第11章
Lizaveta,thepedlar,soldmesomecollarsandcuffscheap,pretty,new,embroideredones。KaterinaIvanovnalikedthemverymuch;sheputthemonandlookedatherselfintheglassandwasdelightedwiththem。"Makemeapresentofthem,Sonia,"shesaid,"pleasedo。"
"Pleasedo,"shesaid,shewantedthemsomuch。Andwhencouldshewearthem?Theyjustremindedherofheroldhappydays。Shelookedatherselfintheglass,admiredherself,andshehasnoclothesatall,nothingsofherown,hasn"thadalltheseyears!Andsheneverasksanyoneforanything;sheisproud,she"dsoonergiveawayeverything。Andthesesheaskedfor,shelikedthemsomuch。AndIwassorrytogivethem。"Whatusearetheytoyou,KaterinaIvanovna?"I
said。Ispokelikethattoher,Ioughtnottohavesaidthat!Shegavemesuchalook。Andshewassogrieved,sogrievedatmyrefusingher。Anditwassosadtosee……Andshewasnotgrievedforthecollars,butformyrefusing,Isawthat。Ah,ifonlyIcouldbringitallback,changeit,takebackthosewords!Ah,ifI……butit"snothingtoyou！”
“DidyouknowLizaveta,thepedlar？”
“Yes……Didyouknowher？”Soniaaskedwithsomesurprise。
“KaterinaIvanovnaisinconsumption,rapidconsumption;shewillsoondie,“saidRaskolnikovafterapause,withoutansweringherquestion。
“Oh,no,no,no！”
AndSoniaunconsciouslyclutchedbothhishands,asthoughimploringthatsheshouldnot。
“Butitwillbebetterifshedoesdie。“
“No,notbetter,notatallbetter！”Soniaunconsciouslyrepeatedindismay。
“Andthechildren?Whatcanyoudoexcepttakethemtolivewithyou？”
“Oh,Idon"tknow,“criedSonia,almostindespair,andsheputherhandstoherhead。
Itwasevidentthatthatideahadveryoftenoccurredtoherbeforeandhehadonlyrouseditagain。
“And,what,ifevennow,whileKaterinaIvanovnaisalive,yougetillandaretakentothehospital,whatwillhappenthen？”hepersistedpitilessly。
“Howcanyou?Thatcannotbe！”
AndSonia"sfaceworkedwithawfulterror。
“Cannotbe？”Raskolnikovwentonwithaharshsmile。“Youarenotinsuredagainstit,areyou?Whatwillhappentothemthen?Theywillbeinthestreet,allofthem,shewillcoughandbegandknockherheadagainstsomewall,asshedidto-day,andthechildrenwillcry……Thenshewillfalldown,betakentothepolicestationandtothehospital,shewilldie,andthechildren……“
“Oh,no……Godwillnotletitbe！”brokeatlastfromSonia"soverburdenedbosom。
Shelistened,lookingimploringlyathim,claspingherhandsindumbentreaty,asthoughitalldependeduponhim。
Raskolnikovgotupandbegantowalkabouttheroom。Aminutepassed。Soniawasstandingwithherhandsandherheadhanginginterribledejection。
“Andcan"tyousave?Putbyforarainyday？”heasked,stoppingsuddenlybeforeher。
“No,“whisperedSonia。
“Ofcoursenot。Haveyoutried？”headdedalmostironically。
“Yes。“
“Anditdidn"tcomeoff!Ofcoursenot!Noneedtoask。“
Andagainhepacedtheroom。Anotherminutepassed。
“Youdon"tgetmoneyeveryday？”
Soniawasmoreconfusedthaneverandcolourrushedintoherfaceagain。
“No,“shewhisperedwithapainfuleffort。
“ItwillbethesamewithPolenka,nodoubt,“hesaidsuddenly。
“No,no!Itcan"tbe,no！”Soniacriedaloudindesperation,asthoughshehadbeenstabbed。“Godwouldnotallowanythingsoawful！”
“Heletsotherscometoit。“
“No,no!Godwillprotecther,God！”sherepeatedbesideherself。
“But,perhaps,thereisnoGodatall,“Raskolnikovansweredwithasortofmalignance,laughedandlookedather。
Sonia"sfacesuddenlychanged;atremorpassedoverit。Shelookedathimwithunutterablereproach,triedtosaysomething,butcouldnotspeakandbrokeintobitter,bittersobs,hidingherfaceinherhands。
“YousayKaterinaIvanovna"smindisunhinged;yourownmindisunhinged,“hesaidafterabriefsilence。
Fiveminutespassed。Hestillpacedupanddowntheroominsilence,notlookingather。Atlasthewentuptoher;hiseyesglittered。
Heputhistwohandsonhershouldersandlookedstraightintohertearfulface。Hiseyeswerehard,feverishandpiercing,hislipsweretwitching。Allatoncehebentdownquicklyanddroppingtotheground,kissedherfoot。Soniadrewbackfromhimasfromamadman。
Andcertainlyhelookedlikeamadman。
“Whatareyoudoingtome？”shemuttered,turningpale,andasuddenanguishclutchedatherheart。
Hestoodupatonce。
“Ididnotbowdowntoyou,Iboweddowntoallthesufferingofhumanity,“hesaidwildlyandwalkedawaytothewindow。“Listen,“
headded,turningtoheraminutelater。“Isaidjustnowtoaninsolentmanthathewasnotworthyourlittlefinger……andthatI
didmysisterhonourmakinghersitbesideyou。“
“Ach,yousaidthattothem!Andinherpresence？”criedSonia,frightened。“Sitdownwithme!Anhonour!Why,I"m……
dishonourable……Ah,whydidyousaythat？”
“ItwasnotbecauseofyourdishonourandyoursinIsaidthatofyou,butbecauseofyourgreatsuffering。Butyouareagreatsinner,that"strue,“headdedalmostsolemnly,“andyourworstsinisthatyouhavedestroyedandbetrayedyourselffornothing。Isn"tthatfearful?Isn"titfearfulthatyouarelivinginthisfilthwhichyouloatheso,andatthesametimeyouknowyourself(you"veonlytoopenyoureyes)thatyouarenothelpinganyonebyit,notsavinganyonefromanything!Tellme,“hewentonalmostinafrenzy,“howthisshameanddegradationcanexistinyousidebysidewithother,opposite,holyfeelings?Itwouldbebetter,athousandtimesbetterandwisertoleapintothewaterandenditall！”
“Butwhatwouldbecomeofthem？”Soniaaskedfaintly,gazingathimwitheyesofanguish,butnotseemingsurprisedathissuggestion。
Raskolnikovlookedstrangelyather。Hereaditallinherface;
soshemusthavehadthatthoughtalready,perhapsmanytimes,andearnestlyshehadthoughtoutinherdespairhowtoenditandsoearnestly,thatnowshescarcelywonderedathissuggestion。Shehadnotevennoticedthecrueltyofhiswords。(Thesignificanceofhisreproachesandhispeculiarattitudetohershameshehad,ofcourse,notnoticedeither,andthat,too,wascleartohim。)Buthesawhowmonstrouslythethoughtofherdisgraceful,shamefulpositionwastorturingherandhadlongtorturedher。“What,what,“hethought,“couldhithertohavehinderedherfromputtinganendtoit？”
Onlythenherealisedwhatthosepoorlittleorphanchildrenandthatpitifulhalf-crazyKaterinaIvanovna,knockingherheadagainstthewallinherconsumption,meantforSonia。
But,nevertheless,itwascleartohimagainthatwithhercharacterandtheamountofeducationshehadafterallreceived,shecouldnotinanycaseremainso。Hewasstillconfrontedbythequestionhowcouldshehaveremainedsolonginthatpositionwithoutgoingoutofhermind,sinceshecouldnotbringherselftojumpintothewater?
