第15章

Claralookedatherloverclosely。Therewassomethinginhim，shehated，asortofdetachedcriticismofherself，acoldness，whichmadeherwoman’ssoulhardenagainsthim。

“Andwhatareyougoingtodo？”sheasked。

“How？”

“AboutBaxter。”

“There’snothingtodo，isthere？”hereplied。

“Youcanfighthimifyouhaveto，Isuppose？”shesaid。

“No;Ihaven’ttheleastsenseofthe’fist’。It’sfunny。

Withmostmenthere’stheinstincttoclenchthefistandhit。

It’snotsowithme。Ishouldwantaknifeorapistolorsomething，tofightwith。”

“Thenyou’dbettercarrysomething，“shesaid。

“Nay，“helaughed;“I’mnotdaggeroso。”

“Buthe’lldosomethingtoyou。Youdon’tknowhim。”

“Allright，“hesaid，“we’llsee。”

“Andyou’lllethim？”

“Perhaps，ifIcan’thelpit。”

“Andifhekillsyou？”shesaid。

“Ishouldbesorry，forhissakeandmine。”

Clarawassilentforamoment。

“YouDOmakemeangry！”sheexclaimed。

“That’snothingafresh，“helaughed。

“Butwhyareyousosilly？，Youdon’tknowhim。”

“Anddon’twant。”

“Yes，butyou’renotgoingtoletamandoashelikeswithyou？”

“WhatmustIdo？”hereplied，laughing。

“Ishouldcarryarevolver，“shesaid。”I’msurehe’sdangerous。”

“Imightblowmyfingersoff，“hesaid。

“No;butwon’tyou？”shepleaded。

“No。”

“Notanything？”

“No。”

“Andyou’llleavehimto——？”

“Yes。”

“Youareafool！”

“Fact！”

Shesetherteethwithanger。

“IcouldSHAKEyou！”shecried，tremblingwithpassion。

“Why？”

“LetamanlikeHIMdoashelikeswithyou。”

“Youcangobacktohimifhetriumphs，“hesaid。

“Doyouwantmetohateyou？”sheasked。

“Well，Ionlytellyou，“hesaid。

“AndYOUsayyouLOVEme！”sheexclaimed，lowandindignant。

“OughtItoslayhimtopleaseyou？”hesaid。”ButifIdid，seewhataholdhe’dhaveoverme。”

“DoyouthinkI’mafool！”sheexclaimed。

“Notatall。Butyoudon’tunderstandme，mydear。”

Therewasapausebetweenthem。

“ButyououghtNOTtoexposeyourself，“shepleaded。

Heshruggedhisshoulders。

“’Themaninrighteousnessarrayed，Thepureandblamelessliver，NeedsnotthekeenToledoblade，Norvenom-freightedquiver，’“

hequoted。

Shelookedathimsearchingly。

“IwishIcouldunderstandyou，“shesaid。

“There’ssimplynothingtounderstand，“helaughed。

Shebowedherhead，brooding。

HedidnotseeDawesforseveraldays;thenonemorningashe，ranupstairsfromtheSpiralroomhealmostcollidedwiththeburly，metal-worker。

“Whatthe——！”criedthesmith。

“Sorry！”saidPaul，andpassedon。

“SORRY！”sneeredDawes。

Paulwhistledlightly，“PutMeamongtheGirls“。

“I’llstopyourwhistle，myjockey！”hesaid。

Theothertooknonotice。

“You’regoin’toanswerforthatjoboftheothernight。”

Paulwenttohisdeskinhiscorner，andturnedovertheleaves，oftheledger。

“GoandtellFannyIwantorder097，quick！”hesaidtohisboy。

Dawesstoodinthedoorway，tallandthreatening，lookingat，thetopoftheyoungman’shead。

“Sixandfive’selevenandseven’sone-and-six，“Pauladdedaloud。

“An’youhear，doyou！”saidDawes。

“FIVEANDNINEPENCE！”Hewroteafigure。”What’sthat？”

hesaid。

“I’mgoingtoshowyouwhatitis，“saidthesmith。

Theotherwentonaddingthefiguresaloud。

“Yercrawlin’little——，yerdaresn’tfacemeproper！”

Paulquicklysnatchedtheheavyruler。Dawesstarted。

Theyoungmanruledsomelinesinhisledger。Theelderman，wasinfuriated。

“ButwaittillIlightonyou，nomatterwhereitis，I’llsettleyourhashforabit，yerlittleswine！”

“Allright，“saidPaul。

Atthatthesmithstartedheavilyfromthedoorway。Justthen，awhistlepipedshrilly。Paulwenttothespeaking-tube。

“Yes！”hesaid，andhelistened。”Er——yes！”Helistened，thenhelaughed。”I’llcomedowndirectly。I’vegotavisitor，justnow。”

DawesknewfromhistonethathehadbeenspeakingtoClara。

Hesteppedforward。

“Yerlittledevil！”hesaid。”I’llvisitoryou，insideof，twominutes！，ThinkI’mgoin’tohaveYOUwhipperty-snappin’round？”

Theotherclerksinthewarehouselookedup。Paul’soffice-boy，appeared，holdingsomewhitearticle。

“Fannysaysyoucouldhavehaditlastnightifyou’dlet，herknow，“hesaid。

“Allright，“answeredPaul，lookingatthestocking。

“Getitoff。”，Dawesstoodfrustrated，helplesswithrage。

Morelturnedround。

“Excusemeaminute，“hesaidtoDawes，andhewouldhave，rundownstairs。

“ByGod，I’llstopyourgallop！”shoutedthesmith，seizinghim，bythearm。Heturnedquickly。

“Hey！，Hey！”criedtheoffice-boy，alarmed。

ThomasJordanstartedoutofhislittleglassoffice，andcame，runningdowntheroom。

“What’sa-matter，what’sa-matter？”hesaid，inhisoldman’s，sharpvoice。

“I’mjustgoin’tersettlethislittle——，that’sall，“

saidDawesdesperately。

“Whatdoyoumean？”snappedThomasJordan。

“WhatIsay，“saidDawes，buthehungfire。

Morelwasleaningagainstthecounter，ashamed，half-grinning。

“What’sitallabout？”snappedThomasJordan。

“Couldn’tsay，“saidPaul，shakinghisheadandshrugging，hisshoulders。

“Couldn’tyer，couldn’tyer！”criedDawes，thrustingforward，hishandsome，furiousface，andsquaringhisfist。

“Haveyoufinished？”criedtheoldman，strutting。”Getoff，aboutyourbusiness，anddon’tcomeheretipsyinthemorning。”

Dawesturnedhisbigframeslowlyuponhim。

“Tipsy！”hesaid。”Who’stipsy？，I’mnomoretipsythan，YOUare！”

“We’veheardthatsongbefore，“snappedtheoldman。”Nowyou，getoff，anddon’tbelongaboutit。Comin’HEREwithyourrowdying。”

Thesmithlookeddowncontemptuouslyonhisemployer。

Hishands，large，andgrimy，andyetwellshapedforhislabour，workedrestlessly。PaulrememberedtheywerethehandsofClara’s，husband，andaflashofhatewentthroughhim。

