第10章
SoinMaysheaskedhimtocometoWilleyFarmandmeet，Mrs。Dawes。Therewassomethinghehankeredafter。Shesawhim，whenevertheyspokeofClaraDawes，rouseandgetslightlyangry。
Hesaidhedidnotlikeher。Yethewaskeentoknowabouther。
Well，heshouldputhimselftothetest。Shebelievedthatthere，wereinhimdesiresforhigherthings，anddesiresforlower，andthat，thedesireforthehigherwouldconquer。Atanyrate，heshouldtry。
Sheforgotthather“higher“and“lower“werearbitrary。
HewasratherexcitedattheideaofmeetingClaraatWilleyFarm。
Mrs。Dawescamefortheday。Herheavy，dun-colouredhairwas，coiledontopofherhead。Sheworeawhiteblouseandnavyskirt，andsomehow，wherevershewas，seemedtomakethingslookpaltry，andinsignificant。Whenshewasintheroom，thekitchenseemed，toosmallandmeanaltogether。Miriam’sbeautifultwilighty，parlourlookedstiffandstupid。AlltheLeiverswereeclipsed，likecandles。Theyfoundherratherhardtoputupwith。
Yetshewasperfectlyamiable，butindifferent，andratherhard。
Pauldidnotcometillafternoon。Hewasearly。Asheswung，offhisbicycle，Miriamsawhimlookroundatthehouseeagerly。
Hewouldbedisappointedifthevisitorhadnotcome。Miriamwent，outtomeethim，bowingherheadbecauseofthesunshine。
Nasturtiumswerecomingoutcrimsonunderthecoolgreenshadow，oftheirleaves。Thegirlstood，dark-haired，gladtoseehim。
“Hasn’tClaracome？”heasked。
“Yes，“repliedMiriaminhermusicaltone。”She’sreading。”
Hewheeledhisbicycleintothebarn。Hehadput，onahandsometie，ofwhichhewasratherproud，andsockstomatch。
“Shecamethismorning？”heasked。
“Yes，“repliedMiriam，asshewalkedathisside。”Yousaidyou’d，bringmethatletterfromthemanatLiberty’s。Haveyouremembered？”
“Oh，dash，no！”hesaid。”Butnagatmetillyougetit。”
“Idon’tliketonagatyou。”
“Doitwhetherornot。Andissheanymoreagreeable？”
hecontinued。
“YouknowIalwaysthinksheisquiteagreeable。”
Hewassilent。Evidentlyhiseagernesstobeearlyto-day，hadbeenthenewcomer。Miriamalreadybegantosuffer。Theywent，togethertowardsthehouse。Hetooktheclipsoffhistrousers，butwastoolazytobrushthedustfromhisshoes，inspiteofthe，socksandtie。
Clarasatinthecoolparlourreading。Hesawthenapeofher，whiteneck，andthefinehairliftedfromit。Sherose，lookingat，himindifferently。Toshakehandssheliftedherarmstraight，inamannerthatseemedatoncetokeephimatadistance，andyettoflingsomethingtohim。Henoticedhowherbreasts，swelledinsideherblouse，andhowhershouldercurvedhandsomely，underthethinmuslinatthetopofherarm。
“Youhavechosenafineday，“hesaid。
“Ithappensso，“shesaid。
“Yes，“hesaid;“Iamglad。”
Shesatdown，notthankinghimforhispoliteness。
“Whathaveyoubeendoingallmorning？”askedPaulofMiriam。
“Well，yousee，“saidMiriam，coughinghuskily，“Claraonly，camewithfather——andso——she’snotbeenhereverylong。”
Clarasatleaningonthetable，holdingaloof。Henoticed，herhandswerelarge，butwellkept。Andtheskinonthemseemed，almostcoarse，opaque，andwhite，withfinegoldenhairs。Shedid，notmindifheobservedherhands。Sheintendedtoscornhim。
Herheavyarmlaynegligentlyonthetable。Hermouthwasclosed，asifshewereoffended，andshekeptherfaceslightlyaverted。
“YouwereatMargaretBonford’smeetingtheotherevening，“
hesaidtoher。
MiriamdidnotknowthiscourteousPaul。Claraglancedathim。
“Yes，“shesaid。
“Why，“askedMiriam，“howdoyouknow？”
“Iwentinforafewminutesbeforethetraincame，“heanswered。
Claraturnedawayagainratherdisdainfully。
“Ithinkshe’salovablelittlewoman，“saidPaul。
“MargaretBonford！”exclaimedClara。”She’sagreatdeal，clevererthanmostmen。”
“Well，Ididn’tsayshewasn’t，“hesaid，deprecating。
“She’slovableforallthat。”
“And，ofcourse，thatisallthatmatters，“saidClarawitheringly。
Herubbedhishead，ratherperplexed，ratherannoyed。
“Isupposeitmattersmorethanhercleverness，“hesaid;
“which，afterall，wouldnevergethertoheaven。”
“It’snotheavenshewantstoget——it’sherfairshareonearth，“
retortedClara。Shespokeasifhewereresponsibleforsome，deprivationwhichMissBonfordsuffered。
“Well，“hesaid，“Ithoughtshewaswarm，andawfullynice——only，toofrail。Iwishedshewassittingcomfortablyinpeace——“
“’Darningherhusband’sstockings，’“saidClarascathingly。
“I’msureshewouldn’tminddarningevenmystockings，“hesaid。
“AndI’msureshe’ddothemwell。JustasIwouldn’tmindblacking，herbootsifshewantedmeto。”
ButClararefusedtoanswerthissallyofhis。Hetalked，toMiriamforalittlewhile。Theotherwomanheldaloof。
“Well，“hesaid，“IthinkI’llgoandseeEdgar。Ishe，ontheland？”
“Ibelieve，“saidMiriam，“he’sgoneforaloadofcoal。
Heshouldbebackdirectly。”
“Then，“hesaid，“I’llgoandmeethim。”
Miriamdarednotproposeanythingforthethreeofthem。
Heroseandleftthem。
Onthetoproad，wherethegorsewasout，hesawEdgarwalking，lazilybesidethemare，whonoddedherwhite-starredforehead，asshedraggedtheclankingloadofcoal。Theyoungfarmer’sface，lightedupashesawhisfriend。Edgarwasgood-looking，withdark，warmeyes。Hisclotheswereoldandratherdisreputable，andhe，walkedwithconsiderablepride。
“Hello！”hesaid，seeingPaulbareheaded。”Whereareyougoing？”
“Cametomeetyou。Can’tstand’Nevermore。’“
Edgar’steethflashedinalaughofamusement。
“Whois’Nevermore’？”heasked。
“Thelady——Mrs。Dawes——itoughttobeMrs。TheRaventhatquothed，’Nevermore。’“
Edgarlaughedwithglee。
“Don’tyoulikeher？”heasked。
“Notafatlot，“saidPaul。”Why，doyou？”
“No！”Theanswercamewithadeepringofconviction。”No！”
Edgarpurseduphislips。”Ican’tsayshe’smuchinmyline。”
Hemusedalittle。Then：，“Butwhydoyoucallher’Nevermore’？”
heasked。
