第4章
Thencamethreemorelittleboys，dressedlikethefirst，inblue，jacketsandtrousers，withlay-downshirt-collars：，thenachildin，abraidedfrockandhighstateofastonishment，withverylarge，roundeyes，openedtotheirutmostwidth，wasliftedovertheseats，-aprocesswhichoccasionedaconsiderabledisplayoflittlepink，legs-thencamemaandpa，andthentheeldestson，aboyof，fourteenyearsold，whowasevidentlytryingtolookasifhedid，notbelongtothefamily。
Thefirstfiveminuteswereoccupiedintakingtheshawlsoffthe，littlegirls，andadjustingthebowswhichornamentedtheirhair;
thenitwasprovidentiallydiscoveredthatoneofthelittleboys，wasseatedbehindapillarandcouldnotsee，sothegovernesswas，stuckbehindthepillar，andtheboyliftedintoherplace。Then，padrilledtheboys，anddirectedthestowingawayoftheirpocket-
handkerchiefs，andmahavingfirstnoddedandwinkedtothe，governesstopullthegirls’frocksalittlemoreofftheir，shoulders，stooduptoreviewthelittletroop-aninspection，whichappearedtoterminatemuchtoherownsatisfaction，forshe，lookedwithacomplacentairatpa，whowasstandingupatthe，furtherendoftheseat。Pareturnedtheglance，andblewhisnose，veryemphatically;andthepoorgovernesspeepedoutfrombehind，thepillar，andtimidlytriedtocatchma’seye，withalook，expressiveofherhighadmirationofthewholefamily。Thentwoof，thelittleboyswhohadbeendiscussingthepointwhetherAstley’s，wasmorethantwiceaslargeasDruryLane，agreedtoreferitto，’George’forhisdecision;atwhich’George，’whowasnootherthan，theyounggentlemanbeforenoticed，waxedindignant，and，remonstratedinnoverygentletermsonthegrossimproprietyof，havinghisnamerepeatedinsoloudavoiceatapublicplace，on，whichallthechildrenlaughedveryheartily，andoneofthelittle，boyswoundupbyexpressinghisopinion，that’Georgebeganto，thinkhimselfquiteamannow，’whereuponbothpaandmalaughed，too;andGeorge(whocarriedadresscaneandwascultivating，whiskers)mutteredthat’Williamalwayswasencouragedinhis，impertinence;’andassumedalookofprofoundcontempt，which，lastedthewholeevening。
Theplaybegan，andtheinterestofthelittleboysknewnobounds。
Pawasclearlyinterestedtoo，althoughheveryunsuccessfully，endeavouredtolookasifhewasn’t。Asforma，shewasperfectly，overcomebythedrolleryoftheprincipalcomedian，andlaughed，tilleveryoneoftheimmensebowsonheramplecaptrembled，at，whichthegovernesspeepedoutfrombehindthepillaragain，and，whenevershecouldcatchma’seye，putherhandkerchieftoher，mouth，andappeared，asindutybound，tobeinconvulsionsof，laughteralso。Thenwhenthemaninthesplendidarmourvowedto，rescuetheladyorperishintheattempt，thelittleboysapplauded，vehemently，especiallyonelittlefellowwhowasapparentlyona，visittothefamily，andhadbeencarryingonachild’sflirtation，thewholeevening，withasmallcoquetteoftwelveyearsold，who，lookedlikeamodelofhermammaonareducedscale;andwho，in，commonwiththeotherlittlegirls(whogenerallyspeakinghave，evenmorecoquettishnessaboutthemthanmucholderones)，looked，veryproperlyshocked，whentheknight’ssquirekissedthe，princess’sconfidentialchambermaid。
Whenthescenesinthecirclecommenced，thechildrenweremore，delightedthanever;andthewishtoseewhatwasgoingforward，completelyconqueringpa’sdignity，hestoodupinthebox，and，applaudedasloudlyasanyofthem。Betweeneachfeatof，horsemanship，thegovernessleantacrosstoma，andretailedthe，cleverremarksofthechildrenonthatwhichhadpreceded：，andma，intheopennessofherheart，offeredthegovernessanacidulated，drop，andthegoverness，gratifiedtobetakennoticeof，retired，behindherpillaragainwithabrightercountenance：，andthewhole，partyseemedquitehappy，excepttheexquisiteinthebackofthe，box，who，beingtoograndtotakeanyinterestinthechildren，and，tooinsignificanttobetakennoticeofbyanybodyelse，occupied，himself，fromtimetotime，inrubbingtheplacewherethewhiskers，oughttobe，andwascompletelyaloneinhisglory。
WedefyanyonewhohasbeentoAstley’stwoorthreetimes，andis，consequentlycapableofappreciatingtheperseverancewithwhich，preciselythesamejokesarerepeatednightafternight，andseason，afterseason，nottobeamusedwithonepartoftheperformancesat，least-wemeanthescenesinthecircle。Forourself，weknow，thatwhenthehoop，composedofjetsofgas，isletdown，the，curtaindrawnupfortheconvenienceofthehalf-priceontheir，ejectmentfromthering，theorange-peelclearedaway，andthe，sawdustshaken，withmathematicalprecision，intoacomplete，circle，wefeelasmuchenlivenedastheyoungestchildpresent;
andactuallyjoininthelaughwhichfollowstheclown’sshrill，shoutof’Hereweare！’justforoldacquaintance’sake。Norcan，wequitedivestourselfofouroldfeelingofreverenceforthe，riding-master，whofollowstheclownwithalongwhipinhishand，andbowstotheaudiencewithgracefuldignity。Heisnoneofyour，second-rateriding-mastersinnankeendressing-gowns，withbrown，frogs，buttheregulargentleman-attendantontheprincipalriders，whoalwayswearsamilitaryuniformwithatable-clothinsidethe，breastofthecoat，inwhichcostumeheforciblyremindsoneofa，fowltrussedforroasting。Heis-butwhyshouldweattemptto，describethatofwhichnodescriptioncanconveyanadequateidea？
Everybodyknowstheman，andeverybodyremembershispolished，boots，hisgracefuldemeanour，stiff，assomemisjudgingpersons，haveintheirjealousyconsideredit，andthesplendidheadof，blackhair，partedhighontheforehead，toimparttothe，countenanceanappearanceofdeepthoughtandpoeticmelancholy。
Hissoftandpleasingvoice，too，isinperfectunisonwithhis，noblebearing，ashehumourstheclownbyindulginginalittle，badinage;andthestrikingrecollectionofhisowndignity，with，whichheexclaims，’Now，sir，ifyouplease，inquireforMiss，Woolford，sir，’canneverbeforgotten。Thegracefulair，too，withwhichheintroducesMissWoolfordintothearena，and，after，assistinghertothesaddle，followsherfairycourserroundthe，circle，canneverfailtocreateadeepimpressioninthebosomof，everyfemaleservantpresent。
WhenMissWoolford，andthehorse，andtheorchestra，allstop，togethertotakebreath，heurbanelytakespartinsomesuch，dialogueasthefollowing(commencedbytheclown)：，’Isay，sir！’-
’Well，sir？’(it’salwaysconductedinthepolitestmanner。)-
’DidyoueverhappentohearIwasinthearmy，sir？’-’No，sir。’-
’Oh，yes，sir-Icangothroughmyexercise，sir。’-’Indeed，sir！’-’ShallIdoitnow，sir？’-’Ifyouplease，sir;come，sir，-makehaste’(acutwiththelongwhip，and’Ha’donenow-I
don’tlikeit，’fromtheclown)。Heretheclownthrowshimselfon，theground，andgoesthroughavarietyofgymnasticconvulsions，doublinghimselfup，anduntyinghimselfagain，andmakinghimself，lookverylikeamaninthemosthopelessextremeofhumanagony，tothevociferousdelightofthegallery，untilheisinterrupted，byasecondcutfromthelongwhip，andarequesttosee’whatMiss，Woolford’sstoppingfor？’，Onwhich，totheinexpressiblemirthof，thegallery，heexclaims，’Now，MissWoolford，whatcanIcomefor，togo，fortofetch，fortobring，fortocarry，fortodo，for，you，ma’am？’，Onthelady’sannouncingwithasweetsmilethatshe，wantsthetwoflags，theyare，withsundrygrimaces，procuredand，handedup;theclownfacetiouslyobservingaftertheperformanceof，thelatterceremony-’He，he，oh！，Isay，sir，MissWoolfordknows，me;shesmiledatme。’，Anothercutfromthewhip，aburstfromthe，orchestra，astartfromthehorse，androundgoesMissWoolford，againonhergracefulperformance，tothedelightofeverymember，oftheaudience，youngorold。Thenextpauseaffordsan，opportunityforsimilarwitticisms，theonlyadditionalfunbeing，thatoftheclownmakingludicrousgrimacesattheriding-master，everytimehisbackisturned;andfinallyquittingthecircleby，jumpingoverhishead，havingpreviouslydirectedhisattention，anotherway。
Didanyofourreadersevernoticetheclassofpeople，whohang，aboutthestage-doorsofourminortheatresinthedaytime？，You，willrarelypassoneoftheseentranceswithoutseeingagroupof，threeorfourmenconversingonthepavement，withanindescribable，public-house-parlourswagger，andakindofconsciousair，peculiar，topeopleofthisdescription。Theyalwaysseemtothinktheyare，exhibiting;thelampsareeverbeforethem。Thatyoungfellowin，thefadedbrowncoat，andveryfulllightgreentrousers，pulls，downthewristbandsofhischeckshirt，asostentatiouslyasifit，wereofthefinestlinen，andcocksthewhitehatofthesummer-
