第2章

ThankGod,hersufferingsareover,butIwilltellyoueverythinginorder,sothatyoumayknowjusthoweverythinghashappenedandallthatwehavehithertoconcealedfromyou。WhenyouwrotetometwomonthsagothatyouhadheardthatDouniahadagreatdealtoputupwithintheSvidrigrailovs"house,whenyouwrotethatandaskedmetotellyouallaboutit-whatcouldIwriteinanswertoyou?IfIhadwrittenthewholetruthtoyou,Idaresayyouwouldhavethrownupeverythingandhavecometous,evenifyouhadtowalkalltheway,forIknowyourcharacterandyourfeelings,andyouwouldnotletyoursisterbeinsulted。Iwasindespairmyself,butwhatcouldIdo?

And,besides,Ididnotknowthewholetruthmyselfthen。WhatmadeitallsodifficultwasthatDouniareceivedahundredroublesinadvancewhenshetooktheplaceasgovernessintheirfamily,onconditionofpartofhersalarybeingdeductedeverymonth,andsoitwasimpossibletothrowupthesituationwithoutrepayingthedebt。Thissum(nowIcanexplainitalltoyou,mypreciousRodya)shetookchieflyinordertosendyousixtyroubles,whichyouneededsoterriblythenandwhichyoureceivedfromuslastyear。Wedeceivedyouthen,writingthatthismoneycamefromDounia"ssavings,butthatwasnotso,andnowItellyouallaboutit,because,thankGod,thingshavesuddenlychangedforthebetter,andthatyoumayknowhowDounialovesyouandwhataheartshehas。AtfirstindeedMr。

Svidrigailovtreatedherveryrudelyandusedtomakedisrespectfulandjeeringremarksattable……ButIdon"twanttogointoallthosepainfuldetails,soasnottoworryyoufornothingwhenitisnowallover。Inshort,inspiteofthekindandgenerousbehaviourofMarfaPetrovna,Mr。Svidrigailov"swife,andalltherestofthehousehold,Douniahadaveryhardtime,especiallywhenMr。

Svidrigailov,relapsingintohisoldregimentalhabits,wasundertheinfluenceofBacchus。Andhowdoyouthinkitwasallexplainedlateron?WouldyoubelievethatthecrazyfellowhadconceivedapassionforDouniafromthebeginning,buthadconcealeditunderashowofrudenessandcontempt。Possiblyhewasashamedandhorrifiedhimselfathisownflightyhopes,consideringhisyearsandhisbeingthefatherofafamily;andthatmadehimangrywithDounia。Andpossibly,too,hehopedbyhisrudeandsneeringbehaviourtohidethetruthfromothers。ButatlasthelostallcontrolandhadthefacetomakeDouniaanopenandshamefulproposal,promisingherallsortsofinducementsandoffering,besides,tothrowupeverythingandtakehertoanotherestateofhis,orevenabroad。Youcanimagineallshewentthrough!Toleavehersituationatoncewasimpossiblenotonlyonaccountofthemoneydebt,butalsotosparethefeelingsofMarfaPetrovna,whosesuspicionswouldhavebeenaroused;andthenDouniawouldhavebeenthecauseofaruptureinthefamily。AnditwouldhavemeantaterriblescandalforDouniatoo;thatwouldhavebeeninevitable。TherewerevariousotherreasonsowingtowhichDouniacouldnothopetoescapefromthatawfulhouseforanothersixweeks。YouknowDounia,ofcourse;youknowhowcleversheisandwhatastrongwillshehas。Douniacanendureagreatdealandeveninthemostdifficultcasesshehasthefortitudetomaintainherfirmness。Shedidnotevenwritetomeabouteverythingforfearofupsettingme,althoughwewereconstantlyincommunication。Itallendedveryunexpectedly。MarfaPetrovnaaccidentallyoverheardherhusbandimploringDouniainthegarden,and,puttingquiteawronginterpretationontheposition,threwtheblameuponher,believinghertobethecauseofitall。Anawfulscenetookplacebetweenthemonthespotinthegarden;MarfaPetrovnawentsofarastostrikeDounia,refusedtohearanythingandwasshoutingatherforawholehourandthengaveordersthatDouniashouldbepackedoffatoncetomeinaplainpeasant"scart,intowhichtheyflungallherthings,herlinenandherclothes,allpell-mell,withoutfoldingitupandpackingit。Andaheavyshowerofraincameon,too,andDounia,insultedandputtoshame,hadtodrivewithapeasantinanopencartalltheseventeenverstsintotown。OnlythinknowwhatanswercouldIhavesenttotheletterIreceivedfromyoutwomonthsagoandwhatcouldIhavewritten?Iwasindespair;Idarednotwritetoyouthetruthbecauseyouwouldhavebeenveryunhappy,mortifiedandindignant,andyetwhatcouldyoudo?Youcouldonlyperhapsruinyourself,and,besides,Douniawouldnotallowit;andfillupmyletterwithtrifleswhenmyheartwassofullofsorrow,Icouldnot。Forawholemonththetownwasfullofgossipaboutthisscandal,anditcametosuchapassthatDouniaandIdarednotevengotochurchonaccountofthecontemptuouslooks,whispers,andevenremarksmadealoudaboutus。Allouracquaintancesavoidedus,nobodyevenbowedtousinthestreet,andIlearntthatsomeshopmenandclerkswereintendingtoinsultusinashamefulway,smearingthegatesofourhousewithpitch,sothatthelandlordbegantotelluswemustleave。AllthiswassetgoingbyMarfaPetrovnawhomanagedtoslanderDouniaandthrowdirtatherineveryfamily。Sheknowseveryoneintheneighbourhood,andthatmonthshewascontinuallycomingintothetown,andassheisrathertalkativeandfondofgossipingaboutherfamilyaffairsandparticularlyofcomplainingtoallandeachofherhusband-whichisnotatallright-

soinashorttimeshehadspreadherstorynotonlyinthetown,butoverthewholesurroundingdistrict。Itmademeill,butDouniaboreitbetterthanIdid,andifonlyyoucouldhaveseenhowsheendureditallandtriedtocomfortmeandcheermeup!Sheisanangel!ButbyGod"smercy,oursufferingswerecutshort：Mr。

Svidrigailovreturnedtohissensesandrepentedand,probablyfeelingsorryforDounia,helaidbeforeMarfaPetrovnaacompleteandunmistakableproofofDounia"sinnocence,intheformofaletterDouniahadbeenforcedtowriteandgivetohim,beforeMarfaPetrovnacameupontheminthegarden。Thisletter,whichremainedinMr。

Svidrigailov"shandsafterherdeparture,shehadwrittentorefusepersonalexplanationsandsecretinterviews,forwhichhewasentreatingher。InthatlettershereproachedhimwithgreatheatandindignationforthebasenessofhisbehaviourinregardtoMarfaPetrovna,remindinghimthathewasthefatherandheadofafamilyandtellinghimhowinfamousitwasofhimtotormentandmakeunhappyadefencelessgirl,unhappyenoughalready。Indeed,dearRodya,theletterwassonoblyandtouchinglywrittenthatIsobbedwhenIreaditandtothisdayIcannotreaditwithouttears。Moreover,theevidenceoftheservants,too,clearedDounia"sreputation;theyhadseenandknownagreatdealmorethanMr。Svidrigailovhadhimselfsupposed-asindeedisalwaysthecasewithservants。MarfaPetrovnawascompletelytakenaback,and"againcrushed"asshesaidherselftous,butshewascompletelyconvincedofDounia"sinnocence。Theverynextday,beingSunday,shewentstraighttotheCathedral,kneltdownandprayedwithtearstoOurLadytogiveherstrengthtobearthisnewtrialandtodoherduty。ThenshecamestraightfromtheCathedraltous,toldusthewholestory,weptbitterlyand,fullypenitent,sheembracedDouniaandbesoughthertoforgiveher。Thesamemorningwithoutanydelay,shewentroundtoallthehousesinthetownandeverywhere,sheddingtears,sheassertedinthemostflatteringtermsDounia"sinnocenceandthenobilityofherfeelingsandherbehavior。Whatwasmore,sheshowedandreadtoeveryonetheletterinDounia"sownhandwritingtoMr。Svidrigailovandevenallowedthemtotakecopiesofit-whichImustsayIthinkwassuperfluous。Inthiswayshewasbusyforseveraldaysindrivingaboutthewholetown,becausesomepeoplehadtakenoffencethroughprecedencehavingbeengiventoothers。Andthereforetheyhadtotaketurns,sothatineveryhouseshewasexpectedbeforeshearrived,andeveryoneknewthatonsuchandsuchadayMarfaPetrovnawouldbereadingtheletterinsuchandsuchaplaceandpeopleassembledforeveryreadingofit,evenmanywhohadhearditseveraltimesalreadybothintheirownhousesandinotherpeople"s。Inmyopinionagreatdeal,averygreatdealofallthiswasunnecessary;

butthat"sMarfaPetrovna"scharacter。Anywayshesucceededincompletelyre-establishingDounia"sreputationandthewholeignominyofthisaffairrestedasanindelibledisgraceuponherhusband,astheonlypersontoblame,sothatIreallybegantofeelsorryforhim;itwasreallytreatingthecrazyfellowtooharshly。

