第14章

ProfessorStarbuckgivesananalogouscase，andaconversecaseofhatredsuddenlyturningintolove，inhisPsychologyofReligion，p。141。Comparetheotherhighlycuriousinstanceswhichhegivesonpp。137-144，ofsuddennon-religiousalterationsofhabitorcharacter。Heseemsrightinconceivingallsuchsuddenchangesasresultsofspecialcerebralfunctionsunconsciouslydevelopinguntiltheyarereadytoplayacontrollingpartwhentheymakeirruptionintotheconsciouslife。Whenwetreatofsudden’conversion，’IshallmakeasmuchuseasIcanofthishypothesisofsubconsciousincubation。

<175>InJohnFoster’sEssayonDecisionofCharacter，thereisanaccountofacaseofsuddenconversiontoavarice，whichisillustrativeenoughtoquote：——

Ayoungman，itappears，“wasted，intwoorthreeyears，alargepatrimonyinprofligaterevelswithanumberofworthlessassociateswhocalledthemselveshisfriends，andwho，whenhislastmeanswereexhausted，treatedhimofcoursewithneglectorcontempt。Reducedtoabsolutewant，heonedaywentoutofthehousewithanintentiontoputanendtohislife，butwanderingawhilealmostunconsciously，hecametothebrowofaneminencewhichoverlookedwhatwerelatelyhisestates。Herehesatdown，andremainedfixedinthoughtanumberofhours，attheendofwhichhesprangfromthegroundwithavehement，exultingemotion。Hehadformedhisresolution，whichwas，thatalltheseestatesshouldbehisagain；hehadformedhisplan，too，whichheinstantlybegantoexecute。Hewalkedhastilyforward，determinedtoseizethefirstopportunity，ofhoweverhumbleakind，togainanymoney，thoughitwereeversodespicableatrifle，andresolvedabsolutelynottospend，ifhecouldhelpit，afarthingofwhateverhemightobtain。Thefirstthingthatdrewhisattentionwasaheapofcoalsshotoutofcartsonthepavementbeforeahouse。Heofferedhimselftoshovelorwheelthemintotheplacewheretheyweretobelaid，andwasemployed。

Hereceivedafewpenceforthelabor；andthen，inpursuanceofthesavingpartofhisplanrequestedsomesmallgratuityofmeatanddrink，whichwasgiven<176>him。Hethenlookedoutforthenextthingthatmightchance；andwent，withindefatigableindustry，throughasuccessionofservileemploymentsindifferentplaces，oflongerandshorterduration，stillscrupulousinavoiding，asfaraspossible，theexpenseofapenny。Hepromptlyseizedeveryopportunitywhichcouldadvancehisdesign，withoutregardingthemeannessofoccupationorappearance。Bythismethodhehadgained，afteraconsiderabletime，moneyenoughtopurchaseinordertosellagainafewcattle，ofwhichhehadtakenpainstounderstandthevalue。Hespeedilybutcautiouslyturnedhisfirstgainsintosecondadvantages；retainedwithoutasingledeviationhisextremeparsimony；andthusadvancedbydegreesintolargertransactionsandincipientwealth。Ididnothear，orhaveforgotten，thecontinuedcourseofhislife，butthefinalresultwas，thathemorethanrecoveredhislostpossessions，anddiedaninveteratemiser，worthL60，000。”[94]

[94]Op。cit。，LetterIII。，abridged。

Letmeturnnowtothekindofcase，thereligiouscase，namely，thatimmediatelyconcernsus。Hereisoneofthesimplestpossibletype，anaccountoftheconversiontothesystematicreligionofhealthy-mindednessofamanwhomustalreadyhavebeennaturallyofthehealthy-mindedtype。Itshowshow，whenthefruitisripe，atouchwillmakeitfall。

Mr。HoraceFletcher，inhislittlebookcalledMenticulture，relatesthatafriendwithwhomhewastalkingoftheself-controlattainedbytheJapanesethroughtheirpracticeoftheBuddhistdisciplinesaid：——

“’Youmustfirstgetridofangerandworry。’’But，’saidI，’isthatpossible？’’Yes，’repliedhe；’itispossibletotheJapanese，andoughttobepossibletous。’

“OnmywaybackIcouldthinkofnothingelsebutthewordsgetrid，getrid’；andtheideamusthavecontinuedtopossessmeduringmysleepinghours，forthefirstconsciousnessinthemorningbroughtbackthesamethought，withtherevelationofadiscovery，whichframeditselfintothereasoning，’Ifitispossibletogetridofangerandworry，whyisitnecessarytohavethematall？’Ifeltthestrengthoftheargument，andatonceacceptedthereasoning。Thebabyhaddiscoveredthatitcouldwalk。Itwouldscorntocreepanylonger。

