第12章
Theyfoundacottage，wheretheysatinthecoldparlour。
Shepouredouthistea。Shewasveryquiet。Hefeltshehadwithdrawn，againfromhim。Aftertea，shestaredbroodinglyintohertea-cup，twistingherweddingringallthetime。Inherabstractionshetook，theringoffherfinger，stooditup，andspunituponthetable。
Thegoldbecameadiaphanous，glitteringglobe。Itfell，andthe，ringwasquiveringuponthetable。Shespunitagainandagain。
Paulwatched，fascinated。
Butshewasamarriedwoman，andhebelievedinsimplefriendship。
Andheconsideredthathewasperfectlyhonourablewithregardtoher。
Itwasonlyafriendshipbetweenmanandwoman，suchasanycivilised，personsmighthave。
Hewaslikesomanyyoungmenofhisownage。Sexhadbecome，socomplicatedinhimthathewouldhavedeniedthatheever，couldwantClaraorMiriamoranywomanwhomheknew。Sexdesire，wasasortofdetachedthing，thatdidnotbelongtoawoman。
HelovedMiriamwithhissoul。Hegrewwarmatthethought，ofClara，hebattledwithher，heknewthecurvesofherbreast，andshouldersasiftheyhadbeenmouldedinsidehim;andyethe，didnotpositivelydesireher。Hewouldhavedenieditforever。
HebelievedhimselfreallyboundtoMiriam。Ifeverheshouldmarry，sometimeinthefarfuture，itwouldbehisdutytomarryMiriam。
ThathegaveClaratounderstand，andshesaidnothing，butlefthim，tohiscourses。Hecametoher，Mrs。Dawes，wheneverhecould。
ThenhewrotefrequentlytoMiriam，andvisitedthegirloccasionally。
Sohewentonthroughthewinter;butheseemednotsofretted。
Hismotherwaseasierabouthim。Shethoughthewasgettingaway，fromMiriam。
MiriamknewnowhowstrongwastheattractionofClaraforhim;
butstillshewascertainthatthebestinhimwouldtriumph。
HisfeelingforMrs。Dawes——who，moreover，wasamarriedwoman——
wasshallowandtemporal，comparedwithhisloveforherself。
Hewouldcomebacktoher，shewassure;withsomeofhisyoung，freshnessgone，perhaps，butcuredofhisdesireforthelesserthings，whichotherwomenthanherselfcouldgivehim。Shecouldbearall，ifhewereinwardlytruetoherandmustcomeback。
Hesawnoneoftheanomalyofhisposition。Miriamwashis，oldfriend，lover，andshebelongedtoBestwoodandhomeandhisyouth。
Clarawasanewerfriend，andshebelongedtoNottingham，tolife，totheworld。Itseemedtohimquiteplain。
Mrs。Dawesandhehadmanyperiodsofcoolness，whentheysaw，littleofeachother;buttheyalwayscametogetheragain。
“WereyouhorridwithBaxterDawes？”heaskedher。Itwas，athingthatseemedtotroublehim。
“Inwhatway？”
“Oh，Idon’tknow。Butweren’tyouhorridwithhim？
Didn’tyoudosomethingthatknockedhimtopieces？”
“What，pray？”
“Makinghimfeelasifhewerenothing——Iknow，“Pauldeclared。
“Youaresoclever，myfriend，“shesaidcoolly。
Theconversationbrokeoffthere。Butitmadehercool，withhimforsometime。
SheveryrarelysawMiriamnow。Thefriendshipbetween，thetwowomenwasnotbrokenoff，butconsiderablyweakened。
“WillyoucomeintotheconcertonSundayafternoon？”
ClaraaskedhimjustafterChristmas。
“IpromisedtogouptoWilleyFarm，“hereplied。
“Oh，verywell。”
“Youdon’tmind，doyou？”heasked。
“WhyshouldI？”sheanswered。
Whichalmostannoyedhim。
“Youknow，“hesaid，“MiriamandIhavebeenalottoeach，othereversinceIwassixteen——that’ssevenyearsnow。”
“It’salongtime，“Clarareplied。
“Yes;butsomehowshe——itdoesn’tgoright——“
“How？”askedClara。
“Sheseemstodrawmeanddrawme，andshewouldn’tleave，asinglehairofmefreetofalloutandblowaway——she’dkeepit。”
“Butyouliketobekept。”
“No，“hesaid，“Idon’t。Iwishitcouldbenormal，giveandtake——
likemeandyou。Iwantawomantokeepme，butnotinherpocket。”
“Butifyouloveher，itcouldn’tbenormal，likemeandyou。”
“Yes;Ishouldloveherbetterthen。Shesortofwantsme，somuchthatIcan’tgivemyself。”
“Wantsyouhow？”
“Wantsthesouloutofmybody。Ican’thelpshrinkingback，fromher。”
“Andyetyouloveher！”
“No，Idon’tloveher。Ineverevenkissher。”
“Whynot？”Claraasked。
“Idon’tknow。”
“Isupposeyou’reafraid，“shesaid。
“I’mnot。Somethinginmeshrinksfromherlikehell——she’s，sogood，whenI’mnotgood。”
“Howdoyouknowwhatsheis？”
“Ido！，Iknowshewantsasortofsoulunion。”
“Buthowdoyouknowwhatshewants？”
“I’vebeenwithherforsevenyears。”
“Andyouhaven’tfoundouttheveryfirstthingabouther。”
“What’sthat？”
“Thatshedoesn’twantanyofyoursoulcommunion。
That’syourownimagination。Shewantsyou。”
Heponderedoverthis。Perhapshewaswrong。
“Butsheseems——“hebegan。
“You’venevertried，“sheanswered。
CHAPTERXI
THETESTONMIRIAM
WITHthespringcameagaintheoldmadnessandbattle。Nowhe，knewhewouldhavetogotoMiriam。Butwhatwashisreluctance？
Hetoldhimselfitwasonlyasortofoverstrongvirginityinher，andhimwhichneithercouldbreakthrough。Hemighthavemarriedher;
buthiscircumstancesathomemadeitdifficult，and，moreover，hedid，notwanttomarry。Marriagewasforlife，andbecausetheyhadbecome，closecompanions，heandshe，hedidnotseethatitshouldinevitably，followtheyshouldbemanandwife。Hedidnotfeelthathewanted，marriagewithMiriam。Hewishedhedid。Hewouldhavegivenhis，headtohavefeltajoyousdesiretomarryherandtohaveher。
Thenwhycouldn’thebringitoff？，Therewassomeobstacle;
andwhatwastheobstacle？，Itlayinthephysicalbondage。
Heshrankfromthephysicalcontact。Butwhy？，Withherhefeltbound，upinsidehimself。Hecouldnotgoouttoher。Somethingstruggled，inhim，buthecouldnotgettoher。Why？，Shelovedhim。
Clarasaidsheevenwantedhim;thenwhycouldn’thegotoher，makelovetoher，kissher？，Why，whensheputherarminhis，timidly，astheywalked，didhefeelhewouldburstforthinbrutality，andrecoil？，Heowedhimselftoher;hewantedtobelongtoher。
Perhapstherecoilandtheshrinkingfromherwasloveinitsfirst，fiercemodesty。Hehadnoaversionforher。No，itwastheopposite;
