第6章

ItwasBeatricewhoinsisteduponourmeeting。

IamcertainIknewquitealotaboutloveatfourteenandthatI

wasquiteasmuchinlovewithBeatricethenasanyimpassionedadultcouldbe，andthatBeatricewas，inherway，inlovewithme。Itispartofthedecentandusefulpretencesofourworldthatchildrenoftheageatwhichwewere，thinknothing，feelnothing，knownothingoflove。ItiswonderfulwhatpeopletheEnglishareforkeepinguppretences。ButindeedIcannotavoidtellingthatBeatriceandItalkedofloveandkissedandembracedoneanother。

Irecallsomethingofonetalkundertheoverhangingbushesoftheshrubbery——Iontheparksideofthestonewall，andtheladyofmyworshipalittleinelegantlyastridethereon。InelegantlydoIsay？youshouldhaveseenthesweetimpasIrememberher。

Justherpoiseonthewallcomessuddenlyclearbeforeme，andbehindherthelightvariousbranchesofthebushesoftheshrubberythatmyfeetmightnotprofane，andfarawayandhighbehindher，dimandstately，thecorniceofthegreatfacadeofBladesoverroseagainstthedappledsky。Ourtalkmusthavebeenseriousandbusiness-like，forwewerediscussingmysocialposition。

“Idon’tloveArchie。”shehadsaid，aproposofnothing；andtheninawhisper，leaningforwardwiththehairaboutherface，“I

loveYOU！”

ButshehadbeenalittlepressingtohaveitclearthatIwasnotandcouldnotbeaservant。

“You’llneverbeaservant——ever！”

Isworethatveryreadily，anditisavowIhavekeptbynature。

“Whatwillyoube？”saidshe。

Iranmymindhastilyovertheprofessions。

“Willyoubeasoldier？”sheasked。

“Andbebawledatbyduffers？Nofear！”saidI。“Leavethattotheplough-boys。”

“Butanofficer？“

“Idon’tknow。”Isaid，evadingashamefuldifficulty。

“I’drathergointothenavy。”

“Wouldn’tyouliketofight？”

“I’dliketofight。”Isaid。“Butacommonsoldierit’snohonourtohavetobetoldtofightandtobelookeddownuponwhileyoudoit，andhowcouldIbeanofficer？”

“Couldn’tyoube？”shesaid，andlookedatmedoubtfully；andthespacesofthesocialsystemopenedbetweenus。

Then，asbecameamaleofspirit，Itookuponmyselftobragandliemywaythroughthistrouble。IsaidIwasapoorman，andpoormenwentintothenavy；thatI“knew“mathematics，whichnoarmyofficerdid；andIclaimedNelsonforanexemplar，andspokeveryhighlyofmyoutlookuponbluewater。“HelovedLadyHamilton。”Isaid，“althoughshewasalady——andIwillloveyou。”

Weweresomewherenearthatwhentheegregiousgovernessbecameaudible，calling“Beeee-atrice！Beeee-e-atrice！”

“Sniftybeast！”saidmylady，andtriedtogetonwiththeconversation；butthatgovernessmadethingsimpossible。

“Comehere！”saidmyladysuddenly，holdingoutagrubbyhand；

andIwentveryclosetoher，andsheputherlittleheaddownuponthewalluntilherblackfogofhairtickledmycheek。

“Youaremyhumble，faithfullover。”shedemandedinawhisper，herwarmflushedfaceneartouchingmine，andhereyesverydarkandlustrous。

“Iamyourhumble，faithfullover。”Iwhisperedback。

Andsheputherarmaboutmyheadandputoutherlipsandwekissed，andboythoughIwas，Iwasallatremble。Sowetwokissedforthefirsttime。

“Beeee-e-e-a-trice！”fearfullyclose。

Myladyhadvanished，withonewildkickofherblack-stockingleg。Amomentafter，Iheardhersustainingthereproachesofhergoverness，andexplainingherfailuretoanswerwithanadmirablelucidityanddisingenuousness。

Ifeltitwasunnecessaryformetobeseenjustthen，andI

vanishedguiltilyroundthecornerintotheWestWood，andsotolove-dreamsandsingle-handedplay，wanderingalongoneofthosemeanderingbrackenvalleysthatvariedBladesoverpark。Andthatdayandformanydaysthatkissuponmylipswasaseal，andbynighttheseedofdreams。

ThenIrememberanexpeditionwemade——she，I，andherhalf-brother——intothoseWestWoods——theytwoweresupposedtobeplayingintheshrubbery——andhowwewereIndiansthere，andmadeawigwamoutofapileofbeechlogs，andhowwestalkeddeer，creptnearandwatchedrabbitsfeedinginaglade，andalmostgotasquirrel。ItwasplayseasonedwithplentifuldisputingbetweenmeandyoungGarvell，foreachfirmlyinsistedupontheleadingroles，andonlymywiderreading——Ihadreadtenstoriestohisone——gavemetheascendencyoverhim。AlsoIscoredoverhimbyknowinghowtofindtheeagleinabrackenstem。Andsomehow——Idon’trememberwhatledtoitatall——IandBeatrice，twohotandruffledcreatures，creptinamongthetallbrackenandhidfromhim。Thegreatfrondsroseaboveus，fivefeetormore，andasIhadlearnthowtowrigglethroughthatundergrowthwiththeminimumofbetrayalbytossinggreeneryabove，Iledtheway。Thegroundunderbrackenisbeautifullyclearandfaintlyscentedinwarmweather；thestemscomeupblackandthengreen；

