第5章

Atothertimeswhennotquitewellhewouldhavetheminforthefunofshakinghiswillatthem。Hewouldinhisimaginationcutthemalloutoneafteranotherandleavehismoneytofoundalmshouses，tillatlasthewasobligedtoputthemback，sothathemighthavethepleasureofcuttingthemoutagainthenexttimehewasinapassion。

Ofcourseifyoungpeopleallowtheirconducttobeinanywayinfluencedbyregardtothewillsoflivingpersonstheyaredoingverywrongandmustexpecttobesufferersintheend，neverthelessthepowersofwill-danglingandwill-shakingaresoliabletoabuseandarecontinuallymadesogreatanengineoftorturethatIwouldpassalaw，ifIcould，toincapacitateanymanfrommakingawillforthreemonthsfromthedateofeachoffenceineitheroftheaboverespectsandletthebenchofmagistratesorjudge，beforewhomhehasbeenconvicted，disposeofhispropertyastheyshallthinkrightandreasonableifhediesduringthetimethathiswill-

makingpowerissuspended。

MrPontifexwouldhavetheboysintothedining-room。“MydearJohn，mydearTheobald。”hewouldsay，“lookatme。IbeganlifewithnothingbuttheclotheswithwhichmyfatherandmothersentmeuptoLondon。MyfathergavemetenshillingsandmymotherfiveforpocketmoneyandIthoughtthemmunificent。Ineveraskedmyfatherforashillinginthewholecourseofmylife，nortookaughtfromhimbeyondthesmallsumheusedtoallowmemonthlytillIwasinreceiptofasalary。ImademyownwayandIshallexpectmysonstodothesame。Praydon’ttakeitintoyourheadsthatIamgoingtowearmylifeoutmakingmoneythatmysonsmayspenditforme。IfyouwantmoneyyoumustmakeitforyourselvesasIdid，forIgiveyoumywordIwillnotleaveapennytoeitherofyouunlessyoushowthatyoudeserveit。YoungpeopleseemnowadaystoexpectallkindsofluxuriesandindulgenceswhichwereneverheardofwhenIwasaboy。Why，myfatherwasacommoncarpenter，andhereyouarebothofyouatpublicschools，costingmeeversomanyhundredsayear，whileIatyouragewasploddingawaybehindadeskinmyUncleFairlie’scountinghouse。WhatshouldInothavedoneifI

hadhadonehalfofyouradvantages？Youshouldbecomedukesorfoundnewempiresinundiscoveredcountries，andeventhenIdoubtwhetheryouwouldhavedoneproportionatelysomuchasIhavedone。

No，no，Ishallseeyouthroughschoolandcollegeandthen，ifyouplease，youwillmakeyourownwayintheworld。”

Inthismannerhewouldworkhimselfupintosuchastateofvirtuousindignationthathewouldsometimesthrashtheboysthenandthereuponsomepretextinventedatthemoment。

Andyet，aschildrenwent，theyoungPontifexeswerefortunate；

therewouldbetenfamiliesofyoungpeopleworseoffforonebetter；theyateanddrankgoodwholesomefood，sleptincomfortablebeds，hadthebestdoctorstoattendthemwhentheywereillandthebesteducationthatcouldbehadformoney。ThewantoffreshairdoesnotseemmuchtoaffectthehappinessofchildreninaLondonalley：thegreaterpartofthemsingandplayasthoughtheywereonamoorinScotland。Sotheabsenceofagenialmentalatmosphereisnotcommonlyrecognisedbychildrenwhohaveneverknownit。

Youngpeoplehaveamarvellousfacultyofeitherdyingoradaptingthemselvestocircumstances。Eveniftheyareunhappy——veryunhappy——itisastonishinghoweasilytheycanbepreventedfromfindingitout，oratanyratefromattributingittoanyothercausethantheirownsinfulness。

