第15章

RainflewintoLondontoday[shewroteonce]，andhewastellingmehesawDaneinRomelastweek。Well，heseesalotmoreofDanethanofme，sinceRomeisatthetopofhistravelagendaandLondonisrockbottom。SoImustconfessRainisoneoftheprimereasonswhyImeetDaneinRomeeveryyearbeforewecomehome。DanelikescomingtoLondon，onlyIwon’tlethimifRainisinRome。Selfish。Butyou’venoideahowIenjoyRain。He’soneofthefewpeopleIknowwhogivesmearunformymoney，andIwishwemetmoreoften。InonerespectRain’sluckierthanIam。HegetstomeetDane’sfellowstudentswhereIdon’t。IthinkDanethinksI’mgoingtorapethemonthespot。Ormaybehethinksthey’llrapeme。Hah。OnlyhappeniftheysawmeinmyCharmiancostume。It’sastunner，people，itreallyis。Sortofup-to-dateThedaBara。Twolittleroundbronzeshieldsfortheoldtits，lotsandlotsofchainsandwhatIreckonisacha/ybeltyou’dneedapairoftin-cutterstogetinsideit，anyway。Inalongblackwig，tanbodypaintandmyfewscrapsofmetalIlookasmasher……WherewasI？？？Oh，yes，RaininRomelastweekmeetingDaneandhispals。Theyallwentoutonthetiles。Raininsistsonpaying，savesDaneembarrassment。Itwassomenight。Nowomen，natch，buteverythingelse。CanyouimagineDanedownonhiskneesinsomeseedyRomanbarsaying"Fairdaffodils，wehastetoseetheeweepsosoonaway"toavaseofdaffodils？Hetriedfortenminutestogetthewordsofthequotationintheirrightorderandcouldn’t，thenhegaveup，putoneofthedaffodilsbetweenhisteethinsteadanddidadance。CanyoueverimagineDanedoingthat？Rainsaysit’sharmlessandnecessary，allworkandnoplay，etc。Womenbeingout，thenextbestthingisaskinfulofgrog。OrsoRaininsists。Don’tgettheideaithappensoften，itdoesn’t，andIgatherwhenitdoesRainistheringleader，sohe’salongtowatchoutforthem，thenaivelotofrawprawns。ButIdidlaughtothinkofDane’shaloslippingduringthecourseofaflamencodancewithadaffodil。

IttookDaneeightyearsinRometoattainhispriesthood，andattheirbeginningnoonethoughttheycouldeverend。YetthoseeightyearsusedthemselvesupfasterthananyoftheDroghedapeoplehadimagined。Justwhattheythoughthewasgoingtodoafterhewasordainedtheydidn’tknow，exceptthattheydidassumehewouldreturntoAustralia。OnlyMeggieandJustinesuspectedhewouldwanttoremaininItaly，andMeggieatanyratecouldlullherdoubtswithmemoriesofhiscontentwhenhecamebackeachyeartohishome。HewasanAustralian，hewouldwanttocomehome。WithJustineitwasdifferent。Noonedreamedshewouldcomehomeforgood。Shewasanactress；hercareerwouldfounderinAustralia。WhereDane’scareercouldbepursuedwithequalzealanywhereatall。Thusintheeighthyeartherewerenoplansastowhatthechildrenwoulddowhentheycamefortheirannualholiday；insteadtheDroghedapeoplewereplanningtheirtriptoRome，toseeDaneordainedapriest。

"Wefizzledout，"saidMeggie。

"Ibegyourpardon，dear？"askedAnne。

Theyweresittinginawarmcorneroftheverandareading，butMeggie’sbookhadfallenneglectedintoherlap，andshewasabsentlywatchingtheanticsoftwowilly-wagtailsonthelawn。Ithadbeenawetyear；therewerewormseverywhereandthefattest，happiestbirdsanyoneeverremembered。Birdsongsfilledtheairfromdawntothelastofdusk。"Isaidwefizzledout，"repeatedMeggie，crowlike。"Adampsquib。Allthatpromise！Whoeverwouldhaveguesseditin1921，whenwearrivedonDrogheda？""Howdoyoumean？"

"Atotalofsixsons，plusme。Andayearlater，twomoresons。Whatwouldyouthink？Dozensofchildren，halfahundredgrandchildren？Solookatusnow。HalandStuaredead，noneoftheonesleftaliveseemtohaveanyintentionofevergettingmarried，andI，theonlyonenotentitledtopassonthename，havebeentheonlyonetogiveDroghedaitsheirs。Andeventhenthegodsweren’thappy，werethey？Asonandadaughter。Severalgrandchildrenatleast，youmightthink。Butwhathappens？Mysonembracesthepriesthoodandmydaughter’sanoldmaidcareerwoman。AnotherdeadendforDrogheda。"

"Idon’tseewhat’ssostrangeaboutit，"saidAnne。"Afterall，whatcouldyouexpectfromthemen？Stuckouthereasshyaskangas，nevermeetingthegirlstheymighthavemarried。AndwithJimsandPatsy，thewartoboot。CouldyouseeJimsmarryingwhenheknowsPatsycan’t？They’refartoofondofeachotherforthat。Andbesides，theland’sdemandinginaneuteredway。Ittakesjustaboutallthey’vegottogive，becauseIdon’tthinktheyhaveagreatdeal。Inaphysicalsense，Imean。Hasn’titeverstruckyou，Meggie？Yoursisn’taveryhighlysexedfamily，toputitbluntly。AndthatgoesforDaneandJustine，too。Imean，therearesomepeoplewhocompulsivelyhuntitliketomcats，butnotyourlot。ThoughperhapsJustinewillmarry。There’sthisGermanchapRainer；sheseemsterriblyfondofhim。"

"You’vehitthenailonthehead，"saidMeggie，innomoodtobecomforted。"Sheseemsterriblyfondofhim。Justthat。Afterall，she’sknownhimforsevenyears。Ifshewantedtomarryhim，itwouldhavehappenedagesago。""Wouldit？IknowJustineprettywell，"answeredAnnetruthfully，forshedid；betterthananyoneelseonDrogheda，includingMeggieandFee。"Ithinkshe’sterrifiedofcommittingherselftothekindoflovemarriagewouldentail，andImustsayIadmireRainer。Heseemstounderstandherverywell。Oh，Idon’tsayhe’sinlovewithherforsure，butifheis，atleasthe’sgotthesensetowaituntilshe’sreadytotaketheplunge。"Sheleanedforward，herbookfallingforgottentothetiles。"Oh，willyoulistentothatbird？I’msureevenanightingalecouldn’tmatchit。"Thenshesaidwhatshehadbeenwantingtosayforweeks。"Meggie，whywon’tyougotoRometoseeDaneordained？Isn’tthatpeculiar？Dane-ordain。"

"I’mnotgoingtoRome！"saidMeggiebetweenclenchedteeth。"IshallneverleaveDroghedaagain。"

"Meggie，don’t！Youcan’tdisappointhimso！Go，please！Ifyoudon’t，Droghedawon’thaveasinglewomanthere，becauseyou’retheonlywomanyoungenoughtotaketheflight。ButItellyou，ifIthoughtforoneminutemybodywouldsurviveI’dberightonthatplane。"

"GotoRomeandseeRalphdeBricassartsmirking？I’dratherbedead！""Oh，Meggie，Meggie！Whymustyoutakeoutyourfrustrationsonhim，andonyourson？Yousaiditonceyourself-it’syourownfault。Sobeggaryourpride，andgotoRome。Please！"

"Itisn’taquestionofpride。"Sheshivered。"Oh，Anne，I’mfrightenedtogo！BecauseIdon’tbelieveit，Ijustdon’t！MyfleshcreepswhenIthinkaboutit。"

"Andwhataboutthefacthemightn’tcomehomeafterhe’sapriest？Didthateveroccurtoyou？Hewon’tbegivenhugechunksofleavethewayhewasintheseminary，soifhedecidestoremaininRomeyoumaywellhavetotakeyourselfthereifyoueverwanttoseehimatall。GotoRome，Meggie！""Ican’t。IfyouknewhowfrightenedIam！It’snotpride，orRalphscoringoneoveronme，oranyofthethingsIsayitistostoppeopleaskingmequestions。Lordknows，ImissbothmymensomuchI’dcrawlonmykneestoseethemifIthoughtforaminutetheywantedme。Oh，Danewouldbegladtoseeme，butRalph？He’sforgottenIeverexisted。I’mfrightened，Itellyou。IknowinmybonesthatifIgotoRomesomethingwillhappen。SoI’mnotgoing。"

"Whatcouldhappen，forpity’ssake？"

"Idon’tknow……IfIdid，I’dhavesomethingtobattle。Afeeling，howcanIbattleafeeling？Becausethat’sallitis。Apremonition。Asifthegodsaregathering。

Annelaughed。"You’rebecomingarealoldwoman，Meggie。Stop！""Ican’t，Ican’t！AndIamanoldwoman。"

"Nonsense，you’rejustinbriskmiddleage。Wellandtrulyyoungenoughtohoponthatplane。"

"Oh，leavemealone！"saidMeggiesavagely，andpickedupherbook。

OccasionallyacrowdwithapurposeconvergesuponRome。Nottourism，thevoyeuristicsamplingofpastgloriesinpresentrelics；notthefillinginofalittlesliceoftimebetweenAandB，withRomeapointonthelinebetweenthosetwoplaces。Thisisacrowdwithasingleunitingemotion；itburstswithpride，foritiscomingtoseeitsson，nephew，cousin，friendordainedapriestinthegreatbasilicawhichisthemostveneratedchurchintheworld。Itsmembersputupinhumblepensiones，luxuryhotels，thehomesoffriendsorrelatives。Buttheyaretotallyunited，atpeacewitheachotherandwiththeworld。Theydotheroundsdutifully；theVaticanMuseumwiththeSistineChapelatitsendlikeaprizeforendurance；theForum，theColosseum，theAppianWay，theSpanishSteps，thegreedyTreviFountain，thesonetlumiere。Waitingfortheday，fillingintime。TheywillbeaccordedthespecialprivilegeofaprivateaudiencewiththeHolyFather，andforthemRomewillfindnothingtoogood。

Thistimeitwasn’tDanewaitingontheplatformtomeetJustine，asithadbeeneveryothertime；hewasinretreat。Instead，RainerMoerlingHartheimprowledthedirtypavinglikesomegreatanimal。Hedidn’tgreetherwithakiss，heneverdid；hejustputanarmabouthershouldersandsqueezed。"Ratherlikeabear，"saidJustine。

"Abear？"

"IusedtothinkwhenIfirstmetyouthatyouweresomesortofmissinglink，butI’vefinallydecidedyou’remoreofabearthanagorilla。Itwasanunkindcomparison，thegorilla。"

"Andbearsarekind？"