“Getoutbeforeyou’returnedout！”snappedThomasJordan。

“Why，who’llturnmeout？”saidDawes，beginningtosneer。

Mr。Jordanstarted，marcheduptothesmith，wavinghimoff，thrustinghisstoutlittlefigureattheman，saying：

“Getoffmypremises——getoff！”

HeseizedandtwitchedDawes’sarm。

“Comeoff！”saidthesmith，andwithajerkoftheelbowhe，sentthelittlemanufacturerstaggeringbackwards。

Beforeanyonecouldhelphim，ThomasJordanhadcollided，withtheflimsyspring-door。Ithadgivenway，andlethimcrash，downthehalf-dozenstepsintoFanny’sroom。Therewasasecond，ofamazement;thenmenandgirlswererunning。Dawesstoodamoment，lookingbitterlyonthescene，thenhetookhisdeparture。

ThomasJordanwasshakenandbraised，nototherwisehurt。

Hewas，however，besidehimselfwithrage。HedismissedDawesfrom，hisemployment，andsummonedhimforassault。

AtthetrialPaulMorelhadtogiveevidence。Askedhow，thetroublebegan，hesaid：

“DawestookoccasiontoinsultMrs。DawesandmebecauseI

accompaniedhertothetheatreoneevening;thenIthrewsomebeer，athim，andhewantedhisrevenge。”

“Cherchezlafemme！”smiledthemagistrate。

ThecasewasdismissedafterthemagistratehadtoldDaweshe，thoughthimaskunk。

“Yougavethecaseaway，“snappedMr。JordantoPaul。

“Idon’tthinkIdid，“repliedthelatter。”Besides，you，didn’treallywantaconviction，didyou？”

“WhatdoyouthinkItookthecaseupfor？”

“Well，“saidPaul，“I’msorryifIsaidthewrongthing。”

Clarawasalsoveryangry。

“WhyneedMYnamehavebeendraggedin？”shesaid。

“Betterspeakitopenlythanleaveittobewhispered。”

“Therewasnoneedforanythingatall，“shedeclared。

“Wearenonethepoorer，“hesaidindifferently。

“YOUmaynotbe，“shesaid。

“Andyou？”heasked。

“Ineedneverhavebeenmentioned。”

“I’msorry，“hesaid;buthedidnotsoundsorry。

Hetoldhimselfeasily：，“Shewillcomeround。”，Andshedid。

HetoldhismotheraboutthefallofMr。Jordanandthetrial，ofDawes。Mrs。Morelwatchedhimclosely。

“Andwhatdoyouthinkofitall？”sheaskedhim。

“Ithinkhe’safool，“hesaid。

Buthewasveryuncomfortable，nevertheless。

“Haveyoueverconsideredwhereitwillend？”hismothersaid。

“No，“heanswered;“thingsworkoutofthemselves。”

“Theydo，inawayonedoesn’tlike，asarule，“saidhismother。

“Andthenonehastoputupwiththem，“hesaid。

“You’llfindyou’renotasgoodat’puttingup’asyouimagine，“

shesaid。

Hewentonworkingrapidlyathisdesign。

“DoyoueveraskHERopinion？”shesaidatlength。

“Whatof？”

“Ofyou，andthewholething。”

“Idon’tcarewhatheropinionofmeis。She’sfearfully，inlovewithme，butit’snotverydeep。”

“Butquiteasdeepasyourfeelingforher。”

Helookedupathismothercuriously。

“Yes，“hesaid。”Youknow，mother，Ithinktheremustbe，somethingthematterwithme，thatICAN’Tlove。Whenshe’sthere，asarule，IDOloveher。Sometimes，whenIseeherjustasTHEWOMAN，Iloveher，mother;butthen，whenshetalksandcriticises，Ioftendon’tlistentoher。”

“Yetshe’sasmuchsenseasMiriam。”

“Perhaps;andIloveherbetterthanMiriam。ButWHYdon’t，theyholdme？”

Thelastquestionwasalmostalamentation。Hismother，turnedawayherface，satlookingacrosstheroom，veryquiet，grave，withsomethingofrenunciation。

“Butyouwouldn’twanttomarryClara？”shesaid。

“No;atfirstperhapsIwould。Butwhy——whydon’tIwanttomarry，heroranybody？，IfeelsometimesasifIwrongedmywomen，mother。”

“Howwrongedthem，myson？”

“Idon’tknow。”

Hewentonpaintingratherdespairingly;hehadtouched，thequickofthetrouble。

“Andasforwantingtomarry，“saidhismother，“there’splenty，oftimeyet。”

“Butno，mother。IevenloveClara，andIdidMiriam;buttoGIVE

myselftotheminmarriageIcouldn’t。Icouldn’tbelongtothem。

TheyseemtowantME，andIcan’tevergiveitthem。”

“Youhaven’tmettherightwoman。”

“AndInevershallmeettherightwomanwhileyoulive，“

hesaid。

Shewasveryquiet。Nowshebegantofeelagaintired，asifsheweredone。

“We’llsee，myson，“sheanswered。

Thefeelingthatthingsweregoinginacirclemadehimmad。

Clarawas，indeed，passionatelyinlovewithhim，andhewithher，asfaraspassionwent。Inthedaytimeheforgotheragooddeal。

Shewasworkinginthesamebuilding，buthewasnotawareofit。

Hewasbusy，andherexistencewasofnomattertohim。Butallthe，timeshewasinherSpiralroomshehadasensethathewasupstairs，aphysicalsenseofhispersoninthesamebuilding。Everysecond，sheexpectedhimtocomethroughthedoor，andwhenhecameit，wasashocktoher。Buthewasoftenshortandoffhandwithher。

Hegaveherhisdirectionsinanofficialmanner，keepingheratbay。

Withwhatwitsshehadleftshelistenedtohim。Shedarednot，misunderstandorfailtoremember，butitwasacrueltytoher。

Shewantedtotouchhischest。Sheknewexactlyhowhisbreastwas，shapenunderthewaistcoat，andshewantedtotouchit。Itmaddened，hertohearhismechanicalvoicegivingordersaboutthework。

Shewantedtobreakthroughtheshamofit，smashthetrivialcoating，ofbusinesswhichcoveredhimwithhardness，getatthemanagain;

butshewasafraid，andbeforeshecouldfeelonetouchofhiswarmthhe，wasgone，andsheachedagain。

Heknewthatshewasdrearyeveryeveningshedidnotseehim，sohegaveheragooddealofhistime。Thedayswereoften，amiserytoher，buttheeveningsandthenightswereusually，ablisstothemboth。Thentheyweresilent。Forhoursthey，sattogether，orwalkedtogetherinthedark，andtalkedonly，afew，almostmeaninglesswords。Buthehadherhandinhis，andherbosomleftitswarmthinhischest，makinghimfeelwhole。

Oneeveningtheywerewalkingdownbythecanal，andsomethingwastroublinghim。Sheknewshehadnotgothim。

Allthetimehewhistledsoftlyandpersistentlytohimself。

Shelistened，feelingshecouldlearnmorefromhiswhistlingthan，fromhisspeech。Itwasasaddissatisfiedtune——atunethatmade，herfeelhewouldnotstaywithher。Shewalkedoninsilence。

