第15章
Weweredistinguishedundertherosebythenoticeofotherandgreatermen。ThereweredayswhenJimworeanairofunusualcapacityandresolve，spokewithmorebrevitylikeonepressedfortime，andtookoftenonhistonguesuchphrasesas“Longhursttoldmesothismorning。”or“IhaditstraightfromLonghursthimself。”Itwasnowonder，Iusedtothink，thatPinkertonwascalledtocouncilwithsuchTitans；forthecreature’squicknessandresourcewerebeyondpraise。Intheearlydayswhenheconsultedmewithoutreserve，pacingtheroom，projecting，ciphering，extendinghypotheticalinterests，treblingimaginarycapital，his“engine“(torenewanexcellentoldword)labouringfullsteamahead，Icouldneverdecidewhethermysenseofrespectorentertainmentwerethestronger。
Butthesegoodhoursweredestinedtocurtailment。
“Yes，it’ssmartenough。”Ionceobserved。“But，Pinkerton，doyouthinkit’shonest？”
“Youdon’tthinkit’shonest！”hewailed。“Odearme，thateverI
shouldhaveheardsuchanexpressiononyourlips！”
Atsightofhisdistress，IplagiarisedunblushinglyfromMyner。
“YouseemtothinkhonestyassimpleasBlindMan’sBuff。”
saidI。“It’samoredelicateaffairthanthat：delicateasanyart。”
“Owell！atthatrate！”heexclaimed，withcompleterelief。
“That’scasuistry。”
“Iamperfectlycertainofonething：thatwhatyouproposeisdishonest。”Ireturned。
“Well，saynomoreaboutit。That’ssettled。”hereplied。
Thus，almostataword，mypointwascarried。Butthetroublewasthatsuchdifferencescontinuedtorecur，untilwebegantoregardeachotherwithalarm。IftherewereonethingPinkertonvaluedhimselfupon，itwashishonesty；iftherewereonethingheclungto，itwasmygoodopinion；andwhenbothwereinvolved，aswasthecaseinthesecommercialcruces，themanwasontherack。Myownposition，ifyouconsiderhowmuchI
owedhim，howhatefulisthetradeoffault-finder，andthatyetI
livedandfattenedonthesequestionableoperations，wasperhapsequallydistressing。IfIhadbeenmoresterlingormorecombativethingsmighthavegoneextremelyfar。But，intruth，Iwasjustbaseenoughtoprofitbywhatwasnotforcedonmyattention，ratherthanseekscenes：Pinkertonquitecunningenoughtoavailhimselfofmyweakness；anditwasarelieftobothwhenhebegantoinvolvehisproceedingsinadecentmystery。
Ourlastdispute，whichhadamostunlooked-forconsequence，turnedontherefittingofcondemnedships。Hehadboughtamiserablehulk，andcame，rubbinghishands，toinformmeshewasalreadyontheslip，underanewname，toberepaired。
WhenfirstIhadheardofthisindustryIsupposeIscarcelycomprehended；butmuchdiscussionhadsharpenedmyfaculties，andnowmybrowbecameheavy。
“Icanbenopartytothat，Pinkerton。”saidI。
Heleapedlikeamanshot。“Whatnext？”hecried。“Whatailsyou，anyway？Youseemtometodislikeeverythingthat’sprofitable。”
“ThisshiphasbeencondemnedbyLloyd’sagent。”saidI。
“ButItellyouit’sadeal。Theship’sinsplendidcondition；
there’snexttonothingwrongwithherbutthegarboardstreakandthesternpost。ItellyouLloyd’sisaringlikeeverybodyelse；onlyit’sanEnglishring，andthat’swhatdeceivesyou。IfitwasAmerican，youwouldbecryingitdownallday。It’sAnglomania，commonAnglomania。”hecried，withgrowingirritation。
“Iwillnotmakemoneybyriskingmen’slives。”wasmyultimatum。
“GreatCaesar！isn’tallspeculationarisk？Isn’tthefairestkindofshipowningtoriskmen’slives？Andmining——how’sthatforrisk？Andlookattheelevatorbusiness——there’sdanger，ifyoulike！Didn’tItakemyriskwhenIboughther？Shemighthavebeentoofargone；andwherewouldIhavebeen？Loudon。”hecried，“Itellyouthetruth：you’retoofullofrefinementforthisworld！”
