第8章
Whenthecurtainfell，theywalkedbacktogether，twoandtwo，to，thesteaksandoysters;andwhentheycametothesecondglassof，brandy-and-water，Jones-hoaxingscamp，thatJones-usedto，recounthowhehadobservedaladyinwhitefeathers，inoneofthe，pitboxes，gazingintentlyonMr。Douncealltheevening，andhow，hehadcaughtMr。Dounce，wheneverhethoughtnoonewaslookingat，him，bestowingardentlooksofintensedevotionontheladyin，return;onwhichMr。HarrisandMr。Jenningsusedtolaughvery，heartily，andJohnDouncemoreheartilythaneitherofthem，acknowledging，however，thatthetimeHADbeenwhenheMIGHThave，donesuchthings;uponwhichMr。Jonesusedtopokehiminthe，ribs，andtellhimhehadbeenasaddoginhistime，whichJohn，Douncewithchucklesconfessed。AndafterMr。HarrisandMr。
Jenningshadpreferredtheirclaimstothecharacterofhavingbeen，saddogstoo，theyseparatedharmoniously，andtrottedhome。
ThedecreesofFate，andthemeansbywhichtheyarebroughtabout，aremysteriousandinscrutable。JohnDouncehadledthislifefor，twentyyearsandupwards，withoutwishforchange，orcarefor，variety，whenhiswholesocialsystemwassuddenlyupsetandturned，completelytopsy-turvy-notbyanearthquake，orsomeother，dreadfulconvulsionofnature，asthereaderwouldbeinclinedto，suppose，butbythesimpleagencyofanoyster;andthusit，happened。
Mr。JohnDouncewasreturningonenightfromtheSirSomebody’s，Head，tohisresidenceinCursitor-street-nottipsy，butrather，excited，foritwasMr。Jennings’sbirthday，andtheyhadhada，braceofpartridgesforsupper，andabraceofextraglasses，afterwards，andJoneshadbeenmorethanordinarilyamusing-when，hiseyesrestedonanewly-openedoyster-shop，onamagnificent，scale，withnativeslaid，onedeep，incircularmarblebasinsin，thewindows，togetherwithlittleroundbarrelsofoystersdirected，toLordsandBaronets，andColonelsandCaptains，ineverypartof，thehabitableglobe。
Behindthenativeswerethebarrels，andbehindthebarrelswasa，youngladyofaboutfive-and-twenty，allinblue，andallalone-
splendidcreature，charmingfaceandlovelyfigure！，Itis，difficulttosaywhetherMr。JohnDounce’sredcountenance，illuminatedasitwasbytheflickeringgas-lightinthewindow，beforewhichhepaused，excitedthelady’srisibility，orwhethera，naturalexuberanceofanimalspiritsprovedtoomuchforthat，staidnessofdemeanourwhichtheformsofsocietyrather，dictatoriallyprescribe。Butcertainitis，thattheladysmiled;
thenputherfingeruponherlip，withastrikingrecollectionof，whatwasduetoherself;andfinallyretired，inoyster-like，bashfulness，totheverybackofthecounter。Thesad-dogsortof，feelingcamestronglyuponJohnDounce：，helingered-theladyin，bluemadenosign。Hecoughed-stillshecamenot。Heentered，theshop。
’Canyouopenmeanoyster，mydear？’saidMr。JohnDounce。
’DaresayIcan，sir，’repliedtheladyinblue，withplayfulness。
AndMr。JohnDounceeatoneoyster，andthenlookedattheyoung，lady，andtheneatanother，andthensqueezedtheyounglady’shand，asshewasopeningthethird，andsoforth，untilhehaddevoureda，dozenofthoseateightpenceinlessthannotime。
’Canyouopenmehalf-a-dozenmore，mydear？’inquiredMr。John，Dounce。
’I’llseewhatIcandoforyou，sir，’repliedtheyoungladyin，blue，evenmorebewitchinglythanbefore;andMr。JohnDounceeat，half-a-dozenmoreofthoseateightpence。
’Youcouldn’tmanagetogetmeaglassofbrandy-and-water，my，dear，Isuppose？’saidMr。JohnDounce，whenhehadfinishedthe，oysters：，inatonewhichclearlyimpliedhissuppositionthatshe，could。
’I’llsee，sir，’saidtheyounglady：，andawaysheranoutofthe，shop，anddownthestreet，herlongauburnringletsshakinginthe，windinthemostenchantingmanner;andbackshecameagain，trippingoverthecoal-cellarlidslikeawhipping-top，witha，tumblerofbrandy-and-water，whichMr。JohnDounceinsistedonher，takingashareof，asitwasregularladies’grog-hot，strong，sweet，andplentyofit。
So，theyoungladysatdownwithMr。JohnDounce，inalittlered，boxwithagreencurtain，andtookasmallsipofthebrandy-and-
water，andasmalllookatMr。JohnDounce，andthenturnedher，headaway，andwentthroughvariousotherserio-pantomimic，fascinations，whichforciblyremindedMr。JohnDounceofthefirst，timehecourtedhisfirstwife，andwhichmadehimfeelmore，affectionatethanever;inpursuanceofwhichaffection，and，actuatedbywhichfeeling，Mr。JohnDouncesoundedtheyounglady，onhermatrimonialengagements，whentheyoungladydeniedhaving，formedanysuchengagementsatall-shecouldn’tabearthemen，theyweresuchdeceivers;thereuponMr。JohnDounceinquired，whetherthissweepingcondemnationwasmeanttoincludeotherthan，veryyoungmen;onwhichtheyoungladyblusheddeeply-atleast，sheturnedawayherhead，andsaidMr。JohnDouncehadmadeher，blush，soofcoursesheDIDblush-andMr。JohnDouncewasalong，timedrinkingthebrandy-and-water;and，atlast，JohnDouncewent，hometobed，anddreamedofhisfirstwife，andhissecondwife，andtheyounglady，andpartridges，andoysters，andbrandy-and-
water，anddisinterestedattachments。
Thenextmorning，JohnDouncewasratherfeverishwiththeextra，brandy-and-waterofthepreviousnight;and，partlyinthehopeof，coolinghimselfwithanoyster，andpartlywiththeviewof，ascertainingwhetherheowedtheyoungladyanything，ornot，went，backtotheoyster-shop。Iftheyoungladyhadappearedbeautiful，bynight，shewasperfectlyirresistiblebyday;and，fromthis，timeforward，achangecameoverthespiritofJohnDounce’sdream。
Heboughtshirt-pins;worearingonhisthirdfinger;readpoetry;
bribedacheapminiature-paintertoperpetrateafaintresemblance，toayouthfulface，withacurtainoverhishead，sixlargebooks，inthebackground，andanopencountryinthedistance(thishe，calledhisportrait);’wenton’altogetherinsuchanuproarious，manner，thatthethreeMissDounceswentoffonsmallpensions，he，havingmadethetenementinCursitor-streettoowarmtocontain，them;andinshort，comportedanddemeanedhimselfineveryrespect，likeanunmitigatedoldSaracen，ashewas。
Astohisancientfriends，theotheroldboys，attheSir，Somebody’sHead，hedroppedofffromthembygradualdegrees;for，evenwhenhedidgothere，Jones-vulgarfellowthatJones-
persistedinasking’whenitwastobe？’and’whetherhewasto，haveanygloves？’togetherwithotherinquiriesofanequally，offensivenature：，atwhichnotonlyHarrislaughed，butJennings，also;so，hecutthetwo，altogether，andattachedhimselfsolely，totheblueyoungladyatthesmartoyster-shop。
Nowcomesthemoralofthestory-forithasamoralafterall。
Thelast-mentionedyounglady，havingderivedsufficientprofitand，emolumentfromJohnDounce’sattachment，notonlyrefused，when，matterscametoacrisis，totakehimforbetterforworse，but，expresslydeclared，touseherownforciblewords，thatshe，’wouldn’thavehimatnoprice;’andJohnDounce，havinglosthis，oldfriends，alienatedhisrelations，andrenderedhimself，ridiculoustoeverybody，madeofferssuccessivelytoa，schoolmistress，alandlady，afemininetobacconist，anda，housekeeper;and，beingdirectlyrejectedbyeachandeveryof，them，wasacceptedbyhiscook，withwhomhenowlives，ahenpecked，husband，amelancholymonumentofantiquatedmisery，andaliving，warningtoalluxoriousoldboys。
CHAPTERVIII-THEMISTAKENMILLINER。ATALEOFAMBITION
MissAmeliaMartinwaspale，tallish，thin，andtwo-and-thirty-
whatill-naturedpeoplewouldcallplain，andpolicereports，interesting。Shewasamillineranddressmaker，livingonher，businessandnotaboveit。Ifyouhadbeenayoungladyin，service，andhadwantedMissMartin，asagreatmanyyoungladies，inservicedid，youwouldjusthavesteppedup，intheevening，to，numberforty-seven，Drummond-street，George-street，Euston-square，andaftercastingyoureyeonabrassdoor-plate，onefoottenby，oneandahalf，ornamentedwithagreatbrassknobateachofthe，fourcorners，andbearingtheinscription’MissMartin;millinery，anddressmaking，inallitsbranches;’you’djusthaveknockedtwo，loudknocksatthestreet-door;anddownwouldhavecomeMiss，Martinherself，inamerinogownofthenewestfashion，black，velvetbraceletsonthegenteelestprinciple，andotherlittle，eleganciesofthemostapproveddescription。
IfMissMartinknewtheyoungladywhocalled，oriftheyounglady，whocalledhadbeenrecommendedbyanyotheryoungladywhomMiss，Martinknew，MissMartinwouldforthwithshowherup-stairsinto，thetwo-pairfront，andchatshewould-SOkind，andSO