Whentheycametotheswingbridgehesatdownonthegreatpole，lookingatthestarsinthewater。Hewasalongwayfromher。

Shehadbeenthinking。

“WillyoualwaysstayatJordan’s？”sheasked。

“No，“heansweredwithoutreflecting。”No;Is’llleave，Nottinghamandgoabroad——soon。”

“Goabroad！，Whatfor？”

“Idunno！，Ifeelrestless。”

“Butwhatshallyoudo？”

“Ishallhavetogetsomesteadydesigningwork，andsomesort，ofsaleformypicturesfirst，“hesaid。”Iamgraduallymaking，myway。IknowIam。”

“Andwhendoyouthinkyou’llgo？”

“Idon’tknow。Ishallhardlygoforlong，whilethere’s，mymother。”

“Youcouldn’tleaveher？”

“Notforlong。”

Shelookedatthestarsintheblackwater。Theylayvery，whiteandstaring。Itwasanagonytoknowhewouldleaveher，butitwasalmostanagonytohavehimnearher。

“Andifyoumadeanicelotofmoney，whatwouldyoudo？”

sheasked。

“GosomewhereinaprettyhousenearLondonwithmymother。”

“Isee。”

Therewasalongpause。

“Icouldstillcomeandseeyou，“hesaid。”Idon’tknow。

Don’taskmewhatIshoulddo;Idon’tknow。”

Therewasasilence。Thestarsshudderedandbrokeupon，thewater。Therecameabreathofwind。Hewentsuddenlytoher，andputhishandonhershoulder。

“Don’taskmeanythingaboutthefuture，“hesaidmiserably。

“Idon’tknowanything。Bewithmenow，willyou，nomatterwhat，itis？”

Andshetookhiminherarms。Afterall，shewasamarriedwoman，andshehadnorighteventowhathegaveher。Heneededherbadly。

Shehadhiminherarms，andhewasmiserable。Withherwarmthshe，foldedhimover，consoledhim，lovedhim。Shewouldletthemoment，standforitself。

Afteramomentheliftedhisheadasifhewantedtospeak。

“Clara，“hesaid，struggling。

Shecaughthimpassionatelytoher，pressedhisheaddownonher，breastwithherhand。Shecouldnotbearthesufferinginhisvoice。

Shewasafraidinhersoul。Hemighthaveanythingofher——anything;

butshedidnotwanttoKNOW。Shefeltshecouldnotbearit。

Shewantedhimtobesootheduponher——soothed。Shestoodclaspinghim，andcaressinghim，andhewassomethingunknowntoher——something，almostuncanny。Shewantedtosoothehimintoforgetfulness。

Andsoonthestrugglewentdowninhissoul，andheforgot。

ButthenClarawasnotthereforhim，onlyawoman，warm，somethinghe，lovedandalmostworshipped，thereinthedark。ButitwasnotClara，andshesubmittedtohim。Thenakedhungerandinevitability，ofhislovingher，somethingstrongandblindandruthless，initsprimitiveness，madethehouralmostterribletoher。

Sheknewhowstarkandalonehewas，andshefeltitwasgreat，thathecametoher;andshetookhimsimplybecausehisneedwas，biggereitherthanherorhim，andhersoulwasstillwithinher。

Shedidthisforhiminhisneed，evenifhelefther，forshe，lovedhim。

Allthewhilethepeewitswerescreaminginthefield。

Whenhecameto，hewonderedwhatwasnearhiseyes，curvingand，strongwithlifeinthedark，andwhatvoiceitwasspeaking。

Thenherealiseditwasthegrass，andthepeewitwascalling。

ThewarmthwasClara’sbreathingheaving。Heliftedhishead，andlookedintohereyes。Theyweredarkandshiningandstrange，lifewildatthesourcestaringintohislife，strangertohim，yetmeetinghim;andheputhisfacedownonherthroat，afraid。

Whatwasshe？，Astrong，strange，wildlife，thatbreathedwithhis，inthedarknessthroughthishour。Itwasallsomuchbiggerthan，themselvesthathewashushed。Theyhadmet，andincludedintheir，meetingthethrustofthemanifoldgrassstems，thecryofthepeewit，thewheelofthestars。

Whentheystooduptheysawotherloversstealingdownthe，oppositehedge。Itseemednaturaltheywerethere;thenight，containedthem。

Andaftersuchaneveningtheybothwereverystill，havingknown，theimmensityofpassion。Theyfeltsmall，half-afraid，childish，andwondering，likeAdamandEvewhentheylosttheirinnocence，andrealisedthemagnificenceofthepowerwhichdrove，themoutofParadiseandacrossthegreatnightandthegreatday，ofhumanity。Itwasforeachofthemaninitiationandasatisfaction。

Toknowtheirownnothingness，toknowthetremendouslivingflood，whichcarriedthemalways，gavethemrestwithinthemselves。

Ifsogreatamagnificentpowercouldoverwhelmthem，identifythem，altogetherwithitself，sothattheyknewtheywereonlygrainsin，thetremendousheavethatliftedeverygrassbladeitslittleheight，andeverytree，andlivingthing，thenwhyfretaboutthemselves？

Theycouldletthemselvesbecarriedbylife，andtheyfeltasort，ofpeaceeachintheother。Therewasaverificationwhichtheyhad，hadtogether。Nothingcouldnullifyit，nothingcouldtakeitaway;

itwasalmosttheirbeliefinlife。

ButClarawasnotsatisfied。Somethinggreatwasthere，sheknew;somethinggreatenvelopedher。Butitdidnotkeepher。

Inthemorningitwasnotthesame。TheyhadKNOWN，butshe，couldnotkeepthemoment。Shewanteditagain;shewanted，somethingpermanent。Shehadnotrealisedfully。Shethought，itwashewhomshewanted。Hewasnotsafetoher。Thisthat，hadbeenbetweenthemmightneverbeagain;hemightleaveher。

Shehadnotgothim;shewasnotsatisfied。Shehadbeenthere，butshehadnotgrippedthe——thesomething——sheknewnotwhat——whichshe，wasmadtohave。

Inthemorninghehadconsiderablepeace，andwashappy，inhimself。Itseemedalmostasifhehadknownthebaptismof，fireinpassion，anditlefthimatrest。ButitwasnotClara。

Itwassomethingthathappenedbecauseofher，butitwasnother。

Theywerescarcelyanynearereachother。Itwasasiftheyhadbeen，blindagentsofagreatforce。

Whenshesawhimthatdayatthefactoryherheartmeltedlike，adropoffire。Itwashisbody，hisbrows。Thedropoffiregrew，moreintenseinherbreast;shemustholdhim。Buthe，veryquiet，verysubduedthismorning，wentongivinghisinstruction。Shefollowed，himintothedark，uglybasement，andliftedherarmstohim。

Hekissedher，andtheintensityofpassionbegantoburnhimagain。

Somebodywasatthedoor。Heranupstairs;shereturnedtoherroom，movingasifinatrance。

Afterthatthefireslowlywentdown。Hefeltmoreandmorethat，hisexperiencehadbeenimpersonal，andnotClara。Helovedher。

Therewasabigtenderness，asafterastrongemotionthey，hadknowntogether;butitwasnotshewhocouldkeephissoulsteady。

