第3章
’Matter！’repliesthefirstspeaker，talkingATtheobnoxious，combatant，’matter！，Here’spoordearMrs。Sulliwin，ashasfive，blessedchildrenofherown，can’tgooutacharingforone，arternoon，butwhathussiesmustbeacomin’，and’ticingavayher，oun’’usband，asshe’sbeenmarriedtotwelveyearcomenextEaster，Monday，forIseethecertificatevenIvasadrinkin’acupo’tea，vithher，onlythewerrylastblessedVen’sdayaseverwassent。I
’appen’dtosaypromiscuously，“Mrs。Sulliwin，“saysI-’
’Whatdoyoumeanbyhussies？’interruptsachampionoftheother，party，whohasevincedastronginclinationthroughouttogetupa，branchfightonherownaccount(’Hooroar，’ejaculatesapot-boyin，parenthesis，’putthekye-boskonher，Mary！’)，’Whatdoyoumean，byhussies？’reiteratesthechampion。
’Nivermind，’repliestheoppositionexpressively，’nivermind;YOU
gohome，and，venyou’requitesober，mendyourstockings。’
Thissomewhatpersonalallusion，notonlytothelady’shabitsof，intemperance，butalsotothestateofherwardrobe，rousesher，utmostire，andsheaccordinglycomplieswiththeurgentrequestof，thebystandersto’pitchin，’withconsiderablealacrity。The，scufflebecamegeneral，andterminates，inminorplay-bill，phraseology，with’arrivalofthepolicemen，interiorofthe，station-house，andimpressiveDENOUEMENT。’
Inadditiontothenumerousgroupswhoareidlingaboutthegin-
shopsandsquabblinginthecentreoftheroad，everypostinthe，openspacehasitsoccupant，wholeansagainstitforhours，with，listlessperseverance。Itisoddenoughthatoneclassofmenin，Londonappeartohavenoenjoymentbeyondleaningagainstposts。
Weneversawaregularbricklayer’slabourertakeanyother，recreation，fightingexcepted。PassthroughSt。Giles’sinthe，eveningofaweek-day，theretheyareintheirfustiandresses，spottedwithbrick-dustandwhitewash，leaningagainstposts。Walk，throughSevenDialsonSundaymorning：，theretheyareagain，drab，orlightcorduroytrousers，Blucherboots，bluecoats，andgreat，yellowwaistcoats，leaningagainstposts。Theideaofaman，dressinghimselfinhisbestclothes，toleanagainstapostall，day！
Thepeculiarcharacterofthesestreets，andthecloseresemblance，eachonebearstoitsneighbour，bynomeanstendstodecreasethe，bewildermentinwhichtheunexperiencedwayfarerthrough’the，Dials’findshimselfinvolved。Hetraversesstreetsofdirty，stragglinghouses，withnowandthenanunexpectedcourtcomposed，ofbuildingsasill-proportionedanddeformedasthehalf-naked，childrenthatwallowinthekennels。Hereandthere，alittledark，chandler’sshop，withacrackedbellhungupbehindthedoorto，announcetheentranceofacustomer，orbetraythepresenceofsome，younggentlemaninwhomapassionforshoptillshasdeveloped，itselfatanearlyage：，others，asifforsupport，againstsome，handsomeloftybuilding，whichusurpstheplaceofalowdingy，public-house;longrowsofbrokenandpatchedwindowsexposeplants，thatmayhaveflourishedwhen’theDials’werebuilt，invesselsas，dirtyas’theDials’themselves;andshopsforthepurchaseof，rags，bones，oldiron，andkitchen-stuff，vieincleanlinesswith，thebird-fanciersandrabbit-dealers，whichonemightfancysomany，arks，butfortheirresistibleconvictionthatnobirdinits，propersenses，whowaspermittedtoleaveoneofthem，wouldever，comebackagain。Brokers’shops，whichwouldseemtohavebeen，establishedbyhumaneindividuals，asrefugesfordestitutebugs，interspersedwithannouncementsofday-schools，pennytheatres，petition-writers，mangles，andmusicforballsorrouts，complete，the’stilllife’ofthesubject;anddirtymen，filthywomen，squalidchildren，flutteringshuttlecocks，noisybattledores，reekingpipes，badfruit，morethandoubtfuloysters，attenuated，cats，depresseddogs，andanatomicalfowls，areitscheerful，accompaniments。
Iftheexternalappearanceofthehouses，oraglanceattheir，inhabitants，presentbutfewattractions，acloseracquaintance，witheitherislittlecalculatedtoalterone’sfirstimpression。
Everyroomhasitsseparatetenant，andeverytenantis，bythe，samemysteriousdispensationwhichcausesacountrycurateto，’increaseandmultiply’mostmarvellously，generallytheheadofa，numerousfamily。
Themanintheshop，perhaps，isinthebaked’jemmy’line，orthe，fire-woodandhearth-stoneline，oranyotherlinewhichrequiresa，floatingcapitalofeighteen-penceorthereabouts：，andheandhis，familyliveintheshop，andthesmallbackparlourbehindit。
ThenthereisanIrishlabourerandHISfamilyinthebackkitchen，andajobbingman-carpet-beaterandsoforth-withHISfamilyin，thefrontone。Inthefrontone-pair，there’sanothermanwith，anotherwifeandfamily，andinthebackone-pair，there’s’ayoung，’omanastakesintambour-work，anddressesquitegenteel，’who，talksagooddealabout’myfriend，’andcan’t’a-bearanything，low。’，Thesecondfloorfront，andtherestofthelodgers，are，justasecondeditionofthepeoplebelow，exceptashabby-genteel，maninthebackattic，whohashishalf-pintofcoffeeevery，morningfromthecoffee-shopnextdoorbutone，whichboastsa，littlefrontdencalledacoffee-room，withafireplace，overwhich，isaninscription，politelyrequestingthat，’topreventmistakes，’
customerswill’pleasetopayondelivery。’，Theshabby-genteelman，isanobjectofsomemystery，butasheleadsalifeofseclusion，andneverwasknowntobuyanythingbeyondanoccasionalpen，excepthalf-pintsofcoffee，pennyloaves，andha’porthsofink，hisfellow-lodgersverynaturallysupposehimtobeanauthor;and，rumoursarecurrentintheDials，thathewritespoemsforMr。
Warren。
NowanybodywhopassedthroughtheDialsonahotsummer’sevening，andsawthedifferentwomenofthehousegossipingonthesteps，wouldbeapttothinkthatallwasharmonyamongthem，andthata，moreprimitivesetofpeoplethanthenativeDiallerscouldnotbe，imagined。Alas！themanintheshopill-treatshisfamily;the，carpet-beaterextendshisprofessionalpursuitstohiswife;the，one-pairfronthasanundyingfeudwiththetwo-pairfront，in，consequenceofthetwo-pairfrontpersistingindancingoverhis，(theone-pairfront’s)head，whenheandhisfamilyhaveretired，forthenight;thetwo-pairbackwillinterferewiththefront，kitchen’schildren;theIrishmancomeshomedrunkeveryother，night，andattackseverybody;andtheone-pairbackscreamsat，everything。Animositiesspringupbetweenfloorandfloor;the，verycellarassertshisequality。Mrs。A。’smacks’Mrs。B。’schild，for’makingfaces。’，Mrs。B。forthwiththrowscoldwateroverMrs。
A。’schildfor’callingnames。’，Thehusbandsareembroiled-the，quarrelbecomesgeneral-anassaultistheconsequence，anda，police-officertheresult。
CHAPTERVI-MEDITATIONSINMONMOUTH-STREET
Wehavealwaysentertainedaparticularattachmenttowards，Monmouth-street，astheonlytrueandrealemporiumforsecond-hand，wearingapparel。Monmouth-streetisvenerablefromitsantiquity，andrespectablefromitsusefulness。Holywell-streetwedespise;
thered-headedandred-whiskeredJewswhoforciblyhaulyouinto，theirsqualidhouses，andthrustyouintoasuitofclothes，whetheryouwillornot，wedetest。
TheinhabitantsofMonmouth-streetareadistinctclass;a，peaceableandretiringrace，whoimmurethemselvesforthemost，partindeepcellars，orsmallbackparlours，andwhoseldomcome，forthintotheworld，exceptintheduskandcoolnessofthe，evening，whentheymaybeseenseated，inchairsonthepavement，smokingtheirpipes，orwatchingthegambolsoftheirengaging，childrenastheyrevelinthegutter，ahappytroopofinfantine，scavengers。Theircountenancesbearathoughtfulandadirtycast，certainindicationsoftheirloveoftraffic;andtheirhabitations，aredistinguishedbythatdisregardofoutwardappearanceand，neglectofpersonalcomfort，socommonamongpeoplewhoare，constantlyimmersedinprofoundspeculations，anddeeplyengagedin，sedentarypursuits。
Wehavehintedattheantiquityofourfavouritespot。’A
Monmouth-streetlacedcoat’wasaby-wordacenturyago;andstill，wefindMonmouth-streetthesame。Pilotgreat-coatswithwooden，buttons，haveusurpedtheplaceoftheponderouslacedcoatswith，fullskirts;embroideredwaistcoatswithlargeflaps，haveyielded，todouble-breastedcheckswithroll-collars;andthree-cornered，hatsofquaintappearance，havegivenplacetothelowcrownsand，broadbrimsofthecoachmanschool;butitisthetimesthathave，changed，notMonmouth-street。Througheveryalterationandevery，change，Monmouth-streethasstillremainedtheburial-placeofthe，fashions;andsuch，tojudgefromallpresentappearances，itwill，remainuntiltherearenomorefashionstobury。
Welovetowalkamongtheseextensivegrovesoftheillustrious，dead，andtoindulgeinthespeculationstowhichtheygiverise;
