第8章
MYDEARBURROUGHS，——AsyoudescribemeIcanpicturemyselfasIwas20
yearsago。Theportraitiscorrect。YouthinkIhavegrownsome；uponmywordtherewasroomforit。Youhavedescribedacallowfool，aself-
sufficientass，amerehumantumble-bug……imaginingthatheisremodelingtheworldandisentirelycapableofdoingitright。
Ignorance，intolerance，egotism，self-assertion，opaqueperception，denseandpitifulchuckle-headedness——andanalmostpatheticunconsciousnessofitall。ThatiswhatIwasat19and20；andthatiswhattheaverageSouthernerisat60today。Northerners，too，ofacertaingrade。Itisofchildrenlikethisthatvotersaremade。Andsuchistheprimalsourceofourgovernment！Amanhardlyknowswhethertoswearorcryoverit。
IthinkIcomprehendthepositionthere——perfectfreedomtovotejustasyouchoose，providedyouchoosetovoteasotherpeoplethink——socialostracism，otherwise。Thesamethingexistshere，amongtheIrish。
AnIrishRepublicanisapariahamonghispeople。YetthatracefindfaultwiththesamespiritinKnow-Nothingism。
Fortunatelyagooddealofexperienceofmenenabledmetochoosemyresidencewisely。Iliveinthefreestcornerofthecountry。TherearenosocialdisabilitiesbetweenmeandmyDemocraticpersonalfriends。
Webreakthebreadandeatthesaltofhospitalityfreelytogetherandneverdreamofsuchathingasofferingimpertinentinterferenceineachother”spoliticalopinions。
Don”tyouevercometoNewYorkagainandnotrunupheretoseeme。I
SupposewewereawayforthesummerwhenyouwereEast；butnomatter，youcouldhavetelegraphedandfoundout。WewereatElmiraN。Y。andrightonyourroad，andcouldhavegivenyouagoodtimeifyouhadallowedusthechance。
Yes，WillBowenandIhaveexchangedlettersnowandthenforseveralyears，butIsuspectthatImadehimmadwithmylast——shortlyafteryousawhiminSt。Louis，Ijudge。ThereisonethingwhichIcan”tstandandwon”tstand，frommanypeople。Thatisshamsentimentality——thekindaschool-girlputsintohergraduatingcomposition；thesortthatmakesuptheOriginalPoetrycolumnofacountrynewspaper；therotthatdealsinthe“happydaysofyore，“the“sweetyetmelancholypast，“withits“blightedhopes“andits“vanisheddreams“andallthatsortofdrivel。
Will”swerealwaysofthisstamp。Istoodityears。WhenIgetaletterlikethatfromagrownmanandheawidowerwithafamily，itgivesmethestomachache。AndIjusttoldWillBowenso，lastsummer。Itoldhimtostopbeing16at40；toldhimtostopdroolingaboutthesweetyetmelancholypast，andtakeapill。Isaidtherewasbutonesolitarythingaboutthepastworthremembering，andthatwasthefactthatitisthepast——can”tberestored。Well，Iexaggeratedsomeofthesetruthsalittle——butonlyalittle——butmyideawastokillhisshamsentimentalityonceandforever，andsomakeagoodfellowofhimagain。
Iwenttotheunheard-oftroubleofre-writingtheletterandsayingthesameharshthingssoftly，soastosugarcoattheanguishandmakeitalittlemoreendurableandIaskedhimtowriteandthankmehonestlyfordoinghimthebestandkindliestfavorthatanyfriendeverhaddonehim——buthehasn”tdoneityet。Maybehewill，sometime。IamgratefultoGodthatIgotthatletteroffbeforehewasmarried(Igetthatnewsfromyou)elsehewouldjusthaveslobberedallovermeanddrownedmewhenthateventhappened。
Ienclosephotographfortheyoungladies。IwillremarkthatIdonotwearseal-skinforgrandeur，butbecauseIfound，whenIusedtolectureinthewinter，thatnothingelsewasabletokeepamanwarmsometimes，inthesehighlatitudes。Iwishyouhadsentpicturesofyourselfandfamily——I”lltradepictureforpicturewithyou，straightthrough，ifyouarecommerciallyinclined。
Youroldfriend，SAMLL。CLEMENS。
XVII。
LETTERS，1877。TOBERMUDAWITHTWICHELL。PROPOSITIONTOTH。NAST。
THEWHITTIERDINNER
MarkTwainmusthavebeentoobusytowritelettersthatwinter。
Thosethathavesurvivedarefewandunimportant。Asamatteroffact，hewaswritingtheplay，“AhSin，“withBretHarte，andgettingitreadyforproduction。HartewasaguestintheClemenshomewhiletheplaywasbeingwritten，andnotalwaysapleasantone。Hewasfullofrequirements，criticalastothe”menage”tothepointofsarcasm。ThelongfriendshipbetweenClemensandHarteweakenedunderthestrainofcollaborationandintimatedailyintercourse，nevertorenewitsoldfiber。Itwasanunhappyoutcomeofanenterprisewhichinitselfwastoproveoflittleprofit。Theplay，“AhSin，“hadmanygoodfeatures，andwithCharlesT。ParsloeinanamusingChinesepartmighthavebeenmadeasuccess，ifthetwoauthorscouldhaveharmoniouslyundertakentheneededrepairs。ItopenedinWashingtoninMay，andaletterfromParsloe，writtenatthemoment，givesahintofthesituation。
FromCharlesT。ParsloetoS。L。Clemens：
WASHINGTON，D。C。May11th，1877。
MR。CLEMENS，——IforgotwhetherIacknowledgedreceiptofcheckbytelegram。HartehasbeenheresinceMondaylastanddonelittleornothingyet，butpromisestohavesomethingfixedbytomorrowmorning。
Wehavebeenmakingsomeimprovementsamongourselves。Thelastactisweakattheend，andIdohopeMr。Hartewillhavesomethingforagoodfinishtothepiece。TheotheractsIthinkareallright，now。
Hopeyouhaveentirelyrecovered。Iamnotverywellmyself，theexcitementofafirstnightisbadenough，buttohavetheannoyancewithHartethatIhaveistoomuchforabeginner。Iain”tusedtoit。ThehouseshavebeenpickingupsinceTuesdayMr。Fordhasworkedwellandhardforus。
Yoursin，haste，CHAS。THOS。PARSLOE。
TheplaydrewsomegoodhousesinWashington，butitcouldnotholdthemforarun。Nevermindwhatwasthematterwithit；perhapsaverysmallchangeattherightpointwouldhaveturneditintoafinesuccess。WehaveseeninaformerlettertheobligationwhichMarkTwainconfessedtoHarte——adebthehadtriedinmanywaystorepay——obtainingforhimaliberalbookcontractwithBliss；
advancinghimfrequentandlargesumsofmoneywhichHartecouldnot，ordidnot，repay；seekingtoadvancehisfortunesinmanydirections。Themistakecamewhenheintroducedanothergeniusintotheintracaciesofhisdailylife。ClemenswentdowntoWashingtonduringtheearlyrehearsalsof“AhSin。”
Meantime，RutherfordB。HayeshadbeenelectedPresident，andClemensonedaycalledwithaletterofintroductionfromHowells，thinkingtomeettheChiefExecutive。HisownlettertoHowells，later，probablydoesnotgivetherealreasonofhisfailure，butitwillbeamusingtothosewhorecalltheerraticpersonalityofGeorgeFrancisTrain。TrainandTwainweresometimesconfusedbytheveryunlettered；orpretendedly，byMarkTwain”sfriends。
ToW。D。Howells，inBoston：
BALTIMORE，May1，”77。
MYDEARHOWELLS，——FoundIwasnotabsolutelyneededinWashingtonsoI
onlystaid24hours，andamonmywayhome，now。IcalledattheWhiteHouse，andgotadmissiontoCol。Rodgers，becauseIwantedtoinquirewhatwastherighthourtogoandinfestthe，President。Itwasmylucktostriketheplaceinthedeadwasteandmiddleoftheday，theverybusiesttime。IperceivedthatMr。RodgerstookmeforGeorgeFrancisTrainandhadmadeuphismindnottoletmegetatthePresident；soattheendofhalfanhourItookmyletterofintroductionfromthetableandwentaway。Itwasagreatpityallround，andagreatlosstothenation，forIwasbrimfulloftheEasternquestion。Ididn”tgettoseethePresidentortheChiefMagistrateeither，thoughIhadsortofaglimpseofaladyatawindowwhoresembledherportraits。
Yrsever，MARK。
HowellscondoledwithhimonhisfailuretoseethePresident，“but，“headded，“ifyouandIhadbothbeenthere，ourcombinedskillwouldhavenodoubtprocuredustobeexpelledfromtheWhiteHousebyFredDouglass。Butthethingseemstobeacompletefailureasitwas。”DouglassatthistimebeingtheMarshalofColumbia，givesspecialpointtoHowells”ssuggestion。
Later，inMay，ClemenstookTwichellforanexcursiontoBermuda。
HehadbeggedHowellstogowiththem，butHowells，asusual，wasfullofliteraryaffairs。TwichellandClemensspentfourgloriousdaystrampingthelengthandbreadthofthebeautifulisland，andremembereditalwaysasoneoftheirhappiestadventures。“PutitdownasanOasis！“wroteTwichellonhisreturn，“I”mafraidIshallnotseeasgreenaspotagainsoon。Anditwasyourinventionandyourgift。Andyourcompanywasthebestofit。Indeed，Inevertookmorecomfortinbeingwithyouthanonthisjourney，which，myboy，issayingagreatdeal。”