“FromtheinstantIrealizedthatthesecancerspotsofworryandangerwereremovable，theyleftme。Withthediscoveryoftheirweaknesstheywereexorcised。Fromthattimelifehashadanentirelydifferentaspect。

“Althoughfromthatmomentthepossibilityanddesirabilityoffreedomfromthedepressingpassionshasbeenarealitytome，ittookmesomemonthstofeelabsolutesecurityinmynewposition；

but，astheusualoccasionsforworryandangerhavepresentedthemselvesoverandoveragain，andIhavebeenunabletofeelthemintheslightestdegree，Inolongerdreadorguardagainstthem，andIamamazedatmyincreasedenergyandvigorofmind，atmystrengthtomeetsituationsofallkindsandatmydispositiontoloveandappreciateeverything。

“Ihavehadoccasiontotravelmorethantenthousandmilesbyrailsincethatmorning。ThesamePullmanporter，conductor，hotel-waiter，peddler，book-agent，cabman，andotherswhowereformerlyasourceofannoyanceandirritationhavebeenmet，butIamnotconsciousofasingleincivility。Allatoncethewholeworldhasturnedgoodtome。Ihavebecome，asitwere，sensitiveonlytotheraysofgood。

“Icouldrecountmanyexperienceswhichproveabrand-newconditionofmind，butonewillbesufficient。Withouttheslightestfeelingofannoyanceorimpatience，IhaveseenatrainthatIhadplannedtotakewithagooddealofinterestedandpleasurableanticipationmoveoutofthestationwithoutme，becausemybaggagedidnotarrive。Theporterfromthehotelcamerunningandpantingintothestationjustasthetrainpulledoutofsight。Whenhesawme，helookedasifhefearedascolding。andbegantotellofbeingblockedinacrowdedstreetandunabletogetout。Whenhehadfinished，Isaidtohim：’Itdoesn’tmatteratall，youcouldn’thelpit，sowewilltryagainto-morrow。Hereisyourfee，Iamsorryyouhadallthistroubleinearningit。’ThelookofsurprisethatcameoverhisfacewassofilledwithpleasurethatIwasrepaidonthespotforthedelayinmydeparture。Nextdayhewouldnotacceptacentfortheservice，andheandIarefriendsforlife。

“DuringthefirstweeksofmyexperienceIwasonguardonlyagainstworryandanger；but，inthemeantime，havingnoticedtheabsenceoftheotherdepressinganddwarfingpassions，I

begantotracearelationship，untilIwasconvincedthattheyareallgrowthsfromthetworootsIhavespecified。IhavefeltthefreedomnowforsolongatimethatIamsureofmyrelationtowardit；andIcouldnomoreharboranyofthethievinganddepressinginfluencesthatonceInursedasaheritageofhumanitythanafopwouldvoluntarilywallowinafilthygutter。

“ThereisnodoubtinmymindthatpureChristianityandpureBuddhism，andtheMentalSciencesandallReligionsfundamentallyteachwhathasbeenadiscoverytome；butnoneofthemhavepresenteditinthelightofasimpleandeasyprocessofelimination。AtonetimeIwonderediftheeliminationwouldnotyieldtoindifferenceandsloth。Inmyexperience，thecontraryistheresult。IfeelsuchanincreaseddesiretodosomethingusefulthatitseemsasifIwereaboyagainandtheenergyforplayhadreturned。Icouldfightasreadilyas(andbetterthan)

ever，iftherewereoccasionforit。Itdoesnotmakeoneacoward。Itcan’t，sincefearisoneofthethingseliminated。I

noticetheabsenceoftimidityinthepresenceofanyaudience。

Whenaboy，Iwasstandingunderatreewhichwasstruckbylightning，andreceivedashockfromtheeffectsofwhichIneverknewexemptionuntilIhaddissolvedpartnershipwithworry。

Sincethen，lightningandthunderhavebeenencounteredunderconditionswhichwouldformerlyhavecausedgreatdepressionanddiscomfort，without[my]experiencingatraceofeither。

Surpriseisalsogreatlymodified，andoneislessliabletobecomestartledbyunexpectedsightsornoises。

“AsfarasIamindividuallyconcerned，Iamnotbotheringmyselfatpresentastowhattheresultsofthisemancipatedconditionmaybe。IhavenodoubtthattheperfecthealthaimedatbyChristianSciencemaybeoneofthepossibilities，forInoteamarkedimprovementinthewaymystomachdoesitsdutyinassimilatingthefoodIgiveittohandle，andIamsureitworksbettertothesoundofasongthanunderthefrictionofafrown。

