第10章

Inspiteofthemoderationofhistone，eachwordhespokehadtheeffectofconfirmingLily’sresistance。Theveryapprehensionshearousedhardenedheragainsthim:shehadbeenonthealertforthenoteofpersonalsympathy，foranysignofrecoveredpoweroverhim；andhisattitudeofsoberimpartiality，theabsenceofallresponsetoherappeal，turnedherhurtpridetoblindresentmentofhisinterference。TheconvictionthathehadbeensentbyGerty，andthat，whateverstraitsheconceivedhertobein，hewouldnevervoluntarilyhavecometoheraid，strengthenedherresolvenottoadmithimahair’sbreadthfartherintoherconfidence。Howeverdoubtfulshemightfeelhersituationtobe，shewouldratherpersistindarknessthanoweherenlightenmenttoSelden。

"Idon’tknow，"shesaid，whenhehadceasedtospeak，"whyyouimaginemetobesituatedasyoudescribe；butasyouhavealwaystoldmethatthesoleobjectofabringing-uplikeminewastoteachagirltogetwhatshewants，whynotassumethatthatispreciselywhatIamdoing？"

Thesmilewithwhichshesummeduphercasewaslikeaclearbarrierraisedagainstfartherconfidences:itsbrightnessheldhimatsuchadistancethathehadasenseofbeingalmostoutofhearingasherejoined:"IamnotsurethatIhaveevercalledyouasuccessfulexampleofthatkindofbringing-up。"

Hercolourrosealittleattheimplication，butshesteeledherselfwithalightlaugh。"Ah，waitalittlelonger——givemealittlemoretimebeforeyoudecide！"Andashewaveredbeforeher，stillwatchingforabreakintheimpenetrablefrontshepresented:"Don’tgivemeup；Imaystilldocredittomytraining！"sheaffirmed。

Lookatthosespangles，MissBart——everyoneof’emsewedoncrooked。"

Thetallforewoman，apinchedperpendicularfigure，droppedthecondemnedstructureofwireandnetonthetableatLily’sside，andpassedontothenextfigureintheline。

Thereweretwentyoftheminthework-room，theirfaggedprofiles，underexaggeratedhair，bowedintheharshnorthlightabovetheutensilsoftheirart；foritwassomethingmorethananindustry，surely，thiscreationofever-variedsettingsforthefaceoffortunatewomanhood。Theirownfacesweresallowwiththeunwholesomenessofhotairandsedentarytoil，ratherthanwithanyactualsignsofwant:theywereemployedinafashionablemillineryestablishment，andwerefairlywellclothedandwellpaid；buttheyoungestamongthemwasasdullandcolourlessasthemiddle-aged。Inthewholework-roomtherewasonlyoneskinbeneathwhichthebloodstillvisiblyplayed；andthatnowburnedwithvexationasMissBart，underthelashoftheforewoman’scomment，begantostripthehat-frameofitsover-lappingspangles。

ToGertyFarish’shopefulspiritasolutionappearedtohavebeenreachedwhensherememberedhowbeautifullyLilycouldtrimhats。

Instancesofyounglady-millinersestablishingthemselvesunderfashionablepatronage，andimpartingtotheir"creations"thatindefinabletouchwhichtheprofessionalhandcannevergive，hadflatteredGerty’svisionsofthefuture，andconvincedevenLilythatherseparationfromMrs。NormaHatchneednotreducehertodependenceonherfriends。

ThepartinghadoccurredafewweeksafterSelden’svisit，andwouldhavetakenplacesoonerhaditnotbeenfortheresistancesetupinLilybyhisill-starredofferofadvice。ThesenseofbeinginvolvedinatransactionshewouldnothavecaredtoexaminetoocloselyhadsoonafterwarddefineditselfinthelightofahintfromMr。Stancythat，ifshe"sawthemthrough，"

shewouldhavenoreasontobesorry。Theimplicationthatsuchloyaltywouldmeetwithadirectrewardhadhastenedherflight，andflungherback，ashamedandpenitent，onthebroadbosomofGerty’ssympathy。Shedidnot，however，proposetoliethereprone，andGerty’sinspirationaboutthehatsatoncerevivedherhopesofprofitableactivity。Herewas，afterall，somethingthathercharminglistlesshandscouldreallydo；shehadnodoubtoftheircapacityforknottingaribbonorplacingaflowertoadvantage。Andofcourseonlythesefinishingtoucheswouldbeexpectedofher:subordinatefingers，blunt，grey，needle-prickedfingers，wouldpreparetheshapesandstitchthelinings，whileshepresidedoverthecharminglittlefrontshop——ashopallwhitepanels，mirrors，andmoss-greenhangings——whereherfinishedcreations，hats，wreaths，aigrettesandtherest，perchedontheirstandslikebirdsjustpoisingforflight。

ButattheveryoutsetofGerty’scampaignthisvisionofthegreen-and-whiteshophadbeendispelled。Otheryoungladiesoffashionhadbeenthus"set-up，"sellingtheirhatsbythemereattractionofanameandthereputedknackoftyingabow；buttheseprivilegedbeingscouldcommandafaithintheirpowersmateriallyexpressedbythereadinesstopaytheirshop-rentandadvanceahandsomesumforcurrentexpenses。WherewasLilytofindsuchsupport？Andevencouldithavebeenfound，howweretheladiesonwhoseapprovalshedependedtobeinducedtogivehertheirpatronage？Gertylearnedthatwhateversympathyherfriend’scasemighthaveexcitedafewmonthssincehadbeenimperilled，ifnotlost，byherassociationwithMrs。Hatch。Onceagain，Lilyhadwithdrawnfromanambiguoussituationintimetosaveherself-respect，buttoolateforpublicvindication。

FreddyVanOsburghwasnottomarryMrs。Hatch；hehadbeenrescuedattheeleventhhour——somesaidbytheeffortsofGusTrenorandRosedale——anddespatchedtoEuropewitholdNedVanAlstyne；buttheriskhehadrunwouldalwaysbeascribedtoMissBart’sconnivance，andwouldsomehowserveasasumming-upandcorroborationofthevaguegeneraldistrustofher。Itwasarelieftothosewhohadhungbackfromhertofindthemselvesthusjustified，andtheywereinclinedtoinsistalittleonherconnectionwiththeHatchcaseinordertoshowthattheyhadbeenright。

Gerty’squest，atanyrate，broughtupagainstasolidwallofresistance；andevenwhenCarryFisher，momentarilypenitentforhershareintheHatchaffair，joinedhereffortstoMissFarish’s，theymetwithnobettersuccess。Gertyhadtriedtoveilherfailureintenderambiguities；butCarry，alwaysthesoulofcandour，putthecasesquarelytoherfriend。

"IwentstraighttoJudyTrenor；shehasfewerprejudicesthantheothers，andbesidesshe’salwayshatedBerthaDorset。ButwhatHAVEyoudonetoher，Lily？Attheveryfirstwordaboutgivingyouastartsheflamedoutaboutsomemoneyyou’dgotfromGus；Ineverknewhersohotbefore。Youknowshe’lllethimdoanythingbutspendmoneyonhisfriends:theonlyreasonshe’sdecenttomenowisthatsheknowsI’mnothardup——Hespeculatedforyou，yousay？Well，what’stheharm？Hehadnobusinesstolose。HeDIDN’Tlose？Thenwhatonearth——butIneverCOULDunderstandyou，Lily！"

Theendofitwasthat，afteranxiousenquiryandmuchdeliberation，Mrs。FisherandGerty，foronceoddlyunitedintheirefforttohelptheirfriend，decidedonplacingherinthework-roomofMme。Regina’srenownedmillineryestablishment。Eventhisarrangementwasnoteffectedwithoutconsiderablenegotiation，forMme。Reginahadastrongprejudiceagainstuntrainedassistance，andwasinducedtoyieldonlybythefactthatsheowedthepatronageofMrs。BryandMrs。GormertoCarryFisher’sinfluence。ShehadbeenwillingfromthefirsttoemployLilyintheshow-room:asadisplayerofhats，afashionablebeautymightbeavaluableasset。ButtothissuggestionMissBartopposedanegativewhichGertyemphaticallysupported，whileMrs。Fisher，inwardlyunconvinced，butresignedtothislatestproofofLily’sunreason，agreedthatperhapsintheenditwouldbemoreusefulthatsheshouldlearnthetrade。ToRegina’swork-roomLilywasthereforecommittedbyherfriends，andthereMrs。Fisherleftherwithasighofrelief，whileGerty’swatchfulnesscontinuedtohoveroverheratadistance。