itwasastrongdesirebattlingwithastillstrongershyness，andvirginity。Itseemedasifvirginitywereapositiveforce，whichfoughtandwoninbothofthem。Andwithherhefeltit，sohardtoovercome;yethewasnearesttoher，andwithheralone，couldhedeliberatelybreakthrough。Andheowedhimselftoher。
Then，iftheycouldgetthingsright，theycouldmarry;buthe，wouldnotmarryunlesshecouldfeelstronginthejoyofit——never。
Hecouldnothavefacedhismother。Itseemedtohimthat，tosacrificehimselfinamarriagehedidnotwantwouldbe，degrading，andwouldundoallhislife，makeitanullity。
HewouldtrywhatheCOULDdo。
AndhehadagreattendernessforMiriam。Always，shewassad，dreamingherreligion;andhewasnearlyareligiontoher。Hecould，notbeartofailher。Itwouldallcomerightiftheytried。
Helookedround。Agoodmanyofthenicestmenheknewwere，likehimself，boundinbytheirownvirginity，whichtheycouldnot，breakoutof。Theyweresosensitivetotheirwomenthattheywould，gowithoutthemforeverratherthandothemahurt，aninjustice。
Beingthesonsofmotherswhosehusbandshadblunderedrather，brutallythroughtheirfemininesanctities，theywerethemselves，toodiffidentandshy。Theycouldeasierdenythemselvesthanincur，anyreproachfromawoman;forawomanwasliketheirmother，andthey，werefullofthesenseoftheirmother。Theypreferredthemselves，tosufferthemiseryofcelibacy，ratherthanrisktheotherperson。
Hewentbacktoher。Somethinginher，whenhelookedather，broughtthetearsalmosttohiseyes。Onedayhestoodbehindher，asshesang。Anniewasplayingasongonthepiano。AsMiriamsang，hermouthseemedhopeless。Shesanglikeanunsingingtoheaven。
Itremindedhimsomuchofthemouthandeyesofonewhosings，besideaBotticelliMadonna，sospiritual。Again，hotassteel，cameupthepaininhim。Whymustheaskherfortheotherthing？
Whywastherehisbloodbattlingwithher？，Ifonlyhecouldhavebeen，alwaysgentle，tenderwithher，breathingwithhertheatmosphere，ofreverieandreligiousdreams，hewouldgivehisrighthand。
Itwasnotfairtohurther。Thereseemedaneternalmaidenhood，abouther;andwhenhethoughtofhermother，hesawthegreat，browneyesofamaidenwhowasnearlyscaredandshockedoutofher，virginmaidenhood，butnotquite，inspiteofhersevenchildren。
Theyhadbeenbornalmostleavingheroutofcount，notofher，butuponher。Soshecouldneverletthemgo，becausesheneverhad，possessedthem。
Mrs。MorelsawhimgoingagainfrequentlytoMiriam，andwasastonished。Hesaidnothingtohismother。Hedidnotexplain，norexcusehimself。Ifhecamehomelate，andshereproachedhim，hefrownedandturnedonherinanoverbearingway：
“IshallcomehomewhenIlike，“hesaid;“Iamoldenough。”
“Mustshekeepyoutillthistime？”
“ItisIwhostay，“heanswered。
“Andsheletsyou？，Butverywell，“shesaid。
Andshewenttobed，leavingthedoorunlockedforhim;
butshelaylisteninguntilhecame，oftenlongafter。
ItwasagreatbitternesstoherthathehadgonebacktoMiriam。
Sherecognised，however，theuselessnessofanyfurtherinterference。
HewenttoWilleyFarmasamannow，notasayouth。Shehad，norightoverhim。Therewasacoldnessbetweenhimandher。
Hehardlytoldheranything。Discarded，shewaitedonhim，cookedfor，himstill，andlovedtoslaveforhim;butherfaceclosedagain，likeamask。Therewasnothingforhertodonowbutthehousework;
foralltheresthehadgonetoMiriam。Shecouldnotforgivehim。
Miriamkilledthejoyandthewarmthinhim。Hehadbeensucha，jollylad，andfullofthewarmestaffection;nowhegrewcolder，moreandmoreirritableandgloomy。ItremindedherofWilliam;
butPaulwasworse。Hedidthingswithmoreintensity，andmore，realisationofwhathewasabout。Hismotherknewhowhewas，sufferingforwantofawoman，andshesawhimgoingtoMiriam。
Ifhehadmadeuphismind，nothingonearthwouldalterhim。
Mrs。Morelwastired。Shebegantogiveupatlast;shehadfinished。
Shewasintheway。
Hewentondeterminedly。Herealisedmoreorlesswhathis，motherfelt。Itonlyhardenedhissoul。Hemadehimselfcallous，towardsher;butitwaslikebeingcalloustohisownhealth。
Itunderminedhimquickly;yethepersisted。
Helaybackintherocking-chairatWilleyFarmoneevening。
HehadbeentalkingtoMiriamforsomeweeks，buthadnotcometo，thepoint。Nowhesaidsuddenly：
“Iamtwenty-four，almost。”
Shehadbeenbrooding。Shelookedupathimsuddenlyinsurprise。
“Yes。Whatmakesyousayit？”
Therewassomethinginthechargedatmospherethatshedreaded。
“SirThomasMoresaysonecanmarryattwenty-four。”
Shelaughedquaintly，saying：
“DoesitneedSirThomasMore’ssanction？”
“No;butoneoughttomarryaboutthen。”
“Ay，“sheansweredbroodingly;andshewaited。
“Ican’tmarryyou，“hecontinuedslowly，“notnow，becausewe’ve，nomoney，andtheydependonmeathome。”
Shesathalf-guessingwhatwascoming。
“ButIwanttomarrynow——“
“Youwanttomarry？”sherepeated。
“Awoman——youknowwhatImean。”
Shewassilent。
“Now，atlast，Imust，“hesaid。
“Ay，“sheanswered。
“Andyouloveme？”
Shelaughedbitterly。
“Whyareyouashamedofit，“heanswered。”Youwouldn’t，beashamedbeforeyourGod，whyareyoubeforepeople？”
“Nay，“sheanswereddeeply，“Iamnotashamed。”
“Youare，“herepliedbitterly;“andit’smyfault。Butyou，knowIcan’thelpbeing——asIam——don’tyou？”
“Iknowyoucan’thelpit，“shereplied。
“Iloveyouanawfullot——thenthereissomethingshort。”
“Where？”sheanswered，lookingathim。
“Oh，inme！，ItisIwhooughttobeashamed——like，aspiritualcripple。AndIamashamed。Itismisery。Whyisit？”
“Idon’tknow，“repliedMiriam。
“AndIdon’tknow，“herepeated。”Don’tyouthinkwehave，beentoofierceinourwhattheycallpurity？，Don’tyouthink，thattobesomuchafraidandaverseisasortofdirtiness？”
Shelookedathimwithstartleddarkeyes。