ToHowells，Clemenstriumphantlyreportedthesuccessoftheexcursion。
ToW。D。Howells，inBoston：
FARMINGTONAVENUE，HARTFORD，May29，1877。
Confoundyou，JoeTwichellandIroamedaboutBermudadayandnightandneverceasedtogabbleandenjoy。Abouthalfthetalkwas”ItisaburningshamethatHowellsisn”there。”“NobodycouldgetattheverymeatandmarrowofthispervadingcharmanddeliciousnesslikeHowells；“
“HowHowellswouldrevelinthequaintness，andthesimplicityofthispeopleandtheSabbathreposeofthisland。”“WhatanimperishablesketchHowellswouldmakeofCapt。Westthewhaler，andCapt。Hopewiththepatient，patheticface，wandererinalltheoceansfor42years，luckyinnone；cominghomedefeatedoncemore，now，minushisship——
resigned，uncomplaining，beingusedtothis。”“WhatarattlingchapterHowellswouldmakeoutofthesmallboyAlfred，withhisalerteyeandmilitarybrevityandexactnessofspeech；andoutoftheoldlandlady；
andhersacredonions；andherdaughter；andthevisitingclergyman；andtheancientpianosofHamiltonandthevenerablemusicinvoguethere——
andfortyotherthingswhichweshallleaveuntouchedortouchedbutlightlyupon，wenotbeingworthy。”“DamHowellsfornotbeinghere！“
(thisusuallyfromme，notTwichell。)
O，yourinsufferablepride，whichwillhaveafallsomeday！Ifyouhadgonewithusandletmepaythe$50whichthetripandtheboardandthevariousnicknacksandmementoeswouldcost，Iwouldhavepickedupenoughdroppingsfromyourconversationtopayme500percentprofitinthewayoftheseveralmagazinearticleswhichIcouldhavewritten，whereasI
cannowwriteonlyoneortwoandamthereforelargelyoutofpocketbyyourproudways。Ponderthesethings。Lord，whataperfectlybewitchingexcursionitwas！Itraveledunderanassumednameandwasnevermolestedwithapoliteattentionfromanybody。
Lovetoyouall。
YrseverMARK
Aldrich，meantime，hadinvitedtheClemensestoPonkapogduringtheBermudaabsence，andClemenshastenedtosendhimalineexpressingregrets。Attheclosehesaid：
ToT。B。Aldrich，inPonkapog，Mass。：
FARMINGTONAVENUE，HARTFORD，June3，1877。
DayaftertomorrowweleaveforthehillsbeyondElmira，N。Y。forthesummer，whenIshallhopetowriteabookofsomesortorothertobeatthepeoplewith。AworksimilartoyournewoneintheAtlanticiswhatImean，thoughIhavenotheardwhatthenatureofthatoneis。Immoral，Isuppose。Well，youareright。Suchbookssellbest，Howellssays。
Howellssaysheisgoingtomakehisnextbookindelicate。Hesayshethinksthereismoneyinit。Hesaysthereisalargeclassoftheyoung，inschoolsandseminarieswho——Butyoulethimtellyou。Hehasciphereditalldowntoademonstration。
WiththewarmestremembrancestothepairofyouEverYoursSAMUELL。CLEMENS。
ClemenswouldnaturallywritesomethingaboutBermuda，andbeganatonce，“RandomNotesofanIdleExcursion，“andpresentlycompletedfourpapers，whichHowellseagerlyacceptedfortheAtlantic。Thenwefindhimplungingintoanotherplay，thistimealone。
ToW。D。Howells，inBoston：
ELMIRA，June27，1877。
MYDEARHOWELLS，——Ifyoushouldnotlikethefirst2chapters，sendthemtomeandbeginwithChapter3——orPart3，Ibelieveyoucallthesethingsinthemagazine。IhavefinishedNo。4。，whichclosestheseries，andwillmailittomorrowifIthinkofit。Ilikethisone，Ilikedtheprecedingone(alreadymailedtoyousometimeago)butIhadmydoubtsabout1and2。Donothesitatetosquelchthem，evenwithderisionandinsult。
TodayIamdeepinacomedywhichIbeganthismorning——principalcharacter，thatolddetective——Iskeletonedthefirstactandwrotethesecond，today；andamdog-tired，now。Fifty-fourclosepagesofMSin7
hours。OnceIwrote55pagesatasitting——thatwasontheopeningchaptersofthe“GildedAge“novel。WhenIcooldown，anhourfromnow，Ishallgotozero，Ijudge。
Yrsever，MARK。
ClemenshaddoubtsastothequalityoftheBermudapapers，andwithsomereason。Theydidnotrepresenthimathisbest。Nevertheless，theywerepleasantlyentertaining，andHowellsexpressedfullapprovalofthemforAtlanticuse。Theauthorremainedtroubled。
ToW。D。Howells，inBoston：
ELMIRA，July4，1877。
MYDEARHOWELLS，——Itissplendidofyoutosaythosepleasantthings。
ButIamstillplaguedwithdoubtsaboutParts1and2。Ifyouhaveany，don”tprint。Ifotherwise，pleasemakesomecoldvillainlikeLathropreadandpasssentenceonthem。Mind，Ithoughttheyweregood，atfirst——itwasthesecondreadingthataccomplisheditshellishpurposeonme。Putthemupforanewverdict。Part4haslaininmypigeon-holeagoodwhile，andwhenIputitthereIhadaChristian”sconfidencein4
acesinit；andyoucanbesureitwillskiptowardConnecticuttomorrowbeforeanyfatalfreshreadingmakesmedrawmybet。
I”vepiledup151MSpagesonmycomedy。Thefirst，secondandfourthactsaredone，anddonetomysatisfaction，too。Tomorrowandnextdaywillfinishthe3rdactandtheplay。Ihavenotwrittenlessthan30
pagesanydaysinceIbegan。Neverhadsomuchfunoveranythinginmylife-neversuchconsuminginterestanddelight。(ButLordblessyouthesecondreadingwillfetchit！)Andjustthink！——IhadSolSmithRussellinmymind”seyefortheolddetective”spart，andhangithehasgoneoffpotteringwithOliverOptic，orelsethepaperslie。
IreadeverythingaboutthePresident”sdoingstherewithexultation。
Iwishthatoldassofaprivatesecretaryhadn”ttakenmeforGeorgeFrancisTrain。IfignorancewereameansofgraceIwouldn”ttradethatgorilla”schancesfortheArchbishopofCanterbury”s。
IshallcallonthePresidentagain，byandby。Ishallgoinmywarpaint；andifIamobstructedthenationwillhavetheunusualspectacleofaprivatesecretarywithapenoveroneearatomahawkovertheother。
IreadtheentireAtlanticthistime。Wonderfulnumber。Mrs。RoseTerryCooke”sstorywasaten-strike。Iwishshewouldwrite12old-timeNewEnglandtalesayear。
Goodtimestoyouall！Mindifyoudon”trunhereforafewdaysyouwillgotohencewithouthavinghadafore-glimpseofheaven。
MARK。
Theplay，“AhSin，“thathaddonelittleenoughinWashington，wasthatsummergivenanothertrialbyAugustinDaly，attheFifthAvenueTheater，NewYork，withafinecompany。Clemenshadundertakentodoctortheplay，anditwouldseemtohavehadanenthusiasticreceptionontheopeningnight。Butitwasasummeraudience，unspoiledbymanyattractions。“AhSin“wasneverasuccessintheNewYorkseason——neveramoney-makerontheroad。
ThereferenceinthefirstparagraphoftheletterthatfollowsistotheBermudachapterswhichMarkTwainwaspublishingsimultaneouslyinEnglandandAmerica。
ELMIRA，Aug3，1877。
MYDEARHOWELLS，——IhavemailedonesetoftheslipstoLondon，andtoldBentleyyouwouldprintSept。15，inOctoberAtlantic，andhemustnotprintearlierinTempleBar。HaveIgotthedatesandthingsright？
IampowerfulgladtoseethatNo。1readsanationsightbetterinprintthanitdidinMS。ItoldBentleywe”dsendhimtheslips，eachtime，6
weeksbeforedayofpublication。Wecandothatcan”twe？TwomonthsaheadwouldbestillbetterIsuppose，butIdon”tknow。
“AhSin“wenta-boomingattheFifthAvenue。ThereceptionofCol。
Sellerswascalmcomparedtoit。
*Thecriticismswerejust；thecriticismsofthegreatNewYorkdailiesarealwaysjust，intelligent，andsquareandhonest——notwithstanding，byablunderwhichnobodywasseriouslytoblamefor，Iwasmadetosayexactlytheoppositeofthisinanewspapersometimeago。Neversaiditatall，andmoreoverIneverthoughtit。IcouldnotpubliclycorrectitbeforetheplayappearedinNewYork，becausethatwouldlookasifIhadreallysaidthatthingandthenwasmovedbyfearsformypocketandmyreputationtotakeitback。ButIcancorrectitnow，andshalldoit；
fornowmymotivescannotbeimpugned。WhenIbeganthisletter，ithadnotoccurredtometouseyouinthisconnection，butitoccurstomenow。Youropinionandmine，utteredayearago，andrepeatedmorethanoncesince，thatthecandorandabilityoftheNewYorkcriticswerebeyondquestion，isamatterwhichmakesitproperenoughthatIshouldspeakthroughyouatthistime。Thereforeifyouwillprintthisparagraphsomewhere，itmayremovetheimpressionthatIsayunjustthingswhichIdonotthink，merelyforthepleasureoftalking。
