第3章
However，theoldladystillcommunedwithherself。Shecouldseethatthetransactionwouldbetoheradvantage，yetitwasoneofsuchanovelandunprecedentednaturethatshewasbeginningtofearlestthispurchaserofsoulsintendedtocheather。CertainlyhehadcomefromGodonlyknewwhere，andatthedeadofnight，too！
“But，sir，Ihaveneverinmylifesolddeadfolk——onlylivingones。
ThreeyearsagoItransferredtwowenchestoProtopopovforahundredroublesapiece，andhethankedmekindly，fortheyturnedoutsplendidworkers——abletomakenapkinsoranythingelse。
“Yes，butwiththelivingwehavenothingtodo，damnit！IamaskingyouonlyaboutDEADfolk。“
“Yes，yes，ofcourse。ButatfirstsightIfeltafraidlestIshouldbeincurringaloss——lestyoushouldbewishingtooutwitme，goodsir。Yousee，thedeadsoulsareworthrathermorethanyouhaveofferedforthem。“
“Seehere，madam。(Whatawomanitis！)HOWcouldtheybeworthmore？Thinkforyourself。Theyaresomuchlosstoyou——somuchloss，doyouunderstand？Takeanyworthless，rubbishyarticleyoulike——apieceofoldrag，forexample。Thatragwillyetfetchitsprice，foritcanbeboughtforpaper-making。ButthesedeadsoulsaregoodforNOTHINGATALL。CanyounameanythingthattheyAREgoodfor？”
“True，true——theyAREgoodfornothing。Butwhattroublesmeisthefactthattheyaredead。“
“Whatablockheadofacreature！”saidChichikovtohimself，forhewasbeginningtolosepatience。“Blessherheart，Imayaswellbegoing。Shehasthrownmeintoaperfectsweat，thecursedoldshrew！”
Hetookahandkerchieffromhispocket，andwipedtheperspirationfromhisbrow。Yetheneednothaveflownintosuchapassion。Morethanonerespectedstatesmanrevealshimself，whenconfrontedwithabusinessmatter，tobejustsuchanotherasMadamKorobotchka，inthat，oncehehasgotanideaintohishead，thereisnogettingitoutofhim——youmayplyhimwithdaylight-cleararguments，yettheywillreboundfromhisbrainasanindia-rubberballreboundsfromaflagstone。Nevertheless，wipingawaytheperspiration，Chichikovresolvedtotrywhetherhecouldnotbringherbacktotheroadbyanotherpath。
“Madam，“hesaid，“eitheryouaredecliningtounderstandwhatIsayoryouaretalkingforthemeresakeoftalking。IfIhandyouoversomemoney——fifteenroublesforeachsoul，doyouunderstand？——itisMONEY，notsomethingwhichcanbepickeduphaphazardonthestreet。
Forinstance，tellmehowmuchyousoldyourhoneyfor？”
“Fortwelveroublesperpood。“
“Ah！Thenbythosewords，madam，youhavelaidatriflingsinuponyoursoul；foryoudidNOTsellthehoneyfortwelveroubles。“
“BytheLordGodIdid！”
“Well，well！Nevermind。Honeyisonlyhoney。Now，youhadcollectedthatstuff，itmaybe，forayear，andwithinfinitecareandlabour。
Youhadfussedafterit，youhadtrottedtoandfro，youhaddulyfrozenoutthebees，andyouhadfedtheminthecellarthroughoutthewinter。ButthesedeadsoulsofwhichIspeakarequiteanothermatter，forinthiscaseyouhaveputforthnoexertions——itwasmerelyGod"swillthattheyshouldleavetheworld，andthusdecreasethepersonnelofyourestablishment。Intheformercaseyoureceived(soyouallege)twelveroublesperpoodforyourlabour；butinthiscaseyouwillreceivemoneyforhavingdonenothingatall。Norwillyoureceivetwelveroublesperitem，butFIFTEEN——androublesnotinsilver，butroublesingoodpapercurrency。“
ThatthesepowerfulinducementswouldcertainlycausetheoldwomantoyieldChichikovhadnotadoubt。
“True，“hishostessreplied。“Buthowstrangelybusinesscomestomeasawidow！PerhapsIhadbetterwaitalittlelonger，seeingthatotherbuyersmightcomealong，andImightbeabletocompareprices。“
“Forshame，madam！Forshame！Thinkwhatyouaresaying。Whoelse，I
wouldask，wouldcaretobuythosesouls？Whatusecouldtheybetoanyone？”
“Ifthatisso，theymightcomeinusefultoME，“musedtheoldwomanaloud；afterwhichshesatstaringatChichikovwithhermouthopenandafaceofnervousexpectancyastohispossiblerejoinder。
“Deadfolkusefulinahousehold！”heexclaimed。“Why，whatcouldyoudowiththem？Setthemuponpolestofrightenawaythesparrowsfromyourgarden？”
“TheLordsaveus，butwhatthingsyousay！”sheejaculated，crossingherself。
“Well，WHATcouldyoudowiththem？Bythistimetheyaresomuchbonesandearth。Thatisallthereisleftofthem。TheirtransfertomyselfwouldbeONPAPERonly。Come，come！Atleastgivemeananswer。“
Againtheoldwomancommunedwithherself。
“Whatareyouthinkingof，NastasiaPetrovna？”inquiredChichikov。
“IamthinkingthatIscarcelyknowwhattodo。PerhapsIhadbettersellyousomehemp？”
“WhatdoIwantwithhemp？Pardonme，butjustwhenIhavemadetoyouadifferentproposalaltogetheryoubeginfussingabouthemp！Hempishemp，andthoughImaywantsomewhenINEXTvisityou，Ishouldliketoknowwhatyouhavetosaytothesuggestionunderdiscussion。“
“Well，Ithinkitaveryqueerbargain。NeverhaveIheardofsuchathing。“
UponthisChichikovlostallpatience，upsethischair，andbidhergotothedevil；ofwhichpersonageeventhemerementionterrifiedherextremely。
“Donotspeakofhim，Ibegofyou！”shecried，turningpale。“MayGod，rather，blesshim！Lastnightwasthethirdnightthathehasappearedtomeinadream。Yousee，aftersayingmyprayers，I
bethoughtmeoftellingmyfortunebythecards；andGodmusthavesenthimasapunishment。Helookedsohorrible，andhadhornslongerthanabull"s！”
“Iwonderyoudon"tseeSCORESofdevilsinyourdreams！MerelyoutofChristiancharityhehadcometoyoutosay，"Iperceiveapoorwidowgoingtorackandruin，andlikelysoontostandindangerofwant。"Well，gotorackandruin——yes，youandallyourvillagetogether！”
“Theinsults！”exclaimedtheoldwoman，glancingathervisitorinterror。
“Ishouldthinkso！”continuedChichikov。“Indeed，Icannotfindwordstodescribeyou。Tosaynomoreaboutit，youarelikeadoginamanger。Youdon"twanttoeatthehayyourself，yetyouwon"tletanyoneelsetouchit。AllthatIamseekingtodoistopurchasecertaindomesticproductsofyours，forthereasonthatIhavecertainGovernmentcontractstofulfil。“Thislastheaddedinpassing，andwithoutanyulteriormotive，savethatitcametohimasahappythought。NeverthelessthementionofGovernmentcontractsexercisedapowerfulinfluenceuponNastasiaPetrovna，andshehastenedtosayinatonethatwasalmostsupplicatory：
“Whyshouldyoubesoangrywithme？HadIknownthatyouweregoingtoloseyourtemperinthisway，Ishouldneverhavediscussedthematter。“
“NowonderthatIlosemytemper！Aneggtoomanyisnogreatmatter，yetitmayproveexceedinglyannoying。“
“Well，well，Iwillletyouhavethesoulsforfifteenroubleseach。
Also，withregardtothosecontracts，donotforgetmeifatanytimeyoushouldfindyourselfinneedofrye-mealorbuckwheatorgroatsordeadmeat。“
“No，IshallNEVERforgetyou，madam！”hesaid，wipinghisforehead，wherethreeseparatestreamsofperspirationweretricklingdownhisface。Thenheaskedherwhetherinthetownshehadanyacquaintanceoragentwhomshecouldempowertocompletethetransferenceoftheserfs，andtocarryoutwhatsoeverelsemightbenecessary。
“Certainly，“repliedMadameKorobotchka。“Thesonofourarchpriest，FatherCyril，himselfisalawyer。“
UponthatChichikovbeggedhertoaccordthegentlemaninquestionapowerofattorney，while，tosaveextratrouble，hehimselfwouldthenandtherecomposetherequisiteletter。
“ItwouldbeafinethingifheweretobuyupallmymealandstockfortheGovernment，“thoughtMadametoherself。“Imustencouragehimalittle。Therehasbeensomedoughstandingreadysincelastnight，soIwillgoandtellFetiniatotryafewpancakes。Also，itmightbewelltotryhimwithaneggpie。Wemakethennicelyhere，andtheydonottakelonginthemaking。“
Soshedepartedtotranslateherthoughtsintoaction，aswellastosupplementthepiewithotherproductsofthedomesticcuisine；while，forhispart，Chichikovreturnedtothedrawing-roomwherehehadspentthenight，inordertoprocurefromhisdispatch-boxthenecessarywriting-paper。Theroomhadnowbeensetinorder，thesumptuousfeatherbedremoved，andatablesetbeforethesofa。