comfortable-itreallywasn’tlikeamatterofbusiness，shewas，sofriendly;and，thenMissMartin，aftercontemplatingthefigure，andgeneralappearanceoftheyoungladyinservicewithgreat，apparentadmiration，wouldsayhowwellshewouldlook，tobesure，inalowdresswithshortsleeves;madeveryfullintheskirts，withfourtucksinthebottom;towhichtheyoungladyinservice，wouldreplyintermsexpressiveofherentireconcurrenceinthe，notion，andofthevirtuousindignationwithwhichshereflectedon，thetyrannyof’Missis，’whowouldn’tallowayounggirltoweara，shortsleeveofanarternoon-no，nornothingsmart，notevena，pairofear-rings;letalonehidingpeople’sheadsofhairunder，themfrightfulcaps。Attheterminationofthiscomplaint，Miss，AmeliaMartinwoulddistantlysuggestcertaindarksuspicionsthat，somepeoplewerejealousonaccountoftheirowndaughters，and，wereobligedtokeeptheirservants’charmsunder，forfearthey，shouldgetmarriedfirst，whichwasnouncommoncircumstance-
leastwaysshehadknowntwoorthreeyoungladiesinservice，who，hadmarriedagreatdealbetterthantheirmissises，andTHEYwere，notverygood-lookingeither;andthentheyoungladywouldinform，MissMartin，inconfidence，thathowoneoftheiryoungladieswas，engagedtoayoungmanandwasa-goingtobemarried，andMissis，wassoproudaboutittherewasnobearingofher;buthowshe，needn’tholdherheadquitesohighneither，for，afterall，hewas，onlyaclerk。And，afterexpressingduecontemptforclerksin，general，andtheengagedclerkinparticular，andthehighest，opinionpossibleofthemselvesandeachother，MissMartinandthe，youngladyinservicewouldbideachothergoodnight，ina，friendlybutperfectlygenteelmanner：，andtheonewentbackto，her’place，’andtheother，toherroomonthesecond-floorfront。
ThereisnosayinghowlongMissAmeliaMartinmighthavecontinued，thiscourseoflife;howextensiveaconnectionshemighthave，establishedamongyoungladiesinservice;orwhatamounther，demandsupontheirquarterlyreceiptsmighthaveultimately，attained，hadnotanunforeseentrainofcircumstancesdirectedher，thoughtstoasphereofactionverydifferentfromdressmakingor，millinery。
AfriendofMissMartin’swhohadlongbeenkeepingcompanywithan，ornamentalpainteranddecorator’sjourneyman，atlastconsented，(onbeingatlastaskedtodoso)tonamethedaywhichwouldmake，theaforesaidjourneymanahappyhusband。ItwasaMondaythatwas，appointedforthecelebrationofthenuptials，andMissAmelia，Martinwasinvited，amongothers，tohonourthewedding-dinnerwith，herpresence。Itwasacharmingparty;Somers-townthelocality，andafrontparlourtheapartment。Theornamentalpainterand，decorator’sjourneymanhadtakenahouse-nolodgingsnor，vulgarityofthatkind，butahouse-fourbeautifulrooms，anda，delightfullittlewashhouseattheendofthepassage-whichwas，themostconvenientthingintheworld，forthebridesmaidscould，sitinthefrontparlourandreceivethecompany，andthenruninto，thelittlewashhouseandseehowthepuddingandboiledporkwere，gettingoninthecopper，andthenpopbackintotheparlouragain，assnugandcomfortableaspossible。Andsuchaparlourasitwas！
BeautifulKidderminstercarpet-sixbran-newcane-bottomedstained，chairs-threewine-glassesandatumbleroneachsideboard-
farmer’sgirlandfarmer’sboyonthemantelpiece：，girltumbling，overastile，andboyspittinghimself，onthehandleofa，pitchfork-longwhitedimitycurtainsinthewindow-and，in，short，everythingonthemostgenteelscaleimaginable。
Then，thedinner。Therewasbakedlegofmuttonatthetop，boiled，legofmuttonatthebottom，pairoffowlsandlegofporkinthe，middle;porter-potsatthecorners;pepper，mustard，andvinegarin，thecentre;vegetablesonthefloor;andplum-puddingandapple-pie，andtartletswithoutnumber：，tosaynothingofcheese，andcelery，andwater-cresses，andallthatsortofthing。AstotheCompany！
MissAmeliaMartinherselfdeclared，onasubsequentoccasion，that，muchasshehadheardoftheornamentalpainter’s，journeyman’sconnexion，shenevercouldhavesupposeditwashalf，sogenteel。Therewashisfather，suchafunnyoldgentleman-and，hismother，suchadearoldlady-andhissister，suchacharming，girl-andhisbrother，suchamanly-lookingyoungman-withsuch，aeye！，Butevenallthesewereasnothingwhencomparedwithhis，musicalfriends，Mr。andMrs。JenningsRodolph，fromWhiteConduit，withwhomtheornamentalpainter’sjourneymanhadbeenfortunate，enoughtocontractanintimacywhileengagedindecoratingthe，concert-roomofthatnobleinstitution。Tohearthemsing，separately，wasdivine，butwhentheywentthroughthetragicduet，of’RedRuffian，retire！’itwas，asMissMartinafterwards，remarked，’thrilling。’，Andwhy(asMr。JenningsRodolphobserved)
whyweretheynotengagedatoneofthepatenttheatres？，Ifhewas，tobetoldthattheirvoiceswerenotpowerfulenoughtofillthe，House，hisonlyreplywas，thathewouldbackhimselfforany，amounttofillRussell-square-astatementinwhichthecompany，afterhearingtheduet，expressedtheirfullbelief;sotheyall，saiditwasshamefultreatment;andbothMr。andMrs。Jennings，Rodolphsaiditwasshamefultoo;andMr。JenningsRodolphlooked，veryserious，andsaidheknewwhohismalignantopponentswere，buttheyhadbettertakecarehowfartheywent，forifthey，irritatedhimtoomuchhehadnotquitemadeuphismindwhetherhe，wouldn’tbringthesubjectbeforeParliament;andtheyallagreed，thatit’’udserve’emquiteright，anditwasveryproperthat，suchpeopleshouldbemadeanexampleof。’，SoMr。JenningsRodolph，saidhe’dthinkofit。
Whentheconversationresumeditsformertone，Mr。JenningsRodolph，claimedhisrighttocalluponalady，andtherightbeing，conceded，trustedMissMartinwouldfavourthecompany-aproposal，whichmetwithunanimousapprobation，whereuponMissMartin，after，sundryhesitatingsandcoughings，withapreparatorychokeortwo，andanintroductorydeclarationthatshewasfrightenedtodeathto，attemptitbeforesuchgreatjudgesoftheart，commencedaspecies，oftreblechirrupingcontainingfrequentallusionstosomeyoung，gentlemanofthenameofHen-e-ry，withanoccasionalreferenceto，madnessandbrokenhearts。Mr。JenningsRodolphfrequently，interruptedtheprogressofthesong，byejaculating’Beautiful！’-
’Charming！’-’Brilliant！’-’Oh！splendid，’&c。;andatitsclose，theadmirationofhimself，andhislady，knewnobounds。
’Didyoueverhearsosweetavoice，mydear？’inquiredMr。
JenningsRodolphofMrs。JenningsRodolph。
’Never;indeedIneverdid，love，’repliedMrs。JenningsRodolph。
’Don’tyouthinkMissMartin，withalittlecultivation，wouldbe，verylikeSignoraMarraBoni，mydear？’askedMr。JenningsRodolph。
’Justexactlytheverythingthatstruckme，mylove，’answered，Mrs。JenningsRodolph。
Andthusthetimepassedaway;Mr。JenningsRodolphplayedtuneson，awalking-stick，andthenwentbehindtheparlour-doorandgavehis，celebratedimitationsofactors，edge-tools，andanimals;Miss，Martinsangseveralothersongswithincreasedadmirationevery，time;andeventhefunnyoldgentlemanbegansinging。Hissonghad，properlysevenverses，butashecouldn’trecollectmorethanthe，firstone，hesangthatoverseventimes，apparentlyverymuchto，hisownpersonalgratification。Andthenallthecompanysangthe，nationalanthemwithnationalindependence-eachforhimself，withoutreferencetotheother-andfinallyseparated：，all，declaringthattheyneverhadspentsopleasantanevening：，and，MissMartininwardlyresolvingtoadopttheadviceofMr。Jennings，Rodolph，andto’comeout’withoutdelay。
Now，’comingout，’eitherinacting，orsinging，orsociety，or，facetiousness，oranythingelse，isallverywell，andremarkably，pleasanttotheindividualprincipallyconcerned，ifheorshecan，butmanagetocomeoutwithaburst，andbeingout，tokeepout，andnotgoinagain;but，itdoesunfortunatelyhappenthatboth，consummationsareextremelydifficulttoaccomplish，andthatthe，difficulties，ofgettingoutatallinthefirstinstance，andif，yousurmountthem，ofkeepingoutinthesecond，areprettymuchon，apar，andnoslightoneseither-andsoMissAmeliaMartin，shortlydiscovered。Itisasingularfact(therebeingladiesin，thecase)thatMissAmeliaMartin’sprincipalfoiblewasvanity，andtheleadingcharacteristicofMrs。JenningsRodolphan，attachmenttodress。Dismalwailingswereheardtoissuefromthe，second-floorfrontofnumberforty-seven，Drummond-street，George-
street，Euston-square;itwasMissMartinpractising。Half-
suppressedmurmursdisturbedthecalmdignityoftheWhiteConduit，orchestraatthecommencementoftheseason。Itwastheappearance，ofMrs。JenningsRodolphinfulldress，thatoccasionedthem。Miss，Martinstudiedincessantly-thepractisingwastheconsequence。
Mrs。JenningsRodolphtaughtgratuitouslynowandthen-the，dressesweretheresult。
Weekspassedaway;theWhiteConduitseasonhadbegun，and，progressed，andwasmorethanhalfover。Thedressmakingbusiness，hadfallenoff，fromneglect;anditsprofitshaddwindledaway，almostimperceptibly。Abenefit-nightapproached;Mr。Jennings，RodolphyieldedtotheearnestsolicitationsofMissAmeliaMartin，andintroducedherpersonallytothe’comicgentleman’whose，benefititwas。Thecomicgentlemanwasallsmilesandblandness-
