第16章

Ithentoldmyparentsofit，andtoldthemthatIthoughtthattheymustseethatwhenIspoke，thatitwasnotmyownvoice，foritappearedsotome。MyspeechseemedentirelyunderthecontroloftheSpiritwithinme；IdonotmeanthatthewordswhichIspokewerenotmyown，fortheywere。IthoughtthatI

wasinfluencedsimilartotheApostlesonthedayofPentecost(withtheexceptionofhavingpowertogiveittoothers，anddoingwhattheydid)。AfterbreakfastIwentroundtoconversewithmyneighborsonreligion，whichIcouldnothavebeenhiredtohavedonebeforethis，andattheirrequestIprayedwiththem，thoughIhadneverprayedinpublicbefore。

“InowfeelasifIhaddischargedmydutybytellingthetruth，andhopebytheblessingofGod，itmaydosomegoodtoallwhoshallreadit。HehasfulfilledhispromiseinsendingtheHolySpiritdownintoourhearts，ormineatleast，andInowdefyalltheDeistsandAtheistsintheworldtoshakemyfaithinChrist。”

SomuchforMr。Bradleyandhisconversion，oftheeffectofwhichuponhislaterlifewegainnoinformation。Nowforaminutersurveyoftheconstituentelementsoftheconversionprocess。

IfyouopenthechapteronAssociation，ofanytreatiseonPsychology，youwillreadthataman’sideas，aims，andobjectsformdiverseinternalgroupsandsystems，relativelyindependentofoneanother。Each’aim’whichhefollowsawakensacertainspecifickindofinterestedexcitement，andgathersacertaingroupofideastogetherinsubordinationtoitasitsassociates；

andiftheaimsandexcitementsaredistinctinkind，theirgroupsofideasmayhavelittleincommon。Whenonegroupispresentandengrossestheinterest，alltheideasconnectedwithothergroupsmaybeexcludedfromthementalfield。ThePresidentoftheUnitedStateswhen，withpaddle，gun，andfishing-rod，hegoescampinginthewildernessforavacation，changeshissystemofideasfromtoptobottom。Thepresidentialanxietieshavelapsedintothebackgroundentirely；theofficialhabitsarereplacedbythehabitsofasonofnature，andthosewhoknewthemanonlyasthestrenuousmagistratewouldnot“knowhimforthesameperson“iftheysawhimasthecamper。

Ifnowheshouldnevergoback，andneveragainsufferpoliticalintereststogaindominionoverhim，hewouldbeforpracticalintentsandpurposesapermanentlytransformedbeing。Ourordinaryalterationsofcharacter，aswepassfromoneofouraimstoanother，arenotcommonlycalledtransformations，becauseeachofthemissorapidlysucceededbyanotherinthereversedirection；butwheneveroneaimgrowssostableastoexpeldefinitivelyitspreviousrivalsfromtheindividual’slife，wetendtospeakofthephenomenon，andperhapstowonderatit，asa“transformation。”

Thesealternationsarethecompletestofthewaysinwhichaselfmaybedivided。Alesscompletewayisthesimultaneouscoexistenceoftwoormoredifferentgroupsofaims，ofwhichonepracticallyholdstherightofwayandinstigatesactivity，whilsttheothersareonlypiouswishes，andneverpracticallycometoanything。SaintAugustine’saspirationstoapurerlife，inourlastlecture，wereforawhileanexample。AnotherwouldbethePresidentinhisfullprideofoffice，wonderingwhetheritwerenotallvanity，andwhetherthelifeofawood-chopperwerenotthewholesomerdestiny。Suchfleetingaspirationsaremerevelleitates，whimsies。Theyexistontheremoteroutskirtsofthemind，andtherealselfoftheman，thecentreofhisenergies，isoccupiedwithanentirelydifferentsystem。Aslifegoeson，thereisaconstantchangeofourinterests，andaconsequentchangeofplaceinoursystemsofideas，frommorecentraltomoreperipheral，andfrommoreperipheraltomorecentralpartsofconsciousness。Iremember，forinstance，thatoneeveningwhenIwasayouth，myfatherreadaloudfromaBostonnewspaperthatpartofLordGifford’swillwhichfoundedthesefourlectureships。AtthattimeIdidnotthinkofbeingateacherofphilosophy，andwhatIlistenedtowasasremotefrommyownlifeasifitrelatedtotheplanetMars。YethereIam，withtheGiffordsystempartandparcelofmyveryself，andallmyenergies，forthetimebeing，devotedtosuccessfullyidentifyingmyselfwithit。Mysoulstandsnowplantedinwhatoncewasforitapracticallyunrealobject，andspeaksfromitasfromitsproperhabitatandcentre。