Douniawasatonceaskedtogivelessonsinseveralfamilies,butsherefused。Allofasuddeneveryonebegantotreatherwithmarkedrespectandallthisdidmuchtobringabouttheeventbywhich,onemaysay,ourwholefortunesarenowtransformed。Youmustknow,dearRodya,thatDouniahasasuitorandthatshehasalreadyconsentedtomarryhim。Ihastentotellyouallaboutthematter,andthoughithasbeenarrangedwithoutaskingyourconsent,Ithinkyouwillnotbeaggrievedwithmeorwithyoursisteronthataccount,foryouwillseethatwecouldnotwaitandputoffourdecisiontillweheardfromyou。Andyoucouldnothavejudgedallthefactswithoutbeingonthespot。Thiswashowithappened。Heisalreadyoftherankofacounsellor,PyotrPetrovitchLuzhin,andisdistantlyrelatedtoMarfaPetrovna,whohasbeenveryactiveinbringingthematchabout。Itbeganwithhisexpressingthroughherhisdesiretomakeouracquaintance。Hewasproperlyreceived,drankcoffeewithusandtheverynextdayhesentusaletterinwhichheverycourteouslymadeanofferandbeggedforaspeedyanddecidedanswer。HeisaverybusymanandisinagreathurrytogettoPetersburg,sothateverymomentisprecioustohim。Atfirst,ofcourse,weweregreatlysurprised,asithadallhappenedsoquicklyandunexpectedly。Wethoughtandtalkeditoverthewholeday。Heisawell-to-doman,tobedependedupon,hehastwopostsinthegovernmentandhasalreadymadehisfortune。Itistruethatheisforty-fiveyearsold,butheisofafairlyprepossessingappearanceandmightstillbethoughtattractivebywomen,andheisaltogetheraveryrespectableandpresentableman,onlyheseemsalittlemoroseandsomewhatconceited。Butpossiblythatmayonlybetheimpressionhemakesatfirstsight。Andbeware,dearRodya,whenhecomestoPetersburg,asheshortlywilldo,bewareofjudginghimtoohastilyandseverely,asyourwayis,ifthereisanythingyoudonotlikeinhimatfirstsight。Igiveyouthiswarning,althoughIfeelsurethathewillmakeafavourableimpressionuponyou。Moreover,inordertounderstandanymanonemustbedeliberateandcarefultoavoidformingprejudicesandmistakenideas,whichareverydifficulttocorrectandgetoverafterwards。

AndPyotrPetrovitch,judgingbymanyindications,isathoroughlyestimableman。Athisfirstvisit,indeed,hetoldusthathewasapracticalman,butstillheshares,asheexpressedit,manyoftheconvictions"ofourmostrisinggeneration"andheisanopponentofallprejudices。Hesaidagooddealmore,forheseemsalittleconceitedandlikestobelistenedto,butthisisscarcelyavice。I,ofcourse,understoodverylittleofit,butDouniaexplainedtomethat,thoughheisnotamanofgreateducation,heiscleverandseemstobegood-natured。Youknowyoursister"scharacter,Rodya。Sheisaresolute,sensible,patientandgenerousgirl,butshehasapassionateheart,asIknowverywell。Ofcourse,thereisnogreatloveeitheronhisside,oronhers,butDouniaisaclevergirlandhastheheartofanangel,andwillmakeitherdutytomakeherhusbandhappywhoonhissidewillmakeherhappinesshiscare。Ofthatwehavenogoodreasontodoubt,thoughitmustbeadmittedthematterhasbeenarrangedingreathaste。Besidesheisamanofgreatprudenceandhewillsee,tobesure,ofhimself,thathisownhappinesswillbethemoresecure,thehappierDouniaiswithhim。Andasforsomedefectsofcharacter,forsomehabitsandevencertaindifferencesofopinion-whichindeedareinevitableeveninthehappiestmarriages-Douniahassaidthat,asregardsallthat,shereliesonherself,thatthereisnothingtobeuneasyabout,andthatsheisreadytoputupwithagreatdeal,ifonlytheirfuturerelationshipcanbeanhonourableandstraightforwardone。Hestruckme,forinstance,atfirst,asratherabrupt,butthatmaywellcomefromhisbeinganoutspokenman,andthatisnodoubthowitis。Forinstance,athissecondvisit,afterhehadreceivedDounia"sconsent,inthecourseofconversation,hedeclaredthatbeforemakingDounia"sacquaintance,hehadmadeuphismindtomarryagirlofgoodreputation,withoutdowryand,aboveall,onewhohadexperiencedpoverty,because,asheexplained,amanoughtnottobeindebtedtohiswife,butthatitisbetterforawifetolookuponherhusbandasherbenefactor。ImustaddthatheexpresseditmorenicelyandpolitelythanIhavedone,forIhaveforgottenhisactualphrasesandonlyrememberthemeaning。And,besides,itwasobviouslynotsaidofdesign,butslippedoutintheheatofconversation,sothathetriedafterwardstocorrecthimselfandsmoothitover,butallthesameitdidstrikemeassomewhatrude,andIsaidsoafterwardstoDounia。ButDouniawasvexed,andansweredthat"wordsarenotdeeds,"

andthat,ofcourse,isperfectlytrue。Douniadidnotsleepallnightbeforeshemadeuphermind,and,thinkingthatIwasasleep,shegotoutofbedandwaswalkingupanddowntheroomallnight;atlastshekneltdownbeforetheikonandprayedlongandferventlyandinthemorningshetoldmethatshehaddecided。

“IhavementionedalreadythatPyotrPetrovitchisjustsettingoffforPetersburg,wherehehasagreatdealofbusiness,andhewantstoopenalegalbureau。Hehasbeenoccupiedformanyyearsinconductingcivilandcommerciallitigation,andonlytheotherdayhewonanimportantcase。HehastobeinPetersburgbecausehehasanimportantcasebeforetheSenate。So,Rodyadear,hemaybeofthegreatestusetoyou,ineverywayindeed,andDouniaandIhaveagreedthatfromthisverydayyoucoulddefinitelyenteruponyourcareerandmightconsiderthatyourfutureismarkedoutandassuredforyou。

Oh,ifonlythiscomestopass!Thiswouldbesuchabenefitthatwecouldonlylookuponitasaprovidentialblessing。Douniaisdreamingofnothingelse。WehaveevenventuredalreadytodropafewwordsonthesubjecttoPyotrPetrovitch。Hewascautiousinhisanswer,andsaidthat,ofcourse,ashecouldnotgetonwithoutasecretary,itwouldbebettertobepayingasalarytoarelationthantoastranger,ifonlytheformerwerefittedfortheduties(asthoughtherecouldbedoubtofyourbeingfitted!)butthenheexpresseddoubtswhetheryourstudiesattheuniversitywouldleaveyoutimeforworkathisoffice。Thematterdroppedforthetime,butDouniaisthinkingofnothingelsenow。Shehasbeeninasortoffeverforthelastfewdays,andhasalreadymadearegularplanforyourbecomingintheendanassociateandevenapartnerinPyotrPetrovitch"sbusiness,whichmightwellbe,seeingthatyouareastudentoflaw。Iamincompleteagreementwithher,Rodya,andshareallherplansandhopes,andthinkthereiseveryprobabilityofrealisingthem。AndinspiteofPyotrPetrovitch"sevasiveness,verynaturalatpresent,(sincehedoesnotknowyou)Douniaisfirmlypersuadedthatshewillgaineverythingbyhergoodinfluenceoverherfuturehusband;thissheisreckoningupon。OfcoursewearecarefulnottotalkofanyofthesemoreremoteplanstoPyotrPetrovitch,especiallyofyourbecominghispartner。Heisapracticalmanandmighttakethisverycoldly,itmightallseemtohimsimplyaday-dream。NorhaseitherDouniaorIbreathedawordtohimofthegreathopeswehaveofhishelpingustopayforyouruniversitystudies;wehavenotspokenofitinthefirstplace,becauseitwillcometopassofitself,lateron,andhewillnodoubtwithoutwastingwordsoffertodoitofhimself,(asthoughhecouldrefuseDouniathat)themorereadilysinceyoumaybyyourowneffortsbecomehisrighthandintheoffice,andreceivethisassistancenotasacharity,butasasalaryearnedbyyourownwork。DouniawantstoarrangeitalllikethisandIquiteagreewithher。Andwehavenotspokenofourplansforanotherreason,thatis,becauseI

particularlywantedyoutofeelonanequalfootingwhenyoufirstmeethim。WhenDouniaspoketohimwithenthusiasmaboutyou,heansweredthatonecouldneverjudgeofamanwithoutseeinghimclose,foroneself,andthathelookedforwardtoforminghisownopinionwhenhemakesyouracquaintance。Doyouknow,mypreciousRodya,I

thinkthatperhapsforsomereasons(nothingtodowithPyotrPetrovitchthough,simplyformyownpersonal,perhapsold-womanish,fancies)Ishoulddobettertogoonlivingbymyself,apart,thanwiththem,afterthewedding。Iamconvincedthathewillbegenerousanddelicateenoughtoinvitemeandtourgemetoremainwithmydaughterforthefuture,andifhehassaidnothingaboutithitherto,itissimplybecauseithasbeentakenforgranted;butI

