第18章

YourseverMARK。

NewscameofthedeathofRobertIngersoll。Clemenshadbeenalwaysoneofhismostardentadmirers，andawarmpersonalfriend。ToIngersoll”sniecehesentawordofheartfeltsympathy。

ToMissEvaFarrell，inNewYork：

30WELLINGTONCOURT，ALBERTGATE。

DEARMISSFARRELL，——Exceptmydaughter”s，IhavenotgrievedforanydeathasIhavegrievedforhis。Hiswasagreatandbeautifulspirit，hewasaman——allmanfromhiscrowntohisfootsoles。Myreverenceforhimwasdeepandgenuine；Iprizedhisaffectionformeandreturneditwithusury。

SincerelyYours，S。L。CLEMENS。

ClemensandfamilydecidedtospendthesummerinSweden，atSauna，inordertoavailthemselvesofosteopathictreatmentaspractisedbyHeinrickKellgren。Kellgren”smethod，knownasthe“Swedishmovements，“seemedtoMarkTwainawonderfulcureforallailments，andheheraldedthediscoveryfarandwide。HewrotetofriendsfarandnearadvisingthemtotryKellgrenforanythingtheymighthappentohave。Whateveritsbeginning，anyletterwaslikelytoclosewithsomementionofthenewpanacea。

ToRev。J。H。Twichell，travelinginEurope：

SANNA，Sept。6，”99。

DEARJOE，——I”venobusinessinhere——Ioughttobeoutside。Ishallneverseeanothersunsettobeginwithitthissideofheaven。Venice？

land，whatapoorinterestthatis！Thisistheplacetobe。Ihaveseenabout60sunsetshere；andagood40ofthemwereclearandawaybeyondanythingIhadeverimaginedbeforefordaintyandexquisiteandmarvellousbeautyandinfinitechangeandvariety。America？Italy？Thetropics？Theyhavenonotionofwhatasunsetoughttobe。Andthisone——thisunspeakablewonder！Itdiscountsalltherest。Itbringsthetears，itissounutterablybeautiful。

IfIhadtime，Iwouldsayawordaboutthiscurativesystemhere。ThepeopleactuallydoseveralofthegreatthingstheChristianScientistspretendtodo。Youwishtoadvisewithaphysicianaboutit？Certainly。

Thereisnoobjection。Heknowsnexttosomethingabouthisowntrade，butthatwillnotembarrasshiminframingaverdictaboutthisone。

Irespectyoursuperstitions——weallhavethem。ItwouldbequitenaturalforthecautiousChinamantoaskhisnativepriesttoinstructhimastothevalueofthenewreligiousspecialtywhichtheWesternmissionaryistryingtoputonthemarket，beforeinvestinginit。(Hewouldgetaverdict。)

Lovetoyouall！

AlwaysYoursMARK。

Howellswrotethathewasgoingonareading-tour-dreadingit，ofcourse-andaskingforanyadvicethatClemensfeltqualifiedtogive。Naturally，Clemensgavehimthelatesthehadinstock，withoutrealizing，perhaps，thathewasrecommendinganindividualpracticewhichfewwouldbelikelytoimitate。Nevertheless，whathesaysisinteresting。

ToW。D。Howells，inAmerica：

SANNA，SWEDEN，Sept。26，”99。

DEARHOWELLS，——Getyourlecturebyheart——itwillpayyou。IlearnedatrickinVienna——byaccident——whichIwishIhadlearnedyearsago。I

meanttoreadfromaTauchnitz，becauseIknewIhadn”twellmemorizedthepieces；andIcameonwiththebookandreadafewsentences，thenrememberedthatthesketchneededafewwordsofexplanatoryintroduction；andso，loweringthebookandnowandthenunconsciouslyusingittogesturewith，Italkedtheintroduction，andithappenedtocarrymeintothesketchitself，andthenIwenton，pretendingthatI

wasmerelytalkingextraneousmatterandwouldcometothesketchpresently。Itwasabeautifulsuccess。Iknewthesubstanceofthesketchandthetellingphrasesofit；andso，thethrowingoftherestofitintoinformaltalkasIwentalonglimbereditupandgaveitthesnapandgoandfreshnessofanimpromptu。Iwastoreadseveralpieces，andIplayedthesamegamewithallofthem，andalwaystheaudiencethoughtIwasbeingremindedofoutsidethingsandthrowingthemin，andwasgoingtoholdupthebookandbeginonthesketchpresently——andsoI

alwaysgotthroughthesketchbeforetheywereentirelysurethatithadbegun。IdidthesamethinginBudapestandhadthesamegoodtimeoveragain。It”sanewdodge，andthebestonethatwaseverinvented。Tryit。You”llneverloseyouraudience——notevenforamoment。Theirattentionisfixed，andneverwavers。AndthatisnotthecasewhereonereadsfrombookorMS。，orwherehestandsupwithoutanoteandfranklyexposesthefact，byhisconfidentmannerandsmoothphrasing，thatheisnotimprovising，butrecitingfrommemory。Andintheheatoftellingathingthatismemorisedinsubstanceonly，oneflashesoutthehappiestsuddenly-begottenphraseseverynowandthen！Tryit。Suchaphrasehasalifeandsparkleaboutitthattwiceasgoodaonecouldnotexhibitifpreparedbeforehand，andit“fetches“anaudienceinsuchanenthusingandinspiringandupliftingwaythatthatluckyphrasebreedsanotherone，sure。

YourSeptemberinstalment——[“TheirSilverWeddingjourney。”]——wasdelicious——everywordofit。Youhaven”tlostanyofyoursplendidart。

Callershavearrived。

WithloveMARK。

“Yes，“wroteHowells，“ifIwereagreathistrionicartistlikeyouIwouldgetmypooressaysbyheart，andrecitethem，butbeingwhatIamIshoulddothethingsolifelesslythatIhadbetterrecognisetheirdeadnessfranklyandreadthem。”

FromViennaClemenshadcontributedtotheCosmopolitan，thenownedbyJohnBrisbenWalker，hisfirstarticleonChristianScience。ItwasadeliciousbitofhumorandfoundsuchenthusiasticappreciationthatWalkerwasmovedtosendanadditional$200checkinpaymentforit。Thisbroughtpromptacknowledgment。

ToJohnBrisbenWalker，inIrvington，N。Y。：

LONDON，Oct。19，”99

DEARMR。WALKER，——Bygraciousbutyouhaveatalentformakingamanfeelproudandgood！Tosayacomplimentwellisahighart——andfewpossessit。Youknowhowtodoit，andwhenyouconfirmitssinceritywithahandsomechequethelimitisreachedandcomplimentcannohighergo。

Iliketoworkforyou：whenyoudon”tapproveanarticleyousayso，recognizingthatIamnotachildandcanstandit；andwhenyouapproveanarticleIdon”thavetodickerwithyouasifIraisedpeanutsandyoukeptastand；IknowIshallgeteverypennythearticleisworth。

Youhavegivenmeverygreatpleasure，andIthankyouforit。

SincerelyYoursS。L。CLEMENS。

OnthesamedayhesentwordtoHowellsofthegoodluckwhichnowseemedtobecominghisway。TheJoanofArcintroductionwasthesamethattodayappearsinhiscollectedworksunderthetitleofSaintJoanofArc。

ToW。D。Howells，inNewYork：

LONDON，Oct。19，”99。

DEARHOWELLS，——My，it”saluckyday！——ofthesortwhenitneverrainsbutitpours。Iwastowriteanintroductiontoanoblerbook——theEnglishtranslationoftheOfficialRecord(unabridged)oftheTrialsandRehabilitationofJoanofArc，andmakealotoffootnotes。IwrotetheintroductioninSweden，andhereafewdaysagoItoreloosefromataleIamwriting，andtooktheMSbookandwentatthegrindofnote-making——afearfuljobforamannotusedtoit。ThismorningbroughtanotefrommyexcellentfriendMurray，arichEnglishmanwhoeditsthetranslation，saying，“Nevermindthenotes——we”llmakethetranslatorsdothem。”Thatwascomfortandjoy。

ThesamemailbroughtanotefromCanonWilberforce，askingmetotalkJoanofArcinhisdrawing-roomtotheDukesandEarlsandM。P。”s——

(whichwouldfetchmeoutofmyseclusionandintoprint，andIcouldn”thavethat，)andsoofcourseImustrundowntotheAbbeyandexplain——

andloseanhour。JustthencameMurrayandsaid“Leavethattome——I”llgoanddotheexplainingandputthethingoff3months；youwriteanoteandtellhimIamcoming。”

(WhichIdid，later。Wilberforcecarriedoffmyhatfromalunchpartylastsummer，andinto-day”snotehesaidhewouldn”tstealmynewhatthistime。InmynoteIsaidIcouldn”tmakethedrawing-roomtalk，now——Murraywouldexplain；andaddedaP。S。：“Youmustn”tthinkitisbecauseIamafraidtotrustmyhatinyourreachagain，forIassureyouuponhonoritisn”t。Ishouldbringmyoldone。”

IhadsuggestedtoMurrayafortnightago，thathegetsomebiggunstowriteintroductorymonographsforthebook。