“Well，“saidPaul，“ifshelooksatamanshesayshaughtily，’Nevermore，’andifshelooksatherselfinthelooking-glassshe，saysdisdainfully’Nevermore，’andifshethinksbackshesaysit，indisgust，andifshelooksforwardshesaysitcynically。”
Edgarconsideredthisspeech，failedtomakemuchoutofit，andsaid，laughing：
“Youthinkshe’saman-hater？”
“SHEthinkssheis，“repliedPaul。
“Butyoudon’tthinkso？”
“No，“repliedPaul。
“Wasn’tshenicewithyou，then？”
“CouldyouimagineherNICEwithanybody？”askedtheyoungman。
Edgarlaughed。Togethertheyunloadedthecoalintheyard。
Paulwasratherself-conscious，becauseheknewClaracouldseeifshe，lookedoutofthewindow。Shedidn’tlook。
OnSaturdayafternoonsthehorseswerebrusheddownandgroomed。
PaulandEdgarworkedtogether，sneezingwiththedustthatcame，fromthepeltsofJimmyandFlower。
“Doyouknowanewsongtoteachme？”saidEdgar。
Hecontinuedtoworkallthetime。Thebackofhisneck，wassun-redwhenhebentdown，andhisfingersthatheldthebrush，werethick。Paulwatchedhimsometimes。
“’MaryMorrison’？”suggestedtheyounger。
Edgaragreed。Hehadagoodtenorvoice，andhelovedtolearn，allthesongshisfriendcouldteachhim，sothathecouldsing，whilsthewascarting。Paulhadaveryindifferentbaritonevoice，butagoodear。However，hesangsoftly，forfearofClara。
Edgarrepeatedthelineinacleartenor。Attimestheybothbroke，offtosneeze，andfirstone，thentheother，abusedhishorse。
Miriamwasimpatientofmen。Ittooksolittletoamuse，them——evenPaul。Shethoughtitanomalousinhimthathecould，besothoroughlyabsorbedinatriviality。
Itwastea-timewhentheyhadfinished。
“Whatsongwasthat？”askedMiriam。
Edgartoldher。Theconversationturnedtosinging。
“Wehavesuchjollytimes，“MiriamsaidtoClara。
Mrs。Dawesatehermealinaslow，dignifiedway。
Wheneverthemenwerepresentshegrewdistant。
“Doyoulikesinging？”Miriamaskedher。
“Ifitisgood，“shesaid。
Paul，ofcourse，coloured。
“Youmeanifitishigh-classandtrained？”hesaid。
“Ithinkavoiceneedstrainingbeforethesingingisanything，“
shesaid。
“Youmightaswellinsistonhavingpeople’svoicestrained，beforeyouallowedthemtotalk，“hereplied。”Really，peoplesing，fortheirownpleasure，asarule。”
“Anditmaybeforotherpeople’sdiscomfort。”
“Thentheotherpeopleshouldhaveflapstotheirears，“
hereplied。
Theboyslaughed。Therewasasilence。Heflusheddeeply，andateinsilence。
Aftertea，whenallthemenhadgonebutPaul，Mrs。Leivers，saidtoClara：
“Andyoufindlifehappiernow？”
“Infinitely。”
“Andyouaresatisfied？”
“SolongasIcanbefreeandindependent。”
“Andyoudon’tMISSanythinginyourlife？”
askedMrs。Leiversgently。
“I’veputallthatbehindme。”
Paulhadbeenfeelinguncomfortableduringthisdiscourse。
Hegotup。
“You’llfindyou’realwaystumblingoverthethingsyou’veput，behindyou，“hesaid。Thenhetookhisdeparturetothecowsheds。
Hefelthehadbeenwitty，andhismanlypridewashigh。Hewhistled，ashewentdownthebricktrack。
Miriamcameforhimalittlelatertoknowifhewouldgowith，Claraandherforawalk。TheysetoffdowntoStrelleyMillFarm。
Astheyweregoingbesidethebrook，ontheWilleyWaterside，lookingthroughthebrakeattheedgeofthewood，wherepinkcampions，glowedunderafewsunbeams，theysaw，beyondthetree-trunks，andthethinhazelbushes，amanleadingagreatbayhorsethrough，thegullies。Thebigredbeastseemedtodanceromantically，throughthatdimnessofgreenhazeldrift，awaythere，wheretheairwasshadowy，asifitwereinthepast，amongthefadingbluebellsthatmighthavebloomed，forDeidreorIseult。
Thethreestoodcharmed。
“Whatatreattobeaknight，“hesaid，“andtohave，apavilionhere。”
“Andtohaveusshutupsafely？”repliedClara。
“Yes，“heanswered，“singingwithyourmaidsatyourbroidery。
Iwouldcarryyourbannerofwhiteandgreenandheliotrope。Iwould，have’W。S。P。U。’emblazonedonmyshield，beneathawomanrampant。”
“Ihavenodoubt，“saidClara，“thatyouwouldmuchrather，fightforawomanthanletherfightforherself。”
“Iwould。Whenshefightsforherselfsheseemslikeadog，beforealooking-glass，goneintoamadfurywithitsownshadow。”
“AndYOUarethelooking-glass？”sheasked，withacurl，ofthelip。
“Ortheshadow，“hereplied。
“Iamafraid，“shesaid，“thatyouaretooclever。”
“Well，IleaveittoyoutobeGOOD，“heretorted，laughing。
“Begood，sweetmaid，andjustletMEbeclever。”
ButClaraweariedofhisflippancy。Suddenly，lookingather，hesawthattheupwardliftingofherfacewasmiseryandnotscorn。
Hisheartgrewtenderforeverybody。Heturnedandwasgentle，withMiriam，whomhehadneglectedtillthen。
Atthewood’sedgetheymetLimb，athin，swarthymanofforty，tenantofStrelleyMill，whichheranasacattle-raisingfarm。
Heheldthehalterofthepowerfulstallionindifferently，asifhe，weretired。Thethreestoodtolethimpassoverthestepping-stones，ofthefirstbrook。Pauladmiredthatsolargeananimalshould，walkonsuchspringytoes，withanendlessexcessofvigour。
Limbpulledupbeforethem。
“Tellyourfather，MissLeivers，“hesaid，inapeculiar，pipingvoice，“thathisyoungbeas’es’asbrokethatbottomfence，threedaysan’runnin’。”
“Which？”askedMiriam，tremulous。
Thegreathorsebreathedheavily，shiftingrounditsredflanks，andlookingsuspiciouslywithitswonderfulbigeyesupwardsfrom，underitsloweredheadandfallingmane。
“Comealongabit，“repliedLimb，“an’I’llshowyou。”
Themanandthestallionwentforward。Itdancedsideways，shakingitswhitefetlocksandlookingfrightened，asitfeltitself，inthebrook。
“Nohanky-pankyin’，“saidthemanaffectionatelytothebeast。
Itwentupthebankinlittleleaps，thensplashedfinelythrough，thesecondbrook。Clara，walkingwithakindofsulkyabandon，watchedithalf-fascinated，half-contemptuous。Limbstopped，andpointedtothefenceundersomewillows。
