第12章
Twoseconds,notmore,werespentinactualstruggle,thensomeonegaveaviolentshove,andthenaman,verypale,strodeintotheroom。
Thisman"sappearancewasatfirstsightverystrange。Hestaredstraightbeforehim,asthoughseeingnothing。Therewasadeterminedgleaminhiseyes;atthesametimetherewasadeathlypallorinhisface,asthoughhewerebeingledtothescaffold。Hiswhitelipswerefaintlytwitching。
Hewasdressedlikeaworkmanandwasofmediumheight,veryyoung,slim,hishaircutinroundcrop,withthinsparefeatures。Themanwhomhehadthrustbackfollowedhimintotheroomandsucceededinseizinghimbytheshoulder;hewasawarder;butNikolaypulledhisarmaway。
Severalpersonscrowdedinquisitivelyintothedoorway。Someofthemtriedtogetin。Allthistookplacealmostinstantaneously。
“Goaway,it"stoosoon!Waittillyouaresentfor!……Whyhaveyoubroughthimsosoon？”PorfiryPetrovitchmuttered,extremelyannoyed,andasitwerethrownoutofhisreckoning。
ButNikolaysuddenlykneltdown。
“What"sthematter？”criedPorfiry,surprised。
“Iamguilty!Mineisthesin!Iamthemurderer,“Nikolayarticulatedsuddenly,ratherbreathless,butspeakingfairlyloudly。
Fortensecondstherewassilenceasthoughallhadbeenstruckdumb;eventhewardersteppedback,mechanicallyretreatedtothedoor,andstoodimmovable。
“Whatisit？”criedPorfiryPetrovitch,recoveringfromhismomentarystupefaction。
“Iamthemurderer,“repeatedNikolay,afterabriefpause。
“What……you……what……whomdidyoukill？”PorfiryPetrovitchwasobviouslybewildered。
Nikolayagainwassilentforamoment。
“AlyonaIvanovnaandhersisterLizavetaIvanovna,I……killed……
withanaxe。Darknesscameoverme,“headdedsuddenly,andwasagainsilent。
Hestillremainedonhisknees。PorfiryPetrovitchstoodforsomemomentsasthoughmeditating,butsuddenlyrousedhimselfandwavedbacktheuninvitedspectators。Theyinstantlyvanishedandclosedthedoor。ThenhelookedtowardsRaskolnikov,whowasstandinginthecorner,staringwildlyatNikolay,andmovedtowardshim,butstoppedshort,lookedfromNikolaytoRaskolnikovandthenagainatNikolay,andseemingunabletorestrainhimselfdartedatthelatter。
“You"reintoogreatahurry,“heshoutedathim,almostangrily。“I
didn"taskyouwhatcameoveryou……Speak,didyoukillthem？”
“Iamthemurderer……Iwanttogiveevidence,“Nikolaypronounced。
“Ach!Whatdidyoukillthemwith？”
“Anaxe。Ihaditready。“
“Ach,heisinahurry!Alone？”
Nikolaydidnotunderstandthequestion。
“Didyoudoitalone？”
“Yes,alone。AndMitkaisnotguiltyandhadnoshareinit。“
“Don"tbeinahurryaboutMitka!A-ach!Howwasityourandownstairslikethatatthetime?Theportersmetyouboth！”
“Itwastoputthemoffthescent……IranafterMitka,“Nikolayrepliedhurriedly,asthoughhehadpreparedtheanswer。
“Iknewit！”criedPorfiry,withvexation。“It"snothisowntaleheistelling,“hemutteredasthoughtohimself,andsuddenlyhiseyesrestedonRaskolnikovagain。
HewasapparentlysotakenupwithNikolaythatforamomenthehadforgottenRaskolnikov。Hewasalittletakenaback。
“MydearRodionRomanovitch,excuseme！”heflewuptohim,“thiswon"tdo;I"mafraidyoumustgo……it"snogoodyourstaying……I
will……yousee,whatasurprise!……Good-bye！”
Andtakinghimbythearm,heshowedhimtothedoor。
“Isupposeyoudidn"texpectit？”saidRaskolnikovwho,thoughhehadnotyetfullygraspedthesituation,hadregainedhiscourage。
“Youdidnotexpectiteither,myfriend。Seehowyourhandistrembling!He-he！”
“You"retrembling,too,PorfiryPetrovitch！”
“Yes,Iam;Ididn"texpectit。“
Theywerealreadyatthedoor;PorfirywasimpatientforRaskolnikovtobegone。
“Andyourlittlesurprise,aren"tyougoingtoshowittome？”
Raskolnikovsaid,sarcastically。
“Why,histeetharechatteringasheasks,he-he!Youareanironicalperson!Come,tillwemeet！”
“Ibelievewecansaygood-bye！”
“That"sinGod"shands,“mutteredPorfiry,withanunnaturalsmile。
Ashewalkedthroughtheoffice,Raskolnikovnoticedthatmanypeoplewerelookingathim。Amongthemhesawthetwoportersfromthehouse,whomhehadinvitedthatnighttothepolicestation。Theystoodtherewaiting。ButhewasnosooneronthestairsthanheheardthevoiceofPorfiryPetrovitchbehindhim。Turninground,hesawthelatterrunningafterhim,outofbreath。
“Oneword,RodionRomanovitch;astoalltherest,it"sinGod"shands,butasamatterofformtherearesomequestionsIshallhavetoaskyou……soweshallmeetagain,shan"twe？”
AndPorfirystoodstill,facinghimwithasmile。
“Shan"twe？”headdedagain。
Heseemedtowanttosaysomethingmore,butcouldnotspeakout。
“Youmustforgiveme,PorfiryPetrovitch,forwhathasjustpassed……Ilostmytemper,“beganRaskolnikov,whohadsofarregainedhiscouragethathefeltirresistiblyinclinedtodisplayhiscoolness。
“Don"tmentionit,don"tmentionit,“Porfiryreplied,almostgleefully。“Imyself,too……Ihaveawickedtemper,Iadmitit!Butweshallmeetagain。Ifit"sGod"swill,wemayseeagreatdealofoneanother。“
“Andwillgettoknoweachotherthroughandthrough？”addedRaskolnikov。
“Yes;knoweachotherthroughandthrough,“assentedPorfiryPetrovitch,andhescreweduphiseyes,lookingearnestlyatRaskolnikov。“Nowyou"regoingtoabirthdayparty？”
“Toafuneral。“
“Ofcourse,thefuneral!Takecareofyourself,andgetwell。“
“Idon"tknowwhattowishyou,“saidRaskolnikov,whohadbeguntodescendthestairs,butlookedbackagain。“Ishouldliketowishyousuccess,butyourofficeissuchacomicalone。“
“Whycomical？”PorfiryPetrovitchhadturnedtogo,butheseemedtoprickuphisearsatthis。
“Why,howyoumusthavebeentorturingandharassingthatpoorNikolaypsychologically,afteryourfashion,tillheconfessed!Youmusthavebeenathimdayandnight,provingtohimthathewasthemurderer,andnowthathehasconfessed,you"llbeginvivisectinghimagain。"Youarelying,"you"llsay。"Youarenotthemurderer!Youcan"tbe!It"snotyourowntaleyouaretelling!"Youmustadmitit"sacomicalbusiness！”
“He-he-he!YounoticedthenthatIsaidtoNikolayjustnowthatitwasnothisowntalehewastelling？”
“HowcouldIhelpnoticingit！”
“He-he!Youarequick-witted。Younoticeeverything!You"vereallyaplayfulmind!Andyoualwaysfastenonthecomicside……he-he!TheysaythatwasthemarkedcharacteristicofGogol,amongthewriters。“
“Yes,ofGogol。“
“Yes,ofGogol……Ishalllookforwardtomeetingyou。“
“SoshallI。“
Raskolnikovwalkedstraighthome。Hewassomuddledandbewilderedthatongettinghomehesatforaquarterofanhouronthesofa,tryingtocollecthisthoughts。HedidnotattempttothinkaboutNikolay;hewasstupefied;hefeltthathisconfessionwassomethinginexplicable,amazing-somethingbeyondhisunderstanding。ButNikolay"sconfessionwasanactualfact。Theconsequencesofthisfactwerecleartohimatonce,itsfalsehoodcouldnotfailtobediscovered,andthentheywouldbeafterhimagain。Tillthen,atleast,hewasfreeandmustdosomethingforhimself,forthedangerwasimminent。
Buthowimminent?Hispositiongraduallybecamecleartohim。
Remembering,sketchily,themainoutlinesofhisrecentscenewithPorfiry,hecouldnothelpshudderingagainwithhorror。Ofcourse,hedidnotyetknowallPorfiry"saims,hecouldnotseeintoallhiscalculations。Buthehadalreadypartlyshownhishand,andnooneknewbetterthanRaskolnikovhowterriblePorfiry"s“lead“hadbeenforhim。Alittlemoreandhemighthavegivenhimselfawaycompletely,circumstantially。Knowinghisnervoustemperamentandfromthefirstglanceseeingthroughhim,Porfiry,thoughplayingaboldgame,wasboundtowin。There"snodenyingthatRaskolnikovhadcompromisedhimselfseriously,butnofactshadcometolightasyet;therewasnothingpositive。Butwashetakingatrueviewoftheposition?Wasn"themistaken?WhathadPorfirybeentryingtogetat?Hadhereallysomesurprisepreparedforhim?Andwhatwasit?
