第7章
“Tellme,whatisyourname?……andwheredoyoulive？”shesaidhurriedlyinabreathlessvoice。
Helaidbothhandsonhershouldersandlookedatherwithasortofrapture。Itwassuchajoytohimtolookather,hecouldnothavesaidwhy。
“Whosentyou？”
“SisterSoniasentme,“answeredthegirl,smilingstillmorebrightly。
“IknewitwassisterSoniasentyou。“
“Mammasentme,too……whensisterSoniawassendingme,mammacameup,too,andsaid"Runfast,Polenka。"“
“DoyoulovesisterSonia？”
“Ilovehermorethananyone,“Polenkaansweredwithapeculiarearnestness,andhersmilebecamegraver。
“Andwillyouloveme？”
Bywayofanswerhesawthelittlegirl"sfaceapproachinghim,herfulllipsnaivelyheldouttokisshim。Suddenlyherarmsasthinassticksheldhimtightly,herheadrestedonhisshoulderandthelittlegirlweptsoftly,pressingherfaceagainsthim。
“Iamsorryforfather,“shesaidamomentlater,raisinghertear-stainedfaceandbrushingawaythetearswithherhands。“It"snothingbutmisfortunesnow,“sheaddedsuddenlywiththatpeculiarlysedateairwhichchildrentryhardtoassumewhentheywanttospeaklikegrown-uppeople。
“Didyourfatherloveyou？”
“HelovedLidamost,“shewentonveryseriouslywithoutasmile,exactlylikegrown-uppeople,“helovedherbecausesheislittleandbecausesheisill,too。Andhealwaysusedtobringherpresents。
Buthetaughtustoreadandmegrammarandscripture,too,“sheaddedwithdignity。“Andmotherneverusedtosayanything,butweknewthatshelikeditandfatherknewit,too。AndmotherwantstoteachmeFrench,forit"stimemyeducationbegan。“
“Anddoyouknowyourprayers？”
“Ofcourse,wedo!Weknewthemlongago。IsaymyprayerstomyselfasIamabiggirlnow,butKolyaandLidasaythemaloudwithmother。
Firsttheyrepeatthe"AveMaria"andthenanotherprayer："Lord,forgiveandblessSisterSonia,"andthenanother,"Lord,forgiveandblessoursecondfather。"Forourelderfatherisdeadandthisisanotherone,butwedoprayfortheotheraswell。“
“Polenka,mynameisRodion。Praysometimesforme,too。"AndThyservantRodion,"nothingmore。“
“I"llprayforyoualltherestofmylife,“thelittlegirldeclaredhotly,andsuddenlysmilingagainsherushedathimandhuggedhimwarmlyoncemore。
Raskolnikovtoldherhisnameandaddressandpromisedtobesuretocomenextday。Thechildwentawayquiteenchantedwithhim。Itwaspasttenwhenhecameoutintothestreet。Infiveminuteshewasstandingonthebridgeatthespotwherethewomanhadjumpedin。
“Enough,“hepronouncedresolutelyandtriumphantly。“I"vedonewithfancies,imaginaryterrorsandphantoms!Lifeisreal!haven"tIlivedjustnow?Mylifehasnotyetdiedwiththatoldwoman!TheKingdomofHeaventoher-andnowenough,madam,leavemeinpeace!Nowforthereignofreasonandlight……andofwill,andofstrength……andnowwewillsee!Wewilltryourstrength！”headdeddefiantly,asthoughchallengingsomepowerofdarkness。“AndIwasreadytoconsenttoliveinasquareofspace!
“Iamveryweakatthismoment,but……Ibelievemyillnessisallover。IknewitwouldbeoverwhenIwentout。Bytheway,Potchinkov"shouseisonlyafewstepsaway。IcertainlymustgotoRazumihinevenifitwerenotcloseby……lethimwinhisbet!Letusgivehimsomesatisfaction,too-nomatter!Strength,strengthiswhatonewants,youcangetnothingwithoutit,andstrengthmustbewonbystrength-that"swhattheydon"tknow,“headdedproudlyandself-confidentlyandhewalkedwithflaggingfootstepsfromthebridge。Prideandself-confidencegrewcontinuallystrongerinhim;hewasbecomingadifferentmaneverymoment。Whatwasithadhappenedtoworkthisrevolutioninhim?Hedidnotknowhimself;likeamancatchingatastraw,hesuddenlyfeltthathe,too,"couldlive,thattherewasstilllifeforhim,thathislifehadnotdiedwiththeoldwoman。"Perhapshewasintoogreatahurrywithhisconclusion,buthedidnotthinkofthat。
“ButIdidaskhertoremember"ThyservantRodion"inherprayers,“
theideastruckhim。“Well,thatwas……incaseofemergency,“headdedandlaughedhimselfathisboyishsally。Hewasinthebestofspirits。
HeeasilyfoundRazumihin;thenewlodgerwasalreadyknownatPotchinkov"sandtheporteratonceshowedhimtheway。Half-wayupstairshecouldhearthenoiseandanimatedconversationofabiggatheringofpeople。Thedoorwaswideopenonthestairs;hecouldhearexclamationsanddiscussion。Razumihin"sroomwasfairlylarge;
thecompanyconsistedoffifteenpeople。Raskolnikovstoppedintheentry,wheretwoofthelandlady"sservantswerebusybehindascreenwithtwosamovars,bottles,platesanddishesofpieandsavouries,broughtupfromthelandlady"skitchen。RaskolnikovsentinforRazumihin。Heranoutdelighted。Atthefirstglanceitwasapparentthathehadhadagreatdealtodrinkand,thoughnoamountofliquormadeRazumihinquitedrunk,thistimehewasperceptiblyaffectedbyit。
“Listen,“Raskolnikovhastenedtosay,“I"veonlyjustcometotellyouyou"vewonyourbetandthatnoonereallyknowswhatmaynothappentohim。Ican"tcomein;IamsoweakthatIshallfalldowndirectly。Andsogoodeveningandgood-bye!Comeandseemeto-morrow。“
“Doyouknowwhat?I"llseeyouhome。Ifyousayyou"reweakyourself,youmust……“
“Andyourvisitors?Whoisthecurly-headedonewhohasjustpeepedout？”
“He?Goodnessonlyknows!Somefriendofuncle"sIexpect,orperhapshehascomewithoutbeinginvited……I"llleaveunclewiththem,heisaninvaluableperson,pityIcan"tintroduceyoutohimnow。Butconfoundthemallnow!Theywon"tnoticeme,andIneedalittlefreshair,foryou"vecomejustinthenickoftime-anothertwominutesandIshouldhavecometoblows!Theyaretalkingsuchalotofwildstuff……yousimplycan"timaginewhatmenwillsay!
Thoughwhyshouldn"tyouimagine?Don"twetalknonsenseourselves?
Andletthem……that"sthewaytolearnnotto!……Waitaminute,I"llfetchZossimov。“
ZossimovpounceduponRaskolnikovalmostgreedily;heshowedaspecialinterestinhim;soonhisfacebrightened。
“Youmustgotobedatonce,“hepronounced,examiningthepatientasfarashecould,“andtakesomethingforthenight。Willyoutakeit?Igotitreadysometimeago……apowder。“
“Two,ifyoulike,“answeredRaskolnikov。Thepowderwastakenatonce。
“It"sagoodthingyouaretakinghimhome,“observedZossimovtoRazumihin-“weshallseehowheisto-morrow,to-dayhe"snotatallamiss-aconsiderablechangesincetheafternoon。Liveandlearn……“
“DoyouknowwhatZossimovwhisperedtomewhenwewerecomingout？”
Razumihinblurtedout,assoonastheywereinthestreet。“Iwon"ttellyoueverything,brother,becausetheyaresuchfools。Zossimovtoldmetotalkfreelytoyouonthewayandgetyoutotalkfreelytome,andafterwardsIamtotellhimaboutit,forhe"sgotanotioninhisheadthatyouare……madorcloseonit。Onlyfancy!Inthefirstplace,you"vethreetimesthebrainshehas;inthesecond,ifyouarenotmad,youneedn"tcareahangthathehasgotsuchawildidea;andthirdly,thatpieceofbeefwhosespecialtyissurgeryhasgonemadonmentaldiseases,andwhat"sbroughthimtothisconclusionaboutyouwasyourconversationto-daywithZametov。“
“Zametovtoldyouallaboutit？”
“Yes,andhedidwell。NowIunderstandwhatitallmeansandsodoesZametov……Well,thefactis,Rodya……thepointis……Iamalittledrunknow……Butthat"s……nomatter……thepointisthatthisidea……youunderstand?wasjustbeinghatchedintheirbrains……
youunderstand?Thatis,nooneventuredtosayitaloud,becausetheideaistooabsurdandespeciallysincethearrestofthatpainter,thatbubble"sburstandgoneforever。Butwhyaretheysuchfools?IgaveZametovabitofathrashingatthetime-that"sbetweenourselves,brother;pleasedon"tletoutahintthatyouknowofit;I"venoticedheisaticklishsubject;itwasatLuiseIvanovna"s。Butto-day,to-dayit"sallclearedup。ThatIlyaPetrovitchisatthebottomofit!Hetookadvantageofyourfaintingatthepolicestation,butheisashamedofithimselfnow;I
knowthat……“
Raskolnikovlistenedgreedily。Razumihinwasdrunkenoughtotalktoofreely。
“Ifaintedthenbecauseitwassocloseandthesmellofpaint,“
saidRaskolnikov。
“Noneedtoexplainthat!Anditwasn"tthepaintonly：thefeverhadbeencomingonforamonth;Zossimovtestifiestothat!Buthowcrushedthatboyisnow,youwouldn"tbelieve!"Iamnotworthhislittlefinger,"hesays。Yours,hemeans。Hehasgoodfeelingsattimes,brother。Butthelesson,thelessonyougavehimto-dayinthePalaisdeCrystal,thatwastoogoodforanything!Youfrightenedhimatfirst,youknow,henearlywentintoconvulsions!