“There，youseewheretheygotthrough，“hesaid。”Myman’s，druv’embackthreetimes。”
“Yes，“answeredMiriam，colouringasifshewereatfault。
“Areyoucomin’in？”askedtheman。
“No，thanks;butweshouldliketogobythepond。”
“Well，justasyou’veamind，“hesaid。
Thehorsegavelittlewhinneysofpleasureatbeingsonearhome。
“Heisgladtobeback，“saidClara，whowasinterested，inthecreature。
“Yes——’e’sbeenatidystepto-day。”
Theywentthroughthegate，andsawapproachingthemfrom，thebigfarmhouseasmallish，dark，excitable-lookingwoman，ofaboutthirty-five。Herhairwastouchedwithgrey，herdark，eyeslookedwild。Shewalkedwithherhandsbehindherback。
Herbrotherwentforward。Asitsawher，thebigbaystallion，whinneyedagain。Shecameupexcitedly。
“Areyouhomeagain，myboy！”shesaidtenderlytothehorse，nottotheman。Thegreatbeastshiftedroundtoher，duckinghishead。
Shesmuggledintohismouththewrinkledyellowappleshehad，beenhidingbehindherback，thenshekissedhimneartheeyes。
Hegaveabigsighofpleasure。Sheheldhisheadinherarms，againstherbreast。
“Isn’thesplendid！”saidMiriamtoher。
MissLimblookedup。HerdarkeyesglancedstraightatPaul。
“Oh，good-evening，MissLeivers，“shesaid。”It’sages，sinceyou’vebeendown。”
Miriamintroducedherfriends。
“YourhorseISafinefellow！”saidClara。
“Isn’the！”Againshekissedhim。”Aslovingasanyman！”
“Morelovingthanmostmen，Ishouldthink，“repliedClara。
“He’saniceboy！”criedthewoman，againembracingthehorse。
Clara，fascinatedbythebigbeast，wentuptostrokehisneck。
“He’squitegentle，“saidMissLimb。”Don’tyouthinkbig，fellowsare？”
“He’sabeauty！”repliedClara。
Shewantedtolookinhiseyes。Shewantedhimtolookather。
“It’sapityhecan’ttalk，“shesaid。
“Oh，buthecan——allbut，“repliedtheotherwoman。
Thenherbrothermovedonwiththehorse。
“Areyoucomingin？，DOcomein，Mr——Ididn’tcatchit。”
“Morel，“saidMiriam。”No，wewon’tcomein，butweshould，liketogobythemill-pond。”
“Yes——yes，do。Doyoufish，Mr。Morel？”
“No，“saidPaul。
“Becauseifyoudoyoumightcomeandfishanytime，“
saidMissLimb。”Wescarcelyseeasoulfromweek’sendtoweek’send。
Ishouldbethankful。”
“Whatfisharethereinthepond？”heasked。
Theywentthroughthefrontgarden，overthesluice，andupthesteepbanktothepond，whichlayinshadow，withits，twowoodedislets。PaulwalkedwithMissLimb。
“Ishouldn’tmindswimminghere，“hesaid。
“Do，“shereplied。”Comewhenyoulike。Mybrotherwillbe，awfullypleasedtotalkwithyou。Heissoquiet，becausethere，isnoonetotalkto。Docomeandswim。”
Claracameup。
“It’safinedepth，“shesaid，“andsoclear。”
“Yes，“saidMissLimb。
“Doyouswim？”saidPaul。”MissLimbwasjustsayingwecould，comewhenweliked。”
“Ofcoursethere’sthefarm-hands，“saidMissLimb。
Theytalkedafewmoments，thenwentonupthewildhill，leavingthelonely，haggard-eyedwomanonthebank。
Thehillsidewasallripewithsunshine。Itwaswildandtussocky，givenovertorabbits。Thethreewalkedinsilence。Then：
“Shemakesmefeeluncomfortable，“saidPaul。
“YoumeanMissLimb？”askedMiriam。”Yes。”
“What’samatterwithher？，Isshegoingdottywithbeing，toolonely？”
“Yes，“saidMiriam。”It’snottherightsortoflifeforher。
Ithinkit’scrueltoburyherthere。Ireallyoughttogoandsee，hermore。But——sheupsetsme。”
“Shemakesmefeelsorryforher——yes，andshebothersme，“
hesaid。
“Isuppose，“blurtedClarasuddenly，“shewantsaman。”
Theothertwoweresilentforafewmoments。
“Butit’sthelonelinesssendshercracked，“saidPaul。
Claradidnotanswer，butstrodeonuphill。Shewaswalking，withherhandhanging，herlegsswingingasshekickedthrough，thedeadthistlesandthetussockygrass，herarmshangingloose。
Ratherthanwalking，herhandsomebodyseemedtobeblunderingup，thehill。AhotwavewentoverPaul。Hewascuriousabouther。
Perhapslifehadbeencrueltoher。HeforgotMiriam，whowaswalking，besidehimtalkingtohim。Sheglancedathim，findinghedidnot，answerher。HiseyeswerefixedaheadonClara。
“Doyoustillthinksheisdisagreeable？”sheasked。
Hedidnotnoticethatthequestionwassudden。Itran，withhisthoughts。
“Something’sthematterwithher，“hesaid。
“Yes，“answeredMiriam。
Theyfoundatthetopofthehillahiddenwildfield，twosidesofwhichwerebackedbythewood，theothersidesbyhigh，loosehedgesofhawthornandelderbushes。Betweentheseovergrown，bushesweregapsthatthecattlemighthavewalkedthroughhad，therebeenanycattlenow。Theretheturfwassmoothasvelveteen，paddedandholedbytherabbits。Thefielditselfwascoarse，andcrowdedwithtall，bigcowslipsthathadneverbeencut。
Clustersofstrongflowersroseeverywhereabovethecoarse，tussocksofbent。Itwaslikearoadsteadcrowdedwithtan，fairyshipping。
“Ah！”criedMiriam，andshelookedatPaul，herdarkeyesdilating。
Hesmiled。Togethertheyenjoyedthefieldofflowers。Clara，alittlewayoff，waslookingatthecowslipsdisconsolately。
PaulandMiriamstayedclosetogether，talkinginsubduedtones。
Hekneeledononeknee，quicklygatheringthebestblossoms，movingfromtufttotuftrestlessly，talkingsoftlyallthetime。
Miriampluckedtheflowerslovingly，lingeringoverthem。
Healwaysseemedtohertooquickandalmostscientific。
Yethisbuncheshadanaturalbeautymorethanhers。
Helovedthem，butasiftheywerehisandhehadaright，tothem。Shehadmorereverenceforthem：
theyheldsomethingshehadnot。
Theflowerswereveryfreshandsweet。Hewantedtodrinkthem。
Ashegatheredthem，heatethelittleyellowtrumpets。
Clarawasstillwanderingaboutdisconsolately。Goingtowardsher，hesaid：
“Whydon’tyougetsome？”
“Idon’tbelieveinit。Theylookbettergrowing。”
“Butyou’dlikesome？”
“Theywanttobeleft。”
“Idon’tbelievetheydo。”