Hadhereallybeenexpectingsomethingornot?HowwouldtheyhavepartedifithadnotbeenfortheunexpectedappearanceofNikolay?
Porfiryhadshownalmostallhiscards-ofcourse,hehadriskedsomethinginshowingthem-andifhehadreallyhadanythinguphissleeve(Raskolnikovreflected),hewouldhaveshownthat,too。Whatwasthat“surprise“?Wasitajoke?Haditmeantanything?Couldithaveconcealedanythinglikeafact,apieceofpositiveevidence?Hisyesterday"svisitor?Whathadbecomeofhim?Wherewasheto-day?IfPorfiryreallyhadanyevidence,itmustbeconnectedwithhim……
Hesatonthesofawithhiselbowsonhiskneesandhisfacehiddeninhishands。Hewasstillshiveringnervously。Atlasthegotup,tookhiscap,thoughtaminute,andwenttothedoor。
Hehadasortofpresentimentthatforto-day,atleast,hemightconsiderhimselfoutofdanger。Hehadasuddensensealmostofjoy;
hewantedtomakehastetoKaterinaIvanovna"s。Hewouldbetoolateforthefuneral,ofcourse,buthewouldbeintimeforthememorialdinner,andthereatoncehewouldseeSonia。
Hestoodstill,thoughtamoment,andasufferingsmilecameforamomentontohislips。
“To-day!To-day,“herepeatedtohimself。“Yes,to-day!Soitmustbe……“
Butashewasabouttoopenthedoor,itbeganopeningofitself。Hestartedandmovedback。Thedooropenedgentlyandslowly,andtheresuddenlyappearedafigure-yesterday"svisitorfromunderground。
Themanstoodinthedoorway,lookedatRaskolnikovwithoutspeaking,andtookastepforwardintotheroom。Hewasexactlythesameasyesterday;thesamefigure,thesamedress,buttherewasagreatchangeinhisface;helookeddejectedandsigheddeeply。Ifhehadonlyputhishanduptohischeekandleanedhisheadononesidehewouldhavelookedexactlylikeapeasantwoman。
“Whatdoyouwant？”askedRaskolnikov,numbwithterror。Themanwasstillsilent,butsuddenlyheboweddownalmosttotheground,touchingitwithhisfinger。
“Whatisit？”criedRaskolnikov。
“Ihavesinned,“themanarticulatedsoftly。
“Byevilthoughts。“
Theylookedatoneanother。
“Iwasvexed。Whenyoucame,perhapsindrink,andbadetheportersgotothepolicestationandaskedabouttheblood,Iwasvexedthattheyletyougoandtookyoufordrunken。IwassovexedthatIlostmysleep。Andrememberingtheaddresswecamehereyesterdayandaskedforyou……“
“Whocame？”Raskolnikovinterrupted,instantlybeginningtorecollect。
“Idid,I"vewrongedyou。“
“Thenyoucamefromthathouse？”
“Iwasstandingatthegatewiththem……don"tyouremember?Wehavecarriedonourtradeinthathouseforyearspast。Wecureandpreparehides,wetakeworkhome……mostofallIwasvexed……“
AndthewholesceneofthedaybeforeyesterdayinthegatewaycameclearlybeforeRaskolnikov"smind;herecollectedthattherehadbeenseveralpeopletherebesidestheporters,womenamongthem。
Herememberedonevoicehadsuggestedtakinghimstraighttothepolicestation。Hecouldnotrecallthefaceofthespeaker,andevennowhedidnotrecogniseit,butherememberedthathehadturnedroundandmadehimsomeanswer……
Sothiswasthesolutionofyesterday"shorror。Themostawfulthoughtwasthathehadbeenactuallyalmostlost,hadalmostdoneforhimselfonaccountofsuchatrivialcircumstance。Sothismancouldtellnothingexcepthisaskingabouttheflatandthebloodstains。SoPorfiry,too,hadnothingbutthatdelirium,nofactsbutthispsychologywhichcutsbothways,nothingpositive。Soifnomorefactscometolight(andtheymustnot,theymustnot!)then……thenwhatcantheydotohim?Howcantheyconvicthim,eveniftheyarresthim?
AndPorfirythenhadonlyjustheardabouttheflatandhadnotknownaboutitbefore。
“WasityouwhotoldPorfiry……thatI"dbeenthere？”hecried,struckbyasuddenidea。
“WhatPorfiry？”
“Theheadofthedetectivedepartment？”
“Yes。Theportersdidnotgothere,butIwent。“
“To-day？”
“Igottheretwominutesbeforeyou。AndIheard,Ihearditall,howheworriedyou。“
“Where?What?When？”
“Why,inthenextroom。Iwassittingthereallthetime。“
PARTFIVE
ChapterOneTHEMORNINGthatfollowedthefatefulinterviewwithDouniaandhermotherbroughtsoberinginfluencestobearonPyotrPetrovitch。
Intenselyunpleasantasitwas,hewasforcedlittlebylittletoacceptasafactbeyondrecallwhathadseemedtohimonlythedaybeforefantasticandincredible。Theblacksnakeofwoundedvanityhadbeengnawingathisheartallnight。Whenhegotoutofbed,PyotrPetrovitchimmediatelylookedinthelooking-glass。Hewasafraidthathehadjaundice。Howeverhishealthseemedunimpairedsofar,andlookingathisnoble,clear-skinnedcountenancewhichhadgrownfattishoflate,PyotrPetrovitchforaninstantwaspositivelycomfortedintheconvictionthathewouldfindanotherbrideand,perhaps,evenabetterone。Butcomingbacktothesenseofhispresentposition,heturnedasideandspatvigorously,whichexcitedasarcasticsmileinAndreySemyonovitchLebeziatnikov,theyoungfriendwithwhomhewasstaying。ThatsmilePyotrPetrovitchnoticed,andatoncesetitdownagainsthisyoungfriend"saccount。Hehadsetdownagoodmanypointsagainsthimoflate。HisangerwasredoubledwhenhereflectedthatheoughtnottohavetoldAndreySemyonovitchabouttheresultofyesterday"sinterview。Thatwasthesecondmistakehehadmadeintemper,throughimpulsivenessandirritability……
Moreover,allthatmorningoneunpleasantnessfollowedanother。HeevenfoundahitchawaitinghiminhislegalcaseintheSenate。Hewasparticularlyirritatedbytheowneroftheflatwhichhadbeentakeninviewofhisapproachingmarriageandwasbeingredecoratedathisownexpense;theowner,arichGermantradesman,wouldnotentertaintheideaofbreakingthecontractwhichhadjustbeensignedandinsistedonthefullforfeitmoney,thoughPyotrPetrovitchwouldbegivinghimbacktheflatpracticallyredecorated。Inthesamewaytheupholsterersrefusedtoreturnasingleroubleoftheinstalmentpaidforthefurniturepurchasedbutnotyetremovedtotheflat。
“AmItogetmarriedsimplyforthesakeofthefurniture？”PyotrPetrovitchgroundhisteethandatthesametimeoncemorehehadagleamofdesperatehope。“Canallthatbereallysoirrevocablyover?Isitnousetomakeanothereffort？”ThethoughtofDouniasentavoluptuouspangthroughhisheart。Heenduredanguishatthatmoment,andifithadbeenpossibletoslayRaskolnikovinstantlybywishingit,PyotrPetrovitchwouldpromptlyhaveutteredthewish。
“Itwasmymistake,too,nottohavegiventhemmoney,“hethought,ashereturneddejectedlytoLebeziatnikov"sroom,“andwhyonearthwasIsuchaJew?Itwasfalseeconomy!Imeanttokeepthemwithoutapennysothattheyshouldturntomeastheirprovidence,andlookatthem!Foo!IfI"dspentsomefifteenhundredroublesonthemforthetrousseauandpresents,onknick-knacks,dressing-cases,jewellery,materials,andallthatsortoftrashfromKnopp"sandtheEnglishshop,mypositionwouldhavebeenbetterand……stronger!Theycouldnothaverefusedmesoeasily!Theyarethesortofpeoplethatwouldfeelboundtoreturnmoneyandpresentsiftheybrokeitoff;andtheywouldfindithardtodoit!
