第5章

Wewillbackthemachineinwhichwemakeourdailyperegrination，fromthetopofOxford-streettothecity，againstany’buss’on，theroad，whetheritbeforthegaudinessofitsexterior，the，perfectsimplicityofitsinterior，orthenativecoolnessofits，cad。Thisyounggentlemanisasingularinstanceofself-devotion;

hissomewhatintemperatezealonbehalfofhisemployers，is，constantlygettinghimintotrouble，andoccasionallyintothe，houseofcorrection。Heisnosooneremancipated，however，thanhe，resumesthedutiesofhisprofessionwithunabatedardour。His，principaldistinctionishisactivity。Hisgreatboastis，’that，hecanchuckanoldgen’lm’nintothebuss，shuthimin，andrattle，off，aforeheknowswhereit’sa-goingto’-afeatwhichhe，frequentlyperforms，totheinfiniteamusementofeveryonebutthe，oldgentlemanconcerned，who，somehoworother，nevercanseethe，jokeofthething。

Wearenotawarethatithaseverbeenpreciselyascertained，how，manypassengersouromnibuswillcontain。Theimpressiononthe，cad’smindevidentlyis，thatitisamplysufficientforthe，accommodationofanynumberofpersonsthatcanbeenticedintoit。

’Anyroom？’criesahotpedestrian。’Plentyo’room，sir，’replies，theconductor，graduallyopeningthedoor，andnotdisclosingthe，realstateofthecase，untilthewretchedmanisonthesteps。

’Where？’inquirestheentrappedindividual，withanattempttoback，outagain。’Eitherside，sir，’rejoinsthecad，shovinghimin，andslammingthedoor。’Allright，Bill。’，Retreatisimpossible;

thenew-comerrollsabout，tillhefallsdownsomewhere，andthere，hestops。

Aswegetintothecityalittlebeforeten，fourorfiveofour，partyareregularpassengers。Wealwaystakethemupatthesame，places，andtheygenerallyoccupythesameseats;theyarealways，dressedinthesamemanner，andinvariablydiscussthesametopics，-theincreasingrapidityofcabs，andthedisregardofmoral，obligationsevincedbyomnibusmen。Thereisalittletestyold，man，withapowderedhead，whoalwayssitsontheright-handside，ofthedoorasyouenter，withhishandsfoldedonthetopofhis，umbrella。Heisextremelyimpatient，andsitsthereforthe，purposeofkeepingasharpeyeonthecad，withwhomhegenerally，holdsarunningdialogue。Heisveryofficiousinhelpingpeople，inandout，andalwaysvolunteerstogivethecadapokewithhis，umbrella，whenanyonewantstoalight。Heusuallyrecommends，ladiestohavesixpenceready，topreventdelay;andifanybody，putsawindowdown，thathecanreach，heimmediatelyputsitup，again。

’Now，whatareyoustoppingfor？’saysthelittlemanevery，morning，themomentthereistheslightestindicationof’pulling，up’atthecornerofRegent-street，whensomesuchdialogueasthe，followingtakesplacebetweenhimandthecad：

’Whatareyoustoppingfor？’

Herethecadwhistles，andaffectsnottohearthequestion。

’Isay[apoke]，whatareyoustoppingfor？’

’Forpassengers，sir。Ba-nk-Ty。’

’Iknowyou’restoppingforpassengers;butyou’venobusinessto，doso。WHYareyoustopping？’

’Vy，sir，that’sadifficultquestion。Ithinkitisbecausewe，perferstoppingheretogoingon。’

’Nowmind，’exclaimsthelittleoldman，withgreatvehemence，’I’llpullyouupto-morrow;I’veoftenthreatenedtodoit;nowI

will。’

’Thankee，sir，’repliesthecad，touchinghishatwithamock，expressionofgratitude;-’werrymuchobligedtoyouindeed，sir。’

Heretheyoungmenintheomnibuslaughveryheartily，andtheold，gentlemangetsveryredintheface，andseemshighlyexasperated。

Thestoutgentlemaninthewhiteneckcloth，attheotherendofthe，vehicle，looksveryprophetic，andsaysthatsomethingmustshortly，bedonewiththesefellows，orthere’snosayingwhereallthis，willend;andtheshabby-genteelmanwiththegreenbag，expresses，hisentireconcurrenceintheopinion，ashehasdoneregularly，everymorningforthelastsixmonths。

Asecondomnibusnowcomesup，andstopsimmediatelybehindus。

Anotheroldgentlemanelevateshiscaneintheair，andrunswith，allhismighttowardsouromnibus;wewatchhisprogresswithgreat，interest;thedoorisopenedtoreceivehim，hesuddenlydisappears，-hehasbeenspiritedawaybytheopposition。Hereuponthedriver，oftheoppositiontauntsourpeoplewithhishaving’regularlydone，’emoutofthatoldswell，’andthevoiceofthe’oldswell’is，heard，vainlyprotestingagainstthisunlawfuldetention。We，rattleoff，theotheromnibusrattlesafterus，andeverytimewe，stoptotakeupapassenger，theystoptotakehimtoo;sometimes，wegethim;sometimestheygethim;butwhoeverdon’tgethim，say，theyoughttohavehadhim，andthecadsoftherespectivevehicles，abuseoneanotheraccordingly。

AswearriveinthevicinityofLincoln’s-inn-fields，Bedford-row，andotherlegalhaunts，wedropagreatmanyofouroriginal，passengers，andtakeupfreshones，whomeetwithaverysulky，reception。Itisratherremarkable，thatthepeoplealreadyinan，omnibus，alwayslookatnewcomers，asiftheyentertainedsome，undefinedideathattheyhavenobusinesstocomeinatall。We，arequitepersuadedthelittleoldmanhassomenotionofthis，kind，andthatheconsiderstheirentryasasortofnegative，impertinence。

Conversationisnowentirelydropped;eachpersongazesvacantly，throughthewindowinfrontofhim，andeverybodythinksthathis，oppositeneighbourisstaringathim。IfonemangetsoutatShoe-

lane，andanotheratthecornerofFarringdon-street，thelittle，oldgentlemangrumbles，andsuggeststothelatter，thatifhehad，gotoutatShoe-lanetoo，hewouldhavesavedthemthedelayof，anotherstoppage;whereupontheyoungmenlaughagain，andtheold，gentlemanlooksverysolemn，andsaysnothingmoretillhegetsto，theBank，whenhetrotsoffasfastashecan，leavingustodothe，same，andtowish，aswewalkaway，thatwecouldimparttoothers，anyportionoftheamusementwehavegainedforourselves。

CHAPTERXVII-THELASTCAB-DRIVER，ANDTHEFIRSTOMNIBUSCAD

Ofallthecabriolet-driverswhomwehaveeverhadthehonourand，gratificationofknowingbysight-andouracquaintanceinthis，wayhasbeenmostextensive-thereisonewhomadeanimpression，onourmindwhichcanneverbeeffaced，andwhoawakenedinour，bosomafeelingofadmirationandrespect，whichweentertaina，fatalpresentimentwillneverbecalledforthagainbyanyhuman，being。Hewasamanofmostsimpleandprepossessingappearance。

Hewasabrown-whiskered，white-hatted，no-coatedcabman;hisnose，wasgenerallyred，andhisbrightblueeyenotunfrequentlystood，outinboldreliefagainstablackborderofartificial，workmanship;hisbootswereoftheWellingtonform，pulledupto，meethiscorduroyknee-smalls，oratleasttoapproachasnearthem，astheirdimensionswouldadmitof;andhisneckwasusually，garnishedwithabrightyellowhandkerchief。Insummerhecarried，inhismouthaflower;inwinter，astraw-slight，but，toa，contemplativemind，certainindicationsofaloveofnature，anda，tasteforbotany。

Hiscabrioletwasgorgeouslypainted-abrightred;andwherever，wewent，CityorWestEnd，PaddingtonorHolloway，North，East，West，orSouth，therewastheredcab，bumpingupagainsttheposts，atthestreetcorners，andturninginandout，amonghackney-

coaches，anddrays，andcarts，andwaggons，andomnibuses，and，contrivingbysomestrangemeansorother，togetoutofplaces，whichnoothervehiclebuttheredcabcouldeverbyany，possibilityhavecontrivedtogetintoatall。Ourfondnessfor，thatredcabwasunbounded。Howweshouldhavelikedtohaveseen，itinthecircleatAstley’s！，Ourlifeuponit，thatitshould，haveperformedsuchevolutionsaswouldhaveputthewholecompany，toshame-Indianchiefs，knights，Swisspeasants，andall。

Somepeopleobjecttotheexertionofgettingintocabs，andothers，objecttothedifficultyofgettingoutofthem;wethinkboth，theseareobjectionswhichtaketheirriseinperverseandill-

conditionedminds。Thegettingintoacabisaveryprettyand，gracefulprocess，which，whenwellperformed，isessentially，melodramatic。First，thereistheexpressivepantomimeofevery，oneoftheeighteencabmenonthestand，themomentyouraiseyour，eyesfromtheground。Thenthereisyourownpantomimeinreply-

quitealittleballet。Fourcabsimmediatelyleavethestand，for，yourespecialaccommodation;andtheevolutionsoftheanimalswho，drawthem，arebeautifulintheextreme，astheygratethewheels，ofthecabsagainstthecurb-stones，andsportplayfullyinthe，kennel。Yousingleoutaparticularcab，anddartswiftlytowards，it。Onebound，andyouareonthefirststep;turnyourbody，lightlyroundtotheright，andyouareonthesecond;bend，gracefullybeneaththereins，workingroundtotheleftatthesame，time，andyouareinthecab。Thereisnodifficultyinfindinga，seat：，theapronknocksyoucomfortablyintoitatonce，andoff，yougo。

Thegettingoutofacabis，perhaps，rathermorecomplicatedin，itstheory，andashademoredifficultinitsexecution。Wehave，studiedthesubjectagreatdeal，andwethinkthebestwayis，to，throwyourselfout，andtrusttochanceforalightingonyourfeet。