MissX，Joan”sVoicesandProphecies。

TheLordChiefJusticeofEngland，thelegalprodigieswhichsheperformedbeforeherjudges。

LordRoberts，hermilitarygenius。

Kipling，herpatriotism。

Andsoon。WhenhecamethismorninghesaidhehadcapturedMissX；

thatLordRobertsandKiplingweregoingtotakeholdandseeiftheycoulddomonographsworthyofthebook。Hehadn”truntheotherstocoveryet，butwasontheirtrack。Verygoodnews。Itisagrandbook，andisentitledtothebesteffortsofthebestpeople。Asforme，I

tookpainswithmyIntroduction，andIadmitthatitisnoslouchofaperformance。

ThenIcamedowntoChatto”s，andfoundyouralltoobeautifulletter，andwasliftedhigherthanever。NextcamelettersfromAmericaproperlyglorifyingmyChristianSciencearticleintheCosmopolitan(andoneroundlyabusingit，)andaletterfromJohnBrisbenWalkerenclosing$200

additionalpayforthearticle(hehadalreadypaidenough，butIdidn”tmentionthat——whichwasn”trightofme，forthisisthesecondtimehehasdonesuchathing，whereasGilderhasdoneitonlyonceandnooneelseever。)ImakenopriceswithWalkerandGilder——Icantrustthem。

AndlastofallcamealetterfromM。HowIdowishthatmanwasinhell。Even-thebriefestlinefromthatidiotputsmeinarage。

Butonthewholeithasbeenadelightfulday，andwithM——inhellitwouldhavebeenperfect。Butthatwillhappen，andIcanwait。

Ah，ifIcouldlookintotheinsideofpeopleasyoudo，andputitonpaper，andinventthingsforthemtodoandsay，andtellhowtheysaidit，Icouldwritsafineandreadablebooknow，forI”vegotaprimesubject。I”vewritten30，000wordsofitandsatisfiedmyselfthatthestuffisthere；soIamgoingtodiscardthatMSandbeginalloveragainandhaveagoodtimewithit。

Oh，Iknowhowyoufeel！I”vebeeninhellmyself。Youaretheretonight。Bydifferenceintimeyouareatluncheon，now——andnoteatingit。Nothingissolonesomeasgaddingaroundplatforming。Ihavedeclined45lecturesto-day-EnglandandScotland。Iwantedthemoney，butnotthetorture：Goodlucktoyou！——andrepentance。

WithlovetoallofyouMARK。

LETTERSOF1900，MAINLYTOTWICHELL。THEBOERWAR。BOXERTROUBLES。

THERETURNTOAMERICA

TheNewYearfoundClemensstillinLondon，chieflyinterestedinosteopathyandcharacteristicallyglorifyingthepracticeattheexpenseofotherhealingmethods。

ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：

LONDON，Jan。8，1900。

DEARJOE，——MentalTelepathyhasscoredanother。MentalTelegraphywillbegreatlyrespectedacenturyhence。

BytheaccidentofwritingmysisteranddescribingtohertheremarkablecuresmadebyKellgrenwithhishandsandwithoutdrugs，Ibroughtuponmyselfaquitestunningsurprise；forshewrotetomethatshehadbeentakingthisverytreatmentinBuffalo——andthatitwasanAmericaninvention。

Well，itdoesreallyturnoutthatDr。Still，inthemiddleofKansas，inavillage，begantoexperimentin1874，onlyfiveyearsafterKellgrenbeganthesameworkobscurelyinthevillageofGotha，inGermany。Dr。

Stillseemstobeanhonestman；thereforeIampersuadedthatKellgrenmovedhimtohisexperimentsbyMentalTelegraphyacrosssixhoursoflongitude，withoutneedofawire。BythetimeStillbegantoexperiment，KellgrenhadcompletedhisdevelopmentoftheprinciplesofhissystemandestablishedhimselfinagoodpracticeinLondon——1874——

andwasingoodshapetoconveyhisdiscoverytoKansas，MentalTelegraphically。

Yes，Iwasgreatlysurprisedtofindthatmymare”snestwasmuchinarrears：thatthisnewsciencewaswellknowninAmericaunderthenameofOsteopathy。Sincethen，Ifindthatinthepast3yearsithasgotitselflegalizedin14Statesinspiteoftheoppositionofthephysicians；thatithasestablished20Osteopathicschoolsandcolleges；

thatamongitsstudentsare75allopathicphysicians；thatthereisaschoolinBostonandanotherinPhiladelphia，thatthereareabout100

studentsintheparentcollege(Dr。Still”satKirksville，Missouri，)andthatthereareabout2，000graduatespracticinginAmerica。Dearme，therearenot30inEurope。Europeissosunkinsuperstitionsandprejudicesthatitisanalmostimpossiblethingtogethertodoanythingbutscoffatanewthing——unlessitcomefromabroad；aswitnessthetelegraph，dentistry，&c。

PresentlytheOsteopathwillcomeoverherefromAmericaandwillsoonmakehimselfapowerthatmustberecognizedandreckonedwith；andthen，25yearsfromnow，Englandwillbegintoclaimtheinventionandtellallaboutitsorigin，intheCyclopediaB——asinthecaseofthetelegraph，appliedanaestheticsandtheotherbenefactionswhichsheheapedherabuseuponwhenherinventorsfirstofferedthemtoher。

IcannothelpfeelingratherinordinatelyproudofAmericaforthegayandheartywayinwhichshetakesholdofanynewthingthatcomesalongandgivesitafirstratetrial。ManyanassinAmerica，isgettingadealofbenefitoutofX-Science”snewexploitationofanage-oldhealingprinciple——faith，combinedwiththepatient”simagination——letitboomalong！Ihavenoobjection。Letthemcallitbywhatnametheychoose，solongasitdoeshelpfulworkamongtheclasswhichisnumericallyvastlythelargestbulkofthehumanrace，i。e。thefools，theidiots，thepudd”nheads。

Wedonotguess，weknowthat9in10ofthespeciesarepudd”nheads。

Weknowitbyvariousevidences；andoneofthemis，thatforagestheracehasrespected(andalmostvenerated)thephysician”sgrotesquesystem——theemptyingofmiscellaneousandharmfuldrugsintoaperson”sstomachtoremoveailmentswhichinmanycasesthedrugscouldnotreachatall；inmanycasescouldreachandhelp，butonlyatcostofdamagetosomeotherpartoftheman；andintheremainderofthecasesthedrugeitherretardedthecure，orthediseasewascuredbynatureinspiteofthenostrums。Thedoctor”sinsanesystemhasnotonlybeenpermittedtocontinueitsfolliesforages，buthasbeenprotectedbytheStateandmadeaclosemonopoly——aninfamousthing，acrimeagainstafree-man”sproperrighttochoosehisownassassinorhisownmethodofdefendinghisbodyagainstdiseaseanddeath。

Andyetatthesametime，withcuriousandsenileinconsistency，theStatehasallowedthemantochoosehisownassassin——inonedetail——thepatent-medicinedetail——makingitselftheprotectorofthatperilousbusiness，collectingmoneyoutofit，andappointingnocommitteeofexpertstoexaminethemedicinesandforbidthemwhenextradangerous。

Really，whenamancanprovethatheisnotajackass，Ithinkheisinthewaytoprovethatheisnolegitimatememberoftherace。

Ihavebymealistof52humanailments——commonones——andinthislistI

count19whichthephysician”sartcannotcure。Butthereisn”tonewhichOsteopathyorKellgrencannotcure，ifthepatientcomesearly。

FifteenyearsagoIhadadeepreverenceforthephysicianandthesurgeon。But6monthsofcloselywatchingtheKellgrenbusinesshasrevolutionizedallthat，andnowIhaveneitherreverencenorrespectforthephysician”strade，andscarcelyanyforthesurgeon”s，——Iamconvincedthatofallquackeries，thephysician”sisthegrotesquestandthesilliest。Andtheyknowtheyareshamsandhumbugs。Theyhavetakentheplaceofthoseaugurswhocouldn”tlookeachotherinthefacewithoutlaughing。

Seewhatapowerfulholdourancientsuperstitionshaveuponus：twoweeksago，whenLivycommittedanincredibleimprudenceandbyconsequencewaspromptlystrickendownwithaheavytripleattack——

influenza，bronchitis，andalungaffected——sherecognizedthegravityofthesituation，andheroldsuperstitionsrose：shethoughtsheoughttosendforadoctor——Thinkofit——thelastmanintheworldIshouldwantaroundatsuchatime。OfcourseIdidnotsayno——notthatIwasindisposedtotaketheresponsibility，forIwasnot，mynotionofadangerousresponsibilitybeingquitetheotherway——butbecauseitisunsafetodistressasickperson；Ionlysaidweknewnogooddoctor，anditcouldnotbegoodpolicytochooseathazard；sosheallowedmetosendforKellgren。To-daysheisupandaround-Lured。Itissafetosaythatpersonshitinthesamewayatthesametimeareinbedyet，andbookedtostaythereagoodwhile，andtobeinashacklyconditionandafraidoftheirshadowsforacoupleofyearsormoretocome。

