第14章

Itisaninsolencetowardthemajorityofthepurchasers，foritisaveryfrankandimpudentwayofsaying，"Getthetranslationsmadeyourselfifyouwantthem，thisbookisnotwrittenfortheignorantclasses。"TherearemenwhoknowaforeignlanguagesowellandhaveuseditsolongintheirdailylifethattheyseemtodischargewholevolleysofitintotheirEnglishwritingsunconsciously，andsotheyomittotranslate，asmuchashalfthetime。

Thatisagreatcrueltytonineoutoftenoftheman"sreaders。Whatistheexcuseforthis?ThewriterwouldsayheonlyusestheforeignlanguagewherethedelicacyofhispointcannotbeconveyedinEnglish。

Verywell，thenhewriteshisbestthingsforthetenthman，andheoughttowarnthenineothernottobuyhisbook。

However，theexcuseheoffersisatleastanexcuse；

butthereisanothersetofmenwhoarelikeYOU；

theyknowaWORDhereandthere，ofaforeignlanguage，orafewbeggarlylittlethree-wordphrases，filchedfromthebackoftheDictionary，andthesearecontinuallypepperingintotheirliterature，withapretenseofknowingthatlanguage——whatexcusecantheyoffer?Theforeignwordsandphraseswhichtheyusehavetheirexactequivalentsinanoblerlanguage——English；yettheythinkthey"adorntheirpage"whentheysaySTRASSEforstreet，andBAHNHOFforrailway-station，andsoon——flauntingtheseflutteringragsofpovertyinthereader"sfaceandimagininghewillbeassenoughtotakethemforthesignofuntoldrichesheldinreserve。Iwillletyour"learning"remaininyourreport；youhaveasmuchright，Isuppose，to"adornyourpage"withZuluandChineseandChoctawrubbishasothersofyoursorthavetoadorntheirswithinsolentoddsandendssmouchedfromhalfadozenlearnedtongueswhoseA-BABStheydon"tevenknow。"

Whenthemusingspiderstepsuponthered-hotshovel，hefirstexhibitsawildsurprise，thenheshrivelsup。

SimilarwastheeffectoftheseblisteringwordsuponthetranquilandunsuspectingAgent。Icanbedreadfullyroughonapersonwhenthemoodtakesme。

CHAPTERXXXI

[Alp-scalingbyCarriage]

Wenowpreparedforaconsiderablewalk——fromLucernetoInterlaken，overtheBru"nigPass。ButatthelastmomenttheweatherwassogoodthatIchangedmymindandhiredafour-horsecarriage。Itwasahugevehicle，roomy，aseasyinitsmotionasapalanquin，andexceedinglycomfortable。

Wegotawayprettyearlyinthemorning，afterahotbreakfast，andwentbowlingoverahard，smoothroad，throughthesummerlovelinessofSwitzerland，withnearanddistantlakesandmountainsbeforeandaboutusfortheentertainmentoftheeye，andthemusicofmultitudinousbirdstocharmtheear。Sometimestherewasonlythewidthoftheroadbetweentheimposingprecipicesontherightandtheclearcoolwaterontheleftwithitsshoalsofuncatchablefishskimmingaboutthroughthebarsofsunandshadow；

andsometimes，inplaceoftheprecipices，thegrassylandstretchedaway，inanapparentlyendlessupwardslant，andwasdottedeverywherewithsnuglittlechalets，thepeculiarlycaptivatingcottageofSwitzerland。

Theordinarychaletturnsabroad，honestgableendtotheroad，anditsampleroofhoversoverthehomeinaprotecting，caressingway，projectingitsshelteringeavesfaroutward。Thequaintwindowsarefilledwithlittlepanes，andgarnishedwithwhitemuslincurtains，andbrightenedwithboxesofbloomingflowers。

Acrossthefrontofthehouse，andupthespreadingeavesandalongthefancifulrailingsoftheshallowporch，areelaboratecarvings——wreaths，fruits，arabesques，versesfromScripture，names，dates，etc。Thebuildingiswhollyofwood，reddishbrownintint，averypleasingcolor。Itgenerallyhasvinesclimbingoverit。

Setsuchahouseagainstthefreshgreenofthehillside，anditlookseversocozyandinvitingandpicturesque，andisadecidedlygracefuladditiontothelandscape。

Onedoesnotfindoutwhataholdthechalethastakenuponhim，untilhepresentlycomesuponanewhouse——

ahousewhichisapingthetownfashionsofGermanyandFrance，aprim，hideous，straight-up-and-downthing，plasteredalloverontheoutsidetolooklikestone，andaltogethersostiff，andformal，andugly，andforbidding，andsooutoftunewiththegraciouslandscape，andsodeafanddumbanddeadtothepoetryofitssurroundings，thatitsuggestsanundertakeratapicnic，acorpseatawedding，apuritaninParadise。

InthecourseofthemorningwepassedthespotwherePontiusPilateissaidtohavethrownhimselfintothelake。

ThelegendgoesthataftertheCrucifixionhisconsciencetroubledhim，andhefledfromJerusalemandwanderedabouttheearth，wearyoflifeandapreytotorturesofthemind。Eventually，hehidhimselfaway，ontheheightsofMountPilatus，anddweltaloneamongthecloudsandcragsforyears；butrestandpeacewerestilldeniedhim，sohefinallyputanendtohismiserybydrowninghimself。