nowfittingadeceasedcoat，thenadeadpairoftrousers，andanon，themortalremainsofagaudywaistcoat，uponsomebeingofourown，conjuringup，andendeavouring，fromtheshapeandfashionofthe，garmentitself，tobringitsformerownerbeforeourmind’seye。
Wehavegoneonspeculatinginthisway，untilwholerowsofcoats，havestartedfromtheirpegs，andbuttonedup，oftheirownaccord，roundthewaistsofimaginarywearers;linesoftrousershave，jumpeddowntomeetthem;waistcoatshavealmostburstwithanxiety，toputthemselveson;andhalfanacreofshoeshavesuddenlyfound，feettofitthem，andgonestumpingdownthestreetwithanoise，whichhasfairlyawakenedusfromourpleasantreverie，anddriven，usslowlyaway，withabewilderedstare，anobjectofastonishment，tothegoodpeopleofMonmouth-street，andofnoslightsuspicion，tothepolicemenattheoppositestreetcorner。
Wewereoccupiedinthismannertheotherday，endeavouringtofit，apairoflace-uphalf-bootsonanidealpersonage，forwhom，to，saythetruth，theywerefullacoupleofsizestoosmall，whenour，eyeshappenedtoalightonafewsuitsofclothesrangedoutsidea，shop-window，whichitimmediatelystruckus，mustatdifferent，periodshaveallbelongedto，andbeenwornby，thesame，individual，andhadnow，byoneofthosestrangeconjunctionsof，circumstanceswhichwilloccursometimes，cometobeexposed，togetherforsaleinthesameshop。Theideaseemedafantastic，one，andwelookedattheclothesagainwithafirmdetermination，nottobeeasilyledaway。No，wewereright;themorewelooked，themorewewereconvincedoftheaccuracyofourprevious，impression。Therewastheman’swholelifewrittenaslegiblyon，thoseclothes，asifwehadhisautobiographyengrossedon，parchmentbeforeus。
Thefirstwasapatchedandmuch-soiledskeletonsuit;oneofthose，straightblueclothcasesinwhichsmallboysusedtobeconfined，beforebeltsandtunicshadcomein，andoldnotionshadgoneout：
aningeniouscontrivancefordisplayingthefullsymmetryofa，boy’sfigure，byfasteninghimintoaverytightjacket，withan，ornamentalrowofbuttonsovereachshoulder，andthenbuttoning，histrousersoverit，soastogivehislegstheappearanceof，beinghookedon，justunderthearmpits。Thiswastheboy’sdress。
Ithadbelongedtoatownboy，wecouldsee;therewasashortness，aboutthelegsandarmsofthesuit;andabaggingattheknees，peculiartotherisingyouthofLondonstreets。Asmallday-school，hehadbeenat，evidently。Ifithadbeenaregularboys’school，theywouldn’thavelethimplayonthefloorsomuch，andrubhis，kneessowhite。Hehadanindulgentmothertoo，andplentyof，halfpence，asthenumeroussmearsofsomestickysubstanceabout，thepockets，andjustbelowthechin，whicheventhesalesman’s，skillcouldnotsucceedindisguising，sufficientlybetokened。
Theyweredecentpeople，butnotoverburdenedwithriches，orhe，wouldnothavesofaroutgrownthesuitwhenhepassedintothose，corduroyswiththeroundjacket;inwhichhewenttoaboys’
school，however，andlearnttowrite-andininkofpretty，tolerableblackness，too，iftheplacewhereheusedtowipehis，penmightbetakenasevidence。
Ablacksuitandthejacketchangedintoadiminutivecoat。His，fatherhaddied，andthemotherhadgottheboyamessage-lad’s，placeinsomeoffice。Along-wornsuitthatone;rustyand，threadbarebeforeitwaslaidaside，butcleanandfreefromsoil，tothelast。Poorwoman！，Wecouldimagineherassumed，cheerfulnessoverthescantymeal，andtherefusalofherownsmall，portion，thatherhungryboymighthaveenough。Herconstant，anxietyforhiswelfare，herprideinhisgrowthmingledsometimes，withthethought，almosttooacutetobear，thatashegrewtobea，manhisoldaffectionmightcool，oldkindnessesfadefromhis，mind，andoldpromisesbeforgotten-thesharppainthateventhen，acarelesswordoracoldlookwouldgiveher-allcrowdedonour，thoughtsasvividlyasiftheveryscenewerepassingbeforeus。
Thesethingshappeneveryhour，andweallknowit;andyetwefelt，asmuchsorrowwhenwesaw，orfanciedwesaw-itmakesno，differencewhich-thechangethatbegantotakeplacenow，asif，wehadjustconceivedthebarepossibilityofsuchathingforthe，firsttime。Thenextsuit，smartbutslovenly;meanttobegay，andyetnothalfsodecentasthethreadbareapparel;redolentof，theidlelounge，andtheblackguardcompanions，toldus，we，thought，thatthewidow’scomforthadrapidlyfadedaway。Wecould，imaginethatcoat-imagine！wecouldseeit;weHADseenita，hundredtimes-saunteringincompanywiththreeorfourother，coatsofthesamecut，aboutsomeplaceofprofligateresortat，night。
Wedressed，fromthesameshop-windowinaninstant，halfadozen，boysoffromfifteentotwenty;andputtingcigarsintotheir，mouths，andtheirhandsintotheirpockets，watchedthemasthey，sauntereddownthestreet，andlingeredatthecorner，withthe，obscenejest，andtheoft-repeatedoath。Weneverlostsightof，them，tilltheyhadcockedtheirhatsalittlemoreononeside，andswaggeredintothepublic-house;andthenweenteredthe，desolatehome，wherethemothersatlateinthenight，alone;we，watchedher，asshepacedtheroominfeverishanxiety，andevery，nowandthenopenedthedoor，lookedwistfullyintothedarkand，emptystreet，andagainreturned，tobeagainandagain，disappointed。Webeheldthelookofpatiencewithwhichshebore，thebrutishthreat，nay，eventhedrunkenblow;andweheardthe，agonyoftearsthatgushedfromherveryheart，asshesankupon，herkneesinhersolitaryandwretchedapartment。
Alongperiodhadelapsed，andagreaterchangehadtakenplace，by，thetimeofcastingoffthesuitthathungabove。Itwasthatofa，stout，broad-shouldered，sturdy-chestedman;andweknewatonce，asanybodywould，whoglancedatthatbroad-skirtedgreencoat，withthelargemetalbuttons，thatitswearerseldomwalkedforth，withoutadogathisheels，andsomeidleruffian，thevery，counterpartofhimself，athisside。Thevicesoftheboyhad，grownwiththeman，andwefanciedhishomethen-ifsuchaplace，deservethename。
Wesawthebareandmiserableroom，destituteoffurniture，crowded，withhiswifeandchildren，pale，hungry，andemaciated;theman，cursingtheirlamentations，staggeringtothetap-room，fromwhence，hehadjustreturned，followedbyhiswifeandasicklyinfant，clamouringforbread;andheardthestreet-wrangleandnoisy，recriminationthathisstrikingheroccasioned。Andthen，imaginationledustosomemetropolitanworkhouse，situatedinthe，midstofcrowdedstreetsandalleys，filledwithnoxiousvapours，andringingwithboisterouscries，whereanoldandfeeblewoman，imploringpardonforherson，laydyinginaclosedarkroom，with，nochildtoclaspherhand，andnopureairfromheaventofanher，brow。Astrangerclosedtheeyesthatsettledintoacold，unmeaningglare，andstrangeearsreceivedthewordsthatmurmured，fromthewhiteandhalf-closedlips。
Acoarseroundfrock，withaworncottonneckerchief，andother，articlesofclothingofthecommonestdescription，completedthe，history。Aprison，andthesentence-banishmentorthegallows。
Whatwouldthemanhavegiventhen，tobeonceagainthecontented，humbledrudgeofhisboyishyears;tohavebeenrestoredtolife，butforaweek，aday，anhour，aminute，onlyforsolongatime，aswouldenablehimtosayonewordofpassionateregretto，and，hearonesoundofheartfeltforgivenessfrom，thecoldandghastly，formthatlayrottinginthepauper’sgrave！，Thechildrenwildin，thestreets，themotheradestitutewidow;bothdeeplytaintedwith，thedeepdisgraceofthehusbandandfather’sname，andimpelledby，sheernecessity，downtheprecipicethathadledhimtoalingering，death，possiblyofmanyyears’duration，thousandsofmilesaway。
Wehadnocluetotheendofthetale;butitwaseasytoguessits，termination。
Wetookasteportwofurtheron，andbywayofrestoringthe，naturallycheerfultoneofourthoughts，beganfittingvisionary，feetandlegsintoacellar-boardfullofbootsandshoes，witha，speedandaccuracythatwouldhaveastonishedthemostexpert，artistinleather，living。Therewasonepairofbootsin，particular-ajolly，good-tempered，hearty-lookingpairoftops，thatexcitedourwarmestregard;andwehadgotafine，red-faced，jovialfellowofamarket-gardenerintothem，beforewehadmade，theiracquaintancehalfaminute。Theywerejusttheverything，forhim。Therewashishugefatlegsbulgingoverthetops，and，fittingthemtootighttoadmitofhistuckingintheloopshehad，pulledthemonby;andhisknee-cordswithanintervalofstocking;
andhisblueaprontuckeduproundhiswaist;andhisred，neckerchiefandbluecoat，andawhitehatstuckononesideofhis，head;andtherehestoodwithabroadgrinonhisgreatredface，whistlingaway，asifanyotherideabutthatofbeinghappyand，comfortablehadneverenteredhisbrain。
Thiswastheverymanafterourownheart;weknewallabouthim;
wehadseenhimcominguptoCovent-gardeninhisgreenchaise-
