第4章
Onthestairsherememberedthathewasleavingallthethingsjustastheywereintheholeinthewall,“andverylikely,it"sonpurposetosearchwhenI"mout,“hethought,andstoppedshort。Buthewaspossessedbysuchdespair,suchcynicismofmisery,ifonemaysocallit,thatwithawaveofhishandhewenton。“Onlytogetitover！”
Inthestreettheheatwasinsufferableagain;notadropofrainhadfallenallthosedays。Againdust,bricks,andmortar,againthestenchfromtheshopsandpot-houses,againthedrunkenmen,theFinnishpedlarsandhalf-broken-downcabs。Thesunshonestraightinhiseyes,sothatithurthimtolookoutofthem,andhefelthisheadgoinground-asamaninafeverisapttofeelwhenhecomesoutintothestreetonabrightsunnyday。
Whenhereachedtheturningintothestreet,inanagonyoftrepidationhelookeddownit……atthehouse……andatonceavertedhiseyes。
“Iftheyquestionme,perhapsI"llsimplytell,“hethought,ashedrewnearthepolicestation。
Thepolicestationwasaboutaquarterofamileoff。Ithadlatelybeenmovedtonewroomsonthefourthfloorofanewhouse。
Hehadbeenonceforamomentintheoldofficebutlongago。
Turninginatthegateway,hesawontherightaflightofstairswhichapeasantwasmountingwithabookinhishand。“Ahouse-porter,nodoubt;sothen,theofficeishere,“andhebeganascendingthestairsonthechance。Hedidnotwanttoaskquestionsofanyone。
“I"llgoin,fallonmyknees,andconfesseverything……“hethought,ashereachedthefourthfloor。
Thestaircasewassteep,narrowandallsloppywithdirtywater。Thekitchensoftheflatsopenedontothestairsandstoodopenalmostthewholeday。Sotherewasafearfulsmellandheat。Thestaircasewascrowdedwithportersgoingupanddownwiththeirbooksundertheirarms,policemen,andpersonsofallsortsandbothsexes。Thedooroftheoffice,too,stoodwideopen。Peasantsstoodwaitingwithin。There,too,theheatwasstiflingandtherewasasickeningsmelloffreshpaintandstaleoilfromthenewlydecoratedrooms。
Afterwaitingalittle,hedecidedtomoveforwardintothenextroom。Alltheroomsweresmallandlow-pitched。Afearfulimpatiencedrewhimonandon。Noonepaidattentiontohim。Inthesecondroomsomeclerkssatwriting,dressedhardlybetterthanhewas,andratheraqueer-lookingset。Hewentuptooneofthem。
“Whatisit？”
Heshowedthenoticehehadreceived。
“Youareastudent？”themanasked,glancingatthenotice。
“Yes,formerlyastudent。“
Theclerklookedathim,butwithouttheslightestinterest。Hewasaparticularlyunkemptpersonwiththelookofafixedideainhiseye。
“Therewouldbenogettinganythingoutofhim,becausehehasnointerestinanything,“thoughtRaskolnikov。
“Gointheretotheheadclerk,“saidtheclerk,pointingtowardsthefurthestroom。
Hewentintothatroom-thefourthinorder;itwasasmallroomandpackedfullofpeople,ratherbetterdressedthanintheouterrooms。Amongthemweretwoladies。One,poorlydressedinmourning,satatthetableoppositethechiefclerk,writingsomethingathisdictation。Theother,averystout,buxomwomanwithapurplish-red,blotchyface,excessivelysmartlydressedwithabroochonherbosomasbigasasaucer,wasstandingononeside,apparentlywaitingforsomething。Raskolnikovthrusthisnoticeupontheheadclerk。Thelatterglancedatit,said：“Waitaminute,“andwentonattendingtotheladyinmourning。
Hebreathedmorefreely。“Itcan"tbethat！”
Bydegreeshebegantoregainconfidence,hekepturginghimselftohavecourageandbecalm。
“Somefoolishness,sometriflingcarelessness,andImaybetraymyself!Hm……it"sapitythere"snoairhere,“headded,“it"sstifling……Itmakesone"sheaddizzierthanever……andone"smindtoo……“
Hewasconsciousofaterribleinnerturmoil。Hewasafraidoflosinghisself-control;hetriedtocatchatsomethingandfixhismindonit,somethingquiteirrelevant,buthecouldnotsucceedinthisatall。Yettheheadclerkgreatlyinterestedhim,hekepthopingtoseethroughhimandguesssomethingfromhisface。
Hewasaveryyoungman,abouttwoandtwenty,withadarkmobilefacethatlookedolderthanhisyears。Hewasfashionablydressedandfoppish,withhishairpartedinthemiddle,wellcombedandpomaded,andworeanumberofringsonhiswell-scrubbedfingersandagoldchainonhiswaistcoat。HesaidacoupleofwordsinFrenchtoaforeignerwhowasintheroom,andsaidthemfairlycorrectly。
“LuiseIvanovna,youcansitdown,“hesaidcasuallytothegaily-dressed,purple-facedlady,whowasstillstandingasthoughnotventuringtositdown,thoughtherewasachairbesideher。
“Ichdanke,“saidthelatter,andsoftly,witharustleofsilkshesankintothechair。Herlightbluedresstrimmedwithwhitelacefloatedaboutthetablelikeanair-balloonandfilledalmosthalftheroom。Shesmeltofscent。Butshewasobviouslyembarrassedatfillinghalftheroomandsmellingsostronglyofscent;andthoughhersmilewasimpudentaswellascringing,itbetrayedevidentuneasiness。
Theladyinmourninghaddoneatlast,andgotup。Allatonce,withsomenoise,anofficerwalkedinveryjauntily,withapeculiarswingofhisshouldersateachstep。Hetossedhiscockadedcaponthetableandsatdowninaneasy-chair。Thesmallladypositivelyskippedfromherseatonseeinghim,andfelltocurtsyinginasortofecstasy;buttheofficertooknotthesmallestnoticeofher,andshedidnotventuretositdownagaininhispresence。Hewastheassistantsuperintendent。Hehadareddishmoustachethatstoodouthorizontallyoneachsideofhisface,andextremelysmallfeatures,expressiveofnothingmuchexceptacertaininsolence。HelookedaskanceandratherindignantlyatRaskolnikov;hewassoverybadlydressed,andinspiteofhishumiliatingposition,hisbearingwasbynomeansinkeepingwithhisclothes。Raskolnikovhadunwarilyfixedaverylonganddirectlookonhim,sothathefeltpositivelyaffronted。
“Whatdoyouwant？”heshouted,apparentlyastonishedthatsucharaggedfellowwasnotannihilatedbythemajestyofhisglance。
“Iwassummoned……byanotice……“Raskolnikovfaltered。
“Fortherecoveryofmoneydue,fromthestudent,“theheadclerkinterferedhurriedly,tearinghimselffromhispapers。“Here！”andheflungRaskolnikovadocumentandpointedouttheplace。“Readthat！”
“Money?Whatmoney？”thoughtRaskolnikov,“but……then……it"scertainlynotthat。“
Andhetrembledwithjoy。Hefeltsuddenintenseindescribablerelief。Aloadwasliftedfromhisback。
“Andpray,whattimewereyoudirectedtoappear,sir？”shoutedtheassistantsuperintendent,seemingforsomeunknownreasonmoreandmoreaggrieved。“Youaretoldtocomeatnine,andnowit"stwelve！”
“Thenoticewasonlybroughtmeaquarterofanhourago,“
Raskolnikovansweredloudlyoverhisshoulder。Tohisownsurprisehe,too,grewsuddenlyangryandfoundacertainpleasureinit。“Andit"senoughthatIhavecomehereillwithfever。“
“Kindlyrefrainfromshouting！”
“I"mnotshouting,I"mspeakingveryquietly,it"syouwhoareshoutingatme。I"mastudent,andallownoonetoshoutatme。“
Theassistantsuperintendentwassofuriousthatforthefirstminutehecouldonlysplutterinarticulately。Heleapedupfromhisseat。
“Besilent!Youareinagovernmentoffice。Don"tbeimpudent,sir！”
“You"reinagovernmentoffice,too,“criedRaskolnikov,“andyou"resmokingacigaretteaswellasshouting,soyouareshowingdisrespecttoallofus。“
Hefeltanindescribablesatisfactionathavingsaidthis。
Theheadclerklookedathimwithasmile。Theangryassistantsuperintendentwasobviouslydisconcerted。
“That"snotyourbusiness！”heshoutedatlastwithunnaturalloudness。“Kindlymakethedeclarationdemandedofyou。Showhim。
AlexandrGrigorievitch。Thereisacomplaintagainstyou!Youdon"tpayyourdebts!You"reafinebird！”
ButRaskolnikovwasnotlisteningnow;hehadeagerlyclutchedatthepaper,inhastetofindanexplanation。Hereaditonce,andasecondtime,andstilldidnotunderstand。
“Whatisthis？”heaskedtheheadclerk。