“Yourecoiledawayfromanythingofthesort，andItook，themotionfromyou，andrecoiledalso，perhapsworse。”
Therewassilenceintheroomforsometime。
“Yes，“shesaid，“itisso。”
“Thereisbetweenus，“hesaid，“alltheseyearsofintimacy。
Ifeelnakedenoughbeforeyou。Doyouunderstand？”
“Ithinkso，“sheanswered。
“Andyouloveme？”
Shelaughed。
“Don’tbebitter，“hepleaded。
Shelookedathimandwassorryforhim;hiseyesweredark，withtorture。Shewassorryforhim;itwasworseforhimtohavethis，deflatedlovethanforherself，whocouldneverbeproperlymated。
Hewasrestless，foreverurgingforwardandtryingtofindawayout。
Hemightdoasheliked，andhavewhathelikedofher。
“Nay，“shesaidsoftly，“Iamnotbitter。”
Shefeltshecouldbearanythingforhim;shewouldsufferforhim。
Sheputherhandonhiskneeasheleanedforwardinhischair。
Hetookitandkissedit;butithurttodoso。Hefelthewas，puttinghimselfaside。Hesattheresacrificedtoherpurity，whichfeltmorelikenullity。Howcouldhekissherhandpassionately，whenitwoulddriveheraway，andleavenothingbutpain？，Yetslowly，hedrewhertohimandkissedher。
Theykneweachothertoowelltopretendanything。
Asshekissedhim，shewatchedhiseyes;theywerestaringacross，theroom，withapeculiardarkblazeinthemthatfascinatedher。
Hewasperfectlystill。Shecouldfeelhisheartthrobbingheavily，inhisbreast。
“Whatareyouthinkingabout？”sheasked。
Theblazeinhiseyesshuddered，becameuncertain。
“Iwasthinking，allthewhile，Iloveyou。Ihavebeenobstinate。”
Shesankherheadonhisbreast。
“Yes，“sheanswered。
“That’sall，“hesaid，andhisvoiceseemedsure，andhismouth，waskissingherthroat。
Thensheraisedherheadandlookedintohiseyeswithher，fullgazeoflove。Theblazestruggled，seemedtotrytogetaway，fromher，andthenwasquenched。Heturnedhisheadquicklyaside。
Itwasamomentofanguish。
“Kissme，“shewhispered。
Heshuthiseyes，andkissedher，andhisarmsfoldedher，closerandcloser。
Whenshewalkedhomewithhimoverthefields，hesaid：
“IamgladIcamebacktoyou。Ifeelsosimplewithyou——as，iftherewasnothingtohide。Wewillbehappy？”
“Yes，“shemurmured，andthetearscametohereyes。
“Somesortofperversityinoursouls，“hesaid，“makesus，notwant，getawayfrom，theverythingwewant。Wehavetofight，againstthat。”
“Yes，“shesaid，andshefeltstunned。
Asshestoodunderthedrooping-thorntree，inthedarknessby，theroadside，hekissedher，andhisfingerswanderedoverherface。
Inthedarkness，wherehecouldnotseeherbutonlyfeelher，hispassionfloodedhim。Heclaspedherveryclose。
“Sometimeyouwillhaveme？”hemurmured，hidinghisface，onhershoulder。Itwassodifficult。
“Notnow，“shesaid。
Hishopesandhisheartsunk。Adrearinesscameoverhim。
“No，“hesaid。
Hisclaspofherslackened。
“IlovetofeelyourarmTHERE！”shesaid，pressinghisarm，againstherback，whereitwentroundherwaist。”Itrestsmeso。”
Hetightenedthepressureofhisarmuponthesmallofher，backtoresther。
“Webelongtoeachother，“hesaid。
“Yes。”
“Thenwhyshouldn’twebelongtoeachotheraltogether？”
“But——“shefaltered。
“Iknowit’salottoask，“hesaid;“butthere’snotmuchrisk，foryoureally——notintheGretchenway。Youcantrustmethere？”
“Oh，Icantrustyou。”，Theanswercamequickandstrong。
“It’snotthat——it’snotthatatall——but——“
“What？”
Shehidherfaceinhisneckwithalittlecryofmisery。
“Idon’tknow！”shecried。
Sheseemedslightlyhysterical，butwithasortofhorror。
Hisheartdiedinhim。
“Youdon’tthinkitugly？”heasked。
“No，notnow。YouhaveTAUGHTmeitisn’t。”
“Youareafraid？”
Shecalmedherselfhastily。
“Yes，Iamonlyafraid，“shesaid。
Hekissedhertenderly。
“Nevermind，“hesaid。”Youshouldpleaseyourself。”
Suddenlyshegrippedhisarmsroundher，andclenchedher，bodystiff。
“YouSHALLhaveme，“shesaid，throughhershutteeth。
Hisheartbeatupagainlikefire。Hefoldedherclose，andhis，mouthwasonherthroat。Shecouldnotbearit。Shedrewaway。
Hedisengagedher。
“Won’tyoubelate？”sheaskedgently。
Hesighed，scarcelyhearingwhatshesaid。Shewaited，wishinghewouldgo。Atlasthekissedherquicklyandclimbed，thefence。Lookingroundhesawthepaleblotchofherfacedown，inthedarknessunderthehangingtree。Therewasnomoreofher，butthispaleblotch。
“Good-bye！”shecalledsoftly。Shehadnobody，onlya，voiceandadimface。Heturnedawayandrandowntheroad，hisfistsclenched;andwhenhecametothewalloverthelake，heleanedthere，almoststunned，lookinguptheblackwater。
Miriamplungedhomeoverthemeadows。Shewasnotafraid，ofpeople，whattheymightsay;butshedreadedtheissue，withhim。Yes，shewouldlethimhaveherifheinsisted;
andthen，whenshethoughtofitafterwards，herheartwentdown。
Hewouldbedisappointed，hewouldfindnosatisfaction，andthenhe，wouldgoaway。Yethewassoinsistent;andoverthis，whichdid，notseemsoall-importanttoher，wastheirlovetobreakdown。
Afterall，hewasonlylikeothermen，seekinghissatisfaction。
Oh，buttherewassomethingmoreinhim，somethingdeeper！，Shecould，trusttoit，inspiteofalldesires。Hesaidthatpossessionwas，agreatmomentinlife。Allstrongemotionsconcentratedthere。
Perhapsitwasso。Therewassomethingdivineinit;thenshe，wouldsubmit，religiously，tothesacrifice。Heshouldhaveher。
Andatthethoughtherwholebodyclencheditselfinvoluntarily，hard，asifagainstsomething;butLifeforcedherthroughthis，gateofsuffering，too，andshewouldsubmit。Atanyrate，itwouldgivehimwhathewanted，whichwasherdeepestwish。
Shebroodedandbroodedandbroodedherselftowardsacceptinghim。
Hecourtedhernowlikealover。Often，whenhegrewhot，sheputhisfacefromher，helditbetweenherhands，andlookedin，hiseyes。Hecouldnotmeethergaze。Herdarkeyes，fulloflove，earnestandsearching，madehimturnaway。Notforaninstant，wouldshelethimforget。Backagainhehadtotorturehimself，intoasenseofhisresponsibilityandhers。Neveranyrelaxing，neveranyleavinghimselftothegreathungerandimpersonality，ofpassion;hemustbebroughtbacktoadeliberate，reflectivecreature。
