第9章

Tellmewhy？“

“She’sso——so——well，solikeatightplait，“Rachelfloundered。

“Ah——Iseewhatyoumean。ButIdon’tagree。Andyouwon’twhenyou’reolder。AtyourageIonlylikedShelley。Icanremembersobbingoverhiminthegarden。

Hehasoutsoaredtheshadowofournight，Envyandcalumnyandhateandpain——youremember？

CantouchhimnotandtorturenotagainFromthecontagionoftheworld’sslowstain。

Howdivine！——andyetwhatnonsense！“Shelookedlightlyroundtheroom。

“Ialwaysthinkit’s_living_，notdying，thatcounts。Ireallyrespectsomesnuffyoldstockbrokerwho’sgoneonaddingupcolumnaftercolumnallhisdays，andtrottingbacktohisvillaatBrixtonwithsomeoldpugdogheworships，andadrearylittlewifesittingattheendofthetable，andgoingofftoMargateforafortnight——

IassureyouIknowheapslikethat——well，theyseemtome_really_

noblerthanpoetswhomeveryoneworships，justbecausethey’regeniusesanddieyoung。ButIdon’texpect_you_toagreewithme！“

ShepressedRachel’sshoulder。

“Um-m-m——“shewentonquoting——

Unrestwhichmenmiscalldelight——

“whenyou’remyageyou’llseethattheworldis_crammed_withdelightfulthings。Ithinkyoungpeoplemakesuchamistakeaboutthat——

notlettingthemselvesbehappy。Isometimesthinkthathappinessistheonlythingthatcounts。Idon’tknowyouwellenoughtosay，butIshouldguessyoumightbealittleinclinedto——whenone’syoungandattractive——I’mgoingtosayit！——_every_thing’satone’sfeet。“

Sheglancedroundasmuchastosay，“notonlyafewstuffybooksandBach。“

“Ilongtoaskquestions，“shecontinued。“Youinterestmesomuch。

IfI’mimpertinent，youmustjustboxmyears。“

“AndI——Iwanttoaskquestions，“saidRachelwithsuchearnestnessthatMrs。Dallowayhadtocheckhersmile。

“D’youmindifwewalk？“shesaid。“Theair’ssodelicious。“

Shesnuffeditlikearacehorseastheyshutthedoorandstoodondeck。

“Isn’titgoodtobealive？“sheexclaimed，anddrewRachel’sarmwithinhers。

“Look，look！Howexquisite！“

TheshoresofPortugalwerebeginningtolosetheirsubstance；

butthelandwasstilltheland，thoughatagreatdistance。

Theycoulddistinguishthelittletownsthatweresprinkledinthefoldsofthehills，andthesmokerisingfaintly。Thetownsappearedtobeverysmallincomparisonwiththegreatpurplemountainsbehindthem。

“Honestly，though，“saidClarissa，havinglooked，“Idon’tlikeviews。

They’retooinhuman。“Theywalkedon。

“Howodditis！“shecontinuedimpulsively。“Thistimeyesterdaywe’dnevermet。Iwaspackinginastuffylittleroominthehotel。

Weknowabsolutelynothingabouteachother——andyet——IfeelasifI

_did_knowyou！“

“Youhavechildren——yourhusbandwasinParliament？“

“You’veneverbeentoschool，andyoulive——？“

“WithmyauntsatRichmond。“

“Richmond？“

“Yousee，myauntslikethePark。Theylikethequiet。“

“Andyoudon’t！Iunderstand！“Clarissalaughed。

“IlikewalkingintheParkalone；butnot——withthedogs，“

shefinished。

“No；andsomepeople_are_dogs；aren’tthey？“saidClarissa，asifshehadguessedasecret。“Butnoteveryone——ohno，noteveryone。“

“Noteveryone，“saidRachel，andstopped。

“Icanquiteimagineyouwalkingalone，“saidClarissa:“andthinking——

inalittleworldofyourown。Buthowyouwillenjoyit——

someday！“

“Ishallenjoywalkingwithaman——isthatwhatyoumean？“saidRachel，regardingMrs。Dallowaywithherlargeenquiringeyes。

“Iwasn’tthinkingofamanparticularly，“saidClarissa。

“Butyouwill。“

“No。Ishallnevermarry，“Racheldetermined。

“Ishouldn’tbesosureofthat，“saidClarissa。HersidelongglancetoldRachelthatshefoundherattractivealthoughshewasinexplicablyamused。

