第9章
Itseemstomeridiculous。Iwonderwhyyoudidn’tpass。”
“Shortofbrains，eh，’Postle？”saidBeatricebriefly。
“Onlybrainstobitewith，“repliedPaul，laughing。
“Nuisance！”shecried;and，springingfromherseat，sherushedandboxedhisears。Shehadbeautifulsmallhands。
Heheldherwristswhileshewrestledwithhim。Atlastshe，brokefree，andseizedtwohandfulsofhisthick，darkbrownhair，whichsheshook。
“Beat！”hesaid，ashepulledhishairstraightwithhisfingers。
“Ihateyou！”
Shelaughedwithglee。
“Mind！”shesaid。”Iwanttositnexttoyou。”
“I’dasliefbeneighbourswithavixen，“hesaid，neverthelessmakingplaceforherbetweenhimandMiriam。
“Diditrufflehisprettyhair，then！”shecried;and，withher，hair-comb，shecombedhimstraight。”Andhisnicelittlemoustache！”
sheexclaimed。Shetiltedhisheadbackandcombedhisyoungmoustache。
“It’sawickedmoustache，’Postle，“shesaid。”It’saredfordanger。
Haveyougotanyofthosecigarettes？”
Hepulledhiscigarette-casefromhispocket。Beatricelooked，insideit。
“AndfancymehavingConnie’slastcig。”saidBeatrice，puttingthethingbetweenherteeth。Heheldalitmatchtoher，andshepuffeddaintily。
“Thankssomuch，darling，“shesaidmockingly。
Itgaveherawickeddelight。
“Don’tyouthinkhedoesitnicely，Miriam？”sheasked。
“Oh，very！”saidMiriam。
Hetookacigaretteforhimself。
“Light，oldboy？”saidBeatrice，tiltinghercigaretteathim。
Hebentforwardtohertolighthiscigaretteathers。
Shewaswinkingathimashedidso。Miriamsawhiseyestrembling，withmischief，andhisfull，almostsensual，mouthquivering。
Hewasnothimself，andshecouldnotbearit。Ashewasnow，shehadnoconnectionwithhim;shemightaswellnothaveexisted。
Shesawthecigarettedancingonhisfullredlips。Shehatedhisthick，hairforbeingtumbledlooseonhisforehead。
“Sweetboy！”saidBeatrice，tippinguphischinandgiving，himalittlekissonthecheek。
“Is’llkisstheeback，Beat，“hesaid。
“Thawunna！”shegiggled，jumpingupandgoingaway。
“Isn’theshameless，Miriam？”
“Quite，“saidMiriam。”Bytheway，aren’tyouforgetting，thebread？”
“ByJove！”hecried，flingingopentheovendoor。
Outpuffedthebluishsmokeandasmellofburnedbread。
“Oh，golly！”criedBeatrice，comingtohisside。Hecrouched，beforetheoven，shepeeredoverhisshoulder。”Thisiswhatcomes，oftheoblivionoflove，myboy。”
Paulwasruefullyremovingtheloaves。Onewasburntblack，onthehotside;anotherwashardasabrick。
“Poormater！”saidPaul。
“Youwanttograteit，“saidBeatrice。”Fetchmethenutmeg-grater。”
Shearrangedthebreadintheoven。Hebroughtthegrater，andshegratedthebreadontoanewspaperonthetable。
Hesetthedoorsopentoblowawaythesmellofburnedbread。
Beatricegratedaway，puffinghercigarette，knockingthecharcoaloff，thepoorloaf。
“Myword，Miriam！you’reinforitthistime，“saidBeatrice。
“I！”exclaimedMiriaminamazement。
“You’dbetterbegonewhenhismothercomesin。Iknowwhy，KingAlfredburnedthecakes。NowIseeit！，’Postlewouldfixup，ataleabouthisworkmakinghimforget，ifhethoughtitwouldwash。
Ifthatoldwomanhadcomeinabitsooner，she’dhaveboxedthe，brazenthing’searswhomadetheoblivion，insteadofpoorAlfred’s。”
Shegiggledasshescrapedtheloaf。EvenMiriamlaughed，inspiteofherself。Paulmendedthefireruefully。
Thegardengatewasheardtobang。
“Quick！”criedBeatrice，givingPaulthescrapedloaf。
“Wrapitupinadamptowel。”
Pauldisappearedintothescullery。Beatricehastily，blewherscrapingsintothefire，andsatdowninnocently。
Anniecameburstingin。Shewasanabrupt，quitesmartyoungwoman。
Sheblinkedinthestronglight。
“Smellofburning！”sheexclaimed。
“It’sthecigarettes，“repliedBeatricedemurely。
“Where’sPaul？”
LeonardhadfollowedAnnie。Hehadalongcomicface，andblueeyes，verysad。
“Isupposehe’sleftyoutosettleitbetweenyou，“hesaid。
HenoddedsympatheticallytoMiriam，andbecamegentlysarcastic，toBeatrice。
“No，“saidBeatrice，“he’sgoneoffwithnumbernine。”
“Ijustmetnumberfiveinquiringforhim，“saidLeonard。
“Yes——we’regoingtosharehimuplikeSolomon’sbaby，“
saidBeatrice。
Annielaughed。
“Oh，ay，“saidLeonard。”Andwhichbitshouldyouhave？”
“Idon’tknow，“saidBeatrice。”I’llletalltheothers，pickfirst。”
“An’you’dhavetheleavings，like？”saidLeonard，twistingup，acomicface。
Anniewaslookingintheoven。Miriamsatignored。
Paulentered。
“Thisbread’safinesight，ourPaul，“saidAnnie。
“Thenyoushouldstopan’lookafterit，“saidPaul。
“YoumeanYOUshoulddowhatyou’rereckoningtodo，“
repliedAnnie。
“Heshould，shouldn’the！”criedBeatrice。
“Is’dthinkhe’dgotplentyonhand，“saidLeonard。
“Youhadanastywalk，didn’tyou，Miriam？”saidAnnie。
“Yes——butI’dbeeninallweek——“
“Andyouwantedabitofachange，like，“insinuatedLeonardkindly。
“Well，youcan’tbestuckinthehouseforever，“Annieagreed。
Shewasquiteamiable。Beatricepulledonhercoat，andwentout，withLeonardandAnnie。Shewouldmeetherownboy。
“Don’tforgetthatbread，ourPaul，“criedAnnie。
“Good-night，Miriam。Idon’tthinkitwillrain。”
Whentheyhadallgone，Paulfetchedtheswathedloaf，unwrappedit，andsurveyeditsadly。
“It’samess！”hesaid。
“But，“answeredMiriamimpatiently，“whatisit，afterall——twopence，ha’penny。”
“Yes，but——it’sthemater’spreciousbaking，andshe’lltake，ittoheart。However，it’snogoodbothering。”
Hetooktheloafbackintothescullery。Therewasalittle，distancebetweenhimandMiriam。Hestoodbalancedoppositeherfor，somemomentsconsidering，thinkingofhisbehaviourwithBeatrice。
Hefeltguiltyinsidehimself，andyetglad。Forsomeinscrutable，reasonitservedMiriamright。Hewasnotgoingtorepent。
Shewonderedwhathewasthinkingofashestoodsuspended。
Histhickhairwastumbledoverhisforehead。Whymightshenot，pushitbackforhim，andremovethemarksofBeatrice’scomb？
Whymightshenotpresshisbodywithhertwohands。Itlooked，sofirm，andeverywhitliving。Andhewouldletothergirls，whynother？