“Icondemnyououtofyourownlips。”Ireplied。“’Thefairestkindofshipowning，’saysyou。Ifyouplease，letusonlydothefairestkindofbusiness。”
Theshottold；theIrrepressiblewassilenced；andIprofitedbythechancetopourinabroadsideofanothersort。Hewasallsunkinmoney-getting，Ipointedout；heneverdreamedofanythingbutdollars。Wherewereallhisgenerous，progressivesentiments？Wherewashisculture？Iasked。AndwherewastheAmericanType？
“It’strue，Loudon。”hecried，stridingupanddowntheroom，andwildlyscouringathishair。“You’reperfectlyright。I’mbecomingmaterialised。O，whatathingtohavetosay，whataconfessiontomake！Materialised！Me！Loudon，thismustgoonnolonger。You’vebeenaloyalfriendtomeoncemore；givemeyourhand！——you’vesavedmeagain。Imustdosomethingtorousethespiritualside；somethingdesperate；studysomething，somethingdryandtough。Whatshallitbe？Theology？
Algebra？What’sAlgebra？”
“It’sdryandtoughenough。”saidI；“asquared+2ab+bsquared。”
“It’sstimulating，though？”heinquired。
ItoldhimIbelievedso，andthatitwasconsideredfortifyingtoTypes。
“Thenthat’sthethingforme。I’llstudyAlgebra。”heconcluded。
Thenextday，byapplicationtooneofhistype-writingwomen，hegotwordofayounglady，oneMissMamieMcBride，whowaswillingandabletoconducthiminthesebloomlessmeadows；and，hercircumstancesbeinglean，andtermsconsequentlymoderate，heandMamieweresooninagreementfortwolessonsintheweek。Hetookfirewithunexampledrapidity；heseemedunabletotearhimselfawayfromthesymbolicart；anhour’slessonoccupiedthewholeevening；andtheoriginaltwowassoonincreasedtofour，andthentofive。I
badehimbewareoffemaleblandishments。“Thefirstthingyouknow，you’llbefallinginlovewiththealgebraist。”saidI。
“Don’tsayiteveninjest。”hecried。“She’saladyIrevere。I
couldnomorelayahanduponherthanIcoulduponaspirit。
Loudon，Idon’tbelieveGodevermadeapurer-mindedwoman。”
Whichappearedtometooferventtobereassuring。
MeanwhileIhadbeenlongexpostulatingwithmyfrienduponadifferentmatter。“I’mthefifthwheel。”Ikepttellinghim。
“ForanyuseIam，ImightaswellbeinSenegambia。Thelettersyougivemetoattendtomightbeansweredbyasuckingchild。AndItellyouwhatitis，Pinkerton：eitheryou’vegottofindmesomeemployment，orI’llhavetostartinandfinditformyself。”
ThisIsaidwithacornerofmyeyeintheusualquarter，towardthearts，littledreamingwhatdestinywastoprovide。
“I’vegotit，Loudon。”Pinkertonatlastreplied。“GottheideaonthePotrerocars。FoundIhadn’tapencil，borrowedonefromtheconductor，andfiguredonitroughlyallthewayintown。I
sawitwasthethingatlast；givesyouarealshow。Allyourtalentsandaccomplishmentscomein。Here’sasketchadvertisement。Justrunyoureyeoverit。“Sun，Ozone，andMusic！PINKERTON’SHEBDOMADARYPICNICS！”
(That’sagood，catchingphrase，“hebdomadary。”thoughit’shardtosay。ImadeanoteofitwhenIwaslookinginthedictionaryhowtospellhectagonal。’Well，you’reabossword，’
Isaid。’Beforeyou’reverymucholder，I’llhaveyouintypeaslongasyourself。’Andhereitis，yousee。)’Fivedollarsahead，andladiesfree。MONSTEROLIOOFATTRACTIONS。’
(Howdoesthatstrikeyou？)’Freeluncheonunderthegreenwoodtree。Danceontheelasticsward。HomeagainintheBrightEveningHours。ManagerandHonorarySteward，H。
LoudonDodd，Esq。，thewell-knownconnoisseur。’“
SingularhowamanrunsfromScyllatoCharybdis！IwassointentonsecuringthedisappearanceofasingleepithetthatI
acceptedtherestoftheadvertisementandallthatitinvolvedwithoutdiscussion。Soitbefellthatthewords“well-knownconnoisseur“weredeleted；butthatH。LoudonDoddbecamemanagerandhonorarystewardofPinkerton’sHebdomadaryPicnics，soonshortened，bypopularconsent，totheDromedary。