Presentlywepassedtheplacewhereamanofbetterodorwasborn。Thiswasthechildren"sfriend，SantaClaus，orSt。Nicholas。Therearesomeunaccountablereputationsintheworld。Thissaint"sisaninstance。Hehasrankedforagesasthepeculiarfriendofchildren，yetitappearshewasnotmuchofafriendtohisown。

Hehadtenofthem，andwhenfiftyyearsoldheleftthem，andsoughtoutasdismalarefugefromtheworldaspossible，andbecameahermitinorderthathemightreflectuponpiousthemeswithoutbeingdisturbedbythejoyousandothernoisesfromthenursery，doubtless。

JudgingbyPilateandSt。Nicholas，thereexistsnorulefortheconstructionofhermits；theyseemmadeoutofallkindsofmaterial。ButPilateattendedtothematterofexpiatinghissinwhilehewasalive，whereasSt。Nicholaswillprobablyhavetogoonclimbingdownsootychimneys，Christmaseve，forever，andconferringkindnessonotherpeople"schildren，tomakeupfordesertinghisown。

Hisbonesarekeptinachurchinavillage(Sachseln)

whichwevisited，andarenaturallyheldingreatreverence。

Hisportraitiscommoninthefarmhousesoftheregion，butisbelievedbymanytobebutanindifferentlikeness。

Duringhishermitlife，accordingtolegend，hepartookofthebreadandwineofthecommuniononceamonth，butalltherestofthemonthhefasted。

Aconstantmarvelwithus，aswespedalongthebasesofthesteepmountainsonthisjourney，was，notthatavalanchesoccur，butthattheyarenotoccurringallthetime。Onedoesnotunderstandwhyrocksandlandslidesdonotplungedownthesedeclivitiesdaily。Alandslipoccurredthreequartersofacenturyago，ontheroutefromArthtoBrunnen，whichwasaformidablething。

Amassofconglomeratetwomileslong，athousandfeetbroad，andahundredfeetthick，brokeawayfromacliffthreethousandfeethighandhurleditselfintothevalleybelow，buryingfourvillagesandfivehundredpeople，asinagrave。

Wehadsuchabeautifulday，andsuchendlesspicturesoflimpidlakes，andgreenhillsandvalleys，andmajesticmountains，andmilkycataractsdancingdownthesteepsandgleaminginthesun，thatwecouldnothelpfeelingsweettowardalltheworld；sowetriedtodrinkallthemilk，andeatallthegrapesandapricotsandberries，andbuyallthebouquetsofwildflowerswhichthelittlepeasantboysandgirlsofferedforsale；

butwehadtoretirefromthiscontract，foritwastooheavy。

Atshortdistances——andtheywereentirelytooshort——allalongtheroad，weregroupsofneatandcomelychildren，withtheirwaresnicelyandtemptinglysetforthinthegrassundertheshadetrees，andassoonasweapproachedtheyswarmedintotheroad，holdingouttheirbasketsandmilkbottles，andranbesidethecarriage，barefootandbareheaded，andimportunedustobuy。

Theyseldomdesistedearly，butcontinuedtorunandinsist——besidethewagonwhiletheycould，andbehindituntiltheylostbreath。Thentheyturnedandchasedareturningcarriagebacktotheirtrading-postagain。

Afterseveralhoursofthis，withoutanyintermission，itbecomesalmostannoying。Idonotknowwhatweshouldhavedonewithoutthereturningcarriagestodrawoffthepursuit。However，therewereplentyofthese，loadedwithdustytouristsandpiledhighwithluggage。

Indeed，fromLucernetoInterlakenwehadthespectacle，amongotherscenery，ofanunbrokenprocessionoffruit-peddlersandtouristscarriages。

Ourtalkwasmostlyanticipatoryofwhatweshouldseeonthedown-gradeoftheBru"nig，byandby，afterweshouldpassthesummit。AllourfriendsinLucernehadsaidthattolookdownuponMeiringen，andtherushingblue-grayriverAar，andthebroadlevelgreenvalley；

andacrossatthemightyAlpineprecipicesthatrisestraightuptothecloudsoutofthatvalley；andupatthemicroscopicchaletspercheduponthedizzyeavesofthoseprecipicesandwinkingdimlyandfitfullythroughthedriftingveilofvapor；andstillupandup，atthesuperbOltschibackandtheotherbeautifulcascadesthatleapfromthoseruggedheights，robedinpowderyspray，ruffledwithfoam，andgirdledwithrainbows——tolookuponthesethings，theysay，wastolookuponthelastpossibilityofthesublimeandtheenchanting。Therefore，asIsay，wetalkedmainlyofthesecomingwonders；ifwewereconsciousofanyimpatience，itwastogetthereinfavorableseason；

ifwefeltanyanxiety，itwasthatthedaymightremainperfect，andenableustoseethosemarvelsattheirbest。

AsweapproachedtheKaiserstuhl，apartoftheharnessgaveway。

Wewereindistressforamoment，butonlyamoment。

Itwasthefore-and-aftgearthatwasbroken——thethingthatleadsaftfromtheforwardpartofthehorseandismadefasttothethingthatpullsthewagon。InAmericathiswouldhavebeenaheavyleathernstrap；but，alloverthecontinentitisnothingbutapieceofropethesizeofyourlittlefinger——clothes-lineiswhatitis。