ItwillbeseenbytheforegoingthatMarkTwain”sinterestintheKellgrensystemwasstillanardentone。Indeed，foratimehegavemostofhisthoughttoit，andwroteseverallongappreciations，perhapswithlittleideaofpublication，butmerelytogethisenthusiasmphysicallyexpressed。War，however，presentlysupplantedmedicine——theBoertroublesinSouthAfricaandtheBoxerinsurrectioninChina。Itwasadisturbing，excitingyear。

ToW。D。Howells，inBoston：

WELLINGTONCOURT，KNIGHTSBRIDGE，Jan。25，1900。

DEARHOWELLS，——IfyougothalfasmuchasPondprophesied，becontentandpraiseGod——ithasnothappenedtoanother。ButIamsorryhedidn”tgowithyou；foritismarveloustohearhimyarn。Heisgoodcompany，cheeryandhearty，andhismillisneveridle。Yourdoingalecturetourwasheroic。Itwasthehighestorderofgrit，andyouhavearighttobeproudofyourself。Nomountofapplauseormoneyorbothcouldsaveitfrombeingahelltoamanconstitutedasyouare。Itisthateventome，whoammadeofcoarserstuff。

Iknewtheaudienceswouldcomeforwardandshakehandswithyou——thatoneinfalliblesignofsincereapproval。Inallmylife，whereveritfailedmeIleftthehallsickandashamed，knowingwhatitmeant。

Privatelyspeaking，thisisasordidandcriminalwar，andineverywayshamefulandexcuseless。EverydayIwrite(inmyhead)bittermagazinearticlesaboutit，butIhavetostopwiththat。ForEnglandmustnotfall；itwouldmeananinundationofRussianandGermanpoliticaldegradationswhichwouldenveloptheglobeandsteepitinasortofMiddle-AgenightandslaverywhichwouldlasttillChristcomesagain。

Evenwrong——andsheiswrong——Englandmustbeupheld。Heisanenemyofthehumanracewhoshallspeakagainsthernow。Whywasthehumanracecreated？Oratleastwhywasn”tsomethingcreditablecreatedinplaceofit。Godhadhisopportunity。Hecouldhavemadeareputation。Butno，Hemustcommitthisgrotesquefolly——alarkwhichmusthavecosthimaregretortwowhenHecametothinkitoverandobserveeffects。Foragiddyandunbecomingcapricetherehasbeennothinglikeittillthiswar。Italkthewarwithbothsides——alwayswaitinguntiltheothermanintroducesthetopic。ThenIsay“MyheadiswiththeBriton，butmyheartandsuchragsofmoralsasIhavearewiththeBoer——nowwewilltalk，unembarrassedandwithoutprejudice。”Andsowediscuss，andhavenotrouble。

Jan。26。

Itwasmyintentiontomakesomedisparagingremarksaboutthehumanrace；andsoIkeptthisletteropenforthatpurpose，andforthepurposeoftellingmydream，whereintheTrinityweretryingtoguessaconundrum，butIcandobetter——forIcansnipoutofthe“Times“varioussamplesandside-lightswhichbringtheracedowntodate，andexposeitasofyesterday。Ifyouwillnotice，thereisseldomatelegraminapaperwhichfailstoshowuponeormoremembersandbeneficiariesofourCivilizationaspromenadinginhisshirt-tail，withtherestofhisregaliainthewash。

Ilovetoseetheholyonesairtheirsmugpietiesandadmirethemandsmirkoverthem，andatthesamemomentfranklyandpubliclyshowtheircontemptforthepietiesoftheBoer——confidentlyexpectingtheapprovalofthecountryandthepulpit，andgettingit。

InoticethatGodisonbothsidesinthiswar；thushistoryrepeatsitself。ButIamtheonlypersonwhohasnoticedthis；everybodyherethinksHeisplayingthegameforthisside，andforthissideonly。

WithgreatlovetoyouallMARK。

OnecannothelpwonderingwhatMarkTwainwouldhavethoughtofhumannaturehadhelivedtoseethegreatWorldWar，foughtmainlybytheChristiannationswhofornearlytwothousandyearshadbeenpreachingpeaceonearthandgoodwilltowardmen。Buthisopinionoftheracecouldhardlyhavebeenworsethanitwas。Andnothingthathumanbeingscoulddowouldhavesurprisedhim。

ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：

LONDON，Jan。27，1900。

DEARJOE，——ApparentlywearenotproposingtosettheFilipinosfreeandgivetheirislandstothem；andapparentlywearenotproposingtohangthepriestsandconfiscatetheirproperty。Ifthesethingsareso，thewarouttherehasnointerestforme。

IhavejustbeenexaminingchapterLXXof“FollowingtheEquator，“toseeiftheBoer”soldmilitaryeffectivenessisholdingout。Itreadscuriouslyasifithadbeenwrittenaboutthepresentwar。

IbelievethatinthenextchaptermynotionoftheBoerwasrightlyconceived。Heispopularlycalleduncivilized，Idonotknowwhy。

Happiness，food，shelter，clothing，wholesalelabor，modestandrationalambitions，honesty，kindliness，hospitality，loveoffreedomandlimitlesscouragetofightforit，composureandfortitudeintimeofdisaster，patienceintimeofhardshipandprivation，absenceofnoiseandbragintimeofvictory，contentmentwithahumbleandpeacefullifevoidofinsaneexcitements——ifthereisahigherandbetterformofcivilizationthanthis，Iamnotawareofitanddonotknowwheretolookforit。Isupposewehavethehabitofimaginingthatalotofartistic，intellectualandotherartificialitiesmustbeadded，oritisn”tcomplete。WeandtheEnglishhavetheselatter；butaswelackthegreatbulkoftheseothers，IthinktheBoercivilizationisthebestofthetwo。Myideaofourcivilizationisthatitisashabbypoorthingandfullofcruelties，vanities，arrogancies，meannesses，andhypocrisies。Asfortheword，Ihatethesoundofit，foritconveysalie；andasforthethingitself，Iwishitwasinhell，whereitbelongs。

Providedwecouldgetsomethingbetterintheplaceofit。Butthatisnotpossible，perhaps。Poorasitis，itisbetterthanrealsavagery，thereforewemuststandbyit，extendit，and(inpublic)praiseit。

AndsowemustnotutteranyhatefulwordaboutEnglandinthesedays，norfailtohopethatshewillwininthiswar，forherdefeatandfallwouldbeanirremediabledisasterforthemangyhumanrace……Naturally，then，IamforEngland；butsheisprofoundlyinthewrong，Joe，andno(instructed)Englishmandoubtsit。Atleastthatismybelief。

MaybeImanagedtomakemyselfmisunderstood，astotheOsteopathists。

Iwantedtoknowhowthemenimpressyou。AstotheirArt，Iknowfairlywellaboutthat，andshouldnotvalueHartford”sopinionofit；noraphysician”s；northatofanotherwhoproposedtoenlightenmeoutofhisignorance。Opinionsbasedupontheory，superstitionandignorancearenotveryprecious。

Livyandtheothersareoffforthecountryforadayortwo。

LovetoyouallMARK。

Thenextletteraffordsapleasantvariation。Withoutdoubtitwaswrittenonrealizingthatgoodnatureandenthusiasmhadledhimintoindiscretion。Thiswasalwayshappeningtohim，andletterslikethisarenotinfrequent，thoughgenerallylessentertaining。

ToMr。Ann，inLondon：

WELLINGTONCOURT，Feb。23，”00。

DEARMR。ANN，——Uponsobersecondthought，itwon”tdo！——Iwithdrawthatletter。NotbecauseIsaidanythinginitwhichisnottrue，forI

didn”t；butbecausewhenIallowmynametobeusedinforwardingastock-schemeIamassumingacertaindegreeofresponsibilityastowardtheinvestor，andIamnotwillingtodothat。Ihaveanotherobjection，apurelyselfishone：tradinguponmyname，whethertheenterprisescoredasuccessorafailurewoulddamageme。Ican”taffordthat；eventheArchbishopofCanterburycouldn”taffordit，andhehasmorecharactertosparethanIhave。(Ah，ahappythought！Ifhewouldsigntheletterwithmethatwouldchangethewholecomplexionofthething，ofcourse。

Idonotknowhim，yetIwouldsignanycommercialschemethathewouldsign。Ashedoesnotknowme，itfollowsthathewouldsignanythingthatIwouldsign。Thisisunassailablelogic——butreallythatisallthatcanbesaidforit。)

No，Iwithdrawtheletter。Thisvirginispureuptodate，andisgoingtoremainso。

Yssincerely，S。L。C。

ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：

WELLINGTONCOURT，KNIGHTSBRIDGE，Mch。4，”00。

DEARJOE，——HenryRobinson”sdeathisasharpwoundtome，anditgoesverydeep。Ihadastrongaffectionforhim，andIthinkhehadforme。

EveryFriday，three-fourthsoftheyearfor16yearshewasofthebilliard-partyinourhouse。Whenwecomehome，howshallwehavebilliard-nightsagain——withnoNedBunceandnoHenryRobinson？

IbelieveIcouldnotendurethat。Wemustfindanotheruseforthatroom。Susyisgone，Georgeisgone，LibbyHamersley，NedBunce，HenryRobinson。Thefriendsarepassing，onebyone；ourhouse，wheresuchwarmbloodandsuchdearbloodflowedsofreely，isbecomeacemetery。

