第13章
’Really，’saidthatwarlikeindividual，’Ishouldbeveryhappy，’but-’
’Oh！praydo，’criedalltheyoungladies。
’MissEmily，haveyouanyobjectiontojoininaduet？’
’Oh！nottheslightest，’returnedtheyounglady，inatonewhich，clearlyshowedshehadthegreatestpossibleobjection。
’ShallIaccompanyyou，dear？’inquiredoneoftheMissBriggses，withtheblandintentionofspoilingtheeffect。
’Verymuchobligedtoyou，MissBriggs，’sharplyretortedMrs。
Taunton，whosawthroughthemanoeuvre;’mydaughtersalwayssing，withoutaccompaniments。’
’Andwithoutvoices，’titteredMrs。Briggs，inalowtone。
’Perhaps，’saidMrs。Taunton，reddening，forsheguessedthetenor，oftheobservation，thoughshehadnothearditclearly-’Perhaps，itwouldbeaswellforsomepeople，iftheirvoiceswerenotquite，soaudibleastheyaretootherpeople。’
’And，perhaps，ifgentlemenwhoarekidnappedtopayattentionto，somepersons’daughters，hadnotsufficientdiscernmenttopay，attentiontootherpersons’daughters，’returnedMrs。Briggs，’some，personswouldnotbesoreadytodisplaythatill-temperwhich，thankGod，distinguishesthemfromotherpersons。’
’Persons！’ejaculatedMrs。Taunton。
’Persons，’repliedMrs。Briggs。
’Insolence！’
’Creature！’
’Hush！hush！’interruptedMr。PercyNoakes，whowasoneofthevery，fewbywhomthisdialoguehadbeenoverheard。’Hush！-pray，silencefortheduet。’
Afteragreatdealofpreparatorycrowingandhumming，thecaptain，beganthefollowingduetfromtheoperaof’PaulandVirginia，’in，thatgruntingtoneinwhichamangetsdown，Heavenknowswhere，withouttheremotestchanceofevergettingupagain。This，in，privatecircles，isfrequentlydesignated’abassvoice。’
’See(sungthecaptain)fromo-ce-anri-sing，Brightflamestheor-bofd-ay。
Fromyongro-ove，thevariedso-ongs-’
Here，thesingerwasinterruptedbyvariedcriesofthemost，dreadfuldescription，proceedingfromsomegroveintheimmediate，vicinityofthestarboardpaddle-box。
’Mychild！’screamedMrs。Fleetwood。’Mychild！itishisvoice-
Iknowit。’
Mr。Fleetwood，accompaniedbyseveralgentlemen，hererushedtothe，quarterfromwhencethenoiseproceeded，andanexclamationof，horrorburstfromthecompany;thegeneralimpressionbeing，that，thelittleinnocenthadeithergothisheadinthewater，orhis，legsinthemachinery。
’Whatisthematter？’shoutedtheagonisedfather，ashereturned，withthechildinhisarms。
’Oh！oh！oh！’screamedthesmallsuffereragain。
’Whatisthematter，dear？’inquiredthefatheroncemore-hastily，strippingoffthenankeenfrock，forthepurposeofascertaining，whetherthechildhadonebonewhichwasnotsmashedtopieces。
’Oh！oh！-I’msofrightened！’
’Whatat，dear？-whatat？’saidthemother，soothingthesweet，infant。
’Oh！he’sbeenmakingsuchdreadfulfacesatme，’criedtheboy，relapsingintoconvulsionsatthebarerecollection。
’He！-who？’criedeverybody，crowdingroundhim。
’Oh！-him！’repliedthechild，pointingatHardy，whoaffectedto，bethemostconcernedofthewholegroup。
Therealstateofthecaseatonceflasheduponthemindsofall，present，withtheexceptionoftheFleetwoodsandtheWakefields。
ThefacetiousHardy，infulfilmentofhispromise，hadwatchedthe，childtoaremotepartofthevessel，and，suddenlyappearing，beforehimwiththemostawfulcontortionsofvisage，hadproduced，hisparoxysmofterror。Ofcourse，henowobservedthatitwas，hardlynecessaryforhimtodenytheaccusation;andthe，unfortunatelittlevictimwasaccordinglyledbelow，after，receivingsundrythumpsontheheadfrombothhisparents，for，havingthewickednesstotellastory。
Thislittleinterruptionhavingbeenadjusted，thecaptainresumed，andMissEmilychimedin，induecourse。Theduetwasloudly，applauded，and，certainly，theperfectindependenceoftheparties，deservedgreatcommendation。MissEmilysungherpart，withoutthe，slightestreferencetothecaptain;andthecaptainsangsoloud，thathehadnottheslightestideawhatwasbeingdonebyhis，partner。Afterhavinggonethroughthelastfeweighteenor，nineteenbarsbyhimself，therefore，heacknowledgedtheplaudits，ofthecirclewiththatairofself-denialwhichmenusuallyassume，whentheythinktheyhavedonesomethingtoastonishthecompany。
’Now，’saidMr。PercyNoakes，whohadjustascendedfromthefore-
cabin，wherehehadbeenbusilyengagedindecantingthewine，’if，theMissesBriggswillobligeuswithsomethingbeforedinner，Iam，sureweshallbeverymuchdelighted。’
Oneofthosehumsofadmirationfollowedthesuggestion，whichone，frequentlyhearsinsociety，whennobodyhasthemostdistant，notionwhatheisexpressinghisapprovalof。ThethreeMisses，Briggslookedmodestlyattheirmamma，andthemammalooked，approvinglyatherdaughters，andMrs。Tauntonlookedscornfullyat，allofthem。TheMissesBriggsaskedfortheirguitars，and，severalgentlemenseriouslydamagedthecasesintheiranxietyto，presentthem。Then，therewasaveryinterestingproductionof，threelittlekeysfortheaforesaidcases，andamelodramatic，expressionofhorroratfindingastringbroken;andavastdealof，screwingandtightening，andwinding，andtuning，duringwhichMrs。
Briggsexpatiatedtothosenearherontheimmensedifficultyof，playingaguitar，andhintedatthewondrousproficiencyofher，daughtersinthatmysticart。Mrs。Tauntonwhisperedtoa，neighbourthatitwas’quitesickening！’andtheMissesTaunton，lookedasiftheyknewhowtoplay，butdisdainedtodoit。
Atlength，theMissesBriggsbeganinrealearnest。Itwasanew，Spanishcomposition，forthreevoicesandthreeguitars。The，effectwaselectrical。Alleyeswereturneduponthecaptain，who，wasreportedtohaveoncepassedthroughSpainwithhisregiment，andwhomustbewellacquaintedwiththenationalmusic。Hewasin，raptures。Thiswassufficient;thetriowasencored;theapplause，wasuniversal;andneverhadtheTauntonssufferedsuchacomplete，defeat。
’Bravo！bravo！’ejaculatedthecaptain;-’bravo！’
’Pretty！isn’tit，sir？’inquiredMr。SamuelBriggs，withtheair，ofaself-satisfiedshowman。By-the-bye，thesewerethefirst，wordshehadbeenheardtouttersinceheleftBoswell-courtthe，eveningbefore。
’De-lightful！’returnedthecaptain，withaflourish，anda，militarycough;-’de-lightful！’
’Sweetinstrument！’saidanoldgentlemanwithabaldhead，whohad，beentryingallthemorningtolookthroughatelescope，insidethe，glassofwhichMr。Hardyhadfixedalargeblackwafer。
’DidyoueverhearaPortuguesetambourine？’inquiredthatjocular，individual。
’DidYOUeverhearatom-tom，sir？’sternlyinquiredthecaptain，wholostnoopportunityofshowingoffhistravels，realor，pretended。
’Awhat？’askedHardy，rathertakenaback。
’Atom-tom。’
’Never！’
’Noragum-gum？’
’Never！’
’WhatISagum-gum？’eagerlyinquiredseveralyoungladies。
’WhenIwasintheEastIndies，’repliedthecaptain-(herewasa，discovery-hehadbeenintheEastIndies！)-’whenIwasinthe，EastIndies，Iwasoncestoppingafewthousandmilesupthe，country，onavisitatthehouseofaveryparticularfriendof，mine，RamChowdarDossAzuphAlBowlar-adevilishpleasant，fellow。Aswewereenjoyingourhookahs，oneevening，inthecool，verandahinfrontofhisvilla，wewererathersurprisedbythe，suddenappearanceofthirty-fourofhisKit-ma-gars(forhehad，ratheralargeestablishmentthere)，accompaniedbyanequalnumber，ofCon-su-mars，approachingthehousewithathreateningaspect，andbeatingatom-tom。TheRamstartedup-’