hehadcomposedaduet，expresslyfortheoccasion，andMissMartin，shouldsingitwithhim。Thenightarrived;therewasanimmense，room-ninety-sevensixpenn’orthsofgin-and-water，thirty-two，smallglassesofbrandy-and-water，five-and-twentybottledales，andforty-oneneguses;andtheornamentalpainter’sjourneyman，withhiswifeandaselectcircleofacquaintance，wereseatedat，oneoftheside-tablesneartheorchestra。Theconcertbegan。
Song-sentimental-byalight-hairedyounggentlemaninablue，coat，andbrightbasketbuttons-[applause]。Anothersong，doubtful，byanothergentlemaninanotherbluecoatandmorebright，basketbuttons-[increasedapplause]。Duet，Mr。JenningsRodolph，andMrs。JenningsRodolph，’RedRuffian，retire！’-[great，applause]。Solo，MissJuliaMontague(positivelyonthisoccasion，only)-’IamaFriar’-[enthusiasm]。Originalduet，comic-Mr。
H。Taplin(thecomicgentleman)andMissMartin-’TheTimeof，Day。’，’Brayvo！-Brayvo！’criedtheornamentalpainter’s，journeyman’sparty，asMissMartinwasgracefullyledinbythe，comicgentleman。’Gotowork，Harry，’criedthecomicgentleman’s，personalfriends。’Tap-tap-tap，’wenttheleader’sbowonthe，music-desk。Thesymphonybegan，andwassoonafterwardsfollowed，byafaintkindofventriloquialchirping，proceedingapparently，fromthedeepestrecessesoftheinteriorofMissAmeliaMartin。
’Singout’-shoutedonegentlemaninawhitegreat-coat。’Don’t，beafraidtoputthesteamon，oldgal，’exclaimedanother，’S-s-s-
s-s-s-s’-wentthefive-and-twentybottledales。’Shame，shame！’
remonstratedtheornamentalpainter’sjourneyman’sparty-’S-s-s-
s’wentthebottledalesagain，accompaniedbyallthegins，anda，majorityofthebrandies。
’Turnthemgeeseout，’criedtheornamentalpainter’sjourneyman’s，party，withgreatindignation。
’Singout，’whisperedMr。JenningsRodolph。
’SoIdo，’respondedMissAmeliaMartin。
’Singlouder，’saidMrs。JenningsRodolph。
’Ican’t，’repliedMissAmeliaMartin。
’Off，off，off，’criedtherestoftheaudience。
’Bray-vo！’shoutedthepainter’sparty。Itwouldn’tdo-Miss，AmeliaMartinlefttheorchestra，withmuchlessceremonythanshe，hadenteredit;and，asshecouldn’tsingout，nevercameout。The，generalgoodhumourwasnotrestoreduntilMr。JenningsRodolphhad，becomepurpleintheface，byimitatingdiversquadrupedsforhalf，anhour，withoutbeingabletorenderhimselfaudible;and，tothis，day，neitherhasMissAmeliaMartin’sgoodhumourbeenrestored，northedressesmadeforandpresentedtoMrs。JenningsRodolph，northelocalabilitieswhichMr。JenningsRodolphoncestakedhis，professionalreputationthatMissMartinpossessed。
CHAPTERIX-THEDANCINGACADEMY
Ofallthedancingacademiesthateverwereestablished，there，neverwasonemorepopularinitsimmediatevicinitythanSignor，Billsmethi’s，ofthe’King’sTheatre。’，ItwasnotinSpring-
gardens，orNewman-street，orBerners-street，orGower-street，or，Charlotte-street，orPercy-street，oranyotherofthenumerous，streetswhichhavebeendevotedtimeoutofmindtoprofessional，people，dispensaries，andboarding-houses;itwasnotintheWest-
endatall-itratherapproximatedtotheeasternportionof，London，beingsituatedinthepopulousandimprovingneighbourhood，ofGray’s-inn-lane。Itwasnotadeardancingacademy-four-and-
sixpenceaquarterisdecidedlycheapuponthewhole。ItwasVERY
select，thenumberofpupilsbeingstrictlylimitedtoseventy-
five，andaquarter’spaymentinadvancebeingrigidlyexacted。
Therewaspublictuitionandprivatetuition-anassembly-roomand，aparlour。SignorBillsmethi’sfamilywerealwaysthrowninwith，theparlour，andincludedinparlourprice;thatistosay，a，privatepupilhadSignorBillsmethi’sparlourtodanceIN，and，SignorBillsmethi’sfamilytodanceWITH;andwhenhehadbeen，sufficientlybrokeninintheparlour，hebegantorunincouples，intheassembly-room。
SuchwasthedancingacademyofSignorBillsmethi，whenMr。
AugustusCooper，ofFetter-lane，firstsawanunstamped，advertisementwalkingleisurelydownHolborn-hill，announcingto，theworldthatSignorBillsmethi，oftheKing’sTheatre，intended，openingfortheseasonwithaGrandBall。
Now，Mr。AugustusCooperwasintheoilandcolourline-justof，age，withalittlemoney，alittlebusiness，andalittlemother，who，havingmanagedherhusbandandHISbusinessinhislifetime，tooktomanaginghersonandHISbusinessafterhisdecease;and，so，somehoworother，hehadbeencoopedupinthelittleback，parlourbehindtheshoponweek-days，andinalittledealbox，withoutalid(calledbycourtesyapew)atBethelChapel，on，Sundays，andhadseennomoreoftheworldthanifhehadbeenan，infantallhisdays;whereasYoungWhite，atthegas-fitter’sover，theway，threeyearsyoungerthanhim，hadbeenflaringawaylike，winkin’-goingtothetheatre-suppingatharmonicmeetings-
eatingoystersbythebarrel-drinkingstoutbythegallon-even，outallnight，andcominghomeascoolinthemorningasifnothing，hadhappened。SoMr。AugustusCoopermadeuphismindthathe，wouldnotstanditanylonger，andhadthatverymorningexpressed，tohismotherafirmdeterminationtobe’blowed，’intheeventof，hisnotbeinginstantlyprovidedwithastreet-doorkey。Andhe，waswalkingdownHolborn-hill，thinkingaboutallthesethings，and，wonderinghowhecouldmanagetogetintroducedintogenteel，societyforthefirsttime，whenhiseyesrestedonSignor，Billsmethi’sannouncement，whichitimmediatelystruckhimwasjust，theverythinghewanted;forheshouldnotonlybeabletoselect，agenteelcircleofacquaintanceatonce，outofthefive-and-
seventypupilsatfour-and-sixpenceaquarter，butshouldqualify，himselfatthesametimetogothroughahornpipeinprivate，society，withperfecteasetohimselfandgreatdelighttohis，friends。So，hestoppedtheunstampedadvertisement-ananimated，sandwich，composedofaboybetweentwoboards-andhaving，procuredaverysmallcardwiththeSignor’saddressindented，thereon，walkedstraightatoncetotheSignor’shouse-andvery，fasthewalkedtoo，forfearthelistshouldbefilledup，andthe，five-and-seventycompleted，beforehegotthere。TheSignorwasat，home，and，whatwasstillmoregratifying，hewasanEnglishman！
Suchaniceman-andsopolite！，Thelistwasnotfull，butitwas，amostextraordinarycircumstancethattherewasonlyjustone，vacancy，andeventhatonewouldhavebeenfilledup，thatvery，morning，onlySignorBillsmethiwasdissatisfiedwiththe，reference，and，beingverymuchafraidthattheladywasn’tselect，wouldn’ttakeher。
’AndverymuchdelightedIam，Mr。Cooper，’saidSignorBillsmethi，’thatIdidNOTtakeher。Iassureyou，Mr。Cooper-Idon’tsay，ittoflatteryou，forIknowyou’reaboveit-thatIconsider，myselfextremelyfortunateinhavingagentlemanofyourmanners，andappearance，sir。’
’Iamverygladofittoo，sir，’saidAugustusCooper。
’AndIhopeweshallbebetteracquainted，sir，’saidSignor，Billsmethi。
’AndI’msureIhopeweshalltoo，sir，’respondedAugustusCooper。
Justthen，thedooropened，andincameayounglady，withherhair，curledinacropalloverherhead，andhershoestiedinsandals，alloverherankles。
’Don’trunaway，mydear，’saidSignorBillsmethi;fortheyoung，ladydidn’tknowMr。Cooperwastherewhensheranin，andwas，goingtorunoutagaininhermodesty，allinconfusion-like。
’Don’trunaway，mydear，’saidSignorBillsmethi，’thisisMr。
Cooper-Mr。Cooper，ofFetter-lane。Mr。Cooper，mydaughter，sir，-MissBillsmethi，sir，whoIhopewillhavethepleasureof，dancingmanyaquadrille，minuet，gavotte，country-dance，fandango，double-hornpipe，andfarinagholkajingowithyou，sir。Shedances，themall，sir;andsoshallyou，sir，beforeyou’reaquarter，older，sir。’
AndSignorBellsmethislappedMr。AugustusCooperontheback，as，ifhehadknownhimadozenyears，-sofriendly;-andMr。Cooper，bowedtotheyounglady，andtheyoungladycurtseyedtohim，and，SignorBillsmethisaidtheywereashandsomeapairaseverhe’d，wishtosee;uponwhichtheyoungladyexclaimed，’Lor，pa！’and，blushedasredasMr。Cooperhimself-youmighthavethoughtthey，werebothstandingunderaredlampatachemist’sshop;andbefore，Mr。Cooperwentawayitwassettledthatheshouldjointhefamily，circlethatverynight-takingthemjustastheywere-no，ceremonynornonsenseofthatkind-andlearnhispositionsin，orderthathemightlosenotime，andbeabletocomeoutatthe，forthcomingball。
Well;Mr。AugustusCooperwentawaytooneofthecheapshoemakers’
shopsinHolborn，wheregentlemen’sdress-pumpsareseven-and-
sixpence，andmen’sstrongwalkingjustnothingatall，andbought，apairoftheregularseven-and-sixpenny，long-quartered，town-
mades，inwhichheastonishedhimselfquiteasmuchashismother，andsalliedforthtoSignorBillsmethi’s。Therewerefourother，privatepupilsintheparlour：，twoladiesandtwogentlemen。Such，nicepeople！，Notabitofprideaboutthem。Oneoftheladiesin，particular，whowasintrainingforaColumbine，wasremarkably，affable;andsheandMissBillsmethitooksuchaninterestinMr。