Andtheirconscienceswouldprickthem：howcanwedismissamanwhohashithertobeensogenerousanddelicate?……H"m!I"vemadeablunder。“
Andgrindinghisteethagain,PyotrPetrovitchcalledhimselfafool-butnotaloud,ofcourse。
Hereturnedhome,twiceasirritatedandangryasbefore。ThepreparationsforthefuneraldinneratKaterinaIvanovna"sexcitedhiscuriosityashepassed。Hehadheardaboutitthedaybefore;hefancied,indeed,thathehadbeeninvited,butabsorbedinhisowncareshehadpaidnoattention。InquiringofMadameLippevechselwhowasbusylayingthetablewhileKaterinaIvanovnawasawayatthecemetery,heheardthattheentertainmentwastobeagreataffair,thatallthelodgershadbeeninvited,amongthemsomewhohadnotknownthedeadman,thatevenAndreySemyonovitchLebeziatnikovwasinvitedinspiteofhispreviousquarrelwithKaterinaIvanovna,thathe,PyotrPetrovitch,wasnotonlyinvited,butwaseagerlyexpectedashewasthemostimportantofthelodgers。AmaliaIvanovnaherselfhadbeeninvitedwithgreatceremonyinspiteoftherecentunpleasantness,andsoshewasverybusywithpreparationsandwastakingapositivepleasureinthem;shewasmoreoverdresseduptothenines,allinnewblacksilk,andshewasproudofit。AllthissuggestedanideatoPyotrPetrovitchandhewentintohisroom,orratherLebeziatnikov"s,somewhatthoughtful。HehadlearntthatRaskolnikovwastobeoneoftheguests。
AndreySemyonovitchhadbeenathomeallthemorning。TheattitudeofPyotrPetrovitchtothisgentlemanwasstrange,thoughperhapsnatural。PyotrPetrovitchhaddespisedandhatedhimfromthedayhecametostaywithhimandatthesametimeheseemedsomewhatafraidofhim。HehadnotcometostaywithhimonhisarrivalinPetersburgsimplyfromparsimony,thoughthathadbeenperhapshischiefobject。HehadheardofAndreySemyonovitch,whohadoncebeenhisward,asaleadingyoungprogressivewhowastakinganimportantpartincertaininterestingcircles,thedoingsofwhichwerealegendintheprovinces。IthadimpressedPyotrPetrovitch。Thesepowerfulomniscientcircleswhodespisedeveryoneandshowedeveryoneuphadlonginspiredinhimapeculiarbutquitevaguealarm。Hehadnot,ofcourse,beenabletoformevenanapproximatenotionofwhattheymeant。He,likeeveryone,hadheardthattherewere,especiallyinPetersburg,progressivesofsomesort,nihilistsandsoon,and,likemanypeople,heexaggeratedanddistortedthesignificanceofthosewordstoanabsurddegree。WhatformanyyearspasthehadfearedmorethananythingwasbeingshownupandthiswasthechiefgroundforhiscontinualuneasinessatthethoughtoftransferringhisbusinesstoPetersburg。Hewasafraidofthisaslittlechildrenaresometimespanic-stricken。Someyearsbefore,whenhewasjustenteringonhisowncareer,hehadcomeupontwocasesinwhichratherimportantpersonagesintheprovince,patronsofhis,hadbeencruellyshownup。Oneinstancehadendedingreatscandalforthepersonattackedandtheotherhadverynearlyendedinserioustrouble。ForthisreasonPyotrPetrovitchintendedtogointothesubjectassoonashereachedPetersburgand,ifnecessary,toanticipatecontingenciesbyseekingthefavourof“ouryoungergeneration。“HereliedonAndreySemyonovitchforthisandbeforehisvisittoRaskolnikovhehadsucceededinpickingupsomecurrentphrases。HesoondiscoveredthatAndreySemyonovitchwasacommonplacesimpleton,butthatbynomeansreassuredPyotrPetrovitch。Evenifhehadbeencertainthatalltheprogressiveswerefoolslikehim,itwouldnothaveallayedhisuneasiness。Allthedoctrines,theideas,thesystemswithwhichAndreySemyonovitchpesteredhimhadnointerestforhim。Hehadhisownobject-hesimplywantedtofindoutatoncewhatwashappeninghere。Hadthesepeopleanypowerornot?Hadheanythingtofearfromthem?Wouldtheyexposeanyenterpriseofhis?Andwhatpreciselywasnowtheobjectoftheirattacks?Couldhesomehowmakeuptothemandgetroundthemiftheyreallywerepowerful?Wasthisthethingtodoornot?Couldn"thegainsomethingthroughthem?Infacthundredsofquestionspresentedthemselves。
AndreySemyonovitchwasananaemic,scrofulouslittleman,withstrangelyflaxenmutton-chopwhiskersofwhichhewasveryproud。Hewasaclerkandhadalmostalwayssomethingwrongwithhiseyes。Hewasrathersoft-hearted,butself-confidentandsometimesextremelyconceitedinspeechwhichhadanabsurdeffect,incongruouswithhislittlefigure。HewasoneofthelodgersmostrespectedbyAmaliaIvanovna,forhedidnotgetdrunkandpaidregularlyforhislodgings。AndreySemyonovitchreallywasratherstupid;heattachedhimselftothecauseofprogressand“ouryoungergeneration“fromenthusiasm。Hewasoneofthenumerousandvariedlegionofdullards,ofhalf-animateabortions,conceited,half-educatedcoxcombs,whoattachthemselvestotheideamostinfashiononlytovulgariseitandwhocaricatureeverycausetheyserve,howeversincerely。
ThoughLebeziatnikovwassogood-natured,he,too,wasbeginningtodislikePyotrPetrovitch。Thishappenedonbothsidesunconsciously。HoweversimpleAndreySemyonovitchmightbe,hebegantoseethatPyotrPetrovitchwasdupinghimandsecretlydespisinghim,andthat“hewasnottherightsortofman。“HehadtriedexpoundingtohimthesystemofFourierandtheDarwiniantheory,butoflatePyotrPetrovitchbegantolistentoosarcasticallyandeventoberude。ThefactwashehadbeguninstinctivelytoguessthatLebeziatnikovwasnotmerelyacommonplacesimpleton,but,perhaps,aliar,too,andthathehadnoconnectionsofanyconsequenceeveninhisowncircle,buthadsimplypickedthingsupthird-hand;andthatverylikelyhedidnotevenknowmuchabouthisownworkofpropaganda,forhewasintoogreatamuddle。Afinepersonhewouldbetoshowanyoneup!Itmustbenoted,bytheway,thatPyotrPetrovitchhadduringthosetendayseagerlyacceptedthestrangestpraisefromAndreySemyonovitch;hehadnotprotested,forinstance,whenAndreySemyonovitchbelaudedhimforbeingreadytocontributetotheestablishmentofthenew“commune,“ortoabstainfromchristeninghisfuturechildren,ortoacquiesceifDouniaweretotakealoveramonthaftermarriage,andsoon。PyotrPetrovitchsoenjoyedhearinghisownpraisesthathedidnotdisdainevensuchvirtueswhentheywereattributedtohim。
PyotrPetrovitchhadhadoccasionthatmorningtorealisesomefivepercent。bondsandnowhesatdowntothetableandcountedoverbundlesofnotes。AndreySemyonovitchwhohardlyeverhadanymoneywalkedabouttheroompretendingtohimselftolookatallthosebanknoteswithindifferenceandevencontempt。NothingwouldhaveconvincedPyotrPetrovitchthatAndreySemyonovitchcouldreallylookonthemoneyunmoved,andthelatter,onhisside,keptthinkingbitterlythatPyotrPetrovitchwascapableofentertainingsuchanideaabouthimandwas,perhaps,gladoftheopportunityofteasinghisyoungfriendbyremindinghimofhisinferiorityandthegreatdifferencebetweenthem。
Hefoundhimincrediblyinattentiveandirritable,thoughhe,AndreySemyonovitch,beganenlargingonhisfavouritesubject,thefoundationofanewspecial“commune。“ThebriefremarksthatdroppedfromPyotrPetrovitchbetweentheclickingofthebeadsonthereckoningframebetrayedunmistakableanddiscourteousirony。Butthe“humane“
AndreySemyonovitchascribedPyotrPetrovitch"sill-humourtohisrecentbreachwithDouniaandhewasburningwithimpatiencetodiscourseonthattheme。Hehadsomethingprogressivetosayonthesubjectwhichmightconsolehisworthyfriendand“couldnotfail“
topromotehisdevelopment。
“Thereissomesortoffestivitybeingpreparedatthat……atthewidow"s,isn"tthere？”PyotrPetrovitchaskedsuddenly,interruptingAndreySemyonovitchatthemostinterestingpassage。
“Why,don"tyouknow?Why,IwastellingyoulastnightwhatIthinkaboutallsuchceremonies。Andsheinvitedyoutoo,Iheard。Youweretalkingtoheryesterday……“
“Ishouldneverhaveexpectedthatbeggarlyfoolwouldhavespentonthisfeastallthemoneyshegotfromthatotherfool,Raskolnikov。