LilyhadtakenupherworkearlyinJanuary:itwasnowtwomonthslater，andshewasstillbeingrebukedforherinabilitytosewspanglesonahat-frame。Asshereturnedtoherworksheheardatitterpassdownthetables。Sheknewshewasanobjectofcriticismandamusementtotheotherwork-women。Theywere，ofcourse，awareofherhistory——theexactsituationofeverygirlintheroomwasknownandfreelydiscussedbyalltheothers——buttheknowledgedidnotproduceinthemanyawkwardsenseofclassdistinction:itmerelyexplainedwhyheruntutoredfingerswerestillblunderingovertherudimentsofthetrade。

Lilyhadnodesirethattheyshouldrecognizeanysocialdifferenceinher；butshehadhopedtobereceivedastheirequal，andperhapsbeforelongtoshowherselftheirsuperiorbyaspecialdeftnessoftouch，anditwashumiliatingtofindthat，aftertwomonthsofdrudgery，shestillbetrayedherlackofearlytraining。Remotewasthedaywhenshemightaspiretoexercisethetalentsshefeltconfidentofpossessing；onlyexperiencedworkerswereentrustedwiththedelicateartofshapingandtrimmingthehat，andtheforewomanstillheldherinexorablytotheroutineofpreparatorywork。

Shebegantoripthespanglesfromtheframe，listeningabsentlytothebuzzoftalkwhichroseandfellwiththecomingandgoingofMissHaines’sactivefigure。Theairwascloserthanusual，becauseMissHaines，whohadacold，hadnotallowedawindowtobeopenedevenduringthenoonrecess；andLily’sheadwassoheavywiththeweightofasleeplessnightthatthechatterofhercompanionshadtheincoherenceofadream。

"ITOLDherhe’dneverlookatheragain；andhedidn’t。I

wouldn’thave，either——Ithinksheactedrealmeantohim。HetookhertotheArionBall，andhadahackforherbothways……

She’stakentenbottles，andherheadachesdon’tseemnobetter——butshe’swrittenatestimonialtosaythefirstbottlecuredher，andshegotfivedollarsandherpictureinthepaper……Mrs。Trenor’shat？TheonewiththegreenParadise？

Here，MissHaines——it’llbereadyrightoff……ThatwasoneoftheTrenorgirlshereyesterdaywithMrs。GeorgeDorset。How’dI

know？Why，MadamsentformetoaltertheflowerinthatVirothat——thebluetulle:she’stallandslight，withherhairfuzzedout——agooddeallikeMamieLeach，on’ythinner……"

Onandonitflowed，acurrentofmeaninglesssound，onwhich，startlinglyenough，afamiliarnamenowandthenfloatedtothesurface。ItwasthestrangestpartofLily’sstrangeexperience，thehearingofthesenames，theseeingthefragmentaryanddistortedimageoftheworldshehadlivedinreflectedinthemirroroftheworking-girls’minds。Shehadneverbeforesuspectedthemixtureofinsatiablecuriosityandcontemptuousfreedomwithwhichsheandherkindwerediscussedinthisunderworldoftoilerswholivedontheirvanityandself-indulgence。EverygirlinMme。Regina’swork-roomknewtowhomtheheadgearinherhandswasdestined，andhadheropinionofitsfuturewearer，andadefiniteknowledgeofthelatter’splaceinthesocialsystem。ThatLilywasastarfallenfromthatskydidnot，afterthefirststirofcuriosityhadsubsided，materiallyaddtotheirinterestinher。Shehadfallen，shehad"goneunder，"andtruetotheidealoftheirrace，theywereawedonlybysuccess——bythegrosstangibleimageofmaterialachievement。Theconsciousnessofherdifferentpointofviewmerelykeptthematalittledistancefromher，asthoughshewereaforeignerwithwhomitwasanefforttotalk。

"MissBart，ifyoucan’tsewthosespanglesonmoreregularI

guessyou’dbettergivethehattoMissKilroy。"

Lilylookeddownruefullyatherhandiwork。Theforewomanwasright:thesewingonofthespangleswasinexcusablybad。Whatmadehersomuchmoreclumsythanusual？Wasitagrowingdistasteforhertask，oractualphysicaldisability？Shefelttiredandconfused:itwasanefforttoputherthoughtstogether。SheroseandhandedthehattoMissKilroy，whotookitwithasuppressedsmile。

"I’msorry；I’mafraidIamnotwell，"shesaidtotheforewoman。

MissHainesofferednocomment。FromthefirstshehadauguredillofMme。Regina’sconsentingtoincludeafashionableapprenticeamongherworkers。Inthattempleofartnorawbeginnerswerewanted，andMissHaineswouldhavebeenmorethanhumanhadshenottakenacertainpleasureinseeingherforebodingsconfirmed。

"You’dbettergobacktobindingedges，"shesaiddrily。Lilyslippedoutlastamongthebandofliberatedwork-women。Shedidnotcaretobemingledintheirnoisydispersal:onceinthestreet，shealwaysfeltanirresistiblereturntoheroldstandpoint，aninstinctiveshrinkingfromallthatwasunpolishedandpromiscuous。Inthedays——howdistanttheynowseemed！——whenshehadvisitedtheGirls’ClubwithGertyFarish，shehadfeltanenlightenedinterestintheworking-classes；butthatwasbecauseshelookeddownonthemfromabove，fromthehappyaltitudeofhergraceandherbeneficence。Nowthatshewasonalevelwiththem，thepointofviewwaslessinteresting。

Shefeltatouchonherarm，andmetthepenitenteyeofMissKilroy。"MissBart，IguessyoucansewthosespanglesonaswellasIcanwhenyou’refeelingright。MissHainesdidn’tactfairtoyou。"

Lily’scolourroseattheunexpectedadvance:itwasalongtimesincerealkindnesshadlookedatherfromanyeyesbutGerty’s。

"Oh，thankyou:I’mnotparticularlywell，butMissHaineswasright。IAMclumsy。"

"Well，it’smeanworkforanybodywithaheadache。"MissKilroypausedirresolutely。"Yououghttogorighthomeandlaydown。

Evertryorangeine？"

"Thankyou。"Lilyheldoutherhand。"It’sverykindofyou——I

meantogohome。"

ShelookedgratefullyatMissKilroy，butneitherknewwhatmoretosay。Lilywasawarethattheotherwasonthepointofofferingtogohomewithher，butshewantedtobealoneandsilent——evenkindness，thesortofkindnessthatMissKilroycouldgive，wouldhavejarredonherjustthen。

"Thankyou，"sherepeatedassheturnedaway。

ShestruckwestwardthroughthedrearyMarchtwilight，towardthestreetwhereherboarding-housestood。ShehadresolutelyrefusedGerty’sofferofhospitality。Somethingofhermother’sfierceshrinkingfromobservationandsympathywasbeginningtodevelopinher，andthepromiscuityofsmallquartersandcloseintimacyseemed，onthewhole，lessendurablethanthesolitudeofahallbedroominahousewhereshecouldcomeandgounremarkedamongotherworkers。Forawhileshehadbeensustainedbythisdesireforprivacyandindependence；butnow，perhapsfromincreasingphysicalweariness，thelassitudebroughtaboutbyhoursofunwontedconfinement，shewasbeginningtofeelacutelytheuglinessanddiscomfortofhersurroundings。Theday’staskdone，shedreadedtoreturntohernarrowroom，withitsblotchedwallpaperandshabbypaint；andshehatedeverystepofthewalkthither，throughthedegradationofaNewYorkstreetinthelaststagesofdeclinefromfashiontocommerce。

Butwhatshedreadedmostofallwashavingtopassthechemist’satthecornerofSixthAvenue。Shehadmeanttotakeanotherstreet:shehadusuallydonesooflate。Buttodayherstepswereirresistiblydrawntowardtheflaringplate-glasscomer；shetriedtotakethelowercrossing，butaladendraycrowdedherback，andshestruckacrossthestreetobliquely，reachingthesidewalkjustoppositethechemist’sdoor。