Butnotinanyrepellentsense。Ourdeadarewelcomethere；theirlifemadeitbeautiful，theirdeathhashallowedit，weshallhavethemwithusalways，andtherewillbenoparting。

ItwasamovingaddressyoumadeoverWardCheney——thatfortunate，youth！

LikeSusy，hegotoutoflifeallthatwasworththeliving，andgothisgreatrewardbeforehehadcrossedthetropicfrontierofdreamsandenteredtheSaharaoffact。ThedeepconsciousnessofSusy”sgoodfortuneisaconstantcomforttome。

Londonishappy-heartedatlast。TheBritishvictorieshavesweptthecloudsawayandtherearenouncheerfulfaces。Forthreemonthstheprivatedinnerparties(wegotonopublicones)havebeenLodgesofSorrow，andjustalittledepressingsometimes；butnowtheyaresmileyandanimatedagain。Joe，doyouknowtheIrishgentlemanandtheIrishlady，theScotchgentlemanandtheScotchlady？Thesearedarlings，everyone。NightbeforelastitwasallIrish——24。Onewouldhavetotravelfartomatchtheireaseandsociabilityandanimationandsparkleandabsenceofshynessandself-consciousness。

ItwasAmericaninthesefinequalities。ThiswasatMr。Lecky”s。HeisIrish，youknow。LastnightitwasIrishagain，atLadyGregory”s。LordRobertsisIrish；andSirWilliamButler；andKitchener，Ithink；andadisproportionoftheotherprominentGeneralsareofIrishandScotchbreed-keepingupthetraditionsofWellington，andSirColinCampbelloftheMutiny。YouwillhavenoticedthatinS。A。asintheMutiny，itisusuallytheIrishandtheScotchthatareplacedinthefore-frontofthebattle。AnIrishfriendofminesaysthisisbecausetheKeltsareidealists，andenthusiasts，withage-oldheroismstoemulateandkeepbrightbeforetheworld；butthatthelow-classEnglishmanisdullandwithoutideals，fightingbull-doggishlywhilehehasaleader，butlosinghisheadandgoingtopieceswhenhisleaderfalls——notsowiththeKelt。

SirWm。Butlersaid“theKeltisthespear-headoftheBritishlance。”

Lovetoyouall。

MARK。

TheHenryRobinsonmentionedintheforegoingletterwasHenryC。

Robinson，one-timeGovernorofConnecticut，longadearandintimatefriendoftheClemenshousehold。“Lecky“wasW。E。H。Lecky，theIrishhistorianwhoseHistoryofEuropeanMoralshadbeen，formanyyears，oneofMarkTwain”sfavoritebooks：

InJulytheClemensesleftthesmallapartmentat30WellingtonCourtandestablishedasummerhouseholdalittlewayoutofLondon，atDollisHill。To-daytheplacehasbeengiventothepublicunderthenameofGladstonePark，socalledforthereasonthatinanearliertimeGladstonehadfrequentlyvisitedthere。Itwasabeautifulspot，aplaceofgreengrassandspreadingoaks。InaletterinwhichMrs。Clemenswrotetohersistershesaid：“Itissimplydivinelybeautifulandpeaceful；thegreat，oldtreesarebeyondeverything。IbelievenowhereintheworlddoyoufindsuchtreesasinEngland。”ClemenswrotetoTwichell：“Fromthehouseyoucanseelittlebutspaciousstretchesofhay-fieldsandgreenturf……Yetthemassed，brickblocksofLondonarereachableinthreeminutesonahorse。ByrailwecanbeintheheartofLondon，inBakerStreet，inseventeenminutes——byasmarttraininfive。”

Mail，however，wouldseemtohavebeenlessprompt。

TotheEditoroftheTimes，inLondon：

SIR，——IthasoftenbeenclaimedthattheLondonpostalservicewasswifterthanthatofNewYork，andIhavealwaysbelievedthattheclaimwasjustified。Butadoubthaslatelysprungupinmymind。IliveeightmilesfromPrintingHouseSquare；theTimesleavesthatpointat4

o”clockinthemorning，bymail，andreachesmeat5intheafternoon，thusmakingthetripinthirteenhours。

ItismyconvictionthatinNewYorkweshoulddoitineleven。

C。

DOLLISHILL，N。W。

ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：

DOLLISHILLHOUSE，KILBURN，N。W。

LONDON，Aug。12，”00。

DEARJOE，——TheSagesProf。FiskeandBranderMatthewswereoutheretoteaaweekagoanditwasabreathofAmericanairtoseethem。Wefurnishedthemabrightdayandcomfortableweather——andtheyuseditallup，intheirextravagantAmericanway。Sincethenwehavesatbycoalfires，evenings。

WeshallsailforhomesometimeinOctober，butshallwinterinNewYorkwherewecanhaveanosteopathofgoodreputetocontinuetheworkofputtingthisfamilyinpropercondition。

LivyandIdinedwiththeChiefjusticeamonthagoandhewasaswell-

conditionedasanathlete。

ItisallChina，now，andmysympathiesarewiththeChinese。TheyhavebeenvillainouslydealtwithbythesceptredthievesofEurope，andI

hopetheywilldrivealltheforeignersoutandkeepthemoutforgood。

Ionlywishit；ofcourseIdon”treallyexpectit。

Why，hangit，itoccurstomethatbythetimewereachNewYorkyouTwichellswillbeinvadingEuropeandoncemoreweshallmisstheconnection。Thisisthoroughlyexasperating。Aren”tweevergoingtomeetagain？

Withnoendoflovefromallofus，MARK。

P。S。Aug。18。

DEARJOE，——Itis7。30a。m。Ihavebeenwakingveryearly，lately。Ifitoccursoncemore，itwillbehabit；thenIwillsubmitandadoptit。

Thisisourdayofmourning。ItisfouryearssinceSusydied；itisfiveyearsandamonththatIsawheraliveforthelasttime-throwingkissesatusfromtherailwayplatformwhenwestartedWestaroundtheworld。

Sometimesitisacentury；sometimesitwasyesterday。

WithloveMARK。

WediscoverintheforegoingletterthatthelongEuropeanresidencewasdrawingtoanend。MorethannineyearshadpassedsincetheclosingoftheHartfordhouse——eventfulyearsthathadseenfailure，bereavement，battlewithdebt，andrehabilitatedfortunes。Allthefamilywereanxioustogethome——MarkTwainmostanxiousofall。

TheyclosedDollisHillHouseneartheendofSeptember，andputupforabriefperiodatafamilyhotel，anamusingpictureofwhichfollows。

ToJ。Y。M。MacAlister，inLondon：

Sep。1900。

MYDEARMACALISTER，——WedoreallystartnextSaturday。Imeanttosailearlier，butwaitedtofinishsomestudiesofwhatarecalledFamilyHotels。TheyareaLondonspecialty，Godhasnotpermittedthemtoexistelsewhere；theyareramshackleclubswhichweredwellingsatthetimeoftheHeptarchy。DoverandAlbemarleStreetsarefilledwiththem。Theoncespaciousroomsaresplitupintocoopswhichaffordasmuchdiscomfortascanbehadanywhereoutofjailforanymoney。Allthemoderninconveniencesarefurnished，andsomethathavebeenobsoleteforacentury。Thepricesareastonishinglyhighforwhatyouget。Thebedroomsarehospitalsforincurablefurniture。Ifinditsointhisone。Theyexistuponatradition；theyrepresentthevanishinghome-likeinnoffiftyyearsago，andaremistakenbyforeignersforit。SomequiterespectableEnglishmenstillfrequentthemthroughinheritedhabitandarresteddevelopment；manyAmericansalso，throughignoranceandsuperstition。TheroomsareasinterestingastheTowerofLondon，butolderIthink。Olderanddearer。TheliftwasagiftofWilliamtheConqueror，someofthebedsareprehistoric。Theyrepresentgeologicalperiods。Mineistheoldest。ItisformedinstrataofOldRedSandstone，volcanictufa，ignisfatuus，andbicarbonateofhornblende，superimposeduponargillaceousshale，andcontainstheprintsofprehistoricman。ItisinNo。149。Thousandsofscientistscometoseeit。Theyconsideritholy。Theywanttoblastouttheprintsbutcannot。Dynamitereboundsfromit。

FinishedstudiesandsailSaturdayinMinnehaha。

Yourseveraffectionately，MARKTWAIN。

TheysailedforNewYorkOctober6th，andsomethingmorethanaweeklaterAmericagavethemaroyalwelcome。Thepress，farandwide，soundedMarkTwain”spraisesoncemore；dinnersandreceptionswereofferedoneveryhand；editorsandlectureagentsclamoredforhim。

ThefamilysettledintheEarlingtonHotelduringaperiodofhouse-

hunting。TheyhopedeventuallytoreturntoHartford，butafterabriefvisitpaidbyClemensalonetotheoldplacehewrote：