“ItisfortherecoveryofmoneyonanI。O。U。,awrit。Youmusteitherpayit,withallexpenses,costsandsoon,orgiveawrittendeclarationwhenyoucanpayit,andatthesametimeanundertakingnottoleavethecapitalwithoutpayment,andnortosellorconcealyourproperty。Thecreditorisatlibertytosellyourproperty,andproceedagainstyouaccordingtothelaw。“
“ButI……amnotindebttoanyone！”
“That"snotourbusiness。Here,anI。O。U。forahundredandfifteenroubles,legallyattested,anddueforpayment,hasbeenbroughtusforrecovery,givenbyyoutothewidowoftheassessorZarnitsyn,ninemonthsago,andpaidoverbythewidowZarnitsyntooneMr。Tchebarov。Wethereforesummonyouhereupon。“
“Butsheismylandlady！”
“Andwhatifsheisyourlandlady？”
Theheadclerklookedathimwithacondescendingsmileofcompassion,andatthesametimewithacertaintriumph,asatanoviceunderfireforthefirsttime-asthoughhewouldsay：“Well,howdoyoufeelnow？”ButwhatdidhecarenowforanI。O。U。,forawritofrecovery!Wasthatworthworryingaboutnow,wasitworthattentioneven!Hestood,heread,helistened,heanswered,heevenaskedquestionshimself,butallmechanically。Thetriumphantsenseofsecurity,ofdeliverancefromoverwhelmingdanger,thatwaswhatfilledhiswholesoulthatmomentwithoutthoughtforthefuture,withoutanalysis,withoutsuppositionsorsurmises,withoutdoubtsandwithoutquestioning。Itwasaninstantoffull,direct,purelyinstinctivejoy。Butatthatverymomentsomethinglikeathunderstormtookplaceintheoffice。Theassistantsuperintendent,stillshakenbyRaskolnikov"sdisrespect,stillfumingandobviouslyanxioustokeepuphiswoundeddignity,pouncedontheunfortunatesmartlady,whohadbeengazingathimeversincehecameinwithanexceedinglysillysmile。
“Youshamefulhussy！”heshoutedsuddenlyatthetopofhisvoice。
(Theladyinmourninghadlefttheoffice。)“Whatwasgoingonatyourhouselastnight?Eh!Adisgraceagain,you"reascandaltothewholestreet。Fightinganddrinkingagain。Doyouwantthehouseofcorrection?Why,IhavewarnedyoutentimesoverthatIwouldnotletyouofftheeleventh!Andhereyouareagain,again,you……you……！”
ThepaperfelloutofRaskolnikov"shands,andhelookedwildlyatthesmartladywhowassounceremoniouslytreated。Buthesoonsawwhatitmeant,andatoncebegantofindpositiveamusementinthescandal。Helistenedwithpleasure,sothathelongedtolaughandlaugh……allhisnerveswereonedge。
“IlyaPetrovitch！”theheadclerkwasbeginninganxiously,butstoppedshort,forheknewfromexperiencethattheenragedassistantcouldnotbestoppedexceptbyforce。
Asforthesmartlady,atfirstshepositivelytrembledbeforethestorm。Butstrangetosay,themorenumerousandviolentthetermsofabusebecame,themoreamiableshelooked,andthemoreseductivethesmilesshelavishedontheterribleassistant。Shemoveduneasily,andcurtsiedincessantly,waitingimpatientlyforachanceofputtinginherword;andatlastshefoundit。
“Therewasnosortofnoiseorfightinginmyhouse,Mr。Captain,“
shepatteredallatonce,likepeasdropping,speakingRussianconfidently,thoughwithastrongGermanaccent,“andnosortofscandal,andhishonourcamedrunk,andit"sthewholetruthIamtelling,Mr。Captain,andIamnottoblame……Mineisanhonourablehouse,Mr。Captain,andhonourablebehaviour,Mr。
Captain,andIalways,alwaysdislikeanyscandalmyself。Buthecamequitetipsy,andaskedforthreebottlesagain,andthenhelifteduponeleg,andbeganplayingthepianofortewithonefoot,andthatisnotatallrightinanhonourablehouse,andheganzbrokethepiano,anditwasverybadmannersindeedandIsaidso。Andhetookupabottleandbeganhittingeveryonewithit。AndthenIcalledtheporter,andKarlcame,andhetookKarlandhithimintheeye;andhehitHenrietteintheeye,too,andgavemefiveslapsonthecheek。
Anditwassoungentlemanlyinanhonourablehouse,Mr。Captain,andI
screamed。Andheopenedthewindowoverthecanal,andstoodinthewindow,squealinglikealittlepig;itwasadisgrace。Theideaofsquealinglikealittlepigatthewindowintothestreet!Fieuponhim!AndKarlpulledhimawayfromthewindowbyhiscoat,anditistrue,Mr。Captain,hetoreseinRock。Andthenheshoutedthatmanmusspayhimfifteenroublesdamages。AndIdidpayhim,Mr。
Captain,fiveroublesforseinRock。Andheisanungentlemanlyvisitorandcausedallthescandal。"Iwillshowyouup,"hesaid,"forIcanwritetoallthepapersaboutyou。"“
“Thenhewasanauthor？”
“Yes,Mr。Captain,andwhatanungentlemanlyvisitorinanhonourablehouse……“
“Nowthen!Enough!Ihavetoldyoualready……“
“IlyaPetrovitch！”theheadclerkrepeatedsignificantly。
Theassistantglancedrapidlyathim;theheadclerkslightlyshookhishead。
“……SoItellyouthis,mostrespectableLuiseIvanovna,andItellityouforthelasttime,“theassistantwenton。“Ifthereisascandalinyourhonourablehouseonceagain,Iwillputyouyourselfinthelock-up,asitiscalledinpolitesociety。Doyouhear?Soaliteraryman,anauthortookfiveroublesforhiscoat-tailinan"honourablehouse"?Aniceset,theseauthors！”
AndhecastacontemptuousglanceatRaskolnikov。“Therewasascandaltheotherdayinarestaurant,too。Anauthorhadeatenhisdinnerandwouldnotpay;"I"llwriteasatireonyou,"sayshe。Andtherewasanotherofthemonasteamerlastweekusedthemostdisgracefullanguagetotherespectablefamilyofacivilcouncillor,hiswifeanddaughter。Andtherewasoneofthemturnedoutofaconfectioner"sshoptheotherday。Theyarelikethat,authors,literarymen,students,town-criers……Pfoo!Yougetalong!I
shalllookinuponyoumyselfoneday。Thenyouhadbetterbecareful!
Doyouhear？”
Withhurrieddeference,LuiseIvanovnafelltocurtsyinginalldirections,andsocurtsiedherselftothedoor。Butatthedoor,shestumbledbackwardsagainstagood-lookingofficerwithafresh,openfaceandsplendidthickfairwhiskers。Thiswasthesuperintendentofthedistricthimself,NikodimFomitch。LuiseIvanovnamadehastetocurtsyalmosttotheground,andwithmincinglittlesteps,sheflutteredoutoftheoffice。
“Againthunderandlightning-ahurricane！”saidNikodimFomitchtoIlyaPetrovitchinacivilandfriendlytone。“Youarearousedagain,youarefumingagain!Ihearditonthestairs！”
“Well,whatthen！”IlyaPetrovitchdrawledwithgentlemanlynonchalance;andhewalkedwithsomepaperstoanothertable,withajauntyswingofhisshouldersateachstep。“Here,ifyouwillkindlylook：anauthor,orastudent,hasbeenoneatleast,doesnotpayhisdebts,hasgivenanI。O。U。,won"tclearoutofhisroom,andcomplaintsareconstantlybeinglodgedagainsthim,andherehehasbeenpleasedtomakeaprotestagainstmysmokinginhispresence!
Hebehaveslikeacadhimself,andjustlookathim,please。Here"sthegentleman,andveryattractiveheis！”
“Povertyisnotavice,myfriend,butweknowyougoofflikepowder,youcan"tbearaslight,Idaresayyoutookoffenceatsomethingandwenttoofaryourself,“continuedNikodimFomitch,turningaffablytoRaskolnikov。“Butyouwerewrongthere;heisacapitalfellow,Iassureyou,butexplosive,explosive!Hegetshot,firesup,boilsover,andnostoppinghim!Andthenit"sallover!Andatthebottomhe"saheartofgold!HisnicknameintheregimentwastheExplosiveLieutenant……“
“Andwhataregimentitwas,too,“criedIlyaPetrovitch,muchgratifiedatthisagreeablebanter,thoughstillsulky。
Raskolnikovhadasuddendesiretosaysomethingexceptionallypleasanttothemall。“Excuseme,Captain,“hebeganeasily,suddenlyaddressingNikodimFomitch,“willyouenterintomyposition……Iamreadytoaskpardon,ifIhavebeenill-mannered。
Iamapoorstudent,sickandshattered(shatteredwasthewordheused)bypoverty。Iamnotstudying,becauseIcannotkeepmyselfnow,butIshallgetmoney……IhaveamotherandsisterintheprovinceofX。Theywillsendittome,andIwillpay。Mylandladyisagood-heartedwoman,butsheissoexasperatedatmyhavinglostmylessons,andnotpayingherforthelastfourmonths,thatshedoesnotevensendupmydinner……andIdon"tunderstandthisI。O。U。atall。SheisaskingmetopayheronthisI。O。U。HowamItopayher?