Suddenlyhestartedintolife。Itmadeherquiveralmost，withterrorashequicklypushedthehairoffhisforeheadandcame，towardsher。
“Half-pasteight！”hesaid。”We’dbetterbuckup。
Where’syourFrench？”
Miriamshylyandratherbitterlyproducedherexercise-book。
Everyweekshewroteforhimasortofdiaryofherinnerlife，inherownFrench。Hehadfoundthiswastheonlywaytogether，todocompositions。Andherdiarywasmostlyalove-letter。He，wouldreaditnow;shefeltasifhersoul’shistoryweregoing，tobedesecratedbyhiminhispresentmood。Hesatbesideher。
Shewatchedhishand，firmandwarm，rigorouslyscoringherwork。
HewasreadingonlytheFrench，ignoringhersoulthatwasthere。
Butgraduallyhishandforgotitswork。Hereadinsilence，motionless。
Shequivered。
“’Cematinlesoiseauxm’onteveille，’“heread。”’Ilfaisait，encoreuncrepuscule。Maislapetitefenetredemachambreetaitbleme，etpuis，jaune，ettouslesoiseauxduboiseclaterentdansunchanson，vifetresonnant。Toutel’aubetressaillit。J’avaisrevedevous。
Est-cequevousvoyezaussil’aube？，Lesoiseauxm’eveillentpresque，touslesmatins，ettoujoursilyaquelquechosedeterreurdans，lecridesgrives。Ilestsiclair——’“
Miriamsattremulous，halfashamed。Heremainedquitestill，tryingtounderstand。Heonlyknewshelovedhim。Hewasafraid，ofherloveforhim。Itwastoogoodforhim，andhewasinadequate。
Hisownlovewasatfault，nothers。Ashamed，hecorrectedherwork，humblywritingaboveherwords。
“Look，“hesaidquietly，“thepastparticipleconjugated，withavoiragreeswiththedirectobjectwhenitprecedes。”
Shebentforward，tryingtoseeandtounderstand。Herfree，finecurlstickledhisface。Hestartedasiftheyhadbeenredhot，shuddering。Hesawherpeeringforwardatthepage，herredlipsparted，piteously，theblackhairspringinginfinestrandsacrosshertawny，ruddycheek。Shewascolouredlikeapomegranateforrichness。
Hisbreathcameshortashewatchedher。Suddenlyshelookedupathim。
Herdarkeyeswerenakedwiththeirlove，afraid，andyearning。
Hiseyes，too，weredark，andtheyhurther。Theyseemedtomasterher。
Shelostallherself-control，wasexposedinfear。Andheknew，beforehecouldkissher，hemustdrivesomethingoutofhimself。
Andatouchofhateforhercreptbackagainintohisheart。
Hereturnedtoherexercise。
Suddenlyheflungdownthepencil，andwasattheoven，inaleap，turningthebread。ForMiriamhewastooquick。
Shestartedviolently，andithurtherwithrealpain。Eventheway，hecrouchedbeforetheovenhurther。Thereseemedtobesomething，cruelinit，somethingcruelintheswiftwayhepitchedthebread，outofthetins，caughtitupagain。Ifonlyhehadbeengentle，inhismovementsshewouldhavefeltsorichandwarm。Asitwas，shewashurt。
Hereturnedandfinishedtheexercise。
“You’vedonewellthisweek，“hesaid。
Shesawhewasflatteredbyherdiary。Itdidnotrepay，herentirely。
“Youreallydoblossomoutsometimes，“hesaid。”Youought，towritepoetry。”
Sheliftedherheadwithjoy，thensheshookitmistrustfully。
“Idon’ttrustmyself，“shesaid。
“Youshouldtry！”
Againsheshookherhead。
“Shallweread，orisittoolate？”heasked。
“Itislate——butwecanreadjustalittle，“shepleaded。
Shewasreallygettingnowthefoodforherlifeduring，thenextweek。HemadehercopyBaudelaire’s“LeBalcon“。Thenhe，readitforher。Hisvoicewassoftandcaressing，butgrowing，almostbrutal。Hehadawayofliftinghislipsandshowing，histeeth，passionatelyandbitterly，whenhewasmuchmoved。
Thishedidnow。ItmadeMiriamfeelasifheweretramplingonher。
Shedarednotlookathim，butsatwithherheadbowed。Shecould，notunderstandwhyhegotintosuchatumultandfury。Itmadeherwretched。
ShedidnotlikeBaudelaire，onthewhole——norVerlaine。
“Beholdhersinginginthefield，Yonsolitaryhighlandlass。”
Thatnourishedherheart。Sodid“FairInes“。And——
“Itwasabeauteousevening，calmandpure，Andbreathingholyquietlikeanun。”
Thesewerelikeherself。Andtherewashe，sayinginhis，throatbitterly：
“Tuterappelleraslabeautedescaresses。”
Thepoemwasfinished;hetookthebreadoutoftheoven，arrangingtheburntloavesatthebottomofthepanchion，thegoodonesatthetop。Thedesiccatedloafremainedswathed，upinthescullery。
“Materneedn’tknowtillmorning，“hesaid。”Itwon’tupset，hersomuchthenasatnight。”
Miriamlookedinthebookcase，sawwhatpostcardsandletters，hehadreceived，sawwhatbookswerethere。Shetookonethathad，interestedhim。Thenheturneddownthegasandtheysetoff。
Hedidnottroubletolockthedoor。
Hewasnothomeagainuntilaquartertoeleven。Hismother，wasseatedintherocking-chair。Annie，witharopeofhairhanging，downherback，remainedsittingonalowstoolbeforethefire，herelbowsonherknees，gloomily。Onthetablestoodtheoffending，loafunswathed。Paulenteredratherbreathless。Noonespoke。
Hismotherwasreadingthelittlelocalnewspaper。Hetookoff，hiscoat，andwenttositdownonthesofa。Hismothermovedcurtly，asidetolethimpass。Noonespoke。Hewasveryuncomfortable。
Forsomeminuteshesatpretendingtoreadapieceofpaperhefoundon，thetable。Then——
“Iforgotthatbread，mother，“hesaid。
Therewasnoanswerfromeitherwoman。
“Well，“hesaid，“it’sonlytwopenceha’penny。Icanpayyou，forthat。”
Beingangry，heputthreepenniesonthetableandslid，themtowardshismother。Sheturnedawayherhead。Hermouth，wasshuttightly。
“Yes，“saidAnnie，“youdon’tknowhowbadlymymotheris！”
Thegirlsatstaringglumlyintothefire。
“Whyisshebadly？”askedPaul，inhisoverbearingway。
“Well！”saidAnnie。”Shecouldscarcelygethome。”
Helookedcloselyathismother。Shelookedill。
“WHYcouldyouscarcelygethome？”heaskedher，stillsharply。
Shewouldnotanswer。
“Ifoundheraswhiteasasheetsittinghere，“saidAnnie，withasuggestionoftearsinhervoice。
“Well，WHY？”insistedPaul。Hisbrowswereknitting，hiseyes，dilatingpassionately。
“Itwasenoughtoupsetanybody，“saidMrs。Morel，“hugging，thoseparcels——meat，andgreen-groceries，andapairofcurtains——“
“Well，whyDIDyouhugthem;youneedn’thavedone。”