“Idon’twantthecorpsesofflowersaboutme，“shesaid。
“That’sastiff，artificialnotion，“hesaid。”Theydon’tdie，anyquickerinwaterthanontheirroots。Andbesides，theyLOOK
niceinabowl——theylookjolly。Andyouonlycallathingacorpse，becauseitlookscorpse-like。”
“Whetheritisoneornot？”sheargued。
“Itisn’tonetome。Adeadflowerisn’tacorpseofaflower。”
Claranowignoredhim。
“Andevenso——whatrighthaveyoutopullthem？”sheasked。
“BecauseIlikethem，andwantthem——andthere’splentyofthem。”
“Andthatissufficient？”
“Yes。Whynot？，I’msurethey’dsmellniceinyourroom，inNottingham。”
“AndIshouldhavethepleasureofwatchingthemdie。”
“Butthen——itdoesnotmatteriftheydodie。”
Whereuponhelefther，andwentstoopingovertheclumps，oftangledflowerswhichthicklysprinkledthefieldlikepale，luminousfoam-clots。Miriamhadcomeclose。Clarawaskneeling，breathingsomescentfromthecowslips。
“Ithink，“saidMiriam，“ifyoutreatthemwithreverenceyou，don’tdothemanyharm。Itisthespirityouplucktheminthatmatters。”
“Yes，“hesaid。”Butno，youget’embecauseyouwant’em，andthat’sall。”，Heheldouthisbunch。
Miriamwassilent。Hepickedsomemore。
“Lookatthese！”hecontinued;“sturdyandlustylikelittle，treesandlikeboyswithfatlegs。”
Clara’shatlayonthegrassnotfaroff。Shewaskneeling，bendingforwardstilltosmelltheflowers。Herneckgavehim，asharppang，suchabeautifulthing，yetnotproudofitself，justnow。Herbreastsswungslightlyinherblouse。Thearching，curveofherbackwasbeautifulandstrong;sheworenostays。
Suddenly，withoutknowing，hewasscatteringahandfulofcowslips，overherhairandneck，saying：
“Ashestoashes，anddusttodust，IftheLordwon’thaveyouthedevilmust。”
Thechillflowersfellonherneck。Shelookedupathim，withalmostpitiful，scaredgreyeyes，wonderingwhathewasdoing。
Flowersfellonherface，andsheshuthereyes。
Suddenly，standingthereaboveher，hefeltawkward。
“Ithoughtyouwantedafuneral，“hesaid，illatease。
Claralaughedstrangely，androse，pickingthecowslipsfrom，herhair。Shetookupherhatandpinnediton。Oneflowerhad，remainedtangledinherhair。Hesaw，butwouldnottellher。
Hegathereduptheflowershehadsprinkledoverher。
Attheedgeofthewoodthebluebellshadflowedoverintothe，fieldandstoodtherelikeflood-water。Buttheywerefadingnow。
Clarastrayeduptothem。Hewanderedafterher。Thebluebells，pleasedhim。
“Lookhowthey’vecomeoutofthewood！”hesaid。
Thensheturnedwithaflashofwarmthandofgratitude。
“Yes，“shesmiled。
Hisbloodbeatup。
“Itmakesmethinkofthewildmenofthewoods，howterrified，theywouldbewhentheygotbreasttobreastwiththeopenspace。”
“Doyouthinktheywere？”sheasked。
“Iwonderwhichwasmorefrightenedamongoldtribes——those，burstingoutoftheirdarknessofwoodsuponallthespaceoflight，orthosefromtheopentiptoeingintotheforests。”
“Ishouldthinkthesecond，“sheanswered。
“Yes，youDOfeellikeoneoftheopenspacesort，tryingto，forceyourselfintothedark，don’tyou？”
“HowshouldIknow？”sheansweredqueerly。
Theconversationendedthere。
Theeveningwasdeepeningovertheearth。Alreadythevalleywas，fullofshadow。OnetinysquareoflightstoodoppositeatCrossleigh，BankFarm。Brightnesswasswimmingonthetopsofthehills。
Miriamcameupslowly，herfaceinherbig，loosebunchofflowers，walkingankle-deepthroughthescatteredfrothofthecowslips。
Beyondherthetreeswerecomingintoshape，allshadow。
“Shallwego？”sheasked。
Andthethreeturnedaway。Theywereallsilent。
Goingdownthepaththeycouldseethelightofhomerightacross，andontheridgeofthehillathindarkoutlinewithlittlelights，wherethecollieryvillagetouchedthesky。
“Ithasbeennice，hasn’tit？”heasked。
Miriammurmuredassent。Clarawassilent。
“Don’tyouthinkso？”hepersisted。
Butshewalkedwithherheadup，andstilldidnotanswer。
Hecouldtellbythewayshemoved，asifshedidn’tcare，thatshesuffered。
AtthistimePaultookhismothertoLincoln。Shewasbright，andenthusiasticasever，butashesatoppositeherinthe，railwaycarriage，sheseemedtolookfrail。Hehadamomentary，sensationasifshewereslippingawayfromhim。Thenhe，wantedtogetholdofher，tofastenher，almosttochainher。
Hefelthemustkeepholdofherwithhishand。
Theydrewneartothecity。Bothwereatthewindowlooking，forthecathedral。
“Theresheis，mother！”hecried。
Theysawthegreatcathedrallyingcouchantabovetheplain。
“Ah！”sheexclaimed。”Sosheis！”
Helookedathismother。Herblueeyeswerewatchingthe，cathedralquietly。Sheseemedagaintobebeyondhim。Somethingin，theeternalreposeoftheupliftedcathedral，blueandnoble，againstthesky，wasreflectedinher，somethingofthefatality。
Whatwas，WAS。Withallhisyoungwillhecouldnotalterit。
Hesawherface，theskinstillfreshandpinkanddowny，butcrow’s-feetnearhereyes，hereyelidssteady，sinkingalittle，hermouthalwaysclosedwithdisillusion;andtherewasonherthesame，eternallook，asifsheknewfateatlast。Hebeatagainstit，withallthestrengthofhissoul。
“Look，mother，howbigsheisabovethetown！，Think，therearestreets，andstreetsbelowher！，Shelooksbiggerthanthecityaltogether。”
“Soshedoes！”exclaimedhismother，breakingbright，intolifeagain。Buthehadseenhersitting，lookingsteady，outofthewindowatthecathedral，herfaceandeyesfixed，reflectingtherelentlessnessoflife。Andthecrow’s-feetnear，hereyes，andhermouthshutsohard，madehimfeelhewouldgomad。
Theyateamealthatsheconsideredwildlyextravagant。
“Don’timagineIlikeit，“shesaid，assheatehercutlet。
“IDON’Tlikeit，Ireallydon’t！，JustTHINKofyourmoneywasted！”
“Younevermindmymoney，“hesaid。”YouforgetI’mafellow，takinghisgirlforanouting。”
Andheboughthersomeblueviolets。