’Who？’inquiredthebaldgentleman，intenselyinterested。
’TheRam-RamChowdar-’
’Oh！’saidtheoldgentleman，’begyourpardon;praygoon。’
’-Startedupanddrewapistol。”Helves，“saidhe，“myboy，“-
healwayscalledme，myboy-“Helves，“saidhe，“doyouhearthat，tom-tom？”“Ido，“saidI。Hiscountenance，whichbeforewaspale，assumedamostfrightfulappearance;hiswholevisagewas，distorted，andhisframeshakenbyviolentemotions。”Doyousee，thatgum-gum？”saidhe。”No，“saidI，staringaboutme。”You，don’t？”saidhe。”No，I’llbedamnedifIdo，“saidI;“andwhat’s，more，Idon’tknowwhatagum-gumis，“saidI。Ireallythought，theRamwouldhavedropped。Hedrewmeaside，andwithan，expressionofagonyIshallneverforget，saidinalowwhisper-’
’Dinner’sonthetable，ladies，’interruptedthesteward’swife。
’Willyouallowme？’saidthecaptain，immediatelysuitingthe，actiontotheword，andescortingMissJuliaBriggstothecabin，withasmucheaseasifhehadfinishedthestory。
’Whatanextraordinarycircumstance！’ejaculatedthesameold，gentleman，preservinghislisteningattitude。
’Whatatraveller！’saidtheyoungladies。
’Whatasingularname！’exclaimedthegentlemen，ratherconfusedby，thecoolnessofthewholeaffair。
’Iwishhehadfinishedthestory，’saidanoldlady。’Iwonder，whatagum-gumreallyis？’
’ByJove！’exclaimedHardy，whountilnowhadbeenlostinutter，amazement，’Idon’tknowwhatitmaybeinIndia，butinEnglandI
thinkagum-gumhasverymuchthesamemeaningasahum-bug。’
’Howilliberal！howenvious！’criedeverybody，astheymadeforthe，cabin，fullyimpressedwithabeliefinthecaptain’samazing，adventures。Helveswasthesolelionfortheremainderoftheday，-impudenceandthemarvellousareprettysurepassportstoany，society。
Thepartyhadbythistimereachedtheirdestination，andputabout，ontheirreturnhome。Thewind，whichhadbeenwiththemthewhole，day，wasnowdirectlyintheirteeth;theweatherhadbecome，graduallymoreandmoreovercast;andthesky，water，andshore，wereallofthatdull，heavy，uniformlead-colour，whichhouse-
paintersdaubinthefirstinstanceoverastreet-doorwhichis，graduallyapproachingastateofconvalescence。Ithadbeen，’spitting’withrainforthelasthalf-hour，andnowbegantopour，ingoodearnest。Thewindwasfresheningveryfast，andthe，watermanatthewheelhadunequivocallyexpressedhisopinionthat，therewouldshortlybeasquall。Aslightemotiononthepartof，thevessel，nowandthen，seemedtosuggestthepossibilityofits，pitchingtoaveryuncomfortableextentintheeventofitsblowing，harder;andeverytimberbegantocreak，asiftheboatwerean，overladenclothes-basket。Sea-sickness，however，islikeabelief，inghosts-everyoneentertainssomemisgivingsonthesubject，butfewwillacknowledgeany。Themajorityofthecompany，therefore，endeavouredtolookpeculiarlyhappy，feelingallthe，whileespeciallymiserable。
’Don’titrain？’inquiredtheoldgentlemanbeforenoticed，when，bydintofsqueezingandjamming，theywereallseatedattable。
’Ithinkitdoes-alittle，’repliedMr。PercyNoakes，whocould，hardlyhearhimselfspeak，inconsequenceofthepatteringonthe，deck。
’Don’titblow？’inquiredsomeoneelse。
’No，Idon’tthinkitdoes，’respondedHardy，sincerelywishing，thathecouldpersuadehimselfthatitdidnot;forhesatnearthe，door，andwasalmostblownoffhisseat。
’It’llsoonclearup，’saidMr。PercyNoakes，inacheerfultone。
’Oh，certainly！’ejaculatedthecommitteegenerally。
’Nodoubtofit！’saidtheremainderofthecompany，whose，attentionwasnowprettywellengrossedbytheseriousbusinessof，eating，carving，takingwine，andsoforth。
Thethrobbingmotionoftheenginewasbuttooperceptible。There，wasalarge，substantial，coldboiledlegofmutton，atthebottom，ofthetable，shakinglikeblancmange;apreviouslyheartysirloin，ofbeeflookedasifithadbeensuddenlyseizedwiththepalsy;
andsometongues，whichwereplacedondishesrathertoolargefor，them，wentthroughthemostsurprisingevolutions;dartingfrom，sidetoside，andfromendtoend，likeaflyinaninvertedwine-
glass。Then，thesweetsshookandtrembled，tillitwasquite，impossibletohelpthem，andpeoplegaveuptheattemptindespair;
andthepigeon-pieslookedasifthebirds，whoselegswerestuck，outside，weretryingtogetthemin。Thetablevibratedand，startedlikeafeverishpulse，andtheverylegswereconvulsed-
everythingwasshakingandjarring。Thebeamsintheroofofthe，cabinseemedasiftheywereputthereforthesolepurposeof，givingpeoplehead-aches，andseveralelderlygentlemenbecameill-
temperedinconsequence。Asfastasthestewardputthefire-irons，up，theyWOULDfalldownagain;andthemoretheladiesand，gentlementriedtositcomfortablyontheirseats，themorethe，seatsseemedtoslideawayfromtheladiesandgentlemen。Several，ominousdemandsweremadeforsmallglassesofbrandy;the，countenancesofthecompanygraduallyunderwentmostextraordinary，changes;onegentlemanwasobservedsuddenlytorushfromtable，withouttheslightestostensiblereason，anddartupthestepswith，incredibleswiftness：，therebygreatlydamagingbothhimselfand，thesteward，whohappenedtobecomingdownatthesamemoment。
Theclothwasremoved;thedessertwaslaidonthetable;andthe，glasseswerefilled。Themotionoftheboatincreased;several，membersofthepartybegantofeelrathervagueandmisty，and，lookedasiftheyhadonlyjustgotup。Theyounggentlemanwith，thespectacles，whohadbeeninafluctuatingstateforsometime-
atonemomentbright，andatanotherdismal，likearevolvinglight，onthesea-coast-rashlyannouncedhiswishtoproposeatoast。
Afterseveralineffectualattemptstopreservehisperpendicular，theyounggentleman，havingmanagedtohookhimselftothecentre，legofthetablewithhislefthand，proceededasfollows：
’Ladiesandgentlemen。Agentlemanisamongus-Imaysaya，stranger-(heresomepainfulthoughtseemedtostriketheorator;
hepaused，andlookedextremelyodd)-whosetalents，whose，travels，whosecheerfulness-’
’Ibegyourpardon，Edkins，’hastilyinterruptedMr。PercyNoakes，-’Hardy，what’sthematter？’
’Nothing，’repliedthe’funnygentleman，’whohadjustlifeenough，lefttouttertwoconsecutivesyllables。
’Willyouhavesomebrandy？’
’No！’repliedHardyinatoneofgreatindignation，andlookingas，comfortableasTemple-barinaScotchmist;’whatshouldIwant，brandyfor？’
’Willyougoondeck？’
’No，IwillNOT。’，Thiswassaidwithamostdeterminedair，andin，avoicewhichmighthavebeentakenforanimitationofanything;
itwasquiteasmuchlikeaguinea-pigasabassoon。
’Ibegyourpardon，Edkins，’saidthecourteousPercy;’Ithought，ourfriendwasill。Praygoon。’
Apause。
’Praygoon。’
’Mr。EdkinsISgone，’criedsomebody。
’Ibegyourpardon，sir，’saidthesteward，runninguptoMr。Percy，Noakes，’Ibegyourpardon，sir，butthegentlemanasjustwenton，deck-himwiththegreenspectacles-isuncommonbad，tobesure;
andtheyoungmanasplayedthewiolinsays，thatunlesshehas，somebrandyhecan’tanswerfortheconsequences。Hesayshehasa，wifeandtwochildren，whosewerrysubsistencedependsonhis，breakingawessel，andheexpectstodosoeverymoment。The，flageolet’sbeenwerryill，buthe’sbetter，onlyhe’sina，dreadfulprusperation。’