OfcourseheknewthatSonia"spositionwasanexceptionalcase,thoughunhappilynotuniqueandnotinfrequent,indeed;butthatveryexceptionalness,hertingeofeducation,herpreviouslifemight,onewouldhavethought,havekilledheratthefirststeponthatrevoltingpath。Whatheldherup-surelynotdepravity?Allthatinfamyhadobviouslyonlytouchedhermechanically,notonedropofrealdepravityhadpenetratedtoherheart;hesawthat。Hesawthroughherasshestoodbeforehim……
“Therearethreewaysbeforeher,“hethought,“thecanal,themadhouse,or……atlasttosinkintodepravitywhichobscuresthemindandturnsthehearttostone。“
Thelastideawasthemostrevolting,buthewasasceptic,hewasyoung,abstract,andthereforecruel,andsohecouldnothelpbelievingthatthelastendwasthemostlikely。
“Butcanthatbetrue？”hecriedtohimself。“Canthatcreaturewhohasstillpreservedthepurityofherspiritbeconsciouslydrawnatlastintothatsinkoffilthandiniquity?Cantheprocessalreadyhavebegun?Canitbethatshehasonlybeenabletobearittillnow,becausevicehasbeguntobelessloathsometoher?No,no,thatcannotbe！”hecried,asSoniahadjustbefore。“No,whathaskeptherfromthecanaltillnowistheideaofsinandthey,thechildren……Andifshehasnotgoneoutofhermind……butwhosaysshehasnotgoneoutofhermind?Issheinhersenses?Canonetalk,canonereasonasshedoes?Howcanshesitontheedgeoftheabyssofloathsomenessintowhichsheisslippingandrefusetolistenwhensheistoldofdanger?Doessheexpectamiracle?Nodoubtshedoes。Doesn"tthatallmeanmadness？”
Hestayedobstinatelyatthatthought。Helikedthatexplanationindeedbetterthananyother。Hebeganlookingmoreintentlyather。
“SoyoupraytoGodagreatdeal,Sonia？”heaskedher。
Soniadidnotspeak;hestoodbesideherwaitingforananswer。
“WhatshouldIbewithoutGod？”shewhisperedrapidly,forcibly,glancingathimwithsuddenlyflashingeyes,andsqueezinghishand。
“Ah,sothatisit！”hethought。
“AndwhatdoesGoddoforyou？”heasked,probingherfurther。
Soniawassilentalongwhile,asthoughshecouldnotanswer。Herweakchestkeptheavingwithemotion。
“Besilent!Don"task!Youdon"tdeserve！”shecriedsuddenly,lookingsternlyandwrathfullyathim。
“That"sit,that"sit,“herepeatedtohimself。
“Hedoeseverything,“shewhisperedquickly,lookingdownagain。
“That"sthewayout!That"stheexplanation,“hedecided,scrutinisingherwitheagercuriosity,withanew,strange,almostmorbidfeeling。Hegazedatthatpale,thin,irregular,angularlittleface,thosesoftblueeyes,whichcouldflashwithsuchfire,suchsternenergy,thatlittlebodystillshakingwithindignationandanger-anditallseemedtohimmoreandmorestrange,almostimpossible。“Sheisareligiousmaniac！”herepeatedtohimself。
Therewasabooklyingonthechestofdrawers。Hehadnoticediteverytimehepacedupanddowntheroom。Nowhetookitupandlookedatit。ItwastheNewTestamentintheRussiantranslation。Itwasboundinleather,oldandworn。
“Wheredidyougetthat？”hecalledtoheracrosstheroom。
Shewasstillstandinginthesameplace,threestepsfromthetable。
“Itwasbroughtme,“sheanswered,asitwereunwillingly,notlookingathim。
“Whobroughtit？”
“Lizaveta,Iaskedherforit。“
“Lizaveta!strange！”hethought。
EverythingaboutSoniaseemedtohimstrangerandmorewonderfuleverymoment。Hecarriedthebooktothecandleandbegantoturnoverthepages。
“WhereisthestoryofLazarus？”heaskedsuddenly。
Sonialookedobstinatelyatthegroundandwouldnotanswer。Shewasstandingsidewaystothetable。
“WhereistheraisingofLazarus?Finditforme,Sonia。“
Shestoleaglanceathim。
“Youarenotlookingintherightplace……It"sinthefourthgospel,“shewhisperedsternly,withoutlookingathim。
“Finditandreadittome,“hesaid。Hesatdownwithhiselbowonthetable,leanedhisheadonhishandandlookedawaysullenly,preparedtolisten。
“Inthreeweeks"timethey"llwelcomemeinthemadhouse!IshallbethereifIamnotinaworseplace,“hemutteredtohimself。
SoniaheardRaskolnikov"srequestdistrustfullyandmovedhesitatinglytothetable。Shetookthebookhowever。
“Haven"tyoureadit？”sheasked,lookingupathimacrossthetable。
Hervoicebecamesternerandsterner。
“Longago……WhenIwasatschool。Read！”
“Andhaven"tyouhearditinchurch？”
“I……haven"tbeen。Doyouoftengo？”
“N-no,“whisperedSonia。
Raskolnikovsmiled。
“Iunderstand……Andyouwon"tgotoyourfather"sfuneralto-morrow？”
“Yes,Ishall。Iwasatchurchlastweek,too……Ihadarequiemservice。“
“Forwhom？”
“ForLizaveta。Shewaskilledwithanaxe。“
Hisnervesweremoreandmorestrained。Hisheadbegantogoround。
“WereyoufriendswithLizaveta？”
“Yes……Shewasgood……sheusedtocome……notoften……shecouldn"t……Weusedtoreadtogetherand……talk。ShewillseeGod。“
Thelastphrasesoundedstrangeinhisears。Andherewassomethingnewagain：themysteriousmeetingswithLizavetaandbothofthem-religiousmaniacs。
“Ishallbeareligiousmaniacmyselfsoon!It"sinfectious！”
“Read！”hecriedirritablyandinsistently。
Soniastillhesitated。Herheartwasthrobbing。Shehardlydaredtoreadtohim。Helookedalmostwithexasperationatthe“unhappylunatic。“
“Whatfor?Youdon"tbelieve?……“shewhisperedsoftlyandasitwerebreathlessly。
“Read!Iwantyouto,“hepersisted。“YouusedtoreadtoLizaveta。“
Soniaopenedthebookandfoundtheplace。Herhandswereshaking,hervoicefailedher。Twiceshetriedtobeginandcouldnotbringoutthefirstsyllable。
“NowacertainmanwassicknamedLazarusofBethany……“sheforcedherselfatlasttoread,butatthethirdwordhervoicebrokelikeanoverstrainedstring。Therewasacatchinherbreath。
RaskolnikovsawinpartwhySoniacouldnotbringherselftoreadtohimandthemorehesawthis,themoreroughlyandirritablyheinsistedonherdoingso。Heunderstoodonlytoowellhowpainfulitwasforhertobetrayandunveilallthatwasherown。Heunderstoodthatthesefeelingsreallywerehersecrettreasure,whichshehadkeptperhapsforyears,perhapsfromchildhood,whileshelivedwithanunhappyfatherandadistractedstepmothercrazedbygrief,inthemidstofstarvingchildrenandunseemlyabuseandreproaches。
Butatthesametimeheknewnowandknewforcertainthat,althoughitfilledherwithdreadandsuffering,yetshehadatormentingdesiretoreadandtoreadtohimthathemighthearit,andtoreadnowwhatevermightcomeofit!……Hereadthisinhereyes,hecouldseeitinherintenseemotion。Shemasteredherself,controlledthespasminherthroatandwentonreadingtheeleventhchapterofSt。
John。Shewentontothenineteenthverse：
“AndmanyoftheJewscametoMarthaandMarytocomfortthemconcerningtheirbrother。
ThenMarthaassoonassheheardthatJesuswascomingwentandmetHim：butMarysatstillinthehouse。
ThensaidMarthauntoJesus,Lord,ifThouhadstbeenhere,mybrotherhadnotdied。
ButIknowthatevennowwhatsoeverThouwiltaskofGod,GodwillgiveitThee……“
Thenshestoppedagainwithashamefacedfeelingthathervoicewouldquiverandbreakagain。
“Jesussaiduntoher,thybrothershallriseagain。
MarthasaithuntoHim,Iknowthatheshallriseagainintheresurrection,atthelastday。
Jesussaiduntoher,Iamtheresurrectionandthelife：hethatbelievethinMethoughheweredead,yetshallhelive。
AndwhosoeverlivethandbelievethinMeshallneverdie。
Believestthouthis?
ShesaithuntoHim,“
(Anddrawingapainfulbreath,Soniareaddistinctlyandforciblyasthoughsheweremakingapublicconfessionoffaith。)
“Yea,Lord：IbelievethatThouarttheChrist,theSonofGodWhichshouldcomeintotheworld。“
Shestoppedandlookedupquicklyathim,butcontrollingherselfwentonreading。Raskolnikovsatwithoutmoving,hiselbowsonthetableandhiseyesturnedaway。Shereadtothethirty-secondverse。
“ThenwhenMarywascomewhereJesuswasandsawHim,shefelldownatHisfeet,sayinguntoHim,LordifThouhadstbeenhere,mybrotherhadnotdied。
WhenJesusthereforesawherweeping,andtheJewsalsoweepingwhichcamewithher,Hegroanedinthespiritandwastroubled,Andsaid,Wherehaveyelaidhim?TheysaiduntoHim,Lord,comeandsee。
Jesuswept。
ThensaidtheJews,beholdhowHelovedhim!