WhenIsay“Soul。”youneednottakemeintheontologicalsenseunlessyoupreferto；foralthoughontologicallanguageisinstinctiveinsuchmatters，yetBuddhistsorHumianscanperfectlywelldescribethefactsinthephenomenaltermswhicharetheirfavorites。Forthemthesoulisonlyasuccessionoffieldsofconsciousness：yetthereisfoundineachfieldapart，orsub-field，whichfiguresasfocalandcontainstheexcitement，andfromwhich，asfromacentre，theaimseemstobetaken。Talkingofthispart，weinvoluntarilyapplywordsofperspectivetodistinguishitfromtherest，wordslike“here。”

“this。”“now。”“mine。”or“me“；andweascribetotheotherpartsthepositions“there。”“then。”“that。”“his“or“thine。”“it。”

“notme。”Buta“here“canchangetoa“there。”anda“there“

becomea“here。”andwhatwas“mine“andwhatwas“notmine“

changetheirplaces。

Whatbringssuchchangesaboutisthewayinwhichemotionalexcitementalters。Thingshotandvitaltousto-dayarecoldto-morrow。Itisasifseenfromthehotpartsofthefieldthattheotherpartsappeartous，andfromthesehotpartspersonaldesireandvolitionmaketheirsallies。Theyareinshortthecentresofourdynamicenergy，whereasthecoldpartsleaveusindifferentandpassiveinproportiontotheircoldness。

Whethersuchlanguageberigorouslyexactisforthepresentofnoimportance。Itisexactenough，ifyourecognizefromyourownexperiencethefactswhichIseektodesignatebyit。

Nowtheremaybegreatoscillationintheemotionalinterest，andthehotplacesmayshiftbeforeonealmostasrapidlyasthesparksthatrunthroughburnt-uppaper。Thenwehavethewaveringanddividedselfweheardsomuchofinthepreviouslecture。Orthefocusofexcitementandheat，thepointofviewfromwhichtheaimistaken，maycometoliepermanentlywithinacertainsystem；andthen，ifthechangebeareligiousone，wecallitaCONVERSION，especiallyifitbebycrisis，orsudden。

Letushereafter，inspeakingofthehotplaceinaman’sconsciousness，thegroupofideastowhichhedevoteshimself，andfromwhichheworks，callitTHEHABITUALCENTREOFHIS

PERSONALENERGY。Itmakesagreatdifferencetoamanwhetheronesetofhisideas，oranother，bethecentreofhisenergy；

anditmakesagreatdifference，asregardsanysetofideaswhichhemaypossess，whethertheybecomecentralorremainperipheralinhim。Tosaythatamanis“converted“means，intheseterms，thatreligiousideas，previouslyperipheralinhisconsciousness，nowtakeacentralplace，andthatreligiousaimsformthehabitualcentreofhisenergy。

NowifyouaskofpsychologyjustHOWtheexcitementshiftsinaman’smentalsystem，andWHYaimsthatwereperipheralbecomeatacertainmomentcentral，psychologyhastoreplythatalthoughshecangiveageneraldescriptionofwhathappens，sheisunableinagivencasetoaccountaccuratelyforallthesingleforcesatwork。NeitheranoutsideobservernortheSubjectwhoundergoestheprocesscanexplainfullyhowparticularexperiencesareabletochangeone’scentreofenergysodecisively，orwhytheysooftenhavetobidetheirhourtodoso。Wehaveathought，orweperformanact，repeatedly，butonacertaindaytherealmeaningofthethoughtpealsthroughusforthefirsttime，ortheacthassuddenlyturnedintoamoralimpossibility。Allweknowisthattherearedeadfeelings，deadideas，andcoldbeliefs，andtherearehotandliveones；andwhenonegrowshotandalivewithinus，everythinghastore-crystallizeaboutit。Wemaysaythattheheatandlivelinessmeanonlythe“motorefficacy。”longdeferredbutnowoperative，oftheidea；butsuchtalkitselfisonlycircumlocution，forwhencethesuddenmotorefficacy？Andourexplanationsthengetsovagueandgeneralthatonerealizesallthemoretheintenseindividualityofthewholephenomenon。

Intheendwefallbackonthehackneyedsymbolismofamechanicalequilibrium。Amindisasystemofideas，eachwiththeexcitementitarouses，andwithtendenciesimpulsiveandinhibitive，whichmutuallycheckorreinforceoneanother。Thecollectionofideasaltersbysubtractionorbyadditioninthecourseofexperience，andthetendenciesalterastheorganismgetsmoreaged。Amentalsystemmaybeunderminedorweakenedbythisinterstitialalterationjustasabuildingis，andyetforatimekeepuprightbydeadhabit。Butanewperception，asuddenemotionalshock，oranoccasionwhichlaysbaretheorganicalteration，willmakethewholefabricfalltogether；andthenthecentreofgravitysinksintoanattitudemorestable，forthenewideasthatreachthecentreintherearrangementseemnowtobelockedthere，andthenewstructureremainspermanent。