Byeighto’clock，anySundaymorning，Iwastobeobservedbyanadmiringpubliconthewharf。Thegarbandattributesofsacrificeconsistedofablackfrockcoat，rosetted，itspocketsbulgingwithsweetmeatsandinferiorcigars，trousersoflightblue，asilkhatlikeareflector，andavarnishedwand。A
goodlysteamerguardedmyoneflank，pantingandthrobbing，flagsflutteringforeandaftofher，illustrativeoftheDromedaryandpatriotism。Myotherflankwascoveredbytheticket-
office，stronglyheldbyatrustycharacteroftheScotspersuasion，rosettedlikehissuperiorandsmokingacigartomarktheoccasionfestive。Athalf-past，havingassuredmyselfthatallwaswellwiththefreeluncheons，Ilitacigarmyself，andawaitedthestrainsofthe“PioneerBand。”Ihadnevertowaitlong——theywereGermanandpunctual——andbyafewminutesafterthehalf-hour，Iwouldhearthemboomingdownstreetwithalongmilitaryrollofdrums，somescoreofgratuitousassesprancingattheheadinbearskinhatsandbuckskinaprons，andconspicuouswithresplendentaxes。Theband，ofcourse，wepaidfor；butsostrongistheSanFranciscanpassionforpublicmasquerade，thattheasses(asI
say)wereallgratuitous，prancedfortheloveofit，andcostusnothingbuttheirluncheon。
Themusiciansformedupinthebowsofmysteamer，andstruckintoaskittishpolka；theassesmountedguarduponthegangwayandtheticket-office；andpresentlyafter，infamilypartiesoffather，mother，andchildren，intheformofduplicateloversorinthatofsolitaryyouth，thepublicbegantodescenduponusbythecarfulatatime；fourtosixhundredperhaps，withastrongGermanflavour，andallmerryaschildren。Whenthesehadbeenshepherdedonboard，andtheinevitablebelatedtwoorthreehadgainedthedeckamidstthecheeringofthepublic，thehawserwascastoff，andweplungedintothebay。
Andnowbeholdthehonorarystewardinhourofdutyandglory；seemecirculateamidcrowd，radiatingaffabilityandlaughter，liberalwithmysweetmeatsandcigars。Isayunblushingthingstohobbledehoygirls，tellshyyoungpersonsthisisthemarriedpeople’sboat，roguishlyasktheabstractediftheyarethinkingoftheirsweethearts，offerPaterfamiliasacigar，amstruckwiththebeautyandgrowcuriousabouttheageofmamma’syoungestwho(Iassurehergaily)willbeamanbeforehismother；orperhapsitmayoccurtome，fromthesensibleexpressionofherface，thatsheisapersonofgoodcounsel，andIaskherearnestlyifsheknowsanyparticularlypleasantplaceontheSaucelitoorSanRafaelcoast，forthesceneofourpicnicisalwayssupposedtobeuncertain。ThenextmomentIambackatmygiddybadinagewiththeyoungladies，wakeninglaughterasIgo，andleavinginmywakeapplausivecommentsof“Isn’tMr。Doddafunnygentleman？”
and“O，Ithinkhe’sjusttoonice！”
Anhourhavingpassedinthisairymanner，Istartuponmyroundsafresh，withabagfullofcolouredtickets，allwithpinsattached，andallwithlegibleinscriptions：“OldGermany。”
“California。”“TrueLove。”“OldFogies。”“LaBelleFrance。”
“GreenErin。”“TheLandofCakes。”“Washington。”“BlueJay。”
“RobinRed-Breast。”——twentyofeachdenomination；forwhenitcomestotheluncheon，wesitdownbytwenties。Thesearedistributedwithanxioustact——for，indeed，thisisthemostdelicatepartofmyfunctions——butoutwardlywithrecklessunconcern，amidstthegayestflutterandconfusion；andareimmediatelyaftersporteduponhatsandbonnets，totheextremediffusionofcordiality，totalstrangershailingeachotherby“thenumberoftheirmess“——sowehumorouslynameit——andthedeckringingwithcriesof，“Here，allBlueJaystotherescue！”or，“Isay，amIaloneinthisblame’ship？Ain’ttherenomoreCalifornians？”