第16章
Shestrokedhishairslowlywithherthinhand。
“Don’tcry，“shesaid。”Don’tcry——it’snothing。”
Buthefeltasifhisbloodwasmeltingintotears，andhe，criedinterrorandpain。
“Don’t——don’tcry，“hismotherfaltered。
Slowlyshestrokedhishair。Shockedoutofhimself，hecried，andthetearshurtineveryfibreofhisbody。Suddenlyhestopped，buthedarednotlifthisfaceoutofthebedclothes。
“YouARElate。Wherehaveyoubeen？”hismotherasked。
“Thetrainwaslate，“hereplied，muffledinthesheet。
“Yes;thatmiserableCentral！，IsNewtoncome？”
“Yes。”
“I’msureyoumustbehungry，andthey’vekeptdinnerwaiting。”
Withawrenchhelookedupather。
“Whatisit，mother？”heaskedbrutally。
Sheavertedhereyesassheanswered：
“Onlyabitofatumour，myboy。Youneedn’ttrouble。
It’sbeenthere——thelumphas——alongtime。”
Upcamethetearsagain。Hismindwasclearandhard，buthisbodywascrying。
“Where？”hesaid。
Sheputherhandonherside。
“Here。Butyouknowtheycanswealatumouraway。”
Hestoodfeelingdazedandhelpless，likeachild。Hethought，perhapsitwasasshesaid。Yes;hereassuredhimselfitwasso。
Butallthewhilehisbloodandhisbodyknewdefinitelywhatitwas。
Hesatdownonthebed，andtookherhand。Shehadneverhadbutthe，onering——herwedding-ring。
“Whenwereyoupoorly？”heasked。
“Itwasyesterdayitbegan，“sheansweredsubmissively。
“Pains？”
“Yes;butnotmorethanI’veoftenhadathome。Ibelieve，Dr。Ansellisanalarmist。”
“Yououghtnottohavetravelledalone，“hesaid，tohimself，morethantoher。
“Asifthathadanythingtodowithit！”sheansweredquickly。
Theyweresilentforawhile。
“Nowgoandhaveyourdinner，“shesaid。”YouMUSTbehungry。”
“Haveyouhadyours？”
“Yes;abeautifulsoleIhad。AnnieISgoodtome。”
Theytalkedalittlewhile，thenhewentdownstairs。
Hewasverywhiteandstrained。Newtonsatinmiserablesympathy。
AfterdinnerhewentintothescullerytohelpAnnietowashup。
Thelittlemaidhadgoneonanerrand。
“Isitreallyatumour？”heasked。
Anniebegantocryagain。
“Thepainshehadyesterday——Ineversawanybodysufferlikeit！”
shecried。”LeonardranlikeamadmanforDr。Ansell，andwhenshe’d，gottobedshesaidtome：，’Annie，lookatthislumponmyside。
Iwonderwhatitis？’，AndthereIlooked，andIthoughtIshould，havedropped。Paul，astrueasI’mhere，it’salumpasbigasmy，doublefist。Isaid：，’Goodgracious，mother，wheneverdidthatcome？’
’Why，child，’shesaid，’it’sbeentherealongtime。’，IthoughtI
shouldhavedied，ourPaul，Idid。She’sbeenhavingthesepains，formonthsathome，andnobodylookingafterher。”
Thetearscametohiseyes，thendriedsuddenly。
“Butshe’sbeenattendingthedoctorinNottingham——andshe，nevertoldme，“hesaid。
“IfI’dhavebeenathome，“saidAnnie，“Ishouldhaveseen，formyself。”
Hefeltlikeamanwalkinginunrealities。Intheafternoon，hewenttoseethedoctor。Thelatterwasashrewd，lovableman。
“Butwhatisit？”hesaid。
Thedoctorlookedattheyoungman，thenknittedhisfingers。
“Itmaybealargetumourwhichhasformedinthemembrane，“
hesaidslowly，“andwhichweMAYbeabletomakegoaway。”
“Can’tyouoperate？”askedPaul。
“Notthere，“repliedthedoctor。
“Areyousure？”
“QUITE！”
Paulmeditatedawhile。
“Areyousureit’satumour？”heasked。”WhydidDr。Jameson，inNottinghamneverfindoutanythingaboutit？，She’sbeengoing，tohimforweeks，andhe’streatedherforheartandindigestion。”
“Mrs。MorelnevertoldDr。Jamesonaboutthelump，“saidthedoctor。
“AnddoyouKNOWit’satumour？”
“No，Iamnotsure。”
“WhatelseMIGHTitbe？，Youaskedmysisteriftherewas，cancerinthefamily。Mightitbecancer？”
“Idon’tknow。”
“Andwhatshallyoudo？”
“Ishouldlikeanexamination，withDr。Jameson。”
“Thenhaveone。”
“Youmustarrangeaboutthat。Hisfeewouldn’tbelessthan，tenguineastocomeherefromNottingham。”
“Whenwouldyoulikehimtocome？”
“Iwillcallinthisevening，andwewilltalkitover。”
Paulwentaway，bitinghislip。
Hismothercouldcomedownstairsfortea，thedoctorsaid。