Andsomeofthemsaid,couldnotthisManwhichopenedtheeyesoftheblind,havecausedthateventhismanshouldnothavedied？”
Raskolnikovturnedandlookedatherwithemotion。Yes,hehadknownit!Shewastremblinginarealphysicalfever。Hehadexpectedit。
Shewasgettingnearthestoryofthegreatestmiracleandafeelingofimmensetriumphcameoverher。Hervoicerangoutlikeabell;
triumphandjoygaveitpower。Thelinesdancedbeforehereyes,butsheknewwhatshewasreadingbyheart。Atthelastverse“CouldnotthisManwhichopenedtheeyesoftheblind……“droppinghervoiceshepassionatelyreproducedthedoubt,thereproachandcensureoftheblinddisbelievingJews,whoinanothermomentwouldfallatHisfeetasthoughstruckbythunder,sobbingandbelieving……“Andhe,he-too,isblindedandunbelieving,he,too,willhear,he,too,willbelieve,yes,yes!Atonce,now,“waswhatshewasdreaming,andshewasquiveringwithhappyanticipation。
“JesusthereforeagaingroaninginHimselfcomethtothegrave。Itwasacave,andastonelayuponit。
Jesussaid,Takeyeawaythestone。Martha,thesisterofhimthatwasdead,saithuntoHim,Lordbythistimehestinketh：forhehathbeendeadfourdays。“
Shelaidemphasisonthewordfour。
“Jesussaithuntoher,SaidInotuntotheethatifthouwouldestbelieve,thoushouldestseethegloryofGod?
Thentheytookawaythestonefromtheplacewherethedeadwaslaid。AndJesusliftedupHiseyesandsaid,Father,IthankTheethatThouhastheardMe。
AndIknewthatThouhearestMealways;butbecauseofthepeoplewhichstandbyIsaidit,thattheymaybelievethatThouhastsentMe。
AndwhenHethushadspoken,Hecriedwithaloudvoice,Lazarus,comeforth。
Andhethatwasdeadcameforth。“
(Shereadloudly,coldandtremblingwithecstasy,asthoughshewereseeingitbeforehereyes。)
“Boundhandandfootwithgraveclothes;andhisfacewasboundaboutwithanapkin。Jesussaithuntothem,Loosehimandlethimgo。
ThenmanyoftheJewswhichcametoMaryandhadseenthethingswhichJesusdidbelievedonHim。“
Shecouldreadnomore,closedthebookandgotupfromherchairquickly。
“ThatisallabouttheraisingofLazarus,“shewhisperedseverelyandabruptly,andturningawayshestoodmotionless,notdaringtoraisehereyestohim。Shestilltrembledfeverishly。Thecandle-endwasflickeringoutinthebatteredcandlestick,dimlylightingupinthepoverty-strickenroomthemurdererandtheharlotwhohadsostrangelybeenreadingtogethertheeternalbook。Fiveminutesormorepassed。
“Icametospeakofsomething,“Raskolnikovsaidaloud,frowning。HegotupandwenttoSonia。Sheliftedhereyestohiminsilence。Hisfacewasparticularlysternandtherewasasortofsavagedeterminationinit。
“Ihaveabandonedmyfamilyto-day,“hesaid,“mymotherandsister。
Iamnotgoingtoseethem。I"vebrokenwiththemcompletely。“
“Whatfor？”askedSoniaamazed。Herrecentmeetingwithhismotherandsisterhadleftagreatimpressionwhichshecouldnotanalyse。
Sheheardhisnewsalmostwithhorror。
“Ihaveonlyyounow,“headded。“Letusgotogether……I"vecometoyou,wearebothaccursed,letusgoourwaytogether！”
Hiseyesglittered“asthoughheweremad,“Soniathought,inherturn。
“Gowhere？”sheaskedinalarmandsheinvoluntarilysteppedback。
“HowdoIknow?Ionlyknowit"sthesameroad,Iknowthatandnothingmore。It"sthesamegoal！”
Shelookedathimandunderstoodnothing。Sheknewonlythathewasterribly,infinitelyunhappy。
“Nooneofthemwillunderstand,ifyoutellthem,butIhaveunderstood。Ineedyou,thatiswhyIhavecometoyou。“
“Idon"tunderstand,“whisperedSonia。
“You"llunderstandlater。Haven"tyoudonethesame?You,too,havetransgressed……havehadthestrengthtotransgress。Youhavelaidhandsonyourself,youhavedestroyedalife……yourown(it"sallthesame!)。Youmighthavelivedinspiritandunderstanding,butyou"llendintheHayMarket……Butyouwon"tbeabletostandit,andifyouremainaloneyou"llgooutofyourmindlikeme。Youarelikeamadcreaturealready。Sowemustgotogetheronthesameroad!Letusgo！”
“Whatfor?What"sallthisfor？”saidSonia,strangelyandviolentlyagitatedbyhiswords。
“Whatfor?Becauseyoucan"tremainlikethis,that"swhy!Youmustlookthingsstraightinthefaceatlast,andnotweeplikeachildandcrythatGodwon"tallowit。Whatwillhappen,ifyoushouldreallybetakentothehospitalto-morrow?Sheismadandinconsumption,she"llsoondie,andthechildren?DoyoumeantotellmePolenkawon"tcometogrief?Haven"tyouseenchildrenhereatthestreetcornerssentoutbytheirmotherstobeg?I"vefoundoutwherethosemothersliveandinwhatsurroundings。Childrencan"tremainchildrenthere!Atseventhechildisviciousandathief。
Yetchildren,youknow,aretheimageofChrist："theirsisthekingdomofHeaven。"Hebadeushonourandlovethem,theyarethehumanityofthefuture……“
“What"stobedone,what"stobedone？”repeatedSonia,weepinghystericallyandwringingherhands。
“What"stobedone?Breakwhatmustbebroken,onceforall,that"sall,andtakethesufferingononeself。What,youdon"tunderstand?You"llunderstandlater……Freedomandpower,andaboveall,power!Overalltremblingcreationandalltheantheap!……That"sthegoal,rememberthat!That"smyfarewellmessage。Perhapsit"sthelasttimeIshallspeaktoyou。IfIdon"tcometo-morrow,you"llhearofitall,andthenrememberthesewords。Andsomedaylateron,inyearstocome,you"llunderstandperhapswhattheymeant。
IfIcometo-morrow,I"lltellyouwhokilledLizaveta……Good-bye。“
Soniastartedwithterror。
“Why,doyouknowwhokilledher？”sheasked,chilledwithhorror,lookingwildlyathim。
“Iknowandwilltell……you,onlyyou。Ihavechosenyouout。I"mnotcomingtoyoutoaskforgiveness,butsimplytotellyou。I
choseyououtlongagotohearthis,whenyourfathertalkedofyouandwhenLizavetawasalive,Ithoughtofit。Good-bye,don"tshakehands。To-morrow！”
Hewentout。Soniagazedathimasatamadman。Butsheherselfwaslikeoneinsaneandfeltit。Herheadwasgoinground。
“Goodheavens,howdoesheknowwhokilledLizaveta?Whatdidthosewordsmean?It"sawful！”Butatthesametimetheideadidnotenterherhead,notforamoment!“Oh,hemustbeterriblyunhappy!……
Hehasabandonedhismotherandsister……Whatfor?Whathashappened?Andwhathadheinhismind?Whatdidhesaytoher?Hehadkissedherfootandsaid……said(yes,hehadsaiditclearly)
thathecouldnotlivewithouther……Oh,mercifulheavens！”
Soniaspentthewholenightfeverishanddelirious。Shejumpedupfromtimetotime,weptandwrungherhands,thensankagainintofeverishsleepanddreamtofPolenka,KaterinaIvanovnaandLizaveta,ofreadingthegospelandhim……himwithpaleface,withburningeyes……kissingherfeet,weeping。
Ontheothersideofthedoorontheright,whichdividedSonia"sroomfromMadameResslich"sflat,wasaroomwhichlongstoodempty。A
cardwasfixedonthegateandanoticestuckinthewindowsoverthecanaladvertisingittolet。Soniahadlongbeenaccustomedtotheroom"sbeinguninhabited。ButallthattimeMr。Svidrigailovhadbeenstanding,listeningatthedooroftheemptyroom。WhenRaskolnikovwentouthestoodstill,thoughtamoment,wentontiptoetohisownroomwhichadjoinedtheemptyone,broughtachairandnoiselesslycarriedittothedoorthatledtoSonia"sroom。Theconversationhadstruckhimasinterestingandremarkable,andhehadgreatlyenjoyedit-somuchsothathebroughtachairthathemightnotinthefuture,to-morrow,forinstance,havetoenduretheinconvenienceofstandingawholehour,butmightlistenincomfort。
ChapterFiveWHENNEXTmorningateleveno"clockpunctuallyRaskolnikovwentintothedepartmentoftheinvestigationofcriminalcausesandsenthisnameintoPorfiryPetrovitch,hewassurprisedatbeingkeptwaitingsolong：itwasatleasttenminutesbeforehewassummoned。