Depositinghisdispatch-boxuponthetable，heheavedagentlesighonbecomingawarethathewassosoakedwithperspirationthathemightalmosthavebeendippedinariver。Everything，fromhisshirttohissocks，wasdripping。“Mayshestarvetodeath，thecursedoldharridan！”heejaculatedafteramoment"srest。Thenheopenedhisdispatch-box。Inpassing，ImaysaythatIfeelcertainthatatleastSOMEofmyreaderswillbecurioustoknowthecontentsandtheinternalarrangementsofthatreceptacle。WhyshouldInotgratifytheircuriosity？Tobeginwith，thecentreoftheboxcontainedasoap-dish，with，disposedaroundit，sixorsevencompartmentsforrazors。Nextcamesquarepartitionsforasand-box[7]andaninkstand，aswellas(scoopedoutintheirmidst)ahollowofpens，sealing-wax，andanythingelsethatrequiredmoreroom。Lastlytherewereallsortsoflittledivisions，bothwithandwithoutlids，forarticlesofasmallernature，suchasvisitingcards，memorialcards，theatretickets，andthingswhichChichikovhadlaidbyassouvenirs。Thisportionoftheboxcouldbetakenout，andbelowitwerebothaspaceformanuscriptsandasecretmoney-box——thelattermadetodrawoutfromthesideofthereceptacle。
[7]Toserveasblotting-paper。
Chichikovsettoworktocleanapen，andthentowrite。Presentlyhishostessenteredtheroom。
“Whatabeautifulboxyouhavegot，mydearsir！”sheexclaimedasshetookaseatbesidehim。“ProbablyyouboughtitinMoscow？”
“Yes——inMoscow，“repliedChichikovwithoutinterruptinghiswriting。
“Ithoughtso。OneCANgetgoodthingsthere。Threeyearsagomysisterbroughtmeafewpairsofwarmshoesformysons，andtheyweresuchexcellentarticles！Tothisdaymyboyswearthem。Andwhatnicestampedpaperyouhave！”(shehadpeeredintothedispatch-box，where，sureenough，therelayafurtherstoreofthepaperinquestion)。
“Wouldyoumindlettingmehaveasheetofit？Iamwithoutanyatall，althoughIshallsoonhavetobepresentingapleatothelandcourt，andpossessnotamorselofpapertowriteiton。“
UponthisChichikovexplainedthatthepaperwasnotthesortproperforthepurpose——thatitwasmeantforserf-indenturing，andnotfortheframingofpleas。Nevertheless，toquiether，hegaveherasheetstampedtothevalueofarouble。Next，hehandedherthelettertosign，andrequested，inreturn，alistofherpeasants。Unfortunately，suchalisthadneverbeencompiled，letaloneanycopiesofit，andtheonlywayinwhichsheknewthepeasants"nameswasbyheart。
However，hetoldhertodictatethem。Someofthenamesgreatlyastonishedourhero，so，stillmore，didthesurnames。Indeed，frequently，onhearingthelatter，hehadtopausebeforewritingthemdown。Especiallydidhehaltbeforeacertain“PeterSavelievNeuvazhaiKorito。““Whatastringoftitles！”involuntarilyheejaculated。TotheChristiannameofanotherserfwasappended“KoroviKirpitch，“andtothatofathird“KolesoIvan。“However，atlengththelistwascompiled，andhecaughtadeepbreath；whichlatterproceedingcausedhimtocatchalsotheattractiveodourofsomethingfriedinfat。
“Ibeseechyoutohaveamorsel，“murmuredhishostess。Chichikovlookedup，andsawthatthetablewasspreadwithmushrooms，pies，andotherviands。
“Trythisfreshly-madepieandanegg，“continuedMadame。
Chichikovdidso，andhavingeatenmorethanhalfofwhatsheofferedhim，praisedthepiehighly。Indeed，itwasatoothsomedish，and，afterhisdifficultiesandexertionswithhishostess，ittastedevenbetterthanitmightotherwisehavedone。
“Andalsoafewpancakes？”suggestedMadame。
ForanswerChichikovfoldedthreetogether，and，havingdippedtheminmeltedbutter，consignedthelottohismouth，andthenwipedhismouthwithanapkin。Twicemorewastheprocessrepeated，andthenherequestedhishostesstoorderthebritchkatobegotready。IndispatchingFetiniawiththenecessaryinstructions，sheorderedhertoreturnwithasecondbatchofhotpancakes。
“Yourpancakesareindeedsplendid，“saidChichikov，applyinghimselftothesecondconsignmentoffrieddaintieswhentheyhadarrived。
“Yes，wemakethemwellhere，“repliedMadame。“Yethowunfortunateitisthattheharvestshouldhaveprovedsopoorastohavepreventedmefromearninganythingonmy——Butwhyshouldyoubeinsuchahurrytodepart，goodsir？”ShebrokeoffonseeingChichikovreachforhiscap。“Thebritchkaisnotyetready。“
“Thenitisbeinggotso，madam，itisbeinggotso，andIshallneedamomentortwotopackmythings。“
“Asyouplease，dearsir；butdonotforgetmeinconnectionwiththoseGovernmentcontracts。“
“No，IhavesaidthatNEVERshallIforgetyou，“repliedChichikovashehurriedintothehall。
“Andwouldyouliketobuysomelard？”continuedhishostess，pursuinghim。
“Lard？Ohcertainly。Whynot？Only，only——IwilldosoANOTHERtime。“
“IshallhavesomereadyataboutChristmas。“
“Quiteso，madam。THENIwillbuyanythingandeverything——thelardincluded。“
“Andperhapsyouwillbewantingalsosomefeathers？IshallbehavingsomeforsaleaboutSt。Philip"sDay。“
“Verywell，verywell，madam。“
“Thereyousee！”sheremarkedastheysteppedoutontotheverandah。
“ThebritchkaisNOTyetready。“
“Butitsoonwillbe，itsoonwillbe。Onlydirectmetothemainroad。“
“HowamItodothat？”saidMadame。“"Twouldpuzzleawisemantodoso，forinthesepartstherearesomanyturnings。However，Iwillsendagirltoguideyou。Youcouldfindroomforheronthebox-seat，couldyounot？”
“Yes，ofcourse。“
“ThenIwillsendher。Sheknowsthewaythoroughly。Onlydonotcarryheroffforgood。Alreadysometradershavedeprivedmeofoneofmygirls。“
Chichikovreassuredhishostessonthepoint，andMadamepluckedupcourageenoughtoscan，firstofall，thehousekeeper，whohappenedtobeissuingfromthestorehousewithabowlofhoney，and，next，ayoungpeasantwhohappenedtobestandingatthegates；and，whilethusengaged，shebecamewhollyabsorbedinherdomesticpursuits。Butwhypayhersomuchattention？TheWidowKorobotchka，MadameManilov，domesticlife，non-domesticlife——awaywiththemall！Howstrangelyarethingscompounded！Inatricemayjoyturntosorrow，shouldonehaltlongenoughoverit：inatriceonlyGodcansaywhatideasmaystrikeone。Youmayfalleventothinking：“Afterall，didMadameKorobotchkastandsoverylowinthescaleofhumanperfection？WastherereallysuchaverygreatgulfbetweenherandMadameManilov——betweenherandtheMadameManilovwhomwehaveseenentrenchedbehindthewallsofagenteelmansioninwhichtherewereafinestaircaseofwroughtmetalandanumberofrichcarpets；theMadameManilovwhospentmostofhertimeinyawningbehindhalf-readbooks，andinhopingforavisitfromsomesociallydistinguishedpersoninorderthatshemightdisplayherwitandcarefullyrehearsedthoughts——thoughtswhichhadbeenderigeurintownforaweekpast，yetwhichreferred，nottowhatwasgoingoninherhouseholdoronherestate——bothofwhichpropertieswereatoddsandends，owingtoherignoranceoftheartofmanagingthem——buttothecomingpoliticalrevolutioninFranceandthedirectioninwhichfashionableCatholicismwassupposedtobemoving？Butawaywithsuchthings！Whyneedwespeakofthem？Yethowcomesitthatsuddenlyintothemidstofourcareless，frivolous，unthinkingmomentstheremayenteranother，andaverydifferent，tendency？——thatthesmilemaynothaveleftahumanfacebeforeitsownerwillhaveradicallychangedhisorhernature(thoughnothisorherenvironment)withtheresultthatthefacewillsuddenlybecomelitwitharadianceneverbeforeseenthere？……
“Hereisthebritchka，hereisthebritchka！”exclaimedChichikovonperceivingthatvehicleslowlyadvancing。“Ah，youblockhead！”hewentontoSelifan。“Whyhaveyoubeenloiteringabout？Isupposelastnight"sfumeshavenotyetleftyourbrain？”
