第4章
Hesoundedasifhewereaddressingameeting。Hermionemerelypaidnoattention，stoodwithhershoulderstightinashrugofdislike。
Ursulawaswatchinghimasiffurtively，notreallyawareofwhatshewasseeing。Therewasagreatphysicalattractivenessinhim——acurioushiddenrichness，thatcamethroughhisthinnessandhispallorlikeanothervoice，conveyinganotherknowledgeofhim。Itwasinthecurvesofhisbrowsandhischin，rich，fine，exquisitecurves，thepowerfulbeautyoflifeitself。Shecouldnotsaywhatitwas。Buttherewasasenseofrichnessandofliberty。
`Butwearesensualenough，withoutmakingourselvesso，aren"twe？"
sheasked，turningtohimwithacertaingoldenlaughterflickeringunderhergreenisheyes，likeachallenge。Andimmediatelythequeer，careless，terriblyattractivesmilecameoverhiseyesandbrows，thoughhismouthdidnotrelax。
`No，"hesaid，`wearen"t。We"retoofullofourselves。"
`Surelyitisn"tamatterofconceit，"shecried。
`Thatandnothingelse。"
Shewasfranklypuzzled。
`Don"tyouthinkthatpeoplearemostconceitedofallabouttheirsensualpowers？"sheasked。
`That"swhytheyaren"tsensual——onlysensuous——whichisanothermatter。They"realwaysawareofthemselves——andthey"resoconceited，thatratherthanreleasethemselves，andliveinanotherworld，fromanothercentre，they"d——"
`Youwantyourtea，don"tyou，"saidHermione，turningtoUrsulawithagraciouskindliness。`You"veworkedallday——"
Birkinstoppedshort。AspasmofangerandchagrinwentoverUrsula。
Hisfaceset。Andhebadegood—bye，asifhehadceasedtonoticeher。
Theyweregone。Ursulastoodlookingatthedoorforsomemoments。Thensheputoutthelights。Andhavingdoneso，shesatdownagaininherchair，absorbedandlost。Andthenshebegantocry，bitterly，bitterlyweeping:
butwhetherformiseryorjoy，sheneverknew。
WomenInLove:Chapter4CHAPTERIVDiverTHEWEEKpassedaway。OntheSaturdayitrained，asoftdrizzlingrainthatheldoffattimes。InoneoftheintervalsGudrunandUrsulasetoutforawalk，goingtowardsWilleyWater。Theatmospherewasgreyandtranslucent，thebirdssangsharplyontheyoungtwigs，theearthwouldbequickeningandhasteningingrowth。Thetwogirlswalkedswiftly，gladly，becauseofthesoft，subtlerushofmorningthatfilledthewethaze。Bytheroadtheblack—thornwasinblossom，whiteandwet，itstinyambergrainsburningfaintlyinthewhitesmokeofblossom。Purpletwigsweredarklyluminousinthegreyair，highhedgesglowedlikelivingshadows，hoveringnearer，comingintocreation。Themorningwasfullofanewcreation。
WhenthesisterscametoWilleyWater，thelakelayallgreyandvisionary，stretchingintothemoist，translucentvistaoftreesandmeadow。Fineelectricactivityinsoundcamefromthedumblesbelowtheroad，thebirdspipingoneagainsttheother，andwatermysteriouslyplashing，issuingfromthelake。
Thetwogirlsdriftedswiftlyalong。Infrontofthem，atthecornerofthelake，neartheroad，wasamossyboat—houseunderawalnuttree，andalittlelanding—stagewhereaboatwasmoored，waveringlikeashadowonthestillgreywater，belowthegreen，decayedpoles。Allwasshadowywithcomingsummer。
Suddenly，fromtheboat—house，awhitefigureranout，frighteninginitsswiftsharptransit，acrosstheoldlanding—stage。Itlaunchedinawhitearcthroughtheair，therewasaburstingofthewater，andamongthesmoothripplesaswimmerwasmakingouttospace，inacentreoffaintlyheavingmotion。Thewholeotherworld，wetandremote，hehadtohimself。