Hersonwentupstairstohelpher。Sheworetheold-rosedressing-gown，thatLeonardhadgivenAnnie，and，withalittlecolourinherface，wasquiteyoungagain。
“Butyoulookquiteprettyinthat，“hesaid。
“Yes;theymakemesofine，Ihardlyknowmyself，“sheanswered。
Butwhenshestooduptowalk，thecolourwent。Paulhelpedher，half-carryingher。Atthetopofthestairsshewasgone。Helifted，herupandcarriedherquicklydownstairs;laidheronthecouch。
Shewaslightandfrail。Herfacelookedasifsheweredead，withbluelipsshuttight。Hereyesopened——herblue，unfailingeyes——
andshelookedathimpleadingly，almostwantinghimtoforgiveher。
Heheldbrandytoherlips，buthermouthwouldnotopen。
Allthetimeshewatchedhimlovingly。Shewasonlysorryforhim。
Thetearsrandownhisfacewithoutceasing，butnotamusclemoved。
Hewasintentongettingalittlebrandybetweenherlips。
Soonshewasabletoswallowateaspoonful。Shelayback，sotired。
Thetearscontinuedtorundownhisface。
“But，“shepanted，“it’llgooff。Don’tcry！”
“I’mnotdoing，“hesaid。
Afterawhileshewasbetteragain。Hewaskneelingbeside，thecouch。Theylookedintoeachother’seyes。
“Idon’twantyoutomakeatroubleofit，“shesaid。
“No，mother。You’llhavetobequitestill，andthenyou’ll，getbettersoon。”
Buthewaswhitetothelips，andtheireyesastheylooked，ateachotherunderstood。Hereyesweresoblue——suchawonderful，forget-me-notblue！，Hefeltifonlytheyhadbeenofadifferent，colourhecouldhaveborneitbetter。Hisheartseemedtobe，rippingslowlyinhisbreast。Hekneeledthere，holdingherhand，andneithersaidanything。ThenAnniecamein。
“Areyouallright？”shemurmuredtimidlytohermother。
“Ofcourse，“saidMrs。Morel。
PaulsatdownandtoldheraboutBlackpool。Shewascurious。
Adayortwoafter，hewenttoseeDr。JamesoninNottingham，toarrangeforaconsultation。Paulhadpracticallynomoneyin，theworld。Buthecouldborrow。
Hismotherhadbeenusedtogotothepublicconsultationon，Saturdaymorning，whenshecouldseethedoctorforonlyanominalsum。
Hersonwentonthesameday。Thewaiting-roomwasfullofpoorwomen，whosatpatientlyonabencharoundthewall。Paulthoughtof，hismother，inherlittleblackcostume，sittingwaitinglikewise。
Thedoctorwaslate。Thewomenalllookedratherfrightened。
Paulaskedthenurseinattendanceifhecouldseethedoctor，immediatelyhecame。Itwasarrangedso。Thewomensitting，patientlyroundthewallsoftheroomeyedtheyoungmancuriously。
Atlastthedoctorcame。Hewasaboutforty，good-looking，brown-skinned。Hiswifehaddied，andhe，whohadlovedher，hadspecialisedonwomen’sailments。
Paultoldhisnameandhismother’s。Thedoctordidnotremember。
“Numberforty-sixM。”saidthenurse;andthedoctorlooked，upthecaseinhisbook。
“Thereisabiglumpthatmaybeatumour，“saidPaul。
“ButDr。Ansellwasgoingtowriteyoualetter。”
“Ah，yes！”repliedthedoctor，drawingtheletterfrom，hispocket。Hewasveryfriendly，affable，busy，kind。Hewould，cometoSheffieldthenextday。
“Whatisyourfather？”heasked。
“Heisacoal-miner，“repliedPaul。
“Notverywelloff，Isuppose？”
“This——Iseeafterthis，“saidPaul。
“Andyou？”smiledthedoctor。
“IamaclerkinJordan’sApplianceFactory。”
Thedoctorsmiledathim。
“Er——togotoSheffield！”hesaid，puttingthetipsofhis，fingerstogether，andsmilingwithhiseyes。”Eightguineas？”
“Thankyou！”saidPaul，flushingandrising。”Andyou’ll，cometo-morrow？”
“To-morrow——Sunday？，Yes！，Canyoutellmeaboutwhattimethere，isatrainintheafternoon？”
“ThereisaCentralgetsinatfour-fifteen。”
“Andwilltherebeanywayofgettinguptothehouse？
ShallIhavetowalk？”Thedoctorsmiled。
“Thereisthetram，“saidPaul;“theWesternParktram。”
Thedoctormadeanoteofit。
“Thankyou！”hesaid，andshookhands。
ThenPaulwentonhometoseehisfather，whowasleftin，thechargeofMinnie。WalterMorelwasgettingverygreynow。
Paulfoundhimdigginginthegarden。Hehadwrittenhimaletter。
Heshookhandswithhisfather。
“Hello，son！，Thahaslanded，then？”saidthefather。
“Yes，“repliedtheson。”ButI’mgoingbackto-night。”