Asiffromaswoonofpassionshecagedhimbacktothelittleness，thepersonalrelationship。Hecouldnotbearit。”Leaveme，alone——leavemealone！”hewantedtocry;butshewantedhimto，lookatherwitheyesfulloflove。Hiseyes，fullofthedark，impersonalfireofdesire，didnotbelongtoher。
Therewasagreatcropofcherriesatthefarm。Thetreesat，thebackofthehouse，verylargeandtall，hungthickwithscarlet，andcrimsondrops，underthedarkleaves。PaulandEdgarweregathering，thefruitoneevening。Ithadbeenahotday，andnowtheclouds，wererollinginthesky，darkandwarm。Paulcombedhighinthetree，abovethescarletroofsofthebuildings。Thewind，moaningsteadily，madethewholetreerockwithasubtle，thrillingmotionthatstirred，theblood。Theyoungman，perchedinsecurelyintheslenderbranches，rockedtillhefeltslightlydrunk，reacheddowntheboughs，wherethescarletbeadycherrieshungthickunderneath，andtore，offhandfulafterhandfulofthesleek，cool-fleshedfruit。
Cherriestouchedhisearsandhisneckashestretchedforward，theirchillfinger-tipssendingaflashdownhisblood。Allshades，ofred，fromagoldenvermiliontoarichcrimson，glowedandmet，hiseyesunderadarknessofleaves。
Thesun，goingdown，suddenlycaughtthebrokenclouds。
Immensepilesofgoldflaredoutinthesouth-east，heapedinsoft，glowingyellowrightupthesky。Theworld，tillnowduskandgrey，reflectedthegoldglow，astonished。Everywherethetrees，andthegrass，andthefar-offwater，seemedrousedfromthetwilight，andshining。
Miriamcameoutwondering。
“Oh！”Paulheardhermellowvoicecall，“isn’titwonderful？”
Helookeddown。Therewasafaintgoldglimmeronherface，thatlookedverysoft，turneduptohim。
“Howhighyouare！”shesaid。
Besideher，ontherhubarbleaves，werefourdeadbirds，thievesthathadbeenshot。Paulsawsomecherrystoneshanging，quitebleached，likeskeletons，pickedclearofflesh。Helooked，downagaintoMiriam。
“Cloudsareonfire，“hesaid。
“Beautiful！”shecried。
Sheseemedsosmall，sosoft，sotender，downthere。Hethrew，ahandfulofcherriesather。Shewasstartledandfrightened。
Helaughedwithalow，chucklingsound，andpeltedher。Sheran，forshelter，pickingupsomecherries。Twofineredpairsshehung，overherears;thenshelookedupagain。
“Haven’tyougotenough？”sheasked。
“Nearly。Itislikebeingonashipuphere。”
“Andhowlongwillyoustay？”
“Whilethesunsetlasts。”
Shewenttothefenceandsatthere，watchingthegoldcloudsfall，topieces，andgoinimmense，rose-colouredruintowardsthedarkness。
Goldflamedtoscarlet，likepaininitsintensebrightness。
Thenthescarletsanktorose，androsetocrimson，andquickly，thepassionwentoutofthesky。Alltheworldwasdarkgrey。
Paulscrambledquicklydownwithhisbasket，tearinghisshirt-sleeve，ashedidso。
“Theyarelovely，“saidMiriam，fingeringthecherries。
“I’vetornmysleeve，“heanswered。
Shetookthethree-corneredrip，saying：
“Ishallhavetomendit。”，Itwasneartheshoulder。
Sheputherfingersthroughthetear。”Howwarm！”shesaid。
Helaughed。Therewasanew，strangenoteinhisvoice，onethatmadeherpant。
“Shallwestayout？”hesaid。
“Won’titrain？”sheasked。
“No，letuswalkalittleway。”
Theywentdownthefieldsandintothethickplantation，oftreesandpines。
“Shallwegoinamongthetrees？”heasked。
“Doyouwantto？”
“Yes。”
Itwasverydarkamongthefirs，andthesharpspinespricked，herface。Shewasafraid。Paulwassilentandstrange。
“Ilikethedarkness，“hesaid。”Iwishitwerethicker——good，thickdarkness。”
Heseemedtobealmostunawareofherasaperson：，shewas，onlytohimthenawoman。Shewasafraid。
Hestoodagainstapine-treetrunkandtookherinhisarms。
Sherelinquishedherselftohim，butitwasasacrificeinwhichshe，feltsomethingofhorror。Thisthick-voiced，obliviousmanwas，astrangertoher。
Lateritbegantorain。Thepine-treessmelledverystrong。
Paullaywithhisheadontheground，onthedeadpineneedles，listeningtothesharphissoftherain——asteady，keennoise。
Hisheartwasdown，veryheavy。Nowherealisedthatshehad，notbeenwithhimallthetime，thathersoulhadstoodapart，inasortofhorror。Hewasphysicallyatrest，butnomore。
Verydrearyatheart，verysad，andverytender，hisfingerswandered，overherfacepitifully。Nowagainshelovedhimdeeply。Hewastender，andbeautiful。
“Therain！”hesaid。
“Yes——isitcomingonyou？”
Sheputherhandsoverhim，onhishair，onhisshoulders，tofeel，iftheraindropsfellonhim。Shelovedhimdearly。He，ashelay，withhisfaceonthedeadpine-leaves，feltextraordinarilyquiet。
Hedidnotmindiftheraindropscameonhim：，hewouldhavelain，andgotwetthrough：，hefeltasifnothingmattered，asifhis，livingweresmearedawayintothebeyond，nearandquitelovable。
Thisstrange，gentlereaching-outtodeathwasnewtohim。
“Wemustgo，“saidMiriam。
“Yes，“heanswered，butdidnotmove。
Tohimnow，lifeseemedashadow，dayawhiteshadow;night，anddeath，andstillness，andinaction，thisseemedlikeBEING。
Tobealive，tobeurgentandinsistent——thatwasNOT-TO-BE。The，highestofallwastomeltoutintothedarknessandswaythere，identifiedwiththegreatBeing。
“Therainiscominginonus，“saidMiriam。
Herose，andassistedher。
“Itisapity，“hesaid。
“What？”
“Tohavetogo。Ifeelsostill。”
“Still！”sherepeated。
“StillerthanIhaveeverbeeninmylife。”
Hewaswalkingwithhishandinhers。Shepressedhisfingers，feelingaslightfear。Nowheseemedbeyondher;shehadafear，lestsheshouldlosehim。
“Thefir-treesarelikepresencesonthedarkness：，eachone，onlyapresence。”
Shewasafraid，andsaidnothing。