before-lastasknowinglyoverhisrighteye，asifitwerea，purchaseofyesterday。LookatthedirtywhiteBerlingloves，and，thecheapsilkhandkerchiefstuckinthebosomofhisthreadbare，coat。Isitpossibletoseehimforaninstant，andnotcometo，theconclusionthatheisthewalkinggentlemanwhowearsablue，surtout，cleancollar，andwhitetrousers，forhalfanhour，and，thenshrinksintohisworn-outscantyclothes：，whohastoboast，nightafternightofhissplendidfortune，withthepainful，consciousnessofapounda-weekandhisbootstofind;totalkof，hisfather’smansioninthecountry，withadrearyrecollectionof，hisowntwo-pairback，intheNewCut;andtobeenviedand，flatteredasthefavouredloverofarichheiress，rememberingall，thewhilethattheex-dancerathomeisinthefamilyway，andout，ofanengagement？
Nexttohim，perhaps，youwillseeathinpaleman，withavery，longface，inasuitofshiningblack，thoughtfullyknockingthat，partofhisbootwhichoncehadaheel，withanashstick。Heis，themanwhodoestheheavybusiness，suchasprosyfathers，virtuousservants，curates，landlords，andsoforth。
Bytheway，talkingoffathers，weshouldverymuchliketosee，somepieceinwhichallthedramatispersonaewereorphans。
Fathersareinvariablygreatnuisancesonthestage，andalways，havetogivetheheroorheroinealongexplanationofwhatwas，donebeforethecurtainrose，usuallycommencingwith’Itisnow，nineteenyears，mydearchild，sinceyourblessedmother(herethe，oldvillain’svoicefalters)confidedyoutomycharge。Youwere，thenaninfant，’&c。&c。Orelsetheyhavetodiscover，allofa，sudden，thatsomebodywhomtheyhavebeeninconstantcommunication，with，duringthreelongacts，withouttheslightestsuspicion，is，theirownchild：，inwhichcasetheyexclaim，’Ah！whatdoIsee？
Thisbracelet！，Thatsmile！，Thesedocuments！，Thoseeyes！，CanI
believemysenses？-Itmustbe！-Yes-itis，itismychild！’-
’Myfather！’exclaimsthechild;andtheyfallintoeachother’s，arms，andlookovereachother’sshoulders，andtheaudiencegive，threeroundsofapplause。
Toreturnfromthisdigression，wewereabouttosay，thatthese，arethesortofpeoplewhomyouseetalking，andattitudinising，outsidethestage-doorsofourminortheatres。AtAstley’sthey，arealwaysmorenumerousthanatanyotherplace。Thereis，generallyagroomortwo，sittingonthewindow-sill，andtwoor，threedirtyshabby-genteelmenincheckedneckerchiefs，andsallow，linen，loungingabout，andcarrying，perhaps，underonearm，apair，ofstageshoesbadlywrappedupinapieceofoldnewspaper。Some，yearsagoweusedtostandlooking，open-mouthed，atthesemen，withafeelingofmysteriouscuriosity，theveryrecollectionof，whichprovokesasmileatthemomentwearewriting。Wecouldnot，believethatthebeingsoflightandelegance，inmilk-white，tunics，salmon-colouredlegs，andbluescarfs，whoflittedonsleek，cream-colouredhorsesbeforeoureyesatnight，withalltheaidof，lights，music，andartificialflowers，couldbethepale，dissipated-lookingcreatureswebeheldbyday。
Wecanhardlybelieveitnow。Ofthelowerclassofactorswehave，seensomething，anditrequiresnogreatexerciseofimaginationto，identifythewalkinggentlemanwiththe’dirtyswell，’thecomic，singerwiththepublic-housechairman，ortheleadingtragedian，withdrunkennessanddistress;buttheseothermenaremysterious，beings，neverseenoutofthering，neverbeheldbutinthecostume，ofgodsandsylphs。WiththeexceptionofDucrow，whocanscarcely，beclassedamongthem，whoeverknewarideratAstley’s，orsaw，himbutonhorseback？，Canourfriendinthemilitaryuniformever，appearinthreadbareattire，ordescendtothecomparativelyun-
waddedcostumeofevery-daylife？，Impossible！，Wecannot-wewill，not-believeit。
CHAPTERXII-GREENWICHFAIR
IftheParksbe’thelungsofLondon，’wewonderwhatGreenwich，Fairis-aperiodicalbreakingout，wesuppose，asortofspring-
rash：，athreedays’fever，whichcoolsthebloodforsixmonths，afterwards，andattheexpirationofwhichLondonisrestoredto，itsoldhabitsofploddingindustry，assuddenlyandcompletelyas，ifnothinghadeverhappenedtodisturbthem。
Inourearlierdays，wewereaconstantfrequenterofGreenwich，Fair，foryears。Wehaveproceededto，andreturnedfromit，in，almosteverydescriptionofvehicle。Wecannotconscientiously，denythechargeofhavingoncemadethepassageinaspring-van，accompaniedbythirteengentlemen，fourteenladies，anunlimited，numberofchildren，andabarrelofbeer;andwehaveavague，recollectionofhaving，inlaterdays，foundourselftheeighth，outside，onthetopofahackney-coach，atsomethingpastfour，o’clockinthemorning，witharatherconfusedideaofourown，name，orplaceofresidence。Wehavegrownoldersincethen，and，quiet，andsteady：，likingnothingbetterthantospendourEaster，andallourotherholidays，insomequietnook，withpeopleofwhom，weshallnevertire;butwethinkwestillremembersomethingof，GreenwichFair，andofthosewhoresorttoit。Atalleventswe，willtry。
TheroadtoGreenwichduringthewholeofEasterMonday，isina，stateofperpetualbustleandnoise。Cabs，hackney-coaches，’shay’
carts，coal-waggons，stages，omnibuses，sociables，gigs，donkey-
chaises-allcrammedwithpeople(forthequestionneveris，what，thehorsecandraw，butwhatthevehiclewillhold)，rollalongat，theirutmostspeed;thedustfliesinclouds，ginger-beercorksgo，offinvolleys，thebalconyofeverypublic-houseiscrowdedwith，people，smokinganddrinking，halftheprivatehousesareturned，intotea-shops，fiddlesareingreatrequest，everylittlefruit-
shopdisplaysitsstallofgiltgingerbreadandpennytoys;
turnpikemenareindespair;horseswon’tgoon，andwheelswill，comeoff;ladiesin’carawans’screamwithfrightateveryfresh，concussion，andtheiradmirersfinditnecessarytositremarkably，closetothem，bywayofencouragement;servants-of-all-work，who，arenotallowedtohavefollowers，andhavegotaholidayforthe，day，makethemostoftheirtimewiththefaithfuladmirerwho，waitsforastoleninterviewatthecornerofthestreetevery，night，whentheygotofetchthebeer-apprenticesgrow，sentimental，andstraw-bonnetmakerskind。Everybodyisanxiousto，geton，andactuatedbythecommonwishtobeatthefair，orin，thepark，assoonaspossible。
Pedestrianslingeringroupsattheroadside，unabletoresistthe，allurementsofthestoutproprietressofthe’Jack-in-the-box，threeshiesapenny，’orthemoresplendidoffersofthemanwith，threethimblesandapeaonalittleroundboard，whoastonishes，thebewilderedcrowdwithsomesuchaddressas，’Here’sthesorto’
gametomakeyoulaughsevenyearsarteryou’redead，andturn，ev’ryaironyouredgrayvithdelight！，Threethimblesandvun，littlepea-withavun，two，three，andatwo，three，vun：，catch，himwhocan，lookon，keepyoureyesopen，andniversaydie！niver，mindthechange，andtheexpense：，allfairandaboveboard：，them，asdon’tplaycan’tvin，andluckattendtheryalsportsman！，Bet，anygen’lm’nanysumofmoney，fromharf-a-crownuptoasuverin，ashedoesn’tnamethethimbleaskiversthepea！’，Heresome，greenhornwhispershisfriendthathedistinctlysawthepearoll，underthemiddlethimble-animpressionwhichisimmediately，confirmedbyagentlemanintop-boots，whoisstandingby，andwho，inalowtone，regretshisowninabilitytobet，inconsequenceof，havingunfortunatelylefthispurseathome，butstronglyurgesthe，strangernottoneglectsuchagoldenopportunity。The’plant’is，successful，thebetismade，thestrangerofcourseloses：，andthe，gentlemanwiththethimblesconsoleshim，ashepocketsthemoney，withanassurancethatit’s’allthefortinofwar！thistimeI
vin，nexttimeyouvin：，nivermindthelossoftwobobanda，bender！，Doitupinasmallparcel，andbreakoutinafresh，place。Here’sthesorto’game，’&c-andtheeloquentharangue，withsuchvariationsasthespeaker’sexuberantfancysuggests，is，againrepeatedtothegapingcrowd，reinforcedbytheaccessionof，severalnew-comers。
Thechiefplaceofresortinthedaytime，afterthepublic-houses，isthepark，inwhichtheprincipalamusementistodragyoung，ladiesupthesteephillwhichleadstotheObservatory，andthen，dragthemdownagain，attheverytopoftheirspeed，greatlyto，thederangementoftheircurlsandbonnet-caps，andmuchtothe，edificationoflookers-onfrombelow。’KissintheRing，’and，’ThreadingmyGrandmother’sNeedle，’too，aresportswhichreceive，theirfullshareofpatronage。Love-sickswains，underthe，influenceofgin-and-water，andthetenderpassion，become，violentlyaffectionate：，andthefairobjectsoftheirregard，enhancethevalueofstolenkisses，byavastdealofstruggling，andholdingdownofheads，andcriesof’Oh！，Ha’done，then，George-Oh，doticklehimforme，Mary-Well，Inever！’and，similarLucretianejaculations。Littleoldmenandwomen，witha，smallbasketunderonearm，andawine-glass，withoutafoot，in，theotherhand，tender’adropo’therightsort’tothedifferent，groups;andyoungladies，whoarepersuadedtoindulgeinadropof，theaforesaidrightsort，displayapleasingdegreeofreluctance，totasteit，andcoughafterwardswithgreatpropriety。
