第17章
MARK。
TheletterstoMr。Rogerswere，forthemostpart，onmattersofbusiness，butinoneofthemhesaid：“Iamgoingtowritewithallmymightonthisbook，andfollowitupwithothersasfastasIcaninthehopethatwithinthreeyearsIcanclearoutthestuffthatisinmewaitingtobewritten，andthatIshallthendieinthepromptestkindofawayandnofoolingaround。”Andinonehewrote：“Youarethebestfriendeveramanhad，andthesurest。”
ToW。D。Howells，inNewYorkLONDON，Feb。23，”97。
DEARHOWELLS，-IfindyourgenerousarticleintheWeekly，andIwanttothankyouforitssplendidpraises，sodaringlyutteredandsowarmly。
Thewordsstirthedeadheartofme，andthrowaglowofcolorintoalifewhichsometimesseemstohavegrownwhollywan。Idon”tmeanthatI
ammiserable；no——worsethanthat——indifferent。Indifferenttonearlyeverythingbutwork。Ilikethat；Ienjoyit，andsticktoit。Idoitwithoutpurposeandwithoutambition；merelyfortheloveofit。
Thismoodwillpass，someday——thereishistoryforit。Butitcannotpassuntilmywifecomesupoutofthesubmergence。Shewasalwayssoquicktorecoverherselfbefore，butnowthereisnorebound，andwearedeadpeoplewhogothroughthemotionsoflife。IndeedIamamudimage，anditwillpuzzlemetoknowwhatitisinmethatwrites，andhascomedy-fanciesandfindspleasureinphrasingthem。Itisalawofournature，ofcourse，oritwouldn”thappen；thethinginmeforgetsthepresenceofthemudimageandgoesitsownway，whollyunconsciousofitandapparentlyofnokinshipwithit。Ihavefinishedmybook，butIgoonasiftheendwereindefinitelyaway——asindeeditis。Thereisnohurry——atanyratethereisnolimit。
Jean”sspiritsaregood；Clara”sarerising。Theyhaveyouth——theonlythingthatwasworthgivingtotherace。
Thesearesardonictimes。LookatGreece，andthatwholeshabbymuddle。
ButIamnotsorrytobealiveandprivilegedtolookon。IfIwerenotahermitIwouldgototheHouseeverydayandseethosepeoplescuffleoveritandbletheraboutthebrotherhoodofthehumanrace。ThishasbeenabitteryearforEnglishpride，andIdon”tliketoseeEnglandhumbled——thatis，nottoomuch。Wearesprungfromherloins，andithurtsme。Iamforrepublics，andsheistheonlycomradewe”vegot，inthat。Wecan”tcountFrance，andthereishardlyenoughofSwitzerlandtocount。BeneaththegoverningcrustEnglandissound-hearted——andsincere，too，andnearlystraight。ButIamappalledtonoticethatthewideextensionofthesurfacehasdamagedhermanners，andmadeherratherAmericanlyuncourteousonthelowerlevels。
Won”tyougiveourlovetotheHowellsesallandparticular？
SincerelyyoursS。L。CLEMENS。
Thetravel-bookdidnotfinisheasily，andmorethanoncewhenhethoughtitcompletedhefounditnecessarytocutandaddandchange。ThefinalchapterswerenotsenttotheprinteruntilthemiddleofMay，andinalettertoMr。Rogershecommented：“A
successfulbookisnotmadeofwhatisinit，butwhatisleftoutofit。”Clemenswasatthetimecontemplatingauniformeditionofhisbooks，andinoneofhisletterstoMr。Rogersonthematterhewrote，whimsically，“NowIwasproposingtomakeathousandsetsatahundreddollarsaset，anddothewholecanvassingmyself……I
wouldloadupeveryimportantjailandsalooninAmericawithdeluxeeditionsofmybooks。ButMrs。Clemensandthechildrenobjecttothis，Idonotknowwhy。”And，inamomentofdepression：“Youseethelightningrefusestostrikeme——thereiswherethedefectis。WehavetodoourownstrikingasBarneyBarnatodid。Butnobodyevergetsthecourageuntilhegoescrazy。”
TheywenttoSwitzerlandforthesummertothevillageofWeggis，onLakeLucerne”Thecharmingestplaceweeverlivedin，“hedeclared，“forrepose，andrestfulness，andsuperbscenery。”ItwasherethathebeganworkonanewstoryofTomandHuck，andatleastupononeothermanuscript。FromabriefnotetoMr。Rogerswelearnsomethingofhisemploymentsandeconomies。
ToHenryH。Rogers，inNewYork：
LUCERNE，Augustthesomethingorother，1897。
DEARMR。ROGERS，——Iamwritinganovel，andamgettingalongverywellwithit。
Ibelievethatthisplace(Weggis，halfanhourfromLucerne，)istheloveliestintheworld，andthemostsatisfactory。Wehaveasmallhouseonthehillsidealltoourselves，andourmealsareservedinitfromtheinnbelowonthelakeshore。Sixfrancsadayperhead，houseandfoodincluded。Thesceneryisbeyondcomparisonbeautiful。Wehavearowboatandsomebicycles，andgoodroads，andnovisitors。Nobodyknowswearehere。AndSundayinheavenisnoisycomparedtothisquietness。
SincerelyyoursS。L。C。
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
LUCERNE，Aug。22，”97。
DEARJOE，——LivymadeanoblefindontheLucerneboattheotherdayononeofhershoppingtrips——GeorgeWilliamsonSmith——didItellyouaboutit？Wehadalovelytimewithhim，andsuchintellectualrefreshmentaswehadnottastedinmanyamonth。
AndtheothernightwehadadetachmentofthejubileeSingers——6。IhadknownoneoftheminLondon24yearsago。Threeofthe6wereborninslavery，theotherswerechildrenofslaves。Howcharmingtheywere——inspirit，manner，language，pronunciation，enunciation，grammar，phrasing，matter，carriage，clothes——ineverydetailthatgoestomaketherealladyandgentleman，andwelcomeguest。Wewentdowntothevillagehotelandboughtourticketsandenteredthebeer-hall，whereacrowdofGermanandSwissmenandwomensatgroupedatroundtableswiththeirbeermugsinfrontofthem——self-containedandunimpressionablelookingpeople，anindifferentandunpostedanddisheartenedaudience——andupatthefarendoftheroomsattheJubileesinarow。TheSingersgotupandstood——thetalkingandglassjinglingwenton。ThenroseandswelledoutabovethosecommonearthlysoundsoneofthoserichchordsthesecretofwhosemakeonlytheJubileespossess，andaspellfelluponthathouse。Itwasfinetoseethefaceslightupwiththepleasedwonderandsurpriseofit。Noonewasindifferentanymore；andwhenthesingersfinished，thecampwastheirs。Itwasatriumph。ItremindedmeofLauncelotridinginSirKay”sarmorandastonishingcomplacentKnightswhothoughttheyhadstruckasoftthing。TheJubileessangalotofpieces。Arduousandpainstakingcultivationhasnotdiminishedorartificializedtheirmusic，butonthecontrary——tomysurprise——hasmightilyreinforceditseloquenceandbeauty。Awaybackinthebeginning——tomymind——theirmusicmadeallothervocalmusiccheap；andthatearlynotionisemphasizednow。Itisutterlybeautiful，tome；anditmovesmeinfinitelymorethananyothermusiccan。IthinkthatintheJubileesandtheirsongsAmericahasproducedtheperfectestfloweroftheages；
andIwishitwereaforeignproduct，sothatshewouldworshipitandlavishmoneyonitandgoproperlycrazyoverit。
Now，thesecountriesaredifferent：theywoulddoallthat，ifitwerenative。ItistruetheypraiseGod，butthatismerelyaformality，andnothinginit；theyopenouttheirwholeheartstonoforeigner。
ThemusicalcriticsoftheGermanpresspraisetheJubileeswithgreatenthusiasm——acquiredtechniqueetc，included。
OneofthejubileemenisasonofGeneralJoeJohnson，andwaseducatedbyhimafterthewar。Thepartycameuptothehouseandwehadapleasanttime。
Thisisparadise，here——butofcoursewehavegottoleaveitbyandby。
The18thofAugust——[AnniversaryofSusyClemens”sdeath。]——hascomeandgone，Joe——andwestillseemtolive。
Withlovefromusall。
MARK。
ClemensdeclaredhewouldassoonspendhislifeinWeggis“asanywhereelseinthegeography，“butOctoberfoundtheminViennaforthewinter，attheHotelMetropole。TheAustriancapitalwasjusttheninapoliticalturmoil，thecharacterofwhichishintedinthefollowing：
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
HOTELMETROPOLE，VIENNA，Oct。23，”97。
DEARJOE，——Wearegraduallygettingsettleddownandwonted。Viennaisnotacheapplacetolivein，butIhavemadeonesmallarrangementwhich：hasadistinctlyeconomicalaspect。TheViceConsulmadethecontractformeyesterday-to-wit：abarberistocomeeverymorning8。30
andshavemeandkeepmyhairtrimmedfor$2。50amonth。Iusedtopay$1。50pershaveinourhouseinHartford。
Doesitsuggesttoyoureflectionswhenyoureflectthatthisisthemostimportanteventwhichhashappenedtomeintendays——unlessIcount——inmyhandingacabmanovertothepolicedaybeforeyesterday，withtheproperformalities，andpromisedtoappearincourtwhenhiscasecomesup。