ToparentswhowishtoleadaquietlifeIwouldsay：Tellyourchildrenthattheyareverynaughty——muchnaughtierthanmostchildren。Pointtotheyoungpeopleofsomeacquaintancesasmodelsofperfectionandimpressyourownchildrenwithadeepsenseoftheirowninferiority。Youcarrysomanymoregunsthantheydothattheycannotfightyou。Thisiscalledmoralinfluence，anditwillenableyoutobouncethemasmuchasyouplease。Theythinkyouknowandtheywillnothaveyetcaughtyoulyingoftenenoughtosuspectthatyouarenottheunworldlyandscrupulouslytruthfulpersonwhichyourepresentyourselftobe；noryetwilltheyknowhowgreatacowardyouare，norhowsoonyouwillrunaway，iftheyfightyouwithpersistencyandjudgement。Youkeepthediceandthrowthembothforyourchildrenandyourself。Loadthemthen，foryoucaneasilymanagetostopyourchildrenfromexaminingthem。

Tellthemhowsingularlyindulgentyouare；insistontheincalculablebenefityouconferreduponthem，firstlyinbringingthemintotheworldatall，butmoreparticularlyinbringingthemintoitasyourownchildrenratherthananyoneelse’s。Saythatyouhavetheirhighestinterestsatstakewheneveryouareoutoftemperandwishtomakeyourselfunpleasantbywayofbalmtoyoursoul。Harpmuchuponthesehighestinterests。FeedthemspirituallyuponsuchbrimstoneandtreacleasthelateBishopofWinchester’sSundaystories。Youholdallthetrumpcards，orifyoudonotyoucanfilchthem；ifyouplaythemwithanythinglikejudgementyouwillfindyourselvesheadsofhappy，united，God-

fearingfamilies，evenasdidmyoldfriendMrPontifex。True，yourchildrenwillprobablyfindoutallaboutitsomeday，butnotuntiltoolatetobeofmuchservicetothemorinconveniencetoyourself。

Somesatiristshavecomplainedoflifeinasmuchasallthepleasuresbelongtotheforepartofitandwemustseethemdwindletillweareleft，itmaybe，withthemiseriesofadecrepitoldage。

Tomeitseemsthatyouthislikespring，anoverpraisedseason——

delightfulifithappentobeafavouredone，butinpracticeveryrarelyfavouredandmoreremarkable，asageneralrule，forbitingeastwindsthangenialbreezes。Autumnisthemellowerseason，andwhatweloseinflowerswemorethangaininfruits。Fontenelleattheageofninety，beingaskedwhatwasthehappiesttimeofhislife，saidhedidnotknowthathehadeverbeenmuchhappierthanhethenwas，butthatperhapshisbestyearshadbeenthosewhenhewasbetweenfifty-fiveandseventy-five，andDrJohnsonplacedthepleasuresofoldagefarhigherthanthoseofyouth。True，inoldageweliveundertheshadowofDeath，which，likeaswordofDamocles，maydescendatanymoment，butwehavesolongfoundlifetobeanaffairofbeingratherfrightenedthanhurtthatwehavebecomelikethepeoplewholiveunderVesuvius，andchanceitwithoutmuchmisgiving。

AfewwordsmaysufficeforthegreaternumberoftheyoungpeopletowhomIhavebeenalludingintheforegoingchapter。ElizaandMaria，thetwoeldergirls，wereneitherexactlyprettynorexactlyplain，andwereinallrespectsmodelyoungladies，butAletheawasexceedinglyprettyandofalively，affectionatedisposition，whichwasinsharpcontrastwiththoseofherbrothersandsisters。Therewasatraceofhergrandfather，notonlyinherface，butinherloveoffun，ofwhichherfatherhadnone，thoughnotwithoutacertainboisterousandrathercoarsequasi-humourwhichpassedforwitwithmany。

Johngrewuptobeagood-looking，gentlemanlyfellow，withfeaturesatrifletooregularandfinelychiselled。Hedressedhimselfsonicely，hadsuchgoodaddress，andstucksosteadilytohisbooksthathebecameafavouritewithhismasters；hehad，however，aninstinctfordiplomacy，andwaslesspopularwiththeboys。Hisfather，inspiteofthelectureshewouldattimesreadhim，wasinawayproudofhimashegrewolder；hesawinhim，moreover，onewhowouldprobablydevelopintoagoodmanofbusiness，andinwhosehandstheprospectsofhishousewouldnotbelikelytodecline。