“Stopitatonce，sir！”shecommanded。”HowcanIdoit？”
“You’vegotnothingtodo。Standstill！”
AndinthemiddleofHighStreethestucktheflowersinhercoat。
“Anoldthinglikeme！”shesaid，sniffing。
“Yousee，“hesaid，“Iwantpeopletothinkwe’reawfulswells。
Solookikey。”
“I’lljowlyourhead，“shelaughed。
“Strut！”hecommanded。”Beafantailpigeon。”
Ittookhimanhourtogetherthroughthestreet。Shestood，aboveGloryHole，shestoodbeforeStoneBow，shestoodeverywhere，andexclaimed。
Amancameup，tookoffhishat，andbowedtoher。
“CanIshowyouthetown，madam？”
“No，thankyou，“sheanswered。”I’vegotmyson。”
ThenPaulwascrosswithherfornotansweringwithmoredignity。
“Yougoawaywithyou！”sheexclaimed。”Ha！that’s，theJew’sHouse。Now，doyourememberthatlecture，Paul——？”
Butshecouldscarcelyclimbthecathedralhill。
Hedidnotnotice。Thensuddenlyhefoundherunabletospeak。
Hetookherintoalittlepublic-house，wheresherested。
“It’snothing，“shesaid。”Myheartisonlyabitold;
onemustexpectit。”
Hedidnotanswer，butlookedather。Againhisheartwas，crushedinahotgrip。Hewantedtocry，hewantedtosmashthings，infury。
Theysetoffagain，pacebypace，soslowly。Andevery，stepseemedlikeaweightonhischest。Hefeltasifhisheart，wouldburst。Atlasttheycametothetop。Shestoodenchanted，lookingatthecastlegate，lookingatthecathedralfront。
Shehadquiteforgottenherself。
“NowTHISisbetterthanIthoughtitcouldbe！”shecried。
Buthehatedit。Everywherehefollowedher，brooding。
Theysattogetherinthecathedral。Theyattendedalittleservice，inthechoir。Shewastimid。
“Isupposeitisopentoanybody？”sheaskedhim。
“Yes，“hereplied。”Doyouthinkthey’dhavethedamnedcheek，tosendusaway。”
“Well，I’msure，“sheexclaimed，“theywouldiftheyheard，yourlanguage。”
Herfaceseemedtoshineagainwithjoyandpeaceduring，theservice。Andallthetimehewaswantingtorageandsmash，thingsandcry。
Afterwards，whentheywereleaningoverthewall，lookingat，thetownbelow，heblurtedsuddenly：
“Whycan’tamanhaveaYOUNGmother？，Whatissheoldfor？”
“Well，“hismotherlaughed，“shecanscarcelyhelpit。”
“Andwhywasn’tItheoldestson？，Look——theysaytheyoung，oneshavetheadvantage——butlook，THEYhadtheyoungmother。
Youshouldhavehadmeforyoureldestson。”
“Ididn’tarrangeit，“sheremonstrated。”Cometoconsider，you’reasmuchtoblameasme。”
Heturnedonher，white，hiseyesfurious。
“Whatareyouoldfor！”hesaid，madwithhisimpotence。
“WHYcan’tyouwalk？，WHYcan’tyoucomewithmetoplaces？”
“Atonetime，“shereplied，“Icouldhaverunupthathill，agooddealbetterthanyou。”
“What’sthegoodofthattoME？”hecried，hittinghisfist，onthewall。Thenhebecameplaintive。”It’stoobadofyou，tobeill。Little，itis——“
“Ill！”shecried。”I’mabitold，andyou’llhavetoputup，withit，that’sall。”
Theywerequiet。Butitwasasmuchastheycouldbear。Theygot，jollyagainovertea。AstheysatbyBrayford，watchingtheboats，hetoldheraboutClara。Hismotheraskedhiminnumerablequestions。
“Thenwhodoesshelivewith？”
“Withhermother，onBluebellHill。”
“Andhavetheyenoughtokeepthem？”
“Idon’tthinkso。Ithinktheydolacework。”
“Andwhereinlieshercharm，myboy？”
“Idon’tknowthatshe’scharming，mother。Butshe’snice。
Andsheseemsstraight，youknow——notabitdeep，notabit。”
“Butshe’sagooddealolderthanyou。”
“She’sthirty，I’mgoingontwenty-three。”
“Youhaven’ttoldmewhatyoulikeherfor。”
“BecauseIdon’tknow——asortofdefiantwayshe’sgot——asort，ofangryway。”
Mrs。Morelconsidered。Shewouldhavebeengladnowforherson，tofallinlovewithsomewomanwhowould——shedidnotknowwhat。
Buthefrettedso，gotsofurioussuddenly，andagainwasmelancholic。
Shewishedheknewsomenicewoman——Shedidnotknowwhatshewished，butleftitvague。Atanyrate，shewasnothostiletotheidea，ofClara。
Annie，too，wasgettingmarried。Leonardhadgoneawaytowork，inBirmingham。Oneweek-endwhenhewashomeshehadsaidtohim：
“Youdon’tlookverywell，mylad。”
“Idunno，“hesaid。”Ifeelanyhowornohow，ma。”
Hecalledher“ma“alreadyinhisboyishfashion。
“Areyousurethey’regoodlodgings？”sheasked。
“Yes——yes。Only——it’sawinderwhenyouhavetopouryourown，teaout——an’nobodytogrouseifyouteamitinyoursaucerandsup，itup。Itsomehowtakesa’thetasteoutofit。”
Mrs。Morellaughed。
“Andsoitknocksyouup？”shesaid。
“Idunno。Iwanttogetmarried，“heblurted，twistinghis，fingersandlookingdownathisboots。Therewasasilence。
“But，“sheexclaimed，“Ithoughtyousaidyou’dwaitanotheryear。”
“Yes，Ididsayso，“herepliedstubbornly。
Againsheconsidered。
“Andyouknow，“shesaid，“Annie’sabitofaspendthrift。
She’ssavednomorethanelevenpounds。AndIknow，lad，youhaven’t，hadmuchchance。”
Hecoloureduptotheears。
“I’vegotthirty-threequid，“hesaid。
“Itdoesn’tgofar，“sheanswered。
Hesaidnothing，buttwistedhisfingers。
“Andyouknow，“shesaid，“I’venothing——“
“Ididn’twant，ma！”hecried，veryred，sufferingandremonstrating。
“No，mylad，Iknow。IwasonlywishingIhad。Andtakeaway，fivepoundsfortheweddingandthings——itleavestwenty-ninepounds。
Youwon’tdomuchonthat。”
Hetwistedstill，impotent，stubborn，notlookingup。
“Butdoyoureallywanttogetmarried？”sheasked。”Doyou，feelasifyouought？”
Hegaveheronestraightlookfromhisblueeyes。
“Yes，“hesaid。
“Then，“shereplied，“wemustalldothebestwecanforit，lad。”
Thenexttimehelookedupthereweretearsinhiseyes。
“Idon’twantAnnietofeelhandicapped，“hesaid，struggling。
“Mylad，“shesaid，“you’resteady——you’vegotadecentplace。
IfamanhadNEEDEDmeI’dhavemarriedhimonhislastweek’swages。
Shemayfinditabithardtostarthumbly。YounggirlsARElikethat。
Theylookforwardtothefinehometheythinkthey’llhave。