Hehadwantedhertobesomethingshecouldnotbe。

Andshewasmadwithdesireofhim。Shecouldnotsee，himwithouttouchinghim。Inthefactory，ashetalkedtoher，aboutSpiralhose，sheranherhandsecretlyalonghisside。

Shefollowedhimoutintothebasementforaquickkiss;hereyes，alwaysmuteandyearning，fullofunrestrainedpassion，shekept，fixedonhis。Hewasafraidofher，lestsheshouldtooflagrantly，giveherselfawaybeforetheothergirls。Sheinvariablywaited，forhimatdinnertimeforhimtoembraceherbeforeshewent。

Hefeltasifshewerehelpless，almostaburdentohim，andit，irritatedhim。

“Butwhatdoyoualwayswanttobekissingandembracingfor？”

hesaid。”Surelythere’satimeforeverything。”

Shelookedupathim，andthehatecameintohereyes。

“DOIalwayswanttobekissingyou？”shesaid。

“Always，evenifIcometoaskyouaboutthework。Idon’t，wantanythingtodowithlovewhenI’matwork。Work’swork——“

“Andwhatislove？”sheasked。”Hasittohavespecialhours？”

“Yes;outofworkhours。”

“Andyou’llregulateitaccordingtoMr。Jordan’sclosingtime？”

“Yes;andaccordingtothefreedomfrombusinessofanysort。”

“Itisonlytoexistinsparetime？”

“That’sall，andnotalwaysthen——notthekissingsortoflove。”

“Andthat’sallyouthinkofit？”

“It’squiteenough。”

“I’mgladyouthinkso。”

Andshewascoldtohimforsometime——shehatedhim;andwhile，shewascoldandcontemptuous，hewasuneasytillshehadforgiven，himagain。Butwhentheystartedafreshtheywerenotanynearer。

Hekeptherbecauseheneversatisfiedher。

Inthespringtheywenttogethertotheseaside。Theyhadrooms，atalittlecottagenearTheddlethorpe，andlivedasmanandwife。

Mrs。Radfordsometimeswentwiththem。

ItwasknowninNottinghamthatPaulMorelandMrs。Dawes，weregoingtogether，butasnothingwasveryobvious，andClara，alwaysasolitaryperson，andheseemedsosimpleandinnocent，itdidnotmakemuchdifference。

HelovedtheLincolnshirecoast，andshelovedthesea。

Intheearlymorningtheyoftenwentouttogethertobathe。

Thegreyofthedawn，thefar，desolatereachesofthefenland，smittenwithwinter，thesea-meadowsrankwithherbage，werestark，enoughtorejoicehissoul。Astheysteppedontothehighroadfrom，theirplankbridge，andlookedroundattheendlessmonotonyoflevels，thelandalittledarkerthanthesky，theseasoundingsmallbeyond，thesandhills，hisheartfilledstrongwiththesweepingrelentlessness，oflife。Shelovedhimthen。Hewassolitaryandstrong，andhiseyes，hadabeautifullight。

Theyshudderedwithcold;thenheracedherdowntheroadto，thegreenturfbridge。Shecouldrunwell。Hercoloursooncame，herthroatwasbare，hereyesshone。Helovedherforbeingso，luxuriouslyheavy，andyetsoquick。Himselfwaslight;shewent，withabeautifulrush。Theygrewwarm，andwalkedhandinhand。

Aflushcameintothesky，thewanmoon，half-waydown，thewest，sankintoinsignificance。Ontheshadowylandthings，begantotakelife，plantswithgreatleavesbecamedistinct。

Theycamethroughapassinthebig，coldsandhillsontothebeach。

Thelongwasteofforeshorelaymoaningunderthedawnandthesea;

theoceanwasaflatdarkstripwithawhiteedge。Overthegloomy，seatheskygrewred。Quicklythefirespreadamongtheclouds，andscatteredthem。Crimsonburnedtoorange，orangetodullgold，andinagoldenglitterthesuncameup，dribblingfierilyoverthe，wavesinlittlesplashes，asifsomeonehadgonealongandthelight，hadspilledfromherpailasshewalked。

Thebreakersrandowntheshoreinlong，hoarsestrokes。

Tinyseagulls，likespecksofspray，wheeledabovethelineofsurf。

Theircryingseemedlargerthanthey。Farawaythecoastreachedout，andmeltedintothemorning，thetussockysandhillsseemedtosink，toalevelwiththebeach。Mablethorpewastinyontheirright。

Theyhadalonethespaceofallthislevelshore，thesea，andthe，upcomingsun，thefaintnoiseofthewaters，thesharpcryingof，thegulls。

Theyhadawarmhollowinthesandhillswherethewinddid，notcome。Hestoodlookingouttosea。

“It’sveryfine，“hesaid。

“Nowdon’tgetsentimental，“shesaid。

Itirritatedhertoseehimstandinggazingatthesea，likea，solitaryandpoeticperson。Helaughed。Shequicklyundressed。

“Therearesomefinewavesthismorning，“shesaidtriumphantly。

Shewasabetterswimmerthanhe;hestoodidlywatchingher。

“Aren’tyoucoming？”shesaid。

“Inaminute，“heanswered。

Shewaswhiteandvelvetskinned，withheavyshoulders。

Alittlewind，comingfromthesea，blewacrossherbodyandruffled，herhair。

Themorningwasofalovelylimpidgoldcolour。Veilsofshadow，seemedtobedriftingawayonthenorthandthesouth。Clarastood，shrinkingslightlyfromthetouchofthewind，twistingherhair。

Thesea-grassrosebehindthewhitestrippedwoman。Sheglanced，atthesea，thenlookedathim。Hewaswatchingherwithdarkeyes，whichshelovedandcouldnotunderstand。Shehuggedherbreasts，betweenherarms，cringing，laughing：

“Oo，itwillbesocold！”shesaid。

Hebentforwardandkissedher，heldhersuddenlyclose，andkissedheragain。Shestoodwaiting。Helookedintohereyes，thenawayatthepalesands。

“Go，then！”hesaidquietly。

Sheflungherarmsroundhisneck，drewhimagainsther，kissedhimpassionately，andwent，saying：

“Butyou’llcomein？”

“Inaminute。”

Shewentploddingheavilyoverthesandthatwassoftasvelvet。

He，onthesandhills，watchedthegreatpalecoastenvelopher。

Shegrewsmaller，lostproportion，seemedonlylikealargewhite，birdtoilingforward。

“Notmuchmorethanabigwhitepebbleonthebeach，notmuch，morethanaclotoffoambeingblownandrolledoverthesand，“

hesaidtohimself。

Sheseemedtomoveveryslowlyacrossthevastsoundingshore。

Ashewatched，helosther。Shewasdazzledoutofsightby，thesunshine。Againhesawher，themerestwhitespeckmoving，againstthewhite，mutteringsea-edge。

“Lookhowlittlesheis！”hesaidtohimself。”She’slostlike，agrainofsandinthebeach——justaconcentratedspeckblownalong，atinywhitefoam-bubble，almostnothingamongthemorning。

Whydoessheabsorbme？”