IwassurprisedjustnowasIcamethroughatthepreparationsthere,thewines!Severalpeopleareinvited。It"sbeyondeverything！”
continuedPyotrPetrovitch,whoseemedtohavesomeobjectinpursuingtheconversation。“What?YousayIamaskedtoo?Whenwasthat?I
don"tremember。ButIshan"tgo。WhyshouldI?Ionlysaidawordtoherinpassingyesterdayofthepossibilityofherobtainingayear"ssalaryasadestitutewidowofagovernmentclerk。Isupposeshehasinvitedmeonthataccount,hasn"tshe?He-he-he！”
“Idon"tintendtogoeither,“saidLebeziatnikov。
“Ishouldthinknot,aftergivingherathrashing!Youmightwellhesitate,he-he！”
“Whothrashed?Whom？”criedLebeziatnikov,flusteredandblushing。
“Why,youthrashedKaterinaIvanovnaamonthago。Iheardsoyesterday……sothat"swhatyourconvictionsamountto……andthewomanquestion,too,wasn"tquitesound,he-he-he！”andPyotrPetrovitch,asthoughcomforted,wentbacktoclickinghisbeads。
“It"sallslanderandnonsense！”criedLebeziatnikov,whowasalwaysafraidofallusionstothesubject。“Itwasnotlikethatatall,itwasquitedifferent。You"vehearditwrong;it"salibel。Iwassimplydefendingmyself。Sherushedatmefirstwithhernails,shepulledoutallmywhiskers……It"spermissableforanyoneIshouldhopetodefendhimselfandIneverallowanyonetouseviolencetomeonprinciple,forit"sanactofdespotism。WhatwasItodo?Isimplypushedherback。“
“He-he-he！”Luzhinwentonlaughingmaliciously。
“Youkeeponlikethatbecauseyouareoutofhumouryourself……
Butthat"snonsenseandithasnothing,nothingwhatevertodowiththewomanquestion!Youdon"tunderstand;Iusedtothink,indeed,thatifwomenareequaltomeninallrespectseveninstrength(asismaintainednow)thereoughttobeequalityinthat,too。Ofcourse,Ireflectedafterwardsthatsuchaquestionoughtnotreallytoarise,forthereoughtnottobefightingandinthefuturesociety,fightingisunthinkable……andthatitwouldbeaqueerthingtoseekforequalityinfighting。Iamnotsostupid……though,ofcourse,thereisfighting……therewon"tbelater,butatpresentthereis……
confoundit!Howmuddledonegetswithyou!It"snotonthataccountthatIamnotgoing。Iamnotgoingonprinciple,nottotakepartintherevoltingconventionofmemorialdinners,that"swhy!Though,ofcourse,onemightgotolaughatit……Iamsorrytherewon"tbeanypriestsatit。Ishouldcertainlygoiftherewere。“
“Thenyouwouldsitdownatanotherman"stableandinsultitandthosewhoinvitedyou。Eh？”
“Certainlynotinsult,butprotest。Ishoulddoitwithagoodobject。Imightindirectlyassistthecauseofenlightenmentandpropaganda。It"sadutyofeverymantoworkforenlightenmentandpropagandaandthemoreharshly,perhaps,thebetter。Imightdropaseed,anidea……Andsomethingmightgrowupfromthatseed。HowshouldIbeinsultingthem?Theymightbeoffendedatfirst,butafterwardsthey"dseeI"ddonethemaservice。Youknow,Terebyeva(whoisinthecommunitynow)wasblamedbecausewhensheleftherfamilyand……devoted……herself,shewrotetoherfatherandmotherthatshewouldn"tgoonlivingconventionallyandwasenteringonafreemarriageanditwassaidthatthatwastooharsh,thatshemighthavesparedthemandhavewrittenmorekindly。Ithinkthat"sallnonsenseandthere"snoneedofsoftness,onthecontrary,what"swantedisprotest。Varentshadbeenmarriedsevenyears,sheabandonedhertwochildren,shetoldherhusbandstraightoutinaletter："IhaverealisedthatIcannotbehappywithyou。Icanneverforgiveyouthatyouhavedeceivedmebyconcealingfrommethatthereisanotherorganisationofsocietybymeansofthecommunities。Ihaveonlylatelylearneditfromagreat-heartedmantowhomIhavegivenmyselfandwithwhomIamestablishingacommunity。IspeakplainlybecauseIconsideritdishonesttodeceiveyou。Doasyouthinkbest。Donothopetogetmeback,youaretoolate。Ihopeyouwillbehappy。"That"showletterslikethatoughttobewritten！”
“IsthatTerebyevatheoneyousaidhadmadeathirdfreemarriage？”
“No,it"sonlythesecond,really!Butwhatifitwerethefourth,whatifitwerethefifteenth,that"sallnonsense!AndifeverI
regrettedthedeathofmyfatherandmother,itisnow,andI
sometimesthinkifmyparentswerelivingwhataprotestIwouldhaveaimedatthem!Iwouldhavedonesomethingonpurpose……I
wouldhaveshownthem!Iwouldhaveastonishedthem!Iamreallysorrythereisnoone！”
“Tosurprise!He-he!Well,bethatasyouwill,“PyotrPetrovitchinterrupted,“buttellmethis;doyouknowthedeadman"sdaughter,thedelicate-lookinglittlething?It"struewhattheysayabouther,isn"tit？”
“Whatofit?Ithink,thatis,itismyownpersonalconviction,thatthisisthenormalconditionofwomen。Whynot?Imean,distinguons。Inourpresentsociety,itisnotaltogethernormal,becauseitiscompulsory,butinthefuturesociety,itwillbeperfectlynormal,becauseitwillbevoluntary。Evenasitis,shewasquiteright：shewassufferingandthatwasherasset,sotospeak,hercapitalwhichshehadaperfectrighttodisposeof。Ofcourse,inthefuturesociety,therewillbenoneedofassets,butherpartwillhaveanothersignificance,rationalandinharmonywithherenvironment。AstoSofyaSemyonovnapersonally,Iregardheractionasavigorousprotestagainsttheorganizationofsociety,andI
respectherdeeplyforit;IrejoiceindeedwhenIlookather！”
“Iwastoldthatyougotherturnedoutoftheselodgings。“
Lebeziatnikovwasenraged。
“That"sanotherslander,“heyelled。“Itwasnotsoatall!ThatwasallKaterinaIvanovna"sinvention,forshedidnotunderstand!AndI
nevermadelovetoSofyaSemyonovna!Iwassimplydevelopingher,entirelydisinterestedly,tryingtorousehertoprotest……AllI
wantedwasherprotestandSofyaSemyonovnacouldnothaveremainedhereanyway！”
“Haveyouaskedhertojoinyourcommunity？”
“Youkeeponlaughingandveryinappropriately,allowmetotellyou。Youdon"tunderstand!Thereisnosuchroleinacommunity。Thecommunityisestablishedthatthereshouldbenosuchroles。Inacommunity,sucharoleisessentiallytransformedandwhatisstupidhereissensiblethere,what,underpresentconditions,isunnaturalbecomesperfectlynaturalinthecommunity。Italldependsontheenvironment。It"salltheenvironmentandmanhimselfisnothing。
AndIamongoodtermswithSofyaSemyonovnatothisday,whichisaproofthatsheneverregardedmeashavingwrongedher。Iamtryingnowtoattracthertothecommunity,butonquite,quiteadifferentfooting。Whatareyoulaughingat?Wearetryingtoestablishacommunityofourown,aspecialone,onabroaderbasis。Wehavegonefurtherinourconvictions。Werejectmore!AndmeanwhileI"mstilldevelopingSofyaSemyonovna。Shehasabeautiful,beautifulcharacter！”
“Andyoutakeadvantageofherfinecharacter,eh?He-he！”
“No,no!Oh,no!Onthecontrary。“
“Oh,onthecontrary!He-he-he!Aqueerthingtosay！”
“Believeme!WhyshouldIdisguiseit?Infact,Ifeelitstrangemyselfhowtimid,chasteandmodernsheiswithme！”
“Andyou,ofcourse,aredevelopingher……he-he!tryingtoprovetoherthatallthatmodestyisnonsense？”
“Notatall,notatall!Howcoarsely,howstupidly-excusemesayingso-youmisunderstandtheworddevelopment!Goodheavens,how……crudeyoustillare!Wearestrivingforthefreedomofwomenandyouhaveonlyoneideainyourhead……Settingasidethegeneralquestionofchastityandfemininemodestyasuselessinthemselvesandindeedprejudices,Ifullyacceptherchastitywithme,becausethat"sforhertodecide。Ofcourseifsheweretotellmeherselfthatshewantedme,Ishouldthinkmyselfverylucky,becauseIlikethegirlverymuch;butasitis,noonehasevertreatedhermorecourteouslythanI,withmorerespectforherdignity……Iwaitinhopes,that"sall！”
“Youhadmuchbettermakeherapresentofsomething。Ibetyouneverthoughtofthat。“
“Youdon"tunderstand,asI"vetoldyoualready!Ofcourse,sheisinsuchaposition,butit"sanotherquestion。Quiteanotherquestion!