Youalmostconvincedhimagainofthetruthofallthathideousnonsense,andthenyousuddenly-putoutyourtongueathim："Therenow,whatdoyoumakeofit?"Itwasperfect!Heiscrushed,annihilatednow!Itwasmasterly,byJove,it"swhattheydeserve!Ah,thatIwasn"tthere!Hewashopingtoseeyouawfully。Porfiry,too,wantstomakeyouracquaintance……“
“Ah!……hetoo……butwhydidtheyputmedownasmad？”
“Oh,notmad。Imusthavesaidtoomuch,brother……Whatstruckhim,yousee,wasthatonlythatsubjectseemedtointerestyou;nowit"sclearwhyitdidinterestyou;knowingallthecircumstances……andhowthatirritatedyouandworkedinwithyourillness……Iamalittledrunk,brother,only,confoundhim,hehassomeideaofhisown……Itellyou,he"smadonmentaldiseases。Butdon"tyoumindhim……“
Forhalfaminutebothweresilent。
“Listen,Razumihin,“beganRaskolnikov,“Iwanttotellyouplainly：
I"vejustbeenatadeath-bed,aclerkwhodied……Igavethemallmymoney……andbesidesI"vejustbeenkissedbysomeonewho,ifI
hadkilledanyone,wouldjustthesame……infactIsawsomeoneelsethere……withaflame-colouredfeather……butIamtalkingnonsense;I
amveryweak,supportme……weshallbeatthestairsdirectly……“
“What"sthematter?What"sthematterwithyou？”Razumihinaskedanxiously。
“Iamalittlegiddy,butthat"snotthepoint,Iamsosad,sosad……likeawoman。Look,what"sthat?Look,look！”
“Whatisit？”
“Don"tyousee?Alightinmyroom,yousee?Throughthecrack……“
Theywerealreadyatthefootofthelastflightofstairs,atthelevelofthelandlady"sdoor,andtheycould,asafact,seefrombelowthattherewasalightinRaskolnikov"sgarret。
“Queer!Nastasya,perhaps,“observedRazumihin。
“Sheisneverinmyroomatthistimeandshemustbeinbedlongago,but……Idon"tcare!Good-bye！”
“Whatdoyoumean?Iamcomingwithyou,we"llcomeintogether！”
“Iknowwearegoingintogether,butIwanttoshakehandshereandsaygood-byetoyouhere。Sogivemeyourhand,good-bye！”
“What"sthematterwithyou,Rodya？”
“Nothing……comealong……youshallbewitness。“
Theybeganmountingthestairs,andtheideastruckRazumihinthatperhapsZossimovmightberightafterall。“Ah,I"veupsethimwithmychatter！”hemutteredtohimself。
Whentheyreachedthedoortheyheardvoicesintheroom。
“Whatisit？”criedRazumihin。Raskolnikovwasthefirsttoopenthedoor;heflungitwideandstoodstillinthedoorway,dumbfounded。
Hismotherandsisterweresittingonhissofaandhadbeenwaitinganhourandahalfforhim。Whyhadheneverexpected,neverthoughtofthem,thoughthenewsthattheyhadstarted,wereontheirwayandwouldarriveimmediately,hadbeenrepeatedtohimonlythatday?TheyhadspentthathourandahalfplyingNastasyawithquestions。Shewasstandingbeforethemandhadtoldthemeverythingbynow。Theywerebesidethemselveswithalarmwhentheyheardofhis“runningaway“to-day,illand,astheyunderstoodfromherstory,delirious!“GoodHeavens,whathadbecomeofhim？”Bothhadbeenweeping,bothhadbeeninanguishforthathourandahalf。
Acryofjoy,ofecstasy,greetedRaskolnikov"sentrance。Bothrushedtohim。Buthestoodlikeonedead;asuddenintolerablesensationstruckhimlikeathunderbolt。Hedidnotlifthisarmstoembracethem,hecouldnot。Hismotherandsisterclaspedhimintheirarms,kissedhim,laughedandcried。Hetookastep,totteredandfelltotheground,fainting。
Anxiety,criesofhorror,moans……Razumihinwhowasstandinginthedoorwayflewintotheroom,seizedthesickmaninhisstrongarmsandinamomenthadhimonthesofa。
“It"snothing,nothing！”hecriedtothemotherandsister-“it"sonlyafaint,ameretrifle!Onlyjustnowthedoctorsaidhewasmuchbetter,thatheisperfectlywell!Water!See,heiscomingtohimself,heisallrightagain！”
AndseizingDouniabythearmsothathealmostdislocatedit,hemadeherbenddowntoseethat“heisallrightagain。“Themotherandsisterlookedonhimwithemotionandgratitude,astheirProvidence。TheyhadheardalreadyfromNastasyaallthathadbeendonefortheirRodyaduringhisillness,bythis“verycompetentyoungman,“asPulcheriaAlexandrovnaRaskolnikovcalledhimthateveninginconversationwithDounia。
PARTTHREE
ChapterOneRASKOLNIKOVgotup,andsatdownonthesofa。HewavedhishandweaklytoRazumihintocutshorttheflowofwarmandincoherentconsolationshewasaddressingtohismotherandsister,tookthembothbythehandandforaminuteortwogazedfromonetotheotherwithoutspeaking。Hismotherwasalarmedbyhisexpression。Itrevealedanemotionagonisinglypoignant,andatthesametimesomethingimmovable,almostinsane。PulcheriaAlexandrovnabegantocry。
AvdotyaRomanovnawaspale;herhandtrembledinherbrother"s。
“Gohome……withhim,“hesaidinabrokenvoice,pointingtoRazumihin,“good-byetillto-morrow;to-morroweverything……Isitlongsinceyouarrived？”
“Thisevening,Rodya,“answeredPulcheriaAlexandrovna,“thetrainwasawfullylate。But,Rodya,nothingwouldinducemetoleaveyounow!Iwillspendthenighthere,nearyou……“
“Don"ttortureme！”hesaidwithagestureofirritation。
“Iwillstaywithhim,“criedRazumihin,“Iwon"tleavehimforamoment。Botherallmyvisitors!Letthemragetotheirhearts"
content!Myuncleispresidingthere。“
“How,howcanIthankyou！”PulcheriaAlexandrovnawasbeginning,oncemorepressingRazumihin"shands,butRaskolnikovinterruptedheragain。
“Ican"thaveit!Ican"thaveit！”herepeatedirritably,“don"tworryme!Enough,goaway……Ican"tstandit！”
“Come,mamma,comeoutoftheroomatleastforaminute,“Douniawhisperedindismay;“wearedistressinghim,that"sevident。“
“Mayn"tIlookathimafterthreeyears？”weptPulcheriaAlexandrovna。
“Stay,“hestoppedthemagain,“youkeepinterruptingme,andmyideasgetmuddled……HaveyouseenLuzhin？”
“No,Rodya,butheknowsalreadyofourarrival。Wehaveheard,Rodya,thatPyotrPetrovitchwassokindastovisityoutoday,“
PulcheriaAlexandrovnaaddedsomewhattimidly。
“Yes……hewassokind……Dounia,IpromisedLuzhinI"dthrowhimdownstairsandtoldhimtogotohell……“
“Rodya,whatareyousaying!Surely,youdon"tmeantotellus……“
PulcheriaAlexandrovnabeganinalarm,butshestopped,lookingatDounia。
AvdotyaRomanovnawaslookingattentivelyatherbrother,waitingforwhatwouldcomenext。BothofthemhadheardofthequarrelfromNastasya,sofarasshehadsucceededinunderstandingandreportingit,andwereinpainfulperplexityandsuspense。
“Dounia,“Raskolnikovcontinuedwithaneffort,“Idon"twantthatmarriage,soatthefirstopportunityto-morrowyoumustrefuseLuzhin,sothatwemayneverhearhisnameagain。“
“GoodHeavens！”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovna。
“Brother,thinkwhatyouaresaying！”AvdotyaRomanovnabeganimpetuously,butimmediatelycheckedherself。“Youarenotfittotalknow,perhaps;youaretired,“sheaddedgently。
“YouthinkIamdelirious?No……YouaremarryingLuzhinformysake。ButIwon"tacceptthesacrifice。Andsowritealetterbeforeto-morrow,torefusehim……Letmereaditinthemorningandthatwillbetheendofit！”
“ThatIcan"tdo！”thegirlcried,offended,“whatrighthaveyou……“
“Dounia,youarehasty,too,bequiet,to-morrow……Don"tyousee……“themotherinterposedindismay。“Bettercomeaway！”
“Heisraving,“Razumihincriedtipsily,“orhowwouldhedare!