Hehadexpectedthattheywouldpounceuponhim。Buthestoodinthewaiting-room,andpeople,whoapparentlyhadnothingtodowithhim,werecontinuallypassingtoandfrobeforehim。Inthenextroomwhichlookedlikeanoffice,severalclerksweresittingwritingandobviouslytheyhadnonotionwhoorwhatRaskolnikovmightbe。Helookeduneasilyandsuspiciouslyabouthimtoseewhethertherewasnotsomeguard,somemysteriouswatchbeingkeptonhimtopreventhisescape。Buttherewasnothingofthesort：hesawonlythefacesofclerksabsorbedinpettydetails,thenotherpeople,nooneseemedtohaveanyconcernwithhim。Hemightgowherehelikedforthem。Theconvictiongrewstrongerinhimthatifthatenigmaticmanofyesterday,thatphantomsprungoutoftheearth,hadseeneverything,theywouldnothavelethimstandandwaitlikethat。
Andwouldtheyhavewaitedtillheelectedtoappearateleven?Eitherthemanhadnotyetgiveninformation,or……orsimplyheknewnothing,hadseennothing(andhowcouldhehaveseenanything?)andsoallthathadhappenedtohimthedaybeforewasagainaphantomexaggeratedbyhissickandoverstrainedimagination。Thisconjecturehadbeguntogrowstrongthedaybefore,inthemidstofallhisalarmanddespair。Thinkingitallovernowandpreparingforafreshconflict,hewassuddenlyawarethathewastrembling-andhefeltarushofindignationatthethoughtthathewastremblingwithfearatfacingthathatefulPorfiryPetrovitch。Whathedreadedaboveallwasmeetingthatmanagain;hehatedhimwithanintense,unmitigatedhatredandwasafraidhishatredmightbetrayhim。Hisindignationwassuchthatheceasedtremblingatonce;hemadereadytogoinwithacoldandarrogantbearingandvowedtohimselftokeepassilentaspossible,towatchandlistenandforonceatleasttocontrolhisoverstrainednerves。AtthatmomenthewassummonedtoPorfiryPetrovitch。
HefoundPorfiryPetrovitchaloneinhisstudy。Hisstudywasaroomneitherlargenorsmall,furnishedwithalargewriting-table,thatstoodbeforeasofa,upholsteredincheckedmaterial,abureau,abookcaseinthecornerandseveralchairs-allgovernmentfurniture,ofpolishedyellowwood。Inthefurtherwalltherewasacloseddoor,beyondittherewere,nodoubt,otherrooms。OnRaskolnikov"sentrancePorfiryPetrovitchhadatonceclosedthedoorbywhichhehadcomeinandtheyremainedalone。Hemethisvisitorwithanapparentlygenialandgood-temperedair,anditwasonlyafterafewminutesthatRaskolnikovsawsignsofacertainawkwardnessinhim,asthoughhehadbeenthrownoutofhisreckoningorcaughtinsomethingverysecret。
“Ah,mydearfellow!Hereyouare……inourdomain“……beganPorfiry,holdingoutbothhandstohim。“Come,sitdown,oldman……orperhapsyoudon"tliketobecalled"mydearfellow"and"oldman!"-toutcourt?Pleasedon"tthinkittoofamiliar……Here,onthesofa。“
Raskolnikovsatdown,keepinghiseyesfixedonhim。“Inourdomain,“theapologiesforfamiliarity,theFrenchphrasetoutcourt,wereallcharacteristicsigns。
“Heheldoutbothhandstome,buthedidnotgivemeone-hedrewitbackintime,“struckhimsuspiciously。Bothwerewatchingeachother,butwhentheireyesmet,quickaslightningtheylookedaway。
“Ibroughtyouthispaper……aboutthewatch。Hereitis。IsitallrightorshallIcopyitagain？”
“What?Apaper?Yes,yes,don"tbeuneasy,it"sallright,“
PorfiryPetrovitchsaidasthoughinhaste,andafterhehadsaidithetookthepaperandlookedatit。“Yes,it"sallright。Nothingmoreisneeded,“hedeclaredwiththesamerapidityandhelaidthepaperonthetable。
Aminutelaterwhenhewastalkingofsomethingelsehetookitfromthetableandputitonhisbureau。
“Ibelieveyousaidyesterdayyouwouldliketoquestionme……
formally……aboutmyacquaintancewiththemurderedwoman？”
Raskolnikovwasbeginningagain。“WhydidIputin"Ibelieve"“passedthroughhismindinaflash。“WhyamIsouneasyathavingputinthat"Ibelieve"？”cameinasecondflash。AndhesuddenlyfeltthathisuneasinessatthemerecontactwithPorfiry,atthefirstwords,atthefirstlooks,hadgrowninaninstanttomonstrousproportions,andthatthiswasfearfullydangerous。Hisnerveswerequivering,hisemotionwasincreasing。“It"sbad,it"sbad!Ishallsaytoomuchagain。“
“Yes,yes,yes!There"snohurry,there"snohurry,“mutteredPorfiryPetrovitch,movingtoandfroaboutthetablewithoutanyapparentaim,asitweremakingdashestowardsthewindow,thebureauandthetable,atonemomentavoidingRaskolnikov"ssuspiciousglance,thenagainstandingstillandlookinghimstraightintheface。
Hisfatroundlittlefigurelookedverystrange,likeaballrollingfromonesidetotheotherandreboundingback。
“We"veplentyoftime。Doyousmoke?haveyouyourown?Here,acigarette！”hewenton,offeringhisvisitoracigarette。“YouknowIamreceivingyouhere,butmyownquartersarethroughthere,youknow,mygovernmentquarters。ButIamlivingoutsideforthetime,Ihadtohavesomerepairsdonehere。It"salmostfinishednow……
Governmentquarters,youknow,areacapitalthing。Eh,whatdoyouthink？”
“Yes,acapitalthing,“answeredRaskolnikov,lookingathimalmostironically。
“Acapitalthing,acapitalthing,“repeatedPorfiryPetrovitch,asthoughhehadjustthoughtofsomethingquitedifferent。“Yes,acapitalthing,“healmostshoutedatlast,suddenlystaringatRaskolnikovandstoppingshorttwostepsfromhim。
Thisstupidrepetitionwastooincongruousinitsineptitudewiththeserious,broodingandenigmaticglanceheturneduponhisvisitor。
ButthisstirredRaskolnikov"sspleenmorethaneverandhecouldnotresistanironicalandratherincautiouschallenge。
“Tellme,please,“heaskedsuddenly,lookingalmostinsolentlyathimandtakingakindofpleasureinhisowninsolence。“Ibelieveit"sasortoflegalrule,asortoflegaltradition-forallinvestigatinglawyers-tobegintheirattackfromafar,withatrivial,oratleastanirrelevantsubject,soastoencourage,orrather,todivertthemantheyarecross-examining,todisarmhiscautionandthenallatoncetogivehimanunexpectedknockdownblowwithsomefatalquestion。Isn"tthatso?It"sasacredtradition,mentioned,Ifancy,inallthemanualsoftheart？”
“Yes,yes……Why,doyouimaginethatwaswhyIspokeaboutgovernmentquarters……eh？”
AndashesaidthisPorfiryPetrovitchscreweduphiseyesandwinked;agood-humoured,craftylookpassedoverhisface。Thewrinklesonhisforeheadweresmoothedout,hiseyescontracted,hisfeaturesbroadenedandhesuddenlywentoffintoanervousprolongedlaugh,shakingalloverandlookingRaskolnikovstraightintheface。Thelatterforcedhimselftolaugh,too,butwhenPorfiry,seeingthathewaslaughing,brokeintosuchaguffawthatheturnedalmostcrimson,Raskolnikov"srepulsionovercameallprecaution;heleftofflaughing,scowledandstaredwithhatredatPorfiry,keepinghiseyesfixedonhimwhilehisintentionallyprolongedlaughterlasted。Therewaslackofprecautiononbothsides,however,forPorfiryPetrovitchseemedtobelaughinginhisvisitor"sfaceandtobeverylittledisturbedattheannoyancewithwhichthevisitorreceivedit。ThelatterfactwasverysignificantinRaskolnikov"seyes：hesawthatPorfiryPetrovitchhadnotbeenembarrassedjustbeforeeither,butthathe,Raskolnikov,hadperhapsfallenintoatrap;thattheremustbesomething,somemotivehereunknowntohim;that,perhaps,everythingwasinreadinessandinanothermomentwouldbreakuponhim……
Hewentstraighttothepointatonce,rosefromhisseatandtookhiscap。
“PorfiryPetrovitch,“hebeganresolutely,thoughwithconsiderableirritation,“yesterdayyouexpressedadesirethatI
shouldcometoyouforsomeinquiries(helaidspecialstressontheword"inquiries")。Ihavecomeand,ifyouhaveanythingtoaskme,askit,andifnot,allowmetowithdraw。Ihavenotimetospare……Ihavetobeatthefuneralofthatmanwhowasrunover,ofwhomyou……knowalso,“headded,feelingangryatonceathavingmadethisadditionandmoreirritatedathisanger,“Iamsickofitall,doyouhear,andhavelongbeen。It"spartlywhatmademeill。Inshort,“heshouted,feelingthatthephraseabouthisillnesswasstillmoreoutofplace,“inshort,kindlyexaminemeorletmego,atonce。Andifyoumustexamineme,dosointheproperform!Iwillnotallowyoutodosootherwise,andsomeanwhile,good-bye,aswehaveevidentlynothingtokeepusnow。“
“Goodheavens!Whatdoyoumean?WhatshallIquestionyouabout？”