Yousimplydespiseher。Seeingafactwhichyoumistakenlyconsiderdeservingofcontempt,yourefusetotakeahumaneviewofafellowcreature。Youdon"tknowwhatacharactersheis!Iamonlysorrythatoflateshehasquitegivenupreadingandborrowingbooks。Iusedtolendthemtoher。Iamsorry,too,thatwithalltheenergyandresolutioninprotesting-whichshehasalreadyshownonce-shehaslittleself-reliance,little,sotosay,independence,soastobreakfreefromcertainprejudicesandcertainfoolishideas。Yetshethoroughlyunderstandssomequestions,forinstanceaboutkissingofhands,thatis,thatit"saninsulttoawomanforamantokissherhand,becauseit"sasignofinequality。WehadadebateaboutitandIdescribedittoher。Shelistenedattentivelytoanaccountoftheworkmen"sassociationsinFrance,too。NowIamexplainingthequestionofcomingintotheroominthefuturesociety。“
“Andwhat"sthat,pray？”
“Wehadadebatelatelyonthequestion：Hasamemberofthecommunitytherighttoenteranothermember"sroom,whethermanorwomanatanytime……andwedecidedthathehas！”
“Itmightbeataninconvenientmoment,he-he！”
Lebeziatnikovwasreallyangry。
“Youarealwaysthinkingofsomethingunpleasant,“hecriedwithaversion。“Tfoo!HowvexedIamthatwhenIwasexpoundingoursystem,Ireferredprematurelytothequestionofpersonalprivacy!It"salwaysastumbling-blocktopeoplelikeyou,theyturnintoridiculebeforetheyunderstandit。Andhowproudtheyareofit,too!Tfoo!
I"veoftenmaintainedthatthatquestionshouldnotbeapproachedbyanovicetillhehasafirmfaithinthesystem。Andtellme,please,whatdoyoufindsoshamefulevenincesspools?Ishouldbethefirsttobereadytocleanoutanycesspoolyoulike。Andit"snotaquestionofself-sacrifice,it"ssimplywork,honourable,usefulworkwhichisasgoodasanyotherandmuchbetterthantheworkofaRaphaelandaPushkin,becauseitismoreuseful。“
“Andmorehonourable,morehonourable,he-he-he！”
“Whatdoyoumeanby"morehonourable"?Idon"tunderstandsuchexpressionstodescribehumanactivity。"Morehonourable,""nobler"-
allthoseareold-fashionedprejudiceswhichIreject。Everythingwhichisofusetomankindishonourable。Ionlyunderstandoneword：useful!Youcansniggerasmuchasyoulike,butthat"sso！”
PyotrPetrovitchlaughedheartily。Hehadfinishedcountingthemoneyandwasputtingitaway。Butsomeofthenotesheleftonthetable。The“cesspoolquestion“hadalreadybeenasubjectofdisputebetweenthem。WhatwasabsurdwasthatitmadeLebeziatnikovreallyangry,whileitamusedLuzhinandatthatmomentheparticularlywantedtoangerhisyoungfriend。
“It"syourill-luckyesterdaythatmakesyousoill-humouredandannoying,“blurtedoutLebeziatnikov,whoinspiteofhis“independence“andhis“protests“didnotventuretoopposePyotrPetrovitchandstillbehavedtohimwithsomeoftherespecthabitualinearlieryears。
“You"dbettertellmethis,“PyotrPetrovitchinterruptedwithhaughtydispleasure,“canyou……orratherareyoureallyfriendlyenoughwiththatyoungpersontoaskhertostepinhereforaminute?
Ithinkthey"veallcomebackfromthecemetery……Ihearthesoundofsteps……Iwanttoseeher,thatyoungperson。“
“Whatfor？”Lebeziatnikovaskedwithsurprise。
“Oh,Iwantto。Iamleavinghereto-dayorto-morrowandthereforeIwantedtospeaktoherabout……However,youmaybepresentduringtheinterview。It"sbetteryoushouldbe,indeed。Forthere"snoknowingwhatyoumightimagine。“
“Ishan"timagineanything。Ionlyaskedand,ifyou"veanythingtosaytoher,nothingiseasierthantocallherin。I"llgodirectlyandyoumaybesureIwon"tbeinyourway。“
FiveminuteslaterLebeziatnikovcameinwithSonia。Shecameinverymuchsurprisedandovercomewithshynessasusual。Shewasalwaysshyinsuchcircumstancesandwasalwaysafraidofnewpeople,shehadbeenasachildandwasevenmoresonow……PyotrPetrovitchmether“politelyandaffably,“butwithacertainshadeofbanteringfamiliaritywhichinhisopinionwassuitableforamanofhisrespectabilityandweightindealingwithacreaturesoyoungandsointerestingasshe。Hehastenedto“reassure“herandmadehersitdownfacinghimatthetable。Soniasatdown,lookedabouther-atLebeziatnikov,atthenoteslyingonthetableandthenagainatPyotrPetrovitchandhereyesremainedrivetedonhim。Lebeziatnikovwasmovingtothedoor。PyotrPetrovitchsignedtoSoniatoremainseatedandstoppedLebeziatnikov。
“IsRaskolnikovinthere?Hashecome？”heaskedhiminawhisper。
“Raskolnikov?Yes。Why?Yes,heisthere。Isawhimjustcomein……
Why？”
“Well,Iparticularlybegyoutoremainherewithusandnottoleavemealonewiththis……youngwoman。Ionlywantafewwordswithher,butGodknowswhattheymaymakeofit。Ishouldn"tlikeRaskolnikovtorepeatanything……YouunderstandwhatImean？”
“Iunderstand！”Lebeziatnikovsawthepoint。“Yes,youareright……
Ofcourse,Iamconvincedpersonallythatyouhavenoreasontobeuneasy,but……still,youareright。CertainlyI"llstay。I"llstandhereatthewindowandnotbeinyourway……Ithinkyouareright……“
PyotrPetrovitchreturnedtothesofa,satdownoppositeSonia,lookedattentivelyatherandassumedanextremelydignified,evensevereexpression,asmuchastosay,“don"tyoumakeanymistake,madam。“Soniawasoverwhelmedwithembarrassment。
“Inthefirstplace,SofyaSemyonovna,willyoumakemyexcusestoyourrespectedmamma……That"sright,isn"tit?KaterinaIvanovnastandsintheplaceofamothertoyou？”PyotrPetrovitchbeganwithgreatdignity,thoughaffably。
Itwasevidentthathisintentionswerefriendly。
“Quiteso,yes;theplaceofamother,“Soniaanswered,timidlyandhurriedly。
“Thenwillyoumakemyapologiestoher?ThroughinevitablecircumstancesIamforcedtobeabsentandshallnotbeatthedinnerinspiteofyourmamma"skindinvitation。“
“Yes……I"lltellher……atonce。“
AndSoniahastilyjumpedupfromherseat。
“Wait,that"snotall,“PyotrPetrovitchdetainedher,smilingathersimplicityandignoranceofgoodmanners,“andyouknowmelittle,mydearSofyaSemyonovna,ifyousupposeIwouldhaveventuredtotroubleapersonlikeyouforamatterofsolittleconsequenceaffectingmyselfonly。Ihaveanotherobject。“
Soniasatdownhurriedly。Hereyesrestedagainforaninstantonthegreyandrainbow-colourednotesthatremainedonthetable,butshequicklylookedawayandfixedhereyesonPyotrPetrovitch。Shefeltithorriblyindecorous,especiallyforher,tolookatanotherperson"smoney。ShestaredatthegoldeyeglasswhichPyotrPetrovitchheldinhislefthandandatthemassiveandextremelyhandsomeringwithayellowstoneonhismiddlefinger。Butsuddenlyshelookedawayand,notknowingwheretoturn,endedbystaringPyotrPetrovitchagainstraightintheface。Afterapauseofstillgreaterdignityhecontinued。
“IchancedyesterdayinpassingtoexchangeacoupleofwordswithKaterinaIvanovna,poorwoman。Thatwassufficienttoenablemetoascertainthatsheisinaposition-preternatural,ifonemaysoexpressit。“
“Yes……preternatural……“Soniahurriedlyassented。
“Oritwouldbesimplerandmorecomprehensibletosay,ill。“
“Yes,simplerandmorecomprehen……yes,ill。“
“Quiteso。Sothenfromafeelingofhumanityandsotospeakcompassion,Ishouldbegladtobeofservicetoherinanyway,foreseeingherunfortunateposition。Ibelievethewholeofthispoverty-strickenfamilydependsnowentirelyonyou？”
“Allowmetoask,“Soniarosetoherfeet,“didyousaysomethingtoheryesterdayofthepossibilityofapension?Becauseshetoldmeyouhadundertakentogetherone。Wasthattrue？”
“Notintheslightest,andindeedit"sanabsurdity!Imerelyhintedatherobtainingtemporaryassistanceasthewidowofanofficialwhohaddiedintheservice-ifonlyshehaspatronage……butapparentlyyourlateparenthadnotservedhisfulltermandhadnotindeedbeenintheserviceatalloflate。Infact,iftherecouldbeanyhope,itwouldbeveryephemeral,becausetherewouldbenoclaimforassistanceinthatcase,farfromit……Andsheisdreamingofapensionalready,he-he-he!……Ago-aheadlady！”
“Yes,sheis。Forsheiscredulousandgood-hearted,andshebelieveseverythingfromthegoodnessofherheartand……and……andsheislikethat……yes……Youmustexcuseher,“saidSonia,andagainshegotuptogo。
“Butyouhaven"theardwhatIhavetosay。“
“No,Ihaven"theard,“mutteredSonia。
“Thensitdown。“Shewasterriblyconfused;shesatdownagainathirdtime。