ButIhadexpensivefurniture。It’snoteverything。”
Sotheweddingtookplacealmostimmediately。Arthurcamehome，andwassplendidinuniform。Annielookedniceinadove-grey，dressthatshecouldtakeforSundays。Morelcalledherafool，forgettingmarried，andwascoolwithhisson-in-law。Mrs。Morel，hadwhitetipsinherbonnet，andsomewhiteonherblouse，andwasteasedbybothhersonsforfancyingherselfsogrand。
Leonardwasjollyandcordial，andfeltafearfulfool。Paulcould，notquiteseewhatAnniewantedtogetmarriedfor。Hewasfondofher，andsheofhim。Still，hehopedratherlugubriouslythatitwould，turnoutallright。Arthurwasastonishinglyhandsomeinhisscarlet，andyellow，andheknewitwell，butwassecretlyashamedoftheuniform。
Anniecriedhereyesupinthekitchen，onleavinghermother。
Mrs。Morelcriedalittle，thenpattedheronthebackandsaid：
“Butdon’tcry，child，he’llbegoodtoyou。”
Morelstampedandsaidshewasafooltogoandtieherselfup。
Leonardlookedwhiteandoverwrought。Mrs。Morelsaidtohim：
“Is’lltrusthertoyou，mylad，andholdyouresponsible，forher。”
“Youcan，“hesaid，nearlydeadwiththeordeal。Andit，wasallover。
WhenMorelandArthurwereinbed，Paulsattalking，ashe，oftendid，withhismother。
“You’renotsorryshe’smarried，mother，areyou？”heasked。
“I’mnotsorryshe’smarried——but——itseemsstrangethatshe，shouldgofromme。Itevenseemstomehardthatshecanprefer，togowithherLeonard。That’showmothersare——Iknowit’ssilly。”
“Andshallyoubemiserableabouther？”
“WhenIthinkofmyownweddingday，“hismotheranswered，“Icanonlyhopeherlifewillbedifferent。”
“Butyoucantrusthimtobegoodtoher？”
“Yes，yes。Theysayhe’snotgoodenoughforher。ButIsay，ifamanisGENUINE，asheis，andagirlisfondofhim——then——it，shouldbeallright。He’sasgoodasshe。”
“Soyoudon’tmind？”
“IwouldNEVERhaveletadaughterofminemarryamanIdidn’t，FEELtobegenuinethroughandthrough。Andyet，there’sagap，nowshe’sgone。”
Theywerebothmiserable，andwantedherbackagain。
ItseemedtoPaulhismotherlookedlonely，inhernewblacksilk，blousewithitsbitofwhitetrimming。
“Atanyrate，mother，Is’llnevermarry，“hesaid。
“Ay，theyallsaythat，mylad。You’venotmettheoneyet。
Onlywaitayearortwo。”
“ButIshan’tmarry，mother。Ishalllivewithyou，andwe’ll，haveaservant。”
“Ay，mylad，it’seasytotalk。We’llseewhenthetimecomes。”
“Whattime？，I’mnearlytwenty-three。”
“Yes，you’renotonethatwouldmarryyoung。Butin，threeyears’time——“
“Ishallbewithyoujustthesame。”
“We’llsee，myboy，we’llsee。”
“Butyoudon’twantmetomarry？”
“Ishouldn’tliketothinkofyougoingthroughyourlife，withoutanybodytocareforyouanddo——no。”
“AndyouthinkIoughttomarry？”
“Soonerorlatereverymanought。”
“Butyou’dratheritwerelater。”
“Itwouldbehard——andveryhard。It’sastheysay：
“’Ason’smysontillhetakeshimawife，Butmydaughter’smydaughterthewholeofherlife。’“
“AndyouthinkI’dletawifetakemefromyou？”
“Well，youwouldn’taskhertomarryyourmotheraswellasyou，“
Mrs。Morelsmiled。
“Shecoulddowhatsheliked;shewouldn’thavetointerfere。”
“Shewouldn’t——tillshe’dgotyou——andthenyou’dsee。”
“Ineverwillsee。I’llnevermarrywhileI’vegotyou——Iwon’t。”
“ButIshouldn’tliketoleaveyouwithnobody，myboy，“
shecried。
“You’renotgoingtoleaveme。Whatareyou？，Fifty-three！，I’ll，giveyoutillseventy-five。Thereyouare，I’mfatandforty-four。
ThenI’llmarryastaidbody。See！”
Hismothersatandlaughed。
“Gotobed，“shesaid——“gotobed。”
“Andwe’llhaveaprettyhouse，youandme，andaservant，andit’llbejustallright。Is’llperhapsberichwithmypainting。”
“Willyougotobed！”
“Andthenyous’llhaveapony-carriage。Seeyourself——alittle，QueenVictoriatrottinground。”
“Itellyoutogotobed，“shelaughed。
Hekissedherandwent。Hisplansforthefuturewerealways，thesame。
Mrs。Morelsatbrooding——aboutherdaughter，aboutPaul，aboutArthur。ShefrettedatlosingAnnie。Thefamilywasvery，closelybound。AndshefeltsheMUSTlivenow，tobewithher，children。Lifewassorichforher。Paulwantedher，andsodidArthur。
Arthurneverknewhowdeeplyhelovedher。Hewasacreature，ofthemoment。Neveryethadhebeenforcedtorealisehimself。
Thearmyhaddisciplinedhisbody，butnothissoul。Hewasin，perfecthealthandveryhandsome。Hisdark，vigoroushairsatclose，tohissmallishhead。Therewassomethingchildishabouthisnose，somethingalmostgirlishabouthisdarkblueeyes。Buthehadthefun，redmouthofamanunderhisbrownmoustache，andhisjawwasstrong。
Itwashisfather’smouth;itwasthenoseandeyesofherownmother’s，people——good-looking，weak-principledfolk。Mrs。Morelwasanxious，abouthim。Oncehehadreallyruntherighewassafe。Buthowfar，wouldhego？
Thearmyhadnotreallydonehimanygood。Heresented，bitterlytheauthorityoftheofficers。Hehatedhavingtoobey，asifhewereananimal。Buthehadtoomuchsensetokick。
Soheturnedhisattentiontogettingthebestoutofit。
Hecouldsing，hewasaboon-companion。Oftenhegotintoscrapes，buttheywerethemanlyscrapesthatareeasilycondoned。Sohemade，agoodtimeoutofit，whilsthisself-respectwasinsuppression。
Hetrustedtohisgoodlooksandhandsomefigure，hisrefinement，hisdecenteducationtogethimmostofwhathewanted，andhe，wasnotdisappointed。Yethewasrestless。Somethingseemed，tognawhiminside。Hewasneverstill，hewasneveralone。
Withhismotherhewasratherhumble。Paulheadmiredandloved，anddespisedslightly。AndPauladmiredandlovedanddespised，himslightly。
Mrs。Morelhadhadafewpoundslefttoherbyherfather，andshedecidedtobuyhersonoutofthearmy。Hewaswildwithjoy。
Nowhewaslikealadtakingaholiday。
HehadalwaysbeenfondofBeatriceWyld，andduringhisfurlough，hepickedupwithheragain。Shewasstrongerandbetterinhealth。