Cabsuseit，privatecarriages，freight-cartsandwagons，allsortsofvehicleshaveit。InMunichIafterwardsawitusedonalongwagonladenwithfifty-fourhalf-barrelsofbeer；IhadbeforenoticedthatthecabsinHeidelbergusedit——notnewrope，butropethathadbeeninusesinceAbraham"stime——andIhadfeltnervous，sometimes，behinditwhenthecabwastearingdownahill。ButI

hadlongbeenaccustomedtoitnow，andhadevenbecomeafraidoftheleatherstrapwhichbelongedinitsplace。

Ourdrivergotafreshpieceofclothes-lineoutofhislockerandrepairedthebreakintwominutes。

SomuchforoneEuropeanfashion。Everycountryhasitsownways。Itmayinterestthereadertoknowhowthey"puthorsesto"onthecontinent。Themanstandsupthehorsesoneachsideofthethingthatprojectsfromthefrontendofthewagon，andthenthrowsthetangledmessofgearforwardthrougharing，andhaulsitaft，andpassestheotherthingthroughtheotherringandhaulsitaftontheothersideoftheotherhorse，oppositetothefirstone，aftercrossingthemandbringingthelooseendback，andthenbucklestheotherthingunderneaththehorse，andtakesanotherthingandwrapsitaroundthethingIspokeofbefore，andputsanotherthingovereachhorse"shead，withbroadflapperstoittokeepthedustoutofhiseyes，andputstheironthinginhismouthforhimtogrithisteethon，uphill，andbringstheendsofthesethingsaftoverhisback，afterbucklinganotheronearoundunderhisnecktoholdhisheadup，andhitchinganotherthingonathingthatgoesoverhisshoulderstokeephisheadupwhenheisclimbingahill，andthentakestheslackofthethingwhichImentionedawhileago，andfetchesitaftandmakesitfasttothethingthatpullsthewagon，andhandstheotherthingsuptothedrivertosteerwith。

Ineverhavebuckledupahorsemyself，butIdonotthinkwedoitthatway。

Wehadfourveryhandsomehorses，andthedriverwasveryproudofhisturnout。Hewouldbowlalongonareasonabletrot，onthehighway，butwhenheenteredavillagehediditonafuriousrun，andaccompanieditwithafrenzyofceaselesswhip-crackingsthatsoundedlikevolleysofmusketry。

Hetorethroughthenarrowstreetsandaroundthesharpcurveslikeamovingearthquake，showeringhisvolleysashewent，andbeforehimsweptacontinuoustidalwaveofscamperingchildren，ducks，cats，andmothersclaspingbabieswhichtheyhadsnatchedoutofthewayofthecomingdestruction；andasthislivingwavewashedaside，alongthewalls，itselements，beingsafe，forgottheirfearsandturnedtheiradmiringgazeuponthatgallantdrivertillhethunderedaroundthenextcurveandwaslosttosight。

Hewasagreatmantothosevillagers，withhisgaudyclothesandhisterrificways。Wheneverhestoppedtohavehiscattlewateredandfedwithloavesofbread，thevillagersstoodaroundadmiringhimwhileheswaggeredabout，thelittleboysgazedupathisfacewithhumblehomage，andthelandlordbroughtoutfoamingmugsofbeerandconversedproudlywithhimwhilehedrank。

Thenhemountedhisloftybox，swunghisexplosivewhip，andawayhewentagain，likeastorm。IhadnotseenanythinglikethisbeforesinceIwasaboy，andthestageusedtoflourishthevillagewiththedustflyingandthehorntooting。

WhenwereachedthebaseoftheKaiserstuhl，wetooktwomorehorses；wehadtotoilalongwithdifficultyforanhourandahalfortwohours，fortheascentwasnotverygradual，butwhenwepassedthebackboneandapproachedthestation，thedriversurpassedallhispreviouseffortsinthewayofrushandclatter。

Hecouldnothavesixhorsesallthetime，sohemadethemostofhischancewhilehehadit。

UptothispointwehadbeenintheheartoftheWilliamTellregion。Theheroisnotforgotten，byanymeans，orheldindoubtfulveneration。Hiswoodenimage，withhisbowdrawn，abovethedoorsoftaverns，wasafrequentfeatureofthescenery。

AboutnoonwearrivedatthefootoftheBru"nigPass，andmadeatwo-hourstopatthevillagehotel，anotherofthoseclean，pretty，andthoroughlywell-keptinnswhicharesuchanastonishmenttopeoplewhoareaccustomedtohotelsofadismallydifferentpatterninremotecountry-towns。

Therewasalakehere，inthelapofthegreatmountains，thegreenslopesthatrosetowardthelowercragsweregracedwithscatteredSwisscottagesnestlingamongminiaturefarmsandgardens，andfromoutaleafyambuscadeintheupperheightstumbledabrawlingcataract。

Carriageaftercarriage，ladenwithtouristsandtrunks，arrived，andthequiethotelwassoonpopulous。

Wewereearlyatthetabled"ho^teandsawthepeopleallcomein。Thereweretwenty-five，perhaps。Theywereofvariousnationalities，butweweretheonlyAmericans。

NexttomesatanEnglishbride，andnexttohersathernewhusband，whomshecalled"Neddy，"thoughhewasbigenoughandstalwartenoughtobeentitledtohisfullname。

Theyhadaprettylittlelovers"quarreloverwhatwinetheyshouldhave。Neddywasforobeyingtheguide-bookandtakingthewineofthecountry；butthebridesaid:

"What，thatnahstystuff!"