Ifyoumakethedriveralightfirst，andthenthrowyourselfupon，him，youwillfindthathebreaksyourfallmaterially。Inthe，eventofyourcontemplatinganofferofeightpence，onnoaccount，makethetender，orshowthemoney，untilyouaresafelyonthe，pavement。Itisverybadpolicyattemptingtosavethefourpence。

Youareverymuchinthepowerofacabman，andheconsidersita，kindoffeenottodoyouanywilfuldamage。Anyinstruction，however，intheartofgettingoutofacab，iswhollyunnecessary，ifyouaregoinganydistance，becausetheprobabilityis，thatyou，willbeshotlightlyoutbeforeyouhavecompletedthethirdmile。

Wearenotawareofanyinstanceonrecordinwhichacab-horsehas，performedthreeconsecutivemileswithoutgoingdownonce。Whatof，that？，Itisallexcitement。Andinthesedaysofderangementof，thenervoussystemanduniversallassitude，peoplearecontentto，payhandsomelyforexcitement;wherecanitbeprocuredata，cheaperrate？

Buttoreturntotheredcab;itwasomnipresent。Youhadbutto，walkdownHolborn，orFleet-street，oranyoftheprincipal，thoroughfaresinwhichthereisagreatdealoftraffic，andjudge，foryourself。Youhadhardlyturnedintothestreet，whenyousaw，atrunkortwo，lyingontheground：，anuprootedpost，ahat-box，aportmanteau，andacarpet-bag，strewedaboutinavery，picturesquemanner：，ahorseinacabstandingby，lookingabout，himwithgreatunconcern;andacrowd，shoutingandscreamingwith，delight，coolingtheirflushedfacesagainsttheglasswindowsofa，chemist’sshop-’What’sthematterhere，canyoutellme？’-

’O’nyacab，sir。’-’Anybodyhurt，doyouknow？’-’O’nythefare，sir。Iseehimaturnin’thecorner，andIsestoanothergen’lm’n，“that’sareg’larlittleossthat，andhe’sacomin’alongrayther，sweet，an’the？”-“Hejustis，“sestheothergen’lm’n，venbump，theycumsaginthepost，andoutfliesthefarelikebricks。’，Need，wesayitwastheredcab;orthatthegentlemanwiththestrawin，hismouth，whoemergedsocoollyfromthechemist’sshopand，philosophicallyclimbingintothelittledickey，startedoffat，fullgallop，wastheredcab’slicenseddriver？

Theubiquityofthisredcab，andtheinfluenceitexercisedover，therisiblemusclesofjusticeitself，wasperfectlyastonishing。

Youwalkedintothejustice-roomoftheMansion-house;thewhole，courtresoundedwithmerriment。TheLordMayorthrewhimselfback，inhischair，inastateoffranticdelightathisownjoke;every，veininMr。Hobler’scountenancewasswollenwithlaughter，partly，attheLordMayor’sfacetiousness，butmoreathisown;the，constablesandpolice-officerswere(asindutybound)inecstasies，atMr。HoblerandtheLordMayorcombined;andtheverypaupers，glancingrespectfullyatthebeadle’scountenance，triedtosmile，asevenherelaxed。Atall，weazen-facedman，withanimpediment，inhisspeech，wouldbeendeavouringtostateacaseofimposition，againsttheredcab’sdriver;andtheredcab’sdriver，andthe，LordMayor，andMr。Hobler，wouldbehavingalittlefunamong，themselves，totheinordinatedelightofeverybodybutthe，complainant。Intheend，justicewouldbesotickledwiththered，cab-driver’snativehumour，thatthefinewouldbemitigated，and，hewouldgoawayfullgallop，intheredcab，toimposeonsomebody，elsewithoutlossoftime。

Thedriveroftheredcab，confidentinthestrengthofhisown，moralprinciples，likemanyotherphilosophers，waswonttosetthe，feelingsandopinionsofsocietyatcompletedefiance。Generally，speaking，perhaps，hewouldassooncarryafaresafelytohis，destination，ashewouldupsethim-sooner，perhaps，becausein，thatcasehenotonlygotthemoney，buthadtheadditional，amusementofrunningalongerheatagainstsomesmartrival。But，societymadewaruponhimintheshapeofpenalties，andhemust，makewaruponsocietyinhisownway。Thiswasthereasoningof，theredcab-driver。So，hebestowedasearchinglookuponthe，fare，asheputhishandinhiswaistcoatpocket，whenhehadgone，halfthemile，togetthemoneyready;andifhebroughtforth，eightpence，outhewent。

ThelasttimewesawourfriendwasoneweteveninginTottenham-

court-road，whenhewasengagedinaverywarmandsomewhat，personalaltercationwithaloquaciouslittlegentlemaninagreen，coat。Poorfellow！thereweregreatexcusestobemadeforhim：

hehadnotreceivedaboveeighteenpencemorethanhisfare，and，consequentlylabouredunderagreatdealofverynatural，indignation。Thedisputehadattainedaprettyconsiderable，height，whenatlasttheloquaciouslittlegentleman，makinga，mentalcalculationofthedistance，andfindingthathehadalready，paidmorethanheought，avowedhisunalterabledeterminationto，’pullup’thecabmaninthemorning。

’Now，justmarkthis，youngman，’saidthelittlegentleman，’I’ll，pullyouupto-morrowmorning。’

’No！willyouthough？’saidourfriend，withasneer。

’Iwill，’repliedthelittlegentleman，’markmywords，that’sall。

IfIlivetillto-morrowmorning，youshallrepentthis。’

Therewasasteadinessofpurpose，andindignationofspeech，about，thelittlegentleman，ashetookanangrypinchofsnuff，after，thislastdeclaration，whichmadeavisibleimpressiononthemind，oftheredcab-driver。Heappearedtohesitateforaninstant。It，wasonlyforaninstant;hisresolvewassoontaken。

’You’llpullmeup，willyou？’saidourfriend。

’Iwill，’rejoinedthelittlegentleman，withevengreater，vehemenceanbefore。

’Verywell，’saidourfriend，tuckinguphisshirtsleevesvery，calmly。’There’llbethreeveeksforthat。Werygood;that’ll，bringmeuptothemiddleo’nextmonth。Threeveeksmorewould，carrymeontomybirthday，andthenI’vegottenpoundtodraw。I

mayaswellgetboard，lodgin’，andwashin’，tillthen，outofthe，county，aspayforitmyself;consequentlyheregoes！’

So，withoutmoreado，theredcab-driverknockedthelittle，gentlemandown，andthencalledthepolicetotakehimselfinto，custody，withallthecivilityintheworld。

Astoryisnothingwithoutthesequel;andtherefore，wemaystate，thattoourcertainknowledge，theboard，lodging，andwashingwere，allprovidedinduecourse。Wehappentoknowthefact，forit，cametoourknowledgethus：，WewentovertheHouseofCorrection，forthecountyofMiddlesexshortlyafter，towitnesstheoperation，ofthesilentsystem;andlookedonallthe’wheels’withthe，greatestanxiety，insearchofourlong-lostfriend。Hewas，nowheretobeseen，however，andwebegantothinkthatthelittle，gentlemaninthegreencoatmusthaverelented，when，aswewere，traversingthekitchen-garden，whichliesinasequesteredpartof，theprison，wewerestartledbyhearingavoice，whichapparently，proceededfromthewall，pouringforthitssoulintheplaintive，airof’Allroundmyhat，’whichwasthenjustbeginningtoforma，recognisedportionofournationalmusic。

Westarted-’Whatvoiceisthat？’saidwe。TheGovernorshook，hishead。

’Sadfellow，’hereplied，’verysad。Hepositivelyrefusedtowork，onthewheel;so，aftermanytrials，Iwascompelledtoorderhim，intosolitaryconfinement。Hesayshelikesitverymuchthough，andIamafraidhedoes，forheliesonhisbackonthefloor，and，singscomicsongsallday！’

Shallweadd，thatourhearthadnotdeceivedusandthatthecomic，singerwasnootherthanoureagerly-soughtfriend，theredcab-

driver？

Wehaveneverseenhimsince，butwehavestrongreasontosuspect，thatthisnobleindividualwasadistantrelativeofawatermanof，ouracquaintance，who，ononeoccasion，whenwewerepassingthe，coach-standoverwhichhepresides，afterstandingveryquietlyto，seeatallmanstruggleintoacab，ranupverybrisklywhenitwas，allover(ashisbrethreninvariablydo)，and，touchinghishat，asked，asamatterofcourse，for’acopperforthewaterman。’

Now，thefarewasbynomeansahandsomeman;and，waxingvery，indignantatthedemand，hereplied-’Money！，Whatfor？，Comingup，andlookingatme，Isuppose！’-’Vell，sir，’rejoinedthe，waterman，withasmileofimmovablecomplacency，’THAT’Sworth，twopence。’

Theidenticalwatermanafterwardsattainedaveryprominentstation，insociety;andasweknowsomethingofhislife，andhaveoften，thoughtoftellingwhatweDOknow，perhapsweshallneverhavea，betteropportunitythanthepresent。

Mr。WilliamBarker，then，forthatwasthegentleman’sname，Mr。

WilliamBarkerwasborn-butwhyneedwerelatewhereMr。William，Barkerwasborn，orwhen？，Whyscrutinisetheentriesinparochial，ledgers，orseektopenetratetheLucinianmysteriesoflying-in，hospitals？，Mr。WilliamBarkerWASborn，orhehadneverbeen。

Thereisason-therewasafather。Thereisaneffect-there，wasacause。Surelythisissufficientinformationforthemost，Fatima-likecuriosity;and，ifitbenot，weregretourinability，tosupplyanyfurtherevidenceonthepoint。Cantherebeamore，satisfactory，ormorestrictlyparliamentarycourse？，Impossible。

Weatonceavowasimilarinabilitytorecordatwhatprecise，period，orbywhatparticularprocess，thisgentleman’spatronymic，ofWilliamBarker，becamecorruptedinto’BillBoorker。’Mr。Barker，acquiredahighstanding，andnoinconsiderablereputation，among，themembersofthatprofessiontowhichhemorepeculiarlydevoted，hisenergies;andtothemhewasgenerallyknown，eitherbythe，familiarappellationof’BillBoorker，’ortheflattering，designationof’AggerawatinBill，’thelatterbeingaplayfuland，expressiveSOBRIQUET，illustrativeofMr。Barker’sgreattalentin，’aggerawatin’andrenderingwildsuchsubjectsofherMajestyas，areconveyedfromplacetoplace，throughtheinstrumentalityof，omnibuses。OftheearlylifeofMr。Barkerlittleisknown，and，eventhatlittleisinvolvedinconsiderabledoubtandobscurity。