Thetwooftenwentlongwalkstogether，Arthurtakingherarm，insoldier’sfashion，ratherstiffly。Andshecametoplaythe，pianowhilsthesang。ThenArthurwouldunhookhistuniccollar。
Hegrewflushed，hiseyeswerebright，hesanginamanlytenor。
Afterwardstheysattogetheronthesofa。Heseemedtoflaunt，hisbody：，shewasawareofhimso——thestrongchest，thesides，thethighsintheirclose-fittingtrousers。
Helikedtolapseintothedialectwhenhetalkedtoher。
Shewouldsometimessmokewithhim。Occasionallyshe，wouldonlytakeafewwhiffsathiscigarette。
“Nay，“hesaidtoheroneevening，whenshereached，forhiscigarette。”Nay，thadoesna。I’llgi’etheeasmoke，kissifter’samind。”
“Iwantedawhiff，nokissatall，“sheanswered。
“Well，an’thas’ltha’eawhiff，“hesaid，“alongwi’t’kiss。”
“Iwantadrawatthyfag，“shecried，snatchingforthe，cigarettebetweenhislips。
Hewassittingwithhisshouldertouchingher。Shewassmall，andquickaslightning。Hejustescaped。
“I’llgi’etheeasmokekiss，“hesaid。
“Tha’rtakniveynuisance，ArtyMorel，“shesaid，sittingback。
“Ha’easmokekiss？”
Thesoldierleanedforwardtoher，smiling。Hisfacewas，nearhers。
“Shonna！”shereplied，turningawayherhead。
Hetookadrawathiscigarette，andpurseduphismouth，andputhislipsclosetoher。Hisdark-browncroppedmoustache，stoodoutlikeabrush。Shelookedatthepuckeredcrimsonlips，thensuddenlysnatchedthecigarettefromhisfingersanddartedaway。
He，leapingafterher，seizedthecombfromherbackhair。Sheturned，threwthecigaretteathim。Hepickeditup，putitinhismouth，andsatdown。
“Nuisance！”shecried。”Givememycomb！”
Shewasafraidthatherhair，speciallydoneforhim，wouldcomedown。Shestoodwithherhandstoherhead。Hehid，thecombbetweenhisknees。
“I’venongotit，“hesaid。
Thecigarettetrembledbetweenhislipswithlaughterashespoke。
“Liar！”shesaid。
“’StrueasI’mhere！”helaughed，showinghishands。
“Youbrazenimp！”sheexclaimed，rushingandscufflingfor，thecomb，whichhehadunderhisknees。Asshewrestledwithhim，pullingathissmooth，tight-coveredknees，helaughedtillhe，laybackonthesofashakingwithlaughter。Thecigarettefell，fromhismouthalmostsingeinghisthroat。Underhisdelicatetan，thebloodflushedup，andhelaughedtillhisblueeyeswereblinded，histhroatswollenalmosttochoking。Thenhesatup。Beatricewas，puttinginhercomb。
“Thatickledme，Beat，“hesaidthickly。
Likeaflashhersmallwhitehandwentoutandsmackedhisface。
Hestartedup，glaringather。Theystaredateachother。
Slowlytheflushmountedhercheek，shedroppedhereyes，thenherhead。
Hesatdownsulkily。Shewentintothescullerytoadjustherhair。
Inprivatetheresheshedafewtears，shedidnotknowwhatfor。
Whenshereturnedshewaspursedupclose。Butitwasonlyafilm，overherfire。He，withruffledhair，wassulkinguponthesofa。
Shesatdownopposite，inthearmchair，andneitherspoke。
Theclocktickedinthesilencelikeblows。
“Youarealittlecat，Beat，“hesaidatlength，halfapologetically。
“Well，youshouldn’tbebrazen，“shereplied。
Therewasagainalongsilence。Hewhistledtohimself，likeamanmuchagitatedbutdefiant。Suddenlyshewentacross，tohimandkissedhim。
“Didit，porefing！”shemocked。
Heliftedhisface，smilingcuriously。
“Kiss？”heinvitedher。
“Daren’tI？”sheasked。
“Goon！”hechallenged，hismouthliftedtoher。
Deliberately，andwithapeculiarquiveringsmilethat，seemedtooverspreadherwholebody，sheputhermouthonhis。
Immediatelyhisarmsfoldedroundher。Assoonasthelongkisswas，finishedshedrewbackherheadfromhim，putherdelicatefingers，onhisneck，throughtheopencollar。Thensheclosedhereyes，givingherselfupagaininakiss。
Sheactedofherownfreewill。Whatshewoulddoshedid，andmadenobodyresponsible。
Paulfeltlifechangingaroundhim。Theconditionsofyouth，weregone。Nowitwasahomeofgrown-uppeople。Anniewas，amarriedwoman，Arthurwasfollowinghisownpleasureinaway，unknowntohisfolk。Forsolongtheyhadalllivedathome，andgoneouttopasstheirtime。Butnow，forAnnieandArthur，lifelayoutsidetheirmother’shouse。Theycamehomeforholiday，andforrest。Sotherewasthatstrange，half-emptyfeelingabout，thehouse，asifthebirdshadflown。Paulbecamemoreandmore，unsettled。AnnieandArthurhadgone。Hewasrestlesstofollow。
Yethomewasforhimbesidehismother。Andstilltherewas，somethingelse，somethingoutside，somethinghewanted。
Hegrewmoreandmorerestless。Miriamdidnotsatisfyhim。
Hisoldmaddesiretobewithhergrewweaker。Sometimeshemet，ClarainNottingham，sometimeshewenttomeetingswithher，sometimeshesawheratWilleyFarm。Butontheselastoccasions，thesituationbecamestrained。Therewasatriangleofantagonism，betweenPaulandClaraandMiriam。WithClarahetookonasmart，worldly，mockingtoneveryantagonistictoMiriam。Itdidnot，matterwhatwentbefore。Shemightbeintimateandsadwithhim。
ThenassoonasClaraappeared，itallvanished，andheplayedto，thenewcomer。
Miriamhadonebeautifuleveningwithhiminthehay。
Hehadbeenonthehorse-rake，andhavingfinished，cametohelp，hertoputthehayincocks。Thenhetalkedtoherofhishopes，anddespairs，andhiswholesoulseemedtoliebarebeforeher。
Shefeltasifshewatchedtheveryquiveringstuffoflifeinhim。
Themooncameout：，theywalkedhometogether：，heseemedtohave，cometoherbecauseheneededhersobadly，andshelistenedtohim，gavehimallherloveandherfaith。Itseemedtoherhebrought，herthebestofhimselftokeep，andthatshewouldguarditall，herlife。Nay，theskydidnotcherishthestarsmoresurelyand，eternallythanshewouldguardthegoodinthesoulofPaulMorel。
Shewentonhomealone，feelingexalted，gladinherfaith。