cart，withthefat，tubbylittlehorse，halfathousandtimes;and，evenwhilewecastanaffectionatelookuponhisboots，atthat，instant，theformofacoquettishservant-maidsuddenlysprunginto，apairofDenmarksatinshoesthatstoodbesidethem，andweat，oncerecognisedtheverygirlwhoacceptedhisofferofaride，justonthissidetheHammersmithsuspension-bridge，theverylast，TuesdaymorningwerodeintotownfromRichmond。
Averysmartfemale，inashowybonnet，steppedintoapairofgrey，clothboots，withblackfringeandbinding，thatwerestudiously，pointingouttheirtoesontheothersideofthetop-boots，and，seemedveryanxioustoengagehisattention，butwedidn’tobserve，thatourfriendthemarket-gardenerappearedatallcaptivatedwith，theseblandishments;forbeyondgivingaknowingwinkwhenthey，firstbegan，asiftoimplythathequiteunderstoodtheirendand，object，hetooknofurthernoticeofthem。Hisindifference，however，wasamplyrecompensedbytheexcessivegallantryofavery，oldgentlemanwithasilver-headedstick，whototteredintoapair，oflargelistshoes，thatwerestandinginonecorneroftheboard，andindulgedinavarietyofgesturesexpressiveofhisadmiration，oftheladyintheclothboots，totheimmeasurableamusementofa，youngfellowweputintoapairoflong-quarteredpumps，whowe，thoughtwouldhavesplitthecoatthatsliddowntomeethim，with，laughing。
Wehadbeenlookingonatthislittlepantomimewithgreat，satisfactionforsometime，when，toourunspeakableastonishment，weperceivedthatthewholeofthecharacters，includinganumerous，CORPSDEBALLETofbootsandshoesinthebackground，intowhichwe，hadbeenhastilythrustingasmanyfeetaswecouldpressintothe，service，werearrangingthemselvesinorderfordancing;andsome，musicstrikingupatthemoment，toittheywentwithoutdelay。It，wasperfectlydelightfultowitnesstheagilityofthemarket-
gardener。Outwenttheboots，firstononeside，thenonthe，other，thencutting，thenshuffling，thensettingtotheDenmark，satins，thenadvancing，thenretreating，thengoinground，andthen，repeatingthewholeoftheevolutionsagain，withoutappearingto，sufferintheleastfromtheviolenceoftheexercise。
NorweretheDenmarksatinsabitbehindhand，fortheyjumpedand，boundedabout，inalldirections;andthoughtheywereneitherso，regular，norsotruetothetimeastheclothboots，still，asthey，seemedtodoitfromtheheart，andtoenjoyitmore，wecandidly，confessthatwepreferredtheirstyleofdancingtotheother。But，theoldgentlemaninthelistshoeswasthemostamusingobjectin，thewholeparty;for，besideshisgrotesqueattemptstoappear，youthful，andamorous，whichweresufficientlyentertainingin，themselves，theyoungfellowinthepumpsmanagedsoartfullythat，everytimetheoldgentlemanadvancedtosalutetheladyinthe，clothboots，hetrodwithhiswholeweightontheoldfellow’s，toes，whichmadehimroarwithanguish，andrenderedalltheothers，liketodieoflaughing。
Wewereinthefullenjoymentofthesefestivitieswhenwehearda，shrill，andbynomeansmusicalvoice，exclaim，’Hopeyou’llknow，meagin，imperence！’andonlookingintentlyforwardtoseefrom，whencethesoundcame，wefoundthatitproceeded，notfromthe，youngladyintheclothboots，aswehadatfirstbeeninclinedto，suppose，butfromabulkyladyofelderlyappearancewhowasseated，inachairattheheadofthecellar-steps，apparentlyforthe，purposeofsuperintendingthesaleofthearticlesarrangedthere。
Abarrel-organ，whichhadbeeninfullforceclosebehindus，ceasedplaying;thepeoplewehadbeenfittingintotheshoesand，bootstooktoflightattheinterruption;andaswewereconscious，thatinthedepthofourmeditationswemighthavebeenrudely，staringattheoldladyforhalfanhourwithoutknowingit，we，tooktoflighttoo，andweresoonimmersedinthedeepestobscurity，oftheadjacent’Dials。’
CHAPTERVII-HACKNEY-COACHSTANDS
Wemaintainthathackney-coaches，properlysocalled，belongsolely，tothemetropolis。Wemaybetold，thattherearehackney-coach，standsinEdinburgh;andnottogoquitesofarforacontradiction，toourposition，wemayberemindedthatLiverpool，Manchester，’andotherlargetowns’(astheParliamentaryphrasegoes)，have，THEIRhackney-coachstands。Wereadilyconcedetotheseplacesthe，possessionofcertainvehicles，whichmaylookalmostasdirty，and，evengoalmostasslowly，asLondonhackney-coaches;butthatthey，havetheslightestclaimtocompetewiththemetropolis，eitherin，pointofstands，drivers，orcattle，weindignantlydeny。
Takearegular，ponderous，rickety，Londonhackney-coachoftheold，school，andletanymanhavetheboldnesstoassert，ifhecan，thatheeverbeheldanyobjectonthefaceoftheearthwhichat，allresemblesit，unless，indeed，itwereanotherhackney-coachof，thesamedate。Wehaverecentlyobservedoncertainstands，andwe，sayitwithdeepregret，ratherdappergreenchariots，andcoaches，ofpolishedyellow，withfourwheelsofthesamecolourasthe，coach，whereasitisperfectlynotorioustoeveryonewhohas，studiedthesubject，thateverywheeloughttobeofadifferent，colour，andadifferentsize。Theseareinnovations，and，like，othermiscalledimprovements，awfulsignsoftherestlessnessof，thepublicmind，andthelittlerespectpaidtoourtime-honoured，institutions。Whyshouldhackney-coachesbeclean？，Ourancestors，foundthemdirty，andleftthemso。Whyshouldwe，withafeverish，wishto’keepmoving，’desiretorollalongattherateofsix，milesanhour，whiletheywerecontenttorumbleoverthestonesat，four？，Thesearesolemnconsiderations。Hackney-coachesarepart，andparcelofthelawoftheland;theyweresettledbythe，Legislature;platedandnumberedbythewisdomofParliament。
Thenwhyhavetheybeenswampedbycabsandomnibuses？，Orwhy，shouldpeoplebeallowedtoridequicklyforeightpenceamile，afterParliamenthadcometothesolemndecisionthattheyshould，payashillingamileforridingslowly？，Wepauseforareply;-
and，havingnochanceofgettingone，beginafreshparagraph。
Ouracquaintancewithhackney-coachstandsisoflongstanding。We，areawalkingbookoffares，feelingourselves，halfbound，asit，were，tobealwaysintherightoncontestedpoints。Weknowall，theregularwatermenwithinthreemilesofCovent-gardenbysight，andshouldbealmosttemptedtobelievethatallthehackney-coach，horsesinthatdistrictknewusbysighttoo，ifone-halfofthem，werenotblind。Wetakegreatinterestinhackney-coaches，butwe，seldomdrive，havingaknackofturningourselvesoverwhenwe，attempttodoso。Weareasgreatfriendstohorses，hackney-coach，andotherwise，astherenownedMr。Martin，ofcostermonger，notoriety，andyetweneverride。Wekeepnohorse，butaclothes-
horse;enjoynosaddlesomuchasasaddleofmutton;and，followingourowninclinations，haveneverfollowedthehounds。
Leavingthesefleetermeansofgettingovertheground，orof，depositingoneselfuponit，tothosewholikethem，byhackney-
coachstandswetakeourstand。
Thereisahackney-coachstandundertheverywindowatwhichwe，arewriting;thereisonlyonecoachonitnow，butitisafair，specimenoftheclassofvehiclestowhichwehavealluded-a，great，lumbering，squareconcernofadingyyellowcolour(likea，biliousbrunette)，withverysmallglasses，butverylargeframes;
thepanelsareornamentedwithafadedcoatofarms，inshape，somethinglikeadissectedbat，theaxletreeisred，andthe，majorityofthewheelsaregreen。Theboxispartiallycoveredby，anoldgreat-coat，withamultiplicityofcapes，andsome，extraordinary-lookingclothes;andthestraw，withwhichthecanvas，cushionisstuffed，isstickingupinseveralplaces，asifin，rivalryofthehay，whichispeepingthroughthechinksinthe，boot。Thehorses，withdroopingheads，andeachwithamaneand，tailasscantyandstragglingasthoseofaworn-outrocking-horse，arestandingpatientlyonsomedampstraw，occasionallywincing，andrattlingtheharness;andnowandthen，oneofthemliftshis，mouthtotheearofhiscompanion，asifheweresaying，ina，whisper，thatheshouldliketoassassinatethecoachman。The，coachmanhimselfisinthewatering-house;andthewaterman，with，hishandsforcedintohispocketsasfarastheycanpossiblygo，isdancingthe’doubleshuffle，’infrontofthepump，tokeephis，feetwarm。
Theservant-girl，withthepinkribbons，atNo。5，opposite，suddenlyopensthestreet-door，andfoursmallchildrenforthwith，rushout，andscream’Coach！’withalltheirmightandmain。The，watermandartsfromthepump，seizesthehorsesbytheirrespective，bridles，anddragsthem，andthecoachtoo，roundtothehouse，shoutingallthetimeforthecoachmanattheverytop，orrather，verybottomofhisvoice，foritisadeepbassgrowl。Aresponse，isheardfromthetap-room;thecoachman，inhiswooden-soled，shoes，makesthestreetechoagainasherunsacrossit;andthen，thereissuchastruggling，andbacking，andgratingofthekennel，togetthecoach-dooroppositethehouse-door，thatthechildren，areinperfectecstasiesofdelight。Whatacommotion！，Theold，lady，whohasbeenstoppingthereforthelastmonth，isgoingback，tothecountry。Outcomesboxafterbox，andonesideofthe，vehicleisfilledwithluggageinnotime;thechildrengetinto，everybody’sway，andtheyoungest，whohasupsethimselfinhis，attemptstocarryanumbrella，isborneoffwoundedandkicking。