Awantofapplication，arestlessnessofpurpose，athirstingafter，porter，aloveofallthatisrovingandcadger-likeinnature，sharedincommonwithmanyothergreatgeniuses，appeartohave，beenhisleadingcharacteristics。Thebusyhumofaparochial，free-school，andtheshadyreposeofacountygaol，werealike，inefficaciousinproducingtheslightestalterationinMr。Barker’s，disposition。Hisfeverishattachmenttochangeandvarietynothing，couldrepress;hisnativedaringnopunishmentcouldsubdue。

IfMr。Barkercanbefairlysaidtohavehadanyweaknessinhis，earlieryears，itwasanamiableone-love;loveinitsmost，comprehensiveform-aloveofladies，liquids，andpocket-

handkerchiefs。Itwasnoselfishfeeling;itwasnotconfinedto，hisownpossessions，whichbuttoomanymenregardwithexclusive，complacency。No;itwasanoblerlove-ageneralprinciple。It，extendeditselfwithequalforcetothepropertyofotherpeople。

Thereissomethingveryaffectinginthis。Itisstillmore，affectingtoknow，thatsuchphilanthropyisbutimperfectly，rewarded。Bow-street，Newgate，andMillbank，areapoorreturnfor，generalbenevolence，evincingitselfinanirrepressiblelovefor，allcreatedobjects。Mr。Barkerfeltitso。Afteralengthened，interviewwiththehighestlegalauthorities，hequittedhis，ungratefulcountry，withtheconsent，andattheexpense，ofits，Government;proceededtoadistantshore;andthereemployed，himself，likeanotherCincinnatus，inclearingandcultivatingthe，soil-apeacefulpursuit，inwhichatermofsevenyearsglided，almostimperceptiblyaway。

Whether，attheexpirationoftheperiodwehavejustmentioned，theBritishGovernmentrequiredMr。Barker’spresencehere，ordid，notrequirehisresidenceabroad，wehavenodistinctmeansof，ascertaining。Weshouldbeinclined，however，tofavourthelatter，position，inasmuchaswedonotfindthathewasadvancedtoany，otherpublicpostonhisreturn，thanthepostatthecornerofthe，Haymarket，whereheofficiatedasassistant-watermantothe，hackney-coachstand。Seated，inthiscapacity，onacoupleoftubs，nearthecurbstone，withabrassplateandnumbersuspendedround，hisneckbyamassivechain，andhisanklescuriouslyenvelopedin，haybands，heissupposedtohavemadethoseobservationsonhuman，naturewhichexercisedsomaterialaninfluenceoverallhis，proceedingsinlaterlife。

Mr。Barkerhadnotofficiatedformanymonthsinthiscapacity，whentheappearanceofthefirstomnibuscausedthepublicmindto，goinanewdirection，andpreventedagreatmanyhackney-coaches，fromgoinginanydirectionatall。ThegeniusofMr。Barkerat，onceperceivedthewholeextentoftheinjurythatwouldbe，eventuallyinflictedoncabandcoachstands，and，byconsequence，onwatermenalso，bytheprogressofthesystemofwhichthefirst，omnibuswasapart。Hesaw，too，thenecessityofadoptingsome，moreprofitableprofession;andhisactivemindatonceperceived，howmuchmightbedoneinthewayofenticingtheyouthfuland，unwary，andshovingtheoldandhelpless，intothewrongbuss，and，carryingthemoff，until，reducedtodespair，theyransomed，themselvesbythepaymentofsixpencea-head，or，toadopthisown，figurativeexpressioninallitsnativebeauty，’tilltheywas，rig’larlydoneover，andforkedoutthestumpy。’

Anopportunityforrealisinghisfondestanticipations，soon，presenteditself。Rumourswererifeonthehackney-coachstands，thatabusswasbuilding，torunfromLisson-grovetotheBank，downOxford-streetandHolborn;andtherapidincreaseofbusseson，thePaddington-road，encouragedtheidea。Mr。Barkersecretlyand，cautiouslyinquiredintheproperquarters。Thereportwas，correct;the’RoyalWilliam’wastomakeitsfirstjourneyonthe，followingMonday。Itwasacrackaffairaltogether。An，enterprisingyoungcabman，ofestablishedreputationasadashing，whip-forhehadcompromisedwiththeparentsofthreescrunched，children，andjust’workedout’hisfineforknockingdownanold，lady-wasthedriver;andthespiritedproprietor，knowingMr。

Barker’squalifications，appointedhimtothevacantofficeofcad，ontheveryfirstapplication。Thebussbegantorun，andMr。

Barkerenteredintoanewsuitofclothes，andonanewsphereof，action。

Torecapitulatealltheimprovementsintroducedbythis，extraordinarymanintotheomnibussystem-gradually，indeed，but，surely-wouldoccupyafargreaterspacethanweareenabledto，devotetothisimperfectmemoir。Tohimisuniversallyassigned，theoriginalsuggestionofthepracticewhichafterwardsbecameso，general-ofthedriverofasecondbusskeepingconstantlybehind，thefirstone，anddrivingthepoleofhisvehicleeitherintothe，dooroftheother，everytimeitwasopened，orthroughthebodyof，anyladyorgentlemanwhomightmakeanattempttogetintoit;a，humorousandpleasantinvention，exhibitingallthatoriginalityof，idea，andfine，boldflowofspirits，soconspicuousinevery，actionofthisgreatman。

Mr。Barkerhadopponentsofcourse;whatmaninpubliclifehas，not？，Butevenhisworstenemiescannotdenythathehastakenmore，oldladiesandgentlementoPaddingtonwhowantedtogotothe，Bank，andmoreoldladiesandgentlementotheBankwhowantedto，gotoPaddington，thananysixmenontheroad;andhowevermuch，malevolentspiritsmaypretendtodoubttheaccuracyofthe，statement，theywellknowittobeanestablishedfact，thathehas，forciblyconveyedavarietyofancientpersonsofeithersex，to，bothplaces，whohadnottheslightestormostdistantintentionof，goinganywhereatall。

Mr。Barkerwastheidenticalcadwhonoblydistinguishedhimself，sometimesince，bykeepingatradesmanonthestep-theomnibus，goingatfullspeedallthetime-tillhehadthrashedhimtohis，entiresatisfaction，andfinallythrowinghimaway，whenhehad，quitedonewithhim。Mr。BarkeritOUGHTtohavebeen，who，honestlyindignantatbeingignominiouslyejectedfromahouseof，publicentertainment，kickedthelandlordintheknee，andthereby，causedhisdeath。WesayitOUGHTtohavebeenMr。Barker，because，theactionwasnotacommonone，andcouldhaveemanatedfromno，ordinarymind。

Ithasnowbecomematterofhistory;itisrecordedintheNewgate，Calendar;andwewishwecouldattributethispieceofdaring，heroismtoMr。Barker。Weregretbeingcompelledtostatethatit，wasnotperformedbyhim。Would，forthefamilycreditwecould，add，thatitwasachievedbyhisbrother！

Itwasintheexerciseofthenicerdetailsofhisprofession，that，Mr。Barker’sknowledgeofhumannaturewasbeautifullydisplayed。

Hecouldtellataglancewhereapassengerwantedtogoto，and，wouldshoutthenameoftheplaceaccordingly，withoutthe，slightestreferencetotherealdestinationofthevehicle。He，knewexactlythekindofoldladythatwouldbetoomuchflurried，bytheprocessofpushinginandpullingoutofthecaravan，to，discoverwhereshehadbeenputdown，untiltoolate;hadan，intuitiveperceptionofwhatwaspassinginapassenger’smindwhen，heinwardlyresolvedto’pullthatcadupto-morrowmorning;’and，neverfailedtomakehimselfagreeabletofemaleservants，whomhe，wouldplacenextthedoor，andtalktoalltheway。

Humanjudgmentisneverinfallible，anditwouldoccasionally，happenthatMr。Barkerexperimentalisedwiththetimidityor，forbearanceofthewrongperson，inwhichcaseasummonstoa，Police-office，was，onmorethanoneoccasion，followedbya，committaltoprison。Itwasnotinthepoweroftriflessuchas，these，however，tosubduethefreedomofhisspirit。Assoonas，theypassedaway，heresumedthedutiesofhisprofessionwith，unabatedardour。

WehavespokenofMr。Barkerandoftheredcab-driver，inthepast，tense。Alas！Mr。Barkerhasagainbecomeanabsentee;andthe，classofmentowhichtheybothbelongedisfastdisappearing。

Improvementhaspeeredbeneaththeapronsofourcabs，and，penetratedtotheveryinnermostrecessesofouromnibuses。Dirt，andfustianwillvanishbeforecleanlinessandlivery。Slangwill，beforgottenwhencivilitybecomesgeneral：，andthatenlightened，eloquent，sage，andprofoundbody，theMagistracyofLondon，will，bedeprivedofhalftheiramusement，andhalftheiroccupation。

CHAPTERXVIII-APARLIAMENTARYSKETCH

Wehopeourreaderswillnotbealarmedatthisratherominous，title。Weassurethemthatwearenotabouttobecomepolitical，neitherhavewetheslightestintentionofbeingmoreprosythan，usual-ifwecanhelpit。Ithasoccurredtousthataslight，sketchofthegeneralaspectof’theHouse，’andthecrowdsthat，resorttoitonthenightofanimportantdebate，wouldbe，productiveofsomeamusement：，andaswehavemadesomefewcalls，attheaforesaidhouseinourtime-havevisiteditquiteoften，enoughforourpurpose，andagreatdealtoooftenforourpersonal，peaceandcomfort-wehavedeterminedtoattemptthedescription。