ifyoucrawlflat，itisatropicalforestinminiature。IledthewayandBeatricecrawledbehind，andthenasthegreenofthefurthergladeopenedbeforeus，stopped。Shecrawleduptome，herhotlittlefacecameclosetomine；oncemoreshelookedandbreathedclosetome，andsuddenlysheflungherarmaboutmyneckanddraggedmetoearthbesideher，andkissedmeandkissedmeagain。Wekissed，weembracedandkissedagain，allwithoutaword；wedesisted，westaredandhesitated——theninasuddenlydampedmoodandalittleperplexedatourselves，crawledout，tobepresentlyrundownandcaughtinthetamestwaybyArchie。

Thatcomesbackveryclearlytome，andothervaguememories——I

knowoldHallandhisgun，outshootingatjackdaws，cameintoourcommonexperiences，butIdon’trememberhow；andthenatlast，abruptly，ourfightintheWarrenstandsout。TheWarren，likemostplacesinEnglandthathavethatname，wasnotparticularlyawarren，itwasalongslopeofthornsandbeechesthroughwhichapathran，andmadeanalternativeroutetothedownhillcarriageroadbetweenBladesoverandRopedean。Idon’tknowhowwethreegotthere，butIhaveanuncertainfancyitwasconnectedwithavisitpaidbythegovernesstotheRopedeanvicaragepeople。ButsuddenlyArchieandI，indiscussingagame，fellintoadisputeforBeatrice。Ihadmadehimthefairestoffer：IwastobeaSpanishnobleman，shewastobemywife，andhewastobeatribeofIndianstryingtocarryheroff。ItseemstomeafairlyattractiveoffertoaboytobeawholetribeofIndianswithachanceofsuchabooty。ButArchiesuddenlytookoffence。

“No。”hesaid；“wecan’thavethat！”

“Can’thavewhat？”

“Youcan’tbeagentleman，becauseyouaren’t。Andyoucan’tplayBeatriceisyourwife。It’s——it’simpertinent。”

“But“Isaid，andlookedather。

Someearliergrudgeintheday’saffairsmusthavebeeninArchie’smind。“Weletyouplaywithus。”saidArchie；“butwecan’thavethingslikethat。”

“Whatrot！”saidBeatrice。“Hecanifhelikes。”

Buthecarriedhispoint。Ilethimcarryit，andonlybegantogrowangrythreeorfourminuteslater。Thenwewerestilldiscussingplayanddisputingaboutanothergame。Nothingseemedrightforallofus。

“Wedon’twantyoutoplaywithusatall。”saidArchie。

“Yes，wedo。”saidBeatrice。

“Hedropshisaitcheslikeanything。”

“No，’edoesn’t。”saidI，intheheatofthemoment。

“Thereyougo！”hecried。“E，hesays。E！E！E！”

Hepointedafingeratme。Hehadstrucktotheheartofmyshame。Imadetheonlypossiblereplybyarushathim。

“Hello！”hecried，atmyblackavisedattack。Hedroppedbackintoanattitudethathadsomestyleinit，parriedmyblow，gotbackatmycheek，andlaughedwithsurpriseandreliefathisownsuccess。WhereuponIbecameathingofmurderousrage。HecouldboxaswellorbetterthanI——hehadyettorealiseIknewanythingofthatatall——butIhadfoughtonceortwicetoafinishwithbarefists。Iwasusedtoinflictingandenduringsavagehurting，andIdoubtifhehadeverfought。Ihadn’tfoughttensecondsbeforeIfeltthissoftnessinhim，realisedallthatqualityofmodernupper-classEnglandthatnevergoestothequick，thathedgesaboutrulesandthosepettypointsofhonourthataretheultimatecomminutionofhonour，thatclaimscreditforthingsdemonstrablyhalfdone。Heseemedtothinkthatfirsthitofhisandoneortwoothersweregoingtomatter，thatIoughttogiveinwhenpresentlymylipbledanddrippedblooduponmyclothes。Sobeforewehadbeenatitaminutehehadceasedtobeaggressiveexceptinmomentaryspurts，andIwasknockinghimaboutalmostasIwantedtodo；anddemandingbreathlesslyandfiercely，afterourschoolmanner，whetherhehadhadenough，notknowingthatbyhishighcodeandhissofttrainingitwasequallyimpossibleforhimtoeitherbuck-upandbeatme，orgivein。

IhaveaverydistinctimpressionofBeatricedancingaboutusduringtheaffairinastateofunladylikeappreciation，butI

wastoopreoccupiedtohearmuchofwhatshewassaying。Butshecertainlybackedusboth，andIaminclinedtothinknow——itmaybethedisillusionmentofmyripenedyears——whichevershethoughtwaswinning。