Hecouldmoveintothepuretranslucencyofthegrey，uncreatedwater。
Gudrunstoodbythestonewall，watching。
`HowIenvyhim，"shesaid，inlow，desiroustones。
`Ugh！"shiveredUrsula。`Socold！"
`Yes，buthowgood，howreallyfine，toswimoutthere！"Thesistersstoodwatchingtheswimmermovefurtherintothegrey，moist，fullspaceofthewater，pulsingwithhisownsmall，invadingmotion，andarchedoverwithmistanddimwoods。
`Don"tyouwishitwereyou？"askedGudrun，lookingatUrsula。
`Ido，"saidUrsula。`ButI"mnotsure——it"ssowet。"
`No，"saidGudrun，reluctantly。Shestoodwatchingthemotiononthebosomofthewater，asiffascinated。He，havingswumacertaindistance，turnedroundandwasswimmingonhisback，lookingalongthewateratthetwogirlsbythewall。Inthefaintwashofmotion，theycouldseehisruddyface，andcouldfeelhimwatchingthem。
`ItisGeraldCrich，"saidUrsula。
`Iknow，"repliedGudrun。
Andshestoodmotionlessgazingoverthewateratthefacewhichwashedupanddownontheflood，asheswamsteadily。Fromhisseparateelementhesawthemandheexultedtohimselfbecauseofhisownadvantage，hispossessionofaworldtohimself。Hewasimmuneandperfect。Helovedhisownvigorous，thrustingmotion，andtheviolentimpulseoftheverycoldwateragainsthislimbs，buoyinghimup。Hecouldseethegirlswatchinghimawayoff，outside，andthatpleasedhim。Heliftedhisarmfromthewater，inasigntothem。
`Heiswaving，"saidUrsula。
`Yes，"repliedGudrun。Theywatchedhim。Hewavedagain，withastrangemovementofrecognitionacrossthedifference。
`LikeaNibelung，"laughedUrsula。Gudrunsaidnothing，onlystoodstilllookingoverthewater。
Geraldsuddenlyturned，andwasswimmingawayswiftly，withasidestroke。
Hewasalonenow，aloneandimmuneinthemiddleofthewaters，whichhehadalltohimself。Heexultedinhisisolationinthenewelement，unquestionedandunconditioned。Hewashappy，thrustingwithhislegsandallhisbody，withoutbondorconnectionanywhere，justhimselfinthewateryworld。
Gudrunenviedhimalmostpainfully。Eventhismomentarypossessionofpureisolationandfluidityseemedtohersoterriblydesirablethatshefeltherselfasifdamned，outthereonthehigh—road。
`God，whatitistobeaman！"shecried。
`What？"exclaimedUrsulainsurprise。
`Thefreedom，theliberty，themobility！"criedGudrun，strangelyflushedandbrilliant。`You"reaman，youwanttodoathing，youdoit。Youhaven"tthethousandobstaclesawomanhasinfrontofher。"
UrsulawonderedwhatwasinGudrun"smind，tooccasionthisoutburst。
Shecouldnotunderstand。
`Whatdoyouwanttodo？"sheasked。
`Nothing，"criedGudrun，inswiftrefutation。`ButsupposingIdid。
SupposingIwanttoswimupthatwater。Itisimpossible，itisoneoftheimpossibilitiesoflife，formetotakemyclothesoffnowandjumpin。Butisn"titridiculous，doesn"titsimplypreventourliving！"
Shewassohot，soflushed，sofurious，thatUrsulawaspuzzled。
Thetwosisterswenton，uptheroad。TheywerepassingbetweenthetreesjustbelowShortlands。Theylookedupatthelong，lowhouse，dimandglamorousinthewetmorning，itscedartreesslantingbeforethewindows。
Gudrunseemedtobestudyingitclosely。
`Don"tyouthinkit"sattractive，Ursula？"askedGudrun。