Judgeforyourselves!……“
“Butthatisnotourbusiness,youknow,“theheadclerkwasobserving。
“Yes,yes。Iperfectlyagreewithyou。Butallowmetoexplain……“
Raskolnikovputinagain,stilladdressingNikodimFomitch,buttryinghisbesttoaddressIlyaPetrovitchalso,thoughthelatterpersistentlyappearedtoberummagingamonghispapersandtobecontemptuouslyobliviousofhim。“AllowmetoexplainthatIhavebeenlivingwithherfornearlythreeyearsandatfirst……atfirst……forwhyshouldInotconfessit,attheverybeginningIpromisedtomarryherdaughter,itwasaverbalpromise,freelygiven……shewasagirl……indeed,Ilikedher,thoughIwasnotinlovewithher……ayouthfulaffairinfact……thatis,Imeantosay,thatmylandladygavemecreditfreelyinthosedays,andIledalifeof……Iwasveryheedless……“
“Nobodyasksyouforthesepersonaldetails,sir,we"venotimetowaste,“IlyaPetrovitchinterposedroughlyandwithanoteoftriumph;
butRaskolnikovstoppedhimhotly,thoughhesuddenlyfounditexceedinglydifficulttospeak。
“Butexcuseme,excuseme。Itisformetoexplain……howitallhappened……Inmyturn……thoughIagreewithyou……itisunnecessary。Butayearago,thegirldiedoftyphus。Iremainedlodgingthereasbefore,andwhenmylandladymovedintoherpresentquarters,shesaidtome……andinafriendlyway……thatshehadcompletetrustinme,butstill,wouldInotgiveheranI。O。U。foronehundredandfifteenroubles,allthedebtIowedher。ShesaidifonlyIgaveherthat,shewouldtrustmeagain,asmuchasIliked,andthatshewouldnever,never-thosewereherownwords-makeuseofthatI。O。U。tillIcouldpayofmyself……andnow,whenIhavelostmylessonsandhavenothingtoeat,shetakesactionagainstme。WhatamItosaytothat？”
“Alltheseaffectingdetailsarenobusinessofours。“IlyaPetrovitchinterruptedrudely。“Youmustgiveawrittenundertakingbutasforyourloveaffairsandallthesetragicevents,wehavenothingtodowiththat。“
“Comenow……youareharsh,“mutteredNikodimFomitch,sittingdownatthetableandalsobeginningtowrite。Helookedalittleashamed。
“Write！”saidtheheadclerktoRaskolnikov。
“Writewhat？”thelatterasked,gruffly。
“Iwilldictatetoyou。“
Raskolnikovfanciedthattheheadclerktreatedhimmorecasuallyandcontemptuouslyafterhisspeech,butstrangetosayhesuddenlyfeltcompletelyindifferenttoanyone"sopinion,andthisrevulsiontookplaceinaflash,inoneinstant。Ifhehadcaredtothinkalittle,hewouldhavebeenamazedindeedthathecouldhavetalkedtothemlikethataminutebefore,forcinghisfeelingsuponthem。Andwherehadthosefeelingscomefrom?Nowifthewholeroomhadbeenfilled,notwithpoliceofficers,butwiththosenearestanddearesttohim,hewouldnothavefoundonehumanwordforthem,soemptywashisheart。Agloomysensationofagonising,everlastingsolitudeandremoteness,tookconsciousforminhissoul。ItwasnotthemeannessofhissentimentaleffusionsbeforeIlyaPetrovitch,northemeannessofthelatter"striumphoverhimthathadcausedthissuddenrevulsioninhisheart。Oh,whathadhetodonowwithhisownbaseness,withallthesepettyvanities,officers,Germanwomen,debts,policeoffices?Ifhehadbeensentencedtobeburntatthatmoment,hewouldnothavestirred,wouldhardlyhaveheardthesentencetotheend。Somethingwashappeningtohimentirelynew,suddenandunknown。Itwasnotthatheunderstood,buthefeltclearlywithalltheintensityofsensationthathecouldnevermoreappealtothesepeopleinthepoliceofficewithsentimentaleffusionlikehisrecentoutburst,orwithanythingwhatever;andthatiftheyhadbeenhisownbrothersandsistersandnotpoliceofficers,itwouldhavebeenutterlyoutofthequestiontoappealtotheminanycircumstanceoflife。Hehadneverexperiencedsuchastrangeandawfulsensation。Andwhatwasmostagonising-itwasmoreasensationthanaconceptionoridea,adirectsensation,themostagonisingofallthesensationshehadknowninhislife。
Theheadclerkbegandictatingtohimtheusualformofdeclaration,thathecouldnotpay,thatheundertooktodosoatafuturedate,thathewouldnotleavethetown,norsellhisproperty,andsoon。
“Butyoucan"twrite,youcanhardlyholdthepen,“observedtheheadclerk,lookingwithcuriosityatRaskolnikov。“Areyouill？”
“Yes,Iamgiddy。Goon！”
“That"sall。Signit。“
Theheadclerktookthepaper,andturnedtoattendtoothers。
Raskolnikovgavebackthepen;butinsteadofgettingupandgoingaway,heputhiselbowsonthetableandpressedhisheadinhishands。Hefeltasifanailwerebeingdrivenintohisskull。A
strangeideasuddenlyoccurredtohim,togetupatonce,togouptoNikodimFomitch,andtellhimeverythingthathadhappenedyesterday,andthentogowithhimtohislodgingsandtoshowhimthethingsintheholeinthecorner。Theimpulsewassostrongthathegotupfromhisseattocarryitout。“Hadn"tIbetterthinkaminute？”flashedthroughhismind。“No,bettercastofftheburdenwithoutthinking。“Butallatoncehestoodstill,rootedtothespot。
NikodimFomitchwastalkingeagerlywithIlyaPetrovitch,andthewordsreachedhim：
“It"simpossible,they"llbothbereleased。Tobeginwith,thewholestorycontradictsitself。Whyshouldtheyhavecalledtheporter,ifithadbeentheirdoing?Toinformagainstthemselves?Orasablind?No,thatwouldbetoocunning!Besides,Pestryakov,thestudent,wasseenatthegatebyboththeportersandawomanashewentin。Hewaswalkingwiththreefriends,wholefthimonlyatthegate,andheaskedtheporterstodirecthim,inthepresenceofthefriends。Now,wouldhehaveaskedhiswayifhehadbeengoingwithsuchanobject?AsforKoch,hespenthalfanhouratthesilversmith"sbelow,beforehewentuptotheoldwomanandhelefthimatexactlyaquartertoeight。Nowjustconsider……“
“Butexcuseme,howdoyouexplainthiscontradiction?Theystatethemselvesthattheyknockedandthedoorwaslocked;yetthreeminuteslaterwhentheywentupwiththeporter,itturnedoutthedoorwasunfastened。“
“That"sjustit;themurderermusthavebeenthereandboltedhimselfin;andthey"dhavecaughthimforacertaintyifKochhadnotbeenanassandgonetolookfortheportertoo。Hemusthaveseizedtheintervaltogetdownstairsandslipbythemsomehow。Kochkeepscrossinghimselfandsaying：“IfIhadbeenthere,hewouldhavejumpedoutandkilledmewithhisaxe。"Heisgoingtohaveathanksgivingservice-ha,ha！”
“Andnoonesawthemurderer？”
“Theymightwellnotseehim;thehouseisaregularNoah"sArk,“
saidtheheadclerk,whowaslistening。
“It"sclear,quiteclear,“NikodimFomitchrepeatedwarmly。
“No,itisanythingbutclear,“IlyaPetrovitchmaintained。
Raskolnikovpickeduphishatandwalkedtowardsthedoor,buthedidnotreachit……
Whenherecoveredconsciousness,hefoundhimselfsittinginachair,supportedbysomeoneontherightside,whilesomeoneelsewasstandingontheleft,holdingayellowishglassfilledwithyellowwater,andNikodimFomitchstandingbeforehim,lookingintentlyathim。Hegotupfromthechair。
“What"sthis?Areyouill？”NikodimFomitchasked,rathersharply。
“Hecouldhardlyholdhispenwhenhewassigning,“saidtheheadclerk,settlingbackinhisplace,andtakinguphisworkagain。
“Haveyoubeenilllong？”criedIlyaPetrovitchfromhisplace,wherehe,too,waslookingthroughpapers。Hehad,ofcourse,cometolookatthesickmanwhenhefainted,butretiredatoncewhenherecovered。
“Sinceyesterday,“mutteredRaskolnikovinreply。
“Didyougooutyesterday？”
“Yes。“
“Thoughyouwereill？”
“Yes。“
“Atwhattime？”
“Aboutseven。“
“Andwheredidyougo,myIask？”
“Alongthestreet。“
“Shortandclear。“
Raskolnikov,whiteasahandkerchief,hadansweredsharply,jerkily,withoutdroppinghisblackfeverisheyesbeforeIlyaPetrovitch"sstare。
“Hecanscarcelystandupright。Andyou……“NikodimFomitchwasbeginning。
“Nomatter,“IlyaPetrovitchpronouncedratherpeculiarly。
NikodimFomitchwouldhavemadesomefurtherprotest,butglancingattheheadclerkwhowaslookingveryhardathim,hedidnotspeak。Therewasasuddensilence。Itwasstrange。
“Verywell,then,“concludedIlyaPetrovitch,“wewillnotdetainyou。“
Raskolnikovwentout。Hecaughtthesoundofeagerconversationonhisdeparture,andabovetherestrosethequestioningvoiceofNikodimFomitch。Inthestreet,hisfaintnesspassedoffcompletely。
“Asearch-therewillbeasearchatonce,“herepeatedtohimself,hurryinghome。“Thebrutes!theysuspect。“
Hisformerterrormasteredhimcompletelyagain。
ChapterTwo“ANDWHATiftherehasbeenasearchalready?WhatifIfindtheminmyroom？”
Butherewashisroom。Nothingandnooneinit。Noonehadpeepedin。EvenNastasyahadnottouchedit。Butheavens!howcouldhehaveleftallthosethingsinthehole?