Theyoungstersdisappear，andashortpauseensues，duringwhich，theoldladyis，nodoubt，kissingthemallroundintheback，parlour。Sheappearsatlast，followedbyhermarrieddaughter，allthechildren，andboththeservants，who，withthejoint，assistanceofthecoachmanandwaterman，managetogethersafely，intothecoach。Acloakishandedin，andalittlebasket，which，wecouldalmostswearcontainsasmallblackbottle，andapaperof，sandwiches。Upgothesteps，banggoesthedoor，’Golden-cross，Charing-cross，Tom，’saysthewaterman;’Good-bye，grandma，’cry，thechildren，offjinglesthecoachattherateofthreemilesan，hour，andthemammaandchildrenretireintothehouse，withthe，exceptionofonelittlevillain，whorunsupthestreetatthetop，ofhisspeed，pursuedbytheservant;notill-pleasedtohavesuch，anopportunityofdisplayingherattractions。Shebringshimback，and，aftercastingtwoorthreegraciousglancesacrosstheway，whichareeitherintendedforusorthepotboy(wearenotquite，certainwhich)，shutsthedoor，andthehackney-coachstandis，againatastandstill。
Wehavebeenfrequentlyamusedwiththeintensedelightwithwhich，’aservantofallwork，’whoissentforacoach，depositsherself，inside;andtheunspeakablegratificationwhichboys，whohavebeen，despatchedonasimilarerrand，appeartoderivefrommountingthe，box。Butweneverrecollecttohavebeenmoreamusedwitha，hackney-coachparty，thanonewesawearlytheothermorningin，Tottenham-court-road。Itwasawedding-party，andemergedfromone，oftheinferiorstreetsnearFitzroy-square。Therewerethebride，withathinwhitedress，andagreatredface;andthebridesmaid，alittle，dumpy，good-humouredyoungwoman，dressed，ofcourse，in，thesameappropriatecostume;andthebridegroomandhischosen，friend，inbluecoats，yellowwaist-coats，whitetrousers，and，Berlinglovestomatch。Theystoppedatthecornerofthestreet，andcalledacoachwithanairofindescribabledignity。The，momenttheywerein，thebridesmaidthrewaredshawl，whichshe，had，nodoubt，broughtonpurpose，negligentlyoverthenumberon，thedoor，evidentlytodeludepedestriansintothebeliefthatthe，hackney-coachwasaprivatecarriage;andawaytheywent，perfectly，satisfiedthattheimpositionwassuccessful，andquiteunconscious，thattherewasagreatstaringnumberstuckupbehind，onaplate，aslargeasaschoolboy’sslate。Ashillingamile！-theridewas，worthfive，atleast，tothem。
Whataninterestingbookahackney-coachmightproduce，ifitcould，carryasmuchinitsheadasitdoesinitsbody！，The，autobiographyofabroken-downhackney-coach，wouldsurelybeas，amusingastheautobiographyofabroken-downhackneyeddramatist;
anditmighttellasmuchofitstravelsWITHthepole，asothers，haveoftheirexpeditionsTOit。Howmanystoriesmightberelated，ofthedifferentpeopleithadconveyedonmattersofbusinessor，profit-pleasureorpain！，Andhowmanymelancholytalesofthe，samepeopleatdifferentperiods！，Thecountry-girl-theshowy，over-dressedwoman-thedrunkenprostitute！，Therawapprentice-
thedissipatedspendthrift-thethief！
Talkofcabs！，Cabsareallverywellincasesofexpedition，when，it’samatterofneckornothing，lifeordeath，yourtemporary，homeoryourlongone。But，besidesacab’slackingthatgravity，ofdeportmentwhichsopeculiarlydistinguishesahackney-coach，letitneverbeforgottenthatacabisathingofyesterday，and，thatheneverwasanythingbetter。Ahackney-cabhasalwaysbeena，hackney-cab，fromhisfirstentryintolife;whereasahackney-
coachisaremnantofpastgentility，avictimtofashion，a，hanger-onofanoldEnglishfamily，wearingtheirarms，and，in，daysofyore，escortedbymenwearingtheirlivery，strippedofhis，finery，andthrownupontheworld，likeaonce-smartfootmanwhen，heisnolongersufficientlyjuvenileforhisoffice，progressing，lowerandlowerinthescaleoffour-wheeleddegradation，untilat，lastitcomesto-ASTAND！
CHAPTERVIII-DOCTORS’COMMONS
WalkingwithoutanydefiniteobjectthroughSt。Paul’sChurchyard，alittlewhileago，wehappenedtoturndownastreetentitled，’Paul’s-chain，’andkeepingstraightforwardforafewhundred，yards，foundourself，asanaturalconsequence，inDoctors’
Commons。NowDoctors’Commonsbeingfamiliarbynametoeverybody，astheplacewheretheygrantmarriage-licensestolove-sick，couples，anddivorcestounfaithfulones;registerthewillsof，peoplewhohaveanypropertytoleave，andpunishhastygentlemen，whocallladiesbyunpleasantnames，wenosoonerdiscoveredthat，wewerereallywithinitsprecincts，thanwefeltalaudabledesire，tobecomebetteracquaintedtherewith;andasthefirstobjectof，ourcuriositywastheCourt，whosedecreescanevenunloosethe，bondsofmatrimony，weprocuredadirectiontoit;andbentour，stepsthitherwithoutdelay。
Crossingaquietandshadycourt-yard，pavedwithstone，and，frowneduponbyoldredbrickhouses，onthedoorsofwhichwere，paintedthenamesofsundrylearnedcivilians，wepausedbeforea，small，green-baized，brass-headed-naileddoor，whichyieldingto，ourgentlepush，atonceadmittedusintoanoldquaint-looking，apartment，withsunkenwindows，andblackcarvedwainscoting，at，theupperendofwhich，seatedonaraisedplatform，of，semicircularshape，wereaboutadozensolemn-lookinggentlemen，in，crimsongownsandwigs。
Atamoreelevateddeskinthecentre，sataveryfatandred-faced，gentleman，intortoise-shellspectacles，whosedignifiedappearance，announcedthejudge;androundalonggreen-baizedtablebelow，somethinglikeabilliard-tablewithoutthecushionsandpockets，wereanumberofveryself-important-lookingpersonages，instiff，neckcloths，andblackgownswithwhitefurcollars，whomweatonce，setdownasproctors。Atthelowerendofthebilliard-tablewas，anindividualinanarm-chair，andawig，whomweafterwards，discoveredtobetheregistrar;andseatedbehindalittledesk，nearthedoor，werearespectable-lookingmaninblack，ofabout，twenty-stoneweightorthereabouts，andafat-faced，smirking，civil-lookingbody，inablackgown，blackkidgloves，kneeshorts，andsilks，withashirt-frillinhisbosom，curlsonhishead，and，asilverstaffinhishand，whomwehadnodifficultyin，recognisingastheofficeroftheCourt。Thelatter，indeed，speedilysetourmindatrestuponthispoint，for，advancingto，ourelbow，andopeningaconversationforthwith，hehad，communicatedtous，inlessthanfiveminutes，thathewasthe，apparitor，andtheotherthecourt-keeper;thatthiswastheArches，Court，andthereforethecounselworeredgowns，andtheproctors，furcollars;andthatwhentheotherCourtssatthere，theydidn’t，wearredgownsorfurcollarseither;withmanyotherscrapsof，intelligenceequallyinteresting。Besidesthesetwoofficers，therewasalittlethinoldman，withlonggrizzlyhair，crouched，inaremotecorner，whoseduty，ourcommunicativefriendinformed，us，wastoringalargehand-bellwhentheCourtopenedinthe，morning，andwho，foraughthisappearancebetokenedtothe，contrary，mighthavebeensimilarlyemployedforthelasttwo，centuriesatleast。
Thered-facedgentlemaninthetortoise-shellspectacleshadgot，allthetalktohimselfjustthen，andverywellhewasdoingit，too，onlyhespokeveryfast，butthatwashabit;andratherthick，butthatwasgoodliving。Sowehadplentyoftimetolookabout，us。Therewasoneindividualwhoamusedusmightily。Thiswasone，ofthebewiggedgentlemenintheredrobes，whowasstraddling，beforethefireinthecentreoftheCourt，intheattitudeofthe，brazenColossus，tothecompleteexclusionofeverybodyelse。He，hadgathereduphisrobebehind，inmuchthesamemannerasa，slovenlywomanwouldherpetticoatsonaverydirtyday，inorder，thathemightfeelthefullwarmthofthefire。Hiswigwasputon，allawry，withthetailstragglingabouthisneck;hisscantygrey，trousersandshortblackgaiters，madeintheworstpossiblestyle，importedanadditionalinelegantappearancetohisuncouthperson;
andhislimp，badly-starchedshirt-collaralmostobscuredhiseyes。
Weshallneverbeabletoclaimanycreditasaphysiognomist，again，for，afteracarefulscrutinyofthisgentleman’s，countenance，wehadcometotheconclusionthatitbespokenothing，butconceitandsilliness，whenourfriendwiththesilverstaff，whisperedinourearthathewasnootherthanadoctorofcivil，law，andheavenknowswhatbesides。Soofcourseweweremistaken，andhemustbeaverytalentedman。Heconcealsitsowellthough，-perhapswiththemercifulviewofnotastonishingordinarypeople，toomuch-thatyouwouldsupposehimtobeoneofthestupidest，dogsalive。