“Seeingherpositionwithherunfortunatelittleones,Ishouldbeglad,asIhavesaidbefore,sofarasliesinmypower,tobeofservice,thatis,sofarasisinmypower,notmore。Onemightforinstancegetupasubscriptionforher,oralottery,somethingofthesort,suchasisalwaysarrangedinsuchcasesbyfriendsorevenoutsidersdesirousofassistingpeople。ItwasofthatIintendedtospeaktoyou;itmightbedone。“
“Yes,yes……Godwillrepayyouforit,“falteredSonia,gazingintentlyatPyotrPetrovitch。
“Itmightbe,butwewilltalkofitlater。Wemightbeginitto-day,wewilltalkitoverthiseveningandlaythefoundationsotospeak。Cometomeatseveno"clock。Mr。Lebeziatnikov,Ihope,willassistus。ButthereisonecircumstanceofwhichIoughttowarnyoubeforehandandforwhichIventuretotroubleyou,SofyaSemyonovna,tocomehere。Inmyopinionmoneycannotbe,indeedit"sunsafetoputitintoKaterinaIvanovna"sownhands。Thedinnerto-dayisaproofofthat。Thoughshehasnot,sotospeak,acrustofbreadforto-morrowand……well,bootsorshoes,oranything;shehasboughtto-dayJamaicarum,andeven,Ibelieve,Madeiraand……andcoffee。IsawitasIpassedthrough。To-morrowitwillallfalluponyouagain,theywon"thaveacrustofbread。It"sabsurd,really,andso,tomythinking,asubscriptionoughttoberaisedsothattheunhappywidowshouldnotknowofthemoney,butonlyyou,forinstance。AmIright？”
“Idon"tknow……thisisonlyto-day,onceinherlife……Shewassoanxioustodohonour,tocelebratethememory……Andsheisverysensible……butjustasyouthinkandIshallbevery,very……theywillallbe……andGodwillreward……andtheorphans……“
Soniaburstintotears。
“Verywell,then,keepitinmind;andnowwillyouacceptforthebenefitofyourrelationthesmallsumthatIamabletospare,frommepersonally。Iamveryanxiousthatmynameshouldnotbementionedinconnectionwithit。Here……havingsotospeakanxietiesofmyown,Icannotdomore……“
AndPyotrPetrovitchheldouttoSoniaaten-roublenotecarefullyunfolded。Soniatookit,flushedcrimson,jumpedup,mutteredsomethingandbegantakingleave。PyotrPetrovitchaccompaniedherceremoniouslytothedoor。Shegotoutoftheroomatlast,agitatedanddistressed,andreturnedtoKaterinaIvanovna,overwhelmedwithconfusion。
AllthistimeLebeziatnikovhadstoodatthewindoworwalkedabouttheroom,anxiousnottointerrupttheconversation;whenSoniahadgonehewalkeduptoPyotrPetrovitchandsolemnlyheldouthishand。
“Iheardandsaweverything,“hesaid,layingstressonthelastverb。“Thatishonourable,Imeantosay,it"shumane!Youwantedtoavoidgratitude,Isaw!AndalthoughIcannot,Iconfess,inprinciplesympathisewithprivatecharity,foritnotonlyfailstoeradicatetheevilbutevenpromotesit,yetImustadmitthatIsawyouractionwithpleasure-yes,yes,Ilikeit。“
“That"sallnonsense,“mutteredPyotrPetrovitch,somewhatdisconcerted,lookingcarefullyatLebeziatnikov。
“No,it"snotnonsense!Amanwhohassuffereddistressandannoyanceasyoudidyesterdayandwhoyetcansympathisewiththemiseryofothers,suchaman……eventhoughheismakingasocialmistake-isstilldeservingofrespect!Ididnotexpectitindeedofyou,PyotrPetrovitch,especiallyasaccordingtoyourideas……oh,whatadrawbackyourideasaretoyou!Howdistressedyouareforinstancebyyourillluckyesterday,“criedthesimple-heartedLebeziatnikov,whofeltareturnofaffectionforPyotrPetrovitch。
“And,whatdoyouwantwithmarriage,withlegalmarriage,mydear,noblePyotrPetrovitch?Whydoyouclingtothislegalityofmarriage?
Well,youmaybeatmeifyoulike,butIamglad,positivelygladithasn"tcomeoff,thatyouarefree,thatyouarenotquitelostforhumanity……yousee,I"vespokenmymind！”
“BecauseIdon"twantinyourfreemarriagetobemadeafoolofandtobringupanotherman"schildren,that"swhyIwantlegalmarriage,“
Luzhinrepliedinordertomakesomeanswer。
Heseemedpreoccupiedbysomething。
“Children?Youreferredtochildren,“Lebeziatnikovstartedofflikeawarhorseatthetrumpetcall。“Childrenareasocialquestionandaquestionoffirstimportance,Iagree;butthequestionofchildrenhasanothersolution。Somerefusetohavechildrenaltogether,becausetheysuggesttheinstitutionofthefamily。
We"llspeakofchildrenlater,butnowastothequestionofhonour,I
confessthat"smyweakpoint。Thathorrid,military,Pushkinexpressionisunthinkableinthedictionaryofthefuture。Whatdoesitmeanindeed?It"snonsense,therewillbenodeceptioninafreemarriage!Thatisonlythenaturalconsequenceofalegalmarriage,sotosay,itscorrective,aprotest。Sothatindeedit"snothumiliating……andifIever,tosupposeanabsurdity,weretobelegallymarried,Ishouldbepositivelygladofit。Ishouldsaytomywife："Mydear,hithertoIhavelovedyou,nowIrespectyou,foryou"veshownyoucanprotest!"Youlaugh!That"sbecauseyouareofincapableofgettingawayfromprejudices。Confounditall!I
understandnowwheretheunpleasantnessisofbeingdeceivedinalegalmarriage,butit"ssimplyadespicableconsequenceofadespicablepositioninwhichbotharehumiliated。Whenthedeceptionisopen,asinafreemarriage,thenitdoesnotexist,it"sunthinkable。Yourwifewillonlyprovehowsherespectsyoubyconsideringyouincapableofopposingherhappinessandavengingyourselfonherforhernewhusband。Damnitall!IsometimesdreamifIweretobemarried,foo!ImeanifIweretomarry,legallyornot,it"sjustthesame,Ishouldpresentmywifewithaloverifshehadnotfoundoneforherself。"Mydear,"Ishouldsay,"Iloveyou,butevenmorethanthatIdesireyoutorespectme。See!"AmI
notright？”
PyotrPetrovitchsniggeredashelistened,butwithoutmuchmerriment。Hehardlyhearditindeed。HewaspreoccupiedwithsomethingelseandevenLebeziatnikovatlastnoticedit。PyotrPetrovitchseemedexcitedandrubbedhishands。Lebeziatnikovrememberedallthisandreflecteduponitafterwards。
ChapterTwoITWOULDbedifficulttoexplainexactlywhatcouldhaveoriginatedtheideaofthatsenselessdinnerinKaterinaIvanovna"sdisorderedbrain。Nearlytenofthetwentyroubles,givenbyRaskolnikovforMarmeladov"sfuneral,werewasteduponit。PossiblyKaterinaIvanovnafeltobligedtohonourthememoryofthedeceased“suitably,“thatallthelodgers,andstillmoreAmaliaIvanovna,mightknow“thathewasinnowaytheirinferior,andperhapsverymuchtheirsuperior,“andthatnoonehadtheright“toturnuphisnoseathim。“Perhapsthechiefelementwasthatpeculiar“poorman"spride,“whichcompelsmanypoorpeopletospendtheirlastsavingsonsometraditionalsocialceremony,simplyinordertodo“likeotherpeople,“andnotto“belookeddownupon。“Itisveryprobable,too,thatKaterinaIvanovnalongedonthisoccasion,atthemomentwhensheseemedtobeabandonedbyeveryone,toshowthose“wretchedcontemptiblelodgers“thatsheknew“howtodothings,howtoentertain“andthatshehadbeenbroughtup“inagenteel,shemightalmostsayaristocraticcolonel"sfamily“andhadnotbeenmeantforsweepingfloorsandwashingthechildren"sragsatnight。Eventhepoorestandmostbroken-spiritedpeoplearesometimesliabletotheseparoxysmsofprideandvanitywhichtaketheformofanirresistiblenervouscraving。AndKaterinaIvanovnawasnotbroken-spirited;shemighthavebeenkilledbycircumstance,butherspiritcouldnothavebeenbroken,thatis,shecouldnothavebeenintimidated,herwillcouldnotbecrushed。MoreoverSoniahadsaidwithgoodreasonthathermindwasunhinged。Shecouldnotbesaidtobeinsane,butforayearpastshehadbeensoharassedthathermindmightwellbeoverstrained。Thelaterstagesofconsumptionareapt,doctorstellus,toaffecttheintellect。