Dismissingfromourminds，therefore，allthatfeelingofawe，whichvagueideasofbreachesofprivilege，Serjeant-at-Arms，heavy，denunciations，andstillheavierfees，arecalculatedtoawaken，we，enteratonceintothebuilding，anduponoursubject。

Half-pastfouro’clock-andatfivethemoveroftheAddresswill，be’onhislegs，’asthenewspapersannouncesometimesbywayof，novelty，asifspeakerswereoccasionallyinthehabitofstanding，ontheirheads。Themembersarepouringin，oneaftertheother，inshoals。Thefewspectatorswhocanobtainstanding-roominthe，passages，scrutinisethemastheypass，withtheutmostinterest，andthemanwhocanidentifyamemberoccasionally，becomesa，personofgreatimportance。Everynowandthenyouhearearnest，whispersof’That’sSirJohnThomson。’，’Which？himwiththegilt，orderroundhisneck？’，’No，no;that’soneofthemessengers-

thatotherwiththeyellowgloves，isSirJohnThomson。’，’Here’s，Mr。Smith。’，’Lor！’，’Yes，howd’yedo，sir？-(Heisournew，member)-Howdoyoudo，sir？’，Mr。Smithstops：，turnsroundwith，anairofenchantingurbanity(fortherumourofanintended，dissolutionhasbeenveryextensivelycirculatedthismorning);

seizesboththehandsofhisgratifiedconstituent，and，after，greetinghimwiththemostenthusiasticwarmth，dartsintothe，lobbywithanextraordinarydisplayofardourinthepubliccause，leavinganimmenseimpressioninhisfavouronthemindofhis，’fellow-townsman。’

Thearrivalsincreaseinnumber，andtheheatandnoiseincreasein，veryunpleasantproportion。Theliveryservantsformacomplete，laneoneithersideofthepassage，andyoureduceyourselfinto，thesmallestpossiblespacetoavoidbeingturnedout。Yousee，thatstoutmanwiththehoarsevoice，inthebluecoat，queer-

crowned，broad-brimmedhat，whitecorduroybreeches，andgreat，boots，whohasbeentalkingincessantlyforhalfanhourpast，and，whoseimportancehasoccasionednosmallquantityofmirthamong，thestrangers。Thatisthegreatconservatorofthepeaceof，Westminster。Youcannotfailtohaveremarkedthegracewithwhich，hesalutedthenobleLordwhopassedjustnow，ortheexcessive，dignityofhisair，asheexpostulateswiththecrowd。Heis，ratheroutoftempernow，inconsequenceoftheveryirreverent，behaviourofthosetwoyoungfellowsbehindhim，whohavedone，nothingbutlaughallthetimetheyhavebeenhere。

’Willtheydivideto-night，doyouthink，Mr-’timidlyinquiresa，littlethinmaninthecrowd，hopingtoconciliatethemanof，office。

’HowCANyouasksuchquestions，sir？’repliesthefunctionary，in，anincrediblyloudkey，andpettishlygraspingthethickstickhe，carriesinhisrighthand。’Praydonot，sir。Ibegofyou;pray，donot，sir。’，Thelittlemanlooksremarkablyoutofhiselement，andtheuninitiatedpartofthethrongareinpositiveconvulsions，oflaughter。

Justatthismomentsomeunfortunateindividualappears，witha，verysmirkingair，atthebottomofthelongpassage。Hehas，managedtoeludethevigilanceofthespecialconstabledownstairs，andisevidentlycongratulatinghimselfonhavingmadehiswayso，far。

’Goback，sir-youmustNOTcomehere，’shoutsthehoarseone，withtremendousemphasisofvoiceandgesture，themomentthe，offendercatcheshiseye。

Thestrangerpauses。

’Doyouhear，sir-willyougoback？’continuestheofficial，dignitary，gentlypushingtheintrudersomehalf-dozenyards。

’Come，don’tpushme，’repliesthestranger，turningangrilyround。

’Iwill，sir。’

’Youwon’t，sir。’

’Goout，sir。’

’Takeyourhandsoffme，sir。’

’Gooutofthepassage，sir。’

’You’reaJack-in-office，sir。’

’Awhat？’ejaculatesheoftheboots。

’AJack-in-office，sir，andaveryinsolentfellow，’reiteratesthe，stranger，nowcompletelyinapassion。

’Praydonotforcemetoputyouout，sir，’retortstheother-

’praydonot-myinstructionsaretokeepthispassageclear-

it’stheSpeaker’sorders，sir。’

’D-ntheSpeaker，sir！’shoutstheintruder。

’Here，Wilson！-Collins！’gaspstheofficer，actuallyparalysedat，thisinsultingexpression，whichinhismindisallbuthigh，treason;’takethismanout-takehimout，Isay！，Howdareyou，sir？’anddowngoestheunfortunatemanfivestairsatatime，turningroundateverystoppage，tocomebackagain，anddenouncing，bittervengeanceagainstthecommander-in-chief，andallhis，supernumeraries。

’Makeway，gentlemen，-praymakewayfortheMembers，Ibegof，you！’shoutsthezealousofficer，turningback，andprecedinga，wholestringoftheliberalandindependent。

Youseethisferocious-lookinggentleman，withacomplexionalmost，assallowashislinen，andwhoselargeblackmoustachewouldgive，himtheappearanceofafigureinahairdresser’swindow，ifhis，countenancepossessedthethoughtwhichiscommunicatedtothose，waxencaricaturesofthehumanfacedivine。Heisamilitia-

officer，andthemostamusingpersonintheHouse。Cananythingbe，moreexquisitelyabsurdthantheburlesquegrandeurofhisair，as，hestridesuptothelobby，hiseyesrollinglikethoseofaTurk’s，headinacheapDutchclock？，Heneverappearswithoutthatbundle，ofdirtypaperswhichhecarriesunderhisleftarm，andwhichare，generallysupposedtobethemiscellaneousestimatesfor1804，or，someequallyimportantdocuments。Heisverypunctualinhis，attendanceattheHouse，andhisself-satisfied’He-ar-He-ar，’is，notunfrequentlythesignalforageneraltitter。

Thisisthegentlemanwhoonceactuallysentamessengeruptothe，Strangers’galleryintheoldHouseofCommons，toinquirethename，ofanindividualwhowasusinganeye-glass，inorderthathemight，complaintotheSpeakerthatthepersoninquestionwasquizzing，him！，Onanotheroccasion，heisreportedtohaverepairedto，Bellamy’skitchen-arefreshment-room，wherepersonswhoarenot，Membersareadmittedonsufferance，asitwere-andperceivingtwo，orthreegentlemenatsupper，who，hewasaware，werenotMembers，andcouldnot，inthatplace，verywellresenthisbehaviour，he，indulgedinthepleasantryofsittingwithhisbootedlegonthe，tableatwhichtheyweresupping！，Heisgenerallyharmless，though，andalwaysamusing。

Bydintofpatience，andsomelittleinterestwithourfriendthe，constable，wehavecontrivedtomakeourwaytotheLobby，andyou，canjustmanagetocatchanoccasionalglimpseoftheHouse，asthe，doorisopenedfortheadmissionofMembers。Itistolerablyfull，already，andlittlegroupsofMembersarecongregatedtogether，here，discussingtheinterestingtopicsoftheday。

Thatsmart-lookingfellowintheblackcoatwithvelvetfacingsand，cuffs，whowearshisD’ORSAYhatsorakishly，is’HonestTom，’a，metropolitanrepresentative;andthelargemaninthecloakwith，thewhitelining-notthemanbythepillar;theotherwiththe，lighthairhangingoverhiscoatcollarbehind-ishiscolleague。

Thequietgentlemanly-lookingmaninthebluesurtout，gray，trousers，whiteneckerchiefandgloves，whoseclosely-buttonedcoat，displayshismanlyfigureandbroadchesttogreatadvantage，isa，verywell-knowncharacter。Hehasfoughtagreatmanybattlesin，histime，andconqueredliketheheroesofold，withnootherarms，thanthosethegodsgavehim。Theoldhard-featuredmanwhois，standingnearhim，isreallyagoodspecimenofaclassofmen，now，nearlyextinct。HeisacountyMember，andhasbeenfromtime，whereofthememoryofmanisnottothecontrary。Lookathis，loose，wide，browncoat，withcapaciouspocketsoneachside;the，knee-breechesandboots，theimmenselylongwaistcoat，andsilver，watch-chaindanglingbelowit，thewide-brimmedbrownhat，andthe，whitehandkerchieftiedinagreatbow，withstragglingends，stickingoutbeyondhisshirt-frill。Itisacostumeoneseldom，seesnowadays，andwhenthefewwhowearithavediedoff，itwill，bequiteextinct。HecantellyoulongstoriesofFox，Pitt，Sheridan，andCanning，andhowmuchbettertheHousewasmanagedin，thosetimes，whentheyusedtogetupateightornineo’clock，exceptonregularfield-days，ofwhicheverybodywasapprised，beforehand。HehasagreatcontemptforallyoungMembersof，Parliament，andthinksitquiteimpossiblethatamancansay，anythingworthhearing，unlesshehassatintheHouseforfifteen，yearsatleast，withoutsayinganythingatall。Heisofopinion，that’thatyoungMacaulay’wasaregularimpostor;heallows，that，LordStanleymaydosomethingoneofthesedays，but’he’stoo，young，sir-tooyoung。’，Heisanexcellentauthorityonpointsof，precedent，andwhenhegrowstalkative，afterhiswine，willtell，youhowSirSomebodySomething，whenhewaswhipper-inforthe，Government，broughtfourmenoutoftheirbedstovoteinthe，majority，threeofwhomdiedontheirwayhomeagain;howtheHouse，oncedividedonthequestion，thatfreshcandlesbenowbroughtin;

howtheSpeakerwasonceuponatimeleftinthechairbyaccident，attheconclusionofbusiness，andwasobligedtositintheHouse，byhimselfforthreehours，tillsomeMembercouldbeknockedup，andbroughtbackagain，tomovetheadjournment;andagreatmany，otheranecdotesofasimilardescription。

