第11章

InthelatehighwindsIwasblowntoagreatmanyplaces-andindeed，windornowind，IgenerallyhaveextensivetransactionsonhandinthearticleofAir-butIhavenotbeenblowntoanyEnglishplacelately，andIveryseldomhaveblowntoanyEnglishplaceinmylife，whereIcouldgetanythinggoodtoeatanddrinkinfiveminutes，orwhere，ifIsoughtit，Iwasreceivedwithawelcome。

Thisisacuriousthingtoconsider。Butbefore(stimulatedbymyownexperiencesandtherepresentationsofmanyfellow-travellersofeveryuncommercialandcommercialdegree)Iconsideritfurther，Imustutterapassingwordofwonderconcerninghighwinds。

IwonderwhymetropolitangalesalwaysblowsohardatWalworth。I

cannotimaginewhatWalworthhasdone，tobringsuchwindypunishmentuponitself，asIneverfailtofindrecordedinthenewspaperswhenthewindhasblownatallhard。Brixtonseemstohavesomethingonitsconscience；PeckhamsuffersmorethanavirtuousPeckhammightbesupposedtodeserve；thehowlingneighbourhoodofDeptfordfigureslargelyintheaccountsoftheingeniousgentlemenwhoareoutineverywindthatblows，andtowhomitisanillhighwindthatblowsnogood；but，therecanhardlybeanyWalworthleftbythistime。Itmustsurelybeblownaway。Ihavereadofmorechimney-stacksandhouse-copingscomingdownwithterrificsmashesatWalworth，andofmoresacrededificesbeingnearly(notquite)blownouttoseafromthesameaccursedlocality，thanIhavereadofpractisedthieveswiththeappearanceandmannersofgentlemen-apopularphenomenonwhichneverexistedonearthoutoffictionandapolicereport。Again:IwonderwhypeoplearealwaysblownintotheSurreyCanal，andintonootherpieceofwater！Whydopeoplegetupearlyandgooutingroups，tobeblownintotheSurreyCanal？Dotheysaytooneanother，’Welcomedeath，sothatwegetintothenewspapers’？Eventhatwouldbeaninsufficientexplanation，becauseeventhentheymightsometimesputthemselvesinthewayofbeingblownintotheRegent’sCanal，insteadofalwayssaddlingSurreyforthefield。

Somenamelesspoliceman，too，isconstantly，ontheslightestprovocation，gettinghimselfblownintothissameSurreyCanal。

WillSIRRICHARDMAYNEseetoit，andrestrainthatweak-mindedandfeeble-bodiedconstable？

ToresumetheconsiderationofthecuriousquestionofRefreshment。

IamaBriton，and，assuch，IamawarethatIneverwillbeaslave-andyetIhavelatentsuspicionthattheremustbesomeslaveryofwrongcustominthismatter。

Itravelbyrailroad。Istartfromhomeatsevenoreightinthemorning，afterbreakfastinghurriedly。Whatwithskimmingovertheopenlandscape，whatwithmininginthedampbowelsoftheearth，whatwithbanging，boomingandshriekingthescoresofmilesaway，IamhungrywhenIarriveatthe’Refreshment’stationwhereIamexpected。Pleasetoobserve，expected。Ihavesaid，Iamhungry；

perhapsImightsay，withgreaterpointandforce，thatIamtosomeextentexhausted，andthatIneed-intheexpressiveFrenchsenseoftheword-toberestored。Whatisprovidedformyrestoration？Theapartmentthatistorestoremeisawind-trap，cunninglysettoinveigleallthedraughtsinthatcountry-side，andtocommunicateaspecialintensityandvelocitytothemastheyrotateintwohurricanes:one，aboutmywretchedhead:one，aboutmywretchedlegs。Thetrainingoftheyoungladiesbehindthecounterwhoaretorestoreme，hasbeenfromtheirinfancydirectedtotheassumptionofadefiantdramaticshowthatIamNOT

expected。Itisinvainformetorepresenttothembymyhumbleandconciliatorymanners，thatIwishtobeliberal。Itisinvainformetorepresenttomyself，fortheencouragementofmysinkingsoul，thattheyoungladieshaveapecuniaryinterestinmyarrival。NeithermyreasonnormyfeelingscanmakeheadagainstthecoldglazedglareofeyewithwhichIamassuredthatIamnotexpected，andnotwanted。Thesolitarymanamongthebottleswouldsometimestakepityonme，ifhedared，butheispowerlessagainsttherightsandmightsofWoman。(OfthepageImakenoaccount，for，heisaboy，andthereforethenaturalenemyofCreation。)