IfIhadtimetorunaroundandtalk，Iwoulddoit；forthereismuchpoliticsagoing，anditwouldbeinterestingifabodycouldgetthehangofit。ItisChristianandJewbythehorns——theadvantagewiththesuperiorman，asusual——thesuperiormanbeingtheJeweverytimeandinallcountries。Land，Joe，whatchancewouldtheChristianhaveinacountrywheretherewere3Jewsto10Christians！Oh，nottheshadeofashadowofachance。ThedifferencebetweenthebrainoftheaverageChristianandthatoftheaverageJew——certainlyinEurope——isaboutthedifferencebetweenatadpole”sandanArchbishop”s。It”samarvelous，race——bylongoddsthemostmarvelousthattheworldhasproduced，I
suppose。
Andthere”smorepolitics——theclashbetweenCzechandAustrian。IwishIcouldunderstandthesequarrels，butofcourseIcan”t。
WiththeaboundingloveofusallMARK。
InFollowingtheEquatortherewasusedanamusingpictureshowingMarkTwainonhistriparoundtheworld。ItwasatrickphotographmadefromapictureofMarkTwaintakeninasteamer-chair，cutoutandcombinedwithadilapidatednegro-cartdrawnbyahorseandanox。InitClemensappearstobesittingluxuriouslyintheendofthedisreputablecart。Hiscompanionsaretwonegroes。TothecreatorofthisingeniouseffectMarkTwainsentacharacteristicacknowledgment。
ToT。S。FrisbieVIENNA，Oct。25，”97。
MR。T。S。FRISBIE，——DearSir：Thepicturehasreachedme，andhasmovedmedeeply。Thatwasasteady，sympatheticandhonorableteam，andalthoughitwasnotswift，andnotshowy，itpulledmearoundtheglobesuccessfully，andalwaysattracteditspropershareofattention，eveninthemidstofthemostcostlyandfashionableturnouts。Princesanddukesandotherexpertswerealwaysenthusedbytheharnessandcouldhardlykeepfromtryingtobuyit。Thebarouchedoesnotlookasfine，now，asitdidearlier-butthatwasbeforetheearthquake。
Theportraitsofmyselfanduncleandnephewareverygoodindeed，andyourimpressionistreproductionofthepalaceoftheGovernorGeneralofIndiaisaccurateandfulloftenderfeeling。
Iconsiderthatthispictureismuchmorethanaworkofart。Howmuchmore，onecannotsaywithexactness，butIshouldthinktwo-thirdsmore。
VerytrulyyoursMARKTWAIN。
FollowingtheEquatorwasissuedbysubscriptionthroughMarkTwain”soldpublishers，theBlisses，ofHartford。Thesaleofitwaslarge，notonlyonaccountofthevalueofthebookitself，butalsobecauseofthesympathyoftheAmericanpeoplewithMarkTwain”sbravestruggletopayhisdebts。Whenthenewspapersbegantoprintexaggeratedstoriesofthevastprofitsthatwerepilingup，Blissbecameworried，forhethoughtitwouldmodifythesympathy。HecabledClemensforadenial，withthefollowingresult：
ToFrankE。Bliss，inHartford：
VIENNA，Nov。4，1897。
DEARBLISS，——YourcablegraminformingmethatareportisincirculationwhichpurportstocomefrommeandwhichsaysIhaverecentlymade$82，000andpaidallmydebtshasjustreachedme，andIhavecabledbackmyregrettoyouthatitisnottrue。Iwrotealetter——aprivateletter——ashorttimeago，inwhichIexpressedthebeliefthatIshouldbeoutofdebtwithinthenexttwelvemonth。Ifyoumakeasmuchasusualformeoutofthebook，thatbeliefwillcrystallizeintoafact，andI
shallbewhollyoutofdebt。Iamencoringyounow。
ItisoutofthatmoderateletterthattheEighty-TwoThousand-Dollarmare”snesthasdeveloped。Butwhydoyouworryaboutthevariousreports？Theydonotworryme。Theyarenotunfriendly，andIdon”tseehowtheycandoanyharm。Bepatient；youhavebutalittlewhiletowait；thepossiblereportsarenearlyallin。IthasbeenreportedthatIwasseriouslyill——itwasanotherman；dying——itwasanotherman；dead——theothermanagain。IthasbeenreportedthatIhavereceivedalegacyitwasanotherman；thatIamoutofdebt——itwasanotherman；andnowcomesthis$82，000——stillanotherman。IthasbeenreportedthatI
amwritingbooks——forpublication；Iamnotdoinganythingofthekind。
Itwouldsurprise(andgratify)meifIshouldbeabletogetanotherbookreadyforthepresswithinthenextthreeyears。Youcansee，yourself，thatthereisn”tanythingmoretobereported——inventionisexhausted。Therefore，don”tworry，Bliss——thelongnightisbreaking。
AsfarasIcansee，nothingremainstobereported，exceptthatIhavebecomeaforeigner。Whenyouhearit，don”tyoubelieveit。Anddon”ttakethetroubletodenyit。MerelyjustraisetheAmericanflagonourhouseinHartford，andletittalk。
Trulyyours，MARKTWAIN。
P。S。Thisisnotaprivateletter。Iamgettingtiredofprivateletters。
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
VIENNA
HOTELMETROPOLE，NOV。19，”97。
DEARJOE，——Aboveisourprivate(andpermanent)addressforthewinter。
Youneedn”tsendlettersbyLondon。
IamverymuchobligedforForrest”sAustro-Hungarianarticles。Ihavejustfinishedreadingthefirstone：andinitIfindthathisopinionandVienna”sarethesame，uponapointwhichwaspuzzlingme——thepaucity(no，theabsence)ofAustrianCelebrities。HeandViennabothsaythecountrycannotaffordtoallowgreatnamestogrowup；thatthewholesafetyandprosperityoftheEmpiredependsuponkeepingthingsquiet；can”taffordtohavegeniusesspringingupanddevelopingideasandstirringthepublicsoul。Iamassuredthateverytimeamanfindshimselfbloomingintofame，theyjustsoftlysnakehimdownandrelegatehimtoawholesomeobscurity。Itiscuriousandinteresting。
ThreedaysagotheNewYorkWorldsentandaskedafriendofmine(correspondentofaLondondaily)togetsomeChristmasgreetingsfromthecelebritiesoftheEmpire。Shespokeofthis。TwoorthreebrightAustrianswerepresent。Theysaid“Therearenonewhoareknownallovertheworld！nonewhohaveachievedfame；nonewhocanpointtotheirworkandsayitisknownfarandwideintheearth：therearenonames；
Kossuth(knownbecausehehadafather)andLecher，whomadethe12hourspeech；twonames-nothingmore。Everyothercountryintheworld，perhaps，hasagiantortwowhoseheadsareawayupandcanbeseen，butours。We”vegotthematerial——havealwayshadit——butwehavetosuppressit；wecan”taffordtoletitdevelop；ourpoliticalsalvationdependsupontranquillity——alwayshas。”
PoorLivy！Sheislaidupwithrheumatism；butsheisgettingalongnow。
Wehaveagooddoctor，andhesaysshewillbeoutofbedinacoupleofdays，butmuststayinthehouseaweekorten。
Claraisworkingfaithfullyathermusic，Jeanatherusualstudies，andweallsendlove。
MARK。
MentionhasalreadybeenmadeofthepoliticalexcitementinVienna。
ThetroublebetweentheHungarianandGermanlegislativebodiespresentlybecameviolent。Clemensfoundhimselfintenselyinterested，andwaspresentinoneofthegallerieswhenitwasclearedbythepolice。Allsortsofstorieswerecirculatedastowhathappenedtohim，oneofwhichwascabledtoAmerica。AlettertoTwichellsetsforthwhatreallyhappened。
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
HOTELMETROPOLE，VIENNA，Dec。10，”97。
DEARJOE，——PondsendsmeaClevelandpaperwithacablegramfromhereinitwhichsaysthatwhenthepoliceinvadedtheparliamentandexpelledthe11membersIwavedmyhandkerchiefandshouted”HochdieDeutschen！”
andgothustledout。Ohdear，whatapityitisthatone”sadventuresneverhappen！WhentheOrdner(sergeant-at-arms)cameuptoourgalleryandwashurryingthepeopleout，afriendtriedtogetleaveformetostay，bysaying，“Butthisgentlemanisaforeigner——youdon”tneedtoturnhimout——hewon”tdoanyharm。”
“Oh，Iknowhimverywell——Irecognizehimbyhispictures；andIshouldbeverygladtolethimstay，butIhaven”tanychoice，becauseofthestrictnessoftheorders。”
Andsoweallwentout，andnoonewashustled。Below，IranacrosstheLondonTimescorrespondent，andheshowedmethewayintothefirstgalleryandIlostnoneoftheshow。Thefirstgalleryhadnotmisbehaved，andwasnotdisturbed……WecannotpersuadeLivytogooutinsocietyyet，butallthelovelypeoplecometoseeher；andClaraandIgotodinnerparties，andaroundhereandthere，andweallhaveamosthospitablegoodtime。
Jean”swoodcarvingflourishes，andherotherstudies。
Good-byeJoe——andweallloveallofyou。
MARK。
ClemensmadeanarticleoftheAustriantroubles，oneofthebestthingsheeverwrote，andcertainlyoneoftheclearestelucidationsoftheAustro-Hungarianconfusions。ItwaspublishedinHarper”sMagazine，andisnowincludedinhiscompleteworks。