`Very，"saidUrsula。`Verypeacefulandcharming。"
`Ithasform，too——ithasaperiod。"
`Whatperiod？"
`Oh，eighteenthcentury，forcertain;DorothyWordsworthandJaneAusten，don"tyouthink？"
Ursulalaughed。
`Don"tyouthinkso？"repeatedGudrun。
`Perhaps。ButIdon"tthinktheCrichesfittheperiod。IknowGeraldisputtinginaprivateelectricplant，forlightingthehouse，andismakingallkindsoflatestimprovements。"
Gudrunshruggedhershouldersswiftly。
`Ofcourse，"shesaid，`that"squiteinevitable。"
`Quite，"laughedUrsula。`Heisseveralgenerationsofyoungnessatonego。Theyhatehimforit。Hetakesthemallbythescruffoftheneck，andfairlyflingsthemalong。He"llhavetodiesoon，whenhe"smadeeverypossibleimprovement，andtherewillbenothingmoretoimprove。He"sgotgo，anyhow。"
`Certainly，he"sgotgo，"saidGudrun。`InfactI"veneverseenamanthatshowedsignsofsomuch。Theunfortunatethingis，wheredoeshisgogoto，whatbecomesofit？"
`OhIknow，"saidUrsula。`Itgoesinapplyingthelatestappliances！"
`Exactly，"saidGudrun。
`Youknowheshothisbrother？"saidUrsula。
`Shothisbrother？"criedGudrun，frowningasifindisapprobation。
`Didn"tyouknow？Ohyes！——Ithoughtyouknew。Heandhisbrotherwereplayingtogetherwithagun。Hetoldhisbrothertolookdownthegun，anditwasloaded，andblewthetopofhisheadoff。Isn"titahorriblestory？"
`Howfearful！"criedGudrun。`Butitislongago？"
`Ohyes，theywerequiteboys，"saidUrsula。`IthinkitisoneofthemosthorriblestoriesIknow。"
`Andheofcoursedidnotknowthatthegunwasloaded？"
`Yes。Youseeitwasanoldthingthathadbeenlyinginthestableforyears。Nobodydreameditwouldevergooff，andofcourse，nooneimagineditwasloaded。Butisn"titdreadful，thatitshouldhappen？"
`Frightful！"criedGudrun。`Andisn"tithorribletootothinkofsuchathinghappeningtoone，whenonewasachild，andhavingtocarrytheresponsibilityofitallthroughone"slife。Imagineit，twoboysplayingtogether——thenthiscomesuponthem，fornoreasonwhatever——outoftheair。Ursula，it"sveryfrightening！Oh，it"soneofthethingsIcan"tbear。Murder，thatisthinkable，becausethere"sawillbehindit。Butathinglikethattohappentoone——"
`Perhapstherewasanunconsciouswillbehindit，"saidUrsula。
`Thisplayingatkillinghassomeprimitivedesireforkillinginit，don"tyouthink？"
`Desire！"saidGudrun，coldly，stiffeningalittle。`Ican"tseethattheywereevenplayingatkilling。Isupposeoneboysaidtotheother，"YoulookdownthebarrelwhileIpullthetrigger，andseewhathappens。"
Itseemstomethepurestformofaccident。"
`No，"saidUrsula。`Icouldn"tpullthetriggeroftheemptiestgunintheworld，notifsome—onewerelookingdownthebarrel。Oneinstinctivelydoesn"tdoit——onecan"t。"
Gudrunwassilentforsomemoments，insharpdisagreement。
`Ofcourse，"shesaidcoldly。`Ifoneisawoman，andgrownup，one"sinstinctpreventsone。ButIcannotseehowthatappliestoacoupleofboysplayingtogether。"
Hervoicewascoldandangry。
`Yes，"persistedUrsula。Atthatmomenttheyheardawoman"svoiceafewyardsoffsayloudly:
`Ohdamnthething！"TheywentforwardandsawLauraCrichandHermioneRoddiceinthefieldontheothersideofthehedge，andLauraCrichstrugglingwiththegate，togetout。Ursulaatoncehurriedupandhelpedtoliftthegate。