Therewasnogreatvarietyofwines,norwasthereMadeira;butwinetherewas。Therewasvodka,rumandLisbonwine,allofthepoorestqualitybutinsufficientquantity。Besidesthetraditionalriceandhoney,therewerethreeorfourdishes,oneofwhichconsistedofpancakes,allpreparedinAmaliaIvanovna"skitchen。Twosamovarswereboiling,thatteaandpunchmightbeofferedafterdinner。KaterinaIvanovnahadherselfseentopurchasingtheprovisions,withthehelpofoneofthelodgers,anunfortunatelittlePolewhohadsomehowbeenstrandedatMadameLippevechsel"s。HepromptlyputhimselfatKaterinaIvanovna"sdisposalandhadbeenallthatmorningandallthedaybeforerunningaboutasfastashislegscouldcarryhim,andveryanxiousthateveryoneshouldbeawareofit。ForeverytrifleherantoKaterinaIvanovna,evenhuntingheroutatthebazaar,ateveryinstantcalledher“Pani。“Shewasheartilysickofhimbeforetheend,thoughshehaddeclaredatfirstthatshecouldnothavegotonwithoutthis“serviceableandmagnanimousman。“ItwasoneofKaterinaIvanovna"scharacteristicstopainteveryoneshemetinthemostglowingcolours。Herpraisesweresoexaggeratedassometimestobeembarrassing;shewouldinventvariouscircumstancestothecreditofhernewacquaintanceandquitegenuinelybelieveintheirreality。Thenallofasuddenshewouldbedisillusionedandwouldrudelyandcontemptuouslyrepulsethepersonshehadonlyafewhoursbeforebeenliterallyadoring。Shewasnaturallyofagay,livelyandpeace-lovingdisposition,butfromcontinualfailuresandmisfortunesshehadcometodesiresokeenlythatallshouldliveinpeaceandjoyandshouldnotdaretobreakthepeace,thattheslightestjar,thesmallestdisasterreducedheralmosttofrenzy,andshewouldpassinaninstantfromthebrightesthopesandfanciestocursingherfateandraving,andknockingherheadagainstthewall。
AmaliaIvanovna,too,suddenlyacquiredextraordinaryimportanceinKaterinaIvanovna"seyesandwastreatedbyherwithextraordinaryrespect,probablyonlybecauseAmaliaIvanovnahadthrownherselfheartandsoulintothepreparations。Shehadundertakentolaythetable,toprovidethelinen,crockery,&c。,andtocookthedishesinherkitchen,andKaterinaIvanovnahadleftitallinherhandsandgoneherselftothecemetery。
Everythinghadbeenwelldone。Eventhetableclothwasnearlyclean;
thecrockery,knives,forksandglasseswere,ofcourse,ofallshapesandpatterns,lentbydifferentlodgers,butthetablewasproperlylaidatthetimefixed,andAmaliaIvanovna,feelingshehaddoneherworkwell,hadputonablacksilkdressandacapwithnewmourningribbonsandmetthereturningpartywithsomepride。Thispride,thoughjustifiable,displeasedKaterinaIvanovnaforsomereason：“asthoughthetablecouldnothavebeenlaidexceptbyAmaliaIvanovna！”Shedislikedthecapwithnewribbons,too。“Couldshebestuckup,thestupidGerman,becauseshewasmistressofthehouse,andhadconsentedasafavourtohelpherpoorlodgers!Asafavour!
Fancythat!KaterinaIvanovna"sfatherwhohadbeenacolonelandalmostagovernorhadsometimeshadthetablesetforfortypersons,andthenanyonelikeAmaliaIvanovna,orratherLudwigovna,wouldnothavebeenallowedintothekitchen。“
KaterinaIvanovna,however,putoffexpressingherfeelingsforthetimeandcontentedherselfwithtreatinghercoldly,thoughshedecidedinwardlythatshewouldcertainlyhavetoputAmaliaIvanovnadownandsetherinherproperplace,forgoodnessonlyknewwhatshewasfancyingherself。KaterinaIvanovnawasirritatedtoobythefactthathardlyanyofthelodgersinvitedhadcometothefuneral,exceptthePolewhohadjustmanagedtorunintothecemetery,whiletothememorialdinnerthepoorestandmostinsignificantofthemhadturnedup,thewretchedcreatures,manyofthemnotquitesober。Theolderandmorerespectableofthemall,asifbycommonconsent,stayedaway。PyotrPetrovitchLuzhin,forinstance,whomightbesaidtobethemostrespectableofallthelodgers,didnotappear,thoughKaterinaIvanovnahadtheeveningbeforetoldalltheworld,thatisAmaliaIvanovna,Polenka,SoniaandthePole,thathewasthemostgenerous,noble-heartedmanwithalargepropertyandvastconnections,whohadbeenafriendofherfirsthusband"s,andaguestinherfather"shouse,andthathehadpromisedtouseallhisinfluencetosecureheraconsiderablepension。ItmustbenotedthatwhenKaterinaIvanovnaexaltedanyone"sconnectionsandfortune,itwaswithoutanyulteriormotive,quitedisinterestedly,forthemerepleasureofaddingtotheconsequenceofthepersonpraised。Probably“takinghiscue“fromLuzhin,“thatcontemptiblewretchLebeziatnikovhadnotturnedupeither。Whatdidhefancyhimself?HewasonlyaskedoutofkindnessandbecausehewassharingthesameroomwithPyotrPetrovitchandwasafriendofhis,sothatitwouldhavebeenawkwardnottoinvitehim。“
Amongthosewhofailedtoappearwere“thegenteelladyandherold-maidishdaughter,“whohadonlybeenlodgersinthehouseforthelastfortnight,buthadseveraltimescomplainedofthenoiseanduproarinKaterinaIvanovna"sroom,especiallywhenMarmeladovhadcomebackdrunk。KaterinaIvanovnaheardthisfromAmaliaIvanovnawho,quarrellingwithKaterinaIvanovna,andthreateningtoturnthewholefamilyoutofdoors,hadshoutedatherthatthey“werenotworththefoot“ofthehonourablelodgerswhomtheyweredisturbing。
KaterinaIvanovnadeterminednowtoinvitethisladyandherdaughter,“whosefootshewasnotworth,“andwhohadturnedawayhaughtilywhenshecasuallymetthem,sothattheymightknowthat“shewasmorenobleinherthoughtsandfeelingsanddidnotharbourmalice,“andmightseethatshewasnotaccustomedtoherwayofliving。Shehadproposedtomakethiscleartothematdinnerwithallusionstoherlatefather"sgovernorship,andalsoatthesametimetohintthatitwasexceedinglystupidofthemtoturnawayonmeetingher。Thefatcolonel-major(hewasreallyadischargedofficeroflowrank)wasalsoabsent,butitappearedthathehadbeen“nothimself“forthelasttwodays。ThepartyconsistedofthePole,awretchedlookingclerkwithaspottyfaceandagreasycoat,whohadnotawordtosayforhimself,andsmeltabominably,adeafandalmostblindoldmanwhohadoncebeeninthepostofficeandwhohadbeenfromimmemorialagesmaintainedbysomeoneatAmaliaIvanovna"s。
Aretiredclerkofthecommissariatdepartmentcame,too;hewasdrunk,hadaloudandmostunseemlylaughandonlyfancy-waswithoutawaistcoat!OneofthevisitorssatstraightdowntothetablewithoutevengreetingKaterinaIvanovna。Finallyonepersonhavingnosuitappearedinhisdressinggown,butthiswastoomuch,andtheeffortsofAmaliaIvanovnaandthePolesucceededinremovinghim。ThePolebroughtwithhim,however,twootherPoleswhodidnotliveatAmaliaIvanovna"sandwhomnoonehadseenherebefore。AllthisirritatedKaterinaIvanovnaintensely。“Forwhomhadtheymadeallthesepreparationsthen？”Tomakeroomforthevisitorsthechildrenhadnotevenbeenlaidforatthetable;butthetwolittleonesweresittingonabenchinthefurthestcornerwiththeirdinnerlaidonabox,whilePolenkaasabiggirlhadtolookafterthem,feedthem,andkeeptheirnoseswipedlikewell-bredchildren"s。
KaterinaIvanovna,infact,couldhardlyhelpmeetingherguestswithincreaseddignity,andevenhaughtiness。Shestaredatsomeofthemwithspecialseverity,andloftilyinvitedthemtotaketheirseats。RushingtotheconclusionthatAmaliaIvanovnamustberesponsibleforthosewhowereabsent,shebegantreatingherwithextremenonchalance,whichthelatterpromptlyobservedandresented。Suchabeginningwasnogoodomenfortheend。Allwereseatedatlast。
Raskolnikovcameinalmostatthemomentoftheirreturnfromthecemetery。KaterinaIvanovnawasgreatlydelightedtoseehim,inthefirstplace,becausehewastheone“educatedvisitor,and,aseveryoneknew,wasintwoyearstotakeaprofessorshipintheuniversity,“
andsecondlybecauseheimmediatelyandrespectfullyapologisedforhavingbeenunabletobeatthefuneral。Shepositivelypounceduponhim,andmadehimsitonherlefthand(AmaliaIvanovnawasonherright)。Inspiteofhercontinualanxietythatthedishesshouldbepassedroundcorrectlyandthateveryoneshouldtastethem,inspiteoftheagonisingcoughwhichinterruptedhereveryminuteandseemedtohavegrownworseduringthelastfewdaysshehastenedtopouroutinahalfwhispertoRaskolnikovallhersuppressedfeelingsandherjustindignationatthefailureofthedinner,interspersingherremarkswithlivelyanduncontrollablelaughterattheexpenseofhervisitorsandespeciallyofherlandlady。
“It"sallthatcuckoo"sfault!YouknowwhomImean?Her,her！”
KaterinaIvanovnanoddedtowardsthelandlady。“Lookather,she"smakingroundeyes,shefeelsthatwearetalkingaboutherandcan"tunderstand。Pfoo,theowl!Ha-ha!(Cough-cough-cough。)Andwhatdoessheputonthatcapfor?(Cough-cough-cough。)Haveyounoticedthatshewantseveryonetoconsiderthatsheispatronisingmeanddoingmeanhonourbybeinghere?Iaskedherlikeasensiblewomantoinvitepeople,especiallythosewhoknewmylatehusband,andlookatthesetoffoolsshehasbrought!Thesweeps!Lookatthatonewiththespottyface。AndthosewretchedPoles,ha-ha-ha!