ThusfarnoneoftheWebsterCompanydebtshadbeenpaid——atleast，noneofimportance。ThemoneyhadbeenaccumulatinginMr。Rogers”shands，butClemenswasbeginningtobedepressedbytheheavyburden。Hewroteaskingforrelief。
PartofalettertoH。H。Rogers，inNewYork：
DEARMR。ROGERS，——Ithrowupthesponge。Ipulldowntheflag。Letusbeginonthedebts。Icannotbeartheweightanylonger。Ittotallyunfitsmeforwork。Ihavelostthreeentiremonthsnow。InthattimeI
havebeguntwentymagazinearticlesandbooks——andflungeveryoneofthemasideinturn。Thedebtsinterferedeverytime，andtookthespiritoutofanywork。AndyetIhaveworkedlikeabondslaveandwastednotimeandsparednoeffort——
Rogerswrote，proposingaplanforbeginningimmediatelyuponthedebts。
Clemensrepliedenthusiastically，andduringthenextfewweekswroteeveryfewdays，expressinghisdelightinliquidation。
ExtractsfromletterstoH。H。Rogers，inNewYork：……Wealldelightedwithyourplan。Onlydon”tleaveB——out。
Apparentlythatclaimhasbeeninheritedbysomewomen——daughters，nodoubt。Wedon”twanttoseethemloseanything。B——isanass，anddisgruntled，butIdon”tcareforthat。IamresponsibleforthemoneyandmustdothebestIcantopayit……Iamwritinghard——writingforthecreditors。
Dec。29。
Landwearegladtoseethosedebtsdiminishing。ForthefirsttimeinmylifeIamgettingmorepleasureoutofpayingmoneyoutthanpullingitin。
Jan。2。
SincewehavebeguntopayoffthedebtsIhaveabundantpeaceofmindagain——nosenseofburden。Workisbecomeapleasureagain——itisnotlaboranylonger。
March7。
Mrs。Clemenshasbeenreadingthecreditors”lettersoverandoveragainandthanksyoudeeplyforsendingthem，andsaysitistheonlyreallyhappydayshehashadsinceSusydied。
XXXVII
LETTERS，1898，TOHOWELLSANDTWICHELL。LIFEINVIENNA。PAYMENTOFTHE
DEBTS。ASSASSINATIONOFTHEEMPRESS
TheendofJanuarysawthepaymentofthelastofMarkTwain”sdebts。
Oncemorehestoodfreebeforetheworld——aworldthatsoundedhispraises。Thelatterfactratheramusedhim。“Honestmenmustbeprettyscarce，“hesaid，“whentheymakesomuchfussoverevenadefectivespecimen。”WhentheendwasinsightClemenswrotethenewstoHowellsinaletterasfullofsadnessasoftriumph。
ToW。D。Howells，inNewYork：
HOTELMETROPOLE，VIENNA，Jan。22，”98。
DEARHOWELLS，——Lookatthoseghastlyfigures。Iusedtowriteit“Hartford，1871。”TherewasnoSusythen——thereisnoSusynow。Andhowmuchliesbetween——onelonglovelystretchofscentedfields，andmeadows，andshadywoodlands，andsuddenlySahara！Youspeakofthegloriousdaysofthatoldtime——andtheywere。Itismyquarrel——thattrapslikethatareset。SusyandWinniegivenus，inmiserablesport，andthentakenaway。
AboutthelasttimeIsawyouIdescribedtoyoutheculminatingdisasterinabookIwasgoingtowrite(andwillyet，whenthestrokeisfurtheraway)——aman”sdeaddaughterbroughttohimwhenhehadbeenthroughallotherpossiblemisfortunes——andIsaiditcouldn”tbedoneasitoughttobedoneexceptbyamanwhohadlivedit——itmustbewrittenwiththebloodoutofaman”sheart。Icouldn”tknow，then，howsoonIwastobemadecompetent。Ihavethoughtofitmanyatimesince。IfyouwerehereIthinkwecouldcrydowneachother”snecks，asinyourdream。
Forweareapairofoldderelictsdriftingaround，now，withsomeofourpassengersgoneandthesunninessoftheothersineclipse。
Icouldn”tgetalongwithoutworknow。Iburymyselfinituptotheears。Longhours——8and9onastretch，sometimes。Andallthedays，Sundaysincluded。Itisn”tallforprint，byanymeans，formuchofitfailstosuitme；50，000wordsofitinthepastyear。ItwasbecauseofthedeadnesswhichinvadedmewhenSusydied。ButIhavemadeachangelately——intodramaticwork——andIfinditabsorbinglyentertaining。
Idon”tknowthatIcanwriteaplaythatwillplay：butnomatter，I”llwritehalfadozenthatwon”t，anyway。Dearme，Ididn”tknowtherewassuchfuninit。I”llwritetwentythatwon”tplay。Igetintoimmensespiritsassoonasmydayisfairlystarted。Ofcourseagooddealofthisfriskinesscomesofmybeinginsightofland——ontheWebster&Co。
debts，Imean。(Private。)We”velivedclosetotheboneandsavedeverycentwecould，andthere”snoundisputedclaim，now，thatwecan”tcash。
Ihavemarkedthis“private“becauseitisforthefriendswhoareattendingtothematterforusinNewYorktorevealitwhentheywanttoandiftheywantto。ThereareonlytwoclaimswhichIdisputeandwhichImeantolookintopersonallybeforeIpaythem。Buttheyaresmall。
Bothtogethertheyamounttoonly$12，500。Ihopeyouwillnevergetthelikeoftheloadsaddledontoyouthatwassaddledontome3yearsago。
AndyetthereissuchasolidpleasureinpayingthethingsthatIreckonmaybeitisworthwhiletogetintothatkindofahobble，afterall。
Mrs。Clemensgetsmillionsofdelightoutofit；andthechildrenhaveneverutteredonecomplaintaboutthescrimping，fromthebeginning。
Weallsendyouandallofyouourlove。
MARK。
Howellswrote：“Iwishyoucouldunderstandhowunshakenyouare，youoldtower，ineveryway；yourfoundationsarestrucksodeepthatyouwillcatchthesunshineofimmortalyears，andbaskinthesamelightasCervantesandShakespeare。”
TheClemensapartmentsattheMetropolebecameasortofsocialclearing-houseoftheVienneseartandliterarylife，muchmorelikeanembassythanthehomeofamereliteraryman。Celebritiesineverywalkoflife，personsofsocialandofficialrank，writersforthepress，assembledthereontermshardlypossibleinanyotherhomeinVienna。WhereverMarkTwainappearedinpublichewasacentralfigure。Nowandthenhereadorspoketoaidsomebenefit，andtheseweregreatgatheringsattendedbymembersoftheroyalfamily。Itwasfollowingonesucheventthatthenextletterwaswritten。
(Private)
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
HOTELMETROPOLE，VIENNA，Feb。3，”98。
DEARJOE，There”sthatletterthatIbegansolongago——youseehowitis：can”tgettimetofinishanything。Ipileuplotsofwork，nevertheless。Theremaybeidlepeopleintheworld，butI”mnotoneofthem。Isay“Private“uptherebecauseI”vegotanadventuretotell，andyoumustn”tletabreathofitgetout。FirstIthoughtIwouldlayitupalongwithathousandothersthatI”velaidupforthesamepurpose——totalktoyouabout，but——thoseothershavevanishedoutofmymemory；andthatmustnothappenwiththis。
TheothernightIlecturedforaViennacharity；andattheendofitLivyandIwereintroducedtoaprincesswhoisaunttotheheirapparentoftheimperialthrone——abeautifullady，withabeautifulspirit，andverycordialinherpraisesofmybooksandthankstomeforwritingthem；andgladtomeetmefacetofaceandshakemebythehand——justthekindofprincessthatadornsafairytaleandmakesittheprettiesttalethereis。
Verywell，welongagofoundthatwhenyouarenoticedbysupremacies，thecorrectetiquetteistogo，withinacoupleofdays，andpayyourrespectsinthequitesimpleformofwritingyournameintheVisitors”
Bookkeptintheofficeoftheestablishment。Thatistheendofit，andeverythingissquaredupandship-shape。
SoatnoontodayLivyandIdrovetotheArchducalpalace，andgotbythesentriesallright，andaskedthegrandly-uniformedporterforthebookandsaidwewishedtowriteournamesinit。Andhecalledaservantinliveryandwassendingusupstairs；andsaidherRoyalHighnesswasoutbutwouldsoonbein。OfcourseLivysaid“No——no——weonlywantthebook；“buthewasfirm，andsaid，“YouareAmericans？“
“Yes。”
“Thenyouareexpected，pleasegoupstairs。”
“Butindeedwearenotexpected——pleaseletushavethebookand”
“HerRoyalHighnesswillbebackinaverylittlewhile——shecommandedmetotellyouso——andyoumustwait。”