“Thenwhowould？”
“LetAnniefetchthemeat。”
“Yes，andIWOULDfetchthemeat，buthowwasItoknow。
YouwereoffwithMiriam，insteadofbeinginwhenmymothercame。”
“Andwhatwasthematterwithyou？”askedPaulofhismother。
“Isupposeit’smyheart，“shereplied。Certainlyshelooked，bluishroundthemouth。
“Andhaveyoufeltitbefore？”
“Yes——oftenenough。”
“Thenwhyhaven’tyoutoldme？——andwhyhaven’tyouseenadoctor？”
Mrs。Morelshiftedinherchair，angrywithhimforhishectoring。
“You’dnevernoticeanything，“saidAnnie。”You’retooeager，tobeoffwithMiriam。”
“Oh，amI——andanyworsethanyouwithLeonard？”
“Iwasinataquartertoten。”
Therewassilenceintheroomforatime。
“Ishouldhavethought，“saidMrs。Morelbitterly，“thatshe，wouldn’thaveoccupiedyousoentirelyastoburnawholeovenful，ofbread。”
“Beatricewashereaswellasshe。”
“Verylikely。Butweknowwhythebreadisspoilt。”
“Why？”heflashed。
“BecauseyouwereengrossedwithMiriam，“repliedMrs。Morelhotly。
“Oh，verywell——thenitwasNOT！”herepliedangrily。
Hewasdistressedandwretched。Seizingapaper，hebegan，toread。Annie，herblouseunfastened，herlongropesofhairtwisted，intoaplait，wentuptobed，biddinghimaverycurtgood-night。
Paulsatpretendingtoread。Heknewhismotherwanted，toupbraidhim。Healsowantedtoknowwhathadmadeherill，forhewastroubled。So，insteadofrunningawaytobed，ashewould，havelikedtodo，hesatandwaited。Therewasatensesilence。
Theclocktickedloudly。
“You’dbettergotobedbeforeyourfathercomesin，“saidthe，motherharshly。”Andifyou’regoingtohaveanythingtoeat，you’dbettergetit。”
“Idon’twantanything。”
Itwashismother’scustomtobringhimsometriflefor，supperonFridaynight，thenightofluxuryforthecolliers。
Hewastooangrytogoandfinditinthepantrythisnight。
Thisinsultedher。
“IfIWANTEDyoutogotoSelbyonFridaynight，Icanimagine，thescene，“saidMrs。Morel。”Butyou’renevertootiredtogo，ifSHEwillcomeforyou。Nay，youneitherwanttoeatnordrinkthen。”
“Ican’tlethergoalone。”
“Can’tyou？，Andwhydoesshecome？”
“NotbecauseIaskher。”
“Shedoesn’tcomewithoutyouwanther——“
“Well，whatifIDOwanther——“hereplied。
“Why，nothing，ifitwassensibleorreasonable。Buttogo，trapseinguptheremilesandmilesinthemud，cominghomeatmidnight，andgottogotoNottinghaminthemorning——“
“IfIhadn’t，you’dbejustthesame。”
“Yes，Ishould，becausethere’snosenseinit。
Isshesofascinatingthatyoumustfollowherallthatway？”
Mrs。Morelwasbitterlysarcastic。Shesatstill，withavertedface，strokingwitharhythmic，jerkedmovement，theblacksateen，ofherapron。ItwasamovementthathurtPaultosee。
“Idolikeher，“hesaid，“but——“
“LIKEher！”saidMrs。Morel，inthesamebitingtones。”Itseems，tomeyoulikenothingandnobodyelse。There’sneitherAnnie，norme，noranyonenowforyou。”
“Whatnonsense，mother——youknowIdon’tloveher——I——Itell，youIDON’Tloveher——shedoesn’tevenwalkwithmyarm，becauseI
don’twantherto。”
“Thenwhydoyouflytohersooften？”
“IDOliketotalktoher——IneversaidIdidn’t。ButIDON’T
loveher。”
“Istherenobodyelsetotalkto？”
“Notaboutthethingswetalkof。There’salotofthings，thatyou’renotinterestedin，that——“
“Whatthings？”
Mrs。MorelwassointensethatPaulbegantopant。
“Why——painting——andbooks。YOUdon’tcareaboutHerbertSpencer。”
“No，“wasthesadreply。”AndYOUwon’tatmyage。”
“Well，butIdonow——andMiriamdoes——“
“Andhowdoyouknow，“Mrs。Morelflasheddefiantly，“thatI
shouldn’t。Doyouevertryme！”
“Butyoudon’t，mother，youknowyoudon’tcarewhether，apicture’sdecorativeornot;youdon’tcarewhatMANNERitisin。”
“HowdoyouknowIdon’tcare？，Doyouevertryme？，Doyou，evertalktomeaboutthesethings，totry？”
“Butit’snotthatthatmatterstoyou，mother，youknow，t’snot。”
“Whatisit，then——whatisit，then，thatmatterstome？”
sheflashed。Heknittedhisbrowswithpain。
“You’reold，mother，andwe’reyoung。”
HeonlymeantthattheinterestsofHERagewerenotthe，interestsofhis。Butherealisedthemomenthehadspoken，thathehadsaidthewrongthing。
“Yes，Iknowitwell——Iamold。AndthereforeImaystandaside;
Ihavenothingmoretodowithyou。Youonlywantmetowaiton，you——therestisforMiriam。”
Hecouldnotbearit。Instinctivelyherealisedthathe，waslifetoher。And，afterall，shewasthechiefthingtohim，theonlysupremething。
“Youknowitisn’t，mother，youknowitisn’t！”
Shewasmovedtopitybyhiscry。
“Itlooksagreatdeallikeit，“shesaid，halfputtingaside，herdespair。
“No，mother——IreallyDON’Tloveher。Italktoher，butI
wanttocomehometoyou。”
Hehadtakenoffhiscollarandtie，androse，bare-throated，togotobed。Ashestoopedtokisshismother，shethrewher，armsroundhisneck，hidherfaceonhisshoulder，andcried，inawhimperingvoice，sounlikeherownthathewrithedinagony：
“Ican’tbearit。Icouldletanotherwoman——butnother。
She’dleavemenoroom，notabitofroom——“
AndimmediatelyhehatedMiriambitterly。
“AndI’venever——youknow，Paul——I’veneverhadahusband——notreally——“
Hestrokedhismother’shair，andhismouthwasonherthroat。
“Andsheexultssointakingyoufromme——she’snotlike，ordinarygirls。”
“Well，Idon’tloveher，mother，“hemurmured，bowinghishead，andhidinghiseyesonhershoulderinmisery。Hismotherkissed，himalong，ferventkiss。
“Myboy！”shesaid，inavoicetremblingwithpassionatelove。
Withoutknowing，hegentlystrokedherface。
“There，“saidhismother，“nowgotobed。You’llbesotired，inthemorning。”，Asshewasspeakingsheheardherhusbandcoming。
“There’syourfather——nowgo。”，Suddenlyshelookedathimalmost，asifinfear。”PerhapsI’mselfish。Ifyouwanther，takeher，myboy。”
Hismotherlookedsostrange，Paulkissedher，trembling。
“Ha——mother！”hesaidsoftly。
Morelcamein，walkingunevenly。Hishatwasoveronecorner，ofhiseye。Hebalancedinthedoorway。
“Atyourmischiefagain？”hesaidvenomously。
Mrs。Morel’semotionturnedintosuddenhateofthedrunkard，whohadcomeinthusuponher。
“Atanyrate，itissober，“shesaid。