AugustusCooper，andjoked，andsmiled，andlookedsobewitching，thathegotquiteathome，andlearnthisstepsinnotime。After，thepractisingwasover，SignorBillsmethi，andMissBillsmethi，andMasterBillsmethi，andayounglady，andthetwoladies，and，thetwogentlemen，dancedaquadrille-noneofyourslippingand，slidingabout，butregularwarmwork，flyingintocorners，and，divingamongchairs，andshootingoutatthedoor，-somethinglike，dancing！，SignorBillsmethiinparticular，notwithstandinghis，havingalittlefiddletoplayallthetime，wasoutonthelanding，everyfigure，andMasterBillsmethi，wheneverybodyelsewas，breathless，dancedahornpipe，withacaneinhishand，anda，cheese-plateonhishead，totheunqualifiedadmirationofthe，wholecompany。Then，SignorBillsmethiinsisted，astheywereso，happy，thattheyshouldallstaytosupper，andproposedsending，MasterBillsmethiforthebeerandspirits，whereuponthetwo，gentlemenswore，’strike’emwulgarifthey’dstandthat;’andwere，justgoingtoquarrelwhoshouldpayforit，whenMr。Augustus，Coopersaidhewould，ifthey’dhavethekindnesstoallowhim-
andtheyHADthekindnesstoallowhim;andMasterBillsmethi，broughtthebeerinacan，andtheruminaquartpot。Theyhada，regularnightofit;andMissBillsmethisqueezedMr。Augustus，Cooper’shandunderthetable;andMr。AugustusCooperreturnedthe，squeeze，andreturnedhometoo，atsomethingtosixo’clockinthe，morning，whenhewasputtobedbymainforcebytheapprentice，afterrepeatedlyexpressinganuncontrollabledesiretopitchhis，reveredparentoutofthesecond-floorwindow，andtothrottlethe，apprenticewithhisownneck-handkerchief。
Weekshadwornon，andtheseven-and-sixpennytown-madeshadnearly，wornout，whenthenightarrivedforthegranddress-ballatwhich，thewholeofthefive-and-seventypupilsweretomeettogether，for，thefirsttimethatseason，andtotakeoutsomeportionoftheir，respectivefour-and-sixpencesinlamp-oilandfiddlers。Mr。
AugustusCooperhadorderedanewcoatfortheoccasion-atwo-
pound-tennerfromTurnstile。Itwashisfirstappearancein，public;and，afteragrandSicilianshawl-dancebyfourteenyoung，ladiesincharacter，hewastoopenthequadrilledepartmentwith，MissBillsmethiherself，withwhomhehadbecomequiteintimate，sincehisfirstintroduction。ItWASanight！，Everythingwas，admirablyarranged。Thesandwich-boytookthehatsandbonnetsat，thestreet-door;therewasaturn-upbedsteadinthebackparlour，onwhichMissBillsmethimadeteaandcoffeeforsuchofthe，gentlemenaschosetopayforit，andsuchoftheladiesasthe，gentlementreated;redport-winenegusandlemonadewerehanded，roundateighteen-penceahead;andinpursuanceofaprevious，engagementwiththepublic-houseatthecornerofthestreet，an，extrapotboywaslaidonfortheoccasion。Inshort，nothingcould，exceedthearrangements，exceptthecompany。Suchladies！，Such，pinksilkstockings！，Suchartificialflowers！，Suchanumberof，cabs！，Nosoonerhadonecabsetdownacoupleofladies，than，anothercabdroveupandsetdownanothercoupleofladies，and，theyallknew：，notonlyoneanother，butthemajorityofthe，gentlemenintothebargain，whichmadeitallaspleasantand，livelyascouldbe。SignorBillsmethi，inblacktights，witha，largebluebowinhisbuttonhole，introducedtheladiestosuchof，thegentlemenaswerestrangers：，andtheladiestalkedaway-and，laughedtheydid-itwasdelightfultoseethem。
Astotheshawl-dance，itwasthemostexcitingthingthateverwas，beheld;therewassuchawhisking，andrustling，andfanning，and，gettingladiesintoatanglewithartificialflowers，andthen，disentanglingthemagain！，AndastoMr。AugustusCooper’ssharein，thequadrille，hegotthroughitadmirably。Hewasmissingfrom，hispartner，nowandthen，certainly，anddiscoveredonsuch，occasionstobeeitherdancingwithlaudableperseverancein，anotherset，orslidingaboutinperspective，withoutanydefinite，object;but，generallyspeaking，theymanagedtoshovehimthrough，thefigure，untilheturnedupintherightplace。Bethisasit，may，whenhehadfinished，agreatmanyladiesandgentlemencame，upandcomplimentedhimverymuch，andsaidtheyhadneverseena，beginnerdoanythinglikeitbefore;andMr。AugustusCooperwas，perfectlysatisfiedwithhimself，andeverybodyelseintothe，bargain;and’stood’considerablequantitiesofspirits-and-water，negus，andcompounds，fortheuseandbehoofoftwoorthreedozen，veryparticularfriends，selectedfromtheselectcircleoffive-
and-seventypupils。
Now，whetheritwasthestrengthofthecompounds，orthebeautyof，theladies，orwhatnot，itdidsohappenthatMr。AugustusCooper，encouraged，ratherthanrepelled，theveryflatteringattentionsof，ayoungladyinbrowngauzeoverwhitecalicowhohadappeared，particularlystruckwithhimfromthefirst;andwhenthe，encouragementshadbeenprolongedforsometime，MissBillsmethi，betrayedherspiteandjealousythereatbycallingtheyounglady，inbrowngauzea’creeter，’whichinducedtheyoungladyinbrown，gauzetoretort，incertainsentencescontainingatauntfoundedon，thepaymentoffour-and-sixpenceaquarter，whichreferenceMr。
AugustusCooper，beingthenandthereinastateofconsiderable，bewilderment，expressedhisentireconcurrencein。Miss，Billsmethi，thusrenounced，forthwithbeganscreaminginthe，loudestkeyofhervoice，attherateoffourteenscreamsaminute;
andbeingunsuccessful，inanonslaughtontheeyesandface，first，oftheladyingauzeandthenofMr。AugustusCooper，called，distractedlyontheotherthree-and-seventypupilstofurnishher，withoxalicacidforherownprivatedrinking;and，thecallnot，beinghonoured，madeanotherrushatMr。Cooper，andthenhadher，stay-lacecut，andwascarriedofftobed。Mr。AugustusCooper，notbeingremarkableforquicknessofapprehension，wasataloss，tounderstandwhatallthismeant，untilSignorBillsmethi，explaineditinamostsatisfactorymanner，bystatingtothe，pupils，thatMr。AugustusCooperhadmadeandconfirmeddivers，promisesofmarriagetohisdaughterondiversoccasions，andhad，nowbaselydesertedher;onwhich，theindignationofthepupils，becameuniversal;andasseveralchivalrousgentlemeninquired，ratherpressinglyofMr。AugustusCooper，whetherherequired，anythingforhisownuse，or，inotherwords，whetherhe’wanted，anythingforhimself，’hedeemeditprudenttomakeaprecipitate，retreat。Andtheupshotofthematterwas，thatalawyer’sletter，camenextday，andanactionwascommencednextweek;andthatMr。
AugustusCooper，afterwalkingtwicetotheSerpentineforthe，purposeofdrowninghimself，andcomingtwicebackwithoutdoing，it，madeaconfidanteofhismother，whocompromisedthematter，withtwentypoundsfromthetill：，whichmadetwentypoundsfour，shillingsandsixpencepaidtoSignorBillsmethi，exclusiveof，treatsandpumps。AndMr。AugustusCooperwentbackandlivedwith，hismother，andtherehelivestothisday;andashehaslosthis，ambitionforsociety，andnevergoesintotheworld，hewillnever，seethisaccountofhimself，andwillneverbeanythewiser。
CHAPTERX-SHABBY-GENTEELPEOPLE
Therearecertaindescriptionsofpeoplewho，oddlyenough，appear，toappertainexclusivelytothemetropolis。Youmeetthem，every，day，inthestreetsofLondon，butnooneeverencountersthem，elsewhere;theyseemindigenoustothesoil，andtobelongas，exclusivelytoLondonasitsownsmoke，orthedingybricksand，mortar。Wecouldillustratetheremarkbyavarietyofexamples，but，inourpresentsketch，wewillonlyadverttooneclassasa，specimen-thatclasswhichissoaptlyandexpressivelydesignated，as’shabby-genteel。’
Now，shabbypeople，Godknows，maybefoundanywhere，andgenteel，peoplearenotarticlesofgreaterscarcityoutofLondonthanin，it;butthiscompoundofthetwo-thisshabby-gentility-isas，purelylocalasthestatueatCharing-cross，orthepumpat，Aldgate。Itisworthyofremark，too，thatonlymenareshabby-
genteel;awomanisalwayseitherdirtyandslovenlyinthe，extreme，orneatandrespectable，howeverpoverty-strickenin，appearance。Averypoorman，’whohasseenbetterdays，’asthe，phrasegoes，isastrangecompoundofdirty-slovenlinessand，wretchedattemptsatfadedsmartness。
Wewillendeavourtoexplainourconceptionofthetermwhichforms，thetitleofthispaper。Ifyoumeetaman，loungingupDrury-
Lane，orleaningwithhisbackagainstapostinLong-acre，with，hishandsinthepocketsofapairofdrabtrousersplentifully，besprinkledwithgrease-spots：，thetrousersmadeveryfullover，theboots，andornamentedwithtwocordsdowntheoutsideofeach，leg-wearing，also，whathasbeenabrowncoatwithbright，buttons，andahatverymuchpinchedupattheside，cockedover，hisrighteye-don’tpityhim。Heisnotshabby-genteel。The，’harmonicmeetings’atsomefourth-ratepublic-house，orthe，purlieusofaprivatetheatre，arehischosenhaunts;heentertains，arootedantipathytoanykindofwork，andisonfamiliarterms，withseveralpantomimemenatthelargehouses。But，ifyousee，hurryingalongaby-street，keepingascloseashecantothearea-