Well，thesoldiersweretherecloseby——therewasnousetryingtoresist——sowefollowedtheservantup；butwhenhetriedtobeguileusintoadrawing-room，Livydrewtheline；shewouldn”tgoin。Andshewouldn”tstayupthere，either。Shesaidtheprincessmightcomeinatanymomentandcatchus，anditwouldbetooinfernallyridiculousforanything。Sowewentdownstairsagain——tomyunspeakableregret。Foritwastoodarlingacomedytospoil。Iwashopingandprayingtheprincesswouldcome，andcatchusupthere，andthatthoseotherAmericanswhowereexpectedwouldarrive，andbetakenforimpostorsbytheportier，andshotbythesentinels——andthenitwouldallgointothepapers，andbecabledallovertheworld，andmakeanimmensestirandbeperfectlylovely。Andbythattimetheprincesswoulddiscoverthatwewerenottherightones，andtheMinisterofWarwouldbeorderedout，andthegarrison，andtheywouldcomeforus，andtherewouldbeanotherprodigioustime，andthatwouldgetcabledtoo，and——well，Joe，Iwasinastateofperfectbliss。Buthappily，oh，sohappily，thatbigportierwouldn”tletusout——hewassorry，buthemustobeyorders——wemustgobackupstairsandwait。PoorLivy——Icouldn”thelpbutenjoyherdistress。Shesaidwewereinafix，andhowwerewegoingtoexplain，iftheprincessshouldarrivebeforetherightfulAmericanscame？Wewentupstairsagain——laidoffourwraps，andwereconductedthroughonedrawingroomandintoanother，andleftalonethereandthedoorcloseduponus。
Livywasinastateofmind！Shesaiditwastootheatricallyridiculous；andthatIwouldneverbeabletokeepmymouthshut；thatI
wouldbesuretoletitoutanditwouldgetintothepapers——andshetriedtomakemepromise”Promisewhat？“Isaid——“tobequietaboutthis？IndeedIwon”t——it”sthebestthingthateverhappened；I”lltellit，andaddtoit；andIwishJoeandHowellswereheretomakeitperfect；Ican”tmakealltherightfulblundersmyself——ittakesallthreeofustodojusticetoanopportunitylikethis。IwouldjustliketoseeHowellsgetdowntohisworkandexplain，andlie，andworkhisfutileandinventionlesssubterfugeswhenthatprincesscomesraginginhereandwantingtoknow。”ButLivycouldnothearfun——itwasnotatimetobetryingtobefunny——wewereinamostmiserableandshamefulsituation，andif——
Justthenthedoorspreadwideandourprincessand4more，and3littleprincesflowedin！Ourprincess，andhersistertheArchduchessMarieTherese(mothertotheimperialHeirandtotheyounggirlArchduchessespresent，andaunttothe3littleprinces)——andweshookhandsallaroundandsatdownandhadamostsociablegoodtimeforhalfanhour——andbyandbyitturnedoutthatweweretherightones，andhadbeensentforbyamessengerwhostartedtoolatetocatchusatthehotel。Wewereinvitedfor2o”clock，butwebeatthatarrangementbyanhourandahalf。
Wasn”titarattlinggoodcomedysituation？Seemsakindofpityweweretherightones。Itwouldhavebeensuchnutstoseetherightonescome，andgetfiredout，andwechattingalongcomfortablyandnobodysuspectingusforimpostors。
Wesendlotsandlotsoflove。
MARK。
ThereaderwhohasfollowedthesepageshasseenhowproneMarkTwainwastofallavictimtothelureofapatent-right——howhewastedseveralsmallfortunesonprofitlesscontrivances，andonelargeoneonthatinsatiabledemonofintricacyanddespair，thePaigetype-setter。Itseemsincrediblethat，afterthatexperienceanditsattendingdisaster，heshouldhavebeentemptedagain。Butscarcelywastheinkdryonthereceiptsfromhiscreditorswhenhewasoncemoreborneintothecloudsontheprospectofmillions，perhapsevenbillions，tobemadefromamarvelouscarpet-patternmachine，theinventionofSczezepanik，anAustriangenius。ThatClemensappreciatedhisowntendenciesisshownbytheparentheticlinewithwhichheopenshisletteronthesubjecttoMr。Rogers。
CertainlynomanwaseveramoreperfectprototypeofColonelSellersthanthecreatorofthatlovely，irrepressiblevisionary。
ToMr。Rogers，inNewYork：
March24，”98。
DEARMR。ROGERS，——(IfeellikeCol。Sellers)。
Mr。Kleinberg[agentforSczezepanik]cameaccordingtoappointment，at8。30lastnight，andbroughthisEnglish-speakingSecretary。Iaskedquestionsabouttheauxiliaryinvention(whichIcall“No。2“)andgotasgoodanideaofitasIcould。Itisamachine。Itautomaticallypunchestheholesinthejacquardcards，anddoesitwithmathematicalaccuracy。Itwilldofor$1whatnowcosts$3。Soithasvalue，but“No。2“isthegreatthing(thedesigninginvention。)Itsaves$9outof$10andthejacquardloomsmusthaveit。
ThenIarrivedatmynewproject，andsaidtohiminsubstance，this：
“YouareonthepointofsellingtheNo。2patentstoBelgium，Italy，etc。Isuggestthatyoustopthosenegotiationsandputthosepeopleofftwoorthreemonths。Theyareanxiousnow，theywillnotbelessanxiousthen——justthereverse；peoplealwayswantathingthatisdeniedthem。
“SofarasIknow，nogreatworld-patenthaseveryetbeenplacedinthegripofasinglecorporation。Thisisagoodtimetobegin。
“Wehavetodoagooddealofguess-workhere，becausewecannotgetholdofjustthestatisticswewant。Still，wehavesomegoodstatistics——andIwillusethoseforatest。
“Yousaythatofthe1500Austriantextilefactories，800usethejacquard。Thenwewillguessthatofthe4，000Americanfactories2，000
usethejacquardandmusthaveourNo。2。
“Yousaythatamiddle-sizedAustrianfactoryemploysfrom20to3odesignersandpaysthemfrom800to3，000oddflorinsayear——(aflorinis2francs)。Letuscalltheaveragewage1500florins($600)。
“Letusapplythesefigures(thelowwagestoo)tothe2，000Americanfactories——withthisdifference，toguardagainstover-guessing；thatinsteadofallowingfor20to30designerstoamiddle-sizedfactory，weallowonlyanaverageof10toeachofthe2，000factories——atotalof20，000designers。Wagesat$600，atotalof$12，000，000。LetusconsiderthatNo。2willreducethisexpenseto$2，000，000ayear。Thesavingis$5，000，000pereachofthe$200，000，000ofcapitalemployedinthejacquardbusinessoverthere。
“Letusconsiderthatinthecountriescoveredbythispatent，anaggregateof$1，500，000，000ofcapitalisemployedinfactoriesrequiringNo。2。
“Thesaving(asabove)is$75，000，000ayear。TheCompanyholdinginitsgripallthesepatentswouldcollar$50，000，000ofthat，asitsshare。
Possiblymore。
“CompetitionwouldbeatanendintheJacquardbusiness，onthisplanet。
Price-cuttingwouldend。Fluctuationsinvalueswouldcease。Thebusinesswouldbethesafestandsurestintheworld；commercialpanicscouldnotseriouslyaffectit；itsstockwouldbeaschoiceaninvestmentasGovernmentbonds。WhenthepatentsdiedtheCompanywouldbesopowerfulthatitcouldstillkeepthewholebusinessinitshands。WouldyouliketograntmetheprivilegeofplacingthewholejacquardbusinessoftheworldinthegripofasingleCompany？Anddon”tyouthinkthatthebusinesswouldgrow-growlikeaweed？“
“Ach，America——itisthecountryofthebig！Letmegetmybreath——thenwewilltalk。”
Sothenwetalked——talkedtillprettylate。WouldGermanyandEnglandjointhecombination？IsaidtheCompanywouldknowhowtopersuadethem。
ThenIaskedforaSupplementaryOption，tocovertheworld，andweparted。
Iamtakingallprecautionstokeepmynameoutofprintinconnectionwiththismatter。Andwewillnowkeeptheinventionitselfoutofprintaswellaswecan。Descriptionsofithavebeengrantedtothe“DryGoodsEconomist“(NewYork)andtoasyndicateofAmericanpapers。I
haveaskedMr。Kleinbergtosuppressthese，andhefeelsprettysurehecandoit。
Withlove，S。L。C。
IfthissplendidenthusiasmhadnotcooledbythetimeareplycamefromMr。Rogers，itmusthavereceivedasuddenchillfromtheletterwhichheinclosed——thebriefandconcisereportfromacarpet-machineexpert，whosaid：“Idonotfeelthatitwouldbeofanyvaluetousinourmills，andthenumberofjacquardloomsinAmericaissolimitedthatIamoftheopinionthatthereisnofieldforacompanytodeveloptheinventionhere。Acursoryexaminationofthepamphletleadsmetoplacenoveryhighvalueupontheinvention，fromapracticalstandpoint。”
Withthereceiptofthislettercarpet-patternprojectswouldseemtohavesuddenlyceasedtobeafactorinMarkTwain”scalculations。
Suchaletterintheearlydaysofthetype-machinewouldhavesavedhimagreatsuminmoneyandyearsofdisappointment。Butperhapshewouldnothaveheededitthen。
Theyear1898broughttheSpanish-AmericanWar。Clemenswasconstitutionallyagainstallwars，butwritingtoTwichell，whosesonhadenlisted，wegatherthatthisonewasanexception。
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
KALTENLEUTGEBEN，NEARVIENNA，June17，”98。
DEARJOE，——Youarelivingyourwar-daysoveragaininDave，anditmustbeastrongpleasure，mixedwithasauceofapprehension——enoughtomakeitjustschmeck，astheGermanssay。Davewillcomeoutwithtwoorthreestarsonhisshoulder-strapsifthewarholds，andthenweshallallbegladithappened。