Herushedtothecorner,slippedhishandunderthepaper,pulledthethingsoutandlinedhispocketswiththem。Therewereeightarticlesinall：twolittleboxeswithear-ringsorsomethingofthesort,hehardlylookedtosee;thenfoursmallleathercases。Therewasachain,too,merelywrappedinnewspaperandsomethingelseinnewspaper,thatlookedlikeadecoration……Heputthemallinthedifferentpocketsofhisovercoat,andtheremainingpocketofhistrousers,tryingtoconcealthemasmuchaspossible。Hetookthepurse,too。Thenhewentoutofhisroom,leavingthedooropen。Hewalkedquicklyandresolutely,andthoughhefeltshattered,hehadhissensesabouthim。Hewasafraidofpursuit,hewasafraidthatinanotherhalf-hour,anotherquarterofanhourperhaps,instructionswouldbeissuedforhispursuit,andsoatallcosts,hemusthidealltracesbeforethen。Hemustcleareverythingupwhilehestillhadsomestrength,somereasoningpowerlefthim……Wherewashetogo?
Thathadlongbeensettled：“Flingthemintothecanal,andalltraceshiddeninthewater,thethingwouldbeatanend。“Sohehaddecidedinthenightofhisdeliriumwhenseveraltimeshehadhadtheimpulsetogetupandgoaway,tomakehaste,andgetridofitall。
Buttogetridofit,turnedouttobeaverydifficulttask。HewanderedalongthebankoftheEkaterininskyCanalforhalfanhourormoreandlookedseveraltimesatthestepsrunningdowntothewater,buthecouldnotthinkofcarryingouthisplan;eitherraftsstoodatthesteps"edge,andwomenwerewashingclothesonthem,orboatsweremooredthere,andpeoplewereswarmingeverywhere。Moreoverhecouldbeseenandnoticedfromthebanksonallsides;itwouldlooksuspiciousforamantogodownonpurpose,stop,andthrowsomethingintothewater。Andwhatiftheboxesweretofloatinsteadofsinking?Andofcoursetheywould。Evenasitwas,everyonehemetseemedtostareandlookround,asiftheyhadnothingtodobuttowatchhim。“Whyisit,orcanitbemyfancy？”hethought。
AtlastthethoughtstruckhimthatitmightbebettertogototheNeva。Therewerenotsomanypeoplethere,hewouldbelessobserved,anditwouldbemoreconvenientineveryway,aboveallitwasfurtheroff。Hewonderedhowhecouldhavebeenwanderingforagoodhalf-hour,worriedandanxiousinthisdangerouspartwithoutthinkingofitbefore。Andthathalf-hourhehadlostoveranirrationalplan,simplybecausehehadthoughtofitindelirium!Hehadbecomeextremelyabsentandforgetfulandhewasawareofit。Hecertainlymustmakehaste。
HewalkedtowardstheNevaalongV___Prospect,butonthewayanotherideastruckhim。“WhytotheNeva?Woulditnotbebettertogosomewherefaroff,totheIslandsagain,andtherehidethethingsinsomesolitaryplace,inawoodorunderabush,andmarkthespotperhaps？”Andthoughhefeltincapableofclearjudgment,theideaseemedtohimasoundone。Buthewasnotdestinedtogothere。
ForcomingoutofV___Prospecttowardsthesquare,hesawontheleftapassageleadingbetweentwoblankwallstoacourtyard。Ontherighthand,theblankunwhitewashedwallofafour-storiedhousestretchedfarintothecourt;ontheleft,awoodenhoardingranparallelwithitfortwentypacesintothecourt,andthenturnedsharplytotheleft。Herewasadesertedfenced-offplacewhererubbishofdifferentsortswaslying。Attheendofthecourt,thecornerofalow,smutty,stoneshed,apparentlypartofsomeworkshop,peepedfrombehindthehoarding。Itwasprobablyacarriagebuilder"sorcarpenter"sshed;thewholeplacefromtheentrancewasblackwithcoaldust。Herewouldbetheplacetothrowit,hethought。Notseeinganyoneintheyard,heslippedin,andatoncesawnearthegateasink,suchasisoftenputinyardswheretherearemanyworkmenorcabdrivers;andonthehoardingabovehadbeenscribbledinchalkthetime-honouredwitticism,“Standingherestrictlyforbidden。“
Thiswasallthebetter,fortherewouldbenothingsuspiciousabouthisgoingin。“HereIcouldthrowitallinaheapandgetaway！”
Lookingroundoncemore,withhishandalreadyinhispocket,henoticedagainsttheouterwall,betweentheentranceandthesink,abigunhewnstone,weighingperhapssixtypounds。Theothersideofthewallwasastreet。Hecouldhearpassers-by,alwaysnumerousinthatpart,buthecouldnotbeseenfromtheentrance,unlesssomeonecameinfromthestreet,whichmightwellhappenindeed,sotherewasneedofhaste。
Hebentdownoverthestone,seizedthetopofitfirmlyinbothhands,andusingallhisstrengthturneditover。Underthestonewasasmallhollowintheground,andheimmediatelyemptiedhispocketintoit。Thepurselayatthetop,andyetthehollowwasnotfilledup。Thenheseizedthestoneagainandwithonetwistturneditback,sothatitwasinthesamepositionagain,thoughitstoodaverylittlehigher。Buthescrapedtheearthaboutitandpresseditattheedgeswithhisfoot。Nothingcouldbenoticed。
Thenhewentout,andturnedintothesquare。Againanintense,almostunbearablejoyoverwhelmedhimforaninstant,asithadinthepoliceoffice。“Ihaveburiedmytracks!Andwho,whocanthinkoflookingunderthatstone?Ithasbeenlyingtheremostlikelyeversincethehousewasbuilt,andwilllieasmanyyearsmore。Andifitwerefound,whowouldthinkofme?Itisallover!Noclue！”Andhelaughed。Yes,herememberedthathebeganlaughingathin,nervousnoiselesslaugh,andwentonlaughingallthetimehewascrossingthesquare。ButwhenhereachedtheK___Boulevardwheretwodaysbeforehehadcomeuponthatgirl,hislaughtersuddenlyceased。Otherideascreptintohismind。Hefeltallatoncethatitwouldbeloathsometopassthatseatonwhichafterthegirlwasgone,hehadsatandpondered,andthatitwouldbehateful,too,tomeetthatwhiskeredpolicemantowhomhehadgiventhetwentycopecks：“Damnhim！”
Hewalked,lookingabouthimangrilyanddistractedly。Allhisideasnowseemedtobecirclingroundsomesinglepoint,andhefeltthattherereallywassuchapoint,andthatnow,now,hewasleftfacingthatpoint-andforthefirsttime,indeed,duringthelasttwomonths。