Themorningwasaltogetheruninterrupted：，shewasgonein，thewater。Farandwidethebeach，thesandhillswiththeirbluemarrain，theshiningwater，glowedtogetherinimmense，unbrokensolitude。

“Whatisshe，afterall？”hesaidtohimself。”Here’sthe，seacoastmorning，bigandpermanentandbeautiful;thereisshe，fretting，alwaysunsatisfied，andtemporaryasabubbleoffoam。

Whatdoesshemeantome，afterall？，Sherepresentssomething，likeabubbleoffoamrepresentsthesea。Butwhatisshe？

It’snotherIcarefor。”

Then，startledbyhisownunconsciousthoughts，thatseemed，tospeaksodistinctlythatallthemorningcouldhear，heundressed，andranquicklydownthesands。Shewaswatchingforhim。Herarm，flasheduptohim，sheheavedonawave，subsided，hershoulders，inapoolofliquidsilver。Hejumpedthroughthebreakers，andinamomentherhandwasonhisshoulder。

Hewasapoorswimmer，andcouldnotstaylonginthewater。

Sheplayedroundhimintriumph，sportingwithhersuperiority，whichhebegrudgedher。Thesunshinestooddeepandfineonthewater。

Theylaughedintheseaforaminuteortwo，thenracedeachotherback，tothesandhills。

Whentheyweredryingthemselves，pantingheavily，hewatchedherlaughing，breathlessface，herbrightshoulders，herbreaststhatswayedandmadehimfrightenedassherubbedthem，andhethoughtagain：

“Butsheismagnificent，andevenbiggerthanthemorning，andthesea。Isshe——？Isshe——“

She，seeinghisdarkeyesfixedonher，brokeofffromher，dryingwithalaugh。

“Whatareyoulookingat？”shesaid。

“You，“heanswered，laughing。

Hereyesmethis，andinamomenthewaskissing，herwhite“goose-fleshed“shoulder，andthinking：

“Whatisshe？，Whatisshe？”

Shelovedhiminthemorning。Therewassomethingdetached，hard，andelementalabouthiskissesthen，asifhewereonly，consciousofhisownwill，notintheleastofherandherwantinghim。

Laterinthedayhewentoutsketching。

“You，“hesaidtoher，“gowithyourmothertoSutton。

Iamsodull。”

Shestoodandlookedathim。Heknewshewantedtocome，withhim，buthepreferredtobealone。Shemadehimfeelimprisoned，whenshewasthere，asifhecouldnotgetafreedeepbreath，asifthereweresomethingontopofhim。Shefelthisdesire，tobefreeofher。

Intheeveninghecamebacktoher。Theywalkeddowntheshore，inthedarkness，thensatforawhileintheshelterofthesandhills。

“Itseems，“shesaid，astheystaredoverthedarknessofthesea，wherenolightwastobeseen——“itseemedasifyouonlylovedme，atnight——asifyoudidn’tlovemeinthedaytime。”

Heranthecoldsandthroughhisfingers，feelingguilty，undertheaccusation。

“Thenightisfreetoyou，“hereplied。”InthedaytimeI

wanttobebymyself。”

“Butwhy？”shesaid。”Why，evennow，whenweareonthis，shortholiday？”

“Idon’tknow。Love-makingstiflesmeinthedaytime。”

“Butitneedn’tbealwayslove-making，“shesaid。

“Italwaysis，“heanswered，“whenyouandIaretogether。”

Shesatfeelingverybitter。

“Doyoueverwanttomarryme？”heaskedcuriously。

“Doyoume？”shereplied。

“Yes，yes;Ishouldlikeustohavechildren，“heansweredslowly。

Shesatwithherheadbent，fingeringthesand。

“Butyoudon’treallywantadivorcefromBaxter，doyou？”

hesaid。

Itwassomeminutesbeforeshereplied。

“No，“shesaid，verydeliberately;“Idon’tthinkIdo。”

“Why？”

“Idon’tknow。”

“Doyoufeelasifyoubelongedtohim？”

“No;Idon’tthinkso。”

“What，then？”

“Ithinkhebelongstome，“shereplied。

Hewassilentforsomeminutes，listeningtothewindblowing，overthehoarse，darksea。

“AndyouneverreallyintendedtobelongtoME？”hesaid。

“Yes，Idobelongtoyou，“sheanswered。

“No，“hesaid;“becauseyoudon’twanttobedivorced。”

Itwasaknottheycouldnotuntie，sotheyleftit，tookwhat，theycouldget，andwhattheycouldnotattaintheyignored。

“IconsideryoutreatedBaxterrottenly，“hesaidanothertime。

Hehalf-expectedClaratoanswerhim，ashismotherwould：

“Youconsideryourownaffairs，anddon’tknowsomuchabout，otherpeople’s。”，Butshetookhimseriously，almosttohisownsurprise。

“Why？”shesaid。

“Isupposeyouthoughthewasalilyofthevalley，andso，youputhiminanappropriatepot，andtendedhimaccording。

Youmadeupyourmindhewasalilyofthevalleyanditwasno，goodhisbeingacow-parsnip。Youwouldn’thaveit。”

“Icertainlyneverimaginedhimalilyofthevalley。”

“Youimaginedhimsomethinghewasn’t。That’sjustwhatawomanis。

Shethinkssheknowswhat’sgoodforaman，andshe’sgoingtosee，hegetsit;andnomatterifhe’sstarving，hemaysitandwhistle，forwhatheneeds，whileshe’sgothim，andisgivinghimwhat’s，goodforhim。”

“Andwhatareyoudoing？”sheasked。

“I’mthinkingwhattuneIshallwhistle，“helaughed。

Andinsteadofboxinghisears，sheconsideredhiminearnest。

“YouthinkIwanttogiveyouwhat’sgoodforyou？”sheasked。

“Ihopeso;butloveshouldgiveasenseoffreedom，notofprison。Miriammademefeeltieduplikeadonkeytoastake。

Imustfeedonherpatch，andnowhereelse。It’ssickening！”

“AndwouldYOUletaWOMANdoasshelikes？”

“Yes;I’llseethatshelikestoloveme。Ifshedoesn’t——well，Idon’tholdher。”

“Ifyouwereaswonderfulasyousay——，“repliedClara。

“IshouldbethemarvelIam，“helaughed。

Therewasasilenceinwhichtheyhatedeachother，thoughtheylaughed。

“Love’sadoginamanger，“hesaid。

“Andwhichofusisthedog？”sheasked。

“Ohwell，you，ofcourse。”

Sotherewentonabattlebetweenthem。Sheknewsheneverfully，hadhim。Somepart，bigandvitalinhim，shehadnoholdover;

nordidsheevertrytogetit，oreventorealisewhatitwas。

AndheknewinsomewaythatsheheldherselfstillasMrs。Dawes。

ShedidnotloveDawes，neverhadlovedhim;butshebelievedhe，lovedher，atleastdependedonher。Shefeltacertainsurety，abouthimthatsheneverfeltwithPaulMorel。Herpassion，fortheyoungmanhadfilledhersoul，givenheracertain，satisfaction，easedherofherself-mistrust，herdoubt。

Whateverelseshewas，shewasinwardlyassured。Itwasalmost，asifshehadgainedHERSELF，andstoodnowdistinctandcomplete。