`Thankssomuch，"saidLaura，lookingupflushedandamazon—like，yetratherconfused。`Itisn"trightonthehinges。"
`No，"saidUrsula。`Andthey"resoheavy。"
`Surprising！"criedLaura。
`Howdoyoudo，"sangHermione，fromoutofthefield，themomentshecouldmakehervoiceheard。`It"snicenow。Areyougoingforawalk？Yes。
Isn"ttheyounggreenbeautiful？Sobeautiful——quiteburning。Goodmorning——goodmorning——you"llcomeandseeme？——thankyousomuch——nextweek——yes——good—bye，g—o—o—db—y—e。"
GudrunandUrsulastoodandwatchedherslowlywavingherheadupanddown，andwavingherhandslowlyindismissal，smilingastrangeaffectedsmile，makingatallqueer，frighteningfigure，withherheavyfairhairslippingtohereyes。Thentheymovedoff，asiftheyhadbeendismissedlikeinferiors。Thefourwomenparted。
Assoonastheyhadgonefarenough，Ursulasaid，hercheeksburning，`Idothinkshe"simpudent。"
`Who，HermioneRoddice？"askedGudrun。`Why？"
`Thewayshetreatsone——impudence！"
`Why，Ursula，whatdidyounoticethatwassoimpudent？"askedGudrunrathercoldly。
`Herwholemanner。Oh，It"simpossible，thewayshetriestobullyone。
Purebullying。She"sanimpudentwoman。"You"llcomeandseeme，"asifweshouldbefallingoverourselvesfortheprivilege。"
`Ican"tunderstand，Ursula，whatyouaresomuchputoutabout，"saidGudrun，insomeexasperation。`Oneknowsthosewomenareimpudent——thesefreewomenwhohaveemancipatedthemselvesfromthearistocracy。"
`ButitissoUnnecessary——sovulgar，"criedUrsula。
`No，Idon"tseeit。AndifIdid——pourmoi，ellen"existepas。I
don"tgrantherthepowertobeimpudenttome。"
`Doyouthinkshelikesyou？"askedUrsula。
`Well，no，Ishouldn"tthinkshedid。"
`ThenwhydoessheaskyoutogotoBreadalbyandstaywithher？"
Gudrunliftedhershouldersinalowshrug。
`Afterall，she"sgotthesensetoknowwe"renotjusttheordinaryrun，"saidGudrun。`Whateversheis，she"snotafool。AndI"dratherhavesomebodyIdetested，thantheordinarywomanwhokeepstoherownset。
HermioneRoddicedoesriskherselfinsomerespects。"
Ursulaponderedthisforatime。
`Idoubtit，"shereplied。`Reallysherisksnothing。Isupposeweoughttoadmireherforknowingshecaninviteus——schoolteachers——
andrisknothing。"
`Precisely！"saidGudrun。`Thinkofthemyriadsofwomenthatdaren"tdoit。Shemakesthemostofherprivileges——that"ssomething。Isuppose，really，weshoulddothesame，inherplace。"
`No，"saidUrsula。`No。Itwouldboreme。Icouldn"tspendmytimeplayinghergames。It"sinfradig。"
Thetwosisterswerelikeapairofscissors，snippingoffeverythingthatcameathwartthem;orlikeaknifeandawhetstone，theonesharpenedagainsttheother。
`Ofcourse，"criedUrsulasuddenly，`sheoughttothankherstarsifwewillgoandseeher。Youareperfectlybeautiful，athousandtimesmorebeautifulthaneversheisorwas，andtomythinking，athousandtimesmorebeautifullydressed，forsheneverlooksfreshandnatural，likeaflower，alwaysold，thought—out;andwearemoreintelligentthanmostpeople。"
`Undoubtedly！"saidGudrun。
`Anditoughttobeadmitted，simply，"saidUrsula。
`Certainlyitought，"saidGudrun。`Butyou"llfindthatthereallychicthingistobesoabsolutelyordinary，soperfectlycommonplaceandlikethepersoninthestreet，thatyoureallyareamasterpieceofhumanity，notthepersoninthestreetactually，buttheartisticcreationofher——"