“H’m——h’m！h’m——h’m！”hesneered。Hewentintothepassage，hunguphishatandcoat。Thentheyheardhimgodownthreesteps，tothepantry。Hereturnedwithapieceofpork-pieinhisfist。
ItwaswhatMrs。Morelhadboughtforherson。
“Norwasthatboughtforyou。Ifyoucangivemenomorethan，twenty-fiveshillings，I’msureI’mnotgoingtobuyyoupork-pie，tostuff，afteryou’veswilledabellyfulofbeer。”
“Wha-at——wha-at！”snarledMorel，topplinginhisbalance。
“Wha-at——notforme？”Helookedatthepieceofmeatandcrust，andsuddenly，inaviciousspurtoftemper，flungitintothefire。
Paulstartedtohisfeet。
“Wasteyourownstuff！”hecried。
“What——what！”suddenlyshoutedMorel，jumpingupandclenching，hisfist。”I’llshowyer，yeryoungjockey！”
“Allright！”saidPaulviciously，puttinghisheadononeside。
“Showme！”
Hewouldatthatmomentdearlyhavelovedtohaveasmack，atsomething。Morelwashalfcrouching，fistsup，readytospring。
Theyoungmanstood，smilingwithhislips。
“Ussha！”hissedthefather，swipingroundwithagreatstroke，justpasthisson’sface。Hedarednot，eventhoughsoclose，reallytouchtheyoungman，butswervedaninchaway。
“Right！”saidPaul，hiseyesuponthesideofhisfather’s，mouth，whereinanotherinstanthisfistwouldhavehit。
Heachedforthatstroke。Butheheardafaintmoanfrombehind。
Hismotherwasdeadlypaleanddarkatthemouth。Morelwas，dancinguptodeliveranotherblow。
“Father！”saidPaul，sothatthewordrang。
Morelstarted，andstoodatattention。
“Mother！”moanedtheboy。”Mother！”
Shebegantostrugglewithherself。Heropeneyeswatchedhim，althoughshecouldnotmove。Graduallyshewascomingtoherself。
Helaidherdownonthesofa，andranupstairsforalittlewhisky，whichatlastshecouldsip。Thetearswerehoppingdownhisface。
Ashekneeledinfrontofherhedidnotcry，butthetearsran，downhisfacequickly。Morel，ontheoppositesideoftheroom，satwithhiselbowsonhiskneesglaringacross。
“What’sa-matterwith’er？”heasked。
“Faint！”repliedPaul。
“H’m！”
Theelderlymanbegantounlacehisboots。Hestumbledoff，tobed。Hislastfightwasfoughtinthathome。
Paulkneeledthere，strokinghismother’shand。
“Don’tbepoorly，mother——don’tbepoorly！”hesaidtime，aftertime。
“It’snothing，myboy，“shemurmured。
Atlastherose，fetchedinalargepieceofcoal，andraked，thefire。Thenheclearedtheroom，puteverythingstraight，laidthethingsforbreakfast，andbroughthismother’scandle。
“Canyougotobed，mother？”
“Yes，I’llcome。”
“SleepwithAnnie，mother，notwithhim。”
“No。I’llsleepinmyownbed。”
“Don’tsleepwithhim，mother。”
“I’llsleepinmyownbed。”
Sherose，andheturnedoutthegas，thenfollowedherclosely，upstairs，carryinghercandle。Onthelandinghekissedherclose。
“Good-night，mother。”
“Good-night！”shesaid。
Hepressedhisfaceuponthepillowinafuryofmisery。
Andyet，somewhereinhissoul，hewasatpeacebecausehestill，lovedhismotherbest。Itwasthebitterpeaceofresignation。
Theeffortsofhisfathertoconciliatehimnextdaywere，agreathumiliationtohim。
Everybodytriedtoforgetthescene。
CHAPTERIX
DEFEATOFMIRIAM
PAULwasdissatisfiedwithhimselfandwitheverything。
Thedeepestofhislovebelongedtohismother。Whenhefelthe，hadhurther，orwoundedhisloveforher，hecouldnotbearit。
Nowitwasspring，andtherewasbattlebetweenhimandMiriam。
Thisyearhehadagooddealagainsther。Shewasvaguelyaware，ofit。Theoldfeelingthatshewastobeasacrificetothislove，whichshehadhadwhensheprayed，wasmingledinallheremotions。
Shedidnotatthebottombelievesheeverwouldhavehim。Shedid，notbelieveinherselfprimarily：，doubtedwhethershecouldever，bewhathewoulddemandofher。Certainlysheneversawherself，livinghappilythroughalifetimewithhim。Shesawtragedy，sorrow，andsacrificeahead。Andinsacrificeshe，wasproud，inrenunciationshewasstrong，forshedidnottrust，herselftosupporteverydaylife。Shewaspreparedforthebig，thingsandthedeepthings，liketragedy。Itwasthesufficiency，ofthesmallday-lifeshecouldnottrust。
TheEasterholidaysbeganhappily。Paulwashisownfrankself。
Yetshefeltitwouldgowrong。OntheSundayafternoonshestood，atherbedroomwindow，lookingacrossattheoak-treesofthewood，inwhosebranchesatwilightwastangled，belowthebrightsky，oftheafternoon。Grey-greenrosettesofhoneysuckleleaves，hungbeforethewindow，somealready，shefancied，showingbud。
Itwasspring，whichshelovedanddreaded。
Hearingtheclackofthegateshestoodinsuspense。
Itwasabrightgreyday。Paulcameintotheyardwithhisbicycle，whichglitteredashewalked。Usuallyheranghisbellandlaughed，towardsthehouse。To-dayhewalkedwithshutlipsandcold，cruelbearing，thathadsomethingofaslouchandasneerinit。
Sheknewhimwellbynow，andcouldtellfromthatkeen-looking，aloofyoungbodyofhiswhatwashappeninginsidehim。Therewas，acoldcorrectnessinthewayheputhisbicycleinitsplace，thatmadeherheartsink。
Shecamedownstairsnervously。Shewaswearinganewnetblouse，thatshethoughtbecameher。Ithadahighcollarwithatinyruff，remindingherofMary，QueenofScots，andmakingher，shethought，lookwonderfullyawoman，anddignified。Attwentyshewas，full-breastedandluxuriouslyformed。Herfacewasstilllikeasoft，richmask，unchangeable。Buthereyes，oncelifted，werewonderful。
Shewasafraidofhim。Hewouldnoticehernewblouse。
He，beinginahard，ironicalmood，wasentertainingthefamily，toadescriptionofaservicegiveninthePrimitiveMethodistChapel，conductedbyoneofthewell-knownpreachersofthesect。
Hesatattheheadofthetable，hismobileface，withtheeyes，thatcouldbesobeautiful，shiningwithtendernessordancing，withlaughter，nowtakingononeexpressionandthenanother，inimitationofvariouspeoplehewasmocking。Hismockery，alwayshurther;itwastoonearthereality。Hewastooclever，andcruel。Shefeltthatwhenhiseyeswerelikethis，hardwith，mockinghate，hewouldspareneitherhimselfnoranybodyelse。