Therehestands，leaningonhisstick;lookingatthethrongof，Exquisitesaroundhimwithmostprofoundcontempt;andconjuring，up，beforehismind’seye，thesceneshebeheldintheoldHouse，indaysgoneby，whenhisownfeelingswerefresherandbrighter，andwhen，asheimagines，wit，talent，andpatriotismflourished，morebrightlytoo。

Youarecurioustoknowwhothatyoungmanintheroughgreat-coat，is，whohasaccostedeveryMemberwhohasenteredtheHousesince，wehavebeenstandinghere。HeisnotaMember;heisonlyan，’hereditarybondsman，’or，inotherwords，anIrishcorrespondent，ofanIrishnewspaper，whohasjustprocuredhisforty-secondfrank，fromaMemberwhomheneversawinhislifebefore。Therehegoes，again-another！，Blesstheman，hehashishatandpocketsfull，already。

WewilltryourfortuneattheStrangers’gallery，thoughthe，natureofthedebateencouragesverylittlehopeofsuccess。What，onearthareyouabout？，Holdingupyourorderasifitwerea，talismanatwhosecommandthewicketwouldflyopen？，Nonsense。

Justpreservetheorderforanautograph，ifitbeworthkeepingat，all，andmakeyourappearanceatthedoorwithyourthumband，forefingerexpressivelyinsertedinyourwaistcoat-pocket。This，tallstoutmaninblackisthedoor-keeper。’Anyroom？’，’Notan，inch-twoorthreedozengentlemenwaitingdown-stairsonthe，chanceofsomebody’sgoingout。’，Pulloutyourpurse-’Areyou，QUITEsurethere’snoroom？’-’I’llgoandlook，’repliesthe，door-keeper，withawistfulglanceatyourpurse，’butI’mafraid，there’snot。’，Hereturns，andwithrealfeelingassuresyouthat，itismorallyimpossibletogetnearthegallery。Itisofnouse，waiting。WhenyouarerefusedadmissionintotheStrangers’

galleryattheHouseofCommons，undersuchcircumstances，youmay，returnhomethoroughlysatisfiedthattheplacemustberemarkably，fullindeed。(1)

Retracingourstepsthroughthelongpassage，descendingthe，stairs，andcrossingPalace-yard，wehaltatasmalltemporary，doorwayadjoiningtheKing’sentrancetotheHouseofLords。The，orderoftheserjeant-at-armswilladmityouintotheReporters’

gallery，fromwhenceyoucanobtainatolerablygoodviewofthe，House。Takecareofthestairs，theyarenoneofthebest;through，thislittlewicket-there。Assoonasyoureyesbecomealittle，usedtothemistoftheplace，andtheglareofthechandeliers，belowyou，youwillseethatsomeunimportantpersonageonthe，MinisterialsideoftheHouse(toyourrighthand)isspeaking，amidstahumofvoicesandconfusionwhichwouldrivalBabel，but，forthecircumstanceofitsbeingallinonelanguage。

The’hear，hear，’whichoccasionedthatlaugh，proceededfromour，warlikefriendwiththemoustache;heissittingonthebackseat，againstthewall，behindtheMemberwhoisspeaking，lookingas，ferociousandintellectualasusual。Takeonelookaroundyou，and，retire！，ThebodyoftheHouseandthesidegalleriesarefullof，Members;some，withtheirlegsonthebackoftheoppositeseat;

some，withtheirsstretchedouttotheirutmostlengthonthe，floor;somegoingout，otherscomingin;alltalking，laughing，lounging，coughing，oh-ing，questioning，orgroaning;presentinga，conglomerationofnoiseandconfusion，tobemetwithinnoother，placeinexistence，notevenexceptingSmithfieldonamarket-day，oracock-pitinitsglory。

ButletusnotomittonoticeBellamy’skitchen，or，inother，words，therefreshment-room，commontobothHousesofParliament，whereMinisterialistsandOppositionists，WhigsandTories，Radicals，Peers，andDestructives，strangersfromthegallery，and，themorefavouredstrangersfrombelowthebar，arealikeat，libertytoresort;wheredivershonourablemembersprovetheir，perfectindependencebyremainingduringthewholeofaheavy，debate，solacingthemselveswiththecreaturecomforts;andwhence，theyaresummonedbywhippers-in，whentheHouseisonthepointof，dividing;eithertogivetheir’conscientiousvotes’onquestions，ofwhichtheyareconscientiouslyinnocentofknowinganything，whatever，ortofindaventfortheplayfulexuberanceoftheir，wine-inspiredfancies，inboisterousshoutsof’Divide，’

occasionallyvariedwithalittlehowling，barking，crowing，or，otherebullitionsofsenatorialpleasantry。

Whenyouhaveascendedthenarrowstaircasewhich，inthepresent，temporaryHouseofCommons，leadstotheplacewearedescribing，youwillprobablyobserveacoupleofroomsonyourrighthand，withtablesspreadfordining。Neitheroftheseisthekitchen，althoughtheyarebothdevotedtothesamepurpose;thekitchenis，furtherontoourleft，upthesehalf-dozenstairs。Beforewe，ascendthestaircase，however，wemustrequestyoutopausein，frontofthislittlebar-placewiththesash-windows;andbegyour，particularattentiontothesteady，honest-lookingoldfellowin，black，whoisitssoleoccupant。Nicholas(wedonotmind，mentioningtheoldfellow’sname，forifNicholasbenotapublic，man，whois？-andpublicmen’snamesarepublicproperty)-

NicholasisthebutlerofBellamy’s，andhasheldthesameplace，dressedexactlyinthesamemanner，andsaidpreciselythesame，things，eversincetheoldestofitspresentvisitorscanremember。

AnexcellentservantNicholasis-anunrivalledcompounderof，salad-dressing-anadmirablepreparerofsoda-waterandlemon-a，specialmixerofcoldgrogandpunch-and，aboveall，an，unequalledjudgeofcheese。Iftheoldmanhavesuchathingas，vanityinhiscomposition，thisiscertainlyhispride;andifit，bepossibletoimaginethatanythinginthisworldcoulddisturb，hisimpenetrablecalmness，weshouldsayitwouldbethedoubting，hisjudgmentonthisimportantpoint。

Weneedn’ttellyouallthis，however，forifyouhaveanatomof，observation，oneglanceathissleek，knowing-lookingheadandface，-hisprimwhiteneckerchief，withthewoodentieintowhichithas，beenregularlyfoldedfortwentyyearspast，mergingby，imperceptibledegreesintoasmall-plaitedshirt-frill-andhis，comfortable-lookingformencasedinawell-brushedsuitofblack-

wouldgiveyouabetterideaofhisrealcharacterthanacolumnof，ourpoordescriptioncouldconvey。

Nicholasisratheroutofhiselementnow;hecannotseethe，kitchenasheusedtointheoldHouse;there，onewindowofhis，glass-caseopenedintotheroom，andthen，fortheedificationand，behoofofmorejuvenilequestioners，hewouldstandforanhour，together，answeringdeferentialquestionsaboutSheridan，and，Percival，andCastlereagh，andHeavenknowswhobeside，with，manifestdelight，alwaysinsertinga’Mister’beforeevery，commoner’sname。

Nicholas，likeallmenofhisageandstanding，hasagreatideaof，thedegeneracyofthetimes。Heseldomexpressesanypolitical，opinions，butwemanagedtoascertain，justbeforethepassingof，theReformBill，thatNicholaswasathoroughReformer。Whatwas，ourastonishmenttodiscovershortlyafterthemeetingofthefirst，reformedParliament，thathewasamostinveterateanddecided，Tory！，Itwasveryodd：，somemenchangetheiropinionsfrom，necessity，othersfromexpediency，othersfrominspiration;but，thatNicholasshouldundergoanychangeinanyrespect，wasan，eventwehadnevercontemplated，andshouldhaveconsidered，impossible。Hisstrongopinionagainsttheclausewhichempowered，themetropolitandistrictstoreturnMemberstoParliament，too，wasperfectlyunaccountable。

Wediscoveredthesecretatlast;themetropolitanMembersalways，dinedathome。Therascals！，AsforgivingadditionalMembersto，Ireland，itwasevenworse-decidedlyunconstitutional。Why，sir，anIrishMemberwouldgoupthere，andeatmoredinnerthanthree，EnglishMembersputtogether。Hetooknowine;dranktable-beerby，thehalf-gallon;andwenthometoManchester-buildings，or，Millbank-street，forhiswhiskey-and-water。Andwhatwasthe，consequence？，Why，theconcernlost-actuallylost，sir-byhis，patronage。AqueeroldfellowisNicholas，andascompletelya，partofthebuildingasthehouseitself。Wewonderheeverleft，theoldplace，andfullyexpectedtoseeinthepapers，themorning，afterthefire，apatheticaccountofanoldgentlemaninblack，of，decentappearance，whowasseenatoneoftheupperwindowswhen，theflameswereattheirheight，anddeclaredhisresolute，intentionoffallingwiththefloor。Hemusthavebeengotoutby，force。However，hewasgotout-hereheisagain，lookingashe，alwaysdoes，asifhehadbeeninabandboxeversincethelast，session。Thereheis，athisoldposteverynight，justaswehave，describedhim：，and，ascharactersarescarce，andfaithful，servantsscarcer，longmayhebethere，saywe！

Now，whenyouhavetakenyourseatinthekitchen，anddulynoticed，thelargefireandroasting-jackatoneendoftheroom-the，littletableforwashingglassesanddrainingjugsattheother-

theclockoverthewindowoppositeSt。Margaret’sChurch-thedeal，tablesandwaxcandles-thedamasktable-clothsandbarefloor-

theplateandchinaonthetables，andthegridirononthefire;

andafewotheranomaliespeculiartotheplace-wewillpointout，toyournoticetwoorthreeofthepeoplepresent，whosestationor，absurditiesrenderthemthemostworthyofremark。