shallrefuse。Ihavenoticedmorethanonceinmylifethathusbandsdon"tquitegetonwiththeirmothers-in-law,andIdon"twanttobetheleastbitinanyone"sway,andformyownsake,too,wouldratherbequiteindependent,solongasIhaveacrustofbreadofmyown,andsuchchildrenasyouandDounia。Ifpossible,Iwouldsettlesomewherenearyou,forthemostjoyfulpieceofnews,dearRodya,I

havekeptfortheendofmyletter：knowthen,mydearboy,thatwemay,perhaps,bealltogetherinaveryshorttimeandmayembraceoneanotheragainafteraseparationofalmostthreeyears!ItissettledforcertainthatDouniaandIaretosetoffforPetersburg,exactlywhenIdon"tknow,butvery,verysoon,possiblyinaweek。ItalldependsonPyotrPetrovitchwhowillletusknowwhenhehashadtimetolookroundhiminPetersburg。Tosuithisownarrangementsheisanxioustohavetheceremonyassoonaspossible,evenbeforethefastofOurLady,ifitcouldbemanaged,orifthatistoosoontobeready,immediatelyafter。Oh,withwhathappinessIshallpressyoutomyheart!Douniaisallexcitementatthejoyfulthoughtofseeingyou,shesaidonedayinjokethatshewouldbereadytomarryPyotrPetrovitchforthatalone。Sheisanangel!Sheisnotwritinganythingtoyounow,andhasonlytoldmetowritethatshehassomuch,somuchtotellyouthatsheisnotgoingtotakeupherpennow,forafewlineswouldtellyounothing,anditwouldonlymeanupsettingherself;shebidsmesendyouherloveandinnumerablekisses。Butalthoughweshallbemeetingsosoon,perhapsIshallsendyouasmuchmoneyasIcaninadayortwo。NowthateveryonehasheardthatDouniaistomarryPyotrPetrovitch,mycredithassuddenlyimprovedandIknowthatAfanasyIvanovitchwilltrustmenoweventoseventy-fiveroublesonthesecurityofmypension,sothatperhapsIshallbeabletosendyoutwenty-fiveoreventhirtyroubles。Iwouldsendyoumore,butIamuneasyaboutourtravellingexpenses;forthoughPyotrPetrovitchhasbeensokindastoundertakepartoftheexpensesofthejourney,thatistosay,hehastakenuponhimselftheconveyanceofourbagsandbigtrunk(whichwillbeconveyedthroughsomeacquaintancesofhis),wemustreckonuponsomeexpensesonourarrivalinPetersburg,wherewecan"tbeleftwithoutahalfpenny,atleastforthefirstfewdays。

Butwehavecalculateditall,DouniaandI,tothelastpenny,andweseethatthejourneywillnotcostverymuch。Itisonlyninetyverstsfromustotherailwayandwehavecometoanagreementwithadriverweknow,soastobeinreadiness;andfromthereDouniaandIcantravelquitecomfortablythirdclass。SothatImayverylikelybeabletosendtoyounottwenty-five,butthirtyroubles。Butenough;Ihavecoveredtwosheetsalreadyandthereisnospaceleftformore;ourwholehistory,butsomanyeventshavehappened!Andnow,mypreciousRodya,Iembraceyouandsendyouamother"sblessingtillwemeet。LoveDouniayoursister,Rodya;loveherasshelovesyouandunderstandthatshelovesyoubeyondeverything,morethanherself。Sheisanangelandyou,Rodya,youareeverythingtous-ouronehope,ouroneconsolation。Ifonlyyouarehappy,weshallbehappy。Doyoustillsayyourprayers,Rodya,andbelieveinthemercyofourCreatorandourRedeemer?Iamafraidinmyheartthatyoumayhavebeenvisitedbythenewspiritofinfidelitythatisabroadto-day!Ifitisso,Iprayforyou。Remember,dearboy,howinyourchildhood,whenyourfatherwasliving,youusedtolispyourprayersatmyknee,andhowhappyweallwereinthosedays。Good-bye,tillwemeetthen-Iembraceyouwarmly,warmly,withmanykisses。

“Yourstilldeath“PULCHERIARASKOLNIKOV。“-

Almostfromthefirst,whilehereadtheletter,Raskolnikov"sfacewaswetwithtears;butwhenhefinishedit,hisfacewaspaleanddistortedandabitter,wrathfulandmalignantsmilewasonhislips。Helaidhisheaddownonhisthreadbaredirtypillowandpondered,ponderedalongtime。Hisheartwasbeatingviolently,andhisbrainwasinaturmoil。Atlasthefeltcrampedandstifledinthelittleyellowroomthatwaslikeacupboardorabox。Hiseyesandhismindcravedforspace。Hetookuphishatandwentout,thistimewithoutdreadofmeetinganyone;hehadforgottenhisdread。HeturnedinthedirectionoftheVassilyevskyOstrov,walkingalongVassilyevskyProspect,asthoughhasteningonsomebusiness,buthewalked,ashishabitwas,withoutnoticinghisway,mutteringandevenspeakingaloudtohimself,totheastonishmentofthepassers-by。Manyofthemtookhimtobedrunk。

ChapterFourHISMOTHER"Sletterhadbeenatorturetohim,butasregardsthechieffactinit,hehadfeltnotonemoment"shesitation,evenwhilsthewasreadingtheletter。Theessentialquestionwassettled,andirrevocablysettled,inhismind：“NeversuchamarriagewhileIamaliveandMr。Luzhinbedamned;““Thethingisperfectlyclear,“hemutteredtohimself,withamalignantsmileanticipatingthetriumphofhisdecision。“No,mother,no,Dounia,youwon"tdeceiveme!andthentheyapologisefornotaskingmyadviceandfortakingthedecisionwithoutme!Idaresay!Theyimagineitisarrangednowandcan"tbebrokenoff;butwewillseewhetheritcanornot!A

magnificentexcuse："PyotrPetrovitchissuchabusymanthatevenhisweddinghastobeinpost-haste,almostbyexpress。"No,Dounia,IseeitallandIknowwhatyouwanttosaytome;andIknowtoowhatyouwerethinkingabout,whenyouwalkedupanddownallnight,andwhatyourprayerswerelikebeforetheHolyMotherofKazanwhostandsinmother"sbedroom。BitteristheascenttoGolgotha……Hm……soitisfinallysettled;youhavedeterminedtomarryasensiblebusinessman,AvdotyaRomanovna,onewhohasafortune(hasalreadymadehisfortune,thatissomuchmoresolidandimpressive)amanwhoholdstwogovernmentpostsandwhosharestheideasofourmostrisinggeneration,asmotherwrites,andwhoseemstobekind,asDouniaherselfobserves。Thatseemsbeatseverything!AndthatveryDouniaforthatvery"seems"ismarryinghim!Splendid!splendid!

“……ButIshouldliketoknowwhymotherhaswrittentomeabout"ourmostrisinggeneration"?Simplyasadescriptivetouch,orwiththeideaofprepossessingmeinfavourofMr。Luzhin?Oh,thecunningofthem!Ishouldliketoknowonethingmore：howfartheywereopenwithoneanotherthatdayandnightandallthistimesince?

Wasitallputintowords,ordidbothunderstandthattheyhadthesamethingatheartandintheirminds,sothattherewasnoneedtospeakofitaloud,andbetternottospeakofit。Mostlikelyitwaspartlylikethat,frommother"sletterit"sevident：hestruckherasrudealittle,andmotherinhersimplicitytookherobservationstoDounia。Andshewassuretobevexedand"answeredherangrily。"

Ishouldthinkso!Whowouldnotbeangeredwhenitwasquiteclearwithoutanynaivequestionsandwhenitwasunderstoodthatitwasuselesstodiscussit。Andwhydoesshewritetome,"loveDounia,Rodya,andshelovesyoumorethanherself"?Hassheasecretconscience-prickatsacrificingherdaughtertoherson?"Youareouronecomfort,youareeverythingtous。"Oh,mother！”

Hisbitternessgrewmoreandmoreintense,andifhehadhappenedtomeetMr。Luzhinatthemoment,hemighthavemurderedhim。

“Hm……yes,that"strue,“hecontinued,pursuingthewhirlingideasthatchasedeachotherinhisbrain,“itistruethat"itneedstimeandcaretogettoknowaman,"butthereisnomistakeaboutMr。Luzhin。Thechiefthingisheis"amanofbusinessandseemskind,"thatwassomething,wasn"tit,tosendthebagsandbigboxforthem!Akindman,nodoubtafterthat!Buthisbrideandhermotheraretodriveinapeasant"scartcoveredwithsacking(I

know,Ihavebeendriveninit)。Nomatter!Itisonlyninetyverstsandthentheycan"travelverycomfortably,thirdclass,"forathousandversts!Quiteright,too。Onemustcutone"scoataccordingtoone"scloth,butwhataboutyou,Mr。Luzhin?Sheisyourbride……Andyoumustbeawarethathermotherhastoraisemoneyonherpensionforthejourney。Tobesureit"samatterofbusiness,apartnershipformutualbenefit,withequalsharesandexpenses;-foodanddrinkprovided,butpayforyourtobacco。Thebusinessmanhasgotthebetterofthem,too。Theluggagewillcostlessthantheirfaresandverylikelygofornothing。Howisitthattheydon"tbothseeallthat,orisitthattheydon"twanttosee?