"Itisn"tnahsty，pet，it"squitegood。"

"ItISnahsty。"

"No，itISN"Tnahsty。"

"It"sOfulnahsty，Neddy，andIshahn"tdrinkit。"

Thenthequestionwas，whatshemusthave。Shesaidheknewverywellthatsheneverdrankanythingbutchampagne。

Sheadded:

"Youknowverywellpapaalwayshaschampagneonhistable，andI"vealwaysbeenusedtoit。"

Neddymadeaplayfulpretenseofbeingdistressedabouttheexpense，andthisamusedhersomuchthatshenearlyexhaustedherselfwithlaughter——andthispleasedHIM

somuchthatherepeatedhisjestacoupleoftimes，andaddednewandkillingvarietiestoit。Whenthebridefinallyrecovered，shegaveNeddyalove-boxonthearmwithherfan，andsaidwitharchseverity:

"Well，youwouldHAVEme——nothingelsewoulddo——

soyou"llhavetomakethebestofabadbargain。

DOorderthechampagne，I"mOfuldry。"

Sowithamockgroanwhichmadeherlaughagain，Neddyorderedthechampagne。

Thefactthatthisyoungwomanhadnevermoistenedtheselvedgeedgeofhersoulwithalessplebeiantipplethanchampagne，hadamarkedandsubduingeffectonHarris。Hebelievedshebelongedtotheroyalfamily。

ButIhadmydoubts。

Weheardtwoorthreedifferentlanguagesspokenbypeopleatthetableandguessedoutthenationalitiesofmostofthegueststooursatisfaction，butwefailedwithanelderlygentlemanandhiswifeandayounggirlwhosatoppositeus，andwithagentlemanofaboutthirty-fivewhosatthreeseatsbeyondHarris。

Wedidnothearanyofthesespeak。Butfinallythelast-namedgentlemanleftwhilewewerenotnoticing，butwelookedupashereachedthefarendofthetable。

Hestoppedthereamoment，andmadehistoiletwithapocketcomb。SohewasaGerman；orelsehehadlivedinGermanhotelslongenoughtocatchthefashion。

Whentheelderlycoupleandtheyounggirlrosetoleave，theybowedrespectfullytous。SotheywereGermans，too。

Thisnationalcustomisworthsixoftheotherone，forexport。

AfterdinnerwetalkedwithseveralEnglishmen，andtheyinflamedourdesiretoahotterdegreethanever，toseethesightsofMeiringenfromtheheightsoftheBru"nigPass。Theysaidtheviewwasmarvelous，andthatonewhohadseenitoncecouldneverforgetit。

Theyalsospokeoftheromanticnatureoftheroadoverthepass，andhowinoneplaceithadbeencutthroughaflankofthesolidrock，insuchawaythatthemountainoverhungthetouristashepassedby；andtheyfurthermoresaidthatthesharpturnsintheroadandtheabruptnessofthedescentwouldaffordusathrillingexperience，forweshouldgodowninaflyinggallopandseemtobespinningaroundtheringsofawhirlwind，likeadropofwhiskeydescendingthespiralsofacorkscrew。

Igotalltheinformationoutofthesegentlementhatwecouldneed；andthen，tomakeeverythingcomplete，Iaskedthemifabodycouldgetholdofalittlefruitandmilkhereandthere，incaseofnecessity。Theythrewuptheirhandsinspeechlessintimationthattheroadwassimplypavedwithrefreshment-peddlers。Wewereimpatienttogetaway，now，andtherestofourtwo-hourstopratherdragged。

Butfinallythesettimearrivedandwebegantheascent。

Indeeditwasawonderfulroad。Itwassmooth，andcompact，andclean，andthesidenexttheprecipiceswasguardedallalongbydressedstonepostsaboutthreefeethigh，placedatshortdistancesapart。TheroadcouldnothavebeenbetterbuiltifNapoleontheFirsthadbuiltit。

HeseemstohavebeentheintroducerofthesortofroadswhichEuropenowuses。AllliteraturewhichdescribeslifeasitexistedinEngland，France，andGermanyuptothecloseofthelastcentury，isfilledwithpicturesofcoachesandcarriageswallowingthroughthesethreecountriesinmudandslushhalf-wheeldeep；butafterNapoleonhadflounderedthroughaconqueredkingdomhegenerallyarrangedthingssothattherestoftheworldcouldfollowdry-shod。

Wewentonclimbing，higherandhigher，andcurvinghitherandthither，intheshadeofnoblewoods，andwitharichvarietyandprofusionofwildflowersallaboutus；

andglimpsesofroundedgrassybackbonesbelowusoccupiedbytrimchaletsandnibblingsheep，andotherglimpsesoffarloweraltitudes，wheredistancediminishedthechaletstotoysandobliteratedthesheepaltogether；

andeverynowandthensomeerminedmonarchoftheAlpsswungmagnificentlyintoviewforamoment，thendriftedpastaninterveningspuranddisappearedagain。