ButMrs。Leiverswaswipinghereyeswithlaughter，andMr。Leivers，justawakefromhisSundaynap，wasrubbinghisheadinamusement。
Thethreebrotherssatwithruffled，sleepyappearanceintheir，shirt-sleeves，givingaguffawfromtimetotime。Thewhole，familyloveda“take-off“morethananything。
HetooknonoticeofMiriam。Later，shesawhimremark，hernewblouse，sawthattheartistapproved，butitwonfrom，himnotasparkofwarmth。Shewasnervous，couldhardlyreach，theteacupsfromtheshelves。
Whenthemenwentouttomilk，sheventuredtoaddress，himpersonally。
“Youwerelate，“shesaid。
“WasI？”heanswered。
Therewassilenceforawhile。
“Wasitroughriding？”sheasked。
“Ididn’tnoticeit。”，Shecontinuedquicklytolaythetable。
Whenshehadfinished——
“Teawon’tbeforafewminutes。Willyoucomeandlook，atthedaffodils？”shesaid。
Herosewithoutanswering。Theywentoutintothebackgardenunder，thebuddingdamson-trees。Thehillsandtheskywerecleanandcold。
Everythinglookedwashed，ratherhard。MiriamglancedatPaul。
Hewaspaleandimpassive。Itseemedcrueltoherthathiseyes，andbrows，whichsheloved，couldlooksohurting。
“Hasthewindmadeyoutired？”sheasked。Shedetected，anunderneathfeelingofwearinessabouthim。
“No，Ithinknot，“heanswered。
“Itmustberoughontheroad——thewoodmoansso。”
“Youcanseebythecloudsit’sasouth-westwind;thathelps，mehere。”
“Yousee，Idon’tcycle，soIdon’tunderstand，“shemurmured。
“Isthereneedtocycletoknowthat！”hesaid。
Shethoughthissarcasmswereunnecessary。Theywentforward，insilence。Roundthewild，tussockylawnatthebackofthehouse，wasathornhedge，underwhichdaffodilswerecraningforwardfrom，amongtheirsheavesofgrey-greenblades。Thecheeksoftheflowers，weregreenishwithcold。Butstillsomehadburst，andtheirgold，ruffledandglowed。Miriamwentonherkneesbeforeonecluster，tookawild-lookingdaffodilbetweenherhands，turnedupits，faceofgoldtoher，andboweddown，caressingitwithhermouth，andcheeksandbrow。Hestoodaside，withhishandsinhispockets，watchingher。Oneafteranothersheturneduptohimthefaces，oftheyellow，burstenflowersappealingly，fondlingthemlavishly，allthewhile。
“Aren’ttheymagnificent？”shemurmured。
“Magnificent！，It’sabitthick——they’repretty！”
Shebowedagaintoherflowersathiscensureofherpraise。
Hewatchedhercrouching，sippingtheflowerswithfervidkisses。
“Whymustyoualwaysbefondlingthings？”hesaidirritably。
“ButIlovetotouchthem，“shereplied，hurt。
“Canyouneverlikethingswithoutclutchingthemasifyou，wantedtopulltheheartoutofthem？，Whydon’tyouhaveabit，morerestraint，orreserve，orsomething？”
Shelookedupathimfullofpain，thencontinuedslowly，tostrokeherlipsagainstaruffledflower。Theirscent，asshe，smelledit，wassomuchkinderthanhe;italmostmadehercry。
“Youwheedlethesouloutofthings，“hesaid。”Iwould，neverwheedle——atanyrate，I’dgostraight。”
Hescarcelyknewwhathewassaying。Thesethingscamefrom，himmechanically。Shelookedathim。Hisbodyseemedoneweapon，firmandhardagainsther。
“You’realwaysbeggingthingstoloveyou，“hesaid，“asifyou，wereabeggarforlove。Eventheflowers，youhavetofawnonthem——“
Rhythmically，Miriamwasswayingandstrokingtheflowerwith，hermouth，inhalingthescentwhicheveraftermadehershudder，asitcametohernostrils。
“Youdon’twanttolove——youreternalandabnormalcraving，istobeloved。Youaren’tpositive，you’renegative。
Youabsorb，absorb，asifyoumustfillyourselfupwithlove，becauseyou’vegotashortagesomewhere。”
Shewasstunnedbyhiscruelty，anddidnothear。Hehadnot，thefaintestnotionofwhathewassaying。Itwasasifhisfretted，torturedsoul，runhotbythwartedpassion，jettedoffthesesayings，likesparksfromelectricity。Shedidnotgraspanythinghesaid。
Sheonlysatcrouchedbeneathhiscrueltyandhishatredofher。
Sheneverrealisedinaflash。Overeverythingshebrooded，andbrooded。
AfterteahestayedwithEdgarandthebrothers，takingno，noticeofMiriam。She，extremelyunhappyonthislooked-forholiday，waitedforhim。Andatlastheyieldedandcametoher。
Shewasdeterminedtotrackthismoodofhistoitsorigin。
Shecounteditnotmuchmorethanamood。
“Shallwegothroughthewoodalittleway？”sheaskedhim，knowingheneverrefusedadirectrequest。
Theywentdowntothewarren。Onthemiddlepaththey，passedatrap，anarrowhorseshoehedgeofsmallfir-boughs，baitedwiththegutsofarabbit。Paulglancedatitfrowning。
Shecaughthiseye。
“Isn’titdreadful？”sheasked。
“Idon’tknow！，Isitworsethanaweaselwithitsteethina，rabbit’sthroat？，Oneweaselormanyrabbits？，Oneortheothermustgo！”
Hewastakingthebitternessoflifebadly。Shewasrather，sorryforhim。
“Wewillgobacktothehouse，“hesaid。”Idon’twant，towalkout。”
Theywentpastthelilac-tree，whosebronzeleaf-budswere，comingunfastened。Justafragmentremainedofthehaystack，amonumentsquaredandbrown，likeapillarofstone。Therewas，alittlebedofhayfromthelastcutting。
“Letussithereaminute，“saidMiriam。
Hesatdownagainsthiswill，restinghisbackagainstthehard，wallofhay。Theyfacedtheamphitheatreofroundhillsthatglowed，withsunset，tinywhitefarmsstandingout，themeadowsgolden，thewoodsdarkandyetluminous，tree-topsfoldedovertree-tops，distinctinthedistance。Theeveninghadcleared，andtheeast，wastenderwithamagentaflushunderwhichthelandlaystill，andrich。
“Isn’titbeautiful？”shepleaded。
Butheonlyscowled。Hewouldratherhavehadituglyjustthen。
Atthatmomentabigbull-terriercamerushingup，open-mouthed，prancedhistwopawsontheyouth’sshoulders，lickinghisface。
Pauldrewback，laughing。Billwasagreatrelieftohim。
Hepushedthedogaside，butitcameleapingback。
“Getout，“saidthelad，“orI’lldottheeone。”
Butthedogwasnottobepushedaway。SoPaulhadalittle，battlewiththecreature，pitchingpoorBillawayfromhim，who，however，onlyflounderedtumultuouslybackagain，wildwithjoy。