Andtheyarepleased,pleased!Andtothinkthatthisisonlythefirstblossoming,andthattherealfruitsaretocome!Butwhatreallymattersisnotthestinginess,isnotthemeanness,butthetoneofthewholething。Forthatwillbethetoneaftermarriage,it"saforetasteofit。Andmothertoo,whyshouldshebesolavish?

WhatwillshehavebythetimeshegetstoPetersburg?Threesilverroublesortwo"paperones"asshesays……thatoldwoman……hm。WhatdoessheexpecttoliveuponinPetersburgafterwards?ShehasherreasonsalreadyforguessingthatshecouldnotlivewithDouniaafterthemarriage,evenforthefirstfewmonths。Thegoodmanhasnodoubtletslipsomethingonthatsubjectalso,thoughmotherwoulddenyit："Ishallrefuse,"saysshe。Onwhomisshereckoningthen?IsshecountingonwhatisleftofherhundredandtwentyroublesofpensionwhenAfanasyIvanovitch"sdebtispaid?Sheknitswoollenshawlsandembroiderscuffs,ruiningheroldeyes。Andallhershawlsdon"taddmorethantwentyroublesayeartoherhundredandtwenty,Iknowthat。SosheisbuildingallherhopesallthetimeonMr。Luzhin"sgenerosity;"hewillofferitofhimself,hewillpressitonme。"Youmaywaitalongtimeforthat!That"showitalwaysiswiththeseSchilleresquenoblehearts;tillthelastmomenteverygooseisaswanwiththem,tillthelastmoment,theyhopeforthebestandwillseenothingwrong,andalthoughtheyhaveaninklingoftheothersideofthepicture,yettheywon"tfacethetruthtilltheyareforcedto;theverythoughtofitmakesthemshiver;theythrustthetruthawaywithbothhands,untilthemantheydeckoutinfalsecoloursputsafool"scaponthemwithhisownhands。IshouldliketoknowwhetherMr。Luzhinhasanyordersofmerit;IbethehastheAnnainhisbuttonholeandthatheputsitonwhenhegoestodinewithcontractorsormerchants。Hewillbesuretohaveitforhiswedding,too!Enoughofhim,confoundhim!

“Well,……motherIdon"twonderat,it"slikeher,Godblessher,buthowcouldDounia?Dounia,darling,asthoughIdidnotknowyou!

YouwerenearlytwentywhenIsawyoulast：Iunderstoodyouthen。

Motherwritesthat"Douniacanputupwithagreatdeal。"Iknowthatverywell。Iknewthattwoyearsandahalfago,andforthelasttwoandahalfyearsIhavebeenthinkingaboutit,thinkingofjustthat,that"Douniacanputupwithagreatdeal。"IfshecouldputupwithMr。Svidrigailovandalltherestofit,shecertainlycanputupwithagreatdeal。AndnowmotherandshehavetakenitintotheirheadsthatshecanputupwithMr。Luzhin,whopropoundsthetheoryofthesuperiorityofwivesraisedfromdestitutionandowingeverythingtotheirhusband"sbounty-whopropoundsit,too,almostatthefirstinterview。Grantedthathe"letitslip,"thoughheisasensibleman,(yetmaybeitwasnotaslipatall,buthemeanttomakehimselfclearassoonaspossible)butDounia,Dounia?Sheunderstandstheman,ofcourse,butshewillhavetolivewiththeman。Why!she"dliveonblackbreadandwater,shewouldnotsellhersoul,shewouldnotbarterhermoralfreedomforcomfort;shewouldnotbarteritforallSchleswig-Holstein,muchlessMr。Luzhin"smoney。No,DouniawasnotthatsortwhenIknewherand……sheisstillthesame,ofcourse!Yes,there"snodenying,theSvidrigailovsareabitterpill!It"sabitterthingtospendone"slifeagovernessintheprovincesfortwohundredroubles,butI

knowshewouldratherbeaniggeronaplantationoraLettwithaGermanmaster,thandegradehersoul,andhermoraldignity,bybindingherselfforevertoamanwhomshedoesnotrespectandwithwhomshehasnothingincommon-forherownadvantage。AndifMr。

Luzhinhadbeenofunalloyedgold,oronehugediamond,shewouldneverhaveconsentedtobecomehislegalconcubine。Whyissheconsentingthen?What"sthepointofit?What"stheanswer?It"sclearenough：forherself,forhercomfort,tosaveherlifeshewouldnotsellherself,butforsomeoneelsesheisdoingit!Foronesheloves,foronesheadores,shewillsellherself!That"swhatitallamountsto;forherbrother,forhermother,shewillsellherself!

Shewillselleverything!Insuchcases,we"overcomeourmoralfeelingifnecessary,"freedom,peace,conscienceeven,all,allarebroughtintothemarket。Letmylifego,ifonlymydearonesmaybehappy!Morethanthat,webecomecasuists,welearntobeJesuiticalandforatimemaybewecansootheourselves,wecanpersuadeourselvesthatitisone"sdutyforagoodobject。That"sjustlikeus,it"sasclearasdaylight。It"sclearthatRodionRomanovitchRaskolnikovisthecentralfigureinthebusiness,andnooneelse。

Oh,yes,shecanensurehishappiness,keephimintheuniversity,makehimapartnerintheoffice,makehiswholefuturesecure;

perhapshemayevenbearichmanlateron,prosperous,respected,andmayevenendhislifeafamousman!Butmymother?It"sallRodya,preciousRodya,herfirstborn!Forsuchasonwhowouldnotsacrificesuchadaughter!Oh,loving,over-partialhearts!Why,forhissakewewouldnotshrinkevenfromSonia"sfate。Sonia,SoniaMarmeladov,theeternalvictimsolongastheworldlasts。Haveyoutakenthemeasureofyoursacrifice,bothofyou?Isitright?Canyoubearit?Isitanyuse?Istheresenseinit?Andletmetellyou,Dounia,Sonia"slifeisnoworsethanlifewithMr。Luzhin。"Therecanbenoquestionoflove"motherwrites。Andwhatiftherecanbenorespecteither,ifonthecontrarythereisaversion,contempt,repulsion,whatthen?Soyouwillhaveto"keepupyourappearance,"

too。Isthatnotso?Doyouunderstandwhatthatsmartnessmeans?DoyouunderstandthattheLuzhinsmartnessisjustthesamethingasSonia"sandmaybeworse,viler,baser,becauseinyourcase,Dounia,it"sabargainforluxuries,afterall,butwithSoniait"ssimplyaquestionofstarvation。Ithastobepaidfor,ithastobepaidfor,Dounia,thissmartness。Andwhatifit"smorethanyoucanbearafterwards,ifyouregretit?Thebitterness,themisery,thecurses,thetearshiddenfromalltheworld,foryouarenotaMarfaPetrovna。Andhowwillyourmotherfeelthen?Evennowsheisuneasy,sheisworried,butthen,whensheseesitallclearly?AndI?

Yes,indeed,whathaveyoutakenmefor?Iwon"thaveyoursacrifice,Dounia,Iwon"thaveit,mother!Itshallnotbe,solongasIamalive,itshallnot,itshallnot!Iwon"tacceptit！”

Hesuddenlypausedinhisreflectionandstoodstill。

“Itshallnotbe?Butwhatareyougoingtodotopreventit?You"llforbidit?Andwhatrighthaveyou?Whatcanyoupromisethemonyoursidetogiveyousucharight?Yourwholelife,yourwholefuture,youwilldevotetothemwhenyouhavefinishedyourstudiesandobtainedapost?Yes,wehaveheardallthatbefore,andthat"sallwords,butnow?Nowsomethingmustbedone,now,doyouunderstandthat?Andwhatareyoudoingnow?Youarelivinguponthem。Theyborrowontheirhundredroublespension。TheyborrowfromtheSvidrigailovs。HowareyougoingtosavethemfromSvidrigailovs,fromAfanasyIvanovitchVahrushin,oh,futuremillionaireZeuswhowouldarrangetheirlivesforthem?Inanothertenyears?Inanothertenyears,motherwillbeblindwithknittingshawls,maybewithweepingtoo。Shewillbeworntoashadowwithfasting;andmysister?Imagineforamomentwhatmayhavebecomeofyoursisterintenyears?Whatmayhappentoherduringthosetenyears?Canyoufancy？”

Sohetorturedhimself,frettinghimselfwithsuchquestions,andfindingakindofenjoymentinit。Andyetallthesequestionswerenotnewonessuddenlyconfrontinghim,theywereoldfamiliaraches。

Itwaslongsincetheyhadfirstbeguntogripandrendhisheart。

Long,longagohispresentanguishhaditsfirstbeginnings;ithadwaxedandgatheredstrength,ithadmaturedandconcentrated,untilithadtakentheformofafearful,frenziedandfantasticquestion,whichtorturedhisheartandmind,clamouringinsistentlyforananswer。Nowhismother"sletterhadburstonhimlikeathunderclap。

Itwasclearthathemustnotnowsufferpassively,worryinghimselfoverunsolvedquestions,butthathemustdosomething,doitatonce,anddoitquickly。Anywayhemustdecideonsomething,orelse……