“Damnitall！”hethoughtsuddenly,inafitofungovernablefury。
“Ifithasbegun,thenithasbegun。Hangthenewlife!GoodLord,howstupiditis!……AndwhatliesItoldto-day!HowdespicablyI
fawneduponthatwretchedIlyaPetrovitch!Butthatisallfolly!WhatdoIcareforthemall,andmyfawninguponthem!Itisnotthatatall!Itisnotthatatall！”
Suddenlyhestopped;anewutterlyunexpectedandexceedinglysimplequestionperplexedandbitterlyconfoundedhim。
“Ifitallhasreallybeendonedeliberatelyandnotidiotically,ifIreallyhadacertainanddefiniteobject,howisitIdidnotevenglanceintothepurseanddon"tknowwhatIhadthere,forwhichI
haveundergonetheseagonies,andhavedeliberatelyundertakenthisbase,filthydegradingbusiness?AndhereIwantedatoncetothrowintothewaterthepursetogetherwithallthethingswhichIhadnotseeneither……how"sthat？”
Yes,thatwasso,thatwasallso。Yethehadknownitallbefore,anditwasnotanewquestionforhim,evenwhenitwasdecidedinthenightwithouthesitationandconsideration,asthoughsoitmustbe,asthoughitcouldnotpossiblybeotherwise……Yes,hehadknownitall,andunderstooditall;itsurelyhadallbeensettledevenyesterdayatthemomentwhenhewasbendingovertheboxandpullingthejewel-casesoutofit……Yes,soitwas。
“ItisbecauseIamveryill,“hedecidedgrimlyatlast,“Ihavebeenworryingandfrettingmyself,andIdon"tknowwhatIamdoing……YesterdayandthedaybeforeyesterdayandallthistimeI
havebeenworryingmyself……IshallgetwellandIshallnotworry……ButwhatifIdon"tgetwellatall?GoodGod,howsickIamofitall！”
Hewalkedonwithoutresting。Hehadaterriblelongingforsomedistraction,buthedidnotknowwhattodo,whattoattempt。Anewoverwhelmingsensationwasgainingmoreandmoremasteryoverhimeverymoment;thiswasanimmeasurable,almostphysical,repulsionforeverythingsurroundinghim,anobstinate,malignantfeelingofhatred。
Allwhomethimwereloathsometohim-heloathedtheirfaces,theirmovements,theirgestures。Ifanyonehadaddressedhim,hefeltthathemighthavespatathimorbittenhim……
Hestoppedsuddenly,oncomingoutonthebankoftheLittleNeva,nearthebridgetoVassilyevskyOstrov。“Why,heliveshere,inthathouse,“hethought,“why,IhavenotcometoRazumihinofmyownaccord!Hereit"sthesamethingoveragain……Veryinterestingtoknow,though;haveIcomeonpurposeorhaveIsimplywalkedherebychance?Nevermind,IsaidthedaybeforeyesterdaythatIwouldgoandseehimthedayafter;well,andsoIwill!BesidesIreallycannotgofurthernow。“
HewentuptoRazumihin"sroomonthefifthfloor。
Thelatterwasathomeinhisgarret,busilywritingatthemoment,andheopenedthedoorhimself。Itwasfourmonthssincetheyhadseeneachother。Razumihinwassittinginaraggeddressing-gown,withslippersonhisbarefeet,unkempt,unshavenandunwashed。Hisfaceshowedsurprise。
“Isityou？”hecried。Helookedhiscomradeupanddown;thenafterabriefpause,hewhistled。“Ashardupasallthat!Why,brother,you"vecutmeout！”headded,lookingatRaskolnikov"srags。“Comesitdown,youaretired,I"llbebound。“
AndwhenhehadsunkdownontheAmericanleathersofa,whichwasinevenworseconditionthanhisown,Razumihinsawatoncethathisvisitorwasill。
“Why,youareseriouslyill,doyouknowthat？”Hebeganfeelinghispulse。Raskolnikovpulledawayhishand。
“Nevermind,“hesaid,“Ihavecomeforthis;Ihavenolessons……Iwanted……butIdon"twantlessons……“
“ButIsay!Youaredelirious,youknow！”Razumihinobserved,watchinghimcarefully。
“No,Iamnot。“
Raskolnikovgotupfromthesofa。AshehadmountedthestairstoRazumihin"s,hehadnotrealisedthathewouldbemeetinghisfriendfacetoface。Now,inaflash,heknew,thatwhathewasleastofalldisposedforatthatmomentwastobefacetofacewithanyoneinthewideworld。Hisspleenrosewithinhim。HealmostchokedwithrageathimselfassoonashecrossedRazumihin"sthreshold。
“Good-bye,“hesaidabruptly,andwalkedtothedoor。
“Stop,stop!Youqueerfish。“
“Idon"twantto,“saidtheother,againpullingawayhishand。
“Thenwhythedevilhaveyoucome?Areyoumad,orwhat?Why,thisis……almostinsulting!Iwon"tletyougolikethat。“
“Well,then,IcametoyoubecauseIknownoonebutyouwhocouldhelp……tobegin……becauseyouarekinderthananyone-clever,I
mean,andcanjudge……andnowIseethatIwantnothing。Doyouhear?
Nothingatall……noone"sservices……noone"ssympathy。Iambymyself……alone。Come,that"senough。Leavemealone。“
“Stayaminute,yousweep!Youareaperfectmadman。AsyoulikeforallIcare。Ihavenolessons,doyousee,andIdon"tcareaboutthat,butthere"sabookseller,Heruvimov-andhetakestheplaceofalesson。Iwouldnotexchangehimforfivelessons。He"sdoingpublishingofakind,andissuingnaturalsciencemanualsandwhatacirculationtheyhave!Theverytitlesareworththemoney!YoualwaysmaintainedthatIwasafool,butbyJove,myboy,therearegreaterfoolsthanIam!Nowheissettingupforbeingadvanced,notthathehasaninklingofanything,but,ofcourse,Iencouragehim。HerearetwosignaturesoftheGermantext-inmyopinion,thecrudestcharlatanism;itdiscussesthequestion,"Iswomanahumanbeing?"
And,ofcourse,triumphantlyprovesthatsheis。Heruvimovisgoingtobringoutthisworkasacontributiontothewomanquestion;Iamtranslatingit;hewillexpandthesetwoandahalfsignaturesintosix,weshallmakeupagorgeoustitlehalfapagelongandbringitoutathalfarouble。Itwilldo!Hepaysmesixroublesthesignature,itworksouttofifteenroublesforthejob,andI"vehadsixalreadyinadvance。Whenwehavefinishedthis,wearegoingtobeginatranslationaboutwhales,andthensomeofthedullestscandalsoutofthesecondpartofLesConfessionswehavemarkedfortranslation;somebodyhastoldHeruvimov,thatRousseauwasakindofRadishchev。YoumaybesureIdon"tcontradicthim,hanghim!Well,wouldyouliketodothesecondsignatureof"Iswomanahumanbeing?"