Alldisguisewasnowuseless;thecompanystaggeredondeck;the，gentlementriedtoseenothingbuttheclouds;andtheladies，muffledupinsuchshawlsandcloaksastheyhadbroughtwiththem，layaboutontheseats，andundertheseats，inthemostwretched，condition。Neverwassuchablowing，andraining，andpitching，andtossing，enduredbyanypleasurepartybefore。Several，remonstrancesweresentdownbelow，onthesubjectofMaster，Fleetwood，buttheyweretotallyunheededinconsequenceofthe，indispositionofhisnaturalprotectors。Thatinterestingchild，screamedatthetopofhisvoice，untilhehadnovoiceleftto，screamwith;andthen，MissWakefieldbegan，andscreamedforthe，remainderofthepassage。
Mr。Hardywasobserved，somehoursafterwards，inanattitudewhich，inducedhisfriendstosupposethathewasbusilyengagedin，contemplatingthebeautiesofthedeep;theyonlyregrettedthat，histasteforthepicturesqueshouldleadhimtoremainsolongin，aposition，veryinjuriousatalltimes，butespeciallyso，toan，individuallabouringunderatendencyofbloodtothehead。
ThepartyarrivedofftheCustom-houseatabouttwoo’clockonthe，Thursdaymorningdispiritedandwornout。TheTauntonsweretoo，illtoquarrelwiththeBriggses，andtheBriggsesweretoo，wretchedtoannoytheTauntons。Oneoftheguitar-caseswaslost，onitspassagetoahackney-coach，andMrs。Briggshasnotscrupled，tostatethattheTauntonsbribedaportertothrowitdownan，area。Mr。AlexanderBriggsopposesvotebyballot-hesaysfrom，personalexperienceofitsinefficacy;andMr。SamuelBriggs，wheneverheisaskedtoexpresshissentimentsonthepoint，says，hehasnoopiniononthatoranyothersubject。
Mr。Edkins-theyounggentlemaninthegreenspectacles-makesa，speechoneveryoccasiononwhichaspeechcanpossiblybemade：
theeloquenceofwhichcanonlybeequalledbyitslength。Inthe，eventofhisnotbeingpreviouslyappointedtoajudgeship，itis，probablethathewillpractiseasabarristerintheNewCentral，CriminalCourt。
CaptainHelvescontinuedhisattentiontoMissJuliaBriggs，whom，hemightpossiblyhaveespoused，ifithadnotunfortunately，happenedthatMr。Samuelarrestedhim，inthewayofbusiness，pursuanttoinstructionsreceivedfromMessrs。Scrogginsand，Payne，whosetown-debtsthegallantcaptainhadcondescendedto，collect，butwhoseaccounts，withtheindiscretionsometimes，peculiartomilitaryminds，hehadomittedtokeepwiththatdull，accuracywhichcustomhasrenderednecessary。Mrs。Taunton，complainsthatshehasbeenmuchdeceivedinhim。Heintroduced，himselftothefamilyonboardaGravesendsteam-packet，and，certainly，therefore，oughttohaveprovedrespectable。
Mr。PercyNoakesisaslight-heartedandcarelessasever。
CHAPTERVIII-THEGREATWINGLEBURYDUEL
ThelittletownofGreatWingleburyisexactlyforty-twomilesand，three-quartersfromHydeParkcorner。Ithasalong，straggling，quietHigh-street，withagreatblackandwhiteclockatasmall，redTown-hall，half-wayup-amarket-place-acage-anassembly-
room-achurch-abridge-achapel-atheatre-alibrary-an，inn-apump-andaPost-office。Traditiontellsofa’Little，Winglebury，’downsomecross-roadabouttwomilesoff;and，asa，squaremassofdirtypaper，supposedtohavebeenoriginally，intendedforaletter，withcertaintremulouscharactersinscribed，thereon，inwhichalivelyimaginationmighttracearemote，resemblancetotheword’Little，’wasoncestuckuptobeownedin，thesunnywindowoftheGreatWingleburyPost-office，fromwhichit，onlydisappearedwhenitfelltopieceswithdustandextremeold，age，therewouldappeartobesomefoundationforthelegend。
Commonbeliefisinclinedtobestowthenameuponalittleholeat，theendofamuddylaneaboutacoupleofmileslong，colonisedby，onewheelwright，fourpaupers，andabeer-shop;but，eventhis，authority，slightasitis，mustberegardedwithextreme，suspicion，inasmuchastheinhabitantsoftheholeaforesaid，concurinopiningthatitneverhadanynameatall，fromthe，earliestagesdowntothepresentday。
TheWingleburyArms，inthecentreoftheHigh-street，oppositethe，smallbuildingwiththebigclock，istheprincipalinnofGreat，Winglebury-thecommercial-inn，posting-house，andexcise-office;
the’Blue’houseateveryelection，andthejudges’houseatevery，assizes。Itisthehead-quartersoftheGentlemen’sWhistClubof，WingleburyBlues(socalledinoppositiontotheGentlemen’sWhist，ClubofWingleburyBuffs，heldattheotherhouse，alittlefurther，down)：，andwheneverajuggler，orwax-workman，orconcert-giver，takesGreatWingleburyinhiscircuit，itisimmediatelyplacarded，alloverthetownthatMr。So-and-so，’trustingtothatliberal，supportwhichtheinhabitantsofGreatWingleburyhavelongbeenso，liberalinbestowing，hasatagreatexpenseengagedtheelegant，andcommodiousassembly-rooms，attachedtotheWingleburyArms。’
Thehouseisalargeone，witharedbrickandstonefront;a，prettyspacioushall，ornamentedwithevergreenplants，terminates，inaperspectiveviewofthebar，andaglasscase，inwhichare，displayedachoicevarietyofdelicaciesreadyfordressing，to，catchtheeyeofanew-comerthemomentheenters，andexcitehis，appetitetothehighestpossiblepitch。Oppositedoorsleadtothe，’coffee’and’commercial’rooms;andagreatwide，rambling，staircase，-threestairsandalanding-fourstairsandanother，landing-onestepandanotherlanding-half-a-dozenstairsand，anotherlanding-andsoon-conductstogalleriesofbedrooms，andlabyrinthsofsitting-rooms，denominated’private，’whereyou，mayenjoyyourself，asprivatelyasyoucaninanyplacewheresome，bewilderedbeingwalksintoyourroomeveryfiveminutes，by，mistake，andthenwalksoutagain，toopenallthedoorsalongthe，galleryuntilhefindshisown。
SuchistheWingleburyArms，atthisday，andsuchwasthe，WingleburyArmssometimesince-nomatterwhen-twoorthree，minutesbeforethearrivaloftheLondonstage。Fourhorseswith，clothson-changeforacoach-werestandingquietlyatthe，corneroftheyardsurroundedbyalistlessgroupofpost-boysin，shinyhatsandsmock-frocks，engagedindiscussingthemeritsof，thecattle;halfadozenraggedboyswerestandingalittleapart，listeningwithevidentinteresttotheconversationofthese，worthies;andafewloungerswerecollectedroundthehorse-trough，awaitingthearrivalofthecoach。
Thedaywashotandsunny，thetowninthezenithofitsdulness，andwiththeexceptionofthesefewidlers，notalivingcreature，wastobeseen。Suddenly，theloudnotesofakey-buglebrokethe，monotonousstillnessofthestreet;incamethecoach，rattling，overtheunevenpavingwithanoisestartlingenoughtostopeven，thelarge-facedclockitself。Downgottheoutsides，upwentthe，windowsinalldirections，outcamethewaiters，upstartedthe，ostlers，andtheloungers，andthepost-boys，andtheraggedboys，asiftheywereelectrified-unstrapping，andunchaining，and，unbuckling，anddraggingwillinghorsesout，andforcingreluctant，horsesin，andmakingamostexhilaratingbustle。’Ladyinside，here！’saidtheguard。’Pleasetoalight，ma’am，’saidthewaiter。
’Privatesitting-room？’interrogatedthelady。’Certainly，ma’am，’
respondedthechamber-maid。’Nothingbutthese’eretrunks，ma’am？’inquiredtheguard。’Nothingmore，’repliedthelady。Up，gottheoutsidesagain，andtheguard，andthecoachman;offcame，thecloths，withajerk;’Allright，’wasthecry;andawaythey，went。Theloungerslingeredaminuteortwointheroad，watching，thecoachuntilitturnedthecorner，andthenloiteredawayoneby，one。Thestreetwasclearagain，andthetown，bycontrast，quieterthanever。
