第13章

athousandwordsandactionsbecameplaintoher。

“Becausemenarebrutes！Ihatemen！“sheexclaimed。

“Ithoughtyousaidyoulikedhim？“saidHelen。

“Ilikedhim，andIlikedbeingkissed，“sheanswered，asifthatonlyaddedmoredifficultiestoherproblem。

Helenwassurprisedtoseehowgenuinebothshockandproblemwere，butshecouldthinkofnowayofeasingthedifficultyexceptbygoingontalking。Shewantedtomakeherniecetalk，andsotounderstandwhythisratherdull，kindly，plausiblepoliticianhadmadesodeepanimpressiononher，forsurelyattheageoftwenty-fourthiswasnotnatural。

“AnddidyoulikeMrs。Dallowaytoo？“sheasked。

AsshespokeshesawRachelredden；forsherememberedsillythingsshehadsaid，andalso，itoccurredtoherthatshetreatedthisexquisitewomanratherbadly，forMrs。Dallowayhadsaidthatshelovedherhusband。

“Shewasquitenice，butathimble-patedcreature，“Helencontinued。

“Ineverheardsuchnonsense！Chitter-chatter-chitter-chatter——

fishandtheGreekalphabet——neverlistenedtoawordanyonesaid——

chock-fullofidiotictheoriesaboutthewaytobringupchildren——

I’dfarrathertalktohimanyday。Hewaspompous，buthedidatleastunderstandwhatwassaidtohim。“

TheglamourinsensiblyfadedalittlebothfromRichardandClarissa。

Theyhadnotbeensowonderfulafterall，then，intheeyesofamatureperson。

“It’sverydifficulttoknowwhatpeoplearelike，“Rachelremarked，andHelensawwithpleasurethatshespokemorenaturally。

“IsupposeIwastakenin。“

TherewaslittledoubtaboutthataccordingtoHelen，butsherestrainedherselfandsaidaloud:

“Onehastomakeexperiments。“

“Andthey_were_nice，“saidRachel。“Theywereextraordinarilyinteresting。“ShetriedtorecalltheimageoftheworldasalivethingthatRichardhadgivenher，withdrainslikenerves，andbadhouseslikepatchesofdiseasedskin。Sherecalledhiswatch-words——Unity——Imagination，andsawagainthebubblesmeetinginhertea-cupashespokeofsistersandcanaries，boyhoodandhisfather，hersmallworldbecomingwonderfullyenlarged。

“Butallpeopledon’tseemtoyouequallyinteresting，dothey？“

askedMrs。Ambrose。

Rachelexplainedthatmostpeoplehadhithertobeensymbols；

butthatwhentheytalkedtoonetheyceasedtobesymbols，andbecame——“Icouldlistentothemforever！“sheexclaimed。

Shethenjumpedup，disappeareddownstairsforaminute，andcamebackwithafatredbook。

“_Who’s__Who_，“shesaid，layingituponHelen’skneeandturningthepages。“Itgivesshortlivesofpeople——forinstance:

’SirRolandBeal；born1852；parentsfromMoffatt；educatedatRugby；

passedfirstintoR。E。；married1878thedaughterofT。Fishwick；

servedintheBechuanalandExpedition1884-85(honourablymentioned)。Clubs:

UnitedService，NavalandMilitary。Recreations:anenthusiasticcurler。’“

SittingonthedeckatHelen’sfeetshewentonturningthepagesandreadingbiographiesofbankers，writers，clergymen，sailors，surgeons，judges，professors，statesmen，editors，philanthropists，merchants，andactresses；whatclubstheybelongedto，wheretheylived，whatgamestheyplayed，andhowmanyacrestheyowned。

Shebecameabsorbedinthebook。

Helenmeanwhilestitchedatherembroideryandthoughtoverthethingstheyhadsaid。Herconclusionwasthatshewouldverymuchliketoshowherniece，ifitwerepossible，howtolive，orassheputit，howtobeareasonableperson。Shethoughtthattheremustbesomethingwronginthisconfusionbetweenpoliticsandkissingpoliticians，andthatanelderpersonoughttobeabletohelp。

“Iquiteagree，“shesaid，“thatpeopleareveryinteresting；

only——“Rachel，puttingherfingerbetweenthepages，lookedupenquiringly。

“OnlyIthinkyououghttodiscriminate，“sheended。“It’sapitytobeintimatewithpeoplewhoare——well，rathersecond-rate，liketheDalloways，andtofinditoutlater。“

“Buthowdoesoneknow？“Rachelasked。

“Ireallycan’ttellyou，“repliedHelencandidly，afteramoment’sthought。“You’llhavetofindoutforyourself。Buttryand——

