourt."Youhavemanagedthiswell.Iwillremember."

Hewassued,ofcourse.WhenhecametotheofficeheinsistedondiscussingthecasewithMr.Watling,whosentforme.

"Thatisabrightyoungman,"Mr.Weilldeclared,shakingmyhand."Hewillgeton."

"Someday,"saidMr.Watling,"hemaysaveyoualotofmoney,Weill."

"WhenmyfriendMr.WatlingisUnitedStatesSenator,——eh?"

Mr.Watlinglaughed."Beforethat,Ihope.Iadviseyoutocompromisethissuit,Weill,"headded."Howwouldathousanddollarsstrikeyou?

I"vehadParetlookupthecase,andhetellsmethelittlegirlhashadtohaveanoperation."

"Athousanddollars!"criedthegrocer."Whatrighthavethesepeopletolettheirchildrenplayonthestreets?It"sanoutrage."

"Whereelsehavethechildrentoplay?"Mr.Watlingtouchedhisarm.

"Weill,"hesaidgently,"supposeithadbeenyourlittlegirl?"Thegrocerpulledouthishandkerchiefandmoppedhisbaldforehead.Butheralliedalittle.

"Youfightthesedamagecasesforthestreetrailroadsallthroughthecourts."

"Yes,"Mr.Watlingagreed,"butthereaprincipleisinvolved.Iftherailroadsoncegotintothewayofpayingdamagesforeverycarelessemployee,theywouldsoonbebankruptthroughblackmail.Buthereyouhaveachildwhosefatherisapoorjanitorandcan"taffordsickness.

Andyourcoachman,Iimagine,willbemoreparticularinthefuture."

IntheendMr.Weillmadeoutachequeanddepartedinagoodhumour,convincedthathewaswelloutofthematter.HerewasoneofmanyinstancesIcouldciteofMr.Watling"stendernessofheart.Ifelt,moreover,asifhehaddonemeapersonalfavour,sinceitwasIwhohadrecommendedthecompromise.ForIhadbeentothehospitalandhadseenthechildonthecot,——adarklittlething,lyingstillinherpain,withthebewilderedlookofawoundedanimal

NotlongafterthisincidentofMr.Weill"sdamagesuitIobtainedamoreorlessdefinitepromotionbythedepartureofLarryWeed.Hehadsuddenlydevelopedaweaknessofthelungs.Mr.WatlinggothimaplaceinDenver,andpaidhisexpenseswest.

ThefirstsixorsevenyearsIspentintheofficeofWading,FowndesandRiponwereofimportancetomyfuturecareer,butthereislittletorelateofthem.Iwasabsorbednotonlyinlearninglaw,butinacquiringthatesotericknowledgeatwhichIhavehinted——nottobehadfrommyseniorsandwhichIwasconvincedwasindispensabletoasuccessfulandlucrativepractice.Myformercomparisonoftheorganizationofourcitytoapicturepuzzlewhereinthedominatingfiguresbecomevisibleonlyafterlongstudyisratherinadequate.A

betteranalogywouldbethehumananatomy:welawyers,ofcourse,werethebrains;thefinancialandindustrialintereststhebody,helplesswithoutus;theCityHallpoliticians,thestomachthatmustcontinuallybefed.Allthree,law,politicsandbusiness,wereinterdependent,unitedbyanervoussystemtoocomplextobedevelopedhere.Intheseyears,thoughIworkedhardandoftenlate,Istillfoundtimeforconvivialities,forsocialgaieties,yetlittlebylittlewithoutrealizingthefact,Iwaslosingzestforthecompanionshipofmyformerintimates.Mymindwasbecomingpolarizedbythecontemplationofoneobject,success,andtoithumantieswereunconsciouslybeingsacrificed.

TomPetersbegantofeelthis,evenatatimewhenIbelievedmyselfstilltobegenuinelyfondofhim.Consideringourrespectivetemperamentsinyouth,itiscuriousthatheshouldhavebeenthefirsttofallinloveandmarry.OnedayheastonishedmebyannouncinghisengagementtoSusanBlackwood.

"Thatendstheliquor,Hughie,"hetoldme,beamingly."IpromisedherI"deliminateit."