TothisSelifanreturnednoreply。
“Good-bye，madam，“addedthespeaker。“Butwhereisthegirlwhomyoupromisedme？”
“Here，Pelagea！”calledthehostesstoawenchofaboutelevenwhowasdressedinhome-dyedgarmentsandcouldboastofapairofbarefeetwhich，fromadistance，mightalmosthavebeenmistakenforboots，soencrustedweretheywithfreshmire。“Here，Pelagea！Comeandshowthisgentlemantheway。“
Selifanhelpedthegirltoascendtothebox-seat。Placingonefootuponthestepbywhichthegentrymounted，shecoveredthesaidstepwithmud，andthen，ascendinghigher，attainedthedesiredpositionbesidethecoachman。Chichikovfollowedinherwake(causingthebritchkatoheeloverwithhisweightashedidso)，andthensettledhimselfbackintohisplacewithan“Allright！Good-bye，madam！”asthehorsesmovedawayatatrot。
Selifanlookedgloomyashedrove，butalsoveryattentivetohisbusiness。Thiswasinvariablyhiscustomwhenhehadcommittedthefaultofgettingdrunk。Also，thehorseslookedunusuallywell-groomed。Inparticular，thecollarononeofthemhadbeenneatlymended，althoughhithertoitsstateofdilapidationhadbeensuchasperenniallytoallowthestuffingtoprotrudethroughtheleather。Thesilencepreservedwaswell-nighcomplete。Merelyflourishinghiswhip，Selifanspoketotheteamnowordofinstruction，althoughtheskewbaldwasasreadyasusualtolistentoconversationofadidacticnature，seeingthatatsuchtimesthereinshunglooselyinthehandsoftheloquaciousdriver，andthewhipwanderedmerelyasamatterofformoverthebacksofthetroika。Thistime，however，therecouldbeheardissuingfromSelifan"ssullenlipsonlytheuniformlyunpleasantexclamation，“Nowthen，youbrutes！Getonwithyou，getonwithyou！”
ThebayandtheAssessortoofeltputoutatnothearingthemselvescalled“mypets“or“goodlads“；while，inaddition，theskewbaldcameinforsomenastycutsacrosshissleekandamplequarters。“Whathasputmasteroutlikethis？”thoughttheanimalasitshookitshead。
“Heavenknowswherehedoesnotkeepbeatingme——acrosstheback，andevenwhereIamtendererstill。Yes，hekeepscatchingthewhipinmyears，andlashingmeunderthebelly。“
“Totheright，eh？”snappedSelifantothegirlbesidehimashepointedtoarain-soakedroadwhichtrendedawaythroughfreshgreenfields。
“No，no，“shereplied。“Iwillshowyoutheroadwhenthetimecomes。“
“Whichway，then？”heaskedagainwhentheyhadproceededalittlefurther。
“Thisway。“Andshepointedtotheroadjustmentioned。
“Getalongwithyou！”retortedthecoachman。“ThatDOESgototheright。Youdon"tknowyourrighthandfromyourleft。“
Theweatherwasfine，butthegroundsoexcessivelysoddenthatthewheelsofthebritchkacollectedmireuntiltheyhadbecomecakedaswithalayeroffelt，acircumstancewhichgreatlyincreasedtheweightofthevehicle，andpreventeditfromclearingtheneighbouringparishesbeforetheafternoonwasarrived。Also，withoutthegirl"shelpthefindingofthewaywouldhavebeenimpossible，sinceroadswiggledawayineverydirection，likecrabsreleasedfromanet，and，butfortheassistancementioned，Selifanwouldhavefoundhimselflefttohisowndevices。Presentlyshepointedtoabuildingahead，withthewords，“THEREisthemainroad。“
“Andwhatisthebuilding？”askedSelifan。
“Atavern，“shesaid。
“Thenwecangetalongbyourselves，“heobserved。“Doyougetdown，andbeoffhome。“
Withthathestopped，andhelpedhertoalight——mutteringashedidso：“Ah，youblackfootedcreature！”
Chichikovaddedacoppergroat，andshedepartedwellpleasedwithherrideinthegentleman"scarriage。
CHAPTERIV
Onreachingthetavern，Chichikovcalledahalt。Hisreasonsforthisweretwofold——namely，thathewantedtorestthehorses，andthathehimselfdesiredsomerefreshment。Inthisconnectiontheauthorfeelsboundtoconfessthattheappetiteandthecapacityofsuchmenaregreatlytobeenvied。Ofthosewell-to-dofolkofSt。PetersburgandMoscowwhospendtheirtimeinconsideringwhattheyshalleatonthemorrow，andincomposingadinnerforthedayfollowing，andwhoneversitdowntoamealwithoutfirstofallinjectingapillandthenswallowingoystersandcrabsandaquantityofothermonsters，whileeternallydepartingforKarlsbadortheCaucasus，theauthorhasbutasmallopinion。Yes，THEYarenotthepersonstoinspireenvy。
Rather，itisthefolkofthemiddleclasses——folkwhoatoneposthousecallforbacon，andatanotherforasuckingpig，andatathirdforasteakofsturgeonorabakedpuddingwithonions，andwhocansitdowntotableatanyhour，asthoughtheyhadneverhadamealintheirlives，andcandevourfishofallsorts，andguzzleandchewitwithaviewtoprovokingfurtherappetite——these，Isay，arethefolkwhoenjoyheaven"smostfavouredgift。ToattainsuchacelestialconditionthegreatfolkofwhomIhavespokenwouldsacrificehalftheirserfsandhalftheirmortgagedandnon-mortgagedproperty，withtheforeignanddomesticimprovementsthereon，iftherebytheycouldcompasssuchastomachasispossessedbythefolkofthemiddleclass。But，unfortunately，neithermoneynorrealestate，whetherimprovedornon-improved，canpurchasesuchastomach。
Thelittlewoodentavern，withitsnarrow，buthospitable，curtainsuspendedfromapairofrough-hewndoorpostslikeoldchurchcandlesticks，seemedtoinviteChichikovtoenter。True，theestablishmentwasonlyaRussianhutoftheordinarytype，butitwasahutoflargerdimensionsthanusual，andhadarounditswindowsandgablescarvedandpatternedcornicesofbright-colouredwoodwhichthrewintoreliefthedarkerhueofthewalls，andconsortedwellwiththefloweredpitcherspaintedontheshutters。
Ascendingthenarrowwoodenstaircasetotheupperfloor，andarrivinguponabroadlanding，Chichikovfoundhimselfconfrontedwithacreakingdoorandastoutoldwomaninastripedprintgown。“Thisway，ifyouplease，“shesaid。WithintheapartmentdesignatedChichikovencounteredtheoldfriendswhichoneinvariablyfindsinsuchroadsidehostelries——towit，aheavysamovar，foursmooth，bescratchedwallsofwhitepine，athree-corneredpresswithcupsandteapots，egg-cupsofgildedchinastandinginfrontofikonssuspendedbyblueandredribands，acatlatelydeliveredofafamily，amirrorwhichgivesonefoureyesinsteadoftwoandapancakeforaface，and，besidetheikons，somebunchesofherbsandcarnationsofsuchfadeddustinessthat，shouldoneattempttosmellthem，oneisboundtoburstoutsneezing。
“Haveyouasucking-pig？”Chichikovinquiredofthelandladyasshestoodexpectantlybeforehim。
“Yes。“
“Andsomehorse-radishandsourcream？”
“Yes。“
“Thenservethem。“
Thelandladydepartedforthepurpose，andreturnedwithaplate，anapkin(thelatterstarchedtotheconsistencyofdriedbark)，aknifewithabonehandlebeginningtoturnyellow，atwo-prongedforkasthinasawafer，andasalt-cellarincapableofbeingmadetostandupright。
Followingtheacceptedcustom，ourheroenteredintoconversationwiththewoman，andinquiredwhethersheherselforalandlordkeptthetavern；howmuchincomethetavernbroughtin；whetherhersonslivedwithher；whethertheoldestwasabachelorormarried；whomtheeldesthadtakentowife；whetherthedowryhadbeenlarge；whetherthefather-in-lawhadbeensatisfied，andwhetherthesaidfather-in-lawhadnotcomplainedofreceivingtoosmallapresentatthewedding。Inshort，Chichikovtouchedoneveryconceivablepoint。
Likewise(ofcourse)hedisplayedsomecuriosityastothelandownersoftheneighbourhood。Theirnames，heascertained，wereBlochin，Potchitaev，Minoi，Cheprakov，andSobakevitch。
“ThenyouareacquaintedwithSobakevitch？”hesaid；whereupontheoldwomaninformedhimthatsheknewnotonlySobakevitch，butalsoManilov，andthatthelatterwasthemoredelicateeaterofthetwo，since，whereasManilovalwaysorderedaroastfowlandsomevealandmutton，andthentastedmerelyamorselofeach，Sobakevitchwouldorderonedishonly，butconsumethewholeofit，andthendemandmoreatthesameprice。