“Orthrowuplifealtogether！”hecriedsuddenly,inafrenzy-

“acceptone"slothumblyasitis,onceforallandstifleeverythinginoneself,givingupallclaimtoactivity,lifeandlove！”

“Doyouunderstand,sir,doyouunderstandwhatitmeanswhenyouhaveabsolutelynowheretoturn？”Marmeladov"squestioncamesuddenlyintohismind“foreverymanmusthavesomewheretoturn……“

Hegaveasuddenstart;anotherthought,thathehadhadyesterday,slippedbackintohismind。Buthedidnotstartatthethoughtrecurringtohim,forheknew,hehadfeltbeforehand,thatitmustcomeback,hewasexpectingit;besidesitwasnotonlyyesterday"sthought。Thedifferencewasthatamonthago,yesterdayeven,thethoughtwasameredream：butnow……nowitappearednotadreamatall,ithadtakenanewmenacingandquiteunfamiliarshape,andhesuddenlybecameawareofthishimself……Hefeltahammeringinhishead,andtherewasadarknessbeforehiseyes。

Helookedroundhurriedly,hewassearchingforsomething。Hewantedtositdownandwaslookingforaseat;hewaswalkingalongtheK____

Boulevard。Therewasaseataboutahundredpacesinfrontofhim。

Hewalkedtowardsitasfasthecould;butonthewayhemetwithalittleadventurewhichabsorbedallhisattention。Lookingfortheseat,hehadnoticedawomanwalkingsometwentypacesinfrontofhim,butatfirsthetooknomorenoticeofherthanofotherobjectsthatcrossedhispath。Ithadhappenedtohimmanytimesgoinghomenottonoticetheroadbywhichhewasgoing,andhewasaccustomedtowalklikethat。Buttherewasatfirstsightsomethingsostrangeaboutthewomaninfrontofhim,thatgraduallyhisattentionwasriveteduponher,atfirstreluctantlyand,asitwere,resentfully,andthenmoreandmoreintently。Hefeltasuddendesiretofindoutwhatitwasthatwassostrangeaboutthewoman。Inthefirstplace,sheappearedtobeagirlquiteyoung,andshewaswalkinginthegreatheatbareheadedandwithnoparasolorgloves,wavingherarmsaboutinanabsurdway。Shehadonadressofsomelightsilkymaterial,butputonstrangelyawry,notproperlyhookedup,andtornopenatthetopoftheskirt,closetothewaist：agreatpiecewasrentandhangingloose。Alittlekerchiefwasflungaboutherbarethroat,butlayslantingononeside。Thegirlwaswalkingunsteadily,too,stumblingandstaggeringfromsidetoside。ShedrewRaskolnikov"swholeattentionatlast。Heovertookthegirlattheseat,but,onreachingit,shedroppeddownonit,inthecorner;sheletherheadsinkonthebackoftheseatandclosedhereyes,apparentlyinextremeexhaustion。Lookingatherclosely,hesawatoncethatshewascompletelydrunk。Itwasastrangeandshockingsight。Hecouldhardlybelievethathewasnotmistaken。Hesawbeforehimthefaceofaquiteyoung,fair-hairedgirl-sixteen,perhapsnotmorethanfifteenyearsold,prettylittleface,butflushedandheavylookingand,asitwere,swollen。Thegirlseemedhardlytoknowwhatshewasdoing;shecrossedonelegovertheother,liftingitindecorously,andshowedeverysignofbeingunconsciousthatshewasinthestreet。

Raskolnikovdidnotsitdown,buthefeltunwillingtoleaveher,andstoodfacingherinperplexity。Thisboulevardwasnevermuchfrequented;andnow,attwoo"clock,inthestiflingheat,itwasquitedeserted。Andyetonthefurthersideoftheboulevard,aboutfifteenpacesaway,agentlemanwasstandingontheedgeofthepavement,he,too,wouldapparentlyhavelikedtoapproachthegirlwithsomeobjectofhisown。He,too,hadprobablyseenherinthedistanceandhadfollowedher,butfoundRaskolnikovinhisway。Helookedangrilyathim,thoughhetriedtoescapehisnotice,andstoodimpatientlybidinghistime,tilltheunwelcomemaninragsshouldhavemovedaway。Hisintentionswereunmistakable。Thegentlemanwasaplump,thickly-setman,aboutthirty,fashionablydressed,withahighcolour,redlipsandmoustaches。Raskolnikovfeltfurious;hehadasuddenlongingtoinsultthisfatdandyinsomeway。Heleftthegirlforamomentandwalkedtowardsthegentleman。

“Hey!YouSvidrigailov!Whatdoyouwanthere？”heshouted,clenchinghisfistsandlaughing,splutteringwithrage。

“Whatdoyoumean？”thegentlemanaskedsternly,scowlinginhaughtyastonishment。

“Getaway,that"swhatImean。“

“Howdareyou,youlowfellow！”

Heraisedhiscane。Raskolnikovrushedathimwithhisfists,withoutreflectingthatthestoutgentlemanwasamatchfortwomenlikehimself。Butatthatinstantsomeoneseizedhimfrombehind,andapoliceconstablestoodbetweenthem。

“That"senough,gentlemen,nofighting,please,inapublicplace。

Whatdoyouwant?Whoareyou？”heaskedRaskolnikovsternly,noticinghisrags。

Raskolnikovlookedathimintently。Hehadastraight-forward,sensible,soldierlyface,withgreymoustachesandwhiskers。

“YouarejustthemanIwant,“Raskolnikovcried,catchingathisarm。“Iamastudent,Raskolnikov……Youmayaswellknowthattoo,“headded,addressingthegentleman,“comealong,Ihavesomethingtoshowyou。“

Andtakingthepolicemanbythehandhedrewhimtowardstheseat。

“Lookhere,hopelesslydrunk,andshehasjustcomedowntheboulevard。Thereisnotellingwhoandwhatsheis,shedoesnotlooklikeaprofessional。It"smorelikelyshehasbeengivendrinkanddeceivedsomewhere……forthefirsttime……youunderstand?andthey"veputheroutintothestreetlikethat。Lookatthewayherdressistorn,andthewayithasbeenputon：shehasbeendressedbysomebody,shehasnotdressedherself,anddressedbyunpractisedhands,byaman"shands;that"sevident。Andnowlookthere：Idon"tknowthatdandywithwhomIwasgoingtofight,Iseehimforthefirsttime,but,he,toohasseenherontheroad,justnow,drunk,notknowingwhatsheisdoing,andnowheisveryeagertogetholdofher,togetherawaysomewherewhilesheisinthisstate……that"scertain,believeme,Iamnotwrong。Isawhimmyselfwatchingherandfollowingher,butIpreventedhim,andheisjustwaitingformetogoaway。Nowhehaswalkedawayalittle,andisstandingstill,pretendingtomakeacigarette……Thinkhowcanwekeepheroutofhishands,andhowarewetogetherhome？”

Thepolicemansawitallinaflash。Thestoutgentlemanwaseasytounderstand,heturnedtoconsiderthegirl。Thepolicemanbentovertoexaminehermoreclosely,andhisfaceworkedwithgenuinecompassion。

“Ah,whatapity！”hesaid,shakinghishead-“why,sheisquiteachild!Shehasbeendeceived,youcanseethatatonce。Listen,lady,“

hebeganaddressingher,“wheredoyoulive？”Thegirlopenedherwearyandsleepy-lookingeyes,gazedblanklyatthespeakerandwavedherhand。

“Here,“saidRaskolnikovfeelinginhispocketandfindingtwentycopecks,“here,callacabandtellhimtodrivehertoheraddress。

Theonlythingistofindoutheraddress！”

“Missy,missy！”thepolicemanbeganagain,takingthemoney。“I"llfetchyouacabandtakeyouhomemyself。WhereshallItakeyou,eh?Wheredoyoulive？”

“Goaway!Theywon"tletmealone,“thegirlmuttered,andoncemorewavedherhand。

“Ach,ach,howshocking!It"sshameful,missy,it"sashame！”Heshookhisheadagain,shocked,sympatheticandindignant。

“It"sadifficultjob,“thepolicemansaidtoRaskolnikov,andashedidso,helookedhimupanddowninarapidglance。He。too,musthaveseemedastrangefiguretohim：dressedinragsandhandinghimmoney!