Whydon’tyoucallmeHelen？“sheadded。“’Aunt’s’ahorridname。

IneverlikedmyAunts。“

“IshouldliketocallyouHelen，“Rachelanswered。

“D’youthinkmeveryunsympathetic？“

RachelreviewedthepointswhichHelenhadcertainlyfailedtounderstand；theyarosechieflyfromthedifferenceofnearlytwentyyearsinagebetweenthem，whichmadeMrs。Ambroseappeartoohumorousandcoolinamatterofsuchmoment。

“No，“shesaid。“Somethingsyoudon’tunderstand，ofcourse。“

“Ofcourse，“Helenagreed。“Sonowyoucangoaheadandbeapersononyourownaccount，“sheadded。

Thevisionofherownpersonality，ofherselfasarealeverlastingthing，differentfromanythingelse，unmergeable，liketheseaorthewind，flashedintoRachel’smind，andshebecameprofoundlyexcitedatthethoughtofliving。

“Icanbym-m-myself，“shestammered，“inspiteofyou，inspiteoftheDalloways，andMr。Pepper，andFather，andmyAunts，inspiteofthese？“Shesweptherhandacrossawholepageofstatesmenandsoldiers。

“Inspiteofthemall，“saidHelengravely。Shethenputdownherneedle，andexplainedaplanwhichhadcomeintoherheadastheytalked。

InsteadofwanderingondowntheAmazonsuntilshereachedsomesulphuroustropicalport，whereonehadtoliewithindoorsalldaybeatingoffinsectswithafan，thesensiblethingtodosurelywastospendtheseasonwiththemintheirvillabytheseaside，whereamongotheradvantagesMrs。Ambroseherselfwouldbeathandto——

“Afterall，Rachel，“shebrokeoff，“it’ssillytopretendthatbecausethere’stwentyyears’differencebetweenuswethereforecan’ttalktoeachotherlikehumanbeings。“

“No；becausewelikeeachother，“saidRachel。

“Yes，“Mrs。Ambroseagreed。

Thatfact，togetherwithotherfacts，hadbeenmadeclearbytheirtwentyminutes’talk，althoughhowtheyhadcometotheseconclusionstheycouldnothavesaid。

Howevertheywerecomeby，theyweresufficientlyserioustosendMrs。Ambroseadayortwolaterinsearchofherbrother-in-law。Shefoundhimsittinginhisroomworking，applyingastoutbluepencilauthoritativelytobundlesoffilmypaper。Paperslaytoleftandtorightofhim，thereweregreatenvelopessogorgedwithpapersthattheyspiltpapersontothetable。Abovehimhungaphotographofawoman’shead。TheneedofsittingabsolutelystillbeforeaCockneyphotographerhadgivenherlipsaqueerlittlepucker，andhereyesforthesamereasonlookedasthoughshethoughtthewholesituationridiculous。Neverthelessitwastheheadofanindividualandinterestingwoman，whowouldnodoubthaveturnedandlaughedatWilloughbyifshecouldhavecaughthiseye；

butwhenhelookedupatherhesighedprofoundly。Inhismindthisworkofhis，thegreatfactoriesatHullwhichshowedlikemountainsatnight，theshipsthatcrossedtheoceanpunctually，theschemesforcombiningthisandthatandbuildingupasolidmassofindustry，wasallanofferingtoher；helaidhissuccessatherfeet；andwasalwaysthinkinghowtoeducatehisdaughtersothatTheresamightbeglad。Hewasaveryambitiousman；

andalthoughhehadnotbeenparticularlykindtoherwhileshelived，asHelenthought，henowbelievedthatshewatchedhimfromHeaven，andinspiredwhatwasgoodinhim。

Mrs。Ambroseapologisedfortheinterruption，andaskedwhethershemightspeaktohimaboutaplanofhers。Wouldheconsenttoleavehisdaughterwiththemwhentheylanded，insteadoftakingheronuptheAmazons？

“Wewouldtakegreatcareofher，“sheadded，“andweshouldreallylikeit。“

Willoughbylookedverygraveandcarefullylaidasidehispapers。

“She’sagoodgirl，“hesaidatlength。“Thereisalikeness？“——

henoddedhisheadatthephotographofTheresaandsighed。HelenlookedatTheresapursingupherlipsbeforetheCockneyphotographer。

Itsuggestedherinanabsurdhumanway，andshefeltanintensedesiretosharesomejoke。

“She’stheonlythingthat’slefttome，“sighedWilloughby。

“Wegoonyearafteryearwithouttalkingaboutthesethings——“

Hebrokeoff。“Butit’sbetterso。Onlylife’sveryhard。“

Helenwassorryforhim，andpattedhimontheshoulder，butshefeltuncomfortablewhenherbrother-in-lawexpressedhisfeelings，andtookrefugeinpraisingRachel，andexplainingwhyshethoughtherplanmightbeagoodone。