To-morrowallthisnonsensewillbeover……to-dayhecertainlydiddrivehimaway。Thatwasso。AndLuzhingotangry,too……Hemadespeecheshere,wantedtoshowoffhislearningandhewentoutcrest-fallen……“
“Thenit"strue？”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovna。
“Good-byetillto-morrow,brother,“saidDouniacompassionately-
“letusgo,mother……Good-bye,Rodya。“
“Doyouhear,sister,“herepeatedafterthem,makingalasteffort,“Iamnotdelirious;thismarriageis-aninfamy。Letmeactlikeascoundrel,butyoumustn"t……oneisenough……andthoughIamascoundrel,Iwouldn"townsuchasister。It"smeorLuzhin!Gonow……“
“Butyou"reoutofyourmind!Despot！”roaredRazumihin;butRaskolnikovdidnotandperhapscouldnotanswer。Helaydownonthesofa,andturnedtothewall,utterlyexhausted。AvdotyaRomanovnalookedwithinterestatRazumihin;herblackeyesflashed;Razumihinpositivelystartedatherglance。
PulcheriaAlexandrovnastoodoverwhelmed。
“Nothingwouldinducemetogo,“shewhisperedindespairtoRazumihin。“Iwillstaysomewherehere……escortDouniahome。“
“You"llspoileverything,“Razumihinansweredinthesamewhisper,losingpatience-“comeoutontothestairs,anyway。Nastasya,showalight!Iassureyou,“hewentoninahalfwhisperonthestairs-
“thathewasalmostbeatingthedoctorandmethisafternoon!Doyouunderstand?Thedoctorhimself!Evenhegavewayandlefthim,soasnottoirritatehim。Iremaineddownstairsonguard,buthedressedatonceandslippedoff。Andhewillslipoffagainifyouirritatehim,atthistimeofnight,andwilldohimselfsomemischief……“
“Whatareyousaying？”
“AndAvdotyaRomanovnacan"tpossiblybeleftinthoselodgingswithoutyou。Justthinkwhereyouarestaying!ThatblackguardPyotrPetrovitchcouldn"tfindyoubetterlodgings……ButyouknowI"vehadalittletodrink,andthat"swhatmakesme……swear;don"tmindit……“
“ButI"llgotothelandladyhere,“PulcheriaAlexandrovnainsisted,“IllbeseechhertofindsomecornerforDouniaandmeforthenight。Ican"tleavehimlikethat,Icannot！”
Thisconversationtookplaceonthelandingjustbeforethelandlady"sdoor。Nastasyalightedthemfromastepbelow。Razumihinwasinextraordinaryexcitement。Halfanhourearlier,whilehewasbringingRaskolnikovhome,hehadindeedtalkedtoofreely,buthewasawareofithimself,andhisheadwasclearinspiteofthevastquantitieshehadimbibed。Nowhewasinastateborderingonecstasy,andallthathehaddrunkseemedtoflytohisheadwithredoubledeffect。Hestoodwiththetwoladies,seizingbothbytheirhands,persuadingthem,andgivingthemreasonswithastonishingplainnessofspeech,andatalmosteverywordheuttered,probablytoemphasizehisarguments,hesqueezedtheirhandspainfullyasinavise。HestaredatAvdotyaRomanovnawithouttheleastregardforgoodmanners。Theysometimespulledtheirhandsoutofhishugebonypaws,butfarfromnoticingwhatwasthematter,hedrewthemalltheclosertohim。Ifthey"dtoldhimtojumpheadforemostfromthestaircase,hewouldhavedoneitwithoutthoughtorhesitationintheirservice。ThoughPulcheriaAlexandrovnafeltthattheyoungmanwasreallytooeccentricandpinchedherhandtoomuch,inheranxietyoverherRodyashelookedonhispresenceasprovidentialandwasunwillingtonoticeallhispeculiarities。ButthoughAvdotyaRomanovnasharedheranxiety,andwasnotoftimorousdisposition,shecouldnotseetheglowinglightinhiseyeswithoutwonderandalmostalarm。ItwasonlytheunboundedconfidenceinspiredbyNastasya"saccountofherbrother"squeerfriend,whichpreventedherfromtryingtorunawayfromhim,andtopersuadehermothertodothesame。Sherealised,too,thatevenrunningawaywasperhapsimpossiblenow。Tenminuteslater,however,shewasconsiderablyreassured;itwascharacteristicofRazumihinthatheshowedhistruenatureatonce,whatevermoodhemightbein,sothatpeoplequicklysawthesortofmantheyhadtodealwith。
“Youcan"tgotothelandlady,that"sperfectnonsense！”hecried。
“Ifyoustay,thoughyouarehismother,you"lldrivehimtoafrenzy,andthengoodnessknowswhatwillhappen!Listen,I"lltellyouwhatI"lldo：Nastasyawillstaywithhimnow,andI"llconductyoubothhome,youcan"tbeinthestreetsalone;Petersburgisanawfulplaceinthatway……Butnomatter!ThenI"llrunstraightbackhereandaquarterofanhourlater,onmywordofhonour,I"llbringyounewshowheis,whetherheisasleep,andallthat。Then,listen!ThenI"llrunhomeinatwinkling-I"vealotoffriendsthere,alldrunk-I"llfetchZossimov-that"sthedoctorwhoislookingafterhim,heisthere,too,butheisnotdrunk;heisnotdrunk,heisneverdrunk!I"lldraghimtoRodya,andthentoyou,sothatyou"llgettworeportsinthehour-fromthedoctor,youunderstand,fromthedoctorhimself,that"saverydifferentthingfrommyaccountofhim!Ifthere"sanythingwrong,IswearI"llbringyouheremyself,but,ifit"sallright,yougotobed。AndI"llspendthenighthere,inthepassage,hewon"thearme,andI"lltellZossimovtosleepatthelandlady"s,tobeathand。Whichisbetterforhim：youorthedoctor?Socomehomethen!Butthelandladyisoutofthequestion;it"sallrightforme,butit"soutofthequestionforyou：
shewouldn"ttakeyou,forshe"s……forshe"safool……She"dbejealousonmyaccountofAvdotyaRomanovnaandofyou,too,ifyouwanttoknow……ofAvdotyaRomanovnacertainly。Sheisanabsolutely,absolutelyunaccountablecharacter!ButIamafool,too!……Nomatter!Comealong!Doyoutrustme?Come,doyoutrustmeornot？”
“Letusgo,mother,“saidAvdotyaRomanovna,“hewillcertainlydowhathehaspromised。HehassavedRodyaalready,andifthedoctorreallywillconsenttospendthenighthere,whatcouldbebetter？”
“Yousee,you……you……understandme,becauseyouareanangel！”
Razumihincriedinecstasy,“letusgo!Nastasya!Flyupstairsandsitwithhimwithalight;I"llcomeinaquarterofanhour。“
ThoughPulcheriaAlexandrovnawasnotperfectlyconvinced,shemadenofurtherresistance。Razumihingaveanarmtoeachanddrewthemdownthestairs。Hestillmadeheruneasy,asthoughhewascompetentandgood-natured,washecapableofcarryingouthispromise?Heseemedinsuchacondition……
“Ah,IseeyouthinkIaminsuchacondition！”Razumihinbrokeinuponherthoughts,guessingthem,ashestrolledalongthepavementwithhugesteps,sothatthetwoladiescouldhardlykeepupwithhim,afacthedidnotobserve,however。“Nonsense!Thatis……Iamdrunklikeafool,butthat"snotit;Iamnotdrunkfromwine。It"sseeingyouhasturnedmyhead……Butdon"tmindme!Don"ttakeanynotice：Iamtalkingnonsense,Iamnotworthyofyou……Iamutterlyunworthyofyou!TheminuteI"vetakenyouhome,I"llpouracoupleofpailfulsofwaterovermyheadinthegutterhere,andthenIshallbeallright……IfonlyyouknewhowIloveyouboth!
Don"tlaugh,anddon"tbeangry!Youmaybeangrywithanyone,butnotwithme!Iamhisfriend,andthereforeIamyourfriend,too,I
wanttobe……Ihadapresentiment……Lastyeartherewasamoment……thoughitwasn"tapresentimentreally,foryouseemtohavefallenfromheaven。AndIexpectIshan"tsleepallnight……
Zossimovwasafraidalittletimeagothathewouldgomad……that"swhyhemustn"tbeirritated。“
“Whatdoyousay？”criedthemother。
“Didthedoctorreallysaythat？”askedAvdotyaRomanovna,alarmed。
“Yes,butit"snotso,notabitofit。Hegavehimsomemedicine,apowder,Isawit,andthenyourcominghere……Ah!Itwouldhavebeenbetterifyouhadcometo-morrow。It"sagoodthingwewentaway。
AndinanhourZossimovhimselfwillreporttoyouabouteverything。
Heisnotdrunk!AndIshan"tbedrunk……Andwhatmademegetsotight?Becausetheygotmeintoanargument,damnthem!I"veswornnevertoargue!Theytalksuchtrash!Ialmostcametoblows!I"veleftmyuncletopreside。Wouldyoubelieve,theyinsistoncompleteabsenceofindividualismandthat"sjustwhattheyrelish!Nottobethemselves,tobeasunlikethemselvesastheycan。That"swhattheyregardasthehighestpointofprogress。Ifonlytheirnonsenseweretheirown,butasitis……“
“Listen！”PulcheriaAlexandrovnainterruptedtimidly,butitonlyaddedfueltotheflames。
“Whatdoyouthink？”shoutedRazumihin,louderthanever,“youthinkIamattackingthemfortalkingnonsense?Notabit!Ilikethemtotalknonsense。That"sman"soneprivilegeoverallcreation。Througherroryoucometothetruth!IamamanbecauseIerr!Youneverreachanytruthwithoutmakingfourteenmistakesandverylikelyahundredandfourteen。Andafinething,too,initsway;butwecan"tevenmakemistakesonourownaccount!Talknonsense,buttalkyourownnonsense,andI"llkissyouforit。Togowronginone"sownwayisbetterthantogorightinsomeoneelse"s。Inthefirstcaseyouareaman,inthesecondyou"renobetterthanabird。Truthwon"tescapeyou,butlifecanbecramped。Therehavebeenexamples。Andwhatarewedoingnow?Inscience,development,thought,invention,ideals,aims,liberalism,judgment,experienceandeverything,everything,everything,wearestillinthepreparatoryclassatschool。Weprefertoliveonotherpeople"sideas,it"swhatweareusedto!AmIright,amIright？”criedRazumihin,pressingandshakingthetwoladies"hands。
“Oh,mercy,Idonotknow,“criedpoorPulcheriaAlexandrovna。
“Yes,yes……thoughIdon"tagreewithyouineverything,“addedAvdotyaRomanovnaearnestlyandatonceutteredacry,forhesqueezedherhandsopainfully。
“Yes,yousayyes……wellafterthatyou……you……“hecriedinatransport,“youareafountofgoodness,purity,sense……andperfection。Givemeyourhand……yougivemeyours,too!Iwanttokissyourhandshereatonce,onmyknees……“andhefellonhiskneesonthepavement,fortunatelyatthattimedeserted。
“Leaveoff,Ientreatyou,whatareyoudoing？”PulcheriaAlexandrovnacried,greatlydistressed。
“Getup,getup！”saidDounialaughing,thoughshe,too,wasupset。
“Notforanythingtillyouletmekissyourhands!That"sit!
Enough!Igetupandwe"llgoon!Iamalucklessfool,Iamunworthyofyouanddrunk……andIamashamed……Iamnotworthytoloveyou,buttodohomagetoyouisthedutyofeverymanwhoisnotaperfectbeast!AndI"vedonehomage……Hereareyourlodgings,andforthataloneRodyawasrightindrivingyourPyotrPetrovitchaway……Howdarehe!howdareheputyouinsuchlodgings!
It"sascandal!Doyouknowthesortofpeopletheytakeinhere?
Andyouhisbetrothed!Youarehisbetrothed?Yes,well,then,I"lltellyou,yourfianceisascoundrel。“
“Excuseme,Mr。Razumihin,youareforgetting……“PulcheriaAlexandrovnawasbeginning。
“Yes,yes,youareright,Ididforgetmyself,Iamashamedofit,“Razumihinmadehastetoapologise。“But……butyoucan"tbeangrywithmeforspeakingso!ForIspeaksincerelyandnotbecause……
hm,hm!Thatwouldbedisgraceful;infactnotbecauseI"min……hm!