Overthecountershecaughttheeyeoftheclerkwhohadwaitedonherbefore，andslippedtheprescriptionintohishand。Therecouldbenoquestionabouttheprescription:itwasacopyofoneofMrs。Hatch’s，obliginglyfurnishedbythatlady’schemist。

Lilywasconfidentthattheclerkwouldfillitwithouthesitation；yetthenervousdreadofarefusal，orevenofanexpressionofdoubt，communicateditselftoherrestlesshandsassheaffectedtoexaminethebottlesofperfumestackedontheglasscasebeforeher。

Theclerkhadreadtheprescriptionwithoutcomment；butintheactofhandingoutthebottlehepaused。

"Youdon’twanttoincreasethedose，youknow，"heremarked。

Lily’sheartcontracted。

Whatdidhemeanbylookingatherinthatway？

"Ofcoursenot，"shemurmured，holdingoutherhand。

"That’sallright:it’saqueer-actingdrug。Adroportwomore，andoffyougo——thedoctorsdon’tknowwhy。"

Thedreadlestheshouldquestionher，orkeepthebottleback，chokedthemurmurofacquiescenceinherthroat；andwhenatlengthsheemergedsafelyfromtheshopshewasalmostdizzywiththeintensityofherrelief。Themeretouchofthepacketthrilledhertirednerveswiththedeliciouspromiseofanightofsleep，andinthereactionfromhermomentaryfearshefeltasifthefirstfumesofdrowsinesswerealreadystealingoverher。

Inherconfusionshestumbledagainstamanwhowashurryingdownthelaststepsoftheelevatedstation。Hedrewback，andsheheardhernameutteredwithsurprise。ItwasRosedale，fur-coated，glossyandprosperous——butwhydidsheseemtoseehimsofaroff，andasifthroughamistofsplinteredcrystals？

Beforeshecouldaccountforthephenomenonshefoundherselfshakinghandswithhim。Theyhadpartedwithscornonhersideandangeruponhis；butalltraceoftheseemotionsseemedtovanishastheirhandsmet，andshewasonlyawareofaconfusedwishthatshemightcontinuetoholdfasttohim。

"Why，what’sthematter，MissLily？You’renotwell！"heexclaimed；andsheforcedherlipsintoapallidsmileofreassurance。

"I’malittletired——it’snothing。Staywithmeamoment，please，"shefaltered。ThatsheshouldbeaskingthisserviceofRosedale！

Heglancedatthedirtyandunpropitiouscomeronwhichtheystood，withtheshriekofthe"elevated"andthetumultoftramsandwaggonscontendinghideouslyintheirears。

"Wecan’tstayhere；butletmetakeyousomewhereforacupoftea。TheLONGWORTHisonlyafewyardsoff，andthere’llbenoonethereatthishour。"

Acupofteainquiet，somewhereoutofthenoiseandugliness，seemedforthemomenttheonesolaceshecouldbear。Afewstepsbroughtthemtotheladies’doorofthehotelhehadnamed，andamomentlaterhewasseatedoppositetoher，andthewaiterhadplacedthetea-traybetweenthem。

"Notadropofbrandyorwhiskeyfirst？Youlookregularlydoneup，MissLily。Well，takeyourteastrong，then；and，waiter，getacushionforthelady’sback。"

Lilysmiledfaintlyattheinjunctiontotakeherteastrong。Itwasthetemptationshewasalwaysstrugglingtoresist。Hercravingforthekeenstimulantwasforeverconflictingwiththatothercravingforsleep——themidnightcravingwhichonlythelittlephialinherhandcouldstill。Buttoday，atanyrate，theteacouldhardlybetoostrong:shecountedonittopourwarmthandresolutionintoheremptyveins。

Assheleanedbackbeforehim，herlidsdroopinginutterlassitude，thoughthefirstwarmdraughtalreadytingedherfacewithreturninglife，Rosedalewasseizedafreshbythepoignantsurpriseofherbeauty。Thedarkpencillingoffatigueunderhereyes，themorbidblue-veinedpallourofthetemples，broughtoutthebrightnessofherhairandlips，asthoughallherebbingvitalitywerecentredthere。Againstthedullchocolate-colouredbackgroundoftherestaurant，thepurityofherheadstoodoutasithadneverdoneinthemostbrightly-litball-room。Helookedatherwithastartleduncomfortablefeeling，asthoughherbeautywereaforgottenenemythathadlaininambushandnowsprangoutonhimunawares。

Tocleartheairhetriedtotakeaneasytonewithher。"Why，MissLily，Ihaven’tseenyouforanage。Ididn’tknowwhathadbecomeofyou。"

Ashespoke，hewascheckedbyanembarrassingsenseofthecomplicationstowhichthismightlead。Thoughhehadnotseenherhehadheardofher；heknewofherconnectionwithMrs。

Hatch，andofthetalkresultingfromit。Mrs。Hatch’sMILIEUwasonewhichhehadonceassiduouslyfrequented，andnowasdevoutlyshunned。

Lily，towhomtheteahadrestoredherusualclearnessofmind，sawwhatwasinhisthoughtsandsaidwithaslightsmile:"Youwouldnotbelikelytoknowaboutme。Ihavejoinedtheworkingclasses。"

Hestaredingenuinewonder。"Youdon’tmean？Why，whatonearthareyoudoing？"

"Learningtobeamilliner——atleastTRYINGtolearn，"shehastilyqualifiedthestatement。

Rosedalesuppressedalowwhistleofsurprise。"Comeoff——youain’tserious，areyou？"

"Perfectlyserious。I’mobligedtoworkformyliving。"

"ButIunderstood——IthoughtyouwerewithNormaHatch。"

"YouheardIhadgonetoherashersecretary？"

"Somethingofthekind，Ibelieve。"Heleanedforwardtorefillhercup。

Lilyguessedthepossibilitiesofembarrassmentwhichthetopicheldforhim，andraisinghereyestohis，shesaidsuddenly:"I

lefthertwomonthsago。"

Rosedalecontinuedtofumbleawkwardlywiththetea-pot，andshefeltsurethathehadheardwhathadbeensaidofher。ButwhatwastherethatRosedaledidnothear？

"Wasn’titasoftberth？"heenquired，withanattemptatlightness。

"Toosoft——onemighthavesunkintoodeep。"Lilyrestedonearmontheedgeofthetable，andsatlookingathimmoreintentlythanshehadeverlookedbefore。Anuncontrollableimpulsewasurginghertoputhercasetothisman，fromwhosecuriosityshehadalwayssofiercelydefendedherself。

"YouknowMrs。Hatch，Ithink？Well，perhapsyoucanunderstandthatshemightmakethingstooeasyforone。"

Rosedalelookedfaintlypuzzled，andsherememberedthatallusivenesswaslostonhim。

"Itwasnoplaceforyou，anyhow，"heagreed，sosuffusedandimmersedinthelightofherfullgazethathefoundhimselfbeingdrawnintostrangedepthsofintimacy。Hewhohadhadtosubsistonmerefugitiveglances，lookswingedinflightandswiftlylostundercovert，nowfoundhereyessettlingonhimwithabroodingintensitythatfairlydazzledhim。

"Ileft，"Lilycontinued，"lestpeopleshouldsayIwashelpingMrs。HatchtomarryFreddyVanOsburgh——whoisnotintheleasttoogoodforher——andastheystillcontinuetosayit，IseethatImightaswellhavestayedwhereIwas。"

"Oh，Freddy——"Rosedalebrushedasidethetopicwithanairofitsunimportancewhichgaveasenseoftheimmenseperspectivehehadacquired。"Freddydon’tcount——butIknewYOUweren’tmixedupinthat。Itain’tyourstyle。"

Lilycolouredslightly:shecouldnotconcealfromherselfthatthewordsgaveherpleasure。Shewouldhavelikedtositthere，drinkingmoretea，andcontinuingtotalkofherselftoRosedale。

Buttheoldhabitofobservingtheconventionsremindedherthatitwastimetobringtheircolloquytoanend，andshemadeafaintmotiontopushbackherchair。