“Areter，beguy！”exclaimedthecollier。”An’hastereatenowt？”
“No。”
“That’sjustlikethee，“saidMorel。”Comethywaysin。”
Thefatherwasafraidofthementionofhiswife。Thetwo，wentindoors。Paulateinsilence;hisfather，withearthyhands，andsleevesrolledup，satinthearm-chairoppositeandlooked，athim。
“Well，an’howisshe？”askedthemineratlength，inalittlevoice。
“Shecansitup;shecanbecarrieddownfortea，“saidPaul。
“That’sablessin’！”exclaimedMorel。”Ihopewes’llsoon，behavin’herwhoam，then。An’what’sthatNottinghamdoctorsay？”
“He’sgoingto-morrowtohaveanexaminationofher。”
“Ishebeguy！，That’satidypenny，I’mthinkin’！”
“Eightguineas。”
“Eightguineas！”theminerspokebreathlessly。”Well，wemun，finditfromsomewhere。”
“Icanpaythat，“saidPaul。
Therewassilencebetweenthemforsometime。
“Shesaysshehopesyou’regettingonallrightwithMinnie，“
Paulsaid。
“Yes，I’mallright，an’Iwishasshewas，“answeredMorel。
“ButMinnie’sagoodlittlewench，bless’erheart！”Hesat，lookingdismal。
“Is’llhavetobegoingathalf-pastthree，“saidPaul。
“It’satrapseforthee，lad！，Eightguineas！，An’whendost，thinkshe’llbeabletogetasfarasthis？”
“Wemustseewhatthedoctorssayto-morrow，“Paulsaid。
Morelsigheddeeply。Thehouseseemedstrangelyempty，andPaulthoughthisfatherlookedlost，forlorn，andold。
“You’llhavetogoandseehernextweek，father，“hesaid。
“Ihopeshe’llbea-whoambythattime，“saidMorel。
“Ifshe’snot，“saidPaul，“thenyoumustcome。”
“IdunnowheerIs’llfindth’money，“saidMorel。
“AndI’llwritetoyouwhatthedoctorsays，“saidPaul。
“Butthawritesi’suchafashion，Icannama’eitout，“
saidMorel。
“Well，I’llwriteplain。”
ItwasnogoodaskingMoreltoanswer，forhecouldscarcely，domorethanwritehisownname。
Thedoctorcame。Leonardfeltithisdutytomeethimwithacab。
Theexaminationdidnottakelong。Annie，Arthur，Paul，andLeonard，werewaitingintheparlouranxiously。Thedoctorscamedown。
Paulglancedatthem。Hehadneverhadanyhope，exceptwhenhehad，deceivedhimself。
“ItMAYbeatumour;wemustwaitandsee，“saidDr。Jameson。
“Andifitis，“saidAnnie，“canyouswealitaway？”
“Probably，“saidthedoctor。
Paulputeightsovereignsandhalfasovereignonthetable。
Thedoctorcountedthem，tookaflorinoutofhispurse，andput，thatdown。
“Thankyou！”hesaid。”I’msorryMrs。Morelissoill。
Butwemustseewhatwecando。”
“Therecan’tbeanoperation？”saidPaul。
Thedoctorshookhishead。
“No，“hesaid;“andeveniftherecould，herheartwouldn’t，standit。”
“Isherheartrisky？”askedPaul。
“Yes;youmustbecarefulwithher。”
“Veryrisky？”
“No——er——no，no！，Justtakecare。”
Andthedoctorwasgone。
ThenPaulcarriedhismotherdownstairs。Shelaysimply，likeachild。Butwhenhewasonthestairs，sheputherarmsround，hisneck，clinging。
“I’msofrightenedofthesebeastlystairs，“shesaid。
Andhewasfrightened，too。HewouldletLeonarddoit，anothertime。Hefelthecouldnotcarryher。
“Hethinksit’sonlyatumour！”criedAnnietohermother。
“Andhecanswealitaway。”
“IKNEWhecould，“protestedMrs。Morelscornfully。
ShepretendednottonoticethatPaulhadgoneoutoftheroom。
Hesatinthekitchen，smoking。Thenhetriedtobrushsomegreyash，offhiscoat。Helookedagain。Itwasoneofhismother’sgreyhairs。
Itwassolong！，Hehelditup，anditdriftedintothechimney。
Heletgo。Thelonggreyhairfloatedandwasgoneintheblackness，ofthechimney。
Thenextdayhekissedherbeforegoingbacktowork。
Itwasveryearlyinthemorning，andtheywerealone。
“Youwon’tfret，myboy！”shesaid。
“No，mother。”
“No;itwouldbesilly。Andtakecareofyourself。”
“Yes，“heanswered。Then，afterawhile：，“AndIshallcome，nextSaturday，andshallbringmyfather？”
“Isupposehewantstocome，“shereplied。”Atanyrate，ifhedoesyou’llhavetolethim。”
Hekissedheragain，andstrokedthehairfromhertemples，gently，tenderly，asifshewerealover。
“Shan’tyoubelate？”shemurmured。
“I’mgoing，“hesaid，verylow。
Stillhesatafewminutes，strokingthebrownandgreyhair，fromhertemples。
“Andyouwon’tbeanyworse，mother？”