"Well，perhapstheydoonetodeathjustasquickly，butthey’remorecuddly。"Shelinkedherarmthroughhisandmatchedhisstride，forshewasalmostastallashe。"How’sDane？Didyouseehimbeforehewentintoretreat？IcouldkillClyde，notlettingmegosooner。"

"Daneisasalways。"

"Youhaven’tbeenleadinghimastray？"

"Me？Certainlynot。Youlookverynice，Herzchen。"

"I’monmyverybestbehavior，andIboughtouteverycouturierinLondon。Doyoulikemynewshortskirt？Theycallitthemini。"

"Walkaheadofme，andI’lltellyou。"

Thehemofthefullsilkskirtwasaboutmidthigh；itswirledassheturnedandcamebacktohim。"Whatdoyouthink，Rain？Isitscandalous？InoticednooneinParisiswearingthislengthyet。"

"Itprovesapoint，Herzchen-thatwithlegsasgoodasyours，towearaskirtonemillimeterlongerisscandalous。I’msuretheRomanswillagreewithme。"

"Whichmeansmyarsewillbeblackandblueinanhourinsteadofaday。Damnthem！Thoughdoyouknowsomething，Rain？""What？"

"I’veneverbeenpinchedbyapriest。AlltheseyearsI’vebeenflippinginandoutoftheVaticanwithnaryapinchtomycredit。SoIthoughtmaybeifIworeaminiskirt，Imightbetheundoingofsomepoorprelateyet。""Youmightbemyundoing。"Hesmiled。

"No，really？Inorange？Ithoughtyouhatedmeinorange，whenI’vegotorangehair。"

"Itinflamesthesenses，suchabusycolor。"

"You’reteasingme，"shesaid，disgusted，climbingintohisMercedeslimousine，whichhadaGermanpennantflutteringfromitsbonnettalisman。"Whendidyougetthelittleflag？"

"WhenIgotmynewpostinthegovernment。"

"NowonderIratedamentionintheNewsoftheWorld！Didyouseeit？""YouknowIneverreadrags，Justine。"

"Well，nordoI；someoneshowedittome，"shesaid，thenpitchedhervoicehigherandendoweditwithashabby-genteel，fraightfullynaiceaccent。"Whatup-and-comingcarrot-toppedAustralianactressiscementingverycordialrelationswithwhatmemberoftheWestGermancabinet？""Theycan’tbeawarehowlongwe’veknowneachother，"hesaidtranquilly，stretchingouthislegsandmakinghimselfcomfortable。Justineranhereyesoverhisclotheswithapproval；verycasual，veryItalian。HewasratherintheEuropeanfashionswimhimself，daringtowearoneofthefishing-netshirtswhichenabledItalianmalestodemonstratethehairinessoftheirchests。

"Youshouldneverwearasuitandcollarandtie，"shesaidsuddenly。"No？Whynot？"

"Machismoisdefinitelyyourstyle-youknow，whatyou’vegotonnow，thegoldmedallionandchainonthehairychest。Asuitmakesyoulookasifyourwaistlineisbulging，whenitreallyisn’tatall。"

Foramomenthegazedatherinsurprise，thentheexpressioninhiseyesbecamealert，inwhatshecalledhis"concentratedthinkinglook。""Afirst，"hesaid。

"What’safirst？"

"InthesevenyearsI’veknownyou，you’veneverbeforecommenteduponmyappearanceexceptperhapstodisparageit。"

"Oh，dear，haven’tI？"sheasked，lookingalittleashamed。"Heavens，I’vethoughtofitoftenenough，andneverdisparagingly。"Forsomereasonsheaddedhastily，"Imean，aboutthingslikethewayyoulookinasuit。"

Hedidn’tanswer，buthewassmiling，asataverypleasantthought。ThatridewithRainerseemedtobethelastquietthingtohappenfordays。ShortlyaftertheyreturnedfromvisitingCardinaldeBricassartandCardinaldiContini-Verchese，thelimousineRainerhadhireddepositedtheDroghedacontingentattheirhotel。OutofthecornerofhereyeJustinewatchedRain’sreactiontoherfamily，entirelyuncles。Rightuntilthemomenthereyesdidn’tfindhermother’sface，JustinehadbeenconvincedshewouldchangehermindandcometoRome。Thatshehadn’twasacruelblow；Justinedidn’tknowwhethersheachedmoreonDane’sbehalforonherown。ButinthemeantimehereweretheUnks，andshewasundoubtedlytheirhostess。Oh，theyweresoshy！Whichoneofthemwaswhich？Theoldertheygot，themorealiketheylooked。AndinRometheystuckoutlike-well，likeAustraliangraziersonholidayinRome。Eachonewascladinthecitygoinguniformofaffluentsquatters:tanelastic-sidedridingboots，neutraltrousers，tansportsjacketsofveryheavy，fuzzywoolwithsideventsandplentyofleatherpatches，whiteshirts，knittedwoolties，flat-crownedgreyhatswithbroadbrims。NonoveltyonthestreetsofSydneyduringRoyalEasterShowtime，butinalateRomansummer，extraordinary。AndIcansaywithdoublesincerity，thankGodforRain！Howgoodheiswiththem。Iwouldn’thavebelievedanyonecouldstimulatePatsyintospeech，buthe’sdoingit，blesshim。They’retalkingawaylikeoldhens，andwheredidhegetAustralianbeerforthem？Helikesthem，andhe’sinterested，Isuppose。EverythingisgristtothemillofaGermanindustrialist-politician，isn’tit？Howcanhesticktohisfaith，beingwhatheis？Anenigma，that’swhatyouare，RainerMoerlingHartheim。Friendofpopesandcardinals，friendofJustineO’neill。Oh，ifyouweren’tsouglyI’dkissyou，I’msoterriblygrateful。Lord，fancybeingstuckinRomewiththeUnksandnoRain！Youarewellnamed。

Hewassittingbackinhischair，listeningwhileBobtoldhimaboutshearing，andhavingnothingbettertodobecausehehadsocompletelytakencharge，Justinewatchedhimcuriously。Mostlyshenoticedeverythingphysicalaboutpeopleimmediately，butjustoccasionallythatvigilanceslippedandpeoplestoleuponher，carvedanicheinherlifewithoutherhavingmadethatvitalinitialassessment。Forifitwasn’tmade，sometimesyearswouldgobybeforetheyintrudedintoherthoughtsagainasstrangers。Likenow，watchingRain。Thatfirstmeetinghadbeenresponsible，ofcourse；surroundedbychurchmen，awed，frightened，brazeningitout。Shehadnoticedonlytheobviousthings:hispowerfulbuild，hishair，howdarkhewas。Thenwhenhehadtakenherofftodinnerthechancetorectifythingshadbeenlost，forhehadforcedanawarenessofhimselfonherfarbeyondhisphysicalattributes；shehadbeentoointerestedinwhatthemouthwassayingtolookatthemouth。

Hewasn’treallyuglyatall，shedecidednow。Helookedwhathewas，perhaps，amixtureofthebestandtheworst。LikeaRomanemperor。Nowonderhelovedthecity。Itwashisspiritualhome。Abroadfacewithhigh，widecheekbonesandasmallyetaquilinenose。Thickblackbrows，straightinsteadoffollowingthecurveoftheorbits。Verylong，feminineblacklashesandquitelovelydarkeyes，mostlyhoodedtohidehisthoughts。Byfarhismostbeautifulpossessionwashismouth，neitherfullnorthin-lipped，neithersmallnorlarge，butverywellshaped，withadistinctcuttotheboundariesofitslipsandapeculiarfirmnessinthewayheheldit；asifperhapswerehetorelaxhisholduponit，itmightgiveawaysecretsaboutwhathewasreallylike。Interesting，totakeafaceapartwhichwasalreadysowellknown，yetnotknownatall。

Shecameoutofherreverietofindhimwatchingherwatchhim，whichwaslikebeingstrippednakedinfrontofacrowdarmedwithstones。Foramomenthiseyesheldhers，wideopenandalert，notexactlystartled，ratherarrested。ThenhetransferredhisgazecalmlytoBob，andaskedapertinentquestionaboutboggis。Justinegaveherselfamentalshake，toldherselfnottogoimaginingthings。Butitwasfascinating，suddenlytoseeamanwhohadbeenafriendforyearsasapossiblelover。Andnotfindingthethoughtatallrepulsive。

TherehadbeenanumberofsuccessorstoArthurLestrange，andshehadn’twantedtolaugh。Oh，I’vecomealongwaysincethatmemorablenight。ButIwonderhaveIactuallyprogressedatall？It’sverynicetohaveaman，andthehellwithwhatDanesaidaboutitbeingtheoneman。I’mnotgoingtomakeitoneman，soI’mnotgoingtosleepwithRain；oh，no。Itwouldchangetoomanythings，andI’dlosemyfriend。Ineedmyfriend，Ican’taffordtobewithoutmyfriend。IshallkeephimasIkeepDane，amalehumanbeingwithoutanyphysicalsignificanceforme。

Thechurchcouldholdtwentythousandpeople，soitwasn’tcrowded。NowhereintheworldhadsomuchtimeandthoughtandgeniusbeenputintothecreationofatempleofGod；itpaledthepaganworksofantiquitytoinsignificance。Itdid。Somuchlove，somuchsweat。Bramante’sbasilica，Michelangelo’sdome，Bernini’scolonnade。AmonumentnotonlytoGod，buttoMan。DeepundertheconfessioninalittlestoneroomSaintPeterhimselfwasburied；heretheEmperorCharlemagnehadbeencrowned。Theechoesofoldvoicesseemedtowhisperamongthepouringsliversoflight，deadfingerspolishedthebronzeraysbehindthehighaltarandcaressedthetwistedbronzecolumnsofthebaldacchino。

Hewaslyingonthesteps，facedown，asthoughdead。Whatwashethinking？Wasthereapaininhimthathadnorighttobethere，becausehismotherhadnotcome？CardinalRalphlookedthroughhistears，andknewtherewasnopain。Beforehand，yes；afterward，certainly。Butnow，nopain。Everythinginhimwasprojectedintothemoment，themiracle。NoroominhimforanythingwhichwasnotGod。Itwashisdayofdays，andnothingmatteredsavethetaskathand，thevowingofhislifeandsoultoGod。Hecouldprobablydoit，buthowmanyothersactuallyhad？NotCardinalRalph，thoughhestillrememberedhisownordinationasfilledwithholywonder。Witheverypartofhimhehadtried，yetsomethinghehadwithheld。