Well,anywayIwon"tsaywhy,Idaren"t……Butweallsawto-daywhenhecameinthatthatmanisnotofoursort。Notbecausehehadhishaircurledatthebarber"s,notbecausehewasinsuchahurrytoshowhiswit,butbecauseheisaspy,aspeculator,becauseheisaskin-flintandabuffoon。That"sevident。Doyouthinkhimclever?No,heisafool,afool。Andisheamatchforyou?Goodheavens!Doyousee,ladies？”hestoppedsuddenlyonthewayupstairstotheirrooms,“thoughallmyfriendstherearedrunk,yettheyareallhonest,andthoughwedotalkalotoftrash,andIdo,too,yetweshalltalkourwaytothetruthatlast,forweareontherightpath,whilePyotrPetrovitch……isnotontherightpath。ThoughI"vebeencallingthemallsortsofnamesjustnow,Idorespectthemall……
thoughIdon"trespectZametov,Ilikehim,forheisapuppy,andthatbullockZossimov,becauseheisanhonestmanandknowshiswork。
Butenough,it"sallsaidandforgiven。Isitforgiven?Well,then,let"sgoon。Iknowthiscorridor,I"vebeenhere,therewasascandalhereatNumber3……Whereareyouhere?Whichnumber?eight?Well,lockyourselvesinforthenight,then。Don"tletanybodyin。InaquarterofanhourI"llcomebackwithnews,andhalfanhourlaterI"llbringZossimov,you"llsee!Good-bye,I"llrun。“
“Goodheavens,Dounia,whatisgoingtohappen？”saidPulcheriaAlexandrovna,addressingherdaughterwithanxietyanddismay。
“Don"tworryyourself,mother,“saidDounia,takingoffherhatandcape。“Godhassentthisgentlemantoouraid,thoughhehascomefromadrinkingparty。Wecandependonhim,Iassureyou。AndallthathehasdoneforRodya……“
“Ah。Dounia,goodnessknowswhetherhewillcome!HowcouldI
bringmyselftoleaveRodya?……Andhowdifferent,howdifferentIhadfanciedourmeeting!Howsullenhewas,asthoughnotpleasedtoseeus……“
Tearscameintohereyes。
“No,it"snotthat,mother。Youdidn"tsee,youwerecryingallthetime。Heisquiteunhingedbyseriousillness-that"sthereason。“
“Ah,thatillness!Whatwillhappen,whatwillhappen?Andhowhetalkedtoyou,Dounia！”saidthemother,lookingtimidlyatherdaughter,tryingtoreadherthoughtsand,alreadyhalfconsoledbyDounia"sstandingupforherbrother,whichmeantthatshehadalreadyforgivenhim。“Iamsurehewillthinkbetterofitto-morrow,“sheadded,probingherfurther。
“AndIamsurethathewillsaythesameto-morrow……aboutthat,“
AvdotyaRomanovnasaidfinally。And,ofcourse,therewasnogoingbeyondthat,forthiswasapointwhichPulcheriaAlexandrovnawasafraidtodiscuss。Douniawentupandkissedhermother。Thelatterwarmlyembracedherwithoutspeaking。ThenshesatdowntowaitanxiouslyforRazumihin"sreturn,timidlywatchingherdaughterwhowalkedupanddowntheroomwithherarmsfolded,lostinthought。
ThiswalkingupanddownwhenshewasthinkingwasahabitofAvdotyaRomanovna"sandthemotherwasalwaysafraidtobreakinonherdaughter"smoodatsuchmoments。
Razumihin,ofcourse,wasridiculousinhissuddendrunkeninfatuationforAvdotyaRomanovna。Yetapartfromhiseccentriccondition,manypeoplewouldhavethoughtitjustifiediftheyhadseenAvdotyaRomanovna,especiallyatthatmomentwhenshewaswalkingtoandfrowithfoldedarms,pensiveandmelancholy。AvdotyaRomanovnawasremarkablygoodlooking;shewastall,strikinglywell-proportioned,strongandself-reliant-thelatterqualitywasapparentineverygesture,thoughitdidnotintheleastdetractfromthegraceandsoftnessofhermovements。Infacesheresembledherbrother,butshemightbedescribedasreallybeautiful。Herhairwasdarkbrown,alittlelighterthanherbrother"s;therewasaproudlightinheralmostblackeyesandyetattimesalookofextraordinarykindness。Shewaspale,butitwasahealthypallor;herfacewasradiantwithfreshnessandvigour。Hermouthwasrathersmall;thefullredlowerlipprojectedalittleasdidherchin;itwastheonlyirregularityinherbeautifulface,butitgaveitapeculiarlyindividualandalmosthaughtyexpression。Herfacewasalwaysmoreseriousandthoughtfulthangay;buthowwellsmiles,howwellyouthful,lighthearted,irresponsible,laughtersuitedherface!Itwasnaturalenoughthatawarm,open,simple-hearted,honestgiantlikeRazumihin,whohadneverseenanyonelikeherandwasnotquitesoberatthetime,shouldlosehisheadimmediately。
Besides,aschancewouldhaveit,hesawDouniaforthefirsttimetransfiguredbyherloveforherbrotherandherjoyatmeetinghim。
Afterwardshesawherlowerlipquiverwithindignationatherbrother"sinsolent,cruelandungratefulwords-andhisfatewassealed。
Hehadspokenthetruth,moreover,whenheblurtedoutinhisdrunkentalkonthestairsthatPraskovyaPavlovna,Raskolnikov"seccentriclandlady,wouldbejealousofPulcheriaAlexandrovnaaswellasofAvdotyaRomanovnaonhisaccount。AlthoughPulcheriaAlexandrovnawasforty-three,herfacestillretainedtracesofherformerbeauty;shelookedmuchyoungerthanherage,indeed,whichisalmostalwaysthecasewithwomenwhoretainserenityofspirit,sensitivenessandpuresincerewarmthofhearttooldage。Wemayaddinparenthesisthattopreserveallthisistheonlymeansofretainingbeautytooldage。Herhairhadbeguntogrowgreyandthin,therehadlongbeenlittlecrow"sfootwrinklesroundhereyes,hercheekswerehollowandsunkenfromanxietyandgrief,andyetitwasahandsomeface。ShewasDouniaoveragain,twentyyearsolder,butwithouttheprojectingunderlip。PulcheriaAlexandrovnawasemotional,butnotsentimental,timidandyielding,butonlytoacertainpoint。Shecouldgivewayandacceptagreatdealevenofwhatwascontrarytoherconvictions,buttherewasacertainbarrierfixedbyhonesty,principleandthedeepestconvictionswhichnothingwouldinducehertocross。
ExactlytwentyminutesafterRazumihin"sdeparture,therecametwosubduedbuthurriedknocksatthedoor：hehadcomeback。
“Iwon"tcomein,Ihaven"ttime,“hehastenedtosaywhenthedoorwasopened。“Hesleepslikeatop,soundly,quietly,andGodgranthemaysleeptenhours。Nastasya"swithhim;ItoldhernottoleavetillIcame。NowIamfetchingZossimov,hewillreporttoyouandthenyou"dbetterturnin;Icanseeyouaretootiredtodoanything……“
Andheranoffdownthecorridor。
“Whataverycompetentand……devotedyoungman！”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovnaexceedinglydelighted。
“Heseemsasplendidperson！”AvdotyaRomanovnarepliedwithsomewarmth,resumingherwalkupanddowntheroom。
Itwasnearlyanhourlaterwhentheyheardfootstepsinthecorridorandanotherknockatthedoor。BothwomenwaitedthistimecompletelyrelyingonRazumihin"spromise;heactuallyhadsucceededinbringingZossimov。ZossimovhadagreedatoncetodesertthedrinkingpartytogotoRaskolnikov"s,buthecamereluctantlyandwiththegreatestsuspiciontoseetheladies,mistrustingRazumihininhisexhilaratedcondition。Buthisvanitywasatoncereassuredandflattered;hesawthattheywerereallyexpectinghimasanoracle。HestayedjusttenminutesandsucceededincompletelyconvincingandcomfortingPulcheriaAlexandrovna。Hespokewithmarkedsympathy,butwiththereserveandextremeseriousnessofayoungdoctoratanimportantconsultation。Hedidnotutterawordonanyothersubjectanddidnotdisplaytheslightestdesiretoenterintomorepersonalrelationswiththetwoladies。RemarkingathisfirstentrancethedazzlingbeautyofAvdotyaRomanovna,heendeavourednottonoticeheratallduringhisvisitandaddressedhimselfsolelytoPulcheriaAlexandrovna。Allthisgavehimextraordinaryinwardsatisfaction。
Hedeclaredthathethoughttheinvalidatthismomentgoingonverysatisfactorily。Accordingtohisobservationsthepatient"sillnesswasduepartlytohisunfortunatematerialsurroundingsduringthelastfewmonths,butithadpartlyalsoamoralorigin,“wassotospeaktheproductofseveralmaterialandmoralinfluences,anxieties,apprehensions,troubles,certainideas……andsoon。“NoticingstealthilythatAvdotyaRomanovnawasfollowinghiswordswithcloseattention,Zossimovallowedhimselftoenlargeonthistheme。OnPulcheriaAlexandrovna"sanxiouslyandtimidlyinquiringasto“somesuspicionofinsanity,“herepliedwithacomposedandcandidsmilethathiswordshadbeenexaggerated;thatcertainlythepatienthadsomefixedidea,somethingapproachingamonomania-he,Zossimov,wasnowparticularlystudyingthisinterestingbranchofmedicine-butthatitmustberecollectedthatuntilto-daythepatienthadbeenindeliriumand……andthatnodoubtthepresenceofhisfamilywouldhaveafavourableeffectonhisrecoveryanddistracthismind,“ifonlyallfreshshockscanbeavoided,“headdedsignificantly。Thenhegotup,tookleavewithanimpressiveandaffablebow,whileblessings,warmgratitude,andentreatieswereshowereduponhim,andAvdotyaRomanovnaspontaneouslyofferedherhandtohim。Hewentoutexceedinglypleasedwithhisvisitandstillmoresowithhimself。
“We"lltalkto-morrow;gotobedatonce！”Razumihinsaidinconclusion,followingZossimovout。“I"llbewithyouto-morrowmorningasearlyaspossiblewithmyreport。“
“That"safetchinglittlegirl,AvdotyaRomanovna,“remarkedZossimov,almostlickinghislipsastheybothcameoutintothestreet。