Itishalf-pasttwelveo’clock，andasthedivisionisnotexpected，foranhourortwo，afewMembersareloungingawaythetimehere，inpreferencetostandingatthebaroftheHouse，orsleepingin，oneofthesidegalleries。Thatsingularlyawkwardandungainly-

lookingman，inthebrownish-whitehat，withthestragglingblack，trouserswhichreachabouthalf-waydownthelegofhisboots，who，isleaningagainstthemeat-screen，apparentlydeludinghimself，intothebeliefthatheisthinkingaboutsomething，isasplendid，sampleofaMemberoftheHouseofCommonsconcentratinginhisown，personthewisdomofaconstituency。Observethewig，ofadark，huebutindescribablecolour，forifitbenaturallybrown，ithas，acquiredablacktintbylongservice，andifitbenaturally，black，thesamecausehasimpartedtoitatingeofrustybrown;

andremarkhowverymateriallythegreatblinker-likespectacles，assisttheexpressionofthatmostintelligentface。Seriously，speaking，didyoueverseeacountenancesoexpressiveofthemost，hopelessextremeofheavydulness，orbeholdaformsostrangely，puttogether？，Heisnogreatspeaker：，butwhenheDOESaddress，theHouse，theeffectisabsolutelyirresistible。

Thesmallgentlemanwiththesharpnose，whohasjustsalutedhim，isaMemberofParliament，anex-Alderman，andasortofamateur，fireman。He，andthecelebratedfireman’sdog，wereobservedtobe，remarkablyactiveattheconflagrationofthetwoHousesof，Parliament-theybothranupanddown，andinandout，getting，underpeople’sfeet，andintoeverybody’sway，fullyimpressedwith，thebeliefthattheyweredoingagreatdealofgood，andbarking，tremendously。Thedogwentquietlybacktohiskennelwiththe，engine，butthegentlemankeptupsuchanincessantnoiseforsome，weeksaftertheoccurrence，thathebecameapositivenuisance。As，nomoreparliamentaryfireshaveoccurred，however，andashehas，consequentlyhadnomoreopportunitiesofwritingtothenewspapers，torelatehow，bywayofpreservingpictureshecutthemoutof，theirframes，andperformedothergreatnationalservices，hehas，graduallyrelapsedintohisoldstateofcalmness。

Thatfemaleinblack-nottheonewhomtheLord’s-Day-BillBaronet，hasjustchuckedunderthechin;theshorterofthetwo-is，’Jane：’theHebeofBellamy’s。Janeisasgreatacharacteras，Nicholas，inherway。Herleadingfeaturesareathoroughcontempt，forthegreatmajorityofhervisitors;herpredominantquality，loveofadmiration，asyoucannotfailtoobserve，ifyoumarkthe，gleewithwhichshelistenstosomethingtheyoungMembernearher，mutterssomewhatunintelligiblyinherear(forhisspeechis，ratherthickfromsomecauseorother)，andhowplayfullyshedigs，thehandleofaforkintothearmwithwhichhedetainsher，byway，ofreply。

Janeisnobadhandatrepartees，andshowersthemabout，witha，degreeofliberalityandtotalabsenceofreserveorconstraint，whichoccasionallyexcitesnosmallamazementinthemindsof，strangers。ShecutsjokeswithNicholas，too，butlooksuptohim，withagreatdealofrespect-theimmovablestoliditywithwhich，Nicholasreceivestheaforesaidjokes，andlookson，atcertain，pastoralfriskingsandrompings(Jane’sonlyrecreations，andthey，areveryinnocenttoo)whichoccasionallytakeplaceinthe，passage，isnottheleastamusingpartofhischaracter。

Thetwopersonswhoareseatedatthetableinthecorner，atthe，fartherendoftheroom，havebeenconstantguestshere，formany，yearspast;andoneofthemhasfeastedwithinthesewalls，manya，time，withthemostbrilliantcharactersofabrilliantperiod。He，hasgoneuptotheotherHousesincethen;thegreaterpartofhis，booncompanionshavesharedYorick’sfate，andhisvisitsto，Bellamy’sarecomparativelyfew。

Ifhereallybeeatinghissuppernow，atwhathourcanhepossibly，havedined！，Asecondsolidmassofrump-steakhasdisappeared，and，heeatthefirstinfourminutesandthreequarters，bytheclock，overthewindow。Wasthereeversuchapersonificationof，Falstaff！，MarktheairwithwhichhegloatsoverthatStilton，as，heremovesthenapkinwhichhasbeenplacedbeneathhischinto，catchthesuperfluousgravyofthesteak，andwithwhatgustohe，imbibestheporterwhichhasbeenfetched，expresslyforhim，in，thepewterpot。Listentothehoarsesoundofthatvoice，kept，downasitisbylayersofsolids，anddeepdraughtsofrichwine，andtellusifyoueversawsuchaperfectpictureofaregular，GOURMAND;andwhetherheisnotexactlythemanwhomyouwould，pitchuponashavingbeenthepartnerofSheridan’sparliamentary，carouses，thevolunteerdriverofthehackney-coachthattookhim，home，andtheinvoluntaryupsetterofthewholeparty？

Whatanamusingcontrastbetweenhisvoiceandappearance，andthat，ofthespare，squeakingoldman，whositsatthesametable，and，who，elevatingalittlecrackedbantamsortofvoicetoitshighest，pitch，invokesdamnationuponhisowneyesorsomebodyelse’sat，thecommencementofeverysentenceheutters。’TheCaptain，’as，theycallhim，isaveryoldfrequenterofBellamy’s;muchaddicted，tostopping’aftertheHouseisup’(aninexpiablecrimeinJane’s，eyes)，andacompletewalkingreservoirofspiritsandwater。

TheoldPeer-orrather，theoldman-forhispeerageisof，comparativelyrecentdate-hasahugetumblerofhotpunchbrought，him;andtheotherdamnsanddrinks，anddrinksanddamns，and，smokes。Membersarriveeverymomentinagreatbustletoreport，that’TheChancelloroftheExchequer’sup，’andtogetglassesof，brandy-and-watertosustainthemduringthedivision;peoplewho，haveorderedsupper，countermandit，andpreparetogodown-stairs，whensuddenlyabellisheardtoringwithtremendousviolence，and，acryof’Di-vi-sion！’isheardinthepassage。Thisisenough;

awayrushthememberspell-mell。Theroomisclearedinan，instant;thenoiserapidlydiesaway;youhearthecreakingofthe，lastbootonthelaststair，andareleftalonewiththeleviathan，ofrump-steaks。

CHAPTERXIX-PUBLICDINNERS

AllpublicdinnersinLondon，fromtheLordMayor’sannualbanquet，atGuildhall，totheChimney-sweepers’anniversaryatWhiteConduit，House;fromtheGoldsmiths’totheButchers’，fromtheSheriffs’to，theLicensedVictuallers’;areamusingscenes。Ofall，entertainmentsofthisdescription，however，wethinktheannual，dinnerofsomepubliccharityisthemostamusing。AtaCompany’s，dinner，thepeoplearenearlyallalike-regularoldstagers，who，makeitamatterofbusiness，andathingnottobelaughedat。At，apoliticaldinner，everybodyisdisagreeable，andinclinedto，speechify-muchthesamething，by-the-bye;butatacharity，dinneryouseepeopleofallsorts，kinds，anddescriptions。The，winemaynotberemarkablyspecial，tobesure，andwehaveheard，somehardheartedmonstersgrumbleatthecollection;butwereally，thinktheamusementtobederivedfromtheoccasion，sufficientto，counterbalanceeventhesedisadvantages。

Letussupposeyouareinducedtoattendadinnerofthis，description-’IndigentOrphans’Friends’BenevolentInstitution，’

wethinkitis。Thenameofthecharityisalineortwolonger，butnevermindtherest。Youhaveadistinctrecollection，however，thatyoupurchasedaticketatthesolicitationofsome，charitablefriend：，andyoudeposityourselfinahackney-coach，thedriverofwhich-nodoubtthatyoumaydothethinginstyle-

turnsadeafeartoyourearnestentreatiestobesetdownatthe，cornerofGreatQueen-street，andpersistsincarryingyoutothe，verydooroftheFreemasons’，roundwhichacrowdofpeopleare，assembledtowitnesstheentranceoftheindigentorphans’friends。

Youheargreatspeculationsasyoupaythefare，onthepossibility，ofyourbeingthenobleLordwhoisannouncedtofillthechairon，theoccasion，andarehighlygratifiedtoheariteventually，decidedthatyouareonlya’wocalist。’

Thefirstthingthatstrikesyou，onyourentrance，isthe，astonishingimportanceofthecommittee。Youobserveadooronthe，firstlanding，carefullyguardedbytwowaiters，inandoutof，whichstoutgentlemenwithveryredfaceskeeprunning，witha，degreeofspeedhighlyunbecomingthegravityofpersonsoftheir，yearsandcorpulency。Youpause，quitealarmedatthebustle，and，thinking，inyourinnocence，thattwoorthreepeoplemusthave，beencarriedoutofthedining-roominfits，atleast。Youare，immediatelyundeceivedbythewaiter-’Up-stairs，ifyouplease，sir;thisisthecommittee-room。’，Up-stairsyougo，accordingly;

wondering，asyoumount，whatthedutiesofthecommitteecanbe，andwhethertheyeverdoanythingbeyondconfusingeachother，and，runningoverthewaiters。

Havingdepositedyourhatandcloak，andreceivedaremarkably，smallscrapofpasteboardinexchange(which，asamatterof，course，youlose，beforeyourequireitagain)，youenterthehall，downwhichtherearethreelongtablesforthelessdistinguished，guests，withacrosstableonaraisedplatformattheupperend，forthereceptionoftheveryparticularfriendsoftheindigent，orphans。Beingfortunateenoughtofindaplatewithoutanybody’s，cardinit，youwiselyseatyourselfatonce，andhavealittle，leisuretolookaboutyou。Waiters，withwine-basketsintheir，hands，areplacingdecantersofsherrydownthetables，atvery，respectabledistances;melancholy-lookingsalt-cellars，anddecayed，vinegar-cruets，whichmighthavebelongedtotheparentsofthe，indigentorphansintheirtime，arescatteredatdistantintervals，onthecloth;andtheknivesandforkslookasiftheyhaddone，dutyateverypublicdinnerinLondonsincetheaccessionofGeorge，theFirst。Themusiciansarescrapingandgratingandscrewing，tremendously-playingnonotesbutnotesofpreparation;and，severalgentlemenareglidingalongthesidesofthetables，lookingintoplateafterplatewithfranticeagerness，the，expressionoftheircountenancesgrowingmoreandmoredismalas，theymeetwitheverybody’scardbuttheirown。