Notsoaugustasthis，myordination，butIliveitagainthroughhim。Andwonderwhathetrulyis，thatinspiteofourfearsforhimhecouldhavepassedamongussomanyyearsandnotmadeanunfriend，letalonearealenemy。Heislovedbyall，andhelovesall。Itnevercrosseshismindforaninstantthatthisstateofaffairsisextraordinary。Andyet，whenhecametousfirsthewasnotsosureofhimself；wehavegivenhimthat，forwhichperhapsourexistencesarevindicated。Therehavebeenmanypriestsmadehere，thousandsuponthousands，yetforhimthereissomethingspecial。Oh，Meggie！Whywouldn’tyoucometoseethegiftyou’vegivenOurLord-thegiftIcouldnot，havinggivenHimmyself？AndIsupposethat’sit，howhecanbeheretodayfreeofpain。BecausefortodayI’vebeenempoweredtotakehispaintomyself，freehimfromit。Iweephistears，Imourninhisplace。Andthatishowitshouldbe。

Laterheturnedhishead，lookedattherowof-Droghedapeopleinaliendarksuits。Bob，Jack，Hughie，Jims，Patsy。AvacantchairforMeggie，thenFrank。Justine’sfieryhairdimmedunderablacklaceveil，theonlyfemaleClearypresent。Rainernexttoher。Andthenalotofpeoplehedidn’tknow，butwhosharedintodayasfullyastheDroghedapeopledid。Onlytodayitwasdifferent，todayitwasspecialforhim。Todayhefeltalmostasifhe，too，hadhadasontogive。Hesmiled，andsighed。HowmustVittoriofeel，bestowingDane’spriesthooduponhim？

Perhapsbecausehemissedhismother’spresencesoacutely，JustinewasthefirstpersonDanemanagedtotakeasideatthereceptionCardinalVittorioandCardinalRalphgaveforhim。Inhisblacksoutanewiththehighwhitecollarhelookedmagnificent，shethought；onlynotlikeapriestatall。Likeanactorplayingapriest，untilonelookedintotheeyes。Andthereitwas，theinnerlight，thatsomethingwhichtransformedhimfromaverygood-lookingmanintooneunique。

"FatherO’neill，"shesaid。

"Ihaven’tassimilatedityet，Jus。"

"Thatisn’thardtounderstand。I’veneverfeltquitethewayIdidinSaintPeter’s，sowhatitmusthavebeenlikeforyouIcan’timagine。""Oh，Ithinkyoucan，somewhereinside。Ifyoutrulycouldn’t，youwouldn’tbesuchafineactress。Butwithyou，Jus，itcomesfromtheunconscious；itdoesn’teruptintothoughtuntilyouneedtouseit。"

Theyweresittingonasmallcouchinafarcorneroftheroom，andnoonecametodisturbthem。

Afterawhilehesaid，"I’msopleasedFrankcame，"lookingtowhereFrankwastalkingwithRainer，moreanimationinhisfacethanhisnieceandnephewhadeverseen。"There’sanoldRumanianrefugeepriestIknow，"Danewenton，"whohasawayofsaying，"Oh，thepoorone！"withsuchcompassioninhisvoice……Idon’tknow，somehowthat’swhatIalwaysfindmyselfsayingaboutourFrank。Andyet，Jus，why？"

ButJustineignoredthegambit，wentstraighttothecrux。"IcouldkillMum！"shesaidthroughherteeth。"Shehadnorighttodothistoyou！""Oh，Jus！Iunderstand。You’vegottotry，too。IfithadbeendoneinmaliceortogetbackatmeImightbehurt，butyouknowheraswellasIdo，youknowit’sneitherofthose。I’mgoingdowntoDroghedasoon。I’lltalktoherthen，findoutwhat’sthematter。""Isupposedaughtersareneveraspatientwiththeirmothersassonsare。"Shedrewdownthecornersofhermouthruefully，shrugged。"Maybeit’sjustaswellI’mtoomuchofalonerevertoinflictmyselfonanyoneinthemotherrole。"

Theblueeyeswereverykind，tender；Justinefeltherhacklesrising，thinkingDanepitiedher。

"Whydon’tyoumarryRainer？"heaskedsuddenly。Herjawdropped，shegasped。"He’sneveraskedme，"shesaidfeebly。"Onlybecausehethinksyou’dsayno。Butitmightbearranged。"Withoutthinking，shegrabbedhimbytheear，assheusedtodowhentheywerechildren。"Don’tyoudare，youdog-collaredprawn！Notoneword，doyouhear？1don’tloveRain。He’sjustafriend，andIwanttokeepitthatway。Ifyousomuchaslightacandleforit，IswearI’llsitdown，crossmyeyesandputacurseonyou，andyourememberhowthatusedtoscarethelivingdaylightsoutofyou，don’tyou？"

Hethrewbackhisheadandlaughed。"Itwouldn’twork，Justine！Mymagicisstrongerthanyoursthesedays。Butthere’snoneedtogetsoworkedupaboutit，youtwit。Iwaswrong，that’sall。IassumedtherewasacasebetweenyouandRain。"

"No，thereisn’t。Aftersevenyears？Breakitdown，pigsmightfly。"Pausing，sheseemedtoseekforwords，thenlookedathimalmostshyly。"Dane，I’msohappyforyou。IthinkifMumwashereshe’dfeelthesame。That’sallitneeds，forhertoseeyounow，likethis。Youwait，she’llcomearound。"

Verygentlyhetookherpointedfacebetweenhishands，smilingdownatherwithsomuchlovethatherownhandscameuptoclutchathiswrists，soakitinthrougheverypore。Asifallthosechildhoodyearswereremembered，treasured。

Yetbehindwhatshesawinhiseyesonherbehalfshesensedashadowydoubt，onlyperhapsdoubtwastoostrongaword；morelikeanxiety。MostlyhewassureMumwouldunderstandeventually，buthewashuman，thoughallsavehetendedtoforgetthefact。

"Jus，willyoudosomethingforme？"heaskedashelethergo。"Anything，"shesaid，meaningit。

"I’vegotasortofrespite，tothinkaboutwhatI’mgoingtodo。Twomonths。AndI’mgoingtodotheheavythinkingonaDroghedahorseafterI’vetalkedtoMum-somehowIfeelIcan’tsortanythingoutuntilafterI’vetalkedtoher。Butfirst，well……I’vegottogetupmycouragetogohome。Soifyoucouldmanageit，comedowntothePeloponnesewithmeforacoupleofweeks，tickmeoffgoodandproperaboutbeingacowarduntilIgetsosickofyourvoiceIputmyselfonaplanetogetawayfromit。"Hesmiledather。"Besides，Jussy，Idon’twantyoutothinkI’mgoingtoexcludeyoufrommylifeabsolutely，anymorethanIwillMum。Youneedyouroldconsciencearoundoccasionally。"

"Oh，Dane，ofcourseI’llgo！"

"Good，"hesaid，thengrinned，eyedhermischievously。"Ireallydoneedyou，Jus。Havingyoubitchinginmyearwillbejustlikeoldtimes。""Uh-uh-uh！Noobscenities，FatherO’neill！"

Hisarmswentbehindhishead，heleanedbackonthecouchcontentedly。"Iam！Isn’titmarvelous？AndmaybeafterI’veseenMum，IcanconcentrateonOurLord。Ithinkthat’swheremyinclinationslie，youknow。SimplythinkingaboutOurLord。"

"Yououghttohaveespousedanorder，Dane。"

"Istillcan，andIprobablywill。Ihaveawholelifetime；there’snohurry。"

JustineleftthepartywithRainer，andaftershetalkedofgoingtoGreecewithDane，hetalkedofgoingtohisofficeinBonn。"Aboutbloodytime，"shesaid。"Foracabinetministeryoudon’tseemtodomuchwork，doyou？Allthepaperscallyouaplayboy，foolingaroundwithcarrot-toppedAustralianactresses，youolddog，you。"

Heshookhisbigfistather。"Ipayformyfewpleasuresinmorewaysthanyou’lleverknow。"

"Doyoumindifwewalk，Rain？"

"Notifyoukeepyourshoeson。"

"Ihavetothesedays。Miniskirtshavetheirdisadvantages；thedaysofstockingsonecouldpeeloffeasilyareover。They’veinventedasheerversionoftheatricaltights，andonecan’tshedthoseinpublicwithoutcausingthebiggestfurorsinceLadyGodiva。SounlessIwanttoruinafive-guineapairoftights，I’mimprisonedinmyshoes。"

"Atleastyouimprovemyeducationinfemininegarb，underaswellasover，"hesaidmildly。

"Goon！I’llbetyou’vegotadozenmistresses，andundressthemall。""Onlyone，andlikeallgoodmistressesshewaitsformeinhernegligee。""Doyouknow，Ibelievewe’veneverdiscussedyoursexlifebefore？Fascinating！What’sshelike？"

"Fair，fat，fortyandflatulent。"

Shestoppeddead。"Oh，you’rekiddingme，"shesaidslowly。"Ican’tseeyouwithawomanlikethat。"

"Whynot？"

"You’vegottoomuchtaste。"

"Chacunasongout，mydear。I’mnothingmuchtolookat，myself-whyshouldyouassumeIcouldcharmayoungandbeautifulwomanintobeingmymistress？""Becauseyoucould！"shesaidindignantly。"Oh，ofcourseyoucould！""Mymoney，youmean？"

"Not，notyourmoney！You’reteasingme，youal-

waysdo！RainerMoerlingHartheim，you’reverywellawarehowattractiveyouare，otherwiseyouwouldn’tweargoldmedallionsandnettingshirts。Looksaren’teverything-iftheywere，I’dstillbewondering。"

"Yourconcernformeistouching，Herzchen。"

"WhyisitthatwhenI’mwithyouIfeelasifI’mforeverrunningtocatchupwithyou，andIneverdo？"Herspurtoftemperdied；shestoodlookingathimuncertainly。"You’renotserious，areyou？""DoyouthinkIam？"

"No！You’renotconceited，butyoudoknowhowveryattractiveyouare。""WhetherIdoornotisn’timportant。TheimportantthingisthatyouthinkI’mattractive。"

Shewasgoingtosay:OfcourseIdo；Iwasmentallytryingyouonasalovernotlongago，butthenIdecideditwouldn’twork，I’dratherkeeponhavingyouformyfriend。Hadhelethersayit，hemighthaveconcludedhistimehadn’tcome，andacteddifferently。Asitwas，beforeshecouldshapethewordshehadherinhisarms，andwaskissingher。Foratleastsixtysecondsshestood，dying，splitopen，smashed，thepowerinherscreaminginwildelationtofindamatchingpower。Hismouth-itwasbeautiful！Andhishair，incrediblythick，vital，somethingtoseizeinherfingersfiercely。Thenhetookherfacebetweenhishandsandlookedather，smiling。"Iloveyou，"hesaid。

Herhandshadgoneuptohiswrists，butnottoenclosethemgently，aswithDane；thenailsbitin，scoreddowntomeatsavagely。Shesteppedbacktwopacesandstoodrubbingherarmacrosshermouth，eyeshugewithfright，breastsheaving。

"Itcouldn’twork，"shepanted。"Itcouldneverwork，Rain！"Offcametheshoes；shebenttopickthemup，thenturnedandran，andwithinthreesecondsthesoftquickpadofherfeethadvanished。