cackledPorfiryPetrovitchwithachangeoftone,instantlyleavingofflaughing。“Pleasedon"tdisturbyourself,“hebeganfidgetingfromplacetoplaceandfussilymakingRaskolnikovsitdown。“There"snohurry,there"snohurry,it"sallnonsense。Oh,no,I"mverygladyou"vecometoseemeatlast……Ilookuponyousimplyasavisitor。Andasformyconfoundedlaughter,pleaseexcuseit,RodionRomanovitch。RodionRomanovitch?Thatisyourname?……It"smynerves,youtickledmesowithyourwittyobservation;Iassureyou,sometimesIshakewithlaughterlikeanIndia-rubberballforhalfanhouratatime……I"moftenafraidofanattackofparalysis。Dositdown。
Pleasedo,orIshallthinkyouareangry……“
Raskolnikovdidnotspeak;helistened,watchinghim,stillfrowningangrily。Hedidsitdown,butstillheldhiscap。
“Imusttellyouonethingaboutmyself,mydearRodionRomanovitch,“PorfiryPetrovitchcontinued,movingabouttheroomandagainavoidinghisvisitor"seyes。“Yousee,I"mabachelor,amanofnoconsequenceandnotusedtosociety;besides,Ihavenothingbeforeme,I"mset,I"mrunningtoseedand……andhaveyounoticed,RodionRomanovitch,thatinourPetersburgcircles,iftwoclevermenmeetwhoarenotintimate,butrespecteachother,likeyouandme,ittakesthemhalfanhourbeforetheycanfindasubjectforconversation-theyaredumb,theysitoppositeeachotherandfeelawkward。Everyonehassubjectsofconversation,ladiesforinstance……peopleinhighsocietyalwayshavetheirsubjectsofconversation,c"estderigueur,butpeopleofthemiddlesortlikeus,thinkingpeoplethatis,arealwaystongue-tiedandawkward。Whatisthereasonofit?Whetheritisthelackofpublicinterest,orwhetheritiswearesohonestwedon"twanttodeceiveoneanother,I
don"tknow。Whatdoyouthink?Doputdownyourcap,itlooksasifyouwerejustgoing,itmakesmeuncomfortable……Iamsodelighted……“
RaskolnikovputdownhiscapandcontinuedlisteninginsilencewithaseriousfrowningfacetothevagueandemptychatterofPorfiryPetrovitch。“Doeshereallywanttodistractmyattentionwithhissillybabble？”
“Ican"tofferyoucoffeehere;butwhynotspendfiveminuteswithafriend,“Porfirypatteredon,“andyouknowalltheseofficialduties……pleasedon"tmindmyrunningupanddown,excuseit,mydearfellow,Iamverymuchafraidofoffendingyou,butexerciseisabsolutelyindispensableforme。I"malwayssittingandsogladtobemovingaboutforfiveminutes……Isufferfrommysedentarylife……Ialwaysintendtojoinagymnasium;theysaythatofficialsofallranks,evenPrivyCouncillorsmaybeseenskippinggailythere;
thereyouhaveit,modernscience……yes,yes……Butasformydutieshere,inquiriesandallsuchformalities……youmentionedinquiriesyourselfjustnow……Iassureyoutheseinterrogationsaresometimesmoreembarrassingfortheinterrogatorthanfortheinterrogated……
Youmadetheobservationyourselfjustnowveryaptlyandwittily。
(Raskolnikovhadmadenoobservationofthekind。)Onegetsintoamuddle!Aregularmuddle!Onekeepsharpingonthesamenote,likeadrum!Thereistobeareformandweshallbecalledbyadifferentname,atleast,he-he-he!Andasforourlegaltradition,asyousowittilycalledit,Ithoroughlyagreewithyou。Everyprisonerontrial,eventherudestpeasantknows,thattheybeginbydisarminghimwithirrelevantquestions(asyousohappilyputit)andthendealhimaknock-downblow,he-he-he!-yourfelicitouscompactsson,he-he!
SoyoureallyimaginedthatImeantbygovernmentquarters……he-he!
Youareanironicalperson。Come。Iwon"tgoon!Ah,bytheway,yes!Onewordleadstoanother。Youspokeofformalityjustnow,aproposoftheinquiry,youknow。Butwhat"stheuseofformality?
Inmanycasesit"snonsense。Sometimesonehasafriendlychatandgetsagooddealmoreoutofit。Onecanalwaysfallbackonformality,allowmetoassureyou。Andafterall,whatdoesitamountto?Anexamininglawyercannotbeboundedbyformalityateverystep。Theworkofinvestigationis,sotospeak,afreeartinitsownway,he-he-he！”
PorfiryPetrovitchtookbreathamoment。Hehadsimplybabbledonutteringemptyphrases,lettingslipafewenigmaticwordsandagainrevertingtoincoherence。Hewasalmostrunningabouttheroom,movinghisfatlittlelegsquickerandquicker,lookingattheground,withhisrighthandbehindhisback,whilewithhisleftmakinggesticulationsthatwereextraordinarilyincongruouswithhiswords。
Raskolnikovsuddenlynoticedthatasheranabouttheroomheseemedtwicetostopforamomentnearthedoor,asthoughhewerelistening。
“Isheexpectinganything？”
“Youarecertainlyquiterightaboutit,“Porfirybegangaily,lookingwithextraordinarysimplicityatRaskolnikov(whichstartledhimandinstantlyputhimonhisguard),“certainlyquiterightinlaughingsowittilyatourlegalforms,he-he!Someoftheseelaboratepsychologicalmethodsareexceedinglyridiculousandperhapsuseless,ifoneadherestoocloselytotheforms。Yes……Iamtalkingofformsagain。Well,ifIrecognise,ormorestrictlyspeaking,ifIsuspectsomeoneorothertobeacriminalinanycaseentrustedtome……you"rereadingforthelaw,ofcourse,RodionRomanovitch？”
“Yes,Iwas……“
“Well,thenitisaprecedentforyouforthefuture-thoughdon"tsupposeIshouldventuretoinstructyouafterthearticlesyoupublishaboutcrime!No,Isimplymakeboldtostateitbywayoffact,ifItookthismanorthatforacriminal,why,Iask,shouldIworryhimprematurely,eventhoughIhadevidenceagainsthim?InonecaseImaybebound,forinstance,toarrestamanatonce,butanothermaybeinquiteadifferentposition,youknow,sowhyshouldn"tIlethimwalkaboutthetownabit,he-he-he!ButIseeyoudon"tquiteunderstand,soI"llgiveyouaclearerexample。IfIputhiminprisontoosoon,Imayverylikelygivehim,sotospeak,moralsupport,he-he!You"relaughing？”
Raskolnikovhadnoideaoflaughing。Hewassittingwithcompressedlips,hisfeverisheyesfixedonPorfiryPetrovitch"s。
“Yesthatisthecase,withsometypesespecially,formenaresodifferent。Yousayevidence。Well,theremaybeevidence。Butevidence,youknow,cangenerallybetakentwoways。Iamanexamininglawyerandaweakman,Iconfessit。Ishouldliketomakeaproof,sotosay,mathematicallyclear,Ishouldliketomakeachainofevidencesuchastwicetwoarefour,itoughttobeadirect,irrefutableproof!AndifIshuthimuptoosoon-eventhoughI
mightbeconvincedhewastheman,Ishouldverylikelybedeprivingmyselfofthemeansofgettingfurtherevidenceagainsthim。Andhow?Bygivinghim,sotospeak,adefiniteposition,Ishallputhimoutofsuspenseandsethismindatrest,sothathewillretreatintohisshell。TheysaythatatSevastopol,soonafterAlma,thecleverpeoplewereinaterriblefrightthattheenemywouldattackopenlyandtakeSevastopolatonce。Butwhentheysawthattheenemypreferredaregularsiege,theyweredelighted,Iamtoldandreassured,forthethingwoulddragonfortwomonthsatleast。
You"relaughing,youdon"tbelievemeagain?Ofcourse,you"reright,too。You"reright,you"reright。Theseareanspecialcases,Iadmit。Butyoumustobservethis,mydearRodionRomanovitch,thegeneralcase,thecaseforwhichalllegalformsandrulesareintended,forwhichtheyarecalculatedandlaiddowninbooks,doesnotexistatall,forthereasonthateverycase,everycrimeforinstance,sosoonasitactuallyoccurs,atoncebecomesathoroughlyspecialcaseandsometimesacaseunlikeanythat"sgonebefore。Verycomiccasesofthatsortsometimesoccur。IfIleaveonemanquitealone,ifIdon"ttouchhimanddon"tworryhim,butlethimknoworatleastsuspecteverymomentthatIknowallaboutitandamwatchinghimdayandnight,andifheisincontinualsuspicionandterror,he"llbeboundtolosehishead。He"llcomeofhimself,ormaybedosomethingwhichwillmakeitasplainastwicetwoarefour-it"sdelightful。Itmaybesowithasimplepeasant,butwithoneofoursort,anintelligentmancultivatedonacertainside,it"sadeadcertainty。For,mydearfellow,it"saveryimportantmattertoknowonwhatsideamaniscultivated。Andthentherearenerves,therearenerves,youhaveoverlookedthem!Why,theyareallsick,nervousandirritable!……Andthenhowtheyallsufferfromspleen!