Thegentlemaninthespectacleshavingconcludedhisjudgment，and，afewminuteshavingbeenallowedtoelapse，toaffordtimeforthe，buzzoftheCourttosubside，theregistrarcalledonthenext，cause，whichwas’theofficeoftheJudgepromotedbyBumple，againstSludberry。’，AgeneralmovementwasvisibleintheCourt，atthisannouncement，andtheobligingfunctionarywithsilver，staffwhisperedusthat’therewouldbesomefunnow，forthiswas，abrawlingcase。’
Wewerenotrenderedmuchthewiserbythispieceofinformation，tillwefoundbytheopeningspeechofthecounselforthe，promoter，that，underahalf-obsoletestatuteofoneofthe，Edwards，thecourtwasempoweredtovisitwiththepenaltyof，excommunication，anypersonwhoshouldbeprovedguiltyofthe，crimeof’brawling，’or’smiting，’inanychurch，orvestry，adjoiningthereto;anditappeared，bysomeeight-and-twenty，affidavits，whichweredulyreferredto，thatonacertainnight，atacertainvestry-meeting，inacertainparishparticularlyset，forth，ThomasSludberry，thepartyappearedagainstinthatsuit，hadmadeuseof，andappliedtoMichaelBumple，thepromoter，the，words’Youbeblowed;’andthat，onthesaidMichaelBumpleand，othersremonstratingwiththesaidThomasSludberry，onthe，improprietyofhisconduct，thesaidThomasSludberryrepeatedthe，aforesaidexpression，’Youbeblowed;’andfurthermoredesiredand，requestedtoknow，whetherthesaidMichaelBumple’wantedanything，forhimself;’adding，’thatifthesaidMichaelBumpledidwant，anythingforhimself，he，thesaidThomasSludberry，wasthemanto，giveithim;’atthesametimemakinguseofotherheinousand，sinfulexpressions，allofwhich，Bumplesubmitted，camewithinthe，intentandmeaningoftheAct;andthereforehe，forthesoul’s，healthandchasteningofSludberry，prayedforsentenceof，excommunicationagainsthimaccordingly。
Uponthesefactsalongargumentwasenteredinto，onbothsides，tothegreatedificationofanumberofpersonsinterestedinthe，parochialsquabbles，whocrowdedthecourt;andwhensomeverylong，andgravespeecheshadbeenmadePROandCON，thered-faced，gentlemaninthetortoise-shellspectaclestookareviewofthe，case，whichoccupiedhalfanhourmore，andthenpronouncedupon，Sludberrytheawfulsentenceofexcommunicationforafortnight，andpaymentofthecostsofthesuit。Uponthis，Sludberry，who，wasalittle，red-faced，sly-looking，ginger-beerseller，addressed，thecourt，andsaid，ifthey’dbegoodenoughtotakeoffthe，costs，andexcommunicatehimforthetermofhisnaturallife，instead，itwouldbemuchmoreconvenienttohim，forheneverwent，tochurchatall。Tothisappealthegentlemaninthespectacles，madenootherreplythanalookofvirtuousindignation;and，Sludberryandhisfriendsretired。Asthemanwiththesilver，staffinformedusthatthecourtwasonthepointofrising，we，retiredtoo-pondering，aswewalkedaway，uponthebeautiful，spiritoftheseancientecclesiasticallaws，thekindand，neighbourlyfeelingstheyarecalculatedtoawaken，andthestrong，attachmenttoreligiousinstitutionswhichtheycannotfailto，engender。
Weweresolostinthesemeditations，thatwehadturnedintothe，street，andrunupagainstadoor-post，beforewerecollectedwhere，wewerewalking。Onlookingupwardstoseewhathousewehad，stumbledupon，thewords’Prerogative-Office，’writteninlarge，characters，metoureye;andaswewereinasight-seeinghumour，andtheplacewasapublicone，wewalkedin。
Theroomintowhichwewalked，wasalong，busy-lookingplace，partitionedoff，oneitherside，intoavarietyoflittleboxes，in，whichafewclerkswereengagedincopyingorexaminingdeeds。
Downthecentreoftheroomwereseveraldesksnearlybreasthigh，ateachofwhich，threeorfourpeoplewerestanding，poringover，largevolumes。Asweknewthattheyweresearchingforwills，they，attractedourattentionatonce。
Itwascurioustocontrastthelazyindifferenceoftheattorneys’
clerkswhoweremakingasearchforsomelegalpurpose，withthe，airofearnestnessandinterestwhichdistinguishedthestrangers，totheplace，whowerelookingupthewillofsomedeceased，relative;theformerpausingeverynowandthenwithanimpatient，yawn，orraisingtheirheadstolookatthepeoplewhopassedup，anddowntheroom;thelatterstoopingoverthebook，andrunning，downcolumnaftercolumnofnamesinthedeepestabstraction。
Therewasonelittledirty-facedmaninablueapron，whoaftera，wholemorning’ssearch，extendingsomefiftyyearsback，hadjust，foundthewilltowhichhewishedtorefer，whichoneofthe，officialswasreadingtohiminalowhurriedvoicefromathick，vellumbookwithlargeclasps。Itwasperfectlyevidentthatthe，moretheclerkread，thelessthemanwiththeblueapron，understoodaboutthematter。Whenthevolumewasfirstbrought，down，hetookoffhishat，smootheddownhishair，smiledwith，greatself-satisfaction，andlookedupinthereader’sfacewith，theairofamanwhohadmadeuphismindtorecollecteveryword，heheard。Thefirsttwoorthreelineswereintelligibleenough;
butthenthetechnicalitiesbegan，andthelittlemanbegantolook，ratherdubious。Thencameawholestringofcomplicatedtrusts，andhewasregularlyatsea。Asthereaderproceeded，itwasquite，apparentthatitwasahopelesscase，andthelittleman，withhis，mouthopenandhiseyesfixeduponhisface，lookedonwithan，expressionofbewildermentandperplexityirresistiblyludicrous。
Alittlefurtheron，ahard-featuredoldmanwithadeeply-wrinkled，face，wasintentlyperusingalengthywillwiththeaidofapair，ofhornspectacles：，occasionallypausingfromhistask，andslily，notingdownsomebriefmemorandumofthebequestscontainedinit。
Everywrinkleabouthistoothlessmouth，andsharpkeeneyes，told，ofavariceandcunning。Hisclotheswerenearlythreadbare，butit，waseasytoseethatheworethemfromchoiceandnotfrom，necessity;allhislooksandgesturesdowntotheverysmall，pinchesofsnuffwhichheeverynowandthentookfromalittletin，canister，toldofwealth，andpenury，andavarice。
Asheleisurelyclosedtheregister，putuphisspectacles，and，foldedhisscrapsofpaperinalargeleathernpocket-book，we，thoughtwhatanicehardbargainhewasdrivingwithsomepoverty-
strickenlegatee，who，tiredofwaitingyearafteryear，untilsome，life-interestshouldfallin，wassellinghischance，justasit，begantogrowmostvaluable，foratwelfthpartofitsworth。It，wasagoodspeculation-averysafeone。Theoldmanstowedhis，pocket-bookcarefullyinthebreastofhisgreat-coat，andhobbled，awaywithaleeroftriumph。Thatwillhadmadehimtenyears，youngeratthelowestcomputation。
Havingcommencedourobservations，weshouldcertainlyhave，extendedthemtoanotherdozenofpeopleatleast，hadnotasudden，shuttingupandputtingawayoftheworm-eatenoldbooks，warnedus，thatthetimeforclosingtheofficehadarrived;andthusdeprived，usofapleasure，andsparedourreadersaninfliction。
Wenaturallyfellintoatrainofreflectionaswewalked，homewards，uponthecuriousoldrecordsoflikingsanddislikings;
ofjealousiesandrevenges;ofaffectiondefyingthepowerof，death，andhatredpursuedbeyondthegrave，whichthese，depositoriescontain;silentbutstrikingtokens，someofthem，of，excellenceofheart，andnoblenessofsoul;melancholyexamples，others，oftheworstpassionsofhumannature。Howmanymenas，theylayspeechlessandhelplessonthebedofdeath，wouldhave，givenworldsbutforthestrengthandpowertoblotoutthesilent，evidenceofanimosityandbitterness，whichnowstandsregistered，againsttheminDoctors’Commons！
CHAPTERIX-LONDONRECREATIONS
Thewishofpersonsinthehumblerclassesoflife，toapethe，mannersandcustomsofthosewhomfortunehasplacedabovethem，is，oftenthesubjectofremark，andnotunfrequentlyofcomplaint。
Theinclinationmay，andnodoubtdoes，existtoagreatextent，amongthesmallgentility-thewould-bearistocrats-ofthe，middleclasses。Tradesmenandclerks，withfashionablenovel-
readingfamilies，andcirculating-library-subscribingdaughters，getupsmallassembliesinhumbleimitationofAlmack’s，and，promenadethedingy’largeroom’ofsomesecond-ratehotelwithas，muchcomplacencyastheenviablefewwhoareprivilegedtoexhibit，theirmagnificenceinthatexclusivehauntoffashionandfoolery。
Aspiringyoungladies，whoreadflamingaccountsofsome’fancy，fairinhighlife，’suddenlygrowdesperatelycharitable;visions，ofadmirationandmatrimonyfloatbeforetheireyes;some，wonderfullymeritoriousinstitution，which，bythestrangest，accidentintheworld，hasneverbeenheardofbefore，is，discoveredtobeinalanguishingcondition：，Thomson’sgreatroom，orJohnson’snursery-ground，isforthwithengaged，andthe，aforesaidyoungladies，frommerecharity，exhibitthemselvesfor，threedays，fromtwelvetofour，forthesmallchargeofone，shillingperhead！，Withtheexceptionoftheseclassesofsociety，however，andafewweakandinsignificantpersons，wedonotthink，theattemptatimitationtowhichwehavealluded，prevailsinany，greatdegree。Thedifferentcharacteroftherecreationsof，differentclasses，hasoftenaffordedusamusement;andwehave，chosenitforthesubjectofourpresentsketch，inthehopethat，itmaypossesssomeamusementforourreaders。