’Ladyinnumbertwenty-five，’screamedthelandlady-’Thomas！’
’Yes，ma’am。’
’Letterjustbeenleftforthegentlemaninnumbernineteen。Boots，attheLionleftit。Noanswer。’
’Letterforyou，sir，’saidThomas，depositingtheletteronnumber，nineteen’stable。
’Forme？’saidnumbernineteen，turningfromthewindow，outof，whichhehadbeensurveyingthescenejustdescribed。
’Yes，sir，’-(waitersalwaysspeakinhints，andneverutter，completesentences，)-’yes，sir，-BootsattheLion，sir，-Bar，sir，-Mississaidnumbernineteen，sir-AlexanderTrott，Esq。，sir？-Yourcardatthebar，sir，Ithink，sir？’
’MynameISTrott，’repliednumbernineteen，breakingtheseal。
’Youmaygo，waiter。’，Thewaiterpulleddownthewindow-blind，and，thenpulleditupagain-foraregularwaitermustdosomething，beforeheleavestheroom-adjustedtheglassesontheside-board，brushedaplacethatwasNOTdusty，rubbedhishandsveryhard，walkedstealthilytothedoor，andevaporated。
Therewas，evidently，somethinginthecontentsoftheletter，ofa，nature，ifnotwhollyunexpected，certainlyextremelydisagreeable。
Mr。AlexanderTrottlaiditdown，andtookitupagain，andwalked，abouttheroomonparticularsquaresofthecarpet，andeven，attempted，thoughunsuccessfully，towhistleanair。Itwouldn’t，do。Hethrewhimselfintoachair，andreadthefollowingepistle，aloud：-
’BlueLionandStomach-warmer，’GreatWinglebury。
’WednesdayMorning。
’Sir。Immediatelyondiscoveringyourintentions，Ileftour，counting-house，andfollowedyou。Iknowthepurportofyour，journey;-thatjourneyshallneverbecompleted。
’Ihavenofriendhere，justnow，onwhosesecrecyIcanrely。
Thisshallbenoobstacletomyrevenge。NeithershallEmilyBrown，beexposedtothemercenarysolicitationsofascoundrel，odiousin，hereyes，andcontemptibleineverybodyelse’s：，norwillItamely，submittotheclandestineattacksofabaseumbrella-maker。
’Sir。FromGreatWingleburychurch，afootpathleadsthroughfour，meadowstoaretiredspotknowntothetownspeopleasStiffun’s，Acre。’，[Mr。Trottshuddered。]，’Ishallbewaitingtherealone，at，twentyminutesbeforesixo’clockto-morrowmorning。ShouldIbe，disappointedinseeingyouthere，Iwilldomyselfthepleasureof，callingwithahorsewhip。
’HORACEHUNTER。
’PS。ThereisagunsmithsintheHigh-street;andtheywon’tsell，gunpowderafterdark-youunderstandme。
’PPS。Youhadbetternotorderyourbreakfastinthemorninguntil，youhavemetme。Itmaybeanunnecessaryexpense。’
’Desperate-mindedvillain！，Iknewhowitwouldbe！’ejaculatedthe，terrifiedTrott。’Ialwaystoldfather，thatoncestartmeonthis，expedition，andHunterwouldpursuemeliketheWanderingJew。
It’sbadenoughasitis，tomarrywiththeoldpeople’scommands，andwithoutthegirl’sconsent;butwhatwillEmilythinkofme，if，Igodowntherebreathlesswithrunningawayfromthisinfernal，salamander？，WhatSHALLIdo？，WhatCANIdo？，IfIgobacktothe，city，I’mdisgracedforever-losethegirl-and，what’smore，losethemoneytoo。EvenifIdidgoontotheBrowns’bythe，coach，Hunterwouldbeaftermeinapost-chaise;andifIgoto，thisplace，thisStiffun’sAcre(anothershudder)，I’masgoodas，dead。I’veseenhimhitthemanatthePall-mallshooting-gallery，inthesecondbutton-holeofthewaistcoat，fivetimesoutofevery，six，andwhenhedidn’thithimthere，hehithiminthehead。’
WiththisconsolatoryreminiscenceMr。AlexanderTrottagain，ejaculated，’WhatshallIdo？’
Longandwearywerehisreflections，as，buryinghisfaceinhis，hand，hesat，ruminatingonthebestcoursetobepursued。His，mentaldirection-postpointedtoLondon。Hethoughtofthe，’governor’s’anger，andthelossofthefortunewhichthepaternal，BrownhadpromisedthepaternalTrotthisdaughtershould，contributetothecoffersofhisson。Thenthewords’ToBrown’s’
werelegiblyinscribedonthesaiddirection-post，butHorace，Hunter’sdenunciationrunginhisears;-lastofallitbore，in，redletters，thewords，’ToStiffun’sAcre;’andthenMr。Alexander，Trottdecidedonadoptingaplanwhichhepresentlymatured。
Firstandforemost，hedespatchedtheunder-bootstotheBlueLion，andStomach-warmer，withagentlemanlynotetoMr。HoraceHunter，intimatingthathethirstedforhisdestructionandwoulddo，himselfthepleasureofslaughteringhimnextmorning，without，fail。Hethenwroteanotherletter，andrequestedtheattendance，oftheotherboots-fortheykeptapair。Amodestknockatthe，roomdoorwasheard。’Comein，’saidMr。Trott。Amanthrustina，redheadwithoneeyeinit，andbeingagaindesiredto’comein，’
broughtinthebodyandthelegstowhichtheheadbelonged，anda，furcapwhichbelongedtothehead。
’Youaretheupper-boots，Ithink？’inquiredMr。Trott。
’Yes，Iamtheupper-boots，’repliedavoicefrominsidea，velveteencase，withmother-of-pearlbuttons-’thatis，I’mthe，bootsasb’longstothehouse;theotherman’smyman，asgoes，errandsanddoesoddjobs。Top-bootsandhalf-boots，Icallsus。’
’You’refromLondon？’inquiredMr。Trott。
’Drivacabonce，’wasthelaconicreply。
’Whydon’tyoudriveitnow？’askedMr。Trott。
’Over-drivthecab，anddrivovera’ooman，’repliedthetop-boots，withbrevity。
’Doyouknowthemayor’shouse？’inquiredMr。Trott。
’Rather，’repliedtheboots，significantly，asifhehadsomegood，reasontorememberit。
’Doyouthinkyoucouldmanagetoleavealetterthere？’
interrogatedTrott。
’Shouldn’twonder，’respondedboots。
’Butthisletter，’saidTrott，holdingadeformednotewitha，paralyticdirectioninonehand，andfiveshillingsintheother-
’thisletterisanonymous。’
’A-what？’interruptedtheboots。
’Anonymous-he’snottoknowwhoitcomesfrom。’
’Oh！，Isee，’respondedthereg’lar，withaknowingwink，but，withoutevincingtheslightestdisinclinationtoundertakethe，charge-’Isee-bito’Sving，eh？’andhisoneeyewanderedround，theroom，asifinquestofadarklanternandphosphorus-box。
’But，Isay！’hecontinued，recallingtheeyefromitssearch，and，bringingittobearonMr。Trott。’Isay，he’salawyer，our，mayor，andinsuredintheCounty。Ifyou’veaspiteagenhim，you’dbetternotburnhishousedown-blessedifIdon’tthinkit，wouldbethegreatestfavouryoucoulddohim。’，Andhechuckled，inwardly。
IfMr。AlexanderTrotthadbeeninanyothersituation，hisfirst，actwouldhavebeentokickthemandown-stairsbydeputy;or，in，otherwords，toringthebell，anddesirethelandlordtotakehis，bootsoff。Hecontentedhimself，however，withdoublingthefee，andexplainingthatthelettermerelyrelatedtoabreachofthe，peace。Thetop-bootsretired，solemnlypledgedtosecrecy;andMr。
AlexanderTrottsatdowntoafriedsole，maintenoncutlet，Madeira，andsundries，withgreatercomposurethanhehad，experiencedsincethereceiptofHoraceHunter’sletterof，defiance。
TheladywhoalightedfromtheLondoncoachhadnosoonerbeen，installedinnumbertwenty-five，andmadesomealterationinher，travelling-dress，thansheinditedanotetoJosephOverton，esquire，solicitor，andmayorofGreatWinglebury，requestinghis，immediateattendanceonprivatebusinessofparamountimportance-
asummonswhichthatworthyfunctionarylostnotimeinobeying;