WhilstChichikovwasthusconversingandpartakingofthesuckingpiguntilonlyafragmentofitseemedlikelytoremain，thesoundofanapproachingvehiclemadeitselfheard。Peeringthroughthewindow，hesawdrawuptothetaverndooralightbritchkadrawnbythreefinehorses。Fromittheredescendedtwomen——oneflaxen-hairedandtall，andtheotherdark-hairedandofslighterbuild。Whiletheflaxen-hairedmanwascladinadark-bluecoat，theotheronewaswrappedinacoatofstripedpattern。Behindthebritchkastoodasecond，butanempty，turn-out，drawnbyfourlong-coatedsteedsinraggedcollarsandropeharnesses。Theflaxen-hairedmanlostnotimeinascendingthestaircase，whilehisdarkerfriendremainedbelowtofumbleatsomethinginthebritchka，talking，ashedidso，tothedriverofthevehiclewhichstoodhitchedbehind。Somehow，thedark-hairedman"svoicestruckChichikovasfamiliar；andashewastakinganotherlookathimtheflaxen-hairedgentlemanenteredtheroom。Thenewcomerwasamanofloftystature，withasmallredmoustacheandalean，hard-bittenfacewhoserednessmadeitevidentthatitsacquaintance，ifnotwiththesmokeofgunpowder，atalleventswiththatoftobacco，wasintimateandextensive。NeverthelesshegreetedChichikovcivilly，andthelatterreturnedhisbow。Indeed，thepairwouldhaveenteredintoconversation，andhavemadeoneanother"sacquaintance(sinceabeginningwasmadewiththeirsimultaneouslyexpressingsatisfactionatthecircumstancethatthepreviousnight"srainhadlaidthedustontheroads，andtherebymadedrivingcoolandpleasant)whenthegentleman"sdarker-favouredfriendalsoenteredtheroom，and，throwinghiscapuponthetable，pushedbackamassofdishevelledblacklocksfromhisbrow。Thelatestarrivalwasamanofmediumheight，butwellputtogether，andpossessedofapairoffullredcheeks，asetofteethaswhiteassnow，andcoal-blackwhiskers。Indeed，sofreshwashiscomplexionthatitseemedtohavebeencompoundedofbloodandmilk，whilehealthdancedinhiseveryfeature。
“Ha，ha，ha！”hecriedwithagestureofastonishmentatthesightofChichikov。“WhatchancebringsYOUhere？”
UponthatChichikovrecognisedNozdrev——themanwhomhehadmetatdinneratthePublicProsecutor"s，andwho，withinaminuteortwooftheintroduction，hadbecomesointimatewithhisfellowguestastoaddresshiminthesecondpersonsingular，inspiteofthefactthatChichikovhadgivenhimnoopportunityfordoingso。
“Wherehaveyoubeento-day？”Nozdrevinquired，and，withoutwaitingforananswer，wenton：“Formyself，Iamjustfromthefair，andcompletelycleanedout。Actually，Ihavehadtodothejourneybackwithstagehorses！Lookoutofthewindow，andseethemforyourself。“
AndheturnedChichikov"sheadsosharplyinthedesireddirectionthathecameveryneartobumpingitagainstthewindowframe。“Didyoueverseesuchabagoftricks？Thecursedthingshaveonlyjustmanagedtogethere。Infact，onthewayIhadtotransfermyselftothisfellow"sbritchka。“Heindicatedhiscompanionwithafinger。“Bytheway，don"tyouknowoneanother？HeisMizhuev，mybrother-in-law。
HeandIweretalkingofyouonlythismorning。"Justyousee，"saidI
tohim，"ifwedonotfallinwithChichikovbeforewehavedone。"
Heavens，howcompletelycleanedoutIam！NotonlyhaveIlostfourgoodhorses，butalsomywatchandchain。“Chichikovperceivedthatinverytruthhisinterlocutorwasminusthearticlesnamed，aswellasthatoneofNozdrev"swhiskerswaslessbushyinappearancethantheotherone。“HadIhadanothertwentyroublesinmypocket，“wentonNozdrev，“IshouldhavewonbackallthatIhavelost，aswellashavepouchedafurtherthirtythousand。Yes，Igiveyoumywordofhonouronthat。“
“ButyouweresayingthesamethingwhenlastImetyou，“putintheflaxen-hairedman。“Yet，eventhoughIlentyoufiftyroubles，youlostthemall。“
“ButIshouldnothavelostthemTHIStime。Don"ttrytomakemeoutafool。IshouldNOThavelostthem，Itellyou。HadIonlyplayedtherightcard，Ishouldhavebrokenthebank。“
“ButyoudidNOTbreakthebank，“remarkedtheflaxen-hairedman。
“No。ThatwasbecauseIdidnotplaymycardsright。Butwhataboutyourpreciousmajor"splay？IsTHATgood？”
“Goodornot，atleasthebeatyou。“
“Splendidofhim！NeverthelessIwillgetmyownback。Lethimplaymeatdoubles，andweshallsoonseewhatsortofaplayerheis！FriendChichikov，atfirstwehadaglorioustime，forthefairwasatremendoussuccess。Indeed，thetradesmensaidthatneveryethadtherebeensuchagathering。Imyselfmanagedtoselleverythingfrommyestateatagoodprice。Infact，wehadamagnificenttime。Ican"thelpthinkingofit，deviltakeme！ButwhatapityYOUwerenotthere！Threeverstsfromthetownthereisquarteredaregimentofdragoons，andyouwouldscarcelybelievewhatalotofofficersithas。Fortyatleastthereare，andtheydoafinelotofknockingaboutthetownanddrinking。Inparticular，Staff-CaptainPotsieluevisaSPLENDIDfellow！Youshouldjustseehismoustache！Why，hecallsgoodclaret"trash"！"Bringmesomeoftheusualtrash，"ishiswayoforderingit。AndLieutenantKuvshinnikov，too！Heisasdelightfulastheotherman。Infact，Imaysaythateveryoneofthelotisarake。Ispentmywholetimewiththem，andyoucanimaginethatPonomarev，thewinemerchant，didafinetradeindeed！Allthesame，heisarascal，youknow，andoughtnottobedealtwith，forheputsallsortsofrubbishintohisliquor——Indianwoodandburntcorkandelderberryjuice，thevillain！Nevertheless，gethimtoproduceabottlefromwhathecallshis"specialcellar，"andyouwillfancyyourselfintheseventhheavenofdelight。Andwhatquantitiesofchampagnewedrank！Comparedwithit，provincialstuffiskvass[1]。
TrytoimaginenotmerelyClicquot，butasortofblendofClicquotandMatradura——Clicquotofdoublestrength。AlsoPonomarevproducedabottleofFrenchstuffwhichhecalls"Bonbon。"Haditabouquet，askyou？Why，ithadthebouquetofarosegarden，ofanythingelseyoulike。Whattimeswehad，tobesure！JustafterwehadleftPnomarev"splace，someprinceoranotherarrivedinthetown，andsentoutforsomechampagne；butnotabottlewasthereleft，fortheofficershaddrunkeveryone！Why，Imyselfgotthroughseventeenbottlesatasitting。“
[1]Aliquordistilledfromfermentedbreadcrustsorsourfruit。
“Come，come！YouCAN"Thavegotthroughseventeen，“remarkedtheflaxen-hairedman。
“ButIdid，Igivemywordofhonour，“retortedNozdrev。
“Imaginewhatyoulike，butyoudidn"tdrinkevenTENbottlesatasitting。“
“WillyoubetthatIdidnot？”
“No；forwhatwouldbetheuseofbettingaboutit？”
“Thenatleastwagerthegunwhichyouhavebought。“
“No，Iamnotgoingtodoanythingofthekind。“
“Justasanexperiment？”
“No。“
“Itisaswellforyouthatyoudon"t，since，otherwise，youwouldhavefoundyourselfminusbothgunandcap。However，friendChichikov，itisapityyouwerenotthere。Hadyoubeenthere，IfeelsureyouwouldhavefoundyourselfunabletopartwithLieutenantKuvshinnikov。
Youandhewouldhavehititoffsplendidly。Youknow，heisquiteadifferentsortfromthePublicProsecutorandourotherprovincialskinflints——fellowswhoshiverintheirshoesbeforetheywillspendasinglekopeck。HEwillplayfaro，oranythingelse，andatanytime。
Whydidyounotcomewithus，insteadofwastingyourtimeoncattlebreedingorsomethingofthesort？Butnevermind。Embraceme。Ilikeyouimmensely。Mizhuev，seehowcuriouslythingshaveturnedout。
Chichikovhasnothingtodowithme，orIwithhim，yethereishecomefromGodknowswhere，andlandedintheveryspotwhereIhappentobeliving！Imaytellyouthat，nomatterhowmanycarriagesI
possessed，Ishouldgamblethelotaway。RecentlyIwentinforaturnatbilliards，andlosttwojarsofpomade，achinateapot，andaguitar。ThenIstakedsomemorethings，and，likeafool，lostthemall，andsixroublesinaddition。WhatadogisthatKuvshinnikov！HeandIattendednearlyeveryballintheplace。Inparticular，therewasawoman——decolletee，andsuchaswell！Imerelythoughttomyself，"Thedeviltakeher！"butKuvshinnikovissuchawagthathesatdownbesideher，andbeganpayingherstringsofcomplimentsinFrench。