`Howawful！"criedUrsula。
`Yes，Ursula，itisawful，inmostrespects。Youdaren"tbeanythingthatisn"tamazinglyaterre，somuchaterrethatitistheartisticcreationofordinariness。"
`It"sverydulltocreateoneselfintonothingbetter，"laughedUrsula。
`Verydull！"retortedGudrun。`ReallyUrsula，itisdull，that"sjusttheword。Onelongstobehigh—flown，andmakespeecheslikeCorneille，afterit。"
Gudrunwasbecomingflushedandexcitedoverherowncleverness。
`Strut，"saidUrsula。`Onewantstostrut，tobeaswanamonggeese。"
`Exactly，"criedGudrun，`aswanamonggeese。"
`Theyareallsobusyplayingtheuglyduckling，"criedUrsula，withmockinglaughter。`AndIdon"tfeelabitlikeahumbleandpatheticuglyduckling。Idofeellikeaswanamonggeese——Ican"thelpit。Theymakeonefeelso。AndIdon"tcarewhattheythinkofme。fem"enfiche。"
GudrunlookedupatUrsulawithaqueer，uncertainenvyanddislike。
`Ofcourse，theonlythingtodoistodespisethemall——justall，"
shesaid。
Thesisterswenthomeagain，toreadandtalkandwork，andwaitforMonday，forschool。Ursulaoftenwonderedwhatelseshewaitedfor，besidesthebeginningandendoftheschoolweek，andthebeginningandendoftheholidays。Thiswasawholelife！Sometimesshehadperiodsoftighthorror，whenitseemedtoherthatherlifewouldpassaway，andbegone，withouthavingbeenmorethanthis。Butsheneverreallyacceptedit。Herspiritwasactive，herlifelikeashootthatisgrowingsteadily，butwhichhasnotyetcomeaboveground。
WomenInLove:Chapter5CHAPTERVIntheTrainONEDAYatthistimeBirkinwascalledtoLondon。
Hewasnotveryfixedinhisabode。HehadroomsinNottingham，becausehisworklaychieflyinthattown。ButoftenhewasinLondon，orinOxford。
Hemovedaboutagreatdeal，hislifeseemeduncertain，withoutanydefiniterhythm，anyorganicmeaning。
OntheplatformoftherailwaystationhesawGeraldCrich，readinganewspaper，andevidentlywaitingforthetrain。Birkinstoodsomedistanceoff，amongthepeople。Itwasagainsthisinstincttoapproachanybody。
Fromtimetotime，inamannercharacteristicofhim，Geraldliftedhisheadandlookedround。Eventhoughhewasreadingthenewspaperclosely，hemustkeepawatchfuleyeonhisexternalsurroundings。Thereseemedtobeadualconsciousnessrunninginhim。Hewasthinkingvigorouslyofsomethinghereadinthenewspaper，andatthesametimehiseyeranoverthesurfacesoftheliferoundhim，andhemissednothing。Birkin，whowaswatchinghim，wasirritatedbyhisduality。Henoticedtoo，thatGeraldseemedalwaystobeatbayagainsteverybody，inspiteofhisqueer，genial，socialmannerwhenroused。
NowBirkinstartedviolentlyatseeingthisgeniallookflashontoGerald"sface，atseeingGeraldapproachingwithhandoutstretched。
`Hallo，Rupert，whereareyougoing？"
`London。Soareyou，Isuppose。"
`Yes——"
Gerald"seyeswentoverBirkin"sfaceincuriosity。
`We"lltraveltogetherifyoulike，"hesaid。
`Don"tyouusuallygofirst？"askedBirkin。
`Ican"tstandthecrowd，"repliedGerald。`Butthird"llbeallright。
There"sarestaurantcar，wecanhavesometea。"
Thetwomenlookedatthestationclock，havingnothingfurthertosay。
`Whatwereyoureadinginthepaper？"Birkinasked。
Geraldlookedathimquickly。
`Isn"titfunny，whattheydoputinthenewspapers，"hesaid。