Notthathehadanyintentionoffollowingher，thoughapparentlyshehadthoughthemight。Bothhiswristswerebleeding，andtheyhurt。Hepressedhishandkerchieffirsttooneandthentotheother，shrugged，putthestainedclothaway，andstoodconcentratingonthepain。Afterawhileheunearthedhiscigarettecase，tookoutacigarette，litit，andbegantowalkslowly。Noonepassingbycouldhavetoldfromhisfacewhathefelt。Everythinghewantedwithinhisgrasp，reachedfor，lost。Idiotgirl。Whenwouldshegrowup？Tofeelit，respondtoit，anddenyit。Buthewasagambler，ofthewin-a-few，lose-a-fewkind。Hehadwaitedsevenlongyearsbeforetryinghisluck，feelingthechangeinheratthisordinationtime。Yetapparentlyhehadmovedtoosoon。Ah，well。Therewasalwaystomorrow-orknowingJustine，nextyear，theyearafterthat。Certainlyhewasn’tabouttogiveup。Ifhewatchedhercarefully，onedayhe’dgetlucky。

Thesoundlesslaughquiveredinhim；fair，fat，fortyandflatulent。Whathadbroughtittohislipshedidn’tknow，exceptthatalong-timeagohisex-wifehadsaidittohim。ThefourF’s，describingthetypicalvictimofgallstones。Shehadbeenamartyrtothem，poorAnnelise，eventhoughshewasdark，skinny，fiftyandaswellcorkedasagenieinabottle。WhatamIthinkingofAnnelisefor，now？Mypatientcampaignofyearsturnedintoarout，andIcandonobetterthanpoorAnnelise。So，FrauleinJustineO’neill！Weshallsee。

Therewerelightsinthepalacewindows；hewouldgoupforafewminutes，talktoCardinalRalph，whowaslookingold。Notwell。Perhapsheoughttobepersuadedintoamedicalexamination。Rainerached，butnotforJustine；shewasyoung，therewastime。ForCardinalRalph，whohadseenhisownsonordained，andnotknownit。

Itwasstillearly，sothehotelfoyerwascrowded。Shoeson，Justinecrossedquicklytothestairsandranupthem，headbent。Thenforsometimehertremblinghandscouldn’tfindtheroomkeyinherbagandshethoughtshewouldhavetogodownagain，bravethecrowdaboutthedesk。Butitwasthere；shemusthavepassedherfingersoveritadozentimes。

Insideatlast，shegropedherwaytothebed；satdownonitsedgeandletcoherentthoughtgraduallyreturn。Tellingherselfshewasrevolted，horrified，disillusioned；allthewhilestaringdrearilyatthewiderectangleofpalelightwhichwasthenightskythroughthewindow，wantingtocurse，wantingtoweep。Itcouldneverbethesameagain，andthatwasatragedy。Thelossofthedearestfriend。Betrayal。Emptywords，untrue；suddenlysheknewverywellwhathadfrightenedherso，madeherfleefromRainasifhehadattemptedmurder，notakiss。Therightnessofit！Thefeelingofcominghome，whenshedidn’twanttocomehomeanymorethanshewantedtheliabilityoflove。Homewasfrustration，sowaslove。Notonlythat，eveniftheadmissionwashumiliating；shewasn’tsureshecouldlove。Ifshewascapableofit，surelyonceortwiceherguardwouldhaveslipped；surelyonceortwiceshewouldhaveexperiencedapangofsomethingmorethantolerantaffectionforherinfrequentlovers。Itdidn’toccurtoherthatshedeliberatelychoseloverswhowouldneverthreatenherself-imposeddetachment，somuchapartofherselfbynowthatsheregardeditascompletelynatural。Forthefirsttimeinherlifeshehadnoreferencepointtoassisther。Therewasnotimeinthepastshecouldtakecomfortfrom，noonce-deepinvolvement，eitherforherselforforthoseshadowylovers。NorcouldtheDroghedapeoplehelp，becauseshehadalwayswithheldherselffromthem，too。

ShehadhadtorunfromRain。Tosayyes，commitherselftohim，andthenhavetowatchhimrecoilwhenhefoundouttheextentofherinadequacy？Unbearable！Hewouldlearnwhatshewasreallylike，andtheknowledgewouldkillhisloveforher。Unbearabletosayyes，andendinbeingrebuffedforalltime。Farbettertodoanyrebuffingherself。Thatwayatleastpridewouldbesatisfied，andJustineownedallhermother’spride。Rainmustneverdiscoverwhatshewaslikebeneathallthatbrickflippancy。

HehadfalleninlovewiththeJustinehesaw；shehadnotallowedhimanyopportunitytosuspecttheseaofdoubtsbeneath。ThoseonlyDanesuspected-no，knew。

Shebentforwardtoputherforeheadagainstthecoolbedsidetable，tearsrunningdownherface。Thatwaswhysheloved。Daneso，ofcourse。KnowingwhattherealJustinewaslike，andstilllovingher。Bloodhelped，sodidalifetimeofsharedmemories，problems，pains，joys。WhereasRainwasastranger，notcommittedtoherthewayDanewas，oreventheothermembersofherfamily。Nothingobligedhimtoloveher。

Shesniffled，wipedherpalmaroundherface，shruggedhershouldersandbeganthedifficultbusinessofpushinghertroublebackintosomecornerofhermindwhereitcouldliepeacefully，unremembered。Sheknewshecoulddoit；shehadspentallherlifeperfectingthetechnique。Onlyitmeantceaselessactivity，continuousabsorptioninthingsoutsideherself。Shereachedoverandswitchedonthebedsidelamp。

OneoftheUnksmusthavedeliveredthelettertoherroom，foritwaslyingonthebedsidetable，apale-blueairletterwithQueenElizabethinitsuppercorner。

"DarlingJustine，"wroteClydeDaltinham-Roberts，"Comebacktothefold，you’reneeded！Atonce！There’sapartgoingbegginginthenewseason’srepertoire，andatinylittledicky-birdtoldmeyoujustmightwantit。Desdemona，darling？WithMarcSimpsonasyourOthello？Rehearsalsfortheprincipalsstartneatweek，ifyou’reinterested"Ifshewasinterested！Desdemona！DesdemonainLondon！AndwithMarcSimpsonasOthello！Theopportunityofalifetime。HermoodskyrocketedtoapointwherethescenewithRainlostsignificance，orratherassumedadifferentsignificance。Perhapsifshewasvery，verycarefulshemightbeabletokeepRain’slove；ahighlyacclaimed，successfulactresswastoobusytosharemuchofherlifewithherlovers。Itwasworthatry。Ifhelookedasifheweregettingtooclosetothetruth，shecouldalwaysbackoffagain。TokeepRaininherlife，butespeciallythisnewRain，shewouldbepreparedtodoanythingsavestripoffthemask。Inthemeantime，newslikethisdeservedsomesortofcelebration。Shedidn’tfeeluptofacingRainyet，buttherewereotherpeopleonhandtosharehertriumph。Sosheputonhershoes，walkeddownthecorridortotheUnks’communalsittingroom，andwhenPatsyletherinshestoodwitharmsspreadwide，beaming。

"Breakoutthebeer，I’mgoingtobeDesdemona！"sheannouncedinringingtones。

Foramomentnooneanswered，thenBobsaidwarmly，"That’snice，Justine。"Herpleasuredidn’tevaporate；insteaditbuiltuptoanuncontrollableelation。Laughing，shefloppedintoachairandstaredatheruncles。Whattrulylovelymentheywere！Ofcoursehernewsmeantnothingtothem！Theydidn’thaveacluewhoDesdemonawas。Ifshehadcometotellthemshewasgettingmarried，Bob’sanswerwouldhavebeenmuchthesame。Sincethebeginningofmemorytheyhadbeenapartofherlife，andsadlyshehaddismissedthemascontemptuouslyasshedideverythingaboutDrogheda。TheUnks，apluralityhavingnothingtodowithJustineO’neill。Simplymembersofaconglomeratewhodriftedinandoutofthehomestead，smiledathershyly，avoidedherifitmeantconversation。Notthattheydidn’tlikeher，sherealizednow；onlythattheysensedhowforeignshewas，anditmadethemuncomfortable。ButinthisRomanworldwhichwasalientothemandfamiliartoher，shewasbeginningtounderstandthembetter。Feelingaglowofsomethingforthemwhichmighthavebeencalledlove，Justinestaredfromonecreased，smilingfacetothenext。Bob，whowasthelifeforceoftheunit，theBossofDrogheda，butinsuchanunobtrusiveway；Jack，whomerelyseemedtofollowBobaround，ormaybeitwasjustthattheygotalongsowelltogether；Hughie，whohadastreakofmischieftheothertwodidnot，andyetsoverylikethem；JimsandPatsy，thepositiveandnegativesidesofaself-sufficientwhole；andpoorquenchedFrank，theonlyonewhoseemedplaguedbyfearandinsecurity。AllofthemsaveJimsandPatsy，weregrizzlednow，indeedBobandFrankwerewhite-haired，buttheydidn’treallylookverydifferentfromthewaysherememberedthemasalittlegirl。

"Idon’tknowwhetherIoughttogiveyouabeer，"Bobsaiddoubtfully，standingwithacoldbottleofSwaninhishand。Theremarkwouldhaveannoyedherintenselyevenhalfadayago，butatthemomentshewastoohappytotakeoffense。

"Look，love，Iknowit’sneveroccurredtoyoutooffermeonethroughthecourseofoursessionswithRain，buthonestlyI’mabiggirlnow，andIcanhandleabeer。Ipromiseitisn’tasin。"Shesmiled。"Where’sRainer？"Jimsasked，takingafullglassfromBobandhandingittoher。

"Ihadafightwithhim。"

"WithRainer？"

"Well，yes。Butitwasallmyfault。I’mgoingtoseehimlaterandtellhimI’msorry。"

NoneoftheUnkssmoked。Thoughshehadneveraskedforabeerbefore，onearlieroccasionsshehadsatsmokingdefiantlywhiletheytalkedwithRain；nowittookmorecouragethanshecouldcommandtoproducehercigarettes，soshecontentedherselfwiththeminorvictoryofthebeer，dyingtogulpitdownthirstilybutmindfuloftheirdubiousregard。Ladylikesips，Justine，evenifyouaredryerthanasecondhandsermon。

"Rain’sabonzerbloke，"saidHughie，eyestwinkling。Startled，Justinesuddenlyrealizedwhyshehadgrownsomuchinimportanceintheirthoughts:shehadcaughtherselfamanthey’dliketohaveinthefamily。"Yes，heisrather，"shesaidshortly，andchangedthesubject。"Itwasalovelyday，wasn’tit？"