“Asortofhush：，thewholenightwonderingandasleep：
Isupposethat’swhatwedoindeath——sleepinwonder。”
Shehadbeenafraidbeforeofthebruteinhim：，nowofthemystic。
Shetrodbesidehiminsilence。Therainfellwithaheavy“Hush！”
onthetrees。Atlasttheygainedthecartshed。
“Letusstayhereawhile，“hesaid。
Therewasasoundofraineverywhere，smotheringeverything。
“Ifeelsostrangeandstill，“hesaid;“alongwitheverything。”
“Ay，“sheansweredpatiently。
Heseemedagainunawareofher，thoughheheldherhandclose。
“Toberidofourindividuality，whichisourwill，whichis，oureffort——toliveeffortless，akindofcurioussleep——thatis，verybeautiful，Ithink;thatisourafter-life——ourimmortality。”
“Yes？”
“Yes——andverybeautifultohave。”
“Youdon’tusuallysaythat。”
“No。”
Inawhiletheywentindoors。Everybodylookedatthemcuriously。
Hestillkeptthequiet，heavylookinhiseyes，thestillness，inhisvoice。Instinctively，theyalllefthimalone。
AboutthistimeMiriam’sgrandmother，wholivedinatinycottage，inWoodlinton，fellill，andthegirlwassenttokeephouse。
Itwasabeautifullittleplace。Thecottagehadabiggardeninfront，withredbrickwalls，againstwhichtheplumtreeswerenailed。
Atthebackanothergardenwasseparatedfromthefieldsbyatall，oldhedge。Itwasverypretty。Miriamhadnotmuchtodo，soshefoundtimeforherbelovedreading，andforwritinglittle，introspectivepieceswhichinterestedher。
Attheholiday-timehergrandmother，beingbetter，wasdriven，toDerbytostaywithherdaughterforadayortwo。Shewasa，crotchetyoldlady，andmightreturntheseconddayorthethird;
soMiriamstayedaloneinthecottage，whichalsopleasedher。
Paulusedoftentocycleover，andtheyhadasarule，peacefulandhappytimes。Hedidnotembarrasshermuch;butthen，ontheMondayoftheholidayhewastospendawholedaywithher。
Itwasperfectweather。Helefthismother，tellingherwherehe，wasgoing。Shewouldbealonealltheday。Itcastashadowoverhim;
buthehadthreedaysthatwereallhisown，whenhewas，goingtodoasheliked。Itwassweettorush，throughthemorninglanesonhisbicycle。
Hegottothecottageatabouteleveno’clock。Miriamwasbusy，preparingdinner。Shelookedsoperfectlyinkeepingwiththe，littlekitchen，ruddyandbusy。Hekissedherandsatdowntowatch。
Theroomwassmallandcosy。Thesofawascoveredalloverwitha，sortoflineninsquaresofredandpaleblue，old，muchwashed，butpretty。Therewasastuffedowlinacaseoveracornercupboard。
Thesunlightcamethroughtheleavesofthescentedgeraniums，inthewindow。Shewascookingachickeninhishonour。
Itwastheircottagefortheday，andtheyweremanandwife。
Hebeattheeggsforherandpeeledthepotatoes。Hethoughtshe，gaveafeelingofhomealmostlikehismother;andnoonecould，lookmorebeautiful，withhertumbledcurls，whenshewasflushed，fromthefire。
Thedinnerwasagreatsuccess。Likeayounghusband，hecarved。
Theytalkedallthetimewithunflaggingzest。Thenhewiped，thedishesshehadwashed，andtheywentoutdownthefields。
Therewasabrightlittlebrookthatranintoabogatthefoot，ofaverysteepbank。Heretheywandered，pickingstillafew，marsh-marigoldsandmanybigblueforget-me-nots。Thenshesaton，thebankwithherhandsfullofflowers，mostlygoldenwater-blobs。
Assheputherfacedownintothemarigolds，itwasallovercast，withayellowshine。
“Yourfaceisbright，“hesaid，“likeatransfiguration。”
Shelookedathim，questioning。Helaughedpleadinglytoher，layinghishandsonhers。Thenhekissedherfingers，thenherface。
Theworldwasallsteepedinsunshine，andquitestill，yetnotasleep，butquiveringwithakindofexpectancy。
“Ihaveneverseenanythingmorebeautifulthanthis，“hesaid。
Heheldherhandfastallthetime。
“Andthewatersingingtoitselfasitruns——doyouloveit？”
Shelookedathimfulloflove。Hiseyeswereverydark，verybright。
“Don’tyouthinkit’sagreatday？”heasked。
Shemurmuredherassent。SheWAShappy，andhesawit。
“Andourday——justbetweenus，“hesaid。
Theylingeredalittlewhile。Thentheystoodupupon，thesweetthyme，andhelookeddownathersimply。
“Willyoucome？”heasked。
Theywentbacktothehouse，handinhand，insilence。
Thechickenscamescamperingdownthepathtoher。
Helockedthedoor，andtheyhadthelittlehousetothemselves。
Heneverforgotseeingherasshelayonthebed，whenhewas，unfasteninghiscollar。Firsthesawonlyherbeauty，andwasblind，withit。Shehadthemostbeautifulbodyhehadeverimagined。
Hestoodunabletomoveorspeak，lookingather，hisfacehalf-smiling，withwonder。Andthenhewantedher，butashewentforwardtoher，herhandsliftedinalittlepleadingmovement，andhelooked，atherface，andstopped。Herbigbrowneyeswerewatchinghim，stillandresignedandloving;shelayasifshehadgivenherselfup，tosacrifice：，therewasherbodyforhim;butthelookattheback，ofhereyes，likeacreatureawaitingimmolation，arrestedhim，andallhisbloodfellback。
“Youaresureyouwantme？”heasked，asifacoldshadow，hadcomeoverhim。
“Yes，quitesure。”
Shewasveryquiet，verycalm。Sheonlyrealisedthatshe，wasdoingsomethingforhim。Hecouldhardlybearit。Shelay，tobesacrificedforhimbecauseshelovedhimsomuch。Andhehad，tosacrificeher。Forasecond，hewishedheweresexlessordead。
Thenheshuthiseyesagaintoher，andhisbloodbeatbackagain。
Andafterwardshelovedher——lovedhertothelastfibre，ofhisbeing。Helovedher。Buthewanted，somehow，tocry。
Therewassomethinghecouldnotbearforhersake。Hestayed，withhertillquitelateatnight。Asherodehomehefeltthat，hewasfinallyinitiated。Hewasayouthnolonger。Butwhy，hadhethedullpaininhissoul？，Whydidthethoughtofdeath，theafter-life，seemsosweetandconsoling？
HespenttheweekwithMiriam，andworeheroutwithhispassion，beforeitwasgone。Hehadalways，almostwilfully，toputherout，ofcount，andactfromthebrutestrengthofhisownfeelings。