Chillingfast，inthedeadlytornadoestowhichmyupperandlowerextremitiesareexposed，andsubduedbythemoraldisadvantageatwhichIstand，Iturnmydisconsolateeyesontherefreshmentsthataretorestoreme。IfindthatImusteitherscaldmythroatbyinsanelyladlingintoit，againsttimeandfornowager，brownhotwaterstiffenedwithflour；orImustmakemyselfflakyandsickwithBanburycake；or，Imuststuffintomydelicateorganisation，acurrantpincushionwhichIknowwillswellintoimmeasurabledimensionswhenithasgotthere；or，Imustextortfromaniron-

boundquarry，withafork，asifIwerefarminganinhospitablesoil，someglutinouslumpsofgristleandgrease，calledpork-pie。

Whilethusforlornlyoccupied，Ifindthatthedepressingbanquetonthetableis，ineveryphaseofitsprofoundlyunsatisfactorycharacter，solikethebanquetatthemeanestandshabbiestofeveningparties，thatIbegintothinkImusthave’broughtdown’

tosupper，theoldladyunknown，bluewithcold，whoissettingherteethonedgewithacoolorangeatmyelbow-thatthepastrycookwhohascompoundedforthecompanyonthelowesttermsperhead，isafraudulentbankrupt，redeeminghiscontractwiththestalestockfromhiswindow-that，forsomeunexplainedreason，thefamilygivingthepartyhavebecomemymortalfoes，andhavegivenitonpurposetoaffrontme。Or，IfancythatIam’breakingup’again，attheeveningconversazioneatschool，chargedtwo-and-sixpenceinthehalf-year’sbill；orbreakingdownagainatthatcelebratedeveningpartygivenatMrs。Bogles’sboarding-housewhenIwasaboarderthere，onwhichoccasionMrs。Bogleswastakeninexecutionbyabranchofthelegalprofessionwhogotinastheharp，andwasremoved(withthekeysandsubscribedcapital)toaplaceofdurance，halfanhourpriortothecommencementofthefestivities。

Takeanothercase。

Mr。Grazinglands，oftheMidlandCounties，cametoLondonbyrailroadonemorninglastweek，accompaniedbytheamiableandfascinatingMrs。Grazinglands。Mr。G。isagentlemanofacomfortableproperty，andhadalittlebusinesstotransactattheBankofEngland，whichrequiredtheconcurrenceandsignatureofMrs。G。Theirbusinessdisposedof，Mr。andMrs。GrazinglandsviewedtheRoyalExchange，andtheexteriorofSt。Paul’sCathedral。ThespiritsofMrs。Grazinglandsthengraduallybeginningtoflag，Mr。Grazinglands(whoisthetenderestofhusbands)remarkedwithsympathy，’Arabella’，mydear，’fearyouarefaint。’Mrs。Grazing-landsreplied，’Alexander，Iamratherfaint；butdon’tmindme，Ishallbebetterpresently。’Touchedbythefemininemeeknessofthisanswer，Mr。Grazinglandslookedinatapastrycook’swindow，hesitatingastotheexpediencyoflunchingatthatestablishment。Hebeheldnothingtoeat，butbutterinvariousforms，slightlychargedwithjam，andlanguidlyfrizzlingovertepidwater。Twoancientturtle-shells，onwhichwasinscribedthelegend，’SOUPS，’decoratedaglasspartitionwithin，enclosingastuffyalcove，fromwhichaghastlymockeryofamarriage-breakfastspreadonaricketytable，warnedtheterrifiedtraveller。Anoblongboxofstaleandbrokenpastryatreducedprices，mountedonastool，ornamentedthedoorway；andtwohighchairsthatlookedasiftheywereperformingonstilts，embellishedthecounter。Overthewhole，ayoungladypresided，whosegloomyhaughtinessasshesurveyedthestreet，announcedadeep-seatedgrievanceagainstsociety，andanimplacabledeterminationtobeavenged。Fromabeetle-hauntedkitchenbelowthisinstitution，fumesarose，suggestiveofaclassofsoupwhichMr。Grazinglandsknew，frompainfulexperience，enfeeblesthemind，distendsthestomach，forcesitselfintothecomplexion，andtriestooozeoutattheeyes。Ashedecidedagainstentering，andturnedaway，Mrs。Grazinglandsbecomingperceptiblyweaker，repeated，’Iamratherfaint，Alexander，butdon’tmindme。’Urgedtoneweffortsbythesewordsofresignation，Mr。Grazinglandslookedinatacoldandflourybaker’sshop，whereutilitarianbunsunrelievedbyacurrant，consortedwithhardbiscuits，astonefilterofcoldwater，ahardpaleclock，andahardlittleoldwomanwithflaxenhair，ofanundeveloped-farinaceousaspect，asifshehadbeenfeduponseeds。Hemighthaveenteredevenhere，butforthetimelyremembrancecominguponhimthatJairing’swasbutroundthecorner。