`Herearetwoleaders——"heheldouthisDailyTelegraph，`fulloftheordinarynewspapercant——"hescannedthecolumnsdown——`andthenthere"sthislittle——Idunnowhatyou"dcallit，essay，almost——
appearingwiththeleaders，andsayingtheremustariseamanwhowillgivenewvaluestothings，giveusnewtruths，anewattitudetolife，orelseweshallbeacrumblingnothingnessinafewyears，acountryinruin——"
`Isupposethat"sabitofnewspapercant，aswell，"saidBirkin。
`Itsoundsasifthemanmeantit，andquitegenuinely，"saidGerald。
`Giveittome，"saidBirkin，holdingouthishandforthepaper。
Thetraincame，andtheywentonboard，sittingoneithersidealittletable，bythewindow，intherestaurantcar。Birkinglancedoverhispaper，thenlookedupatGerald，whowaswaitingforhim。
`Ibelievethemanmeansit，"hesaid，`asfarashemeansanything。"
`Anddoyouthinkit"strue？Doyouthinkwereallywantanewgospel？"
askedGerald。
Birkinshruggedhisshoulders。
`Ithinkthepeoplewhosaytheywantanewreligionarethelasttoacceptanythingnew。Theywantnoveltyrightenough。Buttostarestraightatthislifethatwe"vebroughtuponourselves，andrejectit，absolutelysmashuptheoldidolsofourselves，thatwesh"llneverdo。You"vegotverybadlytowanttogetridoftheold，beforeanythingnewwillappear——evenintheself。"
Geraldwatchedhimclosely。
`Youthinkweoughttobreakupthislife，juststartandletfly？"
heasked。
`Thislife。YesIdo。We"vegottobustitcompletely，orshrivelinsideit，asinatightskin。Foritwon"texpandanymore。"
TherewasaqueerlittlesmileinGerald"seyes，alookofamusement，calmandcurious。
`Andhowdoyouproposetobegin？Isupposeyoumean，reformthewholeorderofsociety？"heasked。
Birkinhadaslight，tensefrownbetweenthebrows。Hetoowasimpatientoftheconversation。
`Idon"tproposeatall，"hereplied。`Whenwereallywanttogoforsomethingbetter，weshallsmashtheold。Untilthen，anysortofproposal，ormakingproposals，isnomorethanatiresomegameforself—importantpeople。"
ThelittlesmilebegantodieoutofGerald"seyes，andhesaid，lookingwithacoolstareatBirkin:
`Soyoureallythinkthingsareverybad？"
`Completelybad。"
Thesmileappearedagain。
`Inwhatway？"
`Everyway，"saidBirkin。`Wearesuchdrearyliars。Ouroneideaistolietoourselves。Wehaveanidealofaperfectworld，cleanandstraightandsufficient。Sowecovertheearthwithfoulness;lifeisablotchoflabour，likeinsectsscurryinginfilth，sothatyourcolliercanhaveapianoforteinhisparlour，andyoucanhaveabutlerandamotor—carinyourup—to—datehouse，andasanationwecansporttheRitz，ortheEmpire，GabyDeslysandtheSundaynewspapers。Itisverydreary。"
Geraldtookalittletimetore—adjusthimselfafterthistirade。
`Wouldyouhaveuslivewithouthouses——returntonature？"heasked。
`Iwouldhavenothingatall。Peopleonlydowhattheywanttodo——
andwhattheyarecapableofdoing。Iftheywerecapableofanythingelse，therewouldbesomethingelse。"
AgainGeraldpondered。HewasnotgoingtotakeoffenceatBirkin。
`Don"tyouthinkthecollier"spianoforte，asyoucallit，isasymbolforsomethingveryreal，arealdesireforsomethinghigher，inthecollier"slife？"