Hedideliminateit,saveformildrelapsesonfestiveoccasions.Amoreseeminglyincongruousmarriagecouldscarcelybeimagined,andyetitwasasuccessfromthestart.Fromaslim,silent,self-willedgirlSusanhadgrownupintoatall,ratherrawbonedandenergeticyoungwoman.Shewaswhatwecalledinthosedays"intellectual,"andhadgoneinforkindergartens,andafterhermarriagesheturnedouttobeexcessivelydomestic;practisinghertheories,withentiresuccess,uponafamilythatshowedatendencytoincreaseatanalarmingrate.Tom,needlesstosay,didnotbecomeintellectual.Hesettleddown——prematurely,I

thought——intowhatisknownasafamilyman,curiouslycontentwiththeincomehederivedfromthecommissionbusinessandwithlifeingeneral;

andhedevelopedasomewhatcriticalviewofthetendenciesofthecivilizationbywhichhewassurrounded.Susanhelditalso,butshesaidlessaboutit.InthecomfortablebutunpretentioushousetheyrentedonCedarStreetwehadmanydiscussions,afterthebabieshadbeenputtobedandthedooroftheliving-roomclosed,inorderthatourvoicesmightnotreachthenursery.PerryBlackwood,nowTom"sbrother-

in-law,wasoftenthere.He,too,hadlapsedintowhatIthoughtwasanoddconservatism.OldJosiah,hisfather,beingdead,heoccupiedhimselfmainlywithlookingaftercertainfamilyinterests,amongwhichwastheBoyneStreetcarline.Among"businessmen"hewasalreadygettingthereputationofbeingalittledifficulttodealwith.Iwasoftenthesubjectoftheirbanter,andpresentlyIbegantosuspectthattheyregardedmycareerandbeliefswithsomeconcern.Thisgavemenouneasiness,thoughatlimesIlostmytemper.Irealizedtheiraffectionforme;butprivatelyIregardedthemaslackinginambition,inforce,inthefightingqualitiesnecessaryforachievementinthismodernage.

Perhaps,unconsciously,Ipitiedthemalittle.

"HowisJudahB.to-day,Hughie?"Tomwouldinquire."Ihearyou"veputhimupfortheBoyneClub,nowthatMr.Watlinghasgothimoutofthatlibelsuit."

"CarterIvesisdead,"Perrywouldadd,sarcastically,"letbygonesbebygones."

ItwaswellknownthatMr.Tallant,intheearlydaysofhisnewspaper,hadblackmailedMr.Ivesoutofsomehundredthousanddollars.Andthatthis,morethananyotheract,stoodintheway,withcertainrecalcitrantgentlemen,ofhishighestambition,membershipintheBoyne.

"Thetroublewithyoufellowsisthatyourefusetodealwithconditionsasyoufindthem,"Iretorted."Wedidn"tmakethem,andwecan"tchangethem.Tallant"safactorinthebusinesslifeofthiscity,andhehastobecountedwith."

Tomwouldshakehisheadexasperatingly.

"Whydon"tyougetafterRalph?"Idemanded."Hedoesn"tantagonizeTallant,either."

"Ralph"shopeless,"saidTom."Hewasbornapirate,youweren"t,Hughie.Wethinkthere"sachanceforhissalvation,don"twe,Perry?"

Irefusedtoaccepttheremarkasflattering.

AnotherobjectoftheirassaultswasFrederickGrierson,whobythistimehademergedfromobscurityasasmalldealerinrealestateintoamanipulatorofblocksandcorners.

"Isupposeyouthinkit"salawyer"sbusinesstodemandanethicalbillofhealthofeveryclient,"Isaid."Iwon"tstandupforallofTallant"scareer,ofcourse,butMr.Wadinghasaclearrighttotakehiscases.AsforGrierson,itseemstomethat"samatterofgivingadogabadname.Justbecausehispeopleweren"tknownhere,andbecausehehasworkedupfromsmallbeginnings.Togetdowntohard-pan,youfellowsdon"tbelieveindemocracy,——ingivingeverymanachancetoshowwhat"sinhim."

"Democracyisgood!"exclaimedPerry."Ifthekindofthingwe"recomingtoisdemocracy,Godsavethestate!"

OntheotherhandIfoundmyselfdrawingclosertoRalphHambleton,sometimespresentatthesedebates,astheonlyoneofmyboyhoodfriendswhoseemedtobeableto"dealwithconditionsashefoundthem."

Indeed,hegaveonetheimpressionthat,ifhehadhadthemakingofthem,hewouldnothavechangedthem.

"Whatthedeucedoyouexpect?"Ionceheardhiminquirewithgood-

naturedcontempt."Businessisn"tcharity,it"swar.

"Therearecertainthings,"maintainedPerry,stoutly,"thatgentlemenwon"tdo."

"Gentlemen!"exclaimedRalph,stretchinghisslimsixfeettwo:WeweresittingintheBoyneClub."It"sungentlemanlytokill,orburnatownorsinkaship,butwekeeparmiesandnaviesforthepurpose.Foramanwithagoodmind,Perry,youshowasurprisinginabilitytothinkthings,outtoalogicalconclusion.Whatthedeuceiscompetition,whenyoucomedowntoit?Christianity?Notbyalongshot!Ifournationsareslaughteringmenandstarvingpopulationsinothercountries,——arecarriedon,infact,forthesakeofbusiness,ifourchurchesarefilledwithbusinessmenandourskypilotsprayforthegovernment,youcan"texpectheathenindividualslikemetodobusinessonaChristianbasis,——

ifthereissuchathing.Youcanmakerulesforcroquet,butnotforagamethatisbasedonthenaturallawofthesurvivalofthefittest.