WestartedwithBullRun，before。DeweyandHobsonhaveintroducedanimprovementonthegamethistime。
Ihaveneverenjoyedawar-eveninwrittenhistory——asIamenjoyingthisone。Forthisistheworthiestonethatwaseverfought，sofarasmyknowledgegoes。Itisaworthythingtofightforone”sfreedom；itisanothersightfinertofightforanotherman”s。AndIthinkthisisthefirsttimeithasbeendone。
Oh，nevermindCharleyWarner，hewouldinterrupttheraisingofLazarus。
Hewouldsay，thewillhasbeenprobated，thepropertydistributed，itwillbeaworldoftroubletosettletherows——betterleavewellenoughalone；don”teverdisturbanything，whereit”sgoingtobreakthesoftsmoothflowofthingsandwobbleourtranquillity。
Company！(Sh！ithappenseveryday——andwecameoutheretobequiet。)
Lovetoyouall。
MARK。
TheywerespendingthesummeratKaltenleutgeben，apleasantvillagenearVienna，butapparentlynotentirelyquiet。ManyfriendscameoutfromVienna，includinganumberofvisitingAmericans。Clemens，however，appearstohavehadconsiderabletimeforwriting，aswegatherfromthenexttoHowells。
ToW。D。Howells，inAmerica：
KALTENLEUTGEBEN，BEIWIEN，Aug。16，”98。
DEARHOWELLS，——Yourlettercameyesterday。ItthenoccurredtomethatI
mighthaveknown(permentaltelegraph)thatitwasdue；foracoupleofweeksagowhentheWeeklycamecontainingthathandsomereferencetomeI
waspowerfullymovedtowriteyou；andmyletterwentonwritingitselfwhileIwasatworkatmyotherliteratureduringtheday。Butnextdaymyotherliteraturewasstillurgent——andsoonandsoon；somyletterdidn”tgetputintoinkatall。ButIseenow，thatyouwerewriting，aboutthattime，thereforeapartofmystircouldhavecomeacrosstheAtlanticpermentaltelegraph。In1876or”75Iwrote40，000wordsofastorycalled“SimonWheeler“whereinthenubwasthepreventingofanexecutionthroughtestimonyfurnishedbymentaltelegraphfromtheothersideoftheglobe。Ihadalotofpeoplescatteredabouttheglobewhocarriedintheirpocketssomethingliketheoldmesmerizer-button，madeofdifferentmetals，andwhentheywantedtocallupeachotherandhaveatalk，they“pressedthebutton“ordidsomething，Idon”trememberwhat，andcommunicationwasatonceopened。Ididn”tfinishthestory，thoughIre-beganitinseveralnewways，andspentaltogether70，000
wordsonit，thengaveitupandthrewitaside。
Thismuchaspreliminarytothisremark：somedaypeoplewillbeabletocalleachotherupfromanypartoftheworldandtalkbymentaltelegraph——andnotmerelybyimpression，theimpressionwillbearticulatedintowords。Itcouldbeaterriblething，butitwon”tbe，becauseintheuppercivilizationseverythinglikesentimentality(Iwasgoingtosaysentiment)willpresentlygetmaterializedoutofpeoplealongwiththealreadyfadingspiritualities；andsowhenamaniscalledwhodoesn”twishtotalkhewillbelikethosevisitorsyoumention：“notchosen“——andwillbefranklydamnedandshutoff。
Speakingoftheillluckofstartingapieceofliteraryworkwrong-andagainandagain；alwaysawarethatthereisaway，ifyoucouldonlythinkitout，whichwouldmakethethingslideeffortlessfromthepen-
theonerightway，thesoleformforyou，theotherformsbeingformenwhoselinethoseformsare，orwhoarecapablerthanyourself：I”vehadnoendofexperienceinthat(andmaybeIamtheonlyone——letushopeso。)LastsummerIstarted16thingswrong——3booksand13mag。
articles——andcouldonlymake2littleweethings，1500wordsaltogether，succeed：——onlythatoutofpilesandstacksofdiligently-wroughtMS。，thelaborof6weeks”unremittingeffort。IcouldmakeallofthosethingsgoifIwouldtakethetroubletore-begineachonehalfadozentimesonanewplan。Butnoneofthemwasimportantenoughexceptone：
thestoryI(inthewrongform)mappedoutinParisthreeorfouryearsagoandtoldyouaboutinNewYorkundersealofconfidence——nootherpersonknowsofitbutMrs。Clemens——thestorytobecalled“WhichwastheDream？“
AweekagoIexaminedtheMS——10，000words——andsawthattheplanwasatotallyimpossibleone-forme；butanewplansuggesteditself，andstraightwaythetalebegantoslidefromthepenwitheaseandconfidence。IthinkI”vestrucktherightonethistime。Ihavealreadyput12，000wordsofitonpaperandMrs。Clemensisprettyoutspokenlysatisfiedwithit-ahardcritictocontent。Ifeelsurethatallofthefirsthalfofthestory——andIhopethree-fourths——willbecomedy；butbytheformerplanthewholeofit(exceptthefirst3chapters)wouldhavebeentragedyandunendurable，almost。IthinkIcancarrythereaderalongwaybeforehesuspectsthatIamlayingatragedy-trap。InthepresentformIcouldspin16booksoutofitwithcomfortandjoy；butI
shalldenymyselfandrestrictittoone。(Ifyoushouldseealittleshortstoryinamagazineintheautumncalled“MyPlatonicSweetheart“
(written3weeksago)thatisnotthisone。Itmayhavebeenasuggester，though。
Iexpectallthesesingularprivaciestointerestyou，andyouarenottoletonthattheydon”t。
Weareleaving，thisafternoon，forIschl，tousethatasabaseforthebaggage，andthengadaroundtendaysamongthelakesandmountainstorest-upMrs。Clemens，whoisjadedwithhousekeeping。IhopeIcangetachancetoworkalittleinspots——Ican”ttell。Butyoudoit——thereforewhyshouldyouthinkIcan”t？
[Remaindermissing。]
Thedreamstorywasnevercompleted。ItwasthesamethathehadworkedoninLondon，andperhapsagaininSwitzerland。Itwouldbetriedatothertimesandinotherforms，butitneverseemedtoaccommodateitselftoacentralidea，sothatthegoodwritinginiteventuallywenttowaste。Theshortstorymentioned，“MyPlatonicSweetheart，“acharming，idyllictale，wasnotpublishedduringMarkTwain”slifetime。TwoyearsafterhisdeathitappearedinHarper”sMagazine。
TheassassinationoftheEmpressofAustriaatGenevawasthestartlingeventofthatsummer。InalettertoTwichellClemenspresentsthetragedyinafewvividparagraphs。Laterhetreateditatsomelengthinamagazinearticlewhich，verylikelybecauseofpersonalrelationswithmembersoftheAustriancourt，hewithheldfromprint。Ithassincebeenincludedinavolumeofessays，WhatIsMan，etc。
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
KALTENLEUTGEBEN，Sep。13，”98。
DEARJOE，——Youaremistaken；peopledon”tsendusthemagazines。No——
Harper，CenturyandMcCluredo；anexampleIshouldliketorecommendtootherpublishers。AndsoIthankyouverymuchforsendingmeBrander”sarticle。Whenyousay“IlikeBranderMatthews；heimpressesmeasamanofpartsandpower，“Ibackyou，rightuptothehub——Ifeelthesameway。AndwhenyousayhehasearnedyourgratitudeforcuffingmeformycrimesagainsttheLeatherstockingsandtheVicar，Iain”tmakinganyobjection。Dernyourgratitude！
Hisarticleisassoundasanut。Branderknowsliterature，andlovesit；hecantalkaboutitandkeephistemper；hecanstatehiscasesolucidlyandsofairlyandsoforciblythatyouhavetoagreewithhim，evenwhenyoudon”tagreewithhim；andhecandiscoverandpraisesuchmeritsasabookhas，evenwhentheyarehalfadozendiamondsscatteredthroughanacreofmud。Andsohehasarighttobeacritic。
Todetailjusttheoppositeoftheaboveinvoiceistodescribeme。I
haven”tanyrighttocriticisebooks，andIdon”tdoitexceptwhenI
hatethem。IoftenwanttocriticiseJaneAusten，butherbooksmaddenmesothatIcan”tconcealmyfrenzyfromthereader；andthereforeI
havetostopeverytimeIbegin。
ThatgoodandunoffendingladytheEmpressiskilledbyamad-man，andI
amlivinginthemidstofworld-historyagain。TheQueen”sjubileelastyear，theinvasionoftheReichsrathbythepolice，andnowthismurder，whichwillstillbetalkedofanddescribedandpaintedathousandyearsfromnow。Tohaveapersonalfriendofthewearerofthecrownburstinatthegateinthedeepduskoftheeveningandsayinavoicebrokenwithtears，“MyGodtheEmpressismurdered，“andflytowardherhomebeforewecanutteraquestion-why，itbringsthegianteventhometoyou，makesyouapartofitandpersonallyinterested；itisasifyourneighborAntonyshouldcomeflyingandsay“Caesarisbutchered——theheadoftheworldisfallen！“