Shehadreceivedherconfirmation;butsheneverbelievedthather，lifebelongedtoPaulMorel，norhistoher。Theywouldseparate，intheend，andtherestofherlifewouldbeanacheafterhim。

Butatanyrate，sheknewnow，shewassureofherself。Andthe，samecouldalmostbesaidofhim。Togethertheyhadreceived，thebaptismoflife，eachthroughtheother;butnowtheirmissions，wereseparate。Wherehewantedtogoshecouldnotcomewithhim。

Theywouldhavetopartsoonerorlater。Eveniftheymarried，andwerefaithfultoeachother，stillhewouldhavetoleaveher，goonalone，andshewouldonlyhavetoattendtohimwhenhe，camehome。Butitwasnotpossible。Eachwantedamatetogoside，bysidewith。

ClarahadgonetolivewithhermotheruponMapperleyPlains。

Oneevening，asPaulandshewerewalkingalongWoodboroughRoad，theymetDawes。Morelknewsomethingaboutthebearingofthe，manapproaching，buthewasabsorbedinhisthinkingatthemoment，sothatonlyhisartist’seyewatchedtheformofthestranger。

ThenhesuddenlyturnedtoClarawithalaugh，andputhishandon，hershoulder，saying，laughing：

“Butwewalksidebyside，andyetI’minLondonarguing，withanimaginaryOrpen;andwhereareyou？”

AtthatinstantDawespassed，almosttouchingMorel。

Theyoungmanglanced，sawthedarkbrowneyesburning，fullofhate，andyettired。

“Whowasthat？”heaskedofClara。

“ItwasBaxter，“shereplied。

Paultookhishandfromhershoulderandglancedround;

thenhesawagaindistinctlytheman’sformasitapproachedhim。

Dawesstillwalkederect，withhisfineshouldersflungback，andhis，facelifted;buttherewasafurtivelookinhiseyesthatgave，onetheimpressionhewastryingtogetunnoticedpasteveryperson，hemet，glancingsuspiciouslytoseewhattheythoughtofhim。

Andhishandsseemedtobewantingtohide。Heworeoldclothes，thetrousersweretornattheknee，andthehandkerchieftiedround，histhroatwasdirty;buthiscapwasstilldefiantlyoveroneeye。

Asshesawhim，Clarafeltguilty。Therewasatirednessanddespair，onhisfacethatmadeherhatehim，becauseithurther。

“Helooksshady，“saidPaul。

Butthenoteofpityinhisvoicereproachedher，andmade，herfeelhard。

“Histruecommonnesscomesout，“sheanswered。

“Doyouhatehim？”heasked。

“Youtalk，“shesaid，“aboutthecrueltyofwomen;Iwishyou，knewthecrueltyofmenintheirbruteforce。Theysimplydon’t，knowthatthewomanexists。”

“Don’tI？”hesaid。

“No，“sheanswered。

“Don’tIknowyouexist？”

“AboutMEyouknownothing，“shesaidbitterly——“aboutME！”

“NomorethanBaxterknew？”heasked。

“Perhapsnotasmuch。”

Hefeltpuzzled，andhelpless，andangry。Thereshewalked，unknowntohim，thoughtheyhadbeenthroughsuchexperiencetogether。

“ButyouknowMEprettywell，“hesaid。

Shedidnotanswer。

“DidyouknowBaxteraswellasyouknowme？”heasked。

“Hewouldn’tletme，“shesaid。

“AndIhaveletyouknowme？”

“It’swhatmenWON’Tletyoudo。Theywon’tletyouget，reallyneartothem，“shesaid。

“Andhaven’tIletyou？”

“Yes，“sheansweredslowly;“butyou’venevercomeneartome。

Youcan’tcomeoutofyourself，youcan’t。Baxtercoulddothatbetter，thanyou。”

Hewalkedonpondering。Hewasangrywithherforprefering，Baxtertohim。

“YoubegintovalueBaxternowyou’venotgothim，“hesaid。

“No;Icanonlyseewherehewasdifferentfromyou。”

Buthefeltshehadagrudgeagainsthim。

Oneevening，astheywerecominghomeoverthefields，shestartledhimbyasking：

“Doyouthinkit’sworthit——the——thesexpart？”

“Theactofloving，itself？”

“Yes;isitworthanythingtoyou？”

“Buthowcanyouseparateit？”hesaid。”It’stheculmination，ofeverything。Allourintimacyculminatesthen。”

“Notforme，“shesaid。

Hewassilent。Aflashofhateforhercameup。Afterall，shewasdissatisfiedwithhim，eventhere，wherehethoughtthey，fulfilledeachother。Buthebelievedhertooimplicitly。

“Ifeel，“shecontinuedslowly，“asifIhadn’tgotyou，asifallofyouweren’tthere，andasifitweren’tMEyouweretaking——“

“Who，then？”

“Somethingjustforyourself。Ithasbeenfine，sothatI

daren’tthinkofit。ButisitMEyouwant，orisitIT？”

Heagainfeltguilty。DidheleaveClaraoutofcount，andtakesimplywomen？，Buthethoughtthatwassplittingahair。

“WhenIhadBaxter，actuallyhadhim，thenIDIDfeelasifI

hadallofhim，“shesaid。

“Anditwasbetter？”heasked。

“Yes，yes;itwasmorewhole。Idon’tsayyouhaven’tgiven，memorethanheevergaveme。”

“Orcouldgiveyou。”

“Yes，perhaps;butyou’venevergivenmeyourself。”

Heknittedhisbrowsangrily。

“IfIstarttomakelovetoyou，“hesaid，“Ijustgolike，aleafdownthewind。”

“Andleavemeoutofcount，“shesaid。

“Andthenisitnothingtoyou？”heasked，almostrigid，withchagrin。

“It’ssomething;andsometimesyouhavecarriedmeaway——right，away——Iknow——and——Ireverenceyouforit——but——“

“Don’t’but’me，“hesaid，kissingherquickly，asafireran，throughhim。

Shesubmitted，andwassilent。

Itwastrueashesaid。Asarule，whenhestartedlove-making，theemotionwasstrongenoughtocarrywithiteverything——reason，soul，blood——inagreatsweep，liketheTrentcarriesbodilyitsback-swirls，andintertwinings，noiselessly。Graduallythelittlecriticisms，thelittlesensations，werelost，thoughtalsowent，everythingborne，alonginoneflood。Hebecame，notamanwithamind，buta，greatinstinct。Hishandswerelikecreatures，living;hislimbs，hisbody，werealllifeandconsciousness，subjecttonowillofhis，butlivinginthemselves。Justashewas，soitseemedthevigorous，wintrystarswerestrongalsowithlife。Heandtheystruckwith，thesamepulseoffire，andthesamejoyofstrengthwhichheld，thebracken-frondstiffnearhiseyesheldhisownbodyfirm。

Itwasasifhe，andthestars，andthedarkherbage，andClara，werelickedupinanimmensetongueofflame，whichtoreonwards，andupwards。Everythingrushedalonginlivingbesidehim;

everythingwasstill，perfectinitself，alongwithhim。

Thiswonderfulstillnessineachthinginitself，whileitwasbeing，bornealonginaveryecstasyofliving，seemedthehighestpoint，ofbliss。