railings，amanofaboutfortyorfifty，cladinanoldrustysuit，ofthreadbareblackclothwhichshineswithconstantwearasifit，hadbeenbees-waxed-thetrouserstightlystrappeddown，partly，forthelookofthethingandpartlytokeephisoldshoesfrom，slippingoffattheheels，-ifyouobserve，too，thathis，yellowish-whiteneckerchiefiscarefullypinnedup，toconcealthe，tatteredgarmentunderneath，andthathishandsareencasedinthe，remainsofanoldpairofbeavergloves，youmaysethimdownasa，shabby-genteelman。Aglanceatthatdepressedface，andtimorous，airofconsciouspoverty，willmakeyourheartache-always，supposingthatyouareneitheraphilosophernorapolitical，economist。
Wewereoncehauntedbyashabby-genteelman;hewasbodilypresent，tooursensesallday，andhewasinourmind’seyeallnight。The，manofwhomSirWalterScottspeaksinhisDemonology，didnot，sufferhalfthepersecutionfromhisimaginarygentleman-usherin，blackvelvet，thatwesustainedfromourfriendinquondamblack，cloth。Hefirstattractedournotice，bysittingoppositetousin，thereading-roomattheBritishMuseum;andwhatmadethemanmore，remarkablewas，thathealwayshadbeforehimacoupleofshabby-
genteelbooks-twoolddog’s-earedfolios，inmouldyworm-eaten，covers，whichhadoncebeensmart。Hewasinhischair，every，morning，justastheclockstruckten;hewasalwaysthelastto，leavetheroomintheafternoon;andwhenhedid，hequittedit，withtheairofamanwhoknewnotwhereelsetogo，forwarmthand，quiet。Thereheusedtositallday，asclosetothetableas，possible，inordertoconcealthelackofbuttonsonhiscoat：
withhisoldhatcarefullydepositedathisfeet，wherehe，evidentlyflatteredhimselfitescapedobservation。
Abouttwoo’clock，youwouldseehimmunchingaFrenchrollora，pennyloaf;nottakingitboldlyoutofhispocketatonce，likea，manwhoknewhewasonlymakingalunch;butbreakingofflittle，bitsinhispocket，andeatingthembystealth。Heknewtoowell，itwashisdinner。
Whenwefirstsawthispoorobject，wethoughtitquiteimpossible，thathisattirecouldeverbecomeworse。Weevenwentsofar，as，tospeculateonthepossibilityofhisshortlyappearingina，decentsecond-handsuit。Weknewnothingaboutthematter;hegrew，moreandmoreshabby-genteeleveryday。Thebuttonsdroppedoff，hiswaistcoat，onebyone;then，hebuttonedhiscoat;andwhenone，sideofthecoatwasreducedtothesameconditionasthe，waistcoat，hebuttoneditover-ontheotherside。Helooked，somewhatbetteratthebeginningoftheweekthanatthe，conclusion，becausetheneckerchief，thoughyellow，wasnotquite，sodingy;and，inthemidstofallthiswretchedness，henever，appearedwithoutglovesandstraps。Heremainedinthisstatefor，aweekortwo。Atlength，oneofthebuttonsonthebackofthe，coatfelloff，andthenthemanhimselfdisappeared，andwethought，hewasdead。
Weweresittingatthesametableaboutaweekafterhis，disappearance，andasoureyesrestedonhisvacantchair，we，insensiblyfellintoatrainofmeditationonthesubjectofhis，retirementfrompubliclife。Wewerewonderingwhetherhehadhung，himself，orthrownhimselfoffabridge-whetherhereallywas，deadorhadonlybeenarrested-whenourconjecturesweresuddenly，setatrestbytheentryofthemanhimself。Hehadundergonesome，strangemetamorphosis，andwalkedupthecentreoftheroomwithan，airwhichshowedhewasfullyconsciousoftheimprovementinhis，appearance。Itwasveryodd。Hisclotheswereafine，deep，glossyblack;andyettheylookedlikethesamesuit;nay，there，weretheverydarnswithwhicholdacquaintancehadmadeus，familiar。Thehat，too-nobodycouldmistaketheshapeofthat，hat，withitshighcrowngraduallyincreasingincircumference，towardsthetop。Longservicehadimpartedtoitareddish-brown，tint;but，now，itwasasblackasthecoat。Thetruthflashed，suddenlyuponus-theyhadbeen’revived。’，Itisadeceitful，liquidthatblackandbluereviver;wehavewatcheditseffectson，manyashabby-genteelman。Itbetraysitsvictimsintoatemporary，assumptionofimportance：，possiblyintothepurchaseofanewpair，ofgloves，oracheapstock，orsomeothertriflingarticleof，dress。Itelevatestheirspiritsforaweek，onlytodepressthem，ifpossible，belowtheiroriginallevel。Itwassointhiscase;
thetransientdignityoftheunhappymandecreased，inexact，proportionasthe’reviver’woreoff。Thekneesofthe，unmentionables，andtheelbowsofthecoat，andtheseams，generally，soonbegantogetalarminglywhite。Thehatwasonce，moredepositedunderthetable，anditsownercreptintohisseat，asquietlyasever。
Therewasaweekofincessantsmallrainandmist。Atits，expirationthe’reviver’hadentirelyvanished，andtheshabby-
genteelmanneverafterwardsattemptedtoeffectanyimprovementin，hisoutwardappearance。
Itwouldbedifficulttonameanyparticularpartoftownasthe，principalresortofshabby-genteelmen。Wehavemetagreatmany，personsofthisdescriptionintheneighbourhoodoftheinnsof，court。Theymaybemetwith，inHolborn，betweeneightandtenany，morning;andwhoeverhasthecuriositytoentertheInsolvent，Debtors’Courtwillobserve，bothamongspectatorsand，practitioners，agreatvarietyofthem。Weneverwenton’Change，byanychance，withoutseeingsomeshabby-genteelmen，andwehave，oftenwonderedwhatearthlybusinesstheycanhavethere。They，willsitthere，forhours，leaningongreat，dropsical，mildewed，umbrellas，oreatingAbernethybiscuits。Nobodyspeakstothem，northeytoanyone。Onconsideration，weremembertohave，occasionallyseentwoshabby-genteelmenconversingtogetheron，’Change，butourexperienceassuresusthatthisisanuncommon，circumstance，occasionedbytheofferofapinchofsnuff，orsome，suchcivility。
Itwouldbeataskofequaldifficulty，eithertoassignany，particularspotfortheresidenceofthesebeings，ortoendeavour，toenumeratetheirgeneraloccupations。Wewereneverengagedin，businesswithmorethanoneshabby-genteelman;andhewasa，drunkenengraver，andlivedinadampback-parlourinanewrowof，housesatCamden-town，halfstreet，halfbrick-field，somewhere，nearthecanal。Ashabby-genteelmanmayhavenooccupation，orhe，maybeacornagent，oracoalagent，orawinemerchant，ora，collectorofdebts，orabroker’sassistant，orabroken-down，attorney。Hemaybeaclerkofthelowestdescription，ora，contributortothepressofthesamegrade。Whetherourreaders，havenoticedthesemen，intheirwalks，asoftenaswehave，we，knownot;thisweknow-thatthemiserablypoorman(nomatter，whetherheoweshisdistressestohisownconduct，orthatof，others)whofeelshispovertyandvainlystrivestoconcealit，is，oneofthemostpitiableobjectsinhumannature。Suchobjects，withfewexceptions，areshabby-genteelpeople。
CHAPTERXI-MAKINGANIGHTOFIT
DamonandPythiaswereundoubtedlyverygoodfellowsintheirway：
theformerforhisextremereadinesstoputinspecialbailfora，friend：，andthelatterforacertaintrump-likepunctualityin，turningupjustintheverynickoftime，scarcelylessremarkable。
Manypointsintheircharacterhave，however，grownobsolete。
Damonsareratherhardtofind，inthesedaysofimprisonmentfor，debt(excepttheshamones，andtheycosthalf-a-crown);and，asto，thePythiases，thefewthathaveexistedinthesedegeneratetimes，havehadanunfortunateknackofmakingthemselvesscarce，atthe，verymomentwhentheirappearancewouldhavebeenstrictly，classical。Iftheactionsoftheseheroes，however，canfindno，parallelinmoderntimes，theirfriendshipcan。WehaveDamonand，Pythiasontheonehand。WehavePotterandSmithersontheother;
and，lestthetwolast-mentionednamesshouldneverhavereached，theearsofourunenlightenedreaders，wecandonobetterthan，makethemacquaintedwiththeownersthereof。
Mr。ThomasPotter，then，wasaclerkinthecity，andMr。Robert，Smitherswasadittointhesame;theirincomeswerelimited，but，theirfriendshipwasunbounded。Theylivedinthesamestreet，walkedintotowneverymorningatthesamehour，dinedatthesame，slap-bangeveryday，andrevelledineachother’scompanyvery，night。Theywereknittogetherbytheclosesttiesofintimacyand，friendship，or，asMr。ThomasPottertouchinglyobserved，theywere，’thick-and-thinpals，andnothingbutit。’，Therewasaspiceof，romanceinMr。Smithers’sdisposition，arayofpoetry，agleamof，misery，asortofconsciousnessofhedidn’texactlyknowwhat，comingacrosshimhedidn’tpreciselyknowwhy-whichstoodoutin，finereliefagainsttheoff-hand，dashing，amateur-pickpocket-sort-
of-manner，whichdistinguishedMr。Potterinaneminentdegree。