However，Ididnotneglectthedamselsaltogether——althoughHEcallsthatsortofthing"goinginforstrawberries。"Bytheway，Ihaveasplendidpieceoffishandsomecaviarewithme。"TisallIHAVE
broughtback！InfactitisaluckychancethatIhappenedtobuythestuffbeforemymoneywasgone。Whereareyoufor？”
“Iamabouttocallonafriend。“
“Onwhatfriend？Lethimgotothedevil，andcometomyplaceinstead。“
“Icannot，Icannot。Ihavebusinesstodo。“
“Oh，businessagain！Ithoughtso！”
“ButIHAVEbusinesstodo——andpressingbusinessatthat。“
“Iwagerthatyou"relying。Ifnot，tellmewhomyou"regoingtocallupon。“
“UponSobakevitch。“
InstantlyNozdrevburstintoalaughcompassableonlybyahealthymaninwhoseheadeverytoothstillremainsaswhiteassugar。BythisI
meanthelaughofquiveringcheeks，thelaughwhichcausesaneighbourwhoissleepingbehinddoubledoorsthreeroomsawaytoleapfromhisbedandexclaimwithdistendedeyes，“Hullo！SomethingHASupsethim！”
“Whatistheretolaughat？”askedChichikov，atriflenettled；butNozdrevlaughedmoreunrestrainedlythanever，ejaculating：“Oh，spareusall！ThethingissoamusingthatIshalldieofit！”
“Isaythatthereisnothingtolaughat，“repeatedChichikov。“ItisinfulfilmentofapromisethatIamonmywaytoSobakevitch"s。“
“Thenyouwillscarcelybegladtobealivewhenyou"vegotthere，forheistheveriestmiserinthecountryside。Oh，_I_knowyou。However，ifyouthinktofindthereeitherfaroorabottleof"Bonbon"youaremistaken。Lookhere，mygoodfriend。LetSobakevitchgotothedevil，andcometoMYplace，whereatleastIshallhaveapieceofsturgeontoofferyoufordinner。Ponomarevsaidtomeonparting：
"Thispieceisjustthethingforyou。Evenifyouweretosearchthewholemarket，youwouldneverfindabetterone。"Butofcourseheisaterriblerogue。Isaidtohimoutright："YouandtheCollectorofTaxesarethetwogreatestskinflintsinthetown。"Butheonlystrokedhisbeardandsmiled。EverydayIusedtobreakfastwithKuvshinnikovinhisrestaurant。Well，whatIwasnearlyforgettingisthis：that，thoughIamawarethatyoucan"tforgoyourengagement，I
amnotgoingtogiveyouup——no，notfortenthousandroublesofmoney。Itellyouthatinadvance。“
Herehebrokeofftoruntothewindowandshouttohisservant(whowasholdingaknifeinonehandandacrustofbreadandapieceofsturgeonintheother——hehadcontrivedtofilchthelatterwhilefumblinginthebritchkaforsomethingelse)：
“Hi，Porphyri！Bringherethatpuppy，yourascal！Whatapuppyitis！
Unfortunatelythatthiefofalandlordhasgivenitnothingtoeat，eventhoughIhavepromisedhimtheroanfillywhich，asyoumayremember，IswoppedfromKhvostirev。“Asamatterofact，ChichikovhadneverinhislifeseeneitherKhvostirevortheroanfilly。
“Barin，doyouwishforanythingtoeat？”inquiredthelandladyassheentered。
“No，nothingatall。Ah，friendChichikov，whattimeswehad！Yes，givemeaglassofvodka，oldwoman。Whatsorttoyoukeep？”
“Aniseed。“
“Thenbringmeaglassofit，“repeatedNozdrev。
“Andoneformeaswell，“addedtheflaxen-hairedman。
“Atthetheatre，“wentonNozdrev，“therewasanactresswhosanglikeacanary。Kuvshinnikov，whohappenedtobesittingwithme，said："Myboy，youhadbettergoandgatherthatstrawberry。"Asfortheboothsatthefair，theynumbered，Ishouldsay，fifty。“Atthispointhebrokeofftotaketheglassofvodkafromthelandlady，whobowedlowinacknowledgementofhisdoingso。AtthesamemomentPorphyri——afellowdressedlikehismaster(thatistosay，inagreasy，waddedovercoat)——enteredwiththepuppy。
“Putthebrutedownhere，“commandedNozdrev，“andthenfastenitup。“
Porphyridepositedtheanimaluponthefloor；whereuponitproceededtoactafterthemannerofdogs。
“THERE"Sapuppyforyou！”criedNozdrev，catchingholdofitbytheback，andliftingitup。Thepuppyutteredapiteousyelp。
“Icanseethatyouhaven"tdonewhatItoldyoutodo，“hecontinuedtoPorphyriafteraninspectionoftheanimal"sbelly。“Youhavequiteforgottentobrushhim。“
“IDIDbrushhim，“protestedPorphyri。
“Thenwheredidthesefleascomefrom？”
“Icannotthink。Perhapstheyhaveleaptintohiscoatoutofthebritchka。“
“Youliar！Asamatteroffact，youhaveforgottentobrushhim。
Nevertheless，lookattheseears，Chichikov。Justfeelthem。“
“WhyshouldI？Withoutdoingthat，Icanseethatheiswell-bred。“
“Nevertheless，catchholdofhisearsandfeelthem。“
TohumourthefellowChichikovdidashehadrequested，remarking：
“Yes，heseemslikelytoturnoutwell。“
“Andfeelthecoldnessofhisnose！Justtakeitinyourhand。“
Notwishingtooffendhisinterlocutor，Chichikovfeltthepuppy"snose，saying：“Somedayhewillhaveanexcellentscent。“
“Yes，willhenot？"Tistherightsortofmuzzleforthat。ImustsaythatIhavelongbeenwantingsuchapuppy。Porphyri，takehimawayagain。“
Porphyriliftedupthepuppy，andboreitdownstairs。
“Lookhere，Chichikov，“resumedNozdrev。“YouMUSTcometomyplace。
Itliesonlyfiveverstsaway，andwecangotherelikethewind，andyoucanvisitSobakevitchafterwards。“
“ShallI，orshallInot，gotoNozdrev"s？”reflectedChichikov。“Ishelikelytoproveanymoreusefulthantherest？Well，atleastheisaspromising，eventhoughhehaslostsomuchatplay。Buthehasaheadonhisshoulders，andthereforeImustgocarefullyifIamtotacklehimconcerningmyscheme。“
Withthatheaddedaloud：“Verywell，IWILLcomewithyou，butdonotletusbelong，formytimeisveryprecious。“
“That"sright，that"sright！”criedNozdrev。“Splendid，splendid！Letmeembraceyou！”AndhefelluponChichikov"sneck。“Allthreeofuswillgo。“
“No，no，“putintheflaxen-hairedman。“Youmustexcuseme，forI
mustbeoffhome。“
“Rubbish，rubbish！IamNOTgoingtoexcuseyou。“
“Butmywifewillbefuriouswithme。YouandMonsieurChichikovmustchangeintotheotherbritchka。“
“Come，come！Thethingisnottobethoughtof。“
Theflaxen-hairedmanwasoneofthosepeopleinwhosecharacter，atfirstsight，thereseemstolurkacertaingrainofstubbornness——somuchsothat，almostbeforeonehasbeguntospeak，theyarereadytodisputeone"swords，andtodisagreewithanythingthatmaybeopposedtotheirpeculiarformofopinion。Forinstance，theywilldeclinetohavefollycalledwisdom，oranytunedancedtobuttheirown。Always，however，willtherebecomemanifestintheircharacterasoftspot，andintheendtheywillacceptwhathithertotheyhavedenied，andcallwhatisfoolishsensible，andevendance——yes，betterthananyoneelsewilldo——toatunesetbysomeoneelse。Inshort，theygenerallybeginwell，butalwaysendbadly。
“Rubbish！”saidNozdrevinanswertoafurtherobjectiononhisbrother-in-law"spart。And，sureenough，nosoonerhadNozdrevclappedhiscapuponhisheadthantheflaxen-hairedmanstartedtofollowhimandhiscompanion。
“Butthegentlemanhasnotpaidforthevodka？”putintheoldwoman。
“Allright，allright，goodmother。Lookhere，brother-in-law。Payher，willyou，forIhavenotakopeckleft。“
“Howmuch？”inquiredthebrother-in-law。
“What，sir？Eightykopecks，ifyouplease，“repliedtheoldwoman。
“Alie！Giveherhalfarouble。Thatwillbequiteenough。“
“No，itwillNOT，barin，“protestedtheoldwoman。However，shetookthemoneygratefully，andevenrantothedoortoopenitforthegentlemen。Asamatteroffact，shehadlostnothingbythetransaction，sinceshehaddemandedfullyaquartermorethanthevodkawasworth。
Thetravellersthentooktheirseats，andsinceChichikov"sbritchkakeptalongsidethebritchkawhereinNozdrevandhisbrother-in-lawwereseated，itwaspossibleforallthreementoconversetogetherastheyproceeded。BehindthemcameNozdrev"ssmallerbuggy，withitsteamofleanstagehorsesandPorphyriandthepuppy。Butinasmuchastheconversationwhichthetravellersmaintainedwasnotofakindlikelytointerestthereader，ImightdoworsethansaysomethingconcerningNozdrevhimself，seeingthatheisdestinedtoplaynosmallroleinourstory。
