第17章
Theywent。Itwascoldandratherdismal。Shewaitedforhim，tobewarmandtenderwithher，insteadofwhichheseemedhardly，awareofher。Hesatintherailway-carriage，lookingout，andwas，startledwhenshespoketohim。Hewasnotdefinitelythinking。
Thingsseemedasiftheydidnotexist。Shewentacrosstohim。
“Whatisitdear？”sheasked。
“Nothing！”hesaid。”Don’tthosewindmillsailslookmonotonous？”
Hesatholdingherhand。Hecouldnottalknorthink。
Itwasacomfort，however，tositholdingherhand。Shewas，dissatisfiedandmiserable。Hewasnotwithher;shewasnothing。
Andintheeveningtheysatamongthesandhills，lookingat，theblack，heavysea。
“Shewillnevergivein，“hesaidquietly。
Clara’sheartsank。
“No，“shereplied。
“Therearedifferentwaysofdying。Myfather’speople，arefrightened，andhavetobehauledoutoflifeintodeath，likecattleintoaslaughter-house，pulledbytheneck;
butmymother’speoplearepushedfrombehind，inchbyinch。
Theyarestubbornpeople，andwon’tdie。”
“Yes，“saidClara。
“Andshewon’tdie。Shecan’t。Mr。Renshaw，theparson，wasin，theotherday。’Think！’hesaidtoher;’youwillhaveyourmother，andfather，andyoursisters，andyourson，intheOtherLand。’
Andshesaid：，’Ihavedonewithoutthemforalongtime，andCAN
dowithoutthemnow。ItisthelivingIwant，notthedead。’
Shewantstoliveevennow。”
“Oh，howhorrible！”saidClara，toofrightenedtospeak。
“Andshelooksatme，andshewantstostaywithme，“hewent，onmonotonously。”She’sgotsuchawill，itseemsasifshewould，nevergo——never！”
“Don’tthinkofit！”criedClara。
“Andshewasreligious——sheisreligiousnow——butitisnogood。
Shesimplywon’tgivein。Anddoyouknow，IsaidtoheronThursday：，’Mother，ifIhadtodie，I’ddie。
I’dWILLtodie。’，Andshesaidtome，sharp：，’DoyouthinkI
haven’t？，Doyouthinkyoucandiewhenyoulike？’“
Hisvoiceceased。Hedidnotcry，onlywentonspeaking，mo-notonously。Clarawantedtorun。Shelookedround。
Therewastheblack，re-echoingshore，thedarkskydownonher。
Shegotupterrified。Shewantedtobewheretherewaslight，wheretherewereotherpeople。Shewantedtobeawayfromhim。
Hesatwithhisheaddropped，notmovingamuscle。
“AndIdon’twanthertoeat，“hesaid，“andsheknowsit。
WhenIaskher：，’Shallyouhaveanything’she’salmostafraidto，say’Yes。’，’I’llhaveacupofBenger’s，’shesays。’It’llonlykeep，yourstrengthup，’Isaidtoher。’Yes’——andshealmostcried——’but，there’ssuchagnawingwhenIeatnothing，Ican’tbearit。’
SoIwentandmadeherthefood。It’sthecancerthatgnawslike，thatather。Iwishshe’ddie！”
“Come！”saidClararoughly。”I’mgoing。”
Hefollowedherdownthedarknessofthesands。Hedid，notcometoher。Heseemedscarcelyawareofherexistence。
Andshewasafraidofhim，anddislikedhim。
InthesameacutedazetheywentbacktoNottingham。
Hewasalwaysbusy，alwaysdoingsomething，alwaysgoingfromone，totheotherofhisfriends。
OntheMondayhewenttoseeBaxterDawes。Listlessandpale，themanrosetogreettheother，clingingtohischairasheheld，outhishand。
“Youshouldn’tgetup，“saidPaul。
Dawessatdownheavily，eyeingMorelwithasortofsuspicion。
“Don’tyouwasteyourtimeonme，“hesaid，“ifyou’veowt，bettertodo。”
“Iwantedtocome，“saidPaul。”Here！，Ibroughtyousomesweets。”
Theinvalidputthemaside。
“It’snotbeenmuchofaweek-end，“saidMorel。
“How’syourmother？”askedtheother。
“Hardlyanydifferent。”
“Ithoughtshewasperhapsworse，beingasyoudidn’tcome，onSunday。”
“IwasatSkegness，“saidPaul。”Iwantedachange。”
Theotherlookedathimwithdarkeyes。Heseemedtobe，waiting，notquitedaringtoask，trustingtobetold。
“IwentwithClara，“saidPaul。
“Iknewasmuch，“saidDawesquietly。
“Itwasanoldpromise，“saidPaul。
“Youhaveityourownway，“saidDawes。
ThiswasthefirsttimeClarahadbeendefinitelymentioned，betweenthem。