Alltheheadsbobbedinunison，evenFrank’s，buttheydidn’tseemtowanttodiscussit。Shecouldseehowtiredtheywere，yetshedidn’tregretherimpulsetovisitthem。Ittookalittlewhilefornear-atrophiedsensesandfeelingstolearnwhattheirproperfunctionswere，andtheUnkswereagoodpracticetarget。Thatwasthetroublewithbeinganisland；oneforgottherewasanythinggoingonbeyonditsshores。

"What’sDesdemona？"Frankaskedfromtheshadowswherehehid。Justinelaunchedintoavividdescription，charmedbytheirhorrorwhentheylearnedshewouldbestrangledonceanight，andonlyrememberedhowtiredtheymustbehalfanhourlaterwhenPatsyyawned。"Imustgo，"shesaid，puttingdownheremptyglass。Shehadnotbeenofferedasecondbeer；onewasapparentlythelimitforladies。"Thanksforlisteningtomeblather。"

MuchtoBob’ssurpriseandconfusion，shekissedhimgoodnight；Jackedgedawaybutwaseasilycaught，whileHughieacceptedthefarewellwithalacrity。Jimsturnedbrightred，endureditdumbly。ForPatsy，ahugaswellasakiss，becausehewasalittlebitofanislandhimself。AndforFranknokissatall，heavertedhishead；yetwhensheputherarmsaroundhimshecouldsenseafaintechoofsomeintensityquitemissingintheothers。PoorFrank。Whywashelikethat？

Outsidetheirdoor，sheleanedforamomentagainstthewall。Rainlovedher。Butwhenshetriedtophonehisroomtheoperatorinformedherhehadcheckedout，returnedtoBonn。

Nomatter。ItmightbebettertowaituntilLondontoseehim，anyway。Acontriteapologyviathemail，andaninvitationtodinnernexttimehewasinEngland。Thereweremanythingsshedidn’tknowaboutRain，butofonecharacteristicshehadnodoubtatall；hewouldcome，becausehehadn’tagrudgingboneinhisbody。Sinceforeignaffairshadbecomehisforte，Englandwasoneofhismostregularportsofcall。"Youwaitandsee，mylad，"shesaid，staringintohermirrorandseeinghisfaceinsteadofherown。"I’mgoingtomakeEnglandyourmostimportantforeignaffair，ormynameisn’tJustineO’neill。"

IthadnotoccurredtoherthatperhapsasfarasRainwasconcerned，hernamewasindeedthecruxofthematter。Herpatternsofbehaviorwereset，andmarriagewasnopartofthem。ThatRainmightwanttomakeheroverintoJustineHartheimneverevencrossedhermind。Shewastoobusyrememberingthequalityofhiskiss，anddreamingofmore。

ThereremainedonlythetaskoftellingDaneshecouldn’tgotoGreecewithhim，butaboutthisshewasuntroubled。Danewouldunderstand，healwaysdid。Onlysomehowshedidn’tthinkshe’dtellhimallthereasonswhyshewasn’tabletogo。Muchasshelovedherbrother，shedidn’tfeellikelisteningtowhatwouldbeoneofhissternesthomiliesever。HewantedhertomarryRain，soifshetoldhimwhatherplansforRainwere，he’dcartherofftoGreecewithhimifitmeantforcibleabduction。WhatDane’searsdidn’thear，hisheartcouldn’tgrieveabout。

"DearRain，"thenotesaid。"SorryIranlikeahairygoattheothernight，can’tthinkwhatgotintome。Thehecticdayandeverything，Isuppose。Pleaseforgivemeforbehavinglikeanutterprawn。I’mashamedofmyselfformakingsomuchfussaboutatrifle。AndIdaresaythedayhadgottoyou，too，wordsofloveandall，Imean。SoItellyouwhat-youforgiveme，andI’llforgiveyou。Let’sbefriends，please。Ican’tbeartobeatoutswithyou。Nexttimeyou’reinLondon，cometodinneratmyplaceandwe’llformallydraftoutapeacetreaty。"

Asusualitwassignedplain"Justine。"Nowordsevenofaffection；sheneverusedthem。Frowning，hestudiedtheartlesslycasualphrasesasifhecouldseethroughthemtowhatwasreallyinhermindasshewrote。Itwascertainlyanovertureoffriendship，butwhatelse？Sighing，hewasforcedtoadmitprobablyverylittle。Hehadfrightenedherbadly；thatshewantedtoretainhisfriendshipspokeofhowmuchhemeanttoher，butheverymuchdoubtedwhethersheunderstoodexactlywhatshefeltforhim。Afterall，nowsheknewhelovedher；ifshehadsortedherselfoutsufficientlytorealizeshelovedhimtoo，shewouldhavecomestraightoutwithitinherletter。YetwhyhadshereturnedtoLondoninsteadofgoingtoGreecewithDane？Heknewheshouldn’thopeitwasbecauseofhim，butdespitehismisgivings，hopebegantocolorhisthoughtssocheerfullyhebuzzedhissecretary。Itwas10A。m。GreenwichMeanTime，thebesthourtofindherathome。"GetmeMissO’neill’sLondonflat，"heinstructed，andwaitedtheinterveningsecondswithafrownpullingattheinnercornersofhisbrows。"Rain！"Justinesaid，apparentlydelighted。"Didyougetmyletter？""Thisminute。"

Afteradelicatepauseshesaid。"Andwillyoucometodinnersoon？""I’mgoingtobeinEnglandthiscomingFridayandSaturday。Isthenoticetooshort？"

"NotifSaturdayeveningisallrightwithyou。I’minrehearsalforDesdemona，soFriday’sout。"

"Desdemona？"

"That’sright，youdon’tknow！ClydewrotetomeinRomeandofferedmethepart。MarcSimpsonas

Othello，Clydedirectingpersonally。Isn’titwonderful？IcamebacktoLondononthefirstplane。"

Heshieldedhiseyeswithhishand，thankfulhissecretarywassafelyinherouteroffice，notsittingwhereshecouldseehisface。"Justine，Herzchen，that’smarvelousnews！"hemanagedtosayenthusiastically。"IwaswonderingwhatbroughtyoubacktoLondon。"

"Oh，Daneunderstood，"shesaidlightly，"andinawayIthinkhewasquitegladtobealone。Hehadconcoctedastoryaboutneedingmetobitchathimtogohome，butIthinkitwasallmoreforhissecondreason，thathedoesn’twantmetofeelexcludedfromhislifenowhe’sapriest。""Probably，"heagreedpolitely。

"Saturdayevening，then，"she-said。"Aroundsix，thenwecanhavealeisurelypeacetreatysessionwiththeaidofabottleortwo，andI’llfeedyouafterwe’vereachedasatisfactorycompromise。Allright？""Yes，ofcourse。Goodbye，Herzchen。"

Contactwascutoffabruptlybythesoundofherreceivergoingdown；hesatforamomentwithhisstillinhishand，thenshruggedandreplaceditonitscradle。DamnJustine！Shewasbeginningtocomebetweenhimandhiswork。Shecontinuedtocomebetweenhimandhisworkduringthesucceedingdays，thoughitwasdoubtfulifanyonesuspected。AndonSaturdayeveningalittleaftersixhepresentedhimselfatherapartment，empty-handedasusualbecauseshewasadifficultpersontobringgifts。Shewasindifferenttoflowers，neveratecandyandwouldhavethrownamoreexpensiveofferingcarelesslyinsomecorner，thenforgottenit。TheonlygiftsJustineseemedtoprizewerethoseDanehadgivenher。

"Champagnebeforedinner？"heasked，lookingatherinsurprise。"Well，Ithinktheoccasioncallsforit，don’tyou？Itwasourfirst-everbreakingofrelations，andthisisourfirst-everreconciliation，"sheansweredplausibly，indicatingacomfortablechairforhimandsettlingherselfonthetawnykangaroo-furrug，lipspartedasifshehadalreadyrehearsedrepliestoanythinghemightsaynext。Butconversationwasbeyondhim，atleastuntilhewasbetterabletoassesshermood，sohewatchedherinsilence。Untilhehadkissedherithadbeeneasytokeephimselfpartiallyaloof，butnow，seeingheragainforthefirsttimesince，headmittedthatitwasgoingtobeagreatdealharderinthefuture。

Probablyevenwhenshewasaveryoldwomanshewouldstillretainsomethingnotquitefullymatureaboutfaceandbearing；asthoughessentialwomanlinesswouldalwayspassherby。Thatcool，self-centered，logicalbrainseemedtodominatehercompletely，yetforhimsheownedafascinationsopotenthedoubtedifhewouldeverbeabletoreplaceherwithanyotherwoman。Neveroncehadhequestionedwhethershewasworththelongstruggle。Possiblyfromaphilosophicalstandpointshewasn’t。Diditmatter？Shewasagoal，anaspiration。

"You’relookingverynicetonight；Herzchen，"hesaidatlast，tippinghischampagneglasstoherinagesturehalftoast，halfacknowledgmentofanadversary。

AcoalfiresimmeredunshieldedinthesmallVictoriangrate，butJustinedidn’tseemtomindtheheat，huddledclosetoitwithhereyesfixedonhim。Thensheputherglassonthehearthwitharingingsnapandsatforward，herarmslinkedaboutherknees，barefeethiddenbyfoldsofdenselyblackgown。"Ican’tstandbeatingaroundthebush，"shesaid。"Didyoumeanit，Rain？"Suddenlyrelaxingdeeply，helaybackinhischair。"Meanwhat？""WhatyousaidinRome……Thatyoulovedme。"

"Isthatwhatthisisallabout，Herzchen？"

Shelookedaway，shrugged，lookedbackathimandnodded。"Well，ofcourse。"

"Butwhybringitupagain？Youtoldmewhatyouthought，andIhadgatheredtonight’sinvitationwasn’textendedtobringupthepast，onlyplanafuture。"

"Oh，Rain！You’reactingasifI’mmakingafuss！EvenifIwas，surelyyoucanseewhy。"

"No，Ican’t。"Heputhisglassdownandbentforwardtowatchhermoreclosely。"Yougavemetounderstandmostemphaticallythatyouwantednopartofmylove，andIhadhopedyou’datleasthavethedecencytorefrainfromdiscussingit。"

Ithadnotoccurredtoherthatthismeeting，nomatterwhatitsoutcome，wouldbesouncomfortable；afterall，hehadputhimselfinthepositionofasuppliant，andoughttobewaitinghumblyforhertoreverseherdecision。Insteadheseemedtohaveturnedthetablesneatly。Hereshewasfeelinglikeanaughtyschoolgirlcalledupontoanswerforsomeidioticprank。"Look，sport，you’retheonewhochangedthestatusquo，notme！Ididn’taskyoutocometonightsoIcouldbegforgivenessforhavingwoundedthegreatHartheimego！"

"Onthedefensive，Justine？"

Shewriggledimpatiently。"Yes，dammit！Howdoyoumanagetodothattome，Rain？Oh，Iwishjustonceyou’dletmeenjoyhavingtheupperhand！""IfIdid，you’dthrowmeoutlikeasmellyoldrag，"hesaid，smiling。"Icandothatyet，mate！"