“Didyoumeetherfarfromhere？”heaskedhim。

“Itellyoushewaswalkinginfrontofme,staggering,justhere,intheboulevard。Sheonlyjustreachedtheseatandsankdownonit。“

“Ah,theshamefulthingsthataredoneintheworldnowadays,Godhavemercyonus!Aninnocentcreaturelikethat,drunkalready!Shehasbeendeceived,that"sasurething。Seehowherdresshasbeentorntoo……Ah,theviceoneseesnowadays!Andaslikelyasnotshebelongstogentlefolktoo,pooronesmaybe……Therearemanylikethatnowadays。Shelooksrefined,too,asthoughshewerealady,“andhebentoverheroncemore。

Perhapshehaddaughtersgrowinguplikethat,“lookinglikeladiesandrefined“withpretensionstogentilityandsmartness……

“Thechiefthingis,“Raskolnikovpersisted,“tokeepheroutofthisscoundrel"shands!Whyshouldheoutrageher!It"sasclearasdaywhatheisafter;ah,thebrute,heisnotmovingoff！”

Raskolnikovspokealoudandpointedtohim。Thegentlemanheardhim,andseemedabouttoflyintoarageagain,butthoughtbetterofit,andconfinedhimselftoacontemptuouslook。Hethenwalkedslowlyanothertenpacesawayandagainhalted。

“Keepheroutofhishandswecan,“saidtheconstablethoughtfully,“ifonlyshe"dtelluswheretotakeher,butasitis……Missy,hey,missy！”hebentoverheroncemore。

Sheopenedhereyesfullyallofasudden,lookedathimintently,asthoughrealisingsomething,gotupfromtheseatandwalkedawayinthedirectionfromwhichshehadcome。“Ohshamefulwretches,theywon"tletmealone！”shesaid,wavingherhandagain。Shewalkedquickly,thoughstaggeringasbefore。Thedandyfollowedher,butalonganotheravenue,keepinghiseyeonher。

“Don"tbeanxious,Iwon"tlethimhaveher,“thepolicemansaidresolutely,andhesetoffafterthem。

“Ah,theviceoneseesnowadays！”herepeatedaloud,sighing。

AtthatmomentsomethingseemedtostingRaskolnikov;inaninstantacompleterevulsionoffeelingcameoverhim。

“Hey,here！”heshoutedafterthepoliceman。

Thelatterturnedround。

“Letthembe!Whatisittodowithyou?Lethergo!Lethimamusehimself。“Hepointedatthedandy,“Whatisittodowithyou？”

Thepolicemanwasbewildered,andstaredathimopen-eyed。

Raskolnikovlaughed。

“Well！”ejaculatedthepoliceman,withagestureofcontempt,andhewalkedafterthedandyandthegirl,probablytakingRaskolnikovforamadmanorsomethingevenworse。

“Hehascarriedoffmytwentycopecks,“Raskolnikovmurmuredangrilywhenhewasleftalone。“Well,lethimtakeasmuchfromtheotherfellowtoallowhimtohavethegirlandsoletitend。AndwhydidIwanttointerfere?Isitformetohelp?HaveIanyrighttohelp?

Letthemdevoureachotheralive-whatistome?HowdidIdaretogivehimtwentycopecks?Weretheymine？”

Inspiteofthosestrangewordshefeltverywretched。Hesatdownonthedesertedseat。Histhoughtstrayedaimlessly……Hefoundithardtofixhismindonanythingatthatmoment。Helongedtoforgethimselfaltogether,toforgeteverything,andthentowakeupandbeginlifeanew……

“Poorgirl！”hesaid,lookingattheemptycornerwhereshehadsat-

“Shewillcometoherselfandweep,andthenhermotherwillfindout……Shewillgiveherabeating,ahorrible,shamefulbeatingandthenmaybe,turnheroutofdoors……Andevenifshedoesnot,theDaryaFrantsovnaswillgetwindofit,andthegirlwillsoonbeslippingoutontheslyhereandthere。Thentherewillbethehospitaldirectly(that"salwaystheluckofthosegirlswithrespectablemothers,whogowrongonthesly)andthen……againthehospital……drink……thetaverns……andmorehospital,intwoorthreeyears-awreck,andherlifeoverateighteenornineteen……HavenotIseencaseslikethat?Andhowhavetheybeenbroughttoit?Why,they"veallcometoitlikethat。Ugh!Butwhatdoesitmatter?That"sasitshouldbe,theytellus。Acertainpercentage,theytellus,musteveryyeargo……thatway……tothedevil,Isuppose,sothattherestmayremainchaste,andnotbeinterferedwith。Apercentage!Whatsplendidwordstheyhave;theyaresoscientific,soconsolatory……

Onceyou"vesaid"percentage,"there"snothingmoretoworryabout。Ifwehadanyotherword……maybewemightfeelmoreuneasy……ButwhatifDouniawereoneofthepercentage!Ofanotheroneifnotthatone?

“ButwhereamIgoing？”hethoughtsuddenly。“Strange,Icameoutforsomething。AssoonasIhadreadtheletterIcameout……IwasgoingtoVassilyevskyOstrov,toRazumihin。That"swhatitwas……

nowIremember。Whatfor,though?AndwhatputtheideaofgoingtoRazumihinintomyheadjustnow?That"scurious。“

Hewonderedathimself。Razumihinwasoneofhisoldcomradesattheuniversity。ItwasremarkablethatRaskolnikovhadhardlyanyfriendsattheuniversity;hekeptalooffromeveryone,wenttoseenoone,anddidnotwelcomeanyonewhocametoseehim,andindeedeveryonesoongavehimup。Hetooknopartinthestudents"

gatherings,amusementsorconversations。Heworkedwithgreatintensitywithoutsparinghimself,andhewasrespectedforthis,butnoonelikedhim。Hewasverypoor,andtherewasasortofhaughtyprideandreserveabouthim,asthoughhewerekeepingsomethingtohimself。Heseemedtosomeofhiscomradestolookdownuponthemallaschildren,asthoughheweresuperiorindevelopment,knowledgeandconvictions,asthoughtheirbeliefsandinterestswerebeneathhim。

WithRazumihinhehadgoton,or,atleast,hewasmoreunreservedandcommunicativewithhim。IndeeditwasimpossibletobeonanyothertermswithRazumihin。Hewasanexceptionallygood-humouredandcandidyouth,good-naturedtothepointofsimplicity,thoughbothdepthanddignitylayconcealedunderthatsimplicity。Thebetterofhiscomradesunderstoodthis,andallwerefondofhim。Hewasextremelyintelligent,thoughhewascertainlyratherasimpletonattimes。Hewasofstrikingappearance-tall,thin,blackhairedandalwaysbadlyshaved。Hewassometimesuproariousandwasreputedtobeofgreatphysicalstrength。Onenight,whenoutinafestivecompany,hehadwithoneblowlaidagiganticpolicemanonhisback。

Therewasnolimittohisdrinkingpowers,buthecouldabstainfromdrinkaltogether;hesometimeswenttoofarinhispranks;buthecoulddowithoutpranksaltogether。AnotherthingstrikingaboutRazumihin,nofailuredistressedhim,anditseemedasthoughnounfavourablecircumstancescouldcrushhim。Hecouldlodgeanywhere,andbeartheextremesofcoldandhunger。Hewasverypoor,andkepthimselfentirelyonwhathecouldearnbyworkofonesortoranother。

Heknewofnoendofresourcesbywhichtoearnmoney。Hespentonewholewinterwithoutlightinghisstove,andusedtodeclarethathelikeditbetter,becauseonesleptmoresoundlyinthecold。Forthepresenthe,too,hadbeenobligedtogiveuptheuniversity,butitwasonlyforatime,andhewasworkingwithallhismighttosaveenoughtoreturntohisstudiesagain。Raskolnikovhadnotbeentoseehimforthelastfourmonths,andRazumihindidnotevenknowhisaddress。Abouttwomonthsbefore,theyhadmetinthestreet,butRaskolnikovhadturnedawayandevencrossedtotheothersidethathemightnotbeobserved。AndthoughRazumihinnoticedhim,hepassedhimby,ashedidnotwanttoannoyhim。

ChapterFive“OFCOURSE,I"vebeenmeaninglatelytogotoRazumihin"stoaskforwork,toaskhimtogetmelessonsorsomething……“Raskolnikovthought,“butwhathelpcanhebetomenow?Supposehegetsmelessons,supposeheshareshislastfarthingwithme,ifhehasanyfarthings,sothatIcouldgetsomebootsandmakemyselftidyenoughtogivelessons……hm……Wellandwhatthen?WhatshallIdowiththefewcoppersIearn?That"snotwhatIwantnow。It"sreallyabsurdformetogotoRazumihin……“

ThequestionwhyhewasnowgoingtoRazumihinagitatedhimevenmorethanhewashimselfaware;hekeptuneasilyseekingforsomesinistersignificanceinthisapparentlyordinaryaction。

“CouldIhaveexpectedtosetitallstraightandtofindawayoutbymeansofRazumihinalone？”heaskedhimselfinperplexity。

Heponderedandrubbedhisforehead,and,strangetosay,afterlongmusing,suddenly,asifitwerespontaneouslyandbychance,afantasticthoughtcameintohishead。

“Hm……toRazumihin"s,“hesaidallatonce,calmly,asthoughhehadreachedafinaldetermination。“IshallgotoRazumihin"sofcourse,but……notnow。Ishallgotohim……onthenextdayafterIt,whenItwillbeoverandeverythingwillbeginafresh……“

Andsuddenlyherealisedwhathewasthinking。

“AfterIt,“heshouted,jumpingupfromtheseat,“butisItreallygoingtohappen?Isitpossibleitreallywillhappen？”Helefttheseat,andwentoffalmostatarun;hemeanttoturnback,homewards,butthethoughtofgoinghomesuddenlyfilledhimwithintenseloathing;inthathole,inthatawfullittlecupboardofhis,allthishadforamonthpastbeengrowingupinhim;andhewalkedonatrandom。