There，now，Can”tyousay——
“InalettertoMr。HowellsoftheAtlanticMonthly，MarkTwaindescribesthereceptionofthenewcomedy”AliSin”andthengoesontosay：“etc。
Beginningatthestarwiththewords，“Thecriticismswerejust。”Mrs。
Clemenssays，“Don”taskthatofMr。Howells——itwillbedisagreeabletohim。”Ihadn”tthoughtofit，butIwillbettwotooneonthecorrectnessofherinstinct。Weshallsee。
Willyoucutthatparagraphoutofthisletterandprecedeitwiththeremarkssuggested(orwithbetterones，)andsendittotheGlobeorsomeotherpaper？Youcan”tdomeabiggerfavor；andyetifitisintheleastdisagreeable，youmustn”tthinkofit。Butletmeknow，rightaway，forIwanttocorrectthisthingbeforeitgrowsstaleagain。
Iexplainedmyselftoonlyonecritic(theWorld)——theconsequencewasanoblenoticeoftheplay。Thisonecalledonme，elseIshouldn”thaveexplainedmyselftohim。
IhavebeenputtinginadealofhardworkonthatplayinNewYork，butitisfullofincurabledefects。
MyoldPlunkettfamilyseemedwonderfullycoarseandvulgaronthestage，butitwasbecausetheywereplayedinsuchanoutrageouslyandinexcusablycoarseway。TheChinamaniskillinglyfunny。Idon”tknowwhenIhaveenjoyedanythingasmuchasIdidhim。Thepeoplesaythereisn”tenoughofhiminthepiece。That”satriumph——there”llneverbeanymoreofhiminit。
JohnBroughamsaid，“Readthelistofthingswhichthecriticshavecondemnedinthepiece，andyouhaveunassailableproofsthattheplaycontainsalltherequirementsofsuccessandalonglife。”
Thatistrue。NearlyeverytimetheaudienceroaredIknewitwasoversomethingthatwouldbecondemnedinthemorning(justly，too)butmustbeleftin——forlowcomediesarewrittenforthedrawing-room，thekitchenandthestable，andifyoucutoutthekitchenandthestablethedrawing-roomcan”tsupporttheplaybyitself。
TherewasasmuchmoneyinthehousethefirsttwonightsasinthefirsttenofSellers。Haven”theardfromthethird——Icameaway。
Yrsever，MARK。
InaformerletterwehaveseenhowMarkTwain，workingonastorythatwastostandasanexampleofhisbestwork，andbecomeoneofhissurestclaimstoimmortality(TheAdventuresofHuckleberryFinn)，displayedlittleenthusiasminhisundertaking。Inthefollowingletter，whichrelatestheconclusionofhisdetectivecomedy，wefindhimattheotherextreme，onverytiptoewithenthusiasmoversomethingwhollywithoutliteraryvalueordramaticpossibility。Oneofthehall-marksofgeniusistheinabilitytodiscriminateastothevalueofitsoutput。“SimonWheeler，AmateurDetective“wasadreary，absurd，impossibleperformance，aswildandunconvincinginincidentanddialogueasanythingoutofanasylumcouldwellbe。Thetitlewhichhefirstchoseforit，“Balaam”sAss，“wasproperlyinkeepingwiththegeneralscheme。YetMarkTwain，stillwarmwiththecreativefever，hadthefullestfaithinitasaworkofartandawinneroffortune。Itwouldneverseethelightofproduction，ofcourse。Weshallseepresentlythatthedistinguishedplaywright，DionBoucicault，good-naturedlycomplimenteditasbeingbetterthan“AhiSin。”Onemustwonderwhatthatskilledartistreallythought，andhowhecoulddoeventhisviolencetohisconscience。
ToW。D。Howells，inBoston：
ELMIRA，WednesdayP。M。(1877)
MYDEARHOWELLS，——It”sfinished。Iwasmisledbyhurriedmis-paging。
Thereweretenpagesofnotes，andover300pagesofMSwhentheplaywasdone。Diditin42hours，bytheclock；40pagesoftheAtlantic——butthenofcourseit”svery“fat。”Thosearethefigures，butIdon”tbelievethemmyself，becausethething”simpossible。
Butletthatpass。Alldaylong，andeveryday，sinceIfinished(intherough)Ihavebeendiligentlyaltering，amending，re-writing，cuttingdown。Ifinishedfinallytoday。Can”tthinkofanythingelseinthewayofanimprovement。IthoughtIwouldsticktoitwhiletheinterestwashot——andIammightygladIdid。Aweekfromnowitwillbefrozen——thenrevisingwouldbedrudgery。(YouseeIlearnedsomethingfromthefatalblunderofputting“AhSin“asidebeforeitwasfinished。)
She”sallright，now。Shereadsintwohoursand20minutesandwillplaynotlongerthan23/4hours。Nineteencharacters；3acts；(I
bunched2into1。)
TomorrowIwilldrawupanexhaustivesynopsistoinsertintheprintedtitle-pageforcopyrighting，andthenonFridayorSaturdayIgotoNewYorktoremainaweekortendaysandlayforanactor。Wishyoucouldrundownthereandhaveaholiday。”Twouldbefun。
Mywifewon”thave“Balaam”sAss“；thereforeIcallthepiece“Cap”nSimonWheeler，TheAmateurDetective。”
YrsMARK。
ToW。D。Howells，inBoston：
ELMIRA，Aug。29，1877。
MYDEARHOWELLS，——Justgotyourletterlastnight。No，dernthatarticle，——[OneoftheBermudachapters。]——itmademecrywhenIreaditinproof，itwassooppressivelyandostentatiouslypoor。SkimyoureyeoveritagainandyouwillthinkasIdo。IfIsaacandtheprophetsofBaalcanbedoctoredgentlyandmadepermissible，itwillredeemthething：butifitcan”t，let”sburnallofthearticlesexceptthetail-
endofitandusethatasanintroductiontothenextarticle——asI
suggestedinmylettertoyouofdaybeforeyesterday。(IhadthisprooffromCambridgebeforeyourscame。)
Boucicaultsaysmynewplayiseversomuchbetterthan“AhSin；“saystheAmateurdetectiveisabullycharacter，too。AnactorischawingovertheplayinNewYork，toseeiftheoldDetectiveissuitedtohisabilities。Haven”theardfromhimyet。
Ifyou”vegotthatparagraphbyyouyet，andifinyourjudgmentitwouldbegoodtopublishit，andifyouabsolutelywouldnotminddoingit，thenIthinkI”dliketohaveyoudoit——orelseputsomeotherwordsinmymouththatwillbeproperer，andpublishthem。Butmind，don”tthinkofitforamomentifitisdistasteful——anddoubtlessitis。Ivalueyourjudgmentmorethanmyown，astothewisdomofsayinganythingatallinthismatter。Tosaynothingleavesmeinaninjuriousposition——
andyetmaybeImightdobettertospeaktothementhemselveswhenIgotoNewYork。Thiswasmylatestidea，anditlookedwise。
WeexpecttoleavehereforhomeSept。4，reachingtherethe8th——butwemaybedelayedaweek。
Curiousthing。Ireadpassagesfrommyplay，andafullsynopsis，toBoucicault，whowasre-writingaplay，whichhewroteandlaidaside3or4yearsago。(Mydetectiveisaboutthatage，youknow。)Thenhereadapassagefromhisplay，wherearealdetectivedoessomethingsthatareasidioticassomeofmyoldWheeler”sperformances。Showedmethepassages，andbehold，hisman”snameisWheeler！However，hisWheelerisnotaprominentcharacter，sowe”llnotalterthenames。MyWheeler”snameistakenfromtheoldjumpingFrogsketch。
Iamre-readingTicknor”sdiary，andamcharmedwithit，thoughIstillsayhereferstotoomanygoodthingswhenhecouldjustaswellhavetoldthem。Thinkofthemantraveling8daysinconvoyandfamiliarintercoursewithabandofoutlawsthroughthemountainfastnessesofSpain——hethefourthstrangertheyhadencounteredinthirtyyears——andcompressingthispricelessexperienceintoasinglecolorlessparagraphofhisdiary！Theyspunyarnstothisunworthydevil，too。
Iwroteyouaverylongletteradayortwoago，butSusyCranewantedtomakeacopyofittokeep，soithasnotgoneyet。Itmaygotoday，possibly。
Weuniteinwarmregardstoyouandyours。
Yrsever，MARK。
TheTicknorreferredtoinaformerletterwasProfessorGeorgeTicknor，ofHarvardCollege，ahistory-writerofdistinction。Onthemarginofthe“Diary“MarkTwainoncewrote，“TicknorisaMillet，whomakesallmenfallinlovewithhim。”Andadds：“Milletwasthecauseoflovablequalitiesinpeople，andthenheadmiredandlovedthosepersonsfortheveryqualitieswhichhe(withoutknowingit)hadcreatedinthem。Perhapsitwouldbestrictlytruerofthesetwomentosaythattheyborewithinthemthedivinesomethinginwhosepresencetheevilinpeoplefledawayandhiditself，whileallthatwasgoodinthemcamespontaneouslyforwardoutoftheforgottenwallsandcomersintheirsystemswhereitwasaccustomedtohide。”
ItisFrankMillet，theartist，heisspeakingof——aknightlysoulwhomalltheClemenshouseholdloved，andwhowouldonedaymeethisknightlyendwiththoseotherbravementhatfounddeathtogetherwhentheTitanicwentdown。