ThatIassureyouisaregulargoldmineforus。Andit"snoanxietytome,hisrunningaboutthetownfree!Lethim,lethimwalkaboutforabit!IknowwellenoughthatI"vecaughthimandthathewon"tescapeme。Wherecouldheescapeto,he-he?Abroad,perhaps?APolewillescapeabroad,butnothere,especiallyasIamwatchingandhavetakenmeasures。Willheescapeintothedepthsofthecountryperhaps?
Butyouknow,peasantslivethere,realrudeRussianpeasants。A
moderncultivatedmanwouldpreferprisontolivingwithsuchstrangersasourpeasants。He-he!Butthat"sallnonsense,andonthesurface。It"snotmerelythathehasnowheretorunto,heispsychologicallyunabletoescapeme,he-he!Whatanexpression!
Throughalawofnaturehecan"tescapemeifhehadanywheretogo。
Haveyouseenabutterflyroundacandle?That"showhewillkeepcirclingandcirclingroundme。Freedomwillloseitsattractions。
He"llbegintobrood,hellweaveatangleroundhimself,he"llworryhimselftodeath!What"smorehewillprovidemewithamathematicalproof-ifIonlygivehimlongenoughinterval……Andhe"llkeepcirclingroundme,gettingnearerandnearerandthen-flop!He"llflystraightintomymouthandI"llswallowhim,andthatwillbeveryamusing,he-he-he!Youdon"tbelieveme？”
Raskolnikovmadenoreply;hesatpaleandmotionless,stillgazingwiththesameintensityintoPorfiry"sface。
“It"salesson,“hethought,turningcold。“Thisisbeyondthecatplayingwithamouse,likeyesterday。Hecan"tbeshowingoffhispowerwithnomotive……promptingme;heisfartoocleverforthat……
hemusthaveanotherobject。Whatisit?It"sallnonsense,myfriend,youarepretending,toscareme!You"venoproofsandthemanIsawhadnorealexistence。Yousimplywanttomakemelosemyhead,toworkmeupbeforehandandsotocrushme。Butyouarewrong,youwon"tdoit!Butwhygivemesuchahint?Ishereckoningonmyshatterednerves?No,myfriend,youarewrong,youwon"tdoiteventhoughyouhavesometrapforme……letusseewhatyouhaveinstoreforme。“
Andhebracedhimselftofaceaterribleandunknownordeal。AttimeshelongedtofallonPorfiryandstranglehim。Thisangerwaswhathedreadedfromthebeginning。Hefeltthathisparchedlipswerefleckedwithfoam,hisheartwasthrobbing。Buthewasstilldeterminednottospeaktilltherightmoment。Herealisedthatthiswasthebestpolicyinhisposition,becauseinsteadofsayingtoomuchhewouldbeirritatinghisenemybyhissilenceandprovokinghimintospeakingtoofreely。Anyhow,thiswaswhathehopedfor。
“No,Iseeyoudon"tbelieveme,youthinkIamplayingaharmlessjokeonyou,“Porfirybeganagain,gettingmoreandmorelively,chucklingateveryinstantandagainpacingroundtheroom。“And,tobesure,you"reright：Godhasgivenmeafigurethatcanawakennonebutcomicideasinotherpeople;abuffoon;butletmetellyouandIrepeatit,excuseanoldman,mydearRodionRomanovitch,youareamanstillyoung,sotosay,inyourfirstyouthandsoyouputintellectaboveeverything,likeallyoungpeople。Playfulwitandabstractargumentsfascinateyouandthat"sforalltheworldliketheoldAustrianHofkriegsrath,asfarasIcanjudgeofmilitarymattersthatis：onpaperthey"dbeatenNapoleonandtakenhimprisoner,andthereintheirstudytheyworkeditalloutinthecleverestfashion,butlookyou,GeneralMacksurrenderedwithallhisarmy,he-he-he!Isee,Isee,RodionRomanovitch,youarelaughingatacivilianlikeme,takingexamplesoutofmilitaryhistory!ButIcan"thelpit,it"smyweakness。Iamfondofmilitaryscience。
AndI"meversofondofreadingallmilitaryhistories。I"vecertainlymissedmypropercareer。Ioughttohavebeeninthearmy,uponmywordIought。Ishouldn"thavebeenaNapoleon,butImighthavebeenamajor,he-he-he!Well,I"lltellyouthewholetruth,mydearfellow,aboutthisspecialcase,Imean：actualfactandaman"stemperament,mydearsir,areweightymattersandit"sastonishinghowtheysometimesdeceivethesharpestcalculation!I-listentoanoldman-amspeakingseriously,RodionRomanovitch(ashesaidthisPorfiryPetrovitchwhowasscarcelyfiveandthirtyactuallyseemedtohavegrownold;evenhisvoicechangedandheseemedtoshrinktogether)moreover,I"macandidman……amIacandidmanornot?Whatdoyousay?IfancyIreallyam：Itellyouthesethingsfornothinganddon"tevenexpectarewardforit,he-he!Well,toproceed,witinmyopinionisasplendidthing,itis,sotosay,anadornmentofnatureandaconsolationoflife,andwhattricksitcanplay!Sothatitsometimesishardforapoorexamininglawyertoknowwhereheis,especiallywhenhe"sliabletobecarriedawaybyhisownfancy,too,foryouknowheisamanafterall。Butthepoorfellowissavedbythecriminal"stemperament,worseluckforhim!Butyoungpeoplecarriedawaybytheirownwitdon"tthinkofthat"whentheyoverstepallobstacles"asyouwittilyandcleverlyexpressedityesterday。Hewilllie-thatis,themanwhoisaspecialcase,theincognito,andhewillliewell,inthecleverestfashion;youmightthinkhewouldtriumphandenjoythefruitsofhiswit,butatthemostinteresting,themostflagrantmomenthewillfaint。Ofcoursetheremaybeillnessandastuffyroomaswell,butanyway!Anywayhe"sgivenustheidea!Heliedincomparably,buthedidn"treckononhistemperament。That"swhatbetrayshim!Anothertimehewillbecarriedawaybyhisplayfulwitintomakingfunofthemanwhosuspectshim,hewillturnpaleasitwereonpurposetomislead,buthispalenesswillbetoonatural,toomuchliketherealthing,againhehasgivenusanidea!Thoughhisquestionermaybedeceivedatfirst,hewillthinkdifferentlynextdayifheisnotafool,and,ofcourse,itislikethatateverystep!Heputshimselfforwardwhereheisnotwanted,speakscontinuallywhenheoughttokeepsilent,bringsinallsortsofallegoricalallusions,he-he!Comesandaskswhydidn"tyoutakemelongago,he-he-he!Andthatcanhappen,youknow,withthecleverestman,thepsychologist,theliteraryman。Thetemperamentreflectseverythinglikeamirror!Gazeintoitandadmirewhatyousee!Butwhyareyousopale,RodionRomanovitch?Istheroomstuffy?ShallIopenthewindow？”
“Oh,don"ttrouble,please,“criedRaskolnikovandhesuddenlybrokeintoalaugh。“Pleasedon"ttrouble。“
Porfirystoodfacinghim,pausedamomentandsuddenlyhetoolaughed。Raskolnikovgotupfromthesofa,abruptlycheckinghishystericallaughter。
“PorfiryPetrovitch,“hebegan,speakingloudlyanddistinctly,thoughhislegstrembledandhecouldscarcelystand。“IseeclearlyatlastthatyouactuallysuspectmeofmurderingthatoldwomanandhersisterLizaveta。LetmetellyouformypartthatIamsickofthis。Ifyoufindthatyouhavearighttoprosecutemelegally,toarrestme,thenprosecuteme,arrestme。ButIwillnotletmyselfbejeeredattomyfaceandworried……“
Hislipstrembled,hiseyesglowedwithfuryandhecouldnotrestrainhisvoice。
“Iwon"tallowit！”heshouted,bringinghisfistdownonthetable。
“Doyouhearthat,PorfiryPetrovitch?Iwon"tallowit。“
“Goodheavens!Whatdoesitmean？”criedPorfiryPetrovitch,apparentlyquitefrightened。“RodionRomanovitch,mydearfellow,whatisthematterwithyou？”
“Iwon"tallowit,“Raskolnikovshoutedagain。
“Hush,mydearman!They"llhearandcomein。Justthink,whatcouldwesaytothem？”PorfiryPetrovitchwhisperedinhorror,bringinghisfaceclosetoRaskolnikov"s。
“Iwon"tallowit,Iwon"tallowit,“Raskolnikovrepeatedmechanically,buthetoospokeinasuddenwhisper。
Porfiryturnedquicklyandrantoopenthewindow。
“Somefreshair!Andyoumusthavesomewater,mydearfellow。