Thepeculiarityoftheirrespectivedispositions，extendeditself，totheirindividualcostume。Mr。Smithersgenerallyappearedin，publicinasurtoutandshoes，withanarrowblackneckerchiefand，abrownhat，verymuchturnedupatthesides-peculiaritieswhich，Mr。Potterwhollyeschewed，foritwashisambitiontodosomething，inthecelebrated’kiddy’orstage-coachway，andhehadevengone，sofarastoinvestcapitalinthepurchaseofaroughbluecoat，withwoodenbuttons，madeuponthefireman’sprinciple，inwhich，withtheadditionofalow-crowned，flower-pot-saucer-shapedhat，hehadcreatednoinconsiderablesensationattheAlbioninLittle，Russell-street，anddiversotherplacesofpublicandfashionable，resort。
Mr。PotterandMr。Smithershadmutuallyagreedthat，onthe，receiptoftheirquarter’ssalary，theywouldjointlyandin，company’spendtheevening’-anevidentmisnomer-thespending，applying，aseverybodyknows，nottotheeveningitselfbuttoall，themoneytheindividualmaychancetobepossessedof，onthe，occasiontowhichreferenceismade;andtheyhadlikewiseagreed，that，ontheeveningaforesaid，theywould’makeanightofit’-
anexpressiveterm，implyingtheborrowingofseveralhoursfrom，to-morrowmorning，addingthemtothenightbefore，and，manufacturingacompoundnightofthewhole。
Thequarter-dayarrivedatlast-wesayatlast，becausequarter-
daysareaseccentricascomets：，movingwonderfullyquickwhenyou，haveagooddealtopay，andmarvellouslyslowwhenyouhavea，littletoreceive。Mr。ThomasPotterandMr。RobertSmithersmet，byappointmenttobegintheeveningwithadinner;andanice，snug，comfortabledinnertheyhad，consistingofalittle，processionoffourchopsandfourkidneys，followingeachother，supportedoneithersidebyapotoftherealdraughtstout，and，attendedbydiverscushionsofbread，andwedgesofcheese。
Whentheclothwasremoved，Mr。ThomasPotterorderedthewaiterto，bringin，twogoesofhisbestScotchwhiskey，withwarmwaterand，sugar，andacoupleofhis’verymildest’Havannahs，whichthe，waiterdid。Mr。ThomasPottermixedhisgrog，andlightedhis，cigar;Mr。RobertSmithersdidthesame;andthen，Mr。Thomas，Potterjocularlyproposedasthefirsttoast，’theabolitionofall，officeswhatever’(notsinecures，butcounting-houses)，whichwas，immediatelydrunkbyMr。RobertSmithers，withenthusiastic，applause。Sotheywenton，talkingpolitics，puffingcigars，and，sippingwhiskey-and-water，untilthe’goes’-mostappropriatelyso，called-werebothgone，whichMr。RobertSmithersperceiving，immediatelyorderedintwomoregoesofthebestScotchwhiskey，andtwomoreoftheverymildestHavannahs;andthegoeskept，comingin，andthemildHavannahskeptgoingout，until，whatwith，thedrinking，andlighting，andpuffing，andthestaleashesonthe，table，andthetallow-greaseonthecigars，Mr。RobertSmithers，begantodoubtthemildnessoftheHavannahs，andtofeelverymuch，asifhehadbeensittinginahackney-coachwithhisbacktothe，horses。
AstoMr。ThomasPotter，heWOULDkeeplaughingoutloud，and，volunteeringinarticulatedeclarationsthathewas’allright;’in，proofofwhich，hefeeblybespoketheeveningpaperafterthenext，gentleman，butfindingitamatterofsomedifficultytodiscover，anynewsinitscolumns，ortoascertaindistinctlywhetherithad，anycolumnsatall，walkedslowlyouttolookforthemoon，and，aftercomingbackquitepalewithlookingupattheskysolong，andattemptingtoexpressmirthatMr。RobertSmithershaving，fallenasleep，byvariousgalvanicchuckles，laidhisheadonhis，arm，andwenttosleepalso。Whenheawokeagain，Mr。Robert，Smithersawoketoo，andtheybothverygravelyagreedthatitwas，extremelyunwisetoeatsomanypickledwalnutswiththechops，as，itwasanotoriousfactthattheyalwaysmadepeoplequeerand，sleepy;indeed，ifithadnotbeenforthewhiskeyandcigars，therewasnoknowingwhatharmtheymightn’thavedone’em。So，theytooksomecoffee，andafterpayingthebill，-twelveand，twopencethedinner，andtheoddtenpenceforthewaiter-thirteen，shillingsinall-startedoutontheirexpeditiontomanufacturea，night。
Itwasjusthalf-pasteight，sotheythoughttheycouldn’tdo，betterthangoathalf-pricetotheslipsattheCityTheatre，whichtheydidaccordingly。Mr。RobertSmithers，whohadbecome，extremelypoeticalafterthesettlementofthebill，enliveningthe，walkbyinformingMr。ThomasPotterinconfidencethathefeltan，inwardpresentimentofapproachingdissolution，andsubsequently，embellishingthetheatre，byfallingasleepwithhisheadandboth，armsgracefullydroopingoverthefrontoftheboxes。
SuchwasthequietdemeanouroftheunassumingSmithers，andsuch，werethehappyeffectsofScotchwhiskeyandHavannahsonthat，interestingperson！，ButMr。ThomasPotter，whosegreataimitwas，tobeconsideredasa’knowingcard，’a’fast-goer，’andsoforth，conductedhimselfinaverydifferentmanner，andcommencedgoing，veryfastindeed-rathertoofastatlast，forthepatienceofthe，audiencetokeeppacewithhim。Onhisfirstentry，hecontented，himselfbyearnestlycallinguponthegentlemeninthegalleryto，’flareup，’accompanyingthedemandwithanotherrequest，expressiveofhiswishthattheywouldinstantaneously’forma，union，’bothwhichrequisitionswererespondedto，inthemanner，mostinvogueonsuchoccasions。
’Givethatdogabone！’criedonegentlemaninhisshirt-sleeves。
’Wherehaveyoubeenahavinghalfapintofintermediatebeer？’
criedasecond。’Tailor！’screamedathird。’Barber’sclerk！’
shoutedafourth。’ThrowhimO-VER！’roaredafifth;while，numerousvoicesconcurredindesiringMr。ThomasPotterto’gohome，tohismother！’，AllthesetauntsMr。ThomasPotterreceivedwith，supremecontempt，cockingthelow-crownedhatalittlemoreonone，side，wheneveranyreferencewasmadetohispersonalappearance，and，standingupwithhisarmsa-kimbo，expressingdefiance，melodramatically。
Theoverture-towhichthesevarioussoundshadbeenanADLIBITUM
accompaniment-concluded，thesecondpiecebegan，andMr。Thomas，Potter，emboldenedbyimpunity，proceededtobehaveinamost，unprecedentedandoutrageousmanner。Firstofall，heimitatedthe，shakeoftheprincipalfemalesinger;then，groanedattheblue，fire;then，affectedtobefrightenedintoconvulsionsofterrorat，theappearanceoftheghost;and，lastly，notonlymadearunning，commentary，inanaudiblevoice，uponthedialogueonthestage，butactuallyawokeMr。RobertSmithers，who，hearinghiscompanion，makinganoise，andhavingaveryindistinctnotionwherehewas，orwhatwasrequiredofhim，immediately，bywayofimitatinga，goodexample，setupthemostunearthly，unremitting，andappalling，howlingthateveraudienceheard。Itwastoomuch。’Turnthem，out！’wasthegeneralcry。Anoise，asofshufflingoffeet，and，menbeingknockedupwithviolenceagainstwainscoting，washeard：
ahurrieddialogueof’Comeout？’-’Iwon’t！’-’Youshall！’-’I
shan’t！’-’Givemeyourcard，Sir？’-’You’reascoundrel，Sir！’
andsoforth，succeeded。Aroundofapplausebetokenedthe，approbationoftheaudience，andMr。RobertSmithersandMr。Thomas，Potterfoundthemselvesshotwithastonishingswiftnessintothe，road，withouthavinghadthetroubleofonceputtingfoottoground，duringthewholeprogressoftheirrapiddescent。
Mr。RobertSmithers，beingconstitutionallyoneoftheslow-goers，andhavinghadquiteenoughoffast-going，inthecourseofhis，recentexpulsion，tolastuntilthequarter-daythennextensuing，attheveryleast，hadnosooneremergedwithhiscompanionfrom，theprecinctsofMilton-street，thanheproceededtoindulgein，circuitousreferencestothebeautiesofsleep，mingledwith，distantallusionstotheproprietyofreturningtoIslington，and，testingtheinfluenceoftheirpatentBramahsoverthestreet-door，lockstowhichtheyrespectivelybelonged。Mr。ThomasPotter，however，wasvalorousandperemptory。Theyhadcomeouttomakea，nightofit：，andanightmustbemade。SoMr。RobertSmithers，whowasthreepartsdull，andtheotherdismal，despairingly，assented;andtheywentintoawine-vaults，togetmaterialsfor，assistingtheminmakinganight;wheretheyfoundagoodmany，youngladies，andvariousoldgentlemen，andaplentifulsprinkling，ofhackney-coachmenandcab-drivers，alldrinkingandtalking，together;andMr。ThomasPotterandMr。RobertSmithersdranksmall，glassesofbrandy，andlargeglassesofsoda，untiltheybeganto，haveaveryconfusedidea，eitherofthingsingeneral，orof，anythinginparticular;and，whentheyhaddonetreatingthemselves，theybegantotreateverybodyelse;andtherestofthe，entertainmentwasaconfusedmixtureofheadsandheels，blackeyes，andblueuniforms，mudandgas-lights，thickdoors，andstone，paving。
Then，asstandardnovelistsexpressivelyinformus-’allwasa，blank！’andinthemorningtheblankwasfilledupwiththewords，’STATION-HOUSE，’andthestation-housewasfilledupwithMr。
ThomasPotter，Mr。RobertSmithers，andthemajorpartoftheir，wine-vaultcompanionsoftheprecedingnight，withacomparatively，smallportionofclothingofanykind。Anditwasdisclosedatthe，Police-office，totheindignationoftheBench，andthe，astonishmentofthespectators，howoneRobertSmithers，aidedand，abettedbyoneThomasPotter，hadknockeddownandbeaten，in，diversstreets，atdifferenttimes，fivemen，fourboys，andthree，women;howthesaidThomasPotterhadfeloniouslyobtained，possessionoffivedoor-knockers，twobell-handles，andabonnet;