Theoldpensioners，who，forthemoderatechargeofapenny，exhibitthemast-house，theThamesandshipping，theplacewhere，themenusedtohanginchains，andotherinterestingsights，throughatelescope，areaskedquestionsaboutobjectswithinthe，rangeoftheglass，whichitwouldpuzzleaSolomontoanswer;and，requestedtofindoutparticularhousesinparticularstreets，whichitwouldhavebeenataskofsomedifficultyforMr。Horner，(nottheyounggentlemanwhoatemince-pieswithhisthumb，butthe，manofColosseumnotoriety)todiscover。Hereandthere，where，somethreeorfourcouplearesittingonthegrasstogether，you，willseeasun-burntwomaninaredcloak’tellingfortunes’and，prophesyinghusbands，whichitrequiresnoextraordinary，observationtodescribe，fortheoriginalsarebeforeher。
Thereupon，theladyconcernedlaughsandblushes，andultimately，buriesherfaceinanimitationcambrichandkerchief，andthe，gentlemandescribedlooksextremelyfoolish，andsqueezesherhand，andfeesthegipsyliberally;andthegipsygoesaway，perfectly，satisfiedherself，andleavingthosebehindherperfectlysatisfied，also：，andtheprophecy，likemanyotherpropheciesofgreater，importance，fulfilsitselfintime。
Butitgrowsdark：，thecrowdhasgraduallydispersed，andonlya，fewstragglersareleftbehind。Thelightinthedirectionofthe，churchshowsthatthefairisilluminated;andthedistantnoise，provesittobefillingfast。Thespot，whichhalfanhouragowas，ringingwiththeshoutsofboisterousmirth，isascalmandquiet，asifnothingcouldeverdisturbitsserenity：，thefineoldtrees，themajesticbuildingattheirfeet，withthenobleriverbeyond，glisteninginthemoonlight，appearinalltheirbeauty，andunder，theirmostfavourableaspect;thevoicesoftheboys，singingtheir，eveninghymn，arebornegentlyontheair;andthehumblest，mechanicwhohasbeenlingeringonthegrasssopleasanttothe，feetthatbeatthesamedullroundfromweektoweekinthepaved，streetsofLondon，feelsproudtothinkashesurveysthescene，beforehim，thathebelongstothecountrywhichhasselectedsuch，aspotasaretreatforitsoldestandbestdefendersinthe，declineoftheirlives。
Fiveminutes’walkingbringsyoutothefair;ascenecalculatedto，awakenverydifferentfeelings。Theentranceisoccupiedoneither，sidebythevendorsofgingerbreadandtoys：，thestallsaregaily，lightedup，themostattractivegoodsprofuselydisposed，and，unbonnetedyoungladies，intheirzealfortheinterestoftheir，employers，seizeyoubythecoat，andusealltheblandishmentsof，’Do，dear’-’There’salove’-’Don’tbecross，now，’&c。to，induceyoutopurchasehalfapoundoftherealspicenuts，of，whichthemajorityoftheregularfair-goerscarryapoundortwo，asapresentsupply，tiedupinacottonpocket-handkerchief。
Occasionallyyoupassadealtable，onwhichareexposedpen’orths，ofpickledsalmon(fennelincluded)，inlittlewhitesaucers：
oysters，withshellsaslargeascheese-plates，anddivers，specimensofaspeciesofsnail(WILKS，wethinktheyarecalled)，floatinginasomewhatbilious-lookinggreenliquid。Cigars，too，areingreatdemand;gentlemenmustsmoke，ofcourse，andherethey，are，twoapenny，inaregularauthenticcigar-box，withalighted，tallowcandleinthecentre。
Imagineyourselfinanextremelydensecrowd，whichswingsyouto，andfro，andinandout，andeverywaybuttherightone;addto，thisthescreamsofwomen，theshoutsofboys，theclangingof，gongs，thefiringofpistols，theringingofbells，thebellowings，ofspeaking-trumpets，thesqueakingofpennydittos，thenoiseofa，dozenbands，withthreedrumsineach，allplayingdifferenttunes，atthesametime，thehallooingofshowmen，andanoccasionalroar，fromthewild-beastshows;andyouareintheverycentreandheart，ofthefair。
Thisimmensebooth，withthelargestageinfront，sobrightly，illuminatedwithvariegatedlamps，andpotsofburningfat，is，’Richardson’s，’whereyouhaveamelodrama(withthreemurdersand，aghost)，apantomime，acomicsong，anoverture，andsome，incidentalmusic，alldoneinfive-and-twentyminutes。
Thecompanyarenowpromenadingoutsideinallthedignityofwigs，spangles，red-ochre，andwhitening。Seewithwhataferociousair，thegentlemanwhopersonatestheMexicanchief，pacesupanddown，andwithwhataneyeofcalmdignitytheprincipaltragediangazes，onthecrowdbelow，orconversesconfidentiallywiththeharlequin！
Thefourclowns，whoareengagedinamockbroadswordcombat，may，beallverywellforthelow-mindedholiday-makers;buttheseare，thepeopleforthereflectiveportionofthecommunity。Theylook，sonobleinthoseRomandresses，withtheiryellowlegsandarms，longblackcurlyheads，bushyeyebrows，andscowlexpressiveof，assassination，andvengeance，andeverythingelsethatisgrandand，solemn。Then，theladies-werethereeversuchinnocentand，awful-lookingbeings;astheywalkupanddowntheplatformintwos，andthrees，withtheirarmsroundeachother’swaists，orleaning，forsupportononeofthosemajesticmen！，Theirspangledmuslin，dressesandbluesatinshoesandsandals(aLEETLEtheworsefor，wear)aretheadmirationofallbeholders;andtheplayfulmanner，inwhichtheychecktheadvancesoftheclown，isperfectly，enchanting。
’Justa-goingtobegin！，Praycomefor’erd，comefor’erd，’exclaims，themaninthecountryman’sdress，fortheseventiethtime：，and，peopleforcetheirwayupthestepsincrowds。Thebandsuddenly，strikesup，theharlequinandcolumbinesettheexample，reelsare，formedinlessthannotime，theRomanheroesplacetheirarmsa-
kimbo，anddancewithconsiderableagility;andtheleadingtragic，actress，andthegentlemanwhoenactsthe’swell’inthepantomime，footittoperfection。’Allintobegin，’shoutsthemanager，when，nomorepeoplecanbeinducedto’comefor’erd，’andawayrushthe，leadingmembersofthecompanytodothedreadfulinthefirst，piece。
Achangeofperformancetakesplaceeverydayduringthefair，but，thestoryofthetragedyisalwaysprettymuchthesame。Thereis，arightfulheir，wholovesayounglady，andisbelovedbyher;and，awrongfulheir，wholoveshertoo，andisn’tbelovedbyher;and，thewrongfulheirgetsholdoftherightfulheir，andthrowshim，intoadungeon，justtokillhimoffwhenconvenient，forwhich，purposehehiresacoupleofassassins-agoodoneandabadone-
who，themomenttheyareleftalone，getupalittlemurderon，theirownaccount，thegoodonekillingthebadone，andthebad，onewoundingthegoodone。Thentherightfulheirisdiscoveredin，prison，carefullyholdingalongchaininhishands，andseated，despondinglyinalargearm-chair;andtheyoungladycomesinto，twobarsofsoftmusic，andembracestherightfulheir;andthen，thewrongfulheircomesintotwobarsofquickmusic(technically，called’ahurry’)，andgoesoninthemostshockingmanner，throwingtheyoungladyaboutasifshewasnobody，andcallingthe，rightfulheir’Ar-recreant-ar-wretch！’inaveryloudvoice，whichanswersthedoublepurposeofdisplayinghispassion，and，preventingthesoundbeingdeadenedbythesawdust。Theinterest，becomesintense;thewrongfulheirdrawshissword，andrusheson，therightfulheir;abluesmokeisseen，agongisheard，anda，tallwhitefigure(whohasbeenallthistime，behindthearm-
chair，coveredoverwithatable-cloth)，slowlyrisestothetune，of’Oftinthestillynight。’，Thisisnootherthantheghostof，therightfulheir’sfather，whowaskilledbythewrongfulheir’s，father，atsightofwhichthewrongfulheirbecomesapoplectic，and，isliterally’struckallofaheap，’thestagenotbeinglarge，enoughtoadmitofhisfallingdownatfulllength。Thenthegood，assassinstaggersin，andsayshewashiredinconjunctionwiththe，badassassin，bythewrongfulheir，tokilltherightfulheir;and，he’skilledagoodmanypeopleinhistime，buthe’sverysorryfor，it，andwon’tdosoanymore-apromisewhichheimmediately，redeems，bydyingoffhandwithoutanynonsenseaboutit。Thenthe，rightfulheirthrowsdownhischain;andthentwomen，asailor，andayoungwoman(thetenantryoftherightfulheir)comein，and，theghostmakesdumbmotionstothem，whichthey，bysupernatural，interference，understand-fornooneelsecan;andtheghost(who，can’tdoanythingwithoutbluefire)blessestherightfulheirand，theyounglady，byhalfsuffocatingthemwithsmoke：，andthena，muffin-bellrings，andthecurtaindrops。
Theexhibitionsnextinpopularitytotheseitineranttheatresare，thetravellingmenageries，or，tospeakmoreintelligibly，the，’Wild-beastshows，’whereamilitarybandinbeef-eater’scostume，withleopard-skincaps，playincessantly;andwherelargehighly-
colouredrepresentationsoftigerstearingmen’sheadsopen，anda，lionbeingburntwithred-hotironstoinducehimtodrophis，victim，arehungupoutside，bywayofattractingvisitors。