Rosedalestoppedherwithaprotestinggesture。"Waitaminute——don’tgoyet；sitquietandrestalittlelonger。Youlookthoroughlyplayedout。Andyouhaven’ttoldme——"Hebrokeoff，consciousofgoingfartherthanhehadmeant。Shesawthestruggleandunderstoodit；understoodalsothenatureofthespelltowhichheyieldedas，withhiseyesonherface，hebeganagainabruptly:"Whatonearthdidyoumeanbysayingjustnowthatyouwerelearningtobeamilliner？"

"JustwhatIsaid。IamanapprenticeatRegina’s。"

"GoodLord——YOU？Butwhatfor？Iknewyouraunthadturnedyoudown:Mrs。Fishertoldmeaboutit。ButIunderstoodyougotalegacyfromher——"

"Igottenthousanddollars；butthelegacyisnottobepaidtillnextsummer。"

"Well，but——lookhere:youcouldBORROWonitanytimeyouwanted。"

Sheshookherheadgravely。"No；forIoweitalready。"

"Oweit？Thewholetenthousand？"

"Everypenny。"Shepaused，andthencontinuedabruptly，withhereyesonhisface:"IthinkGusTrenorspoketoyouonceabouthavingmadesomemoneyformeinstocks。"

Shewaited，andRosedale，congestedwithembarrassment，mutteredthatherememberedsomethingofthekind。

"Hemadeaboutninethousanddollars，"Lilypursued，inthesametoneofeagercommunicativeness。"Atthetime，Iunderstoodthathewasspeculatingwithmyownmoney:itwasincrediblystupidofme，butIknewnothingofbusiness。AfterwardIfoundoutthathehadNOTusedmymoney——thatwhathesaidhehadmadeformehehadreallygivenme。Itwasmeantinkindness，ofcourse；butitwasnotthesortofobligationonecouldremainunder。

UnfortunatelyIhadspentthemoneybeforeIdiscoveredmymistake；andsomylegacywillhavetogotopayitback。ThatisthereasonwhyIamtryingtolearnatrade。"

Shemadethestatementclearly，deliberately，withpausesbetweenthesentences，sothateachshouldhavetimetosinkdeeplyintoherhearer’smind。Shehadapassionatedesirethatsomeoneshouldknowthetruthaboutthistransaction，andalsothattherumourofherintentiontorepaythemoneyshouldreachJudyTrenor’sears。AndithadsuddenlyoccurredtoherthatRosedale，whohadsurprisedTrenor’sconfidence，wasthefittingpersontoreceiveandtransmitherversionofthefacts。Shehadevenfeltamomentaryexhilarationatthethoughtofthusrelievingherselfofherdetestedsecret；butthesensationgraduallyfadedinthetelling，andassheendedherpallourwassuffusedwithadeepblushofmisery。

Rosedalecontinuedtostareatherinwonder；butthewondertooktheturnshehadleastexpected。

"Butseehere——ifthat’sthecase，itcleansyououtaltogether？"

Heputittoherasifshehadnotgraspedtheconsequencesofheract；asifherincorrigibleignoranceofbusinesswereabouttoprecipitateherintoafreshactoffolly。

"Altogether——yes，"shecalmlyagreed。

Hesatsilent，histhickhandsclaspedonthetable，hislittlepuzzledeyesexploringtherecessesofthedesertedrestaurant。

"Seehere——that’sfine，"heexclaimedabruptly。

Lilyrosefromherseatwithadeprecatinglaugh。"Oh，no——it’smerelyabore，"sheasserted，gatheringtogethertheendsofherfeatherscarf。

Rosedaleremainedseated，toointentonhisthoughtstonoticehermovement。"MissLily，ifyouwantanybacking——Ilikepluck——

"brokefromhimdisconnectedly。

"Thankyou。"Sheheldoutherhand。"Yourteahasgivenmeatremendousbacking。Ifeelequaltoanythingnow。"

Hergestureseemedtoshowadefiniteintentionofdismissal，buthercompanionhadtossedabilltothewaiter，andwasslippinghisshortarmsintohisexpensiveovercoat。

"Waitaminute——you’vegottoletmewalkhomewithyou，"hesaid。

Lilyutterednoprotest，andwhenhehadpausedtomakesureofhischangetheyemergedfromthehotelandcrossedSixthAvenueagain。Assheledthewaywestwardpastalonglineofareaswhich，throughthedistortionoftheirpaintlessrails，revealedwithincreasingcandourtheDISJECTAMEMBRAofbygonedinners，LilyfeltthatRosedalewastakingcontemptuousnoteoftheneighbourhood；andbeforethedoorstepatwhichshefinallypausedhelookedupwithanairofincredulousdisgust。

"Thisisn’ttheplace？SomeonetoldmeyouwerelivingwithMissFarish。"

"No:Iamboardinghere。Ihavelivedtoolongonmyfriends。"

Hecontinuedtoscantheblisteredbrownstonefront，thewindowsdrapedwithdiscolouredlace，andthePompeiandecorationofthemuddyvestibule；thenhelookedbackatherfaceandsaidwithavisibleeffort:"You’llletmecomeandseeyousomeday？"

Shesmiled，recognizingtheheroismoftheoffertothepointofbeingfranklytouchedbyit。"Thankyou——Ishallbeveryglad，"shemadeanswer，inthefirstsincerewordsshehadeverspokentohim。

ThateveninginherownroomMissBart——whohadfledearlyfromtheheavyfumesofthebasementdinner-table——satmusingupontheimpulsewhichhadledhertounbosomherselftoRosedale。Beneathitshediscoveredanincreasingsenseofloneliness——adreadofreturningtothesolitudeofherroom，whileshecouldbeanywhereelse，orinanycompanybutherown。Circumstances，oflate，hadcombinedtocutheroffmoreandmorefromherfewremainingfriends。OnCarryFisher’spartthewithdrawalwasperhapsnotquiteinvoluntary。HavingmadeherfinaleffortonLily’sbehalf，andlandedhersafelyinMme。Regina’swork-room，Mrs。Fisherseemeddisposedtorestfromherlabours；andLily，understandingthereason，couldnotcondemnher。CarryhadinfactcomedangerouslyneartobeinginvolvedintheepisodeofMrs。NormaHatch，andithadtakensomeverbalingenuitytoextricateherself。ShefranklyownedtohavingbroughtLilyandMrs。Hatchtogether，butthenshedidnotknowMrs。Hatch——shehadexpresslywarnedLilythatshedidnotknowMrs。Hatch——andbesides，shewasnotLily’skeeper，andreallythegirlwasoldenoughtotakecareofherself。Carrydidnotputherowncasesobrutally，butsheallowedittobethusputforherbyherlatestbosomfriend，Mrs。JackStepney:Mrs。Stepney，tremblingoverthenarrownessofheronlybrother’sescape，buteagertovindicateMrs。Fisher，atwhosehouseshecouldcountonthe"jollyparties"whichhadbecomeanecessitytohersincemarriagehademancipatedherfromtheVanOsburghpointofview。

Lilyunderstoodthesituationandcouldmakeallowancesforit。

Carryhadbeenagoodfriendtoherindifficultdays，andperhapsonlyafriendshiplikeGerty’scouldbeproofagainstsuchanincreasingstrain。Gerty’sfriendshipdidindeedholdfast；yetLilywasbeginningtoavoidheralso。ForshecouldnotgotoGerty’swithoutriskofmeetingSelden；andtomeethimnowwouldbepurepain。Itwaspainenougheventothinkofhim，whethersheconsideredhiminthedistinctnessofherwakingthoughts，orfelttheobsessionofhispresencethroughtheblurofhertormentednights。ThatwasoneofthereasonswhyshehadturnedagaintoMrs。Hatch’sprescription。Intheuneasysnatchesofhernaturaldreamshecametohersometimesintheoldguiseoffellowshipandtenderness；andshewouldrisefromthesweetdelusionmockedandemptiedofhercourage。Butinthesleepwhichthephialprocuredshesankfarbelowsuchhalf-wakingvisitations，sankintodepthsofdreamlessannihilationfromwhichshewokeeachmorningwithanobliteratedpast。