“Fetching?Yousaidfetching？”roaredRazumihinandheflewatZossimovandseizedhimbythethroat。“Ifyoueverdare……Doyouunderstand?Doyouunderstand？”heshouted,shakinghimbythecollarandsqueezinghimagainstthewall。“Doyouhear？”
“Letmego,youdrunkendevil,“saidZossimov,strugglingandwhenhehadlethimgo,hestaredathimandwentoffintoasuddenguffaw。
Razumihinstoodfacinghimingloomyandearnestreflection。
“Ofcourse,Iamanass,“heobserved,sombreasastormcloud,“butstill……youareanother。“
“No,brother,notatallsuchanother。Iamnotdreamingofanyfolly。“
TheywalkedalonginsilenceandonlywhentheywereclosetoRaskolnikov"slodgings,Razumihinbrokethesilenceinconsiderableanxiety。
“Listen,“hesaid,“you"reafirst-ratefellow,butamongyourotherfailings,you"realoosefish,that,Iknow,andadirtyone,too。Youareafeeble,nervouswretch,andamassofwhims,you"regettingfatandlazyandcan"tdenyyourselfanything-andIcallthatdirtybecauseitleadsonstraightintothedirt。You"veletyourselfgetsoslackthatIdon"tknowhowitisyouarestillagood,evenadevoteddoctor。You-adoctor-sleeponafeatherbedandgetupatnighttoyourpatients!Inanotherthreeorfouryearsyouwon"tgetupforyourpatients……Buthangitall,that"snotthepoint!……Youaregoingtospendto-nightinthelandlady"sflathere。(HardworkI"vehadtopersuadeher!)AndI"llbeinthekitchen。Sohere"sachanceforyoutogettoknowherbetter……It"snotasyouthink!There"snotatraceofanythingofthesort,brother……！”
“ButIdon"tthink！”
“Hereyouhavemodesty,brother,silence,bashfulness,asavagevirtue……andyetshe"ssighingandmeltinglikewax,simplymelting!Savemefromher,byallthat"sunholy!She"smostprepossessing……I"llrepayyou,I"lldoanything……“
Zossimovlaughedmoreviolentlythanever。
“Well,youaresmitten!ButwhatamItodowithher？”
“Itwon"tbemuchtrouble,Iassureyou。Talkanyrotyouliketoher,aslongasyousitbyherandtalk。You"readoctor,too;trycuringherofsomething。Iswearyouwon"tregretit。Shehasapiano,andyouknow,Istrumalittle。Ihaveasongthere,agenuineRussianone："Ishedhottears。"Shelikesthegenuinearticle-andwell,itallbeganwiththatsong;Nowyou"rearegularperformer,amaitre,aRubinstein……Iassureyou,youwon"tregretit！”
“Buthaveyoumadehersomepromise?Somethingsigned?Apromiseofmarriage,perhaps？”
“Nothing,nothing,absolutelynothingofthekind!Besidessheisnotthatsortatall……Tchebarovtriedthat……“
“Well,then,dropher！”
“ButIcan"tdropherlikethat！”
“Whycan"tyou？”
“Well,Ican"t,that"sallaboutit!There"sanelementofattractionhere,brother。“
“Thenwhyhaveyoufascinatedher？”
“Ihaven"tfascinatedher;perhaps,Iwasfascinatedmyselfinmyfolly。Butshewon"tcareastrawwhetherit"syouorI,solongassomebodysitsbesideher,sighing……Ican"texplaintheposition,brother……lookhere,youaregoodatmathematics,andworkingatitnow……beginteachinghertheintegralcalculus;uponmysoul,I"mnotjoking。I"minearnest,it"llbejustthesametoher。Shewillgazeatyouandsighforawholeyeartogether。ItalkedtoheroncefortwodaysatatimeaboutthePrussianHouseofLords(foronemusttalkofsomething)-shejustsighedandperspired!Andyoumustn"ttalkoflove-she"sbashfultohysterics-butjustletherseeyoucan"ttearyourselfaway-that"senough。It"sfearfullycomfortable;
you"requiteathome,youcanread,sit,lieabout,write。Youmayevenventureonakiss,ifyou"recareful。“
“ButwhatdoIwantwithher？”
“Ach,Ican"tmakeyouunderstand!Yousee,youaremadeforeachother!Ihaveoftenbeenremindedofyou!……You"llcometoitintheend!Sodoesitmatterwhetherit"ssoonerorlater?There"sthefeatherbedelementhere,brother,-ach!andnotonlythat!There"sanattractionhere-hereyouhavetheendoftheworld,ananchorage,aquiethaven,thenaveloftheearth,thethreefishesthatarethefoundationoftheworld,theessenceofpancakes,ofsavouryfish-pies,oftheeveningsamovar,ofsoftsighsandwarmshawls,andhotstovestosleepon-assnugasthoughyouweredead,andyetyou"realive-theadvantagesofbothatonce!Well,hangit,brother,whatstuffI"mtalking,it"sbedtime!Listen。Isometimeswakeupatnight;soI"llgoinandlookathim。Butthere"snoneed,it"sallright。Don"tyouworryyourself,yetifyoulike,youmightjustlookinonce,too。Butifyounoticeanything,deliriumorfever-wakemeatonce。Buttherecan"tbe……“
ChapterTwoRAZUMIHINwakedupnextmorningateighto"clock,troubledandserious。Hefoundhimselfconfrontedwithmanynewandunlooked-forperplexities。Hehadneverexpectedthathewouldeverwakeupfeelinglikethat。Herememberedeverydetailofthepreviousdayandheknewthataperfectlynovelexperiencehadbefallenhim,thathehadreceivedanimpressionunlikeanythinghehadknownbefore。Atthesametimeherecognisedclearlythatthedreamwhichhadfiredhisimaginationwashopelesslyunattainable-sounattainablethathefeltpositivelyashamedofit,andhehastenedtopasstotheothermorepracticalcaresanddifficultiesbequeathedhimbythat“thriceaccursedyesterday。“
Themostawfulrecollectionofthepreviousdaywasthewayhehadshownhimself“baseandmean,“notonlybecausehehadbeendrunk,butbecausehehadtakenadvantageoftheyounggirl"spositiontoabuseherfianceinhisstupidjealousy,knowingnothingoftheirmutualrelationsandobligationsandnexttonothingofthemanhimself。
Andwhatrighthadhetocriticisehiminthathastyandunguardedmanner?Whohadaskedforhisopinion!WasitthinkablethatsuchacreatureasAvdotyaRomanovnawouldbemarryinganunworthymanformoney?Sotheremustbesomethinginhim。Thelodgings?Butafterallhowcouldheknowthecharacterofthelodgings?Hewasfurnishingaflat……Foo,howdespicableitallwas!Andwhatjustificationwasitthathewasdrunk?Suchastupidexcusewasevenmoredegrading!Inwineistruth,andthetruthhadallcomeout,“thatis,alltheuncleannessofhiscoarseandenviousheart！”Andwouldsuchadreameverbepermissibletohim,Razumihin?Whatwashebesidesuchagirl-
he,thedrunkennoisybraggartoflastnight?“Wasitpossibletoimaginesoabsurdandcynicalajuxtaposition？”RazumihinblusheddesperatelyattheveryideaandsuddenlytherecollectionforceditselfvividlyuponhimofhowhehadsaidlastnightonthestairsthatthelandladywouldbejealousofAvdotyaRomanovna……thatwassimplyintolerable。Hebroughthisfistdownheavilyonthekitchenstove,hurthishandandsentoneofthebricksflying。
“Ofcourse,“hemutteredtohimselfaminutelaterwithafeelingofself-abasement,“ofcourse,alltheseinfamiescanneverbewipedoutorsmoothedover……andsoit"suselesseventothinkofit,andI
mustgototheminsilenceanddomyduty……insilence,too……andnotaskforgiveness,andsaynothing……forallislostnow！”
Andyetashedressedheexaminedhisattiremorecarefullythanusual。Hehadn"tanothersuit-ifhehadhad,perhapshewouldn"thaveputiton。“Iwouldhavemadeapointofnotputtingiton。“Butinanycasehecouldnotremainacynicandadirtysloven;hehadnorighttooffendthefeelingsofothers,especiallywhentheywereinneedofhisassistanceandaskinghimtoseethem。Hebrushedhisclothescarefully。Hislinenwasalwaysdecent;inthatrespecthewasespeciallyclean。
Hewashedthatmorningscrupulously-hegotsomesoapfromNastasya-
hewashedhishair,hisneckandespeciallyhishands。Whenitcametothequestionwhethertoshavehisstubbychinornot(PraskovyaPavlovnahadcapitalrazorsthathadbeenleftbyherlatehusband),thequestionwasangrilyansweredinthenegative。“Letitstayasitis!WhatiftheythinkthatIshavedonpurposeto……?Theycertainlywouldthinkso!Notonanyaccount！”
“And……theworstofitwashewassocoarse,sodirty,hehadthemannersofapothouse;and……andevenadmittingthatheknewhehadsomeoftheessentialsofagentleman……whatwasthereinthattobeproudof?Everyoneoughttobeagentlemanandmorethanthat……
andallthesame(heremembered)he,too,haddonelittlethings……
notexactlydishonest,andyet……andwhatthoughtshesometimeshad;
hm……andtosetallthatbesideAvdotyaRomanovna!Confoundit!Sobeit!Well,he"dmakeapointthenofbeingdirty,greasy,pothouseinhismannersandhewouldn"tcare!He"dbeworse！”
HewasengagedinsuchmonologueswhenZossimov,whohadspentthenightinPraskovyaPavlovna"sparlour,camein。
Hewasgoinghomeandwasinahurrytolookattheinvalidfirst。
RazumihininformedhimthatRaskolnikovwassleepinglikeadormouse。Zossimovgaveordersthattheyshouldn"twakehimandpromisedtoseehimagainabouteleven。
“Ifheisstillathome,“headded。“Damnitall!Ifonecan"tcontrolone"spatients,howisonetocurethem!Doyouknowwhetherhewillgotothem,orwhethertheyarecominghere？”
“Theyarecoming,Ithink,“saidRazumihin,understandingtheobjectofthequestion,“andtheywilldiscusstheirfamilyaffairs,nodoubt。I"llbeoff。You,asthedoctor,havemorerighttobeherethanI。“
“ButIamnotafatherconfessor;Ishallcomeandgoaway;I"veplentytodobesideslookingafterthem。“