“No，myson。”
“Youpromiseme？”
“Yes;Iwon’tbeanyworse。”
Hekissedher，heldherinhisarmsforamoment，andwasgone。
Intheearlysunnymorningherantothestation，cryingalltheway;
hedidnotknowwhatfor。Andherblueeyeswerewideandstaring，asshethoughtofhim。
IntheafternoonhewentawalkwithClara。Theysat，inthelittlewoodwherebluebellswerestanding。Hetookherhand。
“You’llsee，“hesaidtoClara，“she’llneverbebetter。”
“Oh，youdon’tknow！”repliedtheother。
“Ido，“hesaid。
Shecaughthimimpulsivelytoherbreast。
“Tryandforgetit，dear，“shesaid;“tryandforgetit。”
“Iwill，“heanswered。
Herbreastwasthere，warmforhim;herhandswereinhishair。
Itwascomforting，andheheldhisarmsroundher。Buthedid，notforget。HeonlytalkedtoClaraofsomethingelse。Andit，wasalwaysso。Whenshefeltitcoming，theagony，shecried，tohim：
“Don’tthinkofit，Paul！，Don’tthinkofit，mydarling！”
Andshepressedhimtoherbreast，rockedhim，soothedhim，likeachild。Soheputthetroubleasideforhersake，totakeit，upagainimmediatelyhewasalone。Allthetime，ashewentabout，hecriedmechanically。Hismindandhandswerebusy。Hecried，hedidnotknowwhy。Itwashisbloodweeping。Hewasjustasmuch，alonewhetherhewaswithClaraorwiththemenintheWhiteHorse。
Justhimselfandthispressureinsidehim，thatwasallthatexisted。
Hereadsometimes。Hehadtokeephismindoccupied。AndClarawasa，wayofoccupyinghismind。
OntheSaturdayWalterMorelwenttoSheffield。Hewas，aforlornfigure，lookingratherasifnobodyownedhim。
Paulranupstairs。
“Myfather’scome，“hesaid，kissinghismother。
“Hashe？”sheansweredwearily。
Theoldcolliercameratherfrightenedintothebedroom。
“HowdunIfindthee，lass？”hesaid，goingforwardandkissing，herinahasty，timidfashion。
“Well，I’mmiddlin’，“shereplied。
“Iseethaart，“hesaid。Hestoodlookingdownonher。
Thenhewipedhiseyeswithhishandkerchief。Helpless，andasif，nobodyownedhim，helooked。
“Haveyougoneonallright？”askedthewife，ratherwearily，asifitwereanefforttotalktohim。
“Yis，“heanswered。”’Er’sabitbehint-handnowandagain，as，yermightexpect。”
“Doesshehaveyourdinnerready？”askedMrs。Morel。
“Well，I’ve’adtoshoutat’eronceortwice，“hesaid。
“AndyouMUSTshoutatherifshe’snotready。SheWILLleave，thingstothelastminute。”
Shegavehimafewinstructions。Hesatlookingatheras，ifshewerealmostastrangertohim，beforewhomhewasawkward，andhumble，andalsoasifhehadlosthispresenceofmind，andwantedtorun。Thisfeelingthathewantedtorunaway，thathewasonthornstobegonefromsotryingasituation，andyet，mustlingerbecauseitlookedbetter，madehispresencesotrying。
Heputuphiseyebrowsformisery，andclenchedhisfistsonhisknees，feelingsoawkwardinpresenceofbigtrouble。
Mrs。Moreldidnotchangemuch。ShestayedinSheffield，fortwomonths。Ifanything，attheendshewasratherworse。
Butshewantedtogohome。Anniehadherchildren。Mrs。Morel，wantedtogohome。Sotheygotamotor-carfromNottingham——forshe，wastooilltogobytrain——andshewasdriventhroughthesunshine。
ItwasjustAugust;everythingwasbrightandwarm。Undertheblue，skytheycouldallseeshewasdying。Yetshewasjollierthanshe，hadbeenforweeks。Theyalllaughedandtalked。
“Annie，“sheexclaimed，“Isawalizarddartonthatrock！”
Hereyesweresoquick;shewasstillsofulloflife。
Morelknewshewascoming。Hehadthefrontdooropen。
Everybodywasontiptoe。Halfthestreetturnedout。Theyheard，thesoundofthegreatmotor-car。Mrs。Morel，smiling，drovehome，downthestreet。
“Andjustlookatthemallcomeouttoseeme！”shesaid。
“Butthere，IsupposeIshouldhavedonethesame。Howdoyoudo，Mrs。Mathews？，Howareyou，Mrs。Harrison？”
Theynoneofthemcouldhear，buttheysawhersmileandnod。
Andtheyallsawdeathonherface，theysaid。Itwasagreatevent，inthestreet。
Morelwantedtocarryherindoors，buthewastooold。
Arthurtookherasifshewereachild。Theyhadsetherabig，deepchairbythehearthwhereherrocking-chairusedtostand。