Gradually，tobesure，thestressoftheoldthoughtswouldreturn；butatleasttheydidnotimportuneherwakinghour。Thedruggaveheramomentaryillusionofcompleterenewal，fromwhichshedrewstrengthtotakeupherdailywork。Thestrengthwasmoreandmoreneededastheperplexitiesofherfutureincreased。SheknewthattoGertyandMrs。Fishershewasonlypassingthroughatemporaryperiodofprobation，sincetheybelievedthattheapprenticeshipshewasservingatMme。Regina’swouldenableher，whenMrs。Peniston’slegacywaspaid，torealizethevisionofthegreen-and-whiteshopwiththefullercompetenceacquiredbyherpreliminarytraining。ButtoLilyherself，awarethatthelegacycouldnotbeputtosuchause，thepreliminarytrainingseemedawastedeffort。Sheunderstoodclearlyenoughthat，evenifshecouldeverlearntocompetewithhandsformedfromchildhoodfortheirspecialwork，thesmallpayshereceivedwouldnotbeasufficientadditiontoherincometocompensateherforsuchdrudgery。Andtherealizationofthisfactbroughtherrecurringlyfacetofacewiththetemptationtousethelegacyinestablishingherbusiness。Onceinstalled，andincommandofherownwork-women，shebelievedshehadsufficienttactandabilitytoattractafashionableCLIENTELE；andifthebusinesssucceededshecouldgraduallylayasidemoneyenoughtodischargeherdebttoTrenor。Butthetaskmighttakeyearstoaccomplish，evenifshecontinuedtostintherselftotheutmost；

andmeanwhileherpridewouldbecrushedundertheweightofanintolerableobligation。

Thesewerehersuperficialconsiderations；butunderthemlurkedthesecretdreadthattheobligationmightnotalwaysremainintolerable。Sheknewshecouldnotcountonhercontinuityofpurpose，andwhatreallyfrightenedherwasthethoughtthatshemightgraduallyaccommodateherselftoremainingindefinitelyinTrenor’sdebt，asshehadaccommodatedherselftothepartallottedherontheSabrina，andasshehadsonearlydriftedintoacquiescingwithStancy’sschemefortheadvancementofMrs。Hatch。Herdangerlay，assheknew，inheroldincurabledreadofdiscomfortandpoverty；inthefearofthatmountingtideofdinginessagainstwhichhermotherhadsopassionatelywarnedher。Andnowanewvistaofperilopenedbeforeher。SheunderstoodthatRosedalewasreadytolendhermoney；andthelongingtotakeadvantageofhisofferbegantohauntherinsidiously。ItwasofcourseimpossibletoacceptaloanfromRosedale；butproximatepossibilitieshoveredtemptinglybeforeher。Shewasquitesurethathewouldcomeandseeheragain，andalmostsurethat，ifhedid，shecouldbringhimtothepointofofferingtomarryheronthetermsshehadpreviouslyrejected。

Wouldshestillrejectthemiftheywereoffered？Moreandmore，witheveryfreshmischancebefallingher，didthepursuingfuriesseemtotaketheshapeofBerthaDorset；andcloseathand，safelylockedamongherpapers，laythemeansofendingtheirpursuit。Thetemptation，whichherscornofRosedalehadonceenabledhertoreject，nowinsistentlyreturneduponher；andhowmuchstrengthwaslefthertoopposeit？

Whatlittletherewasmustatanyratebehusbandedtotheutmost；shecouldnottrustherselfagaintotheperilsofasleeplessnight。Throughthelonghoursofsilencethedarkspiritoffatigueandlonelinesscroucheduponherbreast，leavinghersodrainedofbodilystrengththathermorningthoughtsswaminahazeofweakness。Theonlyhopeofrenewallayinthelittlebottleatherbed-side；andhowmuchlongerthathopewouldlastshedarednotconjecture。

Lily，lingeringforamomentonthecorner，lookedoutontheafternoonspectacleofFifthAvenue。ItwasadayinlateApril，andthesweetnessofspringwasintheair。Itmitigatedtheuglinessofthelongcrowdedthoroughfare，blurredthegauntroof-lines，threwamauveveiloverthediscouragingperspectiveofthesidestreets，andgaveatouchofpoetrytothedelicatehazeofgreenthatmarkedtheentrancetothePark。

AsLilystoodthere，sherecognizedseveralfamiliarfacesinthepassingcarriages。Theseasonwasover，anditsrulingforceshaddisbanded；butafewstilllingered，delayingtheirdepartureforEurope，orpassingthroughtownontheirreturnfromtheSouth。

AmongthemwasMrs。VanOsburgh，swayingmajesticallyinherC-springbarouche，withMrs。PercyGryceatherside，andthenewheirtotheGrycemillionsenthronedbeforethemonhisnurse’sknees。TheyweresucceededbyMrs。Hatch’selectricvictoria，inwhichthatladyreclinedinthelonelysplendourofaspringtoiletobviouslydesignedforcompany；andamomentortwolatercameJudyTrenor，accompaniedbyLadySkiddaw，whohadcomeoverforherannualtarponfishingandadipinto"thestreet。"

ThisfleetingglimpseofherpastservedtoemphasizethesenseofaimlessnesswithwhichLilyatlengthturnedtowardhome。Shehadnothingtodofortherestoftheday，norforthedaystocome；fortheseasonwasoverinmillineryaswellasinsociety，andaweekearlierMme。Reginahadnotifiedherthatherserviceswerenolongerrequired。Mme。ReginaalwaysreducedherstaffonthefirstofMay，andMissBart’sattendancehadoflatebeensoirregular——shehadsooftenbeenunwell，andhaddonesolittleworkwhenshecame——thatitwasonlyasafavourthatherdismissalhadhithertobeendeferred。

Lilydidnotquestionthejusticeofthedecision。Shewasconsciousofhavingbeenforgetful，awkwardandslowtolearn。Itwasbittertoacknowledgeherinferiorityeventoherself，butthefacthadbeenbroughthometoherthatasabread-winnershecouldnevercompetewithprofessionalability。

Sinceshehadbeenbroughtuptobeornamental，shecouldhardlyblameherselfforfailingtoserveanypracticalpurpose；butthediscoveryputanendtoherconsolingsenseofuniversalefficiency。

Assheturnedhomewardherthoughtsshrankinanticipationfromthefactthattherewouldbenothingtogetupforthenextmorning。Theluxuryoflyinglateinbedwasapleasurebelongingtothelifeofease；ithadnopartintheutilitarianexistenceoftheboarding-house。Shelikedtoleaveherroomearly，andtoreturntoitaslateaspossible；andshewaswalkingslowlynowinordertopostponethedetestedapproachtoherdoorstep。

Butthedoorstep，asshedrewnearit，acquiredasuddeninterestfromthefactthatitwasoccupied——andindeedfilled——bytheconspicuousfigureofMr。Rosedale，whosepresenceseemedtotakeonanaddedamplitudefromthemeannessofhissurroundings。

ThesightstirredLilywithanirresistiblesenseoftriumph。

Rosedale，adayortwoaftertheirchancemeeting，hadcalledtoenquireifshehadrecoveredfromherindisposition；butsincethenshehadnotseenorheardfromhim，andhisabsenceseemedtobetokenastruggletokeepaway，toletherpassoncemoreoutofhislife。Ifthiswerethecase，hisreturnshowedthatthestrugglehadbeenunsuccessful，forLilyknewhewasnotthemantowastehistimeinanineffectualsentimentaldalliance。Hewastoobusy，toopractical，andabovealltoomuchpreoccupiedwithhisownadvancement，toindulgeinsuchunprofitableasides。

Inthepeacock-blueparlour，withitsbunchesofdriedpampasgrass，anddiscolouredsteelengravingsofsentimentalepisodes，helookedabouthimwithunconcealeddisgust，layinghishatdistrustfullyonthedustyconsoleadornedwithaRogersstatuette。

Lilysatdownononeoftheplushandrosewoodsofas，andhedepositedhimselfinarocking-chairdrapedwithastarchedantimacassarwhichscrapedunpleasantlyagainstthepinkfoldofskinabovehiscollar。

"Mygoodness——youcan’tgoonlivinghere！"heexclaimed。

Lilysmiledathistone。"IamnotsurethatIcan；butIhavegoneovermyexpensesverycarefully，andIratherthinkIshallbeabletomanageit。"

"Beabletomanageit？That’snotwhatImean——it’snoplaceforyou！"