howRobertSmithers，hisfriend，hadsworn，atleastfortypounds’
worthofoaths，attherateoffiveshillingsapiece;terrified，wholestreetsfullofHerMajesty’ssubjectswithawfulshrieksand，alarmsoffire;destroyedtheuniformsoffivepolicemen;and，committedvariousotheratrocities，toonumeroustorecapitulate。
Andthemagistrate，afteranappropriatereprimand，finedMr。
ThomasPotterandMr。ThomasSmithersfiveshillingseach，for，being，whatthelawvulgarlyterms，drunk;andthirty-fourpounds，forseventeenassaultsatfortyshillingsa-head，withlibertyto，speaktotheprosecutors。
TheprosecutorsWEREspokento，andMessrs。PotterandSmithers，livedoncredit，foraquarter，asbesttheymight;and，although，theprosecutorsexpressedtheirreadinesstobeassaultedtwicea，week，onthesameterms，theyhaveneversincebeendetectedin，’makinganightofit。’
CHAPTERXII-THEPRISONERS’VAN
WewerepassingthecornerofBow-street，onourreturnfroma，loungingexcursiontheotherafternoon，whenacrowd，assembled，roundthedoorofthePolice-office，attractedourattention。We，turnedupthestreetaccordingly。Therewerethirtyorforty，people，standingonthepavementandhalfacrosstheroad;anda，fewstragglerswerepatientlystationedontheoppositesideofthe，way-allevidentlywaitinginexpectationofsomearrival。We，waitedtoo，afewminutes，butnothingoccurred;so，weturned，roundtoanunshorn，sallow-lookingcobbler，whowasstandingnext，uswithhishandsunderthebibofhisapron，andputtheusual，questionof’What’sthematter？’，Thecobblereyedusfromheadto，foot，withsuperlativecontempt，andlaconicallyreplied’Nuffin。’
Now，wewereperfectlyawarethatiftwomenstopinthestreetto，lookatanygivenobject，oreventogazeintheair，twohundred，menwillbeassembledinnotime;but，asweknewverywellthatno，crowdofpeoplecouldbypossibilityremaininastreetforfive，minuteswithoutgettingupalittleamusementamongthemselves，unlesstheyhadsomeabsorbingobjectinview，thenaturalinquiry，nextinorderwas，’Whatareallthesepeoplewaitingherefor？’-
’HerMajesty’scarriage，’repliedthecobbler。Thiswasstillmore，extraordinary。WecouldnotimaginewhatearthlybusinessHer，Majesty’scarriagecouldhaveatthePublicOffice，Bow-street。We，werebeginningtoruminateonthepossiblecausesofsuchan，uncommonappearance，whenageneralexclamationfromalltheboys，inthecrowdof’Here’sthewan！’causedustoraiseourheads，and，lookupthestreet。
Thecoveredvehicle，inwhichprisonersareconveyedfromthe，police-officestothedifferentprisons，wascomingalongatfull，speed。Itthenoccurredtous，forthefirsttime，thatHer，Majesty’scarriagewasmerelyanothernamefortheprisoners’van，conferreduponit，notonlybyreasonofthesuperiorgentilityof，theterm，butbecausetheaforesaidvanismaintainedatHer，Majesty’sexpense：，havingbeenoriginallystartedforthe，exclusiveaccommodationofladiesandgentlemenunderthenecessity，ofvisitingthevarioushousesofcallknownbythegeneral，denominationof’HerMajesty’sGaols。’
Thevandrewupattheoffice-door，andthepeoplethrongedround，thesteps，justleavingalittlealleyfortheprisonerstopass，through。Ourfriendthecobbler，andtheotherstragglers，crossed，over，andwefollowedtheirexample。Thedriver，andanotherman，whohadbeenseatedbyhissideinfrontofthevehicle，dismounted，andwereadmittedintotheoffice。Theoffice-doorwas，closedafterthem，andthecrowdwereonthetiptoeofexpectation。
Afterafewminutes’delay，thedooragainopened，andthetwo，firstprisonersappeared。Theywereacoupleofgirls，ofwhomthe，elder-couldnotbemorethansixteen，andtheyoungerofwhomhad，certainlynotattainedherfourteenthyear。Thattheywere，sisters，wasevident，fromtheresemblancewhichstillsubsisted，betweenthem，thoughtwoadditionalyearsofdepravityhadfixed，theirbrandupontheeldergirl’sfeatures，aslegiblyasifared-
hotironhadsearedthem。Theywerebothgaudilydressed，the，youngeroneespecially;and，althoughtherewasastrongsimilarity，betweentheminbothrespects，whichwasrenderedthemoreobvious，bytheirbeinghandcuffedtogether，itisimpossibletoconceivea，greatercontrastthanthedemeanourofthetwopresented。The，youngergirlwasweepingbitterly-notfordisplay，orinthehope，ofproducingeffect，butforveryshame：，herfacewasburiedin，herhandkerchief：，andherwholemannerwasbuttooexpressiveof，bitterandunavailingsorrow。
’Howlongareyoufor，Emily？’screamedared-facedwomaninthe，crowd。’Sixweeksandlabour，’repliedtheeldergirlwitha，flauntinglaugh;’andthat’sbetterthanthestonejuganyhow;the，mill’sadealbetterthantheSessions，andhere’sBellaa-going，tooforthefirsttime。Holdupyourhead，youchicken，’she，continued，boisterouslytearingtheothergirl’shandkerchiefaway;
’Holdupyourhead，andshow’emyourface。Ian’tjealous，but，I’mblessedifIan’tgame！’-’That’sright，oldgal，’exclaimeda，maninapapercap，who，incommonwiththegreaterpartofthe，crowd，hadbeeninexpressiblydelightedwiththislittleincident-
’Right！’repliedthegirl;’ah，tobesure;what’stheodds，eh？’-
’Come！，Inwithyou，’interruptedthedriver。’Don’tyoubeina，hurry，coachman，’repliedthegirl，’andrecollectIwanttobeset，downinColdBathFields-largehousewithahighgarden-wallin，front;youcan’tmistakeit。Hallo。Bella，whereareyougoingto，-you’llpullmypreciousarmoff？’，Thiswasaddressedtothe，youngergirl，who，inheranxietytohideherselfinthecaravan，hadascendedthestepsfirst，andforgottenthestrainuponthe，handcuff。’Comedown，andlet’sshowyoutheway。’，Andafter，jerkingthemiserablegirldownwithaforcewhichmadeherstagger，onthepavement，shegotintothevehicle，andwasfollowedbyher，wretchedcompanion。
ThesetwogirlshadbeenthrownuponLondonstreets，theirvices，anddebauchery，byasordidandrapaciousmother。Whattheyounger，girlwasthen，theelderhadbeenonce;andwhattheelderthen，was，theyoungermustsoonbecome。Amelancholyprospect，buthow，surelytoberealised;atragicdrama，buthowoftenacted！，Turn，totheprisonsandpoliceofficesofLondon-nay，lookintothe，verystreetsthemselves。Thesethingspassbeforeoureyes，day，afterday，andhourafterhour-theyhavebecomesuchmattersof，course，thattheyareutterlydisregarded。Theprogressofthese，girlsincrimewillbeasrapidastheflightofapestilence，resemblingittooinitsbanefulinfluenceandwide-spreading，infection。Stepbystep，howmanywretchedfemales，withinthe，sphereofeveryman’sobservation，havebecomeinvolvedinacareer，ofvice，frightfultocontemplate;hopelessatitscommencement，loathsomeandrepulsiveinitscourse;friendless，forlorn，and，unpitied，atitsmiserableconclusion！
Therewereotherprisoners-boysoften，ashardenedinviceas，menoffifty-ahouselessvagrant，goingjoyfullytoprisonasa，placeoffoodandshelter，handcuffedtoamanwhoseprospectswere，ruined，characterlost，andfamilyrendereddestitute，byhisfirst，offence。Ourcuriosity，however，wassatisfied。Thefirstgroup，hadleftanimpressiononourmindwewouldgladlyhaveavoided，andwouldwillinglyhaveeffaced。
Thecrowddispersed;thevehiclerolledawaywithitsloadofguilt，andmisfortune;andwesawnomoreofthePrisoners’Van。
TALES
CHAPTERI-THEBOARDING-HOUSE。
CHAPTERI。
Mrs。Tibbswas，beyondalldispute，themosttidy，fidgety，thrifty，littlepersonagethateverinhaledthesmokeofLondon;andthe，houseofMrs。Tibbswas，decidedly，theneatestinallGreatCoram-
street。Theareaandthearea-steps，andthestreet-doorandthe，street-doorsteps，andthebrasshandle，andthedoor-plate，and，theknocker，andthefan-light，wereallascleanandbright，as，indefatigablewhite-washing，andhearth-stoning，andscrubbingand，rubbing，couldmakethem。Thewonderwas，thatthebrassdoor-
plate，withtheinterestinginscription’MRS。TIBBS，’hadnever，caughtfirefromconstantfriction，soperseveringlywasit，polished。Thereweremeat-safe-lookingblindsintheparlour-
windows，blueandgoldcurtainsinthedrawing-room，andspring-
rollerblinds，asMrs。Tibbswaswontintheprideofherheartto，boast，’allthewayup。’Thebell-lampinthepassagelookedas，clearasasoap-bubble;youcouldseeyourselfinallthetables，andFrench-polishyourselfonanyoneofthechairs。Thebanisters，werebees-waxed;andtheverystair-wiresmadeyoureyeswink，they，weresoglittering。
Mrs。Tibbswassomewhatshortofstature，andMr。Tibbswasbyno，meansalargeman。Hehad，moreover，veryshortlegs，but，byway，ofindemnification，hisfacewaspeculiarlylong。Hewastohis，wifewhatthe0isin90-hewasofsomeimportanceWITHher-he，wasnothingwithouther。Mrs。Tibbswasalwaystalking。Mr。Tibbs，rarelyspoke;but，ifitwereatanytimepossibletoputina，word，whenheshouldhavesaidnothingatall，hehadthattalent。