“Nay，“saidMorelslowly;“she’stiredofme。”
AgainDaweslookedathim。
“SinceAugustshe’sbeengettingtiredofme，“Morelrepeated。
Thetwomenwereveryquiettogether。Paulsuggestedagame，ofdraughts。Theyplayedinsilence。
“Is’llgoabroadwhenmymother’sdead，“saidPaul。
“Abroad！”repeatedDawes。
“Yes;Idon’tcarewhatIdo。”
Theycontinuedthegame。Daweswaswinning。
“Is’llhavetobeginanewstartofsomesort，“saidPaul;
“andyouaswell，Isuppose。”
HetookoneofDawes’spieces。
“Idunnowhere，“saidtheother。
“Thingshavetohappen，“Morelsaid。”It’snogooddoing，anything——atleast——no，Idon’tknow。Givemesometoffee。”
Thetwomenatesweets，andbegananothergameofdraughts。
“Whatmadethatscaronyourmouth？”askedDawes。
Paulputhishandhastilytohislips，andlookedoverthegarden。
“Ihadabicycleaccident，“hesaid。
Dawes’shandtrembledashemovedthepiece。
“Youshouldn’tha’laughedatme，“hesaid，verylow。
“When？”
“ThatnightonWoodboroughRoad，whenyouandherpassed，me——youwithyourhandonhershoulder。”
“Ineverlaughedatyou，“saidPaul。
Daweskepthisfingersonthedraught-piece。
“Ineverknewyouweretheretilltheverysecondwhenyoupassed，“
saidMorel。
“Itwasthatasdidme，“Dawessaid，verylow。
Paultookanothersweet。
“Ineverlaughed，“hesaid，“exceptasI’malwayslaughing。”
Theyfinishedthegame。
ThatnightMorelwalkedhomefromNottingham，inordertohave，somethingtodo。ThefurnacesflaredinaredblotchoverBulwell;
theblackcloudswerelikealowceiling。Ashewentalongtheten，milesofhighroad，hefeltasifhewerewalkingoutoflife，betweentheblacklevelsoftheskyandtheearth。Butattheend，wasonlythesick-room。Ifhewalkedandwalkedforever，therewas，onlythatplacetocometo。
Hewasnottiredwhenhegotnearhome，orHedidnotknowit。
Acrossthefieldhecouldseetheredfirelightleapinginher，bedroomwindow。
“Whenshe’sdead，“hesaidtohimself，“thatfirewillgoout。”
Hetookoffhisbootsquietlyandcreptupstairs。
Hismothersdoorwaswideopen，becauseshesleptalonestill。
Theredfirelightdasheditsglowonthelanding。Softasashadow，hepeepedinherdoorway。
“Paul！”shemurmured。
Hisheartseemedtobreakagain。Hewentinandsatbythebed。
“Howlateyouare！”shemurmured。
“Notvery，“hesaid。
“Why，whattimeisit？”Themurmurcameplaintiveandhelpless。
“It’sonlyjustgoneeleven。”
Thatwasnottrue;itwasnearlyoneo’clock。
“Oh！”shesaid;“Ithoughtitwaslater。”
Andheknewtheunutterablemiseryofhernightsthatwould，notgo。
“Can’tyousleep，mypigeon？”hesaid。
“No，Ican’t，“shewailed。
“Nevermind，Little！”Hesaidcrooning。”Nevermind，mylove。
I’llstopwithyouhalfanhour，mypigeon;thenperhapsitwill，bebetter。”
Andhesatbythebedside，slowly，rhythmicallystrokingher，browswithhisfinger-tips，strokinghereyesshut，soothingher，holdingherfingersinhisfreehand。Theycouldhearthesleepers’
breathingintheotherrooms。
“Nowgotobed，“shemurmured，lyingquitestillunderhis，fingersandhislove。
“Willyousleep？”heasked。
“Yes，Ithinkso。”
“Youfeelbetter，myLittle，don’tyou？”
“Yes，“shesaid，likeafretful，half-soothedchild。
Stillthedaysandtheweekswentby。Hehardlyeverwenttosee，Claranow。Buthewanderedrestlesslyfromonepersontoanother，forsomehelp，andtherewasnoneanywhere。Miriamhadwritten，tohimtenderly。Hewenttoseeher。Herheartwasverysore，whenshesawhim，white，gaunt，withhiseyesdarkandbewildered。
Herpitycameup，hurtinghertillshecouldnotbearit。
“Howisshe？”sheasked。
“Thesame——thesame！”hesaid。”Thedoctorsaysshecan’tlast，butIknowshewill。She’llbehereatChristmas。”
Miriamshuddered。Shedrewhimtoher;shepressedhimtoherbosom;
shekissedhimandkissedhim。Hesubmitted，butitwastorture。
Shecouldnotkisshisagony。Thatremainedaloneandapart。