Andthen，thenextday，Claracame。Theyweretohavetea，inthehayfield。Miriamwatchedtheeveningdrawingtogold，andshadow。AndallthetimePaulwassportingwithClara。
Hemadehigherandhigherheapsofhaythattheywerejumpingover。
Miriamdidnotcareforthegame，andstoodaside。EdgarandGeoffrey，andMauriceandClaraandPauljumped。Paulwon，becausehe，waslight。Clara’sbloodwasroused。ShecouldrunlikeanAmazon。
Paullovedthedeterminedwaysherushedatthehay-cockandleaped，landedontheotherside，herbreastsshaken，herthickhair，comeundone。
“Youtouched！”hecried。”Youtouched！”
“No！”sheflashed，turningtoEdgar。”Ididn’ttouch，didI？
Wasn’tIclear？”
“Icouldn’tsay，“laughedEdgar。
Noneofthemcouldsay。
“Butyoutouched，“saidPaul。”You’rebeaten。”
“IdidNOTtouch！”shecried。
“Asplainasanything，“saidPaul。
“Boxhisearsforme！”shecriedtoEdgar。
“Nay，“Edgarlaughed。”Idaren’t。Youmustdoityourself。”
“Andnothingcanalterthefactthatyoutouched，“laughedPaul。
Shewasfuriouswithhim。Herlittletriumphbeforethese，ladsandmenwasgone。Shehadforgottenherselfinthegame。
Nowhewastohumbleher。
“Ithinkyouaredespicable！”shesaid。
Andagainhelaughed，inawaythattorturedMiriam。
“AndIKNEWyoucouldn’tjumpthatheap，“heteased。
Sheturnedherbackonhim。Yeteverybodycouldseethat，theonlypersonshelistenedto，orwasconsciousof，washe，andheofher。Itpleasedthementoseethisbattlebetweenthem。
ButMiriamwastortured。
Paulcouldchoosethelesserinplaceofthehigher，shesaw。
Hecouldbeunfaithfultohimself，unfaithfultothereal，deepPaulMorel。Therewasadangerofhisbecomingfrivolous，ofhis，runningafterhissatisfactionlikeanyArthur，orlikehisfather。
ItmadeMiriambittertothinkthatheshouldthrowawayhissoul，forthisflippanttrafficoftrivialitywithClara。Shewalked，inbitternessandsilence，whiletheothertworalliedeachother，andPaulsported。
Andafterwards，hewouldnotownit，buthewasrather，ashamedofhimself，andprostratedhimselfbeforeMiriam。
Thenagainherebelled。
“It’snotreligioustobereligious，“hesaid。”Ireckon，acrowisreligiouswhenitsailsacrossthesky。Butitonly，doesitbecauseitfeelsitselfcarriedtowhereit’sgoing，notbecauseitthinksitisbeingeternal。”
ButMiriamknewthatoneshouldbereligiousineverything，haveGod，whateverGodmightbe，presentineverything。
“Idon’tbelieveGodknowssuchalotaboutHimself，“
hecried。”Goddoesn’tKNOWthings，HeISthings。
AndI’msureHe’snotsoulful。”
AndthenitseemedtoherthatPaulwasarguingGodontohis，ownside，becausehewantedhisownwayandhisownpleasure。
Therewasalongbattlebetweenhimandher。Hewasutterly，unfaithfultohereveninherownpresence;thenhewasashamed，thenrepentant;thenhehatedher，andwentoffagain。Thosewere，theever-recurringconditions。
Shefrettedhimtothebottomofhissoul。Thereshe，remained——sad，pensive，aworshipper。Andhecausedhersorrow。
Halfthetimehegrievedforher，halfthetimehehatedher。
Shewashisconscience;andhefelt，somehow，hehadgotaconscience，thatwastoomuchforhim。Hecouldnotleaveher，becauseinone，wayshedidholdthebestofhim。Hecouldnotstaywithher，becauseshedidnottaketherestofhim，whichwasthree-quarters。
Sohechafedhimselfintorawnessoverher。
Whenshewastwenty-onehewroteheraletterwhichcould，onlyhavebeenwrittentoher。
“MayIspeakofourold，wornlove，thislasttime。It，too，ischanging，isitnot？，Say，hasnotthebodyofthatlovedied，andleftyouitsinvulnerablesoul？，Yousee，Icangiveyou，aspiritlove，Ihavegivenityouthislong，longtime;butnot，embodiedpassion。See，youareanun。IhavegivenyouwhatI
wouldgiveaholynun——asamysticmonktoamysticnun。Surelyyou，esteemitbest。Yetyouregret——no，haveregretted——theother。
Inallourrelationsnobodyenters。Idonottalktoyouthrough，thesenses——ratherthroughthespirit。Thatiswhywecannotlove，inthecommonsense。Oursisnotaneverydayaffection。Asyetwe，aremortal，andtolivesidebysidewithoneanotherwouldbedreadful，forsomehowwithyouIcannotlongbetrivial，and，youknow，tobealwaysbeyondthismortalstatewouldbetoloseit。
Ifpeoplemarry，theymustlivetogetherasaffectionatehumans，whomaybecommonplacewitheachotherwithoutfeelingawkward——not，astwosouls。SoIfeelit。
“OughtItosendthisletter？——Idoubtit。Butthere——it，isbesttounderstand。Aurevoir。”
Miriamreadthislettertwice，afterwhichshesealeditup。
Ayearlatershebrokethesealtoshowhermothertheletter。
“Youareanun——youareanun。”，Thewordswentintoherheart，againandagain。Nothingheeverhadsaidhadgoneintoher，sodeeply，fixedly，likeamortalwound。
Sheansweredhimtwodaysaftertheparty。
“’Ourintimacywouldhavebeenall-beautifulbutforone，littlemistake，’“shequoted。”Wasthemistakemine？”
AlmostimmediatelyherepliedtoherfromNottingham，sendingheratthesametimealittle“OmarKhayyam。”
“Iamgladyouanswered;youaresocalmandnaturalyouput，metoshame。WhataranterIam！，Weareoftenoutofsympathy。
ButinfundamentalswemayalwaysbetogetherIthink。
“Imustthankyouforyoursympathywithmypaintinganddrawing。
Manyasketchisdedicatedtoyou。Idolookforwardtoyourcriticisms，which，tomyshameandglory，arealwaysgrandappreciations。
Itisalovelyjoke，that。Aurevoir。”
ThiswastheendofthefirstphaseofPaul’sloveaffair。
Hewasnowabouttwenty-threeyearsold，and，thoughstillvirgin，thesexinstinctthatMiriamhadover-refinedforsolongnow，grewparticularlystrong。Often，ashetalkedtoClaraDawes，camethatthickeningandquickeningofhisblood，thatpeculiar，concentrationinthebreast，asifsomethingwerealivethere，anewselforanewcentreofconsciousness，warninghimthat，soonerorlaterhewouldhavetoaskonewomanoranother。Buthe，belongedtoMiriam。Ofthatshewassofixedlysurethatheallowed，herright。