Ofcoursethereisnotalkbutofthis。Themourningisuniversalandgenuine，theconsternationisstupefying。TheAustrianEmpireisbeingdrapedwithblack。Viennawillbeaspectacletosee，bynextSaturday，whenthefuneralcortegemarches。Weareinvitedtooccupyaroominthesumptuousnewhotel(the“Krantz“wherewearetoliveduringtheFallandWinter)andviewit，andweshallgo。
SpeakingofMrs。Leiter，thereisanobledameinVienna，aboutwhomtheyretailsimilarslanders。ShesaidinFrench——sheisweakinFrench——thatshehadbeenspendingaSundayafternooninagatheringofthe“demimonde。”Meaningtheunknownland，thatmercantileland，thatmysterioushalf-worldwhichunderliesthearistocracy。ButtheseMalaproperiesarealwaysinventions——theydon”thappen。
Yes，Iwishwecouldhavesometalks；I”mfulltotheeye-lids。HadanoblegoodonewithParkerandDunham——land，butweweregratefulforthatvisit！
Yourswithallourloves。
MARK。
[Inclosedwiththeforegoing。]
AmongtheinadequateattemptstoaccountfortheassassinationwemustconcedehighranktotheGermanEmperor”s。Hejustlydescribesitasa“deedunparalleledforruthlessness，“andthenaddsthatitwas“ordainedfromabove。”
Ithinkthisverdictwillnotbepopular“above。”Amaniseitherafreeagentorheisn”t。Ifamanisafreeagent，thisprisonerisresponsibleforwhathehasdone；butifamanisnotafreeagent，ifthedeedwasordainedfromabove，thereisnorationalwayofmakingthisprisonerevenpartiallyresponsibleforit，andtheGermancourtcannotcondemnhimwithoutmanifestlycommittingacrime。Logicislogic；andbydisregardingitslawsevenEmperorsascapableandacuteasWilliamII
canbebeguiledintomakingchargeswhichshouldnotbeventureduponexceptintheshelterofplentyoflightning-rods。
MARK。
Theendoftheyear1898foundMarkTwainoncemoreineasy，evenluxurious，circumstances。Thehardworkandgoodfortunewhichhadenabledhimtopayhisdebtshad，inthecourseofanotheryear，providedwhatwascomparativeaffluence：HisreporttoHowellsischaracteristicandinteresting。
ToW。D。Howells，inNewYork：
HOTELKRANTZ，WIEN，L。NEVERMARKT6
Dec。30，”98。
DEARHOWELLS，——Ibeginwithadate——includingallthedetails——thoughI
shallbeinterruptedpresentlybyaSouth-Africanacquaintancewhoispassingthrough，anditmaybemanydaysbeforeIcatchanotherleisuremoment。Notehowsuddenlyathingcanbecomehabit，andhowindestructiblethehabitis，afterward！InyourhouseinCambridgeahundredyearsago，Mrs。Howellssaidtome，“Hereisabunchofyourletters，andthedatesareofnovalue，becauseyoudon”tputanyin——
theyears，anyway。”Thatremarkdiseasedmewithahabitwhichhascostmeworldsoftimeandtortureandink，andmillionsofvaineffortsandbucketsoftearstobreakit，andhereitisyet——Icouldeasiergetridofavirtue……
Ihopeitwillinterestyou(forIhavenooneelsewhowouldmuchcaretoknowit)thatherelatelythedreadofleavingthechildrenindifficultcircumstanceshasdieddownanddisappearedandIamnowhavingpeacefromthatlong，longnightmare，andcansleepaswellasanyone。
Everylittlewhile，forthesethreeyears，now，Mrs。Clemenshascomewithpencilandpaperandfigureduptheconditionofthings(shekeepstheaccountsandthebank-book)andhasproventomethatthecloudswerelifting，andsohashoistedmyspiritstemporarilyandkeptmegoingtillanotherfiguring-upwasnecessary。Lastnightshefiguredupforherownsatisfaction，notmine，andfoundthatweownahouseandfurnitureinHartford；thatmyEnglishandAmericancopyrightspayanincomewhichrepresentsavalueof$200，000；andthatwehave$107，000cashinthebank。Ihavebeenoutandboughtaboxof6-centcigars；Iwassmoking4？centersbefore。
AtthehouseofanEnglishfriend，onChristmasEve，wesawtheMouse-
Trapplayedandwellplayed。Ithoughtthehousewouldkillitselfwithlaughter。ByGeorgetheyplayedwithlife！anditwasmostdevastatinglyfunny。Anditwaswelltheydid，fortheyputusClemensesinthefrontseat，andiftheyplayeditpoorlyIwouldhaveassaultedthem。TheheadyoungmanandgirlwereAmericans，theotherpartsweretakenbyEnglish，IrishandScotchgirls。Thentherewasanigger-
minstrelshow，ofthegenuineoldsort，andIenjoyedthat，too，forthenigger-showwasalwaysapassionofmine。ThisonewascreatedandmanagedbyaQuakerdoctorfromPhilada。，(23yearsold)andhewasthemiddleman。Therewere9others——5Americansfrom5StatesandaScotchman，2EnglishmenandanIrishman——allpost-graduate-medicalyoungfellows，ofcourse——or，itcouldbemusic；butitwouldbeboundtobeoneortheother。
It”squitetrue——Idon”treadyou“asmuchasIought，“noranywherenearhalfasmuchasIwantto；stillIreadyouallIgetachanceto。
Isavedupyourlaststorytoreadwhenthenumbersshouldbecomplete，butbeforethattimearrivedsomeotheradmirerofyourscarriedoffthepapers。IwillwatchadmirersofyourswhentheSilverWeddingjourneybegins，andthatwillnothappenagain。ThelastchanceataboundbookofyourswasinLondonnearlytwoyearsago——thelastvolumeofyourshortthings，bytheHarpers。Ireadthewholebooktwicethroughandsomeofthechaptersseveraltimes，andthereasonthatthatwasasfarasIgotwithitwasthatIlentittoanotheradmirerofyoursandheisadmiringityet。Youradmirershavewaysoftheirown；Idon”tknowwheretheygetthem。
Yes，ourprojectistogohomenextautumnifwefindwecanaffordtoliveinNewYork。We”veaskedafriendtoinquireaboutflatsandexpenses。Butperhapsnothingwillcomeofit。WedoaffordtoliveinthefinesthotelinVienna，andhave4bedrooms，adining-room，adrawing-room，3bath-roomsand3Vorzimmers，(andfood)butwecouldn”tgetthehalfofitinNewYorkforthesamemoney($600amonth)。
Susyhoversaboutusthisholidayweek，andtheshadowsfallallaboutusof“ThedayswhenwewentgipsyingAlongtimeago。”
Deathissokind，sobenignant，towhomheloves；buthegoesbyusothersandwillnotlookourway。Wesawthe“MasterofPalmyra“lastnight。HowDeath，withthegentlenessandmajesty，madethehumangrand-
folkaroundhimseemlittleandtrivialandsilly！
Withlovefromallofustoallofyou。
MARK。
XXXVIII
LETTERS，1899，TOHOWELLSANDOTHERS。VIENNA。LONDON。ASUMMERIN
SWEDEN
Thebeginningof1899foundtheClemensfamilystillinVienna，occupyinghandsomeapartmentsattheHotelKrantz。Theirrooms，sooftenthrongedwithgayanddistinguishedpeople，weresometimescalledthe“SecondEmbassy。”Clemenshimselfwasthecentralfigureoftheseassemblies。
OfalltheforeignvisitorsintheAustriancapitalhewasthemostnotable。Everywherehewassurroundedbyacrowdoflisteners——hissayingsandopinionswerewidelyquoted。
AprojectforworlddisarmamentpromulgatedbytheCzarofRussiawouldnaturallyinterestMarkTwain，andwhenWilliamT。Stead，oftheReviewofReviews，cabledhimforanopiniononthematter，hesentatfirstabriefwordandonthesamedayfolloweditwithmoreextendedcomment。
Thegreatwarwhichhassincedevastatedtheworldgivestothisincidentanaddedinterest。
ToWm。T。Stead，inLondon：
No。1。
VIENNA，Jan。9。
DEARMR。STEAD，-TheCzarisreadytodisarm：Iamreadytodisarm。
Collecttheothers，itshouldnotbemuchofatasknow。
MARKTWAIN。
ToWm。T。Stead，inLondon：
No。2。
DEARMR。STEAD，——Peacebycompulsion。Thatseemsabetterideathantheother。Peacebypersuasionhasapleasantsound，butIthinkweshouldnotbeabletoworkit。Weshouldhavetotamethehumanracefirst，andhistoryseemstoshowthatthatcannotbedone。Can”twereducethearmamentslittlebylittle——onaproratabasis——byconcertofthepowers？Can”twegetfourgreatpowerstoagreetoreducetheirstrength10percentayearandthrashtheothersintodoinglikewise？For，ofcourse，wecannotexpectallofthepowerstobeintheirrightmindsatonetime。Ithasbeentried。Wearenotgoingtotrytogetallofthemtogointotheschemepeaceably，arewe？InthatcaseImustwithdrawmyinfluence；because，forbusinessreasons，Imustpreservetheoutwardsignsofsanity。Fourisenoughiftheycanbesecurelyharnessedtogether。Theycancompelpeace，andpeacewithoutcompulsionwouldbeagainstnatureandnotoperative。Aslidingscaleofreductionof10percentayearhasasortofplausiblelook，andIamwillingtotrythatifthreeotherpowerswilljoin。Ifeelsurethatthearmamentsarenowmanytimesgreaterthannecessaryfortherequirementsofeitherpeaceorwar。Takewartimeforinstance。SupposecircumstancesmadeitnecessaryforustofightanotherWaterloo，andthatitwoulddowhatitdidbefore——settlealargequestionandbringpeace。Iwillguessthat400，000menwereonhandatWaterloo(Ihaveforgottenthefigures)。