Shekissedhisface，androusedhisblood，whilehissoulwasapart，writhingwiththeagonyofdeath。Andshekissedhimandfingered，hisbody，tillatlast，feelinghewouldgomad，hegotawayfromher。
Itwasnotwhathewantedjustthen——notthat。Andshethoughtshe，hadsoothedhimanddonehimgood。
Decembercame，andsomesnow。Hestayedathomeallthewhilenow。
Theycouldnotaffordanurse。Anniecametolookafterhermother;
theparishnurse，whomtheyloved，cameinmorningandevening。
PaulsharedthenursingwithAnnie。Often，intheevenings，whenfriendswereinthekitchenwiththem，theyalllaughedtogether，andshookwithlaughter。Itwasreaction。Paulwassocomical，Anniewassoquaint。Thewholepartylaughedtilltheycried，tryingtosubduethesound。AndMrs。Morel，lyingaloneinthe，darknessheardthem，andamongherbitternesswasafeeling，ofrelief。
ThenPaulwouldgoupstairsgingerly，guiltily，toseeifshe，hadheard。
“ShallIgiveyousomemilk？”heasked。
“Alittle，“sherepliedplaintively。
Andhewouldputsomewaterwithit，sothatitshouldnot，nourishher。Yethelovedhermorethanhisownlife。
Shehadmorphiaeverynight，andherheartgotfitful。
Anniesleptbesideher。Paulwouldgoinintheearlymorning，whenhissistergotup。Hismotherwaswastedandalmostashen，inthemorningwiththemorphia。Darkeranddarkergrewhereyes，allpupil，withthetorture。Inthemorningsthewearinessandache，weretoomuchtobear。Yetshecouldnot——wouldnot——weep，oreven，complainmuch。
“Yousleptabitlaterthismorning，littleone，“hewould，saytoher。
“DidI？”sheanswered，withfretfulweariness。
“Yes;it’snearlyeighto’clock。”
Hestoodlookingoutofthewindow。Thewholecountry，wasbleakandpallidunderthesnow。Thenhefeltherpulse。
Therewasastrongstrokeandaweakone，likeasoundanditsecho。
Thatwassupposedtobetokentheend。Shelethimfeelherwrist，knowingwhathewanted。
Sometimestheylookedineachother’seyes。Thentheyalmost，seemedtomakeanagreement。Itwasalmostasifhewereagreeing，todiealso。Butshedidnotconsenttodie;shewouldnot。
Herbodywaswastedtoafragmentofash。Hereyesweredarkand，fulloftorture。
“Can’tyougivehersomethingtoputanendtoit？”heasked，thedoctoratlast。
Butthedoctorshookhishead。
“Shecan’tlastmanydaysnow，Mr。Morel，“hesaid。
Paulwentindoors。
“Ican’tbearitmuchlonger;weshallallgomad，“saidAnnie。
Thetwosatdowntobreakfast。
“Goandsitwithherwhilewehavebreakfast，Minnie，“saidAnnie。
Butthegirlwasfrightened。
Paulwentthroughthecountry，throughthewoods，overthesnow。
Hesawthemarksofrabbitsandbirdsinthewhitesnow。
Hewanderedmilesandmiles。Asmokyredsunsetcameonslowly，painfully，lingering。Hethoughtshewoulddiethatday。Therewas，adonkeythatcameuptohimoverthesnowbythewood’sedge，andputitsheadagainsthim，andwalkedwithhimalongside。
Heputhisarmsroundthedonkey’sneck，andstrokedhischeeks，againsthisears。
Hismother，silent，wasstillalive，withherhardmouth，grippedgrimly，hereyesofdarktortureonlyliving。
ItwasnearingChristmas;therewasmoresnow。Annieand，hefeltasiftheycouldgoonnomore。Stillherdarkeyes，werealive。Morel，silentandfrightened，obliteratedhimself。
Sometimeshewouldgointothesick-roomandlookather。
Thenhebackedout，bewildered。
Shekeptherholdonlifestill。Theminershadbeenout，onstrike，andreturnedafortnightorsobeforeChristmas。
Minniewentupstairswiththefeeding-cup。Itwastwodaysafter，themenhadbeenin。
“Havethemenbeensayingtheirhandsaresore，Minnie？”
sheasked，inthefaint，querulousvoicethatwouldnotgivein。
Minniestoodsurprised。
“NotasIknowof，Mrs。Morel，“sheanswered。
“ButI’llbettheyaresore，“saidthedyingwoman，asshe，movedherheadwithasighofweariness。”But，atanyrate，there’llbesomethingtobuyinwiththisweek。”
Notathingdidsheletslip。