ToSylvesterBaxter，inBoston：

NEWYORK，Oct。26，1900。

DEARMR。BAXTER，——Itwasagreatpleasuretometorenewtheotherdayswithyou，andtherewasapatheticpleasureinseeingHartfordandthehouseagain；butIrealizethatifweeverenterthehouseagaintolive，ourheartswillbreak。Iamnotsurethatweshalleverbestrongenoughtoendurethatstrain。

Sincerelyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。

Mr。andMrs。Rogerswishedtohavethemintheirneighborhood，butthehousestherewerenotsuitable，orweretooexpensive。ThroughMr。FrankDoubledaytheyeventuallyfound，at14WestTenthStreet，alargeresidencehandsomelyfurnished，andthistheyengagedforthewinter。“Wewereluckytogetthisbighousefurnished，“hewroteMacAlisterinLondon。“Therewasnotanotheroneintownprocurablethatwouldanswerus，butthisoneisallright——spaceenoughinitforseveralfamilies，theroomsallold-fashioned，greatsize。”

ThelittlenotethatfollowsshowsthatMarkTwainhadnotentirelyforgottenthedaysofTomSawyerandHuckFinn。

ToaNeighboronWestTenthStreet，NewYork：

Nov。30。

DEARMADAM，——IknowIoughttorespectmydutyandperformit，butIamweakandfaithlesswhereboysareconcerned，andIcan”thelpsecretlyapprovingprettybadandnoisyones，thoughIdoobjecttothekindthatringdoor-bells。Myfamilytrytogetmetostoptheboysfromholdingconventionsonthefrontsteps，butIbaselyshirkoutofit，becauseI

thinktheboysenjoyit。

MywifehasbeencomplainingtomethiseveningabouttheboysonthefrontstepsandundercompulsionIhavemadesomepromises。ButIamveryforgetful，nowthatIamold，andmysenseofdutyisgettingspongy。

Verytrulyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。

EndLettersVol。5

byMarkTwainVOLUMEV。

MARKTWAIN”SLETTERS1901-1906

XL

LETTERSOF1901，CHIEFLYTOTWICHELL。MARKTWAINASAREFORMER。

SUMMERATSARANAC。ASSASSINATIONOFPRESIDENTMcKINLEY

AneditorialintheLouisvilleCourier-Journal，earlyin1901，said：

“Aremarkabletransformation，orratheradevelopment，hastakenplaceinMarkTwain。Thegenialhumoristoftheearlierdayisnowareformerofthevigorouskind，asortofknighterrantwhodoesnothesitatetobreakalancewitheitherChurchorStateifhethinkstheminterposingonthatbroadhighwayoverwhichhebelievesnotapartbutthewholeofmankindhastheprivilegeofpassingintheonwardmarchoftheages。”

MarkTwainhadbegun“breakingthelance“verysoonafterhisreturnfromEurope。Hedidnotbelievethathecouldreformtheworld，butatleastheneednotwithholdhisprotestagainstthosethingswhichstirredhiswrath。Hebeganbycausingthearrestofacabmanwhohadnotonlyoverchargedbutinsultedhim；hecontinuedbywritingopenlyagainsttheAmericanpolicyinthePhilippines，themissionarypropagandawhichhadresultedintheChineseuprisingandmassacre，andagainstTammanypolitics。Notallofhiseffortswereinthelineofreform；hehadbecomeasortofgeneralspokesmanwhichthepublicflockedtohear，whateverthesubject。OntheoccasionofaLincolnBirthdayserviceatCarnegieHallhewaschosentopreside，andhewasobligedtoattendmoredinnersthanweregoodforhishealth。HislettersofthisperiodweremainlywrittentohisoldfriendTwichell，inHartford。Howells，wholivedinNewYork，hesawwithconsiderablefrequency。

IntheletterwhichfollowsthemedicinewhichTwichellwastotakewasPlasmon，anEnglishproprietaryremedyinwhichMarkTwainhadinvested——apanaceaforallhumanillswhichosteopathycouldnotreach。

ToRev。JosephTwichell，inHartford：

14W。10THST。Jan。23，”01。

DEARJOE，——Certainly。Iusedtotakeitinmycoffee，butitsettledtothebottomintheformofmud，andIhadtoeatitwithaspoon；soI

droppedthecustomandtookmy2teaspoonfulsincoldmilkafterbreakfast。IfwewereoutofmilkIshoveledthedrypowderintomymouthandwasheditdownwithwater。Theonlyessentialistogetitdown，themethodisnotimportant。

No，blameit，Ican”tgototheAlumnidinner，Joe。Ittakestwodays，andIcan”tsparethetime。MoreoverIpresideattheLincolnbirthdaycelebrationinCarnegieHallFeb。11andImustnotmaketwospeechessoclosetogether。Thinkofit——twooldrebelsfunctioningthere——IasPresident，andWattersonasOratoroftheDay！Thingshavechangedsomewhatinthese40years，thankGod。

Lookhere——whenyoucomedownyoumustbeourguest——we”vegotaroomyroomforyou，andLivywillmaketroubleifyougoelsewhere。Comestraightto14West10th。

Jan。24。LivysaysAmentothat；also，canyougiveusadayortwo”snotice，sotheroomwillbesuretobevacant？

I”mgoingtostickclosetomydeskforamonth，now，hopingtowriteasmallbook。

YsEverMARK

TheletterwhichfollowsisafairsampleofMarkTwain”sprivateviolenceonasubjectwhich，inpublicprint，hecouldonlytreateffectivelybypreservinghisgoodhumor。Whenhefounditnecessarytoboilover，ashedid，nowandthen，forrelief，healwaysfoundawillingaudienceinTwichell。Thementionofhis“PrivatePhilosophy“refersto”WhatIsMan？”，privatelypublishedin1906；reissuedbyhispublishersin1916。

ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：

14W。10thJan。29，”01。

DEARJOE，——I”mnotexpectinganythingbutkicksforscoffing，andamexpectingadiminutionofmybreadandbutterbyit，butifLivywillletmeIwillhavemysay。Thisnationislikealltheothersthathavebeenspewedupontheearth——readytoshoutforanycausethatwilltickleitsvanityorfillitspocket。Whatahellofaheavenitwillbe，whentheygetallthesehypocritesassembledthere！

Ican”tunderstandit！Youareapublicguideandteacher，Joe，andareunderaheavyresponsibilitytomen，youngandold；ifyouteachyourpeople——asyouteachme——tohidetheiropinionswhentheybelievetheflagisbeingabusedanddishonored，lesttheutterancedothemandapublisheradamage，howdoyouanswerforittoyourconscience？Youaresorryforme；inthefairwayofgiveandtake，Iamwillingtobealittlesorryforyou。

However，IseemtobegoingcountertomyownPrivatePhilosophy——whichLivywon”tallowmetopublish——becauseitwoulddestroyme。ButIhopetoseeitinprintbeforeIdie。Iplannedit15yearsago，andwroteitin”98。I”veoftentriedtoreadittoLivy，butshewon”thaveit；itmakeshermelancholy。Thetruthalwayshasthateffectonpeople。Wouldhave，anyway，iftheyevergotholdofaragofit——Whichtheydon”t。

YouaresupposingthatIamsupposingthatIammovedbyaLargePatriotism，andthatIamdistressedbecauseourPresidenthasblundereduptohisneckinthePhilippinemess；andthatIamgrievedbecausethisgreatbigignorantnation，whichdoesn”tknoweventheABCfactsofthePhilippineepisode，isindisgracebeforethesarcasticworld——dropthatidea！Icarenothingfortherest——IamonlydistressedandtroubledbecauseIambefouledbythesethings。Thatisall。WhenIsearchmyselfawaydowndeep，Ifindthisout。Whateveramanfeelsorthinksordoes，thereisneveranybutonereasonforit——andthatisaselfishone。

Atgreatinconvenience，andexpenseofprecioustimeIwenttothechiefsynagoguetheothernightandtalkedintheinterestofacharityschoolofpoorJewgirls。Iknow——tothefinest，shades——theselfishendsthatmovedme；butnooneelsesuspects。IcouldgiveyouthedetailsifI

hadtime。Youwouldperceivehowtruetheyare。

I”vewrittenanotherarticle；youbetterhurrydownandhelpLivysquelchit。

She”soutpotteringaroundsomewhere，poorhousekeepingslave；andClaraisinthehandsoftheosteopath，gettingthebronchitispulledandhauledoutofher。Itwasabadattack，andalittledisquieting。Itcamedaybeforeyesterday，andshehasn”tsatuptillthisafternoon。

Sheisgettingalongsatisfactorily，now。

Lotsoflovetoyouall。

MARK

MarkTwain”sreligionhadtodochieflywithhumanityinitspresentincarnation，andconcerneditselfverylittlewithanypossiblemeasureofrewardorpunishmentinsomesupposedcourtofthehereafter。Nevertheless，psychicinvestigationalwaysinterestedhim，andhewasgood-naturedlywillingtoexplore，evenhoping，perhaps，tobeconvincedthatindividualitycontinuesbeyonddeath。

Theletterwhichfollowsindicateshiscustomaryattitudeinrelationtospiritualisticresearch。Theexperimentsherementioned，however，werenotsatisfactory。