foraftersundryopeningsofhiseyes，diversejaculationsof，’Blessme！’andothermanifestationsofsurprise，hetookhis，broad-brimmedhatfromitsaccustomedpeginhislittlefront，office，andwalkedbrisklydowntheHigh-streettotheWinglebury，Arms;throughthehallandupthestaircaseofwhichestablishment，hewasusheredbythelandlady，andacrowdofofficiouswaiters，tothedoorofnumbertwenty-five。
’Showthegentlemanin，’saidthestrangerlady，inreplytothe，foremostwaiter’sannouncement。Thegentlemanwasshownin，accordingly。
Theladyrosefromthesofa;themayoradvancedastepfromthe，door;andtheretheybothpaused，foraminuteortwo，lookingat，oneanotherasifbymutualconsent。Themayorsawbeforehima，buxom，richly-dressedfemaleofaboutforty;theladylookedupona，sleekman，abouttenyearsolder，indrabshortsandcontinuations，blackcoat，neckcloth，andgloves。
’MissJuliaManners！’exclaimedthemayoratlength，’youastonish，me。’
’That’sveryunfairofyou，Overton，’repliedMissJulia，’forI
haveknownyou，longenough，nottobesurprisedatanythingyou，do，andyoumightextendequalcourtesytome。’
’Buttorunaway-actuallyrunaway-withayoungman！’
remonstratedthemayor。
’Youwouldn’thavemeactuallyrunawaywithanoldone，I
presume？’wasthecoolrejoinder。
’Andthentoaskme-me-ofallpeopleintheworld-amanofmy，ageandappearance-mayorofthetown-topromotesuchascheme！’
pettishlyejaculatedJosephOverton;throwinghimselfintoanarm-
chair，andproducingMissJulia’sletterfromhispocket，asifto，corroboratetheassertionthatheHADbeenasked。
’Now，Overton，’repliedthelady，’Iwantyourassistanceinthis，matter，andImusthaveit。Inthelifetimeofthatpoorolddear，Mr。Cornberry，who-who-’
’Whowastohavemarriedyou，anddidn’t，becausehediedfirst;
andwholeftyouhispropertyunencumberedwiththeadditionof，himself，’suggestedthemayor。
’Well，’repliedMissJulia，reddeningslightly，’inthelifetimeof，thepoorolddear，thepropertyhadtheincumbranceofyour，management;andallIwillsayofthat，is，thatIonlywonderit，didn’tdieofconsumptioninsteadofitsmaster。Youhelped，yourselfthen：-helpmenow。’
Mr。JosephOvertonwasamanoftheworld，andanattorney;andas，certainindistinctrecollectionsofanoddthousandpoundsortwo，appropriatedbymistake，passedacrosshismindhehemmed，deprecatingly，smiledblandly，remainedsilentforafewseconds;
andfinallyinquired，’Whatdoyouwishmetodo？’
’I’lltellyou，’repliedMissJulia-’I’lltellyouinthree，words。DearLordPeter-’
’That’stheyoungman，Isuppose-’interruptedthemayor。
’That’stheyoungNobleman，’repliedthelady，withagreatstress，onthelastword。’DearLordPeterisconsiderablyafraidofthe，resentmentofhisfamily;andwehavethereforethoughtitbetter，tomakethematchastolenone。Helefttown，toavoidsuspicion，onavisittohisfriend，theHonourableAugustusFlair，whose，seat，asyouknow，isaboutthirtymilesfromthis，accompanied，onlybyhisfavouritetiger。WearrangedthatIshouldcomehere，aloneintheLondoncoach;andthathe，leavinghistigerandcab，behindhim，shouldcomeon，andarrivehereassoonaspossible，thisafternoon。’
’Verywell，’observedJosephOverton，’andthenhecanorderthe，chaise，andyoucangoontoGretnaGreentogether，without，requiringthepresenceorinterferenceofathirdparty，can’t，you？’
’No，’repliedMissJulia。’Wehaveeveryreasontobelieve-dear，LordPeternotbeingconsideredveryprudentorsagaciousbyhis，friends，andtheyhavingdiscoveredhisattachmenttome-that，immediatelyonhisabsencebeingobserved，pursuitwillbemadein，thisdirection：-toeludewhich，andtopreventourbeingtraced，I
wishittobeunderstoodinthishouse，thatdearLordPeteris，slightlyderanged，thoughperfectlyharmless;andthatIam，unknowntohim，awaitinghisarrivaltoconveyhiminapost-chaise，toaprivateasylum-atBerwick，say。IfIdon’tshowmyself，much，IdaresayIcanmanagetopassforhismother。’
Thethoughtoccurredtothemayor’smindthattheladymightshow，herselfagooddealwithoutfearofdetection;seeingthatshewas，aboutdoubletheageofherintendedhusband。Hesaidnothing，however，andtheladyproceeded。
’WiththewholeofthisarrangementdearLordPeterisacquainted;
andallIwantyoutodo，is，tomakethedelusionmorecompleteby，givingitthesanctionofyourinfluenceinthisplace，and，assigningthisasareasontothepeopleofthehouseformytaking，theyounggentlemanaway。Asitwouldnotbeconsistentwiththe，storythatIshouldseehimuntilafterhehasenteredthechaise，Ialsowishyoutocommunicatewithhim，andinformhimthatitis，allgoingonwell。’
’Hashearrived？’inquiredOverton。
’Idon’tknow，’repliedthelady。
’ThenhowamItoknow！’inquiredthemayor。’Ofcoursehewill，notgivehisownnameatthebar。’
’Ibeggedhim，immediatelyonhisarrival，towriteyouanote，’
repliedMissManners;’andtopreventthepossibilityofour，projectbeingdiscoveredthroughitsmeans，Idesiredhimtowrite，anonymously，andinmysteriousterms，toacquaintyouwiththe，numberofhisroom。’
’Blessme！’exclaimedthemayor，risingfromhisseat，and，searchinghispockets-’mostextraordinarycircumstance-hehas，arrived-mysteriousnoteleftatmyhouseinamostmysterious，manner，justbeforeyours-didn’tknowwhattomakeofitbefore，andcertainlyshouldn’thaveattendedtoit-Oh！hereitis。’
AndJosephOvertonpulledoutofaninnercoat-pockettheidentical，letterpennedbyAlexanderTrott。’Isthishislordship’shand？’
’Ohyes，’repliedJulia;’good，punctualcreature！，Ihavenotseen，itmorethanonceortwice，butIknowhewritesverybadlyand，verylarge。Thesedear，wildyoungnoblemen，youknow，Overton-’
’Ay，ay，Isee，’repliedthemayor-’Horsesanddogs，playand，wine-grooms，actresses，andcigars-thestable，thegreen-room，thesaloon，andthetavern;andthelegislativeassemblyatlast。’
’Here’swhathesays，’pursuedthemayor;’“Sir，-Ayoung，gentlemaninnumbernineteenattheWingleburyArms，isbenton，committingarashactto-morrowmorningatanearlyhour。”，(That’s，good-hemeansmarrying。)，“Ifyouhaveanyregardforthepeace，ofthistown，orthepreservationofone-itmaybetwo-human，lives“-Whatthedeucedoeshemeanbythat？’
’Thathe’ssoanxiousfortheceremony，hewillexpireifit’sput，off，andthatImaypossiblydothesame，’repliedtheladywith，greatcomplacency。
’Oh！，Isee-notmuchfearofthat;-well-“twohumanlives，you，willcausehimtoberemovedto-night。”，(Hewantstostartat，once。)，“Fearnottodothisonyourresponsibility：，forto-morrow，theabsolutenecessityoftheproceedingwillbebuttooapparent。
Remember：，numbernineteen。ThenameisTrott。Nodelay;forlife，anddeathdependuponyourpromptitude。”，Passionatelanguage，certainly。ShallIseehim？’
’Do，’repliedMissJulia;’andentreathimtoacthispartwell。I
amhalfafraidofhim。Tellhimtobecautious。’
’Iwill，’saidthemayor。
’Settleallthearrangements。’
’Iwill，’saidthemayoragain。
’AndsayIthinkthechaisehadbetterbeorderedforoneo’clock。’
’Verywell，’saidthemayoroncemore;and，ruminatingonthe，absurdityofthesituationinwhichfateandoldacquaintancehad，placedhim，hedesiredawaitertoheraldhisapproachtothe，temporaryrepresentativeofnumbernineteen。
Theannouncement，’Gentlemantospeakwithyou，sir，’inducedMr。