“Yourfather’spitthingswillwantwellairing，Annie，“shesaid，whenthemenweregoingbacktowork。
“Don’tyoubotheraboutthat，mydear，“saidAnnie。
OnenightAnnieandPaulwerealone。Nursewasupstairs。
“She’llliveoverChristmas，“saidAnnie。Theywerebothfull，ofhorror。”Shewon’t，“herepliedgrimly。”Is’llgivehermorphia。”
“Which？”saidAnnie。
“AllthatcamefromSheffield，“saidPaul。
“Ay——do！”saidAnnie。
Thenextdayhewaspaintinginthebedroom。Sheseemed，tobeasleep。Hesteppedsoftlybackwardsandforwardsathis，painting。Suddenlyhersmallvoicewailed：
“Don’twalkabout，Paul。”
Helookedround。Hereyes，likedarkbubblesinherface，werelookingathim。
“No，mydear，“hesaidgently。Anotherfibreseemedtosnap，inhisheart。
Thateveninghegotallthemorphiapillstherewere，andtook，themdownstairs。Carefullyhecrushedthemtopowder。
“Whatareyoudoing？”saidAnnie。
“Is’llput’eminhernightmilk。”
Thentheybothlaughedtogetherliketwoconspiringchildren。
Ontopofalltheirhorrorflickedthislittlesanity。
NursedidnotcomethatnighttosettleMrs。Moreldown。
Paulwentupwiththehotmilkinafeeding-cup。Itwasnine，o’clock。
Shewasrearedupinbed，andheputthefeeding-cupbetweenher，lipsthathewouldhavediedtosavefromanyhurt。Shetookasip，thenputthespoutofthecupawayandlookedathimwithherdark，wonderingeyes。Helookedather。
“Oh，itISbitter，Paul！”shesaid，makingalittlegrimace。
“It’sanewsleepingdraughtthedoctorgavemeforyou，“hesaid。
“Hethoughtitwouldleaveyouinsuchastateinthemorning。”
“AndIhopeitwon’t，“shesaid，likeachild。
Shedranksomemoreofthemilk。
“ButitIShorrid！”shesaid。
Hesawherfrailfingersoverthecup，herlipsmaking，alittlemove。
“Iknow——Itastedit，“hesaid。”ButI’llgiveyousomeclean，milkafterwards。”
“Ithinkso，“shesaid，andshewentonwiththedraught。
Shewasobedienttohimlikeachild。Hewonderedifsheknew。
Hesawherpoorwastedthroatmovingasshedrankwithdifficulty。
Thenherandownstairsformoremilk。Therewerenograinsinthebottom，ofthecup。
“Hasshehadit？”whisperedAnnie。
“Yes——andshesaiditwasbitter。”
“Oh！”laughedAnnie，puttingherunderlipbetweenherteeth。
“AndItoldheritwasanewdraught。Where’sthatmilk？”
Theybothwentupstairs。
“Iwonderwhynursedidn’tcometosettlemedown？”
complainedthemother，likeachild，wistfully。
“Shesaidshewasgoingtoaconcert，mylove，“repliedAnnie。
“Didshe？”
Theyweresilentaminute。Mrs。Morelgulpedthelittle，cleanmilk。
“Annie，thatdraughtWAShorrid！”shesaidplaintively。
“Wasit，mylove？，Well，nevermind。”
Themothersighedagainwithweariness。Herpulsewas，veryirregular。
“LetUSsettleyoudown，“saidAnnie。”Perhapsnursewill，besolate。”
“Ay，“saidthemother——“try。”
Theyturnedtheclothesback。PaulsawhismotherLIkeagirl，curledupinherflannelnightdress。Quicklytheymadeonehalf，ofthebed，movedher，madetheother，straightenedhernightgown，overhersmallfeet，andcoveredherup。
“There，“saidPaul，strokinghersoftly。”There！——nowyou’llsleep。”
“Yes，“shesaid。”Ididn’tthinkyoucoulddothebedsonicely，“
sheadded，almostgaily。Thenshecurledup，withhercheek，onherhand，herheadsnuggedbetweenhershoulders。Paulput，thelongthinplaitofgreyhairoverhershoulderandkissedher。
“You’llsleep，mylove，“hesaid。
“Yes，“sheansweredtrustfully。”Good-night。”
Theyputoutthelight，anditwasstill。
Morelwasinbed。Nursedidnotcome。AnnieandPaulcame，tolookatheratabouteleven。Sheseemedtobesleepingasusual，afterherdraught。Hermouthhadcomeabitopen。
“Shallwesitup？”saidPaul。
“Is’llliewithherasIalwaysdo，“saidAnnie。”Shemight，wakeup。”
“Allright。Andcallmeifyouseeanydifference。”
“Yes。”
Theylingeredbeforethebedroomfire，feelingthenightbig，andblackandsnowyoutside，theirtwoselvesaloneintheworld。