Infivehourstheydisabled50，000men。Ittookthemthattedious，longtimebecausethefirearmsdeliveredonlytwoorthreeshotsaminute。
ButwewoulddotheworknowasitwasdoneatOmdurman，withshowerguns，raining600ballsaminute。Fourmentoagun——isthatthenumber？
Ahundredandfiftyshotsaminuteperman。Thusamodernsoldieris149
Waterloosoldiersinone。Thus，also，wecannowretainonemanoutofeach150inservice，disbandtheothers，andfightourWaterloosjustaseffectivelyaswedideighty-fiveyearsago。Weshoulddothesamebeneficentjobwith2，800mennowthatwedidwith400，000then。Thealliescouldtake1，400ofthemen，andgiveNapoleon1，400andthenwhiphim。
Butinsteadwhatdowesee？Inwar-timeinGermany，RussiaandFrance，takentogetherwefindabout8millionmenequippedforthefield。Eachmanrepresents149Waterloomen，inusefulnessandkillingcapacity。
Altogethertheyconstituteabout350millionWaterloomen，andtherearenotquitethatmanygrownmalesofthehumanracenowonthisplanet。
Thuswehavethisinsanefact——thatwhereasthosethreecountriescouldarm18，000menwithmodernweaponsandmakethemtheequalsof3millionmenofNapoleon”sday，andaccomplishwiththemallnecessarywarwork，theywastetheirmoneyandtheirprosperitycreatingforcesoftheirpopulationsinpilingtogether349，982，000extraWaterlooequivalentswhichtheywouldhavenosortofuseforiftheywouldonlystopdrinkingandsitdownandcipheralittle。
Perpetualpeacewecannothaveonanyterms，Isuppose；butIhopewecangraduallyreducethewarstrengthofEuropetillwegetitdowntowhereitoughttobe——20，000men，properlyarmed。Thenwecanhaveallthepeacethatisworthwhile，andwhenwewantawaranybodycanaffordit。
VIENNA，January9。
P。S——InthearticleIsentthefiguresarewrong”350million“oughttobe450million；“349，982，000“oughttobe449，982，000，andtheremarkaboutthesumbeingalittlemorethanthepresentnumberofmalesontheplanet——thatiswrong，ofcourse；itrepresentsreallyoneandahalftheexistingmales。
NowandthenoneofMarkTwain”soldcomradesstillreachedouttohimacrosstheyears。Healwayswelcomedsuchletters-theycameasfromalostlandofromance，recalledalwayswithtenderness。Hesentlight，chaffingreplies，buttheywereneverwithoutanundercurrentofaffection。
ToMajor“Jack“Downing，inMiddleport，Ohio：
HOTELKRANTZ，WEIN，I，NEUERMART6，Feb。26，1899。
DEARMAJOR，——No：itwastoBixbythatIwasapprenticed。Hewastoteachmetheriverforacertainspecifiedsum。Ihaveforgottenwhatitwas，butIpaidit。IsteeredatripforBartBowen，ofKeokuk，ontheA。T。
Lacy，andIwaspartnerwithWillBowenontheA。B。Chambers(onetrip)，andwithSamBowenawholesummeronasmallMemphispacket。
Thenewspaperreportyousentmeisincorrect。Bixbyisnot67：heis97。Iam63myself，andIcouldn”ttalkplainandhadjustbeguntowalkwhenIapprenticedmyselftoBixbywhowasthenpassinghimselfofffor57andsuccessfullytoo，forhealwayslooked60or70yearsyoungerthanhereallywas。AtthattimehewaspilotingtheMississippionaPotomaccommissiongrantedhimbyGeorgeWashingtonwhowasapersonalfriendofhisbeforetheRevolution。HehaspilotedeveryimportantriverinAmerica，onthatcommission，hehasalsouseditasapassportinRussia。
Ihaveneverrevealedthesefactsbefore。Inotice，too，thatyouaredeceivingthepeopleconcerningyourage。Theprintedportraitwhichyouhaveenclosedisnotaportraitofyou，butaportraitofmewhenIwas19。IrememberverywellwhenitwascommonforpeopletomistakeBixbyforyourgrandson。Isitspreading，Iwonder——thisdispositionofpilotstorenewtheiryouthbydoubtfulmethods？BeckJollyandJoeBryan——theyprobablygotoSundayschoolnow——butitwillnotdeceive。
Yes，itisasyousay。Alloftheprocessionbutafractionhaspassed。
Itistimeforusalltofallin。
Sincerelyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。
ToW。D。Howells，inNewYork：
HOTELKRANTZ，WIENI。NEUERMARKT6
April2，”99。
DEARHOWELLS，——IamwaitingfortheAprilHarper，whichisaboutduenow；
waiting，andstronglyinterested。Youareoldenoughtobeawearyman，withpalinginterests，butyoudonotshowit。Youdoyourworkinthesameolddelicateanddeliciousandforcefulandsearchingandperfectway。Idon”tknowhowyoucan——butIsuspect。Isuspectthattoyouthereisstilldignityinhumanlife，andthatManisnotajoke——apoorjoke——thepoorestthatwasevercontrived。SinceIwrotemyBible，(lastyear)——[“WhatIsMan。”]——whichMrs。Clemensloathes，andshuddersover，andwillnotlistentothelasthalfnorallowmetoprintanypartofit，Manisnottometherespect-worthypersonhewasbefore；andsoI
havelostmyprideinhim，andcan”twritegailynorpraisefullyabouthimanymore。AndIdon”tintendtotry。Imeantogoonwriting，forthatismybestamusement，butIshan”tprintmuch。(forIdon”twishtobescalped，anymorethananother。)
April5。TheHarperhascome。IhavebeeninLeipzigwithyourparty，andthenwentontoKarlsbadandsawMrs。Marsh”sencounterwiththeswinewiththetoothpickandtheothermanners——[“TheirSilverWeddingJourney。”]——AtthispointJeancarriedthemagazineaway。
Isitimagination，or——AnywayIseemtogetfurtiveandfleetingglimpseswhichItaketobethewearinessandcondolenceofage；indifferencetosightsandthingsoncebriskwithinterest；tastelessstalestuffwhichusedtobechampagne；theboredomoftravel：thesecretsighbehindthepublicsmile，theprivateWhat-in-hell-did-I-come-for！
Butmaybethatisyourart。MaybethatiswhatyouintendthereadertodetectandthinkhehasmadeaColumbus-discovery。Thenitiswelldone，perfectlydone。Iwrotemylasttravelbook——[FollowingtheEquator。]——
inhell；butIleton，thebestIcould，thatitwasanexcursionthroughheaven。SomedayIwillreadit，andifitslyingcheerfulnessfoolsme，thenIshallbelieveitfooledthereader。HowIdidloathethatjourneyaroundtheworld！——exceptthesea-partandIndia。
Evening。Mytailhangslow。IthoughtIwasafinancier——andIbraggedtoyou。Iamnotbragging，now。ThestockwhichIsoldatsuchafineprofitearlyinJanuary，hasneverceasedtoadvance，andisnowworth$60，000morethanIsolditfor。IfeeljustasifIhadbeenspending$20，000amonth，andIfeelreproachedforthisshowyandunbecomingextravagance。
LastweekIwasgoingdownwiththefamilytoBudapesttolecture，andtomakeaspeechatabanquet。JustasIwasleavinghereIgotatelegramfromLondonaskingforthespeechforaNewYorkpaper。I(thisisstrictlyprivate)sentit。AndthenIdidn”tmakethatspeech，butanotherofaquitedifferentcharacter——aspeechbornofsomethingwhichtheintroducersaid。Ifthatsaidspeechgotcabledandprinted，youneedn”tletonthatitwasneveruttered。
Thatwasadarlingnight，andthoseHungarianswerelivelypeople。Wewerethereaweekandhadagreattime。AtthebanquetIheardtheirchieforatormakeamostgracefulandeasyandbeautifulanddeliciousspeech——Ineverheardonethatenchantedmemore——althoughIdidnotunderstandawordofit，sinceitwasinHungarian。Buttheartofit！-
itwassuperlative。
TheyarewonderfulEnglishscholars，thesepeople；mylectureaudience——
allHungarians——understoodmeperfectly——tojudgebytheeffects。TheEnglishclergymantoldmethatinhiscongregationare150youngEnglishwomenwhoearntheirlivingteachingtheirlanguage；andthatthereare。
othersbesidesthese。
For60centsaweekthetelephonereadsthemorningnewstoyouathome；
givesyouthestocksandmarketsatnoon；givesyoulessonsin3foreignlanguagesduring3hours；givesyoutheafternoontelegrams；andatnighttheconcertsandoperas。Ofcourseeventheclerksandseamstressesandbootblacksandeverybodyelsearesubscribers。
(Correction。Mrs。Clemenssaysitis60centsamonth。)
Iamrenewingmyyouth。Imade4speechesatonebanquetherelastSaturdaynight。AndI”vebeentoalotoffootballmatches。
JeanhasbeeninhereexaminingthepollfortheImmortals(“Literature，“
March24，)inthehope，Ithink，thatatlastsheshouldfindmeatthetopandyouinsecondplace；andifthatisherambitionshehassuffereddisappointmentforthethirdtime——andwillneverfareanybetter，I
hope，foryouarewhereyoubelong，byeveryright。Shewantedtoknowwhoitisthatdoesthevoting，butIwasnotabletotellher。Norwhentheelectionwillbecompletedanddecided。