“Whydopeoplemarry？“Rachelasked。

“That’swhatyou’regoingtofindout，“Clarissalaughed。

Rachelfollowedhereyesandfoundthattheyrestedforasecond，ontherobustfigureofRichardDalloway，whowasengagedinstrikingamatchonthesoleofhisboot；whileWilloughbyexpoundedsomething，whichseemedtobeofgreatinteresttothemboth。

“There’snothinglikeit，“sheconcluded。“DotellmeabouttheAmbroses。OramIaskingtoomanyquestions？“

“Ifindyoueasytotalkto，“saidRachel。

TheshortsketchoftheAmbroseswas，however，somewhatperfunctory，andcontainedlittlebutthefactthatMr。Ambrosewasheruncle。

“Yourmother’sbrother？“

Whenanamehasdroppedoutofuse，thelightesttouchuponittells。

Mrs。Dallowaywenton:

“Areyoulikeyourmother？“

“No；shewasdifferent，“saidRachel。

ShewasovercomebyanintensedesiretotellMrs。Dallowaythingsshehadnevertoldanyone——thingsshehadnotrealisedherselfuntilthismoment。

“Iamlonely，“shebegan。“Iwant——“Shedidnotknowwhatshewanted，sothatshecouldnotfinishthesentence；butherlipquivered。

ButitseemedthatMrs。Dallowaywasabletounderstandwithoutwords。

“Iknow，“shesaid，actuallyputtingonearmroundRachel’sshoulder。

“WhenIwasyourageIwantedtoo。NooneunderstooduntilI

metRichard。HegavemeallIwanted。He’smanandwomanaswell。“

HereyesresteduponMr。Dalloway，leaningupontherail，stilltalking。“Don’tthinkIsaythatbecauseI’mhiswife——

IseehisfaultsmoreclearlythanIseeanyoneelse’s。Whatonewantsinthepersononeliveswithisthattheyshouldkeeponeatone’sbest。IoftenwonderwhatI’vedonetobesohappy！“

sheexclaimed，andatearsliddownhercheek。Shewipeditaway，squeezedRachel’shand，andexclaimed:

“Howgoodlifeis！“Atthatmoment，standingoutinthefreshbreeze，withthesunuponthewaves，andMrs。Dalloway’shanduponherarm，itseemedindeedasiflifewhichhadbeenunnamedbeforewasinfinitelywonderful，andtoogoodtobetrue。

HereHelenpassedthem，andseeingRachelarm-in-armwithacomparativestranger，lookingexcited，wasamused，butatthesametimeslightlyirritated。ButtheywereimmediatelyjoinedbyRichard，whohadenjoyedaveryinterestingtalkwithWilloughbyandwasinasociablemood。

“ObservemyPanama，“hesaid，touchingthebrimofhishat。

“Areyouaware，MissVinrace，howmuchcanbedonetoinducefineweatherbyappropriateheaddress？Ihavedeterminedthatitisahotsummerday；Iwarnyouthatnothingyoucansaywillshakeme。

ThereforeIamgoingtositdown。Iadviseyoutofollowmyexample。“

Threechairsinarowinvitedthemtobeseated。

Leaningback，Richardsurveyedthewaves。

“That’saveryprettyblue，“hesaid。“Butthere’salittletoomuchofit。Varietyisessentialtoaview。Thus，ifyouhavehillsyououghttohaveariver；ifariver，hills。ThebestviewintheworldinmyopinionisthatfromBoarsHillonafineday——

itmustbeafineday，markyou——Arug？——Oh，thankyou，mydear……inthatcaseyouhavealsotheadvantageofassociations——

thePast。“

“D’youwanttotalk，Dick，orshallIreadaloud？“

Clarissahadfetchedabookwiththerugs。

“_Persuasion_，“announcedRichard，examiningthevolume。

“That’sforMissVinrace，“saidClarissa。“Shecan’tbearourbelovedJane。“

“That——ifImaysayso——isbecauseyouhavenotreadher，“saidRichard。

“Sheisincomparablythegreatestfemalewriterwepossess。“

“Sheisthegreatest，“hecontinued，“andforthisreason:

shedoesnotattempttowritelikeaman。Everyotherwomandoes；

onthataccount，Idon’tread’em。“

“Produceyourinstances，MissVinrace，“hewenton，joininghisfinger-tips。“I’mreadytobeconverted。“