Atlasthewentintothenextroomandwenttobed。
Hesleptalmostimmediately，butkeptwakingeverynowandagain。
Thenhewentsoundasleep。HestartedawakeatAnnie’swhispered，“Paul，Paul！”Hesawhissisterinherwhitenightdress，withher，longplaitofhairdownherback，standinginthedarkness。
“Yes？”hewhispered，sittingup。
“Comeandlookather。”
Heslippedoutofbed。Abudofgaswasburninginthe，sickchamber。Hismotherlaywithhercheekonherhand，curledup，asshehadgonetosleep。Buthermouthhadfallenopen，andshe，breathedwithgreat，hoarsebreaths，likesnoring，andtherewere，longintervalsbetween。
“She’sgoing！”hewhispered。
“Yes，“saidAnnie。
“Howlonghasshebeenlikeit？”
“Ionlyjustwokeup。”
Anniehuddledintothedressing-gown，Paulwrappedhimself，inabrownblanket。Itwasthreeo’clock。Hemendedthefire。
Thenthetwosatwaiting。Thegreat，snoringbreathwastaken——held，awhile——thengivenback。Therewasaspace——alongspace。
Thentheystarted。Thegreat，snoringbreathwastakenagain。
Hebentclosedownandlookedather。
“Isn’titawful！”whisperedAnnie。
Henodded。Theysatdownagainhelplessly。Againcamethegreat，snoringbreath。Againtheyhungsuspended。Againitwasgivenback，longandharsh。Thesound，soirregular，atsuchwideintervals，soundedthroughthehouse。Morel，inhisroom，slepton。
PaulandAnniesatcrouched，huddled，motionless。Thegreatsnoring，soundbeganagain——therewasapainfulpausewhilethebreathwas，held——backcametheraspingbreath。Minuteafterminutepassed。
Paullookedatheragain，bendinglowoverher。
“Shemaylastlikethis，“hesaid。
Theywerebothsilent。Helookedoutofthewindow，andcould，faintlydiscernthesnowonthegarden。
“Yougotomybed，“hesaidtoAnnie。”I’llsitup。”
“No，“shesaid，“I’llstopwithyou。”
“I’dratheryoudidn’t，“hesaid。
AtlastAnniecreptoutoftheroom，andhewasalone。
Hehuggedhimselfinhisbrownblanket，crouchedinfrontof，hismother，watching。Shelookeddreadful，withthebottomjaw，fallenback。Hewatched。Sometimeshethoughtthegreatbreath，wouldneverbeginagain。Hecouldnotbearit——thewaiting。
Thensuddenly，startlinghim，camethegreatharshsound。
Hemendedthefireagain，noiselessly。Shemustnotbedisturbed。
Theminuteswentby。Thenightwasgoing，breathbybreath。
Eachtimethesoundcamehefeltitwringhim，tillatlasthecould，notfeelsomuch。
Hisfathergotup。Paulheardtheminerdrawinghis，stockingson，yawning。ThenMorel，inshirtandstockings，entered。
“Hush！”saidPaul。
Morelstoodwatching。Thenhelookedathisson，helplessly，andinhorror。
“HadIbetterstopa-whoam？”hewhispered。
“No。Gotowork。She’lllastthroughto-morrow。”
“Idon’tthinkso。”
“Yes。Gotowork。”
Theminerlookedatheragain，infear，andwentobediently，outoftheroom。Paulsawthetapeofhisgartersswingingagainst，hislegs。
Afteranotherhalf-hourPaulwentdownstairsanddrankacup，oftea，thenreturned。Morel，dressedforthepit，cameupstairsagain。
“AmItogo？”hesaid。
“Yes。”
AndinafewminutesPaulheardhisfather’sheavystepsgo，thuddingoverthedeadeningsnow。Minerscalledinthestreets，astheytrampedingangstowork。Theterrible，long-drawnbreaths，continued——heave——heave——heave;thenalongpause——then——ah-h-h-h-h！
asitcameback。Farawayoverthesnowsoundedthehooters，oftheironworks。Oneafteranothertheycrowedandboomed，somesmallandfaraway，somenear，theblowersofthecollieries，andtheotherworks。Thentherewassilence。Hemendedthefire。
Thegreatbreathsbrokethesilence——shelookedjustthesame。
Heputbacktheblindandpeeredout。Stillitwasdark。
Perhapstherewasalightertinge。Perhapsthesnowwasbluer。
Hedrewuptheblindandgotdressed。Then，shuddering，hedrank，brandyfromthebottleonthewash-stand。ThesnowWASgrowingblue。