"It’swhatImean；forIhavebeenoutofworkforthelastweek。"

"Outofwork——outofwork！Whatawayforyoutotalk！Theideaofyourhavingtowork——it’spreposterous。"Hebroughtouthissentencesinshortviolentjerks，asthoughtheywereforcedupfromadeepinnercraterofindignation。"It’safarce——acrazyfarce，"herepeated，hiseyesfixedonthelongvistaoftheroomreflectedintheblotchedglassbetweenthewindows。

Lilycontinuedtomeethisexpostulationswithasmile。"Idon’tknowwhyIshouldregardmyselfasanexception——"shebegan。

"BecauseyouARE；that’swhy；andyourbeinginaplacelikethisisadamnableoutrage。Ican’ttalkofitcalmly。"

Shehadintruthneverseenhimsoshakenoutofhisusualglibness；andtherewassomethingalmostmovingtoherinhisinarticulatestrugglewithhisemotions。

Herosewithastartwhichlefttherocking-chairquiveringonitsbeamends，andplacedhimselfsquarelybeforeher。

"Lookhere，MissLily，I’mgoingtoEuropenextweek:goingovertoParisandLondonforacoupleofmonths——andIcan’tleaveyoulikethis。Ican’tdoit。Iknowit’snoneofmybusiness——you’veletmeunderstandthatoftenenough；butthingsareworsewithyounowthantheyhavebeenbefore，andyoumustseethatyou’vegottoaccepthelpfromsomebody。YouspoketometheotherdayaboutsomedebttoTrenor。Iknowwhatyoumean——andIrespectyouforfeelingasyoudoaboutit。"

AblushofsurpriserosetoLily’spaleface，butbeforeshecouldinterrupthimhehadcontinuedeagerly:"Well，I’lllendyouthemoneytopayTrenor；andIwon’t——I——seehere，don’ttakemeuptillI’vefinished。WhatImeanis，it’llbeaplainbusinessarrangement，suchasonemanwouldmakewithanother。

Now，whathaveyougottosayagainstthat？"

Lily’sblushdeepenedtoaglowinwhichhumiliationandgratitudeweremingled；andbothsentimentsrevealedthemselvesintheunexpectedgentlenessofherreply。

"Onlythis:thatitisexactlywhatGusTrenorproposed；andthatIcanneveragainbesureofunderstandingtheplainestbusinessarrangement。"Then，realizingthatthisanswercontainedagermofinjustice，sheadded，evenmorekindly:"NotthatIdon’tappreciateyourkindness——thatI’mnotgratefulforit。Butabusinessarrangementbetweenuswouldinanycasebeimpossible，becauseIshallhavenosecuritytogivewhenmydebttoGusTrenorhasbeenpaid。"

Rosedalereceivedthisstatementinsilence:heseemedtofedthenoteoffinalityinhervoice，yettobeunabletoacceptitasclosingthequestionbetweenthem。

InthesilenceLilyhadaclearperceptionofwhatwaspassingthroughhismind。Whateverperplexityhefeltastotheinexorablenessofhercourse——howeverlittlehepenetrateditsmotive——shesawthatitunmistakablytendedtostrengthenherholdoverhim。Itwasasthoughthesenseinherofunexplainedscruplesandresistanceshadthesameattractionasthedelicacyoffeature，thefastidiousnessofmanner，whichgaveheranexternalrarity，anairofbeingimpossibletomatch。Asheadvancedinsocialexperiencethisuniquenesshadacquiredagreatervalueforhim，asthoughhewereacollectorwhohadlearnedtodistinguishminordifferencesofdesignandqualityinsomelong-covetedobject。

Lily，perceivingallthis，understoodthathewouldmarryheratonce，onthesoleconditionofareconciliationwithMrs。Dorset；

andthetemptationwasthelesseasytoputasidebecause，littlebylittle，circumstanceswerebreakingdownherdislikeforRosedale。Thedislike，indeed，stillsubsisted；butitwaspenetratedhereandtherebytheperceptionofmitigatingqualitiesinhim:ofacertaingrosskindliness，aratherhelplessfidelityofsentiment，whichseemedtobestrugglingthroughthehardsurfaceofhismaterialambitions。

Readinghisdismissalinhereyes，heheldouthishandwithagesturewhichconveyedsomethingofthisinarticulateconflict。

"Ifyou’donlyletme，I’dsetyouupoverthemall——I’dputyouwhereyoucouldwipeyourfeeton’em！"hedeclared；andittouchedheroddlytoseethathisnewpassionhadnotalteredhisoldstandardofvalues。

Lilytooknosleeping-dropsthatnight。ShelayawakeviewinghersituationinthecrudelightwhichRosedale’svisithadshedonit。Infendingofftheofferhewassoplainlyreadytorenew，hadshenotsacrificedtooneofthoseabstractnotionsofhonourthatmightbecalledtheconventionalitiesofthemorallife？

Whatdebtdidsheowetoasocialorderwhichhadcondemnedandbanishedherwithouttrial？Shehadneverbeenheardinherowndefence；shewasinnocentofthechargeonwhichshehadbeenfoundguilty；andtheirregularityofherconvictionmightseemtojustifytheuseofmethodsasirregularinrecoveringherlostrights。BerthaDorset，tosaveherself，hadnotscrupledtoruinherbyanopenfalsehood；whyshouldshehesitatetomakeprivateuseofthefactsthatchancehadputinherway？Afterall，halftheopprobriumofsuchanactliesinthenameattachedtoit。

Callitblackmailanditbecomesunthinkable；butexplainthatitinjuresnoone，andthattherightsregainedbyitwereunjustlyforfeited，andhemustbeaformalistindeedwhocanfindnopleainitsdefence。

TheargumentspleadingforitwithLilyweretheoldunanswerableonesofthepersonalsituation:thesenseofinjury，thesenseoffailure，thepassionatecravingforafairchanceagainsttheselfishdespotismofsociety。Shehadlearnedbyexperiencethatshehadneithertheaptitudenorthemoralconstancytoremakeherlifeonnewlines；tobecomeaworkeramongworkers，andlettheworldofluxuryandpleasuresweepbyherunregarded。Shecouldnotholdherselfmuchtoblameforthisineffectiveness，andshewasperhapslesstoblamethanshebelieved。Inheritedtendencieshadcombinedwithearlytrainingtomakeherthehighlyspecializedproductshewas:anorganismashelplessoutofitsnarrowrangeasthesea-anemonetornfromtherock。Shehadbeenfashionedtoadornanddelight；towhatotherenddoesnatureroundtherose-leafandpaintthehumming-bird’sbreast？

Andwasitherfaultthatthepurelydecorativemissionislesseasilyandharmoniouslyfulfilledamongsocialbeingsthanintheworldofnature？Thatitisapttobehamperedbymaterialnecessitiesorcomplicatedbymoralscruples？

Theselastwerethetwoantagonisticforceswhichfoughtouttheirbattleinherbreastduringthelongwatchesofthenight；

andwhensherosethenextmorningshehardlyknewwherethevictorylay。Shewasexhaustedbythereactionofanightwithoutsleep，comingaftermanynightsofrestartificiallyobtained；

andinthedistortinglightoffatiguethefuturestretchedoutbeforehergrey，interminableanddesolate。

Shelaylateinbed，refusingthecoffeeandfriedeggswhichthefriendlyIrishservantthrustthroughherdoor，andhatingtheintimatedomesticnoisesofthehouseandthecriesandrumblingsofthestreet。Herweekofidlenesshadbroughthometoherwithexaggeratedforcethesesmallaggravationsoftheboarding-houseworld，andsheyearnedforthatotherluxuriousworld，whosemachineryissocarefullyconcealedthatonesceneflowsintoanotherwithoutperceptibleagency。

Atlengthsheroseanddressed。SinceshehadleftMme。Regina’sshehadspentherdaysinthestreets，partlytoescapefromtheuncongenialpromiscuitiesoftheboarding-house，andpartlyinthehopethatphysicalfatiguewouldhelphertosleep。Butonceoutofthehouse，shecouldnotdecidewheretogo；forshehadavoidedGertysinceherdismissalfromthemilliner’s，andshewasnotsureofawelcomeanywhereelse。