“Onethingworriesme,“interposedRazumihin,frowning。“OnthewayhomeItalkedalotofdrunkennonsensetohim……allsortofthings……andamongstthemthatyouwereafraidthathe……mightbecomeinsane。“
“Youtoldtheladiesso,too。“
“Iknowitwasstupid!Youmaybeatmeifyoulike!Didyouthinksoseriously？”
“That"snonsense,Itellyou,howcouldIthinkitseriously!You,yourself,describedhimasamonomaniacwhenyoufetchedmetohim……andweaddedfueltothefireyesterday,youdid,thatis,withyourstoryaboutthepainter;itwasaniceconversation,whenhewas,perhaps,madonthatverypoint!IfonlyI"dknownwhathappenedthenatthepolicestationandthatsomewretch……hadinsultedhimwiththissuspicion!Hm……Iwouldnothaveallowedthatconversationyesterday。Thesemonomaniacswillmakeamountainoutofamolehill……andseetheirfanciesassolidrealities……AsfarasIremember,itwasZametov"sstorythatcleareduphalfthemysterytomymind。Why,Iknowonecaseinwhichahypochondriac,amanofforty,cutthethroatofalittleboyofeight,becausehecouldn"tendurethejokeshemadeeverydayattable!Andinthiscasehisrags,theinsolentpoliceofficer,thefeverandthissuspicion!Allthatworkinguponamanhalffranticwithhypochondria,andwithhismorbidexceptionalvanity!Thatmaywellhavebeenthestarting-pointofillness。Well,botheritall!……And,bytheway,thatZametovcertainlyisanicefellow,buthm……heshouldn"thavetoldallthatlastnight。Heisanawfulchatterbox！”
“Butwhomdidhetellitto?Youandme？”
“AndPorfiry。“
“Whatdoesthatmatter？”
“And,bytheway,haveyouanyinfluenceonthem,hismotherandsister?Tellthemtobemorecarefulwithhimto-day……“
“They"llgetonallright！”Razumihinansweredreluctantly。
“WhyishesosetagainstthisLuzhin?Amanwithmoneyandshedoesn"tseemtodislikehim……andtheyhaven"tafarthingI
suppose?eh？”
“Butwhatbusinessisitofyours？”Razumihincriedwithannoyance。“HowcanItellwhetherthey"veafarthing?Askthemyourselfandperhapsyou"llfindout……“
“Foo,whatanassyouaresometimes!Lastnight"swinehasnotgoneoffyet……Good-bye;thankyourPraskovyaPavlovnafrommeformynight"slodging。Shelockedherselfin,madenoreplytomybonjourthroughthedoor;shewasupatseveno"clock,thesamovarwastakenintoherfromthekitchen。Iwasnotvouchsafedapersonalinterview……“
Atnineo"clockpreciselyRazumihinreachedthelodgingsatBakaleyev"shouse。Bothladieswerewaitingforhimwithnervousimpatience。Theyhadrisenatseveno"clockorearlier。Heenteredlookingasblackasnight,bowedawkwardlyandwasatoncefuriouswithhimselfforit。Hehadreckonedwithouthishost：PulcheriaAlexandrovnafairlyrushedathim,seizedhimbybothhandsandwasalmostkissingthem。HeglancedtimidlyatAvdotyaRomanovna,butherproudcountenanceworeatthatmomentanexpressionofsuchgratitudeandfriendliness,suchcompleteandunlooked-forrespect(inplaceofthesneeringlooksandill-disguisedcontempthehadexpected),thatitthrewhimintogreaterconfusionthanifhehadbeenmetwithabuse。Fortunatelytherewasasubjectforconversation,andhemadehastetosnatchatit。
HearingthateverythingwasgoingwellandthatRodyahadnotyetwaked,PulcheriaAlexandrovnadeclaredthatshewasgladtohearit,because“shehadsomethingwhichitwasvery,verynecessarytotalkoverbeforehand。“Thenfollowedaninquiryaboutbreakfastandaninvitationtohaveitwiththem;theyhadwaitedtohaveitwithhim。AvdotyaRomanovnarangthebell：itwasansweredbyaraggeddirtywaiter,andtheyaskedhimtobringteawhichwasservedatlast,butinsuchadirtyanddisorderlyway,thattheladieswereashamed。Razumihinvigorouslyattackedthelodgings,but,rememberingLuzhin,stoppedinembarrassmentandwasgreatlyrelievedbyPulcheriaAlexandrovna"squestions,whichshoweredinacontinualstreamuponhim。
Hetalkedforthreequartersofanhour,beingconstantlyinterruptedbytheirquestions,andsucceededindescribingtothemallthemostimportantfactsheknewofthelastyearofRaskolnikov"slife,concludingwithacircumstantialaccountofhisillness。Heomitted,however,manythings,whichwerebetteromitted,includingthesceneatthepolicestationwithallitsconsequences。Theylistenedeagerlytohisstory,and,whenhethoughthehadfinishedandsatisfiedhislisteners,hefoundthattheyconsideredhehadhardlybegun。
“Tellme,tellme!Whatdoyouthink……?Excuseme,Istilldon"tknowyourname！”PulcheriaAlexandrovnaputinhastily。
“DmitriProkofitch。“
“Ishouldlikevery,verymuchtoknow,DmitriProkofitch……howhelooks……onthingsingeneralnow,thatis,howcanIexplain,whatarehislikesanddislikes?Ishealwayssoirritable?Tellme,ifyoucan,whatarehishopesandsotosayhisdreams?Underwhatinfluencesishenow?Inaword,Ishouldlike……“
“Ah,mother,howcanheanswerallthatatonce？”observedDounia。
“Goodheavens,Ihadnotexpectedtofindhimintheleastlikethis,DmitriProkofitch！”
“Naturally,“answeredRazumihin。“Ihavenomother,butmyunclecomeseveryyearandalmosteverytimehecanscarcelyrecogniseme,eveninappearance,thoughheisacleverman;andyourthreeyears"
separationmeansagreatdeal。WhatamItotellyou?IhaveknownRodionforayearandahalf;heismorose,gloomy,proudandhaughty,andoflate-andperhapsforalongtimebefore-hehasbeensuspiciousandfanciful。Hehasanoblenatureandakindheart。Hedoesnotlikeshowinghisfeelingsandwouldratherdoacruelthingthanopenhisheartfreely。Sometimes,though,heisnotatallmorbid,butsimplycoldandinhumanlycallous;it"sasthoughhewerealternatingbetweentwocharacters。Sometimesheisfearfullyreserved!Hesaysheissobusythateverythingisahindrance,andyetheliesinbeddoingnothing。Hedoesn"tjeeratthings,notbecausehehasn"tthewit,butasthoughhehadn"ttimetowasteonsuchtrifles。Heneverlistenstowhatissaidtohim。Heisneverinterestedinwhatinterestsotherpeopleatanygivenmoment。Hethinksveryhighlyofhimselfandperhapsheisright。Well,whatmore?Ithinkyourarrivalwillhaveamostbeneficialinfluenceuponhim。“
“Godgrantitmay,“criedPulcheriaAlexandrovna,distressedbyRazumihin"saccountofherRodya。
AndRazumihinventuredtolookmoreboldlyatAvdotyaRomanovnaatlast。Heglancedatheroftenwhilehewastalking,butonlyforamomentandlookedawayagainatonce。AvdotyaRomanovnasatatthetable,listeningattentively,thengotupagainandbeganwalkingtoandfrowithherarmsfoldedandherlipscompressed,occasionallyputtinginaquestion,withoutstoppingherwalk。Shehadthesamehabitofnotlisteningtowhatwassaid。Shewaswearingadressofthindarkstuffandshehadawhitetransparentscarfroundherneck。Razumihinsoondetectedsignsofextremepovertyintheirbelongings。HadAvdotyaRomanovnabeendressedlikeaqueen,hefeltthathewouldnotbeafraidofher,butperhapsjustbecauseshewaspoorlydressedandthathenoticedallthemiseryofhersurroundings,hisheartwasfilledwithdreadandhebegantobeafraidofeverywordheuttered,everygesturehemade,whichwasverytryingforamanwhoalreadyfeltdiffident。
“You"vetoldusagreatdealthatisinterestingaboutmybrother"scharacter……andhavetolditimpartially。Iamglad。I
thoughtthatyouweretoouncriticallydevotedtohim,“observedAvdotyaRomanovnawithasmile。“Ithinkyouarerightthatheneedsawoman"scare,“sheaddedthoughtfully。
“Ididn"tsayso;butIdaresayyouareright,only……“
“What？”
“Helovesnooneandperhapsheneverwill,“Razumihindeclareddecisively。
“Youmeanheisnotcapableoflove？”
“Doyouknow,AvdotyaRomanovna,youareawfullylikeyourbrother,ineverything,indeed！”heblurtedoutsuddenlytohisownsurprise,butrememberingatoncewhathehadjustbeforesaidofherbrother,heturnedasredasacrabandwasovercomewithconfusion。AvdotyaRomanovnacouldn"thelplaughingwhenshelookedathim。
“YoumaybothbemistakenaboutRodya,“PulcheriaAlexandrovnaremarked,slightlypiqued。“Iamnottalkingofourpresentdifficulty,Dounia。WhatPyotrPetrovitchwritesinthisletterandwhatyouandIhavesupposedmaybemistaken,butyoucan"timagine,DmitriProkofitch,howmoodyand,sotosay,capriciousheis。Inevercoulddependonwhathewoulddowhenhewasonlyfifteen。AndIamsurethathemightdosomethingnowthatnobodyelsewouldthinkofdoing……Well,forinstance,doyouknowhowayearandahalfagoheastoundedmeandgavemeashockthatnearlykilledme,whenhehadtheideaofmarryingthatgirl-whatwashername-hislandlady"sdaughter？”
“Didyouhearaboutthataffair？”askedAvdotyaRomanovna。
“Doyousuppose-“PulcheriaAlexandrovnacontinuedwarmly。“Doyousupposethatmytears,myentreaties,myillness,mypossibledeathfromgrief,ourpovertywouldhavemadehimpause?No,hewouldcalmlyhavedisregardedallobstacles。Andyetitisn"tthathedoesn"tloveus！”
“Hehasneverspokenawordofthataffairtome,“Razumihinansweredcautiously。“ButIdidhearsomethingfromPraskovyaPavlovnaherself,thoughsheisbynomeansagossip。AndwhatIheardcertainlywasratherstrange。“
“Andwhatdidyouhear？”boththeladiesaskedatonce。