"Nonsense！Ifyouhaven’tdoneitbynowyouneverwill。You’llgoonseeingmebecauseIkeepyouonthehop-youneverknowwhattoexpectfromme。"

"Isthatwhyyousaidyoulovedme？"sheaskedpainfully。"Wasitonlyaploytokeepmeonthehop？"

"Whatdoyouthink？"

"Ithinkyou’reaprizebastard！"shesaidthroughherteeth，andmarchedacrosstherugonherkneesuntilshewascloseenoughtogivehimthefullbenefitofheranger。"Sayyoulovemeagain，youbigKrautprawn，andwatchmespitinyoureye！"Hewasangry，too。"No，I’mnotgoingtosayitagain！Thatisn’twhyyouaskedmetocome，isit？Myfeelingsdon’tconcernyouonebit，Justine。Youaskedmetocomesoyoucouldexperimentwithyourownfeelings，anditdidn’tenteryourmindtoconsiderwhetherthatwasbeingfairtome。"Beforeshecouldmoveawayheleanedforward，grippedherarmsneartheshouldersandclampedherbodybetweenhislegs，holdingherfirmly。Herragevanishedatonce；sheflattenedherpalmsonhisthighsandliftedherface。Buthedidn’tkissher。Heletgoofherarmsandtwistedtoswitchoffthelampbehindhim，thenrelaxedhisholdonherandlaidhisheadbackagainstthechair，sothatshewasn’tsureifhehaddimmedtheroomdowntoglowingcoalsasthefirstmoveinhislove-making，orsimplytoconcealhisexpression。Uncertain，afraidofoutrightrejection，shewaitedtobetoldwhattodo。Sheshouldhaverealizedearlierthatonedidn’ttamperwithpeoplelikeRain。Theywereasinvincibleasdeath。Whycouldn’tsheputherheadonhislapandsay:Rain，loveme，IneedyousomuchandI’msosorry？Oh，surelyifshecouldgethimtomakelovetohersomeemotionalkeywouldturnanditwouldallcometumblingout，released……Stillwithdrawn，remote，helethertakeoffhisjacketandtie，butbythetimeshebegantounbuttonhisshirtsheknewitwasn’tgoingtowork。Thekindofinstinctiveeroticskillswhichcouldmakethemostmundaneoperationexcitingwerenotinherrepertoire。Thiswassoimportant，andshewasmakinganabsolutemessofit。Herfingersfaltered，hermouthpuckered。Sheburstintotears。

"Oh，no！Herzchen，liebchen，don’tcry！"Hepulledherontohislapandturnedherheadintohisshoulder，hisarmsaroundher。"I’msorry，Herzchen，Ididn’tmeantomakeyoucry。""Nowyouknow，"shesaidbetweensobs。"I’mamiserablefailure；Itoldyouitwouldn’twork！Rain，Iwantedsobadlytokeepyou，butIknewitwouldn’tworkifIletyouseehowawfulIam！"

"No，ofcourseitwouldn’twork。Howcouldit？Iwasn’thelpingyou，Herzchen。"Hetuggedatherhairtobringherfaceuptohis，kissedhereyelids，herwetcheeks，thecornersofhermouth。"It’smyfault，Herzchen，notyours。Iwaspayingyouback；Iwantedtoseehowfaryoucouldgowithoutencouragement。ButIthinkIhavemistakenyourmotives，nichtwahr？"Hisvoicehadgrownthicker，moreGerman。"AndIsay，ifthisiswhatyouwantyoushallhaveit，butitshallbetogether。"

"Please，Rain，let’scallitoff！Ihaven’tgotwhatittakes。I’llonlydisappointyou！"

"Oh，you’vegotit，Herzchen，I’veseenitonthestage。Howcanyoudoubtyourselfwhenyou’rewithme？"

Whichwassorighthertearsdried。

"KissmethewayyoudidinRome，"shewhispered。Onlyitwasn’tlikethekissinRomeatall。Thathadbeensomethingraw，startled，explosive；thiswasverylanguorousanddeep，anopportunitytotasteandsmellandfeel，settlebylayersintovoluptuousease。Herfingersreturnedtothebuttons，hiswenttothezipperofherdress，thenhecoveredherhandwithhisandthrustitinsidehisshirt，acrossskinmattedwithfinesofthair。Thesuddenhardeningofhismouthagainstherthroatbroughtahelplessresponsesoacuteshefeltfaint，thoughtshewasfallingandfoundshehad，flatonthesilkyrugwithRainloomingaboveher。Hisshirthadcomeoff，perhapsmore，shecouldn’tsee，onlythefireglancingoffhisshouldersspreadoverher，andthebeautifulsternmouth。Determinedtodestroyitsdisciplineforalltime，shelockedherfingersinhishairandmadehimkissheragain，harder，harder！

Andthefeelofhim！Likecominghome，recognizingeverypartofhimwithherlipsandhandsandbody，yetfabulousandstrange。Whiletheworldsankdowntotheminutewidthofthefirelightlappingagainstdarkness，sheopenedherselftowhathewanted，andlearnedsomethinghehadkeptentirelyconcealedforaslongasshehadknownhim；thathemusthavemadelovetoherinimaginationathousandtimes。Herownexperienceandnewbornintuitiontoldherso。Shewascompletelydisarmed。Withanyothermantheintimacyandastonishingsensualitywouldhaveappalledher，butheforcedhertoseethatthesewerethingsonlyshehadtherighttocommand。Andcommandthemshedid。Untilfinallyshecriedforhimtofinishit，herarmsabouthimsostronglyshecouldfeelthecontoursofhisverybones。Theminutesworeaway，wrappedinasatedpeace。Theyhadfallenintoanidenticalrhythmofbreathing，slowandeasy，hisheadagainsthershoulder，herlegthrownacrosshim。Graduallyherrigidclasponhisbackrelaxed，becameadreamy，circularcaress。Hesighed，turnedoverandreversedthewaytheywerelying，quiteunconsciouslyinvitinghertoslidestilldeeperintothepleasureofbeingwithhim。Sheputherpalmonhisflanktofeelthetextureofhisskin，slidherhandacrosswarmmuscleandcuppeditaroundthesoft，heavymassinhisgroin。Tofeelthecuriouslyalive，independentmovementswithinitwasasensationquitenewtoher；herpastlovershadneverinterestedhersufficientlytowanttoprolonghersexualcuriositytothislanguidandundemandingaftermath。Yetsuddenlyitwasn’tlanguidandundemandingatall，butsoenormouslyexcitingshewantedhimalloveragain。Stillshewastakenunaware，knewasuffocatedsurprisewhenheslippedhisarmsacrossherback，tookherheadinhishandsandheldhercloseenoughtoseetherewasnothingcontrolledabouthismouth，shapednowsolelybecauseofher，andforher。Tendernessandhumilitywereliterallyborninherinthatmoment。Itmusthaveshowninherface，forhewasgazingatherwitheyesgrownsobrightshecouldn’tbearthem，andbentovertotakehisupperlipbetweenherown。Thoughtsandsensesmergedatlast，buthercrywassmotheredsoundless，anunutteredwailofgladnesswhichshookhersodeeplyshelostawarenessofeverythingbeyondimpulse，themindlessguidanceofeachurgentminute。Theworldachieveditsultimatecontraction，turnedinuponitself，andtotallydisappeared。

Rainermusthavekeptthefiregoing，forwhengentleLondondaylightsoakedthroughthefoldsofthecurtainstheroomwasstillwarm。ThistimewhenhemovedJustinebecameconsciousofit，andclutchedhisarmfearfully。"Don’tgo！"

"I’mnot，Herzchen。"Hetwitchedanotherpillowfromthesofa，pusheditbehindhisheadandshiftedhercloserintohisside，sighingsoftly。"Allright？"

"Yes。"

"Areyoucold？"

"No，butifyouarewecouldgotobed。"

"Aftermakinglovetoyouforhoursonafurrug？Whatacomedown！Evenifyoursheetsareblacksilk。"

"They’reordinaryoldwhiteones，cotton。ThisbitofDroghedaisallright，isn’tit？"

"BitofDrogheda？"

"Therug！It’smadeofDroghedakangaroos，"sheexplained。"Notnearlyexoticoreroticenough。I’llorderyouatigerskinfromIndia。"

"RemindsmeofapoemIheardonce:

Wouldyouliketosin

WithElinorGlyn

Onatigerskin？

Orwouldyouprefer

ToerrwithherOnsomeotherfur？

"Well，Herzchen，Imustsayit’shightimeyoubouncedback！BetweenthedemandsofErosandMorpheus，youhaven’tbeenflippantinhalfaday。"Hesmiled。

"Idon’tfeeltheneedatthemoment，"shesaidwithanansweringsmile，settlinghishandcomfortablybetweenherlegs。"Thetigerskindoggereljustpoppedoutbecauseitwastoogoodtoresist，butIhaven’tgotasingleskeletonlefttohidefromyou，sothere’snotmuchpointinflippancy，isthere？"Shesniffed，suddenlyawareofafaintodorofstalefishdriftingontheair。"Heavens，youdidn’tgetanydinnerandnowit’stimeforbreakfast！Ican’texpectyoutoliveonlove！"

"Notifyouexpectsuchstrenuousdemonstrationsofit，anyway。""Goon，youenjoyedeverymomentofit。"

"IndeedIdid。"Hesighed，stretched，yawned。"IwonderifyouhaveanyideahowhappyIam。"

"Oh，Ithinkso，"shesaidquietly:

Heraisedhimselfononeelbowtolookather。"Tellme，wasDesdemonatheonlyreasonyoucamebacktoLondon？"

Grabbinghisear，shetweakeditpainfully。"Nowit’smyturntopayyoubackforallthoseheadmasterishquestions！Whatdoyouthink？"Heprizedherfingersawayeasily，grinning。"Ifyoudon’tanswerme，Herzchen，I’llstrangleyoufarmorepermanentlythanMarcdoes。""IcamebacktoLondontodoDesdemona，butbecauseofyou。Ihaven’tbeenabletocallmylifemyownsinceyoukissedmeinRome，andwellyouknowit。You’reaveryintelligentman，RainerMoerlingHartheim。"

"IntelligentenoughtohaveknownIwantedyouformywifealmostthefirstmomentIsawyou，"hesaid。

Shesatupquickly。"Wife？"

"Wife。IfI’dwantedyouformymistressI’dhavetakenyouyearsago，andIcouldhave。Iknowhowyourmindworks；itwouldhavebeenrelativelyeasy。TheonlyreasonIdidn’twasbecauseIwantedyouformywifeandIknewyouweren’treadytoaccepttheideaofahusband。"

"Idon’tknowthatIamnow，"shesaid，digestingit。Hegottohisfeet，pullingheruptostandagainsthim。"Well，youcanputinalittlepracticebygettingmesomebreakfast。IfthiswasmyhouseI’ddothehonors，butinyourkitchenyou’rethecook。"