Mrs。Tibbsdetestedlongstories，andMr。Tibbshadone，the，conclusionofwhichhadneverbeenheardbyhismostintimate，friends。Italwaysbegan，’IrecollectwhenIwasinthevolunteer，corps，ineighteenhundredandsix，’-but，ashespokeveryslowly，andsoftly，andhisbetterhalfveryquicklyandloudly，herarely，gotbeyondtheintroductorysentence。Hewasamelancholyspecimen，ofthestory-teller。HewasthewanderingJewofJoeMillerism。
Mr。Tibbsenjoyedasmallindependencefromthepension-list-
about43L。15S。10D。ayear。Hisfather，mother，andfive，interestingscionsfromthesamestock，drewalikesumfromthe，revenueofagratefulcountry，thoughforwhatparticularservice，wasneverknown。But，asthissaidindependencewasnotquite，sufficienttofurnishtwopeoplewithALLtheluxuriesofthis，life，ithadoccurredtothebusylittlespouseofTibbs，thatthe，bestthingshecoulddowithalegacyof700L。wouldbetotake，andfurnishatolerablehouse-somewhereinthatpartially-
exploredtractofcountrywhichliesbetweentheBritishMuseum，andaremotevillagecalledSomers-town-forthereceptionof，boarders。GreatCoram-streetwasthespotpitchedupon。Thehouse，hadbeenfurnishedaccordingly;twofemaleservantsandaboy，engaged;andanadvertisementinsertedinthemorningpapers，informingthepublicthat’Sixindividualswouldmeetwithallthe，comfortsofacheerfulmusicalhomeinaselectprivatefamily，residingwithintenminutes’walkof’-everywhere。Answersoutof，numberwerereceived，withallsortsofinitials;alltheletters，ofthealphabetseemedtobeseizedwithasuddenwishtogoout，boardingandlodging;voluminouswasthecorrespondencebetween，Mrs。Tibbsandtheapplicants;andmostprofoundwasthesecrecy，observed。’E。’didn’tlikethis;’I。’couldn’tthinkofputtingup，withthat;’I。O。U。’didn’tthinkthetermswouldsuithim;and，’G。R。’hadneversleptinaFrenchbed。Theresult，however，was，thatthreegentlemenbecameinmatesofMrs。Tibbs’shouse，onterms，whichwere’agreeabletoallparties。’，Inwenttheadvertisement，again，andaladywithhertwodaughters，proposedtoincrease-
nottheirfamilies，butMrs。Tibbs’s。
’Charmingwoman，thatMrs。Maplesone！’saidMrs。Tibbs，assheand，herspouseweresittingbythefireafterbreakfast;thegentlemen，havinggoneoutontheirseveralavocations。’Charmingwoman，indeed！’repeatedlittleMrs。Tibbs，morebywayofsoliloquythan，anythingelse，forsheneverthoughtofconsultingherhusband。
’Andthetwodaughtersaredelightful。Wemusthavesomefishto-
day;they’lljoinusatdinnerforthefirsttime。’
Mr。Tibbsplacedthepokeratrightangleswiththefireshovel，andessayedtospeak，butrecollectedhehadnothingtosay。
’Theyoungladies，’continuedMrs。T。’havekindlyvolunteeredto，bringtheirownpiano。’
Tibbsthoughtofthevolunteerstory，butdidnotventureit。
Abrightthoughtstruckhim-
’It’sverylikely-’saidhe。
’Praydon’tleanyourheadagainstthepaper，’interruptedMrs。
Tibbs;’anddon’tputyourfeetonthesteelfender;that’sworse。’
Tibbstookhisheadfromthepaper，andhisfeetfromthefender，andproceeded。’It’sverylikelyoneoftheyoungladiesmayset，hercapatyoungMr。Simpson，andyouknowamarriage-’
’Awhat！’shriekedMrs。Tibbs。Tibbsmodestlyrepeatedhisformer，suggestion。
’Ibegyouwon’tmentionsuchathing，’saidMrs。T。’Amarriage，indeedtorobmeofmyboarders-no，notfortheworld。’
Tibbsthoughtinhisownmindthattheeventwasbynomeans，unlikely，but，asheneverarguedwithhiswife，heputastopto，thedialogue，byobservingitwas’timetogotobusiness。’，He，alwayswentoutatteno’clockinthemorning，andreturnedatfive，intheafternoon，withanexceedinglydirtyface，andsmelling，mouldy。Nobodyknewwhathewas，orwherehewent;butMrs。Tibbs，usedtosaywithanairofgreatimportance，thathewasengagedin，theCity。
TheMissMaplesonesandtheiraccomplishedparentarrivedinthe，courseoftheafternooninahackney-coach，andaccompaniedbya，mostastonishingnumberofpackages。Trunks，bonnet-boxes，muff-
boxesandparasols，guitar-cases，andparcelsofallimaginable，shapes，doneupinbrownpaper，andfastenedwithpins，filledthe，passage。Then，therewassucharunningupanddownwiththe，luggage，suchscamperingforwarmwaterfortheladiestowashin，andsuchabustle，andconfusion，andheatingofservants，and，curling-irons，ashadneverbeenknowninGreatCoram-street，before。LittleMrs。Tibbswasquiteinherelement，bustling，about，talkingincessantly，anddistributingtowelsandsoap，like，aheadnurseinahospital。Thehousewasnotrestoredtoits，usualstateofquietrepose，untiltheladiesweresafelyshutup，intheirrespectivebedrooms，engagedintheimportantoccupation，ofdressingfordinner。
’Arethesegals’andsome？’inquiredMr。SimpsonofMr。Septimus，Hicks，anotheroftheboarders，astheywereamusingthemselvesin，thedrawing-room，beforedinner，bylollingonsofas，and，contemplatingtheirpumps。
’Don’tknow，’repliedMr。SeptimusHicks，whowasatallish，white-
facedyoungman，withspectacles，andablackribbonroundhisneck，insteadofaneckerchief-amostinterestingperson;apoetical，walkerofthehospitals，anda’verytalentedyoungman。’，Hewas，fondof’lugging’intoconversationallsortsofquotationsfrom，DonJuan，withoutfetteringhimselfbytheproprietyoftheir，application;inwhichparticularhewasremarkablyindependent。
Theother，Mr。Simpson，wasoneofthoseyoungmen，whoarein，societywhatwalkinggentlemenareonthestage，onlyinfinitely，worseskilledinhisvocationthanthemostindifferentartist。He，wasasempty-headedasthegreatbellofSt。Paul’s;alwaysdressed，accordingtothecaricaturespublishedinthemonthlyfashion;and，speltCharacterwithaK。
’IsawadevilishnumberofparcelsinthepassagewhenIcame，home，’simperedMr。Simpson。
’Materialsforthetoilet，nodoubt，’rejoinedtheDonJuanreader-
’Muchlinen，lace，andseveralpair，Ofstockings，slippers，brushes，combs，complete;
Withotherarticlesofladiesfair，Tokeepthembeautiful，orleavethemneat。’
’IsthatfromMilton？’inquiredMr。Simpson。
’No-fromByron，’returnedMr。Hicks，withalookofcontempt。He，wasquitesureofhisauthor，becausehehadneverreadanyother。
’Hush！，Herecomethegals，’andtheybothcommencedtalkingina，veryloudkey。
’Mrs。MaplesoneandtheMissMaplesones，Mr。Hicks。Mr。Hicks-
Mrs。MaplesoneandtheMissMaplesones，’saidMrs。Tibbs，witha，veryredface，forshehadbeensuperintendingthecooking，operationsbelowstairs，andlookedlikeawaxdollonasunnyday。
’Mr。Simpson，Ibegyourpardon-Mr。Simpson-Mrs。Maplesoneand，theMissMaplesones’-andVICEVERSA。Thegentlemenimmediately，begantoslideaboutwithmuchpoliteness，andtolookasifthey，wishedtheirarmshadbeenlegs，solittledidtheyknowwhattodo，withthem。Theladiessmiled，curtseyed，andglidedintochairs，anddivedfordroppedpocket-handkerchiefs：，thegentlemenleant，againsttwoofthecurtain-pegs;Mrs。Tibbswentthroughan，admirablebitofseriouspantomimewithaservantwhohadcomeup，toasksomequestionaboutthefish-sauce;andthenthetwoyoung，ladieslookedateachother;andeverybodyelseappearedto，discoversomethingveryattractiveinthepatternofthefender。
’Julia，mylove，’saidMrs。Maplesonetoheryoungestdaughter，in，atoneloudenoughfortheremainderofthecompanytohear-
’Julia。’
’Yes，Ma。’
’Don’tstoop。’-Thiswassaidforthepurposeofdirectinggeneral，attentiontoMissJulia’sfigure，whichwasundeniable。Everybody，lookedather，accordingly，andtherewasanotherpause。
’Wehadthemostuncivilhackney-coachmanto-day，youcanimagine，’
saidMrs。MaplesonetoMrs。Tibbs，inaconfidentialtone。
’Dearme！’repliedthehostess，withanairofgreatcommiseration。
Shecouldn’tsaymore，fortheservantagainappearedatthedoor，andcommencedtelegraphingmostearnestlytoher’Missis。’
’Ithinkhackney-coachmengenerallyAREuncivil，’saidMr。Hicksin，hismostinsinuatingtone。
’PositivelyIthinktheyare，’repliedMrs。Maplesone，asifthe，ideahadneverstruckherbefore。
’Andcabmen，too，’saidMr。Simpson。Thisremarkwasafailure，fornooneintimated，bywordorsign，theslightestknowledgeof，themannersandcustomsofcabmen。
’Robinson，whatDOyouwant？’saidMrs。Tibbstotheservant，who，bywayofmakingherpresenceknowntohermistress，hadbeen，givingsundryhemsandsniffsoutsidethedoorduringthepreceding，fiveminutes。
’Please，ma’am，masterwantshiscleanthings，’repliedthe，servant，takenoffherguard。Thetwoyoungmenturnedtheirfaces，tothewindow，and’wentoff’likeacoupleofbottlesofginger-
beer;theladiesputtheirhandkerchiefstotheirmouths;and，littleMrs。TibbsbustledoutoftheroomtogiveTibbshisclean，linen，-andtheservantwarning。
Mr。Calton，theremainingboarder，shortlyafterwardsmadehis，appearance，andprovedasurprisingpromoteroftheconversation。