“Well,nothingveryspecial。Ionlylearnedthatthemarriage,whichonlyfailedtotakeplacethroughthegirl"sdeath,wasnotatalltoPraskovyaPavlovna"sliking。Theysay,too,thegirlwasnotatallpretty,infactIamtoldpositivelyugly……andsuchaninvalid……
andqueer。Butsheseemstohavehadsomegoodqualities。Shemusthavehadsomegoodqualitiesorit"squiteinexplicable……Shehadnomoneyeitherandhewouldn"thaveconsideredhermoney……Butit"salwaysdifficulttojudgeinsuchmatters。“
“Iamsureshewasagoodgirl,“AvdotyaRomanovnaobservedbriefly。
“Godforgiveme,Isimplyrejoicedatherdeath。ThoughIdon"tknowwhichofthemwouldhavecausedmostmiserytotheother-hetoherorshetohim,“PulcheriaAlexandrovnaconcluded。ThenshebegantentativelyquestioninghimaboutthesceneonthepreviousdaywithLuzhin,hesitatingandcontinuallyglancingatDounia,obviouslytothelatter"sannoyance。Thisincidentmorethanalltherestevidentlycausedheruneasiness,evenconsternation。Razumihindescribeditindetailagain,butthistimeheaddedhisownconclusions：heopenlyblamedRaskolnikovforintentionallyinsultingPyotrPetrovitch,notseekingtoexcusehimonthescoreofhisillness。
“Hehadplanneditbeforehisillness,“headded。
“Ithinkso,too,“PulcheriaAlexandrovnaagreedwithadejectedair。ButshewasverymuchsurprisedathearingRazumihinexpresshimselfsocarefullyandevenwithacertainrespectaboutPyotrPetrovitch。AvdotyaRomanovna,too,wasstruckbyit。
“SothisisyouropinionofPyotrPetrovitch？”PulcheriaAlexandrovnacouldnotresistasking。
“Icanhavenootheropinionofyourdaughter"sfuturehusband,“
Razumihinansweredfirmlyandwithwarmth,“andIdon"tsayitsimplyfromvulgarpoliteness,butbecause……simplybecauseAvdotyaRomanovnahasofherownfreewilldeignedtoacceptthisman。IfI
spokesorudelyofhimlastnight,itwasbecauseIwasdisgustinglydrunkand……madbesides;yes,mad,crazy,Ilostmyheadcompletely……andthismorningIamashamedofit。“
Hecrimsonedandceasedspeaking。AvdotyaRomanovnaflushed,butdidnotbreakthesilence。ShehadnotutteredawordfromthemomenttheybegantospeakofLuzhin。
WithouthersupportPulcheriaAlexandrovnaobviouslydidnotknowwhattodo。Atlast,falteringandcontinuallyglancingatherdaughter,sheconfessedthatshewasexceedinglyworriedbyonecircumstance。
“Yousee,DmitriProkofitch,“shebegan。“I"llbeperfectlyopenwithDmitriProkofitch,Dounia？”
“Ofcourse,mother,“saidAvdotyaRomanovnaemphatically。
“Thisiswhatitis,“shebeganinhaste,asthoughthepermissiontospeakofhertroubleliftedaweightoffhermind。“VeryearlythismorningwegotanotefromPyotrPetrovitchinreplytoourletterannouncingourarrival。Hepromisedtomeetusatthestation,youknow;insteadofthathesentaservanttobringustheaddressoftheselodgingsandtoshowustheway;andhesentamessagethathewouldbeherehimselfthismorning。Butthismorningthisnotecamefromhim。You"dbetterreadityourself;thereisonepointinitwhichworriesmeverymuch……youwillsoonseewhatthatis,and……
tellmeyourcandidopinion,DmitriProkofitch!YouknowRodya"scharacterbetterthananyoneandnoonecanadviseusbetterthanyoucan。Dounia,Imusttellyou,madeherdecisionatonce,butIstilldon"tfeelsurehowtoactandI……I"vebeenwaitingforyouropinion。“
Razumihinopenedthenotewhichwasdatedthepreviouseveningandreadasfollows：-
“DEARMADAM,PulcheriaAlexandrovna,IhavethehonourtoinformyouthatowingtounforeseenobstaclesIwasrenderedunabletomeetyouattherailwaystation;Isentaverycompetentpersonwiththesameobjectinview。Ilikewiseshallbedeprivedofthehonourofaninterviewwithyouto-morrowmorningbybusinessintheSenatethatdoesnotadmitofdelay,andalsothatImaynotintrudeonyourfamilycirclewhileyouaremeetingyourson,andAvdotyaRomanovnaherbrother。Ishallhavethehonourofvisitingyouandpayingyoumyrespectsatyourlodgingsnotlaterthanto-morroweveningateighto"clockprecisely,andherewithIventuretopresentmyearnestand,I
mayadd,imperativerequestthatRodionRomanovitchmaynotbepresentatourinterview-asheofferedmeagrossandunprecedentedaffrontontheoccasionofmyvisittohiminhisillnessyesterday,and,moreover,sinceIdesirefromyoupersonallyanindispensableandcircumstantialexplanationuponacertainpoint,inregardtowhichIwishtolearnyourowninterpretation。Ihavethehonourtoinformyou,inanticipation,thatif,inspiteofmyrequest,ImeetRodionRomanovitch,Ishallbecompelledtowithdrawimmediatelyandthenyouhaveonlyyourselftoblame。IwriteontheassumptionthatRodionRomanovitchwhoappearedsoillatmyvisit,suddenlyrecoveredtwohourslaterandso,beingabletoleavethehouse,mayvisityoualso。
Iwasconfirmedinthatbeliefbythetestimonyofmyowneyesinthelodgingofadrunkenmanwhowasrunoverandhassincedied,towhosedaughter,ayoungwomanofnotoriousbehaviour,hegavetwenty-fiveroublesonthepretextofthefuneral,whichgravelysurprisedmeknowingwhatpainsyouwereattoraisethatsum。
Herewithexpressingmyspecialrespecttoyourestimabledaughter,AvdotyaRomanovna,Ibegyoutoaccepttherespectfulhomageof“Yourhumbleservant,“P。LUZHIN。“-
“WhatamItodonow,DmitriProkofitch？”beganPulcheriaAlexandrovna,almostweeping。“HowcanIaskRodyanottocome?
YesterdayheinsistedsoearnestlyonourrefusingPyotrPetrovitchandnowweareorderednottoreceiveRodya!Hewillcomeonpurposeifheknows,and……whatwillhappenthen？”
“ActonAvdotyaRomanovna"sdecision,“Razumihinansweredcalmlyatonce。
“Oh,dearme!Shesays……goodnessknowswhatshesays,shedoesn"texplainherobject!Shesaysthatitwouldbebest,atleast,notthatitwouldbebest,butthatit"sabsolutelynecessarythatRodyashouldmakeapointofbeinghereateighto"clockandthattheymustmeet……Ididn"twanteventoshowhimtheletter,buttopreventhimfromcomingbysomestratagemwithyourhelp……becauseheissoirritable……BesidesIdon"tunderstandaboutthatdrunkardwhodiedandthatdaughter,andhowhecouldhavegiventhedaughterallthemoney……which……“
“Whichcostyousuchsacrifice,mother,“putinAvdotyaRomanovna。
“Hewasnothimselfyesterday,“Razumihinsaidthoughtfully,“ifyouonlyknewwhathewasuptoinarestaurantyesterday,thoughtherewassenseinittoo……Hm!Hedidsaysomething,asweweregoinghomeyesterdayevening,aboutadeadmanandagirl,butIdidn"tunderstandaword……Butlastnight,Imyself……“
“Thebestthing,mother,willbeforustogotohimourselvesandthereIassureyouweshallseeatoncewhat"stobedone。Besides,it"sgettinglate-goodheavens,it"spastten,“shecriedlookingatasplendidgoldenamelledwatchwhichhungroundherneckonathinVenetianchain,andlookedentirelyoutofkeepingwiththerestofherdress。“Apresentfromherfiance,“thoughtRazumihin。
“Wemuststart,Dounia,wemuststart,“hermothercriedinaflutter。“Hewillbethinkingwearestillangryafteryesterday,fromourcomingsolate。Mercifulheavens！”
Whileshesaidthisshewashurriedlyputtingonherhatandmantle;
Dounia,too,putonherthings。Hergloves,asRazumihinnoticed,werenotmerelyshabbybuthadholesinthem,andyetthisevidentpovertygavethetwoladiesanairofspecialdignity,whichisalwaysfoundinpeoplewhoknowhowtowearpoorclothes。RazumihinlookedreverentlyatDouniaandfeltproudofescortingher。“Thequeenwhomendedherstockingsinprison,“hethought,“musthavelookedtheneveryinchaqueenandevenmoreaqueenthanatsumptuousbanquetsandlevees。“
“MyGod,“exclaimedPulcheriaAlexandrovna,“littledidIthinkthatIshouldeverfearseeingmyson,mydarling,darlingRodya!Iamafraid,DmitriProkofitch,“sheadded,glancingathimtimidly。
“Don"tbeafraid,mother,“saidDounia,kissingher,“betterhavefaithinhim。“
“Oh,dear,Ihavefaithinhim,butIhaven"tsleptallnight,“
exclaimedthepoorwoman。
Theycameoutintothestreet。
“Doyouknow,Dounia,whenIdozedalittlethismorningIdreamedofMarfaPetrovna……shewasallinwhite……shecameuptome,tookmyhand,andshookherheadatme,butsosternlyasthoughshewereblamingme……Isthatagoodomen?Oh,dearme!Youdon"tknow,DmitriProkofitch,thatMarfaPetrovna"sdead！”
“No,Ididn"tknow;whoisMarfaPetrovna？”
“Shediedsuddenly;andonlyfancy……“
“Afterwards,mamma,“putinDounia。“Hedoesn"tknowwhoMarfaPetrovnais。“
“Ah,youdon"tknow?AndIwasthinkingthatyouknewallaboutus。Forgiveme,DmitriProkofitch,Idon"tknowwhatIamthinkingabouttheselastfewdays。Ilookuponyoureallyasaprovidenceforus,andsoItookitforgrantedthatyouknewallaboutus。I
lookonyouasarelation……Don"tbeangrywithmeforsayingso。
Dearme,what"sthematterwithyourrighthand?Haveyouknockedit？”
“Yes,Ibruisedit,“mutteredRazumihinoverjoyed。
“Isometimesspeaktoomuchfromtheheart,sothatDouniafindsfaultwithme……But,dearme,whatacupboardhelivesin!I
wonderwhetherheisawake?Doesthiswoman,hislandlady,consideritaroom?Listen,yousayhedoesnotliketoshowhisfeelings,soperhapsIshallannoyhimwithmy……weaknesses?Doadviseme,DmitriProkofitch,howamItotreathim?Ifeelquitedistracted,youknow。“
“Don"tquestionhimtoomuchaboutanythingifyouseehimfrown!