Now，Jairing’sbeinganhotelforfamiliesandgentlemen，inhighreputeamongthemidlandcounties，Mr。GrazinglandspluckedupagreatspiritwhenhetoldMrs。Grazinglandssheshouldhaveachopthere。Thatlady，likewisefeltthatshewasgoingtoseeLife。

Arrivingonthatgayandfestivescene，theyfoundthesecondwaiter，inaflabbyundress，cleaningthewindowsoftheemptycoffee-room；andthefirstwaiter，denudedofhiswhitetie，makinguphiscruetsbehindthePost-OfficeDirectory。Thelatter(whotooktheminhand)wasgreatlyputoutbytheirpatronage，andshowedhismindtobetroubledbyasenseofthepressingnecessityofinstantlysmugglingMrs。Grazinglandsintotheobscurestcornerofthebuilding。Thisslightedlady(whoistheprideofherdivisionofthecounty)wasimmediatelyconveyed，byseveraldarkpassages，andupanddownseveralsteps，intoapenitentialapartmentatthebackofthehouse，wherefiveinvalidedoldplate-

warmersleanedupagainstoneanotherunderadiscardedoldmelancholysideboard，andwherethewintryleavesofallthedining-tablesinthehouselaythick。Also，asofa，ofincomprehensibleformregardedfromanysofanepointofview，murmured’Bed；’whileanairofmingledfluffinessandheeltaps，added，’SecondWaiter’s。’Secretedinthisdismalhold，objectsofamysteriousdistrustandsuspicion，Mr。Grazinglandsandhischarmingpartnerwaitedtwentyminutesforthesmoke(foritnevercametoafire)，twenty-fiveminutesforthesherry，halfanhourforthetablecloth，fortyminutesfortheknivesandforks，three-

quartersofanhourforthechops，andanhourforthepotatoes。

Onsettlingthelittlebill-whichwasnotmuchmorethantheday’spayofaLieutenantinthenavy-Mr。Grazinglandstookhearttoremonstrateagainstthegeneralqualityandcostofhisreception。Towhomthewaiterreplied，substantially，thatJairing’smadeitamerittohaveacceptedhimonanyterms:

’for，’addedthewaiter(unmistakablycoughingatMrs。

Grazinglands，theprideofherdivisionofthecounty)，’whenindiwidualsisnotstayinginthe’Ouse，theirfavoursisnotasarulelookeduponasmakingitworthMr。Jairing’swhile；norisit，indeed，astyleofbusinessMr。Jairingwishes。’Finally，Mr。andMrs。GrazinglandspassedoutofJairing’shotelforFamiliesandGentlemen，inastateofthegreatestdepression，scornedbythebar；anddidnotrecovertheirself-respectforseveraldays。

Ortakeanothercase。Takeyourowncase。