“True，“saidWilloughbywhenshehaddone。“Thesocialconditionsareboundtobeprimitive。Ishouldbeoutagooddeal。Iagreedbecauseshewishedit。AndofcourseIhavecompleteconfidenceinyou……Yousee，Helen，“hecontinued，becomingconfidential，“Iwanttobringherupashermotherwouldhavewished。Idon’tholdwiththesemodernviews——anymorethanyoudo，eh？She’sanicequietgirl，devotedtohermusic——alittlelessof_that_woulddonoharm。Still，it’skeptherhappy，andweleadaveryquietlifeatRichmond。Ishouldlikehertobegintoseemorepeople。

IwanttotakeheraboutwithmewhenIgethome。I’vehalfamindtorentahouseinLondon，leavingmysistersatRichmond，andtakehertoseeoneortwopeoplewho’dbekindtoherformysake。

I’mbeginningtorealise，“hecontinued，stretchinghimselfout，“thatallthisistendingtoParliament，Helen。It’stheonlywaytogetthingsdoneasonewantsthemdone。ItalkedtoDallowayaboutit。Inthatcase，ofcourse，IshouldwantRacheltobeabletotakemorepartinthings。Acertainamountofentertainingwouldbenecessary——dinners，anoccasionaleveningparty。One’sconstituentsliketobefed，Ibelieve。InallthesewaysRachelcouldbeofgreathelptome。So，“hewoundup，“Ishouldbeveryglad，ifwearrangethisvisit(whichmustbeuponabusinessfooting，mind)，ifyoucouldseeyourwaytohelpingmygirl，bringingherout——

she’salittleshynow，——makingawomanofher，thekindofwomanhermotherwouldhavelikedhertobe，“heended，jerkinghisheadatthephotograph。

Willoughby’sselfishness，thoughconsistentasHelensawwithrealaffectionforhisdaughter，madeherdeterminedtohavethegirltostaywithher，evenifshehadtopromiseacompletecourseofinstructioninthefemininegraces。Shecouldnothelplaughingatthenotionofit——RachelaToryhostess！——andmarvellingasshelefthimattheastonishingignoranceofafather。

Rachel，whenconsulted，showedlessenthusiasmthanHelencouldhavewished。Onemomentshewaseager，thenextdoubtful。Visionsofagreatriver，nowblue，nowyellowinthetropicalsunandcrossedbybrightbirds，nowwhiteinthemoon，nowdeepinshadewithmovingtreesandcanoesslidingoutfromthetangledbanks，besether。

Helenpromisedariver。Thenshedidnotwanttoleaveherfather。

Thatfeelingseemedgenuinetoo，butintheendHelenprevailed，althoughwhenshehadwonhercaseshewasbesetbydoubts，andmorethanonceregrettedtheimpulsewhichhadentangledherwiththefortunesofanotherhumanbeing。

Fromadistancethe_Euphrosyne_lookedverysmall。Glasseswereturneduponherfromthedecksofgreatliners，andshewaspronouncedatramp，acargo-boat，oroneofthosewretchedlittlepassengersteamerswherepeoplerolledaboutamongthecattleondeck。

Theinsect-likefiguresofDalloways，Ambroses，andVinraceswerealsoderided，bothfromtheextremesmallnessoftheirpersonsandthedoubtwhichonlystrongglassescoulddispelastowhethertheywerereallylivecreaturesoronlylumpsontherigging。

Mr。Pepperwithallhislearninghadbeenmistakenforacormorant，andthen，asunjustly，transformedintoacow。Atnight，indeed，whenthewaltzeswereswinginginthesaloon，andgiftedpassengersreciting，thelittleship——shrunktoafewbeadsoflightoutamongthedarkwaves，andonehighinairuponthemast-head——

seemedsomethingmysteriousandimpressivetoheatedpartnersrestingfromthedance。Shebecameashippassinginthenight——

anemblemofthelonelinessofhumanlife，anoccasionforqueerconfidencesandsuddenappealsforsympathy。

Onandonshewent，bydayandbynight，followingherpath，untilonemorningbrokeandshowedtheland。Losingitsshadow-likeappearanceitbecamefirstcleftandmountainous，nextcolouredgreyandpurple，nextscatteredwithwhiteblockswhichgraduallyseparatedthemselves，andthen，astheprogressoftheshipactedupontheviewlikeafield-glassofincreasingpower，becamestreetsofhouses。Bynineo’clockthe_Euphrosyne_hadtakenupherpositioninthemiddleofagreatbay；shedroppedheranchor；immediately，asifshewerearecumbentgiantrequiringexamination，smallboatscameswarmingabouther。Sherangwithcries；menjumpedontoher；herdeckwasthumpedbyfeet。Thelonelylittleislandwasinvadedfromallquartersatonce，andafterfourweeksofsilenceitwasbewilderingtohearhumanspeech。Mrs。Ambrosealoneheedednoneofthisstir。