TheClemensfamilywasstillatQuarryFarmattheendofAugust，andoneafternoonthereoccurredastartlingincidentwhichMarkTwainthoughtworthsettingdowninpracticallyduplicateletterstoHowellsandtoDr。JohnBrown。ItmaybeofinteresttothereadertoknowthatJohnT。Lewis，thecoloredmanmentioned，livedtoagoodoldage——apensioneroftheClemensfamilyand，inthecourseoftime，ofH。H。Rogers。Howells”sletterfollows。Itisthe“verylongletter“referredtointheforegoing。
ToW。D。Howellsandwife，inBoston：
ELMIRA，Aug。25”77。
MYDEARHOWELLSES，——IthoughtIoughttomakeasortofrecordofitforfurtherreference；thepleasantestwaytodothatwouldbetowriteittosomebody；butthatsomebodywouldletitleakintoprintandthatwewishtoavoid。TheHowellseswouldbesafe——soletustelltheHowellsesaboutit。
Daybeforeyesterdaywasafinesummerdayawayuphereonthesummit。
AuntMarshandCousinMayMarshwereherevisitingSusieCraneandLivyatourfarmhouse。ByandbymotherLangdoncameupthehillinthe“highcarriage“withNorathenurseandlittleJervis(CharleyLangdon”slittleboy)——Timothythecoachmandriving。BehindthesecameCharley”swifeandlittlegirlinthebuggy，withthenew，young，spry，grayhorse——ahigh-
stepper。TheodoreCranearrivedalittlelater。
TheBayandSusywereonhandwiththeirnurse，Rosa。Iwasonhand，too。SusyCrane”strioofcoloredservantsditto——thesebeingJosie，house-maid；AuntyCord，cook，aged62，turbaned，verytall，verybroad，veryfineeveryway(seeherportraitin“ATrueStoryjustasIHeardIt“inmySketches；)Chocklate(thelaundress)(astheBaycallsher——shecan”tsayCharlotte，)stilltaller，stillmoremajesticofproportions，turbaned，veryblack，straightasanIndian——age24。Thentherewasthefarmer”swife(colored)andherlittlegirl，Susy。
Wasn”titagoodaudiencetogetupanexcitementbefore？Goodexcitable，inflammablematerial？
Lewiswasstilldowntown，threemilesaway，withhistwo-horsewagon，togetaloadofmanure。Lewisisthefarmer(colored)。Heisofmightyframeandmuscle，stocky，stooping，ungainly，hasagoodmanlyfaceandacleareye。Ageabout45——andthemostpicturesqueofmen，whenhesitsinhisflutteringwork-dayrags，humpedforwardintoabunch，withhisagedslouchhatmasheddownoverhisearsandneck。Itisaspectacletomakethebroken-heartedsmile。Lewishasworkedmightyhardandremainedmightypoor。Attheendofeachwholeyear”stoilhecan”tshowagainoffiftydollars。HehadborrowedmoneyoftheCranestillheowedthem$700andhebeingconscientiousandhonest，imaginewhatitwastohimtohavetocarrythisstubborn，helplessloadyearinandyearout。
Well，sunsetcame，andIdatheyoungandcomely(CharleyLangdon”swife)
andherlittleJuliaandthenurseNora，droveoutatthegatebehindthenewgrayhorseandstarteddownthelonghill——thehighcarriagereceivingitsloadundertheportecochere。Idawasseentoturnherfacetowardusacrossthefenceandinterveninglawn——Theodorewavedgood-byetoher，forhedidnotknowthathersignwasaspeechlessappealforhelp。
ThenextmomentLivysaid，“Ida”sdrivingtoofastdownhill！“Shefolloweditwithasortofscream，“Herhorseisrunningaway！“
Wecouldseetwohundredyardsdownthatdescent。Thebuggyseemedtofly。Itwouldstrikeobstructionsandapparentlyspringtheheightofamanfromtheground。
TheodoreandIlefttheshriekingcrowdbehindandrandownthehillbare-headedandshouting。Aneighborappearedathisgate——atenthofasecondtoolate！thebuggyvanishedpasthimlikeathought。Mylastglimpseshoweditforoneinstant，fardownthedescent，springinghighintheairoutofacloudofdust，andthenitdisappeared。AsIflewdowntheroadmyimpulsewastoshutmyeyesasIturnedthemtotherightorleft，andsodelayforamomenttheghastlyspectacleofmutilationanddeathIwasexpecting。
Iranonandon，stillsparedthisspectacle，butsayingtomyself：
“Ishallseeitattheturnoftheroad；theynevercanpassthatturnalive。”WhenIcameinsightofthatturnIsawtwowagonstherebunchedtogether——oneofthemfullofpeople。Isaid，“Justso——theyarestaringpetrifiedattheremains。”
ButwhenIgotamongstthatbunch，theresatIdainherbuggyandnobodyhurt，noteventhehorseorthevehicle。Idawaspalebutserene。AsI
cametearingdown，shesmiledbackoverhershoulderatmeandsaid，“Well，we”realiveyet，aren”twe？“Amiraclehadbeenperformed——
nothingelse。
YouseeLewis，theprodigious，humpeduponhisfrontseat，hadbeentoilingup，onhisloadofmanure；hesawthefrantichorseplungingdownthehilltowardhim，onafullgallop，throwinghisheelsashighasaman”sheadateveryjump。SoLewisturnedhisteamdiagonallyacrosstheroadjustatthe“turn，“thusmakingaVwiththefence——therunninghorsecouldnotescapethat，butmustenterit。ThenLewissprangtothegroundandstoodinthisV。Hegatheredhisvaststrength，andwithaperfectCreedmooraimheseizedthegrayhorse”sbitasheplungedbyandfetchedhimupstanding！
Itwasdownhill，mindyou。TenfeetfurtherdownhillneitherLewisnoranyothermancouldhavesavedthem，fortheywouldhavebeenontheabrupt“turn，“then。Buthowthismiraclewaseveraccomplishedatall，byhumanstrength，generalshipandaccuracy，iscleanbeyondmycomprehension——andgrowsmoresothemoreIgoandexaminethegroundandtrytobelieveitwasactuallydone。Iknowonething，well；ifLewishadmissedhisaimhewouldhavebeenkilledonthespotinthetraphehadmadeforhimself，andweshouldhavefoundtherestoftheremainsawaydownatthebottomofthesteepravine。
TenminuteslaterTheodoreandIarrivedoppositethehouse，withtheservantsstragglingafterus，andshoutedtothedistractedgroupontheporch，“Everybodysafe！“
Believeit？Whyhowcouldthey？Theyknewtheroadperfectly。WemightaswellhavesaidittopeoplewhohadseentheirfriendsgooverNiagara。
However，weconvincedthem；andthen，insteadofsayingsomething，orgoingoncrying，theygrewverystill——wordscouldnotexpressit，I
suppose。
Nobodycoulddoanythingthatnight，orsleep，either；buttherewasadealofmovingtalk，withlongpausesbetweenpicturesofthatflyingcarriage，thesepausesrepresented——thispictureintrudeditselfallthetimeanddisjointedthetalk。
Butyesterdayeveninglate，whenLewisarrivedfromdowntownhefoundhissupperspread，andsomepresentsofbooksthere，withverycomplimentarywritingsonthefly-leaves，andcertainverycomplimentaryletters，andmoreorlessgreenbacksofdignifieddenominationpinnedtotheselettersandfly-leaves，——andonesaid，amongotherthings，(signedbytheCranes)“Wecancel$400ofyourindebtednesstous，“&c。&c。
(Theendthereofisnotyet，ofcourse，forCharleyLangdonisWestandwillarriveignorantofallthesethings，today。)
Thesupper-roomhadbeenkeptlockedandimposinglysecretandmysteriousuntilLewisshouldarrive；butaroundthatpartofthehouseweregatheredLewis”swifeandchild，Chocklate，Josie，AuntyCordandourRosa，canvassingthingsandwaitingimpatiently。Theywereallonhandwhenthecurtainrose。
Now，AuntyCordisaviolentMethodistandLewisanimplacableDunker——
Baptist。Thosetwoareinveteratereligiousdisputants。TherevealmentshavingbeenmadeAuntyCordsaidwitheffusion——
“Now，letfolksgoonsayingthereain”tnoGod！Lewis，theLordsentyoutheretostopthathorse。”
SaysLewis：
“Thenwhosentthehorsethereinsichashape？“
ButIwanttocallyourattentiontoonething。WhenLewisarrivedtheotherevening，aftersavingthoselivesbyafeatwhichIthinkisthemostmarvelousofanyIcancalltomind——whenhearrived，huncheduponhismanurewagonandasgrotesquelypicturesqueasusual，everybodywantedtogoandseehowhelooked。Theycamebackandsaidhewasbeautiful。Itwasso，too——andyethewouldhavephotographedexactlyashewouldhavedoneanydaythesepast7yearsthathehasoccupiedthisfarm。
Aug。27。
P。S。Ourlittleromanceinreallifeishappilyandsatisfactorilycompleted。Charleyhascome，listened，acted——andnowJohnT。Lewishasceasedtoconsiderhimselfasbelongingtothatclasscalled“thepoor。”
Ithasbeenknown，duringsomeyears，thatitwasLewis”spurposetobuyathirtydollarsilverwatchsomeday，ifheevergotwherehecouldaffordit。TodayIdahasgivenhimanew，sumptuousgoldSwissstem-