Heheardacartclankingdownthestreet。Yes，itwasseveno’clock，anditwascomingalittlebitlight。Heheardsomepeoplecalling。
Theworldwaswaking。Agrey，deathlydawncreptoverthesnow。
Yes，hecouldseethehouses。Heputoutthegas。Itseemed，verydark。Thebreathingcamestill，buthewasalmostusedtoit。
Hecouldseeher。Shewasjustthesame。Hewonderedifhepiled，heavyclothesontopofheritwouldstop。Helookedather。
Thatwasnother——notherabit。Ifhepiledtheblanketandheavycoats，onher——
Suddenlythedooropened，andAnnieentered。Shelooked，athimquestioningly。
“Justthesame，“hesaidcalmly。
Theywhisperedtogetheraminute，thenhewentdownstairs，togetbreakfast。Itwastwentytoeight。SoonAnniecamedown。
“Isn’titawful！，Doesn’tshelookawful！”shewhispered，dazedwithhorror。
Henodded。
“Ifshelookslikethat！”saidAnnie。
“Drinksometea，“hesaid。
Theywentupstairsagain。Soontheneighbourscamewiththeir，frightenedquestion：
“Howisshe？”
Itwentonjustthesame。Shelaywithhercheekinherhand，hermouthfallenopen，andthegreat，ghastlysnorescameandwent。
Atteno’clocknursecame。Shelookedstrangeandwoebegone。
“Nurse，“criedPaul，“she’lllastlikethisfordays？”
“Shecan’t，Mr。Morel，“saidnurse。”Shecan’t。”
Therewasasilence。
“Isn’titdreadful！”wailedthenurse。”Whowouldhavethought，shecouldstandit？，Godownnow，Mr。Morel，godown。”
Atlast，atabouteleveno’clock，hewentdownstairs，andsatintheneighbour’shouse。Anniewasdownstairsalso。
NurseandArthurwereupstairs。Paulsatwithhisheadinhishand。
SuddenlyAnniecameflyingacrosstheyardcrying，halfmad：
“Paul——Paul——she’sgone！”
Inasecondhewasbackinhisownhouseandupstairs。
Shelaycurledupandstill，withherfaceonherhand，andnurse，waswipinghermouth。Theyallstoodback。Hekneeleddown，andputhisfacetohersandhisarmsroundher：
“Mylove——mylove——oh，mylove！”hewhisperedagainandagain。
“Mylove——oh，mylove！”
Thenheheardthenursebehindhim，crying，saying：
“She’sbetter，Mr。Morel，she’sbetter。”
Whenhetookhisfaceupfromhiswarm，deadmotherhewent，straightdownstairsandbeganblackinghisboots。
Therewasagooddealtodo，letterstowrite，andsoon。
Thedoctorcameandglancedather，andsighed。
“Ay——poorthing！”hesaid，thenturnedaway。”Well，call，atthesurgeryaboutsixforthecertificate。”
Thefathercamehomefromworkataboutfouro’clock。He，draggedsilentlyintothehouseandsatdown。Minniebustledto，givehimhisdinner。Tired，helaidhisblackarmsonthetable。
Therewereswedeturnipsforhisdinner，whichheliked。
Paulwonderedifheknew。Itwassometime，andnobodyhadspoken。
Atlastthesonsaid：
“Younoticedtheblindsweredown？”
Morellookedup。
“No，“hesaid。”Why——hasshegone？”
“Yes。”
“Whenworthat？”
“Abouttwelvethismorning。”
“H’m！”
Theminersatstillforamoment，thenbeganhisdinner。
Itwasasifnothinghadhappened。Heatehisturnipsinsilence。
Afterwardshewashedandwentupstairstodress。Thedoorofherroom，wasshut。
“Haveyouseenher？”Annieaskedofhimwhenhecamedown。
“No，“hesaid。
Inalittlewhilehewentout。Anniewentaway，andPaul，calledontheundertaker，theclergyman，thedoctor，theregistrar。
Itwasalongbusiness。Hegotbackatnearlyeighto’clock。The，undertakerwascomingsoontomeasureforthecoffin。Thehouse，wasemptyexceptforher。Hetookacandleandwentupstairs。
Theroomwascold，thathadbeenwarmforsolong。Flowers，bottles，plates，allsick-roomlitterwastakenaway;everythingwas，harshandaustere。Shelayraisedonthebed，thesweepofthesheet，fromtheraisedfeetwaslikeacleancurveofsnow，sosilent。
Shelaylikeamaidenasleep。Withhiscandleinhishand，hebent，overher。Shelaylikeagirlasleepanddreamingofherlove。