You"reill！”andhewasrunningtothedoortocallforsomewhenhefoundadecanterofwaterinthecorner。“Come,drinkalittle,“hewhispered,rushinguptohimwiththedecanter。“Itwillbesuretodoyougood。“
PorfiryPetrovitch"salarmandsympathyweresonaturalthatRaskolnikovwassilentandbeganlookingathimwithwildcuriosity。
Hedidnottakethewater,however。
“RodionRomanovitch,mydearfellow,you"lldriveyourselfoutofyourmind,Iassureyou,ach,ach!Havesomewater,dodrinkalittle。“
Heforcedhimtotaketheglass。Raskolnikovraiseditmechanicallytohislips,butsetitonthetableagainwithdisgust。
“Yes,you"vehadalittleattack!You"llbringbackyourillnessagain,mydearfellow,“PorfiryPetrovitchcackledwithfriendlysympathy,thoughhestilllookedratherdisconcerted。“Goodheavens,youmusttakemorecareofyourself!DmitriProkofitchwashere,cametoseemeyesterday-Iknow,Iknow,I"veanasty,ironicaltemper,butwhattheymadeofit!……Goodheavens,hecameyesterdayafteryou"dbeen。Wedinedandhetalkedandtalkedaway,andI
couldonlythrowupmyhandsindespair!Didhecomefromyou?Butdositdown,formercy"ssake,sitdown！”
“No,notfromme,butIknewhewenttoyouandwhyhewent,“
Raskolnikovansweredsharply。
“Youknew？”
“Iknew。Whatofit？”
“Whythis,RodionRomanovitch,thatIknowmorethanthataboutyou;
Iknowabouteverything。Iknowhowyouwenttotakeaflatatnightwhenitwasdarkandhowyourangthebellandaskedabouttheblood,sothattheworkmenandtheporterdidnotknowwhattomakeofit。Yes,Iunderstandyourstateofmindatthattime……butyou"lldriveyourselfmadlikethat,uponmyword!You"llloseyourhead!
You"refullofgenerousindignationatthewrongsyou"vereceived,firstfromdestiny,andthenfromthepoliceofficers,andsoyourushfromonethingtoanothertoforcethemtospeakoutandmakeanendofitall,becauseyouaresickofallthissuspicionandfoolishness。
That"sso,isn"tit?Ihaveguessedhowyoufeel,haven"tI?Onlyinthatwayyou"llloseyourheadandRazumihin"s,too;he"stoogoodamanforsuchaposition,youmustknowthat。Youareillandheisgoodandyourillnessisinfectiousforhim……I"lltellyouaboutitwhenyouaremoreyourself……Butdositdown,forgoodness"sake。
Pleaserest,youlookshocking,dositdown。“
Raskolnikovsatdown;henolongershivered,hewashotallover。InamazementhelistenedwithstrainedattentiontoPorfiryPetrovitchwhostillseemedfrightenedashelookedafterhimwithfriendlysolicitude。Buthedidnotbelieveawordhesaid,thoughhefeltastrangeinclinationtobelieve。Porfiry"sunexpectedwordsabouttheflathadutterlyoverwhelmedhim。“Howcanitbe,heknowsabouttheflatthen,“hethoughtsuddenly,“andhetellsitmehimself！”
“Yes,inourlegalpracticetherewasacasealmostexactlysimilar,acaseofmorbidpsychology,“Porfirywentonquickly。“Amanconfessedtomurderandhowhekeptitup!Itwasaregularhallucination;hebroughtforwardfacts,heimposeduponeveryoneandwhy?Hehadbeenpartly,butonlypartly,unintentionallythecauseofamurderandwhenheknewthathehadgiventhemurdererstheopportunity,hesankintodejection,itgotonhismindandturnedhisbrain,hebeganimaginingthingsandhepersuadedhimselfthathewasthemurderer。ButatlasttheHighCourtofAppealswentintoitandthepoorfellowwasacquittedandputunderpropercare。ThankstotheCourtofAppeals!Tut-tut-tut!Why,mydearfellow,youmaydriveyourselfintodeliriumifyouhavetheimpulsetoworkuponyournerves,togoringingbellsatnightandaskingaboutblood!I"vestudiedallthismorbidpsychologyinmypractice。Amanissometimestemptedtojumpoutofawindoworfromabelfry。Justthesamewithbell-ringing……It"sallillness,RodionRomanovitch!Youhavebeguntoneglectyourillness。Youshouldconsultanexperienceddoctor,what"sthegoodofthatfatfellow?Youarelightheaded!Youweredeliriouswhenyoudidallthis！”
ForamomentRaskolnikovfelteverythinggoinground。
“Isitpossible,isitpossible,“flashedthroughhismind,“thatheisstilllying?Hecan"tbe,hecan"tbe。“Herejectedthatidea,feelingtowhatadegreeoffuryitmightdrivehim,feelingthatthatfurymightdrivehimmad。
“Iwasnotdelirious。IknewwhatIwasdoing,“hecried,strainingeveryfacultytopenetratePorfiry"sgame,“Iwasquitemyself,doyouhear？”
“Yes,Ihearandunderstand。Yousaidyesterdayyouwerenotdelirious,youwereparticularlyemphaticaboutit!Iunderstandallyoucantellme!A-ach!……Listen,RodionRomanovitch,mydearfellow。
Ifyouwereactuallyacriminal,orweresomehowmixedupinthisdamnablebusiness,wouldyouinsistthatyouwerenotdeliriousbutinfullpossessionofyourfaculties?Andsoemphaticallyandpersistently?Woulditbepossible?Quiteimpossible,tomythinking。Ifyouhadanythingonyourconscience,youcertainlyoughttoinsistthatyouweredelirious。That"sso,isn"tit？”
Therewasanoteofslynessinthisinquiry。RaskolnikovdrewbackonthesofaasPorfirybentoverhimandstaredinsilentperplexityathim。
“AnotherthingaboutRazumihin-youcertainlyoughttohavesaidthathecameofhisownaccord,tohaveconcealedyourpartinit!Butyoudon"tconcealit!Youlaystressonhiscomingatyourinstigation。“
Raskolnikovhadnotdoneso。Achillwentdownhisback。
“Youkeeptellinglies,“hesaidslowlyandweakly,twistinghislipsintoasicklysmile,“youaretryingagaintoshowthatyouknowallmygame,thatyouknowallIshallsaybeforehand,“hesaid,conscioushimselfthathewasnotweighinghiswordsasheought。“Youwanttofrightenme……oryouaresimplylaughingatme……“
Hestillstaredathimashesaidthisandagaintherewasalightofintensehatredinhiseyes。
“Youkeeplying,“hesaid。“Youknowperfectlywellthatthebestpolicyforthecriminalistotellthetruthasnearlyaspossible……toconcealaslittleaspossible。Idon"tbelieveyou！”
“Whatawilypersonyouare！”Porfirytittered,“there"snocatchingyou;you"veaperfectmonomania。Soyoudon"tbelieveme?Butstillyoudobelieveme,youbelieveaquarter;I"llsoonmakeyoubelievethewhole,becauseIhaveasincerelikingforyouandgenuinelywishyougood。“
Raskolnikov"slipstrembled。
“Yes,Ido,“wentonPorfiry,touchingRaskolnikov"sarmgenially,“youmusttakecareofyourillness。Besides,yourmotherandsisterareherenow;youmustthinkofthem。Youmustsootheandcomfortthemandyoudonothingbutfrightenthem……“
“Whathasthattodowithyou?Howdoyouknowit?Whatconcernisitofyours?Youarekeepingwatchonmeandwanttoletmeknowit？”
“Goodheavens!Why,Ilearntitallfromyouyourself!Youdon"tnoticethatinyourexcitementyoutellmeandotherseverything。FromRazumihin,too,Ilearntanumberofinterestingdetailsyesterday。
No,youinterruptedme,butImusttellyouthat,forallyourwit,yoursuspiciousnessmakesyoulosethecommon-senseviewofthings。Toreturntobell-ringing,forinstance。I,anexamininglawyer,havebetrayedapreciousthinglikethat,arealfact(foritisafactworthhaving),andyouseenothinginit!Why,ifIhadtheslightestsuspicionofyou,shouldIhaveactedlikethat?No,I
shouldfirsthavedisarmedyoursuspicionsandnotletyouseeI
knewofthatfact,shouldhavedivertedyourattentionandsuddenlyhavedealtyouaknock-downblow(yourexpression)saying："Andwhatwereyoudoing,sir,pray,attenornearlyelevenatthemurderedwoman"sflatandwhydidyouringthebellandwhydidyouaskaboutblood?Andwhydidyouinvitetheporterstogowithyoutothepolicestation,tothelieutenant?"That"showIoughttohaveactedifIhadagrainofsuspicionofyou。Ioughttohavetakenyourevidenceindueform,searchedyourlodgingandperhapshavearrestedyou,too……soIhavenosuspicionofyou,sinceIhavenotdonethat!