Thetwofoughttogether，themanlaughinggrudgingly，thedog，grinningallover。Miriamwatchedthem。Therewassomethingpathetic，abouttheman。Hewantedsobadlytolove，tobetender。
Theroughwayhebowledthedogoverwasreallyloving。Billgotup，pantingwithhappiness，hisbrowneyesrollinginhiswhiteface，andlumberedbackagain。HeadoredPaul。Theladfrowned。
“Bill，I’vehadenougho’thee，“hesaid。
Butthedogonlystoodwithtwoheavypaws，thatquivered，withlove，uponhisthigh，andflickeredaredtongueathim。
Hedrewback。
“No，“hesaid——“no——I’vehadenough。”
Andinaminutethedogtrottedoffhappily，tovarythefun。
Heremainedstaringmiserablyacrossatthehills，whosestill，beautyhebegrudged。HewantedtogoandcyclewithEdgar。
YethehadnotthecouragetoleaveMiriam。
“Whyareyousad？”sheaskedhumbly。
“I’mnotsad;whyshouldIbe，“heanswered。”I’monlynormal。”
Shewonderedwhyhealwaysclaimedtobenormalwhenhe，wasdisagreeable。
“Butwhatisthematter？”shepleaded，coaxinghimsoothingly。
“Nothing！”
“Nay！”shemurmured。
Hepickedupastickandbegantostabtheearthwithit。
“You’dfarbetternottalk，“hesaid。
“ButIwishtoknow——“shereplied。
Helaughedresentfully。
“Youalwaysdo，“hesaid。
“It’snotfairtome，“shemurmured。
Hethrust，thrust，thrustatthegroundwiththepointedstick，digginguplittleclodsofearthasifhewereinafeverofirritation。
Shegentlyandfirmlylaidherbandonhiswrist。
“Don’t！”shesaid。”Putitaway。”
Heflungthestickintothecurrant-bushes，andleanedback。
Nowhewasbottledup。
“Whatisit？”shepleadedsoftly。
Helayperfectlystill，onlyhiseyesalive，andtheyfull，oftorment。
“Youknow，“hesaidatlength，ratherwearily——“youknow——we’d，betterbreakoff。”
Itwaswhatshedreaded。Swiftlyeverythingseemedtodarken，beforehereyes。
“Why！”shemurmured。”Whathashappened？”
“Nothinghashappened。Weonlyrealisewhereweare。
It’snogood——“
Shewaitedinsilence，sadly，patiently。Itwasnogoodbeing，impatientwithhim。Atanyrate，hewouldtellhernowwhatailedhim。
“Weagreedonfriendship，“hewentoninadull，monotonousvoice。
“HowoftenHAVEweagreedforfriendship！，Andyet——itneither，stopsthere，norgetsanywhereelse。”
Hewassilentagain。Shebrooded。Whatdidhemean？
Hewassowearying。Therewassomethinghewouldnotyield。
Yetshemustbepatientwithhim。
“Icanonlygivefriendship——it’sallI’mcapableof——it’s，aflawinmymake-up。Thethingoverbalancestooneside——Ihate，atopplingbalance。Letushavedone。”
Therewaswarmthoffuryinhislastphrases。Hemeantshe，lovedhimmorethanheher。Perhapshecouldnotloveher。
Perhapsshehadnotinherselfthatwhichhewanted。Itwasthe，deepestmotiveofhersoul，thisself-mistrust。Itwassodeepshe，daredneitherrealisenoracknowledge。Perhapsshewasdeficient。
Likeaninfinitelysubtleshame，itkeptheralwaysback。Ifitwereso，shewoulddowithouthim。Shewouldneverletherselfwanthim。
Shewouldmerelysee。
“Butwhathashappened？”shesaid。
“Nothing——it’sallinmyself——itonlycomesoutjustnow。
We’realwayslikethistowardsEaster-time。”
Hegrovelledsohelplessly，shepitiedhim。Atleastshe，neverflounderedinsuchapitiableway。Afterall，itwashe，whowaschieflyhumiliated。
“Whatdoyouwant？”sheaskedhim。
“Why——Imustn’tcomeoften——that’sall。WhyshouldImonopolise，youwhenI’mnot——Yousee，I’mdeficientinsomethingwithregard，toyou——“
Hewastellingherhedidnotloveher，andsooughttoleaveher，achancewithanotherman。Howfoolishandblindandshamefullyclumsy，hewas！，Whatwereothermentoher！，Whatwerementoheratall！
Buthe，ah！shelovedhissoul。WasHEdeficientinsomething？
Perhapshewas。
“ButIdon’tunderstand，“shesaidhuskily。”Yesterday——“
Thenightwasturningjangledandhatefultohimasthe，twilightfaded。Andshebowedunderhersuffering。
“Iknow，“hecried，“youneverwill！，You’llneverbelievethat，Ican’t——can’tphysically，anymorethanIcanflyuplikeaskylark——“
“What？”shemurmured。Nowshedreaded。
“Loveyou。”
Hehatedherbitterlyatthatmomentbecausehemadehersuffer。
Loveher！，Sheknewhelovedher。Hereallybelongedtoher。
Thisaboutnotlovingher，physically，bodily，wasamereperversity，onhispart，becauseheknewshelovedhim。Hewasstupidlike，achild。Hebelongedtoher。Hissoulwantedher。Sheguessed，somebodyhadbeeninfluencinghim。Shefeltuponhimthehardness，theforeignnessofanotherinfluence。
“Whathavetheybeensayingathome？”sheasked。
“It’snotthat，“heanswered。
Andthensheknewitwas。Shedespisedthemfortheircommonness，hispeople。Theydidnotknowwhatthingswerereallyworth。
Heandshetalkedverylittlemorethatnight。Afterallhe，lefthertocyclewithEdgar。
Hehadcomebacktohismother。Herswasthestrongest，tieinhislife。Whenhethoughtround，Miriamshrankaway。
Therewasavague，unrealfeelabouther。Andnobodyelsemattered。
Therewasoneplaceintheworldthatstoodsolidanddidnotmelt，intounreality：，theplacewherehismotherwas。Everybodyelse，couldgrowshadowy，almostnon-existenttohim，butshecouldnot。
Itwasasifthepivotandpoleofhislife，fromwhichhecould，notescape，washismother。
Andinthesamewayshewaitedforhim。Inhimwasestablished，herlifenow。Afterall，thelifebeyondofferedverylittleto，Mrs。Morel。ShesawthatourchanceforDOINGishere，anddoing，countedwithher。Paulwasgoingtoprovethatshehadbeenright;
hewasgoingtomakeamanwhomnothingshouldshiftoffhisfeet;
hewasgoingtoalterthefaceoftheearthinsomewaywhichmattered。
Whereverhewentshefelthersoulwentwithhim。Whateverhedidshe，felthersoulstoodbyhim，ready，asitwere，tohandhimhistools。
ShecouldnotbearitwhenhewaswithMiriam。Williamwasdead。
ShewouldfighttokeepPaul。
Andhecamebacktoher。Andinhissoulwasafeelingofthe，satisfactionofself-sacrificebecausehewasfaithfultoher。
Shelovedhimfirst;helovedherfirst。Andyetitwasnotenough。
Hisnewyounglife，sostrongandimperious，wasurgedtowards，somethingelse。Itmadehimmadwithrestlessness。Shesawthis，andwishedbitterlythatMiriamhadbeenawomanwhocouldtakethis，newlifeofhis，andleavehertheroots。Hefoughtagainsthismother，almostashefoughtagainstMiriam。