AndClaraknewthisheldhimtoher，soshetrustedaltogether，tothepassion。It，however，failedherveryoften。Theydid，notoftenreachagaintheheightofthatoncewhenthepeewits，hadcalled。Gradually，somemechanicaleffortspoilttheirloving，or，whentheyhadsplendidmoments，theyhadthemseparately，andnotsosatisfactorily。Sooftenheseemedmerelytoberunning，onalone;oftentheyrealisedithadbeenafailure，notwhatthey，hadwanted。Helefther，knowingTHATeveninghadonlymade，alittlesplitbetweenthem。Theirlovinggrewmoremechanical，withoutthemarvellousglamour。Graduallytheybegantointroduce，novelties，togetbacksomeofthefeelingofsatisfaction。

Theywouldbeverynear，almostdangerouslyneartotheriver，sothattheblackwaterrannotfarfromhisface，anditgave，alittlethrill;ortheylovedsometimesinalittlehollowbelow，thefenceofthepathwherepeoplewerepassingoccasionally，ontheedgeofthetown，andtheyheardfootstepscoming，almostfelt，thevibrationofthetread，andtheyheardwhatthepassersby，said——strangelittlethingsthatwereneverintendedtobeheard。

Andafterwardseachofthemwasratherashamed，andthesethings，causedadistancebetweenthetwoofthem。Hebegantodespiseher，alittle，asifshehadmeritedit！

OnenighthelefthertogotoDaybrookStationoverthefields。

Itwasverydark，withanattemptatsnow，althoughthespring，wassofaradvanced。Morelhadnotmuchtime;heplungedforward。

Thetownceasesalmostabruptlyontheedgeofasteephollow;therethe，houseswiththeiryellowlightsstandupagainstthedarkness。Hewent，overthestile，anddroppedquicklyintothehollowofthefields。

UndertheorchardonewarmwindowshoneinSwinesheadFarm。

Paulglancedround。Behind，thehousesstoodonthebrimofthedip，blackagainstthesky，likewildbeastsglaringcuriouslywith，yelloweyesdownintothedarkness。Itwasthetownthatseemed，savageanduncouth，glaringonthecloudsatthebackofhim。

Somecreaturestirredunderthewillowsofthefarmpond。Itwastoo，darktodistinguishanything。

Hewascloseuptothenextstilebeforehesawadarkshape，leaningagainstit。Themanmovedaside。

“Good-evening！”hesaid。

“Good-evening！”Morelanswered，notnoticing。

“PaulMorel？”saidtheman。

ThenheknewitwasDawes。Themanstoppedhisway。

“I’vegotyer，haveI？”hesaidawkwardly。

“Ishallmissmytrain，“saidPaul。

HecouldseenothingofDawes’sface。Theman’steethseemed，tochatterashetalked。

“You’regoingtogetitfrommenow，“saidDawes。

Morelattemptedtomoveforward;theothermansteppedinfront，ofhim。

“Areyergoin’totakethattop-coatoff，“hesaid，“orare，yougoin’toliedowntoit？”

Paulwasafraidthemanwasmad。

“But，“hesaid，“Idon’tknowhowtofight。”

“Allright，then，“answeredDawes，andbeforetheyoungerman，knewwherehewas，hewasstaggeringbackwardsfromablowacross，theface。

Thewholenightwentblack。Hetoreoffhisovercoatandcoat，dodgingablow，andflungthegarmentsoverDawes。Thelatter，sworesavagely。Morel，inhisshirt-sleeves，wasnowalertand，furious。Hefelthiswholebodyunsheathitselflikeaclaw。

Hecouldnotfight，sohewouldusehiswits。Theothermanbecame，moredistincttohim;hecouldseeparticularlytheshirt-breast。

DawesstumbledoverPaul’scoats，thencamerushingforward。

Theyoungman’smouthwasbleeding。Itwastheotherman’smouth，hewasdyingtogetat，andthedesirewasanguishinitsstrength。

Hesteppedquicklythroughthestile，andasDaweswascomingthrough，afterhim，likeaflashhegotablowinovertheother’smouth。

Heshiveredwithpleasure。Dawesadvancedslowly，spitting。Paul，wasafraid;hemovedroundtogettothestileagain。Suddenly，from，outofnowhere，cameagreatblowagainsthisear，thatsenthim，fallinghelplessbackwards。HeheardDawes’sheavypanting，likeawildbeast’s，thencameakickontheknee，givinghim，suchagonythathegotupand，quiteblind，leaptcleanunderhis，enemy’sguard。Hefeltblowsandkicks，buttheydidnothurt。

Hehungontothebiggermanlikeawildcat，tillatlastDawesfell，withacrash，losinghispresenceofmind。Paulwentdownwithhim。

Pureinstinctbroughthishandstotheman’sneck，andbeforeDawes，infrenzyandagony，couldwrenchhimfree，hehadgothisfists，twistedinthescarfandhisknucklesduginthethroatofthe，otherman。Hewasapureinstinct，withoutreasonorfeeling。

Hisbody，hardandwonderfulinitself，cleavedagainstthe，strugglingbodyoftheotherman;notamuscleinhimrelaxed。

Hewasquiteunconscious，onlyhisbodyhadtakenuponitselftokill，thisotherman。Forhimself，hehadneitherfeelingnorreason。

Helaypressedhardagainsthisadversary，hisbodyadjustingitself，toitsonepurepurposeofchokingtheotherman，resistingexactly，attherightmoment，withexactlytherightamountofstrength，thestrugglesoftheother，silent，intent，unchanging，gradually，pressingitsknucklesdeeper，feelingthestrugglesoftheother，bodybecomewilderandmorefrenzied。Tighterandtightergrew，hisbody，likeascrewthatisgraduallyincreasinginpressure，tillsomethingbreaks。

Thensuddenlyherelaxed，fullofwonderandmisgiving。

Daweshadbeenyielding。Morelfelthisbodyflamewithpain，asherealisedwhathewasdoing;hewasallbewildered。

Dawes’sstrugglessuddenlyrenewedthemselvesinafuriousspasm。

Paul’shandswerewrenched，tornoutofthescarfinwhichthey，wereknotted，andhewasflungaway，helpless。Heheardthehorrid，soundoftheother’sgasping，buthelaystunned;then，stilldazed，hefelttheblowsoftheother’sfeet，andlostconsciousness。

Dawes，gruntingwithpainlikeabeast，waskickingtheprostrate，bodyofhisrival。Suddenlythewhistleofthetrainshrieked，twofieldsaway。Heturnedroundandglaredsuspiciously。

Whatwascoming？，Hesawthelightsofthetraindrawacrosshisvision。

Itseemedtohimpeoplewereapproaching。Hemadeoffacrossthe，fieldintoNottingham，anddimlyinhisconsciousnessashewent，hefeltonhisfoottheplacewherehisboothadknockedagainst，oneofthelad’sbones。Theknockseemedtore-echoinsidehim;

hehurriedtogetawayfromit。

Morelgraduallycametohimself。Heknewwherehewasand，whathadhappened，buthedidnotwanttomove。Helaystill，withtinybitsofsnowticklinghisface。Itwaspleasant，toliequite，quitestill。Thetimepassed。Itwasthebits，ofsnowthatkeptrousinghimwhenhedidnotwanttoberoused。