windingstop-watch；andifanyscoffershallsay，“Beholdthisthingisoutofcharacter，“thereisaninscriptionwithin，whichwillsilencehim；foritwillteachhimthatthisweareraggrandizesthewatch，notthewatchthewearer。
Iwasaskedbeforehand，ifthiswouldbeawisegift，andIsaid“Yes，theverywisestofall；Iknowthecoloredrace，andIknowthatinLewis”seyesthisfinetoywillthrowtheothermorevaluabletestimonialsfarawayintotheshade。IfhelivedinEnglandtheHumaneSocietywouldgivehimagoldmedalascostlyasthiswatch，andnobodywouldsay：“Itisoutofcharacter。”IfLewischosetowearatownclock，whowouldbecomeitbetter？
Lewishassoundcommonsense，andisnotgoingtobespoiled。Theinstanthefoundhimselfpossessedofmoney，heforgothimselfinaplantomakehisoldfathercomfortable，whoiswretchedlypoorandlivesdowninMaryland。Hisnextact，onthespot，wastheproffertotheCranesofthe$300ofhisremainingindebtednesstothem。Thiswasputoffbythemtotheindefinitefuture，forheisnotgoingtobeallowedtopaythatatall，thoughhedoesn”tknowit。
AletterofacknowledgmentfromLewiscontainsasentencewhichraisesittothedignityofliterature：
“ButIbegtosay，humbly，thatinasmuchasdivineprovidencesawfittousemeasainstrumentforthesavingofthosepresshiouslives，thehonnerconferduponmewasgreaterthanthefeatperformed。”
Thatiswellsaid。
YrseverMARK。
Howellswasmovedtousethestoryinthe。“Contributors”Club，“
andwarnedClemensagainstlettingitgetintothenewspapers。Hedeclaredhethoughtitoneofthemostimpressivethingshehadeverread。ButClemensseemsnevertohaveallowedittobeusedinanyform。Initsentirety，therefore，itisquitenewmatter。
ToW。D。Howells，inBoston：
HARTFORD，Sept。19，1877。
MYDEARHOWELLS，——Idon”treallyseehowthestoryoftherunawayhorsecouldreadwellwiththelittledetailsofnamesandplacesandthingsleftout。Theyarethetruelifeofallnarrative。Itwouldn”tquitedotoprintthematthistime。We”lltalkaboutitwhenyoucome。
Delicacy——asad，sadfalsedelicacy——robsliteratureofthebesttwothingsamongitsbelongings。Family-circlenarrativeandobscenestories。Butnomatter；inthatbetterworldwhichItrustweareallgoingtoIhavethehopeandbeliefthattheywillnotbedeniedus。
Say——TwichellandIhadanadventureatsea，4monthsago，whichIdidnotputinmyBermudaarticles，becausetherewasnotenoughtoit。Butthepressdispatchesbringthesequeltoday，andnowthere”splentytoit。Asailless，wasteless，chartless，compassless，grublessoldcondemnedtubthathasbeendriftinghelplessabouttheoceanfor4
monthsandahalf，beggingbreadandwaterlikeanyothertramp，flyingasignalofdistresspermanently，andwith13innocent，marvelingchuckleheadedBermudaniggersonboard，takingaPleasureExcursion！Ourshipfedthepoordevilsonthe25thoflastMay，faroutatseaandleftthemtobullyragtheirwaytoNewYork——andnowtheyain”tasnearNewYorkastheywerethenby250miles！Theyhavedrifted750milesandarestilldriftingintherelentlessGulfStream！Whatadeliciousmagazinechapteritwouldmake——butIhadtodenymyself。Ihadtocomerightoutinthepapersatonce，withmydetails，soastotrytoraisethegovernment”ssympathysufficientlytohavebettersuccorsentthemthanthecutterColfax，whichwentalittlewayinsearchofthemtheotherdayandthenstruckafogandgaveitup。
IfthePresidentwereinWashingtonIwouldtelegraphhim。
WhenIhearthatthe“JonasSmith“hasbeenfoundagain，Imeantosendforoneofthosedarkies，tocometoHartfordandgivemehisadventuresforanAtlanticarticle。
Likelyyouwillseemytoday”sarticleinthenewspapers。
Yrsever，MARK。
TherevenuecutterColfaxwentaftertheJonasSmith，thinkingtherewasmutinyorothercrimeonboard。Itoccurstomenowthat，sincethereisonlymeresufferingandmiseryandnobodytopunish，itceasestobeamatterwhich(arepublicanformof)governmentwillfeelauthorizedtointerfereinfurther。Damarepublicanformofgovernment。
Clemensthoughthehadgivenuplecturingforgood；hewasprosperousandhehadnolovefortheplatform。Butonedayanideapoppedintohishead：ThomasNast，the“fatheroftheAmericancartoon，“haddeliveredasuccessfulseriesofillustratedlectures-
talksforwhichhemadethedrawingsashewentalong。MarkTwain”sideawastomakeacombinationwithNast。Hislettergivesustheplaninfull。
ToThomasNast，Morristown，N。J。：
HARTFORD，CONN。1877。
MYDEARNAST，——IdidnotthinkIshouldeverstandonaplatformagainuntilthetimewascomeformetosay“Idieinnocent。”Butthesameoldofferskeeparriving。Ihavedeclinedthemall，justasusual，thoughsorelytempted，asusual。
Now，IdonotdeclinebecauseImindtalkingtoanaudience，butbecause(1)travelingaloneissoheartbreakinglydreary，and(2)shoulderingthewholeshowissuchacheer-killingresponsibility。
Therefore，Inowproposetoyouwhatyouproposedtomein1867，tenyearsago(whenIwasunknown，)viz。，thatyoustandontheplatformandmakepictures，andIstandbyyouandblackguardtheaudience。Ishouldenormouslyenjoymeanderingaround(tobigtowns——don”twanttogotothelittleones)withyouforcompany。
Myideaisnottofattenthelectureagentsandlyceumsonthespoils，butputalltheducatsreligiouslyintotwoequalpiles，andsaytotheartistandlecturer，“Absorbthese。”
Forinstance——[Herefollowsaplanandapossiblelistofcitiestobevisited。Thelettercontinues]
Callthegrossreceipts$100，000forfourmonthsandahalf，andtheprofitfrom$60，000to$75，000(Itrytomakethefigureslargeenough，andleaveittothepublictoreducethem。)
IdidnotputinPhiladelphiabecausePughownsthattown，andlastwinterwhenImadealittlereading-tripheonlypaidme$300andpretendedhisconcert(Ireadfifteenminutesinthemidstofaconcert)
costhimavastsum，andsohecouldn”taffordanymore。Icouldgetupabetterconcertwithabarrelofcats。
Ihaveimaginedtwoorthreepicturesandconcoctedtheaccompanyingremarkstoseehowthethingwouldgo。Iwascharmed。
Well，youthinkitover，Nast，anddropmealine。Weshouldhavesomefun。
Yourstruly，SAMUELL。CLEMENS。
Theplancametonothing。Nast，likeClemens，hadnospecialtasteforplatforming，andwhileundoubtedlytherewouldhavebeenlargeprofitsinthecombination，thepromiseoftheventuredidnotcompelhisacceptance。
InspiteofhisdistastefortheplatformMarkTwainwasalwaysgivingreadingsandlectures，withoutcharge，forsomeworthyHartfordcause。Hewasreadytodowhathecouldtohelpanentertainmentalong，ifhecoulddoitinhisownway——anoriginalway，sometimes，andnotalwaysgratifyingtothecommittee，whoseplanswerelikelytobeprearranged。
Foronething，Clemens，supersensitiveinthematterofputtinghimselfforwardinhisowntown，oftenobjectedtoanyspecialexploitationofhisname。Thisalwaysdistressedthecommittee，whosawalargeprofittotheirventureintheprestigeofhisfame。
Thefollowingcharacteristicletterwaswritteninself-defensewhen，ononesuchoccasion，acommitteehadbecomesufficientlypeevishtoabandonaworthyenterprise。
ToanEntertainmentCommittee，inHartford：
Nov。9。
E。S。SYKES，Esq：
Dr。SIR，——Mr。Burton”snoteputsuponmealltheblameofthedestructionofanenterprisewhichhadforitsobjectthesuccoroftheHartfordpoor。Thatistosay，thisenterprisehasbeendroppedbecauseofthe“dissatisfactionwithMr。Clemens”sstipulations。”ThereforeImustbeallowedtosayawordinmydefense。
Thereweretwo“stipulations“——exactlytwo。Imadeoneofthem；iftheotherwasmadeatall，itwasajointone，fromthechoirandme。
Myindividualstipulationwas，thatmynameshouldbekeptoutofthenewspapers。Thejointonewasthatsufficientticketstoinsureagoodsumshouldbesoldbeforethedateoftheperformanceshouldbeset。
(Understand，wewantedagoodsum——Idonotthinkanyofusbotheredaboutagoodhouse；itwasmoneywewereafter)
Nowyouperceivethatmyconcernissimplywithmyindividualstipulation。Didthatbreakuptheenterprise？
EugeneBurtonsaidhewouldsell$300worthoftheticketshimself——Mr。
Smithsaidhewouldsell$200or$300worthhimself。MyplanforAsylumHillChurchwouldhaveensured$150fromthatquarter——Allthisinthefaceofmy“Stipulation。”Itwasproposedtoraise$1000；didmystipulationrendertheraisingof$400or$500inadozenchurchesimpossible？