ToMrs。CharlesMcQuiston：

DOBBSFERRY，N。Y。

March26，1901。

DEARMRS。McQUISTON，——Ihaveneverhadanexperiencewhichmovedmetobelievethelivingcancommunicatewiththedead，butmywifeandIhaveexperimentedinthematterwhenopportunityofferedandshallcontinuetodoso。

Ienclosealetterwhichcamethismorning——thesecondfromthesamesource。Mrs。K——isaMissourian，andlatelyshediscovered，byaccident，thatshewasaremarkablehypnotiser。HerbestsubjectisaMissourigirl，MissWhite，whoistocomeheresoonandsustainstrictlyscientifictestsbeforeprofessorsatColumbiaUniversity。Mrs。ClemensandIintendtobepresent。Andweshallaskthepairtocometoourhousetodowhateverthingstheycando。Meantime，ifyouthoughtwellofit，youmightwriteherandarrangeameeting，tellingheritisbymysuggestionandthatIgaveyouheraddress。

SomeonehastoldmethatMrs。Piperisdiscredited。Icannotbesure，butIthinkitwasMr。Myers，PresidentoftheLondonPsychicalResearchSociety——weheardofhisdeathyesterday。Hewasaspiritualist。Iamafraidhewasaveryeasilyconvincedman。WevisitedtwomediumswhomheandAndrewLangconsideredquitewonderful，buttheywerequitetransparentfrauds。

Mrs。Clemenscorrectsme：Oneofthosewomenwasafraud，theothernotafraud，butonlyaninnocent，well-meaning，drivelingvacancy。

Sincerelyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。

InMarkTwain”sBermudachaptersentitledIdleNotesofanIdleExcursionhetellsofanoldseacaptain，oneHurricaneJones，whoexplainedbiblicalmiraclesinapractical，evenifsomewhatstartling，fashion。InhisstoryoftheprophetsofBaal，forinstance，theoldcaptaindeclaredthattheburningwaterwasnothingmorenorlessthanpetroleum。Uponreadingthe“notes，“

ProfessorPhelpsofYalewrotethatthesamemethodofexplainingmiracleshadbeenofferedbySirThomasBrowne。

PerhapsitmaybeaddedthatCaptainHurricaneJonesalsoappearsinRoughingIt，asCaptainNedBlakely。

ToProfessorWilliamLyonPhelps；

YALEUNIVERSITY，NEWYORK，April24，1901。

MYDEARSIR，——IwasnotawarethatoldSirThomashadanticipatedthatstory，andIammuchobligedtoyouforfurnishingmetheparagraph。

tiscuriousthatthesameideashouldleaveenteredtwoheadssounlikeastheheadofthatwiseoldphilosopherandthatofCaptainNedWakeman，asplendidlyunculturedoldsailor，butinhisownopinionathinkerbydivineright。Hewasanoldfriendofmineofmanyyears”standing；

Imadetwoorthreevoyageswithhim，andfoundhimadarlinginmanyways。Thepetroleumstorywasnottoldtome；hetoldittoJoeTwichell，whoranacrosshimbyaccidentonaseavoyagewhereIthinkthetwoweretheonlypassengers。Adeliciouspair，andadmirablymated，theytooktoeachotheratonceandbecameasthickasthieves。Joewaspassingunderafictitiousname，andoldWakemandidn”tsuspectthathewasaparson；sohegavehisprofanityfullswing，andhewasamasterofthatgreatart。YouprobablyknowTwichell，andwillknowthatthatisakindofrefreshmentwhichheisverycapableofenjoying。

Sincerelyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。

ForthesummerClemensandhisfamilyfoundacomfortablelodgeintheAdirondacks——alogcabincalled“TheLair“——onSaranacLake。

SoonafterhisarrivaltherehereceivedaninvitationtoattendthecelebrationofMissouri”seightiethanniversary。Hesentthefollowingletter：

ToEdwardL。Dimmitt，inSt。Louis：

AMONGTHEADIRONDACKLAKES，July19，1901。

DEARMR。DIMMITT，——Byanerrorintheplans，thingsgowrongendfirstinthisworld，andmuchprecioustimeislostandmattersofurgentimportancearefatallyretarded。Invitationswhichabriskyoungfellowshouldget，andwhichwouldtransporthimwithjoy，aredelayedandimpededandobstructeduntiltheyarefiftyyearsoverduewhentheyreachhim。

Ithashappenedagaininthiscase。

WhenIwasaboyinMissouriIwasalwaysonthelookoutforinvitationsbuttheyalwaysmiscarriedandwentwanderingthroughtheaislesoftime；

andnowtheyarearrivingwhenIamoldandrheumaticandcan”ttravelandmustlosemychance。

Ihavelostaworldofdelightthroughthismatterofdelayinginvitations。FiftyyearsagoIwouldhavegoneeagerlyacrosstheworldtohelpcelebrateanythingthatmightturnup。ITwouldhavemadenodifferencetomewhatitwas，sothatIwasthereandallowedachancetomakeanoise。

Thewholeschemeofthingsisturnedwrongendto。Lifeshouldbeginwithageanditsprivilegesandaccumulations，andendwithyouthanditscapacitytosplendidlyenjoysuchadvantages。Asthingsarenow，wheninyouthadollarwouldbringahundredpleasures，youcan”thaveit。Whenyouareold，yougetitandthereisnothingworthbuyingwithitthen。

It”sanepitomeoflife。Thefirsthalfofitconsistsofthecapacitytoenjoywithoutthechance；thelasthalfconsistsofthechancewithoutthecapacity。

Iamadmonishedinmanywaysthattimeispushingmeinexorablyalong。

Iamapproachingthethresholdofage；in1977Ishallbe142。Thisisnotimetobeflittingabouttheearth。Imustceasefromtheactivitiespropertoyouthandbegintotakeonthedignitiesandgravitiesandinertiapropertothatseasonofhonorablesenilitywhichisonitswayandimminentasindicatedabove。

Yoursisagreatandmemorableoccasion，andasasonofMissouriI

shouldholditahighprivilegetobethereandshareyourjustprideinthestate”sachievements；butImustdenymyselftheindulgence，whilethankingyouearnestlyfortheprizedhonoryouhavedonemeinaskingmetobepresent。

Verytrulyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。

IntheforegoingMarkTwaintouchesupononeofhisfavoritefancies：thatlifeshouldbeginwitholdageandapproachstrongmanhood，goldenyouth，toendatlastwithpamperedandbelovedbabyhood。Possiblyhecontemplatedwritingastorywiththisideaasthetheme，butHeseemsnevertohavedoneso。

ThereaderwhohasfollowedtheselettersmayrememberYungWing，whohadchargeoftheChineseeducationalmissioninHartford，andhowMarkTwain，withTwichell，calledonGeneralGrantinbehalfofthemission。YungWing，nowreturnedtoChina，hadconceivedtheideaofmakinganappealtotheGovernmentoftheUnitedStatesforreliefofhisstarvingcountrymen。

ToJ。H。Twichell，inHartford：

AMPERSAND，N。Y。，July28，”01。

DEARJOE，——Asyousay，itisimpracticable——inmycase，certainly。FormetoassistinanappealtothatCongressofland-thievesandliarswouldbetobringderisionuponit；andformetoassistinanappealforcashtopassthroughthehandsofthosemissionariesoutthere，ofanydenomination，CatholicorProtestant，wouldn”tdoatall。Theywouldn”thandlemoneywhichIhadsoiled，andIwouldn”ttrustthemwithit，anyway。Theywoulddevoteittothereliefofsuffering——Iknowthat——

butthesufferersselectedwouldbeconverts。Themissionary-utterancesexhibitnohumanefeelingtowardtheothers，butinplaceofitaspiritofhateandhostility。Anditisnatural；theBibleforbidstheirpresencethere，theirtradeisunlawful，whyshouldn”ttheircharactersbeofnecessityinharmonywith——butnevermind，letitgo，itirritatesme。

Later……IhavebeenreadingYungWing”sletteragain。Itmaybethatheisover-wroughtbyhissympathies，butitmaynotbeso。TheremaybeotherreasonswhythemissionariesaresilentabouttheShensi-2-yearfamineandcannibalism。ItmaybethattherearesofewProtestantconvertstherethatthemissionariesareabletotakecareofthem。ThattheyarenotlikelytolargelyconcernthemselvesaboutCatholicconvertsandtheothers，isquitenatural，Ithink。

ThatcrudewayofappealingtothisGovernmentforhelpinacausewhichhasnomoneyinit，andnopolitics，risesbeforemeagaininallitsadmirableinnocence！Doesn”tYungWingknowusyet？However，hehasbeenabsentsince”96or”97。Wehavegonetohellsincethen。Kossuthcouldn”traise30centsinCongress，now，ifhewerebackwithhismovingMagyar-Tale。