Theprincipalofficerattheseplacesisgenerallyaverytall，hoarseman，inascarletcoat，withacaneinhishand，withwhich，heoccasionallyrapsthepictureswehavejustnoticed，bywayof，illustratinghisdescription-somethinginthisway。’Here，here，here;thelion，thelion(tap)，exactlyasheisrepresentedonthe，canvasoutside(threetaps)：，nowaiting，remember;nodeception。
Thefe-ro-ciouslion(tap，tap)whobitoffthegentleman’shead，lastCambervelvosatwelvemonth，andhaskilledontheawerage，threekeepersa-yeareversincehearrivedatmatoority。Noextra，chargeonthisaccountrecollect;thepriceofadmissionisonly，sixpence。’，Thisaddressneverfailstoproduceaconsiderable，sensation，andsixpencesflowintothetreasurywithwonderful，rapidity。
Thedwarfsarealsoobjectsofgreatcuriosity，andasadwarf，a，giantess，alivingskeleton，awildIndian，’ayoungladyof，singularbeauty，withperfectlywhitehairandpinkeyes，’andtwo，orthreeothernaturalcuriosities，areusuallyexhibitedtogether，forthesmallchargeofapenny，theyattractverynumerous，audiences。Thebestthingaboutadwarfis，thathehasalwaysa，littlebox，abouttwofeetsixincheshigh，intowhich，bylong，practice，hecanjustmanagetoget，bydoublinghimselfuplikea，boot-jack;thisboxispaintedoutsidelikeasix-roomedhouse，and，asthecrowdseehimringabell，orfireapistoloutofthe，first-floorwindow，theyverilybelievethatitishisordinary，townresidence，dividedlikeothermansionsintodrawing-rooms，dining-parlour，andbedchambers。Shutupinthiscase，the，unfortunatelittleobjectisbroughtouttodelightthethrongby，holdingafacetiousdialoguewiththeproprietor：，inthecourseof，which，thedwarf(whoisalwaysparticularlydrunk)pledgeshimself，tosingacomicsonginside，andpaysvariouscomplimentstothe，ladies，whichinducethemto’comefor’erd’withgreatalacrity。
Asagiantisnotsoeasilymoved，apairofindescribablesofmost，capaciousdimensions，andahugeshoe，areusuallybroughtout，intowhichtwoorthreestoutmengetallatonce，tothe，enthusiasticdelightofthecrowd，whoarequitesatisfiedwiththe，solemnassurancethatthesehabilimentsformpartofthegiant’s，everydaycostume。
Thegrandestandmostnumerously-frequentedboothinthewhole，fair，however，is’TheCrownandAnchor’-atemporaryball-room-
weforgethowmanyhundredfeetlong，thepriceofadmissionto，whichisoneshilling。Immediatelyonyourrighthandasyou，enter，afterpayingyourmoney，isarefreshmentplace，atwhich，coldbeef，roastandboiled，Frenchrolls，stout，wine，tongue，ham，evenfowls，ifwerecollectright，aredisplayedintempting，array。Thereisaraisedorchestra，andtheplaceisboardedall，thewaydown，inpatches，justwideenoughforacountrydance。
ThereisnomasteroftheceremoniesinthisartificialEden-all，isprimitive，unreserved，andunstudied。Thedustisblinding，the，heatinsupportable，thecompanysomewhatnoisy，andinthehighest，spiritspossible：，theladies，intheheightoftheirinnocent，animation，dancinginthegentlemen’shats，andthegentlemen，promenading’thegayandfestivescene’intheladies’bonnets，or，withthemoreexpensiveornamentsoffalsenoses，andlow-crowned，tinder-box-lookinghats：，playingchildren’sdrums，andaccompanied，byladiesonthepennytrumpet。
Thenoiseofthesevariousinstruments，theorchestra，the，shouting，the’scratchers，’andthedancing，isperfectly，bewildering。Thedancing，itself，beggarsdescription-every，figurelastsaboutanhour，andtheladiesbounceupanddownthe，middle，withadegreeofspiritwhichisquiteindescribable。As，tothegentlemen，theystamptheirfeetagainsttheground，every，time’handsfourround’begins，godownthemiddleandupagain，withcigarsintheirmouths，andsilkhandkerchiefsintheirhands，andwhirltheirpartnersround，nothingloth，scramblingand，falling，andembracing，andknockingupagainsttheothercouples，untiltheyarefairlytiredout，andcanmovenolonger。Thesame，sceneisrepeatedagainandagain(slightlyvariedbyanoccasional，’row’)untilalatehouratnight：，andagreatmanyclerksand，’prenticesfindthemselvesnextmorningwithachingheads，empty，pockets，damagedhats，andaveryimperfectrecollectionofhowit，wastheydidNOTgethome。
CHAPTERXIII-PRIVATETHEATRES
’RICHARDTHETHIRD-DUKEOFGLO’STER2L。;EARLOFRICHMOND，1L;
DUKEOFBUCKINGHAM，15S。;CATESBY，12S。;TRESSEL，10S。6D。;LORD
STANLEY，5S。;LORDMAYOROFLONDON，2S。6D。’
Sucharethewrittenplacardswaferedupinthegentlemen’s，dressing-room，orthegreen-room(wherethereisany)，ataprivate，theatre;andsucharethesumsextractedfromtheshop-till，or，overchargedintheofficeexpenditure，bythedonkeyswhoare，prevailedupontopayforpermissiontoexhibittheirlamentable，ignoranceandboobyismonthestageofaprivatetheatre。This，theydo，inproportiontothescopeaffordedbythecharacterfor，thedisplayoftheirimbecility。Forinstance，theDukeof，Glo’steriswellworthtwopounds，becausehehasitallto，himself;hemustweararealsword，andwhatisbetterstill，he，mustdrawit，severaltimesinthecourseofthepiece。The，soliloquiesalonearewellworthfifteenshillings;thenthereis，thestabbingKingHenry-decidedlycheapatthree-and-sixpence，that’seighteen-and-sixpence;bullyingthecoffin-bearers-say，eighteen-pence，thoughit’sworthmuchmore-that’sapound。Then，thelovescenewithLadyAnn，andthebustleofthefourthact，can’tbedearattenshillingsmore-that’sonlyonepoundten，includingthe’offwithhishead！’-whichissuretobringdown，theapplause，anditisveryeasytodo-’Orfwithhised’(very，quickandloud;-thenslowandsneeringly)-’SomuchforBu-u-u-
uckingham！’，Laytheemphasisonthe’uck;’getyourselfgradually，intoacorner，andworkwithyourrighthand，whileyou’resaying，it，asifyouwerefeelingyourway，andit’ssuretodo。Thetent，sceneisconfessedlyworthhalf-a-sovereign，andsoyouhavethe，fightin，gratis，andeverybodyknowswhataneffectmaybe，producedbyagoodcombat。One-two-three-four-over;then，one-two-three-four-under;thenthrust;thendodgeandslide，about;thenfalldownononeknee;thenfightuponit，andthenget，upagainandstagger。Youmaykeepondoingthis，aslongasit，seemstotake-saytenminutes-andthenfalldown(backwards，if，youcanmanageitwithouthurtingyourself)，anddiegame：，nothing，likeitforproducinganeffect。TheyalwaysdoitatAstley’sand，Sadler’sWells，andiftheydon’tknowhowtodothissortof，thing，whointheworlddoes？，Asmallchild，orafemaleinwhite，increasestheinterestofacombatmaterially-indeed，wearenot，awarethataregularlegitimateterrificbroadswordcombatcouldbe，donewithout;butitwouldberatherdifficult，andsomewhat，unusual，tointroducethiseffectinthelastsceneofRichardthe，Third，sotheonlythingtobedone，is，justtomakethebestofa，badbargain，andbeaslongaspossiblefightingitout。
Theprincipalpatronsofprivatetheatresaredirtyboys，low，copying-clerks，inattorneys’offices，capacious-headedyouthsfrom，citycounting-houses，Jewswhosebusiness，aslendersoffancy，dresses，isasurepassporttotheamateurstage，shop-boyswhonow，andthenmistaketheirmasters’moneyfortheirown;andachoice，miscellanyofidlevagabonds。Theproprietorofaprivatetheatre，maybeanex-scene-painter，alowcoffee-house-keeper，a，disappointedeighth-rateactor，aretiredsmuggler，or，uncertificatedbankrupt。ThetheatreitselfmaybeinCatherine-
street，Strand，thepurlieusofthecity，theneighbourhoodof，Gray’s-inn-lane，orthevicinityofSadler’sWells;oritmay，perhaps，formthechiefnuisanceofsomeshabbystreet，onthe，SurreysideofWaterloo-bridge。
Theladyperformerspaynothingfortheircharacters，anditis，needlesstoadd，areusuallyselectedfromoneclassofsociety;
theaudiencesarenecessarilyofmuchthesamecharacterasthe，performers，whoreceive，inreturnfortheircontributionstothe，management，ticketstotheamountofthemoneytheypay。
AlltheminortheatresinLondon，especiallythelowest，constitute，thecentreofalittlestage-struckneighbourhood。Eachofthem，hasanaudienceexclusivelyitsown;andatanyyouwillsee，droppingintothepitathalf-price，orswaggeringintothebackof，abox，ifthepriceofadmissionbeareducedone，diversboysof，fromfifteentotwenty-oneyearsofage，whothrowbacktheircoat，andturnuptheirwristbands，aftertheportraitsofCountD’Orsay，humtunesandwhistlewhenthecurtainisdown，bywayof，persuadingthepeoplenearthem，thattheyarenotatallanxious，tohaveitupagain，andspeakfamiliarlyoftheinferior，performersasBillSuch-a-one，andNedSo-and-so，ortelleach，otherhowanewpiececalledTHEUNKNOWNBANDITOFTHEINVISIBLE
CAVERN，isinrehearsal;howMisterPalmeristoplayTHEUNKNOWN
BANDIT;howCharleyScartonistotakethepartofanEnglish，sailor，andfightabroadswordcombatwithsixunknownbandits，at，oneandthesametime(onetheatricalsailorisalwaysequalto，halfadozenmenatleast);howMisterPalmerandCharleyScarton，aretogothroughadoublehornpipeinfettersinthesecondact;
