第5章

invented。IgotitoutoftheBladesoversaloon。Wefoundawoodwhere“Trespassing“wasforbidden，anddidthe“RetreatoftheTenThousand“throughitfromendtoend，cuttingourwaybravelythroughahostofnettlebedsthatbarredourpath，andnotforgettingtoweepandkneelwhenatlastweemergedwithinsightoftheHighRoadSea。Sowehaveburstattimes，weepingandrejoicing，uponstartledwayfarers。UsuallyItookthepartofthatdistinguishedgeneralXenophen——andpleasenotethequantityoftheo。Ihaveallmyclassicalnameslikethat，——SocratesrhymeswithBatesforme，andexceptwhenthebleakeyeofsomescholarwarnsmeofhisstandardsofjudgment，Iusethosedearoldmispronunciationsstill。ThelittlesplashintoLatinmadeduringmydaysasachemistwashedoffnothingofthehabit。Well，——ifImetthosegreatgentlemenofthepastwiththeiraccentscarelesslyadjustedIdidatleastmeetthemalive，asanequal，andinalivingtongue。Altogethermyschoolmighteasilyhavebeenworseforme，andamongothergoodthingsitgavemeafriendwhohaslastedmylifeout。

ThiswasEwart，whoisnowamonumentalartistatWoking，aftermanyvicissitudes。Dearchap，howhedidstickoutofhisclothestobesure！Hewasalonglimbedlout，ridiculouslytallbesidemymoreyouthfullcompactness，and，exceptthattherewasnoblackmoustacheunderhisnoseblob，hehadthesameroundknobbyfaceashehasto-day，thesamebrightandactivehazelbrowneyes，thestare，themeditativemoment，theinsinuatingreply。SurelynoboyeverplayedthefoolasBobEwartusedtoplayit，noboyhadareadierknackofmantlingtheworldwithwonder。CommonnessvanishedbeforeEwart，athisexpositorytouchallthingsbecamememorableandrare。FromhimIfirstheardtelloflove，butonlyafteritsbarbswerealreadystickinginmyheart。Hewas，Iknownowthebastardofthatgreatimprovidentartist，RickmannEwart；hebroughtthelightofalaxworldthatatleasthadnotturneditsbackuponbeauty，intothegrowingfermentationofmymind。

IwonhisheartbyaversionofVathek，andafterthatwewereinseparableyarningfriends。WemergedourintellectualstocksocompletelythatIwondersometimeshowmuchIdidnotbecomeEwart，howmuchEwartisnotvicariouslyandderivativelyme。

AndthenwhenIhadnewlypassedmyfourteenthbirthday，camemytragicdisgrace。

Itwasinmymidsummerholidaysthatthethinghappened，anditwasthroughtheHonourableBeatriceNormandy。Shehad“comeintomylife。”astheysay，beforeIwastwelve。

ShedescendedunexpectedlyintoapeacefulinterludethatfollowedtheannualgoingofthoseThreeGreatWomen。Shecameintotheoldnurseryupstairs，andeverydayshehadteawithusinthehousekeeper’sroom。Shewaseight，andshecamewithanursecalledNannie；andtobeginwith，Ididnotlikeheratall。