IftheregularCityman，wholeavesLloyd’satfiveo’clock，and，driveshometoHackney，Clapton，Stamford-hill，orelsewhere，can，besaidtohaveanydailyrecreationbeyondhisdinner，itishis，garden。Heneverdoesanythingtoitwithhisownhands;buthe，takesgreatprideinitnotwithstanding;andifyouaredesirousof，payingyouraddressestotheyoungestdaughter，besuretobein，raptureswitheveryflowerandshrubitcontains。Ifyourpoverty，ofexpressioncompelyoutomakeanydistinctionbetweenthetwo，wewouldcertainlyrecommendyourbestowingmoreadmirationonhis，gardenthanhiswine。Healwaystakesawalkroundit，beforehe，startsfortowninthemorning，andisparticularlyanxiousthat，thefish-pondshouldbekeptspeciallyneat。Ifyoucallonhimon，Sundayinsummer-time，aboutanhourbeforedinner，youwillfind，himsittinginanarm-chair，onthelawnbehindthehouse，witha，strawhaton，readingaSundaypaper。Ashortdistancefromhim，youwillmostlikelyobserveahandsomeparoquetinalargebrass-
wirecage;tentoonebutthetwoeldestgirlsareloiteringinone，ofthesidewalksaccompaniedbyacoupleofyounggentlemen，who，areholdingparasolsoverthem-ofcourseonlytokeepthesunoff，-whiletheyoungerchildren，withtheundernursery-maid，are，strollinglistlesslyabout，intheshade。Beyondtheseoccasions，hisdelightinhisgardenappearstoarisemorefromthe，consciousnessofpossessionthanactualenjoymentofit。Whenhe，drivesyoudowntodinneronaweek-day，heisratherfatiguedwith，theoccupationsofthemorning，andtolerablycrossintothe，bargain;butwhentheclothisremoved，andhehasdrankthreeor，fourglassesofhisfavouriteport，heorderstheFrenchwindowsof，hisdining-room(whichofcourselookintothegarden)tobe，opened，andthrowingasilkhandkerchiefoverhishead，andleaning，backinhisarm-chair，descantsatconsiderablelengthuponits，beauty，andthecostofmaintainingit。Thisistoimpressyou-
whoareayoungfriendofthefamily-withaduesenseofthe，excellenceofthegarden，andthewealthofitsowner;andwhenhe，hasexhaustedthesubject，hegoestosleep。
Thereisanotherandaverydifferentclassofmen，whose，recreationistheirgarden。Anindividualofthisclass，resides，someshortdistancefromtown-sayintheHampstead-road，orthe，Kilburn-road，oranyotherroadwherethehousesaresmalland，neat，andhavelittleslipsofbackgarden。Heandhiswife-who，isascleanandcompactalittlebodyashimself-haveoccupied，thesamehouseeversinceheretiredfrombusinesstwentyyears，ago。Theyhavenofamily。Theyoncehadason，whodiedatabout，fiveyearsold。Thechild’sportraithangsoverthemantelpiecein，thebestsitting-room，andalittlecartheusedtodrawabout，is，carefullypreservedasarelic。
Infineweathertheoldgentlemanisalmostconstantlyinthe，garden;andwhenitistoowettogointoit，hewilllookoutof，thewindowatit，bythehourtogether。Hehasalwayssomethingto，dothere，andyouwillseehimdigging，andsweeping，andcutting，andplanting，withmanifestdelight。Inspring-time，thereisno，endtothesowingofseeds，andstickinglittlebitsofwoodover，them，withlabels，whichlooklikeepitaphstotheirmemory;andin，theevening，whenthesunhasgonedown，theperseverancewith，whichhelugsagreatwatering-potaboutisperfectlyastonishing。
Theonlyotherrecreationhehas，isthenewspaper，whichhe，peruseseveryday，frombeginningtoend，generallyreadingthe，mostinterestingpiecesofintelligencetohiswife，during，breakfast。Theoldladyisveryfondofflowers，asthehyacinth-
glassesintheparlour-window，andgeranium-potsinthelittle，frontcourt，testify。Shetakesgreatprideinthegardentoo：
andwhenoneofthefourfruit-treesproducesratheralarger，gooseberrythanusual，itiscarefullypreservedunderawine-glass，onthesideboard，fortheedificationofvisitors，whoareduly，informedthatMr。So-and-soplantedthetreewhichproducedit，withhisownhands。Onasummer’sevening，whenthelarge，watering-pothasbeenfilledandemptiedsomefourteentimes，and，theoldcouplehavequiteexhaustedthemselvesbytrottingabout，youwillseethemsittinghappilytogetherinthelittle，summerhouse，enjoyingthecalmandpeaceofthetwilight，and，watchingtheshadowsastheyfalluponthegarden，andgradually，growingthickerandmoresombre，obscurethetintsoftheirgayest，flowers-nobademblemoftheyearsthathavesilentlyrolledover，theirheads，deadeningintheircoursethebrightesthuesofearly，hopesandfeelingswhichhavelongsincefadedaway。Theseare，theironlyrecreations，andtheyrequirenomore。Theyhavewithin，themselves，thematerialsofcomfortandcontent;andtheonly，anxietyofeach，istodiebeforetheother。
Thisisnoidealsketch。ThereUSEDtobemanyoldpeopleofthis，description;theirnumbersmayhavediminished，andmaydecrease，stillmore。Whetherthecoursefemaleeducationhastakenoflate，days-whetherthepursuitofgiddyfrivolities，andempty，nothings，hastendedtounfitwomenforthatquietdomesticlife，inwhichtheyshowfarmorebeautifullythaninthemostcrowded，assembly，isaquestionweshouldfeellittlegratificationin，discussing：，wehopenot。
Letusturnnow，toanotherportionoftheLondonpopulation，whose，recreationspresentaboutasstrongacontrastascanwellbe，conceived-wemeantheSundaypleasurers;andletusbegour，readerstoimaginethemselvesstationedbyoursideinsomewell-
knownrural’Tea-gardens。’
Theheatisintensethisafternoon，andthepeople，ofwhomthere，areadditionalpartiesarrivingeverymoment，lookaswarmasthe，tableswhichhavebeenrecentlypainted，andhavetheappearanceof，beingred-hot。Whatadustandnoise！，Menandwomen-boysand，girls-sweetheartsandmarriedpeople-babiesinarms，and，childreninchaises-pipesandshrimps-cigarsandperiwinkles-
teaandtobacco。Gentlemen，inalarmingwaistcoats，andsteel，watch-guards，promenadingabout，threeabreast，withsurprising，dignity(orasthegentlemaninthenextboxfacetiouslyobserves，’cuttingituncommonfat！’)-ladies，withgreat，long，white，pocket-handkerchiefslikesmalltable-cloths，intheirhands，chasingoneanotheronthegrassinthemostplayfuland，interestingmanner，withtheviewofattractingtheattentionof，theaforesaidgentlemen-husbandsinperspectiveorderingbottles，ofginger-beerfortheobjectsoftheiraffections，withalavish，disregardofexpense;andthesaidobjectswashingdownhuge，quantitiesof’shrimps’and’winkles，’withanequaldisregardof，theirownbodilyhealthandsubsequentcomfort-boys，withgreat，silkhatsjustbalancedonthetopoftheirheads，smokingcigars，andtryingtolookasiftheylikedthem-gentlemeninpinkshirts，andbluewaistcoats，occasionallyupsettingeitherthemselves，or，somebodyelse，withtheirowncanes。
Someofthefineryofthesepeopleprovokesasmile，buttheyare，allclean，andhappy，anddisposedtobegood-naturedandsociable。
Thosetwomotherly-lookingwomeninthesmartpelisses，whoare，chattingsoconfidentially，insertinga’ma’am’ateveryfourth，word，scrapedanacquaintanceaboutaquarterofanhourago：，it，originatedinadmirationofthelittleboywhobelongstooneof，them-thatdiminutivespecimenofmortalityinthethree-cornered，pinksatinhatwithblackfeathers。Thetwomeninthebluecoats，anddrabtrousers，whoarewalkingupanddown，smokingtheir，pipes，aretheirhusbands。Thepartyintheoppositeboxarea，prettyfairspecimenofthegeneralityofthevisitors。Theseare，thefatherandmother，andoldgrandmother：，ayoungmanandwoman，andanindividualaddressedbytheeuphonioustitleof’Uncle，Bill，’whoisevidentlythewitoftheparty。Theyhavesomehalf-
dozenchildrenwiththem，butitisscarcelynecessarytonotice，thefact，forthatisamatterofcoursehere。Everywomanin’the，gardens，’whohasbeenmarriedforanylengthoftime，musthave，hadtwinsontwoorthreeoccasions;itisimpossibletoaccount，fortheextentofjuvenilepopulationinanyotherway。
Observetheinexpressibledelightoftheoldgrandmother，atUncle，Bill’ssplendidjokeof’teaforfour：，bread-and-butterfor，forty;’andtheloudexplosionofmirthwhichfollowshiswafering，apaper’pigtail’onthewaiter’scollar。Theyoungmanis，evidently’keepingcompany’withUncleBill’sniece：，andUncle，Bill’shints-suchas’Don’tforgetmeatthedinner，youknow，’