howtheinterioroftheinvisiblecavernistooccupythewhole，extentofthestage;andothertown-surprisingtheatrical，announcements。Thesegentlemenaretheamateurs-theRICHARDS，SHYLOCKS，BEVERLEYS，andOTHELLOS-theYOUNGDORNTONS，ROVERS，CAPTAINABSOLUTES，andCHARLESSURFACES-aprivatetheatre。
Seethemattheneighbouringpublic-houseorthetheatricalcoffee-
shop！，Theyarethekingsoftheplace，supposingnoreal，performerstobepresent;androllabout，hatsononeside，and，armsa-kimbo，asiftheyhadactuallycomeintopossessionof，eighteenshillingsa-week，andashareofaticketnight。Ifone，ofthemdoesbutknowanAstley’ssupernumeraryheisahappy，fellow。Themingledairofenvyandadmirationwithwhichhis，companionswillregardhim，asheconversesfamiliarlywithsome，mouldy-lookingmaninafancyneckerchief，whosepartiallycorked，eyebrows，andhalf-rougedface，testifytothefactofhishaving，justleftthestageorthecircle，sufficientlyshowsinwhathigh，admirationthesepubliccharactersareheld。
Withthedoubleviewofguardingagainstthediscoveryoffriends，oremployers，andenhancingtheinterestofanassumedcharacter，byattachingahigh-soundingnametoitsrepresentative，these，geniusesassumefictitiousnames，whicharenottheleastamusing，partoftheplay-billofaprivatetheatre。Belville，Melville，Treville，Berkeley，Randolph，Byron，St。Clair，andsoforth，are，amongthehumblest;andthelessimposingtitlesofJenkins，Walker，Thomson，Barker，Solomons，&c。arecompletelylaidaside。
Thereissomethingimposinginthis，anditisanexcellentapology，forshabbinessintothebargain。Ashrunken，fadedcoat，adecayed，hat，apatchedandsoiledpairoftrousers-nay，evenaverydirty，shirt(andnoneoftheseappearancesareveryuncommonamongthe，membersoftheCORPSDRAMATIQUE)，maybewornforthepurposeof，disguise，andtopreventtheremotestchanceofrecognition。Then，itpreventsanytroublesomeinquiriesorexplanationsabout，employmentandpursuits;everybodyisagentlemanatlarge，forthe，occasion，andtherearenoneofthoseunpleasantandunnecessary，distinctionstowhichevengeniusmustoccasionallysuccumb，elsewhere。Astotheladies(Godblessthem)，theyarequiteabove，anyformalabsurdities;themerecircumstanceofyourbeingbehind，thescenesisasufficientintroductiontotheirsociety-forof，coursetheyknowthatnonebutstrictlyrespectablepersonswould，beadmittedintothatclosefellowshipwiththem，whichacting，engenders。Theyplaceimplicitrelianceonthemanager，nodoubt;
andastothemanager，heisallaffabilitywhenheknowsyouwell，-or，inotherwords，whenhehaspocketedyourmoneyonce，and，entertainsconfidenthopesofdoingsoagain。
Aquarterbeforeeight-therewillbeafullhouseto-night-six，partiesintheboxes，already;fourlittleboysandawomaninthe，pit;andtwofiddlesandafluteintheorchestra，whohavegot，throughfiveoverturessinceseveno’clock(thehourfixedforthe，commencementoftheperformances)，andhavejustbegunthesixth。
Therewillbeplentyofit，though，whenitdoesbegin，forthere，isenoughinthebilltolastsixhoursatleast。
Thatgentlemaninthewhitehatandcheckedshirt，browncoatand，brassbuttons，loungingbehindthestage-boxontheO。P。side，is，Mr。HoratioSt。Julien，aliasJemLarkins。Hislineisgenteel，comedy-hisfather’s，coalandpotato。HeDOESAlfredHighflier，inthelastpiece，andverywellhe’lldoit-attheprice。The，partyofgentlemenintheoppositebox，towhomhehasjustnodded，arefriendsandsupportersofMr。Beverley(otherwiseLoggins)，the，MACBETHofthenight。Youobservetheirattemptstoappeareasy，andgentlemanly，eachmemberoftheparty，withhisfeetcocked，uponthecushioninfrontofthebox！，Theyletthemdothese，thingshere，uponthesamehumaneprinciplewhichpermitspoor，people’schildrentoknockdoubleknocksatthedoorofanempty，house-becausetheycan’tdoitanywhereelse。Thetwostoutmen，inthecentrebox，withanopera-glassostentatiouslyplacedbefore，them，arefriendsoftheproprietor-opulentcountrymanagers，as，heconfidentiallyinformseveryindividualamongthecrewbehind，thecurtain-opulentcountrymanagerslookingoutforrecruits;a，representationwhichMr。Nathan，thedresser，whoisinthe，manager’sinterest，andhasjustarrivedwiththecostumes，offers，toconfirmuponoathifrequired-corroborativeevidence，however，isquiteunnecessary，forthegullsbelieveitatonce。
ThestoutJewesswhohasjustentered，isthemotherofthepale，bonylittlegirl，withthenecklaceofblueglassbeads，sittingby，her;sheisbeingbroughtupto’theprofession。’，Pantomimeisto，beherline，andsheiscomingoutto-night，inahornpipeafter，thetragedy。TheshortthinmanbesideMr。St。Julien，whosewhite，faceissodeeplysearedwiththesmall-pox，andwhosedirtyshirt-
frontisinlaidwithopen-work，andembossedwithcoralstudslike，ladybirds，isthelowcomedianandcomicsingerofthe，establishment。Theremainderoftheaudience-atolerably，numerousonebythistime-areamotleygroupofdupesand，blackguards。
Thefoot-lightshavejustmadetheirappearance：，thewicksofthe，sixlittleoillampsroundtheonlytierofboxes，arebeingturned，up，andtheadditionallightthusaffordedservestoshowthe，presenceofdirt，andabsenceofpaint，whichformsaprominent，featureintheaudiencepartofthehouse。Asthesepreparations，however，announcethespeedycommencementoftheplay，letustake，apeep’behind，’previoustotheringing-up。
Thelittlenarrowpassagesbeneaththestageareneitherespecially，cleannortoobrilliantlylighted;andtheabsenceofanyflooring，togetherwiththedampmildewysmellwhichpervadestheplace，does，notconduceinanygreatdegreetotheircomfortableappearance。
Don’tfalloverthisplatebasket-it’soneofthe’properties’-
thecaldronforthewitches’cave;andthethreeuncouth-looking，figures，withbrokenclothes-propsintheirhands，whoaredrinking，gin-and-wateroutofapintpot，aretheweirdsisters。This，miserableroom，lightedbycandlesinsconcesplacedatlengthened，intervalsroundthewall，isthedressing-room，commontothe，gentlemenperformers，andthesquareholeintheceilingisTHE
trap-doorofthestageabove。Youwillobservethattheceilingis，ornamentedwiththebeamsthatsupporttheboards，andtastefully，hungwithcobwebs。
Thecharactersinthetragedyarealldressed，andtheirown，clothesarescatteredinhurriedconfusionoverthewoodendresser，whichsurroundstheroom。Thatsnuff-shop-lookingfigure，infront，oftheglass，isBANQUO，andtheyoungladywiththeliberal，displayoflegs，whoiskindlypaintinghisfacewithahare’s，foot，isdressedforFLEANCE。Thelargewoman，whoisconsulting，thestagedirectionsinCumberland’seditionofMACBETH，isthe，LADYMACBETHofthenight;sheisalwaysselectedtoplaythepart，becausesheistallandstout，andLOOKSalittlelikeMrs。Siddons，-ataconsiderabledistance。Thatstupid-lookingmilksop，with，lighthairandbowlegs-akindofmanwhomyoucanwarranttown-
made-isfreshcaught;heplaysMALCOLMto-night，justtoaccustom，himselftoanaudience。Hewillgetonbetterbydegrees;hewill，playOTHELLOinamonth，andinamonthmore，willveryprobablybe，apprehendedonachargeofembezzlement。Theblack-eyedfemale，withwhomheistalkingsoearnestly，isdressedforthe，’gentlewoman。’，ItisHERfirstappearance，too-inthat，character。Theboyoffourteenwhoishavinghiseyebrowssmeared，withsoapandwhitening，isDUNCAN，KingofScotland;andthetwo，dirtymenwiththecorkedcountenances，inveryoldgreentunics，anddirtydrabboots，arethe’army。’
’Looksharpbelowthere，gents，’exclaimsthedresser，ared-headed，andred-whiskeredJew，callingthroughthetrap，’they’rea-going，toringup。Theflutesayshe’llbeblowedifheplaysanymore，andthey’regettingpreciousnoisyinfront。’，Ageneralrush，immediatelytakesplacetothehalf-dozenlittlesteepsteps，leadingtothestage，andtheheterogeneousgrouparesoon，assembledatthesidescenes，inbreathlessanxietyandmotley，confusion。
’Now，’criesthemanager，consultingthewrittenlistwhichhangs，behindthefirstP。S，wing，’Scene1，opencountry-lampsdown-
thunderandlightning-allready，White？’，[Thisisaddressedto，oneofthearmy。]，’Allready。’-’Verywell。Scene2，front，chamber。Isthefrontchamberdown？’-’Yes。’-’Verywell。’-
’Jones’[totheotherarmywhoisupintheflies]。’Hallo！’-
’Winduptheopencountrywhenweringup。’-’I’lltakecare。’-
’Scene3，backperspectivewithpracticalbridge。Bridgeready，White？，Gotthetresselsthere？’-’Allright。’
’Verywell。Clearthestage，’criesthemanager，hastilypacking，everymemberofthecompanyintothelittlespacethereisbetween，thewingsandthewall，andonewingandanother。’Places，places。