Hisnervousshudderhadpassedintoafeverthatmadehimfeelshivering;inspiteoftheheathefeltcold。Withakindofefforthebeganalmostunconsciously,fromsomeinnercraving,tostareatalltheobjectsbeforehim,asthoughlookingforsomethingtodistracthisattention;buthedidnotsucceed,andkeptdroppingeverymomentintobrooding。Whenwithastartheliftedhisheadagainandlookedaround,heforgotatoncewhathehadjustbeenthinkingaboutandevenwherehewasgoing。InthiswayhewalkedrightacrossVassilyevskyOstrov,cameoutontotheLesserNeva,crossedthebridgeandturnedtowardstheislands。Thegreennessandfreshnesswereatfirstrestfultohiswearyeyesafterthedustofthetownandthehugehousesthathemmedhiminandweigheduponhim。Heretherewerenotaverns,nostiflingcloseness,nostench。Butsoonthesenewpleasantsensationspassedintomorbidirritability。Sometimeshestoodstillbeforeabrightlypaintedsummervillastandingamonggreenfoliage,hegazedthroughthefence,hesawinthedistancesmartlydressedwomenontheverandahsandbalconies,andchildrenrunninginthegardens。Theflowersespeciallycaughthisattention;

hegazedatthemlongerthanatanything。Hewasmet,too,byluxuriouscarriagesandbymenandwomenonhorseback;hewatchedthemwithcuriouseyesandforgotaboutthembeforetheyhadvanishedfromhissight。Oncehestoodstillandcountedhismoney;hefoundhehadthirtycopecks。“Twentytothepoliceman,threetoNastasyafortheletter,soImusthavegivenforty-sevenorfiftytotheMarmeladovsyesterday,“hethought,reckoningitupforsomeunknownreason,buthesoonforgotwithwhatobjecthehadtakenthemoneyoutofhispocket。Herecalleditonpassinganeating-houseortavern,andfeltthathewashungry……Goingintothetavernhedrankaglassofvodkaandateapieofsomesort。Hefinishedeatingitashewalkedaway。Itwasalongwhilesincehehadtakenvodkaandithadaneffectuponhimatonce,thoughheonlydrankawine-glassful。

Hislegsfeltsuddenlyheavyandagreatdrowsinesscameuponhim。

Heturnedhomewards,butreachingPetrovskyOstrovhestoppedcompletelyexhausted,turnedofftheroadintothebushes,sankdownuponthegrassandinstantlyfellasleep。

Inamorbidconditionofthebrain,dreamsoftenhaveasingularactuality,vividness,andextraordinarysemblanceofreality。Attimesmonstrousimagesarecreated,butthesettingandthewholepicturearesotruthlikeandfilledwithdetailssodelicate,sounexpectedly,butsoartisticallyconsistent,thatthedreamer,wereheanartistlikePushkinorTurgeneveven,couldneverhaveinventedtheminthewakingstate。Suchsickdreamsalwaysremainlonginthememoryandmakeapowerfulimpressionontheoverwroughtandderangednervoussystem。

Raskolnikovhadafearfuldream。Hedreamthewasbackinhischildhoodinthelittletownofhisbirth。Hewasachildaboutsevenyearsold,walkingintothecountrywithhisfatherontheeveningofaholiday。Itwasagreyandheavyday,thecountrywasexactlyasherememberedit;indeedherecalleditfarmorevividlyinhisdreamthanhehaddoneinmemory。Thelittletownstoodonalevelflatasbareasthehand,notevenawillownearit;onlyinthefardistance,acopselay,adarkblurontheveryedgeofthehorizon。

Afewpacesbeyondthelastmarketgardenstoodatavern,abigtavern,whichhadalwaysarousedinhimafeelingofaversion,evenoffear,whenhewalkedbyitwithhisfather。Therewasalwaysacrowdthere,alwaysshouting,laughterandabuse,hideoushoarsesingingandoftenfighting。Drunkenandhorrible-lookingfigureswerehangingaboutthetavern。Heusedtoclingclosetohisfather,tremblingalloverwhenhemetthem。Nearthetaverntheroadbecameadustytrack,thedustofwhichwasalwaysblack。Itwasawindingroad,andaboutahundredpacesfurtheron,itturnedtotherighttothegraveyard。Inthemiddleofthegraveyardstoodastonechurchwithagreencupolawhereheusedtogotomasstwoorthreetimesayearwithhisfatherandmother,whenaservicewasheldinmemoryofhisgrandmother,whohadlongbeendead,andwhomhehadneverseen。Ontheseoccasionstheyusedtotakeonawhitedishtiedupinatablenapkinaspecialsortofricepuddingwithraisinsstuckinitintheshapeofacross。Helovedthatchurch,theold-fashioned,unadornedikonsandtheoldpriestwiththeshakinghead。Nearhisgrandmother"sgrave,whichwasmarkedbyastone,wasthelittlegraveofhisyoungerbrotherwhohaddiedatsixmonthsold。Hedidnotrememberhimatall,buthehadbeentoldabouthislittlebrother,andwheneverhevisitedthegraveyardheusedreligiouslyandreverentlytocrosshimselfandtobowdownandkissthelittlegrave。

Andnowhedreamtthathewaswalkingwithhisfatherpastthetavernonthewaytothegraveyard;hewasholdinghisfather"shandandlookingwithdreadatthetavern。Apeculiarcircumstanceattractedhisattention：thereseemedtobesomekindoffestivitygoingon,therewerecrowdsofgailydressedtownspeople,peasantwomen,theirhusbands,andriff-raffofallsorts,allsingingandallmoreorlessdrunk。Neartheentranceofthetavernstoodacart,butastrangecart。Itwasoneofthosebigcartsusuallydrawnbyheavycart-horsesandladenwithcasksofwineorotherheavygoods。

Healwayslikedlookingatthosegreatcart-horses,withtheirlongmanes,thicklegs,andslowevenpace,drawingalongaperfectmountainwithnoappearanceofeffort,asthoughitwereeasiergoingwithaloadthanwithoutit。Butnow,strangetosay,intheshaftsofsuchacarthesawathinlittlesorrelbeast,oneofthosepeasants"nagswhichhehadoftenseenstrainingtheirutmostunderaheavyloadofwoodorhay,especiallywhenthewheelswerestuckinthemudorinarut。Andthepeasantswouldbeatthemsocruelly,sometimesevenaboutthenoseandeyesandhefeltsosorry,sosorryforthemthathealmostcried,andhismotheralwaysusedtotakehimawayfromthewindow。Allofasuddentherewasagreatuproarofshouting,singingandthebalalaika,andfromthetavernanumberofbigandverydrunkenpeasantscameout,wearingredandblueshirtsandcoatsthrownovertheirshoulders。

“Getin,getin！”shoutedoneofthem,ayoungthick-neckedpeasantwithafleshyfaceredasacarrot。“I"lltakeyouall,getin！”

Butatoncetherewasanoutbreakoflaughterandexclamationsinthecrowd。

“Takeusallwithabeastlikethat！”

“Why,Mikolka,areyoucrazytoputanaglikethatinsuchacart？”

“Andthismareistwentyifsheisaday,mates！”

“Getin,I"lltakeyouall,“Mikolkashoutedagain,leapingfirstintothecart,seizingthereinsandstandingstraightupinfront。

“ThebayhasgonewithMarvey,“heshoutedfromthecart-“andthisbrute,mates,isjustbreakingmyheart,IfeelasifIcouldkillher。She"sjusteatingherheadoff。Getin,Itellyou!I"llmakehergallop!She"llgallop！”andhepickedupthewhip,preparinghimselfwithrelishtoflogthelittlemare。

“Getin!Comealong！”Thecrowdlaughed。“D"youhear,she"llgallop！”

“Gallopindeed!Shehasnothadagallopinherforthelasttenyears！”

“She"lljogalong！”

“Don"tyoumindher,mates,bringawhipeachofyou,getready！”

“Allright!Giveittoher！”

TheyallclamberedintoMikolka"scart,laughingandmakingjokes。

Sixmengotinandtherewasstillroomformore。Theyhauledinafat,rosy-cheekedwoman。Shewasdressedinredcotton,inapointed,beadedheaddressandthickleathershoes;shewascrackingnutsandlaughing。Thecrowdroundthemwaslaughingtooandindeed,howcouldtheyhelplaughing?Thatwretchednagwastodragallthecartloadofthematagallop!TwoyoungfellowsinthecartwerejustgettingwhipsreadytohelpMikolka。Withthecryof“now,“themaretuggedwithallhermight,butfarfromgalloping,couldscarcelymoveforward;shestruggledwithherlegs,gaspingandshrinkingfromtheblowsofthethreewhipswhichwereshowereduponherlikehail。Thelaughterinthecartandinthecrowdwasredoubled,butMikolkaflewintoarageandfuriouslythrashedthemare,asthoughhesupposedshereallycouldgallop。

“Letmegetin,too,mates,“shoutedayoungmaninthecrowdwhoseappetitewasaroused。

“Getin,allgetin,“criedMikolka,“shewilldrawyouall。I"llbeathertodeath！”Andhethrashedandthrashedatthemare,besidehimselfwithfury。

“Father,father,“hecried,“father,whataretheydoing?Father,theyarebeatingthepoorhorse！”

“Comealong,comealong！”saidhisfather。“Theyaredrunkenandfoolish,theyareinfun;comeaway,don"tlook！”andhetriedtodrawhimaway,buthetorehimselfawayfromhishand,and,besidehimselfwithhorror,rantothehorse。Thepoorbeastwasinabadway。Shewasgasping,standingstill,thentuggingagainandalmostfalling。

“Beathertodeath,“criedMikolka,“it"scometothat。I"lldoforher！”

“Whatareyouabout,areyouaChristian,youdevil？”shoutedanoldmaninthecrowd。

“Didanyoneeverseethelike?Awretchednaglikethatpullingsuchacartload,“saidanother。

“You"llkillher,“shoutedthethird。

“Don"tmeddle!It"smyproperty。I"lldowhatIchoose。Getin,moreofyou!Getin,allofyou!Iwillhavehergoatagallop!……“

Allatoncelaughterbrokeintoaroarandcoveredeverything：themare,rousedbytheshowerofblows,beganfeeblykicking。Eventheoldmancouldnothelpsmiling。Tothinkofawretchedlittlebeastlikethattryingtokick!