Itwasanintoxicatingtripaltogether；theexceedingsenseofsatisfactionthatfollowsagooddinneraddedlargelytotheenjoyment；thehavingsomethingespecialtolookforwardtoandmuseabout，liketheapproachinggrandeursofMeiringen，sharpenedthezest。Smokingwasneversogoodbefore，solidcomfortwasneversolider；

welaybackagainstthethickcushionssilent，meditative，steepedinfelicity。

Irubbedmyeyes，openedthem，andstarted。IhadbeendreamingIwasatsea，anditwasathrillingsurprisetowakeupandfindlandallaroundme。Ittookmeacouplesecondsto"cometo，"asyoumaysay；thenItookinthesituation。

Thehorsesweredrinkingatatroughintheedgeofatown，thedriverwastakingbeer，Harriswassnoringatmyside，thecourier，withfoldedarmsandbowedhead，wassleepingonthebox，twodozenbarefootedandbareheadedchildrenweregatheredaboutthecarriage，withtheirhandscrossedbehind，gazingupwithseriousandinnocentadmirationatthedozingtouristsbakingthereinthesun。

Severalsmallgirlsheldnight-cappedbabiesnearlyasbigasthemselvesintheirarms，andeventhesefatbabiesseemedtotakeasortofsluggishinterestinus。

Wehadsleptanhourandahalfandmissedallthescenery!

Ididnotneedanybodytotellmethat。IfIhadbeenagirl，Icouldhavecursedforvexation。Asitwas，Iwokeuptheagentandgavehimapieceofmymind。

Insteadofbeinghumiliated，heonlyupbraidedmeforbeingsowantinginvigilance。HesaidhehadexpectedtoimprovehismindbycomingtoEurope，butamanmighttraveltotheendsoftheearthwithmeandneverseeanything，forI

wasmanifestlyendowedwiththeverygeniusofillluck。

Heeventriedtogetupsomeemotionaboutthatpoorcourier，whonevergotachancetoseeanything，onaccountofmyheedlessness。ButwhenIthoughtIhadborneaboutenoughofthiskindoftalk，IthreatenedtomakeHarristrampbacktothesummitandmakeareportonthatscenery，andthissuggestionspikedhisbattery。

WedrovesullenlythroughBrienz，deadtotheseductionsofitsbewilderingarrayofSwisscarvingsandtheclamorousHOO-hooingofitscuckooclocks，andhadnotentirelyrecoveredourspiritswhenwerattledacrossabridgeovertherushingblueriverandenteredtheprettytownofInterlaken。Itwasjustaboutsunset，andwehadmadethetripfromLucerneintenhours。

CHAPTERXXXII

[TheJungfrau，theBride，andthePiano]

WelocatedourselvesattheJungfrauHotel，oneofthosehugeestablishmentswhichtheneedsofmoderntravelhavecreatedineveryattractivespotonthecontinent。

Therewasagreatgatheringatdinner，and，asusual，oneheardallsortsoflanguages。

Thetabled"ho^tewasservedbywaitressesdressedinthequaintandcomelycostumeoftheSwisspeasants。

Thisconsistsofasimplegrosdelaine，trimmedwithashesofroses，withoverskirtofscarebleuventresaintgris，cutbiasontheoff-side，withfacingsofpetitpolonaiseandnarrowinsertionsofpa^tedefoiegrasbackstitchedtothemiseensce`neintheformofajeud"esprit。Itgivestothewearerasingularlypiquantandalluringaspect。

Oneofthesewaitresses，awomanofforty，hadside-whiskersreachinghalf-waydownherjaws。

Theyweretwofingersbroad，darkincolor，prettythick，andthehairswereaninchlong。Oneseesmanywomenonthecontinentwithquiteconspicuousmustaches，butthiswastheonlywomanIsawwhohadreachedthedignityofwhiskers。

Afterdinnertheguestsofbothsexesdistributedthemselvesaboutthefrontporchesandtheornamentalgroundsbelongingtothehotel，toenjoythecoolair；but，asthetwilightdeepenedtowarddarkness，theygatheredthemselvestogetherinthatsaddestandsolemnestandmostconstrainedofallplaces，thegreatblankdrawing-roomwhichisthechieffeatureofallcontinentalsummerhotels。Theretheygroupedthemselvesabout，incouplesandthrees，andmumbledinbatedvoices，andlookedtimidandhomelessandforlorn。

Therewasasmallpianointhisroom，aclattery，wheezy，asthmaticthing，certainlytheveryworstmiscarriageinthewayofapianothattheworldhasseen。Inturn，fiveorsixdejectedandhomesickladiesapproacheditdoubtingly，gaveitasingleinquiringthump，andretiredwiththelockjaw。Butthebossofthatinstrumentwastocome，nevertheless；andfrommyowncountry——fromArkansaw。

Shewasabrand-newbride，innocent，girlish，happyinherselfandhergraveandworshipingstriplingofahusband；shewasabouteighteen，justoutofschool，freefromaffections，unconsciousofthatpassionlessmultitudearoundher；

andtheveryfirsttimeshesmotethatoldwreckonerecognizedthatithadmetitsdestiny。Herstriplingbroughtanarmfulofagedsheet-musicfromtheirroom——

forthisbridewent"heeled，"asyoumightsay——andbenthimselflovinglyoverandgotreadytoturnthepages。