Nozdrev"sfacewillbefamiliartothereader，seeingthateveryonemusthaveencounteredmanysuch。Fellowsofthekindareknownas“gayyoungsparks，“and，evenintheirboyhoodandschooldays，earnareputationforbeingbonscamarades(thoughwithitalltheycomeinforsomehardknocks)forthereasonthattheirfacesevinceanelementoffrankness，directness，andenterprisewhichenablesthemsoontomakefriends，and，almostbeforeyouhavehadtimetolookaround，tostartaddressingyouinthesecondpersonsingular。Yet，whilecementingsuchfriendshipsforalleternity，almostalwaystheybeginquarrellingthesameevening，since，throughout，theyarealoquacious，dissipated，high-spirited，over-showytribe。Indeed，atthirty-fiveNozdrevwasjustwhathehadbeenaneighteenandtwenty——hewasjustsuchaloveroffastliving。Norhadhismarriageinanywaychangedhim，andthelesssosincehiswifehadsoondepartedtoanotherworld，andleftbehindhertwochildren，whomhedidnotwant，andwhowerethereforeplacedinthechargeofagood-lookingnursemaid。Neveratanytimecouldheremainathomeformorethanasingleday，forhiskeenscentcouldrangeoverscoresandscoresofversts，anddetectanyfairwhichpromisedballsandcrowds。
Consequentlyinatricehewouldbethere——quarrelling，andcreatingdisturbancesoverthegaming-table(likeallmenofhistype，hehadaperfectpassionforcards)yetplayingneitherafaultlessnoranover-cleangame，sincehewasbothablundererandabletoindulgeinalargenumberofillicitcutsandotherdevices。Theresultwasthatthegameoftenendedinanotherkindofsportaltogether。Thatistosay，eitherhereceivedagoodkicking，orhehadhisthickandveryhandsomewhiskerspulled；withtheresultthatoncertainoccasionshereturnedhomewithoneofthoseappendageslookingdecidedlyragged。
Yethisplump，healthy-lookingcheeksweresorobustlyconstituted，andcontainedsuchanabundanceofrecreativevigour，thatanewwhiskersoonsproutedinplaceoftheoldone，andevensurpasseditspredecessor。Again(andthefollowingisaphenomenonpeculiartoRussia)averyshorttimewouldhaveelapsedbeforeoncemorehewouldbeconsortingwiththeverycronieswhohadrecentlycuffedhim——andconsortingwiththemasthoughnothingwhatsoeverhadhappened——noreferencetothesubjectbeingmadebyhim，andtheytooholdingtheirtongues。
Inshort，Nozdrevwas，asitwere，amanofincident。Neverwashepresentatanygatheringwithoutsomesortofafracasoccurringthereat。Eitherhewouldrequiretobeexpelledfromtheroombygendarmes，orhisfriendswouldhavetokickhimoutintothestreet。
Atallevents，shouldneitherofthoseoccurrencestakeplace，atleasthedidsomethingofanaturewhichwouldnototherwisehavebeenwitnessed。Thatistosay，shouldhenotplaythefoolinabuffettosuchanextentastomakeveryonesmile，youmaybesurethathewasengagedinlyingtoadegreewhichattimesabashedevenhimself。
Moreover，themanliedwithoutreason。Forinstance，hewouldbegintellingastorytotheeffectthathepossessedablue-coatedorared-coatedhorse；until，intheend，hislistenerswouldbeforcedtoleavehimwiththeremark，“Youaregivingussomefinestuff，oldfellow！”Also，menlikeNozdrevhaveapassionforinsultingtheirneighbourswithouttheleastexcuseafforded。(Forthatmatter，evenamanofgoodstandingandofrespectableexterior——amanwithastaronhisbreast——mayunexpectedlypressyourhandoneday，andbegintalkingtoyouonsubjectsofanaturetogivefoodforseriousthought。Yetjustasunexpectedlymaythatmanstartabusingyoutoyourface——anddosoinamannerworthyofacollegiateregistrarratherthanofamanwhowearsastaronhisbreastandaspirestoconverseonsubjectswhichmeritreflection。Allthatonecandoinsuchacaseistostandshruggingone"sshouldersinamazement。)Well，Nozdrevhadjustsuchaweakness。Themorehebecamefriendlywithaman，thesoonerwouldheinsulthim，andbereadytospreadcalumniesastohisreputation。Yetallthewhilehewouldconsiderhimselftheinsultedone"sfriend，and，shouldhemeethimagain，wouldgreethiminthemostamicablestylepossible，andsay，“Yourascal，whyhaveyougivenupcomingtoseeme。“Thus，takenallround，Nozdrevwasapersonofmanyaspectsandnumerouspotentialities。Inoneandthesamebreathwouldheproposetogowithyouwhithersoeveryoumightchoose(eventotheveryendsoftheworldshouldyousorequire)ortoenteruponanysortofanenterprisewithyou，ortoexchangeanycommodityforanyothercommoditywhichyoumightcaretoname。Guns，horses，dogs，allweresubjectsforbarter——thoughnotforprofitsofarasYOUwereconcerned。Suchtraitsaremostlytheoutcomeofaboisteroustemperament，asisadditionallyexemplifiedbythefactthatifatafairhechancedtofallinwithasimpletonandtofleecehim，hewouldthenproceedtobuyaquantityoftheveryfirstarticleswhichcametohand——horse-collars，cigar-lighters，dressesforhisnursemaid，foals，raisins，silverewers，lengthsofholland，wheatmeal，tobacco，revolvers，driedherrings，pictures，whetstones，crockery，boots，andsoforth，untileveryatomofhismoneywasexhausted。Yetseldomwerethesearticlesconveyedhome，since，asarule，thesamedaysawthemlosttosomemoreskilfulgambler，inadditiontohispipe，histobacco-pouch，hismouthpiece，hisfour-horsedturn-out，andhiscoachman：withtheresultthat，strippedtohisveryshirt，hewouldbeforcedtobegtheloanofavehiclefromafriend。
SuchwasNozdrev。Somemaysaythatcharactersofhistypehavebecomeextinct，thatNozdrevsnolongerexist。Alas！suchassaythiswillbewrong；formanyadaymustpassbeforetheNozdrevswillhavedisappearedfromourken。Everywheretheyaretobeseeninourmidst——theonlydifferencebetweenthenewandtheoldbeingadifferenceofgarments。Personsofsuperficialobservationareapttoconsiderthatamancladinadifferentcoatisquiteadifferentpersonfromwhatheusedtobe。
Tocontinue。ThethreevehiclesbowleduptothestepsofNozdrev"shouse，andtheiroccupantsalighted。Butnopreparationswhatsoeverhadbeenmadefortheguest"sreception，foronsomewoodentrestlesinthecentreofthedining-roomacoupleofpeasantswereengagedinwhitewashingtheceilinganddrawlingoutanendlesssongastheysplashedtheirstuffaboutthefloor。Hastilybiddingpeasantsandtrestlestobegone，Nozdrevdepartedtoanotherroomwithfurtherinstructions。Indeed，soaudiblewasthesoundofhisvoiceasheordereddinnerthatChichikov——whowasbeginningtofeelhungryoncemore——wasenabledtogatherthatitwouldbeatleastfiveo"clockbeforeamealofanykindwouldbeavailable。Onhisreturn，Nozdrevinvitedhiscompanionstoinspecthisestablishment——eventhoughasearlyastwoo"clockhehadtoannouncethatnothingmorewastobeseen。
Thetourbeganwithaviewofthestables，wherethepartysawtwomares(theoneagrey，andtheotheraroan)andacolt；whichlatteranimal，thoughfarfromshowy，Nozdrevdeclaredtohavecosthimtenthousandroubles。
“YouNEVERpaidtenthousandroublesforthebrute！”exclaimedthebrother-in-law。“Heisn"tworthevenathousand。“
“ByGod，IDIDpaytenthousand！”assertedNozdrev。
“Youcanswearthatasmuchasyoulike，“retortedtheother。
“WillyoubetthatIdidnot？”askedNozdrev，butthebrother-in-lawdeclinedtheoffer。
Next，Nozdrevshowedhisguestssomeemptystallswhereanumberofequallyfineanimals(sohealleged)hadlatelystood。Alsotherewasonviewthegoatwhichanoldbeliefstillconsiderstobeanindispensableadjuncttosuchplaces，eventhoughitsapparentuseistopaceupanddownbeneaththenosesofthehorsesasthoughtheplacebelongedtoit。Thereafterthehosttookhisgueststolookatayoungwolfwhichhehadgottiedtoachain。“Heisfedonnothingbutrawmeat，“heexplained，“forIwanthimtogrowupasfierceaspossible。“Thenthepartyinspectedapondinwhichtherewere“fishofsuchasizethatitwouldtaketwomenalltheirtimetoliftoneofthemout。“