NeitheramIwastinganyofthisprecioustimeformulatinganideaofafutureexistenceorafutureHeaven。TheHeaventhatI

havewithinmyselfisasattractiveasanythathasbeenpromisedorthatIcanimagine；andIamwillingtoletthegrowthleadwhereitwill，aslongastheangerandtheirbroodhavenopartinmisguidingit。”[95]

[95]H。Fletcher：Menticulture，ortheA-B-CofTrueLiving，NewYorkandChicago，1899，pp。26，36，abridged。

Theoldermedicineusedtospeakoftwoways，lysisandcrisis，onegradual，theotherabrupt，inwhichonemightrecoverfromabodilydisease。Inthespiritualrealmtherearealsotwoways，onegradual，theothersudden，inwhichinnerunificationmayoccur。TolstoyandBunyanmayagainserveusasexamples，examples，asithappens，ofthegradualway，thoughitmustbeconfessedattheoutsetthatitishardtofollowthesewindingsoftheheartsofothers，andonefeelsthattheirwordsdonotrevealtheirtotalsecret。

Howe’erthisbe，Tolstoy，pursuinghisunendingquestioning，<181>seemedtocometooneinsightafteranother。Firstheperceivedthathisconvictionthatlifewasmeaninglesstookonlythisfinitelifeintoaccount。Hewaslookingforthevalueofonefiniteterminthatofanother，andthewholeresultcouldonlybeoneofthoseindeterminateequationsinmathematicswhichendwithinfinity。Yetthisisasfarasthereasoningintellectbyitselfcango，unlessirrationalsentimentorfaithbringsintheinfinite。Believeintheinfiniteascommonpeopledo，andlifegrowspossibleagain。

“Sincemankindhasexisted，whereverlifehasbeen，therealsohasbeenthefaiththatgavethepossibilityofliving。Faithisthesenseoflife，thatsensebyvirtueofwhichmandoesnotdestroyhimself，butcontinuestoliveon。Itistheforcewherebywelive。IfMandidnotbelievethathemustliveforsomething，hewouldnotliveatall。TheideaofaninfiniteGod，ofthedivinityofthesoul，oftheunionofmen’sactionswithGod——theseareideaselaboratedintheinfinitesecretdepthsofhumanthought。Theyareideaswithoutwhichtherewouldbenolife，withoutwhichImyself。”saidTolstoy，“wouldnotexist。IbegantoseethatIhadnorighttorelyonmyindividualreasoningandneglecttheseanswersgivenbyfaith，fortheyaretheonlyanswerstothequestion。”

Yethowbelieveasthecommonpeoplebelieve，steepedastheyareingrossestsuperstition？Itisimpossible——butyettheirlife！

theirlife！Itisnormal。Itishappy！Itisananswertothequestion！

Littlebylittle，Tolstoycametothesettledconviction——hesaysittookhimtwoyearstoarrivethere——thathistroublehadnotbeenwithlifeingeneral，notwiththecommonlifeofcommonmen，butwiththelifeoftheupper，intellectual，artisticclasses，thelifewhichhehadpersonallyalwaysled，thecerebrallife，thelifeofconventionality，artificiality，andpersonalambition。Hehadbeenlivingwronglyandmustchange。

Toworkforanimalneeds，toabjureliesandvanities，torelievecommonwants，tobesimple，tobelieveinGod，thereinlayhappinessagain。

“Iremember。”hesays，“onedayinearlyspring，Iwasaloneintheforest，lendingmyeartoitsmysteriousnoises。Ilistened，andmythoughtwentbacktowhatforthesethreeyearsitalwayswasbusywith——thequestofGod。Buttheideaofhim，Isaid，howdidIevercomebytheidea？

“Andagaintherearoseinme，withthisthought，gladaspirationstowardslife。Everythinginmeawokeandreceivedameaning……WhydoIlookfarther？avoicewithinmeasked。Heisthere：

he，withoutwhomonecannotlive。ToacknowledgeGodandtoliveareoneandthesamething。Godiswhatlifeis。Well，then！

live，seekGod，andtherewillbenolifewithouthim……

“Afterthis，thingsclearedupwithinmeandaboutmebetterthanever，andthelighthasneverwhollydiedaway。Iwassavedfromsuicide。JusthoworwhenthechangetookplaceIcannottell。

Butasinsensiblyandgraduallyastheforceoflifehadbeenannulledwithinme，andIhadreachedmymoraldeath-bed，justasgraduallyandimperceptiblydidtheenergyoflifecomeback。

Andwhatwasstrangewasthatthisenergythatcamebackwasnothingnew。Itwasmyancientjuvenileforceoffaith，thebeliefthatthesolepurposeofmylifewastobeBETTER。I