Johnknewhowtohumourhisfather，andwasatacomparativelyearlyageadmittedtoasmuchofhisconfidenceasitwasinhisnaturetobestowonanyone。

HisbrotherTheobaldwasnomatchforhim，knewit，andacceptedhisfate。Hewasnotsogood-lookingashisbrother，norwashisaddresssogood；asachildhehadbeenviolentlypassionate；now，however，hewasreservedandshy，and，Ishouldsay，indolentinmindandbody。HewaslesstidythanJohn，lesswellabletoasserthimself，andlessskilfulinhumouringthecapricesofhisfather。

Idonotthinkhecouldhavelovedanyoneheartily，buttherewasnooneinhisfamilycirclewhodidnotrepress，ratherthaninvitehisaffection，withtheexceptionofhissisterAlethea，andshewastooquickandlivelyforhissomewhatmorosetemper。Hewasalwaysthescapegoat，andIhavesometimesthoughthehadtwofatherstocontendagainst——hisfatherandhisbrotherJohn；athirdandfourthalsomightalmostbeaddedinhissistersElizaandMaria。Perhapsifhehadfelthisbondageveryacutelyhewouldnothaveputupwithit，buthewasconstitutionallytimid，andthestronghandofhisfatherknittedhimintotheclosestoutwardharmonywithhisbrotherandsisters。

Theboyswereofusetotheirfatherinonerespect。Imeanthatheplayedthemoffagainsteachother。Hekeptthembutpoorlysuppliedwithpocketmoney，andtoTheobaldwouldurgethattheclaimsofhiselderbrotherwerenaturallyparamount，whileheinsistedtoJohnuponthefactthathehadanumerousfamily，andwouldaffirmsolemnlythathisexpensesweresoheavythatathisdeaththerewouldbeverylittletodivide。Hedidnotcarewhethertheycomparednotesorno，providedtheydidnotdosoinhispresence。Theobalddidnotcomplainevenbehindhisfather’sback。

Iknewhimasintimatelyasanyonewaslikelytoknowhimasachild，atschool，andagainatCambridge，butheveryrarelymentionedhisfather’snameevenwhilehisfatherwasalive，andneveronceinmyhearingafterwards。Atschoolhewasnotactivelydislikedashisbrotherwas，buthewastoodullanddeficientinanimalspiritstobepopular。

Beforehewaswelloutofhisfrocksitwassettledthathewastobeaclergyman。ItwasseemlythatMrPontifex，thewell-knownpublisherofreligiousbooks，shoulddevoteatleastoneofhissonstotheChurch；thismighttendtobringbusiness，oratanyratetokeepitinthefirm；besides，MrPontifexhadmoreorlessinterestwithbishopsandChurchdignitariesandmighthopethatsomeprefermentwouldbeofferedtohissonthroughhisinfluence。Theboy’sfuturedestinywaskeptwellbeforehiseyesfromhisearliestchildhoodandwastreatedasamatterwhichhehadalreadyvirtuallysettledbyhisacquiescence。Neverthelessacertainshowoffreedomwasallowedhim。MrPontifexwouldsayitwasonlyrighttogiveaboyhisoption，andwasmuchtooequitabletogrudgehissonwhateverbenefithecouldderivefromthis。Hehadthegreatesthorror，hewouldexclaim，ofdrivinganyyoungmanintoaprofessionwhichhedidnotlike。Farbeitfromhimtoputpressureuponasonofhisasregardsanyprofessionandmuchlesswhensosacredacallingastheministrywasconcerned。Hewouldtalkinthiswaywhentherewerevisitorsinthehouseandwhenhissonwasintheroom。Hespokesowiselyandsowellthathislisteningguestsconsideredhimaparagonofright-mindedness。Hespoke，too，withsuchemphasisandhisrosygillsandbaldheadlookedsobenevolentthatitwasdifficultnottobecarriedawaybyhisdiscourse。I