Thispieceofinformationwasreceivedwithrenewedincredulityonthepartofthebrother-in-law。
“Now，Chichikov，“wentonNozdrev，“letmeshowyouatrulymagnificentbraceofdogs。Thehardnessoftheirmuscleswillsurpriseyou，andtheyhavejowlsassharpasneedles。“
Sosaying，heledthewaytoasmall，butneatly-built，shedsurroundedoneverysidewithafenced-inrun。Enteringthisrun，thevisitorsbeheldanumberofdogsofallsortsandsizesandcolours。
IntheirmidstNozdrevlookedlikeafatherlordingitoverhisfamilycircle。Erectingtheirtails——their“stems，“asdogfancierscallthosemembers——theanimalscameboundingtogreettheparty，andfullyascoreofthemlaidtheirpawsuponChichikov"sshoulders。Indeed，onedogwasmovedwithsuchfriendlinessthat，standingonitshindlegs，itlickedhimonthelips，andsoforcedhimtospit。Thatdone，thevisitorsdulyinspectedthecouplealreadymentioned，andexpressedastonishmentattheirmuscles。Trueenough，theywerefineanimals。Next，thepartylookedataCrimeanbitchwhich，thoughblindandfastnearingherend，had，twoyearsago，beenatrulymagnificentdog。Atallevents，sosaidNozdrev。Nextcameanotherbitch——alsoblind；thenaninspectionofthewater-mill，whichlackedthespindle-socketwhereintheupperstoneoughttohavebeenrevolving——“fluttering，“tousetheRussianpeasant"squaintexpression。“Butnevermind，“saidNozdrev。“Letusproceedtotheblacksmith"sshop。“Sototheblacksmith"sshopthepartyproceeded，andwhenthesaidshophadbeenviewed，Nozdrevsaidashepointedtoafield：
“InthisfieldIhaveseensuchnumbersofharesastorenderthegroundquiteinvisible。Indeed，ononeoccasionI，withmyownhands，caughtaharebythehindlegs。“
“Younevercaughtaharebythehindlegswithyourhands！”remarkedthebrother-in-law。
“ButIDID“reiteratedNozdrev。“However，letmeshowyoutheboundarywheremylandscometoanend。“
Sosaying，hestartedtoconducthisguestsacrossafieldwhichconsistedmostlyofmoleheaps，andinwhichthepartyhadtopicktheirwaybetweenstripsofploughedlandandofharrowed。SoonChichikovbegantofeelweary，fortheterrainwassolow-lyingthatinmanyspotswatercouldbeheardsquelchingunderfoot，andthoughforawhilethevisitorswatchedtheirfeet，andsteppedcarefully，theysoonperceivedthatsuchacourseavailedthemnothing，andtooktofollowingtheirnoses，withouteitherselectingoravoidingthespotswherethemirehappenedtobedeeperorthereverse。Atlength，whenaconsiderabledistancehadbeencovered，theycaughtsightofaboundary-postandanarrowditch。
“Thatistheboundary，“saidNozdrev。“Everythingthatyouseeonthissideofthepostismine，aswellastheforestontheothersideofit，andwhatliesbeyondtheforest。“
“WHENdidthatforestbecomeyours？”askedthebrother-in-law。“Itcannotbelongsinceyoupurchasedit，foritneverUSEDtobeyours。“
“Yes，itisn"tlongsinceIpurchasedit，“saidNozdrev。
“Howlong？”
“Howlong？Why，Ipurchaseditthreedaysago，andgaveaprettysumforit，asthedevilknows！”
“Indeed？Why，threedaysagoyouwereatthefair？”
“Wiseacre！Cannotonebeatafairandbuylandatthesametime？Yes，IWASatthefair，andmystewardboughtthelandinmyabsence。“
“Oh，yourSTEWARDboughtit。“Thebrother-in-lawseemeddoubtful，andshookhishead。
Theguestsreturnedbythesamerouteasthatbywhichtheyhadcome；
whereafter，onreachingthehouse，Nozdrevconductedthemtohisstudy，whichcontainednotatraceofthethingsusuallytobefoundinsuchapartments——suchthingsasbooksandpapers。Onthecontrary，theonlyarticlestobeseenwereaswordandabraceofguns——theone“ofthemworththreehundredroubles，“andtheother“abouteighthundred。“Thebrother-in-lawinspectedthearticlesinquestion，andthenshookhisheadasbefore。Next，thevisitorswereshownsome“realTurkish“daggers，ofwhichoneboretheinadvertentinscription，“SaveliSibiriakov[2]，MasterCutler。“Thencameabarrel-organ，onwhichNozdrevstartedtoplaysometuneoranother。Forawhilethesoundswerenotwhollyunpleasing，butsuddenlysomethingseemedtogowrong，foramazurkastarted，tobefollowedby“Marlboroughhasgonetothewar，“andtothis，again，theresucceededanantiquatedwaltz。
Also，longafterNozdrevhadceasedtoturnthehandle，oneparticularlyshrill-pitchedpipewhichhad，throughout，refusedtoharmonisewiththerestkeptupaprotractedwhistlingonitsownaccount。Thenfollowedanexhibitionoftobaccopipes——pipesofclay，ofwood，ofmeerschaum，pipessmokedandnon-smoked；pipeswrappedinchamoisleatherandnotsowrapped；anamber-mountedhookah(astakewonatcards)andatobaccopouch(worked，itwasalleged，bysomecountesswhohadfalleninlovewithNozdrevataposthouse，andwhosehandiworkNozdrevaverredtoconstitutethe“sublimityofsuperfluity“——atermwhich，intheNozdrevianvocabulary，purportedtosignifytheacmeofperfection)。
[2]Thatistosay，adistinctivelyRussianname。
Finally，aftersomehors-d"oeuvresofsturgeon"sback，theysatdowntotable——thetimebeingthennearlyfiveo"clock。ButthemealdidnotconstitutebyanymeansthebestofwhichChichikovhadeverpartaken，seeingthatsomeofthedisheswereovercooked，andotherswerescarcelycookedatall。Evidentlytheircompounderhadtrustedchieflytoinspiration——shehadlaidholdofthefirstthingwhichhadhappenedtocometohand。Forinstance，hadpepperrepresentedthenearestarticlewithinreach，shehadaddedpepperwholesale。Hadacabbagechancedtobesoencountered，shehadpresseditalsointotheservice。Andthesamewithmilk，bacon，andpeas。Inshort，herruleseemedtohavebeen“Makeahotdishofsomesort，andsomesortoftastewillresult。“Fortherest，Nozdrevdrewheavilyuponthewine。
Evenbeforethesouphadbeenserved，hehadpouredoutforeachguestabumperofportandanotherof“haut“sauterne。(Neverinprovincialtownsisordinary，vulgarsauterneevenprocurable。)Next，hecalledforabottleofmadeira——“asfineatippleaseverafield-marshalldrank“；butthemadeiraonlyburntthemouth，sincethedealers，familiarwiththetasteofourlandedgentry(wholove“good“madeira)
invariablydoctorthestuffwithcopiousdashesofrumandImperialvodka，inthehopethatRussianstomachswillthusbeenabledtocarryoffthelot。AfterthisbottleNozdrevcalledforanotherand“averyspecial“brand——abrandwhichhedeclaredtoconsistofablendofburgundyandchampagne，andofwhichhepouredgenerousmeasuresintotheglassesofChichikovandthebrother-in-lawastheysattorightandleftofhim。ButsinceChichikovnoticedthat，afterdoingso，headdedonlyascantymodicumofthemixturetohisowntumbler，ourherodeterminedtobecautious，andthereforetookadvantageofamomentwhenNozdrevhadagainplungedintoconversationandwasyetathirdtimeengagedinrefillinghisbrother-in-law"sglass，tocontrivetoupsethis(Chichikov"s)glassoverhisplate。Intimetherecamealsototableatartofmountain-ashberries——berrieswhichthehostdeclaredtoequal，intaste，ripeplums，butwhich，curiouslyenough，smackedmoreofcornbrandy。Next，thecompanyconsumedasortofpastyofwhichtheprecisenamehasescapedme，butwhichthehostrendereddifferentlyevenonthesecondoccasionofitsbeingmentioned。Themealover，andthewholetaleofwinestried，theguestsstillretainedtheirseats——acircumstancewhichembarrassedChichikov，seeingthathehadnomindtopropoundhispetschemeinthepresenceofNozdrev"sbrother-in-law，whowasacompletestrangertohim。No，thatsubjectcalledforamicableandPRIVATEconversation。
Nevertheless，thebrother-in-lawappearedtobodelittledanger，seeingthathehadtakenonboardafullcargo，andwasnowengagedindoingnothingofamoremenacingnaturethanpickinghisnose。