Nobodylikedthisirruptionintothedownstairsrooms；thetwo“gavetrouble。”——adireoffence；Nannie’ssenseofdutytoherchargeledtorequestsanddemandsthattookmymother’sbreathaway。Eggsatunusualtimes，thereboilingofmilk，therejectionofanexcellentmilkpudding——notnegotiatedrespectfullybutdictatedasofright。Nanniewasadark，longfeatured，taciturnwomaninagreydress；shehadafurtiveinflexibilityofmannerthatfinallydismayedandcrushedandovercame。Sheconveyedshewas“underorders“——likeaGreektragedy。Shewasthatstrangeproductoftheoldtime，adevoted，trustedservant；shehad，asitwere，bankedallherprideandwillwiththegreater，morepowerfulpeoplewhoemployedher，inreturnforalife-longsecurityofservitude——thebargainwasnonethelessbindingforbeingimplicit。Finallytheyweretopensionher，andshewoulddiethehatedtreasureofaboarding-house。Shehadbuiltupinherselfanenormoushabitofreferencetotheseupstairspeople，shehadcurbeddownalldiscordantmurmuringsofhersoul，herveryinstinctswerepervertedorsurrendered。Shewassexless，herpersonalpridewasalltransferred，shemotheredanotherwoman’schildwithahard，joylessdevotionthatwasatleastentirelycompatiblewithastoicalseparation。Shetreatedusallasthingsthatcountedfornothingsavetofetchandcarryforhercharge。ButtheHonourableBeatricecouldcondescend。

Thequeerchancesoflateryearscomebetweenmeandadistinctlyseparatedmemoryofthatchildishface。WhenIthinkofBeatrice，IthinkofherasIcametoknowheratalatertime，whenatlastIcametoknowhersowellthatindeednowIcoulddrawher，andshowahundredlittledelicatethingsyouwouldmissinlookingather。ButeventhenIrememberhowInotedtheinfinitedelicacyofherchildishskinandthefineeyebrow，finerthanthefinestfeatherthateveronefeltonthebreastofabird。Shewasoneofthoseelfin，ratherprecociouslittlegirls，quickcoloured，withdarkhair，naturallycurlingduskyhairthatwassometimesastrayoverhereyes，andeyesthatweresometimesimpishlydark，andsometimesaclearbrownyellow。Andfromtheveryoutset，afteramostcursoryattentiontoRabbits，shedecidedthattheonlyreallyinterestingthingatthetea-tablewasmyself。

Theelderstalkedintheirformaldullway——tellingNanniethetriteoldthingsabouttheparkandthevillagethattheytoldeveryone，andBeatricewatchedmeacrossthetablewithapitilesslittlecuriositythatmademeuncomfortable。

“Nannie。”shesaid，pointing，andNannieleftaquestionofmymother’sdisregardedtoattendtoher；“isheaservantboy？“

“S-s-sh。”saidNannie。“He’sMasterPonderevo。”

“Isheaservantboy？”repeatedBeatrice。

“He’saschoolboy。”saidmymother。

“ThenmayItalktohim，Nannie？”

Nanniesurveyedmewithbrutalinhumanity。“Youmustn’ttalktoomuch。”shesaidtohercharge，andcutcakeintofingersforher。

“No。”sheaddeddecisively，asBeatricemadetospeak。

Beatricebecamemalignant。Hereyesexploredmewithunjustifiablehostility。“He’sgotdirtyhands。”shesaid，stabbingattheforbiddenfruit。“Andthere’safraytohiscollar。”

Thenshegaveherselfuptocakewithanappearanceofentireforgetfulnessofmethatfilledmewithhateandapassionatedesiretocompelhertoadmireme。Andthenextdaybeforetea，Ididforthefirsttimeinmylife，freely，withoutcommandoranycompulsion，washmyhands。

Soouracquaintancebegan，andpresentlywasdeepenedbyawhimofhers。Shehadacoldandwaskeptindoors，andconfrontedNanniesuddenlywiththealternativeofbeinghopelesslynaughty，whichinhercaseinvolvedagenerousamountofscreamingunsuitablefortheearsofanelderly，shaky，richaunt，orhavingmeuptothenurserytoplaywithheralltheafternoon。