’Ishalllookoutforthecake，Sally，’’I’llbegodfathertoyour，first-wagerit’saboy，’andsoforth，areequallyembarrassing，totheyoungpeople，anddelightfultotheelderones。Astothe，oldgrandmother，sheisinperfectecstasies，anddoesnothingbut，laughherselfintofitsofcoughing，untiltheyhavefinishedthe，’gin-and-waterwarmwith，’ofwhichUncleBillordered’glasses，round’aftertea，’justtokeepthenightairout，andtodoitup，comfortableandriglarartersitchanas-tonishinghotday！’
Itisgettingdark，andthepeoplebegintomove。Thefield，leadingtotownisquitefullofthem;thelittlehand-chaisesare，draggedwearilyalong，thechildrenaretired，andamusethemselves，andthecompanygenerallybycrying，orresorttothemuchmore，pleasantexpedientofgoingtosleep-themothersbegintowish，theywereathomeagain-sweetheartsgrowmoresentimentalthan，ever，asthetimeforpartingarrives-thegardenslookmournful，enough，bythelightofthetwolanternswhichhangagainstthe，treesfortheconvenienceofsmokers-andthewaiterswhohave，beenrunningaboutincessantlyforthelastsixhours，thinkthey，feelalittletired，astheycounttheirglassesandtheirgains。
CHAPTERX-THERIVER
’Areyoufondofthewater？’isaquestionveryfrequentlyasked，inhotsummerweather，byamphibious-lookingyoungmen。’Very，’is，thegeneralreply。’An’tyou？’-’Hardlyeveroffit，’isthe，response，accompaniedbysundryadjectives，expressiveofthe，speaker’sheartfeltadmirationofthatelement。Now，withall，respectfortheopinionofsocietyingeneral，andcutterclubsin，particular，wehumblysuggestthatsomeofthemostpainful，reminiscencesinthemindofeveryindividualwhohasoccasionally，disportedhimselfontheThames，mustbeconnectedwithhisaquatic，recreations。Whoeverheardofasuccessfulwater-party？-orto，putthequestioninastillmoreintelligibleform，whoeversaw，one？，Wehavebeenonwaterexcursionsoutofnumber，butwe，solemnlydeclarethatwecannotcalltomindonesingleoccasionof，thekind，whichwasnotmarkedbymoremiseriesthananyonewould，supposecouldbereasonablycrowdedintothespaceofsomeeightor，ninehours。Somethinghasalwaysgonewrong。Eitherthecorkof，thesalad-dressinghascomeout，orthemostanxiouslyexpected，memberofthepartyhasnotcomeout，orthemostdisagreeableman，incompanywouldcomeout，orachildortwohavefallenintothe，water，orthegentlemanwhoundertooktosteerhasendangered，everybody’slifealltheway，orthegentlemenwhovolunteeredto，rowhavebeen’outofpractice，’andperformedveryalarming，evolutions，puttingtheiroarsdownintothewaterandnotbeing，abletogetthemupagain，ortakingterrificpullswithoutputting，theminatall;ineithercase，pitchingoveronthebacksoftheir，headswithstartlingviolence，andexhibitingthesolesoftheir，pumpstothe’sitters’intheboat，inaveryhumiliatingmanner。
WegrantthatthebanksoftheThamesareverybeautifulat，RichmondandTwickenham，andotherdistanthavens，oftensought，thoughseldomreached;butfromthe’Red-us’backtoBlackfriars-
bridge，thesceneiswonderfullychanged。ThePenitentiaryisa，noblebuilding，nodoubt，andthesportiveyouthswho’goin’at，thatparticularpartoftheriver，onasummer’sevening，maybe，allverywellinperspective;butwhenyouareobligedtokeepin，shorecominghome，andtheyoungladieswillcolourup，andlook，perseveringlytheotherway，whilethemarrieddittoscough，slightly，andstareveryhardatthewater，youfeelawkward-
especiallyifyouhappentohavebeenattemptingthemostdistant，approachtosentimentality，foranhourortwopreviously。
Althoughexperienceandsufferinghaveproducedinourmindsthe，resultwehavejuststated，wearebynomeansblindtoaproper，senseofthefunwhichalooker-onmayextractfromtheamateursof，boating。WhatcanbemoreamusingthanSearle’syardonafine，Sundaymorning？，It’saRichmondtide，andsomedozenboatsare，preparingforthereceptionofthepartieswhohaveengagedthem。
TwoorthreefellowsingreatroughtrousersandGuernseyshirts，aregettingthemreadybyeasystages;nowcomingdowntheyard，withapairofscullsandacushion-thenhavingachatwiththe，’Jack，’who，likeallhistribe，seemstobewhollyincapableof，doinganythingbutloungingabout-thengoingbackagain，and，returningwitharudder-lineandastretcher-thensolacing，themselveswithanotherchat-andthenwondering，withtheirhands，intheircapaciouspockets，’wherethemgentlemen’sgottoas，orderedthesix。’，Oneofthese，theheadman，withthelegsofhis，trouserscarefullytuckedupatthebottom，toadmitthewater，we，presume-foritisanelementinwhichheisinfinitelymoreat，homethanonland-isquiteacharacter，andshareswiththe，defunctoyster-swallowerthecelebratednameof’Dando。’，Watch，him，astakingafewminutes’respitefromhistoils，he，negligentlyseatshimselfontheedgeofaboat，andfanshisbroad，bushychestwithacapscarcelyhalfsofurry。Lookathis，magnificent，thoughreddishwhiskers，andmarkthesomewhatnative，humourwithwhichhe’chaffs’theboysand’prentices，orcunningly，gammonsthegen’lm’nintothegiftofaglassofgin，ofwhichwe，verilybelieveheswallowsinonedayasmuchasanysixordinary，men，withouteverbeingoneatomtheworseforit。
Butthepartyarrives，andDando，relievedfromhisstateof，uncertainty，startsupintoactivity。Theyapproachinfull，aquaticcostume，withroundbluejackets，stripedshirts，andcaps，ofallsizesandpatterns，fromthevelvetskull-capofFrench，manufacture，totheeasyhead-dressfamiliartothestudentsofthe，oldspelling-books，ashaving，ontheauthorityoftheportrait，formedpartofthecostumeoftheReverendMr。Dilworth。
ThisisthemostamusingtimetoobservearegularSundaywater-
party。Therehasevidentlybeenuptothisperiodno，inconsiderabledegreeofboastingoneverybody’spartrelativeto，hisknowledgeofnavigation;thesightofthewaterrapidlycools，theircourage，andtheairofself-denialwithwhicheachofthem，insistsonsomebodyelse’stakinganoar，isperfectlydelightful。
Atlength，afteragreatdealofchangingandfidgeting，consequent，upontheelectionofastroke-oar：，theinabilityofonegentleman，topullonthisside，ofanothertopullonthat，andofathirdto，pullatall，theboat’screwareseated。’Shoveheroff！’cries，thecockswain，wholooksaseasyandcomfortableasifhewere，steeringintheBayofBiscay。Theorderisobeyed;theboatis，immediatelyturnedcompletelyround，andproceedstowards，Westminster-bridge，amidstsuchasplashingandstrugglingasnever，wasseenbefore，exceptwhentheRoyalGeorgewentdown。’Back，wa’ater，sir，’shoutsDando，’Backwa’ater，yousir，aft;’upon，whicheverybodythinkinghemustbetheindividualreferredto，theyallbackwater，andbackcomestheboat，sternfirst，tothe，spotwhenceitstarted。’Backwater，yousir，aft;pullround，you，sir，for’ad，can’tyou？’shoutsDando，inafrenzyofexcitement。
’Pullround，Tom，can’tyou？’re-echoesoneoftheparty。’Tom，an’tfor’ad，’repliesanother。’Yes，heis，’criesathird;and，theunfortunateyoungman，attheimminentriskofbreakinga，blood-vessel，pullsandpulls，untiltheheadoftheboatfairly，liesinthedirectionofVauxhall-bridge。’That’sright-nowpull，allonyou！’shoutsDandoagain，adding，inanunder-tone，to，somebodybyhim，’BlowedifheverIseesichasetofmuffs！’and，awayjogstheboatinazigzagdirection，everyoneofthesixoars，dippingintothewateratadifferenttime;andtheyardisonce，moreclear，untilthearrivalofthenextparty。
Awell-contestedrowing-matchontheThames，isaverylivelyand，interestingscene。Thewaterisstuddedwithboatsofallsorts，kinds，anddescriptions;placesinthecoal-bargesatthedifferent，wharfsarelettocrowdsofspectators，beerandtobaccoflow，freelyabout;men，women，andchildrenwaitforthestartin，breathlessexpectation;cuttersofsixandeightoarsglidegently，upanddown，waitingtoaccompanytheirPROTEGESduringtherace;
bandsofmusicaddtotheanimation，ifnottotheharmonyofthe，scene;groupsofwatermenareassembledatthedifferentstairs，discussingthemeritsoftherespectivecandidates;andtheprize，wherry，whichisrowedslowlyaboutbyapairofsculls，isan，objectofgeneralinterest。
Twoo’clockstrikes，andeverybodylooksanxiouslyinthedirection，ofthebridgethroughwhichthecandidatesfortheprizewillcome，-half-pasttwo，andthegeneralattentionwhichhasbeenpreserved，solongbeginstoflag，whensuddenlyagunisheard，andanoise，ofdistanthurra’ingalongeachbankoftheriver-everyheadis，bentforward-thenoisedrawsnearerandnearer-theboatswhich，havebeenwaitingatthebridgestartbrisklyuptheriver，anda，well-mannedgalleyshootsthroughthearch，thesitterscheeringon，theboatsbehindthem，whicharenotyetvisible。
’Heretheyare，’isthegeneralcry-andthroughdartsthefirst，boat，themeninher，strippedtotheskin，andexertingevery，muscletopreservetheadvantagetheyhavegained-fourother，boatsfollowcloseastern;therearenottwoboats’lengthbetween，them-theshoutingistremendous，andtheinterestintense。’Go，on，Pink’-’Giveither，Red’-’Sulliwinforever’-’Bravo！