Twoladsinthecrowdsnatchedupwhipsandrantothemaretobeatherabouttheribs。Oneraneachside。

“Hitherintheface,intheeyes,intheeyes,“criedMikolka。

“Giveusasong,mates,“shoutedsomeoneinthecartandeveryoneinthecartjoinedinariotoussong,jinglingatambourineandwhistling。Thewomanwentoncrackingnutsandlaughing……Heranbesidethemare,raninfrontofher,sawherbeingwhippedacrosstheeyes,rightintheeyes!Hewascrying,hefeltchoking,histearswerestreaming。Oneofthemengavehimacutwiththewhipacrosstheface,hedidnotfeelit。Wringinghishandsandscreaming,herusheduptothegrey-headedoldmanwiththegreybeard,whowasshakinghisheadindisapproval。Onewomanseizedhimbythehandandwouldhavetakenhimaway,buthetorehimselffromherandranbacktothemare。Shewasalmostatthelastgasp,butbegankickingoncemore。

“I"llteachyoutokick,“Mikolkashoutedferociously。Hethrewdownthewhip,bentforwardandpickedupfromthebottomofthecartalong,thickshaft,hetookholdofoneendwithbothhandsandwithaneffortbrandisheditoverthemare。

“He"llcrushher,“wasshoutedroundhim。“He"llkillher！”

“It"smyproperty,“shoutedMikolkaandbroughttheshaftdownwithaswingingblow。Therewasasoundofaheavythud。

“Thrashher,thrashher!Whyhaveyoustopped？”shoutedvoicesinthecrowd。

AndMikolkaswungtheshaftasecondtimeanditfellasecondtimeonthespineofthelucklessmare。Shesankbackonherhaunches,butlurchedforwardandtuggedforwardwithallherforce,tuggedfirstononesideandthenontheother,tryingtomovethecart。

Butthesixwhipswereattackingherinalldirections,andtheshaftwasraisedagainandfelluponherathirdtime,thenafourth,withheavymeasuredblows。Mikolkawasinafurythathecouldnotkillheratoneblow。

“She"satoughone,“wasshoutedinthecrowd。

“She"llfallinaminute,mates,therewillsoonbeanendofher,“saidanadmiringspectatorinthecrowd。

“Fetchanaxetoher!Finishheroff,“shoutedathird。

“I"llshowyou!Standoff,“Mikolkascreamedfrantically;hethrewdowntheshaft,stoopeddowninthecartandpickedupanironcrowbar。“Lookout,“heshouted,andwithallhismighthedealtastunningblowatthepoormare。Theblowfell;themarestaggered,sankback,triedtopull,butthebarfellagainwithaswingingblowonherbackandshefellonthegroundlikealog。

“Finishheroff,“shoutedMikolkaandheleaptbesidehimself,outofthecart。Severalyoungmen,alsoflushedwithdrink,seizedanythingtheycouldcomeacross-whips,sticks,poles,andrantothedyingmare。Mikolkastoodononesideandbegandealingrandomblowswiththecrowbar。Themarestretchedoutherhead,drewalongbreathanddied。

“Youbutcheredher,“someoneshoutedinthecrowd。

“Whywouldn"tshegallopthen？”

“Myproperty！”shoutedMikolka,withbloodshoteyes,brandishingthebarinhishands。Hestoodasthoughregrettingthathehadnothingmoretobeat。

“Nomistakeaboutit,youarenotaChristian,“manyvoiceswereshoutinginthecrowd。

Butthepoorboy,besidehimself,madehiswayscreamingthroughthecrowdtothesorrelnag,puthisarmsroundherbleedingdeadheadandkissedit,kissedtheeyesandkissedthelips……ThenhejumpedupandflewinafrenzywithhislittlefistsoutatMikolka。Atthatinstanthisfatherwhohadbeenrunningafterhim,snatchedhimupandcarriedhimoutofthecrowd。

“Comealong,come!Letusgohome,“hesaidtohim。

“Father!Whydidthey……kill……thepoorhorse！”hesobbed,buthisvoicebrokeandthewordscameinshrieksfromhispantingchest。

“Theyaredrunk……Theyarebrutal……it"snotourbusiness！”

saidhisfather。Heputhisarmsroundhisfatherbuthefeltchoked,choked。Hetriedtodrawabreath,tocryout-andwokeup。

Hewakedup,gaspingforbreath,hishairsoakedwithperspiration,andstoodupinterror。

“ThankGod,thatwasonlyadream,“hesaid,sittingdownunderatreeanddrawingdeepbreaths。“Butwhatisit?Isitsomefevercomingon?Suchahideousdream！”

Hefeltutterlybroken;darknessandconfusionwereinhissoul。

Herestedhiselbowsonhiskneesandleanedhisheadonhishands。

“GoodGod！”hecried,“canitbe,canitbe,thatIshallreallytakeanaxe,thatIshallstrikeheronthehead,splitherskullopen……thatIshalltreadinthestickywarmblood,breakthelock,stealandtremble;hide,allspatteredintheblood……withtheaxe……GoodGod,canitbe？”

Hewasshakinglikealeafashesaidthis。

“ButwhyamIgoingonlikethis？”hecontinued,sittingupagain,asitwereinprofoundamazement。“IknewthatIcouldneverbringmyselftoit,sowhathaveIbeentorturingmyselffortillnow?

Yesterday,yesterday,whenIwenttomakethat……experiment,yesterdayIrealisedcompletelythatIcouldneverbeartodoit……

WhyamIgoingoveritagain,then?WhyamIhesitating?AsIcamedownthestairsyesterday,Isaidmyselfthatitwasbase,loathsome,vile,vile……theverythoughtofitmademefeelsickandfilledmewithhorror。

“No,Icouldn"tdoit,Icouldn"tdoit!Granted,grantedthatthereisnoflawinallthatreasoning,thatallthatIhaveconcludedthislastmonthisclearasday,trueasarithmetic……MyGod!AnywayIcouldn"tbringmyselftoit!Icouldn"tdoit,Icouldn"tdoit!

Why,whythenamIstill……？”

Herosetohisfeet,lookedroundinwonderasthoughsurprisedatfindinghimselfinthisplace,andwenttowardsthebridge。Hewaspale,hiseyesglowed,hewasexhaustedineverylimb,butheseemedsuddenlytobreathemoreeasily。Hefelthehadcastoffthatfearfulburdenthathadsolongbeenweighinguponhim,andallatoncetherewasasenseofreliefandpeaceinhissoul。“Lord,“heprayed,“showmemypath-Irenouncethataccursed……dreamofmine。“

Crossingthebridge,hegazedquietlyandcalmlyattheNeva,attheglowingredsunsettingintheglowingsky。Inspiteofhisweaknesshewasnotconsciousoffatigue。Itwasasthoughanabscessthathadbeenformingforamonthpastinhishearthadsuddenlybroken。

Freedom,freedom!Hewasfreefromthatspell,thatsorcery,thatobsession!

Lateron,whenherecalledthattimeandallthathappenedtohimduringthosedays,minutebyminute,pointbypoint,hewassuperstitiouslyimpressedbyonecircumstance,whichthoughinitselfnotveryexceptional,alwaysseemedtohimafterwardsthepredestinedturning-pointofhisfate。Hecouldneverunderstandandexplaintohimselfwhy,whenhewastiredandwornout,whenitwouldhavebeenmoreconvenientforhimtogohomebytheshortestandmostdirectway,hehadreturnedbytheHayMarketwherehehadnoneedtogo。Itwasobviouslyandquiteunnecessarilyoutofhisway,thoughnotmuchso。Itistruethatithappenedtohimdozensoftimestoreturnhomewithoutnoticingwhatstreetshepassedthrough。Butwhy,hewasalwaysaskinghimself,whyhadsuchanimportant,suchadecisiveandatthesametimesuchanabsolutelychancemeetinghappenedintheHayMarket(wherehehadmoreovernoreasontogo)

attheveryhour,theveryminuteofhislifewhenhewasjustintheverymoodandintheverycircumstancesinwhichthatmeetingwasabletoexertthegravestandmostdecisiveinfluenceonhiswholedestiny?Asthoughithadbeenlyinginwaitforhimonpurpose!

Itwasaboutnineo"clockwhenhecrossedtheHayMarket。Atthetablesandthebarrows,attheboothsandtheshops,allthemarketpeoplewereclosingtheirestablishmentsorclearingawayandpackinguptheirwaresand,liketheircustomers,weregoinghome。