Nowthen，Witches-Duncan-Malcolm-bleedingofficer-where’s，thebleedingofficer？’-’Here！’repliestheofficer，whohasbeen，rose-pinkingforthecharacter。’Getready，then;now，White，ring，thesecondmusic-bell。’，Theactorswhoaretobediscovered，are，hastilyarranged，andtheactorswhoarenottobediscoveredplace，themselves，intheiranxietytopeepatthehouse，justwherethe，audiencecanseethem。Thebellrings，andtheorchestra，in，acknowledgmentofthecall，playthreedistinctchords。Thebell，rings-thetragedy(！)opens-andourdescriptioncloses。
CHAPTERXIV-VAUXHALL-GARDENSBYDAY
TherewasatimewhenifamanventuredtowonderhowVauxhall-
gardenswouldlookbyday，hewashailedwithashoutofderision，attheabsurdityoftheidea。Vauxhallbydaylight！，Aporter-pot，withoutporter，theHouseofCommonswithouttheSpeaker，agas-
lampwithoutthegas-pooh，nonsense，thethingwasnottobe，thoughtof。Itwasrumoured，too，inthosetimes，thatVauxhall-
gardensbyday，werethesceneofsecretandhiddenexperiments;
thatthere，carverswereexercisedinthemysticartofcuttinga，moderate-sizedhamintoslicesthinenoughtopavethewholeofthe，grounds;thatbeneaththeshadeofthetalltrees，studiousmen，wereconstantlyengagedinchemicalexperiments，withtheviewof，discoveringhowmuchwaterabowlofneguscouldpossiblybear;and，thatinsomeretirednooks，appropriatedtothestudyof，ornithology，othersageandlearnedmenwere，byaprocessknown，onlytothemselves，incessantlyemployedinreducingfowlstoa，merecombinationofskinandbone。
Vaguerumoursofthiskind，togetherwithmanyothersofasimilar，nature，castoverVauxhall-gardensanairofdeepmystery;andas，thereisagreatdealinthemysterious，thereisnodoubtthatto，agoodmanypeople，atallevents，thepleasuretheyaffordedwas，notalittleenhancedbythisverycircumstance。
Ofthisclassofpeopleweconfesstohavingmadeone。Welovedto，wanderamongtheseilluminatedgroves，thinkingofthepatientand，laboriousresearcheswhichhadbeencarriedonthereduringthe，day，andwitnessingtheirresultsinthesupperswhichwereserved，upbeneaththelightoflampsandtothesoundofmusicatnight。
Thetemplesandsaloonsandcosmoramasandfountainsglitteredand，sparkledbeforeoureyes;thebeautyoftheladysingersandthe，elegantdeportmentofthegentlemen，captivatedourhearts;afew，hundredthousandofadditionallampsdazzledoursenses;abowlor，twoofpunchbewilderedourbrains;andwewerehappy。
Inanevilhour，theproprietorsofVauxhall-gardenstookto，openingthembyday。Weregrettedthis，asrudelyandharshly，disturbingthatveilofmysterywhichhadhungabouttheproperty，formanyyears，andwhichnonebutthenoondaysun，andthelate，Mr。Simpson，hadeverpenetrated。Weshrunkfromgoing;atthis，momentwescarcelyknowwhy。Perhapsamorbidconsciousnessof，approachingdisappointment-perhapsafatalpresentiment-perhaps，theweather;whateveritwas，wedidNOTgountilthesecondor，thirdannouncementofaracebetweentwoballoonstemptedus，and，wewent。
Wepaidourshillingatthegate，andthenwesawforthefirst，time，thattheentrance，iftherehadbeenanymagicaboutitat，all，wasnowdecidedlydisenchanted，being，infact，nothingmore，norlessthanacombinationofveryroughly-paintedboardsand，sawdust。Weglancedattheorchestraandsupper-roomaswehurried，past-wejustrecognisedthem，andthatwasall。Webentour，stepstothefirework-ground;there，atleast，weshouldnotbe，disappointed。Wereachedit，andstoodrootedtothespotwith，mortificationandastonishment。THATtheMoorishtower-that，woodenshedwithadoorinthecentre，anddaubsofcrimsonand，yellowallround，likeagiganticwatch-case！，THATtheplacewhere，nightafternightwehadbeheldtheundauntedMr。Blackmoremake，histerrificascent，surroundedbyflamesoffire，andpealsof，artillery，andwherethewhitegarmentsofMadameSomebody(we，forgetevenhernamenow)，whonoblydevotedherlifetothe，manufactureoffireworks，hadsooftenbeenseenflutteringinthe，wind，asshecalledupared，blue，orparty-colouredlightto，illuminehertemple！，THATthe-butatthismomentthebellrung;
thepeoplescamperedaway，pell-mell，tothespotfromwhencethe，soundproceeded;andwe，fromthemereforceofhabit，found，ourselfrunningamongthefirst，asifforverylife。
Itwasfortheconcertintheorchestra。Asmallpartyofdismal，menincockedhatswere’executing’theoverturetoTANCREDI，anda，numerousassemblageofladiesandgentlemen，withtheirfamilies，hadrushedfromtheirhalf-emptiedstoutmugsinthesupperboxes，andcrowdedtothespot。Intensewasthelowmurmurofadmiration，whenaparticularlysmallgentleman，inadresscoat，ledona，particularlytallladyinabluesarcenetpelisseandbonnetofthe，same，ornamentedwithlargewhitefeathers，andforthwithcommenced，aplaintiveduet。
Weknewthesmallgentlemanwell;wehadseenalithographed，semblanceofhim，onmanyapieceofmusic，withhismouthwide，openasifintheactofsinging;awine-glassinhishand;anda，tablewithtwodecantersandfourpine-applesonitinthe，background。Thetalllady，too，wehadgazedon，lostinraptures，ofadmiration，manyandmanyatime-howdifferentpeopleDOlook，bydaylight，andwithoutpunch，tobesure！，Itwasabeautiful，duet：，firstthesmallgentlemanaskedaquestion，andthenthe，tallladyansweredit;thenthesmallgentlemanandthetalllady，sangtogethermostmelodiously;thenthesmallgentlemanwent，throughalittlepieceofvehemencebyhimself，andgotverytenor，indeed，intheexcitementofhisfeelings，towhichthetalllady，respondedinasimilarmanner;thenthesmallgentlemanhadashake，ortwo，afterwhichthetallladyhadthesame，andthentheyboth，mergedimperceptiblyintotheoriginalair：，andthebandwound，themselvesuptoapitchoffury，andthesmallgentlemanhanded，thetallladyout，andtheapplausewasrapturous。
Thecomicsinger，however，wastheespecialfavourite;wereally，thoughtthatagentleman，withhisdinnerinapocket-handkerchief，whostoodnearus，wouldhavefaintedwithexcessofjoy。A
marvellouslyfacetiousgentlemanthatcomicsingeris;his，distinguishingcharacteristicsare，awigapproachingtothe，flaxen，andanagedcountenance，andhebearsthenameofoneof，theEnglishcounties，ifwerecollectright。Hesangaverygood，songaboutthesevenages，thefirsthalf-hourofwhichafforded，theassemblythepurestdelight;oftherestwecanmakenoreport，aswedidnotstaytohearanymore。
Wewalkedabout，andmetwithadisappointmentateveryturn;our，favouriteviewsweremerepatchesofpaint;thefountainthathad，sparkledsoshowilybylamp-light，presentedverymuchthe，appearanceofawater-pipethathadburst;alltheornamentswere，dingy，andallthewalksgloomy。Therewasaspectralattemptat，rope-dancinginthelittleopentheatre。Thesunshoneuponthe，spangleddressesoftheperformers，andtheirevolutionswereabout，asinspiritingandappropriateasacountry-danceinafamily，vault。Soweretracedourstepstothefirework-ground，and，mingledwiththelittlecrowdofpeoplewhowerecontemplatingMr。
Green。
Somehalf-dozenmenwererestrainingtheimpetuosityofoneofthe，balloons，whichwascompletelyfilled，andhadthecaralready，attached;andasrumourshadgoneabroadthataLordwas’going，up，’thecrowdweremorethanusuallyanxiousandtalkative。There，wasonelittlemaninfadedblack，withadirtyfaceandarusty，blackneckerchiefwitharedborder，tiedinanarrowwispround，hisneck，whoenteredintoconversationwitheverybody，andhad，somethingtosayuponeveryremarkthatwasmadewithinhis，hearing。Hewasstandingwithhisarmsfolded，staringupatthe，balloon，andeverynowandthenventedhisfeelingsofreverence，fortheaeronaut，bysaying，ashelookedroundtocatchsomebody’s，eye，’He’sarum’unisGreen;thinko’thisherebeingup’ardsof，histwohundredthascent;ecod，themanasisekaltoGreennever，hadthetoothacheyet，norwon’thavewithinthishundredyear，and，that’sallaboutit。Whenyoumeetswithrealtalent，andnative，too，encourageit，that’swhatIsay;’andwhenhehaddelivered，himselftothiseffect，hewouldfoldhisarmswithmore，determinationthanever，andstareattheballoonwithasortof，admiringdefianceofanyothermanalive，beyondhimselfandGreen，thatimpressedthecrowdwiththeopinionthathewasanoracle。
’Ah，you’reveryright，sir，’saidanothergentleman，withhis，wife，andchildren，andmother，andwife’ssister，andahostof，femalefriends，inallthegentilityofwhitepocket-handkerchiefs，frills，andspencers，’Mr。Greenisasteadyhand，sir，andthere’s，nofearabouthim。’
’Fear！’saidthelittleman：，’isn’titalovelythingtoseehim，andhiswifeagoingupinoneballoon，andhisownsonandHIS
wifeajostlingupagainsttheminanother，andallofthemgoing，twentyorthirtymileinthreehoursorso，andthencomingbackin，pochayses？，Idon’tknowwherethisherescienceistostop，mind，you;that’swhatbothersme。’