Thedarnedfoolsinthelegislaturestryitoccasionally,butweallknowit"sasoptothe`commonpeople."AskHughiehereifthereeverwasalawputonthestatutebooksthathisfriendWatlingcouldn"tget"round"?Why,you"vegotcompetitionevenamongthechurches.Yours,whereIbelieveyouteachintheSundayschool,wouldgobankruptifitproclaimedrealChristianity.Andyou"llgobankruptifyoupractiseit,Perry,myboy.Someearly,wide-awake,competitive,red-bloodedbirdwillrelieveyouoftheBoyneStreetcarline."

Itwasoneofthissamenewand"fittest"specieswhohadalreadyrelievedpoorMr.McAleryWillettofhisfortune.Mr.Willettwasatrustingsoulwhohadneverknownhowtotakecareofhimselforhismoney,peoplesaid,andnowthathehadlostittheyblamedhim.SomehadbeensavedenoughforhimandNancytoliveonintheoldhouse,withcarefuleconomy.ItwasNancywhomanagedtheeconomy,whoaccomplishedremarkablethingswithasumtheywouldhavedeemedpovertyinformerdays.HermotherhaddiedwhileIwasatCambridge.ReversesdidnotsubdueMr.Willett"sspirits,andthefascinationmodern"business"hadforhimseemedtogrowinproportiontothemisfortunesithadcausedhim.HemovedintoatinyofficeintheDurrettBuilding,whereheappearedeverymorningabouthalf-pasttentooccupyhimselfwithheavenknowswhatshortcutstowealth,withprospectusesofcompaniesinMexicoorCentralAmericaorsomeotherdistantplace:once,Iremember,itwasatea,companyinwhichhetriedtointeresthisfriends,toraiseintheSouthaproducthemaintainedwouldsurpassOrangePekoe.IntheafternoonbetweenthreeandfourhewouldturnupattheBoyneClub,aswellgroomed,asspruceasever,generallywithaflowerinhisbuttonhole.Heneverforgotthathewasagentleman,andhehadagentleman"snotionsofthefitnessofthings,anditwasagainsthisprinciplestouse,agentleman"sclubforthefurtheranceofhisvariousenterprises.

"Dropintomyofficesomeday,Dickinson,"hewouldsay."IthinkI"vegotsomethingtherethatmightinterestyou!"

Heremindedme,whenImethim,thathehadalwayspredictedIwouldgetalonginlife

TheportraitofNancyatthisperiodisnotsoeasilydrawn.Thedeclineofthefamilyfortunesseemedtohavehadaslittleeffectuponherasuponherfather,althoughtheircharactersdifferedsharply.Somethingofthatspontaneity,ofthatloveoflifeandjoyinitshehadpossessedinyouthshemusthaveinheritedfromMcAleryWillett,butthesequalitieshaddisappearedinherlongbeforethecomingoffinancialreverses.Shewasnearingthirty,andinspiteofherbeautyandtherarerdistinctionthatcanbestbedescribedasbreeding,shehadnevermarried.Menadmiredher,butfromadistance;shekeptthematarm"slength,theysaid:strangerswhovisitedthecityinvariablypickedheroutofanassemblyandaskedwhoshewas;onemanfromNewYorkwhocametovisitRalphandwhohadbeenmadlyinlovewithher,shehadamazedmanypeoplebyrefusing,spurningallhemighthavegivenher.Thisincidentseemedarefutationofthechargethatshewascalculating.Asmighthavebeenforetold,shehadthesocialgiftinaremarkabledegree,andinspiteofthelimitationsofherpursetheknackofdressingbetterthanotherwomen,thoughatthattimetheorganizationofoursociallifestillremainedcomparativelysimple,thecustomofluxuriousandexpensiveentertainmentnothavingyetsetin.

ThemoreIreflectuponthosedays,themoresurprisingdoesitseemthatIwasnotinlovewithher.ItmaybethatIwas,unconsciously,forshetroubledmythoughtsoccasionally,andsherepresentedallthequalitiesIadmiredinhersex.Thesituationthathadexistedatthetimeofourfirstandonlyquarrelhadbeenreversed,IwasonthehighroadtotheworldlysuccessIhadthenresolvedupon,Nancywaspoor,andforthatreason,perhaps,prouderthanever.Ifshewasinaccessibletoothers,shehadtheairofbeingpeculiarlyinaccessibletome——themoresobecausesomeofthesuperficialrelicsofourintimacyremained,orratherhadbeenrestored.Herverymannerofcamaraderieseemedparadoxicallytoincreasethedistancebetweenus.Itpiquedme.Hadshegivenmetheleastencouragement,IamsureIshouldhaveresponded;

andIrememberthatIusedoccasionallytospeculateastowhethershestillcaredforme,andtookthismethodofhidingherrealfeelings.