"Idon’tmindgettingyourbreakfastthismorning，buttheoreticallytocommitmyselfuntilthedayIdie？"Sheshookherhead。"Idon’tthinkthat’smycupoftea，Rain。"

ItwasthesameRomanemperor’sface，andimperiallyunperturbedbythreatsofinsurrection。"Justine，thisisnotsomethingtoplaywith，noramIsomeonetoplaywith。There’splentyoftime。YouhaveeveryreasontoknowIcanbepatient。Butgetitoutofyourheadentirelythatthiscanbesettledinanywaybutmarriage。Ihavenowishtobeknownasanyonelessimportanttoyouthanahusband。"

"I’mnotgivingupacting！"shesaidaggressively。"VerfluchteKiste，didIaskyouto？Growup，Justine！AnyonewouldthinkIwascondemningyoutoalifesentenceoverasinkandstove！We’renotexactlyonthebreadline，youknow。Youcanhaveasmanyservantsasyouwant，nanniesforthechildren，whateverelseisnecessary。"

"Erk！"saidJustine，whohadn’tthoughtofchildren。Hethrewbackhisheadandlaughed。"Oh，Herzchen，thisiswhat’sknownasthemorningafterwithavengeance！I’mafooltobringuprealities。sosoon，Iknow，butallyouhavetodoatthisstageisthinkaboutthem。ThoughIgiveyoufairwarning-whileyou’remakingyourdecision，rememberthatifIcan’thaveyouformywife，Idon’twantyouatall。"

Shethrewherarmsaroundhim，clingingfiercely。"Oh，Rain，don’tmakeitsohard！"shecried。

Alone，DanedrovehisLagondauptheItalianboot，pastPerugia，Firenze，Bologna，Ferrara，Padova，betterby-passVenezia，spendthenightinTrieste。Itwasoneofhisfavoritecities，sohestayedontheAdriaticcoastafurthertwodaysbeforeheadingupthemountainroadtoLjubljana，anothernightinZagreb。DownthegreatSavaRivervalleyamidfieldsbluewithchicoryflowerstoBeograd，thencetoNis，anothernight。MacedoniaandSkopje，stillincrumblingruinsfromtheearthquaketwoyearsbefore；andTito-Velesthevacationcity，quaintlyTurkishwithitsmosquesandminarets。AllthewaydownYugoslaviahehadeatenfrugally，tooashamedtositwithagreatplateofmeatinfrontofhimwhenthepeopleofthecountrycontentedthemselveswithbread。

TheGreekborderatEvzone，beyonditThessalonika。TheItalianpapershadbeenfulloftherevolutionbrewinginGreece；standinginhishotelbedroomwindowwatchingthebobbingthousandsofflamingtorchesmovingrestlesslyinthedarknessofaThessalonikanight，hewasgladJustinehadnotcome。"Pap-an-dre-out！Pap-an-dre-out！Pap-an-dre-out！"thecrowdsroared，chanting，millingamongthetorchesuntilaftermidnight。Butrevolutionwasaphenomenonofcities，ofdenseconcentrationsofpeopleandpoverty；thescarredcountrysideofThessalymuststilllookasithadlookedtoCaesar’slegions，marchingacrossthestubble-burnedfieldstoPompeyatPharsala。Shepherdssleptintheshadeofskintents，storksstoodone-leggedinnestsatoplittleoldwhitebuildings，andeverywherewasaterrifyingaridity。Itremindedhim，withitshighclearsky，itsbrowntreelesswastes，ofAustralia。Andhebreathedofitdeeply，begantosmileatthethoughtofgoinghome。Mumwouldunderstand，whenhetalkedtoher。

AboveLarisahecameontothesea，stoppedthecarandgotout。Homer’swine-darksea，adelicateclearaquamarinenearthebeaches，purple-stainedlikegrapesasitstretchedtothecurvinghorizon。Onagreenswardfarbelowhimstoodatinyroundpillaredtemple，verywhiteinthesun，andontheriseofthehillbehindhimafrowningCrusaderfortressendured。Greece，youareverybeautiful，morebeautifulthanItaly，forallthatIloveItaly。Buthereisthecradle，forever。

PantingtobeinAthens，hepushedon，gunnedtheredsportscaruptheswitchbacksoftheDomokosPassanddescendeditsothersideintoBoeotia，astunningpanoramaofolivegroves，rustyhillsides，mountains。YetinspiteofhishastehestoppedtolookattheoddlyHollywoodishmonumenttoLeonidasandhisSpartansatThermopylae。Thestonesaid:"Stranger，gotelltheSpartansthatherewelie，inobediencetotheircommand。"Itstruckachordinhim，almostseemedtobewordshemighthaveheardinadifferentcontext；heshiveredandwentonquickly。

InmeltedsunhepausedforawhileaboveKamenaVoura，swamintheclearwaterlookingacrossthenarrowstraittoEuboea；theremustthethousandshipshavesailedfromAulis，ontheirwaytoTroy。Itwasastrongcurrent，swirlingseaward；theymustnothavehadtoplytheiroarsveryhard。Theecstaticcooingsandstrokingsoftheancientblack-garbedcroneinthebath-houseembarrassedhim；hecouldn’tgetawayfromherfastenough。Peopleneverreferredtohisbeautytohisfaceanymore，somostofthetimehewasabletoforgetit。Delayingonlytobuyacoupleofhuge，custard-filledcakesintheshop，hewentondowntheAtticcoastandfinallycametoAthensasthesunwassetting，gildingthegreatrockanditspreciouscrownofpillars。

ButAthenswastenseandvicious，andtheopenadmirationofthewomenmortifiedhim；Romanwomenweremoresophisticated，subtle。Therewasafeelinginthecrowds，pocketsofrioting，grimdeterminationonthepartofthepeopletohavePapandreou。No，Athenswasn’therself；bettertobeelsewhere。HeputtheLagondainagarageandtooktheferrytoCrete。Andthereatlast，amidtheolivegroves，thewildthymeandthemountains，hefoundhispeace。Afteralongbusridewithtrussedchickensscreechingandtheall-pervasivereekofgarlicinhisnostrils，hefoundatinywhite-paintedinnwithanarchedcolonnadeandthreeumbrellaedtablesoutsideontheflagstones，gayGreekbagshangingfestoonedlikelanterns。PeppertreesandAustraliangumtrees，plantedfromthenewSouthLandinsoiltooaridforEuropeantrees。Thegutroarofcicadas。Dust，swirlinginredclouds。

Atnighthesleptinatinycell-likeroomwithshutterswideopen，inthehushofdawnhecelebratedasolitaryMass，duringthedayhewalked。Noonebotheredhim；hebotherednoone。Butashepassedthedarkeyesofthepeasantswouldfollowhiminslowamazement，andeveryfacewouldcreasedeeperinasmile。Itwashot，andsoquiet，andverysleepy。Perfectpeace。Dayfollowedday，likebeadsslippingthroughaleatheryCretanhand。Voicelesslyheprayed，afeeling，anextensionofwhatlayallthroughhim，thoughtslikebeads，dayslikebeads。Lord，IamtrulyThine。ForThymanyblessingsIthankThee。ForthegreatCardinal，hishelp，hisdeepfriendship，hisunfailinglove。ForRomeandthechancetobeatThyheart，tohavelainprostratebeforeTheeinThineownbasilica，tohavefelttherockofThyChurchwithinme。Thouhastblessedmeabovemyworth；whatcanIdoforThee，toshowmyappreciation？Ihavenotsufferedenough。Mylifehasbeenonelong，absolutejoysinceIbeganinThyservice。Imustsuffer，andThouWhosufferedwillknowthat。ItisonlythroughsufferingthatImayriseabovemyself，understandTheebetter。Forthatiswhatthislifeis:thepassagetowardunderstandingThymystery。PlungeThyspearintomybreast，buryittheresodeeplyIamneverabletowithdrawit！Makemesuffer……ForTheeIforsakeallothers，evenmymotherandmysisterandtheCardinal。Thoualoneartmypain，myjoy。AbasemeandIshallsingThybelovedName。Destroyme，andIshallrejoice。IloveThee。OnlyThee……

Hehadcometothelittlebeachwherehelikedtoswim，ayellowcrescentbetweenbeetlingcliffs，andstoodforamomentlookingacrosstheMediterraneantowhatmustbeLibya，farbelowthedarkhorizon。Thenheleapedlightlydownthestepstothesand，kickedoffhissneakers，pickedthemup，andtrodthroughthesoftlyyieldingcontourstothespotwhereheusuallydroppedshoes，shirt，outershorts。TwoyoungEnglishmentalkingindrawlingOxfordaccentslaylikebroilinglobstersnotfaraway，andbeyondthemtwowomendrowsilyspeakinginGerman。Daneglancedatthewomenandself-consciouslyhitchedhisswimsuit，awaretheyhadstoppedconversingandhadsatuptopattheirhair，smileathim。

"Howgoesit？"heaskedtheEnglishmen，thoughinhismindhecalledthemwhatallAustralianscalltheEnglish，Pommies。Theyseemedtobefixtures，sincetheywereonthebeacheveryday。

"Splendidly，oldboy。Watchthecurrent-it’stoostrongforus。Stormouttheresomewhere。"

"Thanks。"Danegrinned，randowntotheinnocentlycurlingwaveletsanddivedcleanlyintoshallowwaterliketheexpertSurferhewas。Amazing，howdeceptivecalmwatercouldbe。Thecurrentwasvicious，hecouldfeelittuggingathislegstodrawhimunder，buthewastoostrongaswimmertobeworriedbyit。Headdown，heslidsmoothlythroughthewater，revelinginthecoolness，thefreedom。WhenhepausedandscannedthebeachhesawthetwoGermanwomenpullingontheircaps，runningdownlaughingtothewaves。Cuppinghishandsaroundhismouth，hecalledtotheminGermantostayinshallowwaterbecauseofthecurrent。Laughing，theywavedacknowledgment。Heputhisheaddownthen，swamagain，andthoughtheheardacry。Butheswamalittlefarther，thenstoppedtotreadwaterinaspotwheretheundertowwasn’tsobad。Therewerecries；asheturnedhesawthewomenstruggling，theirtwistedfacesscreaming，onewithherhandsup，sinking。OnthebeachthetwoEnglishmenhadrisentotheirfeetandwerereluctantlyapproachingthewater。

Heflippedoverontohisbellyandflashedthroughthewater，closerandcloser。Panickedarmsreachedforhim，clungtohim，draggedhimunder；hemanagedtogriponewomanaroundthewaistlongenoughtostunherwithaswiftcliponthechin，thengrabbedtheotherbythestrapofherswimsuit，shovedhiskneehardintoherspineandwindedher。Coughing，forhehadswallowedwaterwhenhewentunder，heturnedonhisbackandbegantowinghishelplessburdensin。