Youturnroundtotakealookatthetablebehindyou，and-not，beinginthehabitofattendingpublicdinners-aresomewhat，struckbytheappearanceofthepartyonwhichyoureyesrest。One，ofitsprincipalmembersappearstobealittleman，withalong，andratherinflamedface，andgrayhairbrushedboltuprightin，front;hewearsawispofblacksilkroundhisneck，withoutany，stiffener，asanapologyforaneckerchief，andisaddressedbyhis，companionsbythefamiliarappellationof’Fitz，’orsomesuch，monosyllable。Nearhimisastoutmaninawhiteneckerchiefand，buffwaistcoat，withshiningdarkhair，cutveryshortinfront，andagreat，round，healthy-lookingface，onwhichhestudiously，preservesahalfsentimentalsimper。Nexthim，again，isalarge-

headedman，withblackhairandbushywhiskers;andoppositethem，aretwoorthreeothers，oneofwhomisalittleround-faced，person，inadress-stockandblueunder-waistcoat。Thereis，somethingpeculiarintheirairandmanner，thoughyoucouldhardly，describewhatitis;youcannotdivestyourselfoftheideathat，theyhavecomeforsomeotherpurposethanmereeatingand，drinking。Youhavenotimetodebatethematter，however，forthe，waiters(whohavebeenarrangedinlinesdowntheroom，placingthe，dishesontable)retiretothelowerend;thedarkmanintheblue，coatandbrightbuttons，whohasthedirectionofthemusic，looks，uptothegallery，andcallsout’band’inaveryloudvoice;out，bursttheorchestra，uprisethevisitors，inmarchfourteen，stewards，eachwithalongwandinhishand，liketheevilgenius，inapantomime;thenthechairman，thenthetitledvisitors;they，allmaketheirwayuptheroom，asfastastheycan，bowing，and，smiling，andsmirking，andlookingremarkablyamiable。The，applauseceases，graceissaid，theclatterofplatesanddishes，begins;andeveryoneappearshighlygratified，eitherwiththe，presenceofthedistinguishedvisitors，orthecommencementofthe，anxiously-expecteddinner。

Astothedinneritself-themeredinner-itgoesoffmuchthe，sameeverywhere。Tureensofsoupareemptiedwithawfulrapidity-

waiterstakeplatesofturbotaway，togetlobster-sauce，andbring，backplatesoflobster-saucewithoutturbot;peoplewhocancarve，poultry，aregreatfoolsiftheyownit，andpeoplewhocan’thave，nowishtolearn。Theknivesandforksformapleasing，accompanimenttoAuber’smusic，andAuber’smusicwouldforma，pleasingaccompanimenttothedinner，ifyoucouldhearanything，besidesthecymbals。Thesubstantialsdisappear-mouldsofjelly，vanishlikelightning-heartyeaterswipetheirforeheads，and，appearratherovercomebytheirrecentexertions-peoplewhohave，lookedverycrosshitherto，becomeremarkablybland，andaskyouto，takewineinthemostfriendlymannerpossible-oldgentlemen，directyourattentiontotheladies’gallery，andtakegreatpains，toimpressyouwiththefactthatthecharityisalwayspeculiarly，favouredinthisrespect-everyoneappearsdisposedtobecome，talkative-andthehumofconversationisloudandgeneral。

’Pray，silence，gentlemen，ifyouplease，forNONNOBIS！’shouts，thetoast-masterwithstentorianlungs-atoast-master’sshirt-

front，waistcoat，andneckerchief，by-the-bye，alwaysexhibitthree，distinctshadesofcloudy-white-’Pray，silence，gentlemen，for，NONNOBIS！’，Thesingers，whomyoudiscovertobenootherthanthe，verypartythatexcitedyourcuriosityatfirst，after’pitching’

theirvoicesimmediatelybeginTOO-TOOingmostdismally，onwhich，theregularoldstagersburstintooccasionalcriesof-’Sh-Sh-

waiters！-Silence，waiters-standstill，waiters-keepback，waiters，’andotherexorcisms，deliveredinatoneofindignant，remonstrance。Thegraceissoonconcluded，andthecompanyresume，theirseats。TheuninitiatedportionoftheguestsapplaudNON

NOBISasvehementlyasifitwereacapitalcomicsong，greatlyto，thescandalandindignationoftheregulardiners，whoimmediately，attempttoquellthissacrilegiousapprobation，bycriesof’Hush，hush！’whereupontheothers，mistakingthesesoundsforhisses，applaudmoretumultuouslythanbefore，and，bywayofplacingtheir，approvalbeyondthepossibilityofdoubt，shout’ENCORE！’most，vociferously。

Themomentthenoiseceases，upstartsthetoast-master：-

’Gentlemen，chargeyourglasses，ifyouplease！’，Decantershaving，beenhandedabout，andglassesfilled，thetoast-masterproceeds，inaregularascendingscale：-’Gentlemen-AIR-you-all，charged？，Pray-silence-gentlemen-for-thecha-i-r！’，The，chairmanrises，and，afterstatingthathefeelsitquite，unnecessarytoprefacethetoastheisabouttopropose，withany，observationswhatever，wandersintoamazeofsentences，and，floundersaboutinthemostextraordinarymanner，presentinga，lamentablespectacleofmystifiedhumanity，untilhearrivesatthe，words，’constitutionalsovereignoftheserealms，’atwhichelderly，gentlemenexclaim’Bravo！’andhammerthetabletremendouslywith，theirknife-handles。’Underanycircumstances，itwouldgivehim，thegreatestpride，itwouldgivehimthegreatestpleasure-he，mightalmostsay，itwouldaffordhimsatisfaction[cheers]to，proposethattoast。Whatmustbehisfeelings，then，whenhehas，thegratificationofannouncing，thathehasreceivedherMajesty’s，commandstoapplytotheTreasurerofherMajesty’sHousehold，for，herMajesty’sannualdonationof25L。inaidofthefundsofthis，charity！’，Thisannouncement(whichhasbeenregularlymadeby，everychairman，sincethefirstfoundationofthecharity，forty-

twoyearsago)callsforththemostvociferousapplause;thetoast，isdrunkwithagreatdealofcheeringandknocking;and’Godsave，theQueen’issungbythe’professionalgentlemen;’the，unprofessionalgentlemenjoininginthechorus，andgivingthe，nationalanthemaneffectwhichthenewspapers，withgreatjustice，describeas’perfectlyelectrical。’

Theother’loyalandpatriotic’toastshavingbeendrunkwithall，dueenthusiasm，acomicsonghavingbeenwellsungbythegentleman，withthesmallneckerchief，andasentimentalonebythesecondof，theparty，wecometothemostimportanttoastoftheevening-

’Prosperitytothecharity。’，Hereagainwearecompelledtoadopt，newspaperphraseology，andtoexpressourregretatbeing，’precludedfromgivingeventhesubstanceofthenoblelord’s，observations。’，Sufficeittosay，thatthespeech，whichis，somewhatofthelongest，israpturouslyreceived;andthetoast，havingbeendrunk，thestewards(lookingmoreimportantthanever)

leavetheroom，andpresentlyreturn，headingaprocessionof，indigentorphans，boysandgirls，whowalkroundtheroom，curtseying，andbowing，andtreadingoneachother’sheels，and，lookingverymuchasiftheywouldlikeaglassofwineapiece，to，thehighgratificationofthecompanygenerally，andespeciallyof，theladypatronessesinthegallery。EXEUNTchildren，andre-enter，stewards，eachwithablueplateinhishand。Thebandplaysa，livelyair;themajorityofthecompanyputtheirhandsintheir，pocketsandlookratherserious;andthenoiseofsovereigns，rattlingoncrockery，isheardfromallpartsoftheroom。

Afterashortinterval，occupiedinsingingandtoasting，the，secretaryputsonhisspectacles，andproceedstoreadthereport，andlistofsubscriptions，thelatterbeinglistenedtowithgreat，attention。’Mr。Smith，oneguinea-Mr。Tompkins，oneguinea-Mr。

Wilson，oneguinea-Mr。Hickson，oneguinea-Mr。Nixon，one，guinea-Mr。CharlesNixon，oneguinea-[hear，hear！]-Mr。James，Nixon，oneguinea-Mr。ThomasNixon，onepoundone[tremendous，applause]。LordFitzBinkle，thechairmanoftheday，inaddition，toanannualdonationoffifteenpounds-thirtyguineas[prolonged，knocking：，severalgentlemenknockthestemsofftheirwine-

glasses，inthevehemenceoftheirapprobation]。Lady，Fitz，Binkle，inadditiontoanannualdonationoftenpound-twenty，pound’[protractedknockingandshoutsof’Bravo！’]，Thelistbeing，atlengthconcluded，thechairmanrises，andproposesthehealthof，thesecretary，thanwhomheknowsnomorezealousorestimable，individual。Thesecretary，inreturningthanks，observesthatHE

knowsnomoreexcellentindividualthanthechairman-exceptthe，seniorofficerofthecharity，whosehealthHEbegstopropose。

Theseniorofficer，inreturningthanks，observesthatHEknowsno，moreworthymanthanthesecretary-exceptMr。Walker，the，auditor，whosehealthHEbegstopropose。Mr。Walker，inreturning，thanks，discoverssomeotherestimableindividual，towhomalone，theseniorofficerisinferior-andsotheygoontoastingand，laudingandthanking：，theonlyothertoastofimportancebeing，’TheLadyPatronessesnowpresent！’onwhichallthegentlementurn，theirfacestowardstheladies’gallery，shoutingtremendously;and，littlepriggishmen，whohaveimbibedmorewinethanusual，kiss，theirhandsandexhibitdistressingcontortionsofvisage。