Heretherewasaconsiderabletalkingamongthefemalesinthe，spencers。
’What’stheladiesalaughingat，sir？’inquiredthelittleman，condescendingly。
’It’sonlymysisterMary，’saidoneofthegirls，’assaysshe，hopeshislordshipwon’tbefrightenedwhenhe’sinthecar，and，wanttocomeoutagain。’
’Makeyourselfeasyaboutthatthere，mydear，’repliedthelittle，man。’Ifhewassomuchastomoveainchwithoutleave，Green，wouldjistfetchhimacrackovertheheadwiththetelescope，as，wouldsendhimintothebottomofthebasketinnotime，andstun，himtilltheycomedownagain。’
’Wouldhe，though？’inquiredtheotherman。
’Yes，wouldhe，’repliedthelittleone，’andthinknothingofit，neither，ifhewasthekinghimself。Green’spresenceofmindis，wonderful。’
Justatthismomentalleyesweredirectedtothepreparations，whichwerebeingmadeforstarting。Thecarwasattachedtothe，secondballoon，thetwowerebroughtprettyclosetogether，anda，militarybandcommencedplaying，withazealandfervourwhich，wouldrenderthemosttimidmaninexistencebuttoohappyto，acceptanymeansofquittingthatparticularspotofearthonwhich，theywerestationed。ThenMr。Green，sen。andhisnoblecompanion，enteredonecar，andMr。Green，jun。andHIScompaniontheother;
andthentheballoonswentup，andtheaerialtravellersstoodup，andthecrowdoutsideroaredwithdelight，andthetwogentlemen，whohadneverascendedbefore，triedtowavetheirflags，asif，theywerenotnervous，butheldonveryfastallthewhile;andthe，balloonswerewaftedgentlyaway，ourlittlefriendsolemnly，protesting，longaftertheywerereducedtomerespecksintheair，thathecouldstilldistinguishthewhitehatofMr。Green。The，gardensdisgorgedtheirmultitudes，boysranupanddownscreaming，’bal-loon;’andinallthecrowdedthoroughfarespeoplerushedout，oftheirshopsintothemiddleoftheroad，andhavingstaredupin，theairattwolittleblackobjectstilltheyalmostdislocated，theirnecks，walkedslowlyinagain，perfectlysatisfied。
Thenextdaytherewasagrandaccountoftheascentinthemorning，papers，andthepublicwereinformedhowitwasthefinestdaybut，fourinMr。Green’sremembrance;howtheyretainedsightofthe，earthtilltheylostitbehindtheclouds;andhowthereflection，oftheballoonontheundulatingmassesofvapourwasgorgeously，picturesque;togetherwithalittlescienceabouttherefractionof，thesun’srays，andsomemysterioushintsrespectingatmospheric，heatandeddyingcurrentsofair。
Therewasalsoaninterestingaccounthowamaninaboatwas，distinctlyheardbyMr。Green，jun。toexclaim，’Myeye！’which，Mr。Green，jun。attributedtohisvoicerisingtotheballoon，and，thesoundbeingthrownbackfromitssurfaceintothecar;andthe，wholeconcludedwithaslightallusiontoanotherascentnext，Wednesday，allofwhichwasveryinstructiveandveryamusing，as，ourreaderswillseeiftheylooktothepapers。Ifwehave，forgottentomentionthedate，theyhaveonlytowaittillnext，summer，andtaketheaccountofthefirstascent，anditwill，answerthepurposeequallywell。
CHAPTERXV-EARLYCOACHES
Wehaveoftenwonderedhowmanymonths’incessanttravellingina，post-chaiseitwouldtaketokillaman;andwonderingbyanalogy，weshouldverymuchliketoknowhowmanymonthsofconstant，travellinginasuccessionofearlycoaches，anunfortunatemortal，couldendure。Breakingamanaliveuponthewheel，wouldbe，nothingtobreakinghisrest，hispeace，hisheart-everythingbut，hisfast-uponfour;andthepunishmentofIxion(theonly，practicalperson，by-the-bye，whohasdiscoveredthesecretofthe，perpetualmotion)wouldsinkintoutterinsignificancebeforethe，onewehavesuggested。Ifwehadbeenapowerfulchurchmanin，thosegoodtimeswhenbloodwasshedasfreelyaswater，andmen，weremoweddownlikegrass，inthesacredcauseofreligion，we，wouldhavelainbyveryquietlytillwegotholdofsomeespecially，obstinatemiscreant，whopositivelyrefusedtobeconvertedtoour，faith，andthenwewouldhavebookedhimforaninsideplaceina，smallcoach，whichtravelleddayandnight：，andsecuringthe，remainderoftheplacesforstoutmenwithaslighttendencyto，coughingandspitting，wewouldhavestartedhimforthonhislast，travels：，leavinghimmercilesslytoallthetortureswhichthe，waiters，landlords，coachmen，guards，boots，chambermaids，and，otherfamiliarsonhislineofroad，mightthinkpropertoinflict。
Whohasnotexperiencedthemiseriesinevitablyconsequentupona，summonstoundertakeahastyjourney？，Youreceiveanintimation，fromyourplaceofbusiness-whereverthatmaybe，orwhateveryou，maybe-thatitwillbenecessarytoleavetownwithoutdelay。
Youandyourfamilyareforthwiththrownintoastateoftremendous，excitement;anexpressisimmediatelydispatchedtothe，washerwoman’s;everybodyisinabustle;andyou，yourself，witha，feelingofdignitywhichyoucannotaltogetherconceal，sallyforth，tothebooking-officetosecureyourplace。Hereapainful，consciousnessofyourownunimportancefirstrushesonyourmind-
thepeopleareascoolandcollectedasifnobodyweregoingoutof，town，orasifajourneyofahundredoddmileswereamere，nothing。Youenteramouldy-lookingroom，ornamentedwithlarge，posting-bills;thegreaterpartoftheplaceenclosedbehinda，huge，lumbering，roughcounter，andfittedupwithrecessesthat，looklikethedensofthesmalleranimalsinatravelling，menagerie，withoutthebars。Somehalf-dozenpeopleare’booking’
brown-paperparcels，whichoneoftheclerksflingsintothe，aforesaidrecesseswithanairofrecklessnesswhichyou，rememberingthenewcarpet-bagyouboughtinthemorning，feel，considerablyannoyedat;porters，lookinglikesomanyAtlases，keeprushinginandout，withlargepackagesontheirshoulders;
andwhileyouarewaitingtomakethenecessaryinquiries，you，wonderwhatonearththebooking-officeclerkscanhavebeenbefore，theywerebooking-officeclerks;oneofthemwithhispenbehind，hisear，andhishandsbehindhim，isstandinginfrontofthe，fire，likeafull-lengthportraitofNapoleon;theotherwithhis，hathalfoffhishead，entersthepassengers’namesinthebooks，withacoolnesswhichisinexpressiblyprovoking;andthevillain，whistles-actuallywhistles-whileamanaskshimwhatthefare，isoutside，allthewaytoHolyhead！-infrostyweather，too！
Theyareclearlyanisolatedrace，evidentlypossessingno，sympathiesorfeelingsincommonwiththerestofmankind。Your，turncomesatlast，andhavingpaidthefare，youtremblingly，inquire-’Whattimewillitbenecessaryformetobehereinthe，morning？’-’Sixo’clock，’repliesthewhistler，carelessly，pitchingthesovereignyouhavejustpartedwith，intoawooden，bowlonthedesk。’Ratherbeforethanarter，’addsthemanwith，thesemi-roastedunmentionables，withjustasmucheaseand，complacencyasifthewholeworldgotoutofbedatfive。Youturn，intothestreet，ruminatingasyoubendyourstepshomewardsonthe，extenttowhichmenbecomehardenedincruelty，bycustom。
Iftherebeonethinginexistencemoremiserablethananother，it，mostunquestionablyisthebeingcompelledtorisebycandlelight。
Ifyouhaveeverdoubtedthefact，youarepainfullyconvincedof，yourerror，onthemorningofyourdeparture。Youleftstrict，orders，overnight，tobecalledathalf-pastfour，andyouhave，donenothingallnightbutdozeforfiveminutesatatime，and，startupsuddenlyfromaterrificdreamofalargechurch-clock，withthesmallhandrunninground，withastonishingrapidity，to，everyfigureonthedial-plate。Atlast，completelyexhausted，you，fallgraduallyintoarefreshingsleep-yourthoughtsgrow，confused-thestage-coaches，whichhavebeen’goingoff’before，youreyesallnight，becomelessandlessdistinct，untiltheygo，offaltogether;onemomentyouaredrivingwithalltheskilland，smartnessofanexperiencedwhip-thenextyouareexhibitingELA
Ducrow，ontheoff-leader;anonyouarecloselymuffledup，inside，andhavejustrecognisedinthepersonoftheguardanold，schoolfellow，whosefuneral，eveninyourdream，yourememberto，haveattendedeighteenyearsago。Atlastyoufallintoastateof，completeoblivion，fromwhichyouarearoused，asifintoanew，stateofexistence，byasingularillusion。Youareapprenticedto，atrunk-maker;how，orwhy，orwhen，orwherefore，youdon’ttake，thetroubletoinquire;butthereyouare，pastingtheliningin，thelidofaportmanteau。Confoundthatotherapprenticeinthe，backshop，howheishammering！-rap，rap，rap-whatan，industriousfellowhemustbe！youhaveheardhimatworkforhalf，anhourpast，andhehasbeenhammeringincessantlythewholetime。
Rap，rap，rap，again-he’stalkingnow-what’sthathesaid？
Fiveo’clock！，Youmakeaviolentexertion，andstartupinbed。
Thevisionisatoncedispelled;thetrunk-maker’sshopisyourown，bedroom，andtheotherapprenticeyourshiveringservant，whohas，beenvainlyendeavouringtowakeyouforthelastquarterofan，hour，attheimminentriskofbreakingeitherhisownknucklesor，thepanelsofthedoor。