Andhecouldnotdoitoften，andthereremainedafterwardsalways，thesenseoffailureandofdeath。Ifhewerereallywithher，hehadtoputasidehimselfandhisdesire。Ifhewouldhaveher，hehadtoputheraside。
“WhenIcometoyou，“heaskedher，hiseyesdarkwithpain，andshame，“youdon’treallywantme，doyou？”
“Ah，yes！”sherepliedquickly。
Helookedather。
“Nay，“hesaid。
Shebegantotremble。
“Yousee，“shesaid，takinghisfaceandshuttingitout，againsthershoulder——“yousee——asweare——howcanIgetusedtoyou？
Itwouldcomeallrightifweweremarried。”
Heliftedherhead，andlookedather。
“Youmean，now，itisalwaystoomuchshock？”
“Yes——and——“
“Youarealwaysclenchedagainstme。”
Shewastremblingwithagitation。
“Yousee，“shesaid，“I’mnotusedtothethought——“
“Youarelately，“hesaid。
“Butallmylife。Mothersaidtome：，’Thereisonething，inmarriagethatisalwaysdreadful，butyouhavetobearit。’
AndIbelievedit。”
“Andstillbelieveit，“hesaid。
“No！”shecriedhastily。”Ibelieve，asyoudo，thatloving，eveninTHATway，isthehigh-watermarkofliving。”
“Thatdoesn’talterthefactthatyouneverwantit。”
“No，“shesaid，takinghisheadinherarmsandrockingindespair。
“Don’tsayso！，Youdon’tunderstand。”，Sherockedwithpain。
“Don’tIwantyourchildren？”
“Butnotme。”
“Howcanyousayso？，Butwemustbemarriedtohavechildren——“
“Shallwebemarried，then？，Iwantyoutohavemychildren。”
Hekissedherhandreverently。Sheponderedsadly，watchinghim。
“Wearetooyoung，“shesaidatlength。
“Twenty-fourandtwenty-three——“
“Notyet，“shepleaded，assherockedherselfindistress。
“Whenyouwill，“hesaid。
Shebowedherheadgravely。Thetoneofhopelessnessin，whichhesaidthesethingsgrievedherdeeply。Ithadalwaysbeen，afailurebetweenthem。Tacitly，sheacquiescedinwhathefelt。
Andafteraweekoflovehesaidtohismothersuddenlyone，Sundaynight，justastheyweregoingtobed：
“Ishan’tgosomuchtoMiriam’s，mother。”
Shewassurprised，butshewouldnotaskhimanything。
“Youpleaseyourself，“shesaid。
Sohewenttobed。Buttherewasanewquietnessabout，himwhichshehadwonderedat。Shealmostguessed。Shewould，leavehimalone，however。Precipitationmightspoilthings。
Shewatchedhiminhisloneliness，wonderingwherehewouldend。
Hewassick，andmuchtooquietforhim。Therewasaperpetuallittle，knittingofhisbrows，suchasshehadseenwhenhewasasmallbaby，andwhichhadbeengoneformanyyears。Nowitwasthesameagain。
Andshecoulddonothingforhim。Hehadtogoonalone，makehis，ownway。
HecontinuedfaithfultoMiriam。Foronedayhehadlovedher，utterly。Butitnevercameagain。Thesenseoffailuregrewstronger。
Atfirstitwasonlyasadness。Thenhebegantofeelhecouldnot，goon。Hewantedtorun，togoabroad，anything。Graduallyheceased，toaskhertohavehim。Insteadofdrawingthemtogether，itput，themapart。Andthenherealised，consciously，thatitwasnogood。
Itwasuselesstrying：，itwouldneverbeasuccessbetweenthem。
ForsomemonthshehadseenverylittleofClara。Theyhad，occasionallywalkedoutforhalfanhouratdinner-time。Buthealways，reservedhimselfforMiriam。WithClara，however，hisbrowcleared，andhewasgayagain。Shetreatedhimindulgently，asifhewere，achild。Hethoughthedidnotmind。Butdeepbelowthesurface，itpiquedhim。
SometimesMiriamsaid：
“WhataboutClara？，Ihearnothingofherlately。”
“Iwalkedwithherabouttwentyminutesyesterday，“hereplied。
“Andwhatdidshetalkabout？”
“Idon’tknow。IsupposeIdidallthejawing——Iusuallydo。
IthinkIwastellingheraboutthestrike，andhowthewomen，tookit。”
“Yes。”
Sohegavetheaccountofhimself。
Butinsidiously，withouthisknowingit，thewarmthhefelt，forClaradrewhimawayfromMiriam，forwhomhefeltresponsible，andtowhomhefelthebelonged。Hethoughthewasbeingquite，faithfultoher。Itwasnoteasytoestimateexactlythestrength，andwarmthofone’sfeelingsforawomantilltheyhaverunaway，withone。
Hebegantogivemoretimetohismenfriends。TherewasJessop，attheartschool;Swain，whowaschemistrydemonstrator，attheuniversity;Newton，whowasateacher;besidesEdgarand，Miriam’syoungerbrothers。Pleadingwork，hesketchedandstudied，withJessop。HecalledintheuniversityforSwain，andthetwowent，“downtown“together。HavingcomehomeinthetrainwithNewton，hecalledandhadagameofbilliardswithhimintheMoon，andStars。IfhegavetoMiriamtheexcuseofhismenfriends，hefeltquitejustified。Hismotherbegantoberelieved。
Healwaystoldherwherehehadbeen。
DuringthesummerClaraworesometimesadressofsoftcotton，stuffwithloosesleeves。Whensheliftedherhands，hersleeves，fellback，andherbeautifulstrongarmsshoneout。
“Halfaminute，“hecried。”Holdyourarmstill。”
Hemadesketchesofherhandandarm，andthedrawings，containedsomeofthefascinationtherealthinghadforhim。
Miriam，whoalwayswentscrupulouslythroughhisbooksandpapers，sawthedrawings。
“IthinkClarahassuchbeautifularms，“hesaid。
“Yes！，Whendidyoudrawthem？”
“OnTuesday，inthework-room。Youknow，I’vegotacorner，whereIcanwork。OftenIcandoeverysinglethingtheyneed，inthedepartment，beforedinner。ThenIworkformyself，intheafternoon，andjustseetothingsatnight。”
“Yes，“shesaid，turningtheleavesofhissketch-book。
FrequentlyhehatedMiriam。Hehatedherasshebentforward，andporedoverhisthings。Hehatedherwayofpatientlycasting，himup，asifhewereanendlesspsychologicalaccount。Whenhe，waswithher，hehatedherforhavinggothim，andyetnotgothim，andhetorturedher。Shetookallandgavenothing，hesaid。Atleast，shegavenolivingwarmth。Shewasneveralive，andgivingofflife。
Lookingforherwaslikelookingforsomethingwhichdidnotexist。