Themorningwasinharshcontrasttothepreviousday。Acoldgreyskythreatenedrain，andahighwinddrovethedustinwildspiralsupanddownthestreets。LilywalkedupFifthAvenuetowardthePark，hopingtofindashelterednookwhereshemightsit；butthewindchilledher，andafteranhour’swanderingunderthetossingboughssheyieldedtoherincreasingweariness，andtookrefugeinalittlerestaurantinFifty-ninthStreet。Shewasnothungry，andhadmeanttogowithoutluncheon；butshewastootiredtoreturnhome，andthelongperspectiveofwhitetablesshowedalluringlythroughthewindows。

Theroomwasfullofwomenandgirls，alltoomuchengagedintherapidabsorptionofteaandpietoremarkherentrance。Ahumofshrillvoicesreverberatedagainstthelowceiling，leavingLilyshutoutinalittlecircleofsilence。Shefeltasuddenpangofprofoundloneliness。Shehadlostthesenseoftime，anditseemedtoherasthoughshehadnotspokentoanyonefordays。Hereyessoughtthefacesabouther，cravingaresponsiveglance，somesignofanintuitionofhertrouble。Butthesallowpreoccupiedwomen，withtheirbagsandnote-booksandrollsofmusic，wereallengrossedintheirownaffairs，andeventhosewhosatbythemselveswerebusyrunningoverproof-sheetsordevouringmagazinesbetweentheirhurriedgulpsoftea。Lilyalonewasstrandedinagreatwasteofdisoccupation。

Shedrankseveralcupsoftheteawhichwasservedwithherportionofstewedoysters，andherbrainfeltclearerandlivelierwhensheemergedoncemoreintothestreet。Sherealizednowthat，asshesatintherestaurant，shehadunconsciouslyarrivedatafinaldecision。Thediscoverygaveheranimmediateillusionofactivity:itwasexhilaratingtothinkthatshehadactuallyareasonforhurryinghome。Toprolongherenjoymentofthesensationshedecidedtowalk；butthedistancewassogreatthatshefoundherselfglancingnervouslyattheclocksontheway。Oneofthesurprisesofherunoccupiedstatewasthediscoverythattime，whenitislefttoitselfandnodefinitedemandsaremadeonit，cannotbetrustedtomoveatanyrecognizedpace。Usuallyitloiters；butjustwhenonehascometocountuponitsslowness，itmaysuddenlybreakintoawildirrationalgallop。

Shefound，however，onreachinghome，thatthehourwasstillearlyenoughforhertositdownandrestafewminutesbeforeputtingherplanintoexecution。Thedelaydidnotperceptiblyweakenherresolve。Shewasfrightenedandyetstimulatedbythereservedforceofresolutionwhichshefeltwithinherself:shesawitwasgoingtobeeasier，agreatdealeasier，thanshehadimagined。

Atfiveo’clocksherose，unlockedhertrunk，andtookoutasealedpacketwhichsheslippedintothebosomofherdress。Eventhecontactwiththepacketdidnotshakehernervesasshehadhalf-expecteditwould。Sheseemedencasedinastrongarmourofindifference，asthoughthevigorousexertionofherwillhadfinallybenumbedherfinersensibilities。

Shedressedherselfoncemoreforthestreet，lockedherdoorandwentout。Whensheemergedonthepavement，thedaywasstillhigh，butathreatofraindarkenedtheskyandcoldgustsshookthesignsprojectingfromthebasementshopsalongthestreet。ShereachedFifthAvenueandbegantowalkslowlynorthward。ShewassufficientlyfamiliarwithMrs。Dorset’shabitstoknowthatshecouldalwaysbefoundathomeafterfive。

Shemightnot，indeed，beaccessibletovisitors，especiallytoavisitorsounwelcome，andagainstwhomitwasquitepossiblethatshehadguardedherselfbyspecialorders；butLilyhadwrittenanotewhichshemeanttosendupwithhername，andwhichshethoughtwouldsecureheradmission。

ShehadallowedherselftimetowalktoMrs。Dorset’s，thinkingthatthequickmovementthroughthecoldeveningairwouldhelptosteadyhernerves；butshereallyfeltnoneedofbeingtranquillized。Hersurveyofthesituationremainedcalmandunwavering。

AsshereachedFiftiethStreetthecloudsbrokeabruptly，andarushofcoldrainslantedintoherface。Shehadnoumbrellaandthemoisturequicklypenetratedherthinspringdress。Shewasstillhalfamilefromherdestination，andshedecidedtowalkacrosstoMadisonAvenueandtaketheelectriccar。Assheturnedintothesidestreet，avaguememorystirredinher。Therowofbuddingtrees，thenewbrickandlimestonehouse-fronts，theGeorgianflat-housewithflowerboxesonitsbalconies，weremergedtogetherintothesettingofafamiliarscene。ItwasdownthisstreetthatshehadwalkedwithSelden，thatSeptemberdaytwoyearsago；afewyardsaheadwasthedoorwaytheyhadenteredtogether。Therecollectionloosenedathrongofbenumbedsensations——longings，regrets，imaginings，thethrobbingbroodoftheonlyspringherhearthadeverknown。Itwasstrangetofindherselfpassinghishouseonsuchanerrand。Sheseemedsuddenlytoseeheractionashewouldseeit——andthefactofhisownconnectionwithit，thefactthat，toattainherend，shemusttradeonhisname，andprofitbyasecretofhispast，chilledherbloodwithshame。Whatalongwayshehadtravelledsincethedayoftheirfirsttalktogether！Eventhenherfeethadbeensetinthepathshewasnowfollowing——eventhenshehadresistedthehandhehadheldout。

Allherresentmentofhisfanciedcoldnesswassweptawayinthisoverwhelmingrushofrecollection。Twicehehadbeenreadytohelpher——tohelpherbylovingher，ashehadsaid——andif，thethirdtime，hehadseemedtofailher，whombutherselfcouldsheaccuse？……Well，thatpartofherlifewasover；shedidnotknowwhyherthoughtsstillclungtoit。Butthesuddenlongingtoseehimremained；itgrewtohungerasshepausedonthepavementoppositehisdoor。Thestreetwasdarkandempty，sweptbytherain。Shehadavisionofhisquietroom，ofthebookshelves，andthefireonthehearth。Shelookedupandsawalightinhiswindow；thenshecrossedthestreetandenteredthehouse。

Thelibrarylookedasshehadpicturedit。Thegreen-shadedlampsmadetranquilcirclesoflightinthegatheringdusk，alittlefireflickeredonthehearth，andSelden’seasy-chair，whichstoodnearit，hadbeenpushedasidewhenherosetoadmither。

Hehadcheckedhisfirstmovementofsurprise，andstoodsilent，waitingforhertospeak，whileshepausedamomentonthethreshold，assailedbyarushofmemories。

Thescenewasunchanged。SherecognizedtherowofshelvesfromwhichhehadtakendownhisLaBruyere，andthewornarmofthechairhehadleanedagainstwhilesheexaminedthepreciousvolume。ButthenthewideSeptemberlighthadfilledtheroom，makingitseemapartoftheouterworld:nowtheshadedlampsandthewarmhearth，detachingitfromthegatheringdarknessofthestreet，gaveitasweetertouchofintimacy。

BecominggraduallyawareofthesurpriseunderSelden’ssilence，Lilyturnedtohimandsaidsimply:"IcametotellyouthatI

wassorryforthewayweparted——forwhatIsaidtoyouthatdayatMrs。Hatch’s。"

Thewordsrosetoherlipsspontaneously。Evenonherwayupthestairs，shehadnotthoughtofpreparingapretextforhervisit，butshenowfeltanintenselongingtodispelthecloudofmisunderstandingthathungbetweenthem。

Seldenreturnedherlookwithasmile。"Iwassorrytoothatweshouldhavepartedinthatway；butIamnotsureIdidn’tbringitonmyself。LuckilyIhadforeseentheriskIwastaking——"

"Sothatyoureallydidn’tcare——？"brokefromherwithaflashofheroldirony。

"SothatIwaspreparedfortheconsequences，"hecorrectedgood-humouredly。"Butwe’lltalkofallthislater。Docomeandsitbythefire。Icanrecommendthatarm-chair，ifyou’llletmeputacushionbehindyou。"