Wehaveprotractedourdinnertosogreatalength，thatwehave，hardlytimetoaddonewordbywayofgrace。Wecanonlyentreat，ourreadersnottoimagine，becausewehaveattemptedtoextract，someamusementfromacharitydinner，thatweareatalldisposed，tounderrate，eithertheexcellenceofthebenevolentinstitutions，withwhichLondonabounds，ortheestimablemotivesofthosewho，supportthem。

CHAPTERXX-THEFIRSTOFMAY

’Nowladies，upinthesky-parlour：，onlyonceayear，ifyou，please！’

YOUNGLADYWITHBRASSLADLE。

’Sweep-sweep-sw-e-ep！’

ILLEGALWATCHWORD。

ThefirstofMay！，Thereisamerryfreshnessinthesound，calling，toourmindsathousandthoughtsofallthatispleasantinnature，andbeautifulinhermostdelightfulform。Whatmanisthere，over，whosemindabrightspringmorningdoesnotexerciseamagic，influence-carryinghimbacktothedaysofhischildishsports，andconjuringupbeforehimtheoldgreenfieldwithitsgently-

wavingtrees，wherethebirdssangashehasneverheardthemsince，-wherethebutterflyflutteredfarmoregailythanheeversees，himnow，inallhisramblings-wheretheskyseemedbluer，andthe，sunshonemorebrightly-wheretheairblewmorefreshlyover，greenergrass，andsweeter-smellingflowers-whereeverythingwore，aricherandmorebrillianthuethanitiseverdressedinnow！

Sucharethedeepfeelingsofchildhood，andsucharethe，impressionswhicheverylovelyobjectstampsuponitsheart！，The，hardytravellerwandersthroughthemazeofthickandpathless，woods，wherethesun’sraysnevershone，andheaven’spureair，neverplayed;hestandsonthebrinkoftheroaringwaterfall，and，giddyandbewildered，watchesthefoamingmassasitleapsfrom，stonetostone，andfromcragtocrag;helingersinthefertile，plainsofalandofperpetualsunshine，andrevelsintheluxuryof，theirbalmybreath。Butwhatarethedeepforests，orthe，thunderingwaters，ortherichestlandscapesthatbounteousnature，everspread，tocharmtheeyes，andcaptivatethesensesofman，comparedwiththerecollectionoftheoldscenesofhisearly，youth？，Magicscenesindeed;forthefanciesofchildhooddressed，themincoloursbrighterthantherainbow，andalmostasfleeting！

Informertimes，springbroughtwithitnotonlysuchassociations，asthese，connectedwiththepast，butsportsandgamesforthe，present-merrydancesroundrusticpillars，adornedwithemblems，oftheseason，andrearedinhonourofitscoming。Wherearethey，now！，Pillarswehave，buttheyarenolongerrusticones;andas，todancers，theyareusedtorooms，andlights，andwouldnotshow，wellintheopenair。Thinkoftheimmorality，too！，Whatwould，yoursabbathenthusiastssay，toanaristocraticringencircling，theDukeofYork’scolumninCarlton-terrace-agrandPOUSSETTEof，themiddleclasses，roundAldermanWaithman’smonumentinFleet-

street，-orageneralhands-four-roundoften-poundhouseholders，atthefootoftheObeliskinSt。George’s-fields？，Alas！romance，canmakenoheadagainsttheriotact;andpastoralsimplicityis，notunderstoodbythepolice。

Well;manyyearsagowebegantobeasteadyandmatter-of-fact，sortofpeople，anddancinginspringbeingbeneathourdignity，we，gaveitup，andincourseoftimeitdescendedtothesweeps-a，fallcertainly，because，thoughsweepsareverygoodfellowsin，theirway，andmoreoververyusefulinacivilisedcommunity，they，arenotexactlythesortofpeopletogivethetonetothelittle，elegancesofsociety。Thesweeps，however，gotthedancingto，themselves，andtheykeptitup，andhandeditdown。Thiswasa，severeblowtotheromanceofspring-time，but，itdidnotentirely，destroyit，either;foraportionofitdescendedtothesweeps，withthedancing，andrenderedthemobjectsofgreatinterest。A

mysteryhungoverthesweepsinthosedays。Legendswerein，existenceofwealthygentlemenwhohadlostchildren，andwho，aftermanyyearsofsorrowandsuffering，hadfoundtheminthe，characterofsweeps。Storieswererelatedofayoungboywho，havingbeenstolenfromhisparentsinhisinfancy，anddevotedto，theoccupationofchimney-sweeping，wassent，inthecourseofhis，professionalcareer，tosweepthechimneyofhismother’sbedroom;

andhow，beinghotandtiredwhenhecameoutofthechimney，he，gotintothebedhehadsooftensleptinasaninfant，andwas，discoveredandrecognisedthereinbyhismother，whoonceevery，yearofherlife，thereafter，requestedthepleasureofthecompany，ofeveryLondonsweep，athalf-pastoneo’clock，toroastbeef，plum-pudding，porter，andsixpence。

Suchstoriesasthese，andthereweremanysuch，threwanairof，mysteryroundthesweeps，andproducedforthemsomeofthosegood，effectswhichanimalsderivefromthedoctrineofthe，transmigrationofsouls。Noone(exceptthemasters)thoughtof，ill-treatingasweep，becausenooneknewwhohemightbe，orwhat，nobleman’sorgentleman’ssonhemightturnout。Chimney-sweeping，was，bymanybelieversinthemarvellous，consideredasasortof，probationaryterm，atanearlierorlaterperiodofwhich，divers，youngnoblemenweretocomeintopossessionoftheirrankand，titles：，andtheprofessionwasheldbythemingreatrespect，accordingly。

Weremember，inouryoungdays，alittlesweepaboutourownage，withcurlyhairandwhiteteeth，whomwedevoutlyandsincerely，believedtobethelostsonandheirofsomeillustriouspersonage，-animpressionwhichwasresolvedintoanunchangeableconviction，onourinfantmind，bythesubjectofourspeculationsinforming，us，oneday，inreplytoourquestion，propoundedafewmoments，beforehisascenttothesummitofthekitchenchimney，’thathe，believedhe’dbeenborninthevurkis，buthe’dneverknow’dhis，father。’，Wefeltcertain，fromthattimeforth，thathewouldone，daybeownedbyalord：，andweneverheardthechurch-bellsring，orsawaflaghoistedintheneighbourhood，withoutthinkingthat，thehappyeventhadatlastoccurred，andthathislong-lostparent，hadarrivedinacoachandsix，totakehimhometoGrosvenor-

square。Henevercame，however;and，atthepresentmoment，the，younggentlemaninquestionissettleddownasamastersweepin，theneighbourhoodofBattle-bridge，hisdistinguishing，characteristicsbeingadecidedantipathytowashinghimself，and，thepossessionofapairoflegsveryinadequatetothesupportof，hisunwieldyandcorpulentbody。

Theromanceofspringhavinggoneoutbeforeourtime，wewerefain，toconsoleourselvesaswebestcouldwiththeuncertaintythat，envelopedthebirthandparentageofitsattendantdancers，the，sweeps;andweDIDconsoleourselveswithit，formanyyears。But，eventhiswickedsourceofcomfortreceivedashockfromwhichit，hasneverrecovered-ashockwhichhasbeeninrealityitsdeath-

blow。Wecouldnotdisguisefromourselvesthefactthatwhole，familiesofsweepswereregularlybornofsweeps，intherural，districtsofSomersTownandCamdenTown-thattheeldestson，succeededtothefather’sbusiness，thattheotherbranches，assistedhimtherein，andcommencedontheirownaccount;that，theirchildrenagain，wereeducatedtotheprofession;andthat，abouttheiridentitytherecouldbenomistakewhatever。Wecould，notbeblind，wesay，tothismelancholytruth，butwecouldnot，bringourselvestoadmitit，nevertheless，andwelivedonforsome，yearsinastateofvoluntaryignorance。Wewererousedfromour，pleasantslumberbycertaindarkinsinuationsthrownoutbya，friendofours，totheeffectthatchildreninthelowerranksof，lifewerebeginningtoCHOOSEchimney-sweepingastheirparticular，walk;thatapplicationshadbeenmadebyvariousboystothe，constitutedauthorities，toallowthemtopursuetheobjectof，theirambitionwiththefullconcurrenceandsanctionofthelaw;

thattheaffair，inshort，wasbecomingoneofmerelegalcontract。

Weturnedadeafeartotheserumoursatfirst，butslowlyand，surelytheystoleuponus。Monthaftermonth，weekafterweek，nay，dayafterday，atlast，didwemeetwithaccountsofsimilar，applications。Theveilwasremoved，allmysterywasatanend，and，chimney-sweepinghadbecomeafavouriteandchosenpursuit。There，isnolongeranyoccasiontostealboys;forboysflockincrowds，tobindthemselves。Theromanceofthetradehasfled，andthe，chimney-sweeperofthepresentday，isnomorelikeuntohimof，thirtyyearsago，thanisaFleet-streetpickpockettoaSpanish，brigand，orPaulPrytoCalebWilliams。

Thisgradualdecayanddisuseofthepracticeofleadingnoble，youthsintocaptivity，andcompellingthemtoascendchimneys，was，asevereblow，ifwemaysospeak，totheromanceofchimney-

sweeping，andtotheromanceofspringatthesametime。Buteven，thiswasnotall，forsomefewyearsagothedancingonMay-day，begantodecline;smallsweepswereobservedtocongregateintwos，orthrees，unsupportedbya’green，’withno’MyLord’toactas，masteroftheceremonies，andno’MyLady’topresideoverthe，exchequer。Evenincompanieswheretherewasa’green’itwasan，absolutenothing-ameresprout-andtheinstrumental，accompanimentsrarelyextendedbeyondtheshovelsandasetof，Panpipes，betterknowntothemany，asa’mouth-organ。’

Theseweresignsofthetimes，portentousomensofacomingchange;

andwhatwastheresultwhichtheyshadowedforth？，Why，themaster，sweeps，influencedbyarestlessspiritofinnovation，actually，interposedtheirauthority，inoppositiontothedancing，and，substitutedadinner-ananniversarydinneratWhiteConduitHouse，-wherecleanfacesappearedinlieuofblackonessmearedwith，rosepink;andkneecordsandtopssupersedednankeendrawersand，rosettedshoes。