Thebridefetchedaswoopwithherfingersfromoneendofthekeyboardtotheother，justtogetherbearings，asitwere，andyoucouldseethecongregationsettheirteethwiththeagonyofit。Then，withoutanymorepreliminaries，sheturnedonallthehorrorsofthe"BattleofPrague，"

thatvenerableshivaree，andwadedchin-deepinthebloodoftheslain。Shemadeafairandhonorableaverageoftwofalsenotesineveryfive，buthersoulwasinarmsandsheneverstoppedtocorrect。Theaudiencestooditwithprettyfairgritforawhile，butwhenthecannonadewaxedhotterandfiercer，andthediscordaveragerosetofourinfive，theprocessionbegantomove。

Afewstragglersheldtheirgroundtenminuteslonger，butwhenthegirlbegantowringthetrueinwardnessoutofthe"criesofthewounded，"theystrucktheircolorsandretiredinakindofpanic。

Thereneverwasacompletervictory；Iwastheonlynon-combatantleftonthefield。Iwouldnothavedesertedmycountrywomananyhow，butindeedIhadnodesiresinthatdirection。Noneofuslikemediocrity，butweallreverenceperfection。Thisgirl"smusicwasperfectioninitsway；itwastheworstmusicthathadeverbeenachievedonourplanetbyamerehumanbeing。

Imovedupclose，andneverlostastrain。Whenshegotthrough，Iaskedhertoplayitagain。Shediditwithapleasedalacrityandaheightenedenthusiasm。

ShemadeitALLdiscords，thistime。Shegotanamountofanguishintothecriesofthewoundedthatshedanewlightonhumansuffering。Shewasonthewar-pathalltheevening。Allthetime，crowdsofpeoplegatheredontheporchesandpressedtheirnosesagainstthewindowstolookandmarvel，butthebravestneverventuredin。

Thebridewentoffsatisfiedandhappywithheryoungfellow，whenherappetitewasfinallygorged，andthetouristsswarmedinagain。

WhatachangehascomeoverSwitzerland，andinfactallEurope，duringthiscentury!SeventyoreightyyearsagoNapoleonwastheonlymaninEuropewhocouldreallybecalledatraveler；hewastheonlymanwhohaddevotedhisattentiontoitandtakenapowerfulinterestinit；

hewastheonlymanwhohadtraveledextensively；

butnoweverybodygoeseverywhere；andSwitzerland，andmanyotherregionswhichwereunvisitedandunknownremotenessesahundredyearsago，areinourdaysabuzzinghiveofrestlessstrangerseverysummer。

ButIdigress。

Inthemorning，whenwelookedoutofourwindows，wesawawonderfulsight。Acrossthevalley，andapparentlyquiteneighborlyandcloseathand，thegiantformoftheJungfraurosecoldandwhiteintotheclearsky，beyondagatewayinthenearerhighlands。

Itremindedme，somehow，ofoneofthosecolossalbillowswhichswellssuddenlyupbesideone"sship，atsea，sometimes，withitscrestandshoulderssnowywhite，andtherestofitsnobleproportionsstreakeddownwardwithcreamyfoam。

Itookoutmysketch-bookandmadealittlepictureoftheJungfrau，merelytogettheshape。[Figure9]

Idonotregardthisasoneofmyfinishedworks，infactI

donotrankitamongmyWorksatall；itisonlyastudy；

itishardlymorethanwhatonemightcallasketch。

Otherartistshavedonemethegracetoadmireit；butI

amsevereinmyjudgmentsofmyownpictures，andthisonedoesnotmoveme。

ItwashardtobelievethatthatloftywoodedrampartontheleftwhichsoovertopstheJungfrauwasnotactuallythehigherofthetwo，butitwasnot，ofcourse。

Itisonlytwoorthreethousandfeethigh，andofcoursehasnosnowuponitinsummer，whereastheJungfrauisnotmuchshorteroffourteenthousandfeethighandthereforethatlowestvergeofsnowonherside，whichseemsnearlydowntothevalleylevel，isreallyaboutseventhousandfeethigherupintheairthanthesummitofthatwoodedrampart。

Itisthedistancethatmakesthedeception。Thewoodedheightisbutfourorfivemilesremovedfromus，buttheJungfrauisfourorfivetimesthatdistanceaway。

Walkingdownthestreetofshops，inthefore-noon，I

wasattractedbyalargepicture，carved，frameandall，fromasingleblockofchocolate-coloredwood。

Therearepeoplewhoknoweverything。SomeofthesehadtoldusthatcontinentalshopkeepersalwaysraisetheirpricesonEnglishandAmericans。Manypeoplehadtoldusitwasexpensivetobuythingsthroughacourier，whereasIhadsupposeditwasjustthereverse。

WhenIsawthispicture，IconjecturedthatitwasworthmorethanthefriendIproposedtobuyitforwouldliketopay，butstillitwasworthwhiletoinquire；

soItoldthecouriertostepinandasktheprice，asifhewanteditforhimself；ItoldhimnottospeakinEnglish，andaboveallnottorevealthefactthathewasacourier。

ThenImovedonafewyards，andwaited。

Thecouriercamepresentlyandreportedtheprice。

Isaidtomyself，"Itisahundredfrancstoomuch，"

andsodismissedthematterfrommymind。ButintheafternoonIwaspassingthatplacewithHarris，andthepictureattractedmeagain。Westeppedin，toseehowmuchhigherbrokenGermanwouldraisetheprice。

Theshopwomannamedafigurejustahundredfrancslowerthanthecourierhadnamed。Thiswasapleasantsurprise。

IsaidIwouldtakeit。AfterIhadgivendirectionsastowhereitwastobeshipped，theshipped，theshopwomansaid，appealingly:

"Ifyourplease，donotletyourcourierknowyouboughtit。"

Thiswasanunexpectedremark。Isaid:

"WhatmakesyouthinkIhaveacourier?"