Whenshewasunwrappedandseated，andhaddrunkalittlebrandy，shelookedroundtheroom。
“Don’tthinkIdon’tlikeyourhouse，Annie，“shesaid;
“butit’snicetobeinmyownhomeagain。”
AndMorelansweredhuskily：
“Itis，lass，itis。”
AndMinnie，thelittlequaintmaid，said：
“An’wegladt’’aveyer。”
Therewasalovelyyellowravelofsunflowersinthegarden。
Shelookedoutofthewindow。
“Therearemysunflowers！”shesaid。
CHAPTERXIV
THERELEASE
“Bytheway，“saidDr。AnselloneeveningwhenMorelwas，inSheffield，“we’vegotamaninthefeverhospitalherewhocomes，fromNottingham——Dawes。Hedoesn’tseemtohavemanybelongings，inthisworld。”
“BaxterDawes！”Paulexclaimed。
“That’stheman——hasbeenafinefellow，physically，Ishouldthink。
Beeninabitofamesslately。Youknowhim？”
“HeusedtoworkattheplacewhereIam。”
“Didhe？，Doyouknowanythingabouthim？，He’sjustsulking，orhe’dbealotbetterthanheisbynow。”
“Idon’tknowanythingofhishomecircumstances，exceptthat，he’sseparatedfromhiswifeandhasbeenabitdown，Ibelieve。
Buttellhimaboutme，willyou？，TellhimI’llcomeandseehim。”
ThenexttimeMorelsawthedoctorhesaid：
“AndwhataboutDawes？”
“Isaidtohim，“answeredtheother，“’Doyouknowamanfrom，NottinghamnamedMorel？’andhelookedatmeasifhe’djumpat，mythroat。SoIsaid：，’Iseeyouknowthename;it’sPaulMorel。’
ThenItoldhimaboutyoursayingyouwouldgoandseehim。
’Whatdoeshewant？’hesaid，asifyouwereapoliceman。”
“Anddidhesayhewouldseeme？”askedPaul。
“Hewouldn’tsayanything——good，badorindifferent，“
repliedthedoctor。
“Whynot？”
“That’swhatIwanttoknow。Thereheliesandsulks，dayin，dayout。Can’tgetawordofinformationoutofhim。”
“DoyouthinkImightgo？”askedPaul。
“Youmight。”
Therewasafeelingofconnectionbetweentherivalmen，morethaneversincetheyhadfought。InawayMorelfeltguilty，towardstheother，andmoreorlessresponsible。Andbeinginsuch，astateofsoulhimself，hefeltanalmostpainfulnearnesstoDawes，whowassufferinganddespairing，too。Besides，theyhadmet，inanakedextremityofhate，anditwasabond。Atanyrate，theelementalmanineachhadmet。
Hewentdowntotheisolationhospital，withDr。Ansell’scard。
Thissister，ahealthyyoungIrishwoman，ledhimdowntheward。
“Avisitortoseeyou，JimCrow，“shesaid。
Dawesturnedoversuddenlywithastartledgrunt。
“Eh？”
“Caw！”shemocked。”Hecanonlysay’Caw！’，Ihavebroughtyou，agentlemantoseeyou。Nowsay’Thankyou，’andshowsomemanners。”
Daweslookedswiftlywithhisdark，startledeyesbeyondthesister，atPaul。Hislookwasfulloffear，mistrust，hate，andmisery。
Morelmettheswift，darkeyes，andhesitated。Thetwomenwere，afraidofthenakedselvestheyhadbeen。
“Dr。Anselltoldmeyouwerehere，“saidMorel，holdingout，hishand。
Dawesmechanicallyshookhands。
“SoIthoughtI’dcomein，“continuedPaul。
Therewasnoanswer。Daweslaystaringattheoppositewall。
“Say’Caw！”’mockedthenurse。”Say’Caw！’，JimCrow。”
“Heisgettingonallright？”saidPaultoher。
“Ohyes！，Heliesandimagineshe’sgoingtodie，“saidthenurse，“anditfrightenseverywordoutofhismouth。”
“AndyouMUSThavesomebodytotalkto，“laughedMorel。
“That’sit！”laughedthenurse。”Onlytwooldmenandaboy，whoalwayscries。Itishardlines！，HereamIdyingtohearJim，Crow’svoice，andnothingbutanodd’Caw！’willhegive！”
“Soroughonyou！”saidMorel。
“Isn’tit？”saidthenurse。
“IsupposeIamagodsend，“helaughed。
“Oh，droppedstraightfromheaven！”laughedthenurse。
Presentlysheleftthetwomenalone。Daweswasthinner，andhandsomeagain，butlifeseemedlowinhim。Asthedoctorsaid，hewaslyingsulking，andwouldnotmoveforwardtowardsconvalescence。
Heseemedtogrudgeeverybeatofhisheart。
“Haveyouhadabadtime？”askedPaul。
SuddenlyagainDaweslookedathim。
“WhatareyoudoinginSheffield？”heasked。
“Mymotherwastakenillatmysister’sinThurstonStreet。
Whatareyoudoinghere？”
Therewasnoanswer。
“Howlonghaveyoubeenin？”Morelasked。
“Icouldn’tsayforsure，“Dawesansweredgrudgingly。