Iamonthefrontporch(lowerone——maindeck)ofourlittlebijouofadwelling-house。Thelake-edge(LowerSaranac)issonearlyundermethatIcan”tseetheshore，butonlythewater，small-poredwithrain-

splashes——forthereisaheavydown-pour。Itischarminglylikesittingsnuggleduponaship”sdeckwiththestretchingseaallaround——butverymuchmoresatisfactory，foratseaarain-stormisdepressing，whilehereofcoursetheeffectengenderedisjustadeepsenseofcomfortandcontentment。Theheavyforestshutsussolidlyinonthreesidestherearenoneighbors。Therearebeautifullittletan-coloredimpudentsquirrelsabout。Theytaketea，5p。m。，(notinvited)atthetableinthewoodswhereJeandoesmytypewriting，andoneofthemhasbeenbraveenoughtosituponJean”skneewithhistailcurvedoverhisbackandmunchhisfood。Theycometodinner，7p。m。，onthefrontporch(notinvited)。Theyallhavetheonename——Blennerhasset，fromBurr”sfriend——andnoneofthemanswerstoitexceptwhenhungry。

WehavebeenheresinceJune21st。Foralittlewhilewehadsomewarmdays——accordingtothefamily”sestimate；Iwashardlydiscommodedmyself。Otherwisetheweatherhasbeenofthesortyouarefamiliarwithintheseregions：cooldaysandcoolnights。WehaveheardofthehotwaveeveryWednesday，pertheweeklypaper——weallownodailiestointrude。Lastweekthroughvisitorsalso——theonlyoneswehavehad——

Dr。RootandJohnHowells。

Wehavethedailylake-swim；andallthetribe，servantsincluded(butnotI)doagooddealofboating；sometimeswiththeguide，sometimeswithouthim——JeanandClaraarecompetentwiththeoars。Ifweliveanotheryear，Ihopeweshallspenditssummerinthishouse。

WehavetakentheAppletoncountryseat，overlookingtheHudson，atRiverdale，25minutesfromtheGrandCentralStation，forayear，beginningOct。1，withoptionforanotheryear。WeareobligedtobeclosetoNewYorkforayearortwo。

Aug。3rd。Igoyachtingafortnightupnorthina20-knotboat225feetlong，withtheowner，(Mr。Rogers)，TomReid，Dr。Rice，Col。A。G。Paineandoneortwoothers。JudgeHowlandwouldgo，butcan”tgetawayfromengagements；ProfessorSloanewouldgo，butisinthegripofanillness。

Come——willyougo？Ifyoucanmanageit，dropapost-cardtomec/oH。H。

Rogers，26Broadway。IshallbeinNewYorkacoupleofdaysbeforewesail——July31orAug。1，perhapsthelatter，——andIthinkIshallstopattheHotelGrosvenor，cor。l0thStand5thave。

WeallsendyouandtheHarmonieslotsandgobsoflove。

MARK

ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：

AMPERSAND，N。Y。，Aug。28。

DEARJOE，——Justaword，toscoffatyou，withyourextravagantsuggestionthatIreadthebiographyofPhillipsBrooks——theverydullestbookthathasbeenprintedforacentury。Joe，tenpagesofMrs。Cheney”smasterlybiographyofherfathers——no，fivepagesofit——containmoremeat，moresense，moreliterature，morebrilliancy，thanthatwholebasketfulofdrowsyrubbishputtogether。Why，inthatdeadatmosphereevenBrookshimselfisdull——heweariedme；ohhowheweariedme！

WehadanoblegoodtimeintheYacht，andcaughtaChinesemissionaryanddrownedhim。

Lovefromusalltoyouall。

MARK。

TheassassinationofPresidentMcKinleyoccurredSeptember6，1901。

SuchaneventwouldnaturallystirMarkTwaintocommentonhumannatureingeneral。HislettertoTwichellisasindividualasitissoundinphilosophy。Atwhatperiodofhisownlife，orunderwhatcircumstances，hemadethelongjourneywithtragicintentthereisnomeansofknowingnow。Thereisnoothermentionofitelsewhereintherecordsthatsurvivehim。

ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：

AMPERSAND，Tuesday，(Sept。10，1901)

DEARJOE，——Itisanotheroffday，buttomorrowIshallresumeworktoacertainty，andbidalongfarewelltoletter-scribbling。

ThenewsofthePresidentlooksdecidedlyhopeful，andweareallglad，andthehouseholdfacesaremuchimproved，astocheerfulness。Oh，thetalkinthenewspapers！EvidentlytheHumanRaceisthesameoldHumanRace。Andhowunjust，andunreflectinglydiscriminating，thetalkersare。Undertheunsettlingeffectsofpowerfulemotionthetalkersaresayingwildthings，crazythings——theyareoutofthemselves，anddonotknowit；theyaretemporarilyinsane，yetwithonevoicetheydeclaretheassassinsane——amanwhohasbeenentertainingfieryandreason——

debauchingmaggotsinhisheadforweeksandmonths。Why，nooneissane，straightalong，yearinandyearout，andweallknowit。Ourinsanitiesareofvaryingsorts，andexpressthemselvesinvaryingforms——fortunatelyharmlessformsasarule——butinwhateverformtheyoccuranimmenseupheavaloffeelingcanatanytimetoppleusdistinctlyoverthesanity-lineforalittlewhile；andthenifourformhappenstobeofthemurderouskindwemustlookout——andsomustthespectator。

Thisasswiththeunpronounceablenamewasprobablymoreinsanethanusualthisweekortwoback，andmaygetbackuponhisbearingsbyandby，buthewasoverthesanity-borderwhenheshotthePresident。ItispossiblethatithastakenhimthewholeintervalsincethemurderoftheKingofItalytogetinsaneenoughtoattemptthePresident”slife。

Withoutadoubtsomethousandsofmenhavebeenmeditatingthesameactinthesameinterval，butnewandstronginterestshaveintervenedanddivertedtheirover-excitedmindslongenoughtogivethemachancetosettle，andtranquilize，andgetbackuponahealthylevelagain。Everyextraordinaryoccurrenceunsettlestheheadsofhundredsofthousandsofmenforafewmomentsorhoursordays。IftherehadbeentenkingsaroundwhenHumbertfelltheywouldhavebeeningreatperilforadayormore——andfrommeninwhosepresencetheywouldhavebeenquitesafeaftertheexcessoftheirexcitementhadhadanintervalinwhichtocooldown。Iboughtarevolveronceandtravelledtwelvehundredmilestokillaman。Hewasaway。Hewasgoneaday。Withnothingelsetodo，Ihadtostopandthink——anddid。Withinanhour——withinhalfofit——

Iwasashamedofmyself——andfeltunspeakablyridiculous。IdonotknowwhattocallitifIwasnotinsane。Duringawholeweekmyheadwasinaturmoilnightanddayfierceenoughandexhaustingenoughtoupsetastrongerreasonthanmine。

Allovertheworld，everyday，therearesomemillionsofmeninthatconditiontemporarily。Andinthattimethereisalwaysamoment——

perhapsonlyasingleonewhentheywoulddomurderiftheirmanwasathand。Iftheopportunitycomesashadetoolate，thechancesarethatithascomepermanentlytoolate。Opportunityseldomcomesexactlyatthesuprememoment。Thissavesamillionlivesadayintheworld——forsure。

NoRuleriseverslainbutthetremendousdetailsofitareravenouslydevouredbyahundredthousandmenwhosemindsdwell，unaware，nearthetemporary-insanityfrontier——andovertheygo，now！Thereisaday——twodays——three——duringwhichnoRulerwouldbesafefromperhapsthehalfofthem；andthereisasinglemomentwhereinhewouldnotbesafefromanyofthem，nodoubt。

Itmaytakethispresentshooting-casesixmonthstobreedanotherruler-

tragedy，butitwillbreedit。Thereisatleastonemindsomewherewhichwillbrood，andwear，anddecayitselftothekilling-pointandproducethattragedy。

Everynegroburnedatthestakeunsettlestheexcitablebrainofanotherone——Imeantheinflamingdetailsofhiscrime，andtheluridtheatricalityofhisexitdoit——andtheduplicatecrimefollows；andthatbegetsarepetition，andthatoneanotheroneandsoon。Everylynching-accountunsettlesthebrainsofanothersetofexcitablewhitemen，andlightsanotherpyre——115lynchingslastyear，102insideof8

monthsthisyear；intenyearsthiswillbehabit，ontheseterms。

Yes，thewildtalkyouseeinthepapers！Andfrommenwhoaresanewhennotupsetbyoverwhelmingexcitement。AU。S。Senator-Cullom——wantsthisBuffalocriminallynched！Itwouldbreedotherlynchings——ofmenwhoarenotdreamingofcommittingmurders，now，andwillcommitnoneifCullomwillkeepquietandnotprovidetheexcitingcause。

AndaDistrictAttorneywantsalawwhichshallpunishwithdeathattemptsuponaPresident”slife——this，mindyou，asadeterrent。

Itwouldhavenoeffect——ortheoppositeone。Thelunatic”smind-spaceisalloccupied——asminewas——withthematterinhand；thereisnoroominitforreflectionsuponwhatmayhappentohim。Thatcomesafterthecrime。

Itisthenoisetheattemptwouldmakeintheworldthatwouldbreedthesubsequentattempts，byunsettlingthericketymindsofmenwhoenvythecriminalhisvastnotoriety——hisobscurenametonguedbystupendousKingsandEmperors——hispictureprintedeverywhere，thetrivialestdetailsofhismovements，whatheeats，whathedrinks；howhesleeps，whathesays，cabledabroadoverthewholeglobeatcostoffiftythousanddollarsaday——andheonlyalowlyshoemakeryesterday！——liketheassassinofthePresidentofFrance——indebtthreefrancstohislandlady，andinsultedbyher——andto-daysheisproudtobeabletosaysheknewhim“asfamiliarlyasyouknowyourownbrother，“andgladtostandtillshedropsandpouroutcolumnsandpagesofhergrandeurandherhappinessupontheeagerinterviewer。