George’-’Now，Tom，now-now-now-whydon’tyourpartner，stretchout？’-’TwopotstoapintonYellow，’&c。&c。Every，littlepublic-housefiresitsgun，andhoistsitsflag;andthemen，whowintheheat，comein，amidstasplashingandshouting，and，bangingandconfusion，whichnoonecanimaginewhohasnot，witnessedit，andofwhichanydescriptionwouldconveyavery，faintidea。
Oneofthemostamusingplacesweknowisthesteam-wharfofthe，LondonBridge，orSt。Katharine’sDockCompany，onaSaturday，morninginsummer，whentheGravesendandMargatesteamersare，usuallycrowdedtoexcess;andaswehavejusttakenaglanceat，theriverabovebridge，wehopeourreaderswillnotobjectto，accompanyusonboardaGravesendpacket。
Coachesareeverymomentsettingdownattheentrancetothewharf，andthestareofbewilderedastonishmentwithwhichthe’fares’
resignthemselvesandtheirluggageintothehandsoftheporters，whoseizeallthepackagesatonceasamatterofcourse，andrun，awaywiththem，heavenknowswhere，islaughableintheextreme。A
Margateboatliesalongsidethewharf，theGravesendboat(which，startsfirst)liesalongsidethatagain;andasatemporary，communicationisformedbetweenthetwo，bymeansofaplankand，hand-rail，thenaturalconfusionofthesceneisbynomeans，diminished。
’Gravesend？’inquiresastoutfatherofastoutfamily，whofollow，him，undertheguidanceoftheirmother，andaservant，attheno，smallriskoftwoorthreeofthembeingleftbehindinthe，confusion。’Gravesend？’
’Passon，ifyouplease，sir，’repliestheattendant-’otherboat，sir。’
Hereuponthestoutfather，beingrathermystified，andthestout，motherratherdistractedbymaternalanxiety，thewholeparty，depositthemselvesintheMargateboat，andafterhaving，congratulatedhimselfonhavingsecuredverycomfortableseats，the，stoutfathersalliestothechimneytolookforhisluggage，which，hehasafaintrecollectionofhavinggivensomeman，something，to，takesomewhere。Noluggage，however，bearingthemostremote，resemblancetohisown，inshapeorform，istobediscovered;on，whichthestoutfathercallsveryloudlyforanofficer，towhomhe，statesthecase，inthepresenceofanotherfatherofanother，family-alittlethinman-whoentirelyconcurswithhim(the，stoutfather)inthinkingthatit’shightimesomethingwasdone，withthesesteamcompanies，andthatastheCorporationBillfailed，todoit，somethingelsemust;forreallypeople’spropertyisnot，tobesacrificedinthisway;andthatiftheluggageisn’t，restoredwithoutdelay，hewilltakecareitshallbeputinthe，papers，forthepublicisnottobethevictimofthesegreat，monopolies。Tothis，theofficer，inhisturn，replies，thatthat，company，eversinceithasbeenSt。Kat’rine’sDockCompany，has，protectedlifeandproperty;thatifithadbeentheLondonBridge，WharfCompany，indeed，heshouldn’thavewondered，seeingthatthe，moralityofthatcompany(theybeingtheopposition)can’tbe，answeredfor，bynoone;butasitis，he’sconvincedtheremustbe，somemistake，andhewouldn’tmindmakingasolemnoathaforea，magistratethatthegentleman’llfindhisluggageaforehegetsto，Margate。
Herethestoutfather，thinkingheismakingacapitalpoint，replies，thatasithappens，heisnotgoingtoMargateatall，and，that’PassengertoGravesend’wasontheluggage，inlettersof，fulltwoincheslong;onwhichtheofficerrapidlyexplainsthe，mistake，andthestoutmother，andthestoutchildren，andthe，servant，arehurriedwithallpossibledespatchonboardthe，Gravesendboat，whichtheyreachedjustintimetodiscoverthat，theirluggageisthere，andthattheircomfortableseatsarenot。
Thenthebell，whichisthesignalfortheGravesendboatstarting，beginstoringmostfuriously：，andpeoplekeeptimetothebell，byrunninginandoutofourboatatadouble-quickpace。Thebell，stops;theboatstarts：，peoplewhohavebeentakingleaveoftheir，friendsonboard，arecarriedawayagainsttheirwill;andpeople，whohavebeentakingleaveoftheirfriendsonshore，findthat，theyhaveperformedaveryneedlessceremony，inconsequenceof，theirnotbeingcarriedawayatall。Theregularpassengers，who，haveseasontickets，gobelowtobreakfast;peoplewhohave，purchasedmorningpapers，composethemselvestoreadthem;and，peoplewhohavenotbeendowntheriverbefore，thinkthatboththe，shippingandthewater，lookagreatdealbetteratadistance。
WhenwegetdownaboutasfarasBlackwall，andbegintomoveata，quickerrate，thespiritsofthepassengersappeartorisein，proportion。Oldwomenwhohavebroughtlargewickerhand-baskets，withthem，setseriouslytoworkatthedemolitionofheavy，sandwiches，andpassroundawine-glass，whichisfrequently，replenishedfromaflatbottlelikeastomach-warmer，with，considerableglee：，handingitfirsttothegentlemaninthe，foraging-cap，whoplaystheharp-partlyasanexpressionof，satisfactionwithhispreviousexertions，andpartlytoinducehim，toplay’Dumbledumbdeary，’for’Alick’todanceto;whichbeing，done，Alick，whoisadampearthychildinredworstedsocks，takes，certainsmalljumpsuponthedeck，totheunspeakablesatisfaction，ofhisfamilycircle。Girlswhohavebroughtthefirstvolumeof，somenewnovelintheirreticule，becomeextremelyplaintive，and，expatiatetoMr。Brown，oryoungMr。O’Brien，whohasbeenlooking，overthem，onthebluenessofthesky，andbrightnessofthewater;
onwhichMr。BrownorMr。O’Brien，asthecasemaybe，remarksina，lowvoicethathehasbeenquiteinsensibleoflatetothebeauties，ofnature，thathiswholethoughtsandwisheshavecentredinone，objectalone-whereupontheyoungladylooksup，andfailingin，herattempttoappearunconscious，looksdownagain;andturnsover，thenextleafwithgreatdifficulty，inordertoaffordopportunity，foralengthenedpressureofthehand。
Telescopes，sandwiches，andglassesofbrandy-and-watercold，without，begintobeingreatrequisition;andbashfulmenwhohave，beenlookingdownthehatchwayattheengine，find，totheirgreat，relief，asubjectonwhichtheycanconversewithoneanother-and，acopiousonetoo-Steam。
’Wonderfulthingsteam，sir。’，’Ah！(adeep-drawnsigh)itis，indeed，sir。’，’Greatpower，sir。’，’Immense-immense！’，’Great，dealdonebysteam，sir。’，’Ah！(anothersighattheimmensityof，thesubject，andaknowingshakeofthehead)youmaysaythat，sir。’，’Stillinitsinfancy，theysay，sir。’，Novelremarksof，thiskind，aregenerallythecommencementofaconversationwhich，isprolongeduntiltheconclusionofthetrip，and，perhaps，lays，thefoundationofaspeakingacquaintancebetweenhalf-a-dozen，gentlemen，who，havingtheirfamiliesatGravesend，takeseason，ticketsfortheboat，anddineonboardregularlyeveryafternoon。
CHAPTERXI-ASTLEY’S
Weneverseeanyverylarge，staring，blackRomancapitals，ina，book，orshop-window，orplacardedonawall，withouttheir，immediatelyrecallingtoourmindanindistinctandconfused，recollectionofthetimewhenwewerefirstinitiatedinthe，mysteriesofthealphabet。Wealmostfancyweseethepin’spoint，followingtheletter，toimpressitsformmorestronglyonour，bewilderedimagination;andwinceinvoluntarily，aswerememberthe，hardknuckleswithwhichthereverendoldladywhoinstilledinto，ourmindthefirstprinciplesofeducationforninepenceperweek，ortenandsixpenceperquarter，waswonttopokeourjuvenilehead，occasionally，bywayofadjustingtheconfusionofideasinwhich，weweregenerallyinvolved。Thesamekindoffeelingpursuesusin，manyotherinstances，butthereisnoplacewhichrecallsso，stronglyourrecollectionsofchildhoodasAstley’s。Itwasnota，’RoyalAmphitheatre’inthosedays，norhadDucrowarisentoshed，thelightofclassictasteandportablegasoverthesawdustofthe，circus;butthewholecharacteroftheplacewasthesame，the，pieceswerethesame，theclown’sjokeswerethesame，theriding-
masterswereequallygrand，thecomicperformersequallywitty，the，tragediansequallyhoarse，andthe’highly-trainedchargers’
equallyspirited。Astley’shasalteredforthebetter-wehave，changedfortheworse。Ourhistrionictasteisgone，andwith，shameweconfess，thatwearefarmoredelightedandamusedwith，theaudience，thanwiththepageantryweoncesohighly，appreciated。
WeliketowatcharegularAstley’spartyintheEasteror，Midsummerholidays-paandma，andnineortenchildren，varying，fromfivefootsixtotwofooteleven：，fromfourteenyearsofage，tofour。Wehadjusttakenourseatinoneoftheboxes，inthe，centreofthehouse，theothernight，whenthenextwasoccupiedby，justsuchapartyasweshouldhaveattemptedtodescribe，hadwe，depictedourBEAUIDEALofagroupofAstley’svisitors。
Firstofall，therecamethreelittleboysandalittlegirl，who，inpursuanceofpa’sdirections，issuedinaveryaudiblevoice，fromthebox-door，occupiedthefrontrow;thentwomorelittle，girlswereusheredinbyayounglady，evidentlythegoverness。