Trotttopausehalf-wayintheglassofport，thecontentsofwhich，hewasintheactofimbibingatthemoment;torisefromhis，chair;andretreatafewpacestowardsthewindow，asiftosecure，aretreat，intheeventofthevisitorassumingtheformand，appearanceofHoraceHunter。OneglanceatJosephOverton，however，quietedhisapprehensions。Hecourteouslymotionedthe，strangertoaseat。Thewaiter，afteralittlejinglingwiththe，decanterandglasses，consentedtoleavetheroom;andJoseph，Overton，placingthebroad-brimmedhatonthechairnexthim，and，bendinghisbodygentlyforward，openedthebusinessbysayingina，verylowandcautioustone，’Mylord-’
’Eh？’saidMr。AlexanderTrott，inaloudkey，withthevacantand，mystifiedstareofachillysomnambulist。
’Hush-hush！’saidthecautiousattorney：，’tobesure-quite，right-notitleshere-mynameisOverton，sir。’
’Overton？’
’Yes：，themayorofthisplace-yousentmealetterwith，anonymousinformation，thisafternoon。’
’I，sir？’exclaimedTrottwithill-dissembledsurprise;for，coward，ashewas，hewouldwillinglyhaverepudiatedtheauthorshipofthe，letterinquestion。’I，sir？’
’Yes，you，sir;didyounot？’respondedOverton，annoyedwithwhat，hesupposedtobeanextremedegreeofunnecessarysuspicion。
’Eitherthisletterisyours，oritisnot。Ifitbe，wecan，conversesecurelyuponthesubjectatonce。Ifitbenot，of，courseIhavenomoretosay。’
’Stay，stay，’saidTrott，’itISmine;IDIDwriteit。Whatcould，Ido，sir？，Ihadnofriendhere。’
’Tobesure，tobesure，’saidthemayor，encouragingly，’youcould，nothavemanageditbetter。Well，sir;itwillbenecessaryfor，youtoleavehereto-nightinapost-chaiseandfour。Andthe，hardertheboysdrive，thebetter。Youarenotsafefrompursuit。’
’Blessme！’exclaimedTrott，inanagonyofapprehension，’cansuch，thingshappeninacountrylikethis？，Suchunrelentingandcold-
bloodedhostility！’，Hewipedofftheconcentratedessenceof，cowardicethatwasoozingfastdownhisforehead，andlookedaghast，atJosephOverton。
’Itcertainlyisaveryhardcase，’repliedthemayorwithasmile，’that，inafreecountry，peoplecan’tmarrywhomtheylike，withoutbeinghunteddownasiftheywerecriminals。However，in，thepresentinstancetheladyiswilling，youknow，andthat’sthe，mainpoint，afterall。’
’Ladywilling，’repeatedTrott，mechanically。’Howdoyouknowthe，lady’swilling？’
’Come，that’sagoodone，’saidthemayor，benevolentlytappingMr。
Trottonthearmwithhisbroad-brimmedhat;’Ihaveknownher，well，foralongtime;andifanybodycouldentertaintheremotest，doubtonthesubject，IassureyouIhavenone，norneedyouhave。’
’Dearme！’saidMr。Trott，ruminating。’ThisisVERY
extraordinary！’
’Well，LordPeter，’saidthemayor，rising。
’LordPeter？’repeatedMr。Trott。
’Oh-ah，Iforgot。Mr。Trott，then-Trott-verygood，ha！ha！-
Well，sir，thechaiseshallbereadyathalf-pasttwelve。’
’Andwhatistobecomeofmeuntilthen？’inquiredMr。Trott，anxiously。’Wouldn’titsaveappearances，ifIwereplacedunder，somerestraint？’
’Ah！’repliedOverton，’verygoodthought-capitalideaindeed。
I’llsendsomebodyupdirectly。Andifyoumakealittle，resistancewhenweputyouinthechaiseitwouldn’tbeamiss-
lookasifyoudidn’twanttobetakenaway，youknow。’
’Tobesure，’saidTrott-’tobesure。’
’Well，mylord，’saidOverton，inalowtone，’untilthen，Iwish，yourlordshipagoodevening。’
’Lord-lordship？’ejaculatedTrottagain，fallingbackastepor，two，andgazing，inunutterablewonder，onthecountenanceofthe，mayor。
’Ha-ha！，Isee，mylord-practisingthemadman？-verygoodindeed，-veryvacantlook-capital，mylord，capital-goodevening，Mr-
Trott-ha！ha！ha！’
’Thatmayor’sdecidedlydrunk，’soliloquisedMr。Trott，throwing，himselfbackinhischair，inanattitudeofreflection。
’HeisamuchclevererfellowthanIthoughthim，thatyoung，nobleman-hecarriesitoffuncommonlywell，’thoughtOverton，as，hewenthiswaytothebar，theretocompletehisarrangements。
Thiswassoondone。Everywordofthestorywasimplicitly，believed，andtheone-eyedbootswasimmediatelyinstructedto，repairtonumbernineteen，toactascustodianofthepersonofthe，supposedlunaticuntilhalf-pasttwelveo’clock。Inpursuanceof，thisdirection，thatsomewhateccentricgentlemanarmedhimself，withawalking-stickofgiganticdimensions，andrepaired，withhis，usualequanimityofmanner，toMr。Trott’sapartment，whichhe，enteredwithoutanyceremony，andmountedguardin，byquietly，depositinghimselfonachairnearthedoor，whereheproceededto，beguilethetimebywhistlingapopularairwithgreatapparent，satisfaction。
’Whatdoyouwanthere，youscoundrel？’exclaimedMr。Alexander，Trott，withaproperappearanceofindignationathisdetention。
Thebootsbeattimewithhishead，ashelookedgentlyroundatMr。
Trottwithasmileofpity，andwhistledanADAGIOmovement。
’DoyouattendinthisroombyMr。Overton’sdesire？’inquired，Trott，ratherastonishedattheman’sdemeanour。
’Keepyourselftoyourself，youngfeller，’calmlyrespondedthe，boots，’anddon’tsaynothingtonobody。’，Andhewhistledagain。
’Nowmind！’ejaculatedMr。Trott，anxioustokeepupthefarceof，wishingwithgreatearnestnesstofightaduelifthey’dlethim。
’Iprotestagainstbeingkepthere。IdenythatIhaveany，intentionoffightingwithanybody。Butasit’suselesscontending，withsuperiornumbers，Ishallsitquietlydown。’
’You’dbetter，’observedtheplacidboots，shakingthelargestick，expressively。
’Underprotest，however，’addedAlexanderTrott，seatinghimself，withindignationinhisface，butgreatcontentinhisheart。
’Underprotest。’
’Oh，certainly！’respondedtheboots;’anythingyouplease。If，you’rehappy，I’mtransported;onlydon’ttalktoomuch-it’ll，makeyouworse。’
’Makemeworse？’exclaimedTrott，inunfeignedastonishment：，’the，man’sdrunk！’
’You’dbetterbequiet，youngfeller，’remarkedtheboots，going，throughathreateningpieceofpantomimewiththestick。
’Ormad！’saidMr。Trott，ratheralarmed。’Leavetheroom，sir，andtellthemtosendsomebodyelse。’
’Won’tdo！’repliedtheboots。
’Leavetheroom！’shoutedTrott，ringingthebellviolently：，for，hebegantobealarmedonanewscore。
’Leavethat’erebellalone，youwretchedloo-nattic！’saidthe，boots，suddenlyforcingtheunfortunateTrottbackintohischair，andbrandishingthestickaloft。’Bequiet，youmiserableobject，anddon’tleteverybodyknowthere’samadmaninthehouse。’
’HeISamadman！，HeISamadman！’exclaimedtheterrifiedMr。
Trott，gazingontheoneeyeofthered-headedbootswithalookof，abjecthorror。
’Madman！’repliedtheboots，’dam’me，IthinkheISamadmanwitha，vengeance！，Listentome，youunfortunate。Ah！wouldyou？’[a，slighttapontheheadwiththelargestick，asMr。Trottmade，anothermovetowardsthebell-handle]’Icaughtyouthere！didI？’
’Sparemylife！’exclaimedTrott，raisinghishandsimploringly。
’Idon’twantyourlife，’repliedtheboots，disdainfully，’though，Ithinkit’udbeacharityifsomebodytookit。’
’No，no，itwouldn’t，’interruptedpoorMr。Trott，hurriedly，’no，no，itwouldn’t！，I-I-’dratherkeepit！’
’Owerrywell，’saidtheboots：，’that’samerematteroftaste-
ev’ryonetohisliking。Hows’ever，allI’vegottosayisthis，here：，Yousitquietlydowninthatchair，andI’llsithoppersite，youhere，andifyoukeepquietanddon’tstir，Iwon’tdamageyou;
but，ifyoumovehandorfoottillhalf-pasttwelveo’clock，I
shallaltertheexpressionofyourcountenancesocompletely，that，thenexttimeyoulookintheglassyou’llaskvetheryou’regone，outoftown，andvenyou’relikelytocomebackagain。Sosit，down。”