Themouthwasalittleopenasifwonderingfromthesuffering，butherfacewasyoung，herbrowclearandwhiteasiflifehad，nevertouchedit。Helookedagainattheeyebrows，atthesmall，winsomenoseabitononeside。Shewasyoungagain。Onlythehair，asitarchedsobeautifullyfromhertempleswasmixedwithsilver，andthetwosimpleplaitsthatlayonhershoulderswerefiligree，ofsilverandbrown。Shewouldwakeup。Shewouldlifthereyelids。
Shewaswithhimstill。Hebentandkissedherpassionately。
Buttherewascoldnessagainsthismouth。Hebithis，lipswithhorror。Lookingather，hefelthecouldnever，neverlet，hergo。No！，Hestrokedthehairfromhertemples。That，too，wascold。Hesawthemouthsodumbandwonderingatthehurt。
Thenhecrouchedonthefloor，whisperingtoher：
“Mother，mother！”
Hewasstillwithherwhentheundertakerscame，youngmen，whohadbeentoschoolwithhim。Theytouchedherreverently，andinaquiet，businesslikefashion。Theydidnotlookather。
Hewatchedjealously。HeandAnnieguardedherfiercely。
Theywouldnotletanybodycometoseeher，andtheneighbours，wereoffended。
AfterawhilePaulwentoutofthehouse，andplayedcards，atafriend’s。Itwasmidnightwhenhegotback。Hisfatherrose，fromthecouchasheentered，sayinginaplaintiveway：
“Ithoughtthawornivercomin’，lad。”
“Ididn’tthinkyou’dsitup，“saidPaul。
Hisfatherlookedsoforlorn。Morelhadbeenamanwithout，fear——simplynothingfrightenedhim。Paulrealisedwithastartthat，hehadbeenafraidtogotobed，aloneinthehousewithhisdead。
Hewassorry。
“Iforgotyou’dbealone，father，“hesaid。
“Dostwantowttoeat？”askedMorel。
“No。”
“Sithee——Imadetheeadropo’hotmilk。Getitdownthee;
it’scoldenoughforowt。”
Pauldrankit。
AfterawhileMorelwenttobed。Hehurriedpastthecloseddoor，andlefthisowndooropen。Soonthesoncameupstairsalso。
Hewentintokisshergood-night，asusual。Itwascoldanddark。
Hewishedtheyhadkeptherfireburning。Stillshedreamedher，youngdream。Butshewouldbecold。
“Mydear！”hewhispered。”Mydear！”
Andhedidnotkissher，forfearsheshouldbecold，andstrangetohim。Iteasedhimshesleptsobeautifully。
Heshutherdoorsoftly，nottowakeher，andwenttobed。
InthemorningMorelsummonedhiscourage，hearingAnnie，downstairsandPaulcoughingintheroomacrossthelanding。
Heopenedherdoor，andwentintothedarkenedroom。Hesawthe，whiteupliftedforminthetwilight，butherhedarednotsee。
Bewildered，toofrightenedtopossessanyofhisfaculties，hegot，outoftheroomagainandlefther。Heneverlookedatheragain。
Hehadnotseenherformonths，becausehehadnotdaredtolook。
Andshelookedlikehisyoungwifeagain。
“Haveyouseenher？”Annieaskedofhimsharplyafterbreakfast。
“Yes，“hesaid。
“Anddon’tyouthinkshelooksnice？”
“Yes。”
Hewentoutofthehousesoonafter。Andallthetime，Heseemedtobecreepingasidetoavoidit。
Paulwentaboutfromplacetoplace，doingthebusinessof，thedeath。HemetClarainNottingham，andtheyhadteatogether，inacafe，whentheywerequitejollyagain。Shewasinfinitely，relievedtofindhedidnottakeittragically。
Later，whentherelativesbegantocomeforthefuneral，theaffairbecamepublic，andthechildrenbecamesocialbeings。
Theyputthemselvesaside。Theyburiedherinafuriousstorm，ofrainandwind。Thewetclayglistened，allthewhiteflowers，weresoaked。Anniegrippedhisarmandleanedforward。
DownbelowshesawadarkcornerofWilliam’scoffin。Theoak，boxsanksteadily。Shewasgone。Therainpouredinthegrave。
Theprocessionofblack，withitsumbrellasglistening，turnedaway。
Thecemeterywasdesertedunderthedrenchingcoldrain。
Paulwenthomeandbusiedhimselfsupplyingtheguestswithdrinks。
HisfathersatinthekitchenwithMrs。Morel’srelatives，“superior“people，andwept，andsaidwhatagoodlassshe’dbeen，andhowhe’dtriedtodoeverythinghecouldforher——everything。
Hehadstrivenallhislifetodowhathecouldforher，andhe’d，nothingtoreproachhimselfwith。Shewasgone，buthe’ddone，hisbestforher。Hewipedhiseyeswithhiswhitehandkerchief。