Youproceedtodressyourself，withallpossibledispatch。The，flaringflatcandlewiththelongsnuff，giveslightenoughtoshow，thatthethingsyouwant，arenotwheretheyoughttobe，andyou，undergoatriflingdelayinconsequenceofhavingcarefullypacked，uponeofyourbootsinyourover-anxietyoftheprecedingnight。
Yousooncompleteyourtoilet，however，foryouarenotparticular，onsuchanoccasion，andyoushavedyesterdayevening;somounting，yourPetershamgreat-coat，andgreentravellingshawl，andgrasping，yourcarpet-baginyourrighthand，youwalklightlydown-stairs，lestyoushouldawakenanyofthefamily，andafterpausinginthe，commonsitting-roomforonemoment，justtohaveacupofcoffee，(thesaidcommonsitting-roomlookingremarkablycomfortable，with，everythingoutofitsplace，andstrewedwiththecrumbsoflast，night’ssupper)，youundothechainandboltsofthestreet-door，andfindyourselffairlyinthestreet。
Athaw，byallthatismiserable！，Thefrostiscompletelybroken，up。YoulookdownthelongperspectiveofOxford-street，thegas-
lightsmournfullyreflectedonthewetpavement，andcandiscernno，speckintheroadtoencouragethebeliefthatthereisacabora，coachtobehad-theverycoachmenhavegonehomeindespair。The，coldsleetisdrizzlingdownwiththatgentleregularity，which，betokensadurationoffour-and-twentyhoursatleast;thedamp，hangsuponthehouse-topsandlamp-posts，andclingstoyoulikean，invisiblecloak。Thewateris’comingin’ineveryarea，thepipes，haveburst，thewater-buttsarerunningover;thekennelsseemto，bedoingmatchesagainsttime，pump-handlesdescendoftheirown，accord，horsesinmarket-cartsfalldown，andthere’snooneto，helpthemupagain，policemenlookasiftheyhadbeencarefully，sprinkledwithpowderedglass;hereandthereamilk-womantrudges，slowlyalong，withabitoflistroundeachfoottokeepherfrom，slipping;boyswho’don’tsleepinthehouse，’andarenotallowed，muchsleepoutofit，can’twaketheirmastersbythunderingatthe，shop-door，andcrywiththecold-thecompoundofice，snow，and，wateronthepavement，isacoupleofinchesthick-nobody，venturestowalkfasttokeephimselfwarm，andnobodycould，succeedinkeepinghimselfwarmifhedid。
ItstrikesaquarterpastfiveasyoutrudgedownWaterloo-placeon，yourwaytotheGoldenCross，andyoudiscover，forthefirsttime，thatyouwerecalledaboutanhourtooearly。Youhavenottimeto，goback;thereisnoplaceopentogointo，andyouhave，therefore，noresourcebuttogoforward，whichyoudo，feeling，remarkablysatisfiedwithyourself，andeverythingaboutyou。You，arriveattheoffice，andlookwistfullyuptheyardforthe，BirminghamHigh-flier，which，foraughtyoucansee，mayhaveflown，awayaltogether，forpreparationsappeartobeonfootforthe，departureofanyvehicleintheshapeofacoach。Youwanderinto，thebooking-office，whichwiththegas-lightsandblazingfire，looksquitecomfortablebycontrast-thatistosay，ifanyplace，CANlookcomfortableathalf-pastfiveonawinter’smorning。
Therestandstheidenticalbook-keeperinthesamepositionasif，hehadnotmovedsinceyousawhimyesterday。Asheinformsyou，thatthecoachisuptheyard，andwillbebroughtroundinabouta，quarterofanhour，youleaveyourbag，andrepairto’TheTap’-
notwithanyabsurdideaofwarmingyourself，becauseyoufeelsuch，aresulttobeutterlyhopeless，butforthepurposeofprocuring，somehotbrandy-and-water，whichyoudo，-whenthekettleboils！
aneventwhichoccursexactlytwominutesandahalfbeforethe，timefixedforthestartingofthecoach。
Thefirststrokeofsix，pealsfromSt。Martin’schurchsteeple，justasyoutakethefirstsipoftheboilingliquid。Youfind，yourselfatthebooking-officeintwoseconds，andthetap-waiter，findshimselfmuchcomfortedbyyourbrandy-and-water，inaboutthe，sameperiod。Thecoachisout;thehorsesarein，andtheguard，andtwoorthreeporters，arestowingtheluggageaway，andrunning，upthestepsofthebooking-office，anddownthestepsofthe，booking-office，withbreathlessrapidity。Theplace，whichafew，minutesagowassostillandquiet，isnowallbustle;theearly，vendorsofthemorningpapershavearrived，andyouareassailedon，allsideswithshoutsof’TIMES，gen’lm’n，TIMES，’’Here’sCHRON-
CHRON-CHRON，’’HERALD，ma’am，’，’Highlyinterestingmurder，gen’lm’n，’’Curiouscaseo’breacho’promise，ladies。’，Theinside，passengersarealreadyintheirdens，andtheoutsides，withthe，exceptionofyourself，arepacingupanddownthepavementtokeep，themselveswarm;theyconsistoftwoyoungmenwithverylonghair，towhichthesleethascommunicatedtheappearanceofcrystallised，rats’tails;onethinyoungwomancoldandpeevish，oneold，gentlemandittoditto，andsomethinginacloakandcap，intended，torepresentamilitaryofficer;everymemberoftheparty，witha，largestiffshawloverhischin，lookingexactlyasifhewere，playingasetofPan’spipes。
’Takeoffthecloths，Bob，’saysthecoachman，whonowappearsfor，thefirsttime，inaroughbluegreat-coat，ofwhichthebuttons，behindaresofarapart，thatyoucan’tseethembothatthesame，time。’Now，gen’lm’n，’criestheguard，withthewaybillinhis，hand。’Fiveminutesbehindtimealready！’，Upjumpthepassengers，-thetwoyoungmensmokinglikelime-kilns，andtheoldgentleman，grumblingaudibly。Thethinyoungwomanisgotupontheroof，by，dintofagreatdealofpulling，andpushing，andhelpingand，trouble，andsherepaysitbyexpressinghersolemnconvictionthat，shewillneverbeabletogetdownagain。
’Allright，’singsouttheguardatlast，jumpingupasthecoach，starts，andblowinghishorndirectlyafterwards，inproofofthe，soundnessofhiswind。’Let’emgo，Harry，give’emtheirheads，’
criesthecoachman-andoffwestartasbrisklyasifthemorning，were’allright，’aswellasthecoach：，andlookingforwardas，anxiouslytotheterminationofourjourney，aswefearourreaders，willhavedone，longsince，totheconclusionofourpaper。
CHAPTERXVI-OMNIBUSES
Itisverygenerallyallowedthatpublicconveyancesaffordan，extensivefieldforamusementandobservation。Ofallthepublic，conveyancesthathavebeenconstructedsincethedaysoftheArk-
wethinkthatistheearliestonrecord-tothepresenttime，commendustoanomnibus。Alongstageisnottobedespised，but，thereyouhaveonlysixinsides，andthechancesare，thatthesame，peoplegoallthewaywithyou-thereisnochange，novariety。
Besides，afterthefirsttwelvehoursorso，peoplegetcrossand，sleepy，andwhenyouhaveseenamaninhisnightcap，youloseall，respectforhim;atleast，thatisthecasewithus。Thenon，smoothroadspeoplefrequentlygetprosy，andtelllongstories，andeventhosewhodon’ttalk，mayhaveveryunpleasant，predilections。Weoncetravelledfourhundredmiles，insidea，stage-coach，withastoutman，whohadaglassofrum-and-water，warm，handedinatthewindowateveryplacewherewechanged，horses。Thiswasdecidedlyunpleasant。Wehavealsotravelled，occasionally，withasmallboyofapaleaspect，withlighthair，andnoperceptibleneck，cominguptotownfromschoolunderthe，protectionoftheguard，anddirectedtobeleftattheCrossKeys，tillcalledfor。Thisis，perhaps，evenworsethanrum-and-water，inacloseatmosphere。Thenthereisthewholetrainofevils，consequentonachangeofthecoachman;andthemiseryofthe，discovery-whichtheguardissuretomakethemomentyoubeginto，doze-thathewantsabrown-paperparcel，whichhedistinctly，rememberstohavedepositedundertheseatonwhichyouare，reposing。Agreatdealofbustleandgropingtakesplace，andwhen，youarethoroughlyawakened，andseverelycramped，byholdingyour，legsupbyanalmostsupernaturalexertion，whileheislooking，behindthem，itsuddenlyoccurstohimthatheputitinthefore-
boot。Banggoesthedoor;theparcelisimmediatelyfound;off，startsthecoachagain;andtheguardplaysthekey-bugleasloud，ashecanplayit，asifinmockeryofyourwretchedness。
Now，youmeetwithnoneoftheseafflictionsinanomnibus;
samenesstherecanneverbe。Thepassengerschangeasofteninthe，courseofonejourneyasthefiguresinakaleidoscope，andthough，notsoglittering，arefarmoreamusing。Webelievethereisno，instanceonrecord，ofaman’shavinggonetosleepinoneofthese，vehicles。Astolongstories，wouldanymanventuretotellalong，storyinanomnibus？andevenifhedid，wherewouldbetheharm？
nobodycouldpossiblyhearwhathewastalkingabout。Again;
children，thoughoccasionally，arenotoftentobefoundinan，omnibus;andevenwhentheyare，ifthevehiclebefull，asis，generallythecase，somebodysitsuponthem，andweareunconscious，oftheirpresence。Yes，aftermaturereflection，andconsiderable，experience，wearedecidedlyofopinion，thatofallknown，vehicles，fromtheglass-coachinwhichweweretakentobe，christened，tothatsombrecaravaninwhichwemustonedaymake，ourlastearthlyjourney，thereisnothinglikeanomnibus。