ThetwoPommieswerestandingshoulder-deep，toofrightenedtoventureanyfarther，forwhichDanedidn’tblamethemintheleast。Histoesjusttouchedthesand；hesighedinrelief。Exhausted，heexertedalastsuperhumaneffortandthrustthewomentosafety。Fastregainingtheirsenses，theybeganscreamingagain，thrashingaboutwildly。Gasping，Danemanagedagrin。Hehaddonehisbit；thePomscouldtakeovernow。Whileherested，chestheaving，thecurrenthadsuckedhimoutagain，hisfeetnolongerbrushedthebottomevenwhenhestretchedthemdownward。Ithadbeenaclosecall。Ifhehadn’tbeenpresenttheywouldcertainlyhavedrowned；thePomshadn’tthestrengthorskilltosavethem。But，saidavoice，theyonlywantedtoswimsotheycouldbenearyou；untiltheysawyouthey

hadn’tanyintentionofgoingin。Itwasyourfaulttheywereindanger，yourfault。

Andashefloatedeasilyaterriblepainblossomedinhischest，surelyasaspearwouldfeel，onelongandred-hotshaftofscreamingagony。Hecriedout，threwhisarmsupabovehishead，stiffening，musclesconvulsed；butthepaingrewworse，forcedhisarmsdownagain，thrusthisfistsintohisarmpits，broughtuphisknees。Myheart！I’mhavingaheartattack，I’mdying！Myheart！Idon’twanttodie！Notyet，notbeforeI’vebegunmywork，notbeforeI’vehadachancetoprovemyself！DearLord，helpme！Idon’twanttodie，Idon’twanttodie！

Thespasmedbodystilled，relaxed；Daneturnedontohisback，lethisarmsfloatwideandlimpinspiteofthepain。Wet-lashed，hestared——upatthesoaringvaultofthesky。Thisisit；thisisThyspear，thatIinmypridebeggedfornotanhourago。Givemethechancetosuffer，Isaid，makemesuffer。NowwhenitcomesIresist，notcapableofperfectlove。DearestLord，Thypain！Imustacceptit，Imustnotfightit，ImustnotfightThywill。ThyhandismightyandthisisThypain，asThoumusthavefeltitontheCross。MyGod，myGod，IamThine！IfthisisThywill，sobeit。LikeachildIputmyselfintoThyinfinitehand。Thouarttoogoodtome。WhathaveIdonetodeservesomuchfromThee，andfromthepeoplewholovemebetterthantheyloveanyoneelse？WhyhastThougivenmesomuch，whenIamnotworthy？Thepain，thepain！Thouartsogoodtome。Letitnotbelong，Iasked，andithasnotbeenlong。Mysufferingwillbeshort，quicklyover。SoonIshallseeThyface，butnow，stillinthislife，IthankThee。Thepain！MydearestLord，Thouarttoogoodtome。IloveThee！Ahugetremorpassedthroughthestill，waitingbody。Hislipsmoved，murmuredaName，triedtosmile。Thenthepupilsdilated，droveallthebluefromhiseyesforever。Safeonthebeachatlast，thetwoEnglishmen

dumpedtheirweepingchargesonthesandandstoodlookingforhim。Buttheplaciddeepblueseawasempty，vast；thewaveletsranuprushingandretreated。Danewasgone。

SomeonethoughtoftheUnitedStatesAirForcestationnearby，andranforhelp。NotthirtyminutesafterDanehaddisappearedahelicoptertookoff，beattheairfranticallyandswoopedinever-increasingcirclesoutwardfromthebeach，searching。Nooneexpectedtoseeanything。Drownedmensanktothebottomanddidn’tcomeupfordays。Anhourpassed；thenfifteenmilesouttoseatheysightedDanefloatingpeacefullyonthebosomofthedeep，armsoutstretched。，faceturneduptothesky。Foramomenttheythoughthewasaliveandcheered，butasthecraftcamelowenoughtothrowthewaterintohissingfoam，itwasplainhewasdead。Thecoordinatesweregivenoverthehelicopter’sradio，alaunchspedout，andthreehourslaterreturned。Wordhadspread。TheCretanshadlovedtoseehimpass，lovedtoexchangeafewshywords。Lovedhim，thoughtheydidn’tknowhim。Theyflockeddowntothesea，womenallinblacklikedowdybirds，meninold-fashionedbaggytrousers，whiteshirtsopenatthecollarandsleevesrolledup。Andstoodinsilentgroups，waiting。

Whenthelaunchcameinaburlymastersergeantsprangoutontothesand，turnedbacktoreceiveablanket-drapedformintohisarms。Hemarchedafewfleetupthebeachbeyondthewaterline，andwiththehelpofanothermanlaidhisburdendown。Theblanketfellapart；therewasahigh，rustlingwhisperfromtheCretans。Theycamecrowdingaround，pressingcrucifixestoweather-beatenlips，thewomensoftlykeening，awordlessohhhhhhhh！thathadalmostamelodyinit，mournful，patient，earthbound，female。Itwasaboutfiveintheafternoon；thebarredsunwasslidingwestwardbehindthefrowningcliff，butwasstillhighenoughtolightupthelittledarkclusteronthebeach，thelong，stillformonthesandwithitsgoldenskin，itsclosedeyeswhoselasheswerespikyfromdryingsalt，thefaintsmileonthebluedlips。Astretcherwasbroughtforward，thenalltogetherCretansandAmericanservicemenboreDaneaway。

Athenswasinturmoil，riotingcrowdsoverturningallorder，buttheUSAFcolonelgotthroughtohissuperiorsonaspecialfrequencyband，Dane’sblueAustralianpassportinhishand。Itsaid，assuchdocumentsdo，nothingabouthim。Hisprofessionwassimplymarked"Student，"andinthebackundernextofkinJustine’snamewaslisted，withherLondonaddress。Unconcernedbythelegalmeaningoftheterm，hehadputhernamebecauseLondonwasfarclosertoRomethanDrogheda。Inhislittleroomattheinn，thesquareblackcasewhichhousedhispriestlyimplementshadnotbeenopened；itwaitedwithhissuitcasefordirectionsastowhereitshouldbesent。

WhenthephonerangatnineinthemorningJustinerolledover，openedablearyeyeandlaycursingit，vowingshewouldhavethebloodythingdisconnected。Becausetherestoftheworldthoughtitonlyrightandpropertocommencewhatevertheydidatnineinthemorning，whydidtheyassumethesameofher？

Butitrang，andrang，andrang。MaybeitwasRain；thatthoughttippedthebalancetowardconsciousness，andJustinegotup，sloppedreelingouttothelivingroom。TheGermanparliamentwasinurgentsession；shehadn’tseenRaininaweekandhadn’tbeenoptimisticaboutherchancesofseeinghimforatleastanotherweek。Butperhapsthecrisishadresolved，andhewascallingtotellherhewasonhiswayover。

"Hello？"

"MissJustineO’neill？"

"Yes，speaking。"

"ThisisAustraliaHouse，intheAldwych，youknow？"ThevoicehadanEnglishinflection，gaveanameshewastootiredtohearbecauseshewasstillassimilatingthefactthatthevoicewasnotRain’s。

"Okay，AustraliaHouse。"Yawning，shestoodononefootandscratcheditstopwiththesoleoftheother。

"Doyouhaveabrother，aMr。DaneO’neill？"

Justine’seyesopened。"Yes，Ido。"

"IsheatpresentinGreece，MissO’neill？"

Bothfeetsettledintotherug，stoodbraced。"Yes，that’sright，"Itdidnotoccurtohertocorrectthevoice，explainitwasFather，notMister。"MissO’neill，Iverymuchregrettosaythatitismyunfortunatedutytogiveyousomebadnews。"

"Badnews？Badnews？Whatisit？What’sthematter？What’shappened？""Iregrettohavetoinformyouthatyourbrother，Mr。DaneO’neill，wasdrownedyesterdayinCrete，Iunderstandinheroiccircumstances，performingasearescue。However，yourealizethereisarevolutioninGreece，andwhatinformationwehaveissketchyandpossiblynotaccurate。"

ThephonestoodonatablenearthewallandJustineleanedagainstthesolidsupportthewalloffered。Herkneesbuckled，shebegantoslideveryslowlydownward，woundupinacurledheaponthefloor。Notlaughingandnotcrying，shemadenoisessomewhereinbetween，audiblegasps。Danedrowned。Gasp。Danedead。Gasp。Crete，Dane，drowned。Gasp。Dead，dead。"MissO’neill？Areyouthere，MissO’neill？"askedthevoiceinsistently。Dead。Drowned。Mybrother！

"MissO’neill，answerme！"

"Yes，yes，yes，yes，yes！Oh，God，I’mhere！""Iunderstandyouarehisnextofkin，thereforewemusthaveyourinstructionsastowhattodowiththebody。MissO’neill，areyouthere？""Yes，yes！"

"Whatdoyouwantdonewiththebody，MissO’neill？"Body！Hewasabody，andtheycouldn’tevensayhisbody，theyhadtosaythebody。Dane，myDane。Heisabody。"Nextofkin？"sheheardhervoiceasking，thinandfaint，tornbythosegreatgasps。"I’mnotDane’snextofkin。Mymotheris，Isuppose。"

Therewasapause。"Thisisverydifficult，MissO’neill。Ifyou’renotthenextofkin，we’vewastedvaluabletime。"Thepolitesympathygavewaytoimpatience。"Youdon’tseemtounderstandthere’sarevolutiongoingoninGreeceandtheaccidenthappenedinCrete，evenmoreremoteandhardtocontact。Really！CommunicationwithAthensisvirtuallyimpossibleandwehavebeeninstructedtoforwardthenextofkin’spersonalwishesandinstructionsregardingthebodyimmediately。Isyourmotherthere？MayIspeaktoher，please？"

"Mymother’snothere。She’sinAustralia。"

"Australia？Lord，thisgetsworseandworse！Nowwe’llhavetosendacabletoAustralia；moredelays。Ifyouarenotthenextofkin，MissO’neill，whydidyourbrother’spassportsayyouwere？"

"Idon’tknow，"shesaid，andfoundshehadlaughed。"Givemeyourmother’saddressinAustralia；we’llcableheratonce。Wehavetoknowwhattodowiththebody！Bythetimecablesgetbackandforth，thiswillmeanatwelve-hourdelay，Ihopeyourealizethat。It’sgoingtobedifficultenoughwithoutthismix-up。"

"Phoneher，then。Don’twastetimewithcables。"

"Ourbudgetdoesnotextendtointernationalphonecalls，MissO’neill，"saidthatstiffvoice。"Now，willyoupleasegivemeyourmother’snameandaddress？"

"Mrs。MeggieO’neill，"Justinerecited，"Drogheda，Gillanbone，NewSouthWales，Australia。"Shespelledouttheunfamiliarnamesforhim。"Onceagain，MissO’neill，mydeepestregrets。"