’Iwill-Iwill，’respondedthevictimofmistakes;anddownsat，Mr。Trottanddownsatthebootstoo，exactlyoppositehim，with，thestickreadyforimmediateactionincaseofemergency。
Longanddrearywerethehoursthatfollowed。ThebellofGreat，Wingleburychurchhadjuststruckten，andtwohoursandahalf，wouldprobablyelapsebeforesuccourarrived。
Forhalfanhour，thenoiseoccasionedbyshuttinguptheshopsin，thestreetbeneath，betokenedsomethinglikelifeinthetown，and，renderedMr。Trott’ssituationalittlelessinsupportable;but，wheneventheseceased，andnothingwasheardbeyondtheoccasional，rattlingofapost-chaiseasitdroveuptheyardtochangehorses，andthendroveawayagain，ortheclatteringofhorses’hoofsin，thestablesbehind，itbecamealmostunbearable。Theboots，occasionallymovedaninchortwo，toknocksuperfluousbitsofwax，offthecandles，whichwereburninglow，butinstantaneously，resumedhisformerposition;andasherememberedtohaveheard，somewhereorother，thatthehumaneyehadanunfailingeffectin，controllingmadpeople，hekepthissolitaryorganofvision，constantlyfixedonMr。AlexanderTrott。Thatunfortunate，individualstaredathiscompanioninhisturn，untilhisfeatures，grewmoreandmoreindistinct-hishairgraduallylessred-and，theroommoremistyandobscure。Mr。AlexanderTrottfellintoa，soundsleep，fromwhichhewasawakenedbyarumblinginthe，street，andacryof’Chaise-and-fourfornumbertwenty-five！’，A
bustleonthestairssucceeded;theroomdoorwashastilythrown，open;andMr。JosephOvertonentered，followedbyfourstout，waiters，andMrs。Williamson，thestoutlandladyoftheWinglebury，Arms。
’Mr。Overton！’exclaimedMr。AlexanderTrott，jumpingupina，frenzy。’Lookatthisman，sir;considerthesituationinwhichI
havebeenplacedforthreehourspast-thepersonyousentto，guardme，sir，wasamadman-amadman-araging，ravaging，furiousmadman。’
’Bravo！’whisperedMr。Overton。
’Poordear！’saidthecompassionateMrs。Williamson，’madpeople，alwaysthinksotherpeople’smad。’
’Poordear！’ejaculatedMr。AlexanderTrott。’Whatthedevildo，youmeanbypoordear！，Areyouthelandladyofthishouse？’
’Yes，yes，’repliedthestoutoldlady，’don’texertyourself，there’sadear！，Consideryourhealth，now;do。’
’Exertmyself！’shoutedMr。AlexanderTrott;’it’samercy，ma’am，thatIhaveanybreathtoexertmyselfwith！，Imighthavebeen，assassinatedthreehoursagobythatone-eyedmonsterwiththe，oakumhead。Howdareyouhaveamadman，ma’am-howdareyouhave，amadman，toassaultandterrifythevisitorstoyourhouse？’
’I’llneverhaveanother，’saidMrs。Williamson，castingalookof，reproachatthemayor。
’Capital，capital，’whisperedOvertonagain，asheenvelopedMr。
AlexanderTrottinathicktravelling-cloak。
’Capital，sir！’exclaimedTrott，aloud;’it’shorrible。Thevery，recollectionmakesmeshudder。I’dratherfightfourduelsin，threehours，ifIsurvivedthefirstthree，thanI’dsitforthat，timefacetofacewithamadman。’
’Keepitup，mylord，asyougodown-stairs，’whisperedOverton，’yourbillispaid，andyourportmanteauinthechaise。’，Andthen，headdedaloud，’Now，waiters，thegentleman’sready。’
Atthissignal，thewaiterscrowdedroundMr。AlexanderTrott。One，tookonearm;another，theother;athird，walkedbeforewitha，candle;thefourth，behindwithanothercandle;thebootsandMrs。
Williamsonbroughtuptherear;anddown-stairstheywent：，Mr。
AlexanderTrottexpressingalternatelyattheverytopofhisvoice，eitherhisfeignedreluctancetogo，orhisunfeignedindignation，atbeingshutupwithamadman。
Mr。Overtonwaswaitingatthechaise-door，theboyswereready，mounted，andafewostlersandstablenondescriptswerestanding，roundtowitnessthedepartureof’themadgentleman。’，Mr。
AlexanderTrott’sfootwasonthestep，whenheobserved(whichthe，dimlighthadpreventedhisdoingbefore)afigureseatedinthe，chaise，closelymuffledupinacloaklikehisown。
’Who’sthat？’heinquiredofOverton，inawhisper。
’Hush，hush，’repliedthemayor：，’theotherpartyofcourse。’
’Theotherparty！’exclaimedTrott，withanefforttoretreat。
’Yes，yes;you’llsoonfindthatout，beforeyougofar，Ishould，think-butmakeanoise，you’llexcitesuspicionifyouwhisperto，mesomuch。’
’Iwon’tgointhischaise！’shoutedMr。AlexanderTrott，allhis，originalfearsrecurringwithtenfoldviolence。’Ishallbe，assassinated-Ishallbe-’
’Bravo，bravo，’whisperedOverton。’I’llpushyouin。’
’ButIwon’tgo，’exclaimedMr。Trott。’Helphere，help！，They’re，carryingmeawayagainstmywill。Thisisaplottomurderme。’
’Poordear！’saidMrs。Williamsonagain。
’Now，boys，put’emalong，’criedthemayor，pushingTrottinand，slammingthedoor。’Offwithyou，asquickasyoucan，andstop，fornothingtillyoucometothenextstage-allright！’
’Horsesarepaid，Tom，’screamedMrs。Williamson;andawaywentthe，chaise，attherateoffourteenmilesanhour，withMr。Alexander，TrottandMissJuliaMannerscarefullyshutupintheinside。
Mr。AlexanderTrottremainedcoiledupinonecornerofthechaise，andhismysteriouscompanionintheother，forthefirsttwoor，threemiles;Mr。Trottedgingmoreandmoreintohiscorner，ashe，felthiscompaniongraduallyedgingmoreandmorefromhers;and，vainlyendeavouringinthedarknesstocatchaglimpseofthe，furiousfaceofthesupposedHoraceHunter。
’Wemayspeaknow，’saidhisfellow-traveller，atlength;’the，post-boyscanneitherseenorhearus。’
’That’snotHunter’svoice！’-thoughtAlexander，astonished。
’DearLordPeter！’saidMissJulia，mostwinningly：，puttingher，armonMr。Trott’sshoulder。’DearLordPeter。Notaword？’
’Why，it’sawoman！’exclaimedMr。Trott，inalowtoneof，excessivewonder。
’Ah！，Whosevoiceisthat？’saidJulia;’’tisnotLordPeter’s。’
’No，-it’smine，’repliedMr。Trott。
’Yours！’ejaculatedMissJuliaManners;’astrangeman！，Gracious，heaven！，Howcameyouhere！’
’Whoeveryouare，youmighthaveknownthatIcameagainstmywill，ma’am，’repliedAlexander，’forImadenoiseenoughwhenIgotin。’
’DoyoucomefromLordPeter？’inquiredMissManners。
’ConfoundLordPeter，’repliedTrottpettishly。’Idon’tknowany，LordPeter。Ineverheardofhimbeforeto-night，whenI’vebeen，LordPeter’dbyoneandLordPeter’dbyanother，tillIverily，believeI’mmad，ordreaming-’
’Whitherarewegoing？’inquiredtheladytragically。
’HowshouldIknow，ma’am？’repliedTrottwithsingularcoolness;
fortheeventsoftheeveninghadcompletelyhardenedhim。
’Stopstop！’criedthelady，lettingdownthefrontglassesofthe，chaise。
’Stay，mydearma’am！’saidMr。Trott，pullingtheglassesupagain，withonehand，andgentlysqueezingMissJulia’swaistwiththe，other。’Thereissomemistakehere;givemetilltheendofthis，stagetoexplainmyshareofit。Wemustgosofar;youcannotbe，setdownherealone，atthishourofthenight。’
Theladyconsented;themistakewasmutuallyexplained。Mr。Trott，wasayoungman，hadhighlypromisingwhiskers，anundeniable，tailor，andaninsinuatingaddress-hewantednothingbutvalour，andwhowantsthatwiththreethousanda-year？，Theladyhadthis，andmore;shewantedayounghusband，andtheonlycourseopento，Mr。Trotttoretrievehisdisgracewasarichwife。So，theycame，totheconclusionthatitwouldbeapitytohaveallthistrouble，andexpensefornothing;andthatastheyweresofarontheroad，already，theyhadbettergotoGretnaGreen，andmarryeachother;