Helaystaringacrossatthewallopposite，asiftryingto，believeMorelwasnotthere。Paulfelthisheartgohardandangry。
“Dr。Anselltoldmeyouwerehere，“hesaidcoldly。
Theothermandidnotanswer。
“Typhoid’sprettybad，Iknow，“Morelpersisted。
SuddenlyDawessaid：
“Whatdidyoucomefor？”
“BecauseDr。Ansellsaidyoudidn’tknowanybodyhere。
Doyou？”
“Iknownobodynowhere，“saidDawes。
“Well，“saidPaul，“it’sbecauseyoudon’tchooseto，then。”
Therewasanothersilence。
“Wes’llbetakingmymotherhomeassoonaswecan，“
saidPaul。
“What’sa-matterwithher？”askedDawes，withasickman’s，interestinillness。
“She’sgotacancer。”
Therewasanothersilence。
“Butwewanttogetherhome，“saidPaul。”Wes’llhavetoget，amotor-car。”
Daweslaythinking。
“Whydon’tyouaskThomasJordantolendyouhis？”saidDawes。
“It’snotbigenough，“Morelanswered。
Dawesblinkedhisdarkeyesashelaythinking。
“ThenaskJackPilkington;he’dlendityou。Youknowhim。”
“IthinkIs’llhireone，“saidPaul。
“You’reafoolifyoudo，“saidDawes。
Thesickmanwasgauntandhandsomeagain。Paulwassorry，forhimbecausehiseyeslookedsotired。
“Didyougetajobhere？”heasked。
“IwasonlyhereadayortwobeforeIwastakenbad，“
Dawesreplied。
“Youwanttogetinaconvalescenthome，“saidPaul。
Theother’sfacecloudedagain。
“I’mgoin’innoconvalescenthome，“hesaid。
“Myfather’sbeenintheoneatSeathorpe，an’helikedit。
Dr。Ansellwouldgetyouarecommend。”
Daweslaythinking。Itwasevidenthedarednotface，theworldagain。
“Theseasidewouldbeallrightjustnow，“Morelsaid。
“Sunonthosesandhills，andthewavesnotfarout。”
Theotherdidnotanswer。
“ByGad！”Paulconcluded，toomiserabletobothermuch;
“it’sallrightwhenyouknowyou’regoingtowalkagain，andswim！”
Dawesglancedathimquickly。Theman’sdarkeyeswere，afraidtomeetanyothereyesintheworld。Buttherealmisery，andhelplessnessinPaul’stonegavehimafeelingofrelief。
“Isshefargone？”heasked。
“She’sgoinglikewax，“Paulanswered;“butcheerful——lively！”
Hebithislip。Afteraminuteherose。
“Well，I’llbegoing，“hesaid。”I’llleaveyouthishalf-crown。”
“Idon’twantit，“Dawesmuttered。
Moreldidnotanswer，butleftthecoinonthetable。
“Well，“hesaid，“I’lltryandruninwhenI’mbackinSheffield。
Happenyoumightliketoseemybrother-in-law？，HeworksinPyecrofts。”
“Idon’tknowhim，“saidDawes。
“He’sallright。ShouldItellhimtocome？，Hemightbring，yousomepaperstolookat。”
Theothermandidnotanswer。Paulwent。Thestrongemotion，thatDawesarousedinhim，repressed，madehimshiver。
Hedidnottellhismother，butnextdayhespoketoClara，aboutthisinterview。Itwasinthedinner-hour。Thetwodid，notoftengoouttogethernow，butthisdayheaskedhertogo，withhimtotheCastlegrounds。Theretheysatwhilethescarlet，geraniumsandtheyellowcalceolariasblazedinthesunlight。
Shewasnowalwaysratherprotective，andratherresentfultowardshim。
“DidyouknowBaxterwasinSheffieldHospitalwithtyphoid？”
heasked。
Shelookedathimwithstartledgreyeyes，andherfacewentpale。
“No，“shesaid，frightened。
“He’sgettingbetter。Iwenttoseehimyesterday——thedoctor，toldme。”
Claraseemedstrickenbythenews。
“Isheverybad？”sheaskedguiltily。
“Hehasbeen。He’smendingnow。”
“Whatdidhesaytoyou？”
“Oh，nothing！，Heseemstobesulking。”
Therewasadistancebetweenthetwoofthem。Hegaveher，moreinformation。
Shewentaboutshutupandsilent。Thenexttimetheytook，awalktogether，shedisengagedherselffromhisarm，andwalked，atadistancefromhim。Hewaswantinghercomfortbadly。
“Won’tyoubenicewithme？”heasked。
Shedidnotanswer。
“What’sthematter？”hesaid，puttinghisarmacrosshershoulder。
“Don’t！”shesaid，disengagingherself。
Heleftheralone，andreturnedtohisownbrooding。
“IsitBaxterthatupsetsyou？”heaskedatlength。
“IHAVEbeenVILEtohim！”shesaid。
“I’vesaidmanyatimeyouhaven’ttreatedhimwell，“
hereplied。
Andtherewasahostilitybetweenthem。Eachpursuedhisown，trainofthought。
“I’vetreatedhim——no，I’vetreatedhimbadly，“shesaid。