Nanniecamedownstairsandborrowedmeinacarewornmanner；andIwashandedovertothelittlecreatureasifIwassomelargevarietyofkitten。Ihadneverhadanythingtodowithalittlegirlbefore，Ithoughtshewasmorebeautifulandwonderfulandbrightthananythingelsecouldpossiblybeinlife，andshefoundmethegentlestofslaves——thoughatthesametime，asI

madeevident，fairlystrong。AndNanniewasamazedtofindtheafternoonslipcheerfullyandrapidlyaway。ShepraisedmymannerstoLadyDrewandtomymother，whosaidshewasgladtohearwellofme，andafterthatIplayedwithBeatriceseveraltimes。Thetoysshehadremaininmymemorystillasgreatsplendidthings，gigantictoallmypreviousexperienceoftoys，andweevenwenttothegreatdoll’shouseonthenurserylandingtoplaydiscreetlywiththat，thegreatdoll’shousethatthePrinceRegenthadgivenSirHarryDrew’sfirst-born(whodiedatfive，thatwasanotineffectualmodelofBladesoveritself，andcontainedeighty-fivedollsandhadcosthundredsofpounds。I

playedunderimperiousdirectionwiththattoyofglory。

Iwentbacktoschoolwhenthatholidaywasover，dreamingofbeautifulthings，andgotEwarttotalktomeoflove；andImadeagreatstoryoutofthedoll’shouse，astorythat，takenoverintoEwart’shands，speedilygrewtoanislanddoll’scityallourown。

Oneofthedolls，Iprivatelydecided，waslikeBeatrice。

OneotherholidaytherewaswhenIsawsomethingofher——oddlyenoughmymemoryofthatsecondholidayinwhichsheplayedapartisvague——andthencameagapofayear，andthenmydisgrace。

NowIsitdowntowritemystoryandtelloveragainthingsintheirorder，Ifindforthefirsttimehowinconsecutiveandirrationalathingthememorycanbe。Onerecallsactsandcannotrecallmotives；onerecallsquitevividlymomentsthatstandoutinexplicably——thingsadrift，joiningontonothing，leadingnowhere。IthinkImusthaveseenBeatriceandherhalf-brotherquiteanumberoftimesinmylastholidayatBladesover，butI

reallycannotrecallmorethanalittleofthequalityofthecircumstances。Thatgreatcrisisofmyboyhoodstandsoutveryvividlyasaneffect，asasortofcardinalthingforme，butwhenIlookfordetails，particularlydetailsthatleduptothecrisis——Icannotfindtheminanydevelopingorderatall。Thishalfbrother，ArchieGarvell，wasanewfactorintheaffair。I

rememberhimclearlyasafair-haired，superciliouslooking，weedily-lankboy，muchtallerthanI，butIshouldimagineverylittleheavier，andthatwehatedeachotherbyasortofinstinctfromthebeginning；andyetIcannotremembermyfirstmeetingwithhimatall。

Lookingbackintothesepastthings——itislikerummaginginaneglectedatticthathasexperiencedtheattentionsofsomewhimsicalrobber——IcannotevenaccountforthepresenceofthesechildrenatBladesover。Theywere，Iknow，amongtheinnumerablecousinsofLadyDrew，andaccordingtothetheoriesofdownstairscandidatesfortheultimatepossessionofBladesover。Iftheywere，theircandidaturewasunsuccessful。

Butthatgreatplace，withallitsfadedsplendour，itsfinefurniture，itslargetraditions，wasentirelyattheoldlady’sdisposition；andIaminclinedtothinkitistruethatsheusedthisfacttotormentanddominateanumberofeligiblepeople。

LordOspreywasamongthenumberofthese，andsheshowedthesehospitalitiestohismotherlesschildandstep-child，partly，nodoubt，becausehewaspoor，butquiteasmuch，Inowadaysimagine，inthedimhopeoffindingsomeaffectionateorimaginativeoutcomeofcontactwiththem。Nanniehaddroppedoutoftheworldthissecondtime，andBeatricewasinthechargeofanextremelyamiableandineffectualpoorarmy-classyoungwomanwhosenameIneverknew。Theywere，Ithink，tworemarkablyillmanagedandenterprisingchildren。Iseemtoremembertoo，thatitwasunderstoodthatIwasnotafitcompanionforthem，andthatourmeetingshadtobeasunostentatiousaspossible。