Ifyouwould,taketheGermanandpensandpaper-allthoseareprovided,andtakethreeroubles;forasIhavehadsixroublesinadvanceonthewholething,threeroublescometoyouforyourshare。Andwhenyouhavefinishedthesignaturetherewillbeanotherthreeroublesforyou。Andpleasedon"tthinkIamdoingyouaservice;quitethecontrary,assoonasyoucamein,Isawhowyoucouldhelpme;tobeginwith,Iamweakinspelling,andsecondly,I
amsometimesutterlyadriftinGerman,sothatImakeitupasIgoalongforthemostpart。Theonlycomfortis,thatit"sboundtobeachangeforthebetter。Thoughwhocantell,maybeit"ssometimesfortheworse。Willyoutakeit？”
RaskolnikovtooktheGermansheetsinsilence,tookthethreeroublesandwithoutawordwentout。Razumihingazedafterhiminastonishment。ButwhenRaskolnikovwasinthenextstreet,heturnedback,mountedthestairstoRazumihin"sagainandlayingonthetabletheGermanarticleandthethreeroubles,wentoutagain,stillwithoututteringaword。
“Areyouraving,orwhat？”Razumihinshouted,rousedtofuryatlast。“Whatfarceisthis?You"lldrivemecrazytoo……whatdidyoucometoseemefor,damnyou？”
“Idon"twant……translation,“mutteredRaskolnikovfromthestairs。
“Thenwhatthedevildoyouwant？”shoutedRazumihinfromabove。
Raskolnikovcontinueddescendingthestaircaseinsilence。
“Hey,there!Whereareyouliving？”
Noanswer。
“Well,confoundyouthen！”
ButRaskolnikovwasalreadysteppingintothestreet。OntheNikolaevskyBridgehewasrousedtofullconsciousnessagainbyanunpleasantincident。Acoachman,aftershoutingathimtwoorthreetimes,gavehimaviolentlashonthebackwithhiswhip,forhavingalmostfallenunderhishorses"hoofs。Thelashsoinfuriatedhimthathedashedawaytotherailing(forsomeunknownreasonhehadbeenwalkingintheverymiddleofthebridgeinthetraffic)。Heangrilyclenchedandgroundhisteeth。Heheardlaughter,ofcourse。
“Serveshimright！”
“ApickpocketIdaresay。“
“Pretendingtobedrunk,forsure,andgettingunderthewheelsonpurpose;andyouhavetoanswerforhim。“
“It"saregularprofession,that"swhatitis。“
Butwhilehestoodattherailing,stilllookingangryandbewilderedaftertheretreatingcarriage,andrubbinghisback,hesuddenlyfeltsomeonethrustmoneyintohishand。Helooked。Itwasanelderlywomaninakerchiefandgoatskinshoes,withagirl,probablyherdaughter,wearingahat,andcarryingagreenparasol。
“Takeit,mygoodman,inChrist"sname。“
Hetookitandtheypassedon。Itwasapieceoftwentycopecks。
Fromhisdressandappearancetheymightwellhavetakenhimforabeggaraskingalmsinthestreets,andthegiftofthetwentycopeckshedoubtlessowedtotheblow,whichmadethemfeelsorryforhim。
Heclosedhishandonthetwentycopecks,walkedonfortenpaces,andturnedfacingtheNeva,lookingtowardsthepalace。Theskywaswithoutacloudandthewaterwasalmostbrightblue,whichissorareintheNeva。Thecupolaofthecathedral,whichisseenatitsbestfromthebridgeabouttwentypacesfromthechapel,glitteredinthesunlight,andinthepureaireveryornamentonitcouldbeclearlydistinguished。Thepainfromthelashwentoff,andRaskolnikovforgotaboutit;oneuneasyandnotquitedefiniteideaoccupiedhimnowcompletely。Hestoodstill,andgazedlongandintentlyintothedistance;thisspotwasespeciallyfamiliartohim。Whenhewasattendingtheuniversity,hehadhundredsoftimes-generallyonhiswayhome-stoodstillonthisspot,gazedatthistrulymagnificentspectacleandalmostalwaysmarvelledatavagueandmysteriousemotionitrousedinhim。Itlefthimstrangelycold;thisgorgeouspicturewasforhimblankandlifeless。Hewonderedeverytimeathissombreandenigmaticimpressionand,mistrustinghimself,putofffindingtheexplanationofit。Hevividlyrecalledthoseolddoubtsandperplexities,anditseemedtohimthatitwasnomerechancethatherecalledthemnow。Itstruckhimasstrangeandgrotesque,thatheshouldhavestoppedatthesamespotasbefore,asthoughheactuallyimaginedhecouldthinkthesamethoughts,beinterestedinthesametheoriesandpicturesthathadinterestedhim……soshortatimeago。Hefeltitalmostamusing,andyetitwrunghisheart。Deepdown,hiddenfarawayoutofsightallthatseemedtohimnow-allhisoldpast,hisoldthoughts,hisoldproblemsandtheories,hisoldimpressionsandthatpictureandhimselfandall,all……Hefeltasthoughhewereflyingupwards,andeverythingwerevanishingfromhissight。Makinganunconsciousmovementwithhishand,hesuddenlybecameawareofthepieceofmoneyinhisfist。Heopenedhishand,staredatthecoin,andwithasweephisarmflungitintothewater;thenheturnedandwenthome。
Itseemedtohim,hehadcuthimselfofffromeveryoneandfromeverythingthatmoment。
Eveningwascomingonwhenhereachedhome,sothathemusthavebeenwalkingaboutsixhours。Howandwherehecamebackhedidnotremember。Undressing,andquiveringlikeanoverdrivenhorse,helaydownonthesofa,drewhisgreatcoatoverhim,andatoncesankintooblivion……
Itwasduskwhenhewaswakedupbyafearfulscream。GoodGod,whatascream!Suchunnaturalsounds,suchhowling,wailing,grinding,tears,blowsandcurseshehadneverheard。
Hecouldneverhaveimaginedsuchbrutality,suchfrenzy。Interrorhesatupinbed,almostswooningwithagony。Butthefighting,wailingandcursinggrewlouderandlouder。Andthentohisintenseamazementhecaughtthevoiceofhislandlady。Shewashowling,shriekingandwailing,rapidly,hurriedly,incoherently,sothathecouldnotmakeoutwhatshewastalkingabout;shewasbeseeching,nodoubt,nottobebeaten,forshewasbeingmercilesslybeatenonthestairs。Thevoiceofherassailantwassohorriblefromspiteandragethatitwasalmostacroak;buthe,too,wassayingsomething,andjustasquicklyandindistinctly,hurryingandspluttering。AllatonceRaskolnikovtrembled;herecognizedthevoice-itwasthevoiceofIlyaPetrovitch。IlyaPetrovitchhereandbeatingthelandlady!Heiskickingher,bangingherheadagainstthesteps-that"sclear,thatcanbetoldfromthesounds,fromthecriesandthethuds。Howisit,istheworldtopsy-turvy?Hecouldhearpeoplerunningincrowdsfromallthestoreysandallthestaircases;heheardvoices,exclamations,knocking,doorsbanging。
“Butwhy,why,andhowcoulditbe？”herepeated,thinkingseriouslythathehadgonemad。Butno,heheardtoodistinctly!Andtheywouldcometohimthennext,“fornodoubt……it"sallaboutthat……
aboutyesterday……GoodGod！”Hewouldhavefastenedhisdoorwiththelatch,buthecouldnotlifthishand……besides,itwouldbeuseless。Terrorgrippedhisheartlikeice,torturedhimandnumbedhim……Butatlastallthisuproar,aftercontinuingabouttenminutes,begangraduallytosubside。Thelandladywasmoaningandgroaning;IlyaPetrovitchwasstillutteringthreatsandcurses……
Butatlasthe,too,seemedtobesilent,andnowhecouldnotbeheard。“Canhehavegoneaway?GoodLord！”Yes,andnowthelandladyisgoingtoo,stillweepingandmoaning……andthenherdoorslammed……Nowthecrowdwasgoingfromthestairstotheirrooms,exclaiming,disputing,callingtooneanother,raisingtheirvoicestoashout,droppingthemtoawhisper。Theremusthavebeennumbersofthem-almostalltheinmatesoftheblock。“But,goodGod,howcoulditbe!Andwhy,whyhadhecomehere！”
Raskolnikovsankwornoutonthesofa,butcouldnotclosehiseyes。
Helayforhalfanhourinsuchanguish,suchanintolerablesensationofinfiniteterrorashehadneverexperiencedbefore。Suddenlyabrightlightflashedintohisroom。Nastasyacameinwithacandleandaplateofsoup。Lookingathimcarefullyandascertainingthathewasnotasleep,shesetthecandleonthetableandbegantolayoutwhatshehadbrought-bread,salt,aplate,aspoon。
“You"veeatennothingsinceyesterday,Iwarrant。You"vebeentrudgingaboutallday,andyou"reshakingwithfever。“
“Nastasya……whatweretheybeatingthelandladyfor？”
Shelookedintentlyathim。
“Whobeatthelandlady？”
“Justnow……halfanhourago,IlyaPetrovitch,theassistant-superintendent,onthestairs……Whywasheill-treatingherlikethat,and……whywashehere？”
Nastasyascrutinisedhim,silentandfrowning,andherscrutinylastedalongtime。Hefeltuneasy,evenfrightenedathersearchingeyes。
“Nastasya,whydon"tyouspeak？”hesaidtimidlyatlastinaweakvoice。