Butyoucan"tlookatitnormallyandyouseenothing,Isayagain。“
RaskolnikovstartedsothatPorfiryPetrovitchcouldnotfailtoperceiveit。
“Youarelyingallthewhile,“hecried,“Idon"tknowyourobject,butyouarelying。YoudidnotspeaklikethatjustnowandIcannotbemistaken！”
“Iamlying？”Porfiryrepeated,apparentlyincensed,butpreservingagood-humouredandironicalface,asthoughhewerenotintheleastconcernedatRaskolnikov"sopinionofhim。“Iamlying……
buthowdidItreatyoujustnow,I,theexamininglawyer?Promptingyouandgivingyoueverymeansforyourdefence;illness,Isaid,delirium,injury,melancholyandthepoliceofficersandalltherestofit?Ah!He-he-he!Though,indeed,allthosepsychologicalmeansofdefencearenotveryreliableandcutbothways：illness,delirium,Idon"tremember-that"sallright,butwhy,mygoodsir,inyourillnessandinyourdeliriumwereyouhauntedbyjustthosedelusionsandnotbyanyothers?Theremayhavebeenothers,eh?
He-he-he！”
Raskolnikovlookedhaughtilyandcontemptuouslyathim。
“Briefly,“hesaidloudlyandimperiously,risingtohisfeetandinsodoingpushingPorfirybackalittle,“briefly,Iwanttoknow,doyouacknowledgemeperfectlyfreefromsuspicionornot?Tellme,PorfiryPetrovitch,tellmeonceforallandmakehaste！”
“WhatabusinessI"mhavingwithyou！”criedPorfirywithaperfectlygood-humoured,slyandcomposedface。“Andwhydoyouwanttoknow,whydoyouwanttoknowsomuch,sincetheyhaven"tbeguntoworryyou?Why,youarelikeachildaskingformatches!Andwhyareyousouneasy?Whydoyouforceyourselfuponus,eh?He-he-he！”
“Irepeat,“Raskolnikovcriedfuriously,“thatIcan"tputupwithit！”
“Withwhat?Uncertainty？”interruptedPorfiry。
“Don"tjeeratme!Iwon"thaveit!ItellyouIwon"thaveit。I
can"tandIwon"t,doyouhear,doyouhear？”heshouted,bringinghisfistdownonthetableagain。
“Hush!Hush!They"lloverhear!Iwarnyouseriously,takecareofyourself。Iamnotjoking,“Porfirywhispered,butthistimetherewasnotthelookofoldwomanishgood-natureandalarminhisface。Nowhewasperemptory,stern,frowningandforoncelayingasideallmystification。
Butthiswasonlyforaninstant。Raskolnikov,bewildered,suddenlyfellintoactualfrenzy,but,strangetosay,heagainobeyedthecommandtospeakquietly,thoughhewasinaperfectparoxysmoffury。
“Iwillnotallowmyselftobetortured,“hewhispered,instantlyrecognisingwithhatredthathecouldnothelpobeyingthecommandanddriventoevengreaterfurybythethought。“Arrestme,searchme,butkindlyactindueformanddon"tplaywithme!Don"tdare！”
“Don"tworryabouttheform,“Porfiryinterruptedwiththesameslysmile,asitwere,gloatingwithenjoymentoverRaskolnikov。“I
invitedyoutoseemequiteinafriendlyway。“
“Idon"twantyourfriendshipandIspitonit!Doyouhear?And,here,Itakemycapandgo。Whatwillyousaynowifyoumeantoarrestme？”
Hetookuphiscapandwenttothedoor。
“Andwon"tyouseemylittlesurprise？”chuckledPorfiry,againtakinghimbythearmandstoppinghimatthedoor。
Heseemedtobecomemoreplayfulandgood-humouredwhichmaddenedRaskolnikov。
“Whatsurprise？”heasked,standingstillandlookingatPorfiryinalarm。
“Mylittlesurprise,it"ssittingtherebehindthedoor,he-he-he!
(Hepointedtothelockeddoor。)Ilockedhiminthatheshouldnotescape。“
“Whatisit?Where?What?……“
Raskolnikovwalkedtothedoorandwouldhaveopenedit,butitwaslocked。
“It"slocked,hereisthekey！”
Andhebroughtakeyoutofhispocket。
“Youarelying,“roaredRaskolnikovwithoutrestraint,“youlie,youdamnedpunchinello！”andherushedatPorfirywhoretreatedtotheotherdoor,notatallalarmed。
“Iunderstanditall!YouarelyingandmockingsothatImaybetraymyselftoyou……“
“Why,youcouldnotbetrayyourselfanyfurther,mydearRodionRomanovitch。Youareinapassion。Don"tshout,Ishallcalltheclerks。“
“Youarelying!Calltheclerks!YouknewIwasillandtriedtoworkmeintoafrenzytomakemebetraymyself,thatwasyourobject!Produceyourfacts!Iunderstanditall。You"venoevidence,youhaveonlywretchedrubbishlysuspicionslikeZametov"s!Youknewmycharacter,youwantedtodrivemetofuryandthentoknockmedownwithpriestsanddeputies……Areyouwaitingforthem?eh!Whatareyouwaitingfor?Wherearethey?Producethem？”
“Whydeputies,mygoodman?Whatthingspeoplewillimagine!Andtodosowouldnotbeactinginformasyousay,youdon"tknowthebusiness,mydearfellow……Andthere"snoescapingform,asyousee,“Porfirymuttered,listeningatthedoorthroughwhichanoisecouldbeheard。
“Ah,they"recoming,“criedRaskolnikov。“You"vesentforthem!
Youexpectedthem!Well,producethemall：yourdeputies,yourwitnesses,whatyoulike!……Iamready！”
Butatthismomentastrangeincidentoccurred,somethingsounexpectedthatneitherRaskolnikovnorPorfiryPetrovitchcouldhavelookedforsuchaconclusiontotheirinterview。
ChapterSixWHENHErememberedthesceneafterwards,thisishowRaskolnikovsawit。
Thenoisebehindthedoorincreased,andsuddenlythedoorwasopenedalittle。
“Whatisit？”criedPorfiryPetrovitch,annoyed。“Why,Igaveorders……“
Foraninstanttherewasnoanswer,butitwasevidentthattherewereseveralpersonsatthedoor,andthattheywereapparentlypushingsomebodyback。
“Whatisit？”PorfiryPetrovitchrepeated,uneasily。
“TheprisonerNikolayhasbeenbrought,“someoneanswered。
“Heisnotwanted!Takehimaway!Lethimwait!What"shedoinghere?Howirregular！”criedPorfiry,rushingtothedoor。
“Buthe……“beganthesamevoice,andsuddenlyceased。