don"taskhimtoomuchabouthishealth;hedoesn"tlikethat。“
“Ah,DmitriProkofitch,howharditistobeamother!Butherearethestairs……Whatanawfulstaircase！”
“Mother,youarequitepale,don"tdistressyourself,darling,“saidDouniacaressingher,thenwithflashingeyessheadded：“Heoughttobehappyatseeingyou,andyouaretormentingyourselfso。“
“Wait,I"llpeepinandseewhetherhehaswakedup。“
TheladiesslowlyfollowedRazumihin,whowentonbefore,andwhentheyreachedthelandlady"sdooronthefourthstorey,theynoticedthatherdoorwasatinycrackopenandthattwokeenblackeyeswerewatchingthemfromthedarknesswithin。Whentheireyesmet,thedoorwassuddenlyshutwithsuchaslamthatPulcheriaAlexandrovnaalmostcriedout。
ChapterThree“HEISwell,quitewell！”Zossimovcriedcheerfullyastheyentered。
Hehadcomeintenminutesearlierandwassittinginthesameplaceasbefore,onthesofa。Raskolnikovwassittingintheoppositecorner,fullydressedandcarefullywashedandcombed,ashehadnotbeenforsometimepast。Theroomwasimmediatelycrowded,yetNastasyamanagedtofollowthevisitorsinandstayedtolisten。
Raskolnikovreallywasalmostwell,ascomparedwithhisconditionthedaybefore,buthewasstillpale,listless,andsombre。Helookedlikeawoundedmanoronewhohasundergonesometerriblephysicalsuffering。Hisbrowswereknitted,hislipscompressed,hiseyesfeverish。Hespokelittleandreluctantly,asthoughperformingaduty,andtherewasarestlessnessinhismovements。
Heonlywantedaslingonhisarmorabandageonhisfingertocompletetheimpressionofamanwithapainfulabscessorabrokenarm。Thepale,sombrefacelightedupforamomentwhenhismotherandsisterentered,butthisonlygaveitalookofmoreintensesuffering,inplaceofitslistlessdejection。Thelightsoondiedaway,butthelookofsufferingremained,andZossimov,watchingandstudyinghispatientwithallthezestofayoungdoctorbeginningtopractise,noticedinhimnojoyatthearrivalofhismotherandsister,butasortofbitter,hiddendeterminationtobearanotherhourortwoofinevitabletorture。Hesawlaterthatalmosteverywordofthefollowingconversationseemedtotouchonsomesoreplaceandirritateit。Butatthesametimehemarvelledatthepowerofcontrollinghimselfandhidinghisfeelingsinapatientwhothepreviousdayhad,likeamonomaniac,fallenintoafrenzyattheslightestword。
“Yes,IseemyselfnowthatIamalmostwell,“saidRaskolnikov,givinghismotherandsisterakissofwelcomewhichmadePulcheriaAlexandrovnaradiantatonce。“AndIdon"tsaythisasIdidyesterday,“hesaidaddressingRazumihin,withafriendlypressureofhishand。
“Yes,indeed,Iamquitesurprisedathimto-day,“beganZossimov,muchdelightedattheladies"entrance,forhehadnotsucceededinkeepingupaconversationwithhispatientfortenminutes。“Inanotherthreeorfourdays,ifhegoesonlikethis,hewillbejustasbefore,thatis,ashewasamonthago,ortwo……orperhapseventhree。Thishasbeencomingonforalongwhile……eh?Confess,now,thatithasbeenperhapsyourownfault？”headded,withatentativesmile,asthoughstillafraidofirritatinghim。
“Itisverypossible,“answeredRaskolnikovcoldly。
“Ishouldsay,too,“continuedZossimovwithzest,“thatyourcompleterecoverydependssolelyonyourself。Nowthatonecantalktoyou,Ishouldliketoimpressuponyouthatitisessentialtoavoidtheelementary,sotospeak,fundamentalcausestendingtoproduceyourmorbidcondition：inthatcaseyouwillbecured,ifnot,itwillgofrombadtoworse。ThesefundamentalcausesIdon"tknow,buttheymustbeknowntoyou。Youareanintelligentman,andmusthaveobservedyourself,ofcourse。Ifancythefirststageofyourderangementcoincideswithyourleavingtheuniversity。Youmustnotbeleftwithoutoccupation,andso,workandadefiniteaimsetbeforeyoumight,Ifancy,beverybeneficial。“
“Yes,yes;youareperfectlyright……Iwillmakehasteandreturntotheuniversity：andtheneverythingwillgosmoothly……“
Zossimov,whohadbegunhissageadvicepartlytomakeaneffectbeforetheladies,wascertainlysomewhatmystified,when,glancingathispatient,heobservedunmistakablemockeryonhisface。Thislastedaninstant,however。PulcheriaAlexandrovnabeganatoncethankingZossimov,especiallyforhisvisittotheirlodgingthepreviousnight。
“What!hesawyoulastnight？”Raskolnikovasked,asthoughstartled。“Thenyouhavenotslepteitherafteryourjourney。“
“Ach,Rodya,thatwasonlytilltwoo"clock。DouniaandInevergotobedbeforetwoathome。“
“Idon"tknowhowtothankhimeither,“Raskolnikovwentonsuddenlyfrowningandlookingdown。“Settingasidethequestionofpayment-
forgivemeforreferringtoit(heturnedtoZossimov)-Ireallydon"tknowwhatIhavedonetodeservesuchspecialattentionfromyou!I
simplydon"tunderstandit……and……and……itweighsuponme,indeed,becauseIdon"tunderstandit。Itellyousocandidly。“
“Don"tbeirritated。“Zossimovforcedhimselftolaugh。“Assumethatyouaremyfirstpatient-well-wefellowsjustbeginningtopractiseloveourfirstpatientsasiftheywereourchildren,andsomealmostfallinlovewiththem。And,ofcourse,Iamnotrichinpatients。“
“Isaynothingabouthim,“addedRaskolnikov,pointingtoRazumihin,“thoughhehashadnothingfrommeeitherbutinsultandtrouble。“
“Whatnonsenseheistalking!Why,youareinasentimentalmoodto-day,areyou？”shoutedRazumihin。
Ifhehadhadmorepenetrationhewouldhaveseenthattherewasnotraceofsentimentalityinhim,butsomethingindeedquitetheopposite。ButAvdotyaRomanovnanoticedit。Shewasintentlyanduneasilywatchingherbrother。
“Asforyou,mother,Idon"tdaretospeak,“hewenton,asthoughrepeatingalessonlearnedbyheart。“Itisonlyto-daythatIhavebeenabletorealisealittlehowdistressedyoumusthavebeenhereyesterday,waitingformetocomeback。“
Whenhehadsaidthis,hesuddenlyheldouthishandtohissister,smilingwithoutaword。Butinthissmiletherewasaflashofrealunfeignedfeeling。Douniacaughtitatonce,andwarmlypressedhishand,overjoyedandthankful。Itwasthefirsttimehehadaddressedhersincetheirdisputethepreviousday。Themother"sfacelightedupwithecstatichappinessatthesightofthisconclusiveunspokenreconciliation。“Yes,thatiswhatIlovehimfor,“Razumihin,exaggeratingitall,mutteredtohimself,withavigorousturninhischair。“Hehasthesemovements。“
“Andhowwellhedoesitall,“themotherwasthinkingtoherself。
“Whatgenerousimpulseshehas,andhowsimply,howdelicatelyheputanendtoallthemisunderstandingwithhissister-simplybyholdingouthishandattherightminuteandlookingatherlikethat……Andwhatfineeyeshehas,andhowfinehiswholefaceis!……
HeisevenbetterlookingthanDounia……But,goodheavens,whatasuit-howterriblyhe"sdressed!……Vasya,themessengerboyinAfanasyIvanitch"sshop,isbetterdressed!Icouldrushathimandhughim……weepoverhim-butIamafraid……Oh,dear,he"ssostrange!He"stalkingkindly,butI"mafraid!Why,whatamIafraidof?……“
“Oh,Rodya,youwouldn"tbelieve,“shebegansuddenly,inhastetoanswerhiswordstoher,“howunhappyDouniaandIwereyesterday!Nowthatit"salloveranddonewithandwearequitehappyagain-Icantellyou。Fancy,weranherealmoststraightfromthetraintoembraceyouandthatwoman-ah,heresheis!Goodmorning,Nastasya!……Shetoldusatoncethatyouwerelyinginahighfeverandhadjustrunawayfromthedoctorindelirium,andtheywerelookingforyouinthestreets。Youcan"timaginehowwefelt!Icouldn"thelpthinkingofthetragicendofLieutenantPotanchikov,afriendofyourfather"s-
youcan"trememberhim,Rodya-whoranoutinthesamewayinahighfeverandfellintothewellinthecourtyardandtheycouldn"tpullhimouttillnextday。Ofcourse,weexaggeratedthings。WewereonthepointofrushingtofindPyotrPetrovitchtoaskhimtohelp