Whilehespokeshehadmovedslowlytothemiddleoftheroom，andpausednearhiswriting-table，wherethelamp，strikingupward，castexaggeratedshadowsonthepallourofherdelicately-hollowedface。

"Youlooktired——dositdown，"herepeatedgently。

Shedidnotseemtoheartherequest。"IwantedyoutoknowthatIleftMrs。HatchimmediatelyafterIsawyou，"shesaid，asthoughcontinuingherconfession。

"Yes——yes；Iknow，"heassented，witharisingtingeofembarrassment。

"AndthatIdidsobecauseyoutoldmeto。BeforeyoucameIhadalreadybeguntoseethatitwouldbeimpossibletoremainwithher——forthereasonsyougaveme；butIwouldn’tadmitit——I

wouldn’tletyouseethatIunderstoodwhatyoumeant。"

"Ah，Imighthavetrustedyoutofindyourownwayout——don’toverwhelmmewiththesenseofmyofficiousness！"

Hislighttone，inwhich，hadhernervesbeensteadier，shewouldhaverecognizedthemereefforttobridgeoveranawkwardmoment，jarredonherpassionatedesiretobeunderstood。Inherstrangestateofextra-lucidity，whichgaveherthesenseofbeingalreadyattheheartofthesituation，itseemedincrediblethatanyoneshouldthinkitnecessarytolingerintheconventionaloutskirtsofword-playandevasion。

"Itwasnotthat——Iwasnotungrateful，"sheinsisted。Butthepowerofexpressionfailedhersuddenly；shefeltatremorinherthroat，andtwotearsgatheredandfellslowlyfromhereyes。

Seldenmovedforwardandtookherhand。"Youareverytired。Whywon’tyousitdownandletmemakeyoucomfortable？"

Hedrewhertothearm-chairnearthefire，andplacedacushionbehindhershoulders。

"Andnowyoumustletmemakeyousometea:youknowIalwayshavethatamountofhospitalityatmycommand。"

Sheshookherhead，andtwomoretearsranover。Butshedidnotweepeasily，andthelonghabitofself-controlreasserteditself，thoughshewasstilltootremuloustospeak。

"YouknowIcancoaxthewatertoboilinfiveminutes，"Seldencontinued，speakingasthoughshewereatroubledchild。

Hiswordsrecalledthevisionofthatotherafternoonwhentheyhadsattogetheroverhistea-tableandtalkedjestinglyofherfuture。Thereweremomentswhenthatdayseemedmoreremotethananyothereventinherlife；andyetshecouldalwaysreliveitinitsminutestdetail。

Shemadeagestureofrefusal。"No:Idrinktoomuchtea。Iwouldrathersitquiet——Imustgoinamoment，"sheaddedconfusedly。

Seldencontinuedtostandnearher，leaningagainstthemantelpiece。Thetingeofconstraintwasbeginningtobemoredistinctlyperceptibleunderthefriendlyeaseofhismanner。Herself-absorptionhadnotallowedhertoperceiveitatfirst；butnowthatherconsciousnesswasoncemoreputtingforthitseagerfeelers，shesawthatherpresencewasbecominganembarrassmenttohim。Suchasituationcanbesavedonlybyanimmediateoutrushoffeeling；andonSelden’ssidethedeterminingimpulsewasstilllacking。

ThediscoverydidnotdisturbLilyasitmightoncehavedone。

Shehadpassedbeyondthephaseofwell-bredreciprocity，inwhicheverydemonstrationmustbescrupulouslyproportionedtotheemotionitelicits，andgenerosityoffeelingistheonlyostentationcondemned。ButthesenseoflonelinessreturnedwithredoubledforceasshesawherselfforevershutoutfromSelden’sinmostself。Shehadcometohimwithnodefinitepurpose；themerelongingtoseehimhaddirectedher；butthesecrethopeshehadcarriedwithhersuddenlyrevealeditselfinitsdeath-pang。

"Imustgo，"sherepeated，makingamotiontorisefromherchair。"ButImaynotseeyouagainforalongtime，andIwantedtotellyouthatIhaveneverforgottenthethingsyousaidtomeatBellomont，andthatsometimes——sometimeswhenIseemedfarthestfromrememberingthem——theyhavehelpedme，andkeptmefrommistakes；keptmefromreallybecomingwhatmanypeoplehavethoughtme。"

Striveasshewouldtoputsomeorderinherthoughts，thewordswouldnotcomemoreclearly；yetshefeltthatshecouldnotleavehimwithouttryingtomakehimunderstandthatshehadsavedherselfwholefromtheseemingruinofherlife。

AchangehadcomeoverSelden’sfaceasshespoke。Itsguardedlookhadyieldedtoanexpressionstilluntingedbypersonalemotion，butfullofagentleunderstanding。

"Iamgladtohaveyoutellmethat；butnothingIhavesaidhasreallymadethedifference。Thedifferenceisinyourself——itwillalwaysbethere。AndsinceitISthere，itcan’treallymattertoyouwhatpeoplethink:youaresosurethatyourfriendswillalwaysunderstandyou。"

"Ah，don’tsaythat——don’tsaythatwhatyouhavetoldmehasmadenodifference。Itseemstoshutmeout——toleavemeallalonewiththeotherpeople。"Shehadrisenandstoodbeforehim，oncemorecompletelymasteredbytheinnerurgencyofthemoment。

Theconsciousnessofhishalf-divinedreluctancehadvanished。

Whetherhewisheditornot，hemustseeherwhollyforoncebeforetheyparted。

Hervoicehadgatheredstrength，andshelookedhimgravelyintheeyesasshecontinued。"Once——twice——yougavemethechancetoescapefrommylife，andIrefusedit:refuseditbecauseI

wasacoward。AfterwardIsawmymistake——IsawIcouldneverbehappywithwhathadcontentedmebefore。Butitwastoolate:youhadjudgedme——Iunderstood。Itwastoolateforhappiness——butnottoolatetobehelpedbythethoughtofwhatIhadmissed。

ThatisallIhavelivedon——don’ttakeitfrommenow！Eveninmyworstmomentsithasbeenlikealittlelightinthedarkness。

Somewomenarestrongenoughtobegoodbythemselves，butI

neededthehelpofyourbeliefinme。PerhapsImighthaveresistedagreattemptation，butthelittleoneswouldhavepulledmedown。AndthenIremembered——Irememberedyoursayingthatsuchalifecouldneversatisfyme；andIwasashamedtoadmittomyselfthatitcould。Thatiswhatyoudidforme——thatiswhatIwantedtothankyoufor。IwantedtotellyouthatI

havealwaysremembered；andthatIhavetried——triedhard……"

Shebrokeoffsuddenly。Hertearshadrisenagain，andindrawingoutherhandkerchiefherfingerstouchedthepacketinthefoldsofherdress。Awaveofcoloursuffusedher，andthewordsdiedonherlips。Thensheliftedhereyestohisandwentoninanalteredvoice。

"Ihavetriedhard——butlifeisdifficult，andIamaveryuselessperson。Icanhardlybesaidtohaveanindependentexistence。IwasjustascreworacoginthegreatmachineIcalledlife，andwhenIdroppedoutofitIfoundIwasofnouseanywhereelse。Whatcanonedowhenonefindsthatoneonlyfitsintoonehole？Onemustgetbacktoitorbethrownoutintotherubbishheap——andyoudon’tknowwhatit’slikeintherubbishheap！"

Herlipswaveredintoasmile——shehadbeendistractedbythewhimsicalremembranceoftheconfidencesshehadmadetohim，twoyearsearlier，inthatveryroom。ThenshehadbeenplanningtomarryPercyGryce——whatwasitshewasplanningnow？

ThebloodhadrisenstronglyunderSelden’sdarkskin，buthisemotionshoweditselfonlyinanaddedseriousnessofmanner。

"Youhavesomethingtotellme——doyoumeantomarry？"hesaidabruptly。

Lily’seyesdidnotfalter，butalookofwonder，ofpuzzledself-interrogation，formeditselfslowlyintheirdepths。Inthelightofhisquestion，shehadpausedtoaskherselfifherdecisionhadreallybeentakenwhensheenteredtheroom。

"YoualwaystoldmeIshouldhavetocometoitsoonerorlater！"

shesaidwithafaintsmile。