"Ah，thatisverysimple；hetoldmehimself。"

"Hewasverythoughtful。Buttellme——whydidyouchargehimmorethanyouarechargingme?"

"Thatisverysimple，also:Idonothavetopayyouapercentage。"

"Oh，Ibegintosee。Youwouldhavehadtopaythecourierapercentage。"

"Undoubtedly。Thecourieralwayshashispercentage。

Inthiscaseitwouldhavebeenahundredfrancs。"

"Thenthetradesmandoesnotpayapartofit——

thepurchaserpaysallofit?"

"Thereareoccasionswhenthetradesmanandthecourieragreeuponapricewhichistwiceorthricethevalueofthearticle，thenthetwodivide，andbothgetapercentage。"

"Isee。Butitseemstomethatthepurchaserdoesallthepaying，eventhen。"

"Oh，tobesure!Itgoeswithoutsaying。"

"ButIhaveboughtthispicturemyself；thereforewhyshouldn"tthecourierknowit?"

Thewomanexclaimed，indistress:

"Ah，indeeditwouldtakeallmylittleprofit!Hewouldcomeanddemandhishundredfrancs，andIshouldhavetopay。"

"Hehasnotdonethebuying。Youcouldrefuse。"

"Icouldnotdaretorefuse。Hewouldneverbringtravelershereagain。Morethanthat，hewoulddenouncemetotheothercouriers，theywoulddivertcustomfromme，andmybusinesswouldbeinjured。"

Iwentawayinathoughtfulframeofmind。Ibegantoseewhyacouriercouldaffordtoworkforfifty-fivedollarsamonthandhisfares。AmonthortwolaterIwasabletounderstandwhyacourierdidnothavetopayanyboardandlodging，andwhymyhotelbillswerealwayslargerwhenIhadhimwithmethanwhenIlefthimbehind，somewhere，forafewdays。

Anotherthingwasalsoexplained，now，apparently。

InonetownIhadtakenthecouriertothebanktodothetranslatingwhenIdrewsomemoney。Ihadsatinthereading-roomtillthetransactionwasfinished。

Thenaclerkhadbroughtthemoneytomeinperson，andhadbeenexceedinglypolite，evengoingsofarastoprecedemetothedoorandholdingitopenformeandbowmeoutasifIhadbeenadistinguishedpersonage。

Itwasanewexperience。ExchangehadbeeninmyfavoreversinceIhadbeeninEurope，butjustthatonetime。

Igotsimplythefaceofmydraft，andnoextrafrancs，whereasIhadexpectedtogetquiteanumberofthem。

ThiswasthefirsttimeIhadeverusedthecourieratthebank。Ihadsuspectedsomethingthen，andaslongasheremainedwithmeafterwardImanagedbankmattersbymyself。

Still，ifIfeltthatIcouldaffordthetax，Iwouldnevertravelwithoutacourier，foragoodcourierisaconveniencewhosevaluecannotbeestimatedindollarsandcents。Withouthim，travelisabitterharassment，apurgatoryoflittleexasperatingannoyances，aceaselessandpitilesspunishment——Imeantoanirasciblemanwhohasnobusinesscapacityandisconfusedbydetails。

Withoutacourier，travelhasn"tarayofpleasureinit，anywhere；butwithhimitisacontinuousandunruffleddelight。Heisalwaysathand，neverhastobesentfor；ifyourbellisnotansweredpromptly——anditseldomis——youhaveonlytoopenthedoorandspeak，thecourierwillhear，andhewillhavetheorderattendedtoorraiseaninsurrection。Youtellhimwhatdayyouwillstart，andwhitheryouaregoing——leavealltheresttohim。Youneednotinquireabouttrains，orfares，orcarchanges，orhotels，oranythingelse。

Atthepropertimehewillputyouinacaboranomnibus，anddriveyoutothetrainortheboat；hehaspackedyourluggageandtransferredit，hehaspaidallthebills。

Otherpeoplehaveprecededyouhalfanhourtoscrambleforimpossibleplacesandlosetheirtempers，butyoucantakeyourtime；thecourierhassecuredyourseatsforyou，andyoucanoccupythematyourleisure。

Atthestation，thecrowdmashoneanothertopulpintheefforttogettheweigher"sattentiontotheirtrunks；

theydisputehotlywiththesetyrants，whoarecoolandindifferent；theygettheirbaggagebillets，atlast，andthenhaveanothersqueezeandanotherrageoverthedishearteningbusinessoftryingtogetthemrecordedandpaidfor，andstillanotherovertheequallydishearteningbusinessoftryingtogetnearenoughtotheticketofficetobuyaticket；andnow，withtheirtempersgonetothedogs，theymuststandpennedupandpackedtogether，ladenwithwrapsandsatchelsandshawl-straps，withthewearywifeandbabies，inthewaiting-room，tillthedoorsarethrownopen——andthenallhandsmakeagrandfinalrushtothetrain，finditfull，andhavetostandontheplatformandfretuntilsomemorecarsareputon。