ItwasaweekbeforehewentagaintoWilleyFarm。
Miriamhadsufferedagreatdeal，andwasafraidtoseehimagain。
Wasshenowtoenduretheignominyofhisabandoningher？
Thatwouldonlybesuperficialandtemporary。Hewouldcomeback。
Sheheldthekeystohissoul。Butmeanwhile，howhewouldtorture，herwithhisbattleagainsther。Sheshrankfromit。
However，theSundayafterEasterhecametotea。Mrs。Leivers，wasgladtoseehim。Shegatheredsomethingwasfrettinghim，thathefoundthingshard。Heseemedtodrifttoherforcomfort。
Andshewasgoodtohim。Shedidhimthatgreatkindnessoftreating，himalmostwithreverence。
Hemetherwiththeyoungchildreninthefrontgarden。
“I’mgladyou’vecome，“saidthemother，lookingathim，withhergreatappealingbrowneyes。”Itissuchasunnyday。
Iwasjustgoingdownthefieldsforthefirsttimethisyear。”
Hefeltshewouldlikehimtocome。Thatsoothedhim。Theywent，talkingsimply，hegentleandhumble。Hecouldhaveweptwithgratitude，thatshewasdeferentialtohim。Hewasfeelinghumiliated。
AtthebottomoftheMowClosetheyfoundathrush’snest。
“ShallIshowyoutheeggs？”hesaid。
“Do！”repliedMrs。Leivers。”TheyseemSUCHasignofspring，andsohopeful。”
Heputasidethethorns，andtookouttheeggs，holdingthem，inthepalmofhishand。
“Theyarequitehot——Ithinkwefrightenedheroffthem，“
hesaid。
“Ay，poorthing！”saidMrs。Leivers。
Miriamcouldnothelptouchingtheeggs，andhishandwhich，itseemedtoher，cradledthemsowell。
“Isn’titastrangewarmth！”shemurmured，togetnearhim。
“Bloodheat，“heanswered。
Shewatchedhimputtingthemback，hisbodypressedagainst，thehedge，hisarmreachingslowlythroughthethorns，hishand，foldedcarefullyovertheeggs。Hewasconcentratedontheact。
Seeinghimso，shelovedhim;heseemedsosimpleandsufficient，tohimself。Andshecouldnotgettohim。
Afterteashestoodhesitatingatthebookshelf。Hetook，“TartarindeTarascon“。Againtheysatonthebankofhayatthefoot，ofthestack。Hereadacoupleofpages，butwithoutanyheartforit。
Againthedogcameracinguptorepeatthefunoftheotherday。
Heshovedhismuzzleintheman’schest。Paulfingeredhisear，foramoment。Thenhepushedhimaway。
“Goaway，Bill，“hesaid。”Idon’twantyou。”
Billslunkoff，andMiriamwonderedanddreaded，whatwascoming。Therewasasilenceaboutthe，youththatmadeherstillwithapprehension。
Itwasnothisfuries，buthisquietresolutionsthatshefeared。
Turninghisfacealittletooneside，sothatshecould，notseehim，hebegan，speakingslowlyandpainfully：
“Doyouthink——ifIdidn’tcomeupsomuch——youmightget，tolikesomebodyelse——anotherman？”
Sothiswaswhathewasstillharpingon。
“ButIdon’tknowanyothermen。Whydoyouask？”shereplied，inalowtonethatshouldhavebeenareproachtohim。
“Why，“heblurted，“becausetheysayI’venorighttocomeup，likethis——withoutwemeantomarry——“
Miriamwasindignantatanybody’sforcingtheissuesbetweenthem。
ShehadbeenfuriouswithherownfatherforsuggestingtoPaul，laughingly，thatheknewwhyhecamesomuch。
“Whosays？”sheasked，wonderingifherpeoplehadanything，todowithit。Theyhadnot。
“Mother——andtheothers。Theysayatthisrateeverybodywill，considermeengaged，andIoughttoconsidermyselfso，becauseit’s，notfairtoyou。AndI’vetriedtofindout——andIdon’tthinkI
loveyouasamanoughttolovehiswife。Whatdoyouthinkaboutit？”
Miriambowedherheadmoodily。Shewasangryathaving，thisstruggle。Peopleshouldleavehimandheralone。
“Idon’tknow，“shemurmured。
“Doyouthinkweloveeachotherenoughtomarry？”
heaskeddefinitely。Itmadehertremble。
“No，“sheansweredtruthfully。”Idon’tthinkso——we’re，tooyoung。”
“Ithoughtperhaps，“hewentonmiserably，“thatyou，withyour，intensityinthings，mighthavegivenmemore——thanIcouldevermake，uptoyou。Andevennow——ifyouthinkitbetter——we’llbeengaged。”
NowMiriamwantedtocry。Andshewasangry，too。Hewas，alwayssuchachildforpeopletodoastheylikedwith。
“No，Idon’tthinkso，“shesaidfirmly。
Heponderedaminute。
“Yousee，“hesaid，“withme——Idon’tthinkonepersonwould，evermonopolizeme——beeverythingtome——Ithinknever。”
Thisshedidnotconsider。
“No，“shemurmured。Then，afterapause，shelookedathim，andherdarkeyesflashed。
“Thisisyourmother，“shesaid。”Iknowsheneverlikedme。”
“No，no，itisn’t，“hesaidhastily。”Itwasforyoursake，shespokethistime。Sheonlysaid，ifIwasgoingon，Iought，toconsidermyselfengaged。”，Therewasasilence。”AndifIask，youtocomedownanytime，youwon’tstopaway，willyou？”
Shedidnotanswer。Bythistimeshewasveryangry。
“Well，whatshallwedo？”shesaidshortly。”IsupposeI’d，betterdropFrench。Iwasjustbeginningtogetonwithit。
ButIsupposeIcangoonalone。”
“Idon’tseethatweneed，“hesaid。”Icangiveyou，aFrenchlesson，surely。”
“Well——andthereareSundaynights。Ishan’tstopcoming，tochapel，becauseIenjoyit，andit’sallthesociallifeIget。
Butyou’venoneedtocomehomewithme。Icangoalone。”
“Allright，“heanswered，rathertakenaback。”ButifIaskEdgar，he’llalwayscomewithus，andthentheycansaynothing。”
Therewassilence。Afterall，then，shewouldnotlosemuch。
Foralltheirtalkdownathishometherewouldnotbemuchdifference。
Shewishedtheywouldmindtheirownbusiness。
“Andyouwon’tthinkaboutit，andletittroubleyou，willyou？”
heasked。
“Ohno，“repliedMiriam，withoutlookingathim。
Hewassilent。Shethoughthimunstable。Hehadnofixity，ofpurpose，noanchorofrighteousnessthatheldhim。
“Because，“hecontinued，“amangetsacrosshisbicycle——and，goestowork——anddoesallsortsofthings。Butawomanbroods。”
“No，Ishan’tbother，“saidMiriam。Andshemeantit。
Ithadgoneratherchilly。Theywentindoors。
“HowwhitePaullooks！”Mrs。Leiversexclaimed。”Miriam，you，shouldn’thavelethimsitoutofdoors。Doyouthinkyou’ve，takencold，Paul？”
“Oh，no！”helaughed。
Buthefeltdoneup。Itworehimout，theconflictinhimself。
Miriampitiedhimnow。Butquiteearly，beforenineo’clock，herose，togo。