andtheydidso。Andtheverynextprecedingentryinthe，Blacksmith’sbook，wasanentryofthemarriageofEmilyBrownwith，HoraceHunter。Mr。Huntertookhiswifehome，andbeggedpardon，andWASpardoned;andMr。TrotttookHISwifehome，beggedpardon，too，andwaspardonedalso。AndLordPeter，whohadbeendetained，beyondhistimebydrinkingchampagneandridingasteeple-chase，wentbacktotheHonourableAugustusFlair’s，anddrankmore，champagne，androdeanothersteeple-chase，andwasthrownand，killed。AndHoraceHuntertookgreatcredittohimselffor，practisingonthecowardiceofAlexanderTrott;andallthese，circumstanceswerediscoveredintime，andcarefullynoteddown;
andifyoueverstopaweekattheWingleburyArms，theywillgive，youjustthisaccountofTheGreatWingleburyDuel。
CHAPTERIX-MRS。JOSEPHPORTER
MostextensivewerethepreparationsatRoseVilla，ClaphamRise，intheoccupationofMr。Gattleton(astock-brokerinespecially，comfortablecircumstances)，andgreatwastheanxietyofMr。
Gattleton’sinterestingfamily，asthedayfixedforthe，representationofthePrivatePlaywhichhadbeen’manymonthsin，preparation，’approached。Thewholefamilywasinfectedwiththe，maniaforPrivateTheatricals;thehouse，usuallysocleanand，tidy，was，touseMr。Gattleton’sexpressivedescription，’regularlyturnedouto’windows;’thelargedining-room，dismantledofitsfurniture，andornaments，presentedastrange，jumbleofflats，flies，wings，lamps，bridges，clouds，thunderand，lightning，festoonsandflowers，daggersandfoil，andvarious，othermessesintheatricalslangincludedunderthecomprehensive，nameof’properties。’，Thebedroomswerecrowdedwithscenery，the，kitchenwasoccupiedbycarpenters。Rehearsalstookplaceevery，othernightinthedrawing-room，andeverysofainthehousewas，moreorlessdamagedbytheperseveranceandspiritwithwhichMr。
SemproniusGattleton，andMissLucina，rehearsedthesmothering，scenein’Othello’-ithavingbeendeterminedthatthattragedy，shouldformthefirstportionoftheevening’sentertainments。
’Whenwe’reaLEETLEmoreperfect，Ithinkitwillgoadmirably，’
saidMr。Sempronius，addressinghisCORPSDRAMATIQUE，atthe，conclusionofthehundredandfiftiethrehearsal。Inconsideration，ofhissustainingthetriflinginconvenienceofbearingallthe，expensesoftheplay，Mr。Semproniushadbeen，inthemosthandsome，manner，unanimouslyelectedstage-manager。’Evans，’continuedMr。
Gattleton，theyounger，addressingatall，thin，paleyoung，gentleman，withextensivewhiskers-’Evans，youplayRODERIGO
beautifully。’
’Beautifully，’echoedthethreeMissGattletons;forMr。Evanswas，pronouncedbyallhisladyfriendstobe’quiteadear。’，Helooked，sointeresting，andhadsuchlovelywhiskers：，tosaynothingof，histalentforwritingversesinalbumsandplayingtheflute！
RODERIGOsimperedandbowed。
’ButIthink，’addedthemanager，’youarehardlyperfectinthe-
fall-inthefencing-scene，whereyouare-youunderstand？’
’It’sverydifficult，’saidMr。Evans，thoughtfully;’I’vefallen，about，agooddeal，inourcounting-houselately，forpractice，onlyIfindithurtsoneso。Beingobligedtofallbackwardyou，see，itbruisesone’sheadagooddeal。’
’Butyoumusttakecareyoudon’tknockawingdown，’saidMr。
Gattleton，theelder，whohadbeenappointedprompter，andwhotook，asmuchinterestintheplayastheyoungestofthecompany。’The，stageisverynarrow，youknow。’
’Oh！don’tbeafraid，’saidMr。Evans，withaveryself-satisfied，air;’Ishallfallwithmyhead“off，“andthenIcan’tdoany，harm。’
’But，egad，’saidthemanager，rubbinghishands，’weshallmakea，decidedhitin“Masaniello。”，Harleighsingsthatmusicadmirably。’
Everybodyechoedthesentiment。Mr。Harleighsmiled，andlooked，foolish-notanunusualthingwithhim-hummed’，Beholdhow，brightlybreaksthemorning，’andblushedasredasthefisherman’s，nightcaphewastryingon。
’Let’ssee，’resumedthemanager，tellingthenumberonhis，fingers，’weshallhavethreedancingfemalepeasants，besides，FENELLA，andfourfishermen。Then，there’sourmanTom;hecan，haveapairofducksofmine，andacheckshirtofBob’s，andared，nightcap，andhe’lldoforanother-that’sfive。Inthechoruses，ofcourse，wecansingatthesides;andinthemarket-scenewecan，walkaboutincloaksandthings。Whentherevolttakesplace，Tom，mustkeeprushinginononesideandoutontheother，witha，pickaxe，asfastashecan。Theeffectwillbeelectrical;itwill，lookexactlyasiftherewereanimmensenumberof’em。Andinthe，eruption-scenewemustburntheredfire，andupsetthetea-trays，andmakeallsortsofnoises-andit’ssuretodo。’
’Sure！sure！’criedalltheperformersUNAVOCE-andawayhurried，Mr。SemproniusGattletontowashtheburntcorkoffhisface，and，superintendthe’settingup’ofsomeoftheamateur-painted，but，never-sufficiently-to-be-admired，scenery。
Mrs。Gattletonwasakind，good-tempered，vulgarsoul，exceedingly，fondofherhusbandandchildren，andentertainingonlythree，dislikes。Inthefirstplace，shehadanaturalantipathyto，anybodyelse’sunmarrieddaughters;inthesecond，shewasin，bodilyfearofanythingintheshapeofridicule;lastly-almosta，necessaryconsequenceofthisfeeling-sheregarded，withfeelings，oftheutmosthorror，oneMrs。JosephPorterovertheway。
However，thegoodfolksofClaphamanditsvicinitystoodverymuch，inaweofscandalandsarcasm;andthusMrs。JosephPorterwas，courted，andflattered，andcaressed，andinvited，formuchthe，samereasonthatinducesapoorauthor，withoutafarthinginhis，pocket，tobehavewithextraordinarycivilitytoatwopenny，postman。
’Nevermind，ma，’saidMissEmmaPorter，incolloquywithher，respectedrelative，andtryingtolookunconcerned;’iftheyhad，invitedme，youknowthatneitheryounorpawouldhaveallowedme，totakepartinsuchanexhibition。’
’JustwhatIshouldhavethoughtfromyourhighsenseof，propriety，’returnedthemother。’Iamgladtosee，Emma，youknow，howtodesignatetheproceeding。’，MissP。by-the-bye，hadonly，theweekbeforemade’anexhibition’ofherselfforfourdays，behindacounteratafancyfair，toallandeveryofherMajesty’s，liegesubjectswhoweredisposedtopayashillingeachforthe，privilegeofseeingsomefourdozengirlsflirtingwithstrangers，andplayingatshop。
’There！’saidMrs。Porter，lookingoutofwindow;’therearetwo，roundsofbeefandahamgoingin-clearlyforsandwiches;and，Thomas，thepastry-cook，says，therehavebeentwelvedozentarts，ordered，besidesblancmangeandjellies。Uponmyword！thinkof，theMissGattletonsinfancydresses，too！’
’Oh，it’stooridiculous！’saidMissPorter，hysterically。
’I’llmanagetoputthemalittleoutofconceitwiththebusiness，however，’saidMrs。Porter;andoutshewentonhercharitable，errand。
’Well，mydearMrs。Gattleton，’saidMrs。JosephPorter，afterthey，hadbeenclosetedforsometime，andwhen，bydintofindefatigable，pumping，shehadmanagedtoextractallthenewsabouttheplay，’well，mydear，peoplemaysaywhattheyplease;indeedweknow，theywill，forsomefolksareSOill-natured。Ah，mydearMiss，Lucina，howd’yedo？，IwasjusttellingyourmammathatIhave，hearditsaid，that-’
’What？’
’Mrs。Porterisalludingtotheplay，mydear，’saidMrs。
Gattleton;’shewas，Iamsorrytosay，justinformingmethat-’
’Oh，nowpraydon’tmentionit，’interruptedMrs。Porter;’it’s，mostabsurd-quiteasabsurdasyoungWhat’s-his-namesayinghe，wonderedhowMissCaroline，withsuchafootandankle，couldhave，thevanitytoplayFENELLA。’