(Cough-cough-cough。)Notoneofthemhaseverpokedhisnoseinhere,I"veneverseteyesonthem。Whathavetheycomeherefor,Iaskyou?Theretheysitinarow。Hey,Pan！”shecriedsuddenlytooneofthem,“haveyoutastedthepancakes?Takesomemore!Havesomebeer!Won"tyouhavesomevodka?Look,he"sjumpedupandismakinghisbows,theymustbequitestarved,poorthings。Nevermind,letthemeat!Theydon"tmakeanoise,anyway,thoughI"mreallyafraidforourlandlady"ssilverspoons……AmaliaIvanovna！”sheaddressedhersuddenly,almostaloud,“ifyourspoonsshouldhappentobestolen,Iwon"tberesponsible,Iwarnyou!Ha-ha-ha！”ShelaughedturningtoRaskolnikov,andagainnoddingtowardsthelandlady,inhighgleeathersally。“Shedidn"tunderstand,shedidn"tunderstandagain!Lookhowshesitswithhermouthopen!Anowl,arealowl!Anowlinnewribbons,ha-ha-ha！”
Hereherlaughturnedagaintoaninsufferablefitofcoughingthatlastedfiveminutes。Dropsofperspirationstoodoutonherforeheadandherhandkerchiefwasstainedwithblood。SheshowedRaskolnikovthebloodinsilence,andassoonasshecouldgetherbreathbeganwhisperingtohimagainwithextremeanimationandahecticflushonhercheeks。
“Doyouknow,Igaveherthemostdelicateinstructions,sotospeak,forinvitingthatladyandherdaughter,youunderstandofwhomIamspeaking?Itneededtheutmostdelicacy,thegreatestnicety,butshehasmanagedthingssothatthatfool,thatconceitedbaggage,thatprovincialnonentity,simplybecausesheisthewidowofamajor,andhascometotryandgetapensionandtofrayoutherskirtsinthegovernmentoffices,becauseatfiftyshepaintsherface(everybodyknowsit)……acreaturelikethatdidnotthinkfittocome,andhasnotevenansweredtheinvitation,whichthemostordinarygoodmannersrequired!Ican"tunderstandwhyPyotrPetrovitchhasnotcome!Butwhere"sSonia?Wherehasshegone?Ah,theresheisatlast!whatisit,Sonia,wherehaveyoubeen?It"soddthatevenatyourfather"sfuneralyoushouldbesounpunctual。RodionRomanovitch,makeroomforherbesideyou。That"syourplace,Sonia……
takewhatyoulike。Havesomeofthecoldentreewithjelly,that"sthebest。They"llbringthepancakesdirectly。Havetheygiventhechildrensome?Polenka,haveyougoteverything?
(Cough-cough-cough。)That"sallright。Beagoodgirl,Lida,and,Kolya,don"tfidgetwithyourfeet;sitlikealittlegentleman。
Whatareyousaying,Sonia？”
SoniahastenedtogiveherPyotrPetrovitch"sapologies,tryingtospeakloudenoughforeveryonetohearandcarefullychoosingthemostrespectfulphraseswhichsheattributedtoPyotrPetrovitch。
SheaddedthatPyotrPetrovitchhadparticularlytoldhertosaythat,assoonashepossiblycould,hewouldcomeimmediatelytodiscussbusinessalonewithherandtoconsiderwhatcouldbedoneforher,&c。,&c。
SoniaknewthatthiswouldcomfortKaterinaIvanovna,wouldflatterherandgratifyherpride。ShesatdownbesideRaskolnikov;
shemadehimahurriedbow,glancingcuriouslyathim。Butfortherestofthetimesheseemedtoavoidlookingathimorspeakingtohim。Sheseemedabsent-minded,thoughshekeptlookingatKaterinaIvanovna,tryingtopleaseher。NeithershenorKaterinaIvanovnahadbeenabletogetmourning;Soniawaswearingdarkbrown,andKaterinaIvanovnahadonheronlydress,adarkstripedcottonone。
ThemessagefromPyotrPetrovitchwasverysuccessful。ListeningtoSoniawithdignity,KaterinaIvanovnainquiredwithequaldignityhowPyotrPetrovitchwas,thenatoncewhisperedalmostaloudtoRaskolnikovthatitcertainlywouldhavebeenstrangeforamanofPyotrPetrovitch"spositionandstandingtofindhimselfinsuch“extraordinarycompany,“inspiteofhisdevotiontoherfamilyandhisoldfriendshipwithherfather。
“That"swhyIamsogratefultoyou,RodionRomanovitch,thatyouhavenotdisdainedmyhospitality,eveninsuchsurroundings,“sheaddedalmostaloud。“ButIamsurethatitwasonlyyourspecialaffectionformypoorhusbandthathasmadeyoukeepyourpromise。“
Thenoncemorewithprideanddignityshescannedhervisitors,andsuddenlyinquiredaloudacrossthetableofthedeafman：
“wouldn"thehavesomemoremeat,andhadhebeengivensomewine？”
Theoldmanmadenoanswerandforalongwhilecouldnotunderstandwhathewasasked,thoughhisneighboursamusedthemselvesbypokingandshakinghim。Hesimplygazedabouthimwithhismouthopen,whichonlyincreasedthegeneralmirth。
“Whatanimbecile!Look,look!Whywashebrought?ButastoPyotrPetrovitch,Ialwayshadconfidenceinhim,“KaterinaIvanovnacontinued,“and,ofcourse,heisnotlike……“withanextremelysternfacesheaddressedAmaliaIvanovnasosharplyandloudlythatthelatterwasquitedisconcerted,“notlikeyourdressedupdraggletailswhommyfatherwouldnothavetakenascooksintohiskitchen,andmylatehusbandwouldhavedonethemhonourifhehadinvitedtheminthegoodnessofhisheart。“
“Yes,hewasfondofdrink,hewasfondofit,hediddrink！”
criedthecommissariatclerk,gulpingdownhistwelfthglassofvodka。
“Mylatehusbandcertainlyhadthatweakness,andeveryoneknowsit,“KaterinaIvanovnaattackedhimatonce,“buthewasakindandhonourableman,wholovedandrespectedhisfamily。Theworstofitwashisgoodnaturemadehimtrustallsortsofdisreputablepeople,andhedrankwithfellowswhowerenotworththesoleofhisshoe。
Wouldyoubelieveit,RodionRomanovitch,theyfoundagingerbreadcockinhispocket;hewasdeaddrunk,buthedidnotforgetthechildren！”
“Acock?Didyousayacock？”shoutedthecommissariatclerk。
KaterinaIvanovnadidnotvouchsafeareply。Shesighed,lostinthought。
“Nodoubtyouthink,likeeveryone,thatIwastooseverewithhim,“shewenton,addressingRaskolnikov。“Butthat"snotso!Herespectedme,herespectedmeverymuch!Hewasakind-heartedman!