Mystipulationiseasilydefensible。Whenamerereaderorlecturerhasappeared3or4timesinatownofHartford”ssize，heisagooddealmorethanlikelytogetaveryunpleasantsnubifheshoveshimselfforwardaboutonceortwicemore。ThereforeIlongagomadeupmymindthatwheneverIagainappearedhere，itshouldbeonlyinaminorcapacityandnotasachiefattraction。
Now，Iplacedthatharmlessandveryjustifiablestipulationbeforethecommitteetheotherday；theycarriedittoheadquartersanditwasacceptedthere。Iamnotinformedthatanyobjectionwasmadetoit，orthatitwasregardedasanoffense。Itseemslateintheday，now，afteragooddealoftroublehasbeentakenandagooddealofthanklessworkdonebythecommittees，to，suddenlytearupthecontractandthenturnandbowlmedownfromlongrangeasbeingthedestroyerofit。
Iftheenterprisehasfailedbecauseofmyindividualstipulation，hereyouhavemyproperandreasonablereasonsformakingthatstipulation。
Ifithasfailedbecauseofthejointstipulation，puttheblamethere，andletusshareitcollectively。
Ithinkourplanwasagoodone。IdonotdoubtthatMr。Burtonstillapprovesofit，too。Ibelievetheobjectionscomefromotherquarters，andnotfromhim。Mr。TwichellusedthefollowingwordsinlastSunday”ssermon，(ifIremembercorrectly)：
“Myhearers，theprophetDeuteronomysaysthiswisething：”Thoughyeplanagoodlyhouseforthepoor，andplanitwithwisdom，anddotakeoffyourcoatsandsettotobuildit，withhighcourage，yetshallthecroakerpresentlycome，andliftuphisvoice，(havinghiscoaton，)andsay，Verilythisplanisnotwellplanned——andhewillgohisway；andtheobstructionistwillcome，andliftuphisvoice，(havinghiscoaton，)andsay，Behold，thisisbutasickplan——andhewillgohisway；
andthemanthatknowsitallwillcome，andliftuphisvoice，(havinghiscoaton，)andsay，Lo，calltheythisaplan？thenwillhegohisway；andtheplaceswhichknewhimonceshallknowhimnomoreforever，becausehewasnot，forGodtookhim。NowthereforeIsayuntoyou，Verilythathousewillnotbebudded。AndIsaythisalso：Hethatwaitethforallmentobesatisfiedwithhisplan，lethimseeketernallife，forheshallneedit。”“
ThisportionofMr。Twichell”ssermonmadeagreatimpressionuponme，andIwasgrievedthatsomeonehadnotwakenedmeearliersothatI
mighthaveheardwhatwentbefore。
S。L。CLEMENS。
Mr。Sykes(ofthefirmofSykes&Newton，theAllenHousePharmacy)
repliedthathehadreadthelettertothecommitteeandthatithadsetthosegentlemenrightwhohadnotbeforeunderstoodthesituation。“Ifotherswereasreadytodotheirpartasyourselfourpoorwouldnotwantassistance，“hesaid，inclosing。
Wecomenowtoanincidentwhichassumestheproportionsofanepisode-evenofacatastrophe——inMarkTwain”scareer。Thedisasterwasduetoaconditionnotedafewpagesearlier——theinabilityofgeniustojudgeitsownefforts。Thestoryhasnowbecomehistory——
printedhistory——ithavingbeensympatheticallytoldbyHowellsinMyMarkTwain，andmoreexhaustively，withareportofthespeechthatinvitedthelightning，inaformerworkbythepresentwriter。
ThespeechwasmadeatJohnGreenleafWhittier”sseventiethbirthdaydinner，givenbytheAtlanticstaffontheeveningofDecember17，1877。Itwasintendedasahugejoke——ajokethatwouldshakethesidesofthesevenerableBostondeities，Longfellow，Emerson，Holmes，andtherestofthatveneratedgroup。ClemenshadbeenafavoriteattheAtlanticlunchesanddinners——aspeechbyhimalwaysanevent。Thistimehedecidedtooutdohimself。
Hedidthat，butnotinthewayhehadintended。Touseoneofhisownmetaphors，hesteppedouttomeettherainbowandgotstruckbylightning。HisjokewasnotoftheBostonkindorsize。Whenitsfullnatureburstuponthecompany——whentheearsoftheassembleddinersheardthesacrednamesofLongfellow，Emerson，andHolmeslightlyassociatedwithhumanaspectsremoved——oh，veryfarremoved——fromCambridgeandConcord，achillfelluponthedinersthatpresentlybecameamazement，andthencreepingparalysis。Nobodyknewafterwardwhetherthegreatspeechthathehadsogailyplannedevercametoanaturalendornot。Somebody——thenextontheprogram——attemptedtofollowhim，butpresentlythecompanymeltedoutofthedoorsandcreptawayintothenight。
ItseemedtoMarkTwainthathiscareerhadcometoanend。BackinHartford，sweatingandsufferingthroughsleeplessnights，hewroteHowellshisanguish。
ToW。D。Howells，inBoston：
SundayNight。1877。
MYDEARHOWELLS，——Mysenseofdisgracedoesnotabate。Itgrows。Iseethatitisgoingtoadditselftomylistofpermanencies——alistofhumiliationsthatextendsbacktowhenIwassevenyearsold，andwhichkeeponpersecutingmeregardlessofmyrepentancies。
Ifeelthatmymisfortunehasinjuredmealloverthecountry；thereforeitwillbebestthatIretirefrombeforethepublicatpresent。ItwillhurttheAtlanticformetoappearinitspages，now。Soitismyopinionandmywife”sthatthetelephonestoryhadbetterbesuppressed。
Willyoureturnthoseproofsorrevisestome，sothatIcanusethesameonsomefutureoccasion？
ItseemsasifImusthavebeeninsanewhenIwrotethatspeechandsawnoharminit，nodisrespecttowardthosemenwhomIreverencedsomuch。
AndwhatshameIbroughtuponyou，afterwhatyousaidinintroducingme！
Itburnsmelikefiretothinkofit。
Thewholematterisadreadfulsubject——letmedropithere——atleastonpaper。
Penitentlyyrs，MARK。
Howellssentbackacomfortingletter。“IhavenoideaofdroppingyououtoftheAtlantic，“hewrote；“andMr。Houghtonhasstillless，ifpossible。Youaregoingtohelpandnothurtusmanyayearyet，ifyouwill……Youarenotgoingtobeflooredbyit；
thereismorejusticethanthat，eveninthisworld。”
HowellsaddedthatCharlesElliotNortonhadexpressedjusttherightfeelingconcerningthewholeaffair，andthatmanywhohadnotheardthespeech，butreadthenewspaperreportsofit，hadfounditwithoutoffense。
ClemenswrotecontriteletterstoHolmes，Emerson，andLongfellow，andreceivedmostgraciousacknowledgments。Emerson，indeed，hadnotheardthespeech：Hisfacultieswerealreadyblurredbythementalmiststhatwouldeventuallyshuthimin。ClemenswroteagaintoHowells，thistimewithlessanguish。
ToW。D。Howells，inBoston：
HARTFORD，Friday，1877。
MYDEARHOWELLS，——Yourletterwasagodsend；andperhapsthewelcomestpartofitwasyourconsentthatIwritetothosegentlemen；foryoudiscouragedmyhintsinthatdirectionthatmorninginBoston——rightly，too，formyoffensewasyettoonew，then。Warnerhastriedtoholdupourhandslikethegoodfellowheis，butpoorTwichellcouldnotsayaword，andconfessedthathewouldrathertakenearlyanypunishmentthanfaceLivyandme。Hehasn”tbeenheresince。
Itiscurious，butIpitchedearlyuponMr。Nortonastheverymanwhowouldthinksomegenerousthingaboutthatmatter，whetherhesaiditornot。Itissplendidtobeamanlikethat——butitisgiventofewtobe。
Iwrotealetteryesterday，andsentacopytoeachofthethree。I
wantedtosendacopytoMr。Whittieralso，sincetheoffensewasdonealsoagainsthim，beingcommittedinhispresenceandhetheguestoftheoccasion，besidesholdingthewell-nighsacredplacehedoesinhispeople”sestimation；butIdidn”tknowwhethertoventureornot，andsoendedbydoingnothing。Itseemedanintrusiontoapproachhim，andevenLivyseemedtohaveherdoubtsastothebestandproperestwaytodointhecase。IdonotreverenceMr。Emersonless，butsomehowIcouldapproachhimeasier。
Sendmethoseproofs，ifyouhavegotthemhandy；IwanttosubmitthemtoWylie；hewon”tshowthemtoanybody。
HadaverypleasantandconsiderateletterfromMr。Houghton，today，andwasverygladtoreceiveit。
Youcan”timaginehowbrilliantandbeautifulthatnewbrassfenderis，andhowperfectlynaturallyittakesitsplaceunderthecarvedoak。Howtheydidscouritupbeforetheysentit！IliedagooddealaboutitwhenIcamehome——soforonceIkeptasecretandsurprisedLivyonaChristmasmorning！
Ihaven”tdoneastrokeofworksincetheAtlanticdinner；haveonlymopedaround。ButI”mgoingtotrytomorrow。HowcouldIeverhave。
Ah，well，Iamagreatandsublimefool。ButthenIamGod”sfool，andallHisworksmustbecontemplatedwithrespect。