Atlasthiswillclickedintoaction。

“Imustn’tliehere，“hesaid;“it’ssilly。”

Butstillhedidnotmove。

“IsaidIwasgoingtogetup，“herepeated。”Whydon’tI？”

Andstillitwassometimebeforehehadsufficientlypulled，himselftogethertostir;thengraduallyhegotup。Painmadehim，sickanddazed，buthisbrainwasclear。Reeling，hegropedfor，hiscoatsandgotthemon，buttoninghisovercoatuptohisears。

Itwassometimebeforehefoundhiscap。Hedidnotknowwhetherhis，facewasstillbleeding。Walkingblindly，everystepmakinghimsick，withpain，hewentbacktothepondandwashedhisfaceandhands。

Theicywaterhurt，buthelpedtobringhimbacktohimself。

Hecrawledbackupthehilltothetram。Hewantedtogettohis，mother——hemustgettohismother——thatwashisblindintention。

Hecoveredhisfaceasmuchashecould，andstruggledsicklyalong。

Continuallythegroundseemedtofallawayfromhimashewalked，andhefelthimselfdroppingwithasickeningfeelingintospace;so，likeanightmare，hegotthroughwiththejourneyhome。

Everybodywasinbed。Helookedathimself。Hisfacewas，discolouredandsmearedwithblood，almostlikeadeadman’sface。

Hewashedit，andwenttobed。Thenightwentbyindelirium。

Inthemorninghefoundhismotherlookingathim。Herblueeyes——they，wereallhewantedtosee。Shewasthere;hewasinherhands。

“It’snotmuch，mother，“hesaid。”ItwasBaxterDawes。”

“Tellmewhereithurtsyou，“shesaidquietly。

“Idon’tknow——myshoulder。Sayitwasabicycleaccident，mother。”

Hecouldnotmovehisarm。PresentlyMinnie，thelittleservant，cameupstairswithsometea。

“Yourmother’snearlyfrightenedmeoutofmywits——faintedaway，“

shesaid。

Hefelthecouldnotbearit。Hismothernursedhim;hetold，heraboutit。

“AndnowIshouldhavedonewiththemall，“shesaidquietly。

“Iwill，mother。”

Shecoveredhimup。

“Anddon’tthinkaboutit，“shesaid——“onlytrytogotosleep。

Thedoctorwon’tbeheretilleleven。”

Hehadadislocatedshoulder，andtheseconddayacutebronchitis，setin。Hismotherwaspaleasdeathnow，andverythin。Shewould，sitandlookathim，thenawayintospace。Therewassomething，betweenthemthatneitherdaredmention。Claracametoseehim。

Afterwardshesaidtohismother：

“Shemakesmetired，mother。”

“Yes;Iwishshewouldn’tcome，“Mrs。Morelreplied。

AnotherdayMiriamcame，butsheseemedalmostlikeastranger，tohim。

“Youknow，Idon’tcareaboutthem，mother，“hesaid。

“I’mafraidyoudon’t，myson，“sherepliedsadly。

Itwasgivenouteverywherethatitwasabicycleaccident。

Soonhewasabletogotoworkagain，butnowtherewasaconstant，sicknessandgnawingathisheart。HewenttoClara，butthereseemed，asitwere，nobodythere。Hecouldnotwork。Heandhismother，seemedalmosttoavoideachother。Therewassomesecretbetween，themwhichtheycouldnotbear。Hewasnotawareofit。Heonly，knewthathislifeseemedunbalanced，asifitweregoingtosmash，intopieces。

Claradidnotknowwhatwasthematterwithhim。

Sherealisedthatheseemedunawareofher。Evenwhenhecame，toherheseemedunawareofher;alwayshewassomewhereelse。

Shefeltshewasclutchingforhim，andhewassomewhereelse。

Ittorturedher，andsoshetorturedhim。Foramonthatatime，shekepthimatarm’slength。Healmosthatedher，andwasdriven，toherinspiteofhimself。Hewentmostlyintothecompanyofmen，wasalwaysattheGeorgeortheWhiteHorse。Hismotherwasill，distant，quiet，shadowy。Hewasterrifiedofsomething;hedared，notlookather。Hereyesseemedtogrowdarker，herfacemorewaxen;

stillshedraggedaboutatherwork。

AtWhitsuntidehesaidhewouldgotoBlackpoolforfour，dayswithhisfriendNewton。Thelatterwasabig，jollyfellow，withatouchofthebounderabouthim。Paulsaidhismothermustgo，toSheffieldtostayaweekwithAnnie，wholivedthere。Perhapsthe，changewoulddohergood。Mrs。Morelwasattendingawoman’sdoctor，inNottingham。Hesaidherheartandherdigestionwerewrong。

SheconsentedtogotoSheffield，thoughshedidnotwantto;

butnowshewoulddoeverythinghersonwishedofher。Paulsaid，hewouldcomeforheronthefifthday，andstayalsoinSheffield，tilltheholidaywasup。Itwasagreed。

ThetwoyoungmensetoffgailyforBlackpool。Mrs。Morelwas，quitelivelyasPaulkissedherandlefther。Onceatthestation，heforgoteverything。Fourdayswereclear——notananxiety，notathought。Thetwoyoungmensimplyenjoyedthemselves。

Paulwaslikeanotherman。Noneofhimselfremained——noClara，noMiriam，nomotherthatfrettedhim。Hewrotetothemall，andlongletterstohismother;buttheywerejollylettersthat，madeherlaugh。Hewashavingagoodtime，asyoungfellowswill，inaplacelikeBlackpool。Andunderneathitallwasashadow，forher。

Paulwasverygay，excitedatthethoughtofstayingwithhis，motherinSheffield。Newtonwastospendthedaywiththem。

Theirtrainwaslate。Joking，laughing，withtheirpipesbetween，theirteeth，theyoungmenswungtheirbagsontothetram-car。Paul，hadboughthismotheralittlecollarofreallacethathewanted，toseeherwear，sothathecouldteaseheraboutit。

Annielivedinanicehouse，andhadalittlemaid。Paulran，gailyupthesteps。Heexpectedhismotherlaughinginthehall，butitwasAnniewhoopenedtohim。Sheseemeddistanttohim。

Hestoodasecondindismay。Annielethimkisshercheek。

“Ismymotherill？”hesaid。

“Yes;she’snotverywell。Don’tupsether。”

“Issheinbed？”

“Yes。”

Andthenthequeerfeelingwentoverhim，asifallthesunshine，hadgoneoutofhim，anditwasallshadow。Hedroppedthebag，andranupstairs。Hesitating，heopenedthedoor。Hismother，satupinbed，wearingadressing-gownofold-rosecolour。

Shelookedathimalmostasifshewereashamedofherself，pleadingtohim，humble。Hesawtheashylookabouther。

“Mother！”hesaid。

“Ithoughtyouwerenevercoming，“sheansweredgaily。

Butheonlyfellonhiskneesatthebedside，andburied，hisfaceinthebedclothes，cryinginagony，andsaying：

“Mother——mother——mother！”