NextMorning。Ihavebeenreadingthemorningpaper。Idoiteverymorning——wellknowingthatIshallfindinittheusualdepravitiesandbasenessesandhypocrisiesandcrueltiesthatmakeupcivilization，andcausemetoputintherestofthedaypleadingforthedamnationofthehumanrace。Icannotseemtogetmyprayersanswered，yetIdonotdespair。
(Escapedfrom)5o”clocktea。(”sh！)Oh，theAmericangirlinEurope！
Oftensheiscreditable，butsometimessheisjustshocking。Thisone，aminuteago——19，fat-face，raspyvoice，pertways，theself-complacencyofGod；andwithitallasillylaugh(embarrassed)whichkeptbreakingoutthroughherchatterallalong，whereastherewasnocallforit，forshesaidnothingthatwasfunny。“Sposesomany”vetoldy”howthey”njoyedy”rchapt”rontheGerm”tongueit”sbringin”coalstoNewcastleKehe！sayanything”boutitKe-hehe！Spentm”vacation”nRussia，”nsawTolstoi；hesaid”Itmademeshudder。
April12。JeanhasbeeninherewithacopyofLiterature，complainingthatIamagainbehindyouintheelectionofthe10consecratedmembers；
andseemstroubledaboutitandnotquiteabletounderstandit。ButI
haveexplainedtoherthatyouarerightthereontheground，insidethepool-booth，keepinggame——andthatthatmakesalargedifferenceinthesethings。
13th。IhavebeentotheKnustausstellungwithMrs。Clemens。TheofficeofartseemstobetogrovelinthedirtbeforeEmperorsandthisandthatandtheotherdamnedbreedofpriests。
YrseverMARK。
HowellsandClemenswerecorrespondingregularlyagain，thoughnotwiththefrequencyofformeryears。Perhapsneitherofthemwasbubblingoverwiththingstosay；perhapsitwasbecomingyearlylessattractivetopickupapenandwrite，andthen，ofcourse，therewasalwaysthediscouragementofdistance。OnceHowellswrote：“IknowthiswillfindyouinAustriabeforeIcanwellturnround，butImustmakebelieveyouareinKennebunkportbeforeIcanbeginit。”Andinanotherletter：“Itoughttobeaspleasanttositdownandwritetoyouastositdownandtalktoyou，butitisn”t……TheonlyreasonwhyIwriteisthatIwantanotherletterfromyou，andbecauseIhaveawholeafternoonforthejob。
Ihavethewholeofeveryafternoon，forIcannotworklaterthanlunch。Iamfaggedbythattime，andSundayistheonlydaythatbringsunbearableleisure。IhopeyouwillbeinNewYorkanotherwinter；thenIshallknowwhattodowiththeseforetastesofeternity。”
Clemensusuallywroteatconsiderablelength，forhehadagooddealtoreportofhislifeintheAustriancapital，nowdrawingtoaclose。
ToW。D。Howells，inNewYork：
May12，1899。
DEARHOWELLS，——7。15p。m。Tea(forMr。andMrs。Tower，whoareleavingforRussia)justover；nicepeopleandrathercreditabletothehumanrace：Mr。andMrs。Tower；thenewMinisterandhiswife；theSecretaryofLegation；theNaval(andMilitary)Attach；severalEnglishladies；anIrishlady；aScotchlady；aparticularlyniceyoungAustrianbaronwhowasn”tinvitedbutcameandwentsupposingitwastheusualthingandwonderedattheunusuallylargegathering；twootherAustriansandseveralAmericanswhowerealsoinhisfix；theoldBaroninLangeman，theonlyAustrianinvited；therestwereAmericans。Itmadejustacomfortablecrowdinourparlor，withanoverflowintoClara”sthroughthefoldingdoors。Idon”tenjoyteas，andamdailysparedthembyMrs。
Clemens，butthiswasapleasantone。Ihadonlyoneaccident。TheoldBaroninLangemanisapersonIhaveastrongfondnessfor，forweviolentlydisagreeonsomesubjectsandasviolentlyagreeonothers——
forinstance，sheistemperanceandIamnot：shehasreligiousbeliefsandfeelingsandIhavenone；(she”saMethodist！)sheisademocratandsoamI；sheiswoman”srightsandsoamI；sheislaborers”rightsandapprovestradesunionsandstrikes，andthatisme。Andsoon。AftershewasgoneanEnglishladywhomIgreatlylike，begantotalksharplyagainstherforcontributingmoney，time，labor，andpublicexpressionoffavortoastrikethatison(foran11-hourday)inthesilkfactoriesofBohemia——andshecaughtmeunpreparedandbetrayedmeintoover-warmargument。Iamsorry：forshedidn”tknowanythingaboutthesubject，andIdid；andoneshouldbegentlewiththeignorant，fortheyarethechosenofGod。
(ThenewMinisterisagoodman，butoutofplace。TheSec。ofLegationisagoodman，butoutofplace。TheAttacheisagoodman，butoutofplace。OurgovernmentfordisplacementbeatsthenewWhiteStarship；
andherpossibleis17，200tons。)
May13，4p。m。AbeautifulEnglishgirlandherhandsomeEnglishhusbandcameupandspenttheevening，andshecertainlyisabird。
Englishparents——shewasbornandrearedinRoumaniaandcouldn”ttalkEnglishtillshewas8or10。Shecameupclothedlikethesunset，andwasadelighttolookat。(Roumaniancostume。)……
Twenty-fouryoungpeoplehavegoneouttotheSemmeringto-day(andto-
morrow)andMrs。ClemensandanEnglishladyandoldLeschetitzkyandhiswifehavegonetochaperonthem。Theygavemeachancetogo，buttherearenosnowmountainsthatIwanttolookat。Threehoursout，threehoursback，andsitupallnightwatchingtheyoungpeopledance；yellingconversationallyandbeingyelledat，conversationally，bynewacquaintances，throughthedeafeningmusic，abouthowIlikeVienna，andifit”smyfirstvisit，andhowlongweexpecttostay，anddidIseethefoot-washing，andamIwritingabookaboutVienna，andsoon。Thetermsseemedtoosevere。Snowmountainsaretoodearattheprice……
ForseveralyearsIhavebeenintendingtostopwritingforprintassoonasIcouldaffordit。AtlastIcanaffordit，andhaveputthepot-
boilerpenaway。WhatIhavebeenwantingisachancetowriteabookwithoutreserves——abookwhichshouldtakeaccountofnoone”sfeelings，andnoone”sprejudices，opinions，beliefs，hopes，illusions，delusions；
abookwhichshouldsaymysay，rightoutofmyheart，intheplainestlanguageandwithoutalimitationofanysort。Ijudgedthatthatwouldbeanunimaginableluxury，heavenonearth。
Itisunderway，now，anditisaluxury！anintellectualdrunk：TwiceI
didn”tstartitright；andgotprettyfarin，bothtimes，beforeIfounditout。ButIamsureitisstartedrightthistime。Itisintale-
form。IbelieveIcanmakeittellwhatIthinkofMan，andhowheisconstructed，andwhatashabbypoorridiculousthingheis，andhowmistakenheisinhisestimateofhischaracterandpowersandqualitiesandhisplaceamongtheanimals。
Sofar，IthinkIamsucceeding。Iletthemadamintothesecretdaybeforeyesterday，andlockedthedoorsandreadtohertheopeningchapters。Shesaid——
“Itisperfectlyhorrible——andperfectlybeautiful！“
“Withintheduelimitsofmodesty，thatiswhatIthink。”
Ihopeitwilltakemeayearortwotowriteit，andthatitwillturnouttobetherightvesseltocontainalltheabuseIamplanningtodumpintoit。
YourseverMARK。
Thestorymentionedintheforegoing，inwhichMarkTwainwastogivehisopinionofman，wasTheMysteriousStranger。Itwasnotfinishedatthetime，anditsclosingchapterwasnotfounduntilafterhisdeath。Sixyearslater(1916)itwaspublishedseriallyinHarper”sMagazine，andinbookform。
TheendofMayfoundtheClemenspartyinLondon，wheretheywerereceivedandentertainedwithallthehospitalitytheyhadknowninearlieryears。Clemenswastoobusyforletter-writing，butinthemidstofthingshetooktimetoreporttoHowellsanamusingincidentofoneoftheirentertainments。
ToW。D。Howells，inAmerica：
LONDON，July3，”99
DEARHOWELLS，……I”vealotofthingstowriteyou，butit”snouse——
Ican”tgettimeforanythingthesedays。ImustbreakoffandwriteapostscripttoCanonWilberforcebeforeIgotobed。Thisafternoonheleftaluncheon-partyhalfanhouraheadoftherest，andcarriedoffmyhat(whichhasMarkTwaininabighandwritteninit。)Whentherestofuscameouttherewasbutonehatthatwouldgoonmyhead——itfittedexactly，too。Soworeitaway。Ithadnonameinit，buttheCanonwastheonlymanwhowasabsent。Iwrotehimanoteat8p。m。；sayingthatforfourhoursIhadnotbeenabletotakeanythingthatdidnotbelongtome，norstretchafactbeyondthefrontiersoftruth，andmyfamilyweregettingalarmed。Couldheexplainmytrouble？Andnowat8。30p。m。
comesanotefromhimtosaythatalltheafternoonhehasbeenexhibitingawonder-compellingmentalvivacityandgraceofexpression，etc。，etc。，andhaveImissedahat？Ourlettershavecrossed。