LivyandIjoininthewarmestregardstoyouandyours，Yrsever，MARK。
Longfellow，inhisreply，said：“Idonotbelieveanybodywasmuchhurt。
CertainlyIwasnot，andHolmestellsmehewasnot。SoIthinkyoumaydismissthematterfromyourmindwithoutfurtherremorse。”
Holmeswrote：“Itneveroccurredtomeforamomenttotakeoffense，orfeelwoundedbyyourplayfuluseofmyname。”
MissEllenEmersonrepliedforherfather(inalettertoMrs。Clemens)
thatthespeechhadmadenoimpressionuponhim，givingatconsiderablelengththeimpressionithadmadeonherselfandothermembersofthefamily。
Clearly，itwasnottheprincipalswhowerehurt，butonlythosewhoheldtheminawe，thoughonecanrealizethatthiswouldnotmakeitmucheasierforMarkTwain。
XVIII。
LETTERSFROMEUROPE，1878-79。TRAMPINGWITHTWICHELL。WRITINGANEW
TRAVELBOOK。LIFEINMUNICH
WhethertheunhappyoccurrenceattheWhittierdinnerhadanythingtodowithMarkTwain”sresolvetospendayearortwoinEuropecannotbeknownnow。Therewereothergoodreasonsforgoing，oneinparticularbeingademandforanotherbookoftravel。Itwasalsotrue，asheexplainsinalettertohismother，thathisdayswerefullofannoyances，makingitdifficultforhimtowork。Hehadatendencytoinvestmoneyinalmostanyglitteringenterprisethatcamealong，andatthistimehewasinvolvedinthepromotionofavarietyofpatentrightsthatbroughthimnoreturnotherthanassessmentandvexation。
Clemens”smotherwasbythistimelivingwithhersonOnionandhiswife，inIowa。
ToMrs。JaneClemens，inKeokuk，Iowa：
HARTFORD，Feb。17，1878
MYDEARMOTHER，——IsupposeIamtheworstcorrespondentinthewholeworld；andyetIgrowworseandworseallthetime。Myconscienceblistersmefornotwritingyou，butithasceasedtoabusemefornotwritingotherfolks。
Lifehascometobeaveryseriousmatterwithme。Ihaveabadgered，harassedfeeling，agoodpartofmytime。Itcomesmainlyofbusinessresponsibilitiesandannoyances，andthepersecutionofkindlylettersfromwellmeaningstrangers——towhomImustberudelysilentorelseputinthebiggesthalfofmytimebotheringoveranswers。Thereareotherthingsalsothathelptoconsumemytimeanddefeatmyprojects。Well，theconsequenceis，Icannotwriteabookathome。Thiscutsmyincomedown。Therefore，IhaveaboutmadeupmymindtotakemytribeandflytosomelittlecornerofEuropeandbudgenomoreuntilIshallhavecompletedoneofthehalfdozenbooksthatliebegun，upstairs。Pleasesaynothingaboutthisatpresent。
Weproposetosailthe11thofApril。IshallgotoFredoniatomeetyou，butitwillnotbewellforLivytomakethattripIamafraid。
However，weshallsee。Iwillhopeshecango。
Mr。Twichellhasjustcomein，soImustgotohim。Weareallwell，andsendlovetoyouall。
Affly，SAM。
Hewaswritingfewlettersatthistime，anddoingbutlittlework。
Therewerealwaysmanysocialeventsduringthewinter，andwhatwithhisEuropeanplansandadiligentstudyoftheGermanlanguage，whichtheentirefamilyundertook，hisdaysandeveningswerefullenough。HowellswroteprotestingagainsttheEuropeantravelandberatinghimforhissilence：
“IneverwasinBerlinanddon”tknowanyfamilyhotelthere。
IshouldbegladIdidn”t，ifitwouldkeepyoufromgoing。YoudeservetoputupattheSignoftheSavageinVienna。Really，it”sagreatblowtometohearofthatprospectedsojourn。It”sashame。Imustseeyou，somehow，beforeyougo。I”mindreadfullylowspiritsaboutit。
“Iwasafraidyoursilencemeantsomethingwicked。”
Clemensrepliedpromptly，urgingavisittoHartford，addingapostscriptforMrs。Howells，characteristicenoughtowarrantpreservation。
P。S。toMrs。Howells，inBoston：
Feb。”78。
DEARMRS。HOWELLS。Mrs。Clemenswroteyoualetter，andhandedittomehalfanhourago，whileIwasfoldingminetoMr。Howells。IlaidthatletteronthistablebeforemewhileIaddedtheparagraphaboutR”sapplication。SincethenIhavebeenhuntingandswearing，andswearingandhunting，butIcan”tfindasignofthatletter。ItisthemostastonishingdisappearanceIeverheardof。Mrs。Clemenshasgoneoffdriving——soIwillhavetotryandgiveyouanideaofhercommunicationfrommemory。Mainlyitconsistedofanurgentdesirethatyoucometoseeusnextweek，ifyoucanpossiblymanageit，forthatwillbeareposefultime，theturmoilofbreakingupbeginningtheweekafter。ShewantsyoutotellheraboutItaly，andadviseherinthatconnection，ifyouwill。Thenshespokeofherplans——hers，mindyou，forIneverhaveanythingquitesodefiniteasaplan。Sheproposestostopafortnightin(confoundtheplace，I”veforgottenwhatitwas，)thengoandliveinDresdentillsometimeinthesummer；thenretiretoSwitzerlandforthehottestseason，thenstayawhileinVeniceandputinthewinterinMunich。Thisprogramsubjecttomodificationsaccordingtocircumstances。Shesaidsomethingaboutsomelittleby-tripshereandthere，buttheydidn”tstickinmymemorybecausetheideadidn”tcharmme。
(TheyhavejusttelephonedmefromtheCourantofficethatBayardTaylorandfamilyhavetakenroomsinourship，theHolsatia，forthe11thApril。)
Docome，ifyoupossiblycan！——andrememberanddon”tforgettoavoidlettingMrs。ClemensfindoutIlostherletter。Justanswerherthesameasifyouhadgotit。
SincerelyyoursS。L。CLEMENS。
TheHowellsescame，asinvited，forafinalreunionbeforethebreakingup。ThiswasintheearlyhalfofMarch；theClemensesweretosailonthe11thofthefollowingmonth。
OrionClemens，meantime，hadconceivedanewliteraryideaandwaspilinginhisMS。asfastaspossibletogethisbrother”sjudgmentonitbeforethesailing-date。ItwasnotaverygoodtimetosendMS。，butMarkTwainseemstohavereaditandgivenitsomeconsideration。“TheJourneyinHeaven，“ofhisown，whichhementions，wasthestorypublishedsomanyyearslaterunderthetitleof“CaptainStormfield”sVisittoHeaven。”Hehadbeganitin1868，onhisvoyagetoSanFrancisco，ithavingbeensuggestedbyconversationswithCapt。NedWakeman，ofoneofthePacificsteamers。Wakemanalsoappearsin”RoughingIt”Chap。L，asCapt。
NedBlakely，andagaininoneofthe“RamblingNotesofanIdleExcursion，“as“CaptainHurricaneJones。”
ToOrionClemens，inKeokuk：
HARTFORD，Mch。23，1878。
MYDEARBRO。，——Everymanmustlearnhistrade——notpickitup。Godrequiresthathelearnitbyslowandpainfulprocesses。Theapprentice-
hand，inblack-smithing，inmedicine，inliterature，ineverything，isathingthatcan”tbehidden。Italwaysshows。
Buthappilythereisamarketforapprenticework，elsethe“InnocentsAbroad“wouldhavehadnosale。Happily，too，there”sawidermarketforsomesortsofapprenticeliteraturethanthereisfortheverybestofjourney-work。Thisworkofyoursisexceedinglycrude，butIamfreetosayitislesscrudethanIexpectedittobe，andconsiderablybetterworkthanIbelievedyoucoulddo，itistoocrudetooffertoanyprominentperiodical，soIshallspeaktotheN。Y。Weeklypeople。Topublishittherewillbetoburyit。WhycouldnotsamegoodgeniushavesentmetotheN。Y。Weeklywithmyapprenticesketches？
Youshouldnotpublishitinbookformatall——forthisreason：itisonlyanimitationofVerne——itisnotaburlesque。ButIthinkitmayberegardedasproofthatVernecannotbeburlesqued。
InaccompanyingnotesIhavesuggestedthatyouvastlymodifythefirstvisittohell，andleaveoutthesecondvisitaltogether。Nobodywould，oroughttoprintthosethings。Youarenotadvancedenoughinliteraturetoventureuponamatterrequiringsomuchpractice。Letmeshowyouwhatamanhasgottogothrough：
NineyearsagoImappedoutmy“JourneyinHeaven。”IdiscusseditwithliteraryfriendswhomIcouldtrusttokeepittothemselves。
Igaveitadealofthought，fromtimetotime。AfterayearormoreI
wroteitup。Itwasnotasuccess。FiveyearsagoIwroteitagain，alteringtheplan。ThatMSisatmyelbownow。Itwasaconsiderableimprovementonthefirstattempt，butstillitwouldn”tdo——lastyearandyearbeforeItalkedfrequentlywithHowellsaboutthesubject，andhekepturgingmetodoitagain。
SoIthoughtandthought，atoddmomentsandatlastIstruckwhatI
consideredtobetherightplan！MindIhaveneveralteredtheideas，fromthefirst——theplanwasthedifficulty。WhenHowellswasherelast，IlaidbeforehimthewholestorywithoutreferringtomyMSandhesaid：