Formedassociationsofideasandhabitsareusuallyfactorsofretardationinsuchchangesofequilibrium。Newinformation，howeveracquired，playsanacceleratingpartinthechanges；andtheslowmutationofourinstinctsandpropensities，underthe“unimaginabletouchoftime“hasanenormousinfluence。

Moreover，alltheseinfluencesmayworksubconsciouslyorhalfunconsciously。[99]AndwhenyougetaSubjectinwhomthesubconsciouslife——ofwhichImustspeakmorefullysoon——islargelydeveloped，andinwhommotiveshabituallyripeninsilence，yougetacaseofwhichyoucannevergiveafullaccount，andinwhich，bothtotheSubjectandtheonlookers，theremayappearanelementofmarvel。Emotionaloccasions，especiallyviolentones，areextremelypotentinprecipitatingmentalrearrangements。Thesuddenandexplosivewaysinwhichlove，jealousy，guilt，fear，remorse，orangercanseizeupononeareknowntoeverybody。[100]Hope，happiness，security，resolve，emotionscharacteristicofconversion，canbeequallyexplosive。

Andemotionsthatcomeinthisexplosivewayseldomleavethingsastheyfoundthem。

[99]Jouffroyisanexample：“Downthisslopeitwasthatmyintelligencehadglided，andlittlebylittleithadgotfarfromitsfirstfaith。Butthismelancholyrevolutionhadnottakenplaceinthebroaddaylightofmyconsciousness；toomanyscruples，toomanyguidesandsacredaffectionshadmadeitdreadfultome，sothatIwasfarfromavowingtomyselftheprogressithadmade。Ithadgoneoninsilence，byaninvoluntaryelaborationofwhichIwasnottheaccomplice；andalthoughIhadinrealitylongceasedtobeaChristian，yet，intheinnocenceofmyintention，Ishouldhaveshudderedtosuspectit，andthoughtitcalumnyhadIbeenaccusedofsuchafallingaway。”ThenfollowsJouffroy’saccountofhiscounter-conversion，quotedaboveonp。173。

[100]Onehardlyneedsexamples；butforlove，seep。176，note，forfear，p。161；forremorse，seeOthelloafterthemurder；

forangerseeLearafterCordelia’sfirstspeechtohim；forresolve，seep。175(J。Fostercase)。HereisapathologicalcaseinwhichGUILTwasthefeelingthatsuddenlyexploded：“OnenightIwasseizedonenteringbedwitharigor，suchasSwedenborgdescribesascomingoverhimwithasenseofholiness，butovermewithasenseofGUILT。DuringthatwholenightIlayundertheinfluenceoftherigor，andfromitsinceptionIfeltthatIwasunderthecurseofGod。Ihaveneverdoneoneactofdutyinmylife——sinsagainstGodandmanbeginningasfarasmymemorygoesback——awildcatinhumanshape。”

InhisrecentworkonthePsychologyofReligion，ProfessorStarbuckofCaliforniahasshownbyastatisticalinquiryhowcloselyparallelinitsmanifestationstheordinary“conversion“

whichoccursinyoungpeoplebroughtupinevangelicalcirclesistothatgrowthintoalargerspirituallifewhichisanormalphaseofadolescenceineveryclassofhumanbeings。Theageisthesame，fallingusuallybetweenfourteenandseventeen。Thesymptomsarethesame，——senseofincompletenessandimperfection；

brooding，depression，morbidintrospection，andsenseofsin；

anxietyaboutthehereafter；distressoverdoubts，andthelike。

Andtheresultisthesame——ahappyreliefandobjectivity，astheconfidenceinselfgetsgreaterthroughtheadjustmentofthefacultiestothewideroutlook。Inspontaneousreligiousawakening，apartfromrevivalisticexamples，andintheordinarystormandstressandmoulting-timeofadolescence，wealsomaymeetwithmysticalexperiences，astonishingthesubjectsbytheirsuddenness，justasinrevivalisticconversion。Theanalogy，infact，iscomplete；andStarbuck’sconclusionastotheseordinaryyouthfulconversionswouldseemtobetheonlysoundone：

Conversionisinitsessenceanormaladolescentphenomenon，incidentaltothepassagefromthechild’ssmalluniversetothewiderintellectualandspirituallifeofmaturity。