“AndnowyoutreatMEbadly。Itservesmeright。”
“HowdoItreatyoubadly？”hesaid。
“Itservesmeright，“sherepeated。”Ineverconsideredhim，worthhaving，andnowyoudon’tconsiderME。Butitservesme，right。Helovedmeathousandtimesbetterthanyoueverdid。”
“Hedidn’t！”protestedPaul。
“Hedid！，Atanyrate，hedidrespectme，andthat’swhatyou，don’tdo。”
“Itlookedasifherespectedyou！”hesaid。
“Hedid！，AndIMADEhimhorrid——IknowIdid！，You’vetaught，methat。Andhelovedmeathousandtimesbetterthaneveryoudo。”
“Allright，“saidPaul。
Heonlywantedtobeleftalonenow。Hehadhisowntrouble，whichwasalmosttoomuchtobear。Claraonlytormentedhimandmade，himtired。Hewasnotsorrywhenhelefther。
ShewentonthefirstopportunitytoSheffieldtosee，herhusband。Themeetingwasnotasuccess。Butshelefthim，rosesandfruitandmoney。Shewantedtomakerestitution。
Itwasnotthatshelovedhim。Asshelookedathimlyingthere，herheartdidnotwarmwithlove。Onlyshewantedtohumble，herselftohim，tokneelbeforehim。Shewantednowtobe，self-sacrificial。Afterall，shehadfailedtomakeMorelreally，loveher。Shewasmorallyfrightened。Shewantedtodopenance。
SoshekneeledtoDawes，anditgavehimasubtlepleasure。
Butthedistancebetweenthemwasstillverygreat——toogreat。
Itfrightenedtheman。Italmostpleasedthewoman。Sheliked，tofeelshewasservinghimacrossaninsuperabledistance。
Shewasproudnow。
MorelwenttoseeDawesonceortwice。Therewasasortof，friendshipbetweenthetwomen，whowereallthewhiledeadlyrivals。
Buttheynevermentionedthewomanwhowasbetweenthem。
Mrs。Morelgotgraduallyworse。Atfirsttheyusedtocarry，herdownstairs，sometimesevenintothegarden。Shesatpropped，inherchair，smiling，andsopretty。Thegoldwedding-ringshone，onherwhitehand;herhairwascarefullybrushed。Andshewatched，thetangledsunflowersdying，thechrysanthemumscomingout，andthedahlias。
Paulandshewereafraidofeachother。Heknew，andsheknew，thatshewasdying。Buttheykeptupapretenceofcheerfulness。
Everymorning，whenhegotup，hewentintoherroominhispyjamas。
“Didyousleep，mydear？”heasked。
“Yes，“sheanswered。
“Notverywell？”
“Well，yes！“
Thenheknewshehadlainawake。Hesawherhandunder，thebedclothes，pressingtheplaceonhersidewherethepainwas。
“Hasitbeenbad？”heasked。
“No。Ithurtabit，butnothingtomention。”
Andshesniffedinheroldscornfulway。Asshelayshe，lookedlikeagirl。Andallthewhileherblueeyeswatchedhim。
Buttherewerethedarkpain-circlesbeneaththatmadehimacheagain。
“It’sasunnyday，“hesaid。
“It’sabeautifulday。”
“Doyouthinkyou’llbecarrieddown？”
“Ishallsee。”
Thenhewentawaytogetherbreakfast。Alldaylonghe，wasconsciousofnothingbuther。Itwasalongachethatmade，himfeverish。Then，whenhegothomeintheearlyevening，heglanced，throughthekitchenwindow。Shewasnotthere;shehadnotgotup。
Heranstraightupstairsandkissedher。Hewasalmostafraid，toask：
“Didn’tyougetup，pigeon？”
“No，“shesaid。”itwasthatmorphia;itmademetired。”
“Ithinkhegivesyoutoomuch，“hesaid。
“Ithinkhedoes，“sheanswered。
Hesatdownbythebed，miserably。Shehadawayofcurling，andlyingonherside，likeachild。Thegreyandbrownhair，waslooseoverherear。
“Doesn’tittickleyou？”hesaid，gentlyputtingitback。
“Itdoes，“shereplied。
Hisfacewasnearhers。Herblueeyessmiledstraightintohis，likeagirl’s——warm，laughingwithtenderlove。Itmadehimpant，withterror，agony，andlove。
“Youwantyourhairdoinginaplait，“hesaid。”Liestill。”
Andgoingbehindher，hecarefullyloosenedherhair，brusheditout。Itwaslikefinelongsilkofbrownandgrey。
Herheadwassnuggledbetweenhershoulders。Ashelightly，brushedandplaitedherhair，hebithislipandfeltdazed。
Itallseemedunreal，hecouldnotunderstandit。
Atnightheoftenworkedinherroom，lookingupfromtime，totime。Andsooftenhefoundherblueeyesfixedonhim。
Andwhentheireyesmet，shesmiled。Heworkedawayagainmechanically，producinggoodstuffwithoutknowingwhathewasdoing。