Atlengthhehimselfnoticedthathewasnotaltogetherinaresponsiblecondition；whereforeheroseandbegantomakeexcusesfordepartinghomewards，thoughinatonesodrowsyandlethargicthat，toquotetheRussianproverb，hemightalmosthavebeen“pullingacollarontoahorsebytheclasps。“
“No，no！”criedNozdrev。“IamNOTgoingtoletyougo。“
“ButIMUSTgo，“repliedthebrother-in-law。“Don"tdrytohinderme。Youareannoyingmegreatly。“
“Rubbish！Wearegoingtoplayagameofbanker。“
“No，no。Youmustplayitwithoutme，myfriend。Mywifeisexpectingmeathome，andImustgoandtellherallaboutthefair。Yes，I
MUSTgoifIamtopleaseher。Donottrytodetainme。“
“Yourwifebe——！ButhaveyouREALLYanimportantpieceofbusinesswithher？”
“No，no，myfriend。Therealreasonisthatsheisagoodandtrustfulwoman，andthatshedoesagreatdealforme。ThetearsspringtomyeyesasIthinkofit。Donotdetainme。AsanhonourablemanIsaythatImustgo。OfthatIdoassureyouinallsincerity。“
“Oh，lethimgo，“putinChichikovunderhisbreath。“Whatusewillhebehere？”
“Verywell，“saidNozdrev，“though，damnit，Idonotlikefellowswholosetheirheads。“Thenheaddedtohisbrother-in-law：“Allright，Thetuk[3]。Offyougotoyourwifeandyourwoman"stalkandmaythedevilgowithyou！”
[3]AjeeringappellationwhichowesitsorigintothefactthatcertainRussianscherishaprejudiceagainsttheinitialcharacteroftheword——namely，theGreektheta，orTH。
“DonotinsultmewiththetermThetuk，“retortedthebrother-in-law。
“ToherIowemylife，andsheisadear，goodwoman，andhasshownmemuchaffection。AttheverythoughtofitIcouldweep。Yousee，shewillbeaskingmewhatIhaveseenatthefair，andtellheraboutitImust，forsheissuchadear，goodwoman。“
“Thenoffyougotoherwithyourpackoflies。Hereisyourcap。“
“No，goodfriend，youarenottospeakofherlikethat。Bysodoingyouoffendmegreatly——Isaythatsheisadear，goodwoman。“
“Thenrunalonghometoher。“
“Yes，Iamjustgoing。Excusemeforhavingbeenunabletostay。
GladlywouldIhavestayed，butreallyIcannot。“
Thebrother-in-lawrepeatedhisexcusesagainandagainwithoutnoticingthathehadenteredthebritchka，thatithadpassedthroughthegates，andthathewasnowintheopencountry。Permissiblywemaysupposethathiswifesucceededingleaningfromhimfewdetailsofthefair。
“Whatafool！”saidNozdrevas，standingbythewindow，hewatchedthedepartingvehicle。“Yethisoff-horseisnotsuchabadone。ForalongtimepastIhavebeenwantingtogetholdofit。Amanlikethatissimplyimpossible。Yes，heisaThetuk，aregularThetuk。“
Withthattheyrepairedtotheparlour，where，onPorphyribringingcandles，Chichikovperceivedthathishosthadproducedapackofcards。
“Itellyouwhat，“saidNozdrev，pressingthesidesofthepacktogether，andthenslightlybendingthem，sothatthepackcrackedandacardflewout。“Howwoulditbeif，topassthetime，Iweretomakeabankofthreehundred？”
Chichikovpretendednottohaveheardhim，butremarkedwithanairofhavingjustrecollectedaforgottenpoint：
“Bytheway，IhadomittedtosaythatIhavearequesttomakeofyou。“
“Whatrequest？”
“Firstgivemeyourwordthatyouwillgrantit。“
“Whatistherequest，Isay？”
“Thenyougivemeyourword，doyou？”
“Certainly。“
“Yourwordofhonour？”
“Mywordofhonour。“
“This，then，ismyrequest。Ipresumethatyouhavealargenumberofdeadserfswhosenameshavenotyetbeenremovedfromtherevisionlist？”
“Ihave。Butwhydoyouask？”
“BecauseIwantyoutomakethemovertome。“
“Ofwhatusewouldtheybetoyou？”
“Nevermind。Ihaveapurposeinwantingthem。“
“Whatpurpose？”
“Apurposewhichisstrictlymyownaffair。Inshort，Ineedthem。“
“Youseemtohavehatchedaveryfinescheme。Outwithit，now！Whatisinthewind？”
“HowcouldIhavehatchedsuchaschemeasyousay？Onecouldnotverywellhatchaschemeoutofsuchatrifleasthis。“
“Thenforwhatpurposedoyouwanttheserfs？”
“Oh，thecuriosityoftheman！Hewantstopokehisfingersintoandsmellovereverydetail！”
“Whydoyoudeclinetosaywhatisinyourmind？Atallevents，untilyouDOsayIshallnotmoveinthematter。“
“Buthowwoulditbenefityoutoknowwhatmyplansare？Awhimhasseizedme。Thatisall。Norareyouplayingfair。Youhavegivenmeyourwordofhonour，yetnowyouaretryingtobackoutofit。“
“Nomatterwhatyoudesiremetodo，Ideclinetodoituntilyouhavetoldmeyourpurpose。“
“WhatamItosaytothefellow？”thoughtChichikov。Hereflectedforamoment，andthenexplainedthathewantedthedeadsoulsinordertoacquireabetterstandinginsociety，sinceatpresenthepossessedlittlelandedproperty，andonlyahandfulofserfs。
“Youarelying，“saidNozdrevwithoutevenlettinghimfinish。“Yes，youarelyingmygoodfriend。“
Chichikovhimselfperceivedthathisdevicehadbeenaclumsyone，andhispretextweak。“Imusttellhimstraightout，“hesaidtohimselfashepulledhiswitstogether。
“ShouldItellyouthetruth，“headdedaloud，“Imustbegofyounottorepeatit。ThetruthisthatIamthinkingofgettingmarried。But，unfortunately，mybetrothed"sfatherandmotherareveryambitiouspeople，anddonotwantmetomarryher，sincetheydesirethebridegroomtoownnotlessthanthreehundredsouls，whereasIownbutahundredandfifty，andthatnumberisnotsufficient。“
“Againyouarelying，“saidNozdrev。
“Thenlookhere；Ihavebeenlyingonlytothisextent。“AndChichikovmarkedoffuponhislittlefingeraminuteportion。
“NeverthelessIwillbetmyheadthatyouhavebeenlyingthroughout。“
“Come，come！Thatisnotverycivilofyou。WhyshouldIhavebeenlying？”
“BecauseIknowyou，andknowthatyouarearegularskinflint。Isaythatinallfriendship。IfIpossessedanypoweroveryouIshouldhangyoutothenearesttree。“
ThisremarkhurtChichikov，foratanytimehedislikedexpressionsgrossoroffensivetodecency，andneverallowedanyone——no，notevenpersonsofthehighestrank——tobehavetowardshimwithanunduemeasureoffamiliarity。Consequentlyhissenseofumbrageonthepresentoccasionwasunbounded。
“ByGod，IWOULDhangyou！”repeatedNozdrev。“Isaythisfrankly，andnotforthepurposeofoffendingyou，butsimplytocommunicatetoyoumyfriendlyopinion。“
“Toeverythingtherearelimits，“retortedChichikovstiffly。“Ifyouwanttoindulgeinspeechesofthatsortyouhadbetterreturntothebarracks。“
However，afterapauseheadded：
“Ifyoudonotcaretogivemetheserfs，whynotSELLthem？”
“SELLthem？_I_knowyou，yourascal！Youwouldn"tgivemeverymuchforthem，WOULDyou？”
“Anicefellow！Lookhere。Whataretheytoyou？Somanydiamonds，eh？”
“Ithoughtso！_I_knowyou！”
“Pardonme，butIcouldwishthatyouwereamemberoftheJewishpersuasion。Youwouldgivethemtomefastenoughthen。“
“Onthecontrary，toshowyouthatIamnotausurer，Iwilldeclinetoaskofyouasinglekopeckfortheserfs。Allthatyouneeddoistobuythatcoltofmine，andthenIwillthrowintheserfsinaddition。“
“Butwhatshould_I_wantwithyourcolt？”saidChichikov，genuinelyastonishedattheproposal。
“WhatshouldYOUwantwithhim？Why，Ihaveboughthimfortenthousandroubles，andamreadytoletyouhavehimforfour。“
“Iaskyouagain：ofwhatusecouldthecoltpossiblybetome？Iamnotthekeeperofabreedingestablishment。“
“Ah！Iseethatyoufailtounderstandme。Letmesuggestthatyoupaydownatoncethreethousandroublesofthepurchasemoney，andleavetheotherthousanduntillater。“
“ButIdonotmeantobuythecolt，damnhim！”
“Thenbuytheroanmare。“
“No，northeroanmare。“
“Thenyoushallhaveboththemareandthegreyhorsewhichyouhaveseeninmystablesfortwothousandroubles。“
“Irequirenohorsesatall。“
“Butyouwouldbeabletosellthemagain。Youwouldbeabletogetthricetheirpurchasepriceattheveryfirstfairthatwasheld。“
“Thensellthematthatfairyourself，seeingthatyouaresocertainofmakingatripleprofit。“
“Oh，Ishouldmakeitfastenough，onlyIwantYOUtobenefitbythetransaction。“