`Higher！"criedBirkin。`Yes。Amazingheightsofuprightgrandeur。Itmakeshimsomuchhigherinhisneighbouringcollier"seyes。Heseeshimselfreflectedintheneighbouringopinion，likeinaBrockenmist，severalfeettalleronthestrengthofthepianoforte，andheissatisfied。HelivesforthesakeofthatBrockenspectre，thereflectionofhimselfinthehumanopinion。Youdothesame。Ifyouareofhighimportancetohumanityyouareofhighimportancetoyourself。Thatiswhyyouworksohardatthemines。Ifyoucanproducecoaltocookfivethousanddinnersaday，youarefivethousandtimesmoreimportantthanifyoucookedonlyyourowndinner。"
`IsupposeIam，"laughedGerald。
`Can"tyousee，"saidBirkin，`thattohelpmyneighbourtoeatisnomorethaneatingmyself。"Ieat，thoueatest，heeats，weeat，youeat，theyeat"——andwhatthen？Whyshouldeverymandeclinethewholeverb。
Firstpersonsingularisenoughforme。"
`You"vegottostartwithmaterialthings，"saidGerald。WhichstatementBirkinignored。
`Andwe"vegottoliveforsomething，we"renotjustcattlethatcangrazeandhavedonewithit，"saidGerald。
`Tellme，"saidBirkin。`Whatdoyoulivefor？"
Gerald"sfacewentbaffled。
`WhatdoIlivefor？"herepeated。`IsupposeIlivetowork，toproducesomething，insofarasIamapurposivebeing。Apartfromthat，IlivebecauseIamliving。"
`Andwhat"syourwork？Gettingsomanymorethousandsoftonsofcoaloutoftheeartheveryday。Andwhenwe"vegotallthecoalwewant，andalltheplushfurniture，andpianofortes，andtherabbitsareallstewedandeaten，andwe"reallwarmandourbelliesarefilledandwe"relisteningtotheyoungladyperformingonthepianoforte——whatthen？Whatthen，whenyou"vemadearealfairstartwithyourmaterialthings？"
Geraldsatlaughingatthewordsandthemockinghumouroftheotherman。Buthewascogitatingtoo。
`Wehaven"tgotthereyet，"hereplied。`Agoodmanypeoplearestillwaitingfortherabbitandthefiretocookit。"
`SowhileyougetthecoalImustchasetherabbit？"saidBirkin，mockingatGerald。
`Somethinglikethat，"saidGerald。
Birkinwatchedhimnarrowly。Hesawtheperfectgood—humouredcallousness，evenstrange，glisteningmalice，inGerald，glisteningthroughtheplausibleethicsofproductivity。
`Gerald，"hesaid，`Iratherhateyou。"
`Iknowyoudo，"saidGerald。`Whydoyou？"
Birkinmusedinscrutablyforsomeminutes。
`Ishouldliketoknowifyouareconsciousofhatingme，"hesaidatlast。`Doyoueverconsciouslydetestme——hatemewithmystichate？ThereareoddmomentswhenIhateyoustarrily。"
Geraldwasrathertakenaback，evenalittledisconcerted。Hedidnotquiteknowwhattosay。
`Imay，ofcourse，hateyousometimes，"hesaid。`ButI"mnotawareofit——neveracutelyawareofit，thatis。"
`Somuchtheworse，"saidBirkin。
Geraldwatchedhimwithcuriouseyes。Hecouldnotquitemakehimout。
`Somuchtheworse，isit？"herepeated。
Therewasasilencebetweenthetwomenforsometime，asthetrainranon。InBirkin"sfacewasalittleirritabletension，asharpknittingofthebrows，keenanddifficult。Geraldwatchedhimwarily，carefully，rathercalculatingly，forhecouldnotdecidewhathewasafter。
SuddenlyBirkin"seyeslookedstraightandoverpoweringintothoseoftheotherman。
`Whatdoyouthinkistheaimandobjectofyourlife，Gerald？"heasked。
AgainGeraldwastakenaback。Hecouldnotthinkwhathisfriendwasgettingat。Washepokingfun，ornot？
`Atthismoment，Icouldn"tsayoff—hand，"hereplied，withfaintlyironichumour。
`Doyouthinkloveisthebe—allandtheend—alloflife？"Birkinasked，withdirect，attentiveseriousness。
`Ofmyownlife？"saidGerald。