Theyareinaconditiontokillsomebodybythistime。

Meantime，youhavebeensittinginyourcar，smoking，andobservingallthismiseryintheextremestcomfort。

Onthejourneytheguardispoliteandwatchful——won"tallowanybodytogetintoyourcompartment——tellsthemyouarejustrecoveringfromthesmall-poxanddonotliketobedisturbed。Forthecourierhasmadeeverythingrightwiththeguard。Atway-stationsthecouriercomestoyourcompartmenttoseeifyouwantaglassofwater，oranewspaper，oranything；ateating-stationshesendsluncheonouttoyou，whiletheotherpeoplescrambleandworryinthedining-rooms。Ifanythingbreaksaboutthecaryouarein，andastation-masterproposestopackyouandyouragentintoacompartmentwithstrangers，thecourierrevealstohimconfidentiallythatyouareaFrenchdukeborndeafanddumb，andtheofficialcomesandmakesaffablesignsthathehasorderedachoicecartobeaddedtothetrainforyou。

Atcustom-housesthemultitudefiletediouslythrough，hotandirritated，andlookonwhiletheofficersburrowintothetrunksandmakeamessofeverything；

butyouhandyourkeystothecourierandsitstill。

Perhapsyouarriveatyourdestinationinarain-stormattenatnight——yougenerallydo。Themultitudespendhalfanhourverifyingtheirbaggageandgettingittransferredtotheomnibuses；butthecourierputsyouintoavehiclewithoutamoment"slossoftime，andwhenyoureachyourhotelyoufindyourroomshavebeensecuredtwoorthreedaysinadvance，everythingisready，youcangoatoncetobed。Someofthoseotherpeoplewillhavetodriftaroundtotwoorthreehotels，intherain，beforetheyfindaccommodations。

Ihavenotsetdownhalfofthevirtuesthatarevestedinagoodcourier，butIthinkIhavesetdownasufficiencyofthemtoshowthatanirritablemanwhocanaffordoneanddoesnotemployhimisnotawiseeconomist。MycourierwastheworstoneinEurope，yethewasagooddealbetterthannoneatall。

Itcouldnotpayhimtobeabetteronethanhewas，becauseIcouldnotaffordtobuythingsthroughhim。

Hewasagoodenoughcourierforthesmallamounthegotoutofhisservice。Yes，totravelwithacourierisbliss，totravelwithoutoneisthereverse。

Ihavehaddealingswithsomeverybadcouriers；butIhavealsohaddealingswithonewhomightfairlybecalledperfection。

HewasayoungPolander，namedJosephN。Verey。Hespokeeightlanguages，andseemedtobeequallyathomeinallofthem；hewasshrewd，prompt，posted，andpunctual；

hewasfertileinresources，andsingularlygiftedinthematterofovercomingdifficulties；henotonlyknewhowtodoeverythinginhisline，butheknewthebestwaysandthequickest；hewashandywithchildrenandinvalids；

allhisemployerneededtodowastotakelifeeasyandleaveeverythingtothecourier。Hisaddressis，careofMessrs。Gay&Son，Strand，London；hewasformerlyaconductorofGay"stouristparties。Excellentcouriersaresomewhatrare；ifthereaderisabouttotravel，hewillfindittohisadvantagetomakeanoteofthisone。

CHAPTERXXXIII

[WeClimbFar——byBuggy]

ThebeautifulGiesbachFallisnearInterlaken，ontheothersideofthelakeofBrienz，andisilluminatedeverynightwiththosegorgeoustheatricalfireswhosenameIcannotcalljustatthismoment。Thiswassaidtobeaspectaclewhichthetouristoughtbynomeanstomiss。Iwasstronglytempted，butIcouldnotgotherewithpropriety，becauseonegoesinaboat。

ThetaskwhichIhadsetmyselfwastowalkoverEuropeonfoot，notskimoveritinaboat。Ihadmadeatacitcontractwithmyself；itwasmydutytoabidebyit。

Iwaswillingtomakeboattripsforpleasure，butIcouldnotconscientiouslymaketheminthewayofbusiness。

Itcostmesomethingofapangtolosethatfinesight，butIliveddownthedesire，andgainedinmyself-respectthroughthetriumph。Ihadafinerandagrandersight，however，whereIwas。ThiswasthemightydomeoftheJungfrausoftlyoutlinedagainsttheskyandfaintlysilveredbythestarlight。Therewassomethingsubduingintheinfluenceofthatsilentandsolemnandawfulpresence；oneseemedtomeettheimmutable，theindestructible，theeternal，facetoface，andtofeelthetrivialandfleetingnatureofhisownexistencethemoresharplybythecontrast。

Onehadthesenseofbeingunderthebroodingcontemplationofaspirit，notaninertmassofrocksandice——aspiritwhichhadlookeddown，throughtheslowdriftoftheages，uponamillionvanishedracesofmen，andjudgedthem；

andwouldjudgeamillionmore——andstillbethere，watching，unchangedandunchangeable，afteralllifeshouldbegoneandtheearthhavebecomeavacantdesolation。