Sometimeshecamein，verypaleandstill，withwatchful，suddeneyes，likeamanwhoisdrunkalmosttodeath。Theywere，bothafraidoftheveilsthatwererippingbetweenthem。
Thenshepretendedtobebetter，chatteredtohimgaily，madeagreatfussoversomescrapsofnews。Fortheyhadbothcome，totheconditionwhentheyhadtomakemuchofthetrifles，lestthey，shouldgiveintothebigthing，andtheirhumanindependencewould，gosmash。Theywereafraid，sotheymadelightofthingsandweregay。
Sometimesasshelayheknewshewasthinkingofthepast。
Hermouthgraduallyshuthardinaline。Shewasholdingherselfrigid，sothatshemightdiewithouteverutteringthegreatcrythat，wastearingfromher。Heneverforgotthathard，utterlylonely，andstubbornclenchingofhermouth，whichpersistedforweeks。
Sometimes，whenitwaslighter，shetalkedaboutherhusband。
Nowshehatedhim。Shedidnotforgivehim。Shecouldnotbearhim，tobeintheroom。Andafewthings，thethingsthathadbeenmost，bittertoher，cameupagainsostronglythattheybrokefromher，andshetoldherson。
Hefeltasifhislifewerebeingdestroyed，piecebypiece，withinhim。Oftenthetearscamesuddenly。Herantothestation，thetear-dropsfallingonthepavement。Oftenhecouldnotgo，onwithhiswork。Thepenstoppedwriting。Hesatstaring，quiteunconscious。Andwhenhecameroundagainhefeltsick，andtrembledinhislimbs。Heneverquestionedwhatitwas。
Hisminddidnottrytoanalyseorunderstand。Hemerelysubmitted，andkepthiseyesshut;letthethinggooverhim。
Hismotherdidthesame。Shethoughtofthepain，ofthe，morphia，ofthenextday;hardlyeverofthedeath。Thatwascoming，sheknew。Shehadtosubmittoit。Butshewouldneverentreatit，ormakefriendswithit。Blind，withherfaceshuthardandblind，shewaspushedtowardsthedoor。Thedayspassed，theweeks，themonths。
Sometimes，inthesunnyafternoons，sheseemedalmosthappy。
“Itrytothinkofthenicetimes——whenwewenttoMablethorpe，andRobinHood’sBay，andShanklin，“shesaid。”Afterall，noteverybodyhasseenthosebeautifulplaces。Andwasn’titbeautiful！
Itrytothinkofthat，notoftheotherthings。”
Then，again，forawholeeveningshespokenotaword;
neitherdidhe。Theyweretogether，rigid，stubborn，silent。Hewent，intohisroomatlasttogotobed，andleanedagainstthedoorway，asifparalysed，unabletogoanyfarther。Hisconsciousnesswent。
Afuriousstorm，heknewnotwhat，seemedtoravageinsidehim。
Hestoodleaningthere，submitting，neverquestioning。
Inthemorningtheywerebothnormalagain，thoughherface，wasgreywiththemorphia，andherbodyfeltlikeash。Buttheywere，brightagain，nevertheless。Often，especiallyifAnnieorArthur，wereathome，heneglectedher。HedidnotseemuchofClara。
Usuallyhewaswithmen。Hewasquickandactiveandlively;
butwhenhisfriendssawhimgowhitetothegills，hiseyesdark，andglittering，theyhadacertainmistrustofhim。Sometimeshe，wenttoClara，butshewasalmostcoldtohim。
“Takeme！”hesaidsimply。
Occasionallyshewould。Butshewasafraid。Whenhehad，herthen，therewassomethinginitthatmadehershrinkawayfrom，him——somethingunnatural。Shegrewtodreadhim。Hewassoquiet，yetsostrange。Shewasafraidofthemanwhowasnottherewithher，whomshecouldfeelbehindthismake-belieflover;somebodysinister，thatfilledherwithhorror。Shebegantohaveakindofhorror，ofhim。Itwasalmostasifhewereacriminal。Hewantedher——he，hadher——anditmadeherfeelasifdeathitselfhadherinitsgrip。
Shelayinhorror。Therewasnomantherelovingher。Shealmost，hatedhim。Thencamelittleboutsoftenderness。Butshedarednot，pityhim。
DaweshadcometoColonelSeely’sHomenearNottingham。
TherePaulvisitedhimsometimes，Claraveryoccasionally。
Betweenthetwomenthefriendshipdevelopedpeculiarly。
Dawes，whomendedveryslowlyandseemedveryfeeble，seemedtoleavehimselfinthehandsofMorel。
InthebeginningofNovemberClararemindedPaulthatit，washerbirthday。
“I’dnearlyforgotten，“hesaid。
“I’dthoughtquite，“shereplied。
“No。Shallwegototheseasidefortheweek-end？”