“You’renotgoinghome，areyou？”askedMrs。Leiversanxiously。
“Yes，“hereplied。”IsaidI’dbeearly。”，Hewasveryawkward。
“ButthisISearly，“saidMrs。Leivers。
Miriamsatintherocking-chair，anddidnotspeak。
Hehesitated，expectinghertoriseandgowithhimtothebarn，asusualforhisbicycle。Sheremainedasshewas。Hewasataloss。
“Well——good-night，all！”hefaltered。
Shespokehergood-nightalongwithalltheothers。
Butashewentpastthewindowhelookedin。Shesawhimpale，hisbrowsknitslightlyinawaythathadbecomeconstantwithhim，hiseyesdarkwithpain。
Sheroseandwenttothedoorwaytowavegood-byetohimashe，passedthroughthegate。Herodeslowlyunderthepine-trees，feelingacurandamiserablewretch。Hisbicyclewenttiltingdown，thehillsatrandom。Hethoughtitwouldbearelieftobreakone’sneck。
Twodayslaterhesentherupabookandalittlenote，urginghertoreadandbebusy。
AtthistimehegaveallhisfriendshiptoEdgar。
Helovedthefamilysomuch，helovedthefarmsomuch;itwas，thedearestplaceonearthtohim。Hishomewasnotsolovable。
Itwashismother。Butthenhewouldhavebeenjustashappywith，hismotheranywhere。WhereasWilleyFarmhelovedpassionately。
Helovedthelittlepokeykitchen，wheremen’sbootstramped，andthedogsleptwithoneeyeopenforfearofbeingtroddenon;
wherethelamphungoverthetableatnight，andeverythingwassosilent。
HelovedMiriam’slong，lowparlour，withitsatmosphereofromance，itsflowers，itsbooks，itshighrosewoodpiano。Helovedthegardens，andthebuildingsthatstoodwiththeirscarletroofsonthenaked，edgesofthefields，crepttowardsthewoodasifforcosiness，thewildcountryscoopingdownavalleyanduptheunculturedhillsof，theotherside。Onlytobetherewasanexhilarationandajoytohim。
HelovedMrs。Leivers，withherunworldlinessandherquaintcynicism;
helovedMr。Leivers，sowarmandyoungandlovable;helovedEdgar，wholitupwhenhecame，andtheboysandthechildrenand，Bill——eventhesowCirceandtheIndiangame-cockcalledTippoo。
AllthisbesidesMiriam。Hecouldnotgiveitup。
Sohewentasoften，buthewasusuallywithEdgar。Onlyall，thefamily，includingthefather，joinedincharadesandgames，atevening。Andlater，Miriamdrewthemtogether，andtheyread，Macbethoutofpennybooks，takingparts。Itwasgreatexcitement。
Miriamwasglad，andMrs。Leiverswasglad，andMr。Leiversenjoyedit。
Thentheyalllearnedsongstogetherfromtonicsol-fa，singing，inacircleroundthefire。ButnowPaulwasveryrarelyalone，withMiriam。Shewaited。WhensheandEdgarandhewalkedhome，togetherfromchapelorfromtheliterarysocietyinBestwood，sheknewhistalk，sopassionateandsounorthodoxnowadays，wasforher。ShedidenvyEdgar，however，hiscyclingwithPaul，hisFridaynights，hisdaysworkinginthefields。ForherFriday，nightsandherFrenchlessonsweregone。Shewasnearlyalwaysalone，walking，ponderinginthewood，reading，studying，dreaming，waiting。
Andhewrotetoherfrequently。
OneSundayeveningtheyattainedtotheiroldrareharmony。
EdgarhadstayedtoCommunion——hewonderedwhatitwaslike——with，Mrs。Morel。SoPaulcameonalonewithMiriamtohishome。Hewas，moreorlessunderherspellagain。Asusual，theywerediscussing，thesermon。HewassettingnowfullsailtowardsAgnosticism，butsuchareligiousAgnosticismthatMiriamdidnotsuffersobadly。
TheywereattheRenanViedeJesusstage。Miriamwasthe，threshing-flooronwhichhethreshedoutallhisbeliefs。Whilehe，trampledhisideasuponhersoul，thetruthcameoutforhim。Shealone，washisthreshing-floor。Shealonehelpedhimtowardsrealization。
Almostimpassive，shesubmittedtohisargumentandexpounding。
Andsomehow，becauseofher，hegraduallyrealizedwherehewaswrong。
Andwhatherealized，sherealized。Shefelthecouldnotdowithouther。
Theycametothesilenthouse。Hetookthekeyoutof，thescullerywindow，andtheyentered。Allthetimehewent，onwithhisdiscussion。Helitthegas，mendedthefire，andbroughthersomecakesfromthepantry。Shesatonthesofa，quietly，withaplateonherknee。Sheworealargewhitehat，withsomepinkishflowers。Itwasacheaphat，buthelikedit。
Herfacebeneathwasstillandpensive，golden-brownandruddy。
Alwaysherearswerehidinhershortcurls。Shewatchedhim。
ShelikedhimonSundays。Thenheworeadarksuitthatshowedthe，lithemovementofhisbody。Therewasaclean，clear-cutlookabouthim。
Hewentonwithhisthinkingtoher。SuddenlyhereachedforaBible。
Miriamlikedthewayhereachedup——sosharp，straighttothemark。
Heturnedthepagesquickly，andreadherachapterofSt。John。
Ashesatinthearmchairreading，intent，hisvoiceonlythinking，shefeltasifhewereusingherunconsciouslyasamanuseshis，toolsatsomeworkheisbenton。Shelovedit。Andthewistfulness，ofhisvoicewaslikeareachingtosomething，anditwasasifshe，werewhathereachedwith。Shesatbackonthesofaawayfromhim，andyetfeelingherselftheveryinstrumenthishandgrasped。
Itgavehergreatpleasure。
Thenhebegantofalterandtogetself-conscious。Andwhenhe，cametotheverse，“Awoman，whensheisintravail，hathsorrow，becauseherhouriscome“hemisseditout。Miriamhadfelthim，growinguncomfortable。Sheshrankwhenthewell-knownwordsdid，notfollow。Hewentonreading，butshedidnothear。Agrief，andshamemadeherbendherhead。Sixmonthsagohewouldhave，readitsimply。Nowtherewasascotchinhisrunningwithher。
Nowshefelttherewasreallysomethinghostilebetweenthem，somethingofwhichtheywereashamed。
Sheatehercakemechanically。Hetriedtogoonwithhisargument，butcouldnotgetbacktherightnote。SoonEdgarcamein。
Mrs。Morelhadgonetoherfriends’。ThethreesetofftoWilleyFarm。
Miriambroodedoverhissplitwithher。Therewassomethingelse，hewanted。Hecouldnotbesatisfied;hecouldgivehernopeace。
Therewasbetweenthemnowalwaysagroundforstrife。
Shewantedtoprovehim。Shebelievedthathischiefneedinlife，washerself。Ifshecouldproveit，bothtoherselfandtohim，therestmightgo;shecouldsimplytrusttothefuture。