Shewasonlyhisconscience，nothismate。Hehatedherviolently，andwasmorecrueltoher。Theydraggedontillthenextsummer。
HesawmoreandmoreofClara。
Atlasthespoke。Hehadbeensittingworkingathome，oneevening。Therewasbetweenhimandhismotherapeculiarcondition，ofpeoplefranklyfindingfaultwitheachother。Mrs。Morelwas，strongonherfeetagain。HewasnotgoingtosticktoMiriam。
Verywell;thenshewouldstandalooftillhesaidsomething。
Ithadbeencomingalongtime，thisburstingofthestorminhim，whenhewouldcomebacktoher。Thiseveningtherewasbetweenthem，apeculiarconditionofsuspense。Heworkedfeverishlyandmechanically，sothathecouldescapefromhimself。Itgrewlate。Throughthe，opendoor，stealthily，camethescentofmadonnalilies，almostas，ifitwereprowlingabroad。Suddenlyhegotupandwentoutofdoors。
Thebeautyofthenightmadehimwanttoshout。Ahalf-moon，duskygold，wassinkingbehindtheblacksycamoreattheendof，thegarden，makingtheskydullpurplewithitsglow。Nearer，adim，whitefenceoflilieswentacrossthegarden，andtheairallround，seemedtostirwithscent，asifitwerealive。Hewentacross，thebedofpinks，whosekeenperfumecamesharplyacrosstherocking，heavyscentofthelilies，andstoodalongsidethewhitebarrier，offlowers。Theyflaggedallloose，asiftheywerepanting。
Thescentmadehimdrunk。Hewentdowntothefieldtowatch，themoonsinkunder。
Acorncrakeinthehay-closecalledinsistently。Themoon，slidquitequicklydownwards，growingmoreflushed。Behindhim，thegreatflowersleanedasiftheywerecalling。Andthen，likeashock，hecaughtanotherperfume，somethingrawandcoarse。
Huntinground，hefoundthepurpleiris，touchedtheirfleshythroats，andtheirdark，graspinghands。Atanyrate，hehadfoundsomething。
Theystoodstiffinthedarkness。Theirscentwasbrutal。
Themoonwasmeltingdownuponthecrestofthehill。Itwasgone;
allwasdark。Thecorncrakecalledstill。
Breakingoffapink，hesuddenlywentindoors。
“Come，myboy，“saidhismother。”I’msureit’stimeyouwent，tobed。”
Hestoodwiththepinkagainsthislips。
“IshallbreakoffwithMiriam，mother，“heansweredcalmly。
Shelookedupathimoverherspectacles。Hewasstaringback，ather，unswerving。Shemethiseyesforamoment，thentookoff，herglasses。Hewaswhite。Themalewasupinhim，dominant。
Shedidnotwanttoseehimtooclearly。
“ButIthought——“shebegan。
“Well，“heanswered，“Idon’tloveher。Idon’twanttomarry，her——soIshallhavedone。”
“But，“exclaimedhismother，amazed，“Ithoughtlatelyyou，hadmadeupyourmindtohaveher，andsoIsaidnothing。”
“Ihad——Iwantedto——butnowIdon’twant。It’snogood。
IshallbreakoffonSunday。Ioughtto，oughtn’tI？”
“Youknowbest。YouknowIsaidsolongago。”
“Ican’thelpthatnow。IshallbreakoffonSunday。”
“Well，“saidhismother，“Ithinkitwillbebest。Butlately，Idecidedyouhadmadeupyourmindtohaveher，soIsaidnothing，andshouldhavesaidnothing。ButIsayasIhavealwayssaid，IDON’Tthinksheissuitedtoyou。”
“OnSundayIbreakoff，“hesaid，smellingthepink。
Heputtheflowerinhismouth。Unthinking，hebaredhisteeth，closedthemontheblossomslowly，andhadamouthfulofpetals。
Thesehespatintothefire，kissedhismother，andwenttobed。
OnSundayhewentuptothefarmintheearlyafternoon。
HehadwrittenMiriamthattheywouldwalkoverthefieldstoHucknall。
Hismotherwasverytenderwithhim。Hesaidnothing。Butshe，sawtheeffortitwascosting。Thepeculiarsetlookonhisface，stilledher。
“Nevermind，myson，“shesaid。”Youwillbesomuchbetter，whenitisallover。”
Paulglancedswiftlyathismotherinsurpriseandresentment。
Hedidnotwantsympathy。
Miriammethimatthelane-end。Shewaswearinganewdress，offiguredmuslinthathadshortsleeves。Thoseshortsleeves，andMiriam’sbrown-skinnedarmsbeneaththem——suchpitiful，resigned，arms——gavehimsomuchpainthattheyhelpedtomakehimcruel。
Shehadmadeherselflooksobeautifulandfreshforhim。Sheseemed，toblossomforhimalone。Everytimehelookedather——amatureyoung，womannow，andbeautifulinhernewdress——ithurtsomuchthathis，heartseemedalmosttobeburstingwiththerestraintheputonit。
Buthehaddecided，anditwasirrevocable。
Onthehillstheysatdown，andhelaywithhisheadinherlap，whilstshefingeredhishair。Sheknewthat“hewasnotthere，“
assheputit。Often，whenshehadhimwithher，shelookedforhim，andcouldnotfindhim。Butthisafternoonshewasnotprepared。
Itwasnearlyfiveo’clockwhenhetoldher。Theyweresitting，onthebankofastream，wherethelipofturfhungoverahollow，bankofyellowearth，andhewashackingawaywithastick，ashe，didwhenhewasperturbedandcruel。
“Ihavebeenthinking，“hesaid，“weoughttobreakoff。”
“Why？”shecriedinsurprise。
“Becauseit’snogoodgoingon。”
“Whyisitnogood？”
“Itisn’t。Idon’twanttomarry。Idon’twantevertomarry。
Andifwe’renotgoingtomarry，it’snogoodgoingon。”
“Butwhydoyousaythisnow？”
“BecauseI’vemadeupmymind。”
“Andwhatabouttheselastmonths，andthethingsyoutold，methen？”
“Ican’thelpit！，Idon’twanttogoon。”
“Youdon’twantanymoreofme？”
“Iwantustobreakoff——youbefreeofme，Ifreeofyou。”
“Andwhatabouttheselastmonths？”
“Idon’tknow。I’venottoldyouanythingbutwhatIthought，wastrue。”
“Thenwhyareyoudifferentnow？”
“I’mnot——I’mthesame——onlyIknowit’snogoodgoingon。”
“Youhaven’ttoldmewhyit’snogood。”
“BecauseIdon’twanttogoon——andIdon’twanttomarry。”
“Howmanytimeshaveyouofferedtomarryme，andIwouldn’t？”
“Iknow;butIwantustobreakoff。”
Therewassilenceforamomentortwo，whilehedugviciouslyat，theearth。Shebentherhead，pondering。Hewasanunreasonablechild。
Hewaslikeaninfantwhich，whenithasdrunkitsfill，throwsaway，andsmashesthecup。Shelookedathim，feelingshecouldgethold，ofhimandWRINGsomeconsistencyoutofhim。Butshewashelpless。
Thenshecried：