He’dnothingtoreproachhimselffor，herepeated。Allhislifehe’d，donehisbestforher。
Andthatwashowhetriedtodismissher。Henever，thoughtofherpersonally。Everythingdeepinhimhedenied。
Paulhatedhisfatherforsittingsentimentalisingoverher。
Heknewhewoulddoitinthepublic-houses。Fortherealtragedy，wentoninMorelinspiteofhimself。Sometimes，later，hecame，downfromhisafternoonsleep，whiteandcowering。
“IHAVEbeendreamingofthymother，“hesaidinasmallvoice。
“Haveyou，father？，WhenIdreamofherit’salwaysjustasshe，waswhenshewaswell。Idreamofheroften，butitseemsquite，niceandnatural，asifnothinghadaltered。”
ButMorelcrouchedinfrontofthefireinterror。
Theweekspassedhalf-real，notmuchpain，notmuchofanything，perhapsalittlerelief，mostlyanuitblanche。Paulwentrestless，fromplacetoplace。Forsomemonths，sincehismotherhadbeenworse，hehadnotmadelovetoClara。Shewas，asitwere，dumbtohim，ratherdistant。Dawessawherveryoccasionally，butthetwo，couldnotgetaninchacrossthegreatdistancebetweenthem。
Thethreeofthemweredriftingforward。
Dawesmendedveryslowly。Hewasintheconvalescenthome，atSkegnessatChristmas，nearlywellagain。Paulwenttothe，seasideforafewdays。HisfatherwaswithAnnieinSheffield。
DawescametoPaul’slodgings。Histimeinthehomewasup。
Thetwomen，betweenwhomwassuchabigreserve，seemedfaithful，toeachother。DawesdependedonMorelnow。HeknewPaulandClara，hadpracticallyseparated。
TwodaysafterChristmasPaulwastogobacktoNottingham。
TheeveningbeforehesatwithDawessmokingbeforethefire。
“YouknowClara’scomingdownforthedayto-morrow？”
hesaid。
Theothermanglancedathim。
“Yes，youtoldme，“hereplied。
Pauldranktheremainderofhisglassofwhisky。
“Itoldthelandladyyourwifewascoming，“hesaid。
“Didyou？”saidDawes，shrinking，butalmostleavinghimself，intheother’shands。Hegotupratherstiffly，andreached，forMorel’sglass。
“Letmefillyouup，“hesaid。
Pauljumpedup。
“Yousitstill，“hesaid。
ButDawes，withrathershakyhand，continuedtomixthedrink。
“Saywhen，“hesaid。
“Thanks！”repliedtheother。”Butyou’venobusinesstogetup。”
“Itdoesmegood，lad，“repliedDawes。”Ibegintothink，I’mrightagain，then。”
“Youareaboutright，youknow。”
“Iam，certainlyIam，“saidDawes，noddingtohim。
“AndLensayshecangetyouoninSheffield。”
Dawesglancedathimagain，withdarkeyesthatagreedwith，everythingtheotherwouldsay，perhapsatrifledominatedbyhim。
“It’sfunny，“saidPaul，“startingagain。Ifeelinalot，biggermessthanyou。”
“Inwhatway，lad？”
“Idon’tknow。Idon’tknow。It’sasifIwasinatangled，sortofhole，ratherdarkanddreary，andnoroadanywhere。”
“Iknow——Iunderstandit，“Dawessaid，nodding。”Butyou’ll，findit’llcomeallright。”
Hespokecaressingly。
“Isupposeso，“saidPaul。
Dawesknockedhispipeinahopelessfashion。
“You’venotdoneforyourselflikeIhave，“hesaid。
Morelsawthewristandthewhitehandoftheotherman，grippingthestemofthepipeandknockingouttheash，asifhe，hadgivenup。
“Howoldareyou？”Paulasked。
“Thirty-nine，“repliedDawes，glancingathim。
Thosebrowneyes，fulloftheconsciousnessoffailure，almostpleadingforreassurance，forsomeonetore-establishtheman，inhimself，towarmhim，tosethimupfirmagain，troubledPaul。
“You’lljustbeinyourprime，“saidMorel。”Youdon’tlook，asifmuchlifehadgoneoutofyou。”
Thebrowneyesoftheotherflashedsuddenly。
“Ithasn’t，“hesaid。”Thegoisthere。”
Paullookedupandlaughed。
“We’vebothgotplentyoflifeinusyettomakethingsfly，“
hesaid。
Theeyesofthetwomenmet。Theyexchangedonelook。
Havingrecognisedthestressofpassioneachintheother，theyboth，dranktheirwhisky。
“Yes，begod！”saidDawes，breathless。