Nothingwillcheckthelynchingsandruler-murderbutabsolutesilence——

theabsenceofpow-powaboutthem。Howareyougoingtomanagethat？

Bygaggingeverywitnessandjamminghimintoadungeonforlife；byabolishingallnewspapers；byexterminatingallnewspapermen；andbyextinguishingGod”smostelegantinvention，theHumanRace。Itisquitesimple，quiteeasy，andIhopeyouwilltakeadayoffandattendtoit，Joe。Iblowakisstoyou，andamLovinglyYours，MARK。

WhentheAdirondacksummerendedClemenssettledforthewinterinthebeautifulAppletonhomeatRiverdale-on-the-Hudson。Itwasaplaceofwide-spreadinggrassandshade-ahouseofampleroom。TheywereestablishedinitintimeforMarkTwaintotakeanactiveinterestintheNewYorkelectionsandassistaticketforgoodgovernmenttodefeatTammanyHall。

XLI

LETTERSOF1902。RIVERDALE。YORKHARBOR。ILLNESSOFMRS。CLEMENS

Theyear1902wasaneventfuloneforMarkTwain。InAprilhereceivedadegreeofLL。D。fromtheUniversityofMissouriandreturnedtohisnativeStatetoacceptit。ThiswashislastjourneytotheMississippiRiver。DuringthesummerMrs。Clemens”shealthbrokedownandillnessesofonesortoranothervisitedothermembersofthefamily。AmidsomuchstressandanxietyClemenshadlittletimeorinclinationforwork。Hewrotenotmanylettersandmainlysomberones。Once，bywayofdiversion，heworkedouttheideaofacuriousclub——whichheformed——itsmemberstobeyounggirls——girlsforthemostpartwhomhehadneverseen。Theywereelectedwithouttheirconsentfromamongthosewhowrotetohimwithouthisconsent，anditisnotlikelythatanyonesochosendeclinedmembership。OneselectionfromhisletterstotheFrenchmember，MissHelenePicard，ofSt-Die，France，willexplaintheclubandpresentasideofMaskTwainsomewhatdifferentfromthatfoundinmostofhiscorrespondence。

ToMissPicard，inSt-Die，France：

RIVERDALE-ON-THE-HUDSON，February22，1902。

DEARMISSHELENE，——Ifyouwillletmecallyouso，consideringthatmyheadiswhiteandthatIhavegrownupdaughters。Yourbeautifulletterhasgivenmesuchdeeppleasure！Iwillmakeboldtoclaimyouforafriendandlockyouupwiththerestofmyriches；forIamamiserwhocountshisspoileverydayandhoardsitsecretlyandaddstoitwhenhecan，andisgratefultoseeitgrow。

Someofthatgoldcomes，likeyourself，inasealedpackage，andIcan”tseeitandmayneverhavethehappiness；butIknowitsvaluewithoutthat，andbywhatsumitincreasesmywealth。

IhaveaClub，aprivateClub，whichisallmyown。IappointtheMembersmyself，andtheycan”thelpthemselves，becauseIdon”tallowthemtovoteontheirownappointmentandIdon”tallowthemtoresign！

TheyareallfriendswhomIhaveneverseen(saveone)，butwhohavewrittenfriendlyletterstome。

BythelawsofmyClubtherecanbeonlyoneMemberineachcountry，andtherecanbenomaleMemberbutmyself。SomedayImayadmitmales，butIdon”tknow——theyarecapriciousandinharmonious，andtheirwaysprovokemeagooddeal。ItisamatterwhichtheClubshalldecide。

Ihavemadefourappointmentsinthepastthreeorfourmonths：YouasMemberforFrance，ayoungHighlandgirlasMemberforScotland，aMohammedangirlasMemberforBengal，andadearandbrightyoungnieceofmineasMemberfortheUnitedStates——forIdonotrepresentacountrymyself，butammerelyMemberatLargefortheHumanRace。

Youmustnottrytoresign，forthelawsoftheClubdonotallowthat。

Youmustconsoleyourselfbyrememberingthatyouareinthebestofcompany；thatnobodyknowsofyourmembershipexceptmyself——thatnoMemberknowsanother”sname，butonlyhercountry；thatnotaxesareleviedandnomeetingsheld(buthowdearlyIshouldliketoattendone！)。

OneofmyMembersisaPrincessofaroyalhouse，anotheristhedaughterofavillagebook-selleronthecontinentofEurope。FortheonlyqualificationforMembershipisintellectandthespiritofgoodwill；

otherdistinctions，hereditaryoracquired，donotcount。

MayIsendyoutheConstitutionandLawsoftheClub？IshallbesopleasedifImay。ItisadocumentwhichoneofmydaughterstypewritesformewhenIneedoneforanewMember，andshewouldgivehereyebrowstoknowwhatitisallabout，butIstranglehercuriositybysaying：

“Therearemuchcheapertypewritersthanyouare，mydear，andifyoutrytopryintothesacredmysteriesofthisCluboneofyourprosperitieswillperishsure。”

Myfavorite？Itis“JoanofArc。”Mynextis“HuckleberryFinn，“butthefamily”snextis“ThePrinceandthePauper。”(Yes，youareright——

Iamamoralistindisguise；itgetsmeintoheapsoftroublewhenIgothrashingaroundinpoliticalquestions。)

IwishyoueverygoodfortuneandhappinessandIthankyousomuchforyourletter。

Sincerelyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。

EarlyintheyearClemenspaidavisittoTwichellinHartford，andafteroneoftheirregularargumentsontheologyandthemoralaccountabilityofthehumanrace，argumentsthathadbeengoingonbetweenthemformorethanthirtyyears——TwichelllenthisvisitorFreedomoftheWill，byJonathanEdwards，toreadonthewayhome。

Thenextletterwastheresult。

ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：

RIVERDALE-ON-THE-HUDSON。

Feb。”02。

DEARJOE”Aftercompliments。”——[Meaning“Whatagoodtimeyougaveme；

whatahappinessitwastobeunderyourroofagain；etc。，etc。”SeeopeningsentenceofalltranslationsofletterspassingbetweenLordRobertsandIndianprincesandrulers。]——FromBridgeporttoNewYork；

thencetohome；andcontinuouslyuntilnearmidnightIwallowedandreekedwithJonathaninhisinsanedebauch；roseimmediatelyrefreshedandfineat10thismorning，butwithastrangeandhauntingsenseofhavingbeenonathreedays”tearwithadrunkenlunatic。ItisyearssinceIhaveknownthesesensations。Allthroughthebookistheglazeofaresplendentintellectgonemad——amarvelousspectacle。No，notallthroughthebook——thedrunkdoesnotcomeontillthelastthird，wherewhatItaketobeCalvinismanditsGodbeginstoshowupandshineredandhideousintheglowfromthefiresofhell，theironlyrightandproperadornment。ByGodIwasashamedtobeinsuchcompany。

Jonathanseemstohold(asagainsttheArminianposition)thattheMan(orhisSoulorhisWill)nevercreatesanimpulseitself，butismovedtoactionbyanimpulsebackofit。That”ssound！

Also，thatoftwoormorethingsofferedit，itinfalliblychoosestheonewhichforthemomentismostpleasingtoITSELF。Perfectlycorrect！

Animmenseadmissionforamannototherwisesane。

UptothatpointhecouldhavewrittenchaptersIIIandIVofmysuppressed“Gospel。”Butthereweseemtoseparate。HeseemstoconcedetheindisputableandunshakabledominionofMotiveandNecessity(callthemwhathemay，theseareexteriorforcesandnotundertheman”sauthority，guidanceorevensuggestion)——thenhesuddenlyfliesthelogictrackand(toallseeming)makesthemanandnottheseexteriorforcesresponsibletoGodfortheman”sthoughts，wordsandacts。Itisfrankinsanity。

IthinkthatwhenheconcedestheautocraticdominionofMotiveandNecessityhegrants，athirdpositionofmine——thataman”smindisameremachine——anautomaticmachine——whichishandledentirelyfromtheoutside，themanhimselffurnishingitabsolutelynothing：notanounceofitsfuel，andnotsomuchasabaresuggestiontothatexteriorengineerastowhatthemachineshalldo，norhowitshalldoitnorwhen。

Afterthatconcession，itwastimeforhimtogetalarmedandshirk——forhewaspointingstraightfortheonlyrationalandpossiblenext-stationonthatpieceofroadtheirresponsibilityofmantoGod。

Andsoheshirked。Shirked，andarrivedatthishandsomeresult：

Maniscommandedtodoso-and-so。Ithasbeenordainedfromthebeginningoftimethatsomemenshan”tandotherscan”t。

Thesearetobeblamed：letthembedamned。

IenjoytheColonelverymuch，andshallenjoytherestofhimwithanobscenedelight。

Joe，thewholetribeshoutlovetoyouandyours！

MARK。