“Ihavesaidyouwereonlyfourteen——youareonlyFOUR！”
Hestilldugattheearthviciously。Heheard。
“Youareachildoffour，“sherepeatedinheranger。
Hedidnotanswer，butsaidinhisheart：，“Allright;
ifI’machildoffour，whatdoyouwantmefor？，Idon’twant，anothermother。”，Buthesaidnothingtoher，andtherewassilence。
“Andhaveyoutoldyourpeople？”sheasked。
“Ihavetoldmymother。”
Therewasanotherlongintervalofsilence。
“ThenwhatdoyouWANT？”sheasked。
“Why，Iwantustoseparate。Wehavelivedoneachotherall，theseyears;nowletusstop。Iwillgomyownwaywithoutyou，andyouwillgoyourwaywithoutme。Youwillhaveanindependent，lifeofyourownthen。”
Therewasinitsometruththat，inspiteofherbitterness，shecouldnothelpregistering。Sheknewshefeltinasortof，bondagetohim，whichshehatedbecauseshecouldnotcontrolit。
Shehatedherloveforhimfromthemomentitgrewtoostrong，forher。And，deepdown，shehadhatedhimbecausesheloved，himandhedominatedher。Shehadresistedhisdomination。
Shehadfoughttokeepherselffreeofhiminthelastissue。
Andshewasfreeofhim，evenmorethanheofher。
“And，“hecontinued，“weshallalwaysbemoreorless，eachother’swork。Youhavedonealotforme，Iforyou。
Nowletusstartandlivebyourselves。”
“Whatdoyouwanttodo？”sheasked。
“Nothing——onlytobefree，“heanswered。
She，however，knewinherheartthatClara’sinfluencewas，overhimtoliberatehim。Butshesaidnothing。
“AndwhathaveItotellmymother？”sheasked。
“Itoldmymother，“heanswered，“thatIwasbreakingoff——clean，andaltogether。”
“Ishallnottellthemathome，“shesaid。
Frowning，“Youpleaseyourself，“hesaid。
Heknewhehadlandedherinanastyhole，andwasleaving，herinthelurch。Itangeredhim。
“Tellthemyouwouldn’tandwon’tmarryme，andhavebrokenoff，“
hesaid。”It’strueenough。”
Shebitherfingermoodily。Shethoughtovertheirwholeaffair。
Shehadknownitwouldcometothis;shehadseenitallalong。
Itchimedwithherbitterexpectation。
“Always——ithasalwaysbeenso！”shecried。”Ithasbeen，onelongbattlebetweenus——youfightingawayfromme。”
Itcamefromherunawares，likeaflashoflightning。
Theman’sheartstoodstill。Wasthishowshesawit？
“Butwe’vehadSOMEperfecthours，SOMEperfecttimes，whenweweretogether！”hepleaded。
“Never！”shecried;“never！，Ithasalwaysbeenyoufighting，meoff。”
“Notalways——notatfirst！”hepleaded。
“Always，fromtheverybeginning——alwaysthesame！”
Shehadfinished，butshehaddoneenough。Hesataghast。
Hehadwantedtosay：，“Ithasbeengood，butitisatanend。”
Andshe——shewhoselovehehadbelievedinwhenhehaddespised，himself——deniedthattheirlovehadeverbeenlove。”Hehad，alwaysfoughtawayfromher？”Thenithadbeenmonstrous。
Therehadneverbeenanythingreallybetweenthem;allthetime，hehadbeenimaginingsomethingwheretherewasnothing。Andshe，hadknown。Shehadknownsomuch，andhadtoldhimsolittle。
Shehadknownallthetime。Allthetimethiswasatthebottom，ofher！
Hesatsilentinbitterness。Atlastthewholeaffairappeared，inacynicalaspecttohim。Shehadreallyplayedwithhim，nothewithher。Shehadhiddenallhercondemnationfromhim，hadflatteredhim，anddespisedhim。Shedespisedhimnow。
Hegrewintellectualandcruel。
“Yououghttomarryamanwhoworshipsyou，“hesaid;“thenyou，coulddoasyoulikedwithhim。Plentyofmenwillworshipyou，ifyougetontheprivatesideoftheirnatures。Yououghttomarry，onesuch。Theywouldneverfightyouoff。”
“Thankyou！”shesaid。”Butdon’tadvisemetomarrysomeone，elseanymore。You’vedoneitbefore。”
“Verywell，“hesaid;“Iwillsaynomore。”
Hesatstill，feelingasifhehadhadablow，insteadof，givingone。Theireightyearsoffriendshipandlove，THEeight，yearsofhislife，werenullified。
“Whendidyouthinkofthis？”sheasked。
“IthoughtdefinitelyonThursdaynight。”
“Iknewitwascoming，“shesaid。
Thatpleasedhimbitterly。”Oh，verywell！，Ifsheknewthen，itdoesn’tcomeasasurprisetoher，“hethought。
“AndhaveyousaidanythingtoClara？”sheasked。
“No;butIshalltellhernow。”
Therewasasilence。
“Doyourememberthethingsyousaidthistimelastyear，inmygrandmother’shouse——naylastmontheven？”
“Yes，“hesaid;“Ido！，AndImeantthem！，Ican’thelp，thatit’sfailed。”
“Ithasfailedbecauseyouwantsomethingelse。”
“Itwouldhavefailedwhetherornot。YOUneverbelieved，inme。”
Shelaughedstrangely。
Hesatinsilence。Hewasfullofafeelingthatshehad，deceivedhim。Shehaddespisedhimwhenhethoughtsheworshippedhim。
Shehadlethimsaywrongthings，andhadnotcontradictedhim。
Shehadlethimfightalone。Butitstuckinhisthroatthatshehad，despisedhimwhilsthethoughtsheworshippedhim。Sheshouldhave，toldhimwhenshefoundfaultwithhim。Shehadnotplayedfair。
Hehatedher。Alltheseyearsshehadtreatedhimasifhewere，ahero，andthoughtofhimsecretlyasaninfant，afoolishchild。
Thenwhyhadsheleftthefoolishchildtohisfolly？，Hisheartwas，hardagainsther。
Shesatfullofbitterness。Shehadknown——oh，wellshe，hadknown！，Allthetimehewasawayfromhershehadsummed，himup，seenhislittleness，hismeanness，andhisfolly。
Evenshehadguardedhersoulagainsthim。Shewasnotoverthrown，notprostrated，notevenmuchhurt。Shehadknown。Onlywhy，ashesatthere，hadhestillthisstrangedominanceoverher？
Hisverymovementsfascinatedherasifshewerehypnotisedbyhim。
Yethewasdespicable，false，inconsistent，andmean。Whythisbondage，forher？，Whywasitthemovementofhisarmstirredherasnothing，elseintheworldcould？，Whywasshefastenedtohim？，Why，evennow，ifhelookedatherandcommandedher，wouldshehavetoobey？
Shewouldobeyhiminhistriflingcommands。Butoncehewasobeyed，thenshehadhiminherpower，sheknew，toleadhimwhereshewould。
Shewassureofherself。Only，thisnewinfluence！，Ah，hewas，notaman！，Hewasababythatcriesforthenewesttoy。