“Youhavegotitsurethistime。Butdroptheideaofmakingmeremagazinestuffofit。Don”twasteit。Printitbyitself——publishitfirstinEngland——askDeanStanleytoendorseit，whichwilldrawsomeoftheteethofthereligiouspress，andthenreprintinAmerica。”IdoubtmyabilitytogetDeanStanleytodoanythingofthesort，butIshalldotherest——andthisisallasecretwhichyoumustnotdivulge。
Nowlookhere——Ihavetried，alltheseyears，tothinkofsomewayof“doing“helltoo——andhavealwayshadtogiveitup。Hell，inmybook，willnotoccupyfivepagesofMSIjudge——itwillbeonlycoverthints，Isuppose，andquicklydropped，Imayendbynotevenreferringtoit。
Andmindyou，inmyopinionyouwillfindthatyoucan”twriteuphellsoitwillstandprinting。NeitherHowellsnorIbelieveinhellorthedivinityoftheSavior，butnomatter，theSaviorisnonethelessasacredPersonage，andamanshouldhavenodesireordispositiontorefertohimlightly，profanely，orotherwisethanwiththeprofoundestreverence。
Theonlysafethingisnottointroducehim，orrefertohimatall，Isuspect。Ihaveentirelyrewrittenonebook3(perhaps4。)times，changingtheplaneverytime——1200pagesofMS。wastedandburned——andshalltackleitagain，oneoftheseyearsandmaybesucceedatlast。
Thereforeyouneednotexpecttogetyourbookrightthefirsttime。
Gotoworkandrevamporrewriteit。Godonlyexhibitshisthunderandlightningatintervals，andsotheyalwayscommandattention。TheseareGod”sadjectives。Youthunderandlightningtoomuch；thereaderceasestogetunderthebed，byandby。
Mr。PerkinswillsendyouandMayourcheckswhenwearegone。Butdon”twritehim，ever，exceptasinglelineincaseheforgetsthechecks——forthemanisdriventodeathwithwork。
Iseeyouarehalfpromisingyourselfamonthlyreturnforyourbook。
Inmyexperience，previouslycountedchickensneverdohatch。HowmanyofmineIhavecounted！andneveraoneofthembutfailed！Itismuchbettertohedgedisappointmentbynotcounting——Unexpectedmoneyisadelight。Thesamesumisabitternesswhenyouexpectedmore。
MytimeinAmericaisgrowingmightyshort。Perhapswecanmanageinthisway：Imprimis，iftheN。Y。Weeklypeopleknowthatyouaremybrother，theywillturnthatfactintoanadvertisement——athingofvaluetothem，butnottoyouandme。Thismustbeprevented。IwillwritethemanotetosayyouhaveafriendnearKeokuk，CharlesS。Miller，whohasaMSforsalewhichyouthinkisaprettyclevertravestyonVerne；andiftheywantittheymightwritetohiminyourcare。Thenifanycorrespondenceensuesbetweenyouandthem，letMolliewriteforyouandsignyourname——yourownhandwritingrepresentingMiller”s。Keepyourselfoutofsighttillyoumakeastrikeonyourownmeritsthereisnootherwaytogetafairverdictuponyourmerits。
Later-I”vewrittenthenotetoSmith，andwithnothinginitwhichhecanuseasanadvertisement。I”mcalled——Goodbye-lovetoyouboth。
WeleaveherenextWednesdayforElmira：weleavethereApl。9or10——andsail11thYrBro。
SAM。
IntheletterthatfollowsthementionofAnnieandSamrefers，ofcourse，tothechildrenofMrs。Moffett，whohadbeen，PamelaClemens。Theyweregrownnow，andAnnieMoffettwasmarriedtoCharlesL。Webster，wholaterwastobecomeMarkTwain”sbusinesspartner。TheMoffettsandWebsterswerelivinginFredoniaatthistime，andClemenshadbeentopaythemagood-byvisit。TheTaylordinnermentionedwasafarewellbanquetgiventoBayardTaylor，whohadbeenappointedMinistertoGermany，andwastosailontheshipwithMarkTwain。MarkTwain”smotherwasvisitinginFredoniawhenthisletterwaswritten。
ToMrs。JaneClemens，inFredonia：
Apr。7，”78。
MYDEARMOTHER，——IhavetoldLivyallaboutAnnie”sbeautifulhouse，andaboutSamandCharley，andaboutCharley”singeniousmanufacturesandhisstrongmanhoodandgoodpromise，andhowgladIamthatheandAnniemarried。AndIhavetoldheraboutAnnie”sexcellenthouse-keeping，alsoaboutthegreatBaconconflict；(ItoldyouitwasahundredtoonethatneitherLivynortheEuropeanpowershadheardofthatdesolatingstruggle。)
AndIhavetoldherhowbeautifulyouareinyourageandhowbrightyourmindiswithitsold-timebrightness，andhowsheandthechildrenwouldenjoyyou。AndIhavetoldherhowsingularlyyoungPamelaislooking，andwhatafinelargefellowSamis，andhowillthelingeringsyllable“my“tohisnamefitshisportandfigure。
Well，Pamela，afterthinkingitoverforadayorso，Icamenearinquiringaboutastate-roominourshipforSam，topleaseyou，butmywiserformerresolutioncamebacktome。Itisnotforhisgoodthathehavefriendsintheship。HisconductintheBaconbusinessshowsthathewilldeveloprapidlyintoamanlymanassoonasheiscastloosefromyourapronstrings。
Youdon”tteachhimtopushaheadanddoanddarethingsforhimself，butyoudojustthereverse。Youareassistedinyourdamagingworkbythetyrannouswaysofavillage——villagerswatcheachotherandsomakecowardsofeachother。AfterSamshallhavevoyagedtoEuropebyhimself，andrubbedagainsttheworldandtakenandreturneditscuffs，doyouthinkhewillhesitatetoescortaguestintoanywhisky-millinFredoniawhenhehimselfhasnosinfulbusinesstotransactthere？
No，hewillsmileattheidea。Ifheavoidsthiscourtesynowfromprinciple，ofcourseIfindnofaultwithitatall——onlyifhethinksitisprinciplehemaybemistaken；acloseexaminationmayshowitisonlyabowingtothetyrannyofpublicopinion。
Ionlysayitmay——Icannotventuretosayitwill。Hartfordisnotalargeplace，butitisbroaderthantohavewaysofthatsort。Threeorfourweeksago，ataMoodyandSankeymeeting，thepreacherreadaletterfromsomebody“exposing“thefactthataprominentclergymanhadgonefromoneofthosemeetings，boughtabottleoflagerbeeranddrankitonthepremises(adrugstore。)
Atempestofindignationsweptthetown。Ourclergymenandeverybodyelsesaidthe“culprit“hadnotonlydoneaninnocentthing，buthaddoneitinanopen，manlyway，anditwasnobody”srightorbusinesstofindfaultwithit。Perhapsthisdangerouslatitudecomesofthefactthatweneverhaveanytemperance“rot“goingoninHartford。
IfindherealetterfromOrion，submittingsomenewmatterinhisstoryforcriticism。Whenyouwritehim，pleasetellhimtodothebesthecanandbangaway。Icandonothingfurtherinthismatter，forIhavebut3
daysleftinwhichtosettleadealofimportantbusinessandanswerabushelandahalfofletters。Iamverynearlytiredtodeath。
Iwassojadedandworn，attheTaylordinner，thatIfoundIcouldnotremember3sentencesofthespeechIhadmemorized，andthereforegotupandsaidsoandexcusedmyselffromspeaking。Iarrivedhereat3
o”clockthismorning。Ithinkthenext3dayswillfinishme。Theideaofsittingdowntoajobofliterarycriticismissimplyludicrous。
AyoungladypassengerinourshiphasbeenplacedunderLivy”scharge。
Livycouldn”teasilygetoutofit，anddidnotwantto，onherownaccount，butfullyexpectedIwouldmaketroublewhenIheardofit。
ButIdidn”t。Agirlcan”twelltravelalone，soIofferednoobjection。
SheleavesusatHamburg。SoI”vegot6peopleinmycare，now——whichisjust6toomanyforamanofmyunexecutivecapacity。Iexpectnothingelsebuttolosesomeofthemoverboard。
Wesendourlovinggood-byestoallthehouseholdandhopetoseeyouagainafteraspell。
AfflyYrs。
SAM。
TherearenootherAmericanlettersofthisperiod。TheClemensparty，whichincludedMissClaraSpaulding，ofElmira，sailedasplanned，ontheHolsatia，April11，1878。Asbeforestated，BayardTaylorwasontheship；alsoMuratHalsteadandfamily。Ontheeveofdeparture，ClemenssenttoHowellsthisfarewellword：
“Andthatremindsme，ungratefuldogthatIam，thatIoweasmuchtoyourtrainingastherudecountryjob-printerowestothecitybosswhotakeshiminhandandteacheshimtherightwaytohandlehisart。IwastalkingtoMrs。Clemensaboutthistheotherday，andgrievingbecauseInevermentionedittoyou，therebyseemingtoignoreit，ortobeunawareofit。Nothingthathaspassedunderyoureyeneedsanyrevisionbeforegoingintoavolume，whileallmyotherstuffdoesneedsomuch。”
Acharacteristictribute，andfromtheheart。
ThefirstEuropeanlettercamefromFrankfort，arestontheirwaytoHeidelberg。
ToW。D。Howells，inBoston：
FRANKFORTONTHEMAIN，May4，1878。