Hewaited，whileRachelvainlytriedtovindicatehersexfromtheslightheputuponit。

“I’mafraidhe’sright，“saidClarissa。“Hegenerallyis——

thewretch！“

“Ibrought_Persuasion_，“shewenton，“becauseIthoughtitwasalittlelessthreadbarethantheothers——though，Dick，it’snogood_your_pretendingtoknowJanebyheart，consideringthatshealwayssendsyoutosleep！“

“Afterthelaboursoflegislation，Ideservesleep，“saidRichard。

“You’renottothinkaboutthoseguns，“saidClarissa，seeingthathiseye，passingoverthewaves，stillsoughtthelandmeditatively，“oraboutnavies，orempires，oranything。“Sosayingsheopenedthebookandbegantoread:

“’SirWalterElliott，ofKellynchHall，inSomersetshire，wasamanwho，forhisownamusement，nevertookupanybookbutthe_Baronetage_’——

don’tyouknowSirWalter？——’Therehefoundoccupationforanidlehour，andconsolationinadistressedone。’Shedoeswritewell，doesn’tshe？’There——’“Shereadoninalighthumorousvoice。

ShewasdeterminedthatSirWaltershouldtakeherhusband’smindoffthegunsofBritain，anddiverthiminanexquisite，quaint，sprightly，andslightlyridiculousworld。Afteratimeitappearedthatthesunwassinkinginthatworld，andthepointsbecomingsofter。Rachellookeduptoseewhatcausedthechange。

Richard’seyelidswereclosingandopening；openingandclosing。

Aloudnasalbreathannouncedthathenolongerconsideredappearances，thathewassoundasleep。

“Triumph！“Clarissawhisperedattheendofasentence。Suddenlysheraisedherhandinprotest。Asailorhesitated；shegavethebooktoRachel，andsteppedlightlytotakethemessage——“Mr。Gricewishedtoknowifitwasconvenient，“etc。Shefollowedhim。

Ridley，whohadprowledunheeded，startedforward，stopped，and，withagestureofdisgust，strodeofftohisstudy。ThesleepingpoliticianwasleftinRachel’scharge。Shereadasentence，andtookalookathim。Insleephelookedlikeacoathangingattheendofabed；therewereallthewrinkles，andthesleevesandtrouserskepttheirshapethoughnolongerfilledoutbylegsandarms。Youcanthenbestjudgetheageandstateofthecoat。

Shelookedhimalloveruntilitseemedtoherthathemustprotest。

Hewasamanoffortyperhaps；andheretherewerelinesroundhiseyes，andtherecuriouscleftsinhischeeks。Slightlybatteredheappeared，butdoggedandintheprimeoflife。

“Sistersandadormouseandsomecanaries，“Rachelmurmured，nevertakinghereyesoffhim。“Iwonder，Iwonder“sheceased，herchinuponherhand，stilllookingathim。Abellchimedbehindthem，andRichardraisedhishead。Thenheopenedhiseyeswhichworeforasecondthequeerlookofashortsightedperson’swhosespectaclesarelost。Ittookhimamomenttorecoverfromtheimproprietyofhavingsnored，andpossiblygrunted，beforeayounglady。Towakeandfindoneselfleftalonewithonewasalsoslightlydisconcerting。

“IsupposeI’vebeendozing，“hesaid。“What’shappenedtoeveryone？Clarissa？“

“Mrs。DallowayhasgonetolookatMr。Grice’sfish，“Rachelreplied。

“Imighthaveguessed，“saidRichard。“It’sacommonoccurrence。

Andhowhaveyouimprovedtheshininghour？Haveyoubecomeaconvert？“

“Idon’tthinkI’vereadaline，“saidRachel。

“That’swhatIalwaysfind。Therearetoomanythingstolookat。

Ifindnatureverystimulatingmyself。Mybestideashavecometomeoutofdoors。“

“Whenyouwerewalking？“

“Walking——riding——yachting——IsupposethemostmomentousconversationsofmylifetookplacewhileperambulatingthegreatcourtatTrinity。

Iwasatbothuniversities。Itwasafadofmyfather’s。Hethoughtitbroadeningtothemind。IthinkIagreewithhim。Icanremember——

whatanageagoitseems！——settlingthebasisofafuturestatewiththepresentSecretaryforIndia。Wethoughtourselvesverywise。

I’mnotsureweweren’t。Wewerehappy，MissVinrace，andwewereyoung——

giftswhichmakeforwisdom。“