“It"stheblood,“sheansweredatlastsoftly,asthoughspeakingtoherself。
“Blood?Whatblood？”hemuttered,growingwhiteandturningtowardsthewall。
Nastasyastilllookedathimwithoutspeaking。
“Nobodyhasbeenbeatingthelandlady,“shedeclaredatlastinafirm,resolutevoice。
Hegazedather,hardlyabletobreathe。
“Ihearditmyself……Iwasnotasleep……Iwassittingup,“hesaidstillmoretimidly。“Ilistenedalongwhile。Theassistant-superintendentcame……Everyoneranoutontothestairsfromalltheflats。“
“Noonehasbeenhere。That"sthebloodcryinginyourears。Whenthere"snooutletforitanditgetsclotted,youbeginfancyingthings……Willyoueatsomething？”
Hemadenoanswer。Nastasyastillstoodoverhim,watchinghim。
“Givemesomethingtodrink……Nastasya。“
Shewentdownstairsandreturnedwithawhiteearthenwarejugofwater。Herememberedonlyswallowingonesipofthecoldwaterandspillingsomeonhisneck。Thenfollowedforgetfulness。
ChapterThreeHEWASnotcompletelyunconscious,however,allthetimehewasill;
hewasinafeverishstate,sometimesdelirious,sometimeshalfconscious。Herememberedagreatdealafterwards。Sometimesitseemedasthoughtherewereanumberofpeopleroundhim;theywantedtotakehimawaysomewhere,therewasagreatdealofsquabblinganddiscussingabouthim。Thenhewouldbealoneintheroom;theyhadallgoneawayafraidofhim,andonlynowandthenopenedthedooracracktolookathim;theythreatenedhim,plottedsomethingtogether,laughed,andmockedathim。HerememberedNastasyaoftenathisbedside;hedistinguishedanotherperson,too,whomheseemedtoknowverywell,thoughhecouldnotrememberwhohewas,andthisfrettedhim,evenmadehimcry。Sometimeshefanciedhehadbeenlyingthereamonth;atothertimesitallseemedpartofthesameday。Butofthat-ofthathehadnorecollection,andyeteveryminutehefeltthathehadforgottensomethingheoughttoremember。
Heworriedandtormentedhimselftryingtoremember,moaned,flewintoarage,orsankintoawful,intolerableterror。Thenhestruggledtogetup,wouldhaverunaway,butsomeonealwayspreventedhimbyforce,andhesankbackintoimpotenceandforgetfulness。Atlasthereturnedtocompleteconsciousness。
Ithappenedatteno"clockinthemorning。Onfinedaysthesunshoneintotheroomatthathour,throwingastreakoflightontherightwallandthecornernearthedoor。Nastasyawasstandingbesidehimwithanotherperson,acompletestranger,whowaslookingathimveryinquisitively。Hewasayoungmanwithabeard,wearingafull,short-waistedcoat,andlookedlikeamessenger。Thelandladywaspeepinginatthehalf-openeddoor。Raskolnikovsatup。
“Whoisthis,Nastasya？”heasked,pointingtotheyoungman。
“Isay,he"shimselfagain！”shesaid。
“Heishimself,“echoedtheman。
Concludingthathehadreturnedtohissenses,thelandladyclosedthedooranddisappeared。Shewasalwaysshyanddreadedconversationsordiscussions。Shewasawomanofforty,notatallbad-looking,fatandbuxom,withblackeyesandeyebrows,good-naturedfromfatnessandlaziness,andabsurdlybashful。
“Who……areyou？”hewenton,addressingtheman。Butatthatmomentthedoorwasflungopen,and,stoopingalittle,ashewassotall,Razumihincamein。
“Whatacabinitis！”hecried。“Iamalwaysknockingmyhead。Youcallthisalodging!Soyouareconscious,brother?I"vejustheardthenewsfromPashenka。“
“Hehasjustcometo,“saidNastasya。
“Justcometo,“echoedthemanagain,withasmile。
“Andwhoareyou？”Razumihinasked,suddenlyaddressinghim。“MynameisVrazumihin,atyourservice;notRazumihin,asIamalwayscalled,butVrazumihin,astudentandgentleman;andheismyfriend。Andwhoareyou？”
“Iamthemessengerfromouroffice,fromthemerchantShelopaev,andI"vecomeonbusiness。“
“Pleasesitdown。“Razumihinseatedhimselfontheothersideofthetable。“It"sagoodthingyou"vecometo,brother,“hewentontoRaskolnikov。“Forthelastfourdaysyouhavescarcelyeatenordrunkanything。Wehadtogiveyouteainspoonfuls。IbroughtZossimovtoseeyoutwice。YourememberZossimov?Heexaminedyoucarefullyandsaidatonceitwasnothingserious-somethingseemedtohavegonetoyourhead。Somenervousnonsense,theresultofbadfeeding,hesaysyouhavenothadenoughbeerandradish,butit"snothingmuch,itwillpassandyouwillbeallright。Zossimovisafirst-ratefellow!Heismakingquiteaname。Come,Iwon"tkeepyou,“
hesaid,addressingthemanagain。“Willyouexplainwhatyouwant?
Youmustknow,Rodya,thisisthesecondtimetheyhavesentfromtheoffice;butitwasanothermanlasttime,andItalkedtohim。Whowasitcamebefore？”
“Thatwasthedaybeforeyesterday,Iventuretosay,ifyouplease,sir。ThatwasAlexeySemyonovitch;heisinouroffice,too。“
“Hewasmoreintelligentthanyou,don"tyouthinkso？”
“Yes,indeed,sir,heisofmoreweightthanIam。“
“Quiteso;goon。“
“Atyourmamma"srequest,throughAfanasyIvanovitchVahrushin,ofwhomIpresumeyouhaveheardmorethanonce,aremittanceissenttoyoufromouroffice,“themanbegan,addressingRaskolnikov。“Ifyouareinanintelligiblecondition,I"vethirty-fiveroublestoremittoyou,asSemyonSemyonovitchhasreceivedfromAfanasyIvanovitchatyourmamma"srequestinstructionstothateffect,asonpreviousoccasions。Doyouknowhim,sir？”
“Yes,Iremember……Vahrushin,“Raskolnikovsaiddreamily。
“Youhear,heknowsVahrushin,“criedRazumihin。“Heisin"anintelligiblecondition"!AndIseeyouareanintelligentmantoo。
Well,it"salwayspleasanttohearwordsofwisdom。“
“That"sthegentleman,Vahrushin,AfanasyIvanovitch。Andattherequestofyourmamma,whohassentyouaremittanceoncebeforeinthesamemannerthroughhim,hedidnotrefusethistimealso,andsentinstructionstoSemyonSemyonovitchsomedayssincetohandyouthirty-fiveroublesinthehopeofbettertocome。“
“That"hopingforbettertocome"isthebestthingyou"vesaid,though"yourmamma"isnotbadeither。Comethen,whatdoyousay?
Ishefullyconscious,eh？”
“That"sallright。Ifonlyhecansignthislittlepaper。“
“Hecanscrawlhisname。Haveyougotthebook？”
“Yes,here"sthebook。“
“Giveittome。Here,Rodya,situp。I"llholdyou。Takethepenandscribble"Raskolnikov"forhim。Forjustnow,brother,moneyissweetertousthantreacle。“
“Idon"twantit,“saidRaskolnikov,pushingawaythepen。
“Notwantit？”
“Iwon"tsignit。“
“Howthedevilcanyoudowithoutsigningit？”
“Idon"twant……themoney。“
“Don"twantthemoney!Come,brother,that"snonsense,Ibearwitness。Don"ttrouble,please,it"sonlythatheisonhistravelsagain。Butthat"sprettycommonwithhimatalltimesthough……Youareamanofjudgmentandwewilltakehiminhand,thatis,moresimply,takehishandandhewillsignit。Here。“
“ButIcancomeanothertime。“
“No,no。Whyshouldwetroubleyou?Youareamanofjudgment……
Now,Rodya,don"tkeepyourvisitor,youseeheiswaiting,“andhemadereadytoholdRaskolnikov"shandinearnest。
“Stop,I"lldoitalone,“saidthelatter,takingthepenandsigninghisname。
Themessengertookoutthemoneyandwentaway。
“Bravo!Andnow,brother,areyouhungry？”
“Yes,“answeredRaskolnikov。
“Isthereanysoup？”
“Someofyesterday"s,“answeredNastasya,whowasstillstandingthere。
“Withpotatoesandriceinit？”
“Yes。“
“Iknowitbyheart。Bringsoupandgiveussometea。“
“Verywell。“
Raskolnikovlookedatallthiswithprofoundastonishmentandadull,unreasoningterror。Hemadeuphismindtokeepquietandseewhatwouldhappen。“IbelieveIamnotwandering。Ibelieveit"sreality,“hethought。
InacoupleofminutesNastasyareturnedwiththesoup,andannouncedthattheteawouldbereadydirectly。Withthesoupshebroughttwospoons,twoplates,salt,pepper,mustardforthebeef,andsoon。Thetablewassetasithadnotbeenforalongtime。Theclothwasclean。
“Itwouldnotbeamiss,Nastasya,ifPraskovyaPavlovnaweretosendusupacoupleofbottlesofbeer。Wecouldemptythem。“
“Well,youareacoolhand,“mutteredNastasya,andshedepartedtocarryouthisorders。
Raskolnikovstillgazedwildlywithstrainedattention。MeanwhileRazumihinsatdownonthesofabesidehim,asclumsilyasabearputhisleftarmroundRaskolnikov"shead,althoughhewasabletositup,andwithhisrighthandgavehimaspoonfulofsoup,blowingonitthatitmightnotburnhim。Butthesoupwasonlyjustwarm。
Raskolnikovswallowedonespoonfulgreedily,thenasecond,thenathird。Butaftergivinghimafewmorespoonfulsofsoup,Razumihinsuddenlystopped,andsaidthathemustaskZossimovwhetherheoughttohavemore。
Nastasyacameinwithtwobottlesofbeer。
“Andwillyouhavetea？”
“Yes。“
“Cutalong,Nastasya,andbringsometea,forteawemayventureonwithoutthefaculty。Buthereisthebeer！”Hemovedbacktohischair,pulledthesoupandmeatinfrontofhim,andbeganeatingasthoughhehadnottouchedfoodforthreedays。
“Imusttellyou,Rodya,Idinelikethishereeverydaynow,“hemumbledwithhismouthfullofbeef,“andit"sallPashenka,yourdearlittlelandlady,whoseestothat;shelovestodoanythingforme。
Idon"taskforit,but,ofcourse,Idon"tobject。Andhere"sNastasyawiththetea。Sheisaquickgirl。Nastasya,mydear,won"tyouhavesomebeer？”
“Getalongwithyournonsense！”
“Acupoftea,then？”
“Acupoftea,maybe。“
“Pouritout。Stay,I"llpouritoutmyself。Sitdown。“
Hepouredouttwocups,lefthisdinner,andsatonthesofaagain。Asbefore,heputhisleftarmroundthesickman"shead,raisedhimupandgavehimteainspoonfuls,againblowingeachspoonfulsteadilyandearnestly,asthoughthisprocesswastheprincipalandmosteffectivemeanstowardshisfriend"srecovery。
Raskolnikovsaidnothingandmadenoresistance,thoughhefeltquitestrongenoughtosituponthesofawithoutsupportandcouldnotmerelyhaveheldacuporaspoon,butevenperhapscouldhavewalkedabout。Butfromsomequeer,almostanimal,cunningheconceivedtheideaofhidinghisstrengthandlyinglowforatime,pretendingifnecessarynottobeyetinfullpossessionofhisfaculties,andmeanwhilelisteningtofindoutwhatwasgoingon。Yethecouldnotovercomehissenseofrepugnance。Aftersippingadozenspoonfulsoftea,hesuddenlyreleasedhishead,pushedthespoonawaycapriciously,andsankbackonthepillow。Therewereactuallyrealpillowsunderhisheadnow,downpillowsincleancases,heobservedthat,too,andtooknoteofit。
“Pashenkamustgiveussomeraspberryjamto-daytomakehimsomeraspberrytea,“saidRazumihin,goingbacktohischairandattackinghissoupandbeeragain。
“Andwhereisshetogetraspberriesforyou？”askedNastasya,balancingasauceronherfiveoutspreadfingersandsippingteathroughalumpofsugar。
“She"llgetitattheshop,mydear。Yousee,Rodya,allsortsofthingshavebeenhappeningwhileyouhavebeenlaidup。Whenyoudecampedinthatrascallywaywithoutleavingyouraddress,IfeltsoangrythatIresolvedtofindyououtandpunishyou。Isettoworkthatveryday。HowIranaboutmakinginquiriesforyou!ThislodgingofyoursIhadforgotten,thoughIneverrememberedit,indeed,becauseIdidnotknowit;andasforyouroldlodgings,I
couldonlyrememberitwasattheFiveCorners,Harlamov"shouse。I
kepttryingtofindthatHarlamov"shouse,andafterwardsitturnedoutthatitwasnotHarlamov"s,butBuch"s。Howonemuddlesupsoundsometimes!SoIlostmytemper,andIwentonthechancetotheaddressbureaunextday,andonlyfancy,intwominutestheylookedyouup!Yournameisdownthere。“
“Myname！”
“Ishouldthinkso;andyetaGeneralKobelevtheycouldnotfindwhileIwasthere。Well,it"salongstory。ButassoonasIdidlandonthisplace,Isoongottoknowallyouraffairs-all,all,brother,Iknoweverything;Nastasyaherewilltellyou。ImadetheacquaintanceofNikodimFomitchandIlyaPetrovitch,andthehouse-porterandMr。Zametov,AlexandrGrigorievitch,theheadclerkinthepoliceoffice,and,last,butnotleast,ofPashenka;
Nastasyahereknows……“
“He"sgotroundher,“Nastasyamurmured,smilingslyly。
“Whydon"tyouputthesugarinyourtea,NastasyaNikiforovna？”
“Youareaone！”Nastasyacriedsuddenly,goingoffintoagiggle。
“IamnotNikiforovna,butPetrovna,“sheaddedsuddenly,recoveringfromhermirth。
“I"llmakeanoteofit。Well,brother,tomakealongstoryshort,Iwasgoinginforaregularexplosionheretouprootallmalignantinfluencesinthelocality,butPashenkawontheday。I
hadnotexpected,brother,tofindherso……prepossessing。Eh,whatdoyouthink？”
Raskolnikovdidnotspeak,buthestillkepthiseyesfixeduponhim,fullofalarm。
“Andallthatcouldbewished,indeed,ineveryrespect,“
Razumihinwenton,notatallembarrassedbyhissilence。
“Ah,theslydog！”Nastasyashriekedagain。Thisconversationaffordedherunspeakabledelight。
“It"sapity,brother,thatyoudidnotsettoworkintherightwayatfirst。Yououghttohaveapproachedherdifferently。Sheis,sotospeak,amostunaccountablecharacter。Butwewilltalkabouthercharacterlater……Howcouldyouletthingscometosuchapassthatshegaveupsendingyouyourdinner?AndthatI。O。U。?YoumusthavebeenmadtosignanI。O。U。Andthatpromiseofmarriagewhenherdaughter,NatalyaYegorovna,wasalive?……Iknowallaboutit!
ButIseethat"sadelicatematterandIamanass;forgiveme。But,talkingoffoolishness,doyouknowPraskovyaPavlovnaisnotnearlysofoolishasyouwouldthinkatfirstsight？”
“No,“mumbledRaskolnikov,lookingaway,butfeelingthatitwasbettertokeepuptheconversation。
“Sheisn"t,isshe？”criedRazumihin,delightedtogetanansweroutofhim。“Butsheisnotveryclevereither,eh?Sheisessentially,essentiallyanunaccountablecharacter!Iamsometimesquiteataloss,Iassureyou……Shemustbeforty;shesayssheisthirty-six,andofcourseshehaseveryrighttosayso。ButIswearI
judgeherintellectually,simplyfromthemetaphysicalpointofview;thereisasortofsymbolismsprungupbetweenus,asortofalgebraorwhatnot!Idon"tunderstandit!Well,that"sallnonsense。
Only,seeingthatyouarenotastudentnowandhavelostyourlessonsandyourclothes,andthatthroughtheyounglady"sdeathshehasnoneedtotreatyouasarelation,shesuddenlytookfright;andasyouhidinyourdenanddroppedallyouroldrelationswithher,sheplannedtogetridofyou。Andshe"sbeencherishingthatdesignalongtime,butwassorrytolosetheI。O。U。foryouassuredheryourselfthatyourmotherwouldpay。“
“Itwasbaseofmetosaythat……Mymotherherselfisalmostabeggar……andItoldalietokeepmylodging……andbefed,“
Raskolnikovsaidloudlyanddistinctly。
“Yes,youdidverysensibly。ButtheworstofitisthatatthatpointMr。Tchebarovturnsup,abusinessman。Pashenkawouldneverhavethoughtofdoinganythingonherownaccount,sheistooretiring;butthebusinessmanisbynomeansretiring,andfirstthingheputsthequestion,"IsthereanyhopeofrealisingtheI。O。U。?"Answer：thereis,becausehehasamotherwhowouldsaveherRodyawithherhundredandtwenty-fiveroublespension,ifshehastostarveherself;andasister,too,whowouldgointobondageforhissake。That"swhathewasbuildingupon……Whydoyoustart?I
knowalltheinsandoutsofyouraffairsnow,mydearboy-it"snotfornothingthatyouweresoopenwithPashenkawhenyouwereherprospectiveson-in-law,andIsayallthisasafriend……ButI
tellyouwhatitis;anhonestandsensitivemanisopen;andabusinessman"listensandgoesoneating"youup。Well,thenshegavetheI。O。U。bywayofpaymenttothisTchebarov,andwithouthesitationhemadeaformaldemandforpayment。WhenIheardofallthisIwantedtoblowhimup,too,toclearmyconscience,butbythattimeharmonyreignedbetweenmeandPashenka,andIinsistedonstoppingthewholeaffair,engagingthatyouwouldpay。Iwentsecurityforyou,brother。Doyouunderstand?WecalledTchebarov,flunghimtenroublesandgottheI。O。U。backfromhim,andhereI
havethehonourofpresentingittoyou。Shetrustsyourwordnow。
Here,takeit,youseeIhavetornit。“
Razumihinputthenoteonthetable。Raskolnikovlookedathimandturnedtothewallwithoututteringaword。EvenRazumihinfeltatwinge。
“Isee,brother,“hesaidamomentlater,“thatIhavebeenplayingthefoolagain。IthoughtIshouldamuseyouwithmychatter,andIbelieveIhaveonlymadeyoucross。“
“WasityouIdidnotrecognisewhenIwasdelirious？”Raskolnikovasked,afteramoment"spausewithoutturninghishead。
“Yes,andyouflewintoarageaboutit,especiallywhenIbroughtZametovoneday。“
“Zametov?Theheadclerk?Whatfor？”RaskolnikovturnedroundquicklyandfixedhiseyesonRazumihin。
“What"sthematterwithyou?……Whatareyouupsetabout?HewantedtomakeyouracquaintancebecauseItalkedtohimalotaboutyou……HowcouldIhavefoundoutsomuchexceptfromhim